The Worst Idea Of All Time - 47: Super Mario Reboot

Episode Date: June 9, 2019

In this 47th (not 48th, despite what you’ve heard) watch the fellas discuss Timbo’s future plans for tepid baths and VR headsets, the time old question - splitter vs one-hitter and the comedy stylings of Carrie Bradshaw. Then it’s a deep dive into the narration of our aforementioned protagonist who leads a pack of women hungry for adventure and PEEN. Also, Pierce Brosnan and Nathan lane should be the new Mario Brothers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Isn't it funny, our instincts are always the same. Last week we both thought, I'll launch this thing off, and then this week just a very unnatural silence to begin the episode. Hello, and welcome along to episode 48 of season 4 of The Worst Idea of All Time. A critical review of the 2008 film Sex and the City, the movie, the movie. I am Guy Montgomery, broadcasting live from New York, joined as ever by Tim Batt, a man who has not yet spoken and, if I continue to run my sentences together, will remain respectfully silent for as long as I've got something to say. And I do have

something to say, which is welcome, Tim. Hi, it's so good to be here. It's so good to hear your voice, Guy. A sentence I've said for the second time this morning because the first time I said it, on the word your, you hung up on me. Yep. I am not here to exchange pleasantries.

I'm here to get down to business. I've had a formal watch of the movie, I would say. A real throwback. Forced engagement, both by myself and by an arbitrary yet seemingly important task I assigned myself on the previous episode. But I would say of the previous 47 watches, it's definitely top five, possibly the most engaged screening I've had of Sex and the City. Jesus.

Hey, can I make a brief suggestion? Because I would like for us to just stay in what you've done for this entire episode. So before we do, can we just get my watch very briefly out of the way? Was it done in VR? No, and here's why. I've ordered the VR headset and I've been tracking it on the courier,

but unfortunately it did not get to me in time. So here's what's going to happen. I'm thinking, I'll wear the VR headset and there's actually a bathtub at my house. So I thought if I get that tepid temperature, you know, just right, it could sort of act like a sensory deprivation chamber. So I can just be in there with Carrie and the gals and no one else. And the only sensory information I will have is my 48th watch of Sex and the City, the city, the movie.

Oh, man. That is so grim. Because I think these sensory deprivation tanks, I feel like the water temperature is monitored and maintained. But if you're going to draw yourself a tepid bath, this is a long movie. Two and a half hours is long enough for the water to become cold and for Tim to become sick.

Yeah, I thought did occur to me and uh it's important i think you know in the interest of uh making you as physically ill as possible that you don't adjust the temperature once you're in the bath you're in the bath you know bath you reckon yeah yeah you can't change the water the whole family's got to share the water all right well here's what's going to happen then i'm going to make a too hot bath and i'm quite sensitive to temperature so that's not going to go well and then i'm just going to be burning for a bit and then probably by the last 45 i'll be very cold do you know it's winter right now there's a that's a really uh nice feeling is when you you've got it you've drawn yourself a bath and the water's too hot, and you put your toe in or you put your fingers in to test,

and you have to pull and go, ah, oh, it's too hot. Yeah. And that moment itself is not physically pleasant, but what is pleasant is the knowledge that not long after that you're going to be having a lovely bath. It's sitting there knowing that something great is about to happen knowing you're about to eat you know in in two minutes do you you rock a bath huh on a regular no very rarely do i have a bath uh but i've got fond memories of it i remember that your body

feels like it's radiating heat immediately afterwards. I think, no, actually, there's no need to wander down that path. Oh, go on. You little tease. Go on. When I was much younger, I think I shit myself in a bath, and that is...

I see. That is... Yeah, it's not a scene for anyone guys let me can i tell you something maybe this is to do with the fact that i've only just gotten out of bed i don't know maybe i'm vulnerable i love you man i you are vulnerable i love you too but you have shown weakness my eyes are stinging from the movie physically stinging did you watch it all this morning i watched at exactly 50 of it last night after i did a late night comedy show so i was on and then yeah started watching and then nothing compliments the adrenaline hit of immediately finishing a live

comedy performance like schlep well to settle down with the gals. No one can really relate to the experience of live performance quite like Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte. Yeah, it was not good. But that was kind of fine because it's all right to do that, to let the adrenaline subside and you're sort of doing something while that happens. But to set your alarm after a late night gig and forcing yourself to stay up till half past one watching a movie and then setting your alarm for a crisp 7.15 a.m. start because that's the minute

you need to start watching again. Oh, so good. Anyway, enough about me. No, no, no, no. That's the never ending, you know, that's a philosophical question that will plague us for all of time. Whether or not it's better or worse to do a one-hitter. That night and morning breakup you've got there, you're ruining the end of a day and the start of another.

