The Worst Idea Of All Time - 27: Date Night

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

It is time for Timbo’s Top Five vehicles he would f*ck in Furious 6. The twists and turns, the inclusions and omissions on this list will SHOCK YOU. We also take the time for a side bar into the top five mattresses FOR a car. Guy tells us a little about some legal problems he has run into after practicing as a doctor in the reception of a pediatrics' office but that doesn’t get in the way of him sharing some fantastic jokes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Pigs? In there? Sadly for copyright reasons we've got to turn that off, Guy. And welcome everyone. The song, by the way, is called Pigs In There by Robert Wyatt. Pigs? It's a lovely song.

In there. Very simple setup. Just juicing us. Yeah. Juicing us up, juicing our volume. We're just inserting some steroids into our veins. We're juicing. What are they called?

PEDs. Performance Enhancing Drugs. Just do that so we can see your eyes. We want to see the eyes. You've got to see the eyes. You don't want your eyes in shade. They say the eyes... There's a shot in Furious 6...

Of the window to the soul. ...where Shaw is finally in prison and they've got this big harsh light on him and it's coming up and it casts these awful shadows up like that. I've read some things online because i've tried to figure out lighting a little bit but it's too hard for me i think i don't think i've got a brain for it but the reason it has been posited why you sort of have lights that come from up there is

like it emulates the sun so that's what our brains are used to seeing shadows do and so you know how like horror movies and horrific imagery has underlit? Because it's such an unnatural, you don't see that in the wild. Not for people who do handstands. What the fuck is going on here? Well, that's still them going in the same direction, but your face is the thing that's up and down. On mirrors.

Oh, now we're talking. Yeah. So there's a big community of people who do that. Can you do cartwheels? Can you cartwheel? I've never seen you do a cartwheel Alright They always end as round offs

But I can do them That's actually I think more impressive I used to be able to do a front handspring And now? Probably still could I can still I like that you're looking around There's no way you're going to do that here in the garage

I can still jump up off my back onto my feet You can still jump up Oh yeah you're going to do that here in the garage jump up off my back onto my feet you can still jump up oh yeah i've seen you do that can you do that uh i don't think so you gotta push up with your arms though right no i use my shoulders really yeah it can't be good for you why not it feels jerky it feels like you're flopping around like a fish i i didn't know that being cool can't be good for you, Tim. Last time I checked, being cool seems like one of the best things you can be for you. I've seen you do this, and it doesn't look like the actions of a person who's sort of learned to do it properly.

I've learned to do it properly. I don't think that's true. I learned to do it after I saw Rush Hour in cinemas. I learned how to do all this stuff after I saw Rush Hour in cinemas. Did you also learn to never touch a black man's radio from Rush Hour in cinemas? I did learn that from Rush Hour in cinemas. Good. Then truly, you did learn everything.

I learned all of my racial politics from Rush Hour in cinemas. What a way to form a mind. And three gymnastic moves. That's cool. I taught myself to run up and do a front flip. Running front flip. Yeah, I can do that. Can you?

Oh, wait a minute hold on no hands on the ground nah i got pretty close can you do that or could you you could do it i think i still could because you're pretty fucking tall man yeah i think it's harder if you get past like six foot because you then you're the risk is your head's gonna no i'm not gonna do that i tried to i can remember doing this as a kid. So I taught myself how to cartwheel by just sprinting as fast as I can and then just essentially putting my hands out and waiting for. Your legs to come over.

What's that called? The flow of, the force of momentum. I'm actually reading a book about anti-gravity at the moment. Go on. Well, it's impossible to put down. Yeah, that's the second time Guy has told me that joke today, if you can believe it. Oh, I love to laugh.

But I would get two friends to hold my hands, and we would all run, and then that's how I was trying to train myself to learn how to do a running front flip. Wow. So they would kind of like hold me up a little bit using my hands just to get that little bit extra. That seems crazy.

Why? Not doing that, you fuck your head up. Nah, you don't fuck your head up. Well, your neck. I mean, your head will be fine, but it's your neck. Look at my head. Look at my neck. Don't hate me because you ain't me

I was going to ask you this though What do you call a magician Who's lost his magic Ian That one did crack me up the first time You told me that joke Which was about an hour and a half ago Oh I've got jokes, don't worry about me everyone

That's what I'm afraid of. You know, I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. He's got it. Has he got it today or has he got it? Oh, no. Didn't even know we were going to do this today. Hey, do the other one, though, because

I did like that. What was the other one? You know, about elevators. Oh, yeah oh yeah i do i have a um i'm really afraid of elevators so i'm actually i'm gonna take steps to avoid them it's pretty tidy that one it's not bad that one's pretty So I've got jokes. What have you got? Look. I don't know, man. I don't want to hear about your hot little ass. I've got a tank running on empty, I feel like, for the pod today. I was wondering. The whole time I was watching.

I was watching the movie today and I thought to myself while it was on, what are you going to talk about today, man? What are you going to do? You never know. We never know. You've been working on a little list, which we can get into in due course. Yeah. I don't even know if I want to do the list.

Oh, you've got to do the list. I mean, the list is there. You've got to do the list. I'm feeling listless. Hey, this guy's actually got jokes too. It was not a – I was out. I was having a coffee. I was having a coffee with our mutual friend, Jesse.

