The Worst Idea Of All Time - 12: Time Travel w/ Joseph Moore

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

Life-long Fast and Furious fan Joseph Moore joins the fellaz to discuss the F8 of The Furious, which he personally rates as either the worst or possibly second worst movie in the franchise. Joe delivers some red hot takes on why The Rock is bad for F&F and why he’s #TeamVin all the way. Two great ideas are floated for some new vehicles to feature in Fast X - one is a dimension and the other is a 150 year old mode of public transport.Join our Substack (for video episodes, early and ad-free eps and bonus content)See Two Hearts Live in Australia and New Zealand See Guy live in Australia and New ZealandSee Tim live in Australia and New Zealand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the worst idea of all time, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Welcome to the worst idea of all time, season 9, episode 42. Very good. Was that close? No, but it was nice to hear you pull some numbers out of the sky. Thank you, yeah, I'm all about it. That is the voice of the great Joseph Moore. This is the voice of the equally great guy montgomery and tim is also here

i shouldn't give technical notes on the podcast i'm gonna do it right at the start guy could you put the mic real close to your um mouth because i haven't sound treated this room yet so it's very echoey when you don't do that this is a beautiful garage thanks man yeah it's my first time at tim's new house welcome welcome welcome it's just stunning it's a delight yeah how do you feel about getting um technical your microphone technique from me i think i was just i've got joseph coming through real hot and i think mine was an instinctive response to just i don't know what mikey's on you want me to back off so you backed off yourself no i've fixed it myself i've pulled a one one can off my ear i did that before yeah oh you guys Oh, you guys did do that. We are equally great.

Yeah. You can tell I'm producing it because I've got both ears and he's listening. You're focused more on the audio quality than you are, say, the content.

Correct. Listeners are notoriously interested in audio quality conversation and mic technique. What are we rolling with here, Tim? WAVs, MP3s? Well, we record as a WAV

and then we edit and then we put it out as a high bit. What are we editing then we put it out As a high bit What are we editing in Pro Tools? It's Reaper these days Reaper yes That's kind of It's free to download

We've watched Fast and Furious 8 For the third time Fate of the Furious I paid for Fate of the Furious on the DVD cover I paid for a license for Reaper And the Fate of the Furious Is a better movie than F nine.

And how do you think it compares to other DAWs kind of, um, I'm, I'm more of an Ableton guy myself, but you know, that's, that's probably for my DJing background. Um,

but you know, logic obviously opens up a lot of, um, kind of new possibilities. Joseph, I thought the movie, uh, we live together for long enough for you to know that I won't touch an Apple

product with my hands Tim loves PCs And one thing that people love, PCs love Is conspiracy documentaries It's so true It's so fucking true And of course Joseph, this is only your second time watching the movie? No, my second and a half time

Who would watch this movie half a time? Well, a host of the former Little Empire podcast, which occasionally pops up now and then, titled Walk Out Boys. Walk Out Boys. We did Walk Out Boys. This movie was the only movie I walked out of. I walked out, me and Nick, who I co-hosted the podcast,

if you didn't hear it, the premise was we saw half a movie. At the cinema, mate. At the cinema. And then didn't hear it, the premise was we saw half a movie and then we... At the cinema, mate. At the cinema. And then we talked about the first half and then we made up the second half. They walked out.

So, and I was... And didn't it, was it, there's a cinema, a cinephile in New Zealand called you out for it? Yeah. Well, we'll call him out

for what? Ant, didn't he say that what you're doing is disrespectful to cinema? Oh, yeah. As if the whole premise wasn't we know we wish we weren't doing it but in some podcasts you got to punish yourself uh i can tell you guys about this but um i i saw half of this movie i walked out and

then nick who was the other host who was living in london i was like hey man you good to record you go see half of it and he's's like, oh, I didn't actually. And he's like, let's record it next week. I had to wait a week and the only time in Walkout Boy history did I secretly watch

the second half and then pretend I hadn't seen the first half. Oh my God. Because you are such a huge fan of this franchise. A huge fan. And actually this movie

as well holds a special place in my heart because it is the first movie I saw with my now wife in a romantic context we were friends before we got together so we'd seen movies together before but this was the first one we saw like in a date so wait you you took laura to a movie that you were watching for a podcast as a date no that i'd already seen half of for a podcast that's still pretty murky water i mean that's crazy you know it would be crazy at taking laura to the half the half screening

feels like the separation of um church and state it feels absurd to go on a date to a podcast it's called efficiency i went to cats with both of you and both of your significant others fucking get him Joe and guess what it was neither of our first fucking dates you idiot I do remember when we went on the date

we got to the cinema 20 minutes early and we each we got a glass of wine at the cinema classy St Luke's event cinemas

shout out the least classy cinema one of the more neutral cinemas and Laura had not seen any of the previous seven And I sat down and for the full 20 minutes while we waited for it to start I explained the plots of all seven So she'd be up to date

It is a miracle that you were married to this woman And that's when she knew Oh my god We are not too dissimilar to Laura In that we too have not seen the seven movies That set up what we just watched But I think at different points We've both gotten a lot about

The Fast and Furious franchise from you Because I mean look We've got a lot of history I used to live with you Joe You and Guy have made a TV show together One of the greats And there were a lot of cars in that TV show too. And a lot of furious drivers after having some crazy accidents.

I must fill this. This can't be some silly inside joke for New Zealand listeners. I must fill everyone in. This was for New Zealand's edition of Fail Army. And Guy and Joe co-hosted it in New Zealand. And how they continued to get hired after the first season astounds. We made a hundred episodes. It was insane because they took this like weird kind of like satirical.

