The Worst Idea Of All Time - 37: Cereal Monogamy

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

Tim is deep in the weeds of Fast 4 plot details—a quest that Guy takes pride in Tim for being on but has not joined him on in this screening. The fellaz try to figure out where on the offensiveness scale Twit, Twerp, Dweeb, Moron, Idiot and Stupid sit, and then get to the important business of figuring out which five cars from the movie Tim would like to have sex with and how to go about courting them.Support us on Substack at twioat.substack.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, here he is. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Oh here he is, here he fucking is Guy Montgomery's here everyone Welcome back to the worst idea of all time season 6 The Fast and Furious franchise phenomenon Yep With Tim and Guy, we've just watched fast and furious aka fast and furious for aka the fourth fast and the furious film or if you're us the nine eight seven six five sixth

fast and furious film not accounting for the fact that we also know fast 10 exists and there is a non-canon short film which is set in the world of the film. It's, you know, if you like maths, then you're going to love what we're doing because there's a lot of opportunity to create equations and to solve them. We just watched it for the third time. Second. See, is it? Is it only two? I'll never know.

It's quite self-serious. And, you know, as someone who likes to move through the world with a sense of lightness, you know. I'm amazed at how much I know about this film on the second watch. You take great pride in that. And in doing so. I was in there closely today. I take great pride in you.

I was in there closely today. I was paying attention To all the little nooks and crannies of the plot At one point when I asked for a plot point You told me to pause the film That happened twice And you said to me No but the first time

You put me down The second time you just went about your business Explaining something The first time you said Listen here you twit You little twerp You said twit I said twerp

I heard twit I might have said twit I don't know I heard twit and i think i think twit is a lighter put down i think twerp there's something about the erp which makes it sound um it elevates it to a more high end sort of put down one twit twit means you're a dummy twerp means you're being juvenile in my head it's like listen here you little child you little boy a twerp so okay what is can dweeb interchange with either of them a dweeb is um twerp yeah dweeb is closer to twerp yeah but

dweeb is like you're a fucking loser rather than you're a dweeb you're a loser what a what a dweeb what a twerp what a twit what about where there's more on dweeb doesn't get thrown around can you start can you show me the top of the the top of the chart what's the greatest put down offense yeah but all of this all in this family it's not about offense it's about your personal scale when you call someone this that is the most denigrating thing you can call them. So far, the four words we have for the scale are twit, twerp, dweeb, moron. We'll put idiot in there too. I think moron's probably the top.

Moron's the biggest put down. Yep. Morons, probably the top. Morons, the biggest put down. Yep. And then I think twit. What were the other ones? Twerp.

Yep. Dweeb. Dweeb. Probably dweeb next. Idiot. Then twerp. Then idiot. Idiot.

Idiot's fine. Idiot's not a put down. Nah. What's idiot? Idiot. Idiot. It's almost a filler word when you are trying to think of an insult stupid idiot might fall out of your mouth stupid on the scale stupid is more of an adjective than a noun so if i'm being called stupid that's on them for having bad language skills all right

stupid it does work when you use it just there is actually pretty good but stupid for me if it was coming out of my mouth, I wouldn't mean much by it. Same with idiot, you know? I wouldn't mean much by it. If I call you a fucking moron, like, you've done something. But do you know what's doing a lot of the heavy lifting in that put-down?

It's the fucking. Yeah. Sometimes, you know, like, I, um, sometimes you just need a swear. Yeah. You know, sometimes a swear word is the difference between effectively communicating what you want to say. Literally the only people who aren't swearing now

in the year of our Lord 2023 are politicians. Everyone else is doing it. News readers are doing it. Jerry Seinfeld and Nate Bargatze are not doing it. That's different though. There are two individuals who have almostze are not doing it. That's different though. There are two individuals who have almost decided to not do that. But in terms of professions, and it has changed a lot.

No one used to swear as part of their profession. Now everyone does, and the only people who aren't doing it are politicians. Doctors? Doctors will swear for sure. Go to the GP and they say Yeah because it's like Don't call me Doctor Call me Callstone I'm Gary and your

Liver is fucked dude Damn Because they want to get you on side They want to speak your language So that you understand what's going on with your bod Your liver is fucked Imagine getting that diagnosis From a clinical professional.

Pretty cool dude, you party pretty hard, huh? Feeling pretty good about yourself? Let me tell you something about you, Gary. You've done too much cocaine and you fucked it. Yeah, your liver's... You've absolutely fucked it. Does cocaine affect your liver? No, there was a different patient.

Okay. Two different peeps. Damn, this guy's got the coolest clients in the freaking world. Liver's alcohol. Coke is your brain, think and your septum maybe oh if you go hundies if you go hundies you're like a victorian era royal for a long period of time was it queen victoria herself who dissolved her septum really because she did so much i think they called it back then snuff which is a lovely word for it. I thought snuff was... Or is it tobacco?

