The Worst Idea Of All Time - 31: A Dump In The Bureau

Episode Date: April 8, 2019

Tim experiments with his blood sugar out of shear boredom which to the anxiety of Monty, who meanwhile has had a wonderful time on the watch and bails on Tim for a laff. Someone has taken a dumb in a bureau, Carry doesn't know where babies come from and Coat Check guy is part of a grand conspiracy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

today you ready okay let's go the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing we just have a good rhythm together you know know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Hello and welcome along to the Worst Idea of All Time, Season 4, Episode 1 Million. We did it. I'm Guy Montgomery, I'm joined by Tim Batt, once again via the miracle of technology, but not in this physical realm. Tim, I miss you i'm a frosty fella and the frosty fellas miss each other all the time um hey here's a fun fact to reveal for

you at this stage i haven't eaten anything today and it's 3 p.m so you're dealing with hungry timbo Hungry Timbo. He's much feared. I would respectfully like to tell you, Tim, that this is not good. It's not good for you. Obviously, it's not good for the people around you. It's not good for me, as the person you'll be talking to in 45 minutes.

You have, like, I don't quite know what the maths is, but it's like having watched Sex and the City 2 quite recently, I know already you're not going to be in a good spot but having done so with your blood sugar perilously low yeah i feel like it's not as simple as you know one bad thing plus one bad thing equals two bad things it's like one bad thing times yeah another bad thing to the vet it's like it exacerbates it so what you're grumpy you're downtrodden you're heartbroken you're hungry i do you know here's what's happening i am so um over this whole thing and let me let me say

i thought this right at the end of the movie i think it's finally time to say it this podcast truly was the worst idea of all time i finally got to the point where it's like yup yup um i i had the opportunity to like i could have eaten something maybe right at the end just before i've got on the phone with you but i was like actually i need a new dimension and if that new dimension is a different kind of misery i'm willing to exploit that just for some change just for something a bit different so here we are scary stuff think of those around you is all i'd say there's no one around me it's fine if my dog's gone away i'm around you yeah that's true you i don't mind chewing out a little bit though what have i done wrong tell me off tell me i'm here you are part of the problem and you are not part of the solution because the problem is watching this movie too many times.

Also, this is one of the rare circumstances in which I am both part of the problem and the only solution. The solution being we have to get to the finish line. Exactly. Yeah, you're not wrong. How confusing is that? You cannot eliminate me because without me, actually, you could.

What do you mean? Like murder? like murder yeah or i just love to stop and just like the only the only thing that would get me to listen to the worst idea of all time is if i just stopped showing up and contributing and i listened to a hungry timbat rail against the man in the world and the ladies for the remaining however many episodes i don't have the gas i can't i can't don't leave me out here man i don't have the gas to self-generate for this what would happen if i hung up on you right now if you hung up i'd oh i'd be spewing but no one would ever hear it you know like it's pointless to generate that kind of anger unless you're going to point it at a microphone and hit record on a button somewhere you fucking son of a bitch oh monty he's done it he's um he's hit the goodbye button and the call just ended but no shit i can't handle this so i'm ringing him back what a mean

trick to play on someone it's's not even April Fool's anymore. Hello, Tim. We're very close to April Fool's because we are almost operating in real time now. That's the other very scary component. Did that upset you at all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, definitely upset me. But you picked up instantly,

so it didn't last too long. Yeah, I didn't even think to laugh into the microphone i just sat here in silence imagining how you reacted well that's probably good because then we won't talk over each other um though i hope the files sync up at the end but who knows only time will tell how was um how was your watch guy uh i'd like to say this tim my watch against all odds i literally cannot fathom how this has happened i don't know what was going on but it's not all bad oh boy tell me more tell me more well i watched it on a plane again and uh I was really dreading it, and I was really upset. And then the cosmic hilarity of it struck me.

So I sat down, I dozed into takeoff, woke up, I saw the person next to me on the flight, they chose to watch Mary Poppins Returns or whatever. I saw them scrolling through all the new features offered by the airline. The Emily Blunt one, the recent reboot? Yeah, yeah. The Lin-Manuel Miranda one.

