The Worst Idea Of All Time - 36: Judge Montgomery Presiding

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

Fast & Furious, aka Fast Four, is a movie in which we find out Letty has died by, GET THIS, being told out loud rather than shown. In the magnificent visual medium of film (marketed as "movies" because it's moving pictures), these dickheads disrespect the female lead of this franchise so massively, it is genuinely jarring for the fellaz. Brian (Paul Walker) and Dom (Vin mother-f'ing Diesel) are forced to work together to take down a drug lord after Dom and the fam kick off this flick stealing a gosh darn oil tanker in the opening moments of this Furious chapter. As per, Tim and Guy wander into foreign conversational territory such as establishing which sport each of them would be most likely to enter the Olympics with, the phenomenon of catching someone else's dreams, and the possibility of simply walking out of your own life.Support us on Substack at twioat.substack.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Bit of ASMR with the crackling of the Cadbury wrapper. And now we're going to hear me with chocolate in my mouth and perhaps a guy eating some chocolate on the microphone. And that's always a good time. Is this the episode? Yeah, we're in. Oh, wow.

I was trying to get through that chocolate before we started. Yeah, well, guess what? You didn't. Well, we had the power to choose. You chose not to. That is power to choose You chose not to That is true And I chose not to Because I got greedy

You got greedy with the chocolate You didn't get greedy with the chocolate man I think I just had You just had Either six or eight squares Oh is it too much I've eaten so much sugar today man I think six squares is reasonable It was a crazy day Was it six or eight squares. Oh, is it too much? I've eaten so much sugar today, man.

I think six squares is reasonable. It was a crazy day. Was it? It was a crazy day today. I think eight squares is too much. I had big plans, big work plans, and then Remy nailed himself in the head and I had to go to a White Cross,

which is like an after-hours medical facility. Yeah, it's like an after-hours medical facility. Stitch his head up. Yeah, I saw after-hours medical facility. Yeah, it's like an after-hours medical facility. Stitch his head up. Yeah. No, saw him. Tim's not lying. How did he nail himself? I ran into the edge of a stair.

Something like that. Corners, man. Real corners, eh? They're everywhere. That's why I got to send him to a Steiner school. He's not smart enough to deal with the 90-degree angled real world. All-round edges. He's an athlete, but deal with the 90 degree angled real world. All round edges. He's an athlete but he's none too bright

that son of a... Well, there's corners in the world so, you know. The dryer's going in here. I thought I'd leave it on for a bit of ambiance. So let's talk a little...

First of all, let's talk a little about the right amount of squares. I think six is right. I think eight's too many. I really don't know how I feel about seven.

I honestly can't imagine eating an odd number of chocolate squares really yeah you don't ever eat them individually do you eat them in twos

I eat them in twos because I didn't see what just happened here what I didn't I didn't I was in the proximity but I didn't witness you putting them

in your mouth so you go two at a time two at a time Noah's chocolate I break off two two by two and I have them one at a time but I eat them in hold on when you say one at a time one square at a time i break off two two by two and i have them one at a time but i eat them and hold on when you say one at a time one square at a time or one two square set at a time i break off two

yes and then i have one of what each square of the two individually but i know how many i'm having okay it's two always yeah because one's not enough one i'm just yeah but seven's so much more than one seven is seven there you go i mean i think we've answered it seven is too many by my calculations six is okay seven's i mean the issue is people knock off a whole block man these blocks aren't as big as they used to be the The issue is that seven's legitimately not even on the menu. Seven can be because you break it in the bag however you want it. You're not allowed. Fish one out. Have six and then fish one square out and have that.

No. Here's the cool thing about being an adult. You can do that. No. It's allowed. It's within your purview. The cool thing about being an adult is I set my own rules. And one of the rules is...

No sevens. Yeah. No odds. The only prime number when it comes to chocolate I'll be eating? Eleven. Two. Ah, nice. Yeah.

That's so tricky. I know. It must be quite isolating for the number two. The only even prime number. Where does it go? Like, if there's an event amongst the numbers yeah two doesn't fit in with the evens everyone's like oh how many times are you divisible by you know yourself or whatever the fuck they say and then it goes to hang out with the odd numbers And they're all like Man you're built different You feel different

Like evens are tidy Odds are messy What do you do when you've got a tidy What do you do when you've got a tidy prime number Who you gonna call Prime numbers Two's all right. Two's, in my head, two's pretty tidy.

