The Worst Idea Of All Time - 52: A Wake for The Knife

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

Tim has had too much beer to record a live podcast but has found a new best friend while taking a cab in Portland, Oregon. That's good because he recently lost a friend, The Knife. The fellaz have dubbed themselves Freelance Coalminers. Mattress Pikelet King is a Gray - aliens who assumed human form and took over Hollywood. Timbo and Guyguy try to figure out which of them is Carrie and which is Big in the relationship and the results may surprise you.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Good evening Portland! That feels good Every time we come up too early by about 20 to 15 seconds and just sit through a brass band adaptation of the Sex and the City theme

To its conclusion, thank you so much for coming out Thank you Portland, we appreciate you ever so much, It's such a pleasure to be in your beautiful city. Yeah. We've had a great time today. I've got to say, and I'd like to go on the record with this, that Portland, Oregon is truly the greatest city

on God's green earth. The Willamette? Are you kidding me? I've been in New York. The Hudson River is sewerage. I've been in Chicago. The Chicago River and Lake Michigan are two ways to a body of water. The Willamette is where it's at.

The people are friendly. The streets make sense. Los Angeles is a goddamn wasteland. Portland, thank you for having us. And I believe that with all my heart. I will say that till i'm blue in the face i will say that with one foot in the goddamn grave i curse every other city and country on god's green it's still god's green earth this is such a weird request but can we change mics because i feel like yours is a lot louder than mine and you're you are a man with a natural gift for projection. Do you know...

Yeah, no worries, man. Thanks. Have a comment. That is so much louder. Do you know that when I used to go out for food with my family... I'm going to turn it down.

You keep talking. Why don't we just swap seats? Yeah, no, no. Okay. I'll have your beer and you have my beer because the microphones are different.

When we used to go out for dinner, Dad would get embarrassed and he'd say, talk quieter, guy. And I, like a child, have problems with being told what to do. And we'd have these huge blow-ups because I'd talk too loud. Isn't that weird? Is it weird or is it just you talk too loud? I think I talk at the right volume, obviously. Yeah.

And everyone else should adjust. No, I definitely, you know, okay, now we're colouring an episode nice and early. Getting some conflict in there. I definitely think you talk a little louder than most. You've got an... Does that mean it's wrong? Yeah. Why?

Because it's a comparative measure. It's like everyone is out there being social animals Trying to make a cohesive society And you're just blasting it a little bit above What would be useful for this society I have some of the best things to say Ah This is the point we've missed

This is the other thing to take into consideration This is the important bit And this is something I struggled to articulate to Stephen. But truth of the matter is... Stephen Montgomery, that is. A lot of the time, at these dinners... Please, his name is Guy Montgomery. Stephen is his father.

It doesn't quite work when you do it that way, does it? No, no, but, you know, the structure is almost functional. Yeah. It's not without its comedic merits. Yeah, no, but so when I used to go for these meals, I'd always say, but Dad, I'm saying some of the best stuff. And he'd say, hey, I know you are. And then we actually, it was really healthy in the end.

It was really good, really positive. He got into it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a great relationship. So thank you so much for coming to this wake for the knife. It's, no, I'm serious and I like okay so some of you will have heard one episode

of the live shows we've done in this USA tour however I haven't put the Chicago one up yet and I tricked Guy I think again I think I did it in New York as well where I said oh I haven't got the knife and then boom the knife came out I genuinely have fucking lost the knife, which is classic Tim.

Well, Tim, can I tell you something? You have 100% lost the knife. That's so mean. How did you feel? What did your heart do? I really thought you had it. It was, I... Be totally honest.

I'm going to be completely honest with you. I haven't felt that way since it was Christmas and I was nine. Like, I really thought that you had somehow ferreted into my bag and found the knife. It would have been such a good move. Because you saw me looking for it in the room. And the discipline for this man to keep quiet... Anyway, the knife's dead. The moral of the story is the knife's dead.

