The Worst Idea Of All Time - 26: DirCom Deux

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

Honestly, might be worse than part one. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

we just have a good rhythm together you know he sort of feels me out i feel him out and uh no we go for it so here we are this is not enthusiastic consent uh i understand what you're saying and i respect what you're saying and you've actually painted me into a pretty good coin and yet at the same time what i will say is this you are a physically able sentient man of your own agency completely able to get up if you are a fucking pussy i respect you oh i don't know if i can do this i'm only doing this to like fuck you over at this point but in the process i might destroy myself i feel sick yeah it's not good not from booze ladies and gentlemen welcome to the worst idea of all time in the movie the movie watch two of

this dear calm what we're being treated to right now is a montage of Carrie Bradshaw walking down the street seeing some era defiant woman parading around as a pack of four to kind of be a parallel to the four gals of Sex and the City

in anachronistic fashion they look like they're straight out of the 80s guy has wandered off in his mind's eye. He's staring into his own feet. He's no good. So the heavy lifting is going to be on old Timbo, and I will take up the challenge. The purpose of a montage at the start of the film

is to introduce the context with which we will enjoy the rest of the film. It's important in a franchise to go, look, we understand that there will be friends, whanau, boyfriends, predominantly, and husbands brought along to this film who are not familiar with the back catalogue of Sex and the City hits. Let's fill them in.

It's done. We get some very early, both plot setting in terms of what's come before, but also tone setting in terms of who we're going to make fun of and how carrie bradshaw is wearing what i can only describe as insulation while she types at her old school imac while she thumbs through old novels introducing a bevy of old friends charlotte an uptight woman looking for love who finally after years and years has found it in

the form of harry a man for whom she needed to convert to judaism to marry and start a family how did she start that family through traveling to china and adopting a child um next for a bit of color we're going to add another friend and that friend is miranda hobbs she is a lawyer she's hard-nosed she's hard-pressed she's hard up for time but she loves to fuck she loves hard dick and she finds that in the form of steve brady steve brady is a bartender turned bar owner in new york city and he gets her pregnant and they make brady the rat king we've got to round out this gaggle of four gags and that comes in the form of samantha jones a sex hungry talent agent who has discovered both love and professional success in the form of Smith Garrett.

There's been love, there's been loss, but throughout it all, there's been friendship throughout. And most importantly, we have Mr. Big, a on-again, off-again, Ross and Rachel kind of a fella for whom Carrie Bradshaw has had her eyes firmly affixed over the decades they finally got their shit together and it looks like it's a happily ever after tale for these two but let's find out what could possibly go wrong in this filmic adaptation of the novel turned into a tv show sex and the city written and directed by mattress pikelet king on this audio commentary

you will be hearing from guy montgomery and tim bat who have both seen the film now 25 times which is um is a big number guy montgomery can't be with us right now because he is psychically reckoning with his own existence in this moment. Hey everyone, it's really good to be here. Sorry for checking out just before. I just literally had to take a moment to myself and weigh up what exactly it is we're doing and why we're doing it. And I haven't found any solid answers, but what can I say? I did not leave the room, so here we go.

Here's what I think we need. We need carbohydrates. I might get some corn chips in the mix and some salsa. And I think we need a lot of water. Bring us back up to speed. Look, man, we do need a lot of water. How do you feel about grabbing the reins? Or do you want to grab the accoutrement

No no I'll grab the reins I'm in a good spot actually I've really come along Have you got corn chips and salsa on hand I was going to say I'll order us some pizza It might come to that later on You're off pizza I can do

I'm currently vegan as of the recording But there is a thing that exists of vegan pizza. I can do. I'm currently vegan, as of the recording, but there is a thing that exists of vegan pizza. Yeah, I know. It's crazy, isn't it? Now, you go get us some snacks. I'll get some stuff. I'll carry us through. I'll carry?

It's a pun! Yeah, yeah. That Tim Bat is a real card. So, I guess one of the biggest things I was just confronting was... It's hard to say. It's like immediacy versus legacy. Tim and I genuinely did not account for or plan to double up this record. And honestly, I was quietly quite pleased,

not just that we were recording as ourselves, Tim and Guy, instead of in character for the Derc dercom but that we were only doing a single screening it occurred to me that kind of broke tradition in terms of extending the game but i was happy to do it because i thought at least that'll set us free um when tim told us that we were going to keep going, there was as upset as I can remember being for a long time. But I guess the time I wasn't talking was time spent thinking. And this is all part of it am I back in the room

what's happening I'm just talking to myself can we afford this yeah I think we've earned enough goodwill over four and a half years of turning ourselves into how fucked is that, eh? I reckoned with that recently. How long we've been doing the podcast? It's no good, man.

Carbohydrates. It's entirely too long. I've got some salsa here. Big old... Oh, fuck. Hasn't been opened. Oh, boy. That makes it hard to open.

You give that a run, oh, this has gone badly, one of us has to be on the mic at all times, alright, so, excuse the chewing, here's the thing about this movie that you've got to understand. It's very long. It's not very good. And we know every bit that happens before it happens now. Despite that fact, and I was at this point well before this moment in the arc for Grown Ups 2. Tim, I just made my pizza, but I'm so angry.

I cannot memorize the script. What's up? I'm upset. What are you angry about? Oh, the fact that we're in. And I can't open the salsa. Yeah, fuck. It's a tricky old...

She's on, isn't she? Neither of us are particularly strong boys. Yeah. Shout out to whoever screwed this lid on In the first place Fucking shout out bro God We had so many concepts we introduced in the first bit

Of this director's commentary which we didn't return to I was very fond of my exploration Into Hollywood's fascination With an infiltration of the Illuminati By the Illuminati Gone though Gone by the wayside. Fuck me.

I wonder if I've got a knife in here. Who screwed it on that tight? Isn't that crazy? We need rubber. We need rubber around. Creates friction. Rubber band, right there. Ah.

It's not really enough. I can't be bothered with this shit so guys we're struggling to get the lid off salsa that's how strong we are neither of us could do it it's not even about that it is though a little bit what it's about is watching sex in the city twice you heard how much damage this did to us previously if you can imagine continuing to do that, which I can't fathom what we're doing, but we're doing it. So I wasn't invested the first time.

This time, I'm going to make a real effort to care about these characters. Carrie Bradshaw, I love her. I empathize with her. Honestly, I identify as her. Oh, you are Carrie Brad bradshaw i am carrie bradshaw yes we carry in the same way a lot of us who grew up on sex in the city on hbo identify as carrie bradshaw that was me finally after years of battling through the new york

dating scene notoriously terrible more like and i was told this when I first moved to New York by people. They said, as a normal, semi-decent person. Actually, let's not get carried away with your personality. You're right. I'm totally decent. As a decent person, as a decent fellow on the New York dating scene, I'm going to have my pick of the people I date because it's skewed so, like the fellas are such assholes.

It's skewed so heavily towards the fellas. And I didn't necessarily experience that, but as someone who identifies with Carrie Bradshaw, I'm very happy to see her in a relationship, a long-term relationship, not necessarily engagement or marriage at this point, but in love with Big in a meaningful and lasting way that suggests this is going to go beyond today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year.

Today, tomorrow, tomorrow. We're going to be together forever. I love that. I'm excited about that. As someone who identifies as a Carrie in the world. She's so comfortable that she is wearing essentially a prison lock off her cell as a necklace at this point. And I think that that takes a particular kind of comfort in a relationship to pull that sort of fashion accessory off. When you first got with Zoe When were you Like when

When did you relax? Never Hasn't happened yet Are you still uptight? I am on my guard at all times I'm well aware that I'm punching above my weight And I refuse to accept the fact So

I will be On my haunches For time immemorial To my death It's such a terrifying To my probably Premature death from stress Yeah Of course If you're punching above your weight haunches for time immemorial to my death. It's such a terrifying thought. To my probably premature death from stress. Yeah, of course.

If you're punching above your weight and you keep thinking that to yourself. The guillotine is firmly above my head, waving. I've never seen guillotine in my life. I'm a big fan of guillotine as a pronunciation. That's how we were taught as Kiwis. But

probably the correct way is guillotine, right? Is that the French? It's a French word I still think it's guillotine Well folks, there it is I tried everything I could do To not get saucer on myself And I've spilt it

So now the shorts are a free-for-all Hey, I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry I got upset before. I'm sorry that we're still here. He's back, though. He's back. He's back. This is Guy.

I can tell. I'm sorry that you're still listening, but I'm totally back. He's back. I'm totally back in the room. Here comes the comedy. It looks like June Diane Rayfield, who is Paul Scheer's wife, fantastic actress and writer is in this scene.

But it's not her. It's just an extra that looks like her. There is a... I'm not even talking into the mic. I'm talking off mic. There's a favourite of mine. I really, Charlotte, you are one of the worst.

Guy... Hey, can I ask you a question? Sorry, you're on a... No, no, no. You're paying off. Ask me. If you could have, like, anyone in the world to guest on this pod who would it be who would be your like just like who would be the number one michael patrick

king then let's get over there and do it you know what i mean like if you've got a dream let's do it do you believe in us to get michael patrick I think it's very possible, but partly because of his sassiness. I had a few looks at some YouTube clips of him, and he's fucking funny, man. He's a smart, funny dude. He's real funny. He's great in interviews and shit, man. Him and Jon Stewart are old friends somehow. Do you know what's fucked up?

When you grow up in New Zealand, a lot of the people who create the stuff you love, like the notion of Hollywood, New York, America, the elevated nature of the media we consume, it doesn't exist as being made by people or by people who exist in our world. It is totally constructed. Like Michael Patrick King, Siriusius kipaka these aren't actual people who walk off set and continue their lives these are people who are literally

does like well actually first of all michael patrick king doesn't exist growing up in new zealand you you didn't have a voice job today did you no it was yesterday okay cool and i got one tomorrow oh good shit good yeah i got a good voice. You're killing it. Guy Montgomery's killing it. Yeah, yeah. Tomorrow I'm going to sell cars. Good on you. Do you know what I'm going to say?

What? I'll go with five years guaranteed road service, five years warranty, head on down to car dealership today. The man learns the script. I do. What I was going to say, though, is that in New Zealand, all of the stuff that we consume that isn't from New Zealand is so elevated that these people don't exist as people.

They exist exclusively as ideas. You grow up, you get older, you leave the country, you meet people who are associated with people or who are successful people, and you realize everyone's just a person. Carrie Bradshaw walks off the set of Sarah Jessica Parker. She goes home to her marriage to Matthew Broderick, who committed vehicular manslaughter.

Dude, my guy. Honestly, because of the point you're making, that he's a human, that's why I feel uncomfortable about it. He's reckoned with it. He's had to. I feel like we can't keep slamming the man. He made Ferris Bueller's day off. Oh, Rufus is here.

Rufus is a dog. If you're on the Patreon, hopefully you're going to get a sweet, sweet gift, which is me holding Rufus up to the camera. If you're on the Patreon and you've watched five hours. What a fucking concept, eh? Rufus! rufus up to the camera if you're in the patreon and you've watched five hours what a fucking concept day do you know what disgusts me about what we're doing right now go on is how much we have to believe that people are interested in or like us to still be engaging with what we're creating what we we are creating is objectively bad. This isn't interesting. Even if your closest

friends drank two bottles of red wine in two and a half hours behind your back or next to you. Do you know what I have to say? Because I know where you're going with this. Do you know what I have to say to you in criticism? Stop deconstructing then and start constructing, cunt. Throw something out there. I'm trying

but I'm all out of ideas. You are. I'm trying to get a dog on screen right now. This is what's happening here. You know what I mean? You've just smashed a bunch of corn chips in your face. Welcome to this director's commentary version number two. Here's where we are at life.

Guy Montgomery, he's rallying. He's certainly coming back up for a bottle and a beer. I would describe myself as back, baby. And it's quite nice because I get to reckon with how humiliating and humiliated I was before live on air. Guy's the fifth gal. Let's go through the other gals. So Carrie Bradshaw is just about to get given the offer of a lifetime of featuring in Vogue. Harry Bradshaw is just about to get given the offer of a lifetime of featuring in Vogue.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that Vogue. As a featured fucking thing in a spot, thanks to Candice Bergen. Pretty cool. Here's Rufus. It's pretty cool. Oh, my dog's beautiful. Look at this handsome man. Oh, he's bitey though. Oh, he loves bitey though.

He loves a bite. It's interesting that people love dogs. Ah! Oh, Rufus. I think I might have drawn blood that time. That was the most humanising moment of the podcast so far. Alright, dude, I'm going to put you down because you're not being a good boy. Yeah.

Hey, Rufus, you're being being a good boy yeah hey rufus you're being martin lawrence and will smith circa 1998 i'm gonna put him outside he's being naughty tim's out of here don't worry about it i'm still with you and i'd like to tell you this when i was an 11 year old boy i cannot remember anything about what my life was like i had a natural aptitude for sports and the written word. Beyond that, I was hopeless. I was a ne'er-do-well. However, I didn't let that define who I was. I kept working away at different things. I had some good friends.

I had some good times. Fuck, I can't even string a sentence together, dude. I know. It's okay. I it's okay i'm back i'm back i'm here for you um so so uh i've locked the dog out so he can't bite me anymore i gotta train him out of that we are trying he's just a puppy though it's what puppies do i think you need to draw blood though at any rate um so here we are back in the saddle um carrie bradshaw is getting her illustrious photo shoot done with vogue magazine this is one of the two scenes that i take real issue with in the film for its duration i'm all for what's the other one the fucking new year's montage mate where you did that amazing

moment a few episodes ago of singing all of uh what is it called old lang syne it's gaelic is it gaelic right yeah the um uh what is it called self is self-indulgence involved with doing a scene that's like although to be fair this movie ain't for us is it it's not was it made for us i always wonder with this scene it is self-indulgent is it paying the the bills? Oh, in terms of getting a lot of product placement done at once. It's hard to tease out in this show because everything's about fashion. They've done such a cool job of, in the same way that Mattel were like, we're going to create some toys called Transformers, which are robots that turn into cars, and then fucking sell them as toys.

