The Worst Idea Of All Time - 14: Cyclone

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

Timbo and GuyGuy have been to podcast therapy/mediation to work on their connection and the results are middling. It's been a challenging watch, in trying conditions as despite both being in the same city, they are separated by a literal cyclone. Guy unearths an Architectural Digest tour of Tyrese's mansion before sharing an infamous Instagram post by The Rock that was made on the last week of filming F8. It is bombshell material. Tim speculates on the beef/working conditions of the F8 set and what insecurities collaborating with The Rock may have unearthed in Vin Diesel. A feeble attempt to lighten the mood comes in the form of a pitch for a ghastly alternative F8 involving the Red Dragons (the girls soccer team that Hobbs/The Rock coaches).PRODUCTION NOTE: Tim misgendered Ezra Miller in this episode. He apologises and regrets the error.Join us on SubstackSee Guy live in Australia and New ZealandSee Tim live in Australia and New Zealand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Music 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Hello everybody and welcome to another exciting episode of the worst idea of all time I've caught Guy slightly unawares with my intro and we're not together We're not together anymore, we've split up But the podcast continues and you know, all going well with the mediator that we've booked, the professional podcast mediator, we'll be allowed to record together physically again. Tim and I have both been given a long list of work-ons.

For me, eye contact, funnily enough. And for Tim, less physical contact between thighs. Less physical contact between thighs? I don't remember that phraseology. What did you hear? It wasn't that. Gratitude Journal? Yeah.

Have you written anything? Less physical contact between my thighs i don't know if you remember between my thighs between our thighs there was a period this season and it wasn't spoken about on the records if you want to watch the videos you can see on our sub stack where you would only only engage in conversation if our thighs were all touching all four thighs had to be touching all four thighs this doesn't seem right to me and it doesn't seem like a conducive way to podcast unless you were using just one microphone in which case actually not a bad position to be in yeah you gotta get those thighs together and you're a

tech guy tim and no tim wouldn't lie about this kind of thing buy one lovely microphone and then get all four gorgeous thighs together if by the way if you want to hear the sessions that we've been doing with our podcast mediator uh they also have a mic set up and they record all the sessions and release them not on like esther perrell so um have a dig around and see if you can find that just doesn't feel right doesn't feel like uh doesn't feel like content it feels like your life that you're putting online and getting people to pay you for and they they should be different things yeah in my opinion are they for you

well this is the interesting thing about the worst idea isn't it it's uh it do you know i reckon we're right on the border with that because of how sort of intrusive the project is. It does change the makeup of your week and most certainly your day when you're watching the movie. So it does kind of have an impact on your life, but I think it's not enough to get too worked up about it. Certainly, but on the fringes, have you thought of like, say, podcasting is colouring in in you've got a picture to color in uh-huh i we go over the lines

this podcast goes over the lines there's a there's a bleed the pages what our life our life yeah it's it uh it occupies the fringes of the podcast and sometimes bleeds in you'll get a whole podcast which is just the life. And I've got to say, actually, so we've both watched, independent of each other, but also together in spirit, The Fate of the Furious, the eighth Fast and Furious movie for the fifth time. And I did so, Tim, with a very solemn sense of duty and a seriously heavy heart this week.

I don't know how it went for you. We'll return to that in just a moment. But for those who are supporting us on Substack for just $5 a month to get the video episodes ad-free and early and bonus content too, you may be confused about my setup. Guy's got a beautiful, like, Wes Anderson. Wait, that's not right.

Wes, what's his name wally no no the film director has you got it it is wes anderson who's the guy who did the horror movies said another zombie i thought i'd said we'd scrape oh no no you got it man or like i got them i got them mixed up but I got to trust my gut on this. Guy's just a plain back wall. He's in the center of frame and there is a beautiful framed picture just above his head with what looks to me like a pukeko. Either a pukeko or a takahe.

