The Worst Idea Of All Time - 21: Going Down With The Ship

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

The fellaz have arrived at the end of the Emmanuelle in Space series and you know what that means - Time to revisit the entire series via one lazy final chapter made up of 'flashbacks'. Guy would like to see what happens when the aliens bring sexuality back to the homeland, Tim wants a Theo spin-off. Jim Carrey is a full on dude and George Lazenby.STREAMING EVENT: (worstideaofalltime.com/stream)SUPPORT US ON PATREON: (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

today you ready okay let's go the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing Hello everybody and welcome to the last ever review of an Emanuel in space movie from your frosty fellas. It's your boys, Timbo and GuyGuy. We've just finished... Ah, crap. What was this one called, Guy? We've just finished Emanuel 7. The Meaning of Love. The Meaning of Love. guy we've just finished to emmanuel seven the meaning of love the meaning of love

we're back in lockdown too so we're apart yeah yeah and um yeah the the the emmanuel theme song which you have been singing pretty much since we began this call until recording, and even then sometime during the record, it's sort of reached the Pavlovian worst idea of all time dread. You might remember from such films as Grown Ups 2, Sex and the City 2, Sex and the City 1, We Are Your Friends. It's sort of seeped into the inner mechanics of my brain and represents something to be feared and today tim that fear was somewhat well founded because emmanuel seven the meaning of love is a totally unearned flashback episode well i actually thought it was kind of nice to end our trip with a reminder of what the trip has been really yeah i kind of liked the little

the idea that this series is building towards like you know some sort of articulation about lovers i mean suggested in the very title the meaning of love and then instead they're just like remember all of these times and places we fucked oh boy didn't we have some laughs along the way see you later emmanuel off you go back to earth do you reckon any other pornos like treat their franchise like this uh well the guy there was a producer involved with this emmanuel who is um i don't know if other softcore franchises do the same but i think his fingerprints are all over this one and he's also he helms the next few installments of emmanuel so i think maybe in these ones because they've obviously got a formula they're working towards and it is kind of working for them but i think the probably the question is less about softcore pornos and more about general franchises how many franchises

would build towards a climax which is a um the pardon the pun yeah which is a double entendre what entendre. What? Entendre is French. Hmm. For meaning, I guess. Yeah, that's probably right. The French language cracks me up. Intent, maybe? No, that

is probably not right. Anyway. Double intent. But how many franchises across any medium would build to a climax that is then just then rehashing all of the build-up they've provided it is disrespectful yeah i mean look it's cost effective isn't it which at the end of the day we've got to pay some some attention to what production itself is an. Are we engaging with this franchise as producers or punters? It's hard to say.

Are we, you know, engaging with this as people who are crunching the numbers and pushing pencils or a couple of guys, penises in hand,

just trying to make ends meet? We open with Trisha, who is sometimes called Tasha and sometimes called Trisha, which is really

apparent considering we've got a mashup of all the six previous movies. It can be difficult to remember a character's name across multiple installments. Tasha or Tricia, whichever her name is, appears in Bullfight in Spain and manages to bag a matador on a shag pile rug in a like cold stony room after being told to leave several times yeah she can't be in there because she's a woman and um i was trying

to figure out is this a dream sequence at the start is that i think i think it's not a dream sequence i think she was like before everyone else comes to the motherboard and starts an honest day's labor on the sexy spaceship, I think Trisha or Tasha, whatever you want to call her, got up early, had a steaming hot cup of java, and just punched in like half an hour before everyone else to go, fuck a matador in Spain. And for me, Tim, it was a case of deja vu all over again

because I could swear to God someone had already had sex with a matador in Spain. And for me, Tim, it was a case of deja vu all over again. Because I could swear to God someone had already had sex with a matador in this. Yeah, I mean, it was her, right? Was it? Well, yeah, that's the whole... I mean, everything in this movie is... We're just seeing stuff that's happened in the previous sex. There was before that even introduced the

let me remind you of what you've learned by showing you everything again. This is how I remind you of how we did fuck yeah um i i sort of the matador scene was kind of funny she like she i like it i don't know it was it was an early it was hot and a good actor pretty much everyone sucks at acting in this but i reckon that matador was pretty good she was awful such a bad job she was like delivering her lines like a robot yeah um the way you danced with the beast it was incredible and then he starts nuzzling her knee and she pretty much has an orgasm on impact and i really enjoyed the way that they would intercut the um they'd intercut the

the matador and trisha having sex yeah with footage of an actual bullfight in case we sort of missed the metaphor that they were slamming into our face with a fucking shovel yeah well she literally was like waving a red uh cloth in front of him right and they had a little a little bit of that going on um yeah man i hated that and i i hated uh trish or tasha it depends what your name is but so yeah that footage because um uh tom walker brought this up in the last episode whenever they use footage and they use it a lot, like some stock footage, it's the lowest res, shittest looking stuff. I know, but I kind of liked that it was low res.

