The Worst Idea Of All Time - 50: One Bat (Live in NYC)

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

Live shows: Portland 6/26, LA 6/28The fellas are live in NYC, fresh off a magic mushroom trip and very long walk through the Big Apple. AND a watch of Sex and The City: The Movie. Guy thinks bats are cool now and feels very smart for doing the merch math. The gals are up to no good this watch, beating up on Miranda again. Timbo and Flash field a few questions from the crowd and share their first kiss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Hey! New York City! How we livin'? City! How we livin'? Thank you so much for coming, everyone. Welcome to Littlefield. And, uh, us. Yeah. This is Timbo reporting in, in the flesh. Live. And this is Guy. Welcome along to the worst idea of all time, season four, episode 50, live in New York. Famously the fifth character in Sex and the City. And can i just say this i'd like to go on the record what it's the greatest city we've got people who have come here from somewhere in virginia we've got people who've come here from somewhere in massachusetts we have someone who's on a work trip from england and they just happen

to be here at the right time. But all those places can suck one because New York City is the greatest city. We're going to Chicago. They can go fuck themselves. We're going to Portland. Disgusting. We're going to Los Angeles. What a waste of a perfectly good desert.

New York City or broke, baby. Thank you for having us. Actually, no, I'm going to talk to you, Tim. I was going to talk to the masses, but I'd rather check in with you. All right. How are you? I'm real good. And I'd just like to, before we go too further on in the show,

introduce our guest for this record. It's the Knife! The Knife is here. Guy didn't even know. No. It's got a she here. Guy didn't even know. No. It's got a sheath. I didn't stab myself. So this is...

I heard the knife was cancelled. No. I heard the knife and I were both cancelled. False. Just you. The knife lives. This is the... I don't know.

How would we... It's like the spirit of the knife is imbued into whatever physical knife we have so it is the same it's never felt like we have a knife tim it's always felt like you have a knife the podcast has a knife and i think it's important to remember that now what makes this one special if if anyone's forgotten, is that it's ceramic. So there's that. Do you know, in a similar technique to what Mr. Big uses when he's chubbing tomatoes as he proposes to Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, the movie, the movie, you've taken the nib off your porcelain knife. It kind of took the nib off itself.

Someone in my flat was using the knife as a knife which was baffling to me not quite sure how that happened but um yeah the cap came off so i guess the moral of the story is ceramic knives not as fucking clean as the australians would have you believe i'm less comfortable with you traveling with an ordinary ceramic kitchen knife than any variety of flick knives or switch blades you're less comfortable no this is weirder to me. This belongs in a kitchen in New Zealand. But you know what the good thing is? Metal detectors, you sail right through. That's not good.

It's good. It's not good information to release to the world either. Yeah, I've got to stop waving a knife around New York City. I don't know what the laws are here. Because I saw you flew in through Honolulu, Hawaii. Sure did. And I saw you went... Yeah, let's give it up for Honolulu.

No, Honolulu. Another apparently good waste of a goddamn beach. I hate every city, save for this one. But you went to a flea market. Yeah, I had four hours. And I saw on your Instagram story, you were posting all sorts of videos of various knives i was so thirsty you guys folks i was there for four hours and um i looked up i was just on google maps and i saw a park and i was like you know what

i'm hot i'm sweaty i'm disgusting i'm in hawaii for crying out loud i want to go sit in a park cool down in the heat of the middle of a park. Well, no, I thought, I actually, I got confused. I thought it was a national park because they had mixed the photos of what I thought was on the map with this other place that had water and stuff. So I was like, cool, I'll go there. So I got in a cab and I was like, take me here. And he did.

It was just some park. It was just some suburban park. And it was closed. It had a big gate on it. I was like, okay. And he goes, hey, there's a flea market down the road. Do you want to go to the stadium and see the flea market? I was like, sure. So he just took me there.

I love this whole anecdote for you. It is... But what you were getting to is that there was a beautiful cabinet of knives there. Knives the likes I've never seen before. And a guy sharpening them who really looked like he knew his shit. He wasn't like me.

He wasn't into like glory knives. He was into fucking proper knives. Yeah. Hundreds of knives. I was thirsty as, but... Probably for a reasonable ticket as well in a flea market. They were a hundred bucks and up.

But they looked proper and I didn't buy any of them do i regret it yep had you already checked your luggage through it wasn't there it was just a bit pricey for me okay i would have found a way or tried what would have happened is i would have tried and failed yeah it would have been like you just going through customs and giving the tSA $100. Yeah. All right. So, well, you traveled with a ceramic kitchen knife, which we are to believe, as you insinuated,

you flew with on the plane. Aren't you proud of me, though, that I managed to remember to put it in my check luggage? No. Oh. A rarity for me. What? To pack a knife? Yeah.

Through this podcast, it is one of your defining traits. To make sure that it's not on my person and taken off my person. Oh, yeah, no, we're all really proud of Tim. Thank you. For putting a knife in a fucking suitcase. Thank you. Thank you. What is this system of approval you're creating for yourself?

