The Worst Idea Of All Time - 19: Let's Talk About Bobby Darin

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

Emmanuelle In Space 5: A Time To Dream is on the menu today and the fellaz a la frost are asking; Is this movie where Christopher Nolan found his inspiration for Inception? In this one we got a genie, a highly punchable man, and a distinct lack of comedy. George Lazenby stops by to pitch an incredibly creepy porno though sadly, this film is nigh on impossible to masturbate to.SUPPORT US ON PATREON: (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to the worst idea of all time, season five. That's right. That was Tim Bett. I'm Guy Montgomery. We just watched a porno. It is 12.13 on the morning of Tuesday. A balmy 22 degrees outside. We have insulated ourselves from the outside world.

I requested the door be open for this one, and I said yes, but then I took it away from him. That's right. Right before we recorded, he shut the door. So we'll start off with a hiss and a roar, and then as the room becomes unbearably hot, we'll slow down. We just watched the fifth installment in Emanuel in Space, and I would like to start it by reading a blurb.

Dom Cobb is a thief with the rare ability to enter people's dreams and steal secrets from their subconscious. His skill has made him a hot commodity in the world of corporate espionage, but has also cost him everything he loves. Cobb gets a chance at redemption when he's offered a seemingly impossible task. Plant an idea in someone's mind. You're describing a different film. If he succeeds, it will be the perfect crime, but a dangerous enemy anticipates cobs every move am i reading the blurb for the 2010 film inception or a rough guide for the plot of emmanuel in space a time to dream a film that predates

inception by about 15 years could be either Well, we've traced the Matrix back to the Emanuel in Space series, and what's to stop us doing the same thing with Nolan? These sci-fi directors have got a hard-on for... Emanuel. Yeah, it's like also they're lifting... Queen of the filmography, Emanuel. Krista Allen, by the way, very accessible online. Wow, she's on Twitter, isn't she?

Very accessible online. I don't know if her DMs are open. But still very. You just tweet. You just tweet at them. You just tweet at them. You can just say, hey, Krista, are you reading this? Big fan.

There's a chance they are. Yeah, I think that while the execution of some of the concepts is not perfect in these films, the sci-fi concept, actually, and also the porn. Neither the sci-fi nor the porn in this film is perfect. Guy Montgomery is having a reckoning with himself in real time. I'm watching it happen. But they open up ideas that are then later explored

in these blockbuster bonanza films that come out after the fact. Like, this movie is about dreams. Emmanuel introduces the notion of dreams to Heffron on the ship. She then falls asleep. Heffron, in the time it takes for her to introduce the idea of dreams and her falling asleep, has invented a dream-watching technology that he himself and the other aliens on the spaceship arm themselves with so they can watch her dreams. And within the dream that she has, the initial dream she has,

we then go through an Inception-style sequence where we enter dreams within dreams within dreams within dreams, I believe, with that many layers removed from the first dream. Is that true? I don't know. I'll go with it. Sounds good. There's, well,

there's, there's, yeah, there's multiple levels of dreams. And then within the dreams, there is stories being recounted. So that's kind of a dream. It's just,

to me, it's like, what happened to the pornos where you just get the people to fuck? Nah, dog. They're not, commit to one. Nope.

Pick a, pick a side. I want a not. Commit to one. Nope. Pick a side. I want a storyline. I want a plot. I want a space adventure that also has an Arabian Nights feel to it. I want multiple genre,

multiple kind of cultural reference points in the stories that are being told. So this one is, this one's mainly about a genie. I mean, we're talking a lot about dreams here. I dream of genie.

