The Worst Idea Of All Time - 17: Scar Tissue w/ David O'Doherty

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

Guy and Tim are joined by Irish comedian and bicycle-enthusiast, David O'Doherty. The former have ruined the latter’s day by making him watch Furious 7; a movie featuring the boy's first sighting of Paul Walker (as they watch the series in reverse order), the introduction of Kurt Russel to the franchise (when viewing in the correct order) and it also quite a lot of cars. The trio are yearning for unfettered cartoon physics and full-blown horniness to be inserted into the movie but sadly, it never cums. There is a sad revisit to the theory that all the characters of the Fast universe seem to be unkillable, and are therefore highly damaged, trapped demi-Gods unable to ever enjoy the sweet release of death. Incredible sports quotes and outrageously incorrect assertions about when Ghostbusters and Jurassic Park await your beautiful ears.Support us on SubstackFollow David on InstagramSee Guy live in Australia and New ZealandSee Tim live in Australia and New Zealand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. They see me doing the following things. Rolling. Oh, yeah. Hating. Yeah. Patrolling. And you know why?

They constantly got me under observation. Well, they're trying to catch me riding dirty. Trying to catch me riding dirty. I'm David Artie. Is this workingty I'm David O'Doherty is this working? I'm Tim Bair I'm Guy are you gonna you wanna start it there?

and this is the worst idea of all time he wants to start it there very good this is the sixth season of this podcast we are honoured

to be joined by David today we've invaded his space that's right and do you know for a his space. That's right. For a really long time. That's right. As long as the Fast and the Furious movie, which is infinity.

And this is, I just want to say this for Tim and for context for you, our 18th episode of Season 6. We've seen F99 times. We've checked out the Fate of the Furious eight times. We've completed both. We can take both of them off the list. That's right. No more of those. And we've just out the Fate of the Furious eight times. We've completed both. We can take both of them off the dance. That's right. No more of those. And we've just

whipped the scab off. A fresh helping of F7. And we've done it in your company, David. Thank you. Is that factorial? Is that what this is called in maths? Oh. Where it's like 9x9, 8x8.

Yeah. And I think the mathematical symbol for it is an exclamation mark after the number. Yes. That could be what it is. Yeah, I think you're right. I felt the telling moment. There were a few, I mean, I don't want to spoil the illusion for the fans, but there were a few moments, well, in the watching of this one, which was over two hours long, where I looked over and, like, you just both have the saddest faces. Oh, no. The second guest here at the International Melbourne Comedy Festival

to report this fact to us. Well, no, no, no. There was something telling in that when you, Tim, suggested we all try and guess how long there was left, you optimistically, I i think went for 20 minutes and guy went for 30 minutes and i went for and it was 53 i went for 50 and it was 55 yeah you got it to the minute i think yeah 53 and it was exactly and i was so happy for your correct guess but so devastated by the outcome ultimately it's a superpower it is i've finally

learned my superpower. It's what happens when the big dog's on campus. He tells you how long there is to go in the movie, the book, the lecture. What he does, he checks his watch. Yeah, so this is a movie that I can say I've been looking forward to. We've had on one of our F8 episodes, Joseph Moore, Fast and the Furious superfan. And he sort of telegraphed this movie by saying,

and he's a superfan. He said, this is one of the top ones in the franchise. Yeah. He rates it extremely highly. Now, I don't know if this is on account of, just to give clarity to the backstory of this episode, we've done a back-to-back. We finished F8 this morning.

We opened up F7 this afternoon. You really are pulling back the curtain. That's right. And maybe the reason that it was a slightly more exhausting watch than I would expect on the first screening of an action film is that I'd already had my fill of these characters today. Well, then let us, because I think we're in the same boat. I think we felt the same way.

David, let's check in with you. Someone who didn't watch a Fast and Furious movie before this one today. I've never seen any of them at all. Not even just today. No, I'd never met Gary Fast and Brian Furious, the two detectives. Twin detectives. What did you think of them, these violent cops? I really, it was quite one tone, the whole thing.

I was really struck by that. And I thought we would have more of a comic foil. Yeah. There weren't really any jokes in it. Traditionally, in the movies I've seen, which are the latter two, it's Roman and Tej or Ludacris. Ludacris and Tyrese. They're the quippy guys.

They're on the side. They're throwing things back and forth. It didn't feel like they got given as much to do comedically. No. There was a lack of comedic beats. I wonder, like, so a couple of things were going on i don't know exactly like i don't have all the numbers and stuff but it seems like this is you know this is the seventh movie in the franchise there's a lot of money on the line there's a lot

of international markets to service yes and that is going to um sort of dictate a bit of a uh sort of dictate a bit of a monocultural approach. And humour's specific. It calls upon you knowing some context and then subverting expectations. But when you're trying to take over every country at the box office, it's quite hard to service comedy to everyone, right? So that's out the window.