I don't know. I've been away from my wife too long, so now I'll take any sarcastic praise I can get and just transform it in my head happy knife, happy wife I imagine she's in her kitchen with an unchopped tomato right now going curse you Tim Bannon absolutely spewing

well look it feels incumbent on us to talk about the movie at some point does it though? well we are in the home of Sex and the City we have avoided any major to talk about the movie at some point. Does it, though? Because does it, though? Yeah, I feel like it does. Well, we are in the home of Sex and the City. We have avoided any major landmarks. Two days ago, we ate some of the strongest magic mushrooms we've had and walked over the Williamsburg Bridge.

Are we going to get into that, are we? Not really. It was too full on, everybody. All right, well, you've opened up the can of worms, so let's talk about it. I've been itching to get some magic mushrooms for a little while and I've been looking in New Zealand where they grow a lot

and no one's got them maybe because they're illegal I don't know maybe I was coming a little too hot they're illegal to have in your possession as soon as you pick them up they're illegal but when they're in the ground if you eat them straight from the ground I have been led to believe the legal situation in New Zealand

is that if you pick them, that's illegal because you're in possession of a controlled substance. However, if you find them, put your hands behind your back, bend down and just eat them off of the ground, fully legal. That's grazing, exactly. Got them on a technicality. Take that, motherfuckers.

So you've found none to pick nor graze. It's real. I can't recommend anyone go looking for magic mushrooms themselves. It is so risky. You can fuck it up real easily, really well. So I don't mess with that. I leave it to the professionals. Why is it because of the...

There's very similar looking ones that will kill you. Yeah. Thankfully, magic mushrooms have a 100% track record of treating everyone very kindly. So Guy has been putting up with me going, man, I want to get some mushrooms. And I ended up literally Googling it. I was like, New York City.

And for about three hours, I was just online looking. And I fucking found them. Some guy had just posted his cell phone number three months ago on a forum. And I text it once I got my SIM card from AT&T. Thanks, AT&T. What? Huge shout out to AT&T, the New York City of cell phone providers. And I was like, hey, man, sorry to bother you.

Have you still got psychedelic mushrooms? He was like, yeah. I was like, can I come around in an hour? He's like, yeah. So I was with Tim at the time. He left immediately. And then we linked up. It felt like God opened a window.

About two hours later. And what did the man, it was a man, wasn't it? It was a dude. And what did the man say when you arrived to buy the magic mushrooms he said uh he took a bunch of molly out of it oh yeah yeah that's what he did not what he said he said here you go and then produced i've never seen molly before and like what does it look like it's crystallized i thought it was like meth or something i thought he was giving me some crystal meth i got very freaked out i was like uh what's this?

Now? Is this a new form of... Sounds like the guy's running a pretty rigid system. He doesn't know what he's up to. He's got the same accounting practice as I do at our merch table. He was like, sorry, what were you after? And I was like, mushrooms? It's disgusting. He was like, oh yeah, true. And he just pulls out from another

pocket a huge bag. Anyway, I feel embarrassed. You'll be surprised to hear that the mushrooms, otherwise seemingly pretty switched on gentlemen provided, were some of the strongest substances I could imagine. Insane. We walked... 17 kilometres.

Yeah, what's that in miles? Like 13 miles across four and a half hours. We walked through and into quite a lot of our own problems. And we live to tell the tale. And here we are now at Littlefield. Yeah. We're alive. So the movie, guys.

Yeah, the movie. You see, you keep saying. What I love is that I came to New York City. You moved to New York City to do this live show two years ago which is good of you playing it far ahead, I came here from Auckland and we didn't do any Sex and the City

related activities, we didn't watch it in any Sex and the City related place we just banged it on in your apartment just sat watching this fucking TV with the 50th screening of Sex and the City on and I tell you what, doesn't get any tv with the 50th screening of sex in the city on and i tell you what doesn't get any better on that 50th watch i yeah i i struggle to imagine uh many environments in which we could have watched it that would improve the the raw data i am coming

around to the idea that this movie will not change week to week that it is uh fixed it's locked off it's uh it more or less remains in its state almost like it was done in 2008 it's not to say the performances don't change but the movie doesn't you know what i'm saying does that make sense we all on the same page uh i to be honest it was it was one of the it was it was not the not the watch that I'd promised myself a few episodes ago. It was pretty disrespectful. Let's be honest. It was two men in a room, you packing a suitcase before we travel to

known shithole Chicago tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll release all of the live episodes after we've completed all of them. Maybe that's what we'll do. Put this one out tonight, brother. I don't know, man. I don't know about that.

No, you're right. So, look, there was some forward planning involved. It wasn't totally disrespectful. Before we kicked off, I got all of my stuff into the lounge so I could do things while maintaining eye contact with Big. Because as we know, if you give him an inch... He'll take a mile he will

that's why they call him Mr. Big and come on it he takes big liberties big strikes yeah aww I love live reactions

to your commentary no too far guys you know when we talk about jizz in a private room I'm always like I tell you the people are going to love this

yeah I know and you bring up jizz in front of a live audience and you can hear the groans. Whoops. So I was packing in front of the tally. You were getting yourself ready as well. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't a VR watch, that's for sure.

