The Worst Idea Of All Time - 40: Acrophobia

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

In true Worst Idea style, the fellaz take on the first Emmanuelle Through Time series film, midway through watching the miniseries. Emmanuelle's Skin City does an excellent job of outlining what the heck Guy and Tim have been watching for the last couple of pornos - The reason and functionality of the blimp, and introducing all the characters we've already grown to know and be confused by. You know what's a good idea? A see-through observation deck on a blimp. Though possibly not if you're afraid of heights (a topic tackled in depth by both fellaz). In other movies news; Timbly has spent some time rewatching Primer and is excited by the time traveling / parallel universe implications of how he might kill another version of himself. Meanwhile, The Boner Inspector is humbled by dysentery and George Lazenby won't let go of ShadowPlay and merchandising opportunities.SUPPORT THE BOIZ ON PATREON: (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Guy Montgomery, Tim Batt here. Just checking in to see how you found one of the last Emmanuel films that we're ever going to watch, which is actually the first one that we should have watched in this Emmanuel Through Time series. This film does a great job of setting up some of the circumstances and characters contained in films we've already watched and for that i admire us uh we watched emmanuel through time emmanuel's skin city and um skin City is a play on Sin City,

which represents Las Vegas, Nevada. And I, well, truth be told, Tim, I didn't hate it. I got confused, as I always do. I didn't hate it either. I thought this was a good one. They always put a lot of effort into the first one of a series and then it really, like, tapers off as they go along. It's the sort of pornographic television equivalent

of showing up early for your first two weeks of work at a new job and everyone's like, oh, that Tim Batts, never late. And then you've just got license to show up whenever you please. If you put all of your eggs into the storytelling basket of the first film in a seven-part franchise or series, you earn the trust of your audience. But I guess the filmmakers didn't account for a couple of audience members sneaking into the seventh installment

of Emmanuel through time and then watching the fourth installment and then watching the first installment. And that's what we've done. Just in case there was even a skerrick of lingering doubt as to where this particular one came in the franchise, I'm late to the record today. And so Guy watched it About an hour ago or so He finished

And I'm just on the very final Sort of frame of the end credits And it says You have just watched Episode number one of seven Whether you like it or not You know what? I did I like that tone

I also like that this movie i don't know that they carried it on in later installments of emmanuel through time but it's done something that we've speculated would be a good idea for a long time which is to include bloopers almost they're not even really bloopers they're more like um bonus scenes or like stuff that didn't make the cut it's like emmanuel it's content that would live on Emmanuel.tv, but obviously got scrapped from the feature film for Runtime. And so they just do the classic thing where they box them in and they run side by side to the credits.

And there are some good laughs in there. Speaking of Runtime, was this movie quite long? It felt super long to me. No. Was this movie quite long? It felt super long to me. No. As a rule, these Emmanuel Through Time films are all roughly 90 minutes.

I think this one was 87 minutes. You're right. You did right. Felt longer. Well, I mean, it suffered from the same thing as other ones. So they're so clear in establishing everything at the start you've got emmanuel and some unknown wealthy sort of sugar daddy driving through the desert cutting through america in a beautiful car she's blindfolded he's in charge she's saying where are we going he's saying don't worry she reclines her seat

and starts masturbating he He maybe pulls over. Tickles her with a feather, my man. Tickles her vagina with a feather. The old tried and true. Eventually, they arrive in Las Vegas, and he reveals what they have driven there for, and it's not just a trip to Sin City itself. Oh, no.

He has bought for Emmanuel her very own environmentally friendly blimp. For her birthday. For her birthday. And he then proceeds. They're flying in the blimp before he reveals that he got her a blimp. Not just any blimp. A blimp with a see-through floor, which is a genius design decision. Yes.

Because when you're that high in the air and you're in a airship you do want to see what's underneath you it would be a nightmare to keep clean but i think it would be worth it dude i couldn't agree more and what better advertisement for having an observation deck on all aviation you know triumphs than watching emmanuel have cunnilingus performed on her immediately. He's like, I got you a blimp. This is the observation deck. It's eco-friendly.

Can I eat your pussy, please? It rules. It's a hot sex scene. The dude is smoking hot. You like him? Yeah. He's a bit traditional sort of jock for my tastes. I like him.

He was likeable. Can I just ask, Tim, have you got much experience with observation decks or glass floors? Have you been up the Sky Tower? I have been up the Sky Tower. Do you remember there are those like that glass, you know, there are parts of it where the floor is glass and so you can stand on the glass and look down between your feet and you actually can see through the floor all the way down to the ground.

