The Worst Idea Of All Time - 18: Hat (w/ Mitra Jouhari)

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

The boys are joined by comedian/TV writer Mitra Jouhari for an episode that has been alternatively sound tracked by Guy Montgomery. Today we discover the fifth girl is Lily, but the sixth girl is NYC BUT THE SEVENTH girl is Hat. Let’s find out about her journey. Mitra puts forward a strong argument for the gals staying in Mexico and Tim puts forward one for why this movie would benefit from being almost an entire hour shorter.@tweetrajouhari (Twitter) @mitrajouhari (Instagram) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Hello and welcome along to the Worst Idea of All Time, a podcast in which Tim Bett and myself, Guy Montgomery, watch and review Sex and the City, the movie, 52 times as quickly as we can with one another. And today we are joined by the wonderful Mitra Johari. Mitra, how are you? I'm great.

Well, I was better before I came here. Now I'm worse. But it's great to be with Guy. It's great to talk to Tim. Yeah. I'm sorry that we keep doing this to such cool people it's uh it's not a great way to make friends and influence people it's like hey um you want to come on our podcast we're going to treat you like shit first but then we'll talk about it how are you going tim mate um do you know how I'm doing? I'm hungover, and I didn't formally worry about my drinking, but I feel like I've said that sentence so many times

in this season of the podcast that I'm communicating with you hungover that I'm like, I must drink a lot more than I thought I did because I thought I was getting a lot more sober as I aged, but apparently not. Well, the podcast is an interesting litmus test you think there's a relationship between uh abusing alcohol and having to do this project you know what guy there could be a relationship between the two for sure i mean i i will drink tonight what describe the um the the sitch make sure how just like paint a picture for me in terms

of uh what the setup was for you guys did you watch this on a laptop or a tv or what's happening on the tv um and i will say uh guys spiced up the viewing experience by uh adding in songs that were not part of the movie like he was singing them or just playing them on something? No, he would pull up a song on Spotify, but it was all coming out of the same speaker, so it would seem like the song was playing in the movie. That's really cool. What additional soundtrack did you add, Guy, for this watch?

The best one. Yeah. I've always wanted to do it because when uh carrie is reading the book to uh lily or is it rose who's the adopted daughter rose no lily really yeah i she's reading cinderella and she goes you know there's all just a fairy tale right it's not real and uh of course lily doesn't give a fuck uh she's a child and she says uh again again and then carrie says another one bites the dust you put on you put on quaint yeah and then so as soon as she says it it just kicks him with it but he did it perfectly so i really thought that it was

part of the movie i was like that's excellent and the guy immediately revealed what happened but i i can't play as he can't play his gigs over a long term because he just he wants to claim that credit too quickly like no it was me i'm the genius all love you gotta slow your roll friend yeah all my last ones be immediately incorrectly attributed at all times uh but then i took inspiration from that and i think i had another couple of cracks at it yeah oh yeah um miss new booty played uh at one point but there was one that i didn't recognize it was yeah miss new booty plays when uh carrie and jennifer h Jennifer Hudson are talking at the bar.

And Carrie goes on one of her fucking, you know, frustratingly wordy quips where she goes, I may not send texts, I may not receive texts, but the subtext of that text is booty. Booty, booty, booty, booty, rocking everywhere. I wish. I wish that movie could be fine. Yeah, and then the other one was, it didn't play because Mitra didn't know the song, but whenever Miranda steps up and waits for those balloon strings,

she says, no, Carrie does, and Miranda goes, Carrie, please don't go. I put on Baby, Please Don't Go by the band Them, Van Morrison's band from his teenage years. How's that go? Sing us a bar, guy. the band them van morrison's band from his teenage years how's that guy the intro is really iconic it's a blues cover anyhow could you sing the chorus for me i can but for the record it did not work in the screening i cannot imagine how it's going to work as revived for this audio recording there's only one way to find out. Baby, please don't go.

Oh, I do know this. Baby, please don't go down New Orleans. But to be clear, we didn't get to that part. It was just the intro. Yeah. However, I stand by the idea. Had you known the intro, you would have known what it represented, which was the line, baby, please don't go.

I mean, it was a big ask. Now, look, Mitra sure you're a professional tv writer and and uh and you you work in film as well what do you say to the idea that we should start soundtracking films like you get one take and a spotify playlist and just whatever you know you're really locked into that it's like a live set from a dj but then it becomes part of the movie that works for me oh well also because they're they're they do that thing where like they'll show video a movie and there will be an orchestra on stage playing the soundtrack so i sort of did a home version of that

but not the actual soundtrack of the movie yeah he's a regular handsome guy that's for sure well it's that thing where like um matches up with The Wizard of Oz, except for Guy played Queen during Sex and the City, the movie. For the record, it also matches up with Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, Dark Side of the Moon. Oh, my God. It's like a one-to-one perfect. Although you've got to play it one and a half times.

It's a one and a half to one perfect match, as the old saying goes. Oh, perfect. I like the idea, Tim, of scoring movies live using whatever means you have. But I would like to say I wouldn't have been able to do such a fantastic job had this not been the 18th screening of Sex and the City. I imagine waiting in for the first time true there's a lot more guesswork you don't quite know what goes where wow and can i just say absolutely bone chilling experience watching guys say all the lines before the actors said them

yeah you can say that because that is bone chilling i don't like what this is doing to us my man deeply devastating experience top to bottom sorry it was really nice watching it with uh you meet her because uh it's like it's a really good tell you know because once you once you're in this deep it's really hard to know what's good what's not i mean you got a vague handle but uh lines are starting to blur in terms of what's actually a good bit of filmmaking and like what's good what's not i mean you got a vague handle but uh lines are starting to blur in terms of what's actually a good bit of filmmaking and like what's something you've just gravitated to and decided to warm to and enjoy um and i described it because you took a real shining quite quickly to cynthia nixon's performance yes and also her relationship miranda's relationship