This show went, we're going to have a fucking show where the woman loves fashion and get a bunch of fashion in. I can't believe. Here's what's upsetting. I've just had a moment, like I had a moment of reckoning before where I weighed up the idea of doing this again

and I was like, I don't want to, but it's good because. You were in peril. I saw it in your eyes. Yeah, it was pretty heavy. And I made my peace with it. want to, but it's good. You were in peril. I saw it in your eyes. Yeah, it was pretty heavy. And I made my peace with it. I thought, yep, sure, whatever.

And now we're, I've lost my train of thought, but now we're doing it again. And it's, it's not even interesting to say. It's just upsetting. Just make the observation. I've lost it. I've lost my, I've lost my weight. I've lost my weight, Tim.

Guy, I need you to chill out for a moment. Take two. I'm stressed out. I demand a lot of myself. I want to be on all the time. I get it, man. Do you? There's a lot going on.

Yeah. Just conserve your energy, all right? You're okay. Here's what's up. Now, we've got Cameron. You're a nice guy. You're good. You're nice's up. Now, we've got Cameron. You're a nice guy. You're good. You're nice to me.

You're a lovely man too. We're both, we're lovely boys. Yeah. I like to think. We are nice. I mean, prove this wrong. I will listen to you. But I think on the whole.

And we're nice to each other. I hope so. Even when there's tension between us, we're nice to each other. I hope so. When's the last time you felt angry with me? Oh it was very recently You know exactly when Oh when I bailed on a call? Absolutely

How angry were you? Oh not hugely How long did it last? It was just like Oh for goodness sake It was one of those How long did it last? How long did it last?

Not long Tell me What? You sent an email A very self-reflective lovely email back Saying of those how long is it the aspiration how long did it last not long tell me not that well you sent an email a very self-reflective lovely email back saying i'm sorry i bailed on you mate were you angry that whole time um no i don't think so no i think i think i went oh i overreacted there i got a bit mad what happened folks if you're listening at home to this dirt we've kind of told we've kind of told no we have told but have told, but I'll just refresh. Okay. Okay.

Okay. You can't expect people to retain all the worst idea knowledge in their heads at all times. I do expect that. We booked in a time to do a bit of brainstorm, maybe book a live show or two in different locations.

And Guy was like, I can't even remember what happened. Were you like, look, the timing was i i don't know good i'd accounted 20 minutes for it we started late we ran late and i was i didn't look i didn't give any context to him sick of it yeah and to and marty went like oh yeah actually i don't think you said anything initially or maybe you were like come on man i said no i didn't say anything like come on i said hey sorry you should like, come on, mate. I said, hey, sorry. You should have said, come on, mate.

That's what I deserved. No. But at any rate. Because that impacted me. You really took it hard. Until you emailed back. Even when I sent the email and I'd made my peace with it, I was still not relaxed about it until you'd emailed back.

Oh, God, Montgomery. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, man. It carried with you like a back. Oh, go on Montgomery. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, man. It carried with you like a weight. A real weight. A real weight. That's the power of this podcast, folks. Go on Montgomery.

He carries shit with him on his back. Do you know... It is funny though. Do you know what I find like pretty fucking dope? Dope? Might be the right word.

Maybe. Let's explore it. I'm married. You're in a fantastic relationship love of your life i think you would self-confess to you got a chip full of a mouthful of chips but i think you'd agree to that shout out g mon shout out chelsea and uh and and uh and yet this podcast supersedes in terms of duration both of them. Absolutely. I love that. That's a special thing.

And that's why I think this needs to go on forever. Yeah. It's interesting to have a stake in the ground that it goes, hey, kids, I love you. I respect you. You are my prodigy. You are my life, flesh, and blood. However, I have a commitment with Guy Montgomery

that existed years before you were sired to exist. You know what's crazy? As a kid, that's not interesting. You know, like, if your dad's like, hey, I've known this guy for 30 years. Yeah. As a kid, you're like, well, whatever the fuck. I don't care.

I'm your child. But... This one's really for the fans, isn't it? Oh, we're so deep in it honestly though what fair weather punter has stuck it out this long it's licensed to be as indulgent as we want i will say this though you gotta offer something up there and it can't be crunching on the mic disgusting i'm so sorry no it's okay but uh so sorry no it's okay but uh after so i'm i presently at time of record am engaged in a long distance relationship with chelsea and um great lady she said that uh in times that we've

been apart she started listening to some of the podcasts previous episodes previous seasons and uh would hear us reflecting on like how much damage or how it's like this is not a popular thing to be doing to our partners you know like how at the time of recording it's like well we're kind of not doing it to antagonize but we are conscious of the fact that what we're doing is not popular with the people we love the most. And hearing us say that was like, it feels perverse. I'm listening to you, as captured four or five years ago. It's up to her. Talking about the impact of this.

It's up to her. Absolutely. And then now, what's said today, I say, yeah, so I'm going to go round to Tim's house. We're going to drink a bottle of red wine each. At least. And we're going to watch and talk over Sex and the City. She said, I hate that movie.

Highly introspective. Yeah. Time is a flat circle, flat flat line flat circle yeah you got it asmr good i'm going to be doing a little amateur asmr there wasn't bad i didn't mind that it's the wetness that i have issue with it's the the slobber it's the spit that I have issue with. It's the slobber. It's the spit. Here's the scene we're looking at right now.

Guy's just giving me a lovely kiss on the forehead to indicate that he's in it with me. I love you, brother. He loves me. We love each other. We're lovely boys. We're lovely boys. How many close friends do you have? How many close friends do I have?

Oh, not enough Not enough Be honest People need ten Your numbers or society's numbers? I've just got one It's just you go That's not true

Just the one Bruno Cafe Do you know what would be good though imagine if this is how dvd commentaries were done imagine if it was just like two filmmakers who were like fucked up beyond belief deconstructing the human experience of being alive in the current age. Man. I'd tune in. I'd buy some more DVDs, I think. You know what? The problem is...

They say physical media is dead. If you start introducing some unique features like this... They're back, baby. Look at vinyl. It came back. There's no reason DVDs couldn't if you started putting some good hot content on there. My boy, Colin Burgess,

shout out. Shout out. Loves putting on VHSs. I don't know who Colin Burgess is. You don't need to. I don't need to, apparently.

You can find him online at Colin Burgess. The thing is, he recorded movies as a boy and he screens them now with, you know, like on public tv so with ads it's amazing he made them as a boy no it is you just he's just got like his all of

he's uh did he make them or record them off the telly record them off the telly that's fucking he just loves movies but so what you're watching is like a time capsule because you're not just getting an uninterrupted movie you're getting the movie as experienced at the time as a lot of people the most people consume them yeah with ads for products particular to that time and it's interesting i like that i like that a lot you know it's also bought like it's at the time it's boring it's annoying you're watching fucking ads but you give it 20 years it's boring, it's annoying, you're watching fucking ads. But you give it 20 years, it's the time caps you will for the culture and the society. I can't tell if we're interesting or we suck. No, it's irrelevant at this point. Like, you literally, guy, I won't allow it, you cannot focus on that.

I had VHSs of, and we all do, of, well, sorry, if you're of a certain age, which is the age guy and i are at which is your early 30s or late 20s i would even say only you're like your early 30s now potentially you've got some vhs tapes ignore the ratling it's just my dog trying to get in he loves people he wants to be by them but he needs to learn how to play by himself vhs was a beautiful medium because you recorded the film and you recorded the air breaks on public access TV. So if you kept watching the film, you kept seeing these ads. And you can even see it on YouTube now. There are some movies which are very hard to find and people upload them from a VHS tape that they had as a child.

And they still contain the ads of the time. And just adds to the whole experience it really does to the point where like if you watch a movie like um uh fuck what was it called the thing with robert downey jr and jack black uh the war movie um oh tropic thunder tropic thunder does that like it starts with their dogs going nuts trying to get does that like it starts with their dogs going nuts trying to get in so cute so cute and he so won't get in yeah yeah good luck dog it kicks off with you know like all of those and i'm sure there's tons of other movies that have done i think grindhouse did it as well maybe um quentin tarantino and robert rodriguez they had like fake ads in there which were like of a piece, of the time, of the mood. What are we talking about? Man, no, I'm listening.

Yeah, no. It's interesting. Sort of. Do you want to do a reading for us from Sex and the City and the movie, the movie, the book? Yeah. For the bridesmaid dresses, we initially wanted a kind of uniform. They were all going to be red. When Pat came up with this colour scheme,

and I saw them in the grey and marble library, the colours really popped. Those dresses never got boring. Spoken like someone who didn't decide to watch and view this movie 50 times. Yeah, that's not what we settled on, folks. So, I suppose if you're still listening, what you're wondering is, what does Tim like to do at 10.30am on a Sunday morning?

And, to be honest, I'm right there with you. So, I hand the floor over to Tim, your ordinary 10.30am on a Sunday morning. Thank you. Where are you? Thank you. What are you eating? Thank you. What are you drinkingth in the AM on a Sunday morning. Thank you. Where are you? Thank you. What are you eating? Thank you.

What are you drinking? Thank you. What are you wearing? Thank you. How are you feeling? Thank you. Who are you with? Kia ora.

Appreciate the question, this first question on my AMA. And the answer is, generally speaking, probably one coffee down. And on a typical Sunday, look, hopefully catching up with a mate. But ever since the puppy came along, probably like just looking after the dog, to be honest. Those things require a lot of love. What are you wearing?

What are you eating? Here's what I'm wearing, bro. Haven't had a shower yet, 10.30. I've had a coffee because we've got a lovely little coffee machine. It was a wedding present. Can I say,

I know it's gross to other people, but I love waking up and slipping into shorts and a t-shirt on a Sunday morning, unshowered. I love having a coffee. I love you sort and slipping into shorts and a t-shirt on a Sunday morning unshowered. I love having a coffee. I love you sort of walking around. You're just getting a feel for the day because, hey, why not? It's a Sunday.

You deserve it. I honestly fucking love it. It's so funny that you say you deserve it because you do not have a job where you need to go somewhere to wear normal people's clothes. It's a Sunday. Sunday is Sunday. You're wearing what you normally wear, guy. I deserve it. You haven't.

This is the ironic thing. You don't. Everyone else does. We don't. I do. We don't live like normal people. Do you know what's interesting? We're never working.

We're never on holiday. And yet we're always working and never on holiday. And I abide as close as I can the working week because it's at least some semblance of structure to which I can hitch my wagon. Which means 10.30 on a Sunday morning, whether or not I have or haven't done anything that day, that week before, I like the idea of me, shorts, T-shirt, unshowered, walking around, drinking a coffee, bare feet.

I'm on grass. I'm relaxed. I feel pretty good about the world. There must be a bit of a change in pace when you go to New York City from New Zealand. Do not get to walk on grass and bare feet. There's no grass you get to walk on and bare feet. It's really hard. That must be a challenge.

In New Zealand, we're very very fond and i think this is changing folks um we're very wrongly possibly both we're very fond of the idea of having a yard and i think with an increase in population we need some more dense housing solutions probably going to have to say goodbye to it but up until this point every generation of european new zealanders has enjoyed the you know sensational medical benefits of walking around bare feet on a lawn and uh and and and and i don't expect you would get that in america they call it earthing themselves think about america unnecessarily grandiose term for walking on grass. The thing about America is the people, the place,

are all entirely fucked. Yeah, right. They are fucked. And I know the majority of our listeners are Americans, and I stand behind this. Yeah. They're fucked. Do you know what I'd like to say, actually?

As an American, I'd just like to say uh that we're fucked hey guess who's got a bladder full of urine and a pocket full of dreams i'm guessing it's the man who's co-hosting with the dude who's about to take over the podcast for three to four minutes this guy tim i've said it before. I'll say it again. See you soon. I'm going to take a piss. Very good.

Love it. All right, folks. Well, returning to the original intention of what this recording is all about, let me describe what I'm seeing on screen for you. The movie is Sex and the City. And the movie, the movie. Our four gals are packing up an apartment for Carrie Bradshaw. We'll be right back. While I run over and see your mother tomorrow,

maybe you could take Brady to the first birthday party alone, and then I'll meet you at the twins' party, and you can leave and be at the bar by six. What's the matter? I had sex with someone else, and you're so amazing, and I don't know how I could do that to you. You and I hadn't had sex in a really long time, and I... God. It didn't mean anything. It just happened once,

and it's been killing me. It's killing you. And we're back. Ladies and gentlemen, into the film. So what's just transpired is you've experienced no time stoppage, but what we're here to do is experience a little bit of time stoppage because we've been recording for such a long dang time that the memory card filled up with data of our audio.

We had to dump that data off to refresh the card. So we've had a good sort of 25-minute break, I'd say. Go on, call it 25 minutes. I lay on the grass in the sun for a while. You got a bit of vitamin D, ladies and gentlemen, and a bit of vitamin grass also. Do you think that we're happy to be back inside? No, sir.