It was also almost inspiring to me, where I was like, you can pretend anything's anywhere if you just buy one cent stock footage off the internet, and you're like, Ha, I'm in spain insert shutterstock image of barcelona yeah man and it's like it is quite inspiring because back in the day they didn't have access to um to the internet yeah not really not to buy not to buy footage like this they had to probably that have some have some Hollywood marketplace to get it. But we could make our own porno guy,

and we could set it anywhere by simply spending a few hundred dollars on some footage of the Florida Keys. I think the setting and the archival footage of the Florida Keys is less of interest in the world where we're making a porno than the actual porn component of our porno could be right i think what would it be it'd be like friendship porn just a couple of guys sitting down getting along bearing their souls maybe we would write a really good porno someone someone recently was criticizing the way that men hug to me. She was saying, why do men hug like that?

Because I think we were watching some lads walking down a street and they hugged, but their shoulders get close together and their arms wrap around each other, but they keep their waists and legs at distance. And she was like do do men hug like that so that they don't touch penises yeah i think so but i was saying i don't it's not a conscious decision but i'd say that's probably not all men hug like that some of my best hugs i have with the lads hashtag not all men that's. I believe we are using that correctly.

As we always are. Sorry. Some of your best hugs tip to tip? Yeah, yeah. Well, not even deliberately tip to tip, but just oblivious to the placement of respective tips. Just a nice hearty hug with a friend. You know, because when you've got a friend in need, sometimes what they need is a hug.

And sometimes what a hug needs is the tips of a couple of penises gently, platonically pressing up against each other through four layers of fabric. In this world, both men are wearing underpants and shorts or trousers. It was a nice reminder

of all of the lands that we've travelled to throughout the previous Half Daz episodes. The Arc de Triomphe makes an appearance. The Golden Gate Bridge, that famous Full House intro. You know, I'm half expecting the Tanner family to pop up, but instead we've got a naked woman having sex with an alien. A Full House porn parody set in the adult world of Full House.

It should be called Full Frontal House. Yeah, it kind of makes sense, but it's also grotesque, and I regret even opening up the world. Whatever happened to respectability? The milkman, the paperboy. A roll inside me. Delivery. I reckon that's good.

It's just a selection of people coming to the Tana house. Yeah, no, this is fucked up, though. So who's having the sex? Well, didn't Stephanie... Bob Saget. Yes. Yeah. Thank God.

It's such an undesirable watch. Did the young woman who played stephanie go on to do adult films or did i make that up uh no i don't know that you made that up but i also can't remember the particulars i know that um the fallout of being a child star was not easy for the actor that i do remember but i think she had some addiction problems i believe so too but let's you know instead of diving into the world of the you know the pitfalls of huge success young what i'm going for is moderate success very slowly into my old age and even moderates probably being generous um let us instead talk about the lands that they visited and the

reason for visiting these lands because this is uh there's a an element of finality to this episode emmanuel in space we see trisha having sex with the matador we're back on the spaceship and halfron and emmanuel and everyone is there and they're saying hey this is it we've come to the end of the road and uh before we part it's important we reflect upon where we've been to the end of the road. And before we part, it's important we reflect upon where we've been, we reflect upon lessons learned. And to do that, why don't we just watch the footage back?