I haven't seen it. And I was like, neither. But I was like, oh yeah, fucking fair cop to you. Imagine that. You get on the plane, you haven't seen Mary Poppins Returns before. You think, oh, that's a perfect bit of light entertainment to take me across to Tasman.

And the woman next to her, who I believe to be the passenger's mother, she put on Bohemian Rhapsody. And I thought, I watched that. It wasn't good, but like... I didn't love it, eh? I enjoyed Rami Malek's performance. I enjoyed certainly the live aid concert recreation at the end.

And I was sort of watching all this unfold like with the dead certain information in the back of my mind that i was about to uncork my laptop in the face of these brand new entertainment options dust off a quick time media file and fucking watch sex in the city for the 31st or whatever the fuck time and i just started laughing like laughing to myself it would have looked insane but then that goodwill carried through the actual watch as well and i'm laughing and i'm laughing and then i take out my laptop they've got no contact for this laughter it's just one of those terrifying people who's not doing anything on the plane looking into the distance that's fucked mate you can't put that on

other people to do that on uh like a bus or something would be bad enough because you're in an enclosed space with someone but on an airplane there's nowhere to go the risks are so then imagine this topper after that they take out their laptop they take out their tray table and they just put on sex in the city and i start watching it and i'm like i wonder what they think of me uh i should have asked them you should have done a survey in the plane i know but i didn't i didn't want to talk i didn't want to talk to you i just wanted to watch the movie i started watching it and i was like oh this is this is familiar this isn't good

but then the more i was watching it i don't know if it was like what brand of tiredness had overcome me or what the exact feeling was, but I wasn't crossed with anyone. I wasn't angry with anyone. I was just sitting there watching a movie almost as though I'd never watched it before. Almost as though it was not for this conversation. Almost as though I genuinely of my own free will,

just watched Sex and the City on the way back to Australia. Wow. Do you think you've tripped over some, like a Buddhist technique or something in acceptance? And you've kind of gotten to some weird stage or state? I would be, I mean, look, I don't want to rule out that possibility. I don't want to say, no, that's not what's happening because that would be I mean look I don't want to rule out that possibility I don't want to say no that's not what's happening

because that would be sensational but I mean I would be blown away if whatever happened recently is repeatable but I remember the scene when Carrie and Big were arguing in Big's apartment

about their wedding where carrie's sort of saying you know it's up the ante and big's going he's sort of like so zero in his computer i was like this is the dress i was like this is this is good this is if not good at least fine like this argument i can see both sides. They're both acting well. I was like, this holds up. Well written.

It's good. Well acted. I'm in the story. I was thinking about, you know, points being made by either party. I was like, what is happening to me? Do you, I mean, I don't want to attempt to pop this bubble or probe it too much because i think any kind of positive experience you can derive from watching the movie at this point is something to be celebrated and held on to for dear life but does this reflect some uh maybe

distracted recent watches and you return to a more focused state being in an airplane with nothing else to draw your attention i.e no because if you remember my previous watch on the plane it was turmoil it was one of the hardest things i've done in living memory this was there was something to the level of tiredness there was some sort of resigned like if this is going to happen the least i can do to myself yeah it's not it's not it's not like you know willfully fight against something i can't stop but just to be like well let's see what we can take away from this experience let's see what can be gleaned and i don't know what to tell you man like it's not the best movie i've seen but certainly it's not the worst certainly amongst the best screenings

of Sex and the City I've had wow way it's you've applied the Lord's Prayer to your experience haven't you yeah change the things I can

accept the things I can't and wisdom to know the difference I think I think that's what it was like yeah I'm out here man i'm out here let's stay in this guy let's stay in this made of mine the flash what was your shining light of this um shining watch what was your favorite bit uh well there was a this i didn't it wasn't an entirely ordinary watch.

Still, obviously, I am watching a movie for the 31st time. Yeah. But... Did you have any wine on the plane? I'm trying to reverse engineer this so I can try and do what you did to have a good time. I didn't. I was flying.

