The Worst Idea Of All Time - 32: Time For A Walk

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

Guy is still enamoured by the movie, Tim isn't so sure, but one thing both of these boys are doing is getting their gams out for a walk around the neighbourhood. The return of the walking episode! An enjoyable day out for our heroes, but arguably a less concentrated product for our libertarian fan? Topics of discussion range from Tim offering up riddles from the Die Hard movie franchise to Guy opining whether or not it is appropriate to get a blowjob from a minion. The boys also show their fundamental decency by self-editing while walking past a few schools as the students are let out for the day and have such a good time in the sun that they wind up running late.Support us on Substack at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Music Music Music Music Music Music 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Hello everybody and welcome to an outdoor episode of The Worst Idea of All Time featuring myself, Timothy Andrew Batt and also, um, it's also me

and it's sunny We haven't done one of these in a while It's also me And It's It's sunny We haven't done one of these in a while I actually think it might have been years Since we've done one of these We've certainly not done one I can't see the picture anymore Why is that?

It went dark The phone is saving its battery by darkening the screen Why is that? It's in bright sunlight It should be like Yo check out how bright I can go Nah I can see Like I can see And I took power save off I can see that it's in bright sunlight it should be like yo check out how bright i can go no i can see like i can see and i took power i can see that it's going especially for us but you don't need to worry about that if you're only listening to this if you're on the sub stack you

also don't need to worry about it because the video as it's represented uh in front of you is is too bitty top and we are we're in a suburban Auckland neighbourhood, and we've just watched Fast Five, or Asked Five, or Fast Ive, or whatever you want to call it, or F-Asked Ive, which I think I like, for the second time. And I'm very happy to report, at least in my experience, the movie holds up. It holds up to the

expectations I had after the first screening. Guy loved it. It has not put any fear or dread in me towards seeing it again. Truth be told, at one point I told Tim off for asking me a question about the plot. I said you wouldn't do that to someone in the cinema so don't do it to me.

Yeah, Guy said earnestly at one point, I said, you wouldn't do that to someone in the cinema, so don't do it to me. Yeah, Guy said earnestly at one point, he said, I like this movie. That's a direct quote from Guy Montgomery. Second watching of Asked Ive, I like this movie.

And that's, frankly, on the worst idea of all time, almost unheard of. Well, it's newsworthy. It's a headline. Don't really know how you felt about it, Tim. You were a little bit more restless. You were fidgeting. You were

dicking around. Yeah, I've already seen the movie once, haven't I? But I also spotted a plot hole at the end so large Dominic Toretto could drive his 1970 Dodge Charger through it. And that is, and yeah, I'm starting at the

arse end of the flick. What am I? You're starting as an arse end of the flick. What am I? You're starting as an arsehole. There's no room for celebration here. Tim just wants to nitpick. And these are nits he's picking. It's not nitpicking. I'd like to add, you know, say there's a child with nits,

and one parent says, our boy's got nits, and the other parent says, I don't think our boy's got nits. To be fair, in that instance, you're always going to go with the parent who thinks they've got nits because if there's nits in their house, you've got to know about it. What I'm saying is I don't believe that the nits are an issue. Here's the nit that I wish to pick at. The big sequence at the end of this flick,

and it does drag a tiny bit but not nearly as bad as some of the other film's final act set pieces. Tim, that's rude, but yeah. They steal an entire ass bank vault in heist-like fashion because they're like, how are we going to break into this bank vault? Damn near impossible. You know what we'll do? Think outside the box.

Steal the box. So they do. They steal the box and the old switcheroo is the reveal at the end because they abandon the vault. They hand it off to Luke Hobbs. He says, you've got to leave the money here. Dom Toretto says, fine. Fine.

So he opens the vault. The vault's empty. How did that happen? It's a goddamn magic trick. Then we do a classic heist movie trick where we go back in time and reveal what we the viewers were not privy to the first time around nor was our camera nor was special agent hobbs and it's the way it's filmed and represented it's like he's piecing together what's happened for us to enjoy that's like we're inside of his brain for him So what has happened is they managed to pull off a series of high octane

manoeuvres which gives them a head start of 10 seconds against all these cops that they're so fond of killing. And they do that. And we know it's a 10 second head start because Mia says, you guys got a 10 second lead here, you better make it count. Yeah. And they do. It's revealed at the end because they switch their vault into a truck

and then reattach an identical empty bank vault. Yeah. Which is the one that we see for the preceding half of the third act. But here's the thing. There's this dialogue between Dom and Brian. Brian getting all worried because Dom's changing the plan up and letting Brian like drive away and Dom's going to deal with the cops and shit and it's all presented in a fashion where Brian doesn't know that he's got a goddamn empty vault connected to his car but he has to have because they did it together. There's no way that Dom did this.

