The Worst Idea Of All Time - 36: Rainbow Sprinkles

Episode Date: April 25, 2019

Welcome to the podcast of Guyguy and Timbo, together with you, the Libertarian and sole listener of this podcast to give an entirely positive review of Sex and The City: The Movie. It is a triumph of cinema. Let’s go down some important cul de sacs together and shine a light on MPK. For He is the way, the truth and the light. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Welcome, welcome along, welcome everyone. Welcome everyone, Guy. Hi, sorry everyone, didn't see you come in there. Welcome, huge shout out to Natsi Kano's Mariachi Los Camperos, who appeared as the mariachi band in Sex and the City, a film that Tim and I have just watched for the 36th time in the midst of sort of a subtropical rainstorm here in Grayland, Auckland, New Zealand, Little Empire HQ. Here we are, surrounded by water and a dog.

We're not really surrounded by the dog. The dog's surrounded by us. No. Yes. Yes and no. It's nice to be with you, Tim. It's nice to be with you, one Libertarian audience member. As we started the screening, you said to me that this entire episode is going to be rooted in positivity.

Yes. From way to go. A celebration of the movie the frosty boys are bringing um sunshine sprinkles rainbow sprinkles to the ice cream that is our review of the movie this week this episode i think it's twice a week it's a it's a noble pursuit and a noble ambition but um it's i think I think it's going to make for a very challenging 40 minutes of conversation. No, you're already not being 100% positive. I'm just being 100% honest,

and there's nothing more positive than an honest relationship. I don't know if you're picking that up on the mics, but I think the credit music's still blaring. Is that intentional? Has Ambiance ever heard of it? Do you know, as soon as these credits start rolling, I bang it out.

I just get it all out of sight, out of mind, out of my ears. And that's because I can't bear the thought of not watching it again immediately because I love this film. Two hours and 30 minutes, a light-hearted romp, a romantic comedy for everyone, for the ladies, for the fellas, for everyone in between. This truly is a triumph of the cinema.

Yeah, there's so much to love. So let's try and dedicate a little bit of time and cover as much ground as we can for the different aspects of filmmaking that they've just absolutely nailed here. First of all, casting. Often people would underestimate the importance of casting when you're turning a TV show into a film because you're like, well, we've already cast it

based on the decade of show that already exists. But au contraire, mon frere, we're introducing new characters, we've got exciting new people to meet, we've got a lot of background actors and, can I just say, absolutely flawless. Of course, the four leading

women who carry this film, pun very much intended, they do a sensational job as they always have, but Louise, Will, go on. I was going to say Candice Bergen is fantastic, but she's actually in the TV show as well.

Is she? I believe, yes. Well, she very convincingly plays the editor of Vogue. Well, yeah, shout out to the casting department. I tend to agree, actually. You know, obviously, naturally, we spend a bit of time with the extras um not on set not as much as you'd think but uh around the fringes of watching the

film and everyone's good everyone's doing a great great great job i don't think there's anyone to call out no one and nothing it's perfect so there we go casting. I'd also like to give a huge shout out to the editing. Okay, let's get into it. How would you describe the editing? Well, in two words, very good. Yeah, I agree. It appears to be edited by someone who's familiar with the show. They're familiar with the pace.

They're familiar with the rate at're familiar with you know the the the rate at which these characters talk to one another and the rate at which an audience expects to see them talking to one another you know it's it's the gilmore girls in half speed and uh it's been one of my main complaints with the gilmore because it goes too fast that's what everyone says they talk too quickly i've got to play the thing in half speed just to understand it but these guys no such problem you can watch this at its intended speed and you will understand every word that I've got to play the thing in half speed just to understand it but these guys are taking the liberty of you can watch this at its intended speed and you will understand

every word that you know the definition of that's a good point actually often overlooked but the enunciation in this film very good there's very few lines I didn't understand on the first go around you can't say that for every film absolutely continuity out of sight I have tried week in week out to catch out Mr. Big

when he's chopping tomatoes and very nonchalantly proposing to Carrie. And, you know, my research has led me to the opposite of what I was hoping to discover, which is the way it goes sometimes with science experiments, isn't it, Tim? That's why you can't go in with preconceived notions. Absolutely. It's very important to keep an open mind. But I went from thinking,

surely they can't nail a guy cutting tomatoes in between having conversation with his partner. But they really have. And to the number of slices I noticed this week. So he chops a bunch of tomato, he slides it into the bowl. And then later on in the same conversation, he brings out a fresh tomato. He reveals it to Carrie and doing so to camera. And then we hear the sound of a blade slicing through a fresh, juicy tomato. What does it sound like?