I didn't even have any food. I just had a bottle of water. I had two bottles of water. food i just had a bottle of water i had two bottles of water um so that my shining light was it was just this very sort of tasty little morsel this fascinating breadcrumb that has been left for two hungry adventurers i think when carrie's having the baby shower for charlotte at her apartment uh she goes out which still is crazy to me because charlotte's got this massive multi-roomed apartment and carrie for how nice her place is it is not facilitated to accommodate say 40 people at once but whatever she uh true she has a a door

boy like who's taking care of a coat rack out the front of the apartment. Yeah. And she says to him, how's it going? And the door boy says, pretty good, I think. And Carrie sort of pivots. Like before he says, I think. All she says is pretty good. The I think is such a fascinating detail to add because

what could be going wrong he's just hanging coats on a coat rack but there's something gnawing at him I always took that to mean like she's almost asking how the party is going she's just kind of like what do you think

how's everyone feeling out there that's how i read it i i don't think she's asked she thinks the party's going fine i think she's not worried about that i don't know if she's asking about his general well-being or what particular she's driving towards i don't know if it's just a common courtesy she's extending this young man because in this movie i have also discovered that carrie does discover the notion of empathy and also she learns quite a lot about um how babies are made which we can get to at a later point but yeah just hit pause for one second if i may guy um it's funny you bring up empathy because that moment you've just described in the film with the coat boy the coat check that has always stood out to me because the next line that comes out of carrie's mouth when he says pretty good i think as she says good good good good good good good good good and just fucking shuts down the exchange while she turns and walks away

don't ask him how he is if you're not going to entertain an answer. It's so rude. It's so rude every watch. Yes, yeah. I mean, yes and no. Yes, it is. But like, I'm not here to make excuses for Carrie, but she's hosting an event. You know, she's got her friends are in town.

There's a lot on if you're a party host. It can be quite a stressful experience. But I mean, I don't i don't disagree that is dismissive but i just uh yeah the the way he said it the glint in his eye i was like this guy knows something i don't know what what do you think he knows monty did someone spike the punch or which is actually a very dangerous thing to do at a baby shower absolutely pretty good I think uh I honestly I I'd sort of like to openly speculate with you because I couldn't put my finger on it there was just this you know what I hope it is

I hope one of those classy broads who's there, someone we don't know, a friend of Charlotte's, has taken a shit secretly somewhere in the house. Like, not in the toilet. Taken a shit under a pillow. Taken a shit in a cupboard. Taken a shit in the top drawer of the dresser. Like, that's what I hope he knows has happened. And he thinks it's so funny that he wants to keep the information to himself. Why does he know?

He's been out the front the whole time ow not the whole time he saw it he was he was going to the bathroom he walked in the wrong room she didn't see him though but he saw her sitting in the top it's an open plan of the bureau hey not the bedroom the bureau's in the bedroom surely yeah but the the bedroom is open to the i mean we see we spend so much time this part of the bedroom opens up into the living area does it i mean i if anything that increases my respect for both uh parties because of the nature of the act i love i love hearing a dresser called a bureau. Yeah, I love it too. The word bureau is great. There's some very good skits from, what's his name?

Chris, British guy, Brass Eye. Oh, Chris Morris. Yes. This is meant to be, I'm trying to run a high class bureau to charge, not some two bit peep show in rio de janeiro yeah fuck that was good shit um but yes that's what's happened guy a classy well socialite in new york city has taken a big old deuce in some drawers i guess is that like a taunt just the fact that it's public information that charlotte shat herself in mexico and is probably like you know she carries herself with as a woman of high

high esteem that that memory probably haunts her i mean that would almost in these in these you know higher echelons of manhattan socialites qualify as a hate crime. Yeah, that is pretty raw. Ah, yeah, that's definitely what's up. I love that. Who is this vindictive friend who has managed to fly within the scope of these women for so long but is clearly a psychopath? We don't spend enough time with the surrounding characters to know.