It wasn't the... Probably a welcome change, to be totally honest. Yeah. Just to kick off a conversation about the film, I'll tell you my shining light which was uh this week no an arsehole carl a partner at mr big's firm probably one of the more in a in a world of confident characters one of the more confident characters he heckles samantha during her speech and the heckles aren't directed at samantha they're directed towards mr big's checkered

past in terms of having two previous marriages this He says to the groom when he goes, there's a word he's heard before, and everyone sort of jeers him, but he is not cowed at all by the fact that no one likes his bits. He's like, okay, okay, I see how it is. You want more of Daddy Carl? I can give you more of Daddy Carl. And he keeps going, I can't remember the next one, but all the way to Samantha goes, hey. Hold on, I can't remember the next one, but all the way to the end it goes, hey.

Hold on, you can't remember the next one. Can you? Uh. Oh. Wait, did you already say there's a word he's heard before? Yeah. Here's hoping, John. Ah, nice.

What? No, what? What? Just let me have it i'm away from home i don't know about this new character you've you've taken on he wears loud shirts and apparently gets very scared but he's not in new zealand yeah uh yeah no but i i loved his energy i thought he's he was a disruptor this week. From what is the norm, from the usual rhythm of the movie and the characters contained therein, he was someone who came in here and said, you know what, fuck all of this, fuck the wedding, I don't care about Carrie, I don't care about Big,

I'm a partner at a goddamn firm. I don't think he cares about the firm. He employs Big, a known, colourblind, illiterate, you know, jizz fiend. And that's not to criticise any three of those component factors by themselves. But if you are hiring at a high-powered finance firm... Well, I don't know. Maybe it's like what they say about when you lose one sense, the other gets heightened. You know that movie Blind Fury?

No. It's good. I think it's from the mid-90s and it's like a kung fu action movie except it's American made. And the guy's blind, but he's an incredible fighter. He's sort of like Daredevil,

like he can kind of hear people coming. Because he's got great sense. Yes. Yeah. So maybe Big's colour blindness and lack of ability to read has honed his financial muscles. His eye for numbers.

Exactly. It'd be like you at the merch table. You were killing it out there, man. Yeah, so what I'd do is when we'd sell something... Ones, no problem. Fives, you got it. I'd mark it. I was marking it all down and I was doing the change. It was the smartest I felt literally in years. You did really well.

You did really well. No, I'd like to go back to this premise of blind fury because I've been thinking a lot about bats recently. Okay. And I used to be scared of bats, but I'm not scared of bats. Have I talked about this with you? No.

Okay, great. I used to be scared of bats, but I have grown fond of bats. I think it's more likely a bird will fly into you. Couldn't not. I liked you the whole time. My name's Tim Bat. There's probably a couple of people

here who don't know what this podcast is who've been brought along. My name's Tim Bat. Yeah, and I love you, Tim, but I've grown to like regular bats. I think it's more likely that a bird would find you than a bat because bats use sonar. Right. And that means that sonar is like where you put a noise out and it bounces backwards so you know where everything is.

Is your definition of something you like something that won't hit you? It's not, yeah, I guess because not wholesale but with regards to bats I was always afraid of them because they have like quite terrifying

faces and they're nocturnal and they're just like they're they're quite cute oh some of them are really cute

but some of them they've got New Zealand's got a great we've only I think we've only got one bat I think and it's little

yeah little wee dude beautiful little bat just gorgeous one species no no I like I like this little. Yeah. Little wee dude. Beautiful little bat. Just gorgeous. One species. No, I like this. One species, also one bat. Yeah.

He flies around distributing presents because it's unseasonably warm for Santa Claus, you see, so we entrust a bat to get it done in the summertime. Sure, yeah, that's right. Is he good at barbecuing?

Well, he can fly. It makes more sense than a fat human, doesn't it? Just rolling around with reindeer. Well, obviously... Where's the sense in that? How did the reindeer thing become attached to Santa Claus? Does no one know? Finland.

Finland. Is that... No, let's not get into that. I like that. The answer is Finland. The answer, as always. And we are finished. Okay.

With that. Oh, no, we hate it. Even I hate it. Hard earned. Thank you. It's like when you burp and you get a spot, you're like, whoa, that was worse than I was expecting. Yeah.

But I did it. That was, yeah, no, that was good. I really felt that groan. But no, so that was my shining light. And also, I think bats are cool now. And I didn't used to think that. But the other, one more question before we move on is because you know how like you look at say it's another animal but you look at a monkey and

they're so they seem so coordinated like they're so good at swinging from bright you never see a monkey falling i never see monkeys falling down they're so coordinated but there's got to be amongst all the monkeys got to be less coordinated monkeys monkeys who do not have the same ability to control their body. And so the same would be true, I imagine, with bats where they have bad wonky sonar. I don't think that, I think humans are the only species that

got so advanced that we allowed people who aren't super great at not dying to persist. Like with other animals, there's a natural attrition that happens. It's like, if you're bad at falling out of trees and you're a monkey, there's a natural attrition that happens. It's like if you're bad at falling out of trees and you're a monkey,

you don't get to procreate. It's kind of, it just sort of curtails that. I mean, you've got to imagine, it would be a huge turn off in the monkey community, wouldn't it? You imagine booty calling another monkey and just hearing them fall.

Here I come. Whoa. And they fucking climb back up with a wonky arm. I'm not going to fuck you now, Greg. Is that sad? I feel sad about that. Nah, it's not sad.