with steve in the beginning yes but like it was amazing because it's like when you're at a bad live gig and you're watching a really bad show and then someone comes on stage who's good and the entire tone of the room changes. You lean forward on your body and you're on your knees like, oh my gosh, I'm invested in this. I was ready. I was

excited whenever we got a little taste. And then to the point you were devastated, you called that something would crumble in their relationship and you were heartbroken i was really upset i'm rooting for them yeah is this the first time that you've seen it sex in the city i've never seen any sex in the city holy smokos that's big so this is your introduction to the franchise i'm so sorry this is no what this is not how it's supposed to be viewed they gave us a 90 minute powerpoint presentation in the beginning of the movie explaining what all the characters are like and everything that's ever happened to them so it was literally for you. That was for specifically Mitra.

You guys made that? Yeah. I made that as well. When we first watched it, it just went straight into the movie. We were like, well, hold on a minute. I took little notes throughout the movie, and I wrote opening sequence equals ugly PowerPoint and assault. Assault? Firm but fair words. Thank thank you i'm being objective i also the first thing that i wrote before anything else was ugly clothes and man oh man they just were absolutely relentless

with the ugly clothes don't you think though that it's isn't it one of those things where being on the cusp of fashion puts you at danger of like as soon as six months have passed after the movie comes out you look ridiculous is that fashion what was so weird about that is like i know that sex in the city is known for being like fashion fashion and i was watching i was like there's no way that like this ugly, ugly silk dress with huge, huge, ugly, ugly belt in ugly, ugly color was fashion. At the time. Yeah. Ever. Ugly.

This is the first time I really honed in on it, but there was a fashion item that just absolutely perplexed me. And I've written it down in my extensive notes i took this time i made sure last last episode i had quite a um distracted watch and i felt bad about it so this one i really fucking zoned in on um the the scene where big is chopping the tomatoes they're in the kitchen they're talking about um the apartment husking corn she's husking corn that is the verb uh and she's wearing this crazy necklace which um yes i want ugly chunk necklace yeah it's like a broken clock or something it's really weird it's like a i don't know how to describe it i took a screenshot of it i'd send it to you guys but i think in the interest of this being an audio podcast, it's probably more useful if I describe it for you and everyone else.

It's, um, what the fuck is it? It's like a big padlock. It's nice to know you took a screenshot. Really nice. It exists. No,

do you know what it is? It looks like a little saucer, like a little saucer for milk that's attached to a padlock that's on a really horrible chain and then someone's put like a metal eye in the middle of i'm sending you the picture guys i'm not doing a great job on this no you are like it sounds ugly which i know it will be it just didn't make any goddamn sense to me because it's like at what point in time was this a good idea but anyway what did you have other fashion uh critiques there mitra yes let me i'm gonna like i'm gonna just scroll through and um read out all my my fashion

thoughts um so we got ugly clothes and that's for the whole movie um shortly after the opening that night is relevant now as it was when it was written down but two and a half hours ago yeah i feel it so much more strongly than i do um let's see this doesn't just go for fashion but i wrote void of taste absolute vacuum jesus christ it's damning um i wrote ugly hat party in parentheses auction yeah um pearls to bed question mark but smell the old book and that was uh the scene with big where she's wearing the hideous silk purple cami gray underwear and pearls and then they smell a book together ha ha ha um weirdly i don't mind the gray i mean the gray i know exactly i know exactly the moment you're talking about and i i don't mind the gray i mean the gray i know exactly i know exactly the moment you're talking about and i i don't mind the gray everything else is pretty yuck yeah the pearls

at night you're right is that a thing no it's stressful the like the the gray underwear most normal thing about that but why with the silk cami ugly purple um let's see uh really made myself laugh because i wrote adam maraschino when it's the the wedding planner because i can't remember his real name so in my mind he's i went back and forth between adam and andy maraschino um not fashion but i don't know gotta get that there's our friend anthony who i'm over the course of 18 watches warmed to yeah yeah mitch is on your team she did not care for the guy at all i'm just like what's the like we're doing like um like we're just we're gonna we're just seeing the two gay characters fall like the only whatever um they're the only gay men in new york we've got to make them kiss

like a couple of barbie dolls smushed together by a six-year-old girl you gotta ram them down each other's throats you know it is scant with gay men there are two not just in the movie but in the wider universe of the show hey i'd love to meet one yeah wouldn't we all um and then i just wrote pube moment um but i think i actually like that um now in retrospect because at least it made me laugh this is when the gals are sitting around in mexico and it's the scene where samantha calls out miranda for having a bit of bush going on yeah like i'm you know what great let's see bush samantha is uh she's got one speed and it's uh full speed yeah everyone's on blast uh she's a doer which i like because there's not a lot of

doing in this movie there's a lot of sitting around samantha's a great friend samantha like makes shit happen she like takes care of stuff and she's she's so pragmatic. I like Samantha. Yeah, I agree. I guess, you know, naturally watching it with someone against watching it with no one colours the way that you feel about certain characters. Because aside from Adam or Andy or Anthony Maraschino, we were seeing Ida Wye pretty much the whole watch. Yeah.

Here's my question about Samantha, if I can interject briefly she's great we love her she's doing stuff and it's good and it's very needed in this film how much leeway does that give her as a character because she really does put miranda on blast a woman who is you know suffering through a separation of her marriage and she's like hey you know what tidy your fucking pubes up, my dude. That's it. But I'm like, what do we expect from Samantha?