It was like directly making fun of the thing that it was on air on like a prime time slot. And the jokes that you guys were putting in and getting away with was insane. So the, yeah, the, the TV company we worked for, lot and the jokes that you guys were putting in and getting away with was insane so the um yeah the the tv company we worked for they bought a very cheap package show that took fail army like youtube videos and threw them together with a voiceover being like watch out mister while a guy would you know fall off a bicycle and our job was to replace the voiceover with whatever we thought

was funny um but we couldn't do anything about the package we couldn't change the the music or the boings they added in the order of like the order of videos or which ones they chose to play in slow motion three times consecutively and quite often they'd do a section called like um bikini blowout which is just bikini babes falling over and then they just do big like zoom-ins on the butts yeah it sounds like mystery science theater the way you're describing it and you guys treated it like that because we you know we were looking after our own reputation so we had to be like warning guys they're about to zoom in on the butt and there's nothing we can do about it and then that went on television but then we got we sort of lost um well our minds and patience with it and started writing in like a sort of tally novella style sub-opera with the bits the in-studio bits that we would

host in between the fail clips would one 27 episode arc like dealt with me the breakdown of my marriage to my wife and which is just not what you do on those sorts of shows one episode ended with me crying like over the last four videos. It was just the sounds of me crying in the audio booth. And famously which goes to show the level of love and care that the TV company it was being aired on had. Didn't it

go to air of you guys saying like, oh hold up I'll take that again. Yeah, yeah. It just all went out. There was no quality control. We generally did one take of each voiceover quip. This was on prime time. Yeah, and the audio, he just copied and put it in. I think he was using, I think he was.

Pro Tools, surely. He was on Pro Tools there. Yeah, he'd be on Pro Tools there. But, you know, he's running a couple of XLRs. He was a great guy, and we lost him a couple of years ago. We did. Yeah, so. R.F.P. Lloyd, this one's. R.F.P. Lloyd, this one's.

R.F.P. Lloyd, this one's for you. Yeah. Right on. So, F8, it's our fourth time of watching this. Third time. Third time of watching this. Five more, baby. Good God.

And it doesn't improve with each viewing. It reads as a fourth. Yeah. I would say that. Listen, I love Fast and Furious franchise. Yes. And to me 8 and 9 Are not canon

Wow Why because they're so bad? Yeah they just They've gone They jump the shark I don't know They jump the sub They jump the sub

Like That's I don't want to say they've run out of ideas Because There were There's some ideas There were certainly ideas Run out of good ideas

But I don't know Seven wraps up so neatly For me And Yeah Everything I'm happy for them to exist But in my mind

It's just fun fan fiction Is seven when Brian Drives away It's Marvel what if You know It's like Seven's when Paul Walker died

In the middle of it Paul Walker dies A.K.A Not in seven Yes Seven is when he Leaves the family To be with his other family A.K.a. Not in Seven, isn't it? Seven is when he leaves the family to be with his other family, a.k.a. dies. The Kingdom of Heaven.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? I thought he died a long time ago. No, no, you're about to enter Walker era, and I'm so happy for you. Holy shit. I thought Paul Walker was in, like, one of these movies. No, he's in Seven. That's why they named the kid Brian.

And I saw that at the cinema maybe with you in melbourne potentially i can't remember where i was but fuck i remember going to that one i can't believe how much paul walker we're about to get excited is this good news really good yeah great i legit thought i was just gonna watch vin diesel dragging his cast of fucking family members around for five more movies. Oh, man, you're right. That's kind of a good reason to not count eight and nine. It's like the Fast and the Furious franchise is about. That's the story. Wrapped in a bow.

Fantastic. Not a dry eye in the theater. Beautiful. There's money to be made, though, Joe. Of course. There's cash to grab. I don't begrudge them making more, and I will see each and every fast and furious they do yeah i mean you you love fast and furious first thing you see when you sat

down with us is you want to take us to florida yeah this is my big pitch uh at the end of the season we go to florida um i'm coming just because yeah yeah i know i've only probably likely only been one episode up to that point but i I'm coming. We're going to Florida for one reason, to ride the worst theme park ride in the world, Fast and Furious Supercharged at Universal Studio Florida. It is a dog shit experience. How do you fuck up a theme park ride for Fast and Furious? I know.

It makes it so bad. And I went on my 30th birthday oh my that's what it was all about i was so excited it was built around it was just a ride that like you built the actual birthday i built the day around it i was like i'm saving that it's going to be a treat yeah you know have you looked up reviews because you're a big theme park guy i am yeah i know i know i know my parks you know um i i had heard it wasn't great but i was like these guys don't get it They don't get Fast and Furious

Like I do I'm gonna love this No matter what And It is It is weak Oh man So like

What do you imagine A Fast and Furious ride would be You're in cars Yeah That's a great start Where you're not in cars You're in cars And you go fast, perhaps.

Another thing that would really elevate this ride. Even if you got to get it, like, go in some sort of go-kart towards it or just some augmented reality VR car experience. That's what I'm imagining. There's kind of screens and it's in, like, a pneumatic thing that can pick you up and kind of throw you around a little bit. Yeah, oh, wouldn't that be wonderful? I mean, it'd be relevant.

So, you know, like, quite often in a theme park um when you're in the queue uh they'll play a character from so say it's based on a movie someone will come up and inform you that you were an important part of the upcoming ride when i did the robocop one when i was in japan i think it's one of the people from the, I forgot what the police department's called, but they they're like, this is a fucking emergency, you gotta help out Yeah, absolutely, like if say there were a Grown Ups 2 ride, sure

Lenny Fader, Adam Sandler would come up and be like, hey, you you guys over there, I got a big vacation coming up, and you're all invited but make sure you keep your hands inside the vehicle like, it'll be something like that and so i was like oh that legitimately has me excited and they will tell you that there's a big mission and it's it's up to you so you feel some agency going into the ride you're like i can't it's it's all on me i'm really excited uh what's our mission

going to be what's the family got planned for us and um you're in the queue and ludicrous comes up on the screen i was hoping slightly higher tier sure you know but can you tear them who's above luder i'd say well you know dom obviously uh letty letty paul walker paul walker that's oh is he fourth oh no tyrese tyrese is definitely Above them I rate rock Rock bottom We'll get to that We will get to that Put a pin in that Yeah absolutely So I'd say maybe he's fifth

Yeah Oh and Jordana Brewster Oh Mia Mia We've met her in F9 Oh that's right She shows up

What about Statham Statham Or is that kind of Because he comes late So late in I can't talk about Seven Yeah What happened man Are you okay Or is it kind of because he comes so late in? I can't talk about Seven. What happened, man?