Survival of the fittest. I'm projecting sort of human morals onto the animal kingdom. Should I be doing that? Dunno. Hey, man, do what you want. I'm a vegan now. I feel like I can. Although I'm the worst vegan.

You've seen me eat a cheeseburger on this trip. You're still vegan. Thanks, man. Mine was Carl. What was yours? This is going to sound like a cop-out, but it's true. There's a woman who sits next to Carl, who I've never mentioned, but I've loved her for the last 20 watches. Presumably Carl's partner.

Possibly. She looks at him she's the only one who looks remotely fondly at him when he tells his. No but that's what I like about her she definitely at least works with him. She looks to be to my mind 15 years his junior probably. Carl's the kind of dirty dog

who would date that low down though. She looks to me very sophisticated and smart. I don't know if she would put up with a car. So it leads me to believe that she is a up and coming person in the firm. What is the firm? It's a financial firm. Yeah. Yeah, so she's like a trader.

Like a good trader. Yeah. And you just like her? I like what she does when Carl makes his shit calls. What does she do? Well, it's like a facial expression which is to say, that's fucking goofy, dude. Like you're making an ass of yourself.

But it's not big enough to have any repercussions at work. She's kind of stone-faced, but it just allows enough to creep on there. Yeah, well, if we do look at her as an aspiring partner, there is a very clever sort of almost manipulative quality to the way she eggs Carl on to keep making a fool of himself in this public space, knowing full well that when he vacates the throne, she's going to slide on in. That's it.

That's great. She's not too mean about it, because you come for the king, you best not miss. She instead is creating a little honey trap i've always i've always read her as sort of being it's nothing but support but there's a more sinister motive underneath this by the way um she's on screen for a second a second and a half just so everyone knows uh no no joke yeah do you want to do any questions by the way i with time but i did there's another thing I want to talk about,

which is I thought this today and I said it out loud to you, which is because you were complaining that we don't meet any of the extra characters at the rehearsal dinner. We've got no notion of how the actual dinner and the surrounding drinks and socialising goes. We just see people, you know, we catch... It's not that I would like the movie to run for longer and to see the entirety of the event but please don't interpret that as our answer to this but it's just

you know like in sex in the city 2 we get to meet these characters who are second or third you know second or third to the story and we get to get to know them in a way that in sex in the city we we don't we asked we are trapped on an island with the leads, with the protagonists. And it is fucking... Honestly, I'm going to be honest with you guys right now. I know I've put on a brave face for 49 episodes. It's really infuriating. But at the rehearsal dinner, we don't really get a sense or a feel for any of this.

And this is all part of what leads me to the conclusion that, you know, we've talked about that Big has a serious dearth of friends. He's got no close male... He's got no close male. He's got no friends, really, beyond Carrie. You said today, I bet Big would have stayed and gone and got married if he had a single friend at the wedding. And that's what I want to talk about. Not even at the wedding.

If he'd had a friend who was with him the night before, if he had a friend who was with him the morning of, if he had a friend who was in the car with him on the way to the wedding, he's just indulging every terrified whim. It's no way to live. You're not wrong. And maybe that is the hidden moral of the story, which does, you know, it's congruent

with the themes of Sex and the City, which is all about friendship, isn't it? That's the themes of Sex and the City. Friendship is the themes of Sex and the City. Isn't it? Is that the themes of Sex and the City? Friendship is the themes of Sex and the City. Isn't it? Yeah, I think that's what's written down on the vision board. Yeah. Themes. Friendship.

Friendship? Nothing more. But I truly believe that. And I know that we can't change history and, spoiler, they get married anyway, but we could save ourselves roughly an hour and a half if he had a friend in the car with him. I love it when we get plans on these podcast episodes to go,

you know, I want to shave a bit of time off. That would be a nice little shortcut in the story. Let's not do any of this. Look, yeah, so my mental health is deteriorated and deteriorating rapidly still but you don't need to point it people can join the dots themselves tim do you know what i love no i love that we've misjudged the number that we have to do but only by one if you stack up the live episodes versus how many we've got left, we're going to end up watching the movie 53 times. Not necessarily.

We could watch it a few times as a hobby. Oh, how dare you. How offensive. How would you feel if I snuck off and just started watching it in private? No kidding, no joke. I'd be really worried. I would be concerned. I would go to your

partner, Charles, and be like, can we just chat about Guy for a second, because we need to figure this out. We need to look after him. I'd be so concerned if you did that. I'm just saying it's a possibility. It would be... I can't think of an equivalent.

It's bad. Don't do that. You've worried me with the suggestion. I'm really getting spun out thinking about that as a possibility. But it's not a possibility. It's all cool, baby. Before I proposed it, you like that we've missed it by one. Yeah. It feels like, you know, a baker's dozen's 13.

It's like the worst idea of 52 is 53. I think it's good. It's a perfect representation of the accuracy with which we've executed this premise. Yeah. They got pretty close. Almost. Oh, wow. Well, they did it. Cool.

Should we dig into... Yes. Dear listener, we have solicited for some questions from the audience written on various bits of card. And we'll now read and answer some of these. Sorry, what cracked me up is I read one of them. It's very funny.