She's not going to be honest with her friends. I mean, I think it's bad. But then also they all get even with her because they call her fat, fat, fat humungo for looking the same. They do. I love the line that Carrie says, you would look gorgeous at any size it is the most throwaway like please don't put us in articles and listicles and columns you've got it just like leave us out of this yeah and then one minute later she has some like shitty wordplay about her body what was it like oh what does your gut say yeah i was like uh all right bitch i guess we're doing this now this this movie was made and existed before listicles you know were a thing like i feel like

in reference to samantha calling out miranda in that moment uh i agree with mitch that it's like that's what we want from her it's consistency and character yeah but also all of the all of the characters display uh hearty like not callousness towards one another but certainly self-centeredness to the point where it's like they don't they don't really the thing that unites them is they're all self-interested like it's sort of expanding on what amy said last time but none of them care none of them care about each other truly i think i think um samantha does like she does stuff for her friends she like she's actually making moves she's like you take the friend away

i'll take care of all the wedding stuff yeah she's like she like shows up yeah but that's like that would that would qualify her occasionally lashing out at the others right for any reason charlotte i like this concept of social capital of like how many good things can i do to justify being a fucking douchebag for about a week like how much of my idea do i need to dedicate being a good friend but samantha samantha is the only one that's actually doing good friend things like but they're all terrible charlotte's presented as virtuous, but there's actually no action to back that up.

It's just like, hey, she's goody. Explain. Kindly elaborate. I can't do it kindly, but... The queen of mean herself, Misha J. Harry. Yes, Guy called me the queen of mean because Iisha Johari yes guy called me the queen of mean because I screamed when Jennifer Hudson went away I said oh we're really

gonna miss her that's so weird because I've been calling you the queen of steam because I know you have such an affinity for hot water that's true thank you for the laugh I'm so hungover uh i kept a tally of the moment i i thought of i had at least nine moments and i forgot to tally

other times and i sort of fell off towards the end but i had a tally of all the moments where i felt that charlotte acted completely unhinged. Great. Run me through. And I wish I would have actually written down the moments, but it was really anything where she would like, anytime she would scream when someone did something normal, it was like, you're crazy.

Could you challenge Guy and I to try and number them off? Because I reckon we could do it, the two of us. I feel like Guy probably could because I made a huge deal about stuff. And he actually pointed out one that I thought was really funny that i didn't notice i was writing because i was in the minute i was in the middle of one of my 30 meltdowns of this movie writing in all caps how long is this and i was like actually you need to look up because there's another kooky charlotte yeah it's a lot of fun and i actually hadn't seen it before this week but when they're all

are going to sit down in the front row at the fashion show uh they're carrying they're carrying various programs but uh charlotte goofy fucking charlotte of course has picked up a giant magazine the size of one of her legs that she's lugging around with the other stuff and she's like going to sit down and she puts down her coat then she picks up her coat and she's like putting she's just sorting through her papers there is so much acting going on and faffing around with what's happening if i was like i've done stuff like that before in public where i grow self-conscious i'm like people must think i look fucking crazy bro like i'll figure out to do with what all the stuff i chose to carry but not our charlotte she doesn't give a hoot oh man i'm in that situation so much and i never like really felt bad about it but now i'm going to

i've just got too many objects this is a real problem three papers she's literally just holding three papers and she's totally overwhelmed mention this woman on a computer, right? Could you imagine Charlotte on a laptop? Wouldn't work. Also, the password is love. Oh, my God. I know it's set in 2008, but four characters is not enough. They wouldn't even allow it now, would they?

They wouldn't allow it. They wouldn't. And no special characters? Come on. Sounds a lot like sex in the city i like that it was a really good queen of mean moment when uh jennifer hudson's leaving and we're all heartbroken and she goes to give carrie her key ring that says love and mitch and i've been talking a lot about how money it's really

interesting when they try and give money value in this movie because it's so valueless like it has no bearing on any of their lives at all it's a good way of putting it and carrie's like uh she's like uh with all due respect saint louis everything in this apartment is over five hundred dollars so take your fucking key ring and get out of here. I was like, it would be so funny if she just took the key ring and as soon as the door closed, carried through it in the trash.

Like, chucks it over as hard as she can. It'd just be nice to see more honesty in the film. that's how she feels because you know something in that moment i can't remember exactly what the phrasing is but she's like this is oh i she says i found i got my love this is for you and every time i've wanted to be like that is a key ring my dude they don't gonna do anything for anyone and it's just too big to be practical so come on now it had real value for jennifer hudson though like she'd she'd hold it during

the day and it would give her self-love all day every day talisman or a yeah another word that means talisman and a scene that is not fetched in the movie her marriage immediately crumbles and falls apart because she gave the key ring away to Carrie. And then the third movie, which is a Jennifer Hudson spinoff, is her going back to Carrie being like, Hey, I actually need that key ring back. And Carrie frantically rifling through trash all around New York City to try and cover up the social faux pas of throwing away a gift. Carrie just gives her an old metal detector. There you go.

Good luck, bitch. I quite like this so what what do you think happened to this key ring to imbue it with such strong magical powers like what is the history of this piece of metal she probably just like found it on the ground while she was walking to new york from st louis she walked okay and then like some mystical drifter left it there, but very intentionally for her to find like it was, it was preordained. And actually the reason why she gets called St.

Louis all the time, St. Louise is because she does later become a saint. It's foreshadowing. That makes sense. That's beautiful foreshadowing. We also, Charlotte loves pudding.

Awesome. That's crazy that's another of your notes but they i wrote the pudding charlotte dot dot dot loves dot dot dot pudding dot dot dot and dot dot dot is dot dot that racist she's very racist yeah she's um well i don't know racist is probably quite a strong word but she is hella ignorant she can't handle being in mexico doesn't trust you yeah her being like i was like i was so relieved that she like shit her pants yeah she deserves nothing less justice also this and this is across both movies which sadly meet you know as it stands as something you can't speak i'm sure you'll race home to stuff Sex and the City 2 down your pipes as soon as possible. But the treatment of waitstaff by the characters in this movie and the second movie is atrocious throughout.