That's what I dream about because there's a guy in this one called Gene. And as I guessed seconds before it was revealed on screen, he is a genie. Who knew that you could follow the foreshadowing if it made for TV porn series? Do you know what tipped my mind to it? His facial hair. I was like, this came out in the the mid 90s and he's got facial hair like that. I thought it might have been that he appeared in a puff of smoke

from inside of an enclosed small space. That didn't tip you off to the idea he could be a genie? No, it was just the facial hair. The traditional genie exit. I had it in my mind down to two options. He's either the devil or a genie fuck it would have been cool if he was the devil that would have been really cool what was that liz hurley one

oh it was um bedazzled yeah liz hurley and brennan fraser based on a peter cook film the original yeah yeah really good really good um i i actually like both of them where's liz hurley these days england She should be doing porn. Probably in lockdown. Imagine if she was the new Emmanuelle. Did you say she should be doing porn?

Yes. She should be doing Emmanuelle films. I'm sure if she wanted to she could be doing porn. She'd be a good Bond actually too, Liz Hurley.

As James Bond. Yeah. Well no, I think there's a word on the street is that the 007 designation is being given to a female agent in the upcoming movie. So now we could just do that. How is James Bond still as popular as, like, how is the Bond franchise still alive? When the moon is full, MGM takes 60% of all of their revenue

and puts them into one film. And they say, will this be the one that breaks the studio? And then the movie comes out. And sometimes it gets pretty close, but it doesn't break them. And they say, okay, we're going to try again in another three years. And then Daniel Craig says, I'm not doing another one. And they say, what about for $10 million? And he says, doing another one and they say what about for 10 million dollars and he says no and they say what about 50 million and he says okay

this one they might be fucked though anyway emmanuel is what we're talking about and i hated this movie the script was so boring we've lost our um the first fantastic director and right oh wait was he writing them he certainly i reckon he was writing some of the games maybe on the fly i can't remember his name i've forgotten directing under his porno pseudonym but yeah i this had none of the fun of the first four less of the comedy like in fact virtually no attempted laugh lines trying to think there was one gag in it that I liked. There was one. But cracking joke.

The whole thing instead is. Oh, the crystal balls. So she's bringing up the concept of crystal balls to Gene, the genie. And he says. Gene, genie. That's all. He says, is that some sort of male appendage? It doesn't seem like it would be very practical

and starts looking downward towards his own testicles. And I thought that was pretty funny. When the bar is set at the rest of this film, that was a successful gag. It's just that, well, I think what bothered me is that a lot of the questions it was asking about dreams and the explorations were kind of almost interesting. It's like you're watching people introduce a conversation that in the right hands could

become quite fascinating but because it's also a soft core porno it's like they'd allude to something and then abandon it and then get back to these really like long blue lit sex scenes languid and languishing they They languished on the screen. Did you get the sense with this one that they were really trying to get across that 90-minute finish line? Because there were all these lines of dialogue where they were just repeating over and over again what the other characters were saying. I also didn't know where I was meant to masturbate in this movie. I don't know, like, in what sequence is it like, this is the bit where you really have a have a crack yeah they were few and far between they went I mean some of

the scenes were quite I was gonna say gaudy it's not right though they were like opulent they were horny in a very tacky way I don't know what that word is well there's a there was a lot of group sex or like the soft core mid 90s soft core version of group sex which was

mostly just a huge volume of naked people but the center of it was that fucking guy who you just wanted to smash in the face yeah he was this most petulant and childish figure in the film and he's actually it was very wizard of oz how they did it because all the people who were in the flashbacks what we were seeing a lot of was the origin story of the genie and so this was set in the genie who exists only in a dream yeah so it's very difficult to truly care about yes a projection of emmanuel's subconscious into this genie and then the genie's like well let me tell you a story about my origin it's like wait what you don't exist

but then what rules is then we cut back to the spaceship where heffron and everyone are like looking at her drink they're all standing over like some impending bukkake circle that's threatening to happen wearing vr headsets made by mattel and they openly discuss the plot holes of this movie where they're like wait a minute is she dreaming that she's dreaming? And does Jean get to dream if she invented it? They wave off all of the plot holes by saying, well, humans are very complex