Like, it's connected to both their cars. We saw both of them drive it into the truck. I can't believe you don't have an issue with this. I just think they're using, they've been listening to police radio. They've got scanners and whatnot. And who's not to say the Brazilian police don't have access to their radio they don't have to like act that good to each other though they can't be seen they can just be hurt it's i don't like it it's untidy it's it's uh seemingly don't you think don't you think i i can't totally explain away you know this little this little issue you have with the film,

but don't you think it's a triumph that, relative to other movies we've seen in this franchise and other screenings we've had of other films, that this is your issue? Yeah, undeniably. In the Fast and the Furious action heist movie, your issue is with a plotting detail which has no real bearing on. Yeah.

Yeah, no question, guy. For this project and this franchise, it is a triumph. But it's still a plot hole. So I just wanted to fucking get that off my chest, really. Anything you want to get off your chest, guy? No. Third nipple? No. You know, often when people have a third nipple, they've got a fourth nipple.

Because I think we have like eight nipples in the womb. What are you talking about? Are you thinking of dogs? No, we've got like sets of nipples. You think we've got eight nipples in the womb? I think we've got... I wonder if we should... We're going pass to school now

their parents are on school pick up I do wonder if we should discuss nipples with quite such freedom just for this little moment all I'm saying though is I knew a guy and he had four I've had

people in my life with four too actually and they're not asymmetrical, the second set are symmetrical, smaller, perfectly formed smaller nipples beneath the apex nipples we'll call them right I've got a weird memory of knowing someone who had one

that was like in a wildly, like it wasn't on their chest at all, it wasn't even on their torso but it kind of looked like it, maybe it wasn't a nipple it was just an extra thing that looked like a nipple, but it was like on their foot. It's an interesting idea to have one on the elbow, like the weenus, because that's famously the elbow skin is like, elbow skin is insensitive. You can grab someone's elbow skin and you can twist it around and it doesn't actually hurt them.

No nerves in there. So if you had, you know, there's a lot of nerve endings on a nipple. If you had that there, wouldn't that be an interesting contradiction in terms? So everything around it is dead, but then you've just got this little nubbin. I mean, you know more about science than me, but I just feel like we've got all these symmetrical nipples in the womb, and then they, I don't know what happens, they go. Yeah, see, well, I take issue with your original premise,

talking about all these nipples we have in the womb. Is that true? Well, why do these people have four? Because every now and then the body just decides to do something a little different. Just a little mutation. Do you think these people... A little mutation never hurt anyone. Do you think these people have grown extra nipples

instead of failing to have shed the nipples the way that everyone else does? Correct, yeah, absolutely. Is that not more remarkable i well i remarkable or not is is sort of beside the what i was taking issue with but now that you mention it it's fucking cool it's a cool thing to grow an extra nipple that make them better than us anyone can not grow a body part or get rid of ones they've got that's easy growing one that you don't typically have shit's hard man yeah this is all because you said is there anything you want to get off your chest and then do this stupid nipple gag and what i wanted to say is

this is what i want to get off my chest but you were talking about mia and she's sort of running control she's on comms for the final mission and it's it's the mere we've come to know across fasts six through nine is um you know she hasn't been totally sidelined the death of paul walker means that we're walking too fast maybe we'll walk slower i was quite enjoying the pace oh sorry okay well yep so the me yeah i will i often walk too fast though same i get told off i do too who do you get told off by uh whoever i'm walking with at the time. Yeah. I've been told off by Zoe. Zoe tells you off?

She has. Not often, but it's happened. What's she say? That I've been walking too fast. You're walking too fast. Olive walks slow. Olive's a child, guy. Yeah.

You are six foot something. Yeah. Six foot some bitch. Yeah. Son of a bitch in this movie. Something. Yeah. A six foot some bitch.

Yeah. Son of a bitch in this movie. What I'm trying to say is Mia is traditionally either spoken of but not seen on screen. And when she's on screen she's often tending to more domestic elements of life. And at the start of this movie we get to see her behind the wheel. Should we wrap this? Something's making a noise. I don't know what it is.

Is it that guy? Something's making a noise. I don't know what it is. Is it that guy? That's my guy. Is this anything? Do you know that there's nothing you can say that would take me away from my guy? What I'm saying is to see Mere behind the wheel represents a very exciting prospect because honestly, and this is a reflection of my own ignorance and perhaps bigotry,

I hadn't thought of her as a participant in the gang's... Can you call them hijinks? Schemes? Guy, I don't... Plots and plans. You're being too hard on yourself, brother. We've been given no evidence thus far. No. So what it means is that...

