The Worst Idea Of All Time - 34: Guy's Best Friend, Paul

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

Who would win a fight between Christ the Redeemer and the Statue of Liberty? Should Tim save up a bit of coin and start dressing like Han? Will Guy ever fulfill his dream of being friends with Paul Walker? A workmanlike watch and podcast as the movie once again fails to get its hooks into the boys. Their frustration is not with the franchise, not with the movie, not even with themselves. These are some lads who are modelling their work ethic on the music of Dolly Parton, working 9 to 5. And may we say; What a way to make a living!Support us on Substack at twioat.substack.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 That's how we roll We roll like this Hey man Hey dude Hey bro Hey my sister Sup fella

Big boy G'day governor That's my cousin Kia ora Uncle Tim Hey, bro. Hey, my sister. Sub fella. Big boy. G'day, governor. It's my cousin. Kia ora. Uncle Tim. Uncle Tim is in the house. So's Aunty Montgomery.

Aunty Montgomery, tell me my fortune. You are going to make a lot of people very happy. Will I be pretty? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? And here's what aunt said to me. No one both, sweet counts. You fugly young bitch, you see. The future is cruel to thee you fugly little that's where we're at this is it late just so everyone knows is it late at night it's pretty late it's not crazy it's 10 30 10 30 p.m does it

does does this used to be the time When we'd record This is my question for you Back in the day Does Does late move forward As you age Um

It does for you Take that I'm okay with Bam Got him Does it for you Does Does the

Does Does late Does the time that is late move towards you? Move towards me? Or like does it Oh like move up in the day? Yeah Not for this kind of stuff

But for going out yeah But not for this? Not for this Not like this Do you have obligations? What do you mean? In the morning? Oh yeah.

A lot. When do they start? Fucking stack them. I think 9am. I think I've got to be somewhere at 9 though, so that's like, you know, out of here at 8. What's a nice time for the working day to start? Removing familial obligations. Well, wise woman once said, nine till five.

What a way to earn a living. I think she was being facetious. Isn't it crazy that she was being facetious in that song, and yet you'd love a nine till five these days. Imagine working five days a week, nine till five, with a lunch break in there. No one's doing that. No one's doing that now.

Or hours have become too flexible. Well, don't. People are working more than that. Yeah. Way more. But even not, what's the word? 50-hour weeks, 55-hour weeks. Malleable?

Yeah. Precious metals can be malleable. It means they've got like a boiling temperature And they can be melted down I think that's what it comes from Like gold is very malleable Not at room temperature Yeah it is At room temperature

Well it's not liquid But yeah It's soft It's malleable That's why you've got to put it As like an A bar? An alloy

Or you've got to plate it What about a big I mean you've got to use it as a pl alloy or put it or you've got to plate it. I mean you've got to use it as a plating on other stuff. A big block of gold. I think you can dent it pretty easily. Really? I think. I think gold's very malleable. What's the boiling temperature of gold do you reckon?

Oh that's a great question. A better question is one you brought up earlier tonight, which was, who would win in a fight between the Statue of Liberty and Christ the Redeemer? Christ the Redeemer. In Rio de Janeiro. Well, we get a couple of shots. Up top, I think because so much of this movie was filmed in Puerto Rico,

they really go top heavy with Christ the Redeemer. They're like, it's Brazil. It just comes across as stock footage, though. They're like, we're in Brazil. But you see Christ the Redeemer and you do think, it's a big boy. Yeah. And it makes you think about other famous sort of large-scale human or, yeah, I guess human or person statues and it's the statue of liberty

is the one that springs to mind i can't think of any others that are like big enough to feature in a cityscape okay great so they're good matched competitors christ the redeemer's got supernatural powers on his side but statue of liberty's got a weapon on her side a torch a torch like a like a member of an angry mob yeah who's um sort of keeping you know wolves or uh some sort of um who would vigilantes chase which is a uh a presumed witch yeah you know a torch to keep outlaws and witches and wolves at bay. Yeah. Do you think the torch...

I know that the statue is metal, so it's a representation of something else. They're actually coming at shit from similar angles. Because what does her tablet say? Give me your... Give me your... That's on the base. Give me your... Bring me your tired, your...

Wicked, your wet. Your children from the water park who have had too much ice cream. It's on there, isn't it? You're huddled masses. Yeah. That's in there somewhere. But I think that's on the base. I think the tablet might have Latin on it.