Who has the motive? Who wants to get at Charlotte via Carrie? Who specifically has been wronged by these two women? I think Charlotte inadvertently stole Trey off of one of these women. And everyone assumes that the hatchet has been buried by this point. Except this woman is harboring a powerful grudge and it's expressing itself in very fecal terms ah it's intriguing i like it it like yeah i mean this is this i can't imagine that the smell wouldn't eventually make itself known at the

at the baby shower just for reference i caught caught a cab back from the airport after my flight had landed. And I think the driver sort of, what's the word? Underestimated the power of their own body. And there was a good five minute window where the entire car uh really honked of you know there's no there was nothing what do you do what did you do i i just sat there and smiled to myself thinking this is this is good this is confident cab driving i put a is wretched. I put a window down a little bit,

but I didn't say anything. I was just like, fuck, yeah, whatever, man. Well, thank God you did the window thing, though, because I think some people would be so paralyzed by sort of social anxiety of doing the wrong thing. I'm not going to breathe in some guy's fart out of courtesy. But it was like, in my mind, I mean, maybe he was disrespecting me, just in my mind like i mean maybe he was

disrespecting me but in my mind i felt bad for the guy because i was like he probably thought this was just a squeaker no odor but he's fucking really done something awful but you know your diet you know when something good and something bad's brewing yeah but you gotta drive cabs either way right it doesn't matter if you've got bad stuff, bro. We're really down here in the weeds of society as we talk about, you know, twos and poos. What was your shining light, Tim? A really nice lamp that's in the desk store.

It's black and red. You were up against it, weren't you? Big time. It was, I mean, weren't you? Big time. It was, I mean, I thought Carrie's hair after she gets her hair done looked very healthy. I was almost gravitating towards that, but no, the lamp has taken it. I'm pretty sure it was that scene. I could be wrong on where it is, but it's a black and red lamp, and it is on screen for the briefest of moments in the background. And I liked it. I enjoyed it.

It's my old Canterbury colours, black and red. Yeah. And it's a lamp. So literally a shining light. Hey, that's pretty neat. That's when Carrie's blowing her advance, her very significant advance,

at the furniture store with Charlotte, right? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot to not like about that scene as well that whole exchange and that scene stuck out to me um or rather just that exchange out with the old and with the overpriced it stuck out to me so much because i'm like carrie's a writer and this film was written by someone like could you punch up that line a little or something do you know what is even more annoying about that line is that it's like stop trying to introduce the notion that money has any impact or like that money has any significance in the lives of these characters it's like let's leave it out say leave out money

they downloaded the line it's like whatever the idea of overpriced is to you is not real you don't live in reality yeah so just don't fuck with it that fine. We don't have to deal with all of the issues every movie. You're clearly, they're incapable of dealing with money. So just leave it out. Don't even mention anything to do with monetary value. I'm right there with you, brother. I would also like to say that in that scene,

you do see the seeds of potential discontent in the friendship between Charlotte and Carrie. That line specifically Draws a A sort of Begrudging laugh Out of Charlotte whereas usually She's quite a loud sort of hooter and a hollerer And that one she goes

She's like ha yeah yeah I understand You've followed the basic structure And rules of making a joke Yeah but the thing is Monty She has been carrying Carrie and the other girls for, like, so long at that point that it's all she can do to muster a little whimper out at the basic outline of a joke.

You know, like, she's out of puff. No-one's cracked a real joke in front of her for eons. She's produced the only comic moment the women see in the movie, which is her self-defecating. It's a hell of a cross to bear isn't it she just has to giggle at everyone's shit lines oh it's brutal you hate to see it you do i uh i would so long as we're talking about charlotte and carrie's friendship i did notice something this week and tell me what you think of it um i will there's a look i mean there's there's some evidence pointing to the idea of this theory that i've developed but when charlotte

confesses to carrie that she she's pregnant she says carrie i'm pregnant and carrie says how that question is more literal than we've given it credit for in previous watches. Here we go. The only information Carrie's shared about her sex life is disgustingly vague, in which she says, when Big Colors, he really stays inside the lines. I mean, I don't doubt that they're having some version of primal idiotic sex, but I do not think it's sex as is understood by the masses, which sort of suggests to me that maybe her learnings about sex education i know it's called sex in the city we don't see

any of her columns the only sort of writing that she seems to put together at one point is she writes the word love with a full stop she then turns the full stop into an ellipsis and then reverts back to a full stop when her friend calls and says what are you doing she says writing like that is that is like such a juvenile level lie where it's like i'm i'm doing nothing but i don't think carrie understands the mechanics of the biology of of human being i don't think she understands how a baby is actually made. The question how is it, how has this happened to you now? It is how.