In a sense, two might be lonelier than one. Just because of how things have broken for two. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, singer-songwriters. Speaking of two, I mean, because the next prime number up from, no, not prime number, the next even number up from two is four. And that's the movie we just watched. FF4. They just call it Fast and Furious.

This one's called Fast and Furious. Or if you go on the wiki, Fast and Furious 4. Yep, it is. It's a movie we watched. It was under two hours. And I think me leading with that can tell you a little something about how much we enjoyed it.

Come on, let's have a good attitude. Okay. One hour, 47 minutes, first screening. We've whipped the scab off a new one. Hey, that duration's tidy. That's a lovely wee duration. And it does also feature several flashbacks to moments that we've already seen in the franchise in Fast Five through Nine. Predominantly an ashen Paul Walker's face.

As Letty dies... She's already dead. She is dead. He's at a funeral. So this is a flashback. Oh, yeah, that's the bit. That's the bit, that flashback. I mean...

They treat... They kind of do some interesting things with flashbacks here. They put... Sorry to just jump all over the place before we've even said what the plot of this film is. Who are you, Justin Lin? Maybe I am. Imagine if I was.

That would be insane. I feel like you'd bring, you would have brought a whole different energy to the podcast. It'd be weird if I had managed to maintain this double life for this long. Spinley Timberley Wimbley is actually the director of the whole, you know, most of the movies. Yeah. Imagine that. It's unlikely.

It's unlikely that I would have been able to pull it off. It's beyond unlikely, Tim. It's impossible. Well, you say that. How have you been doing it? This movie did make me think about that sort of stuff. There's so many criminals in this movie. I was like, could I start again?

As a criminal? Yeah, as a person. Could I go off grid at this point? Can it be done these days? Could you scrub the life you've built? Could you just walk? Could you just walk and restart? Honestly, and I say this with nothing but love and respect for my from all all my family

my born family and my chosen family yeah it's something i think about often i think a lot of men do it's not something i would ever i have to say i don't this movie made me think about i think i did a long time ago and then this movie was like oh yeah i should think about that again i should consider that again i mean i don't think i'd be good at it at all i think i'd be terrible i'd get found straight away and like i also i'd get lonely straight away and i'd come back you know like i'd probably come back with my tail between my legs ready for a big confessional and no one would have noticed and i could just resume my life and they've been gone for three days that in and of itself would be sadder than... You went through this whole soul-searching escapade

of being off-grid. But would that be liberating to do that and then come back? You assume it'll be liberating and then you find out it's devastating and then you come back and it turns out no one noticed you were gone and then you're done. Put a fork in him, he's done.

I just don't think I've got the moxie, the nous. I don't think I've got the contacts or the financial reserves. It's like a fantasy you play within your head, but you'd need really strong motivation to do it. Yeah, yeah. Like something's really got to be driving you to do it. Killed someone is the classic one, right? You killed someone and now you've got to go off.

Have you ever in a dream? Have you ever killed someone? No, not that I can remember. Have you? Yeah. Really? How'd you do it? I can't remember.

I just remember the feeling of like waking up and intense relief. True. Yeah. I've been like, oh. Maybe I have. That's not my life. This is my life. This is my beautiful wife And I'm in bed

Next to a Dead body And I go No I have I have Been in a dream in a dream That I've done

Yeah And I reckon maybe to the Third dimension on that as well. I think I've woken up, been in a dream, and then woken up, and been in a dream, and then woken up. Damn. Heady stuff. How are your dreams? I imagine they'd be real wacky, real fun.

I mean, I've been having seriously immersive dreams. I don't journal them. I don't remember any detail. So I'm only going to articulate sort of the, you know, the broad strokes of the experience. But I wake up every morning right now

and I feel like I have to penetrate my dream world to even access the reality I actually live in. I feel like I've got to like break out of my sleep and whatever place I was just in and just be like,

okay, I'm Guy. I'm in bed in Auckland. Yeah. And I'm going to go about my life. It's been crazy. Like ever since Chelsea and I moved house. Yeah.

My suspicion, the bed is in a kind of alcove in the bedroom. It's like a small alcove area where the head of the bed rests. Huh. I think that the previous, you know, the previous habitants left their dreams behind. Wow. I think I'm sleeping a lot of their dreams. You caught them. Yeah.