And that's exactly what they do. And Heffron keeps hammering the idea that, you know, and they touched on this in the last episode, that humans are so unlike anyone they've seen. They're so full of contradictions. And, you know, we try and dominate each other through warfare love and sex is a very complicated experience that you know he hasn't seen the likes of and it will be very difficult for him to explain this on his home planet and all this got me to thinking

do you know the franchise i'd like to see spun out of this would be because it sounds like the planet they come from sexuality doesn't exist so they've returned to this planet enlightened by sexuality also we don't know what corporal form they take on their home planet they're only look they only look like humans because they are mimicking where they were visiting i would love to see emmanuel go back with them to their home planet and try to learn how they fuck or whatever the equivalent version of it is well we know that they don't um they definitely don't have sex uh because of the speech that we got in the i think the very last outing of emmanuel in space everyone was talking about how like humans invented a lot of stuff because they've got passions and they've got they they fuck and

they get angry um but it creates a lot of inventiveness and that they don't have that on their planet and he said previously that they don't like no one else really goes around the universe warring with each other that's just a human thing that we do do you think the reason that uh heffron species travel through the galaxy inspecting others and we don't in this world or as as i understand it in general is because we do have sex to distract ourselves with sex and procreation and so instead of building a spaceship and being as far ahead in terms of matching our intelligence to our ability to travel through space, we're constantly hamstring ourselves by having sex for pleasure, also having sex for procreation, and then tending to our spawn, our progeny. Nah, I reckon it's encouraging us to go to space. I reckon it's encouraging us to go to space. There's a whole school of thought that a lot of human progress has been because we live or have lived so far, not solely,

but by and large in a very patriarchal society, that it's just dudes building monuments either to their own genitals or to try and impress women and be like, see, I've got the biggest schlong building and they get taken to space exploration as well because what does a rocket look like especially these new ones looks like a big dick exploring space so what so without this focus on our on on genitals are you saying tim that the only reason we've gotten anything done is because of the patriarchy? No.

Not at all. It sounds like that's what you're saying. No, no. Some other people have said that. I wouldn't say that. It sounds like that's what you're parroting. I was just trying to come up with a counterpoint to what you were saying. I don't know if it makes any sense. I was just imagining that heffron is so thrown by the fact that we're all having sex and whatnot and also like seems to be so

impressed by us and how i don't know that contented is the right word but like self-contained humans and earthers you know we're creating such a mess for ourselves on earth that there's no need or desire to go beyond it. The only person who's really looking into that right now is Elon Musk, who's like, man, I'm done here. Musk is getting all the press, but Bezos is trying. Really? Yeah, he's got a space program as well.

What's it called? I can't remember. I don't know what his one's called. Elon SpaceX, right? Yeah. It's his big schlong rockets. Yeah. Big schlong rockets.

You know what we need to get back to, though, is the ocean. People stop paying attention to the ocean. We still don't know that much about it. We don't explore it very much. I'll tell you who didn't stop thinking about the ocean, James Cameron. That guy is obsessed with the ocean. Yeah.

All he wants to do is make Avatar movies on a timeline of his choosing and go as far underwater as is humanly possible. I mean, it's pretty crazy that it took a successful Hollywood director to have the resources and inclination to rediscover the Titanic. You know? The Titanic was a pretty big deal.

We talk about it a lot. But no one had found the biggest, most significant part of the wreck until James Cameron was like, I'm going to go find it. And then he fucking did. Yeah. He's a film director. It's crazy. We wouldn't talk about it as much as we do if not for James Cameron.

He made a movie literally reintroducing the memory of it to the conversation. It's like, hey, do you guys remember this? And everyone was like, I don't know, James. And he was like, I think you're going to fucking remember this. Do you really think the movie has fucking remember this do you do you really think the movie has a lot to do with why we kind of think about it and talk about it 100 before the movie titanic came out i didn't know the titanic existed are you serious of course i'm fucking serious i was like seven i didn't care about a ship sailing from Ireland to New York.

That's crazy. It was like, I feel like it's one of those big things like dinosaurs in space when you're a kid. There's like a whole thing on natural disasters where you learn about Pompeii, the Hindenburg, and Titanic. The big three. Titanic's not a natural disaster. Yeah, that's true. It's not a natural disaster. I guess it was caused by an iceberg, though.

Yeah, it was caused by a ship driving into an iceberg. Not by, like, an iceberg springing itself on a ship. Oh, it depends who you ask. You ask the captain. Well, you can't, can you? Because... Yeah, it's so funny. It's like a good cap noise goes down with the ship

and his entire track record is that this guy's a pretty lousy captain he has every reason to try and survive that's a good point if your ship's going down i think you've got you get out of jail free car because you're no longer a good captain you got permission to bail at that point yeah so a noble captain lives with the consequences speaking of um getting on the water we got a delightful flashback to the emmanuel in space episode where uh they're on that riverboat casino i assume it's a casino why else would you have a boat like that that you're going to stay on for more than one day i hated that that was the first or second one where heffron was learning about sex and sexuality and he was like learning how to fucking have a different i felt physically ill watching heffron