It's actually an orgy invitation. Is it? Yeah. She's horny. The Statue of Liberty's horny? She's like, bring me these people I want to fuck. Oh. Bring me your teeming masses.

Yeah. And I will fuck them. Let them slip into my robe. Far out. I guessed that the Statue of Liberty was 318 tons. And it's 225. And I'm pretty happy with my guess. That seems so light to me.

Yeah, that's the thing. Because I reckon Christ the Redeemer is way bigger than than Statue of Liberty off the back of the air. How tall do you think the Statue of Liberty is? I mean, we've both seen it, IRL. Not up close. I haven't been to the island. I've seen it on the boat. I've seen it from a distance.

I'm not great with like heights or, you know, like heights of people maybe, but not with... I don't know how tall a building is. I reckon it feels boring to guess. I want to get more into the weeds of who's going to win in this scrap between Christ the Redeemer or the Statue of Liberty. It's valuable information. Because if it was a boxing match,

if you're going down to the betting agency... yes reach is important height is crucial I'm going to say the statue of liberty is what do you want it in meters yeah um 82 meters tall 82 meters tall what would you guess I'd guess that's I feel like it's a nice guess. I'm going to go bigger. Say 100. No, it can't be. I'll go smaller. 65. Yeah, I feel like that's pretty good.

46. Yeah, so I just overshot it. Copper statue. Mm-hmm. So that's just the copper statue. From ground level, so like from the plinth on which she stands to the top, 93. 93. Yeah.

You want some Christ the Redeemer stats? I'd love some. Need some. Want some. Christ the Redeemer. Come get some. Here it comes. Come get some, bitch.

That's me being Luke Hobbs. Yes, please. 30 meters. Some bitch. That's me being... Height? Luke Hobbs. Yes, please. 30 meters. Smaller. Wow. Wouldn't have picked that. Yeah. 38, and only 38 meters with its pedestal.

And it's made from reinforced concrete with the soapstone veneer. But realistically, like, Jesus is probably going to win against... The Statue of of liberty i don't think has any powers it's copper verse concrete okay so you're taking the the full like the literal physical statues have come to life to fight each other a la ghostbusters 2 i just think have you seen that no they animate the statue of Liberty And they have to walk through New York City Playing Your love is taking me higher

Wilson Pickett Yeah To posit Oh Is that Land of a Thousand Dancers? Wilson Pickett's Land of a Thousand Dancers I think Jackie Wilson's Oh it is Jackie Wilson

Your love keeps lifting me higher Yeah They have to blast it Why have I got that? Yeah What's that doing? It was there though It was confident

It was there It was correct Because Wilson Pickers is Brilliant Everybody help me sing Good song Do you know what I'd like to know? Does Bernard Purdy Does do the drums on that song?

Because it sounds like him. It's got a great beat. You got an ear for drums. I actually do. During the lockdowns, we were part of a circle of friends who did like quiz night every night. Someone had to write a quiz for us all to do

and we'd jump on Zoom and do the quiz all right someone did a whole quiz or maybe it was just around but i think it was a whole quiz of you had to guess the song based on like the first five seconds that's a fun game and one of them was i think around there was 10 songs and all you could hear was the drums and i got nine out of 10 wow everyone else ate shit but I was just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. That's actually not necessarily drums but I think I have a canny ability

with music to identify songs and samples even. I agree. And it's, you know. You're great with lyrics too. There was actually something that Chelsea observed early in our courtship She said that she's like the best at singing lyrics from pop songs of the 2000s era And I was like I think I'm pretty good

Wow And then I was better than her And she's like you're the first person I've met who's better than me We must be together And we are It was like Christ the redeemer and the statue of liberty so who've you got what do you mean in this fight i'm backing jesus okay why because jesus has supernatural powers and his dad is god and that feels like it's going to count for

a lot and i don't think his dad's not going to come bail him out of this. And his supernatural powers are like, they can't be just used for like, he can't just turn them on for like, you know, his own personal beefs. I think he can. They have to be used as a force for good. They have to have a broader point. No, that's just what got recorded. But I think he can will all kinds of things in there. Statue of Liberty.

Statue of Liberty is just a woman. 15, no. It's just we're dealing with a messiah versus a woman who's got a torch and a cool crown and a tablet. They should get to use the tablet. Everything handed to him, you know, with a woman who's been bloody pushed around by... You went to a Christian school.