We'd have to ask the artist. Who is the artist, Guy? Either Gaylene. She describes herself as my mother outlaw because chelsea and i living in sin or chelsea herself awesome and uh and my backdrop and stark contrast there is a complicated dark scene going on this because this is the angle of the garage you don't often i know can i describe it because i'm i'm looking at it i you've got your back to it so from left to right we have a paddling pool uh the child's an assembly of cardboard boxes that have been collapsed down a tripod for a studio like a

hollywood grade light a ladder uh an e-bike moving into sort of an assembly of miscellanea. And then on the right-hand side of frame, flanking Tim is one of the patented podcasting sort of lazy boy style chairs that we've come to know so well. And above the chair, you can see the sort of detritus that anyone would have scattered throughout their garage. Wash it, laundry powder, extension cables a lamp etc um yeah the reason why the kids paddling pool is in here is not just for shits and giggles it's because we're um record the reason we're not together is uh we're literally in the middle of a cyclone yeah um right now which will date the

episode but i i cannot it's important for you guys to have the context. Yeah. Or rather, you guy, you libertarian listener, you. Because, you know, I've got my... Guy didn't actually know why I just said, Guy, we're recording by the internet today, and he didn't, because he knows better, didn't ask any questions.

He said, okay. Okay, Tim. Sure thing. Whatever you say goes. Okay, Tim. You're like Al Borland from Home Improvement. And the reason that I watched when I did and that I had a solemn sense of duty

is we were slated to watch together, thigh to thigh, as Tim likes to. But obviously, because there's a cyclone, school has been cancelled. And so, I I mean schools get cancelled in cyclones that's great you know we're lucky to be safe and dry but there's one random

school that's refusing to close and it's copping a lot of hate and I think that's what's influencing guys weird sentences here but Oliver's home and I thought there is nothing more indulgent than watching it on the scheduled time.

So waking up and just saying, all right, Chelsea, Oliver, have a good day marooned in our house. I'm going to check out Vin and the gang for two and a half hours first thing. Woof, woof. So I broke it down. I did a Tim Bat. I watched an hour in bed last night and then got up early this morning first thing before the house was risen and uh polished it off and i would love

in fact i will re-listen to the first episode from this season because i don't recognize that person i'm so fucking hated it i hated the whole thing there was guy this is this is so disrespectful to the project but would you believe that i had not two but three bites at the end oh my god i totally understand it is just this incoherent assembly of like conceptual set pieces and i just think i know that we're probably a bit a little less precious with it but i just i you know it's one of those it's one of those watches doesn't work i feel like it's reflected in the performances doesn't work this movie doesn't yeah the performances don't work the it feels like it's been cut together from a eight hour film and so to get it anywhere near um releasable for a cinema going audience we've

now got this still completely unjustified two hours and 15 minutes and but but but there's all this connective tissue that's been lost or something it's crazy that the movie's only 2015 minutes because i swear to god these guys spent a week in Russia and take me with them. What would you... As soon as they arrived in Russia, I hit my cell phone screen to see where the timer was at. 45, I think, minutes to go.

It's one sequence, guys. It's one sequence. It's fucked. Let me say this. This is something I really noticed this time. There's simply too much going on visually in this action film for you to appreciate any of it. Every bit that's not the ham-fisted dialogue

that has to explain all of the plot, which is stupid and needless. It's just these never-ending action sequences, which by themselves contain, like on paper, all these incredibly impressive stunts and theatrics and explosions, pyrotechnics. There's a lot of cool stuff in isolation but there's just so much of it thrown all together that you can't make sense of it and i just it's just what you

just kind of for me i just go it's all fake it's all bullshit it's all together too much i actually watched with captions on and do you know what because we went the first time we've watched this one not together i also had to buy it from youtube so they've oh yeah i thought that might have happened and i splashed out i wasn't just going to spend 14.99 for the standard definition i wanted to watch this thing in crunchy hd so i went 16.99 the fact that they are selling movies in standard def in 2023 is fucked. Standard def, I think, is 480p. Guys, Google, Google, one of the largest corporations on earth by market cap, sort your fucking shit out. You're selling movies for 15 bucks, Newaland and 480p fuck you were the company that originally

gave yourself the slogan don't be evil and then you had to change it because you pulled shit like this get your fucking head out of your ass alphabet sort it out and i i on the on the copy i purchased i decided just because there's a few strays that i've missed of dialogue before like we've discussed it um opening scene probably the one part of the movie that i'm still uh i did this i did this exact thing you did i put captions on just for a little bit of clarity in the back and forth between the Cuban sort of, you know, the head honcho on the island, the debt collector guy and Vin.

