The Worst Idea Of All Time - 24: Bechdel (w/ Melanie Bracewell)

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

We’ve unleashed a plague of mosquitoes in the studio to greet kiwi comedian Mel Bracewell who joins the boiz to discuss dog sexuality, whether Sandy from Spongebob is a woman and Miranda getting the short end of the stick. We ask why/how Carrie is always wearing pearls to bed, instruct Americans (especially East Coasters) to come join the rest of us and bottle your feelings and dig into the difference between Men’s and Women’s bathrooms. Plus, an out-of-this-world pitch from Mel.@melaniebracewell (Insta) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Hello and welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time, episode 24, season 4, Sex and the City 1. I'm Tim Batt. Yeah, you are. And that's Guy Montgomery. I'll introduce everyone. I'm Guy Montgomery and Tim Batt, and I would like to welcome the first New Zealand-bound guest that I've managed to share a viewing in this season with,

which has really improved the situation. Oh, man. She's a stand-up comedian. She's a television writer. She has a TV personality, I would describe her as, and she is hot off a trip from Australia. She just got back from Sydney to sit down early in the morning and watch this fucking movie with me, it's Melanie

Bracewell! Hello, mosquitoes are attacking me but I was at the airport and the computer system shut down for my airline they just couldn't check anyone in it was just broken That's so unlikely! I know it was fucked!

Oh my god, this mosquito is going to kill me. I opened the door for 30 seconds to make coffee and like... Look at this as well. I've got a bump already. Oh my God. I'm so sorry about that. It's okay. A million mistakes.

The stakes have never been higher. You must have had like an hour's sleep last night. Yeah, it was so dumb because I met this person there who was also going through the same situation. We were just chatting for ages and I was like, oh, fuck, I've got to get up early tomorrow. And he was like, oh, why? And I was like, oh, God.

I've got to watch Sex and the City at 7.30 in the morning. And when I got up this morning, I was so tired. My alarm went off and I got out and it was raining and my bag was still packed on the ground and i was like there's no way this is how anyone is supposed to start their day but now also just like to increase the difficulty setting i've just introduced a shit ton of mosquitoes to the recording environment. Our blood is draining as we speak.

I'm a huge fan of that. Can I just say, unlikely as this may sound, I was recently at an airport. I was flying Singapore Airlines somewhere. I can't remember where. It was somewhere in India, and they were doing a training exercise where the entire check-in process was done like an analogue manually.

Wow. So, yeah. And they were writing out, they wrote out everyone's boarding pass. Like the whole process was insane. It took like an extra two hours. And I was like, why on earth are you doing this? Was this in jail?

Yeah, they said in case our systems go down i was like that is impossible there is no planet on which you would ever be totally without legitimately yeah that's exactly what happened we were just waiting in line and the line wasn't moving and then like someone came around and giving free licorice and said it's never a good sign i was like oh no when you're outside of the airport someone giving out free chocolate licorice is the sign of a great time exactly inside of an airport you know it's trouble they just said the entire systems for checking in like no one can check in it's just broken and so i had to go and get a new flight now would you have preferred that they attempted an analog switcheroo where they just started busting up that's what i thought

i legitimately thought there's got to be an analog backup plan here because they're not onto it like india they haven't they haven't prepared for this they don't have the drill down yeah but anyway um it's a shame that our experiences didn't happen consecutively. Exactly. That we sort of live in these parallel worlds where it's almost a thing. We've got to get these two realigns together. You've got the solution to the problem and I've got the problem, but they're happening not simultaneously in not a the same space.

Fuck. Exactly. It's nice to speak to you guys. I've been by myself. Oh, guy. I know. It's really to speak to you guys. I've been by myself. Oh, guy. I know. It's really, it's no matter. Sunday evening for you?

Afternoon. I've got a freshly sprained ankle. This is your basketball, isn't it? Yeah, this is me leaping and failing to land. Oh, no. Yeah, very humiliating. I was in the middle of a pickup game of basketball with some land. Oh no. Yeah, very humiliating. I was in the middle of a pick-up game of basketball with some other local guys at the court

who I don't actually know. And I did this sort of embarrassing noise you do when you hurt yourself where you go... And it did nothing for my reputation. Because ankle-breaking in basketball is a term you use. Yes. You know, I'm going to break your ankles and that sort of stuff, and it's supposed to represent the most humiliating thing

that could happen to you while you play. It's not supposed to literally go down. I kind of nailed it. I said, I'm going to break my ankle, and then jumped up and landed awkwardly, which is adjacent to an ankle breaker, if not the dictionary definition. But yeah, so I've just had my foot up.

Are you in pain, buddy? No, no, I'm okay. I've had two beers and a bit of weed. I actually feel incredibly relaxed. So I watched Sex and the City 2, and I was early, and then I got word from back in New Zealand That you guys were running late So as soon as Sex and the City 2 Finished up

Wait, have you been watching Sex and the City 2? We just watched the first one Sorry, I have actually just watched Sex and the City 1 Okay, alright But then yeah, so after the movie finished I fired up the kiln And put on the first episode of the TV series, Sex and the City Season 1, Episode 1. And I had a hell of a time.

Honestly, it was a really exciting show. Some characters you can really get behind. Intriguing plot lines. Fast and fresh style. I think this show is going to have a big future. How was the writing? Like the dialogue and stuff. Was it good?

It was pretty good. There were a lot of direct addresses to camera, sort of almost documentary style. I forgot about that. Carrie breaks the fourth wall and then other characters are talking to the camera, sort of like when Harry met Sally. They're just talking about, frankly, about their experience or thoughts on something. It's a confessional style of thing, right? Yeah, but it's a lot of fun to be had.