Are you okay? Without giving too much away, and it makes Eight very funny, Statham's character is a bad guy who they redeem far too easily. And you wait to see how bad he is, but he shouldn't count for how bad he is he's got a victoria cross i mean it's like joe's been so respectful of the fact that we haven't seen the other movies i want to tell them everything but uh well it's it's been it's fun for us unearthing these little i know i know so anyway i'll give you that joy we're back to this just as another

um sidebar while you're describing the ride is what i realized because i think ludacris is a better actor in f8 than he is in f9 yes and following that logic we should watch a progression of ludacris becoming a bit more and more invested in better actor all the way to the point he's he'd be competing for an oscar i think too fast too furious was his first ever movie role well this is the thing he would have taken it so serious yeah he would be so excited you know this is huge for me this is the next step of my career you know um but yeah so he probably a low point in his career is appearing in the little video in the queue of fast and furious supercharged there are no small roles only small actors and he shows up and it looks it may as well i'm pretty sure he filmed it on a phone in his house like seriously like a cameo yeah oh boy that's like the ride didn't even tell

him they sent him 40 bucks yeah they're like can you do a thing where you say i don't know what does he say welcome to universal florida he shows up and he's like um uh and you go wait he's gonna tell us what mission we're about to go on this is fun and he goes hey you guys i see you all there great job on the mission and you're like we've already done the mission and then he goes good news we're having the after party down the road and i got some buses to pick you up for the after party no and then some some party buses uh drive up playing uh turn down for what uh by little john yeah which that part's fun but i was going why the hell are we on a bus yeah oh my god awesome number one you've already done the mission. Number two, get on the bus. We're off to the after party.

How is this the setting for the ride? This is absurd. This is the fucking same park attraction. And how high are you? At this point? Yeah. Me? I'm in Florida where it is illegal to consume illegal drug weed.

I'm dead sober, baby. Well, you know, I've had a couple of butterbeers. You've been over at fucking harry potter world yeah it's in the same part i don't think my brain could handle that i mean i do believe i famously believe that all movies are set in the same cinematic universe so actually that makes a lot of sense so complicated to live inside their minds for a day i would i it would be a good addition to they've got to do something to they've got to do something with harry potter you know now everyone's turned on and rightfully so on jk rowling to make it feel less like her world so i would actually encourage them to add some of the family into future harry potter installments to um to take ownership away from jk but i digress

you're on the bus you get on the bus So yeah How long are you on the line for? How big's the bus? How big's I'd say about 30 people per bus It sounds like a bus It sounds like public transport And what are the flourishes?

What are the touches? Party lights It's like a party bus I fucking hate party buses They're worse than public transport It's like you can dress it up How you want But I know where the fuck I am

Put me in a limo You think Buses are here And party buses are down here Oh my god Anyway you get on the bus Yeah And yeah sure

Your bus ride is Interrupted By a terrorist or something But for about I'm gonna say 45 seconds. So the bus windows are screens. You're standing still.

You stand still in the bus. Yeah. The bus drives up, you get on it, and then they drive it into some garage that moves around ever so slightly. Great. Really good. While just CGI The Rock and CGI Vin Diesel. vin diesel hold on sorry let me stop you there

what do you mean well they've clearly not showed up to film anything for this but they just is it as bad as the scorpion king it's it's slightly slightly improved but only because time has passed right but it is like it is a totally digitally rendered 3d model of those two actors yeah um some action happens around you and you just look side to side as they kind of swing off a helicopter and uh holy shit yeah and and then they go wow you're here at the after party and whose voices is it is it them or if they like pay oh they've got their voices they've at least done a you know they've gone into the booth for half an hour. Okay.

You watch. And what were they using in the booth there, do you think? Oh, I'm thinking they're on a couple of road. NTG3s. Oh, it's NT1A, I'm actually thinking. But they are. Oh, yeah. Oh, they tell you that for some reason,

one of you on the bus is a target. So they've got to protect the bus. Oh. So then you look out the windows. There's some planes flying towards you, and they fight them off. It really takes about 45 seconds. And then they go, good news. You're safe to go to the after party.

And you go, oh, thanks. And then they drive along. And then there's good technology. They hologram in some women with butts dancing at the end. And you look at those holograms. We just call them women, Joe. With visible butts. Okay.

And then they dance for a bit outside the bus. And you're like, nice. That does sound great. And then you get off the bus. And then you're finished. bus and then you're finished yeah you that's the fast and furious ride yeah holy shit yeah the whole the whole experience is probably about a minute 30 the fucking gall that is that so you'd be in line presumably to get in to go to this thing oh yeah you're up You're queuing up for at least 45 minutes.

Where would the Fast and Furious franchise be relative to the earners that Universal has in their bank? Number one. Yeah. That's number one, for sure. Joe, how did you feel, man? So you're lining up.

You love this franchise. You're looking forward to it. You're like, fuck yeah. These guys know how to make a theme park, and I love this movie universe. This is going to be great. You do it, that happens. What next for Joseph Moore?

I tried so hard to love it. You know, I was like, bus, okay. I bet this bus is going to go pretty fast. No, it's stationary. They got like the speed ride and repainted it. But it's not even that Yeah I don't know I was pretty let down

Look being in a theme park Is largely fun Yeah So there was other stuff I could go do But when we're going We're only going on one ride Oh my god

That is such a punish That's That's fucking cruel and unusual It makes it funnier If we do go Dude imagine we like Fucking From New Zealand

Fly to Florida Go on the ride Get back to the airport To go home to New Zealand Literally there for What 45 minutes of queue time And one and a half minutes And just open a new Jurassic Park roller coaster Looks fantastic literally there for what 45 minutes of queue time and one and a half minutes and it's just opened

a new Jurassic Park roller coaster it looks fantastic are you allowed to go on the other rides no I couldn't justify the carbon footprint

for that gag I just couldn't it would cripple me that is staggering to me and so that didn't burn your relationship to the franchise though

oh no it remains strong it's not though Oh no, it remains strong It's not related to the movies It remains strong How could that happen? That seems like an insane oversight Like a breakdown in communication between the theme park people and the movie people I believe it was once part of a separate