Snuff's like chewing tobacco. Oh. Snuff, snus is what they call it in Scandinavia. That's what they call what? Those little... No, snus is like those little tobacco pouches and you put them in your gums. Have you ever tried that? No, I haven't.

I've tried it. I tried it on a plane. Did you love it? It really numbs the part of the mouth you put it in, and it gives you quite a big head rush, like a nicotine-style high. Yeah. Did I love it? I was intrigued by it.

Yeah. It was not, you know, in any way addictive to me, which is a relief, really. I think you can buy it in this country here. Can you? In Aotearoa. Yeah, if you know where to go. Legally?

Yeah, legally. I don't think I've seen it anywhere. Not that I've looked, because I've never been a smoker. No one smokes cigarettes in the fast universe that I've seen, which is interesting, because I think it was a kind of quite a recent, I guess it was not that recent, but it was a recent-ish move to get cigarettes out of film and television.

Now we're going right back into the anals of history. We're in the anal of 2009 with this film. No smokers. Doesn't matter how many N's you put in it, how do you pronounce it? The anals of history? The only person with a cigarette... How do you pronounce banal? Banal.

The only person I can think of... Someone that's quite boring. He's like, yeah, they're a bit Banal. The only person I can think of... Someone that's quite boring. He's like, yeah, they're a bit banal. The only person I can think of is the cigarette man from the X-Files. He was like the shadowy figure who just would sit in silhouette smoking a cigarette. A lot of cigars, but that's different. Do people vape in movies? Hope not.

I mean, I guess so. I think it would age them horribly. I don't know if vaping's sticking around. Really? Yeah. What do you think? Vapes and phones. Do you think vapes are forever?

No. Vape-nash for air? Nothing lasts forever. No, but cigarettes gave it a good hone for a long time. Well, okay. They were in there. What's going to be around for longer, cigarettes or vapes? Cigs will have A longer run

Than vapes will have Really Yeah culturally What are we going to Find out about vapes I don't know man Do you vape Isn't it

No Isn't it just weird That humans have Such a like Kind of oral fixation That we've got to be Kind of huffing on something Yeah

I remember the idea Of the cigarette Part of the appeal Was that you had fire near your mouth. Who's that appealing to? It's probably a Seinfeld joke, I think. Right. Like, you know, it's satisfying to have the fire near your mouth. When you're vaping, it's like, what, you're generating a fake smelly cloud?

Yeah, I've got a battery next to my mouth. It's not the same. Nah. Put an USB in there yeah exactly what am i an old dell desktop yeah what am i uh an old yeah an old what he said your honor i would like to bring uh to the jury tim's top five cars he'd like to fuck for fast and Furious. I'm glad that you went to the trouble of taking these notes yourself

because at some point during the movie you said to me, write that down. Yeah. And I didn't. It was when Letty refers to her brother as her only, Dom, as her own, I'm sorry, Mia says, of course, he's my only brother. You didn't remember what it was. You fucking moron.

And so I said, Guy, remember that. Because, obviously, we've seen Fast 9, where Jacob gets introduced, John Cena, who's Dom's brother. And Mia's known the whole time that she's got two brothers. I think he was excommunicated at the time. So he was not treated as such. Oh, come on. Guy. Guy. What have I done? Dude. he was excommunicated at the time so he was not treated as oh come guy guy what have i done dude tell me one thing i've done you don't you don't need to go against me for

zero reason like you by all means disagree with me if you really believe that you know you've got a point to make but don't just needlessly denigrate a great plot hole that i've found great to strong hey hey i'm thinking i'm thinking long and i'm thinking hard and i'm thinking if i've you know i know people in my life who have um estranged siblings yep and that's what they are they're estranged they're not non-existent they're alive they exist so you've raised a good point and the point i'd like to raise is that estranged is actually a pretty nice word don't you think yeah it's an odd one isn't it estranged because it's got no relation how can you estrange so can you estrange someone can we be could we become estranged? Yeah, we could.

What is the process? Do you have a falling out and then you don't talk? I think so. And then that's estrangement? I already think you're pretty easy. Is there a G? Estrangement. There's a G.

There's a G. Would you pronounce it if you made it a noun? I already think of you as being estranged because you look up some of the wackiest shit I've ever seen on the internet. Estrangement? Estrangement. Estrangement. Estrangement.

Estrangement. It's odd. Tell me, Tim. Here they come. At number five, it's Lettie's 1970 Plymouth. Okay. It's the colour black. It's classy.

It looks like a car in a cocktail dress. Okay. And... Taken at paintball shooting. Really? Yeah. Risky. What if its body gets damaged?

Yeah. That's the risk I'm willing to take. Then you get to nurse it back to health. Really? That's a bonding sort of exercise. Have you ever been on paintball as a date? No. I've never gone paintballing.