Fuck you. You're confusing volume with an ability to withhold quiet. Anyway, the knife's dead. The moral of the story is the knife's dead. Fuck you. You're confusing volume with an ability to withhold information. I wouldn't be able to be that disciplined. That's not a diss on you. I'm just saying, like, the knife's dead. Yeah. And what the bar here at Clinton Street Theatre, who we are so grateful for hosting us.

They're fantastic. A round of applause. The fantastic volunteers who are serving this beer and whatnot. Make sure you tip them generously. There is a beer on special called The Knife, which I would love to say we especially organised. It's just the universe, baby. The universe knew that we

would be drinking to The Knife. So, I'd like to share a few words and a few memories about The Knife, if I may. I told you expressly before we left for the venue, I said this show is not going to be awake for the knife. But this beer is delicious, so please. I would actually quite like you to kick off.

What would you like to say as a send-off and a goodbye to the most recent iteration of the knife? So I never liked when Tim started carrying knives in the first place. New Zealand, by its nature, a pretty safe place. Not a place that you need to be carrying concealed weapons. And when you lost the first knife, I thought, well, that's good. But you got another knife. And I think that one was confiscated, and rightfully so,

because this is what happens if you become a knife guy. Sometimes you forget and you carry knives onto domestic or international airline carriers. And then once you've lost that knife, you go, look, honestly, I think the universe is telling you to stop carrying around knives. I don't think that's the lesson. You took a perfectly good porcelain kitchen knife. Ceramic.

Ceramic. They're different. Oh, yeah. They're similar, though. Yeah. Are they in a thesaurus? If you look up thesaurus.com and you look up porcelain, ceramic would be not in bold, but in regular print, just next to all the bold ones.

Okay. That's what I think. I'll go with you on that. Yep. Thank you. All of that to say, the knife will not be missed. I know that you're going to buy a bigger, scarier knife, and I resent you losing this pretty harmless small kitchen knife for that reason.

I think you're looking at it backwards in that it's not that I am such a fan of knives, I keep losing them. It's more like I'm a custodian of lost knives for a time. It's like I'm a foster parent for wayward knives. You are the worst imaginable foster parent. That is simply untrue. If a foster parent brings a child into their house and then loses track of the child

and somehow, you know, SIFS or whatever the agency is keeps giving you children and you keep losing them that does not make you a good come at me for giving youths some autonomy and some control over their own lives they want to get back out there in the universe and return to the life they had before they stop them these are knives tim these are just knives this is like a passport or a phone this This is just something that's pretty easy to keep track of. If you don't know where your knife is, you're not

fucking ready to own a knife. It is just that simple. We watched Sex and the City for the 51st time hours ago. The 52nd time. Oh, this is, yeah, you're right. Yeah, 52. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. It's, what a horror show. And look, I do agree that we should talk about it. And I would like to say this, there is still 10 minutes of movie owing. This is the first time on record, I think, where we will record an episode and afterwards finish watching the movie.

But that seems nothing else if not important but tim i sort of feel like i railroaded the weight which i said it's not but if i got to speak you should speak too oh give me formal words or just anything you'd like to say on on the the loss of the knife before we dig into what was honestly one of the least respectful watches i've been a part of in a very long time i just want to say that often in current society and life, people are moving very quick, looking out for themselves,

and knives, they give us so much and they ask for so little. What do they give? They give us sharpness, they give us a very tiny edge through which we can cut larger objects into smaller objects. I'm talking tomatoes, cucumber, cheese, a person.

I don't know. It's up to you. It's your knife at the end of the day. Well, it's not. And also now, what I'm happy to say is it's not your knife. It is presumably in the hands of a very responsible person in Chicago, Illinois. It's America's knife. It's a knife of the people.

It's a knife for the people. That's right. Now, as Tim said before I rudely made him finish the wake that he declared for his stupid fucking knife, we did watch Sex and the... In a way, we watched... Within half an hour of us watching the movie, Tim said, do you know what we do? It's not even watching the movie anymore.