You know how they say it's the measure of a person? Yes. So when Miranda and Carrie are out for a meal, the one in which Miranda confesses to destroying the prospect of their marriage. Oh, they go to the string restaurant. Yeah well they go to the string restaurant yeah they go to the the famous balloon string restaurant uh like i know that they're going through some stuff themselves but they're so curt with the the server or the waitress yeah it's it's ludicrous and it's like ha ha ha they're cutting her off ha ha and then yeah they do it with this the mexican at the mexican hotel restaurant as well yeah also they over order all the time for how much food they eat again this is consistent through sex in cities one and two wow the

breakfast buffet you know how they did it in abu dhabi tim they do it again in mexico they've got like enough fruit for a family of 10 just sitting in front of them samantha even calls it out she says with all this fresh fruit there you're just gonna eat pudding and then charlotte says yeah i want someone to keep eating pudding i want a university professor i want someone to really make the economic model for how this world works this version of new York City. It's like, what's going on here? How's everyone afloat?

This doesn't feel efficient at all. And, like, how many times does Carrie change apartments in this movie? I mean, she's always in a new apartment. Yeah. Well, no, she's across. There is a lot of shifting around. She starts in hers, and then she also stays at Big's, and then Big and her.

I don't even know if Carrie puts in the money, because she can't if she's, I don't know, maybe. There's a lot of real estate moving around, isn't there? Oh, yeah, because she's paying for her fancy decorator with her advance money, so she's worried about something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They measure money in decorators that's uh that was when that's when they try and introduce the concept of money is

when her and charlotte are out um shopping for furniture because she i got the advance for my book so here i'm gonna buy you know what that that is so jarring because it's like, what the fuck? Does money exist in this world? Do you have limited resources at some point? This completely contradicts everything I've seen so far. Does this make any sense? A desk? A desk is too much for you? You just fucking walked in with your hubby-to-be and bought presumably some $40 million apartment

at the top of a building in New York City. You care not for desk money? You're fine. They do the same thing. Miranda says that the taxi is $18 money. Carrie refers to the shoes as $550 of money. The cushion in her house

is $300 money. It's all like, you know, it's a real problem for these characters no one lives in this version of new york i guess some people do there are rich people here yeah yeah and just yeah i like um i like how the the guy in the cab just nods but he doesn't get to have a line yeah no i want to know his story so badly as well because it suggests that he's got a lot of stuff going on no we've got to watch awesome Mr. Big instead awesome awesome hot Mr. Big it's a knowing do you give credence to a guy in my theory that Big is illiterate yeah I love that. I mean, anything to make this movie go by a little quicker.

Yeah, it is a fun thing to project onto him. I love it. I mean, it gives him some real stakes. Because him leaving, I just didn't get that. There's no stakes to the movie. Also, they should have just fucking stayed in Mexico. Why not just stay in Mexico? Yeah, they don't have any... What do you mean for good? to the movie. Also, they should have just fucking stayed in Mexico. Why not just stay in Mexico? Yeah, they don't have any.

What do you mean for good? For the movie. Just have the rest of the movie be them parading around Mexico, flirting and fucking. That would be so fun. They don't do any fun stuff in Mexico. It's a fun movie. We don't even get to see Samantha have sex with Dante. That's the whole point of the movie. El sex

El ciudad Fuck I've forgotten I'm a Spanish man I've been to Mexico Metro I lied my way onto a school trip Here's how it went down I was in the sixth form you see Tim's grown tired of Talking about sex in the city

Tim we're doing good work here talking about the movie. That's relevant. Okay. I got bad grades, Mitra. And they were really poor grades, actually, in Spanish. I was no good as a pupil because I got a bad memory, you see. So I struggle with the vocab section of learning a language. Comprehension, I can get my head around.

If there's rules, I can learn it. But if it's just loose vocab, I struggle. I'm the opposite. Really? head around if there's rules i can learn it but if it's just loose vocab i struggle so i really you're not a stickler for the rules but very good at loose facts i said to my spanish teacher i said fifi i called her fifi she hated it her name was fiona and we were supposed to call her miss atkinson oh probably shouldn't name that's fine um so she was like your grades aren't good i was like i know but next year man let me in the subject and i will be the hardest working student in the class like you'll be you'll be

shocked this is going to be my number one priority and by the time she figured out that i hadn't even taken it as a subject i'd already paid for some of the trips so they had to take me oh my god i joined i joined choir in my high school for one year so that I could go to New York. That makes sense. Did you go to the choir practice that year? I took the class, but then I dropped out of the class after the trip. Oh, yeah. That's what you sang in choir.

Can you sing, Medra? Like, a little. Medra can sing. Can you sing, Medra? Like, a little. Medra can sing. Can you sing for us now? I'm like a bird, I wanna fly away. Oh my gosh. So? Actually, that song at the end of Sex and the City is Little Old Me.

That's right. The Jennifer Hudson song. Oh, shit. That's actually me. Medra sang all of Jennifer Hudson's smash singles from the soundtrack for Sex and the City. Yeah, sorry, I'm actually modest, Tim. You're welcome. Ever heard of modesty, Tim?