this like with the mentality of a child learn about having sex with other people i genuinely i hated it i sort of it made me realize i was grateful for the character development that they'd imbued him with it It was like, at least by the end of the franchise, we're dealing with a flawed but rounded adult. Watching a grown man pretend to have the mental aptitude of a nine-year-old while having sex with a myriad of adult women is... Well, to call it a boner killer would be wrong because there was no boner to kill tim yeah they do the same thing with theo as well again and again he's like this this comedy man child character but he does get his end off sometimes he was he was comedy the whole way through you you observed it to me that all of his escapades are scored by well it's like a bassoon or something i said it was a tuber in my message but i i think

yeah it's some big deep horn instrument and like that kind of there's a very specific scale you can do on an electric organ where it's just like this is common it's like being at a clown show and every scene that has theo in it they score it in that way i actually do think though that he's a character ripe for a spin-off because although the concept of him um having sex is disgusting um to me and quite repellent because despite the fact that he would be quite hot if he just didn't say anything they've made this character kind of as you're saying with heffron he's like it's it's just putting a six-year-old in an adult's body which is a pretty gross line to play with for adult sex but he is very funny and he's's a big physical performer, and all his movements and scenes that he's in, he really does dial that comedy knob up,

and I think he's got the wherewithal to carry his own franchise. You mean the actor within the character as well? That character, Theo. That guy is in realty now. What's realty? what's realty he's a real tour oh right gotcha i thought there was like a series about real estate agents he's in the top 500 real tours in california or something and he's looking forward to a covid free 2021 so the guys we all plugged in and switched on. Speaking of back catalogs as well,

I was looking up Halfron, discovered that he is in Basketball, briefly. Paul Michael Robinson. Paul Michael Robinson. His name is my name too. He's also in Bruce Almighty. Really? Which is interesting. Because Chris Allen's also starred in a Jim Carrey vehicle.

Exactly. She's in Liar Liar, so I'm thinking, is Jim Carrey casting his films in Manu Allen's space? No, but Jim Carrey's off the... He's Jim Carrey in space as far as I can tell right now. That guy's on a different planet. Is he? What's he up to?

He just published a... Well, it's called a novel. It's like a... Is it like a manifesto? Yeah, it's like a blended memoir, but mostly fictionalized. He co-wrote with some author, and I listened to a podcast about his writing,

and it sounded... I don't know. Fullon he's full-on jim carrey childhood idol full-on dude yeah do you think people not from new zealand understand what that saying means because i say it often and i do wonder yeah yeah yeah i guess it means intense doesn doesn't it? Yeah. And usually, like, way too intense. Yeah, it was pretty full-on, and New Zealanders like saying it was too much, which is probably also colloquialism. You're too much. What else have we got to discuss

within the actual world of Emmanuel 7, the meaning of love? Tim, I put it to you. What is the meaning of love, as learned by these seven softcore pornography films? Well, I'm just remembering the great advice and discussions

that we had on the ship in between the scenes of flashing back to the previous six movies where we dissected the lessons learned. One is that sex and love are two different things. Another is that according to Emmanuel, I different things. Another is that, according to Emmanuelle, I don't know, what was she saying?

Emmanuelle, who I continue to believe is a pretty sound teacher. Like, for someone that they just picked up on the side of the road as an instructor for an entire alien species on human love and sex, they could have done a lot, a a lot worse hell yeah and to get a bit more meta on it as well krista allen also i i can say this now we're at the end of the road of her run of emmanuel i think she did a fantastic job she was given such crazy scripts, such terrible actors to work against. And Heffron gets a turn in this one. We're right at the end of the movie.

It's like, I'm not fully sure what happened, but at the very, very end, Krista Allen is like, okay, I'm back to Earth now. You guys are going to bugger off to the rest of the galaxy or the universe and keep exploring. So this is the end of our time together so krista allen is on a pier i'm not sure where she is let's say santa monica and she's looking through a telescope and she sees all of these people enjoying their lives and activities and it's kind of like hey you're back you can you can be back part of the world you could be on a boat you could be on the beach you go swimming and then she spies someone who looks exactly like heffron fishing off the pier and she goes to walk over to him and she's like are you heffron and he goes no i wish i was though because obviously she's a

beautiful woman who's just come up to him randomly and she says do you want to get a cup of coffee? And he says, I don't drink coffee. Oh, wait a minute. Sure, that sounds really nice. And his, because we've never quite known if the guy portraying Hefron was a bad actor or if he was just making some choices for this alien that's a dumb shit. Yeah, yeah. But it turns out the kid can't act.