A soliloquy of short sorts. Yeah, yeah. And it's really, it's done, I don't think it hasn't done anything, it's improved my general mood. It's done nothing to increase the respect I have for the film. But it's certainly an interesting palate cleanse. uh yeah would you recommend it as a serving suggestion to pair a future watch of sex in the city one absolutely an ep to to you tim bet i would recommend it

heartily i mean to anyone who's curious it seemed like a pretty good time now i hope i'm not outing you mel but um you just uh reminded me that you were born in 1995 which means that you uh um like missed all of the kind of phenomenon of the tv show i've never seen a full episode of the tv show never seen the movie never seen anything but who is this is all news to me with that outing tim you have left melanie bracewell's reputation as a sex in the city number one fan and absolute ribbons oh my god my merch site is gonna go under this is a disaster so what did you make of this because you're viewing this totally in isolation from every other part of the sex in the city machine it's interesting especially the setup you have

here us in these like armchairs where i feel like we're almost like roped into the chair and toothpicks in our eyes staring at an ipad but um it's yeah you did interpret this with a very clockwork orange feel to it yeah it definitely is weird watching a movie for the first time and like just seeing a world for the first time that's very clearly set in like 2008 or whenever it came out um yeah so it was weird it was strange i guess but i didn't like i didn't hate it i didn't i wasn't having a horrible time the whole time i think it was like enjoyably bad in parts yeah you know you can watch this movie once that's the thing yeah exactly i've got the easiest job i just had to sit here and watch a movie i've never seen before yeah so can i can i ask mel beyond the peripheral

awareness that the show existed you didn't really know any of these characters you didn't know the universe you were my only reference to the universe was um about uh maybe a week ago episode of rupaul's drag race um they did a little challenge he's trying he's trying to attack another mosquito um i am listening i'm sorry um called um sex and the kitty girl uh where they played sort of caricatures of the characters and that's where i got the the closest representation do i think like you know one likes sex and one is nice and one is something else. I feel like, curiously, that kind of makes you the ultimate target audience or, like, it creates the ultimate watching mentality for seeing Sex and the City the movie for the first time

because you don't know the show well enough to be spurned by the fact that it's not doing the characters justice and you don't have, like, the hang-up of having seen Sex in the city 252 times previously and sex in the city 23 times previously right yeah i feel like you're really in the slot to actually have probably if not a rollicking good time certainly a passable time i had a passable time and the other thing is that there was so much sort of narration and exposition at the beginning to tell you exactly what has happened up until this point so i feel like i've missed literally nothing i don't know i don't see the point of watching the entire series if it can be summed up in that sort of five minute opening

sequence it is insane how efficient the storytelling is at the start and then such a fucking walk like a saunter through storytelling the rest of the whenever i read a book and i read the prologue i'm always like well we just saved ourselves a heck of a lot of time why isn't the whole book written with this sort of attitude in mind yeah let's just fucking battle through it um now had some fantastic observations through the film uh yeah we got about a third and and mel was like does this film even pass the bechdel test yeah because i i think we only noticed i only sort of noticed to look out for it from halfway through but definitely from halfway through does not at all anytime you have a glimmer that they're going to talk about anything other than

a man it's no it's It's just obliterated. By the way, how do we pronounce that? Because I adopted your pronunciation. I normally say Beshtel, but I think that's wrong. Oh, you wouldn't want to. It would be pretty rich to be mansplaining the pronunciation of Bechtel. Is it Bechtel? That's what I thought.

I'll roll with that, sure. Yeah, you can't have two now. I absolutely do. It's got to be Beshtel Oh, fuck Go right, okay I have no basis for that This was a test I just remember saying

This is what it actually was about Beshamel The source Yeah But they're two different things One's a name of a person, right? Yeah That was the memory trick i taught myself to remember how to pronounce it but i don't think i was taught that

by anyone i might have just given it to myself okay i don't know so exactly because like we watched it with a bit of an eye after that we talked through a couple of the montage bits mainly led by me i'm sorry about that that's okay no i could i could tell how like eager you were to just talk through things you gotta give me some credit i tried i was as restrained as i possibly could be i waited for like a big montage or a conversation that i knew you know but also it felt good because you know sometimes some people get annoyed when you talk through movies and stuff, but I'm kind of a vocal movie watcher. So I was like, there's no way he'll be pissed at all.

Absolutely not. I'm like, shut up, Melanie. I'm trying to watch. Stakes couldn't be lower. But did it pass? I don't think we saw a single thing that, yeah, that did. Yeah, I sometimes look up movies that have passed the Bestow test. One that I thought was funny was that, like, the SpongeBob movie, like, Sponge Out of Water doesn't pass it.

They were saying, there was like an argument in the comment section. Someone was like, Pearl actually addresses a crowd, which includes Mrs. Puff, about something else. And they're like, it doesn't count because they're talking to a crowd. But I got puff about something else and they're like it doesn't count because they're talking to a crowd yeah but i got it was a very heated debate i thought you'd say it doesn't count because sandy is a squirrel sandy's a she's a woman in the universe of spongebob uh dude pretty sure that's a freaking squirrel look at the look at the face and the tail one thing that we thought about as well um was uh speaking of uh animals and the genders of animals was um the dog which was established as a female dog being into humping and i didn't think that female dogs

sort of really hump things with that sort of... Luciferousness. We want to throw this to you, Monty, because you grew up with dogs, didn't you? You had dogs as a kid? Yeah, I did, actually. I grew up with multiple woman dogs or... Bitches. Yeah, yeah.