I'm disappointed to remember, you know, a friend had a birthday party at paintball or something as a teenager and the main thing I remember is that when the paintball hits you, it hurts. And like, you know, not in a way that I was like, that's cool. In a way that I was like, I don't think I really like paintball. Yeah. We're skinny boys. I feel like we feel those sorts of things more.

I just think I mean Don't you think? If we had a little more Meat on the bones It wouldn't be as big a deal Oh you didn't see me in high school I was swole I have seen you

I've seen photos of you in high school I was beefy You weren't I was pretty Yeah I was pretty thick You're a guy who like There's no way That you could have been

Any other build Apart from the one you are right now Some people you look at them And you're like Who knows what you were's no way that you could have been any other build apart from the one you are right now. Some people, you look at them and you're like, who knows what you were like in high school. You could have been like this. As you are now, you could have been completely different. You're like, you've always looked like this. I've always been shredded.

Yeah. I suppose you're right. You've always been in peak condition. Wow, yeah. If you work this hard on a body, you know. Constantly. You expect results. Non-stop.

I'm not going to say any more about Lettie's 1970 Plymouth. You're just taking a paintball. And does it work? The date? Yeah. Really? I'm really good at picking date spots. Do you ever plan afterwards?

Like, paintball's usually a wee way out. Here's the thing about Lettie's 1970 Plymouth. It's a bit like, it's a bit of a tomboy in the same way that Letty is in some ways. So you want to throw like a big event date at it and then just let the cards fall where they may. Do you remember

the feeling of going on a date, the first date? Yep, well a little. I haven't gone on that many first dates. The feeling of being in a Bit of a serial monogamous this guy Yeah I love dates though, they're fun

This guy only eats cornflakes Is that a masturbation joke? It's a It's a serial monogamous joke Oh I see Okay Fucking hell My god Serial monogamous joke. Oh, I see. Okay. Fucking hell.

My God. It's not nothing. No, no, you're right. Tell me it's not nothing. It's not nothing. It's definitely not nothing. There's something to that. But I'm just wondering about in the... Do you know why I went to masturbation?

You know about the Kellogg's thing? No. Kellogg's originally was marketed as a... So Kellogg's cornflakes were originally marketed as a way for young people to stop masturbating. because you eat cornflakes yeah what the fuck i know crazy yeah isn't that all food fuck it there's no i don't there's no real connection there but that's how it was marketed callag's did not repair themselves the guy callag was fucking insane was he crazy dude yeah he thought that cornflakes would cure young people of masturbation.

I think there was something going on. Because Sanitarium, which is the big one in Australasia, they're the Seventh Day Adventist church, they're Christian too. Why are all these cereal companies Christian? Because you don't pay tax. It's a great way to avoid paying tax.

So what? What if we were Christian? What about it? Would we pay tax? Yeah. Why? Because we're tax? Yeah. Why? Because we're not an organization. We're not a church.

We're just a couple of guys. If I am Christian and I start Guy Montgomery Incorporated, do I pay tax? Yes, because you've incorporated a company. Do you want to start a church? No. Do you want to not pay tax? No. Oh, okay.

Don't worry about it. I just want to know how it works you got to start a you got to be a church so wait i think it's i think what it is there are people who are seventh day eventers listen i'm not an expert in this but i will say this i think it's not necessarily the fact that they're a church i think it's probably that they are a registered charity and the reason they're a charity there's like a few pillars maybe five or so in new zealand that counts towards like what can constitute a charity you have to be kind of you know giving back to the community and one of them is is like religion or spiritual you know contribution to

society and so that's the one that churches fall under i think that's how it works and then you don't pay tax if you're a registered charity. You don't pay income tax. You might have to still pay GST, though. Where does the money go? What money? Well, they get money. It goes into the church, mate.

When I buy their cereal, it goes into the church. Fucked if I know. Well, a sanitarium's like a company. Just because a company doesn't pay tax, it still has costs. Employees, R&D. You've got to research what new thing would stop masturbation. Do you have to be a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church to work at Sanitarium?

No idea. I'd say no. It'd be too limiting, right? There's no way that it'd work. What do they think happens on the seventh day? Oh, man, I don't know. I don't know. Tell me the second car, the number four car that you'd

fuck it's a hummer so there's a lot of humvees in this when we're kind of going traipsing to and fro mexico yeah we crossed the border a couple of times to and fro mexico was a working title for this i think that was the shooting title when they wanted to keep things under wraps to and fro mexico yeah starring vin diesel yeah and some Hummers that Tim wants to fuck. All of them. No, just one of them. Orgy. So the Hummer is one of those...

I don't know if you get different... Yeah, I think you get different Humvees, eh? This one looks long to me. It looks longer than a traditional Humvee. But not a Hummer limousine. No, no, no, not a stretch one. At American prom you see those. There's one in Auckland. Have you seen it? Yeah. It's always around by the limousine. No, no, no. Not a stretch one. At American prom, you see those. There's one in Auckland.