Number two, Paul Walker died in the making of this film. And that's got to put a bit of a... Everyone walking into the cinema knows this. And it is top of mind. It would be... Yeah, and you know... It's hard to crack funny when you're at the funeral for... It would have been...

The real funeral of the actor. A very resonant film for fans of the franchise. Knowing that as you go in. And also, sorry to start at the end of the film but they have a sort of a montage you know the last scene it feels as though they filmed the very end of the movie and it's always been my belief that all movies are filmed or should be filmed chronologically it feels like that's what happened here and all of the actors are reflecting and then there's a final scene and they're really playing, you know, they're pulling at the emotional heartstrings.

And even though I'm not familiar with the franchise, I'm not especially familiar with Paul Walker. It's the first movie I've seen him in. It had a resonance to me. I felt, I didn't well up, but I felt emotion. I felt a swell of my heart. I wonder if that will happen now with the 30-something viewings of all of the remaining.

Every time you see him, you will be thinking of that. Did you get caught up at all, David? I mean, so I didn't know about the tragedy. And then, so I was just like, this ending's boring. And then it's set for Paul at the end. But, I mean, your theory is interesting that, as a mark of respect to Paul's passing, they removed all of the end. Yeah. And then, but I mean, your theory is interesting that as a mark of respect to Paul's passing, they removed all of the comedy

from the entire film. And that was a big leap. I just found as someone who loves structure, I mean, that's, that sounds like a lame thing to say, but I like,

do you know what I like? I like the campy James Bond films. Yeah. Where, you know what i like in it i like the campy james bond films yeah where you know you've got murdering james bond and then james when he's just waiting for his willy to fill up again yeah you know what i mean and there's none of that in this yeah at no point does vin reflect there's very little reflecting. There is the reflection. And also when you're talking about the willy being filled up, which is a beautiful turn of fate, never heard before. It's fantastic.

It does make me think because these movies are, they always feature sort of scantily clad women. You see a lot of skin. But there's a real lack of sexuality or horniness. They're around the concept or the idea of like sexiness a lot but no one seems to have a libido or seems to be driven i mean they don't have time they've got so many problems to solve and missions to run adjacent and even the stuff where they're trying to covet um ramsay as a sexual object which they really do a lot in this

film it's it it feels like a bunch of um prepubescent schoolyard boys who were trying to like crack jokes not from a place of authenticity but like i think this is what you're supposed to sound like when you like girls so yeah i mean so we're looking at a 2015 movie yeah in the later films do you feel that post me, do you feel that the sort of patriarchy of the driving man has changed at all? No. Not at all. Not at all.

And it's a credit to the franchise. I will say at the start of F8, there's a scene where Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel are in bed and there's palpable chemistry and sexual tension, you know, like you can, it actually reads an F nine. There's nothing in this.

I was disappointed to find again. There's nothing like, I actually want to feel attraction or emotional connection between characters instead of just like fucking overcoming a series of made up obstacles or technical problems. Yeah. It is, it's a tiring way to be treated as

an audience you know and then again you're not being given like the the levity of humor or functional humor and so there's no like emotional connection between the characters no none whatsoever there's nothing to really smile at there was that scene in abu dhabi uh where the car goes through three buildings yeah that is actually with reflection quite a lot of fun and also David you kind of you called it I mean you had no idea how long the scene would go on yes no I I thought see in a stupid film like this from I feel when I would have gone to see in my say in my teens there would have been like a a comedy angle where if you're if a car is going to drive through three skyscrapers okay one of them will involve someone in the bath or showering

maybe yeah covered in soap yeah and a car drives through the bathroom and they you know i guess i picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue or whatever. Ultimate slapstick. What if the car, what if one of the wheels slipped on a bar of soap? Yeah, this is good. And then like it's spinning out and it's spinning around a family hip, like with their eyes closed, doing grace or prayer before the meal. And they don't even know the car's in there, you know. Yeah.

And then another would have been go through like a church, maybe a funeral or something. Great. And the car goes straight through. And they accidentally get the open casket in the back of the car. And the deceased is driving around on their mission with them. I hate to give notes to a movie from eight years ago that was phenomenally successful.

Well, to the tune of, what was it? One and a half billion dollars? But? But, yeah, to the tune of, what was it? One and a half billion dollars? But? But, yeah, it's just like, I mean, guys, I don't want to be too bleak about this because I respect your undertaking and all of your terrible ideas. You don't have to do that.