In Hollywood they have a tram tour Which goes through all different movies And I think they shot the stuff that happens on either side of the bus For this tram tour um which goes through all different movies and i think they made the they shot the stuff that happens on either side of the bus for this tram tour which consists of about going through about 30 different movies and they just copy and pasted the tram tour section in los angeles oh my god for florida which is why they're like it's got to be tram shaped whatever they're on so that's that's the boring backstory of why it happens uh but no that i mean it's just it's got to be tram shaped whatever they're on so that's that's the boring backstory of why it happens uh but no that i mean it's just it's it's i know that shit goes wrong all the time but that's

crazy america like in my head america's just so good at hitting this shit out of the park it's like you know fast and furious this massive franchise where shit's going they're fucking jumping submarines they're going to space it's like the imagination is obviously infinite you brought up the harry potter thing because the the harry potter theme park i've heard like jk rowling man rolling growling i didn't read the book who cares who gives a shit um apparently she had like an unparalleled amount of creative control over like every single aspect and uh everyone got very very worried who was paying for this stuff because they were like this is fucking insane like this isn't how it works this is crazy this is bad but then it like knocked it out of the park and has made more money

than the theme park ever has yeah yeah it does love it it's the immersion she um yeah so like when you're in there you can't buy a harry potter toy yeah because there wouldn't be a harry potter isn't it like yeah yeah the books aren't in yeah yeah exactly so they do that and that's been copied now that they have um those are like internal rules that they have a different thing yeah so they know they have the star wars one that has the same rule yeah that's what they talked about too because i was learning about it on a podcast they were saying yeah like star wars saw it disney saw that and they were like fuck we have to meet this and that's what I would have liked

for Fast and Furious imagine a fully immersive land where Fast and Furious doesn't exist just could you not buy like a little bus replica

of what you just rode on I hope I walked out of that gift shop so fast I was so mad have you seen it might be a spoiler have you seen

any of the characters from the fast and furious universe on a bus no no i don't believe so why the fuck are they introducing them to the universe on the theme park right well you know it's so crazy because they escalate in these movies i won't say what goes before but the ones you've seen we get to bus and space yeah sorry sorry submarine in space. So, I guess bus. Yeah. Is next. I assume we're working backwards.

I mean, we were speculating about what could come next because they haven't left themselves a huge amount of runway. Yes. And I've told you my dream.

I said to you before, but I'll tell you again, I want them to go to a city like Melbourne or San Francisco with a tram infrastructure. Yeah. And I want them to get a tram off the tracks. To get onisco with a tram infrastructure yeah and i want them to get

a tram off the track to get on to get on drive a tram off the tracks but they drive it so fast yeah chuck noss on the tram yeah that the um the friction of the tram wheels creates new tracks so they can drive anywhere in the in the city that's great so yeah he jumps in the tram spins the wheel off the tracks. Fuck, that's good. That's so cool. It's difficult for a tram to pick up enough speed to catch on fire and go craning into a body of water so that Vin Diesel can jump out of it at full speed, do like

a tuck and roll. Yeah. And uses 400 to shield himself from all of the collateral. The tram's got a good kind of tail though, doesn't it? Yeah, it's quite whippy. Yeah, so you can do a kind of quick turn it's nice and whippy do some drifting and a tram and i reckon in one wild mid-air he could take out like two planes either side of him by doing two tram whips yeah i mean that's very if if nine he

kind of does that with the big um 18 wheeler yeah the same thing happens with the submarines it does with the plane and f9 like she cypher has a rough time with those. She was brought up on remote-controlled cars. That's her thing. And she's always like, I'm crushing it. And then all of a sudden, Vindex was like, no, I'm going to do a whippy move and fuck up your thing. In F8, Cypher has, if this wasn't clear,

I don't even know if we've mentioned it, she's remote-controlled the nuclear-powered sub. So she's not in there. In F9, it's actually not clear. We think she's in a fighter jet. We think she's in controlled the nuclear powered sub so she's not in there no and if nine it's actually not clear we think she's in a fighter jet we think she's in a stealth bomber and then it gets revealed that that too is being remotely controlled so this is kind of a thing it is very funny we were at a function the other night guy and someone was asking you about f8 and they're like who's the villain and that one again and you're just so confident we're like yeah cypher

like because even me who loves, yeah, Cypher. Because even me who loves Fast and Furious, Cypher is such a, I'm sorry to break this to you, such a nothing character. Hey, shut the fuck up. Within the franchise. She's very big in the last two. She is.

Cypher's like responsible for basically all of the action that we see. This is the Cypher we're talking about. The woman who killed the mother of your child. Dom. Yeah. I'm sorry. Because I'd forgotten.

When we were watching it now and Elena came up, I was like, remind me, is Elena in F9? And you were like, no, she's about to die. Well, yeah, Toucan played the insolent superfan game,

you piece of shit. The other idea that got floated for the vehicle for the next movie, and I thought, I can't remember who said it, time travel. Yes, I did. I did pitch time travel. Which is amazing.

That is amazing. And you think it's not completely outside the realm of possibility that the Fast and Furious guys would engage with this? Well, I assume Tej Ludacris has the ability to invent that. Yeah. He's the smartest man in the history of the world. I think he and Ramsay have to cook it up together i think i think no i think it's like roman goes to on a universal studios trip and

like gets in the delorean he's like whoa this car i've seen in the movies and he like throws a microwave into a yeah okay so part of something all all the family have time travel powers where are they all going? Where are they first going? Dom's going to the 1950s He just strikes me as that kind of a cat To get the original Dodge Charger? Yeah, I think so Yeah, well I think he's going to

To race hot rods Yeah, or he might go try Dom will do some big shit Like go prevent his father's death Or something like that Oh, I see, like what's the purpose of their time travel? Yeah, I don't know, but then Tej Tyrese when what period

hit the hottest women he's just trying to sleep with marilyn monroe and he's got in his head that it's a like distinct possibility and then he accidentally becomes the like he shoots jfk yeah by accident and i'm imagining roman going back to it like a time like you know the the 1950s or something when he thinks that um you know it's a bounty of woman and like you know liberation woman's liberation has really happened yet but he has also civil rights it's no good and he gets caught out that yeah that would be that would be in there i think he'd like 70s i'm gonna get like, I'm going to get some of that free love. Ladies love me.