Do you remember that? I get quite bad vertigo with those sorts of situations, so I don't love them. No, you're not a big heights guy? Not a big heights guy. I want to do one of those VR experiences that they've got in some arcades now where you put on a headset and then you have to walk a plank and you're massively high in the air.

Have you heard of these, Guy? No, that sounds fun. I've had some friends who have done it and have been physically incapable of walking along the plank, even though everything in their rational brain knows that they're wearing a headset. They cannot force their body to make these moves because of how

convincing the stimulus is. So you're not a big heights guy? I don't love heights. I'll tolerate them. I went skydiving once, but I'll never do it again. Have you been bungee? Never been bungee.

What about you, Guy? What's your relationship to heights? Would you go bungee never been bungee will you go about you guy what do you what's your relationship to go bungee would you go bungee uh yeah i reckon i'd do it yeah why not everything once same yeah totally uh i love them i love heights i get a real kick out of it i get adrenalized and um obviously you know i i'm not totally immune to the fears created by being up high, but... Actually, can I tell you a quick anecdote? I wish you would. I think I actually might have shared this on the podcast at some point anyway,

so deal with it is what I would say to that. But I used to have... Truly the podcast listener at this point is family, where it's like, you know... Just having to tolerate the same old stories. You know when you're out for a meal with a family member or someone and then they start telling a story that you've heard many times and no one else at the table has.

And instead of saying anything, you just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. You tell the story. Well, tell me if this sounds familiar to you, Guy. But when I lived in Sydney briefly with my friend Nick, up until that point, I had no issue with heights whatsoever. Like none. And then we went to the Royal Sydney Easter Show in 2008, and we got on a carnival ride, which was sort of an octopus shape,

constructed of metal, operated by someone who I wouldn't on-site attribute to prioritizing safety or machine maintenance. Surely the ride operator is not responsible for maintenance at these things. I think that's probably the case. A lot of cost cutting going on. I think these people wear a lot of hats. So the way that the ride works is that you get put on a harness like you get on a roller coaster you know when you sit down a roller coaster and the thing comes over your head and locks you in

around your chest i know the feeling so we've got the roller coaster harness locking you in but there's no other bit to it there's no seat so it just harnesses you in locks you in around your chest and then picks you up what are your legs doing they're just totally free from memory there might be like a very tiny minimal kind of place where your butt is seated but is there anything that goes up between your thighs no i don't think so you're kind of just the main thing is you're dangling you're really dangling right there so this ride kicks off and it starts off and it's quite fun and there's about i would say somewhere between 12 and 16 people on the ride at any given time because of all the different arms that come off of it and it starts very fun and it's going around and it's got these sort of different points of articulation

making it quite interesting. But then it starts speeding up quite dramatically and it's able to pull off a manoeuvre where it will pick you up in the arm and fling you towards the ground at pace so it looks like you're going to hit it. And myself and my friend Nick, and nick's a brave boy he was in the army at one point briefly things don't really get to nick he started screaming for his life because he's a good deal taller than me and quite rightly i thought my

legs were going to get taken off because of the speed and the tiny clearance that you get whipping around this machine of you interacting with the other metal arms that are on there. And it just kept going faster and faster. And it felt like it was speeding up to no end. And it just kept flinging you towards the ground and then pulling you up at the very last moment. Of course, we get off the ride terrified. Like we are completely traumatized by this. And we go on a Ferris wheel ride afterwards to try and calm our nerves a little bit. And even being on a Ferris wheel, and I did not anticipate this whatsoever

because I never formally had any issue with heights. But when we got up to the top you had hey yeah and casually colloquially we got up to the top part of the ferris wheel and even that was enough to make both of us very nervous and skittish and i inherited a fear of flying for about four to five years after being on that ride yeah it took a long time to subside that is why you go on sort of these uh thrill-seeking adventure park rides only at premium like only at purpose-built year-round operators and even then i mean there's an element of risk. Yeah. But I, because, yeah, the thrill of looking like you're about to hit the ground, obviously that is, I suppose,

intrinsically part of the charm of it. But because you haven't been told like, hey, so you know, it's going to feel like this, but your leg's going to be okay. There's also an element of I think it was designed for children and we were adults. Because I had a, not incredibly similar, but I remember going on a roller coaster. There's also an element of I think it was designed for children and we were adults. Because I had a – not incredibly similar, but I remember going on a roller coaster.

