The Worst Idea Of All Time - By Request: Treasure of The Four Kings

Episode Date: March 20, 2021

This review of the failed 80s 3D Raiders of the Lost Ark rip-off Treasure of the Four Crowns serves as payment to Alice for services to TWIOAT. This movie has it all –magic, snakes, four crowns. The villain in this kids movie is a cult leader who looks suspiciously like Rasputin and the hero is some random 40-something dude who enlists the help of an alcoholic and a retired circus performer with a weak heart. It is BAFFLING how it didn’t perform better at the box office. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've seen Raiders, Star Wars, Aliens, and Close Encounters, but you are about to experience a totally new dimension in entertainment. Forged from the wealth of kings, source of the magical powers of good and evil, unleashed in the hands of a madman. Now, five daring heroes defy the odds in a deadly quest to capture the greatest prize of them all. Go for it! Treasure of the four crowns. Hello everybody and welcome to a special feature presentation from the worst idea of all time. My name is Tim. Yep, he's not wrong everyone and my name is Guy Montgomery.

I literally don't know the name of the film, we just watched Four Crowns. The movie is called Treasure of the Four Crowns. It is a 1983 action adventure film directed by Ferdinando Baldi. Now, we watched this by request of Alice. Of one person and one person only. Just one person. Alice helped us with some good intel on the Emmanuel series of films before. At the very outset of this adventure. Before we started.

And as penance, we promised to watch a film of... We said, how can we ever repay you, Alice? She said, I have one payment option, and that is you need to watch this film, which I believe she said at the time was like one of the childhood favourites of hers. This was like a big movie when she was a kid. That is incredibly interesting to me

because I found this movie to be very confusing. Yes. and slow. And horrifying, it turns. Yeah, and honestly, not a good time. No, I'm with you, man. With due respect to the childhood memories of our friend Alice, I thought this was a real stinker. This was a bad movie. It opened with promise because I thought it was going to do something,

but then it didn't even do that because there was no dialogue for the first 20 minutes, but there was some pretty good soundtrack. A man in a heavily booby-trapped castle walking around. Pensive. Avoiding puppets of bats and sort of mini pterodactyls, wild dogs, a large python. He did make a fantastic noise when the python was on him. The sort of noise I think I would make, which is like,

like not a sort of scream of fear, but just like a deep sense of unease. If you actually got slithered over by a boa constrictor, it wouldn't make a sexy kind of a scream. You'd make a, yeah, that's the noise. That's a really good articulation of the noise. I've had a... At Steve Irwin's Australia Zoo as a boy, I had a... RIP, Australia.

Yeah, yeah. We hardly knew you. And also rip in peace to my boy, Steve Irwin. Rip in peace. Rip it, brother. My friend Oscar and I, we got a photo with a huge python draped across our shoulders. And I mostly remember- Age?

Around that 10 mark. Oh, yeah. 11. Hold up. You went to Australia on a trip with a friend of yours when you were 10. I know. That's crazy. He came with my family.

Holy shit. Yeah. It was fucking awesome. That's crazy. He came with my family. Holy shit. Yeah. It was fucking awesome. Oscar. Oscar. Do I know Oscar? You know of Oscar. I don't know if you know him personally.

Wait a minute. Is it the same Oscar that's in your life now? Yes. Fuck. Do you know that Oscar? I think so. Isn't it amazing to think we have people in our lives that the other one doesn't know? There's still life in this relationship yet, Tim.

I do think about often the fact that we've known each other for like a little good while longer than I've known my wife. I think that's cool. Oh, wow. And more importantly, this podcast is older than the relationship I have with my wife. And therefore, if I have to choose. Yeah, yeah. It's the only thing. And therefore, if I have to choose. Yeah, yeah.

It's the only thing that justifies its existence. That's true, actually. I mean, it's also, yeah, because this podcast also outlives the length of my relationship with Chelsea. Of course. And, you know, on one hand it makes you think, wow, what a powerful bond we have through this podcast. On the other hand, you think, wow,

does this podcast drive people out of your life? Maybe. Maybe we're due for a big refresh of people because they will leave us because of this pod. Anyway, back to the movie guy. So there you and Oscar are, age 10, Python,

Drake to cross you. All that to say, the main thing I remember about having a Python on me was its weight. Its face isn't scary. They don't want to bite you. They want to strangle you

or suffocate you and they're just so heavy. Because they're just muscle, right? Like a snake is just one big long coil of muscle. Is that right? I guess so. It's got to be right. There's no reason that we would be wrong.