They know what I'm about. Fucking, can I ask? Ramsay goes to the 90s to go to a TLC concert. Ramsay? In person. And what does Letty do? I mean,

the thing is, I know that there's been seven movies before we've seen, but we still know so little about these characters. I have no fucking idea what any of them would like to do. Like, I don't even know if they like what they do in these movies do you find yeah like you've seen all of them so do you feel like you have a window into who these people are

because we don't because you guys know cypher so well because yeah yeah she's the main character they've introduced so each movie introduces one or two key new characters who become the focal point, and any other franchise would go, cool, those characters serviced that film, and now they can... We can leave them. We can leave them.

But what they do is go, we just are inviting everyone back and just assume... They assume that most people watch them start to finish. From the first movie to, yeah. I don't know why anyone would think that. It's a stupid way to consume the product. So they're quite happy for these characters

to sit in the background. Yeah. But yeah, most of them we know a lot about. Ramsay, Ramsay's pretty. Pretty new to you. Yeah. What would Letty do? Letty would go

Anywhere where she could Punch Punch someone in the head Wow Yeah She goes to the 80s And becomes a WWF wrestler Yeah

Oh wow Good reference Thanks man Or she'd go to like Mulan times Oh yeah To To become a Mulan.

Oh, wow. To China. Well, not necessarily China. Anytime where you could dress up as a boy and join the army. You can do that now. I should go to Amanda Bynes College and she's the man and play football. Yeah, soccer is kind of like the army of high school. Yeah, that's my touchstone i'm a

fucking idiot you've known me for what 10 years i suck it's not true it's not true i've known him for 12 um i think time travel is such a funny idea because it like it just is it feels right to me like everything's gotten so complicated now and so so stupid and like taking a car to space on a on a rocket that they stole is just it's too big the only way to top it that i can see they've gone under the ocean they've gone out of the atmosphere you gotta fuck with time yeah well what about tim what about we solve because we've got a an expert here backwards. I mean, what are they going to do in F7? Well, I could just tell you.

You won't. I know you won't. I won't tell you. You're like Dom Torito. What are you trying to get out of me? You're like Dom Torito with a gun up to cipher while his son is being held prisoner. Do you want to guess what happens in F7

and just watch my face? I don't even know if it's that. It's just like we can always solve forwards or speculate because there's no knowing whether or not we're correct and you can get as crazy as you want. It doesn't feel very inclusive for our guests. What do you think is one less than a submarine? I don't know.

A boat? A dinghy? A marine. They ride a marine around. I always like to refer to it as fighting. Yeah. They fight a submarine. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Because they do in a way. Yeah. They can fight with cars. One less than a submarine is a boat. It's on the water. I think they've got to fight a helicopter. Yeah, choppers. Choppers have got to be early though.

Choppers have got to be like three, I reckon. Maybe four. Four. How many modes of transport are there? Airplane. think they're friends airplanes are always they stay car based for the first three i reckon and the cars just get crazy and crazy and then they're like well we're fucking out of stuff to do with four wheels they did a tank in this one as well so what is there you got a helicopter i mean like what do you got bikesikes Motorbikes Amphibious vehicle Oh yeah One of those ones that goes

Like a hovercraft Yeah yeah That's kind of fun There's horses There's also There's a differential between What cars they get And what cars they fight

So you know They Like An amphibious Monster trucks I'll bet they haven't done it And I really want to Fucking see that

That'd be so cool That seems like a get car Rather than a fight car I think that would be it And I really want to Fucking see that That'd be so cool That seems like a get car Rather than a fight car I think that would be I think I would like to see them Fight a monster truck Because if they're in it

It's too easy They always win fights Even in I want Statham driving The monster truck I guess you've And Letty's tied up On a railroad

Yeah Okay I don't know why She's on a railroad If he's not on rails. British villain. I get it. I get it.

A British villain. I guess like what they get has got to be kind of comparative. So if they get a monster truck, they can't be fighting, say, a yacht. Too close in size. The Get Car is a hand-built McLaren F1, and the big bad is a like hand-built um mclaren f1 and the big bad is a monster truck see i don't think a monster truck is is much bigger than a car if you're gonna fight a monster monster truck the get car has to be like a razor scooter oh wow and then you gotta be that much smaller yeah then you want a push scooter you're a push scooter And doing some good whips

You are right actually That scale does map to the two movies we've seen Because a nuclear powered submarine is Quite big And the beast in F9 is massive It's fucking ridiculously huge Yeah yeah So

Oh a zeppelin A fucking airship Well that's in time travel They go back to stop the Hindenburg Kaplan. A fucking airship. Well, that's in time travel. They go back to stop the Hindenburg. There's still a couple knocking around. I reckon the big bad is the Goodyear Blimp. Oh, wow.

And they've got to fight it using a gyrocopter. Was it one of those bike... You pedal it. Yeah, it's got a pedaling plane. Yeah. Or is it one of those bike... You pedal and it's got a... Pedaling plane. Yeah. But Dom Torito's attached NOS to the gyrocopter.

So it goes fucking crazy. It goes too crazy. Yeah, it's like a balloon when you let the air out. And he's fucking zipping all around. He goes through it. It's like Looney Tunes. Yeah. I'd like to see them go back to Sinking of the Titanic.

Oh, man. And they're going to fight the Titanic. Dom's back to Sinking of the Titanic. Oh, man. And they've got to fight the Titanic. Dom's trying to drift away from the iceberg. They're on just their cars, and just with the airtime they have, they have to like... Well, like a Model T. Like the cars of the era. Yeah, they're in the cars of the era.

The ones with... And they've got to... They're just driving over the icebergs It's already hit They can't stop that Because you know like They can't change the course The thing will happen

What they can do is rescue the passengers Oh wow So they're hooning over the iceberg Doing whips Do you know I mean I like the idea But these are not noble people They do not care about bystanders or passengers.

