The Worst Idea Of All Time - 35 Emannuelle; Butts and Boobs

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

Once again - this was recorded before NZ's lockdown (which we're currently in at the time of release). The boiz are enjoying themselves in the company of this amazingly straight forward movie; Emmanuelle and the Art of Ecstasy. It doesn't matter that they used re-appropriated footage from previous movie to get itself over the line - this is one of the top tier Emmanuelles. A new genre of porn musical and sexy bible tales emerges from today's review and the Disciples finally having their wicked way with each other, plus a Good Samaritan helping someone cum. The Boner Inspector stops by with a new voice and a terrifying energy before mutually agreeing to take another week off.GUY'S COMEDY TOUR OF NZ! (guymontgomery.co.nz)SUPPORT US ON PATREON: (patreon.com/TWIOAT) JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime) VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com) MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight) ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Emmanuel and the Art of Ecstasy. That is the film we've just watched. And yet, not a single bloody upper. Not one. Not one upper. So, you be the judge. Hi, everyone. Welcome along to the worst idea of all time.

Maybe they shelved one and we didn't see. Yeah, but... We did see a lot of butts in this movie, a lot of naked butts. Yeah. A lot of butts and boobs. Butts and boobs were the stars of the show. This series should be called... Emmanuel Butts and Boobs.

Emmanuel Butts and Boobs. So it's Emmanuel as the title of the franchise. We've got a subtitle, which is Butts and Boobs. And then the final part denotes which one in that sequence of the greater Emmanuel franchise we're dealing with, The Art of Ecstasy. Emmanuel, Butts and Boobs, The Art of Ecstasy. The Art of Linear Storytelling. The Art of Keeping It Simple.

The Art of Establishing Some establishing some characters at the start, not overloading the picture with different things going on, having barriers to what these people want, their motivations, and letting it play out in 90 minutes. Yeah, man. Call me a rubber ball because I'm bouncing back after last week. I was bored, but I was not angry. What more do you want out of an Emmanuel butts and boobs?

At this point, I could not ask for much more than what I was given. Perhaps a boner? True. This movie was perhaps the single greatest Emmanuel we've seen this side of the 1980s. Yeah. It's the story of an artist, a man who we believe to be famous for his charcoal etchings

of the nude, nubile female form. The funny thing is they keep showing you the art and it's not very good. Yeah. And he is about to have a big exhibition. His name's Alex, by the way. We're following Alex's plight. He's amassing a huge amount of materials for an exhibition in Los Angeles. And he keeps having wet dreams, despite the fact that he's 30-something. Tim, wet dreams don't stop when puberty finishes.

I've had a wet dream in the last year. Okay. People probably don't want to know that. No, I didn't. Other people's wet dreams are abstract, but when it's us, they're real. Anyway, I'm just sticking up for anyone out there who's had a wet dream as an adult. Okay. We are underrepresented in the community.

Basically, Alex has been doing a lot of paintings and at one point, not etchings, and at one point during one of his etchings, his model, this is how the movie starts, starts masturbating. Oh, yeah, that's right. And Alex does this painting and he's like, God damn, all of the paintings I've done before this painting, I'm going to keep calling them paintings even though they're not, are garbage.

What I really like is that I painted this while someone was coming. I can't put this exhibition up because the art's not good enough. He throws all his pictures in a pool of water. His manager, Dana, comes over and says, what the fuck, you fucking idiot. Now, here's the thing. You dumb fuck. Dana is a sexual creature but we don't know this because she's wearing glasses at the time yeah first appears on so when she

comes on screen you're like who is this nerd get this get this who's this brunette bespeckled nerd yeah get this bookworm off my screen who's this i want to see butts and boobs i came here for what was on the tin and what was on the tin Was Emmanuel butts and boobs And now I'm looking at A woman in a In a business Suit

And now I've got some Working professional Doing a job Telling me that she's She's been running the books And things don't look so good If this exhibition doesn't go ahead Get the fuck out of here Dana

That's right Get the fuck out Because you don't have 20 20 vision we don't have any patience for you you're smart mother i keep wanting to call her dumb but she's not dumb i mean the whole thing that we have against her is that she's too smart she belongs in a different this isn't a mentor meeting this is a porno all right i can't get off to your iq i can get off yeah yeah butts and boobs. You go back to the laboratory, Marie Currie, inventor of the microwave.