You can say it. And two of them were in love. A black lab and a Jack Russell, Bella and Izzy. No, am I remembering this? I just vividly remember a female dog humping the ever-loving shit out of another female dog in my house. I think you're remembering what you want to remember. No, actually, no, do you know what?

Can confirm. Yeah, right, okay. So, but I mean, you know, you don't get a lot of representation for that on screen, so it's interesting because Sex and the City take it away on one hand, but also they giveth in terms of, you know, they're on the front line for dog sexual rights.

Another funny observation Mal had is that later in the, so after Samantha has had the dog for a little while, which doesn't get a name, eh? I think we've talked about this in the past. I'm pretty sure the dog at no point gets a name. I didn't notice. Has the haircut of a men's rights actor. The dog looks like an incel i just think

like it just was just cut in a way that i was like oh mate you've done this yourself it's like straight bangs but they're not bangs because there's kind of too much of it so it's like a male and they don't connect in the middle like definitely parts in the middle there's there's a lot going on there that makes me think that dog's an incel once you see that i could see the guy that that dog is yeah and like incels they do spend a lot of time sort of humping dog yeah i don't know i don't know where i was going with that no i feel like you're insinuating incels hump dogs how you can tell historians continue to debate to this day whether or not incels hump dog how can tell historians continue to debate to this

day whether or not incels hump dog toys they're so busy yelling about who they're not having sex with very rarely do they

get into who or what they are in fact having sex with but that's being said I was saying earlier the equivalent I guess of a dog

because the dog's humping like a dog soft toy so the equivalent would be a human having sex with a sex toy right or like a dog soft toy. So the equivalent would be a human having sex with a sex toy. Right? Or like a fuck doll.

Yeah. A sex doll. Anyway. Yeah. So chill on that. I guess that's right. I've got a... My dog, as young as it is, which right now Rufus is only like 12?

No? Eight weeks? No. Yeah, 12 weeks old. And he's already started humping his little toy. I was like, God, 12? No? Eight weeks? No. Yeah, 12 weeks old. And he's already started humping his little toy. I was like, God, that came on early. That's right, isn't it? Yeah.

Are you, like, Googling to go, oh, how soon's too soon? They grew up so fast, kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. I'm a dad with abandonment issues from my furry little son. He's grown up too quick. You know how they say

only humans and dolphins have sex for pleasure? Have you heard that? Yeah. I've never bought you heard that? Yeah. I've never bought that, eh? Yeah. I don't know. Because if you knew... I don't know.

I haven't investigated the science of it, but I've always kind of believed it. I think just... I feel like humans really need a leg up to keep the self-esteem high. So putting ourselves up there with dolphins seems like a pretty sound strategy but the idea of a neutered dog humping would suggest that dogs get as horny as uh as people my dog hasn't been neutered but the the um they do mention the dog in the film yeah yeah has been fixed so he was telling me that apparently, so male dogs, they get their balls chopped off,

which is obviously not great, but not super invasive. But female dogs have a full hysterectomy. They get their total uterus removed when they get fixed. How fucked is that? So they can't have periods or anything anymore instead of getting their tubes tied. They have a total hysterectomy. Sorry, anyway.

I mean, would the, I've forgotten the name, blonde lady. Samantha. Samantha talking to the dog who was also a female count as passing the Bechdel test. Oh, very good question. At what point did they talk about not a man, though? Yeah, fair. Probably. You know?

Yeah. Probably didn't happen. Shit. And how did you sum samantha up i just loves to fuck loves to any time it was just like we get it you love to fuck all the time she was like by the way guys i'm i'm gonna fuck later we're like okay all right we get it yeah she'll like come out like everyone's doing their fun little wardrobe thing where they're just dancing and then she's like humping the door you're came on when uh samantha gets the dog that is humping at the time of purchase

and mel just said we get it you fuck it is a bit in your face but you know it's good storytelling because you got the the key characteristic of that player in the film. But it was almost her entire personality. It sure is. She's surely got some nuance. She's surely got other things going on. I feel like this is part and parcel of the reason why she didn't do that third movie.

I think the reason she didn't do that third movie is entirely personal from the research I've sort of started getting deeper into. Her Instagram is littered with snipes at SJP. I don't think she minds how horny Samantha is. Wow. Should we get into that? Because I looked up a Vanity Fair article as well on this watch about all of that.

I just quickly before we do like to say that Samantha does still, it's still established pretty strongly that she likes to have sex in the first episode of the TV show, but it's less just hammering home the fact, like as a gag, that she loves to have sex and they sort of are investigating her attitude towards it

and why she does it. Felt like a more fleshed out character. Yeah, that is way more interesting Than just she loves to fuck It's like hey this woman fucks a lot She loves to fuck and sex in the city But she in a sense like her dog Has been neutered by this monogamous Relationship with Smith

Jarrett Can I quickly get you to Objectify him Mel hot or not Which one is he He's the blonde ladies boyfriend Can I quickly get you to objectify him, Mel? Hot or not? Which one is he? He's the blonde lady's boyfriend. Oh, yeah. He's pretty hot.

He's all right. He's like a little bit too, I don't know, just like too chiseled in the face almost. Like he's got the pointy chin and then the nose. Super American. Yeah, it's like he's been cut from marble. Can you please rank in order your attraction levels to the four male partners and sex in the city so okay steve is do you remember which one miranda is miranda's the ginger one yes so the couple that

like fall out because he has sex with someone else so that that guy is Steve. Okay. Smith is the chiseled man. Yeah. Harry is the bald guy. Yeah. Who's the father of the baby. Okay. And who's the other? Oh, big.

