The Worst Idea Of All Time - Cult Popture w/ Guy and Tim

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

This is one part of an 18 HOUR(!!!) podcast episode from AJ and Richard's podcast, Cult Popture. In 2020, they watched 37 Barbie movies and reviewed them all with special guests, including THE FROSTY FELLAZ and that's what you're going to hear today. Bone apple tea.Cult Popture on Acast / Website / iTunes / Facebook / Instagram / PatreonTWIOAT Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website / Patreon GUY Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website TIM Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everybody, it's Timbo here. Sorry that we haven't had an episode out in over a week. I try to make sure that that never happens, but there is a situation happening at the moment that means that unfortunately we can't record together right now, which we can't tell you about, but we will when we can, I promise. Right now though, what I have for you is a little flashback from a different podcast that Guy and I were on.

This is from Cult Popshire, who are our mates, AJ and Richard. They do a fantastic film podcast. And on that, they do a whole bunch of different stuff. One of the things they do is film franchise fortnights. And every fortnight, they look at a different film franchise from Woe to Go. They cover everything from Godzilla to Godfather. And what you're about to listen to is this crazy project they did where they watched all 37 films in the Barbie franchise

and then released an 18-hour long episode talking about all of them. They've got a ton of special guests. So what I'm about to play for you is into the fifth hour when Guy and I got on. Obviously we've got links in the show notes so that you can go and subscribe to the podcast and I'll put a link in there specifically for that, that monstrous Barbie episode as well. That's the, what we watched is the 12th Barbie film called,

uh, Barbie Mariposa. And if you enjoy this clip, check out this show, uh, over the last six years, they've covered about 150 different film franchises and talked about 650 plus movies. Insane.

Got all their, uh, their links and their socials and stuff in the show notes so you can check that out without further ado though enjoy a little slice of the boys on someone else's podcast for a change this is cult pop shit uh all right were we meant to be recording that ignore her very funny yeah very good i am a crack up okay i'll stop i'll be the fourth person so you guys are in charge and i'll try and disrupt the flow uh all right now we're here with a nice tall glass of g and t uh we've got guy and tim from the Worst Idea of All Time Thank you

Welcome along We were speculating Is G and T a common nickname for the two of you? What I was about to say Never have I heard it upon my ears Really? We've had it on the friend zone I think once or twice Which is our

Episodes of our podcast where we just read fan mail And everyone tries to come up with a new nickname for us as a duo. But it needs to take off, and I tipped my hat at you two, Richard and Alex, for getting people into it. Yeah, R&A, rest and aneurysm, or some other such thing. R&A is something at a university? Yeah, residential advisor. Very cool.

Almost as punk rock as a gin and tonic. Always the coolest dude in the halls of residence is the person one year older who decided to stick around to make sure everyone's familiar with the lay of the land. Or you could have done like AR, like an augmented reality thing, or like AR Rahman who wrote Jai Ho for Slumdog Millionaire.

No, rest and aneurysm. I want you to be on a holiday and then die suddenly. Who's who? I just want to say I think we haven't really done a lot of G&T because at least I always mentally categorize us as Tim and Guy. I always think it's Tim and Guy. To my eyes, it's never Guy and Tim. I don't have an order in my head.

All right. I have to do it. Every time I write it down, it's a different, it's a different journey. Yeah, I actually, I had to write down

and remember to make a G and T joke because in my head, it's just so Tim and Guy. And when this comes out, I will have, it was a few days ago now, but I thought of, I was like, yeah, I've next've got Tim and Guy, G and T,

and I was like, fuck, I have to say that to them. I'm glad you did. Everyone will have just heard that minutes ago. Oh, wow. Of course, because we are part of one greater podcasting odyssey. This is not some sort of independent episode that people can plug and play. We're on the way. They have to really look for this.

Yeah. We're just shy of five hours through by my count i'm editing it as we go um and we're not even half i think film 18 is our halfway mark yeah i just around that it's i just want to because tim and i've uh dabbled in long form podcasting before and tim i remember at some point when you uploaded our longest episode five hour energy uh that it it sort of ate all the bandwidth on the yeah it did something which meant that we couldn't upload quality yeah yeah like a lot there was some sort of fantastic technical issue that made it impossible to either upload more content after the fact yeah there's a lot to look forward to for you guys yeah well and because we're on the same network, so it could end up having a flow-on effect for you guys.