Yeah, nice, man. Shout out to Marie Currie. Yeah, she died of cancer somewhat predictably. Oh, really? From all of the figuring it out. I think she figured it out because she had a choccy bar in her pocket. And when she was in the room doing all the experiments,

it melted and she was like, wowee, what her pocket. And when she was in the room doing all the experiments, it melted. And she was like, wowee, what a thing. You think that or that's true? They both could be correct statements. Okay, well, that doesn't clarify it at all. Someone had a choccy bar in their pocket. Maybe it was their husband. Yeah, but I've had a choccy bar in my pocket and it's melted.

And I've not been near a microwave. That's a good point. Have you ever melted a choccy bar down, then you put it in the freezer and then it solidifies again and the shape's all different? Yep, I've done it with a picnic and I tell you what, it used to look like a poo a little bit and then it really, really looks like a poo when you do that. I'll freaking bet.

So basically, he says, I don't like my art anymore i want to capture ecstasy and dana the bespectacled nerdy manager says do you know who's really good for that my dear friend emmanuel who's been living in brazil researching sex and sexuality i'm going to bring her out to LA and she's going to be your coach. She's going to help you paint an orgasm. And the whole plot of the movie is basically this guy wants to figure out how to draw an orgasm and he also has to figure out that just because a woman's wearing glasses

doesn't mean she can't be beautiful and you can't be in love with her. We've also got to figure out an origin myth from Brazil in which they use the same exact footage that we had in the last movie but now we have a different myth and it rules because it makes sense in the last movie it was just like cut like what shat me in the that's not how you say it but what shat me in the last movie was like they keep cutting away to this footage of these festivals in brazil or like all this other shit.

And they didn't have any context around it. You are lying to yourself and our audience. They explained that it was two gods. You were on your fucking phone when they were explaining this. Tell me what they were doing. They explained that there were two gods. One was male and one was female. So it represented the masculine and feminine in all of

us and um i think they were like the why was adam and eve kind of thing and they had to do battle with all of these monsters why would they put it why were they explaining that in the context of the movie why did they do it this time i don't know man because emmanuel is teaching this oh wait because the feminine because the feminine was um it had something to do with sexuality it represented something. I even talked about this in the podcast. I can't remember what I said, though. This movie worked because everything had a reason for existing here.

The film worked because for some reason they decided to leave in things that made sense and were relevant. And leave out things that weren't. Yeah, and extraneous characters. Which is a fucking bold concept for Emmanuel. You need three characters. Tortured artist. Butts. And boobs.

Intolerable nerd. And Emmanuel. So, we have Frodo Baggins in the form of Alex, the artist. A young adventurer who must sacrifice something, go on a journey and return home greater than when he left with a learning, stronger as an individual. We must have a sage Gandalf character, which in this form comes to us in the form of a broken English-spoken, constantly naked Emmanuel portrayed by Natasha Veneer.

We must also have a best friend who helps on the journey. In the case of The Hobbit, it was Samwise, I think his name is. Samwise Gamgee. Have you been eavesdropping, Samwise Gamgee? And in this. I didn't drop no eaves. It was Dana. Who is?

His manager. Who he must be. The number crunching manager so you see in a lot of ways this movie was a simple retelling of the hobbit which itself was an extended universe version of a retelling of the bible yeah so it all comes back to jeebus and what do we make of that i say yes brother more porn based on biblical figures i want to see moses parting the legs i want to see burning bush but the bush is a woman's bush i want to see king harrod getting his rocks off that's right guy montgomery and tim badd are recreating Jesus Christ Superstar, but it's all porn.

I love it. A stage show. Andrew Lloyd Webber has never been so titillating before. Yeah. Judas Iscariot's betrayal in our telling of Jesus Christ Superstar. He fucks Mary. Yeah. It's not a betrayal of someone's life.

It's a sexual and emotional betrayal. It's a betrayal of relationship barriers. And guess what? You know how you've always wanted to see the apostles fuck each other? Every time I see that goddamn Last Supper, I'm like, when are you guys going to pull back the veil and just let it all go, let it all hang out? We'll tell you when.