I mean, a classic question, but how do snakes fuck? What's their situation? Snakes are egg-laid. Because you get a snake pit, right? Like that's a real thing where they all just writhe around and screw Trying to impregnate each other Well funnily enough There's a famous snake scene in an Indiana Jones film

I believe Raiders of the Lost Ark Yeah Which this was accused of Ripping off Plagiarising Yeah Because there was a flaming boulder I don't know Indiana Jones well enough

That is to say I don't even Indiana Jones well enough that is to say I don't even know if I've seen the films ever in my life. I've seen that one, but there's a very scary snake pit. And also, I mean, yes, there is a flaming boulder in this movie and there was a flaming boulder in Indiana Jones. There's tons of flaming boulders in this one. Everything in this movie is on fire. It seems the main reason to make this movie

was to set off illegal fireworks in a legal setting. Truly. There was not this level of pyrotechnics and the expendables everything is exploding in this film it's great there's constantly fire on screen this movie sucked and it was so weird because like as i said the first so the first thing i cottoned on to was the composer of the score for this film is the same guy who did The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and he's scored a lot of really famous

like themes, like movie themes. An Oscar winning composer. I can't remember his name. Inyo Morikone. Inyo Morikone or Morichone. Could be either. Could be. Anyway, yeah.

The movie is confusing because it is long and it's like they don't know where to put their energy when they're doing set up. Do you want to do beat by beat a little bit? No. Just super briefly? No. So here's what happens beat by beat.

So the castle bit we were talking about, there's no dialogue there. And then he gets picked up. No, he like arrives in what we're presuming to be Italy because they're driving on the right side of the road. But it's beautiful architecture. I think it was filmed in Spain. Makes sense.

Aye. And he has some words with some English, I'm going to call them handlers. They're like old friends of his who contract him to do dastardly deeds. You've got to say why he was in that castle in the first place. He was in this heavily booby-trapped castle on a contract job to retrieve a crown. One of four crowns, all containing treasure. When fused, they have enough power to dispel all the evils of the world.

It is Dragon Ball Z. Yeah, it's Dragon Ball Z, but less good. That's right. Instead of seven Dragon Balls, there are four crowns. Less good. And instead of an enjoyable time, it's a long time. Less good. So instead of Bulma, we've got a woman called Liz.

Instead of Master Roshi, we have a guy with a moustache who gets killed at the three-quarter mark of the film. Instead of Vegeta, we've got a guy who's modelled on Rasputin called Brother Jonas, which I thought was quite a tantalising look into the future for the Jonas brothers. That's right. Or the inspiration. Yeah, maybe that's where they got it.

And this is such an obscure film that no one has traced the fact that they have cult like aspirations. There is both a character called Rick Martin, Ricky Martin, and Brother Jonas is the bad guy. It's a sort of- It's a musical look into the future. When was this? 83.

That's fucking way back, man. Before I was born, even. Absolutely. I mean, it was filmed in 3D. It was meant to be some sort of- Hence the fire right that's why there's so much fire because fire looks cool when it's coming at you off a big old screen i guess how like what was the 3d technology because this is the end of it apparently according to the information i have in front of me this is at the end of a second 3d boom i could be wrong but i think it's called stereoscopic, I'm guessing, based on the year it came out where they have the red and the blue fields

and then you put those glasses on and they combine it, which is quite shit. I love those images of cinemas full of people wearing those glasses. It's quite cool, quite dystopian vibes. This was three Depix stacked. It's technoscope-sized left and right images, one above the other on a single band of 35mm film. The fuck?