Yeah, Mr. Spanish Class. Yeah, look. I'm a Leo. Don't blame me. It's my star sign. I struggle to see how your little anecdote about squirming your way into a school trip to Mexico don't blame me it's my star sign i struggle to see how your little anecdote about your squirming your way into a school trip to mexico ties into the narrative of sex in the city but

i'd like to continue to see you draw that line because matri's suggestion that that would be a really fun movie is absolutely bang on mexico is such a vibrant and interesting place and they would be then it's a fish out of water movie which is what i want to see for the gals like we've done the tv show we've seen them in new york we have five seasons out of water movie in abu dhabi that's an hour and a half of some seriously drowning that's a fish suffocating fish they've got it's too much they need a middle ground they need a fish in the grass which is mexico well so long as we are talking about fish this is something that i've been meaning to break up bring up for a few weeks here but have failed to samantha's big romantic move on valentine's day for smith jarrett is to make sushi

smith jarrett you love that name smith jarrett and andy baraschino. The name generator. Her big move is to make homemade sushi, which is quite a generous thing to do, but then to drape filleted raw fish all over her body. Can you think of a less sexy food in the bedroom? Oh, that's going bad immediately. Let me tell you, as the husband of a doctor, that is not recommended. That's me tell you as the husband of a doctor that is not recommended that's the husband of a doctor look as the patient on the west coast

is the neighbor of a gp someone who's in the neighborhood of three medical clinics i can tell you that fish ain't gonna last long can tell you that fish ain't gonna last long yeah it was gross during los angeles too hot um guys there's a there's a big section of notes here that if this is incredibly indulgent but can i rattle them off at speed because i've got a point in supporting evidence yes of course but i say thesis thank you you're the only opinion that matters my thesis is that this movie should end at 1 hour 42 minutes which is almost an entire hour earlier than what it does end point well i mean it doesn't matter what you say everyone in the world agrees with this theory i'm just saying here's here's what we're left with in terms of a movie if it ends at 1 hour 42

one heavy suggestion that saint louis and will are getting back together with the shot of them at the new year's party so that's kind of wrapped up two big consigns himself to being alone free and facing permanent consequences of burning carrie one too many times so we've got a lesson learned three miranda and carrie are friends, supporting each other through breakups with their shitty men who wronged them. A lesson there. And friendship, which is like the central thesis of Sex and the City.

Four, Samantha shows how much she loves Smith by working really hard to keep their relationship on track, forsaking a life centered around herself and sex, vis-a-vis character development. Five, Charlotte is blissfully pregnant, happily married married and already the joyful mother to an adopted child so that's wrapped up that's fine six the movie ends on new years which is kind of perfect new beginnings that's when you want to end a movie seven

carrie's journey is one of self-respect but also of restraint like all heroes we find her in comfort she leaves to go on an adventure getting married then loses something big mr big and then returns home changed thoughts love it there is an incredibly comprehensive and almost like academically written uh assortment of points i love it i mean i you had me at this movie should end roughly an hour before it ends. But I love the moment of Carrie going through the snow to see Miranda. I thought it was so nice. Yeah. To me, that's, yeah, I agree. I want the movie to just be about their friendship.

It's so disappointing when the courthouse wedding is like who cowers i know you're gonna say especially who cares amongst the assembled other people going there to get married like there's a show of them all sort of looking like oh well i mean ours was a bit boring but these guys are really getting mad you know yeah it's like not as soon as you're married you don't stick around in the fucking gallery to watch other people doing their, you know, getting married. That's true. That is not how you spend your wedding day. Ten other assembled couples.

Yeah, they're all like, well, we're married, but we won't be fucking today. We're watching Harry and Big tie the knot. Yeah. In another ugly, ugly outfit. That was her original yeah what do you think of yeah what do you think of that the non-vivian westwood one like i just i just thought it was like her it wasn't a compromise it was his the thing that he wanted that's i was like what i expected and what i think would have been cooler is if they were

in the courthouse but she was wearing her Vivian Westwood dress. That's what I thought was going to happen. What I wanted. And I thought it would be nice because it was like both of their things. But it's a meeting. It's a meeting of the minds, isn't it? But instead of her being like, I'm I'm I'm Mrs. Big. Yes, this is me now sacrificing everything.

I haven't learned a thing. The thing that I thought about is what that phone call would have been between Big and the four girls. Wait, three who aren't Carrie. Because they fucking hate him. We don't see any resolution to that. Like Charlotte wants him dead. She comes up with a whole saying just to meet him on the street.

Yeah, but he gets points ironically it's the it's the you know poisoned arrow that she has locked and loaded that turns her back onto big because she is so angry no but uh harry kind of explains it away after the after the childbirth he's also very jewish the whole point of that scene is just so we know that harry is jewish she's like his bubby what a mensch like all this shit it's like okay we didn't like why are we doing this and i and and guy informed me that there's a lot of real estate in the in the show of uh her making fun of him for being ugly which i thought was fun yeah did you did you know that tim i one of our previous guests in four yeah it's so good i remember some moments of that yeah

because i think oh no everyone in the show sorry i was trying to remember like three jewish moments they're like yeah you're gonna schlep it all over? Carrie says mazel tov. Mazel tov. And this all happens in, like, two minutes. No, it's a schmuck. He says he felt bad for the... Is it? It was schlep, mazel tov, and bubby, all in a two-minute scene,

when we, like, have not touched on it at all. See, this is... As a New Zealander, we don't have a huge Jewish community here, so I don't have a good handle on this. And that never really, like, stuck out to me. Is that a lot to just throw, that's a lot of Yiddish to just pack into 30 seconds of the film? When we haven't, like, talked about it at all. Because I figured New York, there's lots of New York Jews there. They don't have to talk about it, but I was like, why are we, like, why are we getting all of this, weird information in this one moment diversity reasons

yeah yeah well we have to like um we have to we have to shoehorn jennifer hudson and then get rid of her as quickly as possible not give the cab driver a line and then make eight jewish references in a one minute period for no reason also we have to adopt a daughter from china yes and bring her everywhere so they can be like see see, there actually was a diverse member of the gang. And the fifth girl is a woman of color. Sure, she doesn't speak, but she loves Cinderella.