Here he is. And then you sent me a message and you said, hey, are we doing a podcast today? Oh, did I drag you off of a coffee day? And I thought, well, it was sort of wrapping up. And I sort of thought we didn't have it locked on the books. We discussed it. Yeah, a guy very helpfully throws me slots.

He's like, what do you make of this? And then I go, yes, yes, no, yes, no, no, yes. And I had gone, yes, yes, yes, no answer for anything beyond about seven days of the schedule. But you'd obviously internally clocked a yes. Not just internally. It was on the Google calendar. On your Google calendar?

Yeah, yeah. You didn't invite me? No. Yeah, and that's what's fucked up about it, isn't it? Well. Because I normally do that, right? You do, yeah. Lucky for you, I got fuck all on.

I was talking to someone yesterday who also, I don't think you still do this, but keeps a paper diary. Yeah. And they were like, I've got to um you know see it written down it sort of gives it a good sense in my head of what's going on I was like yeah my friend Guy did that and then he lost it once and didn't know where the fuck he was

supposed to be for like six months he was like I know I'm supposed to be on like a tv show or something right now yeah even help me I don't know what one it is well that was actually a big part of my migration over to the digi cal it's a great system in theory but man if you lose it you're fucked yeah and i i like you know i love the um i love the utility yeah i like i like um i've got my you know my the i set my clock to that calendar i got there's multiple people with the keys to that calendar who are putting shit in. Oh, your digital one. Yeah.

My DigiCal. Your manager? Yeah. His keys. Chelsea, she's got the keys. Zoe and I shared our cows with each other and she thought it was when I had first floated it because, you know, we're parents now.

We both work a lot there's a lot going on and I was like hey what if I share you into my calendar and she didn't like the idea because it feels too much like your business partner

so I'm like I get it I get the you know the yuckiness about it but realistically this is going to be the easiest way

to get shit done because I don't know where the fuck I'm supposed to be at any given time unless it's in my calendar it also means if you're making a decision

on behalf of the couple and they're busy, you can have a look. I totally agree. I gave it to Chels and she refuses to look at my calendar. She says it makes her feel sick.

Why? Because you've got a lot on or just the concept? Because of the little appointments in there. I'm always taking little five minute appointments. I'm a doctor.

Good for you. Yeah. How's that going for you? Not good. Oh, no. I'm being sued for malpractice. Oh, no. Yeah.

Who's mal? Who's mal? Mal is a prefix meaning bad in this instance. Oh, no. He's gone literal. Oh, no. He's abandoned the bit. I'm still in the bit no. He's gone literal. Yeah. Oh, no. He's abandoned the bit. I'm still in the bit.

Don't get me wrong. Yeah. Basically, I was, well, I was taking skin grafts from, you know, I was doing a lot of skin grafts. And I was just taking skin. I was just transplanting it patient to patient. Oh, that's nifty. So, you know, I'd do a five-minute appointment.

I'd give them some of the skin From the last appointment I'd take some fresh skin See here's what They're not innovating enough In the burns unit Because you've got someone Who's got a burn on their arm But their legs are all good

And then you've got someone else Who's got burned legs But their arms are all good You just bloody switcheroo Wow this is So this is where it gets complicated I wasn't working in a burns unit I was working

I was a receptionist at a pediatrician's office i was doing it all in the waiting room you're skinning kids a little bit i say you're not allowed to you're not allowed to play with the jigsaws until um you've done your grafts damn they got well i was trying to drum up business for the practice and they go into the doctor's office yeah doctor would say what's this let's say oh this is a graft and they said we need to have a look at that. And then so all the kids, they just have to keep coming back. I'm grafting them again.

So they have to, you know, like, we were making money. What's the project here, Guy? Like, how are you making money on this? Well, because the kids have to keep coming back. The kids have to keep coming back because of the grafts that you're doing on them. Yeah, a lot of them are getting infected. I see. Oh, okay.

So you're kind of creating your own work by doing a shoddy job the first. I was trying my heart. Sorry, I know that, but unintentionally still doing a shoddy job. Well, it's fucking hard, especially if you've never done it. You've got no training. Yeah, if you're doing it in a receptionist office.

Yeah, for sure. Because that's not a sterile environment. No. A lot of coughing and sneezing going on, actually. Especially in the kids. Yeah, exactly. The pediatricians, yeah. It's just the petri dish.

Well, and that's the other thing. Yeah, it's the pediatricians who it's just the petri dish and that's the other thing yeah it's the pediatricians who didn't know I was there yeah so I wasn't actually

so here Guy is using some initiative to try and help New Zealand's struggling healthcare system and make a

couple of bucks is that a crime it's not is it a crime to support your family by skin grafting kids on a

voluntary basis then getting them to come back into the office that you don't work at so that you can work on them properly. Yeah. Try and fix the infections.

Is that a crime? That's literally the question that's being asked at the moment. Fucking woke snowflake country we live in. Yeah. And the man's trying to get you. Buck of bunch of cuckold communists out there. Yeah. So that's what's been going on with me.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I mean, it's lucky I could come today because like I said, Iists out there. Yeah. So that's what's been going on with me. Uh-huh. Yeah, I mean, it's lucky I could come today because, like I said, I had nothing on. Yeah. All of my patients, my slate's been wiped. I'm not allowed to go to the... Oh, I see. I'm not allowed to go back to the office.

