The Worst Idea Of All Time - 10: How To Seduce A Submarine

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Guy is riding on a brand new movie for his ear and eyeballs - specifically The Fate of The Furious. Tim has small quibble about the length of the third act but otherwise - not bad! (Let's see how long that lasts). In this exciting Fast adventure, we're treated to Cuba tourism, Dom Toretto smiling, Dom Toretto f***ing, Dom Toretto turning his back on family and ultimately, Dom Toretto having a son. F9 is starting to make a lot more sense now. Also, The Beatles have inspired a toast rennaisance with Timbo, who will now list his Top Five F***able Vehicles in this movie.See Guy live in many different cities in Australia and New Zealand: https://linktr.ee/guy_montSee Tim live in a few different cities in Australia and New Zealand: https://linktr.ee/timbatt Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Never getting away, never getting away between a man and his family That was pretty good Welcome to episode 10 of season 6 of Worst Idea of All Time I say Fast and Furious but that's the name of the movie franchise that we are watching. Very confident introduction from a very confident man. You are joined by Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery,

who have just had the illustrious pleasure. Bottoms. Touch tummies. Of screening, enjoying, laughing, fearing, and feeling our way through F8 of The Furious. A feast of Fast and Furious. Yeah, and it's... Fast and Furious 8, fantastic feasts.

It's a great movie that introduces us to a lot of the characters we know and love from F9. Yeah, it does. And it does such a better job of being a movie and being a Fast and Furious movie. Oh, wow. I honestly, and I hope this would be the case, and I don't know what the consistency is

as we descend the steps to Fast and the Furious are, but I had a lot of fun, and it was like, that was just fun. It was good. I thought, this is what I hoped. This just in, everyone. F8, they nailed it. Yeah.

They did a really good job. There is a sequence at the end that I can tell is going to, you know, it's going to drag by the end of our journey. The crescendo, the final action sequence? Those things always just take too long. Those third-act action sequences, because they're in Russia getting chased by a submarine for about 20 minutes, and it just doesn't. It's because, I believe, because the filmmakers put so much resource

into getting those amazing shots that they're like, we've got to fucking showcase it. Give me six minutes of it. Yeah. I'd love it. I'd love six minutes rather than 20. What I mostly notice about this movie is it's a lot funnier. Yeah.

It's funny the whole way through. There are multiple characters who are funny. Even Tej and Roman are dispensing a few laughs. Absolutely. And Guy actually theorized that the reason for this might be because Dwayne the Rock Johnson is in this one. Well, that's because he was featured prominently at the start and he was firing off a lot of laugh lines.

God, he was good. But also Jason Statham, obviously, he's got great comedy chops. Can I say this? Yeah, you can. I love Statham. Yeah, I know you love Statham. I love Jason Statham stacy yeah i know you love stacy i love jason you know who else you love who ramsey oh i don't love i love jason statham you love i like ramsey although i've got to say in this one you can like ramsey is finding her feet as an actor i don't

know her name but as an actor she's like she doesn't have the ease the character's finding her feet this and i'm assuming the character's been introduced Because they don't say hey this is Ramsay It's taken as read But when Ramsay showed up You said I'm glad Ramsay's in this And I forgot you've got What I think is quite a delightful schoolboy crush Not just me

She's good company on the screen Oh that's right She's the object of desire for Tejan Roman An entire episode where I thought they should be a thruple And this is alluded to Yeah because they abandoned Any kind of conquest Or chemistry whatsoever

In F9 But in F8 she's toying with them And they both are playing their They put their cards on the table saying hey It's a blanket rule There is no sexual chemistry Or even suggestion of being horny in f9 i don't know if this is a reflection on uh people getting older and you know some young

screenwriters assuming that people in their 40s have lower libidos which i doubt to be true yeah but this is a horny movie the entire opening sequence we have have Vin Diesel. First of all, get this. We're in Cuba. Yeah. And it's a lot of fun. Vin Diesel, as Dominic Toretto, is holidaying, honeymooning in Cuba with Michelle Rodriguez's lady. And the chemistry between these two is palpable.

Well, it exists. He's smiling. They're fucking. They're horny. They're in a bed together guys and i don't think they're wearing very many clothes even under the sheets which we can't see do we see penetration no do we assume they have sex yes that's impossible to say i do good on you too and that's what they see because if they're on their honeymoon then then presumably F7 is Fast and Furious The Wedding, which is, that's a fun departure for the franchise.