Because, you know, they're having this back and forth and his cousin's car has been repossessed. Vin Diesel's cousin's car has been repossessed. And the guy says, we had a deal. And Vin Diesel, aka Dominic Trudeau, says, you made a deal, you got to live up to it. And then the guy says, you made a deal, you've got to live up to it. And then the guy says, you made a deal, you're going to live up to it.

And I'd never been able to track exactly the line of dialogue or why that stimulates such a change in approach from Dominic Toretto. And so I had the captions on, and then I thought, I actually quite like being able to, I felt like one of the actors reading the script for the first time, and I liked being able to track the lines of dialogue as they were said and can I tell you Tim this script needs work uh

like it brought everyone's performance down to see what they were saying I was like why is it like it's just such it's I I I thought you were going in a different place with this because I turned captions on as well in that scene for one reason and one reason only, and that is because my two years of high school Spanish have not stayed with me enough to understand what they were saying and I wanted to get the translation. No, not for you.

I don't care that you paid $14.99 for a standard death edition of Fate of the Furious. It just says inanish and then it's blank anytime someone someone is speaking in spanish or russian and there's a lot later on they speak in russian it just says i turned it off speaking in russian i fucking hell guys i read the whole movie it did nothing to help it but i also it's interesting because before and i didn't know if this would help or not but before this was just by chance i consumed some uh other media with some like olive has become very uh consumed by her fandom of baby by justin bieber and wow uh there is a guest verse in Baby by Ludacris.

I forgot about that. It's really interesting to hear. When you're experiencing someone exclusively through the Fast and the Furious scripts, it's interesting to hear. And it's a transitional period in Ludacris' career. He's not doing the southern rap that helped him appear on the scene. It's like commercialized rap on a song by a teenage Justin Bieber, a wholesome Christian version of Justin Bieber,

where he's singing about his first heartbreak and, you know, teenage love. And ludicrous, a grown man delivers this very sort of sweet verse about his experience of falling in love as a teen. He's singing about 13-year-old love. And I was sort of like, I thought maybe hearing that and then seeing him again being like, you know, filling out the totality of the person we're just seeing.

And before I even heard that, I watched, do you ever watch these Architectural Digest videos on YouTube? Oh, yeah, people get right into it. I sort of just started climbing in and, you know, the algorithm doesn't get it wrong with me much. And Tyrese Gibson, you can take a tour of his six-story mansion hosted by him. And so.

Six-story mansion? Where is it? I think it's in Georgia georgia maybe it's in atlanta but um he's got a lot of business he's got a lot of rooms for doing business in he's there's a there is an idea that exists throughout the video that he his his home and lifestyle necessitate a lot of business being done he's got some cub Cuban cigars of which he's very proud. He also got, like on his mantelpiece, he has an Oscar, like an Oscar statue that he got an exact replica, an exact blank replica of an Academy Award as motivation

that one day he's going to get the real one and have his name appear on the bottom and part i was so torn because part of me thinks that is a really sweet motivating you know self-fulfilling idea and like you know good on you and part of me was like you are out of your fucking mind if you think you're ever gonna get anywhere near one of these trophies i i don't even enjoy the pursuit of it, you know? It shouldn't be why you're acting.