I'm glad we did this. If you've still got a tickle from it, you should read it out. And very nice handwriting, I hasten to add. Have you two ever kissed? Surely. Either way way can you please almost kiss or fully kiss now and then a smiley face

that's a terrifying precedent to set with this number of like if these people are as coordinated and intelligent as I think they might be we are about 15 cars from fellating one another.

Give us a kiss. Should we kiss? We love each other. It's okay. That's our first kiss. Is it? On the lips. Yeah, definitely. I like that. Is it? I'm sure I've kissed you before. I don't think you've kissed me on the lips. I think sometimes I want to and you don't like it. Someone's encouraged a real kiss. And no. Carrie's authorial career is confusing. I like that word.

Yeah. The R's linked up with the I, so it looks like orthonial. It's got to be authorial. Author, right? Authorial career is confusing. Have you been able to piece together any kind of trajectory and have the other gals

read her book? They haven't. Maureen from NYC. Thank you so much for this fantastic question, Maureen. Shall we address the first half, which is have we been able to piece together any kind of trajectory for Carrie's writing career?

Because what we do know is at the start of this movie is in the span of everything that has come before it, she's written three books. 20 years, I think we're dealing with. Yeah, three books, which appear to have financed quite a glamorous lifestyle. It's incredible when you think about it. On average, one book every 6.66 years.

The devil's number. No, that's not right. The math's off. A little under seven. If we piece together, and I have recently figured out that Sex and the City and Sex and the City 2 do exist in the same cinematic universe,

the book that Carrie is working on and reading what she calls excerpts, but which are pretty obviously improvised ramblings at a reading of, is presumably the book that is released in Sex and the City 2. A book that, if you remember correctly, gets panned in the New Yorker. Yes. I said yes like it was amazing I remembered a film I've seen 52 times. Which would mean that her trajectory,

which I feel like it's been there was Promise, I guess. She got a lot of cool articles. She had articles in Vogue and presumably other couture fashion magazines. When they lead up to her book. At the beginning of her career.

Yeah, right. Then put out three books. I feel like showed Promise. Everyone banked on the promise. Read the first one. They thought, okay, it's your first book though, so we'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say it's better than it is. The second book, the difficult second book. Shit.

The third book, shit. The fourth book, shit. The trajectory, down, baby. All the way down to the ground. That's what I think. She's with Big. The financial savant. Down, baby! All the way down to the ground. That's what I think. How is she... I guess... Wow, she's big. She's with Big.

Yeah. The financial savant. Yeah. I mean, do you think any of the characters have read her books? It's a great question. I really don't. And I find it so... Like, that's the scene I want to see.

Where Samantha, a publicist, is struggling to both placate Carrie and be like, no, the book was amazing. Be like, what was your favourite part? Don't make me choose. The whole thing was so, how can you pick one part of your book? I like to view the book as a whole, and it's flawless.

Do you want a drink? What's Mr. Big doing? Anything else? I like the idea that the third... Big can't read it, which is sad. I like... It's probably for the best he'd leave her otherwise. Are they a perfect couple?

Because they complement each other so well. Because her career is she's an author and he is illiterate. There's a nice kind of yin and yang. I think in the vacuum of how these two people are it is a perfect relationship but in the real world you want some semblance of support from your partner

I like the idea of the three of them not having read any of her books and then reading them and being like what the fuck this is everything carry your bed you know sitting her down this is everything. Carrie, you know, sitting her down,

taking her money. You'd be furious. I reckon, in my heart of hearts, Samantha Jones would write a better book than Carrie Bradshaw. She's got a better command of language. She's so quippy. I think she's led a way more interesting life, but she's not...

What's the word? She doesn't over... What's the verb of make yourself important? She doesn't importacize her own life. She's not self-important? Yeah, like she doesn't... Oh, I love this. I can crowdsource.

What? Assert? Yeah, she doesn't't... Assert? Oh, I love this. I can crowdsource. What? Assert? Yeah, she doesn't like over-assert her adventures in Catching Dicks, essentially. It would just be great tales put into book form, memorialised for the ages. If Samantha wrote one. Yeah. Yeah, I agree.

Fun stories. It'd be like a whole bunch of short stories. It's a shame we never got to spend any time with Samantha in her prime because all of her quips, which are meant to be fun and snappy and light in the movies, feel so, like, legend. And here she's like, oh, remember me? Ah, fuck. And everyone goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not her fault, though. I think that's the gal's fault for not being as fun as her. They've dulled her, you know, like a knife. And do you think that's why she does things like lash out at Miranda when they're on holiday? I talked about this while we were watching this episode. So this is crazy, everybody. We've got Miranda, who is suffering the breakdown of a marriage,

and there's a kid involved, which, as I've said, I personally feel like that adds several factors of drama to the situation. I've gone on the record as saying I think that makes it easier and better, but Tim. We'll agree to disagree. The endless well of empathy that he somehow is seems to find a way to think that a child

being involved in a divorce somehow makes it more complicated. I don't know. I don't know how he sees the world, but this is just what he thinks. The gals have given no love, kindness, empathy, or even sympathy to Miranda, who's going through this terrible situation, and thrown everything behind Carrie Bradshaw for some inextricable reason. Probably because they're guilt-ridden from not reading her books.