Have you seen it? Yeah. It's always around by the Viaduct. It's kind of famous. It's so, what's the word I'm looking for? Gauche. Yep.

It's very New Zealand to have one Hummer stretch limousine and it like be a known thing. Yeah. And just to see it and be like, oh, there it is.

And you know, there's that one dumb fucking. Who's in there? Because I don't think it's high and be like oh there it is and you know like that one dumb fuck who's in there because i don't think it's high school kids i think it is i think it's like i think it's 18 year olds going to the nouveau riche do you think it's mid-20s just bought their second investment property now because they're saving man are they well the real estate crew are they're like i can't spend any money so I can retire at 45 with no friends. And they have all this money to live till I'm 100 fucking alone and miserable because I didn't cultivate relationships around me.

Because I thought the point of life was resource accumulation. Whoops. Fuck that again. You know who could help them? The Seventh Day Adventists. Yeah. Ironically. Or like, you know, if they went the seventh day adventists yeah ironically or like you know if they went to a social mixer and a stretch hammer maybe like every six months they they get one they're like this is how people socialize because that's what it screams of to me is

someone who like wants to create in a sense of occasion or an event but doesn't actually understand the mechanics of social dynamics and they're like well what if this would be crazy like what's the what is you know people don't want the car to be long i think you want the car to be high it's a hummer that's not the point of it at all i know but i'm thinking about limos generally now yeah it's no that's what i'm saying i'm agreeing with you like it's weird that they picked a hunt i guess maybe that's the reason like it's such an absurd thing to have a street I would like I guess that's what a bus is like I regret to inform you the luxury vehicle you're using to like have a big show of wealth is a bus yeah it's like this is the only limo you can stand up in. You show up. It says number 28 on the front to Britomart. My fellow investors. Shout out.

Who's ready to get fucked up? Shout out. So you're going to, okay, how do you date a Hummer? I've got my own idea. I want to hear yours first. I want to hear yours first. I'm out of ideas. Oh, really?

Yeah, for the Hummer. I just think. I'm open. It makes me think of American muscle. And there's a bit of chattiness around American Muscle Dwight it turns out is the blonde haired guy Who the FBI blow up his spot When he's sucking on a toe

Oh the guy who calls everyone nutsack Yeah That guy rocks Where's nutsack on your insult list? That rules It's a term of endearment Is it? Fuck yeah

That's below idiot I don't think he likes Paul Walker I think he's being a bit nasty. He calls multiple people nutsack. Nutsack? Or does he call Paul Walker nutsack twice? Multiple times. Okay.

I just think a hummer, I think it's, to me, it's like a batting cage, burgers and beer. Nice. It's the bees. It's the bees. It's got to be something where it's like you show off a certain element of the more traditional components of masculinity through hand-eye coordination and the desire to eat. Oh, so you're not just in the stands? No, the batting cage is like you go in there, you get the bat,

and you have a swing, and you say, oh, that's pretty great. It's a fun idea for a date. Yeah, it's nice. That's great. I'm trying to impress here yeah that's lovely so you go to the batting cage first and then afterwards you know and you say okay whoever i don't know i don't know you know if they've got strikeouts or home runs or whatever but you you compete and then you go whoever um loses has to has to buy the dinner and then you go out and you get burgers and beer and you shoot the and then i'm actually this is all happening near a promenade and then you go out and you get burgers and beer and you shoot the bread and then i'm actually this is all happening near a promenade and then you take the hummer down the end of like

the santa monica pier yeah and and you know you sit at the end of the pier and you watch the sunset and um well it's a bit of a to-do because you can't um you can't three-point turn because it's too narrow so the it's got to reverse all the way and it's sort of embarrassing and the hummer's like i oh i should be able to turn around but i can't and it's okay it's okay it's okay it's got to reverse all the way and it's sort of embarrassing and the Hummer's like oh I should be able to turn around but I can't and you're like it's okay it's okay

it's okay it's okay it's like no no I really wish I could it's okay it's okay but you know you've probably been out

with some mopeds and they can turn around you go no no no look I'm out with you it's okay it's okay no I should just drive myself don't drive yourself

into the ocean oh no don't talk about yourself like that your date's gone horrible we've had a great date. Yeah. It's been like,

do you want to look? It's okay. It's just reverse. So it starts reversing. But there's, you know, there's like... I'm never asking you for a first date advice ever again.

There's people on the pier. You're one ended in potential suicide, man. No, no. It's crazy stuff. It's not ending in suicide. Let me finish the date. There's people on the pier.