Acting for an award seems yuck to me. The other thing I did is I went on the IMDB page for Fast 8 because I just thought maybe there's some context I'm missing to help me enjoy this. Good on you. You were searching high and low, weren't you,

for something to hold onto for this watch? And it's just interesting. It's something we've sort of talked about before, and it's something that you might have come across in 2017 when the movie was released. But I'll just read this. It's a part of the IMDb trivia section for The Fate of the Furious. Okay. A week before filming ended, trivia section for The Fate of the Furious a week

before filming ended Dwayne Johnson posted an infamous message on Instagram confirming that the production had endured its share of on set frictions and I quote this is the caption sorry this is from Vin no this is from Dwayne the Rock Johnson

this is the caption he posted on this Instagram post this is from vin no this is from dwayne the rock johnson this is oh from the rock this is the caption he posted on this instagram post this is my final week of shooting hashtag fast and furious eight there's no other series that gets my blood boiling more than this one an incredible hard working crew universal has been great partners as well my female co-stars are always amazing and i love them my male co-stars however are a different story some conduct themselves as stand-up men and true professionals while others don't the ones that don't are too chicken shit to do anything about it anyway candy asses when you watch this movie next april and it seems like i'm not acting in some of these scenes and my blood is legit boiling you're right bottom line is it'll play great for the movie and fits this hobbs character that that's embedded in my DNA extremely well. The producer in me is happy about this part.

Final week on Fast 8 and I'll finish strong. And then like a winky face with a slash, like a forward slash, so it's like a wonky emoji. Hashtag Iceman Cometh. Hashtag F8. Hashtag zero tolerance Hashtag Zero tolerance For Candiasis Holy shit

That is such A fantastically Petty Post I love that I absolutely love that I don't I wouldn't do it

I love that it exists I love it for us Mainly Yeah it's fantastic So who's he talking about guy? Let's dig in We know Absolutely love that. I wouldn't do it. I love that it exists. I love it for us, mainly. So who's he talking about, Guy? Let's dig in. We know. There's more. There's more context I can provide you with.

So this is all part of one paragraph on the trivia page. So that's the end quote. It then says, The post came after co-star and executive producer vin diesel reportedly cancelled some of johnson's planned scenes at the last minute on several occasions diesel had also reportedly refused to show up on set as he was scheduled leaving hundreds and this is where i feel like the rocks pr machine has co-edited the paragraph leaving hundreds of cast crew and extras waiting on set for him for more than six hours diesel confronted johnson in a secret meeting one day after duane's message was posted online johnson later told the hollywood reporter that the meeting cleared up a few things he

confirmed that he and diesel did not shoot scenes together because of a quote fundamental difference in philosophies on how we approach filmmaking and collaborating end quote but he was again quote grateful for that clarity end quote although he did not provide details it was later revealed the announcement of johnson's spin-off movie fast and furious presents hobbs and shaw was one of the main reasons for diesel's behavior as it would split up the series and delay f9 the fast saga johnson stated that he would probably pass on fast and furious 9 but wish diesel all the best and i harbor no ill will there just because of the clarity we have actually you can erase that last part about no ill will

we'll just keep it with the clarity so it sounds like what might have happened is the studio created hobs and shore um away from vin which makes total sense right and then vin gets told that this movie is going to be made with statham and the rock that's in his franchise but doesn't involve him because there's you know i if you have any smallness or pettiness in you that's um that's ammunition to work out isn't it absolutely it's like a stick of dynamite and there's uh there's a there's a a little bit further down that provides the detail that um the there was meant to be a post because you know there's no post-credit sequence in this one and I feel like I'm assuming it's going to be a feature of the seven before it

the post-credit sequence apparently was to be a teaser or an allusion to Hobbs and Shaw and Vin nixed it he got it axed man that'd be cool, that'd be so exciting don't you think to see that in context yeah yeah

absolutely that'd be fucking awesome shit man if you i let's put yourself in um um fin diesel's shoes how would you feel if you had this career where you'd had a few sort of brushes with big successful movies, but it never quite happened for you? You've done XXX and it occupies this brief cultural flashpoint of enduring fandom to this day, but you know when it first came out it was like yeah i probably didn't do huge numbers and then same with pitch black um chronicles of i believe riddick is still alive i think that yeah riddick's coming back that's news actually