We were on a different platform back in the day. I see. This is a horrifying amount of non-Barbie content to kick this off. Can I say that? I imagine for all parties involved, it's a welcome respite. I watched Barbie Mariposa at about 2 p.m. today

and within five minutes- Mariposa. about 2pm today. Mariposa. Yeah, I didn't ask any questions of Tim or AJ or Richard. I didn't want to know why I was watching it, but five minutes in I thought, why am I here? So you were quite cold on the movie. This is a G&T over ice. Yeah.

As opposed to usually on your guys podcast where like you watch all these wonderful movies that you deeply enjoy that's right over ice well not all not all movie podcasts have to be built around bad media but that's a lesson you guys will learn as you get further and further into the podcasting sphere and it is that is starting to to catch up with me my flat mate the other day while i was watching barbie mariposa said to me is this worth it and i was like oh what do you mean and he's like like is the is how funny the idea is is that um overriding how much work i don't think to the average person that would require any explanation you saying what do you mean is sensationally funny

to me because that is a question from someone who has lost their mind and any perspective and also the point at which other people are asking you if it's worth it is usually when you're knocking on the door of something brilliant noted because because my answer was oh when we first started it was pretty funny but we're not even halfway through and i can't i was awake at 4 a.m last night thinking about barbie and i was like oh my god this is so good i recently read a um sir edmund hillary quote which was it's not the mountain we conquer but ourselves wow yeah that's pretty beautiful that's good and applicable for barbie mariposa yeah i'm sure that

that's what he was thinking of when he said it's also known as mariposa and her butterfly fairy friends or barbie fairy topia mariposa great tagline or subheading whatever you want to call it um i gotta say i it took me a while to wrap my head around the animation style but uh story-wise i was not entirely furious with what happened. I kind of wound up enjoying myself quite a lot. Well, that's good. Would you believe that the animation has improved significantly since the start of the podcast? When did this come out?

It was 2008. Huh. Toy Story came out in 1995. Yeah. Should we see what other 2008 animated films were? Well, should we also describe the style? It's not like mattel doesn't have the you know the collateral or the the capital to um hire some decent animators to make things slightly more it's this is palatable interesting thing not everything just because it's under the mattel umbrella doesn't mean it's going to get that Mattel sheen.

Disney is the opposite of this. So for context, what Disney were doing at the time was bolt the John Travolta, Miley Cyrus film about a dog who thinks he has superpowers. Oh, yeah. Was that under Pixar's umbrella? No, that's just Disney. That was the studio that would later make Frozen Wreck-It Ralph. Steve Jobs didn't have his grubby little fruit-loving hands on that one. I'm looking at the art now, and it is decades,

if not centuries, ahead of what we were dealing with over in the Barbie Mariposa universe. So for context the um the first barbie movie we watched barbie in the nutcracker came out a few months after shrek released and every single critical response to barbie in the nutcracker was like oh this looks pretty bad compared to shrek which by today's standard does not look very good you know as good as as as movies these days um yeah and so we've talked a lot already on the the five previous hours of this episode about um comparisons to shrek and toy story and things the the i think a couple a couple movies ago i made the comparison

that barbie movies look more like the the proof of concept pre-render that they send to their investors to be like this is somewhat what the movie will look like yeah guy and i've only watched a couple movies that are worse than barbie mariposa and they have been specifically selected by our patreon supporters for their horrific visuals yeah food fight the 2012 animated, comes to mind as an example of also like the sort of pre-release render that you're like, it's going to be good. Just give us another couple of months. No, it's out this afternoon.

Give us what you have. Also, what was that Christmas film? I was trying to remember. It's the something kids. It's like a famously. 13th Street Kids or something. Oh, man, that's close. It's something like that.

It is an incredible piece of cinema, which I know we're not here to talk about, Street kids or something man that's close It's something like that it is a An Incredible piece of cinema which I know we're not Here to talk about but it's We'll see if we can figure out what that is To name check it on this pod because it is Worth checking out Honestly you should it's worthwhile Rhapsody street