Yeah. So Carrie Bradshaw is a presumably multi-millionaire author who doesn't understand where babies come from and her topic of stock and trade is sex. And her husband is a like i don't know billionaire question mark question mark stock market broker who is illiterate and colorblind it is a powerful pair massive question mark surrounding how these two have accrued such

an unholy amount of money i mean you can understand why they have this unbreakable bond and why they also live in fear of each other in their relationship. They're shysters from the old school. Like, their entire lives are built on a lack of trust, trust of themselves, trust of others. And, you know, it's exciting to sort of have these little bits of information I mean if anything knowing this could lead us back to

as to who might have emotived to shit in the bureau yeah people have been wronged this feels right to me this feels good because it kind of adds to the New Yorkness of the story I think because Nework is like a

city built on moxie and what is more moxie than being a sex columnist who doesn't know where babies come from you just by sheer force of will you have turned yourself into a socialite and you are so painfully ignorant and the one thing you do all of carrie's sex column tips are about cleaning cum out of velvet curtains like every single column is more or less about just the fundamentals of home care after another person's come over there's no insertion there's no penetrative sex there's just two people doing whatever they can to figure out how to make themselves come and then the bulk of the article is the mop-up so what you've described is so full-on far out dude Far out, dude. Today.

You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing. Why do you think Carrie's the only character who we don't see in the explicit act of coitus

in either movie or from the information I have, the show? It's a secret. Are you putting out... What she's doing is too dirty to depict. I'm not saying it's too dirty to depict. I'm saying these are more breadcrumbs. The frosty fellas are getting the frosty

fellas are getting fed this week the show has created a character whose livelihood is built around writing sex columns but we do not know the particulars of said columns we do not know the particulars of the author's sex life it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to figure this out but carrie's got no idea what's going on in there it's a strong log line isn't it like in terms of engineering a fatal flaw for your protagonist carrie bradshaw is a multi-millionaire sex columnist except she doesn't know where babies come from well well guy the only thing i have to bring to the fore and this is um less playful silliness and more raw information that i gleaned from my wikipedia adventures last episode

on carrie bradshaw's wiki which by the way is extensive especially for a fictional character there's a lot in there um but it is revealed in the tv show that Carrie Bradshaw had an abortion in her younger years, when she was in her 20s. Wow. Lots of conflicting timeline things about her past between the Carrie Bradshaw diaries, which was the sort of prequel reboot thing where they did her being a teenager. And it broke a bit of the law that they'd set up in the adult sarah jessica parker tv show but uh according to the you know the film tv show canon she has had an abortion well that must have been incredibly confusing for her fucking hell monty i don't know about you i i'm pretty confident about me that's good stuff can i tell you while i didn't enjoy the watch can i tell you a minor quibble

yeah just keep talking man just stay on it you're in a good spot you're right in the pocket Just stay on it. You're in a good spot. You're right in the pocket. So, oh, man, I've got a solve for us. I don't know if you're interested. I noticed something in this watch when Carrie and Big are walking into the newly refurbished wardrobe. The bag that Carrie is carrying says Manolo Blahnik.

Now, when the newspaper article on page six says Carrie Bradshaw is to be married in Manolos, I now believe we have two possible conclusions to draw. One, the original and airtight theory that they were going to get married at a down and dirty Hispanic restaurant. It wasn't down and dirty. It was a tapas restaurant. It's fine. It'sahlia. It's a tapas restaurant.

It's fine. It's all good. I'm speaking by their standards. I see, I see. The second is that Manolo, and if that theory is to hold true, that Carrie has brought over a bag of takeout from their favorite restaurant

to celebrate the christening of their new wardrobe. Alternatively, Manolo blanik when shortened to manolos is an expensive shoemaker a cobbler if you will perhaps portrayed by adam sandler in an adjacent cinematic universe and the manolos to which the article refers are in fact designer shoes i mean it's very easy for this to fall apart if we end up watching The Cobbler and find out what his shop's called, but let's never do that.