just down the wire i think it's but they both had this thing where it was like it kind of came out some people fucking into it never quite struck gold and then he has fast and the furious it's it's huge it's wild i at least i'm getting such roles as groot in the mcu yeah for guardians of the galaxy he it's an interesting space to occupy isn't it because he's obviously attained like a level of success which puts him in the you know he's he's a i believe he's a genuine a-lister but he doesn't feel like one though and i think it's this kind of it's not on his terms precisely because it's all basically runs through this one franchise and so to see a bona fide a-lister whose reach is beyond a single franchise i can understand that that would um you know that would

like initiate some feelings of discomfort or you know neuroses the same time, thinking about what Joseph said and knowing he's probably been privy to this information before, if The Rock, who's basically, as you've suggested historically on the podcast, his entire film career is in service of transition to actual power in politics. And so it's not his franchise the fast and furious isn't and so if he starts trying to imprint his you know bigger picture and yeah the but i think i i think what vin saw and i think he's he's probably on the money with this, is there was a potential for The Rock to take it off him.

For him to say something happens and somehow like Vin's almost no longer in it at all. It's not Dom Toretto's thing anymore. Now it's Luke Hobbs and the crew. Which it really is for F8. Maybe that's almost like a trial run to give the audience a taste of what it would be like if The Rock was in charge.

No, because the framing device for The Rock being in charge is like, the entire through line and overarching narrative of this movie is Vin Diesel's discovery of and relationship to his son, his prioritizing of family, know or is but that's how they that's how they wrote off paul walker's character as well they said like basically he's

he's gonna leave the crew and just live his own life away from everyone and maybe they would do the same surely we can both appreciate that paul walker's was a bit of a special instance and that he um tragically passed away i hear you but from the studio's point of view if you were trying to get rid of the dom torito character so that we can now put this franchise in the hands of a real genuine unquestionable a-lister i just i don't think fast fans would take to it like joseph joseph is our man on the ground and he wouldn't yeah that would yeah yeah it would upset i I just love it. It's too established, isn't it?

It's like making Bond a woman. There would be pandemonium on the streets. Bedlam. Bedlam in the cineplex. I like, like at the end, you know, they're on that rooftop at the end of this movie. Yeah, I do know that bit, Guy. It's my favorite bit.

They're in New York, right? Yeah, there's something about seeing, even though we know that they weren't actually in frame together, the three bald heads on top of the muscular bodies of Statham, the Rock, and Diesel in frame. It's like, I want to. Three eggs. Half a dozen eggs.

All double yokers. In the Rock's case, three yokes in eggs Half a dozen eggs All double yokers In The Rock's case, three yolks in the shell He's yoked He's fucking yoked I want to see them on a junket together You know, it would be so cool if they did get along It would make sense for them to get along They bloody should

And I feel like Statham's a good, I want to believe he's a peacemaker in all of this. I want to believe that he's the one lowering the temperature of the room when these two guys start, you know, really butting heads. But if that's stretched across a whole production, no one's capable of that. Like, it's tiresome for... 100%.

Especially when Vin is a... He's not even one of these fake producers i believe it's not like they gave him an ep credit because he's the star of the movie like i think he's actually he's doing producing yeah in this franchise and that's i mean that's part of the conflict of interest is that he's protecting vin diesel the producer is protecting vin diesel the actor in the face of... Huge... Absolutely. And this is the thing. This is why I'm like, Universal's got a problem on its hands.

Because imagine if... It's like we're seeing recently, you know, these men who are singularly associated or kind of have created and cast themselves inside of these properties. And then they're discovered to be terrible human beings. And after the property gets wicked huge and successful, the truth comes out about the creator. And then the sort of studios and the distributors

and the people who have bankrolled this and are standing to gain so much have already stand to gain lots more over time, have this incredibly difficult business decision to make about like, well, what the fuck do we do now? What do we do? Because I don't know if you can take Justin Roiland out of Rick and Morty. I don't know if it is a thing anymore.