That's a character. Is the fifth girl Lily? Yeah. And the sixth? That's disturbing, isn't it? New York City. Now, so long as we're all here i would like to play a segment that is as recent as one week old called uh outside the outside the lines with uh mitch joe harry as well you observed metra there is a disgusting line in the middle of this

fucking movie uh where they comparatively talk about how much sex they have and then they're trying to needle the information out of Carrie, but she's not willing to give it. Instead, she says, but I will tell you this, when Big Colors, he really stays inside the lines. Or outside the lines.

Outside the lines. Yeah. What does that mean? To me, ass fucking. Absolutely. That's where I went um yeah

he does it he does it in the butt he does it in in her it's anal sex we're all adults here folks she's talking about anal sex

I also did actually laugh at the the when Samantha just says come yeah I kept

I kept a running telly of Mitra's genuine laughs. Do you want to hear them too? I am. When the auctioneer describes Samantha as a colorful bidder. That made me laugh. When Candice Bergen offers up Carrie Vogue airbrushing for her 40-year-old photo shoot. Vogue photographers, Vogue fashion, Vogue airbrushing.

Samantha saying come because there's no crayon equivalent Carrie not knowing how to use an iPhone How can you laugh at that? It's so lame I don't know Samantha having done the leg work to know that some of the fellas don't know how to screw you

You like that? I am disappointed, Mat samantha's big hat got a big laugh oh man these are getting worse uh well i got i got sadder and sadder and uh the last one and i agree with this laugh week in week out was uh fur is murder yeah that's it that's a great laugh line actually that's legit those two women man i want to see their story i am utterly convinced they are from vermont they've bust in from vermont yeah which is a long bus ride i want to see them in the like miss mazel universe i haven't seen mrs mazel but are you imagining them heckling? Well, I've seen one episode of Mrs. Maisel, and I just want to see those chicks in a scene together in there.

I don't like all the negativity that has been on this episode, so let's bring some shining light in. With pleasure. I've got one locked and loaded. I want to hear it. It's early. It's when they're out for a meal. We're with the Brady Hobbs family.

And it's just after Steve very deftly softens Miranda's mood. She's quite tense because she's got a brief to work on after dinner. And they're about to go home. And he says you got a milk mustache and she goes what you just criticized me excuse me guy can you please do the steve voice if you're gonna be steve yeah that was very disrespectful you got a milk mustache uh and then she sort of goes all you just criticize me and he goes not what you want to go around not knowing you got a milk on your face or something like that milk on your lip yeah always talking about milk loves milk that boy makes him big and strong uh but she says oh whatever then he does it he does the milk mustache back and my shining light was uh cynthia nixon as miranda

when she breaks at seeing that, when her mood lightens and she suddenly smiles and is like, I love this guy. This is great. It was a beautiful piece of acting, very well realized. Sort of like a romantic highlight of the film for me today. I agree. It really was the first moment where I was like, I love this couple.

I'm rooting for them. She's busy and she's stressed out, but uh he makes her laugh it's nice isn't it yep it's a really nice remember something nice did it manage to stick with you till the end matri i don't know i mean i i think they're still like the the best couple like they're the couple that i'm rooting for um other than obviously dante and samantha i yeah i i guess it's sort of like that horror movie thing where like they close the door so like we know that samantha and dante are gonna have sex but whatever we imagine is better than what they could have done for us also the um miranda steve uh post forgiveness sex scene is shocking.

Why shocking? Because you see full-fragile nudity? It was just so like, whoa, wow. Oh, we have seen I mean, this movie's been so chill. Also because I thought their t-shirt sex scene was hot too. What? You thought that was hot? I guess I didn't know.

I guess I was just like, this is real. Yeah, it's all relative for you, Tim. Of course, in your porn-addled mind of knowing full well we're going to get a full frontal sex scene later in the movie, the T-shirt stuff pales in comparison. Porn-addled. I haven't been this talked down to in some time, Guy Montgomery. It's only in reference to watching the movie.

I have no idea how much pornography you watch outside of Sex and the City. Well, as you know, 18 hours a day. I get up in the morning, I make myself a cup of coffee, I get the Vaseline out and fire up the router, chuck a VPN on, and then just go to town for 18 hours. Why do you put a VPN on? I don't know't bounce it around stuff maybe yeah yeah it's in case i want to torrent some movies so that they can't get me on copyright infringement i mean copyright flouting it's not what you mean download porno movies your torrent yeah

torrenting porno movies you're not torrenting just regular blockbusters while you oil up. No, I've got a very busy day of consuming. What's the math on this? 16 hours. Wait, no. 18 hours. 18 hours of pornography a day. It is, but I've become something of a connoisseur. Ask me anything.

AMA. I watch 18 hours of porn every day. How many times do you cum in 18 hours? Precisely thrice. And I time it out. Jesus fucking Christ. Wow, what self-control. Yeah, once every six hours.

I'm like stinging that way. Those must be some, yeah, truly tantric orgasms. You wouldn't believe it. It is to talk about your masturbation habits, Tim. Do you have a shining light for us this week um probably a little movie that i found uh from south korea featuring get this two women a watermelon and a pizza boy who forgets to bring the wireless credit card terminal thing. So they've got to pay for the pizza some other way. Do they trade it for a watermelon?

Yeah, they do, man. That sounds like a pretty racy place, man. It's a barter system, but then they're so stoked that they figured out how to solve the problem. They fuck in celebration. That is such a good porno, is to completely remove the value of that transaction and then it's just a regular sex scene.

Then it celebrates. See, this is the kind of porno I like, where everyone's just having a good time. There's no hint of it being kind of like a... No one has to do it. No one owes anyone anything. No, exactly. It's not a debt being repaid.

No, they're like, do you take Venmo? Yeah, no, no, no. It's just like, hey, we've had it. We had a problem. We solved it. Let's fuck to celebrate. The last scene is him walking out the door. Oh, I'm going to Venmo you the money for the pizza.