Yeah. And we know that now. I know. I actually went on his um there's this website called peoplepill.com and it sounds good paul michael robinson's website there's a um a paragraph on his time in emmanuel in space which reads paul was cast as the lead opposite chris allen in the erotic, Emmanuel in Space. The role enabled him to show that he had quite a presence as an actor and comedian. It also allowed him to showcase his physical attributes and beauty.

Emmanuel in Space remains one of the pioneering softcore films and continues to find new audiences and fans. I totally agree with you, Tim. For seven episodes, we were like, maybe he's just doing a

really good job of portraying this stilted person or alien who doesn't quite jive with you know being a person and then they gave him a chance at the very end and if they'd left it out yeah we'd never know we'd be like well you know he made some decisions he stuck with them good on him but right at the end they're like and by the way your instincts were right this guy can't act well so i thought it was so arrogant of heffron because i feel like he teed all of this up it's like he's had this really open-minded teacher this incredible experience traveling through earth having sex with a variety of people usually sort of gravitating back towards emmanuel they had some sort of bond that transcended just instructor and pupil and then she's like all right guys

time to go and everyone on the ship's like ah it might be a bit dicey for you emmanuel remember you know remember how the fbi or you know remember how these people were after us and emmanuel's like nah i gotta go back to earth and so they don't talk about it she doesn't ask for anything they just drop her on a pier in santa monica which seems insane like you've probably put her back in her house but okay she takes that totally in stride they leave some hints to find out you know like for i don't know they leave a there's a quarter on the on the pier and she puts it into one of those telescopes as you've said and finds this heffron lookalike i'm like heffron you fucking arrogant prick like you've just set this woman free from being an instructor on your

spaceship you know you've turned her back out into the into the world to to find love with whoever she so chooses and you've created or like imbued this person to look exactly like you as though the first thing she's going to want to do after spending all this time on the spaceship is continue having sex with someone who has exactly your physical characteristics that's so true man boy is that true if you've been eating ice cream for a week and nothing but and then they're like you can eat whatever you want now you're gonna go back to ice cream i don't think so yeah even if it's ice cream you don't want it that's right too much of anything too much hephron um i also wanted to

talk about that the sort of that quarter that you put in the binoculars or telescope so you can see around like a dime to me it was cheap I don't think it was a quarter. It must have been a quarter. I always assume it's a quarter. It must have been a quarter. I remember I used one of those equivalents at a building in Athens, Greece once. And it's like you put a quarter into binoculars

at a very high or useful viewing vantage point. And the binoculars were just pointing directly into, like, apartment buildings way, way, way away. And I was like, this feels illegal and kind of crazy. And Emmanuel was doing it too, where she put the quarter and started pointing the telescope at the beach. It was like all these people on the beach hundreds of meters away who have no idea someone is just

observing them like isn't that funny and it's like close detail because those those like telescopes and binoculars are all over the world and a coin operated and they're always portrayed in film and television with these very romantic kind of glamorous notions that you're in a metropolitan city you want to see the sights you want to like do some some people watching but ultimately it's just incredibly voyeuristic it's in a massive invasion of privacy massively it's spying and i always think about and they're all and they're at the beach often as well so you're you're just looking at all these half naked people yeah spying when you're a child you get you can get given like a spy kit and you're taught to like dust for fingerprints and use binoculars and a magnifying glass and all this

stuff and then at some point we're like unless you're going to become a professional spy it's like we do not do any of that stuff we do not snoop we do not look at other people if they don't know it is wholly inappropriate you know, maybe you shouldn't have literally armed me with the exact equipment to learn how to do this in my formative years. Yeah, and really romanticize the notion to me that this is what we should all be doing as adults. That is a weird thing we give to kids.

Why do we do that? It's fun to be a snoop. Because there's just a lot of toys involved isn't there a lot of cheap accoutrement you have a magnifying glass um a notepad have you ever solved a crime god i wish that i had i don't think i've solved a single crime in my whole crummy life i'm trying to think i haven't had a lot of interaction with police to be honest um i haven't been arrested yet which is good uh like you say yet yeah shit yeah you gotta give well i think you've at least got to get arrested

once or a couple times in your. I don't think you do. I think I will honestly consider my life a failure if I never get arrested. If I don't get arrested once, I'll be like, fucking hell, man. Sort it out. Okay. I'll be gutted. I'll be absolutely gutted. That's a very sort of Kiwi attitude, I think. Yeah, perhaps.