If at any point in this film, one of the main characters had been killed and they constantly kept nearly being killed i don't think it would have affected my mood at all like even the actual death of one of the real actors at the end didn't have a huge effect and then i also feel a shark was jumped when so they reversed they all reversed their cars out of airplanes and were hurtling towards the ground yes till they release their parachutes that's right that's how it works but so you were like few lucky they opened those parachutes in time but about four scenes later vin drives his

car with a hot lady in it off a cliff and they just sort of bumped down before that you'd guess there was going to be a you thought i remember there's another parachute of course i thought the logic had been set up that they there is a bit of real world repercussions we're in a universe where physics work roughly the same as how you understand it cause and effect but then then drives it off a cliff smashes it lands at the bottom and he gets out and just sort of creaks his neck a few times well that's where you you carry a lot of tension after those sorts of crashes it's the neck that's why you see a lot of them cracking their necks ramsey's in the car too and it's like he did it to save her. And these movies keep flirting with a superhero type quality to particularly Vin Diesel's character.

And so it's like, okay, fine. Dom Toretto can drive himself off a cliff. But then there's a whole other person in the car. She would have perished undeniably. Well, we can talk a little about Ramsay because we've spent a lot of time with her. She's in F8 and F9. This is our introduction to her in the franchise.

It's the introduction to the concept of God's Eye, some sort of tracking device that has access to me. This is the first time you met Ramsey in this one. So we met her at the same time. And she brought a very different sort of, I don't know if tombra is the right word, but an emotional and like almost a different acting style in her introduction she was being kept as a prisoner yes and they they sort of crack onto the vehicle in which she's a moving prisoner and they open it up and she was

um doing like almost a different version of acting would you say yes well because the rest of it is so single tone where they're all just driving very fast and nearly dying, to introduce then someone who's like, guys, we could kill ourselves. You were thinking this could be interesting. Yeah, yeah. But then she just comes across as like the shrieking, worried person. Yeah, you're right.

And the temperature of the volume on it gets turned down. Across the course of the movie, she learns that they are invincible. Yeah, that's so true. She's kind of the voice of physical reason, reminding these characters at the start that it's like, you know you could very easily kill yourself and me in this situation. Yeah. And then she gets caught into their malaise about their own mortality.

Yeah, I do think, I mean, again, with respect to this great project, she gets caught into their malaise about their own mortality. Yeah. I do think, I mean, again, with respect to this great project you're undertaking, when you said there was- Stop with the fucking qualifiers. Hang the shit you want to off of us. When you said there's 20 minutes left, you said there's 30 minutes left, and I said there's 55 minutes left,

and there was 55 minutes left, I feel it could have ended at any point after, I'd say the 15 minute mark and like it was building up to some denouement but do you ever watch paw patrol i've seen some yeah so paw patrol is what three-year-olds are very into at the moment and it's just a series of so someone will, one of the dogs will be learning to ski, shoots off the edge of a cliff, but another dog is learning to fly and picks him up on it. That's good storytelling.

And then the plane runs out of gas, but another dog is on a boat. Learning to freck. My point is, there's no arc to the episodes it's just and this i feel we've just watched we spent two and a half hours effectively watching the longest episode of roadrunner and wiley coyote you know you very rarely reach the end of an episode of roadrunner and you're like who i don't think i'll put myself through that again and i i feel a bit the same with that like that could have gone on for another six hours yeah just it does you're right from the other side we can attest it's very cat and mouse and it kind of um it makes you think why what worked about Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner?

Was it the interesting traps? It's the outlandish violence. I mean, I am a big Roadrunner fan. What it is, is it's seeing the far-fetched concepts that Wile E. Coyote comes up with. Yeah. And it's the creativity and the ways in which they fail. And that creativity in this franchise is like basically the ways in which cars can collide with each other

yeah which is too limited and it's different you know like with a cartoon you know that they're sort of impenetrable but like it's it can i guess become frustrating when it's people also i just want to say while i remember because this is this is a it happens twice in the movie and it's like it's really funny i think vin diesel and jason statham's the bad guy in this movie so we've just spent uh eight screens of fast state where he sort of begrudgingly partners up with everyone and this he's totally in the future episodes he has to become he's one of the gang but in this they're enemies because in the movie before this f6 vin and the family have damaged his brother and so he's introduced as the old brother and he's like him and vin are operating on the same level of like phenomenal you know spy driver

agent who are like basically impenetrable to bullets and you know everything and they're sort of facing off and there's a little bit of cat and mouse and you know that it's probably stipulating their contracts that neither of them can lose a fight and twice in the movie their fight arrives at like the zenith at which they're both in their cars at the opposite ends of the street and they just drive towards each other yeah at full speed and like for a franchise that is so familiar with bending the laws of physics and like finding creative ways for vehicles to move through space and time it's just so satisfying and kind of crazy to see this very straight down the line decision of being like yep it's a head-on collision they'll

drive as fast as they can at each other and neither of them will move i guess it's communicating that they're on the same level that neither of them will bow down but the cars just drive into each other twice like two hours between it they do exactly the same thing you're really expecting a trick someone to spin out or i'm just happy that wiley coyote didn't have that in his contract probably didn't have such a powerful agent in hollywood as the roadrunner well so he could get his comeuppance because that might have added to my enjoyment of the movie maybe if didn't like we spent two and a half hours watching it i don't think anyone really learned anything you know any characters oh certainly not what could