Do you feel like the bed is in a bad feng shui position? No. I think it's the best place for the bed. It's very comfortable. I have fantastic sleeps there. But the dreams are fucking driving me wild. Wow. And you didn't have them in the previous episode.

I don't used to dream really at all. That's not true, is it? I mean, I dreamt, but not memorably. Not like every morning in a way that it was like, whoa. That's so fire, bro. You're catching some dreams from the previous peeps. I love that. Yeah. It doesn't sound like it's the most joyous experience for you

So I'm sorry about that But I also think it's really cool Well in a lot of the dreams I'm fucking the guy's wife Ah lovely stuff And it's all worth it guys Nah Distancing myself from that gig And it's all worth it, Guy. Nah. Distancing myself from that gag.

Nah, back yourself. That's good fun. It is an altogether more sombre and serious film than Fast Five. It lacks some of the more caperish elements that we grew to love and I suppose in a sense tire of. elements that we grew to love and i suppose in a sense tire of the um general color palette cinematography score and plot and lighting and computer generated imagery are inferior um it's not without its redeeming features but a lot of it is kind of confusing. The opening gambit is Dom is on a mission with Leti and Han and a mystery woman who's on Han's lap and she's snacking. So I'm assuming that...

It's a virus. We know her. It's a virus you catch. It's a parasite. It can only have one host at a time. So it started with her, you know, for us at the moment. And then she's gone. She's in the movie for 20 minutes.

You think, I think we're going to get to know her a little bit. We must have previously gotten to know her. I hope so. So the parasite is with her, but then it leaps out to Han, who after this movie must be constantly snacking. Yeah. Han, like Leo and Sandus, the other ones, and they're robbing,

they're in the Domin-I-Can Republic, which is where Dom gets a lot of his self-confidence. He goes, Dom is in the I-Can Republic. That's what he says to himself. And I can do this. It's like when I go to Timbuktu, and I look in the mirror and I go, Tim can buck two. Also. You look in the mirror and you're holding up a dollar corn.

Yes. Dollar corn, dollar coin. And you go. Dollar corn. Timbuk1. It's the corn you buy for a dollar. Timbuk1. You go, no, no, Timbuk2. And then if you click your fingers, you can double your money. Timbuktu, and then if you click your fingers, you can double your money.

Couldn't tell you where Timbuktu is. You gave me an atlas, a globe, I'd be all at sea trying to figure out where Timbuktu is. What continent are you putting it on? Africa. I think that's right. You don't even know? I think it's in Africa. You know stuff. I know it's in Africa.

You're not bad at geography. Oh, that's so sweet. I just know flags because I watch sports. You're not bad at geography. Oh, that's so sweet. I just know flags because I watch sports. You're not bad at geography? That is low bar. That, to me, was a compliment. Fucking hell. We need to see a relationship therapist, I think.

No, no. You and I need to sort our shit out. Oh, come on. We're all right. But they're robbing a- That's the bar. They're in the Demin I Can Republic. This Rugby World Cup, I have been like, fuck, man.

I would know some countries if I was into any sports. But I don't, so I don't. Don't know the flags. Don't know a damn thing about them. But sports is a great entry point for geography. Totally. Which I lack. Imagine if you got into the Olympics.

What sport do you think I'd be in for? If you were watching or playing? No, you said, what if I got into the Olympics? If you got into the Olympics. What sport do you think I'd be in for? If you were watching or playing? No, you said, what if I got into the Olympics? If you got into the Olympics? Baseball? It's not in the Olympics. It will be. Not yet.

And it has been previously. So, checkmate. Not checkmate. It wasn't most recently. Gymnastics? Have I got it in me? You'd be fucking trash at baseball. Oh, yeah, but it seems like it was one of the easy ones to get in for.

No, you're too old. Your joints are too frail for gymnastics. Previously, man. Nah, man. I'm being honest with you. Oh, no, gymnastics, yeah. I want to be real. I want to be real.