Right fucking now. That frame. Bartholomew and peter end to end cocks and mouth balls akimbo balls akimbo i love it i love everything about it i'd like to see noah's ark but the flood he has to survive is a torrent of oh and they're coming two by two. You got that right. Because they're having sex with each other. To completion. What other biblical references do we know?

This season of the podcast is ruining us. What's the story of Cain and Abel? Was one of them challenged? God wants to test Cain. So he keeps sending him to trials and tribulations. And then he's like, hey, God's like, hey, you know what you should do? Murder your son. That's right.

And then he goes, okay, God. And he's like, fuck, all right. And then when he goes to do it. God's like, oh, my God. I was kidding. I was kidding. I was kidding. It was a fucking joke, you psycho.

That's what it says in the bible Okay So But then there's another cool story That's kind of like that Which has a better moral I think That's Old Testament I can't listen to that

I just want to repurpose Cain and Abel For porn Oh yeah okay cool Basically Cain and Abel Yeah They're both gymnasts

Okay I think Cain Is getting really into Tantric and edging stuff and is never allowed to come. And God's like, you're allowed to come, but to do it, you must fuck your son. And Cain's like, okay.

And then God's like, no, no, no, no, no. Gag, gag, gag, gag, gag, gag, gag, gag. Yeah, gross. King Solomon. You know that story? No. There were two women who lay claim to a baby. It doesn't make sense saying it out loud

because you definitely know which one it was. No, it's hard to tell sometimes. There's a mix-up at the hospital. There's a mix-up at the hospital and two women lay claim to a child. Maybe this isn't what it was. I think that's what, let's say that's what it was. And so they come to King Solomon.

They're like, we can't figure it out This baby's someone's And he says alright I know how to settle this I'll cut the baby in half And you both get a half Okay Maybe we'll leave that one Nobody doesn't do it

Because I think one of them's like Well that obviously doesn't really work out For anyone involved Even so Or maybe they get distracted When they're arguing They both get hit up And they have sex That obviously doesn't really work out for anyone involved. Even so. Or maybe they get distracted when they're arguing. They both get hit up and they have sex. That works. I really lost steam on the last one.

Well, I just wondered, when did our podcast become so grotesque? Excuse me? This is, in a way, a comedy podcast. And in a way A film review podcast We're allowed to have A few japes A few laughs Bit of banter

I'm not against the japes With the boys I love the japes I'm draped in japes Guy has cocooned himself In jokery Yeah It's a good

A good business is Jape drapes And it's curtains With knock knock jokes Printed all over them That's good Would you like that? Yeah it'd be good

In the shower I think Shower curtains With knock knock jokes on them Because you've got a little bit of time You know while you're Washing your hair I remember When I was living in

In Toronto That's how they say it Yeah I feel like you missed A syllable and a half Out of that word No that's how they say it Okay I

I got to buy a shower curtain. Congrats, bro. Yeah. I'm so sorry I never congratulated you on that. That's fucking awesome. I've tried to be telling you this for so long. Well done, you. It's nice to finally have a fucking platform

for you to have to listen because everyone would know how rude you are if I started my big shower curtain purchase story and you said, I don't want to hear about it. And I know that's something you'd never do. No, that's what I've been doing for the last eight years. But I haven't had a microphone in front of me to call me out on my outlandish behavior.

I don't know why I'm telling this story. I remember I bought a curtain. Yeah, I bought a shower curtain and it had frogs on it. That's the story. Were they PP frogs? No story Were they Pepe frogs? No Were they the original No

They were 4chan No They were like Cancel king They were cartoonish frogs But not in the style of Pepe Good for you

Yeah But in my head A cool shark kitten Would be the whole Like a map of the world Yeah Yes That's a great idea If I had a cool shark, it would be the whole globe, like a map of the world. Yeah. Yes, that's a great idea.

I'm bad at geography. Are you? Really bad. Yeah, I've got quite a – I don't think I've got a particularly good brain for spatial stuff. Do you think that you telling yourself that is part of why you don't have a good brain for that? Yeah, that's why midway through that sentence I tempered that a little bit. I was going to say I was bad at it, but you shouldn't say that because then you just bring it into fruition. But I'd like to get a world map and a New Zealand map

and put them maybe up in this very room so that I could stare at them. I had a really good acid trip once in someone's lounge where the entire wall was a world map. And there was about four or five of us. I didn't know everyone, especially when we just sat there. And the map was the conversational background. That rolls. Yeah, it was really nice.