And this is now worst idea canon. She was going to get married in Adam Sandler's shoe shop. Do you reckon Adam Sandler would have married them? Andous, the husband. I can't do his voice. You may now kiss the bride. That was awful. All it would take for this to be full, complete, lovely little circle

would be for Zac Fron to turn up with the fuck boys to just party at the aftermatch. What are you talking about, party? He'd DJ the afterparty. Yeah, true that, actually. I mean, can you imagine this rundown wedding whereby the food is provided by a low-key tapas restaurant, Adam Sandler officiates the ceremony,

and Zicoli comes and plays the afterparty. No more covers, exclusively zicoli originals so just whatever the fuck he's recorded on his phone on the way to the yeah he like recorded a bunch of pavement nonsense on his way to the airport mixed it in his macbook with the hour and a half left and battery he had on the flight over because he got too fucked up to actually construct a song at any point before then freaked out banged it on freddy loops now he's going to play that to a a thirsty rich wedding group oh man it's gonna the shit is gonna hit the fan that woman's gonna be there who craps in the bureau she'll be furious and she knows how to lash out yeah you, you're selling me, brother.

So would you like to know my quibble or a loose observation I made? Loose observation first, but I want to hear both. Everyone gets a bit puffed when they arrive at the wedding. When they're going up the stairs, this was a point at which I had left my seat to take a wee and I was experiencing exclusively audio but as they're all arriving at the base of the mains as at the base of like the last flight of stairs before they actually arrive at the at the ceremony uh all the gals are huffing

and puffing Puff it. Yeah. Curious? Yeah, they've gone upstairs. Good on you, guy. That's good stuff. You shouldn't be puffing if you're going upstairs. Really? Well, I don't know.

I've never taken stairs in heels. Different people puff at different things, but... There's a lot of stairs there. What are you saying? Are you saying you would never going upstairs i'm saying these characters are represented as being in phenomenal shape it is unlikely to me that something as simple as a flight of stairs would take it out of them in this way i know that that was um point one of two things you were going to say but i i need to get this out because otherwise I'll forget it

this reminds me you know how they say so picture this guy, close your eyes we're at the shower and Samantha hasn't turned up yet and I can't remember who says it to him, Carrie gets

Charlotte says to Carrie I think where's Samantha, she's two hours late and then Carrie says you know her she probably went to the gym after she landed but she clearly didn't right because this movie wants us to believe that she's turned into a real intentional heffalump

by adding 250 grams to her total body mass so she's probably avoiding the gym at the moment which means we've now got two hours of samantha time to play with unaccounted for between her landing and getting to the party what the fuck do you think she's been up to what party is it again sorry uh the baby shower ah i'd never heard the line before but but they say, you know her, she will have gone to the gym.

I'm paraphrasing slightly, but... Do you know why they would write that line in? Because they don't have confidence in the storyline that they've added 250 grams of, you know, body weight to her frame. So they're like, well, if we bring up the fact that she usually is lean and fit, it will then make more sense that we observe

that she is not. Two hours, Samantha Jones on the ground in new york city by herself a dog in tow i mean to be completely honest she probably found some guy to absolutely throw down with on the way over where to believe that's what i thought that's what i thought. That's what I thought too. Sex in the City lore. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Her emotional responses are so unique. But she has been within this relationship. We know that she loves sex.

It's spelled out in the first frames of the movie, like as soon as we introduce the character in the movie. So I guess if you get out of a five-year relationship and you want to focus on yourself and the thing that she identifies as loving the most is having sex why wouldn't you just go and pick up some young floozy at a bar take take him back to his place and absolutely destroy the guy yeah totally i reckon that's what's happened which uh i guess means she doesn't have maybe this is oh no she hasn't done it yet but But maybe that's why she's defending Steve a bit

because she's kind of projecting her own guilt onto the situation. She's like, it's not so bad. What about... What about... She's a co-conspirator with the shitting ninja. Go on.