It sounds... Get that in you. That was five. Oh, six. Seven. Eight slices. And then we see a wide shot involving the tomato. It's been split in twain, and then each side once thrice, once four times.

A perfect edit. A marriage of physical action, continuity, editing, foley. Honestly, one of the greats. Great attention to detail. Such an easy thing to overlook, and so many films do it um with with things like that but they've absolutely nailed it another important critical scene when miranda hobbs and carrie bradshaw are having dinner together at the oh no sorry i misspeak uh it's when miranda hobbs and her family including magda uh having dinner together there is a candle burning

away in the center of the table i had a pretty close eye on it it's good stuff that that candle again holds true to the continuity of the scene the timeline that we're looking at obviously things aren't always shot in order but that candle was burning down as you would expect it to over time while championing this movie we would be doing a disservice to the writer mattress pikelet Pikelet King, if we did not celebrate this triumph of the storytelling form. A lot of movie makers, particularly in olden times, and 2008 isn't necessarily olden times,

but it is, you know, no longer modern. They would try and cram, you know, all of the action of the movie into an hour and a half. So that 90 minute, that was your classic blockbuster running time. And that is thankfully not the case here. What we have is a movie that is comfortable in its own skin.

It's secure in the amount of interest that it's garnering, and it's not afraid to go down a few cul-de-sacs. And you know what I've said, you cannot visit a neighborhood without walking down a cul-de-sac, because that's where they hide a lot of the best stuff. Streets that connect to other streets, you know, very often, there's not a lot going on down there. If you want to know the secrets of a neighborhood,

you go down a goddamn cul-de-sac. And Mattress Pike holds our hand. He walks us down every cul-de-sac on the block. Are they all perfect cul-de-sacs? No, but that's what makes it real. What are some cul-de-sacs in this movie as opposed to main streets here's what i would describe as a main street key tent pole tent pole sure plot points um carrie bradshaw being jilted at the wedding i would describe that as a main

street uh them going to mexico i think kind of an interesting cul-de-sac yeah it's not needed i would say so too i'd say there's a pedestrian pathway at the end of the cul-de-sac but you're not gonna get a whole vehicle down there there's no way you're gonna get a vehicle down there you'll scratch the sides you'll take off the wing mirrors you'll run over an animal i think you might had a kid. I think any story that is not pertaining to the central four is a cul-de-sac. But there's so scant scenes that stack up to that definition. Can I just quickly circle back to the jilting? You actually can.

I'll allow it. Thank you. So Mr. Big decides to jilt Carrie the day of the wedding. Brilliant, brilliant storytelling. Brilliant plot point. Very, very earned. But he calls her the night before, and we can see concern in his eyes. We've had the feeling for a little while that Mr. Big is nervous

around the notion of getting married, particularly in the style of the spectacle that Carrie has planned for the two of them. He calls the night before. Carrie reassures him. We later learn after she's been jilted that she was sort of aware that Big was kind of panicking. Which we know because of the final shot that's held

of her looking down the empty hallway, I think at her beautiful wedding dress from Vivienne Westwood, alone for a brief moment as the film takes a breath and lets you know that carrie you know not wholly feeling good about this she's there's something there that's right and uh so he calls her the night before what do you think about the ethics tim of mr big on that phone call saying carrie i can't do this.

I know your instinct is going to be to persuade me. I'm still in love with you, but this wedding was a misstep. I can't get married to you. You'd like for us to discuss the morality of basically jolting her a day earlier than when he does? Yes. I'm wondering what the falling action of that decision-making would be. I'm wondering what the public perception would be. I'm wondering what you would think of that particular sort of behavior. I'm wondering whether or not you think the relationship could withstand

still a declaration of love, but just between two people over the phone instead of loudly parading it in front of everyone in the New York City Public Library. Well, something's going to give anyway because obviously these guests have known more than 24 hours in advance that the wedding is on. Some arrangements have needed to be made,

not just for the key players, but also for guests in attendance. It provides an opportunity for some mystery or intrigue. There's not so much one focal point of public humiliation, potentially a united front between Mr. Big and Carrie, where they say, look, we put a lot of effort into this. We appreciate everyone traveling here, but we've decided that this marriage is not going to go ahead.

So this is actually the day after the rehearsal dinner? Day after the rehearsal dinner, day before the wedding. Yeah, because it feels to me he's dragging his heels a bit on planning it, but he's not nervous heels a bit on planning it, but he's not nervous about actually getting married. It seems to me at the rehearsal dinner, the scale of the event, Miranda's little jibe, that to me feels like when he starts thinking, and he makes the phone call that night.