How are the kids doing, though? Are they all right? The kids? Yeah. Different kids, different answers. Yeah. Ain't that the truth? Yeah.

Ain't that the way it goes? I think that's true for all people Yeah That's life Don't ask how is And then insert a group in No You gotta ask each one by name

How's How's America doing Well Did you ask Yeah You gotta ask each of them Yeah You gotta ask everyone

And everyone will give you a different answer Yep That's what a census is How you doing Yeah Just someone knocks on the door How you doing How you doing Yeah I'm alright Alright very good a census is how you doing yeah just someone knocks on the door how you doing how you doing yeah i'm all right all right very good see you how how are you how many people live here five how are they doing yeah we're doing okay i'll figure that out myself

thanks i'll talk to all five yeah that's another group isn't it i've fallen right into my trap yeah hoisted by your own betrap. You're going to take a lot of swings. I'm basically just sort of, there's no block between what is being served up by my brain and what's coming out of my mouth. All right. Then let me ask you this. What's your opinion on horoscopes? Horoscopes?

Not anti, not pro. I think it's just a different way for people to derive Or find meaning in their life It's basically a means of people looking at things Classic Virgo I'm a Libra Are you? I'm the scales of justice Oh yeah, fuck, I forgot what bit of September you were in

You? A Leo Yeah, you're a Leo I was going to sing the Age of Aquarius What bit of September you were in? You? A Leo. When the moon... Yeah, you're a Leo. Yeah. I was going to sing the Age of Aquarius, but I was going to change the lyrics to the Age of Leo. It doesn't work.

Yeah. Not enough syllables. That's four syllables. This is the dawning of the Age of the Leo. The Lion Man. Age of the Lion Man. Do we have a Lion Man here in New Zealand? He used to have a TV show.

He had an old lion area out in West Auckland, I think. He ran a lion park, and then if memory serves, about three years ago, people were like, yo, these lions are not being well cared for. Is that what happened? And he was like, well, who's going to know more about that? You, some punter, or me, the Lion Man? And then you look at the lions, you're like, nah, dude, those lions are not in a good way.

Like, you know, am I a lion expert? No. But based on what I'm seeing, are you? Also, no. Yeah. Need to get the authorities involved. And they did. He might have gone to jail.

Well, yeah, because they said, what do you mean? He said, I've been teasing him, starving him, singing off key. Mummy, mummo. Yeah, lions though. You don't want to fuck with them. Let's cut this shit. Beautiful creatures. It's time for Timbo's top five cars he would like to fuck in Furious 6.

Here they are. Well, can I consult my notes? Because I actually wrote down a litany even of cars. Okay. And I haven't ranked them yet. Oh, you're're gonna operate on the fly so it's gonna happen right now okay and remember we want seduction techniques i know what number one is okay well let's work backwards so start at number five okay number five is this

um is this really interesting entry that you only see behind han briefly in a couple of shots, and then it appears, I think, in the last scene with the big Russian cargo jet. Oh. I think. What's the car? I looked it up. It was not easy to find, but it's a Lucra LC470, and it's this little supercar, little sports car.

They're custom built. What color was it in the movie? Yellow. Is that a little yellow number with the bug eyes? Yellow and black? Did it have a black stripe down the middle? I think it might have, yeah. Looked like it could have been a relative of Bumblebee

from the Transformers cinematic universe. If Bumblebee had a little kid and the kid was real into soccer, that would be the car. It's got big bug eyes like a kid. But it's yellow like Bumblebee. For the sake of this list, the car is a grown up. The car is a grown up, absolutely.

Because I think they were built in the 70s. I think that one they reckon it was from 74, according to whatever fan wiki page I was on. And what drew your eye to this car? What made you attract? It's so distinctive. It's so different from all the other cars in this movie. I see.

And you're a curious guy. It had a very... It's so distinctive. It's so different from all the other cars in this movie. I see, and you're a curious guy. It had a very... I don't want to say European. It was almost like it strikes me like it's got an Italian look to it. But the eyes, the headlamps, you see what I'm saying. But I say eyes because I'm personifying the car. They're so big and bulbous that it's quite striking.

How would you approach a would you How would I How would you approach a car like this? It's tricky man So they're a limited run How many? There's less than 6500 of them ever built They were built by hand in Birmingham Oh wow

If I'm remembering the right one But you think the car's got an Italian accent Yeah I do I think maybe it studied abroad You share a common language? Does the car speak English? Oh, fuck. I wish I remembered it just then.

Lingua? Fuck. Do you know that word? The term for a common tongue is an Italian term. Oh, I didn't know that. Lingua. Fuck. I can't remember.

Imagine if I did, though. I would take... I mean, the car and I are going on a coffee date to this coffee place and we're getting a- What are you ordering? Check this out, espresso compana. A little bit of whipped cream on there. And do you say espresso on the day or do you say expresso? Espresso because it's a fast car.