Well, it was just for that one... I mean, we fucking zoned in last episode, big time. But, yeah, I don't disagree with that. And what I would like to say is this. You were not describing that particular experience. You were saying, even when we zoned in, what we are doing is no longer watching the movie. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes, that's correct. You were not describing that particular experience. You were saying even when we zoned in, what we are doing is no longer watching the movie. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yes, that's correct. You were saying, I mean, what did you describe it as? I can't remember. Can you try and make something up? Oh, it was profound what I said as well because I remember making the point, but I can't remember the analogy I drew. So it was a functioning sentence.

It was like, oh, no, what I was saying because I was thinking about going and seeing movies and even watching movies like on Netflix or whatever it's not the event of cinema but even just watching a movie on a plane or whatever, consuming some Netflix on your tablet, in bed

on a laptop, what have you that's not what we are doing and not what we have done for some time with Sex and the City. With Sex and the City, it feels like we are, I know you don't like the analogy of soldiers, so I'm going to change it to coal miners. We're going in and we're rolling up our sleeves

and we're heading into this grubby work situation, very dangerous. People aren't looking out for us, but there's some boss that we don't know who it is making us roll in, clock in every, you know, twice a week. We're freelance coal miners. The coal that we are coming out of these mines with is not being put to use.

Yeah, it's... Hey, look, more coal! Yeah, it's... It's so... Hey, look, more co! Alright, boys. It's absolutely true. I think the podcast is the audio equivalent of black lung. No one wants it.

No one's asked for it, but we're just putting it on the market. I couldn't agree more what I'm here to share is that it feels disgusting and awful and wretched and it's not a movie watching experience whatsoever nor has it been for

upwards of 45 watches of this movie the first time we were watching a movie the second time we might have been watching a movie but even on the fifth time we were we were watching a movie. The second time, we might have been watching a movie. But even on the fifth time, we were no longer watching a movie. We were enduring, E-N-D-U-R-I-N-G, a project. Can you please tell me the alternative spelling of enduring you were worried everyone was imagining?

I am so self-conscious of my New Zealand accent while I'm in the United States that I feel I have to enunciate to within an inch of my New Zealand accent while I'm in the United States that I feel I have to enunciate to within an inch of my life and occasionally spell the word. When we buy basic amenities sometimes Tim will say could I please have

this packet of chips and a drink and then he will say I'm so sorry. I feel like that that is true. But for as many cases as I can, I do try to adopt the local lingo. I'm not asking for a tissue, I'm asking for a Kleenex, etc. I couldn't think of any more. You haven't asked for a Kleenex this whole trip. But were I to, that's what I would say.

My trick is I just do, if I can't get the thing I need. You go louder. Yeah. And then they're like, why is this foreigner yelling at me? No, incorrect. Because when I go louder, I also go American. So I'll say, hey, could I please buy that hat? And they'll go, what?

And I'll say, could I please buy that hat? And they'll go, what? And I'll say, could I please buy that hat? Voila. Shining light? Yeah, I wrote it down. Oh, can I lead with mine because I'm definitely going to forget it. Absolutely not. When Samantha first spies Dante

in the throes of coitus across the way next door to... His coitus, not hers. The glass box. His and hers coitus. They should sell that at a shop. It's called a brothel, Tim. That is true. Imagine putting that on a wedding registry.

His and her coitus. Now... Imagine putting some vouchers for a brothel on your wedding gift list. You're like, we'll get some whores, some him and hers whores. They're called sex workers, you animal. Nah, that's true.

That's the truth. And that... That's the truth. I got a question for you, though. This is well beyond either of our pay grade or intellectual comprehension. Let's get intimate. No one's listening to this. No one's here.