It'll be called Fast Seventh Heaven. And the whole thing is, It's all in cars. Jennifer Lopez has a cameo as the wedding planner, her character's the wedding planner, and she's planning it from a car alongside the others. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's in cars the whole time,

and they race down the aisle but the aisle is like this three mile bit of highway that they've built for the wedding. And Lady, Michelle Rodriguez, she wants it to take a long time. Yes. And Dominic Trudeau's like,

it's got to be a 10 second wedding. They call me Sonic because I've got to go fast. Yeah. She's going, Dom, we can't even get our vows done in 10 seconds. He goes, I don't care. I don 10 seconds i don't care i don't got any vows i don't got any the only vow i made is between me and the road yeah if you don't want to do this

there are plenty of cars to do that's fast and furious 7 7th heaven yeah i am looking forward to that yeah that'll be really good but for right now i mean let us bask in the reflective afterglow of this because we will never enjoy a movie. Not a movie. We will never enjoy this movie as much as we just did. I'm assuming the position. I've leaned back in the Lazy Boy and I've knocked over my Pepsi. But I'm okay with it for now.

Look at this. A resurgent Pepsi has reappeared. Thank you. In the central console on our US podcasting setup. And nothing puts the spirit of the good old US of A into me like watching Coca-Cola bookend this film with some heavy product placement. It makes me want to reach for a cold can of Pepsi. Does the Coca-Cola Corporation own any booze?

Do they own Corona? I don't think so. Yeah, me neither. Which is crazy. I think that's like the separation of religion and state. I think soft drinks and... They should get into booze. What if there was a hard Coca-Cola?

You know, there are all those hard seltzers. Yeah, yeah. And hard kombucha. They do collaborate with, I think, either Jim Beam or Jack Daniels. You can buy pre-mixed whiskey and Coke. They should just cut out the middleman and start making their own. They've proven that they can mass produce a cola to a good consistency. With a company as big as Coca-Cola, they could take a year off marketing, right?

You'd think that, eh? It's one of those great conundrums because they are one of the, well they're the biggest soda company in the world but they also spend the most money on advertising. It would just be a delightful little year long experiment. They just take the foot off the gas and we see how much Pepsi and other competitors

eat into their market share. I reckon Pepsi would smash it if you give them a chance. Pepsi's ads do not elicit I don't buy either soft drink. They do not elicit the same sense of summer, friendship, and relaxation as Coca-Cola. You're in the wrong part of the world. Pepsi's massive in certain bits of the world.

I think Pepsi's quite big in Latin America. I think they make a big play for football. They attach themselves to football. They spend a lot on football. Why are we watching vin diesel use a coca-cola can to help rig up some janky engine in cuba then because it's not an authentically cuban movie it's an american movie that goes to cuba and russia this screams of a cuban copro oh man i was doing the math on this and i did mention to you so i think this movie

came out in 2017 and it opens in cuba and it like really showcases how amazing cuba it looks beautiful feels it's a fantastic sweeping shot of havana and the city is dense and deep i was trying to tell if that was the wind opening the door if my dogs figured out how to open the door could be either um maybe the wind and your dog are collaborating on an exciting new project, which is the opening and closing door. It could be. That's a match made in heaven, isn't it?

My dog and the wind. I'm all hopped up on this movie. The sky feels like the limit for me. My imagination feels infinite. The Cuba thing. A dog and a wind working together? What is this? What is this, a writer's room?

You're all hopped up on the first view of a new movie. It's so sweet. It's so lovely that I get to experience this with you. Count them off nine times for this season. It's a beautiful thing. It's a good movie. And with gradually increasing regularity that's the yeah I know

this is the new territory that I was excited to chart with you not just film wise I don't even need my Pepsi it's staying in the can but podcast wise I'm high on fucking Justin fucking Lynn and Vin Diesel brother but hold up did

Justin do this one because wasn't there that name that I put Gary Gray Fucking learning Vin Diesel, brother. But hold up. Did Justin do this one? Because wasn't there that name that I put, Gary Gray? Or is that the writer? I don't know. Al Gary Gray? Whoever did the script. If you're listening, bang it, John. Actually, I'm putting the mic down.

You fucking earned that, whoever you are. It might be Al Gary Gray. I've got to say. Al Gary Great, more like. My man. fucking earned that yeah whoever you are it might be al gary gray i gotta say so basically gary great more like my man that's for you and gaz the thing of it is you cannot what we've learned because helen mirren introduced in this movie i'm assuming yeah because it's it's cool it's like we've seen statham in a couple of these now it It's like... Well, we've not. No, the royal we. Well, I guess the... The we that is the implicit audience

who have watched the Fast and the Furious franchise. The fast attending movie ticket buying fast viewers, we, have been introduced to the Statham, who we find out is Shaw. And here's my helpful little mnemonic for that. Shaw, Statham, two S's. I just did it. I didn't even do a mnemonic.