have been learned from this like if there was a lesson to take away, you know, what even attempt at a moral lesson could you try and pull out of this movie? Well, they allude to sort of white picket fence lives some of the time. The characters, some of the characters do. So maybe, you know, just retire to the shore. Oh, like grass is always greener almost yeah or maybe i've done enough of this now and while i have enjoyed say fighting a man with two spanners for over 15 minutes i now want to work in a thrift store and raise money for a cancer charity yeah i mean it would become boring in its own way

eventually but it would provide some welcome respite yeah like you do that's what you do miss it's light and shade isn't it and you need you need variants of uh rhythm and pacing and like what's happening on like if it's just unrelenting, which it is, it's unrelent. But but my problem with it, Guy, is that it didn't see every movie. You pick a reality that the thing takes place in. So, for example, if you're a bleak north of England movie about a woman who wants to be a magician during the miners strike, you know, you pick a sort of bleak reality of 1980s. minor strike you know you pick a sort of bleak reality of 1980s so whereas this like in a way what i wanted was either some more of the realness as in for someone to like there was a point in it where um the rock just he was in prison or sorry he was in hospital yeah covered in plaster of

paris yeah he just pulled it all off yeah and left the hot you can't do that but at the same time i would have liked to have seen him then be like driven over by a steamroller and suddenly he's like 30 feet long yeah you know what i mean and maybe 20 feet wide it was too awkward a straddle for you between them getting caught in the reality the mundanity of real life physics i don't care about any of these people if they and if they did genuinely interpolate like looney tune style bodily consequences that we knew that would recover from like when ramsey jumps between the vehicles i was speculating it would be nice if she became mr fantastic and like elasticized and we saw her get stretched out.

And then maybe that's the reason the cars come back close together. Because, you know, the elastic. I mean, look, tonally it just wouldn't work, would it? I don't know. But what they're doing, does that tonally work? Well, yeah, because they made $1.5 billion. And the thing that I keep thinking of watching this movie is like, it does kind of bum me out how successful all these movies

are yeah like like the mega blockbusters of 20 years ago it seems were kind of more fun yeah like ghostbusters back to the future there's not 20 years am i missing something? Okay, well, Jurassic Park. That's not 20 years. These are all like 30 plus years. Old man. I'm not saying they're not more fun, but like this franchise was alive 20 years ago. Do you know what I'm saying? This franchise arrived 20 years ago and possibly has become progressively less fun.

As you were saying at the start of the podcast more people are watching it there's more pressure on it it gets flattened out like it's whatever personality it has i hate that man i like i hate that in all aspects of life and this is why i i have a um well it's related but a slightly similar path i have an instant distrust of any organisation that has more than about 80 people in it. I just don't think it can work. So, and what are you saying? Things get too big

and they get shit. Anything that's a little bit big is terrible. Well, I've never seen credits go on as long as the ones at the end of this. Are you saying the F&F team is too big?

They've lost sight of... It's more than money. It's more than money. The people who do catering should do stunts as well. I mean, who knows? Maybe when you get back to the first one, which I haven't seen, it'll just be a two-hander, a single locked-off shot.

I think it'll work because it didn't have the weight of a $300 million production budget that has to like make 3x on that for everyone to be happy. They're also trapped inside of the one-upmanship, you know, the stakes of one-upmanship at this point. And you see it bleeding into the next movies. The creative variety they need to introduce with stunts when it's like you are happy i even said it out loud to start when they're just doing cars driving quickly like the first chase scene between statuette and vin diesel is just them driving through los angeles extremely quickly yeah and it

is it is very straightforward and enjoyable to watch and i guess it's 10 it's that's before they've totally exploded the fact that this is set in reality and it's kind of enjoyable yeah but i mean but we all get to pick our reality like the james bonds are interesting i think it's in the the last pierce brosnan one where he's in a he's in a plane that's landed on the sea and he breaks off one of the fins at the back of the plane throws it down and surfs off and i'm like this is fine i'll have this yeah that's this is fun whereas none of this was the fun it was so fucking loud guys okay well this is you've brought up james bond a couple of times let me quiz you on like i'll try and find where you're jumping the shark moments yeah um the invisible car which i think is in die another day going through the ice palace you're on board yeah i'll have the is it octopussy where it's the citroen 2cv that's

sliced in half yeah and then he's still driving it yeah that's a real comic my and from memory as well they've got like cartoon sound effects i think all of the stunts are self-serious in this movie there's no sense of play to any of it. There's no sense of play. It's all life or death. Yes. Even though there's no actual death available to them. They're almost trapped as demigods.