I can't actually remember where, but I remember part of it was like you do a very, very fast drop down and then you go through like a tunnel. So there's like a chute. I remember as I was going down and seeing the top of the tunnel and I was like, my head's going to hit the top of that. This is going to create a real problem for me. So you're going really fast and i'm like trying to push my head down and my neck down against the g-force yeah to like avoid clipping my head but of course my head's not gonna bang onto it but i couldn't ride roller coasters for the rest of the day and tim i love riding roller coasters oh because i just again, didn't trust the mechanics

of the ride but I don't have any long standing effects from that experience. Was that at a Six Flags? Have you been to a Six Flags? Yeah, I have and it might have been like the first time I went to America I went to

Los Angeles with my family and we went to a six flags it's pretty sick and then the last time i went to a six flags i actually i was in los angeles by myself and i drove out there on a tuesday morning regular you know school hours and um there are probably no more than 50 people in the entire theme park and i rode every single roller coaster once and took quite meticulous notes about what i enjoyed and then i rode the ones i really liked three more times each awesome all while becoming increasingly stoned thanks to the incredible marijuana legalization laws that apply in california the only time i

spoke to another person when I was there was when I got them to take a photo of me next to a giant anthropomorphized jelly belly that was sitting on a park bench. Fantastic. That sounds like a real day for the books. And it was. And it just goes to show how effective the marijuana legalization campaign that Emmanuel waged in this movie was on the state of California.

Well, yeah, I mean, they tied that into the film. And again, shout out to the credit sequence in this film because in the credits, while they're running through the people who made this movie what it was and then also the deleted scenes, they have this sort of classic the story names and characters and incidents portrayed in this production were fictitious no identifications with actual persons blah blah blah but then beneath that because obviously this film represents time travel and there was a there's a great moment in it where there's like a woman who's not emmanuel

but she's got a slot on emmanuel.tv and she's basically like cigarettes are bad but marijuana that stuff's great and then she smokes a marijuana cigarette with her vagina so at the end of the movie just as a disclaimer or maybe it's a gag for people who are sticking around to watch the credits they write all time travel was performed by professionals and should not be attended at home while intoxicated or high on medical marijuana no emmanuels were grievously harmed during the making of this film which is so great because we are sort of dealing with it's not really a time travel movie but it's like a parallel universes approach uh to sci-fi movie that's where it became confusing to me everything was laid out so clearly at the top let's let's try and unpack the thing

shall we let's try and get in in, our 14th minute on the episode, what actually fucking happened in this Emmanuel movie that we watched. If you insist. We've set up the top. We've got the hottie. We've got the gift of a blimp, the gift that keeps on giving. We've got the see-through observation deck. Then the blimp has comes to land in las vegas yeah but not before like the blimp uh it's not just a fuck palace for emmanuel and her handsome muscle-bound lover

it's also a portable television studio where users like it's quite for 2011 i suppose they're aping youtube somewhat but it's pretty like forward thinking it's like basically we roam around the world i've got incredible access to satellites and users submit videos of them having sex that i can then broadcast to try and encourage eroticism from all all comers in all parts and uh the the um the blimp comes complete with like a production team a crew a crew we've got runs when the anally retentive production manager that's right we've got jack the charismatic host and presenter of all of the shows we've got renee the crew member tasked with having sex with the clients in a cyberdome which is a virtual reality environment that basically is ripping off the holodeck in star trek yeah you've got um

ron jeremy yeah yeah some sort of like gruff disinterested editor with a british accent in one of the alternative realities for no reason and zero payoff. No reason? I think they wanted to advertise his incredible accent work. That really made me sit up in my seat. I was like, wow, Ron Jeremy sounds different. I only knew that he was trying to do a British accent because he said he wanted a cup of tea.

That was the only clue I could get to the nationality here. So the old techniques of accent work. That's actually a level higher than my favorite one, which is saying the thing or person you are. Yeah. Oh, I'm British. Hi, I'm Steve Jobs. This is an iPhone.

Yeah. And this is a piece of fruit. an iphone yeah and this is a piece of fruit so then emmanuel gets uh blow darted in the neck when she's in vegas yeah so she's got a television studio she's got her production crew they're still going to las vegas i for reasons that aren't clear i think they're just gonna have a good time and the blimp lands she steps off the blimp and as tim says two of the weaker actors in the entire movie who represent government agent like government suits you know just loose three-letter agency yeah people uh yeah they blow dart her in the neck and it's not clear why and it feels slightly sinister and then i think don't they um the uh so this is when she

meets colonel sanders yes colonel sanders comes in and is like are you ready to save the world and she's like are you saying someone's trying to destroy the world and he says always uh great great yeah it was good but then i kind kind of didn't understand who was threatening the world after that exchange. Everyone, always. There's no greater threat to the world, Tim, than non-eco-friendly blimps. And the US government need Emmanuel and her incredible solar-powered blimp

to travel through wormholes in the space-time continuum oh yeah that's right so we also need to talk because this is the introduction of the fuck generator yeah which is crude by its own scientists who well it's it's crude by any standards actually tim i found the whole thing to be frankly repulsive um i actually got a little bit lost in amongst the functionality of the sexy generator so perhaps you could hold my hand and explain some of the more sci-fi tech heavy elements of how exactly you thought that thing worked they got a bunch of colorful flashing lights and they strapped it to a cylinder and then they said this is the generator you You got to fuck around it. And when you do, we travel.