She can't show up at the same time because it's a tell. She has to wait for an okay from the door boy before she's allowed to arrive at the party to say i mean the eagle has landed the eggs are in the nest why does she have to wait for the shit to happen before she turns up because she is somehow connected to the event she can't be there when it happens because she is somehow connected to the event the event being someone shitting in a bureau connect some dots for me monty i really i like the tone of this but i'm a little lost i don't know how it works well all i'm saying is that if you and a friend are like okay we're gonna go to this baby

shower these people two people at the baby shower have wronged us in some way that they probably don't remember but sticks in our craw we will never forget if we arrive together people will likely be able to connect dots that we are both involved in this conspiracy however if you arrive two hours before me do the deed leave on the way, give a signal to a neutral or third party in the door person, say the eggs are in the nest, then two hours later when I arrive to throw down and celebrate and I get bullied for whatever reason, I'll have this little card up my sleeve knowing, well, you may very well tease me for looking slightly different from how i how you remember me but there's a full laid adult shit in the top drawer of your bureau and you have no idea about that and you'll not be able to trace me back because of how well planned this crime is this is really cool so now it almost seems like samantha has set the whole thing up to preempt a bullying which is phenomenal and it also seems like the coat check guy is very much involved in this scheme he's not some tertiary

party he is like integral to pulling it off yeah he's i think he just knows a good gag when he sees one i think he got the the outlines of this you know laid out to him he was like man i am fucking in you don't have to pay me a goddamn thing i want to see this rich woman with a shit in the top drawer of the bureau this is my kind of scheme he's good at hanging coats he's bad at business yeah but it's important to have job satisfaction as well so sometimes you know if a if a turn a bureau lands on your lap you run with it you don't ask questions you just get in there for free uh they say guy they say they say if you do what you love you never work a day in your life and if

you can engineer a circumstance where as a prankster you get to be part of someone shitting in a rich person's top drawer bureau i mean fucking you'd be laughing you'd be laughing to the grave it's like not publicly of course no on the inside yeah what was your quibble uh it's just stamford it's not the character it's just that uh well no so previously my i actually shit maybe I do have a problem with Stanford. I remember I got annoyed recently that he lit a cigarette in the 10 free seconds he had between being outside and helping Carrie into the car.

Yes. This week, when Carrie discovers she's jilted and that they have to leave, Samantha comes to the floor and says, I'll take charge here, you get her out of here. And Carrie's flanked by Charlotte and Miranda on the way down the flight of stairs. Stanford, we see in the background of that same frame,

motions as though he's going to go and help out. He's along for the ride. He's on his merry way. But the next frame we see, he never catches up. They just wind up, like, going down. And the next thing we see is them all in the car together stanford blatch nowhere to be seen i don't think he has the self-confidence to just return to the scene of the crime and be like hey i missed that car ride i'll help out here right i think what we

have is curious stanford in the big city two hours to himself what's going on but he's um he's but he's at the venue when they arrive yeah it's after that so after they arrive they were on that flight of stairs they're on the the clearing and then carrie finds out she's getting jilted and then charlotte and miranda go to assist carrie as she like leaves and grieves and then stamford is in the background of frame like moving with them towards them as though he's also going in that group of people i see mate what it couldn't like can't you imagine being in the circumstance and acting that way no big like this is fucking big this is too big for me you've got closer friends here i'm gonna make all the right gestures and

then just quietly duck out and go to time zone play some arcades and pinball for a bit yeah but you know stressing me out you know two months six months a year two years from that memory all the same friends are going to be there reminiscing on how it unfolded and they're going to be like actually stanford i don't remember what did you wind up doing because you kind of walked down the stairs as though you were going with the others but it doesn't sound like you were in any of set a local record for time crisis 2 and now if you look at the high scores on there you will see spelled out the initials i always use for the high scores s e x that's me big daddy stanford hey um real world stanford news this just in i don't know

if i ever told you about this guy and in retrospect i should have because this was a business opportunity but i'm pretty sure i i need to go back through my emails there was an online service that reached out to us um when they were in kind of their startup phase and it's called cameo and what it is is um you buy a greeting card a video greeting card from a celebrity for your friend you can wish them like a happy birthday or whatever now this company, they reached out to us through me. They emailed and they were like, hey, here's the service we're opening up. Would you like to offer this as a thing for your fans?