There's no way I could do it without the mnemonic. We see Luke Hobbs calling Vin Diesel. And Luke Hobbs is The Rock, who, of course, famously puts the Hobbs in Hobbs and Shaw. A standalone spinoff that is not canon inside of the Fastbs in Hobbs and Shaw. A spin-off, a standalone spin-off that is not canon inside of the Fast Universe that we have detected exists between this movie and Fast 9. I'm still shaky on that. It makes sense based on what we've just seen.

It's true. Let me tell you from my own experience. I've not looked it up. I went and saw Hobbs and Shaw at the cinema in Edinburgh of all places, bridging the gap between F8 and F9, not just Hobbs and Shaw,

but me visiting a cinema in Edinburgh. It's like five dimensions. And it was a 4D cinema experience. The seats moved. I'm pretty sure they sprayed you with water when the movie got wet. How much did you pay for that? Do you remember?

When there was a sex scene, you know, they had some crazy robot that would come out and suck your dick. How much did you pay? I'm too juiced up. In pounds sterling. Do you remember going to a 4D cinema experience? 500 pounds sterling.

I don't know, man. I don't know. Moving seats cost a lot, man. 2019, I went to that movie. Okay, well, that makes sense because this one came out in 2017. And it makes a lot of sense because this is a fun movie. The Rock and Jason Statham's character, Hobbs and Shaw, have an implied history.

We imagine they've both been introduced independently into the franchise before as enemies, working on opposite sides of a mission. Hobbs is like a goody good who's got caught up in some bad stuff and sure is like a lovable rogue thief it is i mean i you are the one who planted this idea in my brain but the idea that the rock wants to be president is uh now visible to me in every single performance will be president of these united states of america these are not red states and blue states these are the rocks states these are the purple states of the rock um the purple united

states no purple states are a thing they're the swing states oh because it's like four of them because they're both whether like that yeah they can go either way They're bisexual Hey, the Cuba thing is, because 2017 is just a little bit after Obama had normalized trade Bringing it back, you opened this point up about seven hours ago

Obama had normalized trade relations with Cuba, which I think At last, can I say? Fucking A! And then I think Trump actually moved the needle backwards, which is unfortunate. But there was a brief, crisp period where all of these... Both American tourists could go on holiday in Cuba without having to go through too much rigmarole,

and also international guests could go and enjoy all that beautiful Cuba has to offer without endangering their ability to enter America later. And Cuba's rich history. So this felt like a tourism video at the start. And I was there for it. I wanted to go. Their rich history, their beautiful culture, their welcoming people,

all of the incredible things that make Cuba what it is. Their gorgeous shirtless men and scantily clad women. To two things. And it's not Cuba. Far State and Conan O'Brien, I'm pretty sure, went there once. That's what makes Cuba beautiful. It is not the Cuban people themselves. This somehow feels racist.

Well, I'm reaching for irony, but I might have missed. Well, an attempt was made. A swing from vine to vine. So we're in Cuba, and there's a lot of sexy times going on between Letty and Dom Toretto, but then you'll never fucking guess who shows up with white, blonde dreadlocks. Charlize Theron.

This motherfucker Clark Kent's Vin Diesel's Dom Toretto, who's meant to be some sort of super all-seeing eye of Sauron super spy, walking down the street, he's got a fucking baguette sticking out of a brain paper bag and a single red rose he's had the night of his life pumping michelle rodriguez they've talked about whether or not they want to have a baby yeah i call that vin's gun or vin's cum like Chekhov's gun. I call it Vin's cum. Jesus Christ. Keep going. Stay in it, guy. He's walking down the street.

Yeah, I love the energy and I love the intensity. And I feel like you're a man in the boxing ring who is missing a couple punches. But he's such hot that the whole crowd is with you, willing you to connect to Haymaker. Wishing it for you. Do you know my mistake? And for them. I honestly stand behind Vince Cum, but because it's Chekhov's gun,

I should have said Vincent's Cum. I still wouldn't have got there, man. The bridge is little and brittle and fine. Seinfeld talks about this in stand-up. He said you need to get the gap exactly right. Yeah, it's true. Too short, it's not impressive. Too far, you're not making it. That's what it is.