And he's back to work. Where he gets fired, of course. Sex should be the new champagne. Don't you think? Why? Instead of people being like, when you you have a big success in your life instead of being like we should have alcohol which is you know bad for your health and an addictive substance should be like hey someone should someone should fuck this guy

i guess i've stumbled across the first hurdle on this. There's another party involved. It sounds like something that you want to happen. If you could just free up six of those 18 hours you've allotted for masturbation, Tim, you could roam around the world fucking anyone as soon as good news breaks for them. I don't like the word roam in that sentence for some reason. It suggests nefariousness

I say nefarious But you know, in a lot of ways we're different Meech, what was your shining light? I'd say that hat, I love that hat The big hat when she moves the hat around I'd say kind of the only slapstick-y moment is just the hat going around

so she can see the guy, Dante. It is fun. For me, it's hat. It's all Samantha moments when she just straight up says, come, I really did laugh for a long time. Let's just describe this hat for a moment. It's very big and it's very floppy.

Those are its two main features. It's a big floppy hat, yeahpy those are its two main floppy hat yeah and when you get you get a big floppy hat in there you know i'm gonna laugh you know someone from wardrobe fought hard for that how many inches would you estimate that brim comes out over her face oh i'd say um 80 to a thousand the wardrobe department honestly because i feel like maybe uh sjp had autonomy over wardrobe decisions and wardrobe were like you're killing us here we're gonna look really shit if this is how the movie goes out they fought so hard to get that hat it was like the one thing that they could

stand behind in terms of costuming for this film uh particularly with women i think are a bit because guys are kind of often dressed quite schlubby and it doesn't mean as much to them but hats for women i think is a real indicator of confidence as a symbol like rose matafayo has that great um bit about that that she would love to someday be the kind of girl who can just wear a hat because the only difference between the women who can wear hats and the women who can't is it's a fucking confidence game you know and i think that's what that's all about you're like what is samantha she's fucking forward man let's give her the biggest floppiest hat anyone's ever seen nothing if not confident um do you have a movie shining light tim or are you still distracted

by the memories of that watermelon pizza porno guy i'm pretty sure that i heard a flute in that final song by jennifer hudson that plays when the credits roll oh wow this i guess this has to be the saddest part right try to make something nice every time well we've exhausted you know 16 already whatever up to 17 has. Has Hat been one yet? Hat? No, the Hat. The Hat. I like how you said that.

Hat is a character. It goes Samantha, Charlotte, Carrie, Big, Miranda, Hat, Lily, Rose, Harry. New York City. Hat. Oh, my God. Mitra, can you, like, tell me a bedtime story about Hat? Like, a day in the life of hat so hat wakes up every morning at 6 a.m of course uh to see the sunshine um take a moment to um herself before she has a long day of work on miranda's head and then no sorry samantha's head um now hat uh trudges on over to dante's house for the daily slam

you got a genuine spit tack for me i had some of my coffee that was funny and then uh you know and then what the problem with the daily slam is that it's usually outdoors it's messy messy. But Samantha don't have time to clean off hats. So hats stained. Oh, no. If you know what I mean. This is a sad story. Then hat kind of bakes in the sun for a while.

Oh, no. Poor hat. After the morning slam. And I know, melanoma, it turns out. The hair gets melanoma? The hat has a melanoma. Hats gets melanoma? The hair gets melanoma. Hats get melanoma? This hat?

Oh, no. So Hat gets sick, but Samantha doesn't notice until it's too late. So by the time Hat goes to doctor, to his wife. Into a new character. It's too late. It's too late for Hat um oh no i know i know so melanoma hat so there's the option you know to pursue treatment but uh it's it's really too late and uh so hat just decides you know rather than treatment let's just let's just go out to sea so there's a beautiful moment where

samantha tosses hat out to sea and um ate it up by a ale a whale and the whale becomes pregnant with dante's child yes which is so cool so the the child actually is um is mermaid but the bottom house just a giant dick and that mermaid is nicole kidman's character from aquaman so what do you think it's pretty good there's a lot of crossover including with the dc cinematic universe and tim's real life yeah i mean that for a story i'll go give you a story i love it what do you think tim i'm very excited by it i love it i actually i might i might take some time off of the 18 hours of porn watching to start scripting this thing out see if we can we can flesh this thing out to get it off the ground um i'd love to while we're we've got time uh my hot new segment involving Steve

called I don't want to bother you people and Tim I've heard you love this did he give you the full backstory of why we have to do it he only told me that you don't like it

so Guy said I've got an idea for a segment and i i think at the time i was feeling so bad about being quite negative about guy's office i was like guy whatever this is we're gonna do it not only this episode but this will be a feature on every subsequent episode of this season and then he said what the premise of the segment was, and I fucking hate it. It's so lame. But we're here now. And as a stickler for the rules, you know, we're here. We're doing it. All right.

So for context, everyone, Big arrives outside the restaurant in a cab after the rehearsal dinner. Not good, Steve. Steve, sorry. Yeah, Big is outside smoking cigars with Samantha, Harry, and Smith.

And Steve shows up and he says, I don't want to bother you people. But my suspicion is he secretly does. He wants to cause a scene. So Mitch, you have to tell us

in what way does Steve do this? Well, Steve just learned how to make a paper crane. And it's a lot easier than he thought. He thought origami was going to be harder to pick up and embarrassing and stuff. So he's actually made a thousand paper cranes. Like the classic children's story, Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes,

where she tries to make a thousand paper cranes because she's got Hiroshima cancer. And she doesn't make it. She doesn't do the thousand paper cranes. So he figured out exactly how many cranes she made. And he did the remaining amount of cranes as a symbolic gesture, which is going to be an annual tradition for him to bring health to his family. Yeah. So it's pretty beautiful.