No, no, no. Of all the adjectives I could pick, happy would be right down the bottom. But just to fill you in on where we are in terms of plot, I don't even know if I just filled you in because I've lost track of where we are in the... And rightly so. You've worked hard to scramble your brain but we will as though we'll give you a refresher just in

case just a guess okay okay miranda and steve look steve's announced uh just now that he's um he's he's he's been a bad bad boy he's had sex with someone else and the gals are reckoning with that fact we're now in a cafe brady the rat king is behind them playing with a toy a commando of sorts a sort of action figure it looks like miranda has absolutely fucking botched her order some lousy cucumber salad it'd be heartbroken do you know if they got delivered that's the kind of dish that if i received it i'd be like sorry how much am i paying for this fucking yeah it Yeah. It looks like Carrie's got a fantastic risotto. What time of day would this be?

Carrie's eating risotto. Miranda's eating a cucumber salad. Samantha, from what I've been able to tell so far, is eating blueberries with yogurt and nothing else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It almost harkens into... I don't think that's how you use that verb. It has to be 1230 to 1. You know in the second film how she's eating exclusively yams for the estrogen content?

It sort of hooks into that a bit. I could see Samantha on a blueberry-only diet for the antioxidants. I don't know, though. Are they a real thing? Yeah, antioxidants are real. Cool, man. They're for people who are against oxidants clearly not to be confused with accidents now i know that there's a couple of tweaks to make but could you release a film like this in 2019 you could massive tweaks to be made first of all

in diversity of casting it's been addressed not just by us but also by the people involved with sex in the city not just the tv show but the movies namely sjp herself second of all length what they cannot stress this enough well like if you shave an hour off this movie it might function as a interpersonal relationship drama you know to watch four women who are best friends grapple with the various different stages of their relationships uh is it has the capacity to be as interesting as any movie in the world but like this is inflated self-congratulatory nonsense this is not a movie that stands by itself.

This is a movie that is riding on the coattails of a very popular TV series. I think if you want this to exist as a movie being released in the current day, you take an hour off, you change the casting, you say, hey, it doesn't matter how much time the TV show, this represents the world now. You also...

Actually, do you know what? I don't know. If if you shave an hour off suddenly the stakes might become interesting i put a strong case forward for this a couple episodes ago i pinpointed the moment where you could shut this movie down where's its pressure point i can't remember but i did i wrote it down at the time but it was like it was it was just shy of an hour of what the actual end point is. And you're left with a movie that has way better themes in terms of

Big doesn't get back up with Carrie and Miranda doesn't get back up with Steve, I don't think. Oh, and maybe Samantha doesn't get back up with... Oh, well, she doesn't anyway. Break up with... She doesn't break up with her. So, like, Samantha doesn't get back up with... Oh, well, she doesn't anyway. Break up with. She doesn't break up with her. So, like, Samantha is defying her expected norm of... What's the opposite of monogamy?

Polyamory, I guess. You know. Being single. Being single. Being single. She, like, learns and grows that it's great to be with a person, so she changes. Carrie learns and grows that it's great to be with a person so she changes carrie learns and grows that it's great to not be with big so that's great um miranda learns and grows that she can be an independent single woman with a kid who she shares custody with steve and

it's all gravy maybe she met someone else and fucking charlotte is you know paragon of old school virtue whereby she is in a stable marriage with two children. So we've got all the different kinds of things coming right. But they don't do that, do they, folks? They've got to have another hour on the... That's the issue. Because the arguments sound that this could exist as a movie today but like

this was never I don't think it's that sound this was never it's not a given this was never just a movie it's your problem this is fan service and fan service

tragically takes as long as it takes I cast this guy. Did you? You put him on. This smartass who plays Big's boss. Carl. Yeah, Carl.

Carl Lagerfeld, RIP. Loves dragging up previous failed marriages or relationships of Big at the rehearsal dinner. I cast him. He was literally working for craft services on set, but he was being a real arsehole to everyone. For all you not involved in the biz. He didn't discriminate in terms of,

it didn't matter if you were Sergius Kapaka, it didn't matter if you were the best boy or a grip, everyone was beneath him. And that's crazy, because this guy, in terms of traditional status, was pretty much as close to the bottom as you can get on set i said awesome for a 50 year old guy who's obviously failed at various different turns in life you got spunk i'm putting a suit on you i'm giving you a haircut i'm sitting you down at the big boy table and you're gonna tell some people how you fucking

feel and he brought it he doesn't move the forward. He doesn't get enough laughs to qualify his being there. And honestly, you know, if I had it my way again, he wouldn't be in the movie. But I cast him at the time. He did the best with what he had. Didn't come out perfect, but he's in the fucking film. Congratulations, Greg. His name's Greg? Yeah.

Good shit. Hey, Greg, quick shout out to you. Shout out? Massive shout out. Shout out. It's your 15th birthday party. Who's invited? How many drinks do you have?

What are you drinking? Tiresome, guy. It's a tiresome question, and I won't indulge it, actually, this time. John O'Gould, Andrew Maxwell, Ben Pryor, Andrew Taylor, Molly McFarlane. Steve's turned up at the rehearsal dinner, ladies and gentlemen, to try and make amends with Miranda. Honestly, vodka mudshakes, I'm not proud of it. They're chocolate milk-flavoured vodka drinks.

They're going to make you feel pretty sick pretty fast. But at the time, I couldn't get enough of them. I have four of those. Everyone else drinks what they want. We get along okay. It's not a very memorable night but i'm happy with it steve hasn't had an opportunity to talk to his mother of his child his former partner i'm not sure if they're married or not i don't think they

are hasn't had an opportunity to talk to miranda hobbs because she has cut him out of his life which i understand i get it it's a good way to deal with a breakup you know the old clean slate but when you've got a kid it's hard. Vodka orange juice was the other thing I was drinking at the time. Still no good. We just had the appearance of some of Guy's

favourite extras, which is two women in their mid-twenties I'd say. They were very dismissive of people having a serious conversation while they're in the middle of the best night of their goddamn lives. They walked past the heat of an argument between Miranda and Steve

post cheating. Can I guess what's happening with their night? Hold on. And the woman, one of the women audibly says the fuck is wrong with you? It's good. Hold on. And one of the women audibly says, The fuck is wrong with you? It's good. They bought MDMA while waiting in line for the club.

They didn't expect a lot out of it. They took a couple of bumps while they were still waiting. Keys in the bag sort of material. This is, hands down, some of the strongest and best shit they've had in living memory. By the time they're walking past Miranda and Steve into the club, they are flying as sky high as you can fly. They're a fucking 747, baby. 35,000 feet altitude, cruise control.

Hope you brought your tape measure, folks, because your altitude will not be determined by standard measuring equipment it's impossible for how high you're flying and how low that rope out a window get that window open hang a rope out say they're having a very different night one of the many instances in this movie in which i wish we could follow the characters who are interfacing or you know like i wish i wish the cameraman or person apologies had license to just tilt the camera follow them into the nightclub go down the stairs with them into that movie into the bar into the basement what the hell are they out to this evening because i'll bet it's a damn sight more interesting than what these what these characters are doing fucking name couldn't agree more yeah let me follow the next generation do

you know is that maybe the big problem with these movies actually when you get down to it is that it's it's um it's fascinating voyeuristic of course but fascinating to see what people in their late 20s and early 30s are up to fucking around getting getting into a relationship, getting their heart broken, learning some lessons. But once you're in your 40s, it's a bit different. It's a bit like, well, I mean, you do you. You go on your journey, but I don't need to see it. I think we're getting towards what the problem is here. I think that what people in their 20s and early 30s are doing is not inherently more interesting than what anyone else is doing at any given time.

early 30s are doing is not inherently more interesting than what anyone else is doing at any given time i also think that the most interesting that will ever be is to an audience of people the same age so for example the people who watch the hbo show who grew up with these characters who are familiar with them and care about them are aging at the same speed that these characters are that's to say that you know a group of 40 year old women who watch this movie take something entirely different away from a couple of fucking idiotic 30-year-old dudes who are watching it just because they wanted to hang out some more. That being said, though, don't you think that there's a lot of 40-year-old women watching this film who can't relate to it? Who are happily married, got a couple of kids. They're just like, this ain't me, chief. I'm struggling to pay my mortgage.

Absolutely. But they don't care. This is aspirational content. I see. What's that for us? The hangover? Yeah, that's real aspirational. I think getting trapped on a rooftop bar in Las Vegas, Nevada

and almost dying as a result of radiation from the sun. Dreams are free, brother. That Bradley Cooper looks like a real card. I think the thing is, like, I ain't your Doug. I ain't your Doug. I ain't your Doug. No, I just think, I think, because this movie, it didn't win over any new fans,

but it also didn't antagonize the pre-existing fans. It did its job. Yeah, that's true. The people who watched it said, hey, do you know what? That was a little bit longer than I would have liked, and honestly, I didn't care that much, but it was nice to see my friends again. It's good to see them again. It's good to see Miranda again, you know?

It's good to see what Miranda's up to. The second movie that upset some people. Yeah, but it was profitable as fuck as well. So, you know. But those people were burned. We know for a fact we're not going to get it, but I would love to see what the market

reaction to a third Sex and the City film would be. I think we saw it a little bit transpire on Twitter when there was a revelation that Mr. Big would die in a shower accident. And that was quickly disputed by Mantris Parklet himself, I believe, who said, no, that would not happen. That's something that Kim Cattrall can't put out just to fucking stir the pot. Your Twitter account would not be representative of how people react to a Sex and the City 3 announcement. Oh, true.

One of my favorite lines, Anthony, the wedding planner, famously flamboyant. One of his main characteristics doled out in this film says, that's all we need is the lift of a leg on the train of address. He is devastated at the idea of a young dog pissing or shitting on Carrie's ludicrous Vivienne Westwood bridal number. Collapse Carrie getting into a fucking limousine? She's just a woman on the street? I saw her last time, actually. As recently

as three hours ago. It's quite different seeing it on a bigger screen. I don't usually watch it on a screen this big. TBH. We're watching it on a pretty big screen, guys. Pretty big. Yeah, Tim's got some nice screens, and we're watching it on one of them. I've got one screen, and this is it. Yeah?

Yeah. You've got a projector screen? It broke ages ago. It's over here. Lent it to Joseph Moore, came back in a state of disrepair. Did he tell him? Disrepair, I mean, it doesn't work. Nah, didn't have the heart.

If he listens, he'll know now. He disrepair, I mean it doesn't work. Nah, didn't have the heart. If he listens, he'll know now. He won't listen to this. He certainly won't. It's fine. No one we personally know would listen to this. Not one.

Not one. People who we know... You don't listen to this, to be fair. I'm living it. You're in it. Yeah. I'm not going to revisit

literally one of the darkest moments I can remember experiencing in the last little while got it bro it might be a sociological curiosity to others but for me

this is not something to be dredged up and experienced twice fair enough I respect that this is the bit of the movie that is so pivotal for the plot it makes the least sense we've all said it guys see that tim said it all of our guests have said it i don't understand

why big can't just get out of the this is a man who's making presumably multi-million dollar deals every single damn day he's a new york financier who has been afforded such a esteemed position in life that he is a full-time driver just to ferry him around hither and thither and yet he's getting freaked out by walking down the aisle it's the third time he's done it this isn't even a new experience for him just get out of the fucking limo bowl totally get in there it's a library it's not even a church it's not that daunting you egotist no one cares as much as you do that this is your third time getting married and honestly if you botch it it's going to be a hell of a lot better than if you jilt your third fiancee yeah bolt figure it out one you've

been in a relationship with on again off again run the numbers that. Hey, what do you think of Anthony's tie? There goes the chips. I can't remember it. Oh, a thin purple tie. Honestly, I'd have to see the bottom to form a total opinion. It's not for me, but I don't mind it on him.

One of the more timeless pieces. I mean, you and I, do you think we have the same or deviating fashion senses? Deviating. For sure.

Is that a criticism? Not at all. What do you think of Stanford's tie? I think Stanford is wearing the wrong tie. I agree. Garish and loud. Although loud's kind of what he's all about. But I'm seeing it in a context of,

guess what, It's 2019. I'm watching this. And I'll wait. Maybe it was all G, bro. Who's to say, man? It's very sparkly as well. He's got a whole sparkly suit. So it's at least of a piece. Yeah, it's of a type.

It's cohesive. Oh, Brady's upset. Now you've done it. I don't think I'd have it in me to jilt. You'd do it and then fucking bail on it later. Get the annulment the next day. It's the manly thing to do, isn't it? It's slightly less cowardly.

I don't mean to make a champion of myself, but like... And yet here we are. Maybe it's the fashion which is doing it, but it's just so weak. Like, it doesn't not just make sense as a person to do it like this, but it doesn't make sense. Or actually, I don't know which is more important, but it does make sense in terms of story, but it certainly doesn't make sense as a person.

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. You know how later on we see Carrie Bradshaw's cell phone taped up? Do you think it's because of that moment we just saw where she drops it on the ground? That was a borrowed phone. It's established in the storytelling. She needs to borrow a phone because the daughter has taken someone's phone

and put it in their purse. Fuck. Good point. And we see Carrie using the phone taped up before she's in Mexico. Holy shit. The thing about Carrie Bradshaw is for how successful she is, how nice her home is, how nice her life is. She's rich as. She doesn't care for technology. She doesn't care for phones.

I don't even know if in the modern day, sexual anthropologist Carrie Bradshaw has a Twitter account. I think she's on Instagram. Sexual anthropologist? Insta only. What's she posting on there? Vaginas and penises? Heavens no.

Anus? Ani? What's the plural of anus Bylines Oh okay Bylines and brunch That Should be the name

Of her twitter account Bylines and brunch On instagram Follow me Bylines and brunch A two with a Pull out Take that big

Blam Second Oh the third hit Do you know? Oh, number four. It only just occurred to me. He's being struck by a bouquet of roses. Sure, he's being hit by buds initially.