So it has to be in this, you know, all of that information feeds into his decision making. Sure. I think it's a more mature decision to make, to nix it. The earlier you nix it, the more mature decision it is, I think. Nix it day of, you're dealing with a man-child. You nix it the day before, you're dealing with a, I would say, underdeveloped person because he knows in his bones that he can't get through with this thing

for what I think for a while. Although you're right, any earlier than that, he hasn't quite reached the precipice because all the events haven't happened to lead him to that decision. So here's what I think, Guy. Still a bad guy, a less bad guy.

But that's what makes Mattress Pikelet King the best because we want to see flaws in a character and what's more flawed than screwing over the woman on the day of your wedding to her who you've been screwing over for the last 10 years but that that is yeah you know you're absolutely right not a single criticism here that is incredibly human to to reveal you know the darkest side of humanity is is as human as uh as you can get but i i mean do you think how do you think carrie's response to that would be would you imagine their relationship withstanding that phone call do you think carrie would say with big in a joint statement we're not getting married or do you think carrie would still i guess she gets to blow

up at him once but otherwise she just has this simmering anger and resentment that she carries with her. You know, we see that physical confrontation face to face. You must think it's a kindness that he's given her to jilt her on the day so that she can really blow off a lot of emotional steam once and then it's sort of more justified for her to wallow for a long time in what's happened. Rather than if he did it the day before, you know,

seems like an outrageous, not outrageous but maybe an overwrought proposition to be as angry as she is for as long as she is yeah is that what you guy montgomery are telling me no i'm just i'm just curious i'm just curious about like you think you you you you believe car to be a strong, a strong-minded, emotionally intelligent character. Flawless in every way as a character. So how would a flawless character react to this information? How would that differ to the way that she obviously perfectly reacts to the information as it unfolds in the movie? I think very similarly to what we see when it's the day of, and the reason for that unfolds in the movie i think very similarly to what we see

when it's the day of and the reason for that is everything in this movie is perfect so it's like when you see those time travel movies where they change a couple things but the outcome is still the same it's it's like that it's like the universe needs to hit certain markets and do you think that the weaknesses in us or in me where i think i've seen 35 of these cold-hearted day-of jiltings that I crave just a little bit of respite, just a bit of water to pass my lips to queech. What an insane proposition to change anything in this movie. Outrageous.

I can't fathom it. Amongst all of this positivity, this seems as good a time as any to share a shining light. Yeah, of all of the glowing moments in this film, of which they come, you know, once a second pretty much, every frame truly a painting. What one for you, Guy, stood out above the rest? In this art gallery of cinema, what is the piece de resistance? The performance by Stamford Blatch on the steps of the wedding. He confesses to Mr. Big not being there.

And to be completely honest with you, he does it with a wicked glint in his eye. The tone of his delivery and his face does not probably quite match up to the seriousness of the situation. He's quite a lighthearted guy. He's in a different boat. I haven't spent enough time with him to know his more serious side but it seems to me that he's built to thrive in more gentle sort of situations and so just to see a little bit of that personality

peeking through in his limited screen time it is really nice his performance uh that entire time on the stairwell all the way up to when he gets caught between two worlds and doesn't know what to do with himself is a powerhouse what about you i think my favorite moment from this my favorite movie and this my favorite watch of it because each time i see it i love it all the more was the delivery from kim cattrall um oh what is the exact line it's around when she's doing the speech of i eat so i don't cheat um i did note it while we were watching the exact line of dialogue but it's all so good it's like trying to pick a favorite child, you know? Yeah, I really do.

No, you're not wrong, Tim. The movie does improve with every watch and often it will take 35 watches to notice it is getting better. But when you see it, it's impossible to unsee. That's right. It's like screwing a lid off a jam jar. You can put the lid back on, but it won't be on as tight. This is the perfect analogy for the perfect point I'm trying to make about the perfect film.

What other sort of positive things would we like to cherry pick from our experience with Sex and the City? Here's what makes me happy spending more time with Carrie Bradshaw. I don't want to see her twice a week. I want to see her ten times a week. I just want to be with her all the time. She's my best friend. Why? Because she's emotionally tuned to what's happening in her life.

She's an intelligent woman, and she knows how to have a good life. She's a listener. They're all listeners. She's empathetic. and she knows how to have a good life. She's a listener. They're all listeners. She's empathetic. She's sympathetic. She's got it all.