Espresso. Yeah. And then it gets annoyed because of all the time it's spent in Italy, despite being a Brit. It's like. I think you'll find it's espresso, Tim. Espresso. And I'm like, well, it's just a little gag for you because you're a little sports car.

Oh, is that going to last? 640 horsepower sports car. No. No, the date doesn't go well Unfortunately So you'd like to fuck this car I would love to But you don't get to

Sadly not Fascinating Yeah That's how it plays out in my head You know I used to not like facial hair But Then it grew on me I don't know what you're using this

Podcast for Jokes Oh maybe No fuck Maybe that one wasn't made in No I'm thinking of a different one That was made in Birmingham Sorry

I don't know where the loot crew was made Do you know what they call people from Birmingham? What? Brummies Is that right? Yeah I like that Wasn't there a car

Child's television show About a car called Brum Brum I think so And he like came to life Probably a car made Brum Brum I think so and he like came to life probably a car

made in Birmingham by the sounds of things they're making cars there he looked not a million miles away from the Lucra I just want to find out

what nationality it is because I I don't want to I don't think it's going to yeah but I don't want to left unsaid that this car's made in Birmingham because I've fucked it up

with a different one not going to impact Lucra what would you say Lucra is is that Italian I'd think it's going to... Yeah, but I don't want to left on said that this car's made in Birmingham because I've fucked it up with a different one. Not going to impact... Lucra. What would you say Lucra is? Is that Italian? I'd say it's an abbreviation of lucrative. Well, it's... Which I think is what would happen if I entered a union with this car. We'd make a lot of money.

This is a... I'd run it as an ambulance. I'd take a lot of kids to their pediatricians. And if they were in trouble there, then I'd get them in the car and take them to the hospital. And I'd just leave it To the professionals At the hospital My wife actually

I was talking to my wife recently She was annoyed at me She said Are you ever going to stop Singing Wonderwall And I said What did you say guy Because maybe

No no Don't say because Just say maybe i said maybe fuck fuck oh they're made in california but i think it's designed in europe anyway look i've struck out with that car in a number of ways now so that's number five on the list number four it's the london train a beautiful vehicle with any train Yeah Any train in London In London yeah Wow

That's a lot Of trains London's big train city They love trains What do you think The top five train towns In the world are From most trains

At number one Delhi You reckon I don't know Tell me about your Seduction technique And I'll research The train cities

Here's what I know About trains They're old And they're grand So you've got to go old school with a train. Especially a London high T. Well, no, I don't go high T. High T isn't a far enough foot forward. If you take someone to high T on a date, I think you're setting a confusing tone. You take your grandma to high T.

You do a very alcohol-free hen's do at a high tea. You start at a high tea. You do a baby shower at a high tea. You don't do a first date at a high tea because where's the chance of romance? So you're not doing a high tea. We're going to dinner. We're going to dinner in a nice restaurant.

Where are you going? We're going to a steak place, but it's like a good steak place. So it's sort of like elevated gastropub food. Okay. Yeah. So it's like we're keeping it a little bit casual, but I'm well-dressed. I've got a nice crisp white shirt on. What's the car wearing?

The train. The train is wearing – well, it's a guess it's you know it's just it's yeah they're not up to me to tell a train how to dress no the date no they do have designers though who help decide what they look like yep they do and then they've got clothes they've got designers yeah and they've got um i guess like more bespoke specific designers who work on the interior. Yeah. I'm not just talking seats. I'm talking ads. And the caboose.

Yes. Just a bit of a train. The ass of the train. That's right. When it comes to trains, are you an ass or a wheels man? I'm a caboose guy. He's a big ass guy. With a fucking bullet.

That dinner goes well, by the way. And how does the night end? A kiss. Oh. But that's it because it's the first date. Oh my God. It's old school, keeping it classy Wow Okay, you give it a kiss and one of the trains says

Are you sure you don't want to come back to my place at Waterloo That's not what's happening It's not a train's way Train doesn't invite you in on the first date Okay Now number three Is Letty's Car Which features a lot in this.

And it's a 1971 Jensen Interceptor, which I only know because I looked it up. Okay. This is a company that has gone bankrupt twice. It's gone into receivership. Very impressive. Two times. Not unlike Germany's approach to starting wars with the world. Yeah.

You'd think once you'd be like, okay, give it a go. Give it everything you got. Oh, we fucked it. Yeah. And then someone comes in and they're like but maybe we can make this work and then you fuck it again so it's still currently bankrupt yeah i think they i think they're done dusted now i think they got successfully liquidated on the last time because the first time i think i was reading the liquidators allowed them to basically keep building cars with all the parts they had left. Yeah.

Maybe to try and trade their way out of the red. The deep red. I mean, if you're in receivership and liquidation, you're in a bad way. I don't know that. It's how it works. It's like you're out of money. Yeah, I know.

But can I just use the resources I have to finish? Yeah. And if that works, it's cool. Well, usually the last bit of what you said isn't an option on the table. And I imagine some investors would have to finish Yeah And if that works It's cool Well usually the set The last bit of what you said Isn't an option on the table And I imagine Some investors Would have to have come in

Assumed the debt That was there And you know Made deals Never assume things Tim Makes an ass out of you and me It's the truth It's a beautiful car

It's a grey car It's the car that Letty has chosen to Ride around in this whole movie And it's a sexy little number It's from the 70s We has chosen to ride around in this whole movie. And it's a sexy little number. It's from the 70s. We're going to a nightclub. Oh, like a go-go nightclub with dancing and stuff?