If I'm in for anything, though, what is it for? Archery. Archery, realistically, you could take the time. You know, I know it's a specialized skill. There'll be archers listening right now. They'll have their little... I went past Auckland Grammar the other day, and they were practicing archery,

and I thought, that is a private school pursuit, isn't it? Well, Auckland Grammar's a public school. Is it? Oh, it's just rich? Yeah, it's just zoned in, like, the flesh suburbs. It's just rich as hell. Yeah. Huh. It's, um... just rich yeah it's just it's zoned in like the flash suburbs it's just rich as hell yeah huh it's um it's yeah it's crazy how that works because it's you're getting basically you know a private school experience but they're not paying tuition i imagine that for those listening and not

subscribing to our um substack i'm doing air quotes right now the donation that you have to make to the school must be hefty that's what you think that sort of information must be on the public record i honestly don't know it must be on the public record anyway i think you'd be good at archery i think that's your way in now do me basketball what well you're tall i'm trash at basketball yeah but you're tall. I'm trash at basketball. Yeah, but you're tall, you know. Yeah, you're also not an Olympian, man. We're extending a little bit of creative license to this exercise.

Too far. There are sports that are in the Olympics that I'm better at than basketball. Javelin throwing. No, I'm awful at javelin. Why? Are you bad at that? Because I haven't been practicing. Yeah, I know that because you're not in the Olympics.

There's a special technique. Have you tried running with a javelin? Dude, you put me in as an archer. I've never fucking strung it. It's archer. It's not archerer. Oh, right. Archery, though. I'm in for archery.

I'm an archer. I've never arched in my life. Barely know it. You took it like a champion. I'm not going for basketball. Okay, that's fine. I respect that. Long jump.

Yeah, I'll go for long jump. Long jump. That's what you're in for, man. Thank you. Bronze, though. That's okay. I met the current world champion at Women's Pole Vault. Who's that?

On Sunday. Eliza? No, she's new zealand's best uh i'm honestly trying to remember her name it's a disaster i can't was it on the project it was on an australian television show she's an australian woman gotcha very uh positive outlook it's inspiring those athletes have to have that mindset going on yeah that's trick one you've got to get your mind right then you've got to That's trick one. You've got to get your mind right. Then you've got to get your body right. Then you've got to get your diet right.

Is it that order? Is that the order? Was she cool? Are you fasting at the moment? No. Have you ever? I was doing a thing for like a month or less because a guy who I work with,

he swore by you don't eat between, wait, what was it? I think it's just you pick an eight hour period in the day where you don't eat. So he was like, he did it for a while where it was noon to, no, that's not right either.

Noon to 8 p.m. I do like 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Yeah, that p.m till 6 a.m 10 p.m to 6 yeah this is not that's just when you're asleep that's right i'm a breezer i breeze it brother i'm having dreams i'm not eating my dreams you're not eating in your dreams yeah in the dreams you're eating cheating if you're doing it in your dreams people are always like you want some of this you want some of that you know i'm always at these dinner parties i'm. So you know you're dreaming when you're dreaming? I'm just very disciplined in my dreams.

This movie... No. Okay. Because I was saying something, and you were fucking it up for me. Oh, come on, bro. We've all been saying things. Have we? Come on, mate.

The opening gambit. Oh, now it's all right okay here we go the judge the judge i opened this session i opened judge montgomery presiding i opened this tab he will decide whether you're allowed to talk about the film or not you'll see this tab has been open for ages and then you've just come in and you've opened several tabs and then you've tried to open instead of closing those tabs and going back to the opened several tabs and then you've tried to open, instead of closing those tabs and going back to the original tab that was open, you've tried to just leave those seven tabs open

and open another tab. Do you want to know something? Fair enough. Are you talking to me or about yourself? I'm talking about what the claims that you're laying at my feet about me. They are fair. So please continue.

My claims are accurate? Yeah. Or what you've done is fair? No, what you're saying is accurate and fair. So please proceed talking about the introduction of the film. Thanks, man. Well, they're in the Dominican Republic, and Dom's pumped up on self-belief,

and they're stealing oil, liquid gold. And Letty and Dom have a kiss, and you're like, I don't know about it. But we are to believe that they are deeply in love it's the best one we've seen between them yeah but it's so weird that lady can't act in this film that's well this is the other thing is so they they the the mission goes bad they cgi up some really bad explosions there's a trucker feeding an iguana in the front cab which sort of suggests that there's going to be a sense of fun that permeates this film but doesn't really penetrate