And the hummus that you build it up so much you go i'll tell you what i'll race you back to land race yeah and then run someone over i've just noticed on the video i'm in almost complete darkness and you're so well lit up the police show up look at that window shining what happened here i don't know officer no you're you're an accessory to a crime Fuck Accessory to manslaughter Can you be that? Can someone be an accessory to a manslaughter? Sure

Yeah? Why not? I've been watching six seasons of Better Call Saul I feel qualified to Yeah? Throw in on this I say yes It started well my date

Oh you're gonna love the next one actually I just wish It started well, my date. Oh, you're going to love the next one, actually. I just wish... I wish the Hummer hadn't got so on its head about the Pierre. That's on me. I could have just gone on the sand. I don't think you should take responsibility for that. You only get one shot with a Hummer. Everyone's an adult, man.

You do what you can, but ultimately, you're not in charge of someone else's happiness, especially on a first date. It's kind of a toxic way to enter a relationship. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. Number three.

We had a good time. When, I think Vin and, sorry, I shouldn't say Vin. When Dom and Brian, I think, are in an impound lot, which happens a couple of times, but it's the second time they're in an impound lot. When they smash a window. That's when they're really working together. The first time they're not actually in an impound lot, Brian is claiming impounded vehicles through the FBI

to take the street race to qualify as a driver for Braga. But doesn't he just do that on the computer screen? No, but then you see him working on it. You see him working on it in a mechanics shop, and Finn's doing the same thing, so it feels like maybe that's them. Beyond that, there were two... Okay, but anyway, they're in a mechanics shop and finn's doing the same thing so it feels like maybe that's beyond that there were two okay but anyway they're in a anyway there's a winnebago in the back of shop i'm pretty sure and that's my number three holy shit i want to fuck i do i mean i love the

name i think it's winnebago a brand name yeah yeah it's a caravan it's um thing camper van i Caravan. Camper van thing. Camper van, I should say. It's an American institution to me. It says family holiday. Midwestern. Midwestern sensibilities. It says where the mill is. It says Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Aniston are going on holiday and their kids are coming with them. We're polite.

And hijinks will ensue. Yeah. How do you date? And this is something that a lot of people at home are going to be asking right now. Yeah, I know. I think I've actually used it on a previous um fast vehicle but we're going bowling again because it's just it's just i'm sorry but it's good it's reliable it's safe talk to me talk to me about this talk to me about the teenager who works behind the counter who's saying you bring

every second vehicle behind the into the it's not every second vehicle it's happened twice now okay it's all right and listen the guy's allowed to what have we entered some social contract where i'm only allowed to sing a date i'm just saying it's raising eyebrows i'm saying if you went into the break so they're teenagers can mind their own fucking business you're gonna do the break room hey look they're gonna talk about something yeah that's fine do you know what i said i'm gonna talk about all you know what i say let's give them something to talk about let's give them they're not gonna be talking about all the people bowling they're gonna be talking about the guy who keeps bringing in cars he's trying to fuck

I could make a game out of goading you Into singing little songs By just dropping references to lyrics in the podcast That'd be fun Oh my god You'd get caught so much I feel vulnerable I get it from my mum

My mum cannot hear a smidgen of a sentence Yeah That is Connected to a song she knows Without singing the song That's awesome She can't I reckon that's great

It shows a real joie de vivre That's what I've got You're happy people You and Charlotte Yeah You're loving life Shiny happy people No

I'm not going to do it to myself. We're going bowling? Yeah. But get this, the twist is we're going to have some nice drinks. We're going to have cocktails instead of your standard sort of beers. Where? At the bowling alley? Yeah, we're going to a real nice bowling alley.

You know how sometimes you go to those cinemas that are real upmarket? Do you remember when we went to that one in New York, in Brooklyn? Yeah. What was it called? Nightingale or something? Nighthawk. Nighthawk. And it was a bird. I knew night was in there. Yeah. And they're hyper expensive, but quite fun. Well, they bring in,

you know, we've got them in Auckland now. We saw a movie, like an arthouse film, about someone going through the Amazon jungle. What was it called? Eye of the Tiger or something. It wasn't called that, but it was like... You've got a good memory. Something.

You've got a better memory than me. I would have forgotten the whole anecdote if you hadn't told me it happened. It was a cool day. Was it the four of us? In the cocoa night. I think it was. Fucking sick. Okay.

In the cocoa... I'm singing. So that version... I'm singing. He's doing it, everybody. He's doing the thing. That version... It was winter, so I'm singing So that version I'm singing He's doing it everybody He's doing the thing That version So it's winter

That's why I'm singing about it being cold Of cinema Yeah Applied to the bowling alley Okay Which I have to admit I don't know if it exists Because I haven't been at one of those

So it's a bowling alley It's an upmarket bowling alley It's not It's had a recent fit out It's a bowling alley That's almost specifically designed for first dates And you can You don't have to go to the bar.