and their dreams are, you know. It's quite good how they did it, actually, because they, well, the opening up of all of them I found very funny because it's like, whoa, you guys have got a good fucking point. This script sucks. It is a hot mess. and then heffron kind of plays it all off because he's very jealous that he is not the center of emmanuel's affections even in her deepest subconscious within her dreams she's always questing to find her her dream lover in the great words of bobby darren who by the way

died at 37 years old let's's talk about Bobby Darin. Well, you might know him from some, wait, what is that song called? Beyond the Sea. Beyond the Sea. Mack the Knife, Dream Lover, because he don't want to dream alone. He was a singer, an actor, a general movie star. A song and dance man. That's right, who had rheumatic fever as a boy

and came to a very, he was afraid of dying early and rightly so because he did at the age of 37, a real tragedy, but he became, I sort of thought he'd be a bit of a dirty dog because he's got that very smooth look, he sings these smooth songs. He was like in Hollywood in an era where all of the most debonair crooners

were probably up to absolutely no good. I'm very appreciative of you not repeating my comment that I let us down the Wikipedia path. Wouldn't dream of it. But he became very politically involved in the 60s, and he actually helped out on Democratic candidate President Kennedy's campaign. RFK, not JFK. Robert, the Attorney General, who was going to run for president.

Yeah. And was going to fucking win. And in the same year that Kennedy... He was present when he got shot and killed. Yeah, and the same year that that happened, which rattled him to his very core, he found out that the person he thought was his mother was actually his grandmother, and the person he thought was his sister was his mother.

And he sort of, I think the whole world moved beneath his feet and he couldn't really make heads or tails of anything. Similar thing happened to Jack Nicholson, actually. Is that right? Yeah. I think that is quite a common thing. People finding out that a person who they thought was their sister was their mother it's you know it's it's not unheard of that's for sure i would be shocked

imagine that because your older sister seemingly to me there isn't a lot between two years that's what you've been taught that's what you've been told that's true but even at the max like i'm trying to extrapolate what the the maximum young that you could be and the maximum old she could be to create the biggest delta. It just doesn't seem feasible to me. No, I don't think so. I'd be pretty shocked if I found out my older brother was my mum as well. But basically, Emmanuel is trying to find her dream lover inside of her dream. And she's staying in this sort of fuck palace.

And all these other couples are having sex. And they're all sort of looking at her like, why aren't you taking staying in this sort of fuck palace, and all these other couples are having sex, and they're all sort of looking at her like, why aren't you taking part in this? Why do you not have a partner? And she goes, oh, he's away. And then they all kind of start bullying her for it, and she wants to know who it is. We want to know who it is.

Harfron especially wants to know who it is, and he's sort of a bit of a prick. He's a very sensitive guy. He doesn't want to let anyone know that he's got feelings. He's an asshole. He's a bit of a prick he's a very sensitive guy doesn't want to let anyone know that he's got feelings he's invested yeah he's a piece of shit um can't remember what prompted us to talk about it can i talk about the ethics of what happens in this movie how do you feel about how would you feel about your dreams being analyzed oh no good although my dreams i i very rarely remember them in their totality i remember a lot of moments and stuff but my dreams, I very rarely remember them in their totality. I remember a lot of moments and stuff.

But my dreams are fucking weird. They're very odd. Can I ask if you've been dreaming more or less than usual recently? I think more because now when I wake up, I generally tell Zoe what I had a dream about. Does she like that? I think so. I think it's nice to have an insight into what

your partner's dreaming about you know it gives you a very um deep appreciation for what's going on in their head do you like hearing about zoe's dreams uh yeah i do have either of you become upset at the other person for something that they dreamed no you know that sort of like a sex dream or something like that or just like if if say you have have a dream and Zoe was rude to you or dismissive in the dream. And then you wake up and you're like, hey. I haven't had that with Zoe. I haven't had that in ages, but I distinctly remember having them as a younger man. Having those dreams where someone did something awful and be like.

And you carried that into the day. You can't not. Isn't that a crazy feature of dreams? That you wake up with a very real emotional state like those chemicals are flooding your brain and it was from a completely invented story that your mind made up but like the emotional residue of a dream is is unquestionably real the feelings that you. Because I've woken up from dreams like crying because I had a sad dream.