breakup you've got there that is you're ruining the end of a day and the start of another whereas you know if you if you distribute it differently you're just ruining one day or even part of a day i'm all right with it i i don't mind the split the only thing i don't like about the split is the um the disrespect of it you know the disrespect to the project which we are engaged with that i don't appreciate Listen to you peddling your bloody PR spiel, towing the company line. I'm a brown noser. What can I say? I'm trying to make nicey-nice with the boss.

Who's the boss? The boss is our sole libertarian listener. That is the person signing our checks. Can I ask you a professional question? Always. Who's the boss between us? The boss? Well, I'd have to say me, and I don't like that.

Would you agree with that? Would you agree with that? I would say it's felt like you've been the boss for times. For probably the majority of the time we've been doing this, it's felt like you're the boss. But then this season, I feel like sometimes I've felt a little bit like the boss. Good. I don't actually... The boss is kind of the wrong title.

I'm like the office administrator. No. There's only one job title between us, and it is the boss. Would you like to be the boss this episode, or would you like someone else to be the boss? I definitely want someone else to be the boss. I do not want to be the boss in this in this project well uh punch your time card in because i i will be your boss oh thank you

and my first um oh sorry everyone in my house is getting really sick because none of us got the flu vaccine because we don't believe in vaccines and that's why i'm coughing isn't it summer uh not not in this office not in this building all i'm trying to tell you is is this as your boss i want you to describe to me uh your your viewing experience the emotional high and the emotional low um well is emotional high a synonym for shining light because it was it was for me like it was it was my favorite bit you know makes it was the best you felt it was yeah yeah go ahead i think it was coming off the back of doing a live stand-up comedy show but for some reason carrie bradshaw's joke against big when they're in bed together at the start of the movie and she's reading a book of love letters from historic men

and big asks oh am i in there and she says no but some of your classmates are napoleon voltaire i thought that was funny i was it was good it was a good joke. She sassed him. She stole it well. Yeah, I respect that. Whoever wrote it, Mattress Pikelet, he was bound to think it would hit. It's not going to work every time, but occasionally it's going to hit home.

And happy to hear it did its job. Low light. I mean, when I do remember this really, because this was only an hour and a half ago or something like that, Steve getting out of the car to meet Miranda at the engagement party and my eyes just stinging from being awake, looking at a screen that early as he exits the car. And I was just thinking, this is no way to live, is it? This is no life for Tim.

Did you feel some sort of kindred connection to Steve and how downcast he was looking? Nah, fuck him. Fuck all of them. But I will say this. I did sympathize with Steve this week a lot more than I have before, which was interesting.

What inspired that, do you think? It's just the fact that when Miranda goes, let's get it over with when they're having sex, for some reason that really fucked me off, this watch. Oh, wow. I put myself in his shoes. I was like, you know, you're in a marriage with a successful, powerful woman. And she's very busy all the time.

She's working around the clock. You're looking after a kid. You've got a small business of your own. And you're doing enough fucking and then you do get to fucking and then uh she's like hey you know tick tock mate let's let's get this done i was like man i'd be so so pissed about this if this was me so uh it's good to know it's good to know that you were that in the movie at one point it's like you know it wasn't it wasn't an emotional high point but it's nice to know that you felt uh the experience that one of the characters in the movie was feeling because i honestly could not tell you the last time i i experienced that sensation true and that's what we that's

what we go to the cinema for is it not it is it's why we see movies once maybe twice but not thrice and certainly not 47 times 47 eyes so uh as you know i have uh gone to the trouble of writing down everything carrie says in VO during this movie. It's voiceover for the uninitiated. Yeah. Still not 100% clear, you know, within the world of the film. Like, as an outside observer, as someone watching the movie, the voiceover is obviously to help drive the story forward,

and it's just, you know, some flavor, some connective tissue. It's a continuation of a device used in the TV show. I understand that. But even after transcribing it all, within the movie, I still don't quite know what these little asides and quips and commentaries amount to, where they're meant to go, how she has access to all of this information.