Yeah, like a go-go nightclub. The go-go nightclub. Oh, I don't know the go-go nightclub. It makes me think of the swinging 70s. Yeah, cool, man. Sort of, I feel like it's where Austin Powers might, it's like a nightclub Austin Powers might go to. I think this was the car that was originally built in Birmingham.

Okay. Maybe. And so you go to the nightclub. What do you order? High ball. Yeah. And for the car? For the car, another high ball.

Okay. Because we like to, you know, you do the same cocktail at the same time, then you can discuss the cocktail. That's nice. It's good. It's the best one you've had. Whiskey sour. Next cab off the rank. Oh, wow. Two's good. It's the best one you've had. Whiskey sour. Next cab off the rank.

Oh, wow. Two drinks. Yeah. Are you dancing? We're dancing. Clear some space on the floor? For sure. Is the car on all fours

or is it up on its hind wheels? It's up on its hind wheels. That's how you dance if you're a car. Can you imagine such a thing? It has to be. I just can't imagine a car on all fours dancing. No, it doesn't work. People can make the car dance, but that's a driving technique.

Like if a car is to dance of its own speed, of its own free will, it's on its hind wheels. You're dancing. And how's it going? It's going really good. We fuck on the first date, just so you know. Where? Its place. Where does it stay?

Its house. The garage. Where it lives. Does it, like who, is it just a standalone garage? Is it attached to a house with people who live in it?

It's its own garage. This Jansen Interceptor that I've taken out for a date has its own place. Like a bachelor pad. When you're a car, that's a garage. So that's where we go

and that is where we fuck is it on is it hard the floor concrete man you've seen a garage before you're in one it's concrete a car's mattress yeah effectively but you know it was a little bit different parked on the lawn there's too much luxury is that luxury that's i mean you're out in the elements but if the if the temps are right and it's dry you know there's luxury much luxury is that luxury that's all i mean you're out in the elements but if the if the temps are right and it's dry you know there's luxury could you rank the mattresses for a car for me just quickly yeah of course yeah go ahead top five within the top five for places where a car can sleep sand is number five okay sand's bad sand is a bad mattress you don't want sand sand's bad

in so many ways yeah you're seeping into the tires. Yeah, yeah. Cause damage. It's tough. It's like when you're sick and you have a piece of toast in bed and you get crumbs all through the bed. Yuck. Nightmare. That's disgusting. Number four is, have you ever been on a waterlogged bit of grass?

Yeah, like a bog. Yeah, like a bog. And it retains its integrity, but you can kind of jump on it like it's a trampoline. Oh, so it's not too sinky. Yeah, you got it. So it's like, instead of when you're walking through it in shoes, it doesn't absorb the whole shoe

and your foot pops out of the shoe and the shoe's stuck in the bog. Correct. It's just a bit spongy. It's really specific. Yeah, okay. You experienced that before? Yeah. Well, that's number four for places a car can sleep

because it's actually really comfy of its own right, but there is an element of danger whereby sleeping in it, you're constantly, you've got one headlamp open, just being like, am I going to fucking fall into this thing? Of course. Be eaten up by the earth. Keep it coming. Number three.

Number three, a little wooded clearing. Okay. Or a clearing in the earth. Keep it coming. Number three. Number three, a little wooded clearing. Oh, okay. Or a clearing in a forest. What's the ground? As it is. It's like a, sort of like, you know,

leaves and dirt. A forest floor kind of thing, yeah. Some pine needles. Yep, you got it. Like a matted sort of dirt floor. Yeah. Lovely.

That's pretty nice. That's pretty nice for a car because if there's shit going on, and by shit I mean rain, you don't get the worst of it, but you're still out in the elements and to be honest, that's where a car because if there's shit going on, and by shit I mean rain, you don't get the worst of it. But you're still out in the elements, and to be honest, that's where a car wants to be. Does it?

Yeah, cars love a bit of fresh air, like we all do. Yeah, okay. So that's number two, right? Three. That was number three. Three, exactly, what I said. And number two, course Is in a A mechanics shop

Because they're like Surrounded They like that? They love it Really? I feel like they'd be like Sleeping in surgery No

They're surrounded by their mates They're surrounded by people Who just want to help Make them feel better You know Do all cars Because here's the thing Unlike humans

Cars You can go in and get like a tune-up so there doesn't even have to be anything that wrong with you but you can still feel better do all cars trust all mechanics implicitly wow until a mechanic does something bad it's sort of like i think we've got a somewhat similar relationship with doctors you sort of by default but de facto you trust a doctor you try some people don't yeah i'm just saying that to the kids and the parents i've been dealing with yeah i know but that's because you have given them a reason to not like doctors i'm saying before you got involved yeah i'm saying society

trust doctors they were trusting that's how you've been able to get away with what you've done because there is that de facto level of trust do you think do you think that like you know the um the plaintiff has a case yeah yeah the word strong comes to mind i'm sorry to say really didn't want you to say that um number one in terms of the place that cars plaintiffs oh that's never good that's one word you don't want pluralised They're working together Yikes Do we have class action suits in this country?