I've woken up stoked. I woke up laughing once. I think I told you about it at the time. It was like years ago. That's great. Because there was someone create like a really funny joke or something. And I even remembered, I don't remember now, but I did remember when I woke up.

I was like, that's funny. You wanted to remember the joke. I often laugh at jokes in a dream and then when i wake up i'm like oh wow sick came up with a joke but i can't remember it but i think god that's so good and also i think it's so generous because it's often not me saying the joke it's someone else in the dream it's all you baby i know it is all me but but I'm like, what a guy. Hey, can you answer me a question? I'm trying to connect the dots. Earlier on in the film, right at the start really,

Emmanuelle walks into the fuck palace and she's got those two friends. Do you remember that? They're a couple. So what happened next? Because then suddenly, oh, maybe. She's in a hotel room. That is a fuck palace. That's a different fuck palace, oh, maybe. She's in a hotel room. That is a different fuck palace, I think, that she's in with all those friends. And she sees the couple and they're like, hi, Emmanuel.

Lovely to see you. So good. Oh, you're not here with your partner. Have you been out treasure hunting? And she said, yes, I found this object. And that's what introduces the idea of what is effectively the lamp. And the props department did their best, but it was not very good. They were not getting a lot of time or budget. I feel like they forgot and they picked it up on the way to set in the morning

and it was just like the first thing they saw on the shelf of a pawn shop because it looked like sort of a child's toy. It had these stars cut out of it. It's like a sort of a child's toy. It had these stars cut out of it. It's like a sort of slightly squashed globe shape. And then there's just like a pattern of stars, like, you know, cut out of it that it would illuminate from the inside out. So light would shine out of all the different stars.

And dry ice in there as you do. But it looked like shit. If you'd been treasure hunting... It looked like shit. If you'd been treasure hunting. It looked like shit. If you'd been treasure hunting and this is what you came back with. Like if you and I were friends and you're like, oh, I'm getting into treasure hunting. I'm going to go out. And then you came back one day and you showed me.

Why is that even me? Well, I'd be like, okay, Tim, you know, you got to do you, whatever. And then you're like, hey, I had a really good time treasure hunting. Look what I found. I'd be like, Tim, you've been at the dump and you've just picked up rubbish. Dude, if I actually, if I was going treasure hunting at the dump and you've just picked up rubbish dude if i actually if i was going treasure hunting the dump would be the perfect place to go because there is real treasure there what kind of what kind of all kinds of stuff man you've been to a dump shop

my god yeah yeah you can get amazing things i always think you can get really good like uh crockery yeah really good glassware and mugs we both went to that i um because you know like not everyone likes the same mugs and some of the mugs that people get rid of are fucking awesome if you go to a sally's it's like you're looking at mug shapes and like novelty mugs that what's that really incredible um like ovenware stuff that you can it's like a brand la something and they're they're big dishes that last forever and you buy them for people when they're getting married so they're set up for life.

Le Cruze? Yeah, that stuff. I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine went to the dump shop and found a set of that. It was just over the fucking moon. Unbelievable, yeah, that's so good. Yeah, so good. So anyway, the dump, a great place to find treasure but i will give you this

this this object that she found was utter shit it was actual rubbish yes um but it had a genie in it so fuck us i guess you know so then um he comes around they have a bit of a tete-a-tete now what's interesting in this and what i did enjoy probably the most out of anything in this film, is they do a bit of a retcon explaining what genies actually are. And so this guy, admittedly we are inside Emmanuel's dream, so I guess none of this means anything. They do it through the medium of rap. No, they don't. I wish. First of all, we can't understand what this genie is saying to Emmanuel.