What are you going to do about it? But as soon as you get through the buds and you're down to stalk, those are some pointy, thorny little fuckers that are going to dig into your skin, your forehead, your cheek, your neck, the areas he's being struck. That's going to hurt. He's going to bleed. There should be some scabs. He deserves it, man.

I don't care whether he deserves it or not. I'm just saying in terms of realism, in terms of wardrobe and makeup, in terms of continuity, we need to see a little bit of fresh blood. Not a lot. He doesn't need to go to hospital. He doesn't need to go to A&E. Although he could. The guy's doing fine.

Have you ever been in a limo? Once I think It was like six form ball maybe Oh with the lads Oh it was lads and fellas I went to a co-ed school guy Oh okay You don't need to fucking

Throw my nose in your Idyllic tea You literally asked a question And I answered it Yeah Well I'm volatile I'm sobering up

But I'm still crazy Do you need to get some water On you friend? Yeah no I got a bottle right here Oh okay good Yeah, well, I'm volatile. I'm sobering up, but I'm still crazy. Do you need to get some water in you, friend? Yeah, no, I've got a bottle right here. Oh, okay, good. Get it in you. Yeah, no, I think we were in a limousine that night, but off the top of my head, not one that I can recall.

Let me put it that way. Freestyler. What about you? Straight from the top of my dome. Very much a song that was around that time. Although it was old at that stage. I've been in a limo, school ball, similar situation. That song must be almost 20 years old. Older.

Like 18 years old. Who's to say? Hey, look, it's your wife. Yeah. Playing with the doggy. She's having a good time. Resplendent in the sunlight

I know that could be us really good bomb funk MC's where are they now that is a good question the guy from the video with the big head full of dreadlocks

yes he sells seashells by the seashore no imported european vehicles at a car lot in a real prestige location in nottinghamshire england now is that a place nottinghamshire yeah cool i know a guy from there. Do you? Yeah, he's a pilot. What's his name? Keith. Is he a good man?

Pretty questionable in my book. Is he around? Or is he like, he's in Nottinghamshire? Yeah, well, it sort of seems like he's actually here right now. It does seem like it. Yeah. Are you talking about me, Keith? I am.

Keith, it's so good to hear from you well it's so good to be back keith yeah what's been happening with you mate have you taken any flights since we saw you last have you been in the skies well no i mean it's very unlike i'm an international commercial pilot it's just no planet on which i could have taken a flight return of course and be here are you so right i'm sorry for this real oversight on my part no i've actually been to a local cafe how did you enjoy it yeah i had seven long blacks you had seven coffees seven long blacks absolutely there's a lot of espresso and espresso and especially in new zealand we are double-shotted standard there's 14 shots of espresso i feel wretched i bet um so look what can we do for

you can we maybe get your water or any sort of facilities toilet wise absolutely we do i mean i'm almost i've you know we're friends but i'm almost hesitant to point you in the direction of the end now honestly it'll be less than two minutes all right it feels like a real porcelain disaster waiting to happen but the bathroom's just inside. Just first on your right. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. Very good.

Okay. So you're not going yet? No, I have to. Don't get me wrong, but I'm not going to go immediately. I see. Very good. Create some sort of dramatic tension. Keith, the thing I've always wondered about you is, do you have a partner?

I do. Who's that? Well, she's my co-pilot. She's my partner in crime, my partner in life. Very good. I cannot remember her name for the life of me. It's not Angela? It is Angela.

It's Angela. I think so. Fantastic. You tell her that you love her. I try to, yeah. Reciprocated, as I understand. Potentially heard. So you defining her as your partner, it seems, maybe a little forward, perhaps?

Well, it's a little confident. Certainly, I'm ahead of myself. I'm outside of my station. What I'm doing is borderline by any meaningful context. But I love her. Yeah, you do, don't you? Yeah, I love her. You truly do.

I truly fucking love her. Good on you. I used to work as a taxi driver. Did you? Yeah, absolutely. Black cab? Yeah. So you must know London inside and out.

Well, so you'd think. Yes. I know it inside. On the way back out, I'm just guessing. Is that right? Yeah. Fucking hell. My brain only goes one way.

North, south. I don't understand east, west. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. It's a really interesting blind spot. All right right see ya okay okay good to hear from you not a bad guy take it easy he's off he's off probably use the bathroom from what i understand it's in a hurry oh is that that i'm actually not going to use a

bathroom it's keith keith all right see ya oh and he's off weird point to make he does i mean the bags that they're holding in this movie are just bizarre. We've got, Charlotte has turned up to Mexico with a a makeup bag, perhaps? It's rigid and it's a cube and it's got like a chest pattern on the outside. Do you want to know when I

know I'm in an unhealthy spot? When I see the characters walking through an exotic location carrying bags and I wish to high heavens they were in Abu Dhabi I see, that is not a good sign because

we've talked about it before, we will talk about it again there is no depth of depression that we could experience in this season that will take us to the place of Sex and the City 2. Come close. Mate, that movie did some things to us. None of them good.

It's crazy how many people were required to capture every moment of this film. How many do you think, though? Honestly. 500. Count it. No, far less. less i'm gonna say 20 what yeah no shit you mean just involved hands-on tools you don't yeah hands-on hands-on tools talking about the people who enable those people you're just talking about that many of

them yes there are man are you kidding me? It's not 500. So I reckon there's 20 hands-on tools. Call it 60 others. You're double digits, not triple. You're in triple digits. Do you reckon? Yeah.

Early or late? Mid. Mid to low. He did say 500, which would be mid. Exactly. Miranda Harps, you wear red all the time. You're a dynamo and you look kind of fine. You're a lawyer and a mother. You've got a wonderful son and a wonderful life.

Your husband, Steve Brady, tried to have sex with me. I said, don't you lay hands on there. That's my body hair. I'm going to wax it off, going to get real smooth so I can show off. Going to go for a swim down the local beach trace through the water like a bullet like a wee peach with arms and legs kicking water here and there i don't mind what you're saying so long as you look here it doesn't work almost though it's very good moments where it was flying quite excellent for my reckoning. Really excellent.

Thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. It's interesting. I mean, we've charted the highs and lows of drunkenness, lethargy, and sobriety. I mean, I'm not yet at peak sobriety, but I'm on my merry way back home. There will be a day during this podcast where I think, here's what I say, here's the vision for us.

We're inside a room, maybe a padded room, where I think, here's what I say, here's the vision for us. We're inside a room. Maybe a padded room. Padded cell, some would say. And we're just, we're just, we're there for too long. Like, I'm talking fucking a day. It's just on. Too many screens, you know. Oh, it's disgusting.

Jesus Christ. I seem to have gone wrong. I must apologize. You're drinking out of a water bottle that says comedy festival. Which comedy festival? Bengaluru. Bengaluru? Bengaluru?

Bengaluru. Bengaluru. Or Bangalore. Bangalore, India. India. Bangalore. That's where Raj is from. And Van Wilder, part of the liaison.

Which you would know if you were part of the Patreon Deciders Club. Or actually, the Patreon Pals. Let me say this about the Patreon Pals. My little sister's competing in an Iron Person. Is that what it's called? No, it's called an Iron Man. It's still called Iron Man, right? It's called an Iron Man, yeah.

For now. Is she doing it today or tomorrow? A few days from now, but she just sent me a text saying there's an app I can download. I can follow her. Oh, that's awesome. 3.9 kilometers in the water. Yes. 180 kilometers on a bike.

That is too much. 42 kilometers on foot. That's fucked, mate. We are talking about upwards of 10 hours consecutive exercise. I can't. And not just exercise. Like relentless slog. Had dinner with her last night?

like relentless slog had dinner with her last night guys 180km biking for our imperial listeners what is that like 120, 130 miles probably 100 I think it's a bit more than that it's far

it's too far to be on a bike when I wake up oh I know I'm going to be, I'm going to be the man who wakes up next to you. Here's what I want to say to anyone who's ever supported us on Patreon. I don't think I'd still be making podcasts if it wasn't for those guys. No shit, man. Massive shout out.

It's entirely true. If you don't support us on Patreon, fucking this is fine. This will be good. No worries. But if you do support us on Patreon, know that you are probably like directly responsible for there being another season, rightly or wrongly.

That is either on your shoulders as a fucking noose or, you know, a halo. Take it as you will. Halo is famously placed on the shoulders. That's where they lie. I would also like to apologize to those of you who are responsible for continuing this podcast for the previous three and a half hours and what lies ahead all right ladies and gentlemen you know what this movie's missing god the iconic moment in sex in the city 2 when the four of

them dressed up to the fucking nines in the middle of the desert stride across a sand dune while a Fair dinkum, actually. There needs to be some sort of iconic moment of... They look like demigods wandering through the egyptian desert like it's really i'm looking at set and whatever else constitution egyptian god just in the most resplendent finery have you seen adam sandler's film click here's what i know about click i've not. Apparently, the premise is based on a porno. It's all I know. Called The Click?

No, no, no. It's got some other name. But the premise is... Is it a softcore porno? I don't know. Did it play on Sky 1? Not sure. Did you see it?

I saw... And I'd completely forgotten it until now. I saw a softcore Midnight on a Friday Sky One porn, which was maybe called The Click, and it was pretty actually unseemly, but a man has a remote by which he controls the sexual urges of people around him. And he would click it. Yes.

And it would create horniness. Not even necessarily the situation he wants, but it would, you know, like if you're in a room and you're like, well, this room's kind of boring. I'd like to alter the energy by making person X tremendously horny. That power was in his hands. Far out. It's not so far away that it's impossible,

but it's not quite close enough to draw a direct line between that and Adam Sandler's film Click. All of this is to serve the question, would you accelerate the next hour and a half of your life so that you can walk free from this room? Not knowing what might happen in that hour and a half, it might be the best thing that could ever happen to you. That's such an incredible question. I think I would.

I'd roll those dice 10 times out of 10. It's rare for me to say that because when I hear people say out loud like, oh, I've got to waste some time in between something, I always call them on it. Time ain't for wasting, friend. Time is not for wasting.

What the fuck have you been doing the last five years? Time is the only thing you can't buy. You can almost literally buy every other thing, but you can't buy time. But you can kind of buy time just by getting rid of other shit that takes up your time. Letting the days go by. Let the water hold me down.

Letting the days go by. Water flowing underground. Still David Byrne live. Honestly, top three. Top three gigs we've been to. It was incredible. That's cool, man. I tried to get my partner's daughter into Talking Heads this morning.

Wait, what do you mean? Into the band? Yeah. Oh, like you played it for her. Not like you tried to get her to join. She's like, I've got a great new bassist. She's three years old. Yeah, yeah.

Give her a chance. Option A. Currently, two songs exist in her world and two songs only. Can I take a guess at one? Baby Shark? Incorrect. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do.

Baby Shark. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Baby Sharkdo-do-do-do-do. Baby shark do-do-do-do-do. Baby shark do-do-do-do. I just can't get enough. I just can't get enough. I just can't get enough. I just can't get enough. Baby shark do-do-do-do.

Song one. It's the same fucking track, guys. Do the math. I'm still standing, Elton John. Weird. That's why I watched the video. Isn't that in a minor key? That doesn't bode well for her.

I'm still standing. No, it's in a major key. When I heard you sing it in a minor key, that can't be right. The second song? I don't know if I sang it in a minor key. I'm not a singer. Jingle Bell Rock. Interesting.

That one I can get behind, though, because at least it's joyous. Out of Season, but still a good time. I've been watching the Daryl Hall and John Oates version of it. Okay. They have a funny little Christmas scene. Yes. Enjoyable? Check those headphones on, Kyle.

Let's get back to the task at hand. We're doing a director's commentary. We've really strayed from the premise. We're in Mexico. Charlotte's about to shit her pants. Guy has exited from the premise. And four girls lounging by. Well, three girls lounging by Paul.

One is about to shit her pants. We're playing it for laughs. We've got big soundtrack, big sound effects. And that is what we hear. That's a pants. We're playing it for laughs. We've got big soundtrack, big sound effects. And that is what we hear. That's a solid life. I read in the Sex and the City Bible. It doesn't exist in this universe. Go on.

Kristen Davis was skeptical about this scene. She had to be persuaded by the mattress pikelet king. Fair enough. Who said, it's not going to be gross. It's going to be funny. And easily persuaded. Kristen said, you know what? You're right. It's going to be...

To be fair, do you know what I think separates that line of funny and disgusting is that we don't see poo. If they had gone to the trouble of putting some shit on her sweatpants when she walks past, at that point, we're in gross town. But because it's clean, I think we're in funnyville. The mayors, coincidentally, are cousins. They're very closely related.

Are they friends? But they are different. Now they fell out. How chunky is this necklace? Fuck me. It looks like she went to a child's bead museum. How chunky is this dirt gone, brother? Chunky's this necklace. Fuck me. It looks like she went to a child's bead museum. How chunky's this dirt gone, brother?

Can you give me the heaviest possible version of what you have on offer? And they were like, yeah. Three times off it. I guess we can like fuck you up with some beads if you want, Sarah. It's weird to think her name's Sarah, eh? I've never thought of that. Because in my mind, her name is always Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah.

That's true. She was Sarah before she was SJP. And she was SJP before she was dead. Ladies and gentlemen, time comes for us all. Fucking A. Yeah, man. I'm not now in terms of like do you reckon you could drive

no I would never drive a car right now I reckon you're far from getting behind the wheel eh I reckon I could um you could lime scoot it yeah I think anyone could lime scoot it true probably to be discouraged that opinion but it's Yeah, I think anyone could lime scooter. True.