But they try because there's money to be made somehow. But what's the functionality of that? Is there no way that you can strike them out so that they don't get kickbacks or you know their future earnings still tied to the intellectual property like does if the series keeps going does he keep making money i get and i'm actually i've kind of gone off in a slightly different direction but it's a i guess i'm what i'm what i'm picking at is know, Vin Diesel has made himself such a central pillar of this movie franchise, both as an actor and a producer.

And as a producer, it kind of inflates his importance as an actor as well, so they sort of play off each other. That if something bad were to come out about Vin Diesel, like, it becomes even more complicated than what would normally happen with a leading man being discovered to be terrible, a la... And, normally i don't i don't sort of like bring up examples of shit because people like to listen to these podcasts way in the future but it's a nice time capsule the fuck is going on with the flash and uh ezra miller i think is his name like crazy crazy stuff but they're still

bringing that movie out with him at the helm as the flash because there's there's there's gold in them birds and we got to go find it and that's one of the that's a one of the tough thing to market tweets i've ever seen it's from a while ago was um because ezra miller is just they are single-handedly creating anarchy at every turn and the tweet was uh a second ezra miller has crashed into the south tower it's a good description of the trailer which you've probably seen but it like this is all about these two flashes and it's it's both anyhow just do you know people do send us a lot of memes based on whatever movie we're engaging with and uh someone sent me on instagram the other day maybe you as well um uh was that driving fast cars makes you lose your hair and it just showed all of the bald men who venture in fast and furious oh because you're right it's a

lot of shiny domes it's um franchises about two things cars and being and the other person i don't actually have evidence of it from the IMDB page that The Rock was feuding with He mentions multiple candy houses I believe is Tyrese Yeah, you'd have to say Mate, I mean You don't think Ludacris?

Nah Ludacris seems Ludacris is neutral. Scott Eastwood I think is probably Friends Hard reading Yeah like he keeps his head down Nose clean

Absolutely Yeah That's this And based on absolutely nothing Yeah But it's probably because it's his first It's his first one of these And his dad's Clint Eastwood

I guess is what I'm basing that on I mean Ludacris was he's bad in these two movies that we've watched he seems very low energy and uncaring trying harder in this one I am so excited

for the reverse journey that we're going to go on with Ludacris I know if you don't mind this was a fucking pain in the ass sorry guy should we just before i get it continue the sort of train that we're on should we do some shining lights just to brighten the mood oh yeah i wrote them down or i wrote my one down so do you have a kick uh it's actually a part of the rocks acting i and i if i've done

it before tell me because i'll i'll pivot but it's uh they're chasing vin through manhattan vin diesel while he was on the press junket for this by the way was like kept saying the movie's going to be set in new york the movie's going to be set in new york do you think this movie's set in new york no no it's absolutely not set in new york there's a set piece in new york wait what the zombie cars yeah does that that doesn't even read as particularly new yorky to me well that it's just like an american in the lead up to the movie the vin was out on the on the junket saying the movie's going to be set anyway it's by the boat so you get the you get the East Coasters. Everything's so LA based in this movie. But they're driving around

and the family are chasing Dominic Toretto and you sort of got this hopeless Scott Eastwood little nobody character who's doing his best to prove himself but also doesn't quite understand the challenges involved with pitting Dom. At one point he says, I'm going to pit him.

And then I think Roman says, what do you think? You're just going to pit Dom? You'm going to pit him and then i think roman says what do you think you're just going to pit dom you're going to pit dominic and so dom is accelerating and he drives his indestructible dodge through the base of a scaffolding and all the cars are trailing and uh the scaffolding starts falling down and scott eastwood's car gets caught underneath it stops and he sort of slams the wheel he's made an error he's of no use anymore and everyone else you see them pivoting and driving around the outside of the scaffolding and then the rock says i'll take the shortcut and just in his in his truck just barrels straight through it and the truck there's a sound effect in foley like there's an impact noise of the truck