You've got like a button or some sort of menu ordering system where they bring you your... Tablets. You've got the bit with the balls, where the balls come out and you choose your ball and stuff. And then further back from that,

they've got like a date table. And that's where they bring all of the drinks and the food. And you can order them on a tablet. Yeah. And what sort of food are we talking about here? are you ordering what are you drinking it's snacks but everything's just quite elevated so it's like you will get fries but it's got um truffle oil on it they're gonna cost 14 they're gonna be so much they're gonna be maybe even more and they've got like parmesan cheese on it which isn't even that fancy it's just a curveball i think when they're doing the parmesan they're covering up for the fact that the fries aren't good enough.

If you're putting cheese on something, you know, not everything, but if you're putting cheese on fries, I'm like, just believe in your fries. Cheese on fries, you've lost all the guys. Yeah. Cheese on... Pizza.

Nothing rhymes with Tim. Cheese on pizza. Yes, pleats I would like to say this When you order Just get it out the last 25 seconds We'll just ditch that No

Keep it in Let the boy watch Let the boy watch Let the boy watch I looked that up again recently Because it popped into my head and it is. Is Will Ferrell and Keith Robinson? Yeah, it is.

Is it from Eastbound and Down? It is, but it's like an outtake. Yeah. Did you say Keith Robinson? Craig? Craig. Is that his name? I think Keith Robinson's a comedian.

Another comedian. Oh, who used to host the Late Late? Sure. Craig Ferguson. Fucking. Anyhow. Oh, who used to host the Late Late? Sure. Craig Ferguson. Fucking. Anyhow. Fuck the whole thing. Don't worry about that.

What I want to know is if I'm paying how much for these fries? $18. $18. Yes. What are they coming out with? They've got truffle fries with Palmerston. Yeah. It's big.

It's a big serving. But it's $18. Sources. What are they bringing out? Aioli, tomato, chili. Three sauces. Yeah, but it's $18. What are they bringing out? Aioli, tomato, chilli. Three sauces. Yeah, because it's $18. You pay $18 for fries sometimes nowadays,

and you only get a little thing of tomato. Not here. I just think, assume people want aioli. And they've got cocktails. The cocktails aren't crazy expensive. That's what I'm saying. Same as the chips. It's a little north. Damn. so most of them two drinks and just fries plus you're paying for

bowling so 60 bucks on food and beer that's and that's if you're only having fries at a cocktail each per game 25 bucks i mean 85 you're looking at a hundred and 140-ish bucks for the date. If you're getting to and from and then any, I think what you want to leave, being comfortable spending, is probably $200 for a Winnebago. It's a lot for one date night. That's a lot of money, eh?

You could fucking side the Winnebago, I'm assuming. Sorry? How do you have sex with, where does it go? I would look to the animal kingdom for inspiration there. You know how there's like those certain kinds of deep sea fish where the female is like a bajillion times bigger than the male and the male will like swim into the female

and just dissolve its body into the female? That's how I anticipate having sex with a Winnie bag. I like that. In my mind mind when you talk about the little fish little boy fish going into the big lady fish goes in there sort of i guess it's like um it's like it's not it's not glamorous and it's probably not biologically accurate but it just goes in there jerks off and leaves no it disappears into the into the female form that's what the fish do it's just part

of it then fuses in uh number two and i think you're gonna like this a lot it is actually what's gonna be number two and what's gonna be number one i'm gonna switch them is this right i hope this is right no that's not right i've got the wrong car. Oh, no. Mate, I've cooked it. Well, in the meantime. Who's driving this one? And while I remember, I'd love to share my shining light. Okay. And there were actually a few moments.

Again, I will re-level the critique that I think one of the challenges of this movie, as a repeat viewer, and I think that it probably had upon release, is that it is a touch self-serious it lacks a a certain amount of clarity as always paul walker brian o'connor's scenes kind of sing i love his introduction the parkour chase um but for me the shining light is even earlier than that before we even met brian o'connor we've got this trucker from whom letty dom han mystery woman who remains unnamed and gets about 10 seconds of screen time you can probably hear it

yeah? it's fast and furious, that's what I'm talking about Leo and Santos are robbing oil from the back of a truck and the truck driver is, you know he's just a regular guy they are in this instance, maybe the company the conglomerate that own it is bad but the guy is just a guide he's just a regular guy. They are, in this instance, maybe the company, the conglomerate that own it is bad,

but the guy is just a guide. He's just a pretty regular dude going about his life. He's feeding chips or something to his lizard, perhaps a Komodo dragon. It's an iguana. Iguana. And Komodo dragons are pretty serious. Yeah. Pretty serious reptile, actually.

Yeah. And it's quite sweet. You know, it's kind of humorous and sweet. And then we see a shot from the front bonnet of the truck looking back at the driver and we see that there is a cast, like a steel or some sort of metal cast, where like a Mercedes Benz or a Jaguar emblem might go of the Iguana custom that he's obviously gone to the trouble of uh of making and i guess to me you know if you're a trucker your car is your life and you and you form a

relationship to it and it's a it's a real source of identity for you but it's still pretty eccentric i think it speaks to a pretty unusual kind of interesting guy who I think if you're in the right mood, you could have a really good chat with. And if you're not in the right mood, you'd think this is a bit much for me right now. But there's something about the trouble of casting the iguana and getting it mounted. I don't know if it's an exact likeness.