Because we're going backwards. What it means is we've got four movies to look forward to. I reckon she's going to be driving. We know Mia as a mom. She's going to be thriving. Thriving, driving, power sliding. She's going to be doing all the best driving shit. We're talking skids.

We're talking handbrake turns, and my personal favourite, the hill start. Do you think we're going to see her do a hill start in a stick? Yeah, I'd like to think so. I'd like to see her do a hill start. Maybe we'll get to see her sitting a full licence, which if you're in New Zealand, you will have to, and it's in a, do you know what's crazy in New Zealand? What?

To see your full licence. Yeah, in an auto. Yeah, you can sit in an auto and you can drive either an automatic or a manual car. Is that rare? Like other countries do it. Well, it's just crazy to me because if you sit your full license in a manual, you're going to have to do a hill start. If you sit in an automatic, that's just not in the test.

And they assume you can do that when you're driving a manual yeah it's fucked up man but you should write a letter about it is it because you do your test in the car that's presumed to be the one you're going to drive around in so it's like well if you got an automatic then fucking go with god i guess so i did my test in um I guess so. I did my test in... What kind of car did you do it in? I did it in a... Bicycle.

I did it in a... Not one of those tandems, but you know one of those like crocodile bikes where you're sat side by side. Yep. And the guy, the person who was the sort of examiner refused to pedal. And I said,

what do you mean you're not going to pedal? We're in this bike together. And he said, when you're driving, you're not going to have me to pedal for you. Man alive. And you passed? Well, no. Oh, you didn't? You can't sit a driver's license in a bike. They shouldn't have let me do it.

That's bullshit, man. We should also write a different letter about that. We should. Let the people sit their license in a crocodile bike. me do it that's man we should also write a different letter about that we should let the people sit their license and a crocodile bike for god's sake we're going this way i've always liked this sculpture which one oh the ship yeah it's cool though yeah pastor t.l barrett wrote a song about this called just like a ship he was describing a sculpture of a ship. Oh, we've got a car about to hit us. That's cool, that's cool.

What other things did I enjoy about this movie? I'm so glad you asked, Tim. I thought that Reyes, the actor who portrays the sort of... The big bad. Well, he's kind of a more passive villain than what we've grown accustomed to. That's true. Because if you think about, like, if you're working forwards the way that most fans of the franchise are, and you think about Shaw, who's who we've been dealing with for the last seven movies.

Statham or the other one? No, before that. Can't remember the actor's name. You did know him for a while there, though. Yeah, I did. That British man. Luke Evans, maybe? Could be.

Why not? He's, like, he's blowing up London he's blowing up Statham's blowing shit up Theron Theron Shelly's she's doing stuff

Reyes is just a slimy multi-millionaire who's like corrupting Rio de Janeiro I like it better this way because that's what a real villain is.

They're in control of shit. They're not in the muck and the mud. And I actually, it lends itself to, I think, a greater realism, because not everything's being blown up all the time. We've got scenes of him just being like, it's all going wrong, and he brains, he brains someone.

He brains one of his henchmen, who couldn't have really done anything to stop money being stolen. Yeah. Do you actually observe something in that braining? The guy ducks, everybody. It's my second issue with the film today. Sloppy bit of stunt work.

Is that you or me? I'm just trying to, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Well, you need to hold the cable, man. Hold it like that if you would. So just find a position. Is that stopped it it might be the headphones though i don't know it's hard to tell so um potentially a very annoying

uh record for our for our one libertarian because they'll be getting this yeah yeah yeah but who's to say because it's either the headphones in much case they won't hear it or it's the thing we can hear coming through on the mics so time time will fucking tell, won't it? It does feel good to be outdoors. Yeah, it's bloody nice. Yeah, we could actually find somewhere to park up for a moment. Yeah? Take a load off.

Not this berm, though. Take a shit. No. Is there a more private sort of park? Yeah, there's something around here. Surely we'll find something. Find a little scenario. So I enjoyed the performance of the actor whose name I a little scenario so i enjoy the performance of

the actor who's i enjoyed the performance uh who plays reyes i think uh he's believable as a villain i do have this thing and again i think this reflects on my own ignorance of the world yeah where i favor foreign language performances and i'm also a light this is the thing i'm a lighter critic on uh foreign language films because it's a lot harder for me to assess the acting performance in that I've got less data. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think if you talked about this before.