Kids that rhapsody street Fuck it's scary You've got you've got to look if you're listening along it's worth pausing to look up the animation style for rhapsody street kids because it is like it's beyond even anything that you would have dealt with so far and what we just watched it's it's uniquely barbie mariposa though when it started really threw me off it's like you said it gets some literally does take some getting used to because it's very jarring at the start how shit it is but i was surprised at how quickly my brain was like all right this is the world we're in yeah and because it's also the the world and what the story's told

by a barbie character to some we can explain that yeah oh my god please do yeah now this is actually a very interesting um piece of world building here um so we've we've already seen three fairy topia movies so there's a few different subcats there's the the fairy topia umbrella and so fairy topia had two direct sequels and um a lot of these films especially the earlier ones start with modern day barbie telling a story to her niece kelly um and she says so she says like oh here's this like kelly's um insecure about something and so she tells her the story of the nutcracker to to boost her self-esteem and this one uh takes a new spin on that and features alina, who was the main character of Fairy Topia,

telling a story to Bibble, her fluffy sidekick, about Mariposa, who was one of the butterfly fairies. I'm happy to hear that because I thought it was an unnecessary wrapper for what was otherwise a pretty engaging story. And to the point that after she'd started telling the story and we were immersed in the world of the story she was telling when it pulled out to be like that's right that we're not in real time right now we're in a flashback or whatever i was like i don't need to be reminded of that i was i was happily enjoying myself um and it sort of ties into a frustration

i was going to say before which was all like the immediate difficulty of wrapping my head around the world we were in uh is how like unambitious and plain and simple like the the backgrounds of all of the animations are so bland it's like one color palette with a few deviations of you know animation design or whatever but it actually pretty quickly once you get past it it works in its favor because you're like, you are just left dealing with the story or whatever, or like, you know, the immediate action of the scenes. And it's a very plain story, but they do a pretty good job of it. It clips along.

There's nothing to distract you. It's tidy. There's nothing to distract you. It's a classic story of power and royals and poison it's a real strong cinderella undercurrent that runs through barbie mariposa this is the the most positive i've ever heard you guys talk about a movie i'd like i've listened to a lot of your podcast and this is the brightest dispositions i've ever heard the two of you well it's important to bear in mind we haven't spent five previous hours

discussing the cinematic universe of Mattel's Barbie. Something I'm unable to comprehend at this point. Yeah, yeah. As someone who literally is just dipping in and out. I mean, the luxury of the vision that I have. I, you know, until you highlighted that, I don't think I've experienced the world of what it is for a guest to appear on our podcast

and be like, well, you guys are fucking idiots, but I thought it was okay see ya richard what is the plot of this movie um well i was gonna um if you guys want to explain this because we've been richard here is the plot of this movie thank you we've been we've been explaining plots of movies for five hours it's time someone else um except for the breaks we've already taken um so the opening shot is on birbal who is a fairy creature a puffball is the official yeah and is that canon this is a creature that exists beyond this film okay and bibble gets absolutely wrecked while trying to juggle some nuts uh for the bemusement of one of the fairies whose name i can't remember alina alina yeah and alina's the little one right

no no no alina is the barbie the main fairy alina is the narrator and bibble is the mischievous puffball yes to whom she tells the story okay And so the story is basically there was a land called Flutterfield and it's inhabited by fairy Barbies and it's just everyone is like a perfectly formed Barbie figure and they've got wings. They're butterfly wings though, which is important to distinguish from the normal fairy wings. And they live inside of, that's right,

in some sort of enclave. And they live in fear of the skeezites, who I actually immediately found myself empathizing with and siding with. The skeezites are cast as kind of, not the villains, but like the villainous henchmen of the film. And I was totally-

I am shocked by that. That was so scary. They want to eat the film's protagonist. I felt like I was watching a Planet Earth film and I finally had permission to root for the Predator. I was like, these guys are... Go ahead, please, AJ. I think it's important to describe,

for those who haven't seen the film, which will be almost everyone listening, what these skeezites look like because I think that is crucial to why they're so scary everybody's seen the matrix you know sentinels they're sentinels but in the barbie fairy kingdom yeah these flying um quite disgusting looking kind of human faced monsters that are kind of spherical and they rock around they're allergic to light they cannot exist in the light they're not they're not allergic they just don't like it no they can't be in it

they like can't they can't exist in the light as the movie goes on you see them in the light and they're like oh no light and they have to bail according to the barbie wiki they cannot stand to be near lights as the official yeah it's not like it actually causes them any... There are no ill effects. It's not like they disintegrate. I thought it got harmed by it. No, they're just like, ah! No, it's like this, ah, light, my one weakness.

And then they just fucking skeeve off into the night to be hungry for another decade. The only other thing we know about them really is that they eat the the the um what do they get the fairies are called something we don't even know if they eat the butterfly fairies all they want to do is eat the butterfly fairies i did not see a single butterfly fairy being consumed was it was there not a recounting of um that's too horrific to put in a kid's movie but just the idea of them was so scary. They're these freaky, horrible-looking, mobby creatures that just go around going,

Oh, I'm hungry. I want to eat the cute flying girls. And then the cute flying girls are like, Well, we're fucked. And they were fucked for ages until their queen figured out. Marabella. Marabella figured out that the skeezites hate light and then turned all the lights on on these flowers. It was ridiculous, really.