What I'm trying to tell you is this. There is a broken down red Land Rover on the side of the road and a woman with white dreadlocks and red sunglasses who he's never seen in his life before. This is a stranger. Is working under the hood. Car trouble from a stranger

He's in a good mood He says car trouble She says sure is He takes a look She takes off the sunglasses Oh my god Holy shit That's not a stranger

That's Charlize Theron As Cypher The woman who killed the mother of your son Child But not yet Because that happens in F8 We see it Cipher, the woman who killed the mother of your son Child, child, they say child but not yet, because that happens in F8 we see it, we see it and you know what, we know it's coming

how do we know, I don't know what can I tell you, we've watched Fast 9 nine times, yeah and I know for a fact that when Roman says something you better prick your fucking ears up and listen because if you've missed any plot points he will remind you of them and explain them to you dumb motherfucking camouflaged muscle-bound paper clip does not spit lies oh it sounds like you're trying to understand the back

events of the first of the furious can i assist yeah you can roman i really fucking appreciate it by the way while we're here shout it out from the rooftops. One of the funniest lines in the movie is, Vin Diesel goes rogue. Dominic Toretto is under the thumb of Cypher. We don't know why. Because we've seen F9 nine times, we assume it's because of his son. He doesn't know about the son.

The family don't know about the son. He looks at an iPhone. He sees a picture. He doesn't know about the son. The family don't know about the son. He looks at an iPhone. He sees a picture. He doesn't know what's the truth. The information we have as an audience is he gets given a cell phone by Cypher and he looks at it and he's like, well, I better betray everyone I love. And it wasn't actually even footage of his son. We learn it's actually just footage of his ex-partner, who I guess he assumed was dead.

Alana? Alana? Alana? Alana? Something. We'll get it on the second go around. Something Nordic. Something from Scandinavia.

Something weird. Someone from Scandinavia. He, oh, I've lost my train of thought. Oh, God. Oh, no. Thomas the Tank Engine pulled into the station. He was all out of cold. So, Charlize Theron shows him the cell phone peace and love peace i will

not be signing any more autographs i sign off every professional zoom i have with that very good very good how many people do you think get it tim oh so few so few um That's Ringo Starr announcing that he will not be signing any more letters or photos. It's like the video's a year old. So he must have been signing every piece of fan mail. It's way longer than that now. Is it? This was pre-COVID, I feel like. He's old, though.

He is? He's old in the video. He's even older now. Yeah. Do you think Ringo and Paul still get together? I really don't did you watch get back uh i watched bits of it zoe watched the whole thing and loved it i sort of like walked in and out i enjoyed what i saw it got me real into toast again they do eat a lot of toast toast and tea

they are making the world's most celebrated literally the world's most celebrated music of all time and just hammering buttered toast and cups of tea and it's so unpretious about it and lennon's doing heroin between the scenes there's a really yeah shit is that sort of a loot is that it's not in the movie but i did a lot of reading after wow beatles folklore can you tell slash subreddits when he gets back into frame are you like huh he's got a lot of pep in his step

nah I couldn't I didn't know I didn't know until I read it I never saw it I didn't actually see it you really gotta see it

to understand what it's like to be in it that's a quote from Eminem at the start of Rap Superstar by Cypress Hill huh that's in my head

all the time I'm sorry man you're like trying to drill down into the world of the movie no no no we're okay we're good we're in a good position we're in a great place the time. I'm sorry, man. You're like trying to drill down into the world of the movie. We're okay. We're good. We're in a good position. We're in a great place.

I feel like I've got 100 tabs open. No, this is all good. I love it. I love it. So from Cuba, we go, oh, Kurt Russell shows up at some approximate time. Who? We're delighted to see again. Mr. Nobody plays a great role in this.

This is kind of what I'm trying to say about the movie. So Charlize Theron turns it up. Kurt Russell turns it up. They're both given a lot to do. Helen Mirren introduced as the mother to a character we've already seen. Jason Statham turns it up. These stars, Jason Statham and The Rock, are turning up. By the way, The Rock and Vin Diesel share almost zero seconds of screen time.

I don't think they've been. The feud is visible on the silver screen. The feud is supposed to be between The Rock and Jason Statham, but you can tell those guys get along and have a beer after the show. They get along both on and off screen so well. Yeah. It literally birthed a spinoff. But Vin Diesel cannot handle The Rock's position in this franchise.

And having seen F9, I understand why, I think. Because the role that Dom Toretto plays in F9 is the superhuman Herculean man, which is The Rock in this movie. Like, he's just this big muscle-bound dude who can like do whatever he wants when everyone's metal he smacked he punches a dent in a shipping container out of frustration that's how strong he is this is popeye come to life yeah songs spinach because he has no weakness or needs that's right And even though the body types are different, I will describe Jason Statham as, no, maybe Vin Diesel as Bluto.