Three Depix is, I don't know. But you need something to, the audience, I assume, would probably need something to separate the left and right fields. I see these dinosaur magazines. Fuck, I remember those. Did you get a little piece each time and you were building a t-rex eventually possibly but i remember that with them there was like a 3d one where you get the glasses and you open it up and there'd be

like 3d sort of holographic images of dinosaurs in the magazine i have not thought about that magazine for fucking years yeah you're so right it It was a good time. I had those. They were cool. I was a huge dinosaur guy. Dinosaurs were one of my main passions that I remember having. Yeah. And I was not allowed to watch Jurassic Park

because my mum thought it was too scary. It was pretty freaky, man. Do you know, I distinctly remember not being allowed to see it at the movies for that reason. My two older brothers got to go with my, I think, from memory, Uncle Chris. Where did I remember that?

You must have been jealous. But I didn't go. I couldn't go. I was too young. It was scary shit in Jurassic Park. I would have been six, I think. If you love dinosaurs, to then watch a dinosaur movie where the dinosaurs are genuinely scary and a threat to people would almost sabotage your otherwise pure love of dinosaurs. You would have been really young to see it at the cinema

because you're slightly, there's like a, how much is between us, like nine months or something? Yes. Oh, no, it's like 12, 11, I think. So you would have been, I think you would have been about five when Jurassic Park came out. When did it come out? 94.

94 or three even. Oh, wow, yeah, I was real young. But, you know, then it got on the hot VHS ticket pretty soon thereafter. So this film's all about these crowns that JT's got. JT's the main guy. He's credited as Tony Anthony, which I think is such a fantastic stage name. JT Striker. JT Striker, good name for the character.

And he's got to assemble a ragtag bunch. It's sort of Ocean's Eleven via Jim Henson. One last big job to pay everyone off. So they've got a guy who works in a circus called Socrates, who's like the strongman, but he's way past his prime. He's got a heart problem. He's got angina. He's either got a beautiful young daughter or partner.

Yeah. Never explained. Well, we might have talked over that bit. Yeah. Never explained. Well, it might have been. We might have talked over that bit. I'm not sure. This movie, I will say this for it, is so slow. And so, like, there's a lot of action sequences and there's a lot. It's busy, but there's so little happening.

Literally, the entire plot is he retrieves the first crown. The contractors tell him he needs to get the other three crowns. Well, there's a cult. So that's, you know. Yeah, from a cult. Yeah. And then he assembles the tag of robbers. They go to the cult.

They retrieve the crowns. A few people die along the way. And then the movie ends and they set up for a sequel. That never happened. Well, they did. Yeah. Cheers. That's the whole picture.

The bit that guy's saying they set up for a sequel. I mean, fucking kind of. The last bit of this movie actually kind of rules because everyone except JT and Liz dies, and you think JT dies. So JT gets to the final crowns, and there's a little magic key that he found in the first crown that opens two of the other crowns,

and inside those two crowns are these crystals, these gemstones. Treasure. and they're very powerful magic and there's even a star wars um scrolling text intro which explains that there's some power that you know man cannot handle and should not handle at the start but it's never kind of talked about again and then finally in the last bit of this film you get it it. It's these gemstones. And so he grabs them. His head spins round and round and round like the exorcist, which is a weird thing to do for the hero of the film. Half his face melts. He becomes fucking Phantom of the Opera

and starts shooting freaking laser beams out of his freaking eyeballs. Massive napalm jets out of his arms and just fucking tortures everyone. Like, he is burning henchmen. Indiscriminately. There's all these people that the cult has taken effectively hostage inside the castle at armed guard who just look like university-age kids. Yeah, in this setup, when we're hearing about Brother Jonas and how he protects the crowns

and how he's an evil cult leader, he's like, he's been going around hoovering up anyone by themselves on the streets and now they all are trapped inside of this compound. Yeah.

And then they all look super healthy and beautiful and they're sitting in like really modern clothing and they're all super compliant and kind of just like, looks like they're on a field trip. It really does.