She's not pathetic. No, no. Heaven's the perfect character. I am finding it really easy. Yes. And to continue to find positive things to say about the movie. I'm really trying to remember the exact line that Kim Cattrall did, because I said it to you at the time when she said, I eat so I won't cheat.

And then Miranda, I think, says, what have you been eating? And then Samantha says, everything except Dante's dick, as she takes another bite of cake. Ah, a perfect bit of script writing. And delivery. You said it was the most convincing piece of acting in the film. And let's all remember, this is a film full of convincing acting, not least by St. Louise's family,

who we see as she's on a phone call with Carrie, filled out with just a lot of top-shelf performances, about five extras crammed into the one scene, and all of them do something different with their face. And that goes against the common acting decision for all of the extras to do the same thing with their face. But this movie goes the extra mile. They said to the extras, they said, that's great, we've got 20 takes

where you all do the same thing with your face. Now it would be great if you could all do something different with your face. If there's any criticism I could lob at this film, it's that there's not more of it. I would love to see twice the run time Is there any criticism I could lob at this film? I don't think you could. More of it. Okay. I would love to see twice the runtime that we're dealing with. Here's how I'd like to spend it. I would like to travel to St. Louis with Carrie Bradshaw to witness the beautiful union of Will and Louise. I think it would be a wonderful thing to see.

I think there might be some hijinks afoot. I would like to see Carrie Bradshaw in a fish out of water situation because I just love seeing Carrie Bradshaw anywhere. I like her staying in water. I like her being out of water. I love this fish. This is the fish I want to spend the rest of my time with. If there was just one fish for me, Carrie Bradshaw, please.

Not to eat, but to hang out with i hope she lives forever like those koi that are in japan that have lived for decades and decades i want to jump in the pool and figure out a way that i could become amphibious so that i could live with this koi this beautiful koi koi c-o-y-k-o-i The idea of this movie running for twice as long makes me physically ill to the pit of my stomach. With excitement? Like getting on a roller coaster? I'm going to tell you why.

Yeah? Because it hasn't already happened. What do you mean? It makes me sick with anger. Yes, jealousy. That mattress pikelet didn't deign to flesh this thing out to the five-hour run time the movie-going public and Sex and the Fit City fans deserve. Two and a half weddings in one film.

Three and a half weddings split across two films. That's what we want to see. I love this. I want to see Samantha's dog get married Why don't we do that? Why can't we have I know the reason why Because Mattress Pikelet King is right about everything

And we can never question his judgement For he is perfection And you know Wrapped inside of a director If you But If we left the studio And the first person you ran into

was Mattress Pikelet King, what would you say? I would say, may I wash your feet? And what would he say? He would say, no, for you are not worthy. I do not ordain you worthy to wash my feet. And I would say, I would avoid eye contact. I would apologize profusely for such an indignity that I've thrown at this demigod who walks among us,

this absolute titan of cinema. And then, first of all, how dirty are his feet? They're not dirty at all. They're perfect, just like every other hair on his body. Nothing is out of place with Mattress Pikelet King. He can do no wrong. If they were dirty, that means that dirty feet are now perfection. the hair on his body nothing is out of place with mattress pikelet king he can do no wrong if they were dirty that means that dirty feet are now perfection oh wow you know what i'm saying

he's the torchbearer for for social mores and modern standards for everything we should all be eating sleeping walking around committing ourselves to try and just mold ourselves into the image of mattress pikelet king i'd now like to do a role play between chris noth and sarah jessica parker in between takes on the set of sex in the city wow sarah this is going so well chris i couldn't agree more we are both so lucky as perfect as we are to be working with the most perfect director and screenwriter that history has ever born. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And seen.

And you can imagine them having a version of that conversation time and again on the 365-day shoot that was Sex and the City. That's right, it took one calendar year. What I love about this movie is that it transpires across a large amount of time. We get to see four seasons. We are treated to snow and leaves falling and a bit of rain and also beautiful sunshine. Azure, the big blue, the ocean. And when you're watching this movie,

all you want to do is fill your pockets up with some stones and walk into the water as far as you can and then take the stones out of your pockets and swim back to shore because you're having such a good time. It's called immersion, folks. It is akin to walking out on that balcony with Chris and Sarah and looking out at the crisp autumnal night New York City and going, what if we three just throw ourselves off?