Probably to be discouraged, that opinion, but it's just what I think. I think I could show up, not indefinitely, but I could show up to do anything I needed to do right now for half an hour. I fucking doubt that. For half an hour? You're not committed enough if you could do anything that you usually sign up for right now. Yeah. Show up for half an hour, talk about an idea.

Yeah. I've got to go to work after this. No, you're alright, mate. Stay with me. Stay with me. You're all good. You're good. You know what you work as, guy?

Talking about some fucking hot shit ideas you've got. Just polishing them off. That's all. You're good. Have you ever shut your eyes? It's never happened it no it's so good it's uh peter kim of peter kim dot uh sorry peter kim peter kim dot com fame he's in the film for about seven or eight seconds and i cannot wait to meet him i really i hope i get to shake his hand and i'll feel very short-changed most likely scenario is that guy will get to meet him,

and I'll be on like a Skype call talking to them both. Ideally, I'll meet him in secret from you. Yeah, that would be really gold standard. I think the main thing is that he was in Hackers, which he talks about a lot on his website, peterkim, peterkim.com. I will not watch it before I meet him. Hackers? You should, man.

It's a good fucking film. Only despite you. Yeah, fair enough. I would love to meet this guy without the context of the thing will not watch it before i meet him hackers you should man it's a good fucking thing only despite you yeah fair enough i would love to meet this guy without the context of the thing that makes you care about him the most the thing i love most about hackers is probably one song and one song only and that is cowgirl by underworld my cowgirl brings other boys to the yard and they're like she's better than yours damn right she's better than yours, damn right. She's better than yours, I could teach you, but I have to charge. He's got it in one.

We've got an introduction of Jennifer Hudson at this point in time. Star on the rise. Not to be confused with Jennifer Lopez. Star firmly established at the time of release. Fused with Jennifer Lopez, star firmly established at the time of release. If I had one chance to live my life again. Is this Carrie Rachel getting sent presents? It's just like countless presents.

Yeah. Fuck, that's weird. She's just getting sent presents. People are helping her find her feet. The presents are born of the fact that she was jilted and they were in the room before it happened welcome to being a human being on god's earth people get jilted not everyone gets presents not everything is in a gift box in her house look at that hat boxes for fucking africa well also she's just moved back into her house that's the reason you're seeing so many boxes she's in the middle of relocating here we are in old ukrainia fuck we are yet to decode that that question name it's called a typo don't call it a typo written realize

do you know where this is in new york bro do you know what part Do you know where this is in New York, Brian? Do you know what part? Yeah, it's Les, the Lower East Side. It's said to be old Ukraine here, but they're pretty much in Chinatown. Oh, true. You're actually having a pretty good time down there. There's a lot of good cheap eats.

You've got a lot of good times. There's a great cinema called The Metrograph. It plays a lot of interesting films. I saw The Muppets of Christmas Carol there last year on December 23. It was a kid's screening. A lot of boys making a lot of noise. Let me say that we've just missed Lin-Manuel Miranda's appearance again, but that's quite fine as is tradition.

Let me say this about Guy Montgomery. Guy Alexander Halifax Montgomery. Guy, he decided to do something. He decided to do something quite big and bold. And that was move from New Zealand, Aotearoa, to God's Own New York City. That's right. That's a bold move and a lot of people do that.

It's not a common trajectory. Especially if you're in a comedy community. What you do if you start off in New Zealand, you're a Kiwi person. You do comedy for a bit and you're like, you know, I'm getting at this i'm gonna go to london england absolutely and you try to make a name for yourself there and literally no one uh how about friend of the podcast rose mutterfayer oh that's true actually well i feel like she made a name for herself before london though not in london no that's what i'm saying though that's kind of my point she made a name for herself and then she went to london there's a

lot of comics from new zealand who try to make a name for themselves by going to london you did not you tried to make a name for yourself by going to nyc misguided baby it's been the hardest thing I've done in my life do I regret it? no good every single day yes now a guy's doing the right thing and that's what is important for him to remember

he's doing the right thing and sometimes when you go to New York City you get pregnant and you're not even trying man man do you reckon you're pregnant? I hope not you might be though nah dude that's the thing about moving sometimes you don't know if you're pregnant or not my womb is empty my ovaries clear my feelings about this are very sincere i got no baby in barely i got nothing in my gut i'm just a fella

saying to you i don't like smut i'm a virgin i've never had sex say how could i be pregnant if i don't have eggs or sperm on my person it's just how it is i'm a virginal young boy, and I don't want kids. From fucking God's mouth to your ears, ladies and gentlemen. That is a hot rhyme. Yeah. Do you want to give yourself a rap name on the mic? Teal Hat. Teal Hat, everybody.

It's Teal Hat. This is the first track from Teal Hat. I wouldn't buy the record, but I would certainly not skip the radio station if they played a single. Generous. Huge call. Well, Samantha, may I recommend breaking up with him now to save us all half an hour to 55 minutes of our lives?

Smith Jarrett's the man. So, Samantha Jones has just come out. They've just fucked. They're fresh post-coitally. What are the 12 stages of grief? There's 12? I don't know. Nine?

Eight? It's like fucking six. Okay, denial is in there, in the mix. Acceptance is at the end. Acceptance. Anger is one of them. I don't know the others. I'm at acceptance.

Of this happening yeah I don't even have the energy to be angry or upset yeah it's just like yeah what are you gonna do the movie's gonna keep going

we're gonna keep sitting here you're gonna keep listening you completionist fucking lunatic I actually don't understand anyone listening. Yeah, no. That is insane to me.

I know that we sound like the crazy people, but you are absolutely... I just wish we were better at it. Out of it. I don't even care. If you're still listening, it doesn't matter how good we are. Something's wrong on your end. All right, let's try and bring this plane back. Let's seal the windows up on this aeroplane and try and raise the altitude, shall we?

Absolutely. So, let us return to the task at hand, which is commentering directorially what's up on screen. We're at a stage in the movie where Jennifer Hudson has come like some sort of fairy godmother to try and fix Carrierie bradshaw's life she's actually you know this the jennifer hudson the her character in the movie this is a concept that i was unfamiliar with that you introduced me to and uh i'm hesitant to use the actual

terminology for fear of coming across as bigoted yeah there, there's a name of the trope, which is, I think, quite out of vogue now, but what it is is basically there was a long tradition in cinema of getting a person of colour to come in who has supernatural powers to fix all your problems. In essence, that's Jennifer Hudson's role. Yeah, it's like a toned-down version of it, but yeah, it's like the only significant character in this cast who's a person of colour and she sort of swans in to fix someone's life.

It does feel a bit fucking... That's the entirety of it. Like her engagement and entire life beyond Carrie Bradshaw is treated at an arm's length with incredible disinterest. It's coloured in as a means of saying, here's why she's here, here's why she's not, but otherwise it's not relevant. It has no bearing on the story, it has no impact.

No one's walking out of the cinema being like, I wonder what happened to that relationship. This movie was made a long time ago. This is an ancient film. It's so old. So old. 2008. What were you doing in 2008, Monty?

Let me throw the spotlight at you. 2000 and great, brother. I was in Wellington, New Zealand, the cultural and physical capital of Aotearoa. Committing a lot of hate crimes. Second year university. Your boys are living on Torrens Terrace, the top of Cuba Street. Do you know what we're not doing?

Taking our rubbish from the house and putting it in the provided skip out in the car park. We are putting it in a cupboard under the stairs. How many bags? Literally too many to count on my digits. At the end of the year, we have up to 42 to 50 bags of rubbish just sitting there festering. Do we think it's funny?

It's not funny. Do we have maggots? Let me tell you something. I don't know. Everyone leaves the house before John O'Gould, a.k.a. the People's Champion. On his last day at Torrens Terrace in 2008, John O'Gould is responsible for relocating up to 50 bags of rubbish from the cupboard under the stairs to the skip outside. He goes about his business with a quiet respect and studiousness that befits the man.

He's a good guy. He's doing good things. After about 42 bags, he's tired, sure. He's carrying bags that aren't just constituted of dry rubbish, but some of them might have a little bit of garbage juice. They're a bit wet. They're squelching. They're screeching. He's carrying a bag down the shared hallway with other people who remain in the flat or complex you know because it's the end of the year and they just

happen to be the last people remaining in their building some of them probably riding out the christmas new year's period in this place they might not be going back to their families they might not have families to go back to it's not super relevant he's He's carrying what is, to date, the stinkiest bag of rubbish that has been left in the cupboard under the stairs in our apartment over the previous year. It is exploding with garbage juice, not just from the top, but from small holes that have been found throughout the bag. He arrives at the top of a stairwell.

He looks back over his left shoulder. Five to six people have, on account of the smell, opened their doors, leaned their head out the hallway to make eyes and faces at him that say, Hey, so you know, we know, this stuff stinks, and we aren't too happy about it. Do you think Jono's happy about it? He's not, but he doesn't care.

He's just going about his business. He goes to carry what is a bag that is rapidly loosening and losing control on him down the flight of stairs you know how bags stretch when they're full of a wet kind of rubbish that's what's happening to them these aren't your grandfather's rubbish bags these are your low-grade budget bags you get 52 for a buck down at the grocery store they're not designed to carry this sort of weight or viscosity. As he takes his first step down the flight of stairs, the bag stretches beyond what you could describe as physical repair. He loses control of the entire thing.

The rubbish and juice cascades upon the stairs as though a waterfall designed by God and Gaia themselves. This is pouring itself all over the chemical-grade carpet. You know, you've got your grips, you've got your rug, but this stuff does maintain smell. It pours all over the stairs. He looks down. Inside of this rubbish bag from date unknown, 2008,

is an ice cream container. The contents of the ice cream container? Not ice cream, but also not nothing. Someone has thrown up in an ice cream container. They've neatly put it inside of a rubbish bag, presumably because they think the rubbish goes out weakly. How wrong they are. how wrong they are. Amongst the cascading waterfall of garbage juice is an ice cream container with spew that must not be younger than three months old.

Inside of the spew, a healthy, happy and excitable young family of maggots who have found a new home on the stairwell of our shared apartment building. Jono is humiliated. He takes the ice cream container he scoops what little of the garbage juice which is available for relocation into the container into the dregs of the bag which remain in his hands and puts it in the rubbish bin we get an eviction notice that is probably 12 months too late saying not only are we no longer welcome to lease or live in the building but we're not welcome back as visitors it was a hell of a year are you truly not allowed in that building absolutely not i actually feel like they might have needed to burn it down after that happened

they needed to do it a long time before we were contributing to their problems. That tale was skillfully told as it was harrowing to listen to. Absolutely outrageous. Truly disgusting. Same building I shed a whole room in. You shed a whole room in. I don't understand what those words mean strung together. What does that mean, you shed a whole room in I don't understand what those words mean strung together. What does that mean?

You shared a whole room and... What does that mean? It means the lads were trying to do the 100 club. 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. Yeah. Individually? As a team? Yeah, person to person.

It's a lot. So how many mils in a shot? 30? Or 60? I don't know a single shot presumably to be completely honest 15 sorry 15 mils in a shot if it's a double it's 30 it felt like quite a lot so 15 times 100 is uh it's barely relevant what we have is a lot of space liters of beer and a lot of whiskey it probably is 15 liters of beer because it couldn't be 1.5 because that's fine well suffice it to say halfway through

we solicited the help of our neighbors a group of people with whom we were friends to buy us some nappies can i ask you a question it's not a question let me think out loud for a second and do some math i'm pretty sure a shot's 15 mils so if you did 10 it's 150 and 100 okay so it's 1.5 liters of beer 330 mils per can so we're talking about um oh boy i've lost it. What was that? 1.5 litres. 1.5 litres is like five beers. It's five beers, so that can't be that. It's more. Yeah. Maybe twice as much?

Ten beers? Even that doesn't sound right. Anyway, that's by the by. What wound up being the problem was I had too much to drink. The last thing I remember from that night is we have finished a substantial amount of spates and are looking at half a bottle of whiskey in front of us. My friend Fergus says, this is pathetic. Let's go to work.

I wake up the next morning. No underpants. No shorts. No trousers. T-shirt. Jersey. Puffer jacket. Hood. I've heard this story. I remember this. I get Oh, no. Puffer jacket. Hood.

I've heard this story. I remember this. I get a phone call. It's from Fergus. Somehow he's found himself at work the next morning. He says, Guy. Hey, Fergus. Hey, Fergus calling here.

Do you remember what happened to you last night, my guy? Absolutely not. All right. Well, you may want to check in the fucking bedroom or something, the bathroom. You want to look at the downstairs bathroom. Downstairs bathroom. I also had a scab. I bled out my head.

This was not a good time for Guy Montgomery. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Anyway, all that to say, I went downstairs and I looked in the bathroom and the witness in front of me did not represent me as well as I might have liked it to. Who was the witness? What do you mean by that? What I saw. Yes.

Which I knew from the phone call and the information I had and the vague memories I could piece together in my mind's eye. Was of your person? You hath wrought it. I was responsible for what was in front of me. And you'd rejected the notion. I didn't want to engage the notion. Fair enough. Who would?

Shit on the walls. Who would welcome that? Who welcomes shit on the walls? Not a guy. Man, I don't know. What did you do after? From memory of the story when last you told it, you got stuck in though. You went to work.

I spent the day cleaning up my mess. Yeah. It was humiliating. You want to know something interesting? To try and change the subject. I think it was Jane Goodall who was talking about this recently. I think she did an AMA on Reddit. I think that's who it was.