or maintain for the rest of the one hour 47 runtime jub jubs here after the explosion dom tells letty hey letty this is getting too dangerous man you're out i'm in and letty's like fuck you bitch we've been in this since the start what happened to ride or die you know what that means and they fuck by the ocean and then the next morning we see dom leaving and a comatose or just a sleeping lady next to a stack of cash that's the last we see of lady dom goes to where does he is he in panama yeah you go somewhere else to start because i remarked that every time you put panama in a movie you really should use the van halen song sing that sing the

chorus panama panama um he goes to panama was it eddie van halen who wrote it and he was responding to the fact that there was a um piece about him about the band in the Rolling Stone or something someone some music critic was like these guys are just a vapid band that

perform songs about women and drinking and cars and then he went hold up we've never written a song about a car before

and so that's what Panama's about a car yeah oh wow he showed them yeah and the song fucking rules man do you think like And so that's what Panama's about. A car. Yeah. Oh, wow. He showed them. Yeah. And the song?

Fucking rules. Man, do you think like, I'm so sure I've told you this before on the pod. Probably more than once. Taylor Swift, do you reckon? Yeah. Most famous person? Most successful musician alive right now? Maybe.

But I think Lee Nel- Why do I know? Lee Nel-Messi has the most Instagram. No, Cristiano Ronaldo has the most Instagram followers. Taylor Swift's in the top five, I think. Okay. Football. The universal musical genre.

I was just reading a profile on it. It's kind of amazing. I was thinking about Van Halen. I was thinking about bands and popular culture and how I don't think anything has the reach that it wants. Because we've lost the monoculture and it gives and takes. But is that true? The lack of unifying cultural experience is part of what's...

Is that true, though? Driving a wedge in society. Well, now you're veering into crazy talk. But Taylor Swift seems like she's you know everyone knows who she is is she the Beatles to to Swifties

she is and to you she's just Miss Swift to me Taylor will do to me

she's um well she's just a chip off the old block what block I don't know. I think she grew up in maybe one of the Carolinas.

Moved to Nashville to pursue music. Got discovered singing at a talent show. That's not true. Her dad's like a record executive. No, she grew up on a Christmas tree forest. It's all fucking lies. No, it's not. Her dad's in the music industry. No. your fucks are loaded they might be loaded

your dad's in the music industry no you can have a loaded dad in the music industry that doesn't mean you can break a pop star if you're a record executive it makes it a damn sight easier

it doesn't mean like look at her doesn't guarantee any of this yeah she's awesome you love her no I'm saying awesome in the biblical sense

she's very big yeah yeah when people used to say No I'm saying awesome in the biblical sense She's very big Yeah Yeah When people used to say God is awesome They're just like He's really big Conceptually

That guy is huge Yeah What do you see when you think of God? An atom Do you? But then also a planet Because they look similar If you look at Saturn

Like the rings It's all the same, baby. I still see a fucking old guy in a white robe with a beard and a cloud. I feel so sick. I feel like I'm going to throw up. And I think it's on account of how much lollies and shit I've had today. Why do you have so many lollies? Because I had one cheese scone this morning

and then had to wait at this after hours for ages and couldn't eat anything. And so then I was so fucked that I just went to the supermarket and bought some food. But among that was a bag of lollies. I ate almost a whole bag of lollies and then ate a bag of potato chips. You know what I should have done? Eating a fucking sandwich. For God's sake. Man, have a banana. Yeah. Literally anything except for what I should have done? Eating a fucking sandwich. For God's sake. Man, have a banana.

Yeah. Literally anything except for what I do. I'm getting to a lot of bananas at the moment. But then I had dinner when you were here. I'm thinking of bananas as like a healthy energy source. I'll put a banana in. Yes. A banana comes out.

That's not true. Bloody brown banana. Yuck. Yeah. Gross, man. It's called a shit. You know where I shit? At home.

No, I shit in the toilet. You shit at your home toilet. I shit in the office toilet. Do you? Yeah. You strike me as the kind of guy, I know this isn't true, but you strike me as the kind of guy who couldn't shit anywhere but at home. Really?