I'd love to paint a wall that's just a world atlas, but it's one of those things that I fear, like, it could be tacky. Yeah. Which I'm never that afraid of. But Zoe's got very good taste, Like, it could be tacky. Yeah. Which I'm never that afraid of, but... Zoe's got very good taste, which is an unfortunate property of her character. Your introduction of ideas jeopardises her good taste?

Is that what you're telling me? I do not have good taste. I wouldn't describe my taste as good. How would you describe your taste? Eclectic. Is eclectic a euphemism for bad? Scattered. I like this room room I can see myself

I can see myself in this room Guy said as he looked over his shoulder at a poster Literally featuring himself Yeah It was a poster for a show called The Best Host Full Time And I won You sure did You're the best host of this podcast

What else does this movie have in it? We were back in Brazil Sort of But for no particular reason I can't even now tease out did you're the best host of this podcast what else is this um this movie having it uh we were back we were back in brazil sort of but for no particular reason i can't even the reason the reason that we spent time in brazil is that emmanuel had been i mean i often i actually often wondered while we watched this if this was the first in this emmanuel in paradise franchise because it's not what it's called what's the franchise called private collection i am the media private collection because she is she it sort of grounds this like it all made so much sense and she's been living in brazil doing her research trying to learn about the history of indigenous boobs and butts in brazil and then she's called a call to action she's brought back

to america to share her learnings it just all of it made sense so every time we were in brazil we would we were there through emmanuel's retelling of experiences she'd accrued or information she'd learned while she was living in brazil so every time we're in brazil it was because emmanuel was talking in voiceover and a flashback and like that worked in a way with a level of clarity and sense that they've struggled you know to introduce in any of the other emmanuel maybe the frosty fellas aka guy montgomery and tim bat love a flashback maybe it's our i don't love a favorite i just like it when the movie makes sense but i'm a simple man tim yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all like it when it makes sense, ideally.

But you know what I really like? What do you really like? A flashback, a retelling. George lays me on a plane describing to, what's her name again? Sylvia Cristal? Yeah. What about this? Why don't I flash you back to the Bible, the story of the Good Samaritan?

There's a person on the side of the road who cannot come. Several people walk past them and they say, I'm sorry, I can't help you come. Finally, a Good Samaritan comes along and goes, I can help you come. And they help them come. That's a flashback. Is that?

I don't think that story delivered on any part of the premise. The Good Samaritan. Flashback, Bible story. You're telling me. I don't think that story delivered on any part of the premise. The Good Samaritan. Flashback, Bible story. You're telling me there's a tale in the Bible. Where someone's on the side of the road and they can't come. Unable to come. That is not how it's written in the Bible.

That's how you've interpreted the reading. Given our stage show that we're putting on, that's how I've chosen to interpret the scripture. Jesus Christ. What should the second part of that be for the title of the show? Fuck Machine? Yeah. Joseph in the Technicolor Glory Coat.

He's got a coat. It's got 15 holes in it. He's either got 15 cocks or he can receive 15 cocks. Oh, true. Creative. Very creative. Do you want to make this an amalgamation of a couple of Andrew Lloyd Webber's shows and then sex realized?

Cats! Meow! I think they're not the focal point of any of it. No. But I do think in the background of every scene there are cats. Rumping and thumping tugging and hugging slurping and sucking why don't you try anal why don't you try fucking me in my pool

who's that what song is that uh it's a song that mary magdalene sings and j I was in Jesus Christ Superstar Who were you? Come on guy I was Maybe one of the apostles The disciples How old were you when you were in this show? Hello everyone if you've just tuned in This is Fresh Air with Terry Gross I'm joined by

New Zealand comedian, podcaster Stage performer, improviser, writer, director, visionary, Guy Montgomery. I was 11, Terry. 11 years old? Yeah. What's it like to be in a show at 11? Do you know

what? I don't want to blow up your biscuit, if that's a turn of phrase I can invent on the fly, but that does speak volumes about the particular education you received, that your school could afford the rights to Jesus Christ Superstar when you were 11. Yeah. That shit's

stoop. Yeah. Well, that's what the school was. And they put it on, and it was fine. Was it a good show, do you think? I guess it's hard to tease out if you're in it and 11. Yeah. What about one of your world famous flashbacks?