He had it rough, dog. He had it good, man. Jesus? He had it real good. I don't know if that's true. It ended a bit bad, but he had it rough dog. He had it good man. Jesus. He had it real good. I don't know if that's true. It ended a bit bad but he had it good. And even at the end he was like nah my dad's got this it's cool. You know

like who wouldn't have nails driven through their wrists if they were like yeah but I'll be around. I think he sweated blood on that last night he was so nervous about it. I think he was like I'm cool my dad's got this that doesn't sound like the reaction of someone who's um if it's weird if it's sweated if he sweated blood then he got us he got you know he needed to be put down anyway put down

yeah it wasn't the most humane way to do it but he needed to be put down he's sweating blood are you kidding me what's this how sick is this guy. I don't know who our listenership is. I don't think we've got a lot of Christians in there, but if we did before, we certainly don't now. Just saying, you've got a woman who's 15 meters taller than this guy with a giant torch. Yeah, can she use it? She's been shoved around by France.

She was made by France. France is her mom. Super unhappy in America. France is her mom, bro. It's a shame that, I guess, between Brazil and the United States, I'm guessing it's like southern Mexico. France is her mom. Super unhappy in America. France is her mom, bro. It's a shame that, I guess, between Brazil and the United States, I'm guessing it's like southern Mexico. Sounds right.

I'm bad at geography. I believe you. They're in the water too. And they're both getting weighed down by robes. Wow, Jesus famously can walk on water. Not once he's in it. Is that the deal? Yeah, like once he's in it, he can't. Water doesn't become solid once he's in it once he's in the deal yeah like once he's in it he can't what water doesn't become solid once he's in it if he's submerged partially oh he can't then use

the water like a table or like he can't be buoyant all of a sudden he can't like put his hands above the water and use that to pull himself up to stand on it so it's still water and if he can do that then obviously the water around him is solid for everyone and so he can like then why is that obvious? because that's obvious so then the Statue of Liberty can pull herself up

well like if he's pulling himself up and she's underwater too then she's going to grab on him and pull him down or pull herself up on him I think they've found an arena to fight on that's on land I really vibe that

and hold up that big fight between Godzilla and Kong in Godzilla vs Kong on like a like a battleship? Yes. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That movie was crazy

because it's like Godzilla would always beat Kong. Which version are you talking about when you say the movie? The one with Bryan Cranston? It's recent, yeah. That one? I think so. And Millie Bobby Brown?

Yeah. I saw it, can't remember a damn thing about it. It wasn't designed to remember No It was designed to while away the hours I do remember the one with Matt LeBlanc That had that

I remember that Wait I'm going to stand by that I think that's true I think there's a Godzilla movie from 2004 With Matt LeBlanc in it And it's got that Is it a Pink Floyd song? But it's not.

Someone sampled it. I'd love to know what song sampled Pink Floyd. They played it at sports events and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That fucking, oh God, what is that? I don't know. It's not coming to me. Do you know what song it makes me think of?

It's from one of the Kill Bills. It's that battle without honor or humanity. Yeah. How does that one go? It's like... Yeah, yeah, you got it. Yeah. I like the song, the motif in Kill Bill. It's like... Yeah, yeah, you got it. Yeah. I like the song, the motif in Kill Willow.

It's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I changed it to... Bit of fun with music. I will say, I reckon Paul Walker, he's a great loss. I think his performance is as he's sort of he's like a very handsome and charming everyman with you know um he's a phenomenal athlete he does a lot of his own stunts i think the sort of genuine joy and exuberance he he shows and shares when he sees someone he's excited to see is honestly it's infectious and it

it transcends the um the fast franchise and it's just like is this is this how you feel you know paul when you see someone because i would love to be one of those people i would i would love to be one of those people to you i would love to see paul i would love for anyone to look at me and greet me the way that paul walker greets most of the people he comes across in this movie who he meets but in particular ludicrous when they assemble the gang he's like this guy or here he is or it's what's that effect it's like it's honestly it's like how i felt when i saw people after a lock like you know the first time you saw friends after a lockdown and you know you go to the pub whatever and your friends are like oh they let anyone in here do they and you think fuck this is living that is how paul

walker carries himself in life taken too soon, are you basing this solely on his performance in Fast Five? Yeah, but he's shown flashes. I've always liked him. I guess the point I'm sort of getting at is that he is an actor acting while you're observing this. No. You refuse to take that into consideration? I think a lot of the time he's acting.