How do you want to approach this guy? Are we going to go through one by one or you just want to do some commentary on the pile? Well, I've sort of probably, I guess one by one, I've sort of grouped them into segments. Great. So the first one is, well, actually, I'll go through the first one and then we can assess how we're feeling about it.

So the first one is what I've discovered is the opening overview. So these are all the things that Carrie says over the opening montage as we are establishing the world of the movie. It opens year after year 20 something woman come to new york city in search of the two l's can you finish this sentence tim labels and love my man having let me have a run at it uh having no you already fucked it oh shit uh so 20 something woman i mean if it's a book that she's writing or if it's a sentence that is the first thing that stands out to me

because the way it's written if you write it down it reads as 20 something woman so year after year, between 20 and 29 women moved to New York City looking for labels and love, which seems low. Yeah, absolutely. We've talked about this recently. Even if it's just a subset of the number of women who move here, you'd think. Anyway, so labels and love. 20 years ago, i was one of them having gotten the knack for labels early i concentrated on my search for love turns out a knockoff is not as easy to spot when it comes to love mark you, you're married? You asshole! I hate you!

Until it is. That's the character. Yeah, you did a great job there. That is why you need help to spot this. Lots of help. Help also known as Charlotte York. Ding! Miranda Hobbs.

Ding! And Samantha Jones. Ding! My name is carrie bradshaw ding that's good storytelling hey bing bang bong bing these are our four the core four uh for sure really how are you feeling about how are you feeling about the movie at this point like is my reading this uh prompting any visual imagery for you is it prompting any emotional emotions for you it's very weird because we're contracting all the things that are in between right like when you're saying the characters names that's the bit where they do the montage from the tv show right of them delivering lines to explain their their current situation uh there's there's later so this is this is them walking down the road and

they all sort of you know as their name is called they magically appear so then uh she says my name is carrie bradshaw and i'm a writer year after year my single girlfriend for my salvation and as it turns out my meal ticket can i pause you there so if we uh because i think the predominant idea is that we lead to believe this is either in the column or in a book that she's writing and to write i'm a writer in either of those styles of publication seems pretty fucking redundant uh so do we discount that idea and now we're just dealing with a movie that for some reason broadcasts occasional thoughts of the protagonist? Perhaps. So there's some sort of just almost voice of God.

Yeah. First person voice of God of a character who someone who's describing. I mean, is it with the power of hindsight because all of all of it's written in the true is it it's all sort of written in the present day or spoken in the recent day there is a tense problem with this isn't it it should be fuck yeah it should be in the past tense but it's not written like that which i get because you want to have the active voice to make it a bit more engaging but it would make a lot of sense if it was like in the style of a children's you know they do that with kids movies based on a storybook like a brother's grim tale it's like

once upon a time there was a princess yeah do it like that once upon a time there were four ladies in new york city thirsty for adventures and some of us, some peen. Yeah, they love peen. I mean, this is the thing. I think this question, unless we sort of take control and make a decision of what the narrative represents for ourselves,

I could read this entire transcript of voiceover to you and we wouldn't have a clearer answer. Well, boss, this is up to you. This is why you get the big checks. I want to see a little bit more assumption of responsibility from you actually, Mr. Bat. Okay. Fair enough.

In that case, wait, do we just have to make the call now? No, you asking that question has made the call. We'll decide later. So now we start describing the lives of the characters. And this is all really, I mean, the function of it cinematically is purely just to get everyone in the cinema up to speed with who these people are. Excuse me, boyfriend of person who bought a ticket to this?

Listen to this so you know what's about to happen that's right uh charlotte was looking for the perfect love well almost perfect uh and so yeah this is this is cut up with moments from the movie so this is a failed marriage to the trey who is impotent i believe uh so charlotte and harry journey to china and back for their daughter lily so we've got her whole story. Miranda was a disciple of tough love. And then she falls in love with Steve and has Brady. And she says, Miranda journeyed to Brooklyn for Brady and Steve.

Two uses of journeyed is a verb. It's a weird verb. It's not uncommon usage. And Mattress Parklet King is being two of them together. It's poor writing. Get a thesaurus. That's a good air because he does this all the time. Samantha's love was sex.