I think about it. I love it. I love this theory of the case where you've sort of got the self-awareness to go, I'm going a little easy on these foreign flicks. I think I am. And it also, do you know what it reflects? It reflects an optimism or a supportive nature you have where you're giving the actors the benefit of the doubt.

You're like, I can't accurately assess how good this is, so I'm going to assume the best. Well, I'm an ally. I'm an ally across the board. Is that allyship is allyship going to a french film during the film festival and going i don't know but i'm assuming they're doing a great job you know i um i think so i've followed obviously the the world cup the fifa world cup that's just been on and i'm dating the podcast there well i know that's going to come out

around the same time and uh you know i supporting, I was slagging off, I was slagging off the players, you know. I'd like to say I was being just as rude to the woman playing football as I am to the men. You were sledging. Not at the stadium, I wouldn't sledge. That's not even a, I don't know, is that a thing you do in soccer? Do you sledge?

I've only heard like the word sledging associated with cricket. Yeah, well, cricket, it don't know, is that a thing you do in soccer? Do you sledge? I've only heard the word sledging associated with cricket. Yeah, well cricket, it's because you get players standing in the same place for a long time. These beautiful ducks. Little mating pair. That's cute. Because in cricket you get players, it's a

rare sport in that the people are there's players who are stationary for long periods of time and so it's more conversational and you get more of an opportunity to try and get under the skin of some of the opposing players and right because you're kind of close to them but it runs for so long that you get yeah like if someone if someone's betting they're in for two hours and you're fielding in the slips so you're sort of five or six meters from them, you can start a conversation. I can't see shit on this phone. I can.

The screen's gone all dark. I can see it. Maybe it's because I'm wearing sunnies. No, no, no. They're polarized. The screen has darkened, but I can see it. It's looking good. Okay.

Don't worry about it. Okay. I just think it's a grounded action movie where all of the characters get a chance to shine. We also discover that this is the movie in which Dominic Toretto meets Roman and Tej. That's wild. And at the same time that... I didn't notice that the first go around.

And in fact... O'Connor meets Han. I got Guy to rewind the film because there's not a big highlighter under it. I mean, I guess if you're a viewer and you watched from movie one, know that these guys are new but not timbo and guy guy it does make it interesting to think for us how the characters are introduced and you know what movies they share and how do they interact with each other and um time gone by or time time coming forward do you hit this time do you know this one if you've got a meeting at 2 o'clock and it gets brought forward by an hour. 12.

12? That's two hours. Oh, wait. When did you say the meeting was? 2 o'clock. One. Yeah. I'm with you.

Do you know there are people who think that makes it three? No. Did you know that? I accept that those people exist and I also accept that they're fucking wrong. Apparently it's a reflection of how you think about time. Is it? Yeah, if time is, if you're moving through time, then you think the meeting's at three, because you're moving it forward.

If time's moving through you, You can hold it for a bit. The meeting's at... At one. What are you... And you're on team... I'm with you. Team Sensible.

The thing for me is it doesn't matter about what your relationship to time is. It just doesn't make any fucking sense if the meeting's gone backwards. Like, it's just... Push back. Brought forward. I mean, it's pretty... You know, this is not complicated stuff, I would argue. No, it's not.

You know what I mean? Like if you're getting told a meeting's being brought forward and you think it's an hour later than when it originally was scheduled, they need to fire you. Yeah. You've got to get out of there. You're going to miss a lot of meetings. You're no good.

You're going to miss a lot of meetings. You're going to spend a lot of meetings. You're no good. You're going to miss a lot of meetings. You're going to spend a lot of time sitting in empty boardrooms. If you're in logistics and they're like, we need to bring our stock levels down by 50%, suddenly you increase the wholesale orders by a half because that's how you see

the world. The business is in real trouble. It's a reflection of how you think about your liability. Orders. Do you think that orders move through you or do you move through orders? We'll go over here, mate.

Do you want to cross the road? Yeah, I do actually. Let's do it together. So and so. Do you know what? Do you know what? We could have kids watching this. Safe to cross.

Oh, okay. Nice. You've got to do safe street road crossing etiquette. Hey, this is a new park for me. I've never been in this park. Okay, well, there's actually a bit of a landmark coming up soon, which I want us to get eyes on,

which I don't know if I've brought your attention before, but it's a particular letterbox that we've got coming up on the left. I thought it was going to be like a house from a sitcom. I thought maybe we were near the outrageous Fortune house. You thought this was like a star tour with those stuff those seem so illegal i can't believe those illegal start to a house and we walk past your house i'd say that's where um tim batler the famous yeah tim bat would be suggested hey look at that crazy window beautiful that's a mirror which is made to look like a thing it's an optical illusion um and this

is a despicable me again tell you something interesting about this letterbox is um if the owners aren't home you can put your dick in there oh now what are they called again blow jobs i don't know why because minions it's more of a suck do you want to get sucked off by a minion no i'm just saying you can. I'm just saying it's 2023 and minions can, you know, they can do what they like. As long as they're an adult and consenting age. How old do you think minions are? Old enough to suck and fuck.