I don't know if the scale is one to one. I'm assuming it is. It's an exact likeness. I don't know if the scale is one to one. I'm assuming it is. It's a pretty detailed piece. I don't know what it cost him. Wait a minute. I had a completely different read on that shot. I thought the iguana got out of the truck, and that was the iguana.

On the front of the truck? Yeah. No. I thought that was his pet, and it was a distraction, and that's part of why he was like no distracted he's not distracted this guy's good at his job man his job and his iguana i would say the two big things in his life how confident are you that that is an iguana like

you know set piece a hundred percent a hundred percent doesn't get a lot higher than that no i'm trying to think of a number right now i'm just back at 99 yeah i actually can't go up you know it's impossible okay oh shit well there you go how confident are you that it is i mean i just thought that's i didn't even question it i just thought i saw what i saw i just i like the idea it's a nice detail and you you observed it yourself you thought there was some nice writing flourishes there were some plot points that added up that I was questioning. And you said, well, you know, if you weren't being such a twerp, you'd know that this means that and that means this.

Just anything like that, a little touch, which really speaks to the mise-en-scene. Oh, can I, may I, get in the pool? Yeah. So here's my shining light. It's nice that it's a light pool Tonight So it's like A pool of Just shining light

Yeah Like a little End of the rainbow You know Bunch of leprechauns Yeah Sitting around A light pool

I'm in I'm in my trunks And I'm in So my shining light was I can't remember what It is But there is a caption That comes on screen

When someone's speaking Spanish, and the caption is in English, and it appears on screen, and then it crawls from left to right really slowly, and then it descends along with a camera movement that goes down. Fun with subtitles. I've never seen that before. Madness. They're breaking all the rules all the conventions they're making it work my second car i'd like to fuck from this movie is a 2009 subaru impresa wrx gti gh driven by brian o Blue? Well, this is where I've fucked myself,

because I wrote down that car. I was actually going to go with the 2003 Acura, which is driven by Mia, because that's really cool. Is she driving? Yeah, she is driving it. Was it at the end? For whatever reason, I've written down the Impreza,

so I've got to stick with it. Yeah, at the end, at the very end. Because that's a cool, that's a fucking cool car, cool car man you got a bit of a wandering eye my man you're not wrong how are you going to make an honest vehicle out of any of these cars if you if you're out here sizing up the others i'm a bit confused to answer your question about is the the wrx like the classic brian classic Brian's blue race car because he does because I think that is a WRX

but I think this one he's driving at the end of this movie is a different that can't be right it must just look different but to me it looked like a different and smaller WRX and I thought it was kind of cute okay I mean these are cars I remember cooler or more car

inspired people uh around christchurch driving as i was growing up they um you know that they they're car based cars they're cars that like other cars they're cars like people who like cars it's a real car energy about this car so how are you going to date this car movies cinema or driving driving okay what are you watching citizen kane i don't think you're going to impress a wrx with citizen kane damn it i think you're you're overreaching Damn it I think you're acting Like you're dating You know One of those

More old timey cars That people drive around With the top down And the thin wheels I think you take a WRX As Citizen Kane You know They might grin and bear it

But you're going to be A laughing stock What would you take As a WRX to Taking WRX to the movie Crank Bit on the nose Yeah but that's what they want

You know like Who's the date for Are you splitting the difference You're trying to split the difference Here's the thing with the date You want to be in the ballpark Of the thing That the person

Knows they enjoy doing But just a little bit parallel to it to make it special and interesting and to try and open up an avenue greece nice classy it's it's a classic it's old but not too old to be up its own ass like citizen kane would be it is car based of course and it's quite polarizing that it's a musical though that's well that's there's the there's the pushing the comfort zone there's the saying hey i can see what you like yeah here's a little bit about what i like yeah if i hear a line i'm going to sing a song this is you know this is what i'm like bold on a first date man

musical is a bold choice going to the theater is nice isn't it yeah it is. Going to the theatre is nice, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Is going to the theatre a better date than going to the movies? A hundred percent. Well, yeah, if you're right, I mean, this sounds stupid,

but if you're with the right person and if it's the right piece of theatre, but that's kind of true of everything, isn't it? But I would say, yes, it is.

I would just say, like, in general terms, yeah. It's far more interesting. Yeah. You know, it's more interesting. more to talk about afterwards yeah yeah yeah that's it that's a big part of the date the date where you sit and watch

you've got to have cleared some time afterwards for a chat so here we are you've gone to the drive-in you've sat down we've got grace no citizen yeah you've slogged your way through citizen cane and then afterwards yeah describe what happens i haven've slogged your way through Citizen Kane. And then afterwards, describe what happens. I haven't slogged my way through Citizen Kane. Okay. Do you think the WRX definitely has? I think you turn to the WRX with a look in your eyes like, huh, pretty good.