Lots of sex. Now, she's used sex twice there. And then she found a man that combined sex and love. So, Samantha journeyed to Hollywood with television star Smith Jarrod. journeyed to hollywood with television star smith jared the fact that he's used it three times almost makes it seem like it's on purpose but i refuse to believe that because there's no actual there's no actual value in repeat repeating the word journey like what is this telling us we're about to go on a journey oh i thought you meant the word sex three times yeah no there's no point to using the word journey more than once it's weird unless you were talking about um the band which would be cool

maybe it was a bet someone's like i bet you can't put the word journey three times in the first five minutes of the film i'm sorry I got a call in the middle of a conversation but it was confusing yeah what happened to you

did it go on call hold or what I don't know it just went quiet for a bit onwards guy let's journey forward yeah it's it's nice to know

how phones work as for me I was looking for something big Mr. Big turns out when that big love comes along, it's not always easy.

And despite all the other chapters of my life, no one was ever quite big enough. Until, and just like that, I was. Three books and three years later, we still feel like those four single girls. And even though time has moved

us on i managed to stay exactly where i was in love so i mean this last one to me is is the funniest if you think about it as a book if you think of carrie writing her book and um in between you know describing the outcome of something she just remembers to herself the events that led to it. And then she goes, ah, that was great. And then continues. Because that is the narrative device she has used. That is such a simpleton thing to do, isn't it? Just like remember some good times that are still sort of going

quietly to yourself. And then forget that you haven't written them down i mean for a professional author this is borderline unforgivable stuff um do you know what though and i this may be immature but i feel like the name of the franchise is sex in the city we're already geared to be thinking about it and for mattress pike like king to dangle these lines in front of us tantalizingly such as no one was ever quite big enough i mean are we talking about dick size or are we not talking about dick size let's be real here has carrie been auditioning dicks if you read it as a book, we're talking dicks. But if you watch it as a movie, we're talking a character. And I suppose that the very ambiguity you've articulated there, Tim, is possibly what made the character name so fun to begin with.

Yeah, I guess so. So that's the first chunk of voiceover. And, you know, it's pretty clearly just a storytelling device i think you know that we all we all because you know we are vaguely familiar with the series at this point uh we don't think to be like what is this voiceover where does it fit into the world of the movie because it's just what we expect because it's just a continuation of how the story functioned on the show yes i mean i'm you know this is where our unfamiliarity with the tv show really uh holds its own because i'm sure that there have been huge conversations around the use of voiceover

and sex in the city and and what it represented but i've seen it i've seen the odd episode and from memory because obviously was on the box a long time ago it was it was used correctly for exposition so it's like well exposition and sort of like character development because i think they used it quite well to either drive the story forward into the next bit. It's just a neat little shortcut to be like, and then, you know, the answer to the question walked in the room or fucking whatever. But also it can give you a unique emotional insight into what the characters are feeling. But in the movie, they don't really do either of those things which we will find out as we go on with these lines but that's how you're supposed to use this and from memory that is how

they did use it in the in the tv show to great effect in the in the movie it winds up sort of functioning almost like uh you know when in a spy movie say, say, and there's a shot of a new location and then just the words come up in type on the bottom of the screen. Yeah. That's pretty much what this is. Yeah. But interspersed with occasional half-baked sort of, you know, wisecracks or, you know, pieces of purported wisdom. But just fucking unbearable idiocy. Continue, yes.

It adds so little to the film that it's almost an aid for the visually impaired. Have you ever witnessed those tracks? Have you ever heard them on TV shows and movies? You turn them on, and they talk to you about what's in the scene so it's like if if you can say you're saying this if you're visually impaired you're hearing a person describe this scene that's what carrie's narration is and sex in the city

absolutely a thousand times yes uh so the next one this is a new segment now it's just one it's only one line which is um finding the perfect apartment in new york city it's like finding the perfect partner it can take years so that line can go because we're seeing we're seeing them looking for an apartment let's put a line through that one shall we folks because that they say in the in the corresponding scene they say what number is this again 34 lucky 30 like we get it you're finding it hard to find uh a multi-million penthouse apartment that is exactly to your specifications i understand if they have the money to just buy outright and immediately this top level penthouse in this building why have

they spent 34 other instances fucking around looking at these absolute dives absolutely not believable just it's also inefficient if it is true you've got you have access to an entire tier of real estate that 99.9% of the population would never even see. So get out of the get out of these what are meant to be their scungy apartments and