It looks like we've arrived at the Oxford versus, what's that other university that does the yacht or the boat? Oxford and Cambridge. Yeah. They're rowing race. What bothers me about this film is it's so much trouble to go to just to tell so little story. And also there's no like stakes or resolution in

the story it's like we don't care about this character who's retrieving the jewels but do you like fire probably not enough to enjoy this film i think if you were a genuine arson maybe then but even then you're like these fires i'm not actually seeing the impact of them i'm just saying that they exist do you reckon that's a big part of being an arson is like you want to see you see the raw power i think you're right hey it's that kind of um i think it's the uncontrolled nature of them that you're like that's what gets you dick hard if you're an arson or nipples yeah or pussy wet yep god damn this season is ruining us um but having these kind of controlled flames in a filmic scenario where it's like i know what's happening here honestly i cannot overemphasize how many pyrotechnics there are it's it's like it's like they won a million dollars worth of fireworks

and then decided to make a film with that prize have you seen many like i feel like this is a genre i don't know a lot about and i've probably missed and so maybe part of the reason that i couldn't get into this film is because i don't have a relationship or nostalgia for like these sort of hokey special effects adventure films because the special effects department were working very hard they put a lot of energy into that my only like is the goonies like this no The Goonies like this? No, The Goonies is good because it's like the characters are kind of lovable and the story sort of... Well, it's not like the story's amazing,

but it's just the characters are the things that drives you along because they're all written to be very sympathetic characters, flawed in their own way, but they're charming kids. Like you fall in love because they're kids. The thing about this movie is it's presented as effectively a family film. It's kind of a kids film. But everyone is 40 and up.

There's like a fucking haggard looking 60 year old guy who dies of a heart attack. But that's what kids loved in the 80s. The main guy is a fucking 40 year old action dude. In his last cinema role.

Oh really? Oh that's sad. He kept making TV. He was a producer of the film too. I can't imagine this film made money. No, it said that it didn't actually have any numbers where I was looking at it. This must have been a death nail for that gene of 3D.

But, like, what is it? Because I can't. What is it about 3D? Well, I can understand why, how I would enjoy this movie or why if someone, like, showed you the poster or kind of described it, you'd be like, oh, that sounds like a bit of sort of quest-y fun. But it's just hot. It's just dross.

Quest-y fun, you've got to have like an Indiana Jones. You've got to have a quip-launching, flawed central character. No quips. No real attempts at comedy. That's the problem. Very serious. For a very silly That's the problem. Very serious. Honestly. Very silly film.

Very serious. So serious. Which worked in some parts. Because like you, sorry, here's where that shit works for a villain. The guy who they basically ripped off Rasputin to form as their villain. Like it worked because he was intense as fuck. And you were like, you're terrifying, my man. Yeah, he's got real presence.

I buy you as an evil entity. like you're terrifying my man yeah he's got real presence i buy you as an evil entity and you are rightly scary we literally don't know what happened to the the treasures of the four crowns at the end nah so he gets the fucking gems which hold the supreme power of the universe to like you know solve every problem and jt makes the decision after he's torched the whole fucking castle that these things are too powerful to return to the guys who hired him. So he just throws them in a very, bear with me, cold fire. By which I mean,

fires are at different temperatures, right? You know, you got your blue flame, which is super hot. You got your yellow, which is cold. He just throws it into like a yellow and orange fire as if that's going to do anything to these gemstones. It's irresponsible. And then, weirdly, we cut from that, just before the credits roll, orange fire as if that's going to do anything to these gemstones it's irresponsible and then

weirdly we cut from that just before the credits roll to some random bog somewhere we have no idea where it is and this mud monster starts bubbling up while ominous music plays and then a like snake puppet launches like the camera it's like fucking alien that bursts out of their stomachs it's that and it that's it and then the credits roll it's like what the fuck was that last thing that's where i that's where from what i understand they were like there's going to be another one of these and rightfully there wasn't we're getting a bit down on it i'm gonna do i want to continue to be down i'm gonna do a shining light one more point before you do okay what is fucked about this movie is that they don't do any talking for huge swats of it and then do so much exposition and nothing

but for like 25 minutes where they're all looking over a map there's a model of the castle they've got to break into and there is a long discussion about how they're going to do that and the security system they're like yeah they show you exactly what they're going to do in a to scale model and then they go and do it it does go awry though and to be pretty much the way that they're going to break into the castle is they're going to use uh they're going to break a window yeah they're essentially they're going to break a window and then put a bunch of ropes on the ceiling and like crawl around on the roof like fucking rats. I really enjoyed at the start of this movie,

and almost on reflection it's like a comedic beat, is when he first escapes the initial booby trap cast after like 15 silent and terse minutes of him navigating various different traps that have been laid. One of traps that he sort of very nonchalantly steps around. Yeah. Like there's no emotion. How can I care about this character if he doesn't care about himself?