It's just you and I on a stage in a beautiful 222-seater venue, which we have filled to within 30% of its life. A.K.A. The Brim. A sex worker within their professional life

is willing to engage with customers all along the spectrum of gender. Do they by necessity have to be bisexual or are there sex workers who are so professional that they are willing to push their personal preference to the back of their mind and say you know what a dollar's a dollar to work this economy i'm i'm on the job here's the first thing i'll say a little limited in the the sexualities you're dealing with

pansexual i think would be the most apt sexuality of all to deal with that circumstance. Yes, I could improve my language, and I appreciate this learning moment, Tim, but if we could just get into the fucking meat of the question. Yeah. The second one. The second one.

I don't even understand what the question was, to be honest. Well, I've already got the answer from a much more talented person than either of us. Yeah, fair enough. You park your sexuality to go to work if you're a sex worker? understand what the question was, to be honest. Well, I've already got the answer from a much more talented person than either of us. Yeah, fair enough. You park your sexuality to go to work if you're a sex worker? Is that the question? I think you can. Yeah.

And I think you should. Yeah. I don't fucking know. My shining light is when Samantha first catches Dante enjoying coitus over the way. You don't want to talk about some more dicey issues that could get us in trouble for putting out the podcast episodes? Let's talk about race while we're in Portland. I feel like we've filled our quota. We had, can I say, a fucking dynamite conversation

with the cab driver over here. And he was from Florida, Miami, Florida, and he does not care for how white this city is. Also a white cabbie, by the way. South-loathing. He was the...

We got on like a house on fire because... Children do some very particular things pertaining to taste. It got fucking niche. I noticed on the centre console that he was listening to Bonobo and I was like,

that was on the shortlist of artists that my wife was going to walk down the aisle. You embellished the story for the driver. I genuinely forgot. I said that my wife walked down the aisle to that but I don't think that's quite true. But it's an artist similar to Bonobo

and boy is it a good... Fuck, you knew that and I don't. that's quite true. But it's an artist similar to Bonobo. And boy, is it a good... Fuck, you knew that and I don't. That's terrible. It's a good thing she hates the podcast and doesn't listen to it. So we bonded up there. This is the long play. And then he went, yeah, man, I love listening to movie scores. And I was like, oh, shit.

I've met my person. And then we started talking about Hans Zimmer and I was introducing him to Pogo no before you got to Pogo they started talking about Hans Zimmer we were swapping which were the best of Hans Zimmer's soundtracks you said Interstellar and he said

that's my shit I fall asleep listening to Interstellar and said me too but sometimes you gotta be careful because that'll give you nightmares. And the guy said, oh my fucking God, you've got to be in the zone because you are right and no one else has ever understood this. He said that.

He said like we had a fucking connection. God damn it, I love this city He didn't but I do Meanwhile in my corner of the lift Carrie and Big are being reunited in a walk in wardrobe for a union that should not

go ahead yet for the 52nd time in half a year is going ahead. We gotta get to the movie as far as we know we have not yet finished the episode this could be the watch in which he jilts her twice and so help me god I pray for that fucking day

as soon as the movie deviates from the script that they're all performing to that's when I know there's been value in the project that's when I know I'm been value in the project. That's when I know I'm free. Eyes open, heart... What are the...

Friday Night Lights, baby. Billy Bob Thornton. It's a different franchise with the same title. My shining light, if I fucking may, Nice one, dude. was when Samantha catches Dante mid-coitus over the way.

It's actually called coit if it's midway through. Mid-coit. Between the railing, which is above as a safeguard on the elevated balcony that looks over the beach on which she lives. You guys know. And the lip of the spa, three of her fingers are poking into frame between these two barriers. And there's a depth thing as well

because the lip of the spar is not up hard against the railing. Anyway, they're slightly out of focus, but there is these three fingers here. She's obviously quite recently had a manicure, a very traditional and bold red. The nails look fantastic. That's the whole fucking thing. That is niche.

And by niche I mean niche. And by niche you mean how it's meant to be pronounced. Fuck these people bro. Okay here we go. Here's what's up. What's happening? We are the ones...

All this song and dance that these people put on when they talk to each other, it's for show. That's not how it's meant to be spoken. This is the right way. What you and I are doing right now. Yes, the way we talk. We are the exemplar conversation.