Right. I would say, in terms of pure hotness, I actually would say that Miranda's partner is more my type. Yes! I don't know. We're in agreement. Yeah, really? Great. And then it would be the fuck ladies one. Smith Jarrett.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve, can I just say this? And then Mr. Big and then the other one. No, no, no, I'm sorry. It's hard, isn't it, with the lag? You did ask Mel to rank and then you interrupted in the middle of it. I just wanted to ogle Steve a moment longer

because he's sort of the guy you look at and you're like, you're secretly super toned underneath that slightly loose-fitting outfit. You know? Like, you see his butt and it's so taut. But he's not, like, showing off about it as well. It's just his butt and it's so taut. But he's not showing off about it as well. It's just his butt.

He seems like just a dude. Smith Jarrett, he will tell you about his butt. Yeah, exactly. He's working. Oh, I've got to go to the gym. I've got to get up early to work out. Fucking, you don't hear Steve banging on about it. He manages to fit in a regime To keep him cut as hell

Yeah, that's right Steve gets it He is genuinely someone I think who likes to shoot the breeze Everyone else likes to talk about things That are happening in their lives As interesting to everyone else As it is to that person

Steve gets it, it's about broad strokes It's about the strokes it's about the the moments we share the quotidian little observations you know and i think that's quotidian yeah quotidian uh like banal trivial uh what is this a two dollar word did we ever see who he cheated on her with? so not explicitly Tim's eyes lit up

it was he was buzzing around like the mosquitoes in the studio just just just could not control himself

the answer now is no Guy and I have projected onto the film that it is certainly with 100% you know certainty it is certainly With 100% certainty

It is Smith Jarrett Oh yes right Because Smith has had You know he's often away It's like oh I got delayed at the office No he is flying over to the east coast To have sex with Steve They've got a romance going on

I can get behind that They have some sort of emotional bond by the fact that they, you know, their partners are very close friends and they're the alpha partners who bring them together. So they have to pick their friends

out of the lineup of partners' friends. And there's just this unspoken and sort of, not entirely unseen, but the sexual energy between them. And once Steve gets a taste for sex outside of marriage with smith jarrett uh the theory goes he really loses control and more or less winds up fucking everyone uh charlotte's baby that steve's um the dog

that miranda walks in on and sees and sees Steve sitting on the bed with, Steve's also had sex with that dog. That was not an offer from us, I hasten to add. That was a guess. This is incredible. I feel like you guys could write some just pretty amazing fan fiction. And we have. We're not allowed to commit it to

paper or print um because it's so salacious but i want to um dig into a really fine point that mel made at least a silly one more just like you're fucking right and that was about how you say miranda gets treated in the film miranda she she's been through a worse time than Carrie, I would say. Her partner, they've got a kid, he's cheated on her. Her whole marriage and her partnership has fallen apart. And how does she get treated? They all go to Mexico to look after Carrie and she's all sad and stuff, but no one gives a shit about Miranda.

She's also been just as badly treated. I'm fucking sick of it, I tell you. You stand with Miranda, eh? I'm with Miranda all the way. Fuck Carrie. I had never seen the treatment of the characters through this lens. That's so true.

It's so true. She's been through a breakup just as bad as Carrie, but they're all banding together to make sure Carrie's okay. It's just through a breakup just as bad as carrie but they're all they're all banding together to make sure carrie's okay it's just because carrie was publicly shamed but like yeah get over it still miranda's yeah absolutely it's also miranda's just kind of i mean she you know she's upset but takes it on the chin in a much more sort of steady as she goes kind of way. And I assume that the other characters, because of that, are like, ah, well, Miranda seems fine.

Yeah, but I feel like at no point did they even ask. Were they like, you good? Those bitches. Yeah, fuck them. They did it. They give her shit for not forgiving him. So they sort of rob her of her agency to decide what's right for that you know their relationship uh samantha snipes her for not shaving her her uh her pussy i was going to say her bikini line but yeah and um i can't believe

that that's maybe more mad that they're not like oh no your marriage is falling apart why didn't you shave your pussy for mexico this is mad melanie bracer asking the right fucking questions thank you like why is carrie bradshaw constantly wearing a pearl necklace to bed that has concerned me as well because it's dangerous. She's going to kill herself. Yes. She is asking for trouble. Oh, my God. Well, Sex and the City 3 should just be ending with her just, you know, hanging from her bed. Sorry.

I had a moment of recognition during this movie because I was being driven crazy by that bed scene when she first wears pearls into bed and she sniffs the books, takes the glasses. Big dismisses Napoleon as just another short guy. It's like, yeah, read a fucking book, Mr. Big. Napoleon was a fucking terror. But they go on and there's a jilting and it kind of you know whatever it's not really explained and it's frustrating because you know that they have to get back together for the movie to finish so you're like well this cannot come soon enough but what is crazy is when it was happening i just was thinking of sex in the city 2 and i was like big is a

serious loose cannon he jilts carrie i mean it's just been downplayed in comparison to brandis ordeal but it's still pretty humiliating and then come sex in the city 2 he has the absolute nerve to be like hey how about in the weekends or like you know two days a week we're just doing our own thing like this man i feel it's unfair don't introduce sex in city 2 stuff mel as we've mentioned hasn't seen any of this peripheral i haven't but i have i have listened to i listened to your sex in the city 2 podcast so that's the only context i have for it's a bit of a war with this discussion though like with it within the information that i'm giving that we all share through this conversation is that is that crazy of him like or do you think