I think when he has to talk about driving the car I think when he's like how are we going to get the money or you know this is a bad idea but when he's seeing people he likes when he's seeing people he likes I think he's

he's turning a tap of reality on and I want to drink from it I just I like the guy I like that he wears vans and jeans and a t-shirt I think this is a guy i want to spend time with and i am yeah and i like it and you know what tim this is a good movie this is it's not fun

it's not interesting it's not exciting i'm sick of it but it's good it's not making me angry i'm just watching it yeah i'm like watching it i'm not cross it's It's not passing me by. It's sort of still happening to me. And I'm like, yeah, these decisions all make sense. The plot's exactly as convoluted and straightforward as it needs to be. It's all laid out in front of me. Yeah. It's honestly, you want to talk about nine to five? This is going to work.

This is going to work at a job. This is like 80% life fulfillment. This is going to work at a job where I'm thinking, yeah, pretty good, pretty good. I've worked worse jobs. Yeah. I'm sure there are better jobs, but this, this is, I guess this is a version of living.

And like, you know, I know the boss. The boss is us. And, you know, they can be, they can, they can ride our ass. They can be tough, but they can be pretty lax you know if you strike the right tone you show up early and you think right now that the rhythm the work rhythm you're in um everyone's no no one's no one's busting your chops right now no and you know like you found a groove i'm not busting my own chops Do you bust your chops? Do you bust

Do you bust thine chops? Not at this job You don't bust your own chops here? No Yeah It's not worth it I bust my own chops Do you bust your own chops in the day?

You learn early You gotta not do that at this job Nah Not anymore Don't you? Nah Do you bust anyone's chops? Chop busting is for your 20s

I reckon Do you don't chop? I even thought that in my 20s It's like this is the time to bust chops And you get into your mid 30s You're like He's got the energy I'm strong now

You don't bust chops? I work strong How much chops would a chop bust chop If a chop bust could bust chops? Six A woodchuck i think is a um bird that's not true yeah i thought it was like a beaver oh maybe how much would would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could check a bird i don't know it changes everything what about um i'm not the pheasant plucker You know that one?

I'm the pheasant plucker's son And I won't pluck the pheasants Until the pheasant plucker comes Yeah Which is surprisingly easy to say Considering it's supposed to be a tongue twister Oh it's You meant to say

You meant to say I'm not trying to have sex with the birds But I don't need a tongue twister for that I say this I'm like Hey You're the pheasant plucker Watch this And then I just fuck the birds but I don't need a tongue twister for that. I say this, I'm like, hey, you're the pheasant plucker, watch this.

And then I just fuck the birds. Probably not the best sentence to get onto this with, but the chicken that lives around the corner, fuck, I've got so much time for that chicken. That chicken rules. At your house. You've met the chicken,

eh? Have you met the chicken? I think I've seen the chicken. Yeah you met the chicken i think i've seen the chicken yeah not like shaking its hand or anything okay god damn it this chicken's awesome so what makes it what makes a chicken good about a week and a half ago before i i went on a little holiday i um what's that doing oh i think it's taking remy down to the park it was like peak you know it's 5 p.m people are coming home from work a lot of cars going on and um so this is chicken this chicken's out all the time it belongs to a house that's just around the corner but it's always out it's out on the sidewalk picking away at the grass

it's all good rufus my dog um very quickly very much respects the chicken very quickly figured out that chicken will not be moved yeah by his presence rivers would go up and get quite excited you know run right up to it chicken wouldn't fucking budge and he'd be like well okay i'm over here that's all my moves this is i'm done now yeah chicken was unmoved i saw the chicken a week and a half ago peak hour traffic middle of the road car stopped for the chicken to not hit the chicken a week and a half ago peak hour traffic middle of the road car stopped for the chicken to not hit the chicken

waited for the chicken to move chicken didn't move beeped at the chicken chicken didn't move chicken's just doing its own thing you respect the way the chicken carries itself yeah it's such a confident chicken and it's not a rooster

it's a chicken does it inspire you? yeah I think i draw some inspiration from it yeah it feels planted wherever it is it's like here's where i am in the world and this is where this is the space i occupy and if you if you would like to be over here, you can go around me. Yeah. Car, dog, human. Whatever it may be.

Irrelevant. Wow. But it's a chicken. Man. And often chickens are, I thought, quite skittish. Not this one. Looks healthy too. It's a healthy looking chicken.

It's getting lots of fresh air and exercise. It must be laying. Yeah. Can's a healthy looking chicken. It's getting lots of fresh air and exercise. It must be laying. Yeah. Can you eat a laying chicken? I think so. Yeah? Same chicken? Yeah.