Okay. Not all of them. No. The bell curve is... I think that minion's got a job. Huh? That minion's got a job Huh? That means he's got a job He collects mail That's true

He's most likely a grown up Yeah that's true Even saying most likely actually is incriminating I really don't like the direction I've taken this riff in So The other thing that's missing from Fast and Furious 5 is Please please Fast and Furious 5 was my father's name

Call me R Stive Call me F R Stive Fast and Furious 5 is... Please, please. Fast and Furious 5 was my father's name. Call me R Stive. Call me F R Stive. The problem with F R Stive really reminded me of that riddle from Die Hard 2. What's the riddle? I met a man... On my way to St. Aves, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven cats. each cat had seven kittens,

each kitten had seven mittens, or something like that. Cats, kittens, mittens, wives, how many travelling to St. Ives? And the answer to the riddle is the phone number that he has to ring. And he's on a strict timer or else. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson is going to get blown up with dynamite strapped to him. Samuel L. Jackson's a good guy in this movie. Yeah. Yeah.

He's helping Bruce Willis. This seems like a wasted Samuel L. Jackson role. Who's the villain? Oh, do you know what? I actually think it might be. It's not Rickman, is it? Yeah. Or is that just one? Maybe that's one and not two. Maybe that's one. Oh, do you know what? I actually think it might be It's not Rickman, is it? Yeah Or is that just one?

Maybe that's one and not two Maybe that's one He's fantastic in one, isn't he? Fuck, he's good Hans Hans Hans God, he's good

But anyway, do you know the answer to the riddle? One? Yeah, you got it, baby I thought so There's nothing to suggest that all of these fucking add-ons are coming Correct That's it. It's a fucking bit of misdirection.

Under pressure. Yes. With explosive structure. You're going, okay, what information have I got? What do I need? How do I do the math on this? You overthink it. You overshoot it.

You don't dial one. You dial something else. And Samuel L. Jackson meets his untimely demise. And then you don't get Snooks on a plane. I believe there's also a bit of that movie they had to update because Bruce Willis is forced to wear a sandwich board with the N word on it in traffic by one of the terrorists. What do you think about that? Leave it in, take it out.

Really got me in a corner here, Guy. I kind of think take that out. Take it out. There's some stuff like, I don't know, wasn't there some stuff about Roald Dahl books? Roald Dahl books, yeah, there were sensitivity readers who were going through those. There's some stuff where I'm probably showing my age

and I'm like, well, leave it in and teach the historical context, but leave it in. That one I think we can do without, probably. I don't think it's serving a great purpose and I think it's probably doing an undue amount of harm keeping that one in there. What if the villain made him wear the sandwich board to make them more hateable?

Well, that's what happened. Bruce Willis didn't, I mean, the hero of Die Hard didn't do it of his own volition to enhance his heroism for the audience. Who was watching Die Hard? It's a tough sell. We all were. Should we sit? It's a tough sell. We all were. Should we sit?

It's a bit wet. Is it? You want to test it out? Is there a seat? On the other side. And off we go. I know where we are. Off we go.

Off we bloody go. See over there? That's where we are. Yeah. There's a fantastic playground. Yeah, there is. You take Remy there? Fucking, yeah. That's a fantastic um playground yeah there is like you take remy there fucking yeah that's a great it's all wood it's all wood you don't get a lot of that these days there's another little one here a lot of wood around the place wood womanie wood womanie wood wood horrible hate it so my issue is that there's not enough real music in the movie with the um

six we got introduced to the concept of real songs being in this franchise and then they've given it to us and they've taken it away where are the benches oh there's one oh yeah there's a missed one no let's take that one because yeah yeah exactly i don't want we've actually we've we've done outdoor pods by a playground before, but it was while school was still in. It's not great. And it's established. Do you know what I'd like to,

I shouldn't be Russian nesting doling ideas within the outdoor podcast, but I'd love to see us get back to like a Kmart style environment, do another one of those. Do you remember that? Season one? Yeah, yeah.

An American Kmart. What if we... So many years ago now. Cross over here because it gets muddy up there. What if we took the pod to like, you know, obviously trying to stay on topic. What if we went to like a very high end, what are they called? An adult store? No.