Wow. This is an interesting idea that they are just trapped. It's like the idea of heaven. If you think about it, you are kind of trapped there. And so you weren't digging it that much. You still have to stay there forever yeah and that's what this movie felt like a bag of grenades you're like i'm gonna explode all of these in my pants and you'd still be absolutely fine that is sort of what

you're seeing with these characters is a being that is carrying the pain of a person that cannot die they can only keep being injured both emotionally and physically it's so they're just scar they're just scar tissue they're increasingly more scar tissue than vampire it's basically a vampire tale yeah but with with cars yeah and it was i mean so in the and in the paul walker montage at the end, you can see they were so young. Yeah. They look completely different. And even in these little flashes of the moments in that montage, I'm really looking forward to those early days.

Also, this movie kind of, in a lot of parts, looked like shit to me. I think it was the early days of them having like really hot like 4k or something because everything's a bit too sharp and you can really see people's like makeup oh wow on their face i notice they certainly they're still in the era of the sort of post matrix uh fight there's a there's one camera shot that's used all the time where the the camera sort of travels around the fight yes i know there's the famous matrix shot it wasn't bullet time yeah they sort of freeze time and rotate around but i think it's sort of like son of that yeah so every fight then kind of looks the same as well yeah i'm i i i'm sorry to to beat down on this no no the sun was shining

through before and i was like i'm so confused about what the time is. I looked at my watch, and it's like 4 p.m. I'm so disoriented. Well, we've been living in the fast verse since 9 a.m. this morning. It's genuinely so disorientating. Well, to try and turn the tide on perhaps us highlighting some of the less enjoyable parts of the um the movie we have a segment david called the shining light in which we celebrate a moment a character anything that

you might have sincerely enjoyed yes i does anything immediately spring to mind or would you like us to sort of delve into what we enjoyed and then you can you can load one up well i uh certainly the when the rock appeared yeah no one's very good at acting in this movie so everyone everyone just speaks in this yeah and and i did enjoy imagining them actually filming these scenes because they are on closed streets in los angeles yeah and because they're generally the way if there's a quiet scene like like when Paul's domestic, we see his domestic bliss just before a parcel arrives that explodes. It's just boring scenes because, you know, there's going to be an edit point to a massive explosion in a second. So I did enjoy imagining them who are all probably very good actors who've come through the L.A. theater scene doing this awful dialogue.

But no, my point is when the rock arrived at it, I mean, I never thought I'd say this, that he brought a little more range to the whole thing. You thought he lifted it. He smiled at one point. Yeah. I've just I've never felt so happy. Yeah. Wow. at one point yeah i've just i've never felt so happy yeah wow that's and that you know i guess that's relative to how happy you were feeling inside of the world you've

you know you must have felt happiness oh in my life yeah generally no no i i live a pretty happy life and generally there are movies that bring me joy or not necessarily bring me joy, but I look at the performances and I'm really enjoying these people have taken me somewhere, but that just took me, I don't know, like you, it's sort of like an incel film in a weird way. Yeah.

It's just, that didn't seem to have any emotion, no love in it. And yeah, it's just wall-to-wall violence and no just loud and drums going yeah and what i also enjoyed was if you're ever wondering how you should be feeling at any given moment if you listen really carefully they've put a sort of nylon atmosphere synth sound that's a minor chord if something terrible is about to happen or a major chord if you're supposed to be happy yeah so i i guess i enjoyed that aspect of it i found that really helpful as well as a fellow idiot i thought it

was very nice of the movie to hold my hand through my emotional response the my friend used to write on one of those Nickelodeon. Yeah. Like it was a show called like Claire's Rules or something about a divorced dad who had two daughters. Okay. And there was the action centered on the 10 year old and there was a cynical 14 year old. And the-year-old's main role was for kids who were five years old who were watching it might be a little bit lost. So the 14-year-old would arrive in once or twice an episode and be like, wait, let me get this straight.

So you are going to go to his prom dressed as his mother and just reiterate the plot of the thing that had happened before. It's very neat. For children. Have a recurring character and just take that load. Can we talk a little about your external reference points from Fast and the Furious being a Nickelodeon show called Claire's Rules and Paw Patrol?

And the fact that you think Back to the Future is 20 years old. I am a caveman. Don't worry about that caveman that was defrosted about 20 years ago with my little such my um my arrows are all in my quiver i have a frozen dog beside me yep that's me hard to place you i you i mean you also i was thinking as i was watching this because you are an avid cyclist. You, in fact, have your own cycling show in the UK. Is the absence of bikes, what do you think the franchise's relationship to cycling is and how would you like to see them incorporated to the world of the film?

It certainly would have changed the relationship to all the characters. The shot where they went through three skyscrapers would have been very different. Even on e-bikes, that would have still been very difficult. It would have just been someone biking into the glass window of a skyscraper. But even then, we could have had some fun with the, you know, you hear the sound of them being stuck to the glass. You hear the famous slides. Squeegee kind of. Squeegee cartoon sound.