It's a good and simple rule. Basically, you put some halogen lights on a big piece of metal and you encourage anyone who comes into the room to have sex near it with the promise of either like splitting your reality or possibly time traveling through a wormhole. And it becomes more confusing because Emmanuel does both, kind of. She travels to, I think, a parallel universe where they're – I feel like I'm skipping over stuff now, but it's so inconsequential that I don't even know what I'm skipping over.

But she ends up in an alternate version of Las Vegas and planet Earth where Emmanuel is a global megastar. Yeah. skipping over but she ends up in an alternate version of las vegas and planet earth where emmanuel is a global megastar yeah where there is like everything is emmanuel branded there's we see and they make the ads and just put them in the movie for like um cologne for men perfume for women um shit what are all the products soap Grope Soap makes its first appearance. Grope Soap. There's a bunch of movies. They have short promo trailers for a bunch of made up.

This is the confusing thing. Some of the Emanuels they feature in there are ones that they've done. Yes. And they talk about- Sylvia Christel. Sylvia Christel-via Christel Krista Allen They honour so many Actual Emmanuel films

And actors who have actually played Emmanuel And this is coming through Imagine walking down the Las Vegas strip And every billboard Every building, everything is to honour one person And you are that person And the billboards are playing ads For people who have previously portrayed That person It's like Beyonce is to honor one person and you are that person and the billboards are playing ads for people

who have previously portrayed that person it's like beyonce it's like what if emmanuel was beyonce but before beyonce there was also another beyon by, like, it's representative that Beyonce is timeless. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yes. There's only one. Okay. All right. I guess.

Imagine if Emmanuel was the Dalai Lama. It's more like Emmanuel is James Bond. Yeah. Okay. That's probably true. And explicitly what they say in the movie. Yes. Which was for this conversation exactly but yeah basically she's walking through las vegas and emmanuel is super famous and she finds

this is i'm just going to insert it here because i have to say it while i remember and it was my shining light in a car park after she's like come out from her drugged stupor from being tranquilized and she's sort of like, she, I think, had an orgasm next to the generator and then travels through time and is now in this weird, bizarro Las Vegas where Emmanuel is everywhere. I mean, I just got to say, it's not necessarily a time travel thing. It's just parallel universes. Okay, thank you.

She winds up in some sort of car park outside what looks like a 7-Eleven or some sort of very shit strip mall. And she's sort of confused and she sees a guy in the car park and she's like, hey, can you help me? Two men in suits tranquilized me and I think they're trying to hurt me and I don't know where I am. And the guy's like, man, you women are worse than those Fort Lauderdale spring breakers.

I hate this. I'm going back to Florida. And just running into Emmanuel, who is slightly disoriented, has ruined this guy. Like, this guy's traveled from Florida to Las Vegas. And just running into a very friendly woman who's slightly confused. He's like, oh, I cannot stomach any more of this debauchery. I must return home. Great performance.

She's reaching out for some help as well, poor lady. The poor lady Emmanuel. Truly. There's lots of made-up films, lots of made-up Emmanuel's that they feature. There's Emmanuel on Elm Street, which is one i would love to see what were some of the other ones because i was sort of watching them and at first it's like wow we've missed some emmanuels but then they had so many obvious gag ones it's like wow they're mixing fact with fiction and trying to disorient us specifically like who else could they be trying

to confuse but you and i that was that was for and Guy. They put that one in there for Tim and Guy. I'm actually, am I correct? I might, oh God. This is the thing about this movie and the method in which we're watching it. I'm trying to, it's impossible. So the thing with these websites. My computer becomes hotter and slower with every single Emmanuel film I watch. It's a good sign.

It means it's working. These websites that host the emmanuel films some of them that we watch uh they have an interesting style of video player where it works a little bit differently to your normal youtube player you click it and then uh about four times out of five that will trigger a pop-up for a casino online to be presented to you. And then about 20% of the time, you'll get the movie. But once the movie starts, the controls disappear. So you cannot pause it.

You cannot adjust the volume. You cannot scrub the timeline whatsoever. It's quite good. It really forces your hand. It's pretty much saying, you want to watch this? Okay, watch it. And the website that we watched the film on today is the brilliantly titled daftsex.com

or whatever the end of the URL is. But some of the sex was outright daft, Tim. How did you find this? In terms of eroticism, I feel like we've gone quite plot heavy with her explanation. How horny did this movie make you? Or, hypothetically, could it make one who is trying to masturbate? I thought that this was a good film for sex.