White Kiwi attitude. I don't know about that i've been watching um uh i often watch a lot of documentaries about activists i'm like fuck yeah ah true get amongst fuck up some police yeah man you got to put that on record before you do it as well yeah absolutely so that they can play it back in the courts And be like, his intent was bad So you've not solved a crime I don't think I've ever solved a crime I had a flashback to when

This was one of the I cannot think of a time This is is top three saddest i've ever been i think i was like nine years old my dad went to um england and came back and bought us these beautiful like uh like a what the americans would call a fanny pack. Bumbag. A bum bag made of, it was like a suede-y kind of material, I think. It was kind of a leather suede-y thing. It was so, so nice for a kid to have. And I put all my marbles in there, and then it got stolen at school, and I was just beside myself.

It would be. Understandable. And to this day, the crook roams free. Yeah, they were never fingered, as I like to say. We never managed to finger that criminal. Kids love... Because it is a crime. I don't care if you're seven years old.

If you stole something, you're a criminal. It's for life? Yeah, I guess so. Kids love marbles, huh? They love those little balls of marble. Well, they're glass. They were a real currency back in the day. And I don't know if people still kind of mess with them.

But it is an artifact from my youth that does make me sound like I am 80. Yeah. No, well, but you'd be surprised. In this very house in which I live, one of the residents, who is five, loves marbles. Has no practical application for them. Doesn't like know what to do with them

beyond putting them in a little coin purse walking around showing them to people taking them out putting them back in. Today You ready?

Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody and here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing do you reckon humans have do you reckon there's something like there's something in our DNA that attracts us to gemstones and things that look like them? I guess. Because we've got all these myths and... It's a real nature-verse nurture-style question there.

But there's just too much convergent culture that is all about us wanting shiny, precious stones. I'm mainly basing this on a video essay that i watched while i was supposed to be doing work yesterday comparing um the avengers movies to the the justice league dc equivalent and how they're like identical it's just all the same thing and it's all centered around like these these fucking gemstones or a magic box and And there's so much myth and legend from all over the world, like completely divergent cultures that really like shiny stones and magical boxes.

Dragon Ball Z. Pokemon. You're collecting badges. Pokemon's a bit different, but yeah. Pokemon's a bit more animal-centric, which is nice. it's about living things i'd love to see rather than property must be some really good bestial pokemon erotic fan fiction oh yeah i guess so i'd love to see a nidoking and a nido queen just absolutely going

hammer and tongs it would i reckon it'd be have you seen footage of those turtles from the Galapagos Islands and they make those crazy sounds? They're like, ooh. They try to mount each other over and over again, but their shells get in the way. I've not seen that. Oh, man, the sounds. Yeah, hearing that noise is as good a time as any to remind me that I've got to visit a border inspector.

Hello. Hello. Hello, sir. I'd like to inspect your undergarments please man i'm so sorry to report that i didn't get a boner because that means that i've gone through the entire manual in space with that one so can i tell you who i thought like sort of deserved one was the it was a beautiful um person on the ship i didn't get oh i think her name's cara and she's like the only person who can act among the aliens and she's very beautiful dude right there with you when she's like telling heffron she's like we can show the people on our planet what we've learned and heffron's like what and she's like we can show them yeah and she is beautiful but also acting with such supreme ability and confidence that it's like

you're pulled into a different movie where you're like it's crazy because you kind of forget that anyone can act when you're watching the movie and then someone does a good job you're like oh fuck i forgot that's right I thought she was fantastic. Tim, because we're apart and I had to get up early this morning and I was umming and ahhing over whether to tell you this. I was like, do you know what? I might actively try and get a boner watching the movie today. Okay. And I didn't.

Oh. When you say actively try, you mean like physical intervention? Yes. I mean intervening with my own body. Do you know what? I guess because this dates back to our first season of the podcast when professional film critic Dom Corey came in and he said, one of the important things you have to do when you're watching

or reviewing a film is engage with it on its terms. Tim, these movies are not designed to be watched. I mean, these movies are not designed to be watched I mean these movies are designed to be watched while jacking it yeah but just to confirm you didn't do that today?