That's so true. The only people they're interested in are themselves. Anyone who is not in the top 10 on the call sheet is collateral to these people. I haven't brought this up in the pod yet, but I have to. It's a guy twice now watching this. The thing you've got to understand if you're paying attention to the plot in Fate of the Furious is that the last third of the movie happens in Russia, and some Russian separatists

have taken over a like a nuclear um base yeah so they're anti-putin so maybe they're the good guys and fucking dom well dom trudeau's gang minus dom trudeau because he's been turned by cypher are going and just indiscriminately killing every russian they see but like you make it sound russian specific they're killing everyone all the time but they're no they're not they kill they kill two kinds of people cops and russians and bystanders they don't kill any bystanders not deliberately you don't see them kill any bystanders no that yeah you see them incredibly recklessly endangered their lives they kill that is a good point oh my god this i'm talking to the man who thinks that that fucking emily radich kowski and uh and and zach efron zach efron didn't have sex and we are your friends

unless you've seen an editor of that movie this is what i'm saying brother we don't get to see any bystanders taken out by the crew. One thing I like about F8. Yes. It's high on the verisimilitude levels for me. It's one I can buy into because it's one of the few in the franchise where they don't go to a country where you drive on the left. So I believe that they are that good and confident at driving. That is so good. That's been a real sticking point for you.

When they go to London and Edinburgh and other versions, and they're just as good at driving when they get there? Yeah. No, that takes a day or two to get used to. Evidence to the contrary, Your Honour. When Guy and I went to the States... Wait, was that... Yeah, way pre you living in New York.

You were a fucking, you were a gun immediately on the freeways of LA. We're on the wrong side of the road for you. I had to stop a plot. I had to stop a terrorist cell from taking over, I don't know, the Anaheim Angels. In a juicy cave event. I was just in Hawaii on my honeymoon and we rented a convertible for one day. For one day?

For one day. That's so baller. Yeah, because that was the budget that had come through renting the convertible. What was it? And I've never looked cooler and less cool at the same time. Just cars stopping around me trying to navigate

driving on the right side of the road. And when everyone can see your full face as you panic. How do you feel? Like a big loser. Oh no. And I do and I just

I wish that they put more of that into the films. When they're like alright we're here in Edinburgh now remember everybody keep left when you get an intersection your instincts might kick in and you might drive into the wrong lane remember when we're in this country you cannot take a left on a red light something that new zealand cannot do the main mode of community of uh not communication of

transport they assume in edinburgh is zip lining and riding on the top of open air double-decker buses. Maybe that's fucking why. Like Dom's out of his element, so he has to take to the skies. The red light thing got me when I was, I didn't know that rule when I was in LA. Such a good fucking rule. I know, and I got honked at.

And I was like, you're the idiot. There's a bloody red light there. It's such a good rule. And you had a roof on that car? No, no So In terms of all of them, Joe Where does this rate?

Like in the whole franchise for you It's either 8th or 9th And is that You're not being a little neat dickhead No, no, no In terms of ranking 8 and 9 are kind of interchangeable for me 9 is so much worse.

Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree. Yes, a thousand times. How was it for you watching this for the second and a half time? I thought, yeah, it's weirdly breezy for a two hour, 15 minute film. You were laughing along. You were quite enjoying yourself. Yeah, I was. There were a few distractions for which I must apologize.

There were dogs. There was a baby running around I will say when I say they're 8 and 9th that doesn't mean they're bad

you know these are 3 star films yeah is F9 3 stars for you yeah I'd say so I'd give F8 3 stars

from one screening F9 is just like it's a dog it's 1 and a half yeah one and a half two on a good day

this maybe has set pieces that are the the magnet not magnet magnet is F9 hacking the cars

to drive out the windows that's a great that's a great sequence I stand behind the opening sequence the the the Cuban mile

like the race all of that is there a drag race in F9? I'm trying to remember. Oh, yes, and Flashback. Yeah, that's not good enough. Young Jacob and Young Dom. No, do you know what?

Actually, you're right. It isn't a one-and-a-half star film because of the flashbacks. The flashbacks do bump it up to like a two-and-a-half, two star. Also, I want to say, you know, while I'm walking back through the movie from the start, that I actually still get a lot of laughs out of The Rock's introduction and his back and forth with that military man. And that is quite a nice opening because halfway through the movie,

you said that you can't stand The Rock. I hate The Rock. Which shocks me to my core because Joseph Moore is such an avid, true fan and consumer of popular culture. And I can't think of a more popular cult figure than the rock i hate hustle mindset preach i can't stand anyone that backs themselves okay and and i i don't like the way The Rock, who previous to like 708, was a really great side character in these films

and the way he has muscled his way in to be the main thing. I can't tell you too much about what he used to be like, but all the jokes, Tyrese and Ludacris do the jokes. Right. That is what we established established you are a serious character you are hobbs the hardened cop with respect from what i've seen ludacris can't do the jokes anymore and roman's hanging on by a thread the rock's got comedy chops so you you're i mean for people who aren't watching this, who are just listening, Joseph's wearing a team Vin t-shirt. Um, what,

like what? So this, I understand how you feel about the rock. I understand not liking rising grand mindset or whatever. Can I just say, Joseph just looked at his own t-shirt to confirm whether that was the case or not. I did. You didn't have me doubting myself.

I, but what, what do you know about the what's happening behind the scenes of this movie I know a little

I know enough that The Rock kind of believed he was the glue holding the franchise together and that they should do they should make the movie

the way he wants to make movies which is making homogenized garbage sorry you're saying The Rock wanted to do that yeah well the rocks even though he calls people a bitch every now and then like he's you know he wants everything to be the pacifier yeah yeah he pushes real hard for family friendly stuff he wants the broadest

possible appeal and everything he does which means putting in jokes about the kids soccer team you can't say motherfucker yeah yeah movies yeah you say mother yeah yeah you can say mother f and then a a truck will drive through yeah yeah it's a lot more expensive than just using a beep but he but the rock when he wasn't in charge when he was less powerful delivers i believe the franchise's only f-bomb this is it is a shame to me that these movies are want for swearing i remember lamenting that when otto has a line in f9 like or there's an exchange between otto and john cena towards the end of f9 where all i wanted was someone to swear at the other character like i just feel like you could add so i mean swearing is it's definitely

overdone but there's such value and power in it and like hearing the rocks say bitch i was thinking like yeah vin diesel's smiling and laughing a lot in this movie which we don't get in f9 there's some cussing like he says he says some bitch twice he says yeah he says this tea and crumpet seating some bitch and joseph moore slapping his knees i don't like this guy but that line kills me it was it just makes me laugh again without revealing like sure in part seven does unspeakably unspeakably horrible things and the the speed at which they bury the hatchet they accept him into their family and just boil him down to him he's bad because he's british and not like oh man i'm looking forward to this it's bad because he's British. Oh, man, I'm looking forward to this.