I thought there was good real sex with hot people. And this is what you want in a porno. We had real sex with Emmanuel and Blimp Boy, the rich guy at the start. There was a pretty steamy scene where Jack, this sort of very cheesy game show host style presenter of all the Emmanuel.tv shows, attempts unsuccessfully to have a threesome with two women.

Border Inspector! Oh, fuck. Border Inspector! Hello, Tim. with two women and then manuel oh fuck boner inspector hello tim hello boner inspector my my my hasn't it been a while yeah what have you been doing man well after i got kicked out of the podcast i went and took a good long hard look hard look at myself. And I loved it. Sometimes the bony you're looking for is right in front of you the whole time. Oh, wow.

That sounds very positive. Did you... Establish a completion? Oh, yeah. Well, did you do that? Yes. How long had it been? Many years. Oh, wow. Really? Mm.hmm. Shit.

You were like a bulldog who hasn't been fixed. I came so hard I lost 15 kilograms. That is disgusting to think about the mechanics of. So then I got admitted to a hospital, and it wasn't just the come and turns out I also had dysentery. Oh, man. Yeah. So you just lost a lot of fluid. Huge of fluid but i'm better now i've got my clipboard i'm wearing a nice lab coat sounds like a real fucked up cleanse that

you've been on sort of a detox well it's good to take time out from work it really gives you perspective you know sometimes you spend so long looking for other people's boners you forget to um tend to the boner you have i don't know a lot about dysentery but it does seem very uh bad yeah it's not good okay so um boner inspector i know why you're here you're always here to check on me and my friend Guy, who have relegated ourselves to watching about 40-something pornos in the Emmanuel series. Traditionally, yes. Oh, have you changed that?

Well, hold on. Let me get to the end of the sentence. And observing whether or not the film of the week got us wrecked. That is my purpose. That is my passion. But I realize that as the years worn on and the movies have piled up on top of one another, not only were you not getting bonus, but I was probably becoming more aggressive or sort of wrong-headed

in my approach of talking to you and asking what could be reasonably expected of a man I only really barely know. So I've come hat in hand and other hand extended asking for forgiveness. Oh, wow. This is a real turn. I would, absolutely. I mean, I sort of would like to know what you're apologizing for explicitly. I feel like that's part of the process.

Any upset or discomfort I might have caused in my capacity as the boner inspector. Boner inspector, it takes a big man to go to work every day with the difficult task of looking at people's genitals and assessing whether or not they have been physiologically in a state of arousal. Thank you. You do that.

That's your job. It is your vocation. It is your raison d' your job. It is your vocation. It is your reason detray. It's all I know. And I've got a lot of respect for a man who wanders this earth, duty bound, fulfilling his purpose, whatever it is, day in, day out. Thank you. I understand that the work can be difficult.

Thank you. I understand that the work can be difficult, and we all have observed you getting increasingly agitated and aggressive, as you have alluded to just now. And it takes a big man to take a look at himself and after years without coming, masturbate to completion, get dysentery lose 15kg of fluid rehydrate at a hospital

come back and offer up some sort of palm leaf olive branch I think is what I was going for there. Both. And I very graciously accept your apology and I thank you for offering it and

this this has done nothing but strengthen our relationship and hopefully you'll resolve and the the purpose that you have thanks tim now would you mind showing me your cock surely not i don't even know if that's how this worked before. It was more of sort of an oral examination, by which I mean I would tell you, not the other kind. Okay, you've seen through me. I thought I'd try and catch you off guard in a moment of vulnerability, but no, I suppose I shall use my traditional methods. I respect the hustle.

I respect you seeing an opportunity and diving at it. Tim or Guy, did either of you achieve even the whisper of an erection during your screening of Emmanuel Through Time, Emmanuel's Skin City? I'm sorry to say not. But again, I feel like under different circumstances, perhaps it could have been a possibility. I'm sorry to say that I will say. Not the furthest I've been, but certainly at no point was I like...

There was nothing to suggest that I was going to even become turgid. Oh, I love that word. Well, I suppose it's back to beating the pavement, clipboard in hand. All right, Boner. Trying to abide traditional boundaries of normalcy and acceptability. I think that's a good idea. It's nice to see you. Good luck.

It's interesting. I feel like you still have a pep in your step, but you appear to be a more rounded and emotionally intelligent man. So I wish you nothing but the best. Cheerio! What a guy. Nice to have him back. It is nice to have him back.