He's not so cool that you're impressed that he's not afraid. Doesn't value his life. He's not, like, afraid in a way that makes you worried that he's in jeopardy. It's just like a neutral old man walking through a booby-trapped castle for 15 minutes. This is where you're dropping me off? What the fuck am I meant to go from here? But eventually he gets out and does this huge sort of action film stage dive,

which usually times out to be at the same time as an explosion goes off. But he jumps, and then there's about five seconds where he lies still on the ground, and then the castle explodes ten times. Fuck, it's funny. With what look like real flame balls. That's the thing, man. Because in these types of movies, usually they use a model. Like, you know, there's a big thing in Star Wars.

We know that they know about models. Because 15 minutes of screen time is spent next to a model. They've got a model not just in the movie, but in the plot there's a model. So, like, you know, they're aware of these things. And in a lot of movies back then they used models. Star Wars was a big user of models. Huge on models.

And back then we didn't have as sophisticated an eye. Thunderbirds. We bought it. Massive models. That's sort of a different thing. What are you telling me? You're telling me there weren't models in Thunderbirds? Hold on, let me swing a dead cat without hitting a model. The thing about models is they fuck up when you light them on fire because for some weird reason you can kind of tell when a fire is small.

Yeah. Like you can sort of tell the scale of fire, and I don't know what that's about. Fire doesn't scale well. So you can tell when something's actually a big fire. Yeah. And that thing looked like a full-sized castle being exploded for real while a guy laid down in front of it for a long time i guess i only had one take and he was like

fuck i jumped too early but he could like get you know like when he jumped they pushed the button and he was like well yeah i guess i just have to lie here while this explosion happens. Those fucking movies, man, with pyrotechnics. Have you ever seen, oh, Christ. What's that movie called? Oh, this is bad. I think it's like a Vietnam movie. Platoon. Nah, but fucking Charlie Sheen's in it.

Oh, that other one that he's in. Yeah. Yeah. That one. God damn it. Yeah, please do look that up. So apparently there's like a firebomb scene in there and they really fucked that up. Like the shot looks incredible in the film because they did do it for real. But they fucked a bunch of stuff up

and actors were caught unawares and I believe there were some serious injuries caused because of it God damn. Guys looking it up and I should be doing a better job of padding for time but I just I'm like the cogs are turning trying to remember the name of that movie

It's a real famous movie Let me see his entire filmography Isn't it crazy that Charlie Sheen didn't die? I really thought he would be dead by now. After the whole Tiger Blood era. This guy is clearly having a psychological breakdown induced by a combination of what read to me,

I don't want to play armchair psychologist too much, but definitely bipolar brought upon by Class A drugs. Yeah, he was not a super well-do'd. Seal, here we go, filmography. He had a pretty cool career up top, eh? Shit, yeah, dude. He was everywhere. Big time.

Seen him in Ferris Bueller? He stayed up for like two days to get in character as a drug-addled... I used to love him on Spin City. Charlie Sheen was on that? Yeah after Michael J Fox Charlie Sheen came in It was him starring against Heather Locklear True

Yeah that's the correct pronunciation Still haven't found that movie Hot Shots Mate don't get distracted I'm working on it. Fucking hell. I don't know, man. You have a look.