Neither can Emmanuel. He turns up naked and just starts babbling at her, which is quite freaky and full on because she just got out of the shower. But Emmanuel is so, she takes everything that happens in the world of this franchise in stride. Like she's never really, this is, in fact, her response to this genie, because he couldn't

speak english and communicate what was happening initially i couldn't speak at all is the most irate you see her get like usually it's like there's a she's getting out of the shower there's a naked person in her room she's like oh hi you're probably curious about sex well you've come to the right place because i love to fight she gets a bit over that guy and a bit concerned by his presence. But to be fair, in terms of justification, I think this is all happening inside a known fuck palace.

So it's like there's probably going to be naked dudes roaming around a little bit. Yes, but it's also like, you know, it's her room. It's her room. It's her room. It's her room.

You've got to be arsed into the room. Also, can I just quickly observe the genie, quite a buff, hot young dude. Not a bad actor too, I thought. Doesn't get thrown a fuck the whole movie. Yes, they do. She wishes that they fucking they do.

With the genie? Yes. When? Emmanuel wishes that she can have sex with him and they have sex. They have a hot, steamy scene about the two-thirds mark through this film in the room in the room where they initially meet i don't know where they are i don't know where they are

but they um they fuck oh good for them she fucks the genie dude he gets yeah he's gonna say it was a waste of talent otherwise heavy to hear it so we don't see his hog. Sadly, my one wish would be a solitary hog on screen. And it went unfulfilled yet again. Maybe next time. Anyway, my favorite. I wish Christopher Nolan had his sci-fi hog and rolled it across the script so that things were a little bit more finely tuned. A sci-fi hog. Just like a disembodied penis.

Rocking around and viewing dreams with meaning and suggestion um so my favorite bit was he starts explaining what he actually is and he's like yeah yeah yeah everyone thinks genies come from like saudi arabia and we live in a lamp nah i'm an alien and i was like fuck i love this i love this alternative explanation for what they are. So he's this super powerful being that can grant wishes, presumably to anyone, but he does to humans. Endless wishes too. None of this three wish bullshit.

That's part of it. He laughs in the face of the notion that it's three wishes. He's like, nah, it's literally whatever you want, whenever you, but also, and he does say this, he says, be careful. And she finishes, she says, what you wish for. One of the few bits of concise scripting because they both finish a single line rather than there being one line of dialogue

thrown back and forth between two characters. There are some twins. Well, they're kind of presented as twins in this film. They're not twins. They're just people who they talk simultaneously yeah they're both they're both blonde they're both blonde women who speak in unison um they're really annoying they keep popping up and everyone who you see initially either if they're on the spaceship as an alien part of heffron's science team

or if they're in the fuck palace they they reappear in the Arabian Nights. In the recounting of the original genie appearance. Interestingly, I think all of the people in the fuck palace, which is the first entry point of Emmanuel's dream. The present day fuck palace? Yeah. They're all aliens from the spaceship. You were there and you were there and you were there, and you were there,

but none of your hogs. What happens is Emmanuel goes to sleep, and then Heffron and everyone else puts on their dream-watching kit, and then they watch her have these erotic dreams about them. And also they derive pleasure from this because they don't really start having sex on the spaceship, but they all kind of start writhing as though they are having the physical sensation

of what is being dreamed at the time. It's like what I was describing about dreams, that it leaves you with a true emotional residue of the thing. They are experiencing the dream. But then whenever they withdraw from the dream, because these people do not have sex with each other on the spaceship. It's not like a free-for-all. Did they do that in one of the previous films?

Maybe, but it's like they're all watching this big group sex dream featuring all of them and then they pull out and none of them are like wow it's crazy she's having a dream about us having group sex yeah they're all like dreams are weird huh they don't really make sense and to my eyes i'm like guys if you're having such a good time watching a cosmic version of yourselves having group sex, why don't you just forget about watching a dream, take your clothes off, have a bit of fun on the spaceship as well? That's always the way, though. Humans, well, I guess they're aliens, actually. But sentient beings, we always get in our own way of having fun.