I didn't do it because I was not inspired to I respect the fact that you did wait until we weren't physically together. Because you know what? I probably wouldn't have loved that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real Pee Wee Herman situation going on in the podcast studio.

Part of what inspired the notion, the very possibility that it was on the cards. But alas, I didn't. Again, not unlike yourself, it was a whisper of a bone. was like this yeah it was like that uh when there was that acting taking place but alas i'm sorry we must release the boater inspector, I mean, this guy's got a very formal, beautiful, leather-bound notebook, and all he wants to do is write down and observe... I know.

He's got a whole train. A single boner. Or... He's got a whole train to check out. I guess as Demi would put it, like, clunge, plunge, or some sort of horrible turn of phrase. How dare you vilify Demi bringing in a uh thesaurus yeah of words to describe the female form um we also found out just you and i not the movie watcher us but us doing our background

research that hefron was uh was he an army ranger he was in yeah this is all on the popular website peoplepill.com under paul michael robinson's entry he was um he served in the is all on the popular website peoplepill.com under Paul Michael Robinson's entry he was um he served in the United States Army and was stationed at Fort Stewart, Georgia he was in the 3rd Battalion, 15th Infantry specialising in comms he was out

before Desert Storm you fucking loser get out just before a big operation like that i don't even know what desert storm was it was the original incursion into um iraq i think and was this a good idea the first gulf war um uh well i mean it was successful i think ultimately but a lot of innocent people died so how do you want to sounds like you want to measure your military reactions success

yeah god damn us military this entire movie it was kind of interesting because it was told in flashback it was a composite it was like you know the simpsons would do occasional episodes like that or friends are the two uh television memories that stick out but um this one like the audio quality was different when ever chris allen and paul michael robinson or or emmanuel and have from were reminiscing about it it was honestly a lot like hearing the actors give us a director's commentary in character but they were just sort of remembering times and places they'd fucked yeah which would have been a way better experience if this genuinely the last movie was just them.

Yeah, I'd love to. Yeah, yeah. Or even just a behind the scenes, like a Peter Jackson style Lord of the Rings DVD featurette. I hear that. See them fucking around with each other. I mean, we've watched now the complete Emanuel in Space collection, the DVD 7-pack. First Contact, A World of Desire,

A Lesson in Love, Concealed Fantasy, A Time to Dream, One Last Fling, and The Meaning of Love. One last fling. Which ironically was in the middle of the series. Hmm. Do you have a favorite out of all seven one of the

early ones I think I can't actually differentiate between them exactly but maybe either like probably a world probably it was a world of desire or a lesson in love but it was around the time we had that comedy

director in and the franchise was still fresh and um actually we were back on the riverboat casino i remember enjoying that like we were reunited with the bartender who hated hafron for continually having sex with different uh ship passengers and also like the chaos of hafron having sex with different uh ship passengers and also like the chaos of heffron having sex with everyone and then all of it blowing up in his face it was like a sort of enjoyable caperish storyline uh to to break up the monotony of the sex yeah it was it was my favorite as well because it actually had some stakes and uh heffron and emmanuel had to falling out and yeah emmanuel i mean heffron was really fucking around there doing a lot of shape-shifting doing a lot of tricking yeah there's also actually the punk

there's a nice little moment at the end of this movie when they were trying to figure out how emmanuel would go back to earth and stay safe and he Heffron was like, wow, we can just change how you look. And starts ripping through different women. That was so messed up. He was using his remote to just be like, you could look like this, or this, or this. And there's just all these different reflections of women. Changing the complete physical composition of a human being.

Like you're changing the channel on a television set. And Emmanuel was like slightly perturbed i would have been a lot angrier she took it in stride someone was doing that to me as is her want well it seems appropriate that at the end of the emmanuel in space franchise we introduce our friend george to offer you or i the opportunity to perhaps articulate what you might like to see for a okay a porno so george will you will you come on in ah yes hello it's me george lazenby george lazenby it's so good to hear your voice well it's so good to have my voice and my ability to listen i've got a concept for you for a film franchise. This isn't just one picture.

This is at least a four-picture deal. Have you seen the Emanuel in Space movies? Hold on. Yes. The very thought of it's enough to give me a sneeze, otherwise known as one-eighth of an orgasm. I just want to double-check, George Lazenby. Have you had a COVID swab?

No, no, I don't believe in COVID. Okay. Good to know. Good addition. All right. Well, thank God that we're conducting this over Zoom. My meals have been quite bland recently, though. Yeah, why is that?