You tell me. This is insane, dude. It's like one of his biggest movies, and it came really early on. You have to do talking if I'm looking at shit. Okay. I wanted to like this movie. I like the idea of liking this movie. I'm almost embarrassed to say I didn't like it

because every part of me wants to be someone with an appreciation for this era of adventure films. But there was something about the way it was put together that really irked me. And I'm sorry for railing so hard against it, especially if it's a treasure childhood memory but it just it wasn't there for me i mean and comparatively i probably shouldn't be talking about this because i always chastise tim for doing it but i went to the cinema last night

and watched a 1985 action movie called commando starring arnold schwarzenegger me for via proxy for just bringing up a different movie that's's right. I always do that. And that fucking ruled. That hadn't aged. The pacing of that didn't feel weird. I mean, it had aged, but, you know, not in a way that stopped it from being fun or made it feel really slow. Because that's another thing about this film

is that it really reflects how our brains were probably operating on a lot higher frequency back then or like we were much more forgiving. No, people would sit through this entire movie i think we're operating at a higher frequency now because we need so much more stimulus yeah but that's not a good thing it's not a good thing you're right about that we need to be looking at our phones to get through a movie i i know i said it earlier but i just do want to highlight that this was a an outstanding conversational platform once tim and i recognized and agreed that we weren't enjoying what was happening, it kind of created a beautiful circumstance for us to catch up as friends.

That is so true. We had an extensive chat about Goldeneye. Yeah. Let's just use this as a vehicle to talk about the Bond franchise, shall we? Well, I don't know anything about it, but before... You had some good insights, though. Before Commando last night, they played half an hour worth of 1985 OG movie trailers, and there were two trailers for a Roger Moore Bond film

called A View to a Kill. You got it. And I didn't realise how much fun the Bond franchise... Apocalypse Now. That's a very famous movie. I know. That took ages. Who directed that?

Francis Coppola. He loves doing that. He loves directing movies. It's what he's best known for. Oh, it was Martin Sheen. That was what was fucking us up. Charlie Sheen's not in it. It's his dad. I see. I really need to see Apocalypse Now. We should watch that. I mean, we should

watch any number of things, Tim, but the fact of the matter is that most of the time we're together, we are not in total command of what we are watching. Yeah, it sucks, eh? Do you know what was a real blow for me when my projector broke? I used to watch movies. On the projector? Yeah, it was a sick thing

to do. By sick, I mean cool. Because I live in the Antipodes. I'm trying to watch, it doesn't sound like a lot, I know that cinephiles watch more, but I'm trying to watch one movie a sound like a lot i know that cinephiles watch more but i'm i'm trying to watch one movie a week for for pleasure this year yeah all right and i'm succeeding put a little stank on that well not well i mean it sounds like i'm trying to watch pornographies off the clock but i'm not i'm just watching you're presenting it in a way like you're a new founded vegan or something you're like doing something really healthy making some healthy choices

literally what I'm doing that's almost exactly the logic that informed this piece of decision making and it really one thing it's doing is really highlighting how broken my relationship to cinema is and how we've done it it's like

when I saw people at the cinema last night they said oh you must love movies. And I said, well, kind of, but not like you think I do. As far as I know, they're all bad. Yeah, yeah. Because I watch a lot of them and they're terrible. I don't even watch a lot of them. That's what I'm saying.

I watch them a lot. Yeah, true, true. That's a good point. A subtle distinction. But, you know, words are important. How you say things is important. And it's just, I have so many blind spots. I didn't watch a lot of movies growing up.

We weren't really allowed to watch TV in the house. Do you think that served you well in retrospect? No. I know you're making a wider point, but. It did make a difference. So you'd say screen time for young parents? Just fucking go for for you go for your life it's everyone has to make their own choices here's the thing i've got people freaked

out about tv like the amount that kids were watching because it was untested now we know what the result is every now and then you'll vote in a donald trump but apart from that it's fine do you know what if we weren't so busy TV, maybe we could have stopped the boomers from dismantling the housing market. I don't know if we've got the wherewithal for it. There's the consequence of that as well. You think Friends is the reason that we can't buy a house? Almost exclusively, yes. Well, I don't know.

I mean, you know, people will watch it. I would challenge that because the people who watch the most television are boomers who coincidentally own the most houses. Or maybe it's not a coincidence. Yeah, they watched a lot of TV and then we went on our phones a lot, which was our TV. It's the phones. The phones is the weakness.

That's the bad bit. The phones is just where we read all of the information about how hard things are. And then we all get really angsty. And they're like, stop looking at your phones and go and visit us at our house. You know what, Guy? I kind of lightly mocked you moments ago for watching a film for you once a week.