There's lots of situations like that in real life where it's just like well why don't why don't we just do this thing and then you're like no are you saying that you've passed up having sex before in an orgy yeah uh it passed up having sex before yeah i think that's probably happened at some point nice Nice, nice. Not me. If I get a sniff of a chance. Any fucking opportunity. I'm like a truffle pig for intercourse. Did you have anyone who you thought was doing a good job apart from the genie? I thought Krista Allen actually did a pretty great job as Emmanuel.

She's consistent. I really did miss the director. I think this new director was a tough act to follow. Like, if we'd started with the – I can't remember the name of the director, so I'll get it up. But, like, if we'd started with this guy and then moved to the guy with comedy chops, it would have been more impressive. But it was just a bit drab.

I thought Chris Freeland was fantastic as Emmanuel. I thought that the genie was good. And everyone else, not really given enough to do. Like, they drive this movie forward and i couldn't believe how annoying i found the guy though who was um in the first instance he's sort of the the man of the fuck palace in the present time so he hosts a dinner which is just everyone gets distributed a bowl of salad, and it's basically seven women around a table and him at the head. And he says, did everybody have a good day?

They go, yes, we had the best day. And he says, Emmanuel, did you have a good day? And she says, what? And he says, Emmanuel, it's just this fucking repetitious bullshit. It's so good. And he's like, do you want to fuck? And she's like, no, I'm waiting for my man to get back from – he's overseas for some reason. Yeah's working in the present day fuck palace

and then so he portrays this very annoying guy who everyone's having sex with in the present day fuck palace and then when we do the origin story um of when genie first encounters a human to to become a master to one and give dreams out uh wishes out he then portrays i guess a kind of shake or prince um and the the woman comprises haram and he is equally annoying then there's one bit where krista allen because she in the flashback, in the story, is playing one of his many wives, this Prince of Persia type character. She's a wife on the outer ring. She's on the peripheral.

And they've all got their spots on his body, and she gets frustrated. She tries to keep finding an inn, and she can't. It would have been an incredible scene to shoot. It's like this one guy lying there, and then five naked women who have all just staked their flag on different body parts. Like someone's taking his right hamstring someone's taking his left hand and she's it's like a

colonization version of twister she's on a human body ferreting around all of these other like nude bodies trying to lay claim to some body part and then all of them like i go here i go here i go here and she goes i wish it was just me and the guy. And then the woman will stand up and leave because anything she wishes can become true. It's a wish. She framed it as a wish. So the genie made it so. The thing that the genie never specifies is that wishes can't compromise other people's free will. We don't explore that.

So just to complete this scene, though, what happens is um emmanuel as the wife of the prince she then like starts serving him because she's she's all about trying to be like a subservient wife and so he just starts belting out orders he's like i want grapes i want wine i want a back rub i want sex and he does it like in this rapid fire succession like a big baby and it's just there's something that i find like it's intentionally supposed to be very annoying and off-putting but i find it fucking repulsive that we keep getting presented with these dudes who are just so like uh um infantilized you know like i find it really fucking gross that they're having sex and they're just these big dumb babies these big burly idiots yeah yeah they're all real buff too they're all

these real big buff babies having sex who's that for though because these are all pretty heteronormative films like they traditionally portray men and women having sex or men and a few women having sex. It's always the key marquee event. But as a man, you're watching it and you're like, this guy sucks. As a woman, you're watching this guy. Whose gaze is meant to be upon these films? Maybe I'm thinking too highly of myself when I say this,

but I think at the time in the culture mid 90s if you're getting emmanuel to get your rocks off maybe you do identify with that guy you know what i mean maybe it is your kind of world where you're like yeah i wish i'm i too am a big baby do you know who i think these movies are for like fucking nascar fans from the mid-90s. Like a fucking overweight couch potato. Or us, like literally us in the late 90s. Yeah, that's a good point.

Teenage boys without access to computers. Yeah, and they fucking, they got us. They did. You got us. And to this day, they still have us. 20 years on, still watching the same porn. Not masturbating to them anymore, though. Speaking of which, Boner Inspector!