Oh. I mean, no. Like a car yard. Oh, I see. car yard oh i see you want the most expensive cars in in auckland so like luxury cars you know there's an element of jeopardy where it's like we're gonna get kicked out but we'd say it's just marketing i thought that me sitting down was gonna like save my arm from having to hold the thing but now it is because look at this and then a hero comes along oh are you the hero with the strength to carry oh you want to hear my shining light though yeah it was the treatment that this film has of subtitles captions they have fun with them they

zoom in like a car they drive in most. Here's what happens with most captions. They just sort of fade in really quickly onto the screen. Sometimes they don't even fade. They just appear. They're there. There's dialogue. You've got to hear it. It's in the language you don't understand.

Boom. There it is in the language you understand written down. A crazy concept when you think about it. Who was the first person to do that? I guess silent films when you think about it yeah who was the first person to go we don't need to have the captions occupy the entire screen we can put it on top of the action that's happening justin lynn and that's right if i was dive i just like to go back they drive in like in They drive in like cars Yeah And then they kind of

Sometimes they drive away Or someone will walk Over the top of them And they'll disappear behind them Yeah You don't see that often With captions They like clear them

Like an improviser Clearing the stage At the end of a scene I just want to go back To your music point Yes We do hear the fast reprise Which is an instrumental break

That is kind of annoying That sort of appears at Emotional heightened moments of the universe. I hate that. But we do also, remember when Han and Giselle, Gal Gadot's character, they're trying to get a handprint, because Reyes's handprint is one of the only things that can unlock the vault, and they go to, I mean, we're in Rio de Janeiro for a whole movie.

We don't even fucking touch sand. We genuinely do not, we don't get fucking touch sand. We genuinely do not. We don't get in the water. That's genuinely fucked. That's annoying. We should be on the beach most of the time. And we should definitely hit the water once or twice. I don't want to sound like an entitled Fast and the Furious fan.

But like, when we get our butt girls, they're on the road. Butt woman guy. Jesus Christ. It's 2023. Butt people. Yeah, I'll take it. But people can guy. Jesus Christ. It's 2023. Butte people? Yeah. I'll take it. Butte people can look like anything, Tim.

When we get our butte people, what do you desire? What is not being satiated? I just want to see some butte people on sand. I mean, it doesn't even have to be... We do get butte people on sand. That's the only time we get it. They're not on sand. We get butte people at the fucking drags when they're in the city.

But no, no, no. You dumb fuck. No, hold on. When we're at the beach and Gal Gadot's in the bikini to get the handprint, there's a couple of butt women there. Nah. Isn't there? They're like extras.

Sanders in frame. There's one woman in particular I can remember. Actually, she's facing us. So I will take your point. All I'm saying is... And admire it. Yeah. I mean, look, I just think if you're going to set up...

I'll put it in my admiration gun, load it up in a chamber, and shoot it into my head. We get two shots of Christ the Redeemer. I mean, we know we're in Rio de Janeiro. Whenever I hear Rio de Janeiro, and I'm saying it wrong because I think it's from the day-to-day, and they have a sitcom contained in it. I know that.

Set on a moving vehicle in Ellen Partridge. I don't know what it's called. It's called The Bureau. Bureau de Change. Yeah, it's set on a Bureau de Change. It is called The Bureau. You're right. And it's like he says,

we're supposed to be running a Bureau de Change here, not some two-bit fucking circus or whatever it is. Yeah, a punch and judy show, I think. In Rio de Janeiro. Because I think they get into a scrap or something. But there's a song. None of that's relevant. There's a song.

What is? When Giselle drops the top to go and seduce Reyes and get his... I mean, this is also... If you want to talk about plot holes, this is a very thin... Oh, yeah. Yeah? It's a point of technicality rather than a... She goes to seduce him and sits next...

Sits on his lap, actually, and he's obviously... He's got wandering hands and he puts a hand on her derriere. And then they return. They return the bikini bottoms to... To Tish. Here's the problem.

We've got a complete replica of the safe. This is one of the most secure safes on earth. That's a white heron. Beautiful fucking bird, eh? Look at that. I wonder if you got that. You could absolutely diagnose me with ADD just by listening to the podcast, I think. But we've got a complete replica of the safe,

and Tej is going to lengths to describe how impenetrable this thing is. And it's established in this movie that he is an expert in this realm of sort of breaking through security barriers and safes in particular. So he kind of goes through the stats of how much reinforced steel there is

and the mechanisms that are preventing the door from being open. And he seems to have cracked through all the different mechanisms except preventing the door from being open. And he seems to have cracked through all the different mechanisms except for the handprint, which is Reyes' handprint, which they need to obtain. It's like, how the fuck do you get a crime lord in Brazil's handprint? I'll tell you how you do it.