Yeah, I guess with bikes, they could have just ridden through the foyer of the three buildings. And I would have been happy with that, I think. I would love that direction for the franchise. Because, like, some of the funnest bits are when they're doing parkour and if they got some fixes you know some bmx's or something and they had to like do a chase the tragedy is we because we know that you know that the likelihood that it moves towards um you know green transport or e-bikes or anything that's in the future as you move backwards

yeah but i think our fate is consigned the cars are going to be doing less um tricks do you think any of the characters would suit a bike um i i'm i don't i i mean i do you think vin diesel can ride a bike i mean even the name is a giveaway. I didn't realize how limited an actor he was. I'm slightly surprised by how charmless he is in it. In that he doesn't seem to smile or do anything with his eyes. He's got his fists clenched the whole time. Yeah. A kind of emoting.

He's got his fists clenched the whole time. He's got his... Yeah. That's a kind of emoting. He just speaks in this kind of sub-aural tone of what... Like, it's possible he's just like a ventriloquist dummy. Is that possible? That Vin Diesel doesn't even exist. It could be.

What's the line that antagonizes you? That's a problem with the street fight. The street always wins. That's exactly it, Guy. You've nailed it. But that's exactly it guy you've nailed it but that's the writing not his delivery i mean there is something i feel that it could take from those stupid the stupid era of james bond films there wasn't even the the kicker line just before the thing happens and i feel like they have attempts at those but they're dog shit they're

really bad now is that to do with the popularity in the far east and the fact that people don't want comedy because comedy is a sign of weakness yeah so therefore you just at any point when anyone seems to have any emotional feelings they just have a heli a car drive into a helicopter yeah i i think i think it's that but it's weird it's because like there's so much money gone into this movie, but then there's so much dialogue that there is so little care. Yeah. So visibly so little care gone into the writing of it.

They know people aren't coming for the dialogue. But it doesn't... Just do it a little better. It doesn't feel hard to me to make the script a little bit better. What's hard is smashing a car through three skyscrapers and filming that sequence. What is not hard is improving the script. Yeah.

But even if you got someone to do it, it would then have to pass through so many sets of eyes that whatever progress was made would be stripped. I guess that's what's happened. I guess that's what we see the result of. And this goes back to my cynicism. so many sets of eyes that whatever you know progress was made would be stripped i guess that's what's happened i guess that's what we see the result and this goes back to my my cynicism and deep suspicion of any large organization you go do you think anyone's ever beaten off while watching it certainly do you think it'd be possible because there's nothing in it that is it's just such a boner shrinker the whole film yeah there's some um there's some

butts on some women like if you were 12 it could be done i don't think i just don't think that happens anymore because there used to be a real butt famine yeah if you had if you there were some butts we're living in butt feast time yeah somebody like the there's some butts uh like particularly you know someone would recommend say bet Betty Blue or some quite bleak French film. Yeah. That had some butts in it. Yeah. So you might pop that in the VHS or whatever.

I don't think anyone's ever. You underestimate the work ethic of some of these young masturbators. You've been frozen for too long. No, no, no. But the point David's making, which I think is completely right, is that the market is saturated now. You don't need to do the fast movies.

You don't need to look at Fast 7 to whack off to. You've got the internet in your pocket. But again, it's just, it's sexless. It's romanceless. It's, what are people seeing in this? What am I missing? Well, I think maybe it's time for us to introduce some shining lights.

And I think for me, we've already sort of talked around it, but if you take mine, I'm fucked. The car, no, it's the discovery of the car in the penthouse. It's the whole comedic setup of that. It's like they need a piece of technology and there's a side character who's, they're in Abu Dhabi and the side character says,

well, I sold it to a Jordanian prince. Let's do our fans a little service here. We're talking about God's Eye, which is something that's in the subsequent films, which we've seen because we're going in reverse order. Ramsey's created, which is something that's in the subsequent films which we've seen because we're going in reverse ramsay's created which is why she's a valuable i didn't realize that ramsay made god's eye but that is revealed in this movie so you know and she sold it she gave it to a guy for safekeeping who then sold it to a jordanian prince but he glued it to the underside of a

ferrari first he glued it to the underside of some or He put it inside of a muscle car That goes top speed of 242 miles an hour And it's bulletproof Which is just like every car that everyone in this room has been driving already And Roman's standing next to the guy describing it Like am I the only one who's a little turned on? And you're watching it and you're thinking Dude, these cars are a dime a dozen in your life

Why is this suddenly interesting? The Jordanian prince keeps the car atop of a penthouse that he lives in in Abu Dhabi. Famous for having very high buildings. The Wiz Khalifa Tower. That's right. The gang has to go undercover. And so they dress up in their glad rags.