I actually found my shining light in this moment. It's disgusting. Well it's after they've been looking around the first apartment, the realtor, after nailing his delivery on, we'll say that she goes, it's more, and the letting agent or whoever goes,

how much more? And he goes, more. And he smashed, I mean, every week he smashed just the shit out of that line. He's not going to have a lot to work with, but he really makes it his own. And then, so he's got this sort of very... It cuts off of him to his finger

pushing the PH penthouse button in the lift, which, by the way, I've brought up before, and I'm just going to say it again, is totally incongruous with Big having asked the elevator to go down when we saw them in the hallway moments before. What? You've never mentioned that.

No, I have, because I remember complaining that we should have seen everyone in the lift going down to the ground floor. Oh, true. And then all the way back up to the penthouse. But you said sometimes movies decide to edit out scenes that they don't think are necessary to the story. I'm so sorry I blocked it.

I honestly don't think I understood what you were saying at the time. Guy, that's fucking funny, man. That's a great observation from you. I agree. Anyway, so we'll just overlook this glaring fucking edit, or error, sorry. So you see him push the button, and then we cut back the doors closing

and the realtor nods to himself and it's impossible to discern whether or not this is the actor nodding to himself after smashing his line of saying more before yeah or if this is the realtor nodding to himself like that is the perfect amount of vagueness this is a very intriguing offer i've made i'm really on the fucking you know i'm on the precipice of a big sale here but uh the the pride and smugness that is pasted on this guy's face was something i hadn't seen before and something i was really happy to come across that was your shining light and i think think a fair one. Yeah, yeah. I think, thank you for proving.

He's fucking good, that guy. I enjoy him. I like him. I like him so much. I have projected that he is in a different scene, which he's not later when Carrie's in the Vogue office. That's true. Is that, yeah. Is that desire or just familiarity?

When you think you see him again? It's desire, baby. Pure desire. So then we go to the big auction is what I've written. And Kerry says, It was a rare occasion that brought all types of New York women together. And it doesn't. We see an image of a bunch of rich white women. Blair Elgin was a waitress turned model turned actress turned billionaire's girlfriend

who came home one night to find herself unceremoniously turned out on the street. And now she was getting the ultimate breakup revenge. An embarrassing and very public auction of all the jewelry he had given her when they were happy. Honestly, not a bad bit of voiceover. Fun functions yeah articulating what is happening in front of us and also could make sense in a book yeah i'm with you on that one we'll allow it because it's quite a strange it's the fucking spy movie thing you're right this is um oh fuck what's that what's the the last james bond movie called with daniel craig maybe it's uh i think it was called uh die another day the last one

no definitely die another day no no no no yeah and daniel craig was played by pierce brosnan wait what the fuck no nah man that's not how it works anyway yeah um that's a very functional line and it's good because we're in a foreign environment it is quite hard to make heads or tails of what's going on green light green light on that one yeah i don't think if we do go line by line i don't think we'll get through all of this today but um i'm gonna keep going for now because Because it turns out... No, let's commit. Let's just make a really long episode of the podcast, guy.

I've got nowhere to fucking be. It's Saturday morning. I've got my cup of coffee here and my pay the boys mug. I respect that. I'm glad that you have nowhere to be. I'll continue. Post engagement. So that's the next sub'll continue. Post-engagement.

So that's the next subheading. Post-engagement. So this is after her and Big have become engaged, very functionally become engaged. She says, and the big news was about to go bi-coastal. Cut it, don't need it. As a wedding gift, this is under the same subheading, but further along.

Sorry, just quickly, let me do narration to that narration. That is when Samantha Jones, who's on the West Coast, finds out because Carrie gives her a ring to tell her. That's what's about to happen. You got it. And the big news is about to go by coastal. So later on, as a wedding gift, Charlotte had given me Anthony Scaramucci, friend and wedding planner.

No. Marantino. Anthony Marantino. The mooch. Brother or cousin. The guy. Oh, it's that. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. So I really enjoy that line because it's interesting to see modern politics colliding with an older film. And it's just fun to think how long people's lives are and how many different roles they fill within them. True that. Okay. You don't want to push back on that any harder? No, because you've told me we're not going to get through all of them. I'm trying to keep the pace.