But he didn't get a chance to do it because it's Bakes Night. Is this like how he atones for the indiscretion that he has brought to his relationship well it's just sort of a gesture he's being like look i'm i'm thinking about the future i'm thinking about our family i'm gonna keep us from getting sick by making um 342 cranes once a year believe in me so when you when you say it's big's night what do you mean it's his it's his night it's his pre-wedding night so steve's not allowed to show anyone his cranes he's like well i have to if i show them i have to show all the cranes and i have to go one two okay i've got i've got a couple questions on this

number one is steve gonna is he gonna make the paper cranes there on site or are they in the cab? No, they're in the cab but he's saved the one for last because he wants Miranda to see him make it. So he's made 344 cranes and he's got one fresh origami piece of paper in his back pocket. And it's already cut into a square and everything

and it's good. But then the cab leaves, presumably with the 344 cranes. So that's what's so sad. Oh no. Yeah. So in the background for the rest of the movie Steve's running around

and you're like have you seen my cranes? Yeah. I'm going to get my wife back if I could just find my cranes. If I could just find my cranes. Yeah. I love this.

I love everything about it. In between having sex with every other character in the film the sex obsessed steve sex addicted steve yeah he's a sexy guy do you who of the of the characters in the film uh who do you find the most attractive and well i don't say samantha's dog because that's becky lucas territory that's tough um i mean, I think Steve's pretty fuckable,

but I think it's because, like, I don't know. Like, the t-shirt sex scene works for me. It's really stayed with you, yeah. I think it's just because it's like, yeah, we're going to take our shirt off. Yeah. Also, we know that they haven't had sex

in six months in that scene. So you feel like as soon as it was happening we're both probably like we're just going to go with this why are we wasting time let's just do Penny let's get it over with you might say because that's what Miranda says I know this movie

so well you sure do Tim do you have anything else to add, Mr. Bat? Nothing. Mitra, any other loose thoughts?

I am like a husked corn, husked by Carrie Bradshaw. At the hand of Carrie. I also wrote during that scene when they decide to get married and she's husking corn that there are no smiles. Yeah. They're not happy. What? There are no smiles.

There are no smiles. What? you're deciding to get married you don't smile um very practical i actually noticed this week when we first see big and carry together when they're checking out the apartment they hold this is so it was just banging around my head i'd never noticed the way they hold hands before the classic body language thing they hold hands like meat on meat or like palm on palm. They hold hands weird. Not like interlocked fingers. Because isn't that when you're intimate with someone, you go interlocked fingers? And when you feel like distant, you go meat on.

I've got to stop calling it that. Meat on meat. Palm on palm. It's the meatier part of the hand. That sucks. Let's see. Oh, I wrote that 55 minutes into the movie is where i lost hope um i don't remember what that was but it is where i lost hope um so don't worry there were only um 68 more hours of

movie after that um and i wrote chris snoth equals corpse so that is um oh and i wrote um good scene on new year's eve so that was something nice you did like that scene i liked when she came to the house i was like that's that's sweet friendship conquers all i think yeah the only other the only other note and this is uh parroting something becky said a few episodes ago for your abridged one hour 42 minute version of sex in the city tim i think would be if that miranda carry conflict if we got to see because then you experience like the full uh you know the full reach of their friendship where you see miranda confess that she uh said this thing to big and you watch them fall out and then they become friends again all before new year's making that

reunion scene that much more meaningful and making it quite a nice end point for the film a hopeful point i agree i think i guess so i booted up the movie while while you guys were talking I wanted to find out what the 55 minute mark was oh amazing it's um it's uh I have a freeze frame right now of Carrie Bradshaw jilted so it must have been the oh it's when yeah it's like just after it's happened when they're they're at um Charlotte's house are they at Charlotte's house I think do you that they're at charlotte's house yeah i think it was when you realized they were going to go to mexico because you said very despondently they're going to go to mexico yeah i think it was when i but i i was i think it was just because i realized i didn't know how long the movie was until that moment because guy like hit the keyboard and I saw that it was 55 minutes in

and there was still a full movie's worth of time. They take even longer to get to Abu Dhabi and Sex in the City 2. I think it's an hour and a half. But are they just there for the movie? They're there for longer, but it's worse. I hate seeing them in New York, which I know is

the point. Speaking of duration, this episode's been a big meaty beast, but I think we should probably think about wrapping it up. Yeah, I've got nothing to say. Maybe because I'm sweating boobs.

You're a real charmer, Tim. Lord knows you've got a big day of porn watching ahead of you. You have a really positive 18 hours. Thank you so much, Matre. Yeah. Thank you for joining us.

Would you like to say anything about where people can find you online? I'm on Twitter. You can do at tweet, R-A-J-O-U-H-A-R-I, at tweet or Johari. Ha ha. Cool choice. It's a a big hand it'll be in the episode description i'll put it so just click on the notes that are that are in the notes yeah there'll be a link um and i cannot endorse matri's twitter account enough it is the funniest shit consistently i fucking love it i was actually like at one point, this was a little while ago, trying to like find out if there was an automated script where I could just retweet everything you put out.

Because it was just retweeting everything. It was like, that one's dynamite, this one's gold. Love this take. This is great. This is an aside, but you did what I thought was such a funny tweet recently. It was the one about the the comedian to watch can you just do a reading of that for us well this is really gonna um sort of date the podcast a little bit because obviously we're releasing these after when we recorded them but uh here it goes folks

uh my 2019 comedian to watch louis ck watch him because he masturbates while you're in the room. Oh, my God. Yeah, I told that to my wife Zoe, and she didn't love it. She didn't think it was that funny. But thanks, Guy. I really appreciate you getting behind that tweet. Oh, man, you got me real good. And on that note, let's call it an episode. We'll see you next time.

Oh, bye, Tim. Thanks, mate. Great to talk to you bye we just have a good rhythm together you know he sort of feels me out i feel him out and uh we go for it