And then they get a spin-off. Then they get their own. Oh, yeah, also, so you can confirm this, actually. So is it between 8 and 9 that that happened? Yes, it is. Because I thought it was way earlier. So here we've got The Rock championing. This is The Rock's franchise.

It's The Rock's movie now. I want it to be be homogenized many people are going to watch this possible and what vin diesel is in inside of the context of the document framed as some sort of auteur who says no yeah that's incredible is the self is the self-serious one yeah he's like these movies are um they're about family get the fuck out of here yeah yeah with you and like that vindus's character has a kid you know he's like my i have the kid yeah yeah and they used to be i don't know all the jokes used to always be about um uh hot ladies for example um and they'll be like hmm look at that hot lady and then we all have a laugh they are crack up great jokes um there's i won't say the context of it but my favorite line in the entire um franchise is um when tyrese goes a million dollars man we're talking about some serious vaginal activity there anyway that's the type of humour We come to the franchise for

And And to be boiled down to You know kids Soccer team Yeah Stuff you know It's You hate to see it

Yeah it's not But well This isn't the FNF I know and love Listen It all came right in the end Because come F9 Our most You know

Recent outing And they've course corrected The Rock is gone Yeah And we're back on track and it fucking sucked. It was the worst one, brother. I don't know.

Maybe I just was happy to see him gone. The Rock was the only muscle-bound buffer between the Fast franchise and the PC police. It's kind of like maybe everyone lost their footing

when Paul Walker went away. You know, like he was the glue holding it together and maybe people didn't realize how important he was. And then they tried to like figure out what it would be now. So I'm like, I'm just so pumped up to see Paul.

I can't believe he's in seven of these movies. Yeah. You get to see him in six movies time. You get to see him. Six watches. You look so scared. So I was like, you fucking swore in here, give give me something looking forward to it then take it away so your life flash before your eyes what well so long as we're here because i know that

the soccer scene's getting under the microscope quite a lot and i did mention that i wanted my shining light to be the military man who shows up and there's that back and forth i think i've shouted out a few too many times though so i'm going to go a little more obscure I'm going to say there's a baguette of bread being lifted in a green basket in Cuba at the very start of the movie that's being pulled up from a window by a rope it's obviously a detailed touch of not being to Cuba but it feels like it's a nod to

the way that bread is transported there which appears to be vertically by baskets and ropes so fucking huge shout out to i mean to go back to joseph's great word verisimilitude of the film that was my shining light joe you don't need to single it down to one because you're such a fan of the franchise you can sing out how many moments that really spoke to you on the screening thank you um one really stood out at the time and that is uh when they go to the base a subtitle comes up on the screen that says undisclosed location and i really loved that because it was undisclosed why not just not

put a title up hard out you don't have to disclose a hundred percent and i thought that was really fun that location is so undisclosed that the guy working under Kurt Russell doesn't recognize that when the screen comes up with the map in the building Kurt Russell recognizes that's where they are right now. The guy who works under him doesn't. Who we found out today is Clint Eastwood's son. Yeah. Who was

born when Clint Eastwood was 56 years young That is fucking psycho dude. That's allowed. 56. Of course it's allowed. This is a free country.

That's what our troops fought for. Tim said, those aren't good sperm. And I looked at Scott Eastwood and I said, but he came out pretty fucking good. You said he came out hot and funny. And funny enough, definitely hot enough. Yeah. How old is Vin Diesel in Fast 8?

40. 40? You mean his character or Vin Diesel? Vin Diesel himself. Surely older than 40. Fast 8 was 2017. We looked up his age last time. I think it was like 52.

So maybe about 47. So that kid, Brian, that's not too far off. That kid he has in the movie isn't too far off No, but in the movie, Vin Diesel We see Vin Diesel We see Dom Toretto's age on screen And he's 40 Oh, really? Yeah, it comes out when Cypher's got the profile for him

When they're using God's eye Fair enough So he's 40 in that movie Which was made 16 years after How do you think time runs in the fast universe though well in a way you can manipulate as we will soon see in fast x which by the way is the entire reason this podcast exists you know we're on universal's payroll really yeah yeah this is all promo for fast x wow those

numbers are going to be inside. Yes. Look out, James Cameron, because they've got a new marketing weapon and it's called Guy Montgomery and Tim Batt. So, yeah. Okay. Sorry. So, here we go.

You're shining lights. It's the undisclosed location. It's literally the letters coming up on screen. It's nuts. That's crazy. That's absurdly specific. And next after that, I would say the military man's crazy. That's absurdly specific. And next after that, I would say the military man's iPad.

Which military man? Really good question. The military man you were hesitant to shout out. Oh, when he's like talking, all of a sudden he just flips around an iPad. I was just amazed that he just had a kind of stock standard iPad. Yeah, with all of this classified. And it seems to be running like god's eye on it yeah i'm like that that's incredible hardware they have on that ipad um i love it and i love any monitor you just like seeing apple products in these movies yeah no i i and i don't know what to call like the screens

that show information and stuff but i'm more just shout out to the production designers coming up with the babble to put on those screens to make it look like they work in an area. So where's the blue or green exclusively? Yeah, I've been working on a screenplay. I have been working on a screenplay that is set in that kind of world. Computer-y world. Computer-y world.

And I feel like the biggest dumbass in the world, whenever I have to like describe a scene, I'd be like, behind them are screens. It's funny. That have stuff on them. And I feel like a big dumbass. Or not every time,

but often Tim will be like, I should do it. I should rank every operating system in like every movie. I've said that once. Yeah. I think about it all the time because you'd be so good at it.