But fuck, it's a good thing to do. The situation you're in, the situation we're in, you've done a good thing. Yeah. And I need to, because you invited me to come and join you at the movie last night. I did. And I should have, in retrospect, I should have gone.

I did get some work done, which was good, but I should have gone with you. Well, I don't mind it. I want to go with you. One of the things I've learned to love, or I already knew to love, but I've actually actively started doing, as much as I like to do it, going to the movies by yourself. Oh, fuck. It's so good. One of life's great luxuries.

It's so good but this was quite a culty screening that was full of other movie guys also I just want to acknowledge our privilege being in New Zealand, this is a bit of a rarity around other bits of the world at the moment but you can just here's how to recreate the cinematic experience at home, turn your phone off

and then put a movie on and that's it and then play a soundtrack of someone mumbling or just rustling yeah yeah have a bluetooth speaker like three meters away with all of these sort of little white noise quirks playing but yeah i mean going to the movie last night by myself was like i'm still in a crowded movie theater but going to like a more movie at 11 a.m on a tuesday oh like an empty cinema that's when you go into a movie by yourself that is the fucking business here's what you want

to do bring a beer because they don't care like it's loose as fuck no one's in there they don't give a shit um definitely smoke a jay as you're like going in maybe not in the no no no no on the street respect the law respect the well respect the rules respect the mall don't respect the law you can smoke your weed respect the mall law respect the law but not federal law exactly so you want to get a bit baked go in yeah like 11 o'clock man i mean we get to do it because we don't have jobs, and it's so fucking fun. If you do have a job, here's the thing that we don't get. Sick leave.

Treat yourself. Take one fucking sick day if you get the opportunity. Because then you're being paid to be at the movies by yourself. And that absolutely rocks. God, that's good. Yeah. You know how we tried to reverse invoice Blaze Pizza? Yes, dude. And that economic model didn't work.

Yeah. I just kind of realized that podcasting is kind of reverse invoicing, but it's almost working. Oh, my God. What are you talking about? In what way? No one asks for the work of a podcast when you start. Definitely true.

You start doing it. Yes. And then eventually some people are like, oh, we see what you start doing it yes and then eventually some people are like oh we see what you're doing and then after you've done a lot of the work the invoice comes in i guess i guess you're right that's um uh i think blind to a couple of facts number one the incredible behind the scenes work i do to chase down ad money yeah yeah yeah number two that you're kind of just describing all art i think it's like all starts with people tinkering away two, you're kind of just describing all art I think it all starts with people tinkering away

on a hobby or a passion and then they get more into it and then eventually they're really pouring themselves in but not getting paid and then suddenly they're doing it good enough and publicly enough and regularly enough that people are like you should get money for this

and the people who get you in the intervening years, when you're getting good enough to be paid but not being paid, and they go, you're lucky to be doing this because one day if you do this enough, people will realize that you should be paid. And you're like, does that not mean that you should be paying me? And they say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not for me.

The next one. God damn it. I'm doing my bit by being here. I would love to exploit an intern financially exclusively yes very important distinction there you're so right man internships are not a thing that is part of the new zealand culture we don't do it here because it's a bad idea like what an insane power dynamic hey i'm gonna get someone to come in and do work at this place for nothing you're gonna work as hard as anyone here harder

because you've got something to prove you're like on some crazy contract thing where we have no obligations to you whatsoever and it's up to you to prove yourself while you are how are you surviving like how do you have any money to live this is i think this was a this is one of the uh i know for americans this isn't news but for us it's bloody one of the economic problems with internships is because the people who can afford internships are people who are from very wealthy backgrounds and it locks out a lot of other people yeah of course of course it's crazy that end of it in america they write a piece they write on a piece of paper they say i tell you what if you pay this person nothing they will

work their fucking tail off god knows what they're capable of if you introduce a financial incentive it's diabolical. I love to laugh. Crazy that it persists. What was your shining light of this film? Dog. I love fire and there was so much of it. So just the frequent presence. I like that they had a villain who was legitimately scary.

I like it when villains commit because everyone else, they're doing fine and shit. I agree. But the villain really brought the noise. The villain was very... Brother, brother Jonas. Very clear in their reason and very convincing in their performance in a way that none of the other characters...