Yeah, true. And Michelle Rodriguez as Olive Oil. Yeah, it all kind of fits. Yeah. And Spinach is played by Cars. It is! Spinach portrayed in the Fast Universe by Cars. So, Kurt Russell, great

Can I just say quickly while we're talking cars? Yeah There's got to be an edit of this where Luke Wilson Owen Wilson is doing the voices of all the cars There's a sequence in this movie where Cypher uses her hacking skills To override all of the cars with like an electronic chip inside them In central Manhattan And there's just a swarm of cars It's like a herd of you know it's like watching something hunting packs from a nature

documentary it's kind of like if there's a reference people can get on board with it's like in um f9 when there's this scene where they just start hurling cars at this big 18 wheeler but it's bigger it's more it's every single car with a chip which it seems to be every car in new york and all i want to see is every time we hear the accelerator of a car, I want to see an edit where someone has put in, Owen Wilson going, wow. So it's just all these cars going down the street.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I want you to buy a new M1 or M2 MacBook because your battery is fucking toast. And you will have iMovie. You will have all the tools at your disposal to make this happen what if i told you instead i appear on a podcast where i ask for things and hope that the internet conjures them into existence yeah not a bad second option um okay kurt russell in this movie mr nobody has a young ward who is abandoned in f9 can i ask you this tim what have you ever heard of someone sweating charisma because i'm pretty sure that's what i was watching he's so

hot halfway through the movie there's just the shot of it was like fuck that dude's so hot i don't know who he is but he's he's he's a total he's a cousin of a hemsworth i'd guess he's a hemsworth less because he's not that famous yeah but he's worth something he's a cousin of a Hemsworth, I'd guess. He's a Hemsworth-less because he's not that famous. Yeah, but he's worth something. He's a Hemsworth something. That's true. That's damn right. He's, I would say, 80 cents to the Hemsworth dollar.

Yeah, that's good. That's good. I'd buy that. And he's in a lot of scenes, and I like his character because he is attempting to take no shit from these people who are clearly above his station. He strikes me as a wet behind the ears 30 year old freshly minted CIA agent who's shown a lot of promise. He's got a lovely little character arc.

And do you know what I've just remembered? Yeah. The line I was trying to refer to that Roman says, because I want to shout out Roman. We've given these guys some shit in recent episodes because they just weren't bringing it by the end of F9 nine times. But Vin Diesel's gone rogue. Ramsay is saying, this guy's gone rogue. Yes. And Letty is having a hard time.

This is her husband. This is someone she still loves. She understands there must be an underlying reason for his behavior. And she says to Ramsay, just remember the reason you're breathing right now is because of him. And Ramsey sort of doesn't say anything. And then Lesi walks past and bumps her shoulder

and just walks out of frame. Just for everyone listening, this is the moment where the team finally have to come to grips with the fact that Dom has been turned into a baddie by Cypher. And Roman says, you're just going to let her bump your shoulder like that? Seems pretty aggressive. And then Ramsey just doesn't say anything doesn't sit down on her

computer and he's like what you're gonna email her yeah it's real that that is shining light yeah why not it was funny but it's not alone they're like there are there were probably there are probably more laugh lines in this movie than I've got fingers. Damn. That's saying a lot because count them up. There's 10 of those. 10 of those digits. Again.

You were going to start from one, weren't you? Yeah. Yeah, definitely were. Hey, Tim. It's a funnier movie. Guilty. And because this is the first watch of it as well, I think it's incumbent on me to give a classic Timbo top five cars I would fuck in.

F8, the Fate of the Furious. Wish you would. Clocking in at number five. It is the... Oh, shit. What is it? I can see it in my mind's eye. Roman's one.

The Bentley. The Bentley. The white Bentley. It's the Bentley because it's classy. Romans 1. The Bentley. The Bentley. The white Bentley. It's the Bentley because it's classy. It's like a silver grey colour. He's so excited to be in it and to have it. Tim, I'm very excited for this list. But it's not enough for me to know what cars you would fuck.

I want to know how you would seduce them. Well, the Bentley is a classy, classy car. So you wine and dine a Bentley. You take a Bentley out to a fine restaurant and you've got to spend serious money. Who's ordering? You or the Bentley? I am.

Wow. I'm ordering for the Bentley. That's Old Testament chivalry. Like a Bentley. Bentleys are a very old school kind of a car. Okay. That's all I'm going to say about that. Yeah.

I trust that the date goes perfectly. Before you know it, Tim's inside that exhaust pipe. Now, number four on my list is going to be a shocker for some people, but it is the clunker that Dom Toretto's Cuban cousin is driving around in

at the start of the movie. That is a bit of a curveball. He wins a wins a race in that car no idea what the car is but it looks like it could be a model t ford it is so old and shit just it's it's um a sidebar to this because we are really on the journey of you you know seducing and fucking five cars but there's a phenomenal sequence it's a great setup we've already seen dominic toredo smiling we've already seen sexual chemistry between our two leads and dom and letty so it's blown f9 out of the water for us there's everything all of our senses on high alert we've had a visual tour of cuba basically the vibe is electric and then there's tension established and a race occurs and dom has to pull out every trick in the book.