Yeah. So in this version of Jesus Christ Superstar, all of the characters are either prepubescent or knocking on the door of puberty. And so it's sort of interesting to watch. I don't think it's good, but I think it's sort of interesting to watch. I don't think it's good, but I think it's sort of fascinating. I think you can see some kids with genuine talent. My good friend Oscar had a star turn as King Herod,

sort of an Elvis-style King Herod. That rose. Yeah, it was brilliant. I was younger than 11. Were you? Yeah. How's that song go, the King Herod song? So you were the Christ of stones.

Yes, the great Jesus Christ proved to me that you're no fool. Walk across my swimming pool. Great character. Saw Madeleine Sami play that character. Oh, yeah. I think it was an Auckland Theatre Company production of it a few years ago, and she absolutely rocked the house. Do you know what else I'll say?

Natasha Veneer turned in one of her all-time performances as Emmanuelle on the silver screen today. You're correct in that assessment. She's getting better at her command of the English language, and she's able to emote in a more believable way, I feel. She's relating to these characters on screen in a truthful way. Yeah. And also she was the strong...

And we got to see her tits. I feel like since the Ben McGugan turn, I feel like we're being fast and filthy the trouble is the job of this podcast the prism we've constructed for ourselves is we are here to review these Emmanuel films

but to take these things seriously is I would call it a fool's errand because I don't think anyone really did, even in the production of them, much less in the consumption of them. And so when we start going down the path

of being earnest in our description and critique of these films, I have to cut through it with something boorish and awful. That's also when you lose your mind because you're like, why am I lending this weight to this franchise? Production-wise, it's interesting to think all of these, the private collection of Emanuels were filmed,

I feel like, simultaneously, which is why they're recycling a lot of the same footage. They're always at the same setting with the pool. Well, wait, sorry. Do you want to sound off a little bit? What shared footage did we have this time and last my shining light from uh last week's atrocity of an episode which was a person being eaten by a giant green monster at a festival in brazil uh footage of emmanuel

leaving the house down the driveway in a cowboy hat while carrying two suitcases really cool kind of timeless footage yeah um so timeless in fact they used the exact sequences in both last film in this film yeah uh and just also general footage of the brazilian festival and also we used the same hectic uh camera tricks of shooting one conversation once with a camera person who would just randomly pan as quickly as they could between the two characters and that was actually that scene was the highlight of today's screening a shining light if you will uh dana emmanuel's old and dear friend the nerdy manager uh slash eventual love interest of our artist is waiting at a restaurant i use oh fuck the word restaurant loosely i'd put it in inverted

commas and she's sitting at a table which is very clearly next to the pool which has just been a personal pool oh come on i've been to a restaurant that had this kind of vibe to it you're outside and it's surrounded by greenery and stuff it's it's a nice look you have a table outdoors yeah i mean yeah and i i shouldn't be uh breaking my momentum or taking anything away from the brilliant scenes as she's sitting there and uh emmanuel eventually arrives and they're meeting to have lunch and um the waiter comes up and he hasn't seen emmanuel and he says to this woman who we don't know how long she's been waiting at the restaurant no it's the inverse. Emmanuel is the one who's been waiting there. Dana comes late. Yes,

I apologize. You're exactly correct. And he, Emmanuel's waiting there. Dana comes and sits down and he hasn't noticed. No, no, no, he comes up before then. I think you're on your phone at this point. I was not on my phone at this point. He doesn't come up before then. Yes, he does. He comes up to Emmanuel before

anyone is there and he says, can I get you, do you want to order, something like that. And she orders the drink again, and she apologizes. She says, I'm sorry, I'm waiting for my friend to arrive. That's the first instance. And what does he say to that? He goes away and gets up.

But he says something begrudging. I think maybe we were having a bit of a tete-a-tete at the time, which is why maybe it was missed. Anyway, basically the next time he comes back, he is furious that she hasn't figured out her food. He's like, if you don't order now, you have to leave. It's restaurant policy is what he says. Yeah, it's restaurant policy.

You have to leave. He sees that Dana's there and she's like, I'm with her. He's like, oh, I'm terribly sorry. So sorry, miss. Please. Not realize that she was with you. Take as long as you need. I'll be working until five.