he's he's within his rights because you know you've got to forgive stuff to get into the marriage in the first place sorry which i just i just thought it was crazy that you would jilt someone and then like you know two years into the marriage be like hey two days off a week what do you think because i remember seeing it in the movie and being like i'm with big you know but i didn't know all the context yeah it seems mad to me to make that like a set rule for a relationship you could like you don't have to make that a rule you don't have to say we've got to sign this agreement that two days a week we don't see each other you would just just go and do something like go away somewhere say i've got to do this i've got to do this but like not don't schedule your time apart that's what we feel like that's a very and i'm gonna fuck off some listeners here kind of an american thing and specifically

kind of an east coast thing they're obsessed with psychotherapy they love talking about their feelings they need to get get everything down and structured. Oh, my God. Just bottle it up like the rest of us. Exactly. Come join us in the southern hemisphere in the Antipodes where we don't talk about our feelings and we're problem drinkers. It's how you get through a successful relationship.

Yeah. For God's sake. If it was good enough for our parents and their parents and their parents, it's fucking good enough for us. That's right, Tim. Why don't you speak truth to power a little more? No, I'd actually like us to get into some segments and for me to swiftly get out of this hole I'm quickly constructing myself into.

Because we're 30 minutes in. Let's get through some stuff. Mel, we have a segment called The Shining Light, which is where we pick our truly favorite bit of the watch, and you don't have to go first. We can burn some time if you want to have a think. I think my highlight was maybe the woman in the bathroom just sort of explaining what had had happened with that like auction at

the beginning because i was like she was doing all this exposition but it was fine because that's just how women's bathrooms are you just will walk there and you will tell people facts about something and then just hit me are you are you is this facetiousness with which you speak or is this genuinely this is genuinely like in a bathroom like all rules do not apply for normal human interaction it's like in a woman's like, all rules do not apply for normal human interaction. It's like, in a woman's bathroom, you will comment on someone's appearance and you will, like, talk, have a deep and meaningful conversation with a stranger and it's fine. This is amazing because the inverse is true in a men's bathroom. Yeah, because you guys, you could have, look at the dick.

Yeah. It's just like you're trying to, like, make it not seem like you want to see someone's dick. I guess so. yeah just like you're trying to like make it not seem like you want to see someone's dick i guess so i feel maybe it's it's it's uh i'm putting my personal feelings in it but i feel like that's getting less of big time societally right as time goes on can i put you in a hypothetical tim you go to you and a guy like you're hanging out with some people and you hang out with a someone who you've just met a guy and you're getting a lot like you you're getting along great you're pretty friendly but it's like only the first or second time you've met them you go to the urinal

uh and it's like there's you know the situation pretty much i'm just wondering at what level do you become like there's either total strangers or you're friends with someone it's okay to see their dick but someone you're just becoming friends with i feel like you go to opposite ends of the urinal every time oh okay i see what you're saying well number one i don't think i would lean into going to the toilet with the same time it doesn't happen by virtue of decision it's just like you both have to piss at the same time. It's happened. Sure. We'll take that as read.

I would go one gap between us. Yeah. But I don't know, because I guess you could construct a situation where they're all full or something. But by default, if there's enough room, I would leave a gap of one urinal between us. They're all full. Except for two next to each other? Yeah, and one cubicle. Yeah, I can only speak my own truth.

I would grab the urinal. I would, both of us, I think, go into the urinals together. And that didn't used to be the case, I think. As a young, like, maybe up until age sort of 21, 22, I wouldn't have done that. Wow. But I feel like as we get older... What do you think like specifically has provoked this change within you tim i just give less of a shit yeah in a general sense

like overthinking that he's gonna go exactly he wanted to see my dick i think it's such a hallmark of agent plus your dick just got extra nice guy knows this because i have a real bell curve i have actually coincidentally the shape of your penis i have several photo essays of um the journey of my penis over time across multiple ages which i have taken guy through so he's he's managed to track that through the through the years my dick is feeling real nice right now. This is when my dick got real nice, age 21 and a half. I feel like if there was a woman equivalent of a urinal, I would be like, well, if things are looking all right down there,

if you're well-groomed and everything's great, you want to show off. Can you relate to getting to an age, maybe an early adulthood, where you got a little bit more okay with your body and you cared less? Yeah, I think so. I probably haven't shaved my legs in a hot minute. maybe in early adulthood where you got a little bit more okay with your body and you cared less? Probably, yeah. I think so. A natural sort of, I probably haven't shaved my legs in a hot minute.

It's fine. I don't care. Yeah. Whereas you might have used to. Yeah. I would be like, if someone sees a stray hair on my knee, I'm dead to society. You used to be worried about a Samantha coming out of the bushes and attacking you. But now you're Miranda. You've got other shit going on.

It's not a big deal. Wow. I can't believe I'll be seeing Sex and the City for the first time this morning, and then now I'm like, I'm such a Miranda. Who did you identify with? Which girl was, like, hedgy? Oh, man. I would say probably Miranda then.

I don't know. I just don't think I fit any of the... I don't think I'm full-on Samantha fucking. The other one, it was just like she didn't really do much. Charlotte? The one who had the baby, yeah. Yeah, the one who had the baby. She just was kind of invisible.

Sarah Jessica Parker was like a little bit too, it's all about me. So I feel like Miranda fits that mould of being the most normal, I guess. I think Miranda comes across the best in this film as well. Okay, so I'm just saying a lot about myself that I want to comes across the best in this film as well. Okay. So I'm just saying a lot about myself that I want to be considered the best, which makes me more of a Sarah Jessica Parker then. No, no, no.