And the WRX looks like this. Well, you call it, don't you? That's the beauty of something like this, is that you have the ability to pull the ripcord and go well i've had a lovely night either one of you can say that i think curtail it i like this i like that it's not working i like that you know you're out there i don't know if i want to end up with the wrx you're dating as well yeah that's all data wrx i want to know what it's like to date. How many times do you live? But once. That's right.

So what, you're going to not date a WRX because you don't think it could work long term? Yeah. They could surprise you. They could love Citizen Kane. They might. They might have the time of their life. They fucking might.

They might love it more than you. My number one car I want to fuck in this film? One of the Mexican food trucks that they go past when they back up. Okay. Or back down. When they're down in Mexico What are you That's a good question We're going to the National

The band? Yes In Auckland? Well wherever they're playing I think they're playing in Auckland in March Well then we will go Spark Arena You take a food truck to a large scale concert like that, you're going to get other people

coming up to it, hitting on it, trying to order from it. That's okay. I think that's a great way to show my confidence and ease at which I move through the world. Wow. Anything else on the agenda apart from just going to the National? Like the National? It's a big going to the national oh like the national

it's a big swing because the nationals i mean i i'm sort of you know i like them i don't love them i don't have a strong relationship to them but i think for some people maybe for you yeah it's a very important band in your life it's not for me okay yeah it's quite intense i think is what i'm imagining yep it's not a criticism. Yep. Just saying. That's interesting. I think for the food truck, um, I'm taking a big swing in.

Yeah. I just, I think, I think that's what I want to do. I'm happy for you, man. I just think it's really sweet to hear. I think because it's number one on my list of top five tonight. Right.

I keep saying tonight. It is the middle of the day right now. I want to really show this food truck a sensational first date. This is an unsustainable, you know, level to maintain in our dating life. But I want to take it to the national on me and buy the food truck a t-shirt as well so that it'll always have some memorabilia to you know something non-ephemeral something permanent and physical to remember our first date by i'm spending up i'm spending up large and as i say this you know not every day it's going to be this big, but this one, I want to take a big swing.

Sue me. Let's you be you and I'll be the food truck, and you're going to ask me out. Buenas noches. Buenas noches. Mucho gusto. Mucho gusto. Would you like to go to the National with me?

The National? Yeah. They're a band that's playing at spark arena oh it's a big gig yeah sure can we listen to some of their songs first absolutely yeah do you maybe want to um come around to my house at some point maybe we could cook something together and maybe listen to one of their albums see if you like them that's pretty sweet you seem like a sweet guy you know what I'm gonna say yes I think you're being very kind to me in that little act out it wasn't my best work you can't just go to a food truck and say do you want to go to the house You can't just go to a food truck

And say do you want to go to the National with me It's quite It's just That's yeah Music's quite a personal thing I think like a big band Like the National Is a real event thing

But I like it You know Even though I've Even though I was hesitant When I looked at your eyes And you said You could come round We could cook a meal

And we could listen to the To an album I thought I am gonna give it a go with this guy i really am to this day i think the funniest thing i've ever seen you say was when we were were filming the pilot for YouTube and completely unscripted, I asked you, like, shoot, shag, kill. What is it? Shoot, shag, marry the turtles. And you went down and gave the most detailed, like, hilariously specific,

just, like, hilariously absurd rundown of how it would go with each of them we were really we were really doing something back then one of them was oh fuck i can't just look up the clip everyone maybe we'll insert it you know if we do if we remember maybe we will let me ask you this shootag, marry the four turtles and then one of them you also marry but you get an annulment. I would murder Raphael and then with a thirst for turtle blood I would murder Leonardo, a leader whom I haven't respected pretty much since day one. I would then marry Mikey in an attempt to make it up to the two remaining turtles. That wouldn't work out, we're a couple of goofballs, all right?

We need somebody who's actually going to do the dishes. That marriage ends in annulment. Then me and Donatello make a real fist of things. Maybe we move to Italy. Venice. Otherwise, though, it is warm. Yeah. It's a beautiful day.

We're going to get the fuck out of here. It's too hot. We've done our homework. Tim's as stiff as a board. He's been talking about cars for about 45 minutes How long have we been talking? He's going to go put himself into a Toyota Corolla 2013 Dog, it just clocked over 45 minutes on the clock

That's crazy stuff I've got They call me the human stopwatch Because I've stopped wearing a watch That's right Damn, I was going to say Because you've stopped watching the movie I just wasn't quite fast enough.

Yeah. Well, you've got to be fast to beat this human stopwatch. Oh, that sounded like a fucking top-notch. Peace and love. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1