It's madness. He's there dismantling the car. So Dom's Cuban cousin has fallen afoul of his repayment schedule to this guy that he owed money to in Cuba. And Dom manages to sort of negotiate a deal where if he can beat him in a race, then the debt would be wiped and he'd win the guy's car. And the guy signed up to it, the guy holding the debt, because Dom agreed to do it in his cousin's clunker.

And so Dom is just removing every piece of metal that is not instrumental to this car working. It's a fascinating thing, isn't it? Where the debt collector sees a clunker and Vin Diesel sees a winner, you see a sexual partner. Yes. How would you seduce this car?

Something for everyone. Well, this is going to be a McDonald's date for sure. This car, it doesn't have a sophisticated palette. It doesn't want for the finer things in life in fact it finds that sort of highfalutin luxury a little bit scary and awkward and out of its depth it's not a comfortable kind of a zone for it it's not so much the um the grotesquery of you know the sort of lavishness of it it's just that it feels so fish out of water and awkward and not sure what to do

which fork do I use? You know what I mean? What is this bib for? How do I use this little hammer to crack open the crab? I'm utterly unfamiliar with this terrain. Absolutely. So we're going to Maccy D's and I'm ordering again

because I think I know what this car wants. What do you order for it? BMC. Large. Big Mac combo. Great. With a Fanta, no ice. Oh my gosh.

Is it warm? No, it's cold, but you get more Fanta if you don't have ice. Can you say a little ice? No, because then you're missing out on Fanta. It's hot. You're in Cuba. It's going to get warm fast. We're going to the Speedway afterwards.

Wow. Which for cars is like going to the Olympics, I guess, and watching the 100-meter sprint. Or surgery. Yeah. Or a marathon. It's kind of like a gritty marathon. I love it.

That's number four. So that's fun. Number three is the tank that Tej winds up in that's got the very high-tech Gatling gun situation on top. It has the ability to be remotely controlled, but Tej has taken the decision, because he's a man who likes to get hands-on with his vehicles, to actually sit inside of it.

It would also make the film a lot worse if he was controlling that thing with a little xbox yeah controller wouldn't it he explains he says this is it's a little bit of military propaganda he's like wow this tank's incredible and the army use it to keep their soldiers safe and then he goes yeah and then he goes but for me i like to be in it so we'll have pause on timbo's top five for just a moment holy shit did they kill a lot of cops in this film i know air fight has established a firm acab position for yeah and police forces globally in this movie and look i don't know a lot about anything for a franchise that i assume's core fan base probably fall under the All If Not Blue Lives Matter banner,

it is insane. They use a wrecking ball to kill heaps of cops all at once in their cars. The German cops get a fucking face full of... What's a wrecking ball made of? Iron? Face full of iron?

We'll go with that. The American cops get a face full of a wild herd of cars hunting in packs? The Russians, the Russian police get fucking devoed by a... Variety of missiles and stray bullets and also car-based violence? Yeah. The thing is... It's carnage. If you're not in the family, if you're not in the family in this franchise, you're at risk.

Basically, if your name is in the top 10 on the call sheet, you are a high-risk participant in the Fast franchise. If you're a law enforcement officer, run for your fucking life if you see this crew. There's a great little line where um the the family are chasing vin toredo or dominic toredo through the the streets of new york city in five cars and he's really hard to catch up to him pinned down and tej says um now i know what it feels like when the cops are chasing us yeah you know and it just reminds you of how much they hate cops and how ready they are to kill them. They kill so many.

The body count just of police officers alone in this movie must be above 30 that you see. Woof. The date I'm going on with the tank, I'm going to the arcade because it loves technology but also loves fun. So I'm bringing those two things together and we're playing Time Crisis.

Time Crisis is a great game. Time Crisis is a good one. Yeah, get it in the mood. The original. Yeah, I reckon. Yeah. Because, you know, it's a US military vehicle which suggests to me that, like,

yeah, we could go to a fucking VR experience, but the nostalgia value of shooting some people. For those who haven't played, the crisis is not, you know, there's not a ripple in the concept of time. It's more there is a crisis and you have limited time that's right i own time crisis on playstation 1 for the life of me i can't remember what the storyline is but it's a really fun game i'll bet you someone's done something wrong um vehicle it'll cut okay i've kind of played my you've got two cars left. So number two, and you're going to have to go with me on this.