Probably because Sarah Jessica Parker's an executive producer as well. Probably that too. There's a couple of factors working here. And the first moment that Miranda has in the film after breaking up with Steve, literally an exhalation of breath as they're

relaxing in Mexico. She's sitting back and she said, ah, the sun feels nice. She's bathing. She's sun bathing. Oh! I never understood that turn of phrase. I still don't.

I don't think I revealed anything like that, did I? No, she's bathing in the... No, you go. Yeah, all right. And the immediate response to that is Samantha goes, Jeez, honey. Oh, fuck, what's the wording? Wax much?

Wax much, that's it. Did someone watch the movie today? Is that who was yelling wax much? Did anyone watch the movie today, just quickly? Nice! I love the indignant no! Fair enough. An audience after

our own hearts. Such a slapdown. She has one moment of happiness yeah the audience as well but the gals on miranda miranda's like hey you know what i can enjoy this one moment we're all together in mexico i'm relaxing hey uh what's up with your fucking pubic hair miranda get fucked you know like hey hey miranda fuck your decision to have autonomy Over your body You bag of shit in here

That decision you made about yourself Wrong And then Carrie and Charlotte Silently go Yeah nice And then the situation ends With Miranda storming off Because she is completely understandably upset

And you know at which point she says something and Miranda goes, I'm fine. Yeah. And I'm sitting there thinking, no, you're not. You're cross. No, she is cross. But she's wanting to, like, not ruin everyone's time completely. She wants to express her anger but still maintain, you know, a bit of a semblance of holiday to what they're all doing. Sorry. Vacation. maintain, you know, a bit of a semblance of holiday to what they're all doing. Sorry, vacation.

Really, is that one? You don't say holiday? Holiday's better. Really interrupting me here. Oh yeah, you are in flow. Keep going. Miranda leaves. Don't let me break your flow.

And the very next thing that anyone says is Carrie says, we should have dinner at the restaurant tonight. And everyone goes, oh, my God, Carrie's back. Carrie's back. Oh, what a relief. I've got to do something to get me out of this Mexicoma. Carrie, you made a little joke. Yeah.

And Charlotte laughs. Everyone's happy. You just fucking decimated Miranda. I imagine that there's a lot of footage on the cutting room floor of Carrie and Charlotte piling on. And they're like, we've got to take that out. It's too full on. Let's go straight to the joke.

It's nuts. It's crazy. That is crazy stuff. This one here on the green card reads, do you think your friendship could survive a podcast? It's not the whole question, but it very well could be. Do you think your friendship could survive a podcast where you don't suffer so much?

Can you imagine a podcast where you and I engage in something that we enjoy? I honestly think there is so much humour to suffering. Light suffering. You know? Self-enforced suffering. Totally. Even Jackass was too much for me because I really

really don't enjoy watching people get injured. Oh, I used to love Jackass. Yeah? Yeah, I thought it was so funny. I enjoy like, aspects of it, but when they actually like, fuck themselves up. Even America's Funniest Home Videos,

which is the show that carried in New Zealand for, and I think is probably still on, but that was in prime time when I was a kid. You're talking about Fail Army, baby. I'm talking about Fail Army. I'm sitting with the host of the, the great Fail Army.

The New Zealand version right here. I can't watch this shit, because people genuinely get so fucking injured and I'm like this sucks I hate this but I like a bit of light suffering self imposed light suffering I think the show that got it best which will mean nothing being in America

but Back of the Y which was New Zealand's kind of equivalent of Jackass which was made by a dude who I got to work with later and it was great because it was like dumb storylines. That legend fired a t-shirt cannon into your throat. Yeah, he almost killed me.

But, in fairness, he has my name tattooed on his body, so he really lost. You've got Patrick Schwarzenegger tattooed on your body. Fuck! I forgot. Everyone's a loser in all of these anecdotes. Keep forgetting. I think we could.

I remember when we last ended the podcast, I remember going on other people's podcasts and being like, so what, you guys all just get together in a room and you just talk about something you like. Wow. What an interesting way to approach the medium. I had no idea this was an option.

I think our friendship could definitely survive it. I don't know if my psyche could, because I don't have the confidence to think it would be any good. Yeah, but it would be, and more than that, I think what led us back is, it's not that

a positive podcast would impact the friendship, I think it's the absence of it's not that a positive podcast would impact the friendship. I think it's the absence of podcasting that didn't take a toll on the friendship. It sort of removed a crutch of communication between us. This is why we dug this thing up. I haven't listened back to any of these episodes and never will I.

But I was going through my notes from the first watch today. Of this season? Yeah. And what they are, what they're representative of is the state of mind I was in, which was so excited

to be doing this with you again. And like, you know, the misguided notion that digging up the podcast concept will be fun. This combined with our first kiss, it's especially the state you're all at. I tell you what.

But if I read, like if I read my notes from that, it's like all the things that I've grown to hate. I love when I see Samantha winking at I've grown to hate, I love. When I see Samantha winking at Carrie, I'm like, I love that wink. You know, all these moments which I now watch and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? And, you know, it's just, I don't know.