And personal reflection and growth is something that we try to foster on this podcast, so it's lovely to see our contributors adopt that mentality as well. A little bit sinister when he asked to see your cock, I thought. Hey, can't blame a guy for trying, can you? Yeah, yeah. Ain't that the truth? Now, I've got a question for you Tim And feel free to ignore it

But We've done This is the second film we've watched Since you became a father And I'm trying to think of a sort of quippy title for it I don't know what the childcare split is. I know that you and Zoe are both brilliant and active people

with lives to live and a child to share between you while we have this lockdown and beyond. But was there any pornographic parenting? No, that's not right. No, I locked myself away So that my family were not exposed To the dastardly deeds I must put myself through

Thank you, because I couldn't figure out a way to phrase it And you've answered the question That I was driving towards, I appreciate it Yeah, I think it's one of those things Where on first blush Some listeners may be disappointed to hear That I'm not watching pornos With my son.

But I think it's one of those things where if you think about it for even 10 more seconds, you go, you know what, maybe that's for the best. You know what I'm excited for? What's that, mate? 16 years from now, when finally it will be legal and socially acceptable for father and son, in this instance, on this timeline, to watch a pornographic film together. Finally, it will be legal and socially acceptable for father and son, in this instance, on this timeline, to watch a pornographic film together. You think that's the direction society's taking?

You think that's what we're all driving toward? No, I'm just... It's a very funny goal, isn't it? Steering down the barrel of complete ecological annihilation and we're like, you know what needs to change the acceptability of a man and his boy to sit down and watch an adult film together i i'm imagining that you watch it together in the same way that you and i watch it together which is not um to derive eroticism mostly just that you can guy nobody is watching porno in the same way that you and i are watching porno we have created an entire context all our own no one is doing it the way we're doing it

no one is doing it for the reason we're doing it oh wow i like that do you know what that's something that i needed to hear and his has almost qualified the last year or so. Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? We are a rule unto ourselves. No one watches porn like us. That's right. We're the only ones doing it.

I really liked Renee again, who's the very upbeat woman who's just down to fuck all the time. Why didn't you fucking marry you man you love this woman a fantastic play on this character where they went to the alternate timeline where a man this is another fucked thing so i i just watched um primer again recently that movie that they made us watch in the patreon deciders club like three years ago oh is that that super super dense time travel movie we watched it half at a house then half while we were driving to um which was so stupid because like even giving that movie my full attention for either the third or fourth time i've watched it i still understand

maybe six percent of the plot it is so confusing but i love it so much did you watch that today uh the night before last yeah been watching a lot of movies guy for leisure i like that i watched a movie for leisure last night can you name it kajaire. I haven't even heard of that. It was released, I think, last year. Written and directed by Miranda July. Okay. It was... It's an interesting...

It's quite an adventurous film. Or at least, I don't know, to my limited palate. But I enjoyed it. Very good. Well, we're not here to talk about other films. I agree. We can acknowledge that they exist however These are the rules I've made up

Right here and now I like the rules In this reality Where they do the parallel universe jumping The other Emmanuel Is still there So this home world Home girl Emmanuel

Who is this star of all of these myriad franchises and ip opportunities and perfume lines and bags and movies we've never seen and will never see worshipped as a god she's in the middle of putting on a show emmanuel de soleil no circ hold on what is it there or is it Cirque De Emmanuelle? It's one or the other I feel like it would have to be Cirque de Emmanuelle For grammatical

Language reasons Yes, she's doing that And gets a brainstorm And rings Ron Jeremy I think the latest idea is they're going to introduce A range of silks. Yeah. Based on her doing the show,

and she's very taken with the talented performers in Cirque de Emmanuel, which is pretty cool. But that's when the Emmanuel we know is with Ron Jeremy because she's traveled through the wormhole and goes there and it's all real confusing. Deeply. But I wonder and it's all real confusing. Deeply. But I wonder if it's one of those situations where, like in Primer, if you kind of meet yourself in the parallel universe,

you've got to fucking take her out. Like there can be only one. Highlander rules. That kind of feels like the – I mean, I would not be able to really take that approach. As I think we've established, my approach would be to fuck myself as opposed to kill myself. But I can see the logic of being like,

okay, we know about each other. Only one of us can go on, you know, elimination. How would you kill yourself, Guy, if it came down to it? You get put into a scenario where there is another guy montgomery who is very similar to you you don't know what the differences are so you've got to assume he's identical in every way he's similar to me he uh he probably likes heights so i'd take up the sky tower i could have paid for the um that sort of jump off the sky tower experience so smart and then um i wouldn't fasten the harness correctly.