Just doing it for action movies because they're all absurd. Are they running that off a PC a pc you reckon they're big um they have to be they have to you can't build that on a mac yeah they wouldn't let it be some some hackintosh running a um running god's eye no because now it's all on apple silicon so you can't even run parallel on it you can't put windows on mac machines this is the shit i come for all right tim what was your shining light um sorry this is the shit i come to i did i had one and i've fucking forgotten what it was but i never rewind because you must always go forward and not backward but i did rewind the movie um for a little bit today to see this really odd looking guard who's on the where are we when we're

dealing with just after joseph just after joseph's shining, where are we when we're dealing with Cypher? Just after Joseph's shining light, where it's confirmed we're in an undisclosed location. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So where are we? No. It was really hard to ascertain. We're not. I couldn't point to it on a map.

We're not in the goodies base. I mean, I could if someone would tell me. We're in the baddies base. Okay. So this kind of. We are in the goodies base I mean I could if someone would tell me We're in the baddies base Which is Okay so this kind of We are in the goodies base No I'm saying my shining light Doesn't take place

Where you guys are taking My shining light It's in a different place But the one moment you rewound Was set in the goodies base Was it Was a guard in the goodies base I thought their guard

Was in Cypher's lair No Wasn't it one of Cypher's peeps Nah He was military He was working with nobody Oh shit Hey well let me take this

Okay so there's that guy So first of all back to you No no no no no no no no Yeah true There is a weird cut that Guy and I have noticed On all the screenings Which we kind of talked over a little bit So you kind of missed it this time Joe

But there's a real weird editing decision Where the good guys are like concocting the plan and how they're going to use God's eye to track Dom who's turned against them. They're in that car warehouse next to the fish factory. They're really fucking getting into it. Yeah. Are they?

Yeah, yeah. They were sitting around the fish warehouse and they're like this and that. No, they're sitting down in like the office with all the computers and stuff. No. Yes. There's all the screens and stuff.

I'll bet you the next episode be a hundred dollars really yeah and then an episode so of the podcast the next episode of this they cut they cut to cypher walking through a door and the way that they've like shot it it looks like she's walking what's into the room it's the way they've connected it as well is the audio is so we so we're looking at a shot of the gang sitting around talking and then there's audio

of like a sort of swoosh you know Star Trek style door opening and then that's connected footage of Cypher walking towards where the group are in frame

and it looks and sounds so much like Cypher's walking into their meeting but she's just walking on her plane which would be so baller if that was happening

it's a delight I mean it's almost worth putting in as a goof on the IMDb page. Certainly worth talking about in the third episode of a podcast. Yeah, so that's it. Hey, we did get hit up for one thing, which I would love to give to Joseph. Please.

So potentially for F9, we might have like forgot to do it through the whole run of doing a 30s, an attempt at summing up the plot what happens in this movie in 30 seconds Joe do you reckon you could take the reins and tell us what happens in the fate of the furious and as close as you can get to like

30 seconds sure thing Dom is bad now but he has to be bad to save his child by the way he has a child now and set up by classic Vincent's come but he has to be bad to save his child. By the way, he has a child now. Set up by classic Vincent's cum. Let him die and bring that back. I was mad you interrupted him,

and now I'm even madder with why. I wasn't killing it, to be honest, so I was happy for the introduction. Dom is bad now. That's time. Fuck. I think that's... You don't need 30 seconds You actually have

Dom is bad now And he has to be Because he has a child now Yeah At the hands of Cypher That's my elevator pitch And I'd buy it Very cool

That was Fast and Furious 8 The Fate of the Furious That was Fast and Furious Aficionado and big time fan Joseph Moore It's just great having you you know like having you on tap having access to your

enthusiasm for the franchise your relationship to the franchise I'm gonna say we gotta get you back we gotta check in as we go backwards I'm so excited we should get you and Laura though what are you excited for us to

I'm excited for you to see Seven Which I rank either one or two I can't decide between Seven and Five Wow Oh we've got some good ones coming up I can't decide I don't need to be on the podcast I just want you to text me

Can I ask you one question Joe? Is Seven good because of all the payoffs Of coming up to that point or do you think it's a standalone no it's a standalone yes oh my god that rocks um i'm excited yeah i'm just excited to break it all down with you once you've seen all of them um i'm excited for you to hear the um uh really the homophobic slur that really sticks out like a sore thumb in one of the earlier installments. I'm excited to

get on a plane to Florida and jump on the bus with my boy Jomo. Jesus Christ. Tim's literally running out of gas in real time. I'm yawning at the thought of it. I had a Pepsi to keep me pepped up and it did something. You've got to go legit. You've got to go Coca-Cola,

who are one of our chief sponsors of the West Side of the World. The Mac of soft drinks. Surely Corona. Do you know that they drink Coronas? Yeah. Okay, few. We do, yeah. We had some Coronas with Vinnie Bennett,

star of the fucking franchise. Is Coca-Cola the Mac and is Pepsi PC? We're out of here guys It's been such a fun episode Thanks for coming on Joe Thank you for having me It was an absolute privilege Especially after recording that other episode

That you never released I might put that out Oh don't I think I will Okay It was one of the times we watched Fast Night at the cinemas Before we went to a big long lockdown We recorded that in a car.

Yeah, we were in a car. That's pretty authentic. What I want to know, Joe. Should have been in a bus. Are you going to perform live comedy with or without your beautiful wife anytime soon? I'm going to initially do it with my beautiful wife, which I'm very excited to do,

in the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yes. And the Sydney Comedy Festival. Yes. And the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. Oh, my God. And then London later in the year. What if I wanted to buy a ticket?

Well, for any of the cities that aren't London, you could, well, Sydney and Melbourne on sale now. New Zealand soon. New Zealand probably now, I would say. And what's your group called? We're called Two Hearts. We're a musical comedy act. What's the show called?

It's called Till Death Do Us Hearts. Fucking that is it's a bit of it's a bit of wordplay you'll maybe you'll figure it out yeah uh and all the information i assume will be at twohearts.co.nz the links will probably be in the show notes yep if i've done my job which is enough um but otherwise joe's just giving you that tasty url twohearts.co.nz yeah man i love you. I'll see everybody later. What do you think about me? You're fine.

Bye. Bye. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.