Same chicken? I don't want to eat this chicken though. I tell you, I don't. How long does the chicken live? Oh, as long as it needs. I don't think... Well... Do you think vin diesel has a um like a a fashion assist or like a do you think do you think okay first of all do you think stylist yeah do you think vin diesel

dresses himself in his saturday life no i think he's got a stylist yes you think the same stylist in the movies because it feels like he's like he's choosing clothes he thinks he looks good and would like to wear. Yeah, I think they probably met through Fast and Furious and he just uses them for his everyday wardrobe. But I think that was the order. He's got some shocking clothes. Actually, I will say, I saw Vince early on. Vince, a family member who's ostracized in the middle, then he's brought back at the end to be killed. He's wearing capris early on.

I just want to... He's wearing capris pants. I want to highlight this, though, because it might be confusing. Like Rafael Nadal at Roland Garrison in the mid-2000s. That's not the confusing bit. We've got Vin Diesel, and then Vince is the name of a character in this, who's kind of his spiritual brother and Vince names his son

Nico but get this it's after Dominic Toretto Dominico Toretto I guess you can name your kid anything and make up any reason you want you're allowed to do that

someone in Australiaralia recently named their baby methamphetamine rules seriously yeah it was a journalist they were figuring out how how um lateral the parameters are on baby naming do they work for vice no i think they work for the abc oh they obviously they showed mercy on the baby changed the um changed the name to methamphetamine not even once here he is i'm still here people think i went away but i'm still here he's been here the whole time i'm not always here feeling funny you've been feeling funny lately i don't even have a shining light for this watch, man. You were talking a lot about wanting to hire a stylist.

Well, that isn't what I said, but that's such a good lead-in. It was like a chat show style. That was like a Conan style. So here you've been getting into donuts recently. You enjoy a donut? You like a donut? Funny you should mention that. Yeah.

A funny thing happened to me involving a donut recently i fucked one oh wow i just want to say as long as you're talking about donuts best donut i've had in my life to this day remains uh australian is a sea salt and australian honey crueler from shortstop donuts you can get them in melbourne and sydney you sent me to that place when i was there by myself did you like it loved it yeah bullseye i get nervous i bought i don't know if i've told you this i bought so i can't go to melbourne and not eat one i'll buy them and um i was telling chelsea how good they are and once i was like i'm gonna fly you one home. So I got the donut, brought it on the plane. And then I got home without the donut.

And she said, what happened to the donut? And I said, oh, fuck. I forgot it. I left it on the plane. And then months passed, three, four, five months passed. And I was talking about how much I love the donuts. She was like, yeah, that's right. You brought one home, but you forgot it. And I shouldn't say that. She said, like yeah that's right you bought one home but you forgot it and i shouldn't say that she said yeah that's right you're gonna bring one home i go yeah but i couldn't i ate it and she's like what and i was like yeah i ate the

one i was gonna bring you home she's like you told me you left it on the plane oh my god i know and i don't even monty i don't even remember telling the lie holy shit i must have felt self-conscious i must have promised it to her and then oh yeah it's better to say it makes perfect sense what's happened to you but i can't believe i let you know like i forgot the line yeah and then i'm like yeah i ate the donut because then she's like how could you do that it's like look i love the donut yeah I ate the donut because then she's like how could you do that and I was like look I love the donut what do you want from me and she's like

well you need to buy more and I was like I could buy 10 of the donuts and try to buy the pie you still wouldn't get a donut you can get donuts through biosecurity nah

like you know I don't know what I think well I didn't I guess you ate it before they became an issue I didn't bother to find out but

I smuggled a mandarin accidentally into Los Angeles. Fuck. They didn't give a shit. There was no sign. No one asked me. And then I reached my hand into my jacket pocket and I was like, I've got a fucking mandarin here. I would be killed if I got into New Zealand with one of these.

That Antipodeum biosecurity just hits different. Sure do. Every international comedian who visits this country for the first time. Yes. It's irresistible to write a joke. But that's why it was so thrilling as a New Zealander to reach into my pocket and find fresh fruit. Talk to me about the fashion in this movie. Han is impeccable.