Can I reintroduce an old segment? Because recently we got some correspondence and fan mail. Right. Oh, no, it was a tweet, actually. Because I said that we had Becky Lucas on the show And they were like, please And I said, this is coming up And they said, please tell me that you got her to do a pitch the sequel bit

Because we used to do that And that's fallen by the wayside this season But, Melanie Bracewell Would you please do What's your sequel? Guy Montgomery and I is two studio executives The honour of describing to us pitching to us so you can get this budget right what sex in the city three is what's the movie you want

to make city three right so i haven't seen number two so i'm doing a lot of sort of making up in in the middle so actually you can play it could be two you can pitch two can you give me like just give me like a tiny little thing of how did Sex and the City 2 end? Guy, you grab it. Yeah, Sex and the City 2 ended with... Similarly to this, actually. Yeah, Carrie and Big have experienced some tumult in their marriage but have reconfirmed their love to each other and are moving on together. She gets a ring.

She gets a big black diamond ring. Charlotte and Harry rock solid as always they've got two kids now uh samantha is kind of having casual sex with a cyborg who's a danish architect and miranda and steve uh seem to be going pretty good steve is running for mayor and their son brady has started acting out a bit and playing a lot in the sewers. Okay. Okay, fuck it. We'll roll with that.

So I think that maybe the problem with this movie watching it now is that it feels like a lot of it's very dated. So, you know, like everything seems very 2008. There's like flip phones and she's like a touchscreen phone well i don't know what to do with this so i feel like the third movie needs to sort of be a little bit futuristic and in its essence so that it can be watchable for years to come and everyone's like okay this is this is now you know so i'm thinking

set in space like the third one needs to be like and he said you need to throw a real curveball you've got to go we've already had all of these you know series of the television show we've already had two movies what's different about sex in the city three it's in a fucking spaceship do you okay so like give me some relationships what kind of shit's going on in space um so i reckon they've got a little community up there. So they've got all your favorite characters, plus sort of a few extras. Do you want to name them?

We've got Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte. Oh, I'm naming it. Big. No, I'm just naming all the characters. All the main ones. Can you tell me about the extra characters? Yeah. Okay.

So they're kind of like exploring the, they've sort of gone quite a few light years away from Earth. So they're kind of exploring maybe new planets. Maybe it's, so instead of like sex in the city, it's sex in the city it's um sex in the terrain i don't know um it's sex in the terrain now space is a kind of i mean like they're finding like a new planet and it's obviously uninhabited like there's no city obviously there's no city yet on this planet there's sort of forms of life um perhaps but there's no there's forms of life I like that are they are they fuckable I reckon they're fuckable

like that like man what's her face? Samantha is fucking some aliens in this. Very cool. Definitely. I am on board. Yeah, she's got a few aliens. Can I tell you, look, I'm not saying whether or not we're going to green light or reject this proposal, but for future reference and future pitch meetings, I will bring up the fact that Samantha is going to be fucking aliens right up the top.

Okay, all right. Yeah, I just thought it was a little bit of a b-plot but I see what you're saying I'm going to take that I'm going to run with that a lot of it is going to be her fucking aliens yeah yeah yeah um Carrie and Big are going to go through some just sort of like very normal relationship drama in this setting just to sort of you know so we can center it in the reality of the world it's just something like oh he forgot her birthday because you know time is different yes it's perfect oh my god it's so good um what's going on with miranda at this stage miranda um her relationship's going strong, but I think their sort of drama is maybe they're running out of food.

And the other girls aren't sharing their stack? Yeah. So good. Miranda and Steve are finally as happy as they possibly can be. Save for one important detail. They didn't bring enough rations. Yeah, and the others are sort of, you know,

they've got enough, but they're just like, well, we don't know how long we're going to be up here. Maybe it would be better to sort of cut out, you know, cut the group. Are they a bit judgy? Are they like, well, you should have bought more of you. Yeah, exactly. It's more like, this is a lesson you're going to learn.

Did she die? Yeah. Oh, look, you'll have to fund it to find out. Yeah, that's a good. And lastly, what's Charlotte up to? No, can I just quickly say, ordinarily, we do not fund movies we are not told the ending of. Just to kind of safeguard ourself uh we usually only greenlight movies after we know all of the details but as you were that's fair i wanted to keep an element

of mystery to maybe just at least get a second meaning i want to give you 300 million dollars and please no spoilers that is so good network executive like a film film head who is against spoilers no no no don't tell me i'm running the check i'm running the check i'm running the check I'm sweating so hard because of how nervous I was to pitch this idea as soon as you said pitch a sequel I was like oh god oh god but we do need to know what's happening with Charlotte

just to round off this fantastic pitch I feel like to match the world she would be doing something really kind of boring. Like, she's just got into origami or something. Like, that's her plot or something. Origami. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Good luck stringing us along with that plot line, but I see no reason why it wouldn't work as it has worked before. Thank you. You got the money. Congratulations. Yes. Yeah, absolutely.

How could you not fund this? Samantha fucking aliens and big forgetting Carrie's space birthday. I was a big pitch, but I think it would work. You nailed it. Because time is different. Time is different. He struggles with telling the time on Earth. So I can only imagine how confounding that stuff is in space.

It's like it's a different flavour. This is chicken-flavoured time, so it's easy to forget people's birthdays. Tim, do you have a shining light? Shoot. Yeah, I do. It was Samantha's performance during the speech where they're hitting her up about having a gut, which she doesn't have.