I don't think so I can't tell you, I don't understand a lot of the legalese That actually might suck more for you Because then you've got to bat these cases off one by one On an individual basis And that seems cumbersome and expensive Yeah it's difficult It's a difficult time for me.

So the garage is the number one spot, obviously, that a car wants to sleep because that's its home. It's like its nice comfy bed of all its own. Just harking back to the number three, which was like a wooded floor. Yeah. Is it the case that... Well, not a wooded floor.

The floor's not wood, but like, you know... The ground in a forest. A clearing. A forest floor in the woods is not wood but like you know the ground in a forest forest floor in the woods is my imagination in the forest um is that like a batch to a car you know it's a good analogy you say that a batch for our international listeners is a holiday house usually at a beach and a holiday house for our new zealand listeners is a batch okay so those are the five mattresses and for those who aren't very good at spelling, bark and batch are spelt the same

but pronounced differently. And they're totally different things. I mean, you're not very well going to sleep in the back catalogue of one of the greatest composers of all time. You might sleep to it. Yeah. But some of the music's a little too energetic

so you might have a little bit of trouble getting some shut high. Do you think if you listen to Bach, it'd amp you up too much to sleep? Sometimes. It would depend on the piece. Yeah, well, different. And how much energy I have. Yeah.

I mean, I would love to find some music to put me to sleep at the moment. I'm having a lot of trouble. Try Beethoven, that boring son of a bitch. Nothing works. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping. That boring son of a bitch Nothing works I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping Give Beethoven a try Wow He sucks Yeah

Well sucked He's dead now So You've got two more cars The number two car Or vehicle That I want to fuck Is that beautiful motorcycle

That I talked to you so much about During the film There's a motorcycle When Han and Han and Giselle Are chatting About moving to Tokyo Tokyo to you so much about during the film there's a there's a motorcycle when han and um han and giselle are chatting about moving to tokyo tokyo that's how you say it and behind them that behind them is a i purposefully put my phone on do not disturb and yet here we are that made a sound and it vibrated also so what the is going on can you tell me what it is

Vibrated also. So what the fuck is going on? Can you tell me what it is? It was a Facebook message. From who? Samuel. Samuel who? None of your fucking business.

I have a right to know. I'll tell you after. Samuel Takani. I have a right to know what it says. From Rats in the Gutter podcast. Check it out. I invited that plug. I have a right to know exactly what he said. I'm going to have a listen tonight, gals.als sorry i've been non-communicado what are

you gonna write back i have a right to know i'll probably thumbs up i'll thumbs up it it doesn't need a big response i have a right to know what you're gonna write i'll thumbs up i've told you now now you know you have the intel the motorcycle i want to see you send it i don't know what the motorcycle is because i didn't look that up. I looked a lot of other stuff up, but I didn't look that up. But it's in the back of the shot. And it's something about how the glistening lights of, we thought it was Hong Kong where they are.

I still think it's Hong Kong. There you go. We good? Yeah, we're good. Great. Because of the song. Who else have you been messaging lately? It's not relevant to the top five

Can I get through the top five? Can we do that? And then do whatever the fucking Pun filled Let's interrogate Tim's social media Track record of the last 24 hours you were on The last thing I need right now Is you coming at me bro

Dude Come on now You've invited this You know I've been You've welcomed the wolf To your front door And then you've gone Actually I hate wolves You know I've been. You've welcomed the wolf to your front door. And then you've gone, actually, I hate wolves. You know I've been having a hard time with it lately.

That's not true. It's not true. It's simply not. You know I have. And you're not going to get sympathy from me. Because I am yet to describe the two vehicles I would most want to copulate with in Furious 6. The motorcycle rules. I want to say it's a Harley, but who really knows?

It is. Well, no, there is a Harley, but that's a different bike. No, no, no. The one you're describing, it's got the Harley Davidson without any letters or features on the actual logo. It's got the logo outline, orange logo outline of the Harley Davidson on the side of the bike. That rules.

Minimalist. How are you going to seduce this bike? Well, it's a Harley, so you've got to really, like, you know, you've got to go big. You've got to be strong. It's a big, strong offer. Okay. Opera. Oh, wow.

We're going to the opera. I feel like, and, you know, this might be classist of me, but I feel like you're going to get a lot of looks showing up to the opera with a motorbike. Have you ever been to the opera? No. Well, I've been to two. So let me tell you,

as someone who's been to the opera twice, they fucking love a bike. They love a big bike. The bigger, the better. You take a bike, you sit there next to it. A car, you're going to look like a cad. But a bike, good. How would a bike applaud at sit there next to it. A car, you're going to look like a cad. But a bike, good. How would a bike applaud at the opera?

It revs. So someone does a beautiful aria. People are not going to like that. Yeah, they do. Because everyone gets very excited. Okay, how does the date go? It's a mixed bag, man. In retrospect, I shouldn't have taken a bike to the opera.