Okay. So then, flash forward again. That line also can be totally cut. We can see it's Anthony Scaramucci. We can see that he's a wedding planner. It's not necessary. It seemed everywhere I went, people had seen page six. Even people you didn't expect.

Hey, guys. Do you know what's funny about that? I can't remember who it was was but i'm pretty sure there is or there was a trump cabinet official who got the job after being the wedding planner for like jared and um uh what's her name ivana ivanka ivanka's wedding and they like gave the wedding planner a real big job i did not know that. So this is neat. Yeah, well, I hope that, well, now they will. I hope that our sole libertarian listener can put all those pieces together.

But conveniently, Tim has seen you struggling with the jigsaw puzzle, picked up a piece and put it in place and said, there you fucking dolt. Can't you see? It's simple. Here's why. It seemed everywhere I went, people had seen page six, even people who didn't expect like my vogue editor enid just absolute hot tripe uh there is no reason that your vogue editor the editor of vogue would not be keeping up to speed with the comings and goings of page six like the

sort of you know salacious uh entertainment section of the newspaper with all the comings and goings of high society people you're out of your fucking like it's a it's a humble brag they've written a humble brag for carrie there you would expect your edit i'll tell you he wouldn't expect to know that is the random fucking guy walking into the lift going hey carrie she doesn't even know him to say oh hey greg nice to see you that's who you wouldn't expect someone close to you of course they know someone close to you whose job in addition is also keeping up to speed with that sort of information you would expect that every day of the week guy do you know it would be fun if there was a janitor

who knew well maybe there is, Tim. Who's to say? No, I'm saying that's a fun... Put that in the movie. Don't make it Enid, the fucking Vogue editor. Of course she's keeping tabs on everything. Make it the goddamn janitor in the building who sees Carrie and is like, hey, Carrie, congrats.

That would be unexpected and cool. You've opened my eyes here, Tim, because anything that is expressly not shown in the movie, for example, a janitor saying, hey, Carrie, where are you going, could still exist within the world of the movie. And so the problem with the way we've been watching this is I don't think we have to accept total responsibility,

but more than we've been watching this is i don't think we have to accept total responsibility but more than we have been the limits of this movie are the limits of our imagination why have neither of us seen a janitor before or even the opportunity for a janitor before you know someone's got to mop those hallways yeah dude they don't clean themselves yet I'm looking at you Zuckerberg who's playing who's playing the janitor in your mind Zai same dude Pierce Brosnan

no what's this fucking oh that's good though I was going to say Nathan Lane I think Matthew Broderick brought him to set one day because they're pals and

fuck how good would it be to see nathan lane as a janitor in this movie god damn it i love that what is the is the um co invoke it's him it's him and pierce brosnan they own the business together i love it i'm seeing them in overalls there's quite a height differential because i think pierce brosnan's not massively tall but he must be about 6-0 to play bond i would think and nathan lane he's quite short i think so that'd be that'd be a fun pairing they should be the super mario brothers they should reboot it and nathan lane should be mario and pierce brosnan should be luigi you are getting a real kick out of that. Why did you cast them in that order? I'm so tired. Hey?

Why did you cast them in that order? Why should Nathan Lane... Because Mario is short and Luigi is tall. Sometimes it's just as simple as that, folks. So now we're up to... That'd be a good movie. Now we're up to what can be in our movie. we're up to the what can be it can be in our movie we're up to wedding preparations so uh carrie's saying just a typical wednesday hang out with old friends like stanford

blatch and new friends like vera wang and then there's a there's actually i timed it out there is a four minute pause between all of these uh desirants that she lists fucking hell so this four minutes guy yeah this scene actually goes

for 25 minutes uh and you friends like Vera Wang so I'm gonna do all the pauses. Thank you. Three more minutes. Thank you. Where are we up to? Okay. One and a half minutes to go. This is unthinkable. Thank you. and carolina brown

no no no no come on mate Carolina Brown. No. No, no, no. Come on, mate. Come on, mate. That's the worst thing we've ever done. Oh, God. And so forth and so on. And finally... uh and that was the worst thing we've ever done on this podcast i felt uh honestly i felt supported i had a great time good folks guy sent me in the

middle of that silence a picture of him which I can only describe as the definition of smug just sent me the photo in the middle of that narration silence and finally Vivian Westwood dressed so specially it could bring a wedding tear to even the most you committed to four minutes of real time silence from the

film and you're giving me da da da fuck you man that's crazy okay so there are including Vera Wang and Carolina Brown and Vivian Westwood yes there are seven labels listed

I will give you $5 for every, apart from those three, so there are four unnamed labels. I'll give you $5 for every label you can name. Oh my God. Oh, fuck. Fuck.