No, it wasn't. It was someone who made the latest David Attenborough series, Dynasties. And they were talking about the one with the chimpanzees, I think it was. And they said, do chimpanzees throw shit at each other and uh this woman who worked on the show who was on location with the team like getting the footage and everything i think she was a producer she said no they don't they don't throw shit at each other there's only something that chimpanzees do when they're in captivity and uh and and i was talking about this with a group of people and someone else said just like humans i was like fucking a you put them in a prison like it's the only

uh active protest you have left is literally your own defecate don't know if that's a word to hurl at someone to indicate how fucked off you are we're not so different us than the chimps no we share a lot of DNA. I've opened up too much once again on this podcast. And to think all it takes is four hours, one and a half screenings of Sex and the City and two bottles of red wine. You know, we've all got our foibles. Yes.

My guard is down. My heart is pure. That's good, though man what would the people get out of this season four listen to this if it wasn't a bit of honesty at this point you know fucking nothing absolutely nothing fuck i'm so upset i told that story why it's just embarrassing. I love everyone. Let it be nine. Let the record state. I love everyone and we've made a mistake twice consecutively on the same day

inside of making a mistake 52 times after we'd retired the mistake that we originally made. Tim, for as good an idea as this is, hate the fact that you know what do you know what guy can i take this opportunity to say one might call it the worst idea of all time i love that i just don't like the fact that we identify as and rightfully so Hopefully so. The people who, like our whole shtick is built on commitment. And nothing but. And so as soon as you said, as soon as you knew it was possible to watch this movie again, and you said we were doing it. Yes.

For how much I wanted it not to be the case. Like as soon as you floated the idea, I knew it was over. But that's the magic. Don't you get it, guy? That's the magic. We're living in a post-truth era, and the reason people gravitate towards this podcast is because you and I put a stake in the ground,

and we do what we commit to. You know? The amount of people who have asked me do you really watch the movie every time guys yes it wouldn't be possible to reduce ourselves you couldn't do this to this emotional rubble you couldn't do this if you didn't it's not possible to achieve the depravity that we've found ourselves in it'd be so transparent i actually think that's true i don't think we're skilled enough performers actors writers whatever you want to put a label on it i don't think we could pull off that level of lying i think very few people could to be saying that if someone could develop a bot by which they feed the scripts or dialogue of the previous episodes we've recorded into the bot and then send us the script, I would love to take a week off where instead of watching the movie, we just read out what is described in the telly or radio play.

Would you do that with me? Yeah, sure. What if i wrote us a 30 minute script in the style of an ai no i'd write it as a replacement for watching the movie oh yeah absolutely that sounds good and that would count towards our 52 screen what's the script of like this universe this film it's film? It's like, it's us. Oh. Meta. Yeah, totally.

So it would be, I would write an episode instead of us recording one. It's 30 pages. It's a lot. I think there's way more effort than just doing the episode, my guy.

I would rather do it. Okay. I'd love for that to happen. Noted. Great. What would happen if I struck you in the tummy right now? Nothing good, eh? I'm full of liquid.

Those cup noodles are so good, eh? It's one of those foods that is disproportionately tasty for how much it costs. Cup noodle soup? Cup-o-noodle. The, um, I don't know what the brand is but that me goring stuff

haven't been able to touch it for a little while because i'm fucking around with veganism and in the sources of i think some fish stuff or something yeah they make a vegan variant but it's not in the supermarket shelves in new zealand sadly well how about that what's going on in there i had a lot of look at your phone you got quite concerned sadly. Well, how about that? What's going on in there? You had a lot of luck at your phone, you got quite concerned. There's a lot of messages

waiting for you, I can see that on your home screen. It's not too much. My 6pm, the meeting I had lined up after this has been postponed

by the person with whom I was meeting. You've already said it's Alice. On one hand. Yes. I'm happy. Yes. On the other hand.

Yep. I'm not. Okay, very good. What are you doing after this? I've got a gig tonight. Where are you going? The classic. I'm doing a gig fundraiser for a guy who needs some money.

We've got Miranda. We've got Steve. We've got steve we've got sadness we've got new year's we've got cup noodle soup who else is in the lineup i cannot explain how boring it would be to get into that for anyone listening how interesting would it be for me i don't even know if i remember i can't remember consumer of comedy just fucking google it mate it's fine doesn't need to be held in amber like a Jurassic Park walking stick. You know? Here's the thing about Steve, everybody.

He tries. He's a man who tries. It's an unbeatable theme song, eh? That John Williams. Like, there hasn't been another like him. What theme song are you talking about? Hans Zimmer does a good job. He can put together an orchestral score which will elicit fear,

intrigue, I would say, and, like, sort of ambition. But there is nothing and no one that approaches a john williams theme they're utterly unique totally iconic superman he wrote it star wars that's him fucking jurassic park there's john williams that is pretty good some other ones john williams can i i think that might have been john williams how much longer do you think is left in this movie it's impossible to tell it's impossible John Williams can I ask you Jaws? I think that might have been John Williams how much longer do you think is left in this movie? it's impossible to tell it's impossible to tell

we're at New Year's so I'm going to say 45 minutes I think it's an hour can you check please? Nope but the curiosity will kill me I know but you just told me there's no stakes left for you because your meeting got postponed, so I'm not letting you know.

You're just going to vibe it out. This is a travesty, an affront to podcasting and to the format of director's commentaries. Both in our canon and the format of director's commentaries as a whole the thing is at this point anyone still listening is either hoping we spark up one more flint of creativity between us yes or the odds are low ps they're so far beyond caring you just here with us in the trenches they just want to know. They just want to finish it. And they're idiots.

Hey, who are the Bronte sisters? Charlotte Bronte is the most famous. They are a collection of, I think, turn of the century, 19th and 20th century British authors. Oh. That's what I think. So when they make that Bronte sisters joke That's what I imagine I have no means of proving it I always thought they were like dilettantes or something

Well there you go Socialites you know Dilettante's such a good word Well you've got to bring it back I hadn't heard it before Dilettante Did I make it up? Nah it's real What words do you like? You've got to bring it back. I hadn't heard it before. A dilettante. Did I make it up?

No, it's real. It's a real word. What words do you like? Dilettante. Attorney's General. And a mousse bouche. I love a mousse bouche. What does that mean?

It's the pre-appetizer. It excites the taste buds. Where does it slide in next to hors d'oeuvres? Pre. I think it's before everything. Before hors d'oeuvres? It's served on a tiny little spoon thing. You just have a mouthful of it. Woof!

It's just there to turn the mouth on. A lot of people don't know that. Between meals, the mouth famously turned off. It does. It's like a coal mine. You've got to fire it back up. You've got to get those taste buds rocking and rolling. Is there a place for laughter in the bedroom?

I'm here with Tim Batt, sexual anthropologist and podcaster. Tim, what do you think? Yes. Thank you so much for your time. Join us next week when I'm talking to paleontologist Andrew Michelson as I ask him, were dinosaurs gay?

Andrew Michelson. That's a very silly name. I'm not here to make fun of anyone's name, my guy. I am. Andrew Michelson is utterly ridiculous. This is my second most hated sequence in the film, where we show Carrie Bradshaw walking through the snow in New York City to get back to her lovely friend, Miranda Hobbs.

And it just goes on for too long. We've got some cross-cutting. We have a look inside the... What's her name? Charlotte... What's Charlotte's the name charlotte uh what's charlotte's last name york charlotte york's household it's a lovely kid we've seen samantha jones they reuse footage in this no way charlotte york and harry yeah yeah harry goldenblatt and charlotte york the same scene in which charl Charlotte says thanks for being you

and they have sex four times that week, they use literally and overlay the same footage of them having sex on New Year's Eve. Do they have sex? Wait, they don't have sex in this, do they? In this sequence? Yeah. I don't know if it's already been, but I noticed it. I haven't said it to you yet.

It's absolutely true. They double down. It is a fucking disgrace. What the fuck? Do we see them have sex in this scene? That's wild. Because we see them hanging around with their kid. That's Will.

The love of Louise's life. That's I love. I love you loving this. Mr. Big having dinner by himself. He looks like he's enjoying himself. Steak and a glass of red wine. Fucking great meal. So good.

Steve, you got it going on, brother? This is the thing I think that sets off a lot of women who we've talked to. Steve asleep next to his gorgeous wee four-year-old boy in the bed like that's you know people love that the people love that people have been upset though by the fact that they're getting

rid of the exact same body language they're like oh fucking come on I get it nah it's cute it's condescending um although you've hosted

more guests than I so you know all the in betweeny bits see you're full of shit man we don't see Charlotte it might have already been we do but we just saw her with her kid it wasn't preceding that See, you're full of shit, man. We don't see Charlotte. It might have already been. We do.

But we just saw her with her kid. It wasn't preceding that. I've observed it out loud before. I'm very intelligent. I'm never wrong. You're a smart man and you're infallible. I agree. But I haven't seen it.

I don't know what you're talking about. I am the people's champion. This hat. I am a very nice boy. It's like she took a disco ball Smashed it in half with an axe And put one of those halves on her head Idiot Carrie Bradshaw

I'm all for avant-garde What you're doing is beyond the pale I love it I love hearing you rile up It's fucked Oh this Oh Guy Montgomery's won it ladies and gentlemen

High five for my boy Thank you Isn't that crazy? That's nuts. They said we're not going to catch that. That's fucking nuts. It only took us 20 watches. I'm not just watching this 52 times.

Sometimes I'm watching it twice in a row. Better luck next time, me in character as a director. That's right. I noticed the mistakes I made. One of them was agreeing to do the season. The other one, overlaying the same footage of Charlotte and Harry having sex as I used earlier in the fucking movie. Have we expressed extreme regret every season we've come here? Absolutely!

Hey, how are you? I like jazz music, but I also like reggae. I guess it's just part of the tone and tenor of what we do, isn't it? Agree to something, instantly regret it, and then commit and see it through. I've never been to New York Fashion Week, but if I did go, I would go as a designer. What would I design? Corduroy clothes.

Fuck, I could so see you doing that. Yeah. Guy Montgomery, a whole line it would be um what what are your initials guy alexander halifax g-a-h-m gum gum gum corduroy gum cords people would go fucking crazy for that you should start getting in the biz you know what i haven't seen done before corduroy togs oh swimmers i haven't seen done before? Corduroy undies. Corduroy togs. Swimmers. I haven't seen corduroy undies. People have seen corduroy pants.

People have seen corduroy sweaters, shirts, skirts, bags. Here's what Monty's going for. Shoes and corduroy and swimmers. Corduroy. Here's the thing. Corduroy's heavy. Yes. It carries viscosity. It carries moisture. It carries moisture.

It carries smell. Yeah. Why not take advantage of that? In what regard? Well, a lot of people are putting materials on shoes that don't retain smell, that provide breathability. Yes. I'm saying, why not zig where the fashion world zags? Why not put a corduroy shoe out?

Why not put out some corduroy underpants? Why not capture the problems that persist? Yes. Not problems, but... So you're saying, like, in the same way that the Ghostbusters turn up to an abandoned hotel and trap a ghost in a trap, you're saying get the smells of feet and trap them inside the shoe. Is that what you're getting at? Corduroy house shoes.

I love it the stink is inside that's the trademarked fucking slogan for it gar cord shoes the stink is inside do you like the work of haruki murakami is that studio ghibli or is that a different thing it's Haya Miyazaki Miyazaki obviously obviously

I'm not familiar enough with the with the form to know yeah I don't like either of them either

I love them I'm thick but I'm also quite nice. You like a smoothie. I like... Here are five things I like. I like seeing someone else be excited.

Cool. I like skin-on-skin contact. Okay. I like taking a walk in the fresh air, hot or cold. Very good. I like when you wake up in the morning and you're ready to get out of bed immediately. There's no grace

period where you have to wake up. And I really, really like scrambled eggs. Date, dump, or marry? Me. And? Date, dump or marry? Me And? I'm asking you

Aren't you usually supposed to have three things? I told you five things Oh, okay, of those So I'm going to marry scrambled eggs? No, no, no, me What? I told you five things about myself Do you want to date me, dump me or marry me?

Oh, okay, okay, Okay. Okay. Date. Yes. With an eye to marriage? A possibility. The door is open. Oh, man. We don't kiss enough. What a thing.

We don't kiss enough. Do you like little tomatoes? Chewy tomatoes. I love them. Me too. Nature's candy. I hate big tomatoes, though. They can go to hell.

Yeah. Did you see someone eat one of those like an apple? Look at this fucking wasabi. No. Someone pick up a tomato and hoe into it like it's a goddamn apple? It's mental. Makes me sick to my frickin' stomach. Although, that being said, to each their own.

If you want to enjoy a tomato in the same way that I would enjoy an apple, I guess power to you. I just find it personally repugnant. Fuck, man. What Carrie's wearing in this scene's cool, though. I like it. Knee-high boots, cool, like, sort of mid-length short skirt, and just a fucking cool black top.

And who should be on the cover of the magazine in front of the book? How many fucking balloons? 1,000. Down from 5,000 that I blew up. I know we talk about it a lot, but you get a scope for it in that establishing shot because it pans from the roof to the floor and you finally see how many balloons we're dealing with.

It's fucking hundreds at minimum. Do you know what the hardest job in the world is? Blowing up balloons. It's one of the hardest. What is? Are you going to say motherhood? Initially. That is what I was supposed to say.