Oh, my God, that made me mad, because you actually told me before it came on you're like do you notice anything about this i can't like i was like just look at this upcoming little sequence tell me what you think they're doing even when they zoomed in on her belly and then later were like your belly i was like oh that's what they were trying to reference it really there's nothing it's through guy and i as well and it's thrown every guest that we've had you can take your headphones off. You need to take your sweater off. I'm taking my jumper off

and leaving the headphones on. I can't miss a moment of content. I don't know how this is going to work at all, but I commend your commitment to the pod. My shining light was during that scene. It's just Samantha's performance of when she admits that the relationship's going downhill and and and the girl's not and she's kind of admitting it to herself there's just like this warm tone with

which she delivers the lines where she's kind of self-effacing this is the most insane thing i've ever seen so now the sweater is in kind of a um almost like a turban headscarf kind of situation and now trapped on your head i gotta take I'm just going to leave it like this. I'm going to take a photo of this. This is too fucking good. You just took your phones off now. Yeah, but I am waiting. I'm just about to say something really interesting. And who knows when it will drop. All right, go.

Anyway, that's my shining light guy. It's great. Because you know what I mean, right? She's like, she's eating she's forking in their little bits of cake that all the girls are enjoying the cake and um and she's just she's like i know and they're like you just likened your relationship to chemo and she's like i know but she also like her thing was like she's eating to stop herself from having sex or something it's like that's she had like at this point it's like oh no this is like a problem yeah yeah you've got like some sort of addiction exactly it's it's not

the way you're supposed to treat food yeah but you know she's gonna stop fucking somehow and a tidy little piece of acting um my shining light is actually a guy who has been showing up week in week out and uh really bringing the heat um and it's a tough job because it's it's one of the only attempted jump scares in the movie and so obviously the more you watch it the less likely it is to have an impact you just spooked mal i don't know if you heard the microphone bump there but the mention of a jump scare the little kid in the halloween mask at the pharmacy he is like he it's scary even when i know it's coming sometimes it catches me and uh like i think i mean yeah i get that carrie's next line is sort of this you know witty aside about how jilt like how jaded she is j jilted. It would be a good name for an album if she ever put one out. It's not true.

Yeah, no, it is. I think that kid is genuinely scary and does a great job. And I just wanted to shout him out because I've thought it every week. I've never singled him out for attention or praise. But way to go, man. Well done, kid. Well, because also that shot is quite long with them walking so they've they've walked for like a solid 30 seconds before his cue of to

come out and jump you know so if he messed that up they'd have to redo the whole scene you know there's a lot at stake you can just see the person just outside of shot push him and like the parent now go yeah his heart would have been pounding, you know, a million miles a minute. Famously, they used the first take of every single scene in this movie. Wow, that's huge. Yeah, it was a very controversial decision at the time. You know what fucks me off about that scene

is the fact that they are walking too abreast in a shopping centre or bodega that definitely can't accommodate that kind of behaviour. And there's even an extra who walks past Miranda and says, excuse me. And it's like, yeah, let's highlight the fact that you shouldn't fucking be doing this. Nothing shits me more than people taking up the whole space.

Honestly, I see you, I hear you, and I feel you on that, Tim. I see how riled up you have gotten over this. I do, because I'm a fast walker as well and i'm always solo i've usually got my headphones in so i'm like yeah listen to a cracking bit of music or a good podcast or something i'm getting from a to b because i don't drive i don't drive a car this is both my it's something i do for enjoyment and for transport get the fuck out of my way i'm a little dude i don't take up a lot of room. Stop hogging the whole pavement. I'm glad you spoke on that. Other people, they're doing their own things at their own pace.

And I understand, Tim. You know that we have a single libertarian listener who will be able to understand that that's fine until you impede on someone else's liberties. That's true. I've got to keep playing to our audience of one. We've got one listener to this podcast by the way now we've recently discovered and he is a staunch libertarian right okay cool it's good to know uh there's uh the most exciting segment i think and one i um don't worry so i'm actually doing the the better one It's called Outside the Lines. Oh, good. Good, good, good.

With Melanie Bracewell. Okay. Just from the title, do you have any idea what part of the movie this segment might be in reference to? Yes, Tim, reference to Lining Sea. The line's coming up, which we don't know what it means. See if you can figure out what it means. And it has to do with being outside the line. So it seems to add up.

Can you repeat it as you remember it? The line was like, when it comes to colouring, big never stays in between the lines or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Where's that effect? That's pretty close. How did it make you feel and what do you think it means? It was like absurdly graphic

it like almost upset me because the idea of like coloring it's like very like visual right so you're just like you're kind of like you've got that image of coloring but they've already established coloring isn't coloring it's sex so you're sort of like, I'm sort of viewing the dick like the marker that's colouring, and he's just almost drawing around to it, like physically drawing with his dick. So he's like missing the vagina. Yeah, just sort of painting a picture on the outside. Belly button, thigh, kneecap. Yeah, it's just going everywhere.

It's almost, it's a disaster. Disaster. And all of the women being like oh yeah i'm like this does not sound sexy to me i'm recoiling into myself feeling ill the thought of this rogue penis well it's just too much it's just like all right let's just be sensible yeah he already looks quite small in some of his suits. Like, he wears slightly baggy suits. So you can imagine this poor, emaciated figure just sort of wantonly limping around his apartment

while furiously trying to scoop up and scrub out the jizz, which has coloured every single corner of the floor space. Oh, no. Yeah, it's horrible. That's how we've read it in episodes gone by, is the ejaculate, is the medium, if you will. Yeah, because it only seems to be the most sort of ink-related object. For sure.