Good man. Yeah. That's how you do it. I play to my strengths. I just want to say while we're sort of unpacking the lore of this Emmanuel film, some of the other materials that are featured on Emmanuel.tv, like we get quite a lot of exposition to the sort of content that they are creating and releasing.

And it's where they stuff a lot of the comedy in the film into it. And my favorite was, we'd seen it in a different Emmanuel Through Time film, but never like this, American Orgasm, which is like an orgasm performance guessing and coaching show so regular americans submit themselves in front of a panel of judges uh and perform an orgasm and the judges have to

grade it and i think i feel like in some of the promotional materials they had to guess whether or not it was real or not but in this instance it just felt like they were judging the performance of the orgasm and It's American Idol. It's American Idol for coming. This is such a detailed American Idol parody that in the extended cut of American Orgasm in this film, they even have a panel of judges who all perform like the Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson roles.

These are bad actors who are doing their best and the Simon Cowell guy is just some sinister little guy with a goatee who's saying I'd rather like suffocate you with a pillow than watch you have an orgasm

yeah that's right whoops there we go yes he does say that. He threatens to kill someone because their fake coming was so bad. I mean, it's awful, but it's also, in the context of watching the movie, it's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun because they did the work. They make up a fake graphics package, which apes the exact look and feel of American Idol.

My hat goes off to them for these little touches. There's so many little touches that they've added to this film that bring it to life. That makes it so much better than the other six. I guess, how many have we seen in Emmanuel through time now? Five? No, no, I think less than that. I'd say three or four.

Oh. Yeah, we've got work to do. Four, surely, surely four. I mean, you'd like to think so but maybe i'm getting confused because we saw recently that one that was definitely the last of them and features clips from all of them yeah we've seen the vampire one i'm very tired by the way everybody my brain's not working super well because i'm so tired because do you know why so not only is there a a newborn child to tend to but last night new zealand had the fucking awesome idea of just stealing an hour away from us they were like you know it would

be a funny idea while you're in lockdown let's just fucking take an hour off your hands daylight savings sucks it's so stupid i don't feel that passionately about it. Every year I can't get my head around what's actually happening. But I like that it will be light later now. This represents summer. I just think it's a stupid thing we all have to go through every year, twice, figuring out how to live. Do you know the origins of it?

Does this happen everywhere? It's farmers. Farmers advocated for it because they wanted more sunlight hours to do their toil on their land. That's how it was explained to me. I want to know who invented it. It was just farmers, a union. Have we seen Emmanuel's Supernatural Sexual Activity?

We haven't seen that one, have we? We've not seen that, no. Forbidden Pleasures, I think, was the mash-up or the fail army of Emmanuel one. Sexy Bite the Vampire one, we've seen that. We've seen 007 License to Fuck or whatever. Rod Steele, 0014, and The Naked Agent, 0069. So, yeah, that was our fourth one of this series,

of which there's seven. Oh, man. Yeah. We're closing in, though, and we're also going to add, definitely, the Carry On Emmanuel film, which I'm looking forward to. So we're down to four Emmanuels. Yeah, I think that's right. I can't wait to masturbate to the um parody the carry-on film after having yeah man

keep my hand off it for every actual porn film it's gonna be a fun wank in my head it is a porno that is uh the cast is comprised entirely of 75 year old washed up british comedy performers i would love that don't you don't you love like a star cameo in anything i guess i don't know maybe maybe not well do you know where i don't know there is an exception to this role do you know what it is what oceans 12 who they're still talking about how Julia Roberts looks like Julia Roberts They break cinema for a bit Yeah, that stinks If there was a cameo in one of these

Or if there's a cameo in the Carry On film You'd love it Yeah, but I don't know I'm sure there are some big Ron Jeremy's the cameo Featuring It's weird that we all know who Ron Jeremy is But we do There are some big people featuring. It's weird that we all know who Ron Jeremy is, but we do.

And he's in these films, which is also weird. I don't know who the carry-on people are, but I assume for especially British people of a certain age, it would be wall-to-wall appearances, famous step-ins. But I just don't understand the context of who these people are and their careers. Right. So I have nothing to look forward to, Guy. Well, if you're talking about cameos, I suppose my performance in some of the Emmanuel films

must have been to your liking, Tim. Literally forgot you appear on every episode, George Lazenby. literally forgot you appear on every episode george lazenby a pleasure to see you how are you fucking i'm doing fucking doing pretty well thanks how are you doing i understand you're a recent father which must have mean you kept it in nice george i going to ask you to leave. I've been talking about this movie for too long. No, do you know what? That's actually, that's rude of me. I'm not going to do that.