I really should know this. Oscar de la Renta? Is that how you say it? Yes, nailed it should know this. Oscar de la Renta? Is that how you say it? Yes, nailed it. Five bucks. Fucking, that's probably me. Dior?

Shit! Something called Mygown? I never know how to say it. That rings no bells. Something like that. And Christian Lacroix. Yeah, fuck, I should have got that. Christian Lacroix.

Okay, anyway. And then, oh yeah, and then the impossible happened. And just like that, Vivienne Westwood kicked my sweet little suit's arse. That line I'm fine with. We're getting a bit of insight into what's happening, moving forward, you know? Yeah. So this next line is, we've spoken about at length before. With my mind prenuptially preoccupied i became delinquent

on my library books and suddenly the trick the fuck the going i'm trying the love stories the tragic love stories the love stories of withering heights and love story were going to cost me more than just a few tears pretty fucking good man grade uh b plus a minus if you hadn't stumbled i'd be inclined to give you an a minus uh few keywords though probably b with my mind prenuptially preoccupied i became delinquent with my library books so now the tragic love stories of weathering heights and love story we're going to cost me more than a few tears actually no we'll give you an a minus i fucking nailed that it was the hesitation that'll that'll knock me down from an a plus yeah i would say word wise you got uh 90 of the words right so i think i got all of them right no you won't dwell on this

all right uh so then she discovers the library was perfect big and i'd be married in the classic new york landmark that housed all the great love stories no question of organization or cost it's just what we're gonna do don't worry about it um could be communicated just by carrie looking at people getting ready for the wedding not necessary and to think that you would insert the line prior to that which is like the worst piece of writing in the movie uh that is glittering with bad writing is heartbreaking uh the next line i have the subheading, pure smut. Can you guess what the next line of voiceover is from the clue, pure smut?

Well, I'm guessing it comes after the cafe conversation. We're talking about how much sex everyone has. Carrie has explicitly said to the gals um but i will say this when big colors he rarely colors inside the lines and then we go to the apartment where he is on the balcony now what is the line of narration carrie says it's something about him not, oh, oh, totally outside the lines. Correct. My man. Yeah. The people's champ.

Timbo. Woo. Disgusting. If you take that as a standalone narration. I mean, I guess it's not dripping with the fucking filth that you and I know it is to a reader, but just to honestly type the words out and look at them now, it makes me feel sick.

I see them dripping with cum. It makes me feel wretched. Not just any cum, Chris Knoth's cum. Just skillsy, just skills. Why is he Italian? He could be King Koopa in this Mario Brothers reboot. There's so much more, it continues. I've got an end point

in my mind that I will get to and then we'll pause it so after that I've got the subheading Samantha and the sexy neighbor and that is how Samantha learned she had a new neighbor so that's when we see Dante fucking and then from then on night after night while Smith got his

beauty sleep Samantha found something more interesting to watch than TiVo. Which is to guess that voyeuristically watching live sex is more entertaining than the greatest minds in television who work tirelessly to put together compelling narratives that feature the right amount of heart warmth drama levity action and uh to think that you could just watch your name you could illegally just watch your neighbor fuck and that's a that's a cosign from carrie um so the next subheading i've got is the interminable apartment montage. While Samantha put on the best of the 80s, I put on the worst. Fashion show, fashion show, fashion show, fashion show.

It took four friends three days to put 20 years into 38 boxes. I quite like that writing. Four different numbers in a pretty short sentence. The next subheading I have is disgusting lovemaking scene. Can you guess that line, Tim? Charlotte made love to Harry four times that week. Fuck, my man. That really, really puts a smile on my face nailed it ah yes and then so happy and i'm so happy that you're proud of me too because i'm proud of myself i'm in there boss uh and then

the rehearsal dinner which as it turns out this is the last voiceover line for a very long time and tells us a lot about the state of mind that Mattress Pikelet King needs Carrie to be in to use her as a narrative device or that possibly Carrie needs to be in to write. But the rehearsal dinner, she says, and soon it was the night before the big day. And I'd actually like to challenge you now, Tim.