Did I tell you about it at the time? I might have. I can't remember. I don't remember it. But I was like, this is the grimmest shit I've ever heard of in my fucking life like monetizing that kind of transaction just feels super gross to me and i didn't think twice about it until a friend recently reminded me that it existed and there are some surprisingly big names on there but also the guy

who plays stanford from sex in the city for i think the princely sum of either 150 or 200 US dollars he will record a video message that you can give to a friend to congratulate them on a baby, wish them a happy birthday whatever there are some incredible stars on there

like a lot of athletes still playing are actually on there which seems crazy but I guess it's an easy way to earn a bit of pocket money for these people yeah one of the funniest applications of this website and we'll finish the episode on this is it's it comes it comes from a very not funny thing but it's just a very funny application of the internet to like pointless and hilarious means so uh recently in australia um there was a powerful figure cardinal pal who's been convicted of uh awful things one of many high up figures in the catholic church who has been um who has been uh i'm not you're gonna say caught with his pants down? No, I was laughing at the reveal as opposed to the notion of his misbehaviour

of being sexually advantageous in a disgusting and predatory way. But someone has gone onto the website Cameo and hired Flavor Flav who has in turn recorded a shout out for cardinal george pell fuck me man the service is just sitting there for trial and it's just sitting there he says this message goes out to george powell i just gotta say happy retirement my man you know what i'm saying for real not only that you know what i know you ran the boys choir man you know what i'm saying all the boys on the choir respected you you know what i'm saying they

collected you my man and this guy who's like uh adjacent to the comedy world who goes only by the name of tristan paid 150 dollars for the shout out flavor flames people start going ballistic at flavor flavor like what the fuck are you doing man you've shouted out a pedophile and flavor flame has to release a statement being like tristan you're a fucking rat holy shit gilbert godfrey's on there man i'll tell you the reason why i stumbled across it because um it would be great promo for a comedy show and that's got so i look through the terms and conditions and it says so explicitly that you can't use it for any commercial or promotional purposes, which reads to me as you need to like figure out a way

to trick these celebrities good enough so they don't know that they're promoting a comedy show. Oh, absolutely. It's honestly, it's ripe. It's a ripe fruit there for the picking. To any clever listeners who want to have some. It's a ripe fruit there for the picking. It can't last, can it, guy?

Cameo can't fucking last because there's too many people with... I mean, I want to do ill well with this service and I'm just some dude. I'm a normal guy. There are far more nefarious minds online than mine. Oh, boy.

Anyway, that's Cameo. Thanks for sponsoring this episode. Absolutely. Exploit the fuck out of it, everyone. I really want to see this thing blow up. There's big names. There's big names on there. Some huge names.

Guy, we're live now now so shout out your show you're in Melbourne right now I'm in Melbourne doing my show I was part of the problem before we were talking about it please google my name and Melbourne or if you're not in Melbourne and you are in Sydney, Auckland or Wellington

you can do the same thing google my name and the city and my tickets website should show up and you can do the same thing google my name and the city and my tickets website should show up and you can buy tickets to watch the show it's funny i'm good at comedy i'd love for you to be there uh we will be taking the worst idea of all time to melbourne live on the 14th of this month which is april um it's already sold out I'll see if we can add any more capacity so we can do maybe some tickets on the door but there's other really good

shows from Little Empire doing shows that same day, Boners of the Heart still got some tickets available and the Mail Gaze as well so if you go to littleempirepodcasts.com slash live if you're in Melbourne get some tickies to that, there's a whole lot of shows on there as well through Australia and New Zealand from our wonderful hosts.

So check it out, Mother Truckers. We will see you in the next episode of this nightmare project. The worst idea of all time. This is the Frosty Fellas signing the fuck off. We just have a good rhythm together. He sort of feels me out, I feel him out. And we go for it.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run! ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.