This is how they talk when we're not listening. I love this. For a fact okay sometimes when i walk through a library people are talking to each other they think i can't hear them but i can hear them and they're going oh hold on here he comes wow this book is so good are you for real yeah and who can i talk about that no i don't know anyone but here's the question fucking why why are they doing it i don't know it's to fuck with us i don't think i think there's i think it's bigger than that okay i'm all ears here's what's happened the greys descended this guy's with me but that too is a ruse. One of 70. Yeah. The Greys arrived, Roswell, 1949.

What is it? 52. 59. Historians continue to debate to this day when the event happened. What I know is that it went down in New Mexico in the 40s or 50s. And they integrated, right? But New Zealand put up a hell of a fight. Fucking A we did.

We're surrounded by water. We don't take no shit. And we see greys? No. So we're doing it right. And the greys, they're pretending and they're fucking with us. These and the greys they're pretending and they're fucking with us these are all greys

yes yes here's what happens in Portland you guys were like hey should we subsidise making beer and then make weed illegal and just pretend like

society's fine it isn't everyone's fucked all the time here it's crazy. People walking across the road at half a kilometre an hour in front of traffic. I don't know how the economy exists in this kind of circumstance.

Do you know how New Zealand runs? Everything's fucking illegal and everyone drinks more coffee than you think is humanly possible. Busy work. All of it. But we're filing things we're searching things we're grabbing oil out of the ground we're doing it not portland portland's like but why and we're like i don't know but you're not allowed to let the wheels stop or else we all die that was half

of tim batts rant and then half of the rant he shared with our cab driver on the way here. I am not lying. My shining light was a carpet, but the weird thing is I now can't remember what scene it's from. But it's geometric shapes that make kind of a cube on the ground. So let's go through the scenes where we see a carpet. It could be in the closet. A guy is looking at me with a look of incredulous. He looks incredulous. we see a carpet. It could be in the closet. Guy is looking at me with a look of incredulity.

He looks incredulous. Incredulity. Incredulity. I can't be bothered. No. The payoff could not ever possibly be good enough for it. Let's do some questions.

We've got scant little time. I have a whole book full of notes I've taken. Then let's hear them. Yeah, one person's interested. Yes. At the wedding, reception, sorry, not the reception, we never get, do you know, it is infuriating for there to be

two weddings and one of them to be literally built towards for 50 minutes and as soon as we arrive at the wedding, and I know that they're not doing this on purpose to annoy me but sometimes it feels like they are we never get into the fucking reception hall we've got so much planning we watch do you mean the wedding venue yeah we watch we watch so much of them being like oh the big wedding 200 people are coming it's in the library oh my god it's the event of the season and then even like have her jilted inside of the fucking room what do you've got unlimited budget everyone wants to watch this happen why do you

keep getting jilted in the stairwell what what are these budgetary constraints that you are putting on me as an audience goer in this movie i want to see who the fuck showed up yeah i'm furious anyway no argument from me mate before we even get to that at the rehearsal dinner when samantha's doing her speech uh she says it is tradition for the the maid of honor to tell a humiliating stories about the bride but in our group we never kiss and tell and i'm sitting there thinking uh samantha are you illiterate? Because the person who you are talking about has literally made a career out of articulating the explicit sexual details of all of your fucking lives.

It's true. It's like Mattress Pike hasn't even seen the rest of the franchise. What do we know? Here's how it happened. Mattress Parklet was brought in. The old Mattress Parklet, right, was a real dude, and the new one is a grey. And all he had was the elevator pitch.

They were like, I can write a script. I've absorbed enough human brains by eating them. Oh, that's what the greys do with the people. They eat their brains? How do they dispose of the carcass? Turn it into soap. Seriously? Yeah, they render it.

Is this from you or from historians? This is from historians. Are you a historian? No. So the original Mantra of Sparkling Kings set the whole thing up with a TV show, which is good. And then a grey came along and ate him, and a la MIB, fucking grabbed his skin and wore that thing like a goddamn trench coat. You know? Fooled all the movie executives into giving him a big bug coat.