So under that in big, bold italics, I've written, when Carrie is downhearted and dejected, she cannot do voiceovers anymore I'd actually like to challenge you now, Tim. So under that in big, bold italics, I've written, when Carrie is downhearted and dejected, she cannot do voiceovers anymore. And I actually quite like that. That's what I've got written there. Can you tell me the next time that Carrie wades into the story

and describes what's happening? They're in Mexico. Yeah. Shush. They're in Mexico. Am're in mexico yeah shush they're in mexico uh am i right in that but i'm not going to give you any clues along the way you tell me what you're once you're ready i think you said yes i think you already said yes to that i reckon it's a big old gap till they're in mexico and i even think it might be when Charlotte shits herself. Fuck.

And I can't remember how it's worded. And fuck. Because it's after Miranda tells her that she will laugh again when something is funny. Oh, wait. Hold on. No, I think that's right. When something is funny enough, she will laugh. I'm going to just take a a stab i think this is wrong but and miranda was right when something was funny enough i did laugh

ah you are you're in the right bracket i mean you're you're under a shared subheading which is mexico morale returns. But there's a moment before that. There's two voiceover moments that prompt that reflection. Oh, you're right. You're right. Of course I'm right. I literally transcribed the movie. And for a moment, while remembering her loved ones,

Charlotte forgot where she was and opened her mouth pretty fucking good i mean in terms of energy and vibe you have articulated the the sentence the actual writing is after a workout charlotte couldn't help but think how truly blessed she was this week had made her feel more grateful than ever for a happy marriage and just for a second while picturing her loved ones at home in new york she forgot where she was and opened her mouth uh and that would i mean it's roughly halfway in the movie it's roughly halfway in the voiceover uh it's a good place to leave this particular task for today i am absolutely enamored with your decision making this episode of the podcast guy where you looked in front of you and went we've got a lot to get through i better do a real time four minute pause in the middle when we're doing the worst scene in the movie good on you that is true comedy

i do what i can to help who i can if you have enjoyed this episode as well, I hope you might. Please, and live in any of the following four cities, New York City, Chicago, Portland, or Los Angeles, please come along to our live shows,

a tour that by our current speed and math, will see us watching the movie comfortably over 52 times. Yeah, we fucked up. Yeah, big time. And we will not you know the only way we know how to pay for our miscalculation is to continue watching the movie uh so on monday the monday oh no sorry sunday june 23rd at littlefield in new york on monday june 24th at sleeping

village in chicago on wednesday june 26th at the Clinton Street Theatre in Portland. And on Friday, June 28th at the Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, California. All available at littleempirepodcasts.com. Get involved. It's going to be a fucking boatload of fun. Already, by recommitting to the movie as I have this watch, I feel reinvigorated. I mean, I'm going to have to create tasks to get myself through every screening. of fun already by recommitting to the movie as i have this watch i feel reinvigorated i mean i'm going to have to create tasks to get myself through every screening because honestly it was the only

way i could concentrate on what was happening in front of me uh there's real value in it tim and if you want to roll your sleeves up and do your own research on the next screening i i mean you're going to be in a sensory deprivation tank self-built yeah i was gonna say mate i've got my i've got my work cut out for me i'm gonna be experiencing nothing but the movie next watch um hopefully the career has actually come this morning with my vr headset so i can set that all up um it's it's gonna be wild it's enough to make me feel sick also quickly uh i'd like to say to anyone in new york who is interested beyond my contribution to the worst area of all time I'm doing a live solo show

the solo show just toured through Australia and New Zealand called I Was Part of the Problem before we were talking about it at Union Hall on Wednesday the 19th of June if you head along to Union Hall's website tickets are available there it's part of the Golden Hours comedy series which looks great

it's just a bunch of shows. I saw this show, and I could not vouch more for it. It's fucking Guy Montgomery at his best. It's bloody great. A joy to hear. So the show's at 7.30 on Wednesday, June 19th. Please come along.

I'd love to see you there. Otherwise, have a great day day i can't wait to walk free from this film this conversation it's been a joy though tim it's been a true pleasure talking to you guy and an absolute abomination watching the movie for the 47th time so until next time which will be very soon coming to you live from a vr deprivation chamber this is timbo signing off it's very important you say sensory before deprivation we just have a good rhythm together you know he sort of feels me out i feel him out and we go for it