Yeah, and yet it's not true. But that seems just a part of that come from that idea of me um it's a good question you're like a guy who it's like you know everyone thinks there's a normal guy and for most shit you are but then there's just these these couple of details yeah that's interesting it sounded like you said tea towels even though i know you said details you got two e-bikes a couple of a couple of tea towels so that one is mine and that one was zoe's dad so dad's so we got that now because he doesn't need it anymore he's not very mobile zoe riding it

absolutely not she doesn't like the bike well she not very mobile zoe riding it absolutely not she doesn't like the bike well she just hasn't got around to it you'll notice the tires are dead flat wow i've seen flatter hasn't ridden it once and it's a really good bike too it's a stunner it's got a bosch battery the whole system's bosch they're the best. Bosch. B-O-S-C-H. Bosch. That should be their whole marketing strategy. So get this. Dom's in Panama running jobs.

He gets a call from me or his sister. Lady's dead. What? We don't see it? We're just told that Lady's dead? This whole fucking time? Like the whole Fast told that lady's dead this whole fucking time like the whole fast five lady's dead fast six or the credits of fast five that we turn it is alive fast six she shows up on um one of the shores cruise in london we didn't even see her die like we spend this fucking opening

scene with lady and then we're just told We're told off camera that Leti's dead And then when we see her death It's Dom imagining it By visiting the site of the crash And that's canon In the world of the film It's fucking trash

It's disrespectful to Leti It's disrespectful to us You're gonna kill off the main character. You've got to show us. You've got to show us. You have to, actually. And you can't. It's too unreliable to show us as Vin sees it. As told by

Vincent. This is what motivates Dom. The whole movie. Vengeance for Leti's death. Meanwhile, Brian O'Connor from the FBI is trying to get to the bottom of a drug case that's in LA. He's having a hard time. Turns out they're both chasing the same guy.

You know, they both go undercover to a street race, show up, they have to race each other. Dom wins, Brian comes second, they both get recruited. All of a sudden, they're working the job together. Can they get over their differences? That's the movie. That's the whole movie.

Han, who was there at the start, fucks off. He doesn't come back. He is gone, isn't he? Gal Gadot shows up. She's in it for a lot of the time. Vin Diesel's fingerprints as an EP are all over this.

Gal Gadot shows up and throws herself at Dominic Toretto and he says, you're not my type. What's that effect? Yeah, he makes a whole scene out of it,

but Guy's one, neater. They should have done that effect? Yeah. He makes a whole scene out of it, but guys, one Nita, they should have done that. Yeah. I don't believe it. What, what in fact happens is Dom Torito essentially rattles off the worst Tinder profile you've ever heard describing his perfect woman in which he literally says 20% angel, 80% devil, not afraid to get some grease underneath her fingernails.

This is in the era of Bebo. If you are in the territories of New Zealand, Australia, or Mexico, I believe are the only places where that was big. And for everyone else, MySpace. And you can see it. You can see those words just written on someone's, what were they called then, a wall? Whatever the fuck.

He sounds like a sexually frustrated 14-year-old boy. The most beautifully, tastefully, artfully represented, the most sexual visual language that we see in this movie are when Brian and Dom are tuning up and fueling up and oiling up their cars before they go to the street race they're gonna fuck those and there's like some real nice slow language shots of them both pouring some sort of castrol oil into the engines yeah and it's like the love and energy and care they're putting into this you're like wow these guys really care about this and actually i will say the way that dom sort of gets into the garage when he's working

through something, it's like the purity of that hobby and the way that it can calm and soothe him and what he takes from it, you know, he lives a restless life and he's really idle, but it's quite beautiful. It's honestly quite inspiring. Something I continue to lack and crave. You want to get into cars? No. I want to get into whatever it is that makes him feel like that for me.

You know what I reckon it would be for you? Kites. Kites? Kites are fun. Kites are fun. Hey, that song's really good, just in case anyone's curious about that. Yeah. Perhaps not our version, but you should look it up. Cotes of Fun, People International or something like that. It's not exactly that, but it's something like that.