You throw a scantily clad Giselle at him. Is it a scantily? A scantily. Yeah, sorry. Scantily cl Scantily. Yeah, sorry. Scantily Clad. No, I liked it. It's a scandal how Clad... He will inevitably put his hand on her ass.

And then you take the bikini bottoms home and you say, we got the handprint. It would be funny, actually, if they both thought it would work. And then, like, real-life physics intervened. They were like, are you guys stupid? You thought a handprint would just be perfectly captured on a piece of nylon? Yeah.

That's on Gal Gadot's butt? Yeah. That's not going to work, idiots. Yeah, it wouldn't. Oh, shit.

We'd do all that trouble for nothing. There are a lot of funny lines in this movie. It's well written. I'm trying to think of, I've got a few. I'll give you one. I've got a few things I want to discuss before we finish oh yeah you tell me the line and then i'll give you three things i like santos and leo having a conversation about while they're doing the job they've got to

break through a wall in the toilet to tap a fiber optic line to get the camera feeds and as they're walking in there uh i don't know which one's leon which one's santos they don't get a lot of a ton of play in this movie they just sort of present to disappear and one of them says to the other uh one of them's real negative and it's like a burt and ernie relationship that they've got and the other one's telling them how negative they are all the time and this is such a long way to go for a line that now isn't that good. It's not bad, though. You're so negative. You're always negative.

You're so negative. I'm not negative. I'm just positive you're going to hit the wrong pipe. Yeah. Blow up the wrong pipe. And this precedes the scene where they put a bunch of explosives in a toilet pipe that blasts a police officer of the Brazilian police force of the Brazilian police force,

the Rio police force, while he's sitting on the can, gets a ton of someone else's raw sewage, blast up his anus, if you can imagine such a thing. What do you call it? A fecal transplant. So you're telling me it's a real thing? Well, not in that. They do it differently, surgically. But you were telling me that there is such a thing as a fecal transplant and sometimes people have to swallow a bit of poo to help their microbiome. I once interviewed a guy who was all about this.

He was a microbiologist for NASA. And he was right into this stuff. Why were you interviewing him? It was when I briefly did a podcast where I was just interviewing all sorts of people. Interesting people, yeah. I interviewed Jacinda Ardern, actually, on the first episode. I took it down when she became the PM because it felt like the right thing to do. What, do you put it back up now she's gone?

Nah. It's not relevant anymore, is it? But this guy. Isn't New Zealand small? Check this guy out, man. I'm trying to remember his name. He's got an interesting name and I can't remember it, but he lives in California.

You'll be able to find him. Worked for NASA, got bored at NASA. Didn't have enough to do. Got into shit. He got into shit in a big way. He had this condition which was like basically irritable bowel syndrome and he had a theory on how he could cure himself. But all these like universities and medical institutions,

ethics boards wouldn't approve him experimenting. So he just did it to himself to prove a point. You do and that's why it really hurts because you're eating shit yourself. Well, he didn't actually do. You and no one else. He didn't do the fecal transplant. But he had fucked around in that zone. But he kind of bleached his body

of as much of his own microbiome as he feasibly could and had all these samples from his mate who was very healthy, swabs from under his arm, under his tongue, introduced it into his body. It flourished and he cured his IBS.

And then got a taste for a food that his friend really liked. Really? Yeah. That's a nice detail at the end there. Yeah. I like it, and I'll call this my shining light. Roman has a line in this movie where he says, This just went from Mission Impossible to Mission in freaking sanity

someone wrote it past every edit and it's a fucking credit to Tyrese Gibson because he sells the shit out of it it's a funny line he's got another line in this movie which I'm not so sure about where he says 11 million dollars

sounds like a lot of vaginal action. Vaginal activity. Vaginal activity. That's a crazy thing to say out loud. 2011. Yeah, it was a different time. Was it that different? That was only 12 years ago.