breaking the metal and as soon as you first hear that impact noise the rock makes a like a like a sort of a physical impact like he's recoiling or it's forced this involuntary audible noise out of him and that noise is my shining light from the rock you could argue that's an acting performance yeah whatever it was it's the decision it's his decision to make it it's the decision to keep it in it's like the idea that that sells the total unreality of the truck plowing through that much metal at once i just i love that it was in there and i actually look forward to hearing it every watch god bless you guy montgomery jesus loves you more than you will know rhodes connor rhodes who's our bad guy who actually before i do the shining light

and i was going to i was going to do a rear rewind but i didn't i swear at the start of the movie he's got an irish accent i don't know about that do you know what he does got the codes yes roads got the codes roads got the codes that's charlie's you should see the line written it leaps off the page how do they spell roads because i've written it in my notes r h o d e s that is correct yes so my shining light was um we're in russia dom has switched to the dark side because his son is being held hostage by cypher so that dom will work with cypher against his own crew dom has been teamed up with roads to take the crew out they have a sniper rifle they are on effectively a little sniper nest on top of a mountainy a snowy hill and they can see the crew

coming and roads is getting ready to pick them off one by one and uh roads and i haven't written the quote verbatim but he's he says something very similar to, since you're so close with your crew, you get to pick who do we kill first. And Dom says something like, I don't kill my targets a mile away. I want to look them in the eye. I look people in the eye when I kill them. Something like that.

And so it's actually like what dom says is a bit longer than that and it kind of unnecessary because roads is just going like all right which who do we go for first and dom's got this big fucking macho thing about i don't kill people with fucking sniper rifle blah blah blah and roads goes all right wife it is you like that yeah yeah because like in this situation you know roots he doesn't he doesn't fucking want to be there with dominic tereno they've been forced together by cypher he's trying to make the best of it and he's like trying to fucking make this thing work he's like all right fucker who do we take out first job's like oh i'm a big fucking tough hero despite the fact that i'm kind of helping you at the moment.

I'm being forced to do it, so I'm going to give you this moralistic speech about how you can take a life, but you've got to do it with your bare hands rather than a gun. And he's just like, all right, I'm going to shoot your wife. How do you like that? Irritating. Is that cool?

Exactly. That is really funny. Also, it's your classic. It's a diluted version of um something dom does in the movie that where he's early on when cypher takes him on the plane and they're sort of having one of their labored back and forths which um again to experience must be read uh it's honestly it's almost like there's something about it like a graphic novel it's like i was reading it it's like it just it really crystallized my distaste for this movie seeing the lines of dialogue appear as the as the movie was happening uh but uh he says you

know what the problem is with putting you know the problem is with catching a tiger is you got to keep its your foot on its throat you can never you can never take it your foot off its throat is it neck or throat oh fuck i think it's next you can never you know the problem is with catching and taking you never take your foot off its neck it says this in like the first third of a 17 hour movie and you hear it and you're like that's not really anything but you know i can see what you're going for and it's sort of it's it's shapeless and formless in the context of watching the whole movie and then much much much later on like decades what feel like decades pass at the end of the movies he's talking to cypher and he says this that he says i just

saved my son and you just took your foot off the tiger's neck and it's always bothered me because i'm like this is a man so in the weeds of his own mythology he assumes that every nonsensical aside or attempted idiom has such weight and value that the people who he spouts them to are all holding on to them waiting for the resolution like if i was you know even if i was cypher and my master plan is falling to bits around me like i've lost the nuclear i've got the codes but i've lost the the means of deploying the nukes and then in the middle of all that dominic torredo says and you just took your foot off the tiger's neck i would sort of stop what i was working on back what you just took your what'd you say no well sorry what has that got to do with anything right now

you know remember earlier i said the problem with... No. Do you know how fucking busy I am? Do you have any idea what I'm trying to achieve? And for me, it's another smaller version of what... I've got to deal with this fucking guy over here who can't act, for one. And that's what he does with Rhodes,

is he does another version of it, but it's closer together. So it almost works. It's, he's a frustrating guy to be around. And when he's promote, like there are some grins, the grins I still like. I saw some promotion.