That's what I was going to say say What are you going to say now? As soon as I thought of it and asked the question I changed my mind Concrete mixer No by hand it's fucking hard You fucked up doing that with a shovel You get injuries You get injuries mate People throw their backs out all the time mixing concrete

With a shovel It's fucking hard I've got a strong back i've got a strong back super hard yakker out there i got a strong back you need to get out there mixing concrete mate my spine has been described as unbreakable by men's fitness magazine is that right yeah they did a whole they did a whole interview with me where they slammed my spine with a shovel yeah once full face of the shovel. The other time they were like using just the thin

end of the shovel. How did that even come about? World's strongest man hammering a shovel into my spine. Broke his wrists. Jesus. Fact. Just say fact. Just use fact as punctuation on a sentence folks. Anyone can do it. It's just a word. It's just a word. Fact.

It's monosyllabic. Just throw it in. Say something. Say anything you want. And then just punctuate it with fact. But don't be confused by the fact Tim's saying that right after I've said something. It's actually true. No, no, no.

Let us not take away from the very true fact that a guy has an unbreakable spine according to Men's Fitness magazine. Famously. And that magazine, do you know, more so than the New York Times or New York Magazine, National Geographic, Time, The New Yorker, The Economist, all of these magazines. Men's Fitness has never had to retract not just an article but any statement within an article. The most factually accurate magazine in the history of journalism on the record is saying i have an unbreakable spine if you see me fly kick me from behind see how the fuck your legs feel you need to retract this bitch this will not go well for you you're going to be paralyzed man and you'll be

partially to blame no a lot of people are going to be walking around stepping in i'm still i so rarely do this i'm stepping it guess what everybody it's tim back from the real world here please never kick guys squarely in the back come at me he's joking he is full force as fast as you can you've gotta not do it foot in the spine you'll be criminally see how the fuck you do it's assault come at me please don't do it it's assault and Come at me. Please don't do it. It's assault. And you will also, like, beyond the law stuff, you will be potentially killing a man, if not paralyzing him for life. Please don't do it.

Neither of those. This is my friend who I care deeply about. Don't kick him in the back. Risk it if you ain't shit. What's going on with you, man? Dude, I'm just having a look at Miranda's necklace, eh? Some Illumina the Orchidography. We're back, baby. on with you man dude i'm just having a look at miranda's necklace i some um illuminati we're back baby that golden dragon um nudity very important to the church of satan

i've got that in the form of samantha jones those are such heavy earrings massive eh earrings are so trippy eh have you thought about earrings before sometimes it's so weird because it's like a cosmetic addition generally to a woman to be like this is sexy I put some metal on my head and it's like fair dinkum it looks great

but it's like what's that about because most makeup so for example you get lipstick right according to evolutionary psychology it's because if your lips are really red it uh is a sign of um uh what's it called what's it called like the human version of you're horny basically heat yeah you're horny you're in heat um but like you ever seen a dog what the fuck are earrings supposed to be you know yeah yeah what's that about it's an addition it's a it's totally inhuman thing but i guess fashion's like that too absolutely none of it makes sense it's crazy you

and i we turn ourselves out as best we can every day i don't i certainly you in suits of linen me in suits of cork but that big bad wolf's gonna take us both down because there is one little piggy who dresses in brick and he's the only one who's going to see out the day toes for fingers or fingers for toes toes for fingers absolutely truly absolutely that is crazy you got no wrong way you got no fingers i went in so quickly no no no no tell me why here's why because well oh well oh well if you have fingers for toes, you literally can't walk. And there's a lot of things.

Handstands. He's got me there. You think I'm going to trip around like that? No. You just learn how to walk. If you've got toes for hands. We're getting into other territory now. If I'm allowed to walk on my finger toes, on my feet,

of course sign me up. But presumably, they trained you in a flash. I'm an adult. I've formed all those fucking pathways in my head. I can't walk on fingers. Can I? I can walk on toes. How are you going to pick up the phone?

How are you going to write an email? I actually reckon you could with toes I reckon you could They've got no reach Look at my second toe It's very long Still no reach It's dexterous as fuck

No dexterity You're lying I can do so much more with my pointer finger Than you can with your index toe Yeah but you've still got to walk I love walking I want to retain that ability Don't you? then you can with your index toe. Yeah, but you've still got to walk. I love walking. I want to retain that ability.

Don't you? Samantha is at a real love-em-or-leave-em moment with Smith Jarrett. This is the most confusing moment of the movie where they've had a bit of a fight on Valentine's Day. He's been delayed at the film studio while he's been doing work. He turns up up she has been laid naked on the table covered in sushi which she handmade herself as a delightful valentine's day treat smith jarrett after making light of the situation and ushering in the ire of a 50 sorry 49 year old samantha jones who has

never in her life tolerated waiting at home and making a meal for a man before. It's had to reckon with the fact that she's actually sacrificing something for a relationship. And the point of confusion comes in the form of Smith Garrett getting out a box of chocolate... Chocolates? What is it?

A heart of chocolate, like a chocolate box, out of his bag. What are we, the viewer, supposed to take away from this? What's the exposition? What's the value? What's the purpose? Are we supposed to feel like bad for Smith that he went out of his way to get some fucking gas shop chocos on the way home? That's the thing.

Do you know in New Zealand, your valentine busts out a heart-shaped box of chocolates? You think, wow, they've gone to some element of trouble to reveal this. Because we don't have heart-shaped boxes of chocolate readily available at various different places. That's true. In America. Is that true in America, though, as well? No, everything is so available. I always think it.

You know when you see people giving gifts in American TV shows and movies, and they're always in these big bags with bows tied on them yeah it's like wow that's just i would love to get a gift out of that bag that bag's 99 cents at the corner store that shit is everywhere new zealand is a backwater hellscape where we have neither shops nor happiness absolutely we're not allowed to send texts after 11 p 11pm on weekdays because it will crash the telecommunications system. And we've got to reserve it for our spies and politicians to use. It's absolutely fucking bogus and it really drives me nuts. It's the fact that we're not allowed...

Steve Brady, you fuckable little runt. Alright, this is the scene that really riles Guy up in terms of Steve Fassion. Could you describe what he's wearing in a style of Joan Rivers, RIP? Steve Brady's wearing a pair of Levi Strauss 5... I don't know, I can't do a voice, but he looks fantastic. He's wearing some dark wash Levi Strauss jeans.

I actually can't see his boots, but I'm imagining that they're blundstones, brown leather, pretty tasteful, pretty functional, multi-seasonal shoes. He's got on a tartan shirt, a collar popping over the top of a sort of nut-brown v-neck cashmere sweater. The guy, honestly, is dressed as timelessly as anyone at any point in this movie. Honestly, is dressed as timelessly as anyone at any point in this movie. Not emphasized any harder or more than immediately afterwards when Carrie Bradshaw and Miranda Hobbs have prit a manger in a bodega, not a bodega, in a pagoda or a, what's that called, Tim?

You're doing great. What's this called? This construction? I can't remember. Anyway, all that to say, it doesn't matter where they're eating lunch, but they're eating it in some of the most fucking ridiculous and distasteful garb imaginable in the year of our Lord and Saviour 2019. Both in knee-high boots.

One of their boots aren't actually boots. They're tartan socks. The other, torn white leather up to the fucking knees baggy as anything a mustard scoop neck skivvy with a blue woolen coat over the top it's actually got hoodie drawstrings in the front of it that mustard skivvy as well carrie's top half does not look as disrespectful as it does in the context of her full outfit. Steve Brady is a hot piece of ass who needs to get his.

We did. That's the whole problem with this film. I love Mongeau. Is that the place they got the Sammies? Yeah, it's just like it's especially prominent in London. It's just like a sort especially prominent in london it's just like a a sort of healthy and quick corner store but they're everywhere you can get salads sandwiches

wraps hot and cold foods coffee cookies pastries why aren't they in new zealand um honestly money here same reason starbucks didn't take off in new zealand Are you joking me? We've got a lot of Starbucks here. Not really. You reckon? No. Maybe not. We demand more. We demand better.

We have an incredible coffee and cafe culture. We are operating on an elevated platform. That's true. We've actually got the best of all available options, which is independent cafes. One-offs. Absolutely. And they're good.

In the big cities, they're good. And in the small cities, they're present. Do you know, you can get a coffee from a roadside vendor in New Zealand. Same quality as you might get at a prestige coffee house

in America. Do you know who I'm most impressed with? Guys, welcome back to the director's commentary of Sex and the City in the movie the movie do you know how i'm most impressed with is uh the company formerly known as british petroleum bp who about maybe 20 years ago now launched uh what the fuck is it called wild bean wild bean cafe which is an add-on establishment to their um gas station and uh everyone was very derisive at the time.

These guys suck. Like, we want real coffee. Da-da-da. The coffee there? Fucking top notch. It's all throughout the country. These people are not baristas, necessarily, but they're trained to a very high standard.

They're there to, you know, be cashiers at a gas station. They pump out a consistently excellent quality of coffee. Absolutely. And that's New Zealand. We wouldn't tolerate anything less. We fucking love... Their baked goods are nothing to sniff at either. Well, that's because they don't make them on site.

They have very good suppliers. If you go to a Kiwi and have a chat to them about their adventures in Europe, they will tell you the same thing. Went to France, loved it. Great people, terrible coffee. Went to France, loved it, great people, terrible coffee. Went to Italy, loved it, great people, terrible coffee. Went to London, loved it, great people, terrible coffee. New Zealand, very fucking good at coffee.

The best cafes throughout Europe, the UK and America are run by Antipodeans. I'm talking Australians, I'm talking New Zealanders. I can't believe how happy I was to see a naked breast in the last screening of the film. This time, I honestly find the sight of this graphic sex scene confronting and disgusting. I think that simply depicts your level of sobriety or lack thereof in the last screening.

What are these sunnies, man? I don't know that I necessarily... These look like the glasses you get if you have eye surgery and you can't look directly into the sun. That's what Samantha's rocking. She said LASIK. I don't know that I'm more carnal when drunk. There we go.

Soak that in, everybody. You want to fuck, Montgomery? Get a little tequila on him. I don't know that I am, I was saying. Oh, it's an open question. Oh, you're saying try it with tequila? Try it without? I'm saying, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Well, even though I didn't mind missing it last time, I'm not going to be called out by you for once again. Here we go. Missing a prime opportunity for a glimpse at Dante's dick. Give me that thick, turgid piece of meat. Put it in a mixing bowl, stir up some cake batter, baby. This boy's hungry for dick. Right, still alive.

It's such an unsexy shot. I know. Also, it's a classic, like, you know when you're in the shower and water's flowing through your torso onto your appendage and it runs off the end of it, not as though you're urinating, but in this weird kind of deflective stream? It does look like you're urinating, kind of. It captures that perfectly on screen there. Do you piss in the shower?

Of course. I'm a fan of Mother Nature. Interesting. What better way to protect the planet than pissing in the shower? I spent a long time not pissing in the shower. I brush my teeth in the shower. I piss in the shower. I do everything in the shower.

I read in the shower. I listen to podcasts in the shower. I listen to podcasts in the shower. I actually recently got a waterproof Bluetooth speaker, so now I have started to listen to podcasts. Ultimate Ears? Nah, I got a fucking JBL one. That's right.

This podcast is brand agnostic because we're not sponsored by a company who make Bluetooth speakers yet. But I pray for the day when that changes. We've got a little way to go. Oh, fuck. I never noticed that. Did you see that picture board on the left that says love? God, spare me. That's fucked. to go fuck i never noticed that did you see that picture board on the left this is love god spare me that's fucked this guy confuses the hell out of me the coat check in this scene why is he there

uh what's happening with this coat check look who's to say just fucking put there's 20 people in the room hang your own coat up in the closet why is there a guy is this a new york thing no this is nonsense this is what i say when this is not representative of my new york experience charlotte york has the biggest house out of the three four characters in this movie yeah it's her baby shower what are we doing at carrie's bachelor pad fair call i think it's tradition to throw the shower for someone else you know what i mean you don't throw it for yourself logistics you can't they've had to hire a man party for one and a rack of coats in the hallway they're infiltrating other people's space they're a frustration In someone else's day

What do you think of that blue on the wall? Not for me But I can see how Carrie chose it It's too cold I love that bit of acting from Cynthia Nixon I love it every week She is listening, she is watching Acting is reacting

And Cynthia Nixon, of everyone in the movie Does the best job of it I've learned a few things this screening listening she's watching acting is reacting and cynthia nixon of everyone in the movie does the best job of it i've learned a few things this screening i have enjoyed elements of charlotte york's friendship previously that has been absolutely invisible to me because i get so cross with her for screaming all the time she really doesn't scream all the time. A couple examples of it. Two, three. Every day. I used that quote recently. Here we go.

Not all day, every day, but every day. With your beloved? Yes. Got away with it too. Did you? Absolutely. You haven't now. The line, by the way, ladies and gentlemen,

because I want the very best for you, and I hope you're not watching the movie right now, and even if you are, you're obviously listening to us. The line is, relationships aren't about being happy all the time. And then one of them says, how often are you happy in your relationship? And then Carrie says, I think that's for you. And throws it over to Charlotte. And Charlotte says, every day.

And I think Miranda says, every day. And then Charlotte says, I think that's for you. And throws it over to Charlotte. And Charlotte says, every day. And I think Miranda says, every day. And then Charlotte says, yeah, every day. Not all the time, every day. Not all day, every day. Not all day, every day. But every day. I've said it before. It's a good line.

It's not a bad bit of script writing. No, it is a good line. You're right there. I would be wrapped if I was terrified to break up with someone and they came in wearing a fedora and she's already got

dude you are so right about that there is something indicative about like I have joined a firearm club recently that a fedora communicates it's like

I've got a gun license now stupid ass fedora wearing motherfucker has just walked past all of his partners packed bags literally by the

front door he knows what's up though this way so accepting he knows what's up he's an actor he's this is foe hey there's no such thing as a gun license in america right he's a good partner i don't know probably not because i remember the first time i went there i was terrified to see that the cops had guns that tells you a little something about New Zealand. Yeah, man. I had that in Mexico and they had semi-automatic rifles. It was fucked up. And a shoe store.