We were around. We were almost doing this podcast. We didn't know each other yet, though. No. Do you reckon we'd ever run into each other? Do you Uh, no. Do you reckon we'd ever run into each, do you ever think about that guy? Had we ever run into each other at like, um,

a party or maybe even in Christchurch, like past each other in a mall? Do you think if we'd run, if we'd, uh, I, you never say never. If we'd run into each other at a party when we were 18,

would we have forged a connection i don't know i really i don't think so bud brian o'connor's clothes i think he's dressed like a it's not exactly how i dress but i i just i think he looks good he's always wearing a t-shirt and jeans and like vans or just like regular person sneakers and vin's always wearing white pants and a fucking singlet and i'm like that wasn't a singlet before he's always gone in something and turned it into a singlet by the singlet i just think he he doesn't like he doesn't dress like a regular person it actually helps heighten the universe it's like oh we're sitting this is setting the fast and the furious universe something about the way brian o'connell is like oh and the fast and the furious universe is set on earth it's really nice except nine when they go to space yeah he's not there oh and it's not set

on earth the whole time oh you you're so right he did pass the um the other thing i like and i think it's era specific and it's only really in I think it's era-specific, and it's only really in one scene, it's sort of at the back end of what I'd call the first act, is there's quite a lot of parkour in this film. You did mention that. And the thing I like about parkour, and the thing I like about it in this movie, is so much of this movie is set in a world that I...

We're up, we're moving. That I can't access or wouldn't do well in. You don't think you could do parkour? Well, that's what I'm about to say. I never got into parkour. I remember going on a school camp and doing a lot of rock hopping with some friends.

I think I could do parkour. And a lot of the parkour looks manageable. They're just running across rooftops in Rio de Janeiro and I think I could make a lot of the parkour here he is looks manageable they're just running across rooftops in rio de janeiro and i think i could make a lot of those jumps and it's fun to watch the movie and think i could do some of those jumps do you remember when parkour was fucking huge from for for two years look it up on youtube if you don't know about it look at some youtube cutdowns of parkour it's fucking impressive there was a moment where parkour was big,

and then it went away, and then... You struck me as a parkour guy. Casino Royale came in, and suddenly James Bond is doing parkour like five years after it was popular. Yeah, you reckon Daniel Craig saw a YouTube cutdown and was like, I'm going to teach myself how to do that. And then he was like...

I don't know because the what i don't know what the production schedule of a bond film is yes they were probably filming it while it was on the way out and he was like it'll stay it'll hold we're keeping the parkour in and then it came out and everyone was like what the fuck is he doing parkour it looked cool yeah i think it worked it was at the start of the movie and everyone was like, it's a brand new Bond. And now, motherfucker does parkour. Do you like parkour? Yeah, I love parkour. It's so cool.

Seeing people flipping all around the place, you know, running over rooftops. We even see, I guess you'd call it parkour. We see Vin Diesel in The Rock, I guess more just running across roofs. And you said it when we were watching today. You said these guys are too big for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not the right body type for parkour at all. Because when you think parkour, you think a tiny Frenchman.

A skinny little Frenchman. You kind of do. You kind of do. You don't think big, burly Dwayne the Rock Johnson and Vin, whatever his real name is, Diesel. Like, an interesting thing I've got in my mind, which is a sub-genre of YouTube. Not a sub-genre, but just a surge. I can't get these parkour cut downs out of my head i used to watch them

also like people riding bikes through towns and villages you know really fast downhill biking through like a village whoa i don't know if i've seen that like a populated village no i don't know how they've done it i don't know if people knew that they were going to be doing it. It's probably where they got the idea for the Pixar movie Luca. I haven't seen Luca. I think Luca is about embracing your true self. With bikes. Well, Luca, nah, there's just a heavy bike through line. Well, I don't know.

In some ways, I feel like this has been an incredibly boring episode of our podcast. Are we about to stop? Yeah, I'm wrapping it up. We're not even home. We're about to walk past a lot of kids. I'm wrapping it up. This is embarrassing, actually. I'm going to end it.

I felt cool doing this, but now we're going to walk past kids. My rating is... I'm going to give it 3.5 out of... for Stive. And now rank the episode. In the bin. I'm going to give this, out of 100, I'm going to give this episode

37%. That's a low ranking. Yep. You wouldn't watch that if it said it on Rotten Tomatoes. We've had some peelers. Can you please give me your ranking for both the movie and the episode? I'm going to do the episode first.

I know what you're saying, but it's also felt quite relaxing. Maybe that's because we've been walking. Yep. I listen to podcasts while walking. Mm-hmm. That's quite a nice relaxed tone. Sure. Maybe it's a lack

of urgency. But in terms of you had to put a hard sort of number or maybe a letter rating on it like you would an exam. Okay, I'll rate it A through Z. Oh, wow. Okay, not like to F or something? No. Okay.

H. Is A best? Yeah Okay So it's on the good side Of the equation And now the film It's 8 out of 26 Goodbye everybody

No no no That's what H is Oh it's okay And now the film 5 out of 5 It's a fucking good film Oh it's really It's feeding time

at the zoo here see everybody look at this 9 8 7 6 5 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1