You know how aliens famously wear human skin like a baggy trench coat yeah and you always see an alien in a baggy bag of flesh and you're like seems like a person to me i'm never suspicious of people whose flesh is literally sagging off of their i'm on record as saying that mattress parklet king has a very severe face, and now we know why. He's a grey. And I think it actually... He pulled it up too tight. I think it explains...

The back's all bullclips. This is what I'm saying. This is it. And I think this actually goes a little wider. We're about to enter the zone of Holly weird when we go to LA tomorrow. My man. Okay. That's a dope turn of phrase.

That's what the greys targeted first, man. They were like, what are these fuckers listening to? It's their deities, and in the modern age, that's celebs. We're going to take over Hollywood and wear their skin like a leather coat on a biker. Tight and cool.

And then make movies, I guess. And they did that. And so the alien that took over Mattress Pike like King, he had scant little time to kind of absorb the information about Sex and the City as a franchise. It was like, what do we know? Carrie writes things. Samantha fucks things.

Charlotte's afraid of things. And Miranda, she lawyers stuff. That's all he knew. That is actually not a million miles away from the movie we watch. That's what I'm saying. It's all there in front of us, bud. That's what I'm telling you. Finally, we've had another breakthrough.

A huge breakthrough. I've got some other questions here. This one's for you and I that you actually asked in the movie but I wasn't willing to answer at the time. 805. Oh, was that not the question? Okay, my bad. Who is Carrie and who is Big

in our relationship? What do you think? I want to hear what you have to say. Well, we are both deeply flawed. Should we, on the count of three, announce who we think we are? I feel like that could be interesting. Should we? Should we give it a go? Yeah.

So we'll just say the name after three, like on four, after three. Okay. One, two, three, big Oh Okay Alright That's interesting Okay Now the first question to ask is

Does gender play into our answer? I honestly hope not and I don't think so but this is the thing with biases. You don't know they're there. Yeah I feel like I'm impervious to anyone's backstory. You don't have any blind spots. You're a 360 person.

I'm perfect. Not always but when I'm watching Sex and the City I'm not perfect but I'm oblivious to bias because I despise everyone and thing equally. Why do you think you're big? Look, I just think I'm happy alone. I think come New Year's Eve, even if I'm not feeling personally up to snuff, I know myself. This is something I've learned in moving to America

and struggling. This is not... Here we go. Struggling, but like, you know, in terms of friendship, having to make friends again from dot one is a living nightmare. No, I'm just joking.

It's actually a breeze. But I've learned from this and it's something I have to tell myself constantly is that I am a genuine extrovert in that I extract value for myself and energy that I can use in my life from being around other people. And in this way, on New Year's Eve, even if I don't feel like it, even if I think, no, I'd rather just stay in because the effort to go down to the restaurant and have a steak and a red wine by myself surrounded by people socializing is too much ultimately i know that that is the best thing for me to do and i would do that i say i think that i'm drawing from that particular frame in that particular scene to uh inform that i think i'm a big because that is one thing i identify with more than any of the cavalcade of fucking disastrous decisions either of them make

around that moment in the movie. Sure. Why do you think you're a big? I've got a huge penis. That's cool, man. Should we take some questions from the audience? I don't think I've seen your penis. No, you haven't. Have you seen my penis?

Do you not remember this? Cast your mind back about four years ago at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I believe I was sleeping on a couch in a lounge room that also had inflatable mattresses occupied by one Joseph Moore and possibly one Nick Sampson, aka

the Walkout Boys. You appear in the doorway, buck naked, waving your dick around like a helicopter, saying, look at me, look at me. That was the first time

I saw your genitals. As I said, I have absolutely no blind spots. Perfect person. Do you want to, you got more? There was one,

there was one, oh no, actually, you know what, it's not, I'd rather, I'd rather read literally anyone else's take. Oh, Monty. There was one other thing I was going to say.