And not for any other reason than the Harley Davidson isn't that into it. Oh. Yeah, like it agreed to come because, you know, it's like, well, I haven't been to the opera before, so maybe I might like it. But it gets bored. I understand that. Operas are long. I reckon like, I don't want to tell you how to suck eggs now go on burgers shakes drive-in movie for harley for harley maybe for a little 250 cc suzuki but not a harley

davidson okay well okay if you had your time over i'm assuming you don't get to fuck this fuck this bike i do oh what yeah how because the harley davidson doesn't like the opera but that doesn't mean i i can't recover in the aftermath of what do you do afterwards well we both slag off the opera and then we bond over there did you do that at the bar what bar that is the key the bar that's across the road from the theater we're in the theater district there's a lot of bars there well but aren't they like nice bars where people will all talk about how great the opera was yeah but that it's like when you have a bad boss, it brings the workforce together. We are surrounded by people who are pretending that they enjoyed this three and a half hour abomination of a show.

And so that's actually bringing us together because we're able to bond on the fact that we both didn't like it very much. Where do you go after the bar? Mine. Yeah. Almost by way of apology oh wow yeah i i it's under the guise of i'm gonna fix the harley davidson up a little snack a little late night snack yeah yeah wow you very very rarely do you hear that you want to come inside of my place for a snack we don't even get into the snack the snack is me. I'm the snack. I know, I know, I know. But usually it's a tea, it's a movie, it's a nightcap. In America, sometimes they say it's a coffee.

It's never a snack. Yeah, but do the math, Guy. We've just been at the opera for three and a half hours. Then we went to a bar that doesn't serve food for an hour and a half. That's a long time between eats. You didn't get anything out? Of? Like, when you were out out you didn't get any snacks

you get opera snacks you're allowed snacks at the opera you wouldn't be allowed them you'd think not it'd be frowned upon too rustly yeah you've got a if you got a bike in there though you could have some chips and when the bikes are plodding you could that's the way to do it that's when you do it you open your m&ms during the revving engine of a Harley Davidson after a beautiful area. I've been, at the movies lately, I've been buying a bag of crispy M&M's. Putting them in with the popcorn. Oh, that's a good move. Having a lot of fun.

Crispy M&M's are good. They're the best M&M's. Yeah. Cosign. Yeah. The number one. And is this a cheesy choice? Maybe.

Sue me. Don't care It's the little skeleton cars Oh of course That Owen Shaw has done They're bespoke to the film They're gorgeous They're gorgeous little numbers You know

A little thin for my general taste But they're so interesting Okay As well So they're referred to online Because I was looking up all these cars As ramp cars or flip cars. Yeah.

And they're totally custom to this movie. They're not like based on anything. Wow. It's just like a cool idea they came up with. Do you think these are the sort of cars that would be impressed by my gymnastics repertoire? I think so. They're that kind of... Self-taught as well?

Would they like that? Yeah. They'd love that. More than classically trained. Okay. Well, what's the pickup strategy, I guess? You're never going to guess what this date is. Go-karting.

No. Yeah. No. You're racing one. No. They're in a go-kart, as I am, driving the go-kart. It's cars racing little cars. Little cars racing little cars.

They're driving a go-kart. Yeah. You have a problem with that? I just think it must feel insane for them. That's like... Imagine if we had like a horse track where you would jump on a human who was pretty quick and quite strong

and you piggybacked them and you raced humans and you were the jockey.back them and you race demons. Yeah. And you're the jockey. That's what it's like. It's like you getting on a smaller person. Yeah. And driving them around.

Yeah. It's novel, and that's what's attracted them to come onto the date. Who wins? They do, because they've got insider knowledge on the mechanics of a car. And afterwards? Such as they are one. Afterwards, what's funny you should ask. Yeah.

The date doesn't go well. What? I wipe the fuck out. And then because I get a bruised ego, I kind of lash out about it as well. What do you say? I'm defensive. I'm shouty. You blame them.

I don't blame them per se but i've got a gash on my leg i'm trying to pretend like it's not a big deal and it's i end up looking like a complete arsehole that's terrible you need to come to it you tanks the date tanks there's a um i and i actually secret so we part ways i sort of hobble off trying to pretend like everything's all right i end up in after hours getting a wound cleaned up and stitched back together on my leg. And this beautiful flip car just writes the date off thinking I'm an arsehole. No second date. Were there lots of kids and parents in the after hours?

More than usual? More than usual. Yeah. What were they doing? They had bandaged up arms and legs. The kids look upset? They looked really sick. Their parents looked furious.

What were they talking about? They were talking about skin. I keep hearing about skin. Did they mention any names? Skin, skin, something. Skin, skin, Guy Montgomery skin. Were the parents talking to the other parents? They weren't just siloed off? No, they were talking to their own children only.

So the parents weren't talking to each other? Not what I saw, yeah. I didn't see them talking to each other. Not what I saw, yeah. I didn't see them talking to each other. That's not nothing. That's the worry. Wow. They start teaming up. Yeah, yeah.

You don't want them all putting the pieces together. Yeah. And I guess that's why it's a good thing we don't have class action suits in New Zealand to not allow the pieces to be brought together because we're pro-business here. Sorry, we actually like the economy functioning yeah so is that illegal yeah i didn't know that it was illegal to like the economy functioning

yeah shows you what i know sorry we like people having jobs here so you know can you sue us for malpractice as a group how about fucking no yeah how about dude's trying to do his fucking job here yeah you can you can sue me one by sure, but I'll pick you off. Sue me once, shame on me. Sue me twice, so shame on me. But you're going to have to keep suing me individually because we don't have class action suits here. Do you know who said that?