Yeah. Good God. Absurdly, what did you say, absurdly graphic? Just, I can't even remember what i said but just yeah very graphic that is a sensational description of that scene especially because they're trying to be like oh hush hush yeah yeah so cool so cute like what the fuck did carrie just say what did she get again yeah i reckon like there's a scene that's cut where they're all just going what did she mean by that by the way guys she's doing what we're doing

it's also it's like the i think the most confusing thing is it's meant to be coy it's like yeah i'll never tell yeah my partner comes everywhere um hey we should probably land this plane so yeah let's do it i i'm gonna nix the other um segment i don't want to do it with yeah great fantastic and uh yeah is there any other ground you you would like to cover mel um i feel like another sort of jizz related note um what i observed was um the bit where she was you know early in the film sipping at the sort of cup of milk and gets the milk on her top of her lip. Do you want to continue on this?

I almost feel like I don't want to say it on my own volition of the podcast. Now, get into this. This was the funniest shit. You said a lot of funny stuff during the watch of this. This really fucking got me. Okay, so I just thought, you know,

when they cut from doing that little scene where there's a little bit of milk on her lip and then they're having sex, I thought there might be a little bit of cum on her lip. It's like a tie-in. In the scene there's a little bit of a callback, but they didn't do that, obviously. Like a fun bookend, because it's like... It's like, oh, and then Ed rubs it off, he's like, oh, you've got some still on your lip. They have a cute little fight that gets resolved in a way. Like it gets de-escalated by the fact that Steve puts a bit of foam on his life. He's like, I wasn't being critical.

I'm looking out for you. You know, we're cute. And then they kiss. It's like, it's cute. And then we cut to them fucking. And you were like, you know, it would be good. She had a little bit of a jizz mustache just above her lip. It's fucking funny.

I just thought it'd be a good nod. Yeah. That's comedy, man. I thought that was like almost foreshadowing of the jizz. Like the foam on the lip, it was like, I thought maybe they're going to fuck. That's your comedy brain. It's too finely tuned to be looking out for callbacks and yeah. Good, good joke structure within the film.

Oh God. Yeah. Anything else? That feels like a great, that's a high. Nah, I don't know. Yeah. There wasn't really, God. Yeah, anything else? That feels like a great answer high. No, that's... Nah, I don't know. Yeah, there wasn't really... Yeah, I just sat here and enjoyed a film. Do you think people should watch it?

Do you think listeners of this podcast, of which there is only one... I am neither here nor there. Like, literally, I would be like, it wouldn't be a detriment if you've got nothing to do. It's long, though, if there is that. Oh, yeah. But if you are stuck at an airport for 12 hours or something, it've got nothing to do it's long though but it's uh yeah but if you are stuck

at an airport for 12 hours or something it could be something to do yeah for example monty anything you want to add uh um really nice to have you on the show mel thanks guy it's awesome yeah it's been an intriguing experience having the boot on the other foot as the solo watcher while I know that Tim entertains and sort of has fun with a guest. Yeah. He made me some lovely avocado on toast. You know what? He sent a photo of you watching the movie,

and I could see that there was an empty plate on your lap, and I thought to myself, I thought, good on him. That's a good host. Fed and watered. Mosquitoes or no, his heart was in the right place. I got nothing to say. Well then, I would just like to echo,

thank you so much for coming on the pod, Mel. It's been a pleasure, a distinct pleasure having you here in the flesh so I don't have to watch this fucking movie by myself one time. And you can find Mel online. She's basically an online comedy celeb almost. What's your Twitter handle?

Oh man, Meladoodle. It's written as it's as you think. Have fun spelling that out phonetically, Americans. Yeah, I've been trying to rebrand as an Instagram person Have fun spelling that out phonetically, Americans. Yeah. I've been trying to rebrand as an Instagram person, though. It's been tough because I want people to follow me

because they think I'm hot, not because I'm funny. Fair enough. It's disgusting. I hate it. We'll try that. I hate that I have way more Twitter followers than Instagram followers. Why doesn't everyone just think I'm hot?

Then I will, if I hopefully listen back to all of this episode and remember to do this, I will put only your Instagram handle in the episode notes. So there'll be a link below this episode. You can follow Mel on Instagram and then unfollow her on Twitter. So we get that ratio looking a bit healthier. And look out for her live shows because they're fucking fantastic. She is a brilliant comedian.

Oh my God. Bye, everybody. We'll see you in the 25th episode of this god-awful project, one shy of the halfway point. And as a coincidence, my favorite number, will I drink a whole bottle of whiskey? Maybe. Let's see.

Let's find out. It sounds like quite a commitment, especially because I'm doing it early in the morning. But who knows? Strange things have happened. I planned to drink a whole bottle of red wine for this watch, but I could not. There's no proper corkscrew here so i've

just got uh a swiss army knife embedded well inside of a bottle of wine mate is that episode 25 red wine edition both of us you and me we have to finish a lovely bottle of red sounds jump on the mic okay great done lovely thanks Done. Lovely. Thanks for listening, everybody. If you'd like to support us on Patreon, you can, where we do little bonus episodes as well. You know, just fucking Google around. You'll find us. And also, if you support us on Patreon,

to the tune of $5 a month or more, you get all the episodes a day early and ad-free. You're great. Tell all your friends about this podcast. Let's get to number one. Is it number one now? I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Nice to your friends about this podcast. Let's get to number one. Is it number one now? I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

Nice to talk to you, guy. How about that for some promo? Yeah, man. Way to go. We just have a good rhythm together, you know. He sort of feels me out, I feel him out. And we go for it.