Are you saying that's an analogy for the friendship where you were like, I'm so keen to get back into this friendship with Tim. And by now it's like, what the fuck is this guy doing? No, but the friendship's good. I love you and I love having you here. But the medium through which it exists, it's broken. It isn't, it isn't. Pretty full room we got here, Monty. Look around.

A lot of beautiful people came out. No, no. Fine match. Put that applause back in your pockets! look around lot of beautiful people came out no no fine match put that applause back in your pockets may I please do you think

Sex and the City 3 could have worked without Samantha and Mr Big oh without both of them I missed it with both that question suggests that

Sex and the City's one and two functioned with them. Take that, mattress pikelet, you son of a bitch. You could do literally, you could do any, I don't know, I think yes is the answer. I mean, it wouldn't have made

a difference to us. Okay, what I feel like you're saying is, if you take the assumption that Sex and the City one and two worked, and you removed, by that Sex and the City 1 and 2 worked and you removed, by that metric and then you removed these two characters sure, by whatever you've defined

working as, it continues. So we've got Biggers killed out of the movie, so presumably we see Chris Knoth having a heart attack in the shower. Oh, did you guys know about that? This is, yeah, so this was the rumoured central plot point for Sex and the City 3.

The now defunct promise of another sequel was that Mr. Big dies of a heart attack. And then the movie is centred around the friends coaching Carrie through the loss of her partner. And Kim Cattrall balked at the idea and said... Rightly, I think. I'm not going to be in a movie where my entire role is just supporting Carrie Bradshaw. Again! Yeah. And rightly so. I think...

I mean, fuck, it would be... If I think about watching Carrie sulk through New York City and Mexico today and then watching her traipse through the Middle East and just suck, I think the idea of watching her commiserate the loss of Mr. Big,

it would not function. It absolutely wouldn't. And I'll go so far as to say, a Sex and the City 3 that is just Mr. Big and Samantha would be better than the first two films. And actually, a wonderful bookend, because in the very first episode of Sex and the City, Samantha is pursuing...

Is that in the first episode? Yeah, she wants to have sex with Mr. Big. If you get all the others... I just burped, I think, when someone might have taken a photo with a flash. I'm not sure. No, someone's got to ride a motorbike. Very cool.

I hope it's loud. Guy, this is so weird. I've never seen Guy get genuinely kind of mad about anything. But you've recently really teed off about motorbikes. They're too noisy. They're so noisy. Okay. My people.

There's a motorbike pointed through the window of the venue. It's got a really powerful LED light blasting into my eyeball. It's loud and aural. It's affecting the screen. That's all right. There's nothing to see. All of that to say, yeah, I'm with you. I think the movie would be better if it was just those two.

And I'd love to see them going at it. Mr. Big Coloring Outside the Line, Samantha, and No One's Sex Crazed Maniac. Yeah. Match made in heaven. Absolutely. A weird deviant heaven. What do you do to get out and enjoy your day?

That's so cute. If I'm really going to enjoy a day, I'll usually start it with a walk. Before I do anything, I'll wake up. As soon as I'm awake, I'll go out, I'll usually start it with a walk. Before I do anything, as soon as I'm awake, I go out. I take a stroll around the block. Then I might stop in at a coffee shop, have a coffee, read a book, perhaps a pastry if I'm feeling cheeky. And then I guess I'd hang out with some friends, ideally be productive. After that, when I'm not being productive anymore, I'd go for a run.

All of a sudden, it's night time. Time for a beer with the pals. Later on, maybe watch a funny TV show and smoke some of the illicit drug marijuana before I lay my weary head down in bed. That's a good day for me. What have you got, Tim? I appreciate the applause breaks, but we've got to get through more questions.

The time is 6.45 a.m. I have been asleep for approximately four hours. My wife rises from the bed, getting ready to go to work. The shower wakes me up. I think, I've got to watch Sex and the City 2, the second half of it. The Sex and the City 1. Maybe Sex and the City 2.

Maybe that's my perfect day. A bit of respite. So I'll watch it, not in VR, would be my perfect day. Flash forward, it's 8 o'clock. I've missed the opportunity to have a shower but I have just had enough time to make a coffee while Guy Montgomery and myself struggled to get a Skype call

to work correctly through a combination of Wi-Fi and 4G to see what will have the lowest amount of latency record an episode realise I didn't hit the record button. Jump back on, record another episode. Jesus Christ.

This is viscerally uncomfortable. Guy said it's viscerally uncomfortable for him. No, I can't even continue this charade. That's a pretty good morning, though, isn't it? I think we can all agree. Whatever the opposite of that is, I would literally, anything that doesn't involve watching one of these four movies that we've seen

is all right by me. Pretty much anything. I could be mowing the fucking lawn. And that is the benefit of the podcast, is the bar you have set yourself for an enjoyable day is that low. I had a really enjoyable day recently which was born of failure.