Do you know what's crazy? This should be a joyous time. We're so close to the fucking end. This is, this is joyous. I'm, it feels, I am joyous. I'm full of joy, but it also feels labored because the watch was that shit. Like, it's still bad.

You would think that after doing anything 50-something times that you find a way to find your joy in it. And yet, here we are. So I know that you and I, you started, and I actually have not resumed for about a week now, reading the same book called Atomic Habits, the author whose name I cannot remember. But I agree that in watching or in practicing anything, say 50 times over 25, you're cultivating a discipline. You would think that you would develop habits or coping mechanisms

to confront the reality of what you're facing. But I would agree in that I have not trained myself in any emotional or intellectual way to deal with the affront that is sex in the city twice a week. It totally has its way with me. For those of you who are not witnessing this live, while Guy's voice is wavering, his eyes are watering. True emotion in the man. Well, I just think it's a I don't know if it's a wasted opportunity

but it's full on, man. It's intense. What we have done is The six month was a it's all a mistake, but wholesale. I will go on the record as saying this Season three was a mistake.

This has been fun Guy Montgomery if and when Grown Ups 3 is released are you prepared to stand by your commitment to watch it for two years Tim I told you those questions are for audience members only

do you know, absolutely. And I still, with rose-tinted, with misguided rose-tinted glasses and nostalgia cranked up to 11, I still think about sometimes putting on grown-ups for the fucking sheer thrill of it. The thrill crosses my mind as well, which is not good or healthy.

Do you know what we should do one time to assert ownership over that movie in our lives? Just sit down a mile away from microphones and other people and watch Grown Ups 2 for the sheer thrill of the thing. So fucked. We barely have enough time to just hang out as individuals. Do you not feel like we'd be doing something for us? Like, I kind of get what you're saying,

but I disagree with it, hugely. I'm ready for Grown Ups 3. And as it's been posited by someone recently, if they decide to skip Grown Ups 3 and only release Grown Ups 4, I'm fucking ready for that as well. This question is for Tim only. Tim, what is your favourite knife move

and top four knives in TV or cinema? I can't answer that. I don't know off the top of my head. The Ninja Turtles. Someone's rocking a double scythe. That's cool. That's a kind of a knife. Psylocke from X-Men.

And I'm going to specify the animated series version. That's a fucking good version of a knife. Wolverine has knives. Nope. What are those? Adamantium claws that are grafted onto his skeleton. I would say the katana that is used by the bride in Kill Bill.

Definitely top four. And fuck, there's another. Why would you go top four? Top three is surely. Do you know Mr. Big does chop the hell out of some tomatoes. That fucking knife. Yes. My favorite move is just a fucking.

Shiv. A shiv. That's it. You're good. Take a quit. You've earned it. God, you're good. I love this guy.

We've drunk a lot of alcohol And smoked a lot of weed here I love your city I love it You brave boys Have decided to pursue therapy After this endeavor For your own benefit Also

To preserve your friendship You brave boys Have you two Oh have you It's not a statement Okay I thought someone statement I thought someone was telling us

here's something that's happened which you may not be aware of you're in a therapy session I'm your psychologist and the only way

I've managed to penetrate your psyche is delivering you notes in your fictitious live shows which don't exist you're not in

Portland you're sitting currently in Grayland, Auckland and to be honest third tier psychologist's office you are our Louise

you brave boys have you two decided to pursue therapy after this endeavour for your own benefit also to preserve your friendship we have not spoken about what we will become after this I genuinely think that the um friendship and relationship i have with guy is and pains me to say this is one of the healthier ones i cultivate

in my life there is a level of honesty and uh openness that can only come from uh traveling the world with someone and going through the hardships that we have endured together. You can't keep up a front for long enough to do what we've done. You should see what I'm actually like, Ben. You would hate it. No, no, I agree. I took away from the moment by trying to do a joke. Quite fine. I understand.