Vin Diesel's wearing a collared shirt and a suit. I mean, we saw a flashback of him getting married in a white singlet. The guy can dress up i mean it's just this is such it's stockholm syndrome chat where you're delight you're like vin diesel wore a suit my shining light in this movie that's not it you've been beaten down it's vin and paul walker getting they break into the room they find the car and like it's in its little show room yeah and vin diesel says something terrible about a beast being locked in a cage and that line was my shining light because i was like that's off the world and it's fucking stupid but like the people who are watching it you know the fans are like yeah man yeah it's like he's talking to me with my three kids

and my shit job I'm the car see and then it turns out that this muscle car doesn't have brakes and that's why they have to drive it through three buildings

also I was thinking imagine if when he slips on the bar of soap past the bathroom and then he then goes through the funeral if somehow he doesn't get the whole casket but the body comes out and the soap replaces it and someone's going to say their final words to

their granddad and there's just the bar of soap i gotta you know your brain's working in an overdrive i'd be like um he uh he slipped away as they all look out the window like this and the priest crosses himself yeah i think that could have been a powerful. I can't believe I'm doing Punch-Up, the most successful movie of 2015. You're doing Punch-Up on your own comedic premise that you're trying to wedge into the movie. For me, Kurt Russell.

And I think it's our introduction to the character of Mr. Nobody. And for very similar reasons to what you were describing before, David, he comes in with a cock of the walk. Cock of the walk. He's confident. He's got some of that old Hollywood charisma. Real swagger in his step. No one's got charisma in this film.

There's a distinct. You've got to give it to Kurt Russell, though. Kurt Russell, absolutely. He's got it by the bucket loads. But he's not. He's in charisma in this film. There's a distinct... You've got to give it to Kurt Russell, though. Yeah, Kurt Russell, absolutely. He's got it by the bucket loads, but he's not... He's in it a little bit, like he keeps sort of popping up, which is great because you need a little drink of Kurt Russell in between this desert of charisma. Guys, this is...

Two hours 20. So this is number seven, is it? Correct. So you've got to watch another six times. I want to remind you that we watched Sex and the City 2 and 1 52 times apiece. So this is, you know, you're not dealing with some rookies here. You're dealing with seasoned pros. But there is, you know.

This just seems so. As time marches on. You don't need to worry about us. We know what's coming. But this is like, so this is like a, you know, a prize fighter. Who's like, you don't need to worry about me, man what's coming but this is like so this is like a this is like a you know a prize fighter who's like you don't need to worry about me man i've been in the ring 35 times you know i've i've gone toe-to-toe with the best of them i've won the world bout and it's like yeah but you're concussed yeah have you seen that clip that like does the rounds every now and then of a it's a woman fighter and her face is completely fucked like she's basically got

one eye completely i've not seen this i'm squeamish she's cut she's bleeding from different bits of her face and she's doing a post uh match interview and she's like it was a great fight wonderful time i can't wait to wait to get back in the room it's like you need to be in a hospital now. Like you look so fucked up and that's us. I just, I mean, yeah, it's incredible that you do it. I am reminded of the, I don't know why, but my favorite sports quote of all is Vitas Garolaitis. He was a tennis player. He won the US Open a couple of times in the late 70s.

And Jimmy Connors used to beat him every time. And he finally beat Jimmy Connors. And in the triumphal interview on the US Open court afterwards, he says, nobody beats Vitas Garolaitis 17 times in a row. And I'm kind of reminded of you guys holy shit that's so fucking funny oh shit uh hell um okay favorite character least favorite character did you do your shining light yeah kurt russell mr nobody just i know i'm supposed to pick a specific Okay, favorite character, least favorite character. Did you do your Shining Light? Yeah, Kurt Russell, Mr. Nobody. I know I'm supposed to pick a specific moment or whatever, but it's when we get to see him first. Was there a favorite character and a least favorite character from you, David? Oh, my God.

I mean, they do just tend to blend into one, I guess. It's too easy for you to write off the entire film. I know it is. A whole team of people made this. Yes. And so many people saw it so uh the the i'm gonna go with the rock purely because he has uh one of his breasts is entirely tattooed so it looks like a frisbee so there was a point where i was losing all hope he was in hospital recuperating just about an hour later he would just rip off all of his

bandages actually about two hours i mean it's incredible that your favorite character is the rock who basically fetches in the movie for a combined five minutes it's screaming out that the more exposition any character has given the worse they become to you what was the line you said though while we were watching it so big it looks like a bike helmet i was looking at his at his breasts and that was so i think he's my favorite character if only for that reason nice and i mean this is basic but then i feel just let me down constantly you know he was like a um a kind of 90 year old like they brought dick van dyke back to be in the new mary poppins or something uh that's not even true because i think dick danced in i was gonna say dick still got it yeah i think he was recently had some uh an accident

or medical or something but like i've seen him recently in interviews he's more charismatic at age 95 yeah than vin diesel is that you know don't get it i just don't get vin i i the i didn't i just didn't get the charm i mean i'm missing something something i was dropped on my head as a baby i just i'm missing something it might be in the i guess it's good for us but i guess this is my fear for the future of the fast and furious franchise which i now am invested in weirdly. Maybe it was the pairing of Paul Walker with Vin Diesel. You know, you needed both. There were two sides of this coin. We have barely spoken about Paul in this episode.