There was no clarity to the other characters. He brought an acting gun to an acting knife fight. Yeah. Because the stakes weren't really clear for everyone else. But for the villain, you didn't even need to know the stakes because you were like, well, this person really believes in what they're doing. Yes. He was a cult leader, and I think that was made abundantly clear.

And actually, there was a really nice cinema moment where, like, as part of his cult leadership and to sort of, I guess, convince new pledges or university students who are on this field trip, this recruitment field trip. There was a very sickly woman and he was performing all of these sort of mystical miracles to heal her. And with time, he does heal her. And she's very sickly and really like almost exorcist level sick. She looks like she's got leprosy.

He heals her and then she's kneeling in front of him And they're looking very closely at each other She winks and it's a ruse And in that respect they really do pull the Curtain back on cults Yes because that is how a lot of those Faith healers operate Maybe not all but maybe all

But definitely some It was a convincing story Yeah exactly that was good There we go there's a fucking shining light for you We got one Definitely some. It was a convincing story. Yeah, exactly. That was good. Otherwise, there was none. There we go. There's a fucking shining light for you. We got one. And I liked our conversations about Dragon Ball Z and Goldeneye.

Yeah, we did talk a lot about it. If you want to treat yourself to a really good original score, or not original score, original song written for a movie, Tina Turner's Goldeneye, man. It's good. And when you listen to it, I want you to remember that when Goldeneye came out, everyone kind of thought the doors of the Bond franchise were shuttered. Was it Timothy Dalton?

I can't remember who the last one is, but they sort of, I mean, it wasn't all on them, but they sort of created the franchise a little bit. And they addressed it in the trailer of Goldene, where Judi Dench says people think you're a dinosaur from the Cold War era. Yes. Judi Dench's first outing is M in the Bond franchise. And what an outing. Pierce Brosnan's like, oh, really?

And then proceeds to fuck all of the talent. Is that how it works in all the Bond films? There's usually, there usually two Bond women. One of them's a goody and one of them's a villain. And he has to have sex with both. Correct. That's part of the format. And often there's more than just the two, but there's always a goody and a baddy woman.

Yeah. And you know he's got to get his end away. When do you reckon? Bond can't operate with blue balls, which are real. When are we going to get to a point where Bond is bi? Like, when is Bond's first sexual encounter with a man going to happen?

Fuck. Or do you reckon we'll get a female Bond before that happens? In this new movie, apparently, there's a woman takes the 007 moniker, like the number, the title, for a bit. But that's a woman takes the 007 moniker, like the number, the title, for a bit. But that's a rumor. I would love to be in a forum when Bond goes by.

Yeah. Fuck, that is going to really rankle some old boys. Yeah. There's going to be some really grim conversations taking place. I want to watch them. I want to see it. Really grim conversations taking place. I want to watch them. I want to see it. I want to watch people getting upset about a spy. About Bond kissing a boy.

I was thinking, I actually woke up the other night to write this down. It's pretty homoerotic in retrospect, actually. There's a lot of shirtless dudes rocking around doing cool shit. Pretending to be asleep is the original and ultimate spy move. Okay. You know what I mean? I know what you're saying. Ah, well, said he's asleep,

well, we'll just say or do whatever we please. Oh, really? Am I asleep or are my eyes just shut and I'm listening? You're right. You're right about that. That's where spying comes from. That is the origins of spying.

All right, everybody. For this movie, we wouldn't recommend seeing it. Alice, I am sorry for the words that we said. Alice, thank you for your help in establishing season six, and thank you for recommending a film. I'm sorry we didn't enjoy it. How much did we drop the ball by not having Emmanuel as season six so we could make that gag?

We really fucked up. No, I don't regret it. I don't feel bad. I mean, I don't regret that part of it. I don't feel badly about it. Yeah, I think that's quite enough conversation. Tim, out of the four crowns in the film, how many crowns do you give this movie?

Two. That's high. I'd give it like one of the jewels within a crown. Fuck you, dude. You had some stuff. I kind of turned it from an out of four into an out of eight. Yeah, true. All right.

Treasure of the four crowns in Supervision 3D. Coming soon from Canon Releasing. To blast you out of your seats.