And they did another they did like one other big song in the 60s. Really? Which The Free Design. Free Design. And what's the other

Skip to the chorus though because if we play too much I don't know it feels like we get in trouble. Someone. That ain't it. What's the other song? See my card, see my card. my god love you bubbles my brother woody

okay maybe I'm talking absolute shit so my shining light of this film oh fuck I have one and it's disappeared out of my head I got one it's probably the same one wouldn't be shocked if it was the same one i i like the classic tim one was going to be the fact that they've got a sliding phone which has got a qwerty keyboard under it which i thought was pretty hot shit what make a phone couldn't i do it is tim losing it in his old age thought it was a nokia thought it was a nokia thought it was some loose sony ericsson from back in the day but then it had a logo on it that said like oqo or something didn't didn't recognize it at all i did have a shining light what's your shining light when uh they show up to well they you know when they show up to the drag race we meet

i've got to get the drug lord's name just for um braga arturo braga who tim is fingerprinted and um i believe it must be fast thanks fast six yeah and fast six is a great actor and he's not wrong he's the best actor in this movie he probably is i love paul walker i think he brings something every time um but they show up and there's like there's all of the butt girls and sort of the the general you know cacophony of of sound and and and you know the visual feast of fast cars and faster woman, you know, that's all there. And then on the layer above, there's like a huge... I like how much you enjoyed that. There's a huge piece of netting that stretches across, you know, like it acts like a sort of transparent roof that stretches across the entire thing.

There's a driving range above it. And Braga and his cronies are playing golf. And that's like, I thought that was quite a fun detail, you know. And Braga and his cronies are playing golf. And that's like, I thought that was quite a fun detail, you know. But then on the ground floor, when Brian shows up, there's this sort of long, blonde-haired, I don't know, urban cowboy-type character who's hanging out with three of the bug girls.

And he's just running his mouth at Brian. He's just trash-talking him. Don't have any of the quotes. Didn't write them down. But it's kind of an enjoyable and light and fun version of antagonism in the movie. It's not heavy. It's just like, this guy's an arsehole. It's immediately what you think, and it's quite pleasurable. And Brian kind of shuts him up, and on and on it goes,

and then he loses the race to Domina afterwards, and the guy just starts trash-talking him again. He's seen it, and then he goes, all right, ladies, let's go home. And I turned to him and I said, you know, I like like that guy and you think that's all you're going to get from in the movie but then the weirdly the movie actually follows him back to his apartment with the three women he was hanging out with by the car they're all hooking up and he's sort of filming it and he's getting into it he's like i like feet and he takes off one of their shoes and he's filming the feet he's kissing the foot he's's like, I really like this foot.

And then we get an external shot and an FBI SWAT team's showing up. And I'm like, Brian, you petty little fucking bitch. You absolute hero. And they just go in there and bust this guy's ass and drop a bag of like methamphetamine on his coffee table. And one of the FBI agents is like, you know that won't stick, right? And Brian pulls down his like balaclava or whatever intolla clark face and he's like that's not the point so was that that's the whole scene was that just because i thought that was to fuck when it was happening i was like oh this is going to somehow lead back to the drug lord so this is all part of the masterful plot was that simply

to fuck back with that dirty talk lucky to have made it into the movie that is crazy stuff so especially how it depicts the fbi so petty 2009 you know i wonder if you know because we're rooting for brian and we're empathizing with him through that whole scene i wonder if it would play this like i wonder, you know, the FBI would be so fast and loose with representation. How charismatic is Paul Walker as an actor that he is able to keep the audience on his side while he is playing a fucking snitch for the FBI who plants drugs on people to get them busted

when they talk to them? He's not playing a snitch at that moment. He's just, he's a man. He's just a guy we like. Still a cop. Still a weasel. He's not a weasel, man. He's the po-po. He's not a weasel. He's a bad, he's like a's a man he's just a guy we like still a cop still a weasel he's not a weasel man he's the po po he's not a weasel he's a bad he's like a not a bad cop but he's like a um he is a bad cop he's rogue he fucks his co-worker up he does he fucks up his nose you called that

too also in f6 you called that you said it talks about his nose again and he's got a crooked nose and you're like i reckon b Brian did that to him before. Yeah, and he did. And we saw it. We saw it happen in real time. That guy getting fucked up. It's actually a regular reunion, isn't it, between F4 and F6? Because in F6, he's with that guy when he's going to visit Braga in the prison cell.

Yes, correct. Do you know what I really liked? And this isn't my shining light because I remember what that is. what I really liked, and this isn't my shining light, because I remember what that is, that this movie ends, and we pick up exactly like to the frame in the next one.