It's all in Cuba. Grins happen in Cuba and nowhere else. We got sent some footage of Vin on the junket, the promotional tour of Fast X, and he's cracking up. He says there's a reason J.R.R. Tolkien stopped writing Lord of the Rings. He's smiling, he's laughing.

Mythologies are hard. He's like a fun, goofy guy. Why have you removed all of these characteristics? Well, because that's a Vin Diesel for Guy Montgomery. That is not a Vin Diesel for the ticket-buying audience of Fast and Furious. No, you're right.

They don't want to see that, so we've got to hide that guy at all costs. I hate to say it, you're right. Can I pitch you an alternative to this whole movie? Because the movie sets out a possibility in the first act.

In fact, in the introduction of who I would argue is the second billing co-star with Vin Diesel, Dwayne The Rock Johnson. We see him. We're introduced to him. Gives this big speech out of context. And what is a close-up, maybe arguably an ECU, of his big face with the sky in the background

saying that he has formed a crack team of the world's greatest warriors. That's why they're here. And that's why they will dominate today. And then it's revealed to be a girl's soccer team, the Red Dragons. We've talked about it. And then his sort of government handler comes along and says that, you know, there's a top secret mission that he's got to go do. And the government handler guy says, Hobbs, you're going to need a team you can trust. And Hobbs goes, he says something like,

don't worry, I know exactly the team for it. Now, for Tim and Guy, up to this point, this is the first time we've seen Hobbs. And all we know about Hobbs is he's got a soccer team of under 14-year-old girls who he would live and die for he takes them to Taylor Swift concerts he pays for them to have ice cream and manicures and pedicures at the mall he spends a lot of time making sure that this team gels and works I put it to you Guy Montgomery an alternative fast alternative fast date, The Fate of the Furious, is Luke Hobbs leading a soccer team

of under 14-year-old girls to save the world from cyber. I'll describe it to you right now. Smash Cut, Berlin. They're breaking out of the place from which they just sold the EMD, which I thought it would have taken a while to get it, but that stands for electromagnetic pulse. All of these young tween age girls are behind the wheels of these insanely powerful vehicles.

And they're driving away and they can sort of jussy over the wheel and it's pretty tough. And they go, yeah, well, we did it. Oh, my God, we're so cool. We helped you out at the rock. And he's going, great work, ladies. When we get back to the base, frosty sodas are on me and they go yeah yeah yeah and then because he doesn't have tears or ludicrous he's rigged up the same impactful the same wrecking ball that is used in the actual

movie and so he says all right follow my lead and he's driving and the police pull out behind all these girls who are sort of just peering over the wheels of their cars and he says, okay, roll out. And sort of they're not that familiar with car parlance and the wrecking ball comes down and none of them can see it because they can barely see over the wheels and it just absolutely obliterates them. The whole Red Dragons just get blasted by this wrecking ball, smashes through six cars of

teenage girls and then the rock is just driving up front mortified with this emp in the back of his truck like what the fuck have i done what the fuck have i done that's your movie holy shit all right everybody well Everybody, well, sleep tight. Sweet dreams. Hope you enjoyed that. It's terrifying, guy. Yeah. From your mouth to God's ears, that is a terrifying plot. This was a tough watch.

What would you rate it out of 10? Two. Yeah, I'm a two and a half, three on this. Could have been worse. No good. It certainly could have been a little bit worse, but there's a lot of room for it to be better. There wasn't a whole lot room for me for it to be worse in some ways.

But we do what we do. We work hard. And do you know that there's three more screenings of this? Three? Fuck, I forgot where we were up to and I thought there was one. No, no, no. There's a lot more of this.

Oh, no. Next time we do it and record, I hope to be sitting with you thigh to thigh to thigh to thigh till then i'll be making unrelenting eye contact fear thee well and uh don't let the man get you down who can't goodbye see you later 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1