It's the nuclear-powered submarine. Wow. Not a car, I will grant you, but I'm putting it in. It's a vehicle. It's huge. It's so big and powerful. Before we get to the seduction, what turns you on about this machine? It's so big.

Yeah. It is absolutely massive. You're not fucking the submarine. Absolutely not. You are letting the submarine have a turn with you. It's fucking crazy stuff. This thing breaks through the sheet of ice and comes out of the water. You think it's a blue whale.

But it's more beautiful because it's been made at the hand of man. And it's a war machine. Good God. It's so big. And remotely controlled by Cypher, which is interesting. It's like the world's biggest sex toy. You like that. Yeah.

So in your fantasy, Charlize Theron is on the controls? Yes. I think that adds a lot to it. It's a great dimension. How do you seduce a Soviet-era nuclear submarine with an updated operating system that is being controlled by the world's leading hacker played by Charlize Theron. I'm so glad you asked. So the important thing when you think about a date is a combination of what does this person like?

But also what would be a novel situation for them to be in and enjoy? I'm taking the sub to brunch. We're going on a brunch date. Okay. We're getting eggs benny at the best cafe in Moscow. I love it. What I want to know, have you left the afternoon free?

And have you assumed the tank has also done this? It would be presumptuous of me to make any sort of claims on the sub's time after the brunch date but I have left my calendar open because I've got a funny feeling this is going to go really well. And okay, what say the meal's perfect, the whole experience? I'll tell you what as well, I'm not ordering for the sub. I'll order for everyone else. I am not ordering for the sub I'll order for everyone else

I am not putting my hand down to order for the sub so let's say that brunch goes well yep you say what are you doing now

the submarine says I don't know you want to keep hanging out yeah we're going for a walk in the park man fantastic what could be better than following up brunch with a walk in the park and then a little coffee at my apartment?

Wow. Oh, my God. Things move fast in your world. You've got to be forward with a submarine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number one, and I'm sorry to disappoint if this was too obvious, but it's Dom Toretto's Charger. Oh, wow.

Sexy, reliable, strong. if this was too obvious but it's dom toredo's charger oh sexy reliable strong um it's just like kind of unbeatable and it has seemingly magical powers yeah the thing about dom toredo's chargers if or any charger actually is um the engines are built so well that if you take care of them they're immortal yeah by which jack means a hundred years yeah that line always fucked me off in f9 he's like yeah these things will live forever really yeah you look after them they'll go for a hundred years those are two different things a hundred years to a five-year-old is infinity yeah but to jack torito i don't know where am i taking dom torito's charger on a date that's gonna be a tough car to seduce art gallery it is a swing for the fences and i do't know where am i taking dom toretto's charger on a date that's gonna be a tough car

to seduce art gallery it is a swing for the fences and i do not know which way it's gonna go i might not even get a kiss after that one but yeah it's like it's such a challenging car to try and fuck that like you've just gotta you just gotta like pick a direction and just bring the bat back and swing. It's one of those instances. It's going to work or it's going to not. It's not just in dates, it's in life. So long as you have courage of conviction, whether it goes poorly or well,

you put your best foot forward. Just splashed Pepsi on my face. I'm so fucked up. Sorry, keep going. Well, I'm just saying, I totally understand what you're saying you know you don't know there's no set date that is guaranteed to impress dominic toredo's charger and so you just have to believe in what you're putting forward and whether it goes well or

poorly you have to be prepared for any outcome because you know it's it's about self-belief and i'll tell you what is sexy to a car like this is confidence. Yeah. And you've got to accept the results of the election, you know. You've got to take whatever's happening is going to happen. I want to fuck that car. It's number one. It's number one.

But, you know, you've just got to put your best foot forward and live with the results. Is there any genre of art i don't know his genres but is there any sort of era or style of show or specific artist or you know renaissance okay wow old school well so i mean there's older art than i know but like you know it's pretty old take it to moma no no certainly not no we're not going to see any p MoMA? No, no, certainly not. No, we're not going to see any Picassos, et cetera. We're going to be seeing some of the masters. We're going to be seeing Da Vinci, et cetera.

Yeah, and all the others too. Yeah, yeah, all those guys. Just think of three Ninja Turtles, bro. You can do it. True. That is a good shortcut for it. That is really good. Ralph.

There's the top five mark that in stone that's a great list yeah do you want to delve back into the plot at all? I don't know I don't think there's any need for that we don't need to cover the plot I just want to shout out a few things

which sort of I think weren't mentioning um there is a sort of classic comedy setup which was very forecastable at the start of this movie uh when we're introduced to the rocks character he's giving an inspiring speech to what we assume is some sort of elite squad of marines or you know some members of the u.s military or even like a covert ops team, the pullback and reveal is he is coaching his daughter's soccer team. Ha ha. Very funny.