He has been in every flick that I've seen, and the comment I made to you was, maybe I should save up some money and go buy clothes that are all modelled on Han's wardrobe in this franchise. You told me I was being a fucking idiot. I maintain it's a pretty good idea what's there's cool shirts there's cool pants there's good shoes and just looks cool what how would you describe han style how would you describe your current style han i think it's it's like it's like japanese street wear

but a little bit more elevated dressy yeah slightly more dressy he's he's got a it's got it's not a semi-formal bent but he's got like a slightly collared bent you know and it's not that kind of like it's not leaning that far into the sort of i guess i would call it like the hip hop direction of japanese street wear do you think he's a bit he looks like a sort of a bit of a buy by once buy well kind of guy yeah to jackets hard out i think some of those jackets might be new and i have them forever some of them are very old. He's got so much money, I think he's just constantly buying really good threads.

He's got a lot more after this movie. 11 mil. Pocketed himself a cool $11 million. Yeah. And I bet he wasn't a fucking idiot with it like Leo and Santos, who bet a million dollars apiece on one spin of the roulette wheel against each other.

One on black, one on red. The movie never tells us the outcome of that spin, but I, in my heart, know that it lands on zero. Fuck. And they both get fucked by it. Have you ever made money on zero at the roulette wheel? No, I've never been on zero. And I've played roulette a bit.

Have you? Yeah. I don't actually, you know, I've played roulette in that I put it on a color or odds or evens, but I don't play the odds. I'm like spreading myself across the table. I like corners. It's an eight to one payout.

Yeah. I don't get that. I always have to cover 25 somehow as well because it's my favorite number. Is it? Where's that come from? I don't know. Always has been. What number is your birthday? 19th. Ah. Is it? Mm. Where's that come from? I don't know. Always has been. What number is your birthday?

19th. 19. 29 for me. I know. I know that. I remember turning 29 on the 29th. I've been looking forward

to that birthday a long time. Special. Did you do anything cool? Trying to remember. I guess my shining light is Han's cool shirt. Which one? Where's like a white silk shirt that I think has maybe a tiger printed on it. I just think.

Look, you know, in a year, once you've been wearing this stuff for a while, I'll probably like it. look you know in a year once you've been wearing this stuff for a while i'll probably like it but i just think it would represent it's too it would be too much for me to see you i but i think that it'd be i know everyone else would have an issue with it but i there's something quite appealing to me about like what if i just fuck my shit up all of a sudden really get a new haircut buy a bunch of clothes maybe get glad like my vision's going I just like have specs one day but I do everything all at once you want to change the whole thing just fucking wholesale witness protection program style

totally different Tim everyone you know people take you know 10 seconds to clock that it's me say hey Tim man you look different

yeah I'd be like yeah I do look good I just think I don't know, man. Go to Thailand, get my teeth done. Really? Join a gym. David Kouros went to Thailand and got some dentistry dental done. He said it was great.

Oh, it looks fantastic. He did his research. Did he? Yeah. Smart guy. He is. He's clever. He works hard, too too he loves comedy what do you think about this movie now we've got one more watch left of fast five it's the best one we've watched so

far i stand by what i said look i was you know like i was saying to you how do you feel about saying goodbye to it what's the one after this? Do we know any reputation? It'll probably be Fast Four. What is that one called? Furious Four. I don't know. Furious Four. Fast and the Furious.

We're too tired for this. The Floss and the phosphorus. I like to see people, you know, looking at their, I don't know. What's it called in the water? Phosphorescence. Yeah. Have you seen that? Yeah.

I was high once on Waiheke with some friends and we didn't know it was in that bay. And it was. And that was a beautiful moment. Well, I actually remember now um being high with you on mushrooms in new york and seeing the fireflies and you yes that was not a beautiful moment that was like you probably annoying for you it was because of how long it dragged on could not figure out if they were real or not and you keep saying yes they're real i was like but like can other people see i have such a vivid memory of standing halfway over the Brooklyn Bridge,

looking out at all the boats coming underneath us. And every boat I looked at, I could see their whole personality. They were fully realized. Was that when we were on the way to SpongeBob SquarePants, the musical? Or was that a different time? Different time, different trip. Wow. No.

We were just walking. How good is a walk? They were strong. The watch I bought, I bought a watch. I remember that. You're a Casio. Yeah, I killed it. Did you?

Died recently. Oh, shit. RIP. Thank you for your service, Casio. Wore it in the shower too many times. That's like a Marie Kondo way of saying goodbye when you wreck your ship. You run it into the ground. I try to do that with everything.