So he's gone and kicked them out. They're giving them a five-hour window to order maybe just one more drink. Yep. Could be. Could well be. Did a bad job of retelling it. But in the moment and in the room, that was a great scene. Yeah.

Two shining lights from you and for me i will select one of the final sequences of the film where emmanuel just careful that's a touch screen so you might stop the recording oh yeah that does stuff i was dusting yeah you, you were. You're welcome. There's a bit at the end where it's almost like, and I haven't seen this particular Christopher Nolan movie before, but I don't know. It feels like this vibe. No memento. We're like all the pieces come together at the end. And so Alex has been making these charcoal etchings.

This guy so aptly described, throughout the film of the naked female form, and he just cannot get to the crux of the visualization of a female orgasm, try though he may. And what Emmanuel does after really heavily sabotaging what is quite clearly a burgeoning romantic relationship between Alex and Dana, heavily sabotaging what is quite clearly a burgeoning romantic relationship between alex and dana um she she gets them together eventually which is all well and good and then she disappears

up to the studio loft and starts putting together the pieces he's made in a collage to form an image which in totality is like if you put all the little bits to get all the best bits of these etchings together it makes a drawing of dana the object of alex's affection however the final image sucks shit is ghoulish and terrifying looks like you know that image that was really famous i think it was about 2010 2010, where there is a Renaissance painting of Christ and someone accidentally cleaned it with turfs and then tried to repair it and totally fucked it up? It's very much that aesthetic.

Yeah. Did Mr. Bean do that as well in the Bean disaster movie? That sounds right, yeah. Whistler's mother or something. Yeah, yeah, that sounds right. whistler's mother or something yeah yeah that sounds right didn't he he punched her day or something remember he smudged it he smudged the face anyhow anyhow we don't talk about rowan atkinson yellow can i come in oh man i am really on the fence about this. Please. I've got my clipboard. Fuck, all right.

And I've changed my voice. Let's let him in. He sounds fun. Come in, sir. Come in, come in, come in. Boner Inspector. Yes, it is. How are you, Boner Inspector?

Feeling much better! I'm so glad to hear it. We sent you out for an episode, mate. Yes, I've used the last two weeks to take a long, hard look at myself. Well, that's good. Have you learned anything? Have you gained any personal insights? Well, I hired a voice coach.

Oh, I see. To try and sound a little less abrasive. And how do you think it's gone? Well, not great. I have no control over how I sound. Oh, God. So you're like a sponge. You've taken the lessons and really...

I guess you could say I'm having an identity crisis. Yeah. Is the inner turmoil being represented by this phonic chaos that we're privy to? Well, there's a physical manifestation for my identity crisis. What's that? I've had a bone in the last two weeks, but it points towards the ground. You've got a downward facing boner

and you are yourself the boner inspector. What happens when the police are the ones who need to police the police? I have to stand on a mirror to look at the top of my boner. Oh no. I'm sorry.

Do you know what, boner inspector? I'm going to ask you to leave. And I'm going to see you next week. There's no ban or anything. But I'm going to ask you to go. You don't feel safe? It's not that. It's not necessarily a question of safety It's just we're trying to create

Something of a vibe here I don't know about you man I feel like you've got some stuff to work out In fact do you know what maybe I'll have a chat to you off mic How about that Thank you Take care buddy Goodbye for now

Far out he did not look good he did not look good at all he was wearing a business shirt but he'd ripped the sleeves off like a cut cut off shirt that was stressful that was a good sign really stressful i worry about that guy yeah i feel like he used to have a much clearer purpose, and now he's just been plunged into total crisis. Man, and I can't help but feel personally responsible for it because sometimes all it takes is the smallest, you know, knock off your regular routine, and the wheels really come off the wagon.

You know what? What? I think you were pretty generous with him just now. Oh, that's good. I think he's going to be okay That's good, I'm glad I'm glad you think that, hopefully you're right Raw

Was back soundtracking this film That's correct The best named Composer for Porno It felt like a softer soundtrack It worked Like, eh Didn't work for any of the Brazil bits

For me No no the scoring there was very poor It's very easy to score Brazil Without getting Into stereotypical tropes I give it 10 Oh okay nice It's very easy to soundtrack

Scenes in a film that are Brazil If you don't want to try very hard It's got to be quite energetic You know That kind of Afro-Latin beat Is the standard beer And I love it so much It's always a joy to hear

But they didn't have any of those Kind of cool percussive elements You would associate with. It was just ripping straight from 2006 Garage Band's back catalogue. But not the good parts. You know, like get a fucking, you know, easy salsa beat if you want. But it was sad. It was kind of like it was slow, somber piano music.