Nah. Yeah, I didn't think of that. A combination of annoyed and repulsed. I didn't think there'd be anything for me there. Not even a scene, yeah. I was like, this could be erotic if I wasn't watching it next to Tim. What happens when the Boner Inspector gets a non-false flag gets a real detection on the radar so we can both look forward to finding out i think a reaction on the radar um i you know we don't know how the boner inspector

actually feels about boners we just know that the boner inspector's job is to maraud across the globe i reckon he lives in fear of them nothing is as motivating as fear and this guy is persistent in his pursuit of checking whether or not there's a boner if that was true of the boner inspector then ignorance would be bliss and he wouldn't inspect for boners that's not everyone's path all he wants to know is if someone had a boner what he does with information, we'll find out when we get it. But right now, it's none of our business. If I was deathly allergic to almonds, I would always ask, are there almonds in this, if I was eating?

Yeah, but if you were deathly allergic to almonds, you wouldn't seek out a line of work called Almond Inspector. That's true. But unless I had found a way to monetize my you know i'm always going to ask anyway if i could turn this into a crust that's that's pretty good that's a bonus no i think i think if the boner inspector found a boner i'm first of all there'd be shock yeah there'd be excitement i might throw a drinks party yeah let's not fuck around i think he is looking forward to it yeah i think just the knowledge that it's out there i can have my fun imagining that he's

afraid of them but realistically this guy is on the hunt but it's nothing yeah it's nothing sexual it's just like it's the knowledge that a boner has existed at a moment in time that's all that's all the boner inspector wants and right now i'm in my head he probably feels like he's coming into work every day and he's like i don't know why i bother showing up anymore i'm just thinking of that disney song when you wish upon a star when you wish upon a star i couldn't remember the tune i don't know what happens after that. I watched Soul the other day. I know we're not supposed to bring up other movies on this podcast. Well, it's a good thing that we're not supposed to and that you're not going to.

They did a, because it's all about a guy who teaches jazz to high school kids. And they did like a- Whiplash? It's not Whiplash. It's a different movie. Okay. And they did that Disney, because they have that on the on the ident and it was like the band playing it really shitly it was good that is good

you know like when in the matrix when they when they do the warner brothers logo but it's like all fucking matrixed out and the green screen and whatnot that was fucking cool i remember that i don't remember that imprinted on my brain and then i think warner brothers just started using it for other films it was so good i might just sit down here in this airplane seat next to you is that george fucking lazenby world's greatest listener i heard you've been talking shit about the bond franchise not me man well a little bit i'm just accurately describing the financial roulette game that mgm seemed to play every few years when one of these additions to the franchise appear yeah if you ask me the the franchise sort of went to shit after 1969 do you

reckon yeah on her majesty's secret service was the one good Bond film. Man, almost everyone disagrees with you on that. Almost everyone can suck my old dick. Hey, well, you know what? You've done such a great job of listening for all of these episodes, Georgia Laserbeam. Maybe it's time that we listen to you. Go off. You want me to pitch a porno? Yeah, I do.

Yeah. In the vein of what you just watched. It can be in any vein you want. Well. Or I can pitch one to you. It's totally up to you. I'm trying to find my voice. Yeah, the storyteller must find his voice.

There's no consistent true line, yes. Well, I, what gets my rocks off in my old age? Sometimes I'll be sitting at home in the sitting reading chair at the end of my bed. Ah, yes, the sitting reading chair. A mainstay of any bedroom. That's right. It's where I sit or read, sometimes both.

That's right. It's where I sit or read, sometimes both. And we have this maid who comes by and she helps tidy up the house and the room. French? Is the maid French? Sure. A French maid? Yeah, she's French.

And, well, I suppose what I'm pitching is I'm reading a book in French and she says oh you are reading a book in French and I say yes and then we have sex. George I would have thought with all the accumulated porno pictures at your disposal, you would have had a little bit more meat on the bones. Oh, my bones are meaty. You don't need to worry about my meaty bone. Okay, let me try and extract some... And that's what it's called.