And I will say, you know, with what he was given and what we saw, I did like having him in the mixer. He's got X. He's handsome. He's fucking handsome. He is handsome, yeah. But he, so they sort of lifted the end of The Italian Job. Yeah.

The climax. Statham was in a remake of The Italian Job, by the way. So the bus is, well, he should have mentioned it to the writers. So the bus is on a cliff and Walker manages to scamper over it. But like, whereas that was the climax of The Italian Job, that was like seven minutes into this movie and we it just continued with various other it's one of the challenges it's like these movies have blown people's attention spans and expectations from action

movies and they're sort of living with these self-created consequences where it's like we need a big set piece at the start to keep people to get people's attention and it's like if you do that then where do you have to go yeah that's why you've got cars in space i think this is the perfect movie for our time and it's so analogous to like what we've done to ourselves with social media and devices and stuff where it's just like we're just these pieces of shit on the couch just fucking flicking on the algorithm going you know i've seen i've seen the biggest fireworks in the world i've seen a waterfall i've seen a dolphin that's why i mean i think you got to go small yeah you know the thing that gets attention is it's got resonance it's like it makes you

pay attention you can't just look away and look back and the same explosion's happening yeah i we've got to start going inside i'm from ireland and so rte our national broadcaster used to buy the cheapest possible international cartoons in particular to put on on saturday morning and they would buy like um czechoslovakian uh iron curtain era and i remember them because you just watch them because there was nothing else on and it would literally be an apostrophe chasing a full stop with like improvised jazz playing in the background and then they would chase each other they'd chase each other for a while and then there would be like a guy with a big cigar would be there it'd be like which was some sort of analogy for like workers controlling the means

of production or in retrospect that's what it was so it was it was the the the most barely entertaining version of this medium that has now become just everything explodes from 30 seconds in yeah and when something's not exploding you just see a butt a lady's butt jiggling or a car driving through a skyscraper now do they have the same impact does a uh um apostrophe chasing a full stop have the same emotional resonance as these what were up until quite recently show stopping movie shots i well i haven't seen one of those cartoons for a while but there are times that i'm reading a book and i see an apostrophe and a close at a full stop close together and i think this used to be this used to be my playground this used to be a social commentary

on communism i don't mean to shed on this no not at all project but i will i would be interested to know the point i know but i would i i you know and it's important for us to know that david is shitting on us not the the hard-working people it seems like there's enough shit david slugging out to go around from what i'm hearing i would be interested to know tonally if they change as you go back through time like in the early i think they do i think they become smaller i think they become the thing that we're saying we want. Yeah. More like YouTube videos about how to fix a tire or whatever.

Yeah. The first one's just Vin Diesel with a flat tire and Paul Walker pulls over and teaches him how to use a jack. I would love that. Real father and son kind of moment. It would be beautiful. Like the straight story. Do you remember that movie? It's about like a 90 year old man who has his driving license taken away.

So he drives before he's going to die. He drives right across the state on a ride on lawnmower to see his brother. And he gets there. So it's just these beautiful shots where he enters on the left hand side of the screen and it follows for a minute and a half with like Rycuder country music playing and he leaves it and he eventually gets there and he just says, I'm sorry. And that's the end of the film.

I'd like to think that that's what Fast and the Furious 1 will be like. I would love to see your Wikipedia hyperlink history just to see how many of the fucking pages you've clicked on. We've been talking for a while absolutely well we all need to get on with our lives that's right i've loved it and uh not necessarily the screening but certainly the um the breakdown afterwards and the company has just been thank you so much for your time this will be out in approximately three weeks oh wow is there anything you'd like to say are you gonna put them all out at the same time no they come out week by week i think this will be out sooner this will be out in two weeks yeah let's call it 17 days and well i have i have enjoyed watching a movie that I never need to watch again or the genre.

I mean, so my father is a musician and used to do a lot of music for movies. So a lot of the Elmer Bernstein, Magnificent Seven, they were all recorded in Dublin, a lot of those soundtracks. So my dad plays on a lot of them. So there was always a lot of those soundtracks. So my dad plays on a lot of them. So there was always a lot of movie music being played and it was just soft and soothing and beautiful. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do. And I've just watched that. And all I remember is just sounds like I have a laundry basket on my head and my brother is punching the side of the laundry basket so thank you for bringing me back to that time wow we do what

we can and you know what man that's a great place to leave it fuck you too 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.