For Brazil? I want to be happy in Brazil. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, like, maybe the soundtrack, because the whole first part of the movie, there was no dialogue, and it was so clear what was happening. And the score kind of complemented it. It was the artist painting a model who started masturbating. And it was about five to ten minutes of just no dialogue.

They're just like, hey, we trust you. We don't need to fucking give you exposition. We don't need to explain exactly what's happening. You can follow what's happening here. This guy is painting a model, and the model's getting excited, and now he's getting excited. And it was such a relief to start the movie with your head in the game. As soon as they start introducing

convoluted plots yes i sort of like find i get really frustrated and i find it hard and it made such a big difference and the music was part of that too it was just it was a lovely time there's something to be said for keeping your dialogue to a minimum in a film well you would tell you told me about uh rambo yes Rambo First Blood starring Sylvester Stallone was originally a lot longer and featured a whole lot of dialogue from Rambo that according to Sylvester Stallone was terrible, like absolutely terrible.

And I believe Sly Stallone may have even seen a cut of that version of the film and was like oh no in fact here's the here's the rub that i didn't tell you um off mic he and i think it was his manager attempted to buy purchase themselves the original print and burn it so that the movie wouldn't come out that's how bad rambo was wow and so sylvester Stallone's instruction Was to just remove Like all of his dialogue Any time that Rambo talks Cut it

And they did pretty much And you know now it's sort of considered An action masterpiece And it's short And I've not seen it I don't think I've seen Rambo. I'd quite like to see Rambo, especially now. I'd love to see Rambo.

Dedicated to the brave Mujahideen fighters, who I believe became the Taliban. No. Yeah. They changed that in the 90s. So that dedication is there on the original. Oh, no, maybe that's Rocky. That's Rocky.

Sorry, it's the one that he wrote. I think there's Rocky 1. And they had to change it later, that dedication. So like, whoops. Funny how patriotism works in an American empire sense, isn't it? Funny. One moment you are arming the freedom fighters and the next, they're not freedom fighters anymore.

Whoopsie daisy. You're fighting a war on terror. The freedom fighters that you armed. Our bad. America. Our collective bad. They love flags in America. We all love a flag, mate.

Nah, but they love flags. We love flags so much that we tried to change ours recently. That does not We were like we want our own fucking flag man That is not a conversation you could broach in America We were like Yeah but that's because the American flag doesn't get confused For Canada's flag when they're next to each other

In the Olympics Something that we My poor dear compatriots here in Aotearoa New Zealand Suffer from constantly Because our flag and the Australian flag are very close to identical. And we're both just ripping the union jack anyway. Mind if I slip in? Oh, hello, George Lazenby.

Hello, I just heard you talking about Australia. Yeah, and Britain. You're two... Are you a dual citizen? I live in America. Right. With a myriad of passports. Fantastic.

Under a variety of names. That's so cool. Can I ask how that's possible and why you've done that? Well, I'm a secret service agent, you see. Are you? Yes. For whom? The British government.

Really though? Yes. Really? Yes For whom? The British government Really though? Yes Really? Yes If it's Mossad you have to tell me It's not Mossad Okay But isn't it? It's not

Okay 007 baby Her Majesty's Secret Service Yeah I work for her Yeah Majesty Your one Bond film Well Yes Her Majesty's Secret Service. Yeah. I work for her. Yeah. Majesty.

Your one Bond film. Well. Yes. I made many more. Did you? Oh, you made many more. Did they come out? No.

Doesn't mean I didn't make them. They're not canon, but if you want to, I can show you them on Vimeo. I would love to see them, actually. What are they called? What are the titles of some of these films? Still Her Majesty's Secret Service. Uh-huh looking out for her majesty yeah looking up for her majesty what's that one about what happens in that one uh she's trying to go down to the the shops to buy a gallon of milk she being the queen yes and i have to scout the shop gotcha yeah just you and her queen lizzie we don't have any scenes together but yeah okay and I have to scout the shop. Gotcha. Yeah.