I don't know. I keep going out to restaurants, and it doesn't matter how much salt or pepper or spice I put on the food, I can't taste a damn thing. Right. How's your sense of smell at the moment, George Lazenby? What sense of smell? Okay.

All right. Well, hopefully you've still got your sense of film taste, because I think you're going to love this. That's not going anywhere. Do you remember popular icon of the Emanuel in Space episodes, Theo? Yes. Part of many jokes on the mothership, comedy caper extraordinaire, scene stealer. I bought my house from that horny hound.

Oh, true, because he's now in real estate. Well, here's what i'm thinking i want to revive the character of theo and give him his own softcore porn franchise and it's called theo and the boys okay theo uh is part of a collection of friends. There's five friends, and they're all guys from the ship. So we see them as human beings, but actually they're aliens. They've decided to mutiny from Hefron and leave the ship and come to Earth.

So they are, through each successive movie, trying to bob and weave, having the best time that they possibly can, and engage with huge, famous cultural events that people go through in their lives. Things like Spring Break. Things like Mardi gras um things like a uh an inauguration uh places where you get drunk and uh fucking shack up with a bunch of yeah exactly you get it but all the while

there's a cat and mouse element to this because they are being tracked by half run in the mothership as well. And some three leader agencies on earth who are aware of the aliens presence, but can never quite catch up to them because they're constantly being sounds like you're borrowing fairly heavily from the Emanuel in space franchise. Uh, yeah,

this is kind of a spun off you know theo headed vehicle for an extension and the franchise see theo's head cockhead cockhead yeah we see his cockhead absolutely because it's now the year 2021 and if we want to make a dent against any of this internet traffic where you can get pornography for free from all stripes and levels of intensity, we're going to need to see full pain. Yeah, and maybe Theo has some sort of misunderstanding with a step-sibling or relative. Well, I like how involved you're getting with the story pitching of this, George. Tell me more. how involved you're getting with the story pitching of this, George. Tell me more.

Well, he meets someone who's a half alien, half human hybrid, and he says, oh, this is interesting. And the half alien, half human hybrid says, I think your mom and my dad have gotten married. And he says... It's like a step alien. Yeah. And he says, hmm, I'm getting a little confused around the bloodlines here because if the person is half alien, you know,

there's a pretty high chance they're actually related. But either way, they find it all very confusing and arousing. And maybe they have sex at an inauguration. And then when they get kicked out of the inauguration, they go to Mardi Gras and they have sex there. You're getting it. Exactly. Exactly.

And then on to spring break and then to Sydney, Australia for schoolies. Oh, wait, I think that happens somewhere else yeah that's right sure i get it they take a road trip from sydney to the gold coast in a car it's hey it's pretty full on we need to hammer out some of the finer details but the broad strokes have me broadly stroking myself. Very good. All right. Well, George, do we have a deal? Yeah, man.

See you. Lovely guy. Really good guy. Well, I'm glad we could get something across the line. I feel like he's actually a fair judge. You know what I mean? Like, he won't green light total shit. He'll tell you when you're onto something. Unpredictable predictable and some of the stuff he's into is borderline but yeah

shout out to george lazenby shout out last real bond all right well look let's stop talking let's end this episode okay great but before we do go we simply must tell you about the live stream that is happening in just a few days. This is a live table read of the pilot episode of the new Sex and the City season that Guy and I have penned. It is fantastic. And it's going to feature some of our comedy friends. And it's also supporting not just us, but also a Brooklyn-based theater called Littlefield who have hosted us previously. And I can say this confidently, the good guys.

Yeah, they are. So it depends where you are. But I'm going to imagine right now you're in America. So this Thursday on the 18th of February, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time or 6pm Pacific Standard Time. That is when the live stream is taking place in New Zealand. That is 3pm on Friday, the 19th of February. In other places like the UK, it is at the unwatchable and unusable time of 3am.

But you will be able to get it after the fact. That's right. We're going to sort something out so that you can see it after the fact. And I can't announce who it is, but we have got a very, very, very special guest who will be moderating a Q&A for us on the live stream. So do join us. Absolutely.

Worth getting along for that alone. If you want tickets and you don't already have them, head along to worstidearofalltime.com forward slash stream. It's cheap. It's eight US dollars. And that's just a recommended donation. That's right. We look forward to seeing you.

Yeah. Being online at the same time as you in a known capacity. We'll see you. Bye. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately

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