It's the sort of movie that makes you want to take an elevator to the top story of the Empire State Building. Climb over the safety railing, stand on the edge of the building, on the precipice of ending it all jump from the building and then unleash your parachute as you gently glide to safety pop it in the dvd player and watch it once more this is the kind of movie that makes you want to join two best friends on valentine's night at a restaurant surrounded by candles and what I'm assuming to be hydrogen balloons and burn the motherfucker down

because then no one can take away the time you've spent together. You will be at your most vulnerable as a trio and your friendship will be solidified for the ages as you are engulfed in hydrogen flame. Challenges can do one of two things to friends. They can push them apart as their differences are driven further and further by a wedge between them, or it can unite you and bring you closer together. And I wouldn't be able to articulate what either of those experiences are like because

my friend Tim and I have never faced a challenge in our lives we've made a series of positive decisions that have benefited both of us immensely and continue to to this day a morning spent without tim batten the gals is a morning wasted in my book it is unfortunate that there is any time in our weeks, in our lives, that is not filled with sex in the city for just the perfect, perfect bit of content. It's like everything in human history has been leading to this point. Why did we invent the wheel 10,000 years ago? Why did we keep making movies after this was released? Have you been to the cinema recently, Tim? It is dross.

It is all interminable dross. Sometimes I watch things that aren't Sex and the City sort of to self-flagellate, just to remind myself of the perfection of Sex and the City, the movie, the movie. And I am reminded every single

second. We're a wash in uh content now people call it the golden age of television and those people are forsaken because they are not watching sex in the city the series or either film over and over again as we are because we are the ones who have discovered the one true path the light and the way and it is through mattress pike like king king of kings that's where the king bit comes from shout out to the wardrobe department not a thread out of place this is the sort of movie that makes me want to just shrink down until i'm really really small and just keep getting smaller and smaller until no one can see me or hear me. I almost totally disappear off the face of the earth

because nothing I contribute to society could possibly come even close to holding a candle to the majesty of sex in the city, the movie, the movie, And that's just how I feel. And you're right to feel that way. Well, I don't know if there is anything more to say. Not from me. Rufus? He seems upset.

We better put the movie back on for him because dogs, women, children, boys, every human, every animal, every plant, every inanimate object deserves to be awash with this film. Do you know why we created computers? So that we could play this fine piece of art, this perfect piece of human engineering on as many screens as possible. How many devices do you have in your life? How many of them are playing Sex and the City the movie right now?

The ratio should be one to one. If you don't own stuff, steal stuff. steal stuff buy stuff you can't buy or steal stuff hack stuff i would love to see a stadium i would love to see dodgers stadium those big football screens that they have those huge big screens i would like to just i would like to see a 50 story tall carrie bradshaw like godzilla but the opposite saving cities from themselves i'd like to give a shout out to the following people i'd like to give a shout out to sir jisku parker shout out i'd like to give a shout out to kim cattrall shout out i'd like to give a shout out to kristin davis i'd like to give a shout out to Kim Cattrall. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Kristen Davis. Shout out.

I'd like to give a shout out to Cynthia Nixon. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Chris Knoth. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to David Eigenberg. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Jennifer Hudson. Shout out.

I'd like to give a shout out to Jason Lewis. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Willie Garson. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Mario Cantoni. Shout out. I'd love to give a shout out to Willie Garson. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Mario Cantoni. Shout out. I'd love to give a shout out to Evan Handler. Shoot it.

I'd like to give a shout out to Candice Burgin. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Lynn Cohen. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Julius Marini. Shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Joseph Pupo. Shout out.

I'd love to give a shout out to Bridget Everett. Hey, baby. I'd love to give a shout out to Annaleigh Ashford. Hey, there. I'd love to give a shout out to Parker Fongford. Hey there. I'd love to give a shout to Parker Fong. Yeah. Joanna Gleeson.

Yeah. Daphne Rubenvega. Shout it. Shout it. Andre Leontelli. Shout it out loud. Monica Mayhem. Bridget Regan.

Plum Sykes. Kate Rockwell. Shout it. Alexandra Fong. Dreamer Walker. Patrick Demarchelier. Amanda Sitton. Come on, six. Roxy Deville,

Suzanne Cryer, Lena Hall, Kim Shaw, Peter Kim, Lauren Howe, Joshua Henry, Damien Yang, Malcolm Goetz, Henriette Mantel, Rogelio Tiramos, Nancy Shane, Ricardo Molina, Mariachi Los Camperos, Ching Valdez Aran, and Kiri Bichet. A shout out to Toro. To all. And to all, a good night. We just have a good rhythm together, you know. He sort of feels me out, I feel him out.

And we go for it.