Just you and her, Queen Lizzie. We don't have any scenes together, but yeah. Okay. We're the protagonists. What is the duration on that one? Three hours. Far out. Yeah.

Bit of a character piece? It was too long. Okay. You know what you should do? Cut all the dialogue. There was no dialogue. Oh, wow. Wow.

Yeah. Crazy movie. What are some other Bond movies that you've made? Climbing the Mountain. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Climbing the Mountain. Yes.

You'll never guess what that one's about. Is it about you becoming a cocaine kingpin? No, no. Oh. It's about climbing a mountain. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Anyway, why do I come here?

Well, I actually had an idea for pornography to pitch to. Yes, pitch a porno with me, George Lazenby. Considering that you're the world's greatest listener, I thought you might be all ears for this sort of an intro. I am. First of all, I've got to tell you, just to give you a quick update as well george while you're here um we had a visitation yes the boner inspector who's a guy we've told you about before i hope it wasn't the guy i saw on the way in yeah he's in bad shape yeah the guy with the like business shirt that he's turned into a rip-off vest thing? Yeah, yeah. Cut off? Yeah.

He's no good. You kicked him out? Kicked out is a strong verb. I would say I thought it was appropriate that he left with the energy that he was throwing around the room. Well, that energy's on the street now. Okay. That doesn't sound much better.

But sort of a dispersal of energy. He told me he was going to go and buy a chai tea. Well, good for him. Yeah. I think that might help him out. Does it got caffeine in it? No. Yeah, I don't think it does.

That's good. Maybe that's just the ticket that he needs. Here's the idea for the porno, George. Talk to me. My friend Guy Montgomery. Oh, Guy's here as well. Yeah, I am here too. Guy Montgomery and I have been discussing the concept of turning various properties from Andrew Lloyd Webber's back catalogue,

especially his sort of fascinations with Judeo-Christian mythology, taking those stories that he has written for this stage and pornografying them. You're going to sex up the Bible. Yes, we're going to sex up the Bible. Through the medium of song. Yes. It's going to have everything.

Glitz, glamour, butts, boobs, Jesus, cum shots, the son, the father and the holy cum shot, brother. It's got it all. I'm going to give you $1 million sight unseen.

Huh. Now, that does sound good, but there's not actually that much money for a film, especially this film. This film's going to cost a lot to make. Development money. Oh, okay. You want to see a little more. Yeah. See some pictures.

Yeah, yeah. Some scenes. I want to see some pictures. You want to see some pictures. Yeah, you know what I mean, right? Really bad. We're thinking of shooting it in Canada Yeah To get the tax credits Yes You know, it just seems to make a lot of sense

Toronto? I think I'm saying that correctly Toronto? Yeah, that one Yeah We're going to shoot there I think Ryan Reynolds has signed on tentatively to produce That's amazing

Canadian native Yeah, yeah Oh, you didn't know that, Guy? yeah oh you didn't know that no i know that yeah man well sounds good okay cool so i meant so what do you need for this you know for the development stuff treatment yep sketches okay maybe the video of you in the shower. Okay. And a script. A finished script? First draft. Okay. I think we can do that for a mil. Yeah, nice one.

It's going to be a long video. Oh, me in the shower? Yeah. Yeah, don't worry about that. It'll be long as. Should we shake on it, George? Yeah, like 24 hours. Yeah, I can do that.

It's fine. No worries. sick as well i'll go a long time ago in business that once you seal the deal you know you should probably yeah i'm going bye see ya oh he's a good guy fuck we're nailing it today man we are kicking goals and a goal i'd like to kick is this podcast into the can. All right. Well, I would like to promote Guy Montgomery's upcoming national tour of New Zealand, Aotearoa God Zone, one of the only places on God's green earth where you can do a live comedy tour right now.

Yeah. So... Off the back of his stratospheric performance on Taskmaster New Zealand, Guy Montgomery is coming to a town or community hall near you. You're not wrong, Tim. It's 19 dates. Not 20. Crucially.

Yeah, devastatingly. 19 places. Everything you need to know. If you look up guymontgomery.co.nz, you'll realize I couldn't build my own website. And it will redirect you to a link tree with all of the information you need. As far north as Whangarei

and as far south as Queenstown, it's happening in September and October and I would love to see you there. So we'll see you there. Until next time, baby dolls, goodbye. Goodbye. Bye.