That's incredibly rude of me. Make your mind up because I would have gone. No, I know. Guy and I host you here on the podcast, kind of. You sort of invite yourself in. But I think if you go to the effort of showing up, the least guy montgomery and tim back can do is uh entertain you for a moment or two with a pitch of a porno

yeah and um i've got an idea for you uh okay imagine this uh a tree like a an oak. How do you plant an oak tree? Is it with a seed? A nut? Acorns. An acorn? Right. An acorn is fused with human DNA. Come. So it's like an acorn that's on the ground,

and all of a sudden it's half acorn, half potential person, and it takes seed in the ground and all of a sudden it's half acorn, half potential person, and it takes seed in the ground and grows. Mm-hmm. And it grows like to be, well, it's half tree, half person. Mm-hmm. And it's horny. Mm-hmm. And if you climb it, you come. Mm- you come and does the tree come oh yeah the tree comes

any thoughts tim uh sorry i was just um i think it's like me personally i think it's good i i think it's a real strong premise i didn't see tree of life but i assume that's what that movie is loosely about as well yeah i haven't seen tree of life either but if it's already been made we'll have to think of something else no no no no no no it's just more nakedness in there and fucking in that movie maybe the the tree could be at the entrance to a football stadium where they have the lights in a very specific way that cast multiple shadows around the players yeah sure man it's still held up on shadow play i love that well here's the thing about shadow play that could be a franchise easily so we could in the same way that emmanuel through time has these different seven bites of the same apple we could keep sort of uh you know different approaches to the same concept

of the beautiful sexual shadows through a different lens. I am swimming in merchandising ideas. Boys, I love it. I need to go to my architectural firm and draw up some blueprints for puppets, Lego sets, rulers, pencil cases, lunchboxes, vehicles, shoes, hats,

backpacks, roller skates, Bluetooth speakers, bath toys, chairs, beanbags, pillows, bed sets, bed frames, clothes. We get it, George.

You want to make merch. Do you know what I find incredible about this, George, is that you've gone to an architectural firm for this, and yet the one thing you're not designing are buildings. Oh, I can't design buildings. They're too hard. I see. All right, George.

Thanks a lot, mate. Great to see you, George Lazenby. Thanks thanks for stopping in and thank you for your enthusiasm thanks for the ideas trying to um express a little more gratitude for our guests guy i love them coming in they inject love and light into our episodes and uh it's always a joy to see them except when it isn't and in which case sometimes it's very grisly yeah they are real sort of hit or miss hot and cold type of guys but one thing they certainly are is sometimes here can i tell you i recently found george lazenby on twitter which i might have done when we first started talking about him that guy has less than 10 000 followers and is still absolutely and solely dining out on his one james bond movie and it made me really fucking sad should we see if we can get him on the podcast yeah yeah i guess we do need to do that he's got his agent listed he's represented by anders

oh this looks icelandic f-r-e-j-d-h oh maybe it's wel. I don't know. Talent Management AB. They manage an international array of talent, guiding them in all matters, including licensing, sponsorship, and personal appearances. And that Twitter account is based in Stockholm and has 104 followers. I would like to see who else is on the books. Well, don't

target these threads too hard, Tim, because you never know where they'll lead you. I can tell you that their website does not have a HTTPS secure certificate. George Lazenby is very prominently on the front, which makes

me think he might be their star player Oh wow Anders is the CEO of his own company These are the things that the front page is telling me He's also the CEO of a consulting firm He has a Bachelor of Business Administration A Bachelor of Mechanical Engineering And is a self-described James Bond expert He has a Bachelor of Business Administration, a Bachelor of Mechanical Engineering,

and is a self-described James Bond expert. Oh, wow. You can get George Lazenby as James Bond masks. Jesus. Truly a product for this time. Wow, that is interesting. There's George Lazenby official merchandise. You can get a George Lazenby mask for COVID. Okay, guy, guess what you're getting for your birthday

that's coming up in three days, which won't be delivered for about three months probably. Is it a George Lazenby's james bond mask nope you're getting a mask and a hat and a t-shirt holy shit i'll be the fucking i'll be walking around town asking if people have any ideas for pornographic films in no time man i hope that they ship internationally. Who is buying this? All right. This episode's been far too long.

I get it. We're out of here. Did you do a Shining Light? My Shining Light's Renee again. Okay. My second Shining Light, to cover the fact that you just are in love with this woman, is the three actors who, like, when the slick TV Emanuel.TV host has to improvise, there are three actors playing, like, the crew in blue T-shirts who are...

It's the worst performance I've seen ever. And they are a real joy to be around. Real pros on set. Thanks for listening. Thanks to you, Tim, for watching. You're welcome, Guy. It's my duty to do so. We'll catch up soon. Bye.