George W. Bush. I'm going to pick you off one by one, and I'm going to be back in that office. I'm going to be grafting skin. Mark his words and mark them well. Shining light for you on this watch of Furious 6? Well, it's not a popular scene, but I like it because it's something that we see again later on. I think it's when they're up against Cypher, so it must be F8.

When Ramsey and Tej are working together to figure out God's eye. Kurt Russell as Mr. Nobody says to little nobody, watch this. And the two of them are sort of problem solving together. And they do these sort of really knowing, frustrating little looks. It's like, wait, if we back hack the server channel, we can hack your virus. There are these moments peppered throughout all the Fast and the Furious movies.

Like, for example, The Rock. There are these moments peppered throughout all the Fast and the Furious movies. Like, for example, The Rock. In every movie, he basically subliminally advertises his political stance on the two genders, which are son-bitch, son-bitch, if you're a fella, and woman, if you're not a fella. And in this one, they repeat the moment, or they, I guess, fore for for shadow i really like the word forsook is that a word yeah forsake it's another tense of forsake yeah the past tense of forsake i forsook you i forsook my god oh i i took that motorcycle to the opera uh there's a there's a one where um all of the the gang are figuring out

what happened when they first try to railroad shore and his cruise mission when they first get to london and they get you know railroaded in the tunnel they're all back at hq and they're all talking about what happened in the sort of car how the cars they were up against work and what sort of cars they'll need and there's a moment with the rock and that other woman who the i don't remember her name yeah me neither his assistant his assistant who turns out to be a traitor and looking like they're all problem solving and the rock looks at her and gives the same look that mr nobody gives uh little nobody which is sort of like hey check these geniuses and i saw that and i i thought i love it i love that like they don't trust the audience to be impressed by this

without queuing me up to be like, wow, these guys are smart. I hate the smugness of that look. I should never shit on your shining light. No, it's okay. I fucking hate that expression on his face. It's no skin off my back. No, that would be reserved for a crying 11-year-old. Honorable mentions that didn't make it into the top five.

The tank, which I take swimming, and the Russian cargo jet, which I take to Fiji. That is a big swing for a first date. Yes, it is. Even for a plane. My shining light, though, I'm so glad I wrote it down,

ruined the prison, and Brian Connor, didn't know his last name was Connor till today, new information. He has put a bad guy behind bars, who I assume, hopefully, we get to see in a prior film. I think he's going to be the villain of five. This guy is the best actor. Baker?

Oh, that's right. Yeah, nah, I don't know. Yeah, we'll get it next time it's around the family of beggar this dude is so good at acting that he like just stands head and shoulders above everyone else in the movie in a way where it's like it's distracting because then you realize everyone's not on his level yeah um so they're having a chat about lady because this is the guy who grabbed lady when the car exploded right so she gets she careens off the road she gets like driven off the road her car flips a bunch of times and it explodes and her body goes flying into a ditch

and i don't think they ever find her but this bad guy did and that's what's revealed so the goodies the toretto family extended whanau they don't get to find lady's body but bad guy did and that's what's revealed so the goodies the teredo family extended fano they don't get to find lady's body but this guy did and it turns out she's alive and so he like takes her away and i think he kind of connects her into shore so that's how that happens and so when this is revealed through bars in a prison so get this everyone brian gets snuck into a maximum security prison by i'm assuming his former colleague at the FBI. I think that's right. And so this gets revealed and Brian is tearing up.

He's so angry to hear this news about what's happened to Letty because we also find out in this movie that Brian blames himself for Letty's fate because he is the one who made her effectively a little narc. Oh, yeah. Right? Didn he put her a wire on her yeah yeah he put a wire on her basically he sent her undercover yeah sent her undercover for the fbi and she got fucked up and so now he feels responsible for that he's got blood and sins and so he's like so angry but there's a door separating this real good actor bad guy and brian and he says oh if oh hold on i think i wrote it down you're like you're lucky this door is between us and then the door opens immediately

it's so cool and two guys these heavies who were standing flanking left and right of the very good actor bad guy they both produce a shank and this it's so good it's it's so good it's funny an immediate answer yeah to uh and it's it's such a cliche to be like oh why i order if this door was in here and then the door opens it's just so good but then brian fucks them up so they almost knew brian was gonna say that so they could have that moment yeah it's so funny guys on the inside it's so funny and i kind of wish brian got his ass handed to him because it'd be funnier. And he's going up against three guys. He's too strong.

He's too strong. He's too handsome. By the way, our city with the most rail in the world, Wuhan. Oh, that makes sense. Wuhan Railway Hub, which boasts more volume than even Beijing.

I've heard of Wuhan. We don't have the top five cities, but by country it goes China, India, Japan, Russia, France. And that'll be us for another exciting episode of the worst idea of all time. Before we go, I was going to say, do you want to hear a joke about pizza? Yes. Never mind, it's too cheesy. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1