Yeah. Like it just picks up the ball and runs with it. And the reveal that is at the end of this movie, and any other movie made after 2012 or 14 maybe, would be an after the first set of credits sequence. But they didn't know they were allowed to do that back then so they show so what they have is a scene where dominic spoiler alert dominic toredo is sentenced 25 to life non-parole for charges not mentioned by the judge even though the judge was recommended clemency by agent brian o'connor because of his assistance in taking down this huge drug lord but that is basically dismissed out of hand by the

judicial system and he is loaded onto a bus presumably headed to a federal penitentiary that would be classically where you would roll credits and then if you wanted to add a little bit of something else a little twist you do the first, and then if you wanted to add a little bit of something else, a little twist, you'd do the first set of credits, and then you'd show a little scene. In this, they just kept going. And what we see is the final scene of the movie is the first half of a scene,

which opens the next movie, which is them busting him out of that fucking truck, that transport, that bus. And Vin wanted to make these movies back-to-back, but the studio said, no, we're going to see how this one plays. them busting him out of that fucking truck, that transport, that bus. And Vin wanted to make these movies back to back, but the studio said, no, we're going to see how this one plays. Is that true?

That's true. And I will say this for this film, I think it was the fifth Fast and the Furious was such a digression. I wonder if that was a studio note that they're like, we need these people more fun. And I haven't seen the three preceding films, but I do feel like maybe the film was struggling for a sense of identity the franchise was struggling for identity

at this point everyone wanks on about how much they love an auteur and how studios ruin everything but you want to know something The Matrix their first movie is so good and they would have been on such a leash from so much studio

you know manhandling and producers and yeah really and then they let them off the leash a little bit with two and three and they're worse for it four is so bad i hated it so much. Four sucks. Yeah. I went to the midnight screening of that when it came out, and it was the first movie I'd seen in ages since my infant son was born. A valuable and incredibly rare opportunity to go and see a flick at the cinema,

and I couldn't have been more angry. Damn. Betrayed both by the experience of going to cinema which is supposed to be generally pleasurable and especially seeing a coda to a movie franchise that i quite enjoy in the first movie that i love here's my shining light for this movie fast four there's a lot of moments in this movie where they're sort of i believe referencing the need for speed video game franchise or maybe just video games in general as a medium but in particular they lean hella into it where paul walker is versing vin diesel in a street race there's some

other people involved but really this is all about brian and it's about dom who's gonna win the street race and they've got a a GPS system which is rigged up. Very old school, very rudimentary. And it sounds like that kind of, you know, that classic sort of woman's voice that you would hear in like a, I was going to say Gran Turismo, but that's not right. Like a Need for Speed or Ridge Racer or...

You could rig one up on your Google Maps if you wanted. You probably could, but it's got... Turn right in 500 metres. But it's not like that. Maybe it's because it's American rather than British. It's like, this is a video game one rather than a real GPS one. GPS, you use a Brit.

It's part of Braga's operation is he gives these would-be drivers like a GPS chip. They put it in and it loads up their path. They don't know where they're going. They don't know what they're going there for. Here's your racetrack. I'm going to tell you piece by piece through this GPS thing.

And it keeps flashing to this wireframe, 3D-modeled version of the map of the city that they have to follow. And at first, it was vaguely annoying, and then I loved it. You learn to embrace it. Shining light. Good on you, mate.

Well, I'm fucking done. Yeah, normally I would rate what cars I'd like to fuck in this movie, but I might save that for the next one because guys spent, and we've been talking long enough, but I'll tell you what I'll rate this film. Out of a potential 30,000 points, rate this film out of a potential 30 000 points fast four from tim bat gets 11 800 points is that is that like approximately a third a little over yeah yeah so what's that that'll be like a c plus yeah i'm trying to shrink it down to out of five go on no i'm trying to shrink your

one down to out of five oh it's like two it's like one and a half to two yeah i give it two and a half i I think it's going to get harder to watch. I do think the studio were right. I think the first movies that I haven't seen in this franchise, I think they're discovering what they are, and they're maybe discovering something new in a sense of genre, and it's quite exciting and fresh. And then by the time they got to this one,

they didn't know what it was going to become, and they sort of had a foot in the previous camp, but the movie had gotten bigger on them and i just think it it's it's lacking a sense of self and it's um popped him on the nose yeah it's just you know it's fast four it's fast and it's furious it's fast and furious don't even put four in the title. Put 4 in the title. Surely. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1