The audience couldn't keep up. No, I would totally agree with that. This transcends normal bounds. And I do, I've said it before, I'll say it again, I truly love you. Now this is also kiss if you feel compelled. Literally,

literally, every city on the US tour and we are picking random questions. It's not like we're reading all of them. They've all instructed us as an imperative to kiss. We've done it. It's fine. Are we good?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Are you able to handle watching the movie without weed or alcohol at this point? Yeah, I've done it on a plane, I've done it on a train. Done it with a box and I've done it in a box. Do you know, I actually, for the first 45 minutes of Six in the City today in my head, admittedly after I had drank a beer and smoked on a vape pen

several times was humming to myself comfortably numb by Pink Floyd I feel like the idea of doing those things relieves the tension and challenge of watching the film but truthfully speaking it probably makes it literally makes no, it makes no

difference at this time. Either way, you are trapped by yourself. To do those things, it blunts the edges of the affront on the senses, but ultimately, you're only punishing yourself. That's what I think. Which of the Sex and the City gals would you be willing to

share a platonic one-bedroom apartment with? And and the city gals, would you be willing to share a platonic one bedroom apartment with? And would you make your would you make your co-host live with? Okay. Pretend like I said that all in one breath.

So we get to choose who we would live with and we get to inflict one of them on one another. So you go? I would live with Samantha. Nice. Why?

Well, conditional on the walls being pretty thick. I think she's more fun. It's the single line of when she gets off the plane and they say, how was the flight? And she says, fabulous. That's all i need to hear like that is a person that i want to be around that's dope no one that i associate with generally in life is like i had a great flight across the coasts of america i'm really starting to shut down, aren't I? No, you're cool.

Who would you like me to live with? I think you are destined to live with Charlotte. And not because you would enjoy it, but because you would learn from it. What do you hope I take out of living with Charlotte? It's actually for both of you. I think Charlotte learns way more from you than you do from her, but you've both got a little something to trade

Charlotte's going to learn from you to indulge in the pure unadulterated joy of being a child as an adult and all the happiness that entails what I think you learned from Charlotte

you know getting pregnant. I'm going to learn how to become pregnant. You got it. I would like to live with Miranda. Yeah, I know. That's because I know that she has a sense of fun and I feel confident in my ability as someone with whom she'd be living to draw

that out of her and also give her the space that she needs to perform her I reckon you and Miranda would fuck and I can't say that about any of the other gals. Literally stipulated in the question that we do not do this. But no, I think, you know, I also

would choose it as a strategic choice because she works hard. You're dead right. It's just platonic right there on the card. She works hard, so she spends enough time away from the apartment. Like, you know, it's a classic day-night situation. I have domain of the house by day. She gets domain of the house by night.

A sort of Batman Bruce Wayne situation. Absolutely. We are two sides of the house by night. A sort of Batman Bruce Wayne situation. Absolutely. We are two sides of the same coin and you know on Saturdays and Sundays sometimes we go out for a meal and she tells me about Steve and how she's been slamming that and I tell her about

how I reckon that's fucking awesome and way to get yours and you live with Carrie Bradshaw because I love you man but also fuck you sometimes. I hear that and I feel it. That concludes the question and answer portion of tonight's show. Yeah.

Thank you so much to everyone who submitted questions so generously. We'll answer all of them, but just not right here and right now. Yeah. What we're going to do is we're going to go out the back and we're going to read them and answer them just to one another. Yes. We won't be recording that either, just so you're aware. So what is important for you to know is that thus concludes

our 50-second watch and discussion of Sex and the City here. Your rating of the movie? We're reviewing it. What do you give it out of five? I give it one. One popcorn out of five popcorn it. What do you give it out of five? I give it one. One popcorn out of five popcorns. What do you give it? Dose. Dose. Very generous. Thus concludes

the review. Thus concludes our episode here at the beautiful Clinton Street Theatre in Portland. Please give a huge round of applause to yourself. Thank you Portland. God bless you. To the venue. We just have a good rhythm together he sort of feels me out I feel him out and

we go for it