You thank it? Thank it and farewell it? I thank it, but I try to get maximum utility. Sometimes I throw my laptop onto the bed and Chelsea thinks I don't respect it. Yeah, it feels like you don't Really? Yeah It's got a soft landing

I'm not like That's true I'm not like spinning it So that it could land any which way up It's like You know what you're doing It's like Yeah it's like from here to over there

Oh sweet ass It's like I remember I do do that with Remy as well Throw Remy Yeah He loves it Of course he does He loves getting thrown around When I was looking with Remy as well. Throw Remy? Yeah. He loves it. Of course he does.

He loves getting thrown around. When I was looking after Remy the other day, I was giving him some throws. Awesome. Throws like that, you know? Yeah, he loves it, eh? Big laughs. Big laughs. And then when I get him laughing,

when I get a roll on with Remy, I'm just like, I just want you to keep laughing forever. You love that shit. But I've got to resist it because it's too much. You'll just tickle him to death or something. I'll tickle him until he has a melt much. You'll just tickle him to death or something. I'll tickle him until he has a meltdown.

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't for like, I've done it, I think historically, but I haven't for a long time because I'm like, I get him on a big roll and that's enough. And I have to like,

but I have to like really concentrate on stopping myself because the sound of him laughing, honestly, it's like, it's just too much. It's just the nicest sound. It is good., it's like, it's just too much. It's just the nicest sound. It is good. And that's like, you know, I think that's where I'm at with this movie. Is that there's a lot of beauty and pleasure to be found in the world.

And presently, I don't feel like Fast Five is taking from me. Yeah. But I don't feel like it's depositing any... That's fine though. It feels like for the worst idea of all time that is the best you could possibly hope for no exactly we're in but it's quite um unfamiliar terrain and somewhat unusual territory what's it doing to you i mean like i can't you know like there's a real there's a real workman-like, not resignation, but just like respectful energy, both from us to one another and from us to the movie tonight and from the movie to us.

There wasn't a lot of chastising or lamenting. It was just a couple of guys watching a movie, you know, like that they didn't really want to watch together that's what we did you know like just just you know it's not pissing away tuesday so often with worst idea we'll watch a movie and we will be watching it like our eyes will be on the screen and our ears will be open we won't be talking we won't be distracted we won't be on anything else but you do just kind of like tune out and this it did happen with this tonight but whenever you tune into fast five it's like oh yeah this bit's actually not too bad yeah this is like you know great opening um actions the opening action sequence is actually pretty

fantastic involving the train and the cars and the bridge and the jumping and the explosions and then you went fucking online and found out they almost derailed a train filming it all because it was for realsies yeah pretty crazy stuff quality you got you got beautiful women you got beautiful men i'd like i will say it's an interesting touch where it's like you you know, Fast and the Furious, as we learned through Joseph, same as for its butt girls and... Butt woman. Yeah.

Not girls, guy. Scantily, just there's like a certain amount of scantily, you know, like it's quite male gaze-y in parts. Yeah. And it's something I think that they're meant to have reckoned with in later movies that I don't even remember really anymore. But I thought it was funny that when the family go, they want Reyes, who's the villain, to consolidate all... He's got money in safe houses all throughout Brazil or Rio, and they want him to consolidate it so that when they steal from him, it's just one mark.

And to do that, they go to one of his safe houses and they take everyone's ransom houses and they you know take everyone sort of ransom they burn the money to send a message when they get in there it's like a money counting operation or money laundering operation everyone's cutting the money and for no discernible reason it's just like all women and bikinis yeah protected by men with submachine guns yeah and i'm like this you know like it's i wouldn't say it's a misstep i wouldn't say it's anything really but it's like it's observable and that it's like you know like when you're at the the races when you go to the the night races and you know there's there's sexy woman and these and these little skirts or whatever i'm like that

makes sense because this is the in this universe yeah but when you go to the the money laundering place and you've got all of these women in bikinis i'm like i don't know i don't know why i don't i don't know i actually don't know why the women are in the tiny skirts at the the night races as well but when i see hot when i see the woman yeah it's hot that's the crazy thing about the safe house. All the women are in bikinis, but the guys with the guns are like head to toe closed. It does look warm. I can't figure out what the temperature is in that room. I mean, when we're going through the data,