You see it coming, but also it's exactly the comedic beat you would expect from this movie, and it's executed with enough accuracy that it functions. He then, which I feel like I remember catching some strays from in 2017 when the movie came out,

leads the same American sort of, I would guess, nine-year-old girls' soccer team in Haka. I couldn't speak to which indigenous culture the actual dance belongs to. It's Maori. Was it Maori? Yeah. He is Samoan, and Samoa has their own interpretation of haka. It's a haka.

It is a Maori haka. I'm pretty sure they're saying te reo as they're doing it. Well, whatever it is, I thought it was a huge swing. Yeah. But I thought it was kind of done pretty well. Oh yeah, it was cool. I mean, did you know that The Rock used to live here?

He was brought up in Auckland for a bit of his childhood. What? Yeah. He went to like like Greyland Primary or something. He lived like somewhere around Ponsonby, Grayland. Yeah. He did some high schooling here.

That's what that's about. Because unless you have like a real connection to New Zealand, I think chucking a haka in your movies is pretty fucking bold. Just ask your boy Jim Cameron. Yeah. People have done it But it is bold But yeah

Dwayne The Rock Johnson Lived here As a child That's crazy I just thought That whole set up at the start And then there's a lot of comedic beats That aren't at the expense

Or on the back of the hucker But just based on him Coaching his football team Someone from the American military Comes along and says You gotta go And he goes You gotta support got to support this team. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a good... It's a fun back and forth. What is the movie where he's like a nanny in it? The Rock? You know, like I can see the poster. It was marketed so heavily. Was it The Tooth Fairy? Yeah, I think it was, yeah.

Was Stephen Merchant also in it? Don't know, I couldn't tell you that. Just saw the posters with a big old Dwayne Johnson on it. He's so big. Fuck he is a unit unit i know it seems almost redundant to say but you see him compared to it like statham wouldn't be a small guy no but he looks he looks slight he looks incredibly slight um oh it's gone i was gonna it's about the rock oh no put a number on it How old's the rock Currently Yeah As I am 35

So he is 48 52 Okay Well Shall we I'll do it Okay thank you very much

We better land this We better land this plane as well Yeah I know I just I know I've already said it And I don't have anything Super intelligent to say But I've just got to go on About how good Jason Statham is in this movie.

I love Jason Statham. My shining light is Jason Statham. There you go. That's what I want to know. Statham. Now I'm looking up The Rock's shining light, which doesn't make any sense. Just talk into it. Hey, Google.

The Rock age, 50, on the button. Oh, is that betwixt us? Yeah, what'd you go, 47? 48. 48, I went 52. That's the best outcome there could be. It's a split. Hey, and happy 50th to Dwayne the Rock Johnson,

future president of the United States of America. Can we do some other ages quickly before we go? Jason Statham is... Not on this list. I've got a list. I'm going to throw names, and you're going to tell me how they are. Righto.

Steve Austin. Stone Cold. Yeah. Mmm, 57. Yeah. Mmm. 57. 58. Zac Efron. Zac Efron is 33 years old.

35. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. Deadpool is 44. 46. You're good at this. Vin. Diesel is... Oh, fuck. I thought we had already done him. Probably have, but good at this. Vin. Diesel is.

Oh, fuck. I thought we had already done him. Probably have, but can you remember? 31. 55. Oh, boy. And finally, for the sport of it, Kevin Hart. 43.

On the fucking money. Feels young. Yeah, it does. God, he's achieved a lot. Yeah. He's focused, isn't he? He's a busybody. Yeah, he's focused. Is he He's a busybody Yeah he's focused

Is he in any Fast and Furious series Fury Eye No but him and The Rock Have an ongoing Cinematic Showmance They've got their Hugh Jackman

Ryan Reynolds Sit J Seeing The Rock In this movie Made me so Um Actually Maybe we should watch it

After this The scene that sets up The other guys, that Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've only seen it once. The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson have this phenomenal setup at the start of it.

It's one of the funniest. We'll watch it after this. Sounds good. It's so good. Sounds good, buddy. Hey. Punch it into YouTube. Look at us.

I know. I'm riding high. I'm sitting high in my Lazy Boy. Well. I got a horse called F8 and the Furious between my legs, and I'm riding it for another seven weeks. And I feel fucking good about it. I'm going to feed that thoroughbred oats, hay, carrots.

Do horses eat grass? It's welcome to. It's in a very big paddock. Peace and love. Peace and love. Peace and love. We will not be signing any more autographs. Peace. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1