What, meat on the bone? The meaty bone. Oh, yeah. Now we're getting somewhere. Now we're cooking. Le bon du meat. I think that's accurate. What book are you reading in French?

An atlas. An atlas of the world. Yeah, but it's all in Francais. So it's like New Ever Zealand. Yeah, and I say, would you like to see where I'm from? And she says, yes. And I've cut out a hole in the book. And so I open the book.

And so I'm just going to show her a picture in the atlas. But I poke my meaty bone through it. And I get a horrible paper cut. And it really lacerates. And it's bleeding. And it's near a nerve. But we fix it. We nurse it back to health

and then she stays with me for three months while i slowly recover and then to celebrate we have we that's when we have sex it's very niche i don't know who the audience for this is and i'm not even sure what genre it fits in because this doesn't strike me as erotic cinema it's knocking on the door of a horror film well it's it's it's very scary if you're a prude i guess that's true i guess that's true well george it's always a pleasure to see you nice guy yeah very quick out the door this time which may may well um have served all of us well, I think. So look, should we close things off? I wish we would.

I think I would like to suggest some rewrites to this. Number one, a reminder in storytelling. When you end the tale and then I woke up, it's a bad end to the tale it's hard to care about the movie if at the start of it you say we're gonna watch a dream and at the end of it you say that was a dream you've removed any stakes that the audience has and what's going on and if you are gonna have a porno set inside of a dream feel free to show us a fucking cock yeah because then you're not breaking the rules. You've created a new playground.

You can do anything you want inside of that. Especially if you're in a dream in a dream in a story that a genie told you. In fact, do you know that we're railing against the thing that I also remember complaining about inside of the Overlooked and Undercooked season that either has just come out or is currently coming out. It's just come out. It's just come out or is currently coming out but it's just come out all the way yes all the way where it's like if you're introducing the idea that you're relaying a dream take some license with it don't be bound by the rules of reality i think they were bound by the budget of this production in this case oh look you can throw a guy an extra 200 to see his

cock on screen. Oh, I see what you're saying. You're just still fixated on the cock, but I thought you meant just general elevation of production values. We've got breasts. We've got ass, male and female. We've got full frontal for the ladies. It's sort of like you see Mon's pubis.

You don't actually see anything hardcore. Mon's pubis, I hardly know her. That's really good. But we just do not see, we don't see a man's pubic here. We don't see anything. And I sort of feel like I'm going on a quest now. Much like the boner inspector. Yeah.

To see a... Well, you are the boner. We are all, je suis boner inspector. Yeah. Turgid time. That is the segment Oh okay The Boner Inspector

Is looking for boners on us Right Turgid Time is about Trying to see a turgid cock On screen Oh okay Turgid Tim We actually

It's you You are researching this I think We got closer than We have ever To seeing Any kind of penis On screen this time

And it was A shot of the genie who was named gene he's actually got a longer name that starts gene gene and then he has a whole bunch of other syllables that i can't remember they call him gene when he first appears naked and they have a um what like a mid shot i guess you'd describe it, and we go so far as to see his pubes. The northern region of his pubes. You see actual pubes? We saw pubes. We saw his pubes.

And that's why they call you Turgid Tim. I was on the lookout. Turgid Tim, eyes on the prize. The treasure hunter. He'll go to the dump. He'll come back with a dismembered cock. He is the people's champion. Thank you so much for joining us.

Please do not watch these films Unless you want to I don't know Have a very unsatisfying Masturbatory experience Yeah I concur And if you'd like to join us on Patreon That'll be the opposite

A satisfying and rewarding time for you Where you will achieve climax One piece of premium Patreon content at a time. Patreon.com slash T-W-I-O-A-T. It is the reason we keep doing this. Well, it's not the reason we keep doing this. It gives us the ability to keep doing this. It's how you can enable this.

Which actually, in some ways, to some ears, will be not fodder to get involved but a good reason for people to get their mates out of it. Yeah. Yeah, if you're abstaining, hats off to you. Mad respect. Bye.