I'm kind of on the side of the woman in bikinis. I'm like, yeah. I agree. It looks like they're doing it right. And it looks like the guys with the guns would be sweating. Pants, long sleeve shirts, light jackets. they're doing it right and it looks like the guys with the guns would be sweating yeah pants long sleeve shirts like poor guy there's a guy whose job it is to be in charge of that operation and it's like he comes up against the family who are like we've got a point to prove we're

going to burn this money because we need you to do something that you know they don't share that information they're like tell them exactly who did this we burn go back to your boss tell him who did this and so he goes back to his boss what he did this and so he goes back to his boss that's what dom says yeah and so he goes back to his boss and his boss like you know he hasn't done anything wrong yeah and raius is like i'm gonna brain you dude yeah well he's gotta make a you know he brains him a an example of he's so nervous to get brained yeah he goes down before he even gets brain well he does yeah if you pay attention during that scene he definitely doesn't get struck by the object but that's movie magic for you folks it all happens i'm blowing up what do you mean someone ringing you no i got two texts from my girlfriend it's crazy stuff um well i might be stealing from

you a little bit but i'm gonna pick a real shining light and it's something you pointed out last time okay which is that there is a very brief moment where you can kind of see them swap the safes yeah during the safe sequence or at the minimum you can see the rubbish truck that is being driven by gal gadot you see it and you see it you see the changeover With the Two sort of Dodge cars Whatever That are fitted out To drag the

The safe Because then you get a cutaway And then when you see Again you see Police cars Overtaking the same Garbage truck But to them

They're like It's just a garbage truck And to us initially We meant to be like It's just a garbage truck When do you think Will be the next opportunity For us to do mushrooms together?

It's pretty windy outside. It's a crazy wind, isn't it? It got real wet and real windy all of a sudden. I don't know, man. Like, you know, maybe. I mean, we'd have to find mushrooms or someone who has them like november i actually got um a bit thirsty just to have some on hand so that like if the afternoon presents itself and i don't know if i told you this i went on

and i don't know if i told you this i went on we did like trade me or something trade me yeah like the classifieds it was something like that and then and then they were like you know add me on whatsapp and i did and then they sent a menu of all the different varieties of magic mushrooms but then they were like you've got to use paypal for the first one i was like yeah this is a scam yeah but then i don't know if it is because then because then there was a little bit of back and forth and i was like no no no no i'm not gonna fucking paypal you shit i will like meet someone somewhere and give them cash if they give me mushrooms. That's how this will work. I'm not going to fucking

PayPal anyone anything. Yeah. And eventually, I think they were like, okay, so maybe it was legit. Isn't it okay if we can meet?

Or isn't it like, oh, fair enough, I understand why you're scared. I think he was like, oh, fine, we'll meet. No? That's where it got to. But then,

by that point, I was like, you've gone off it yeah too hard basket that's a good question we should get someone in for the last one

we should get Joseph in for the last watch of five we've got one to go so the next episode you think should have Joseph more again

how many episodes have we had him on this season he's fucking he's the doctor of this franchise. That's true. Patron saint of

season of six? Fafurius. He just knows he knows where they stand in the pantheon of you know like I'll feel him out.

I'll feel him out. Alright. That's cool. But we've we've got nothing left with this. No. Have you done a shining light? Yeah. Paul Walker.

Just in general? No, when he sees people. When he sees Ludacris. Oh, okay. Sweet, sweet, sweet. He's like, this guy. This guy. That's the best feeling I've had for ages.

Opposite of the shining light, the shirt Vin Diesel's wearing at the same time. Oh, with the weird... Stupid fucking little collared muscle shirt. He's got like little... He's got little... The flaps of pockets, but without any pocket. What the fuck even are they?

It's like a bizarre version of a lapel. It's like an alien... He's got like a pocket flap that's purely ornamental yeah be enough to drive anyone nuts do you remember michael jackson made military outfits kind of like hyper cool no okay that michael jackson i'll tell you um catchy songs How catchy? Almost catchy enough to get away with it

It'll do it for us For us From us By us By bias? No hold on now actually Sorry You gotta rank this watch

Ah Fuck off I don't wanna Yep watch ah fuck off i don't want to yep i rank it this was a like this was a um 2006 toyota corolla 100,000 Ks. It's not turning heads. 2006?

That's an old car. It's not turning heads, but I'll tell you what. It's getting around. It's doing its job. You're happy to own it. You're pretty happy to ride in it. You think,

this is what a car feels like. Man, I'm going Mitzi Lancer on this. Similar year, similar K case, but flashy. It's got a bit of oomph. You don't want... Maybe it's Hans Wardrobe. You don't want something flashy.

You do. No, you don't. You want to have a little fun in life. No. You live once. No. Get a Mitzi Lancer. No.

Watch Fast Five. No. Something reliable that will age well. I don't want a Mitsubishi Lancer. The insurance is high too, isn't it? I don't like it. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1