They're protecting a shoe shop. Oh, God. What have I done? You're really creating quite a dangerous mess. I'm just trying to get my dog. My dog's come to visit. I'm going to pick him up because he's cute. Tim's not wrong, everybody.

Him and Zoe do share one of the most beautiful puppies you'll lay eyes on. pick him up because he's cute. Tim's not wrong, everybody. Him and Zoe do share one of the most beautiful puppies you'll lay eyes on. The thing has got a scruffy sort of medium length hair. What sort of dog is this? He's called a Schnacko. He's a three quarters

miniature Schnauzer and one quarter Jack Russell. Oh my God, what a beautiful blend. He looks like a teddy bear come to life. No one can capture the beauty of a dog on camera. Dogs, do you know what? Do you know what Instagram does a bad job of representing? What?

Dogs, cats, and the moon. The moon's hard to photog. Absolutely, the moon's hard to photog. Look at this shit, man. She's in business class and she bought a seat for her doggie it's crazy shit man she's doing well she's a self-made woman how much money is she making so much money so she's got two clients she's got skinny jenny whatever her name was thinny jenny which we only know about from the book, Sex and the City, and the movie book, and Smith Jared. They must be making a sensational amount of money for her to get a percentage of their earnings and get two fucking business class.

Although I guess it's within the country. Still. Still. By coastal. She's going from one coast to the other you do the math where does this leave us the fuck are we talking about hey carrying carrying uh miranda have made up samanda's broken up with smith jarrett uh miranda and steve are back together i have the dog dog. Charlotte is openly pregnant but not yet to give birth.

That's what remains. We've got two key plot elements to go. We need Carrie and Big to reunite and we need Charlotte and Harry to have their baby. And once that's done... We're done. We're done.

That's pretty cool. We're literally waiting on other people to get through their day's work. We're sitting at the office. We've finished our work. Yeah, it's okay. He's a puppy. We're watching other people type on their computers thinking,

as soon as you finish this fucking email, we are out of here. Rufus? No. No. No. Rufus? What he's doing, folks, is he's chewing on the headphone cable, which I get. I get it. He loves doing stuff like that. I shouldn't put it in his line of sight oh we gotta train him out to see charlotte giving birth very exciting if you can hear some fast breathing and um mic bumps that is rufus trying to eat the

microphone he's a good boy he's a good boy big loves going out for meals boy he fucking does hey this is the second example we've got of it he's out for a little launch solo i love that i love that one cuisine the rest of your life tell me about it mate after going to vietnam contender Contender, but probably Japanese. Nice. Healthy. Although, if I wasn't vegan or vegetarian, probably Mexican. I fucking love Mexican. If I wasn't a vegetarian, I would go to Japan. If I had my current diet, Italian, but it's not healthy. It's not going to do much good for me.

I don't know. They seem to live for a long time. Oh, boy. I'm going to put you down. He's getting bigger, guy. I'll tell you that. Do you know this fucking dog, mate? So we got him when he was eight weeks old.

That's two months, if you're listening at home. Oh, he's trying to tuck into the corn chips. We got him at two months old, and he was two kilograms. And one week later, he was three. So he added 50% of his body weight in seven days. A day is a week in dog years. So then seven weeks. Yeah.

That's almost two months. Is that right? Yep. A year is seven years, yeah. It's my lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women. That is not Guy Montgomery speaking. That is Guy Montgomery channeling Harry Goldenblatt after the birth of his second daughter.

Carrie's very happy. She's saying there's no drama. They're saying, well, there was drama, all right. Charlotte actually had her water break after she told off a big Italian restaurant. I can't tolerate this. I'm bringing everyone up to speed. I know, but I don't want to.

I'm seeing it and I can't hear it. Well, my fucking brother, ask me a question. AMA. AMA. Guy Montgomery. AMA. I got no questions for you. When was the first time you swam?

Can't remember. I did swimming lessons at a place called Jelly Park. Jelly Park. I remember it well. It shared a footage with Burnside High. I'd be very curious to know what the rate of children and adults who can and can't swim is globally. Jelly Park, the actual park where I had my first kiss.

There you go. Yeah, I remember that actually. After my first swimming lesson you were clapping and clapping me along on the sides i don't know what you were talking about just then actually oh man i don't even feel sorry for the people still listening rest assured on you at this point yeah what you are experiencing is what we experience week in week out which is literally clock watching without watching the clock. But you can look at it.

You can look at the podcast app or whatever platform you're listening on and say, oh, my God, the lads only have 15 minutes left. It's probably less. It's probably 10. We don't know. Probably down to 10. We don't know, though. That's the thing.

Probably down to 10. Literally the only action remaining is for Carrie and Big to be reunited and for her to meaninglessly reflect upon it in some sort of fucking overarching narrative that doesn't make any sense within the world of the film or beyond it i've needed to pee for about an hour and a half me too i respect that neither of us have same i'm going to drink the rest of this bottle of water yeah i think it's important that we hydrate as much as possible. Did you feel better two and a half hours ago? Versus right now?

No. No, I feel better now. Two and a half hours ago, I think I was a bit drunk. Undoubtedly, we were both quite drunk. It's quite a weird thing to, you know, be on the record while you're sobering up, like through the process of it. Not good. Not good. Not good good doesn't make for great content but uh you know here we bloody are what are you going to do about it i always wondered about all of these names that are in carrie bradshaw's inbox as she's searching through the emails chance to live my life again just stop to try and find the emails

from big that she's just found out i love stand-up comedy bro that exists uh that she's found out from harry and and she's going through there's a lot of names in there she's like here's an email to carry from charlotte here's one from bill here's one from whatever and there's like a ton of different names in there i want to delve in find out who these are like who they are they in the tv show it would be fucking cool if that was referencing episodes from the tv show i doubt they took the time but it'd be fucking cool we're not watching the aiden did aiden send a message i hope so i haven't seen it on you know what you think about that's interesting you think about the reveal of aiden and at the souk in uh abu dhabi you think about aiden's relationship to carrie and the series and the TV show, the fact he's unseen this entire time in the movie, that was a good play.

That was a good play in the second film. Not well executed, but seeing him, that stirs something up in the hearts and minds of the audience. Must have been big, eh? It would have been massive. To use the term of art and the sex in the city, it must have been Mr. Big. We can't appreciate these moments as much.

Because we don't have the backstory. She bit her fingernails. Does she? SGP. I'm game-recognized game. I bite my fingernails. It looks like she's got little stubbly fingernails. Surely not, though.

She's a fucking fashion icon. We're down to six minutes, surely. Try and get a shot of her hands, bro. Look at that. Oh, no, she's all good. She needs to go across town to pick up her shoes. Thank you for this call to six minutes, surely. Try and get a shot of her hands, bro. Look at that. Oh, no, she's all good. She needs to go across town to pick up her shoes. Thank you for this call to action. Jennifer Hudson, you are a fucking saint.

Oh, my God. Move along, move along. This was a recent Shining Light, the grandma over there. Yeah, yeah, she does good. Fantastic reaction. Love that. Push it along. Push it along.

Push it along. Push, push it along. Fuck that. I like that she poo-poos the veil. Yeah, yeah. It's a good call on Louise's... The woman who is peddling the veil is absolutely devastated to see that one didn't take seed. Yeah, you know.

She's there to sell bridal shit. One less sale is one less dollar. Those three... Made for the store. $500. Shoot, they're actually $500. Thank you. Okay, I'm'm gonna go across town

fuck yes yes yes yes yes yes get in the cab hey we went to this location this is Carrie Bradshaw's Brownstone which we went on the tour and visited

sold to the current owners without their knowledge that it was the facade that was used for Carrie's apartment in the very popular series 6 in the city

they're incredibly unhappy about that fact as well, folks. Please, please, please, if I can impart one call to action as a result of this entire season, don't go and visit Carrie Bradshaw's Brownstone in New York City. The owners didn't know what they bought into. Incorrect. And they are unhappy about the amount of tourists.

I would like to finish Tim's sentence. Don't go to visit Carrie Bradshaw's Brownstone apartment in New York City without ignoring the chain link fence across the front of the steps, stepping over it, walking up to the front door, banging your fucking knuckles on it, waiting for them to come downstairs, dishing out a Blu-ray copy of Sex and the City 2 in front of them

and saying, do you mind if I come inside and watch this movie with you? They're going to say 10 times out of 10, abso-freaking-lutely, we do want to educate ourselves and learn about the home in which we live. How could you sleep at night being a real estate agent selling that property without imparting that incredibly important information?

Real estate agents are not famously the most morally sound or well-adjusted people in the world. I guess you're right. I'm a real tour baby. I want to be a real tour baby. We're so close to the end now, folks. Carrie and Big have patched things up on the floor of a wardrobe that makes no physical sense in an occupied space they can't afford.

But soon we're going to get married. We're going to fucking see the gals. We're going to wrap it up with a 50th birthday. Would you rather be Kid Rock or Scotty Too Hotty? Who's Scotty Too Hotty? Would you rather be Kid Rock or Hulk Hogan? Hulk Hogan, bro. Would you rather be Hulk Hogan or The Undertaker?

Hulk Hogan, I think. Would you rather be Hulk Hogan or Dolph Lundgren? Probably Dolph because he's got a PhD in chemistry. Dolph, less hate. Probably Dolph again, less hate. Probably Arnie. Patty. Patty. Probably Arnie. Would you rather be Arnold Schwarzenegger or Patrick Schwarzenegger? Paddy.

Would you rather be Paddy or Miley Cyrus? Paddy. Would you rather be Paddy or... To be honest, I thought you were going to go Miley. Oh, okay. What were you going to verse Miley against? Taylor Swift. How about you, bro, in that tree of decisions?

I'd most likely be Kid Rock. That's the pinnacle for you? Yeah. Makes a lot of sense to me. He's got a good rig, he's got good undies, he's got good politics. Okay, he's got a good rig.

A good rig and good undies. Defining characteristics of who you want to be in the world. Be the rig you want to see in the world, folks. I think it was... That's what I yell at my stomach. Nelson Mandela said that. That's what I yell at my stomach every morning.

Be the rig you want to see in the world. Can we hurry this along folks? Um, guy, as we come to the concluding moments of sex in the city, in the movie, the movie featuring sex in the city, in the movie,

the movie, the movie book, what would you like people to know? What are the important factors that they need to have retained from this um harrowing five-hour experience that we've been subjected to no matter how upset you are by the quality of the product no matter how frustrated you are by the length of it the fact that amounted to nothing the fact that you have just burned five hours of your life we feel that fivefold however frustrated upset you know confused infuriated you are by the experience we have lived through that and

so much more i am so sorry and angry and do you know what in spite spite of all that, I still love my boy Tim. I love my boy Tim. I want you to remember that. I love my boy Tim. It's very important you remember the guy is a good guy. This is a wholesome guy. This is the guy you want to be with. This is the real guy.

He's fallen asleep on top of the microphone. He's spent his dying breath praising me. And for that, I will always remember and honor. I will honor him always. For he died as he lived, watching Sex and the City, the film. But right now, it's time to end on a salubrious note as we reintroduce to the gals in a final fleeting moment of friendship feminism and fashion

pretty good alliteration there from me it doesn't matter what someone creates how hard they work to create something beautiful or meaningful if you put your mind to it if you sit next to your friend tim bat and work really hard shit that was a tidy wink from steve i've never seen that before you can devalue it if someone makes the best piece of art or cinema in the world, if you really want to, you can find a way to destroy it. Yeah. You can destroy it. You can burn it down to the fucking ground.

But that too is art, in my humble opinion. Art is what happens when the product intersects with the person consuming the product. Nice. What we've just put out is not art. It's turds. But your relationship to the turds could be art. That's what creates the product. Nice. What we've just put out is not art. It's turds. But your relationship to the turds could be art. That's what creates the art.

Yeah, that's fucking cool, man. I like that a lot. So just keep that in mind when you're rating us on iTunes. It's five or nothing. It's five stars or nothing, honestly. Well, if you're still listening, it's got to be five. It's five or nothing, guys. To everyone who's tuned out before this point of the podcast.

If you're watching on the video, which I think All Going to Plan will only be the Patreon subscribers, once again, I cannot thank you guys enough. You've literally kept this thing alive. God bless you, every single one. You're responsible for this. Not quite as much as us, but you're fucking getting pretty close so take some goddamn personal responsibility and stock of your own lives hold on guys the credits

aren't up yet but we're getting ever so tantalizingly close the birthday cakes come out for samantha jones celebrating her 50th birthday and we are waiting a countdown seconds away from the crane shot showing the intergenerational connection of women hanging out in New York City, making a fist of things. Let us see the external. Go to exterior. Cut to exterior. Cut to exterior.

Cut to exterior. Cut to exterior. Cut to exterior. Cut to exterior. Cut to exterior. This scene reminded me of the beginning of the show. The way the four women are laughing and navigating the cobblestone streets in ridiculously high heels, backlit by the night sky and New York City, and the joy of being with one another.

That's how it all started. Sometimes, when we were shooting certain scenes, it was as if time stood still. All else faded away and it was just these four women. I loved having this be the last shot of our movie. This is exactly how it should have ended. Stay tuned for Sex and the City 2, coming out to a cinema near you in 2010. We just have a good rhythm together, you know. He sort of feels me out, I feel him out. And we go for it.