So I think this is a parable with a moral. May I share it? Yeah, go for it, man. In New Zealand there's a competition called the 48-hour film competition where you've got to make an entire short film now a maximum of five minutes in length within one weekend. You get given some set criteria to meet

so that they're making sure that you've made it within the weekend. Me and a friend, Paul Williams, very talented comedian and musician, decided to... He's got a great album on Spotify, Paul Williams. Look that up, by the way. You should. It's called Surf Music. We did one together as a twosome, and generally

you need a lot more people to make a movie than that. We approached it with a pretty relaxed attitude. We didn't kick off till very late. Normally, you want to finish the script on the... It starts at 7 o'clock on the Friday night. You stay up until about 12 or 1 a.m. You finish the script,

and then you start shooting first thing on Saturday. We were writing the script the whole of Saturday. And we created a great story about a little robot that wanted to write a song and it was beautiful. And then we got to 10pm Saturday before we had

shot a frame of it, which is bad, and we shot some of it and then it was 1 o'clock in the morning and Paul just goes to me, hey man, this is impossible, eh? I was like, what's that? He goes, well we've got a shot list here of

50 shots we've been filming for like three hours and we've got four of them. And I was like, oh yeah. Yeah, it's impossible. There's no way we could finish this. And he said, do you want to just should we i think we should probably throw in the towel and i was like yeah different we should just bail on it where the

fuck was this attitude 46 episodes ago so i did we did we threw in the towel we bailed on it and then my sunday i got a light sleep in and then i fucking got a haircut, mowed the lawns, and then met up with walkout boy Nick Sampson for a beer, because he was in the neighbourhood. It was fucking mint. And it was not like a spectacular day, but there was something about the expectation of what that day was going to be

being superseded. I thought I was going to be sleep deprived, editing a bad film. it's a beautiful it's a beautiful feeling all of that got taken away from me it'd be like going in to do this 52 more times and then on the second time the world was just like hey tim you don't have to do what about this it's like what if we cancelled our shows in non-shitholes chicago portland and Portland and Los Angeles. I don't know about that, man. It would be the same feeling.

All right, goddamn Dostoevsky. What is Samantha's quote from the theme song and do you deliberately slow it down sometimes to fuck with us? Part one of a two-part question. Very good. We'll hear the second part. No, no, we'll answer that first. Very good.

Just as I intended. So that quote by Kim Cattrall is not from... Oh, yeah, it's from our theme song. It's nothing to do with sex in the city. It's her and her husband on a video that has made its way to YouTube where she is announcing herself as a... I want to say scat singer,

but that sounds like the wrong word. Yeah, it's a real-life interview with Kim Cattrall where she says she's a poet and her partner is a jazz musician who plays bass. Upright bass. Upright bass. So he's playing a bass and she's sort of scatting over it.

Although I have since discovered that this is not an improvised poem she's performing, but a written poem by someone else that she is reciting. She didn't even write that. Yeah. Does it make it better or worse? Way worse. But at the end of the video, outside of the song,

she says whatever is said in the theme song. I don't listen to it that much. I just put it in. We work together and hear it together and we get a nice rhythm and it's something along those lines. You guys know because you hear it every time. And we go for it, yeah.

We go for it. Yeah. And we go for it. So I've been slowing it down by 1% every episode. But then I've seen people on the subreddit being like, is this fucking occasionally slowing them down? I'm like, I've been slowing down the whole time

so what I'm going to do for the last ones, I started doing this a couple episodes ago, is I'm going to slow it down by 10 and what it's supposed to do is emulate what we're going through. It is the audio expression of what is happening to our minds.

So what you're hearing is Guy and I, it's our brain turning to putty. That's a very good answer. The second part, and this is going to be, I realise this is going to be the last question we'll have time to answer. Sure thing. The rest of them, thank you so much for these submissions. I'm suggesting to you now, Tim, we do a special friend zone in which we address these remaining questions at a later date.

So we're going to answer this, and then you'll see what happens. I think Carrie's observation about Charlotte shitting herself is 100% spot on. Evidence. When Charlotte and Carrie are furniture shopping and Charlotte is like, my life is so good. Carrie's like, yeah, but you shit yourself.

Direct quite. But Charlotte seems to have forgotten. So Carrie's observation that Charlotte's life isn't as good as she thinks because she has shit herself. Honey, you shit yourself this year.

I think you're done. As someone who is on the record as having shit themselves more than most people in the previous years, I take umbrage with this. Because at some point you do forget you did it. And in doing that, you forget how significant that moment is to other people. We don't all have... Like some bats have wonky sonar,

some of us like to test the limits of our physical body to the point where we sometimes, maybe accidentally, after a house party with a bunch of 19-year-olds in Malibu, wake up the next morning, roll out the top of a camper van and shit their pants. That's just what some of us do. What do we do with the underpants? We throw them into the unoccupied lot across the fence.

What do we do after that? How do we clean ourselves up? We pick our way through 10 comid teenagers until we find a bathroom? How do we clean ourselves up? We pick our way through 10 comid teenagers until we find a bathroom in which we can clean ourselves up in the basin. Are we proud of ourselves? Surprisingly, yes, yeah. How can we top this? What will LA have in store for us this time?

Well, I hope we're not hanging out with teenagers anymore because we are too old. Yeah, that's the God's honest truth of it. We probably need to wrap it up. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much

for coming out. If you are living in Chicago, Portland or Los Angeles, please, but we can't wait to visit, please buy a ticket and check out the shows.

Thank you so much, New York. You've been a wonderful audience. Yes! We just have a good rhythm together, you know. He sort of feels me out, I feel him out. And we go for it.