They installed her as queen. These fairy barbies, they live in like a village amongst some sort of plant. It's like a forest. They were free to do as they pleased. And then at night when it would become dark, the skeezites would come in and they'd be hungry. And mostly their hunger would manifest by them saying they were hungry

but never eating anything. And then some fucking, you know. Bright spark. Yeah, some bright spark came in and was like, hey, I've got this power. We're bang. All these flowers are light. And the skeezites were just pushed to the fringes of society they were left with nothing to eat ostracized by the entire barbie community there was no you know negotiation about you know uh we're out of your mind we're dealing with murderers

not no i really like calling them the barbie community and not the fairy community i really enjoy that this this species are actually butterfly barbies and not butterfly fairies well you're in over your fucking head mate they're like i don't i don't need these specs i also read on the wikipedia page that this film is not canon in the Barbie Fairytopia. What? According to whom? The author of the Wikipedia page? I think in the sense that it's like a story within the Fairytopia because the Fairytopia universe is wrapped up now. This was just their way of continuing it.

It's so funny. The 12th entry in the Barbie and the fourth installment of the Barbie Fairytopia series, but it's not a canon sequel to the previous films. Isn't it so funny that that's important well it's no it's in the sense it's in the sense that it's it's not canon in the sense that yeah it's a it's a story being retold i think it's still possible this happened within the universe of fairy topia um but not necessarily maybe maybe it's like embellished it's fantastic beasts to It's Fantastic Beasts to Harry Potter.

Is that what you're telling me? That's exactly what it is. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, well, basically the Barbie fairies, they live in fear of the skeezites. The skeezites are these really wonderful, affable creatures who are just a little bit hungry. And basically the queen is becoming ill,

and as she becomes ill her light dims and her light is the light that illuminates all of the flowers that keeps the barbie fairy community safe and uh there's a cinderella type figure who's mariposa and um she her job she's got a day job she's a bit of a daydreamer she's not afraid of the skis it's in the way that the others are she doesn't love a party but her friend does yeah bar does. The Barbie Wiki describes her as reticent, which I thought was an interesting word for the Barbie Wiki to know. I think she should be reticent to something.

I think socially reticent, but also quite an open-minded explorer when measured against the rest of the insular community. It also mentions half a dozen times that she loves books above all else. Yes. They do bring that up a lot in the movie. that scene where she fucks the book was incredible did not expect that yeah and graphic rendered as it was in that sort of glitchy animation style i found it hard to immerse myself

in but once i bought in i was all the way fantastic that's what the main the main kind of thrust of the series i'm speaking of of of fucking i guess is where my my mind didn't realize that's where i was getting thrusting from until i committed to the metaphor um but speaking of of thrusting the main thrust of the story is that uh mariposa is trying to find the antidote to save mara marabellum marabella marabella the queen the queen queen marabella um before the light runs out and you find out there's like a a royal uprising happening where someone's trying to take over the kingdom yeah there is a coup attempt involving poison yeah It's very cool. It involves her chief advisor and some woman. The queen's got a very trustworthy and beloved assistant

who it turns out has sourced some sort of mythical poison and is using her closeness to the queen to poison the queen with lies to overthrowing the monarchy and assuming controls. Yeah. to overthrowing the monarchy and assuming controls yeah and um the prince the queen's the queen's son the prince who is the sort of the the apple of everyone's eye so yeah mariposa has to serve these two sort of mariposa is a cinderella type figure and she serves these two ugly step-sister type characters these twins who are very rude and dismissive and sort of inconsiderate towards Mariposa's humanity. And eventually they desire the prince,

and eventually Mariposa incidentally runs into the prince one night. She fumbles her book into him, and he saves the book and comes back, and they're reading the same book, and it's a very sweet moment. And then he's sort of like, oh, I can't really talk right now, but there's stuff happening. Because I'm a prince. Yeah. Prince Carlos.

Spain exists in this universe, by the way. Spain exists in this universe, so does Russia. Yeah, yeah. Because the two sisters who were kind of the ugly step-sister equivalents, to borrow from the Cinderella. Yeah. Rest assured, they're not ugly. They're both absolute smoke shows.

And I had to pause the movie twice to masturbate to completion to enjoy their company. This was after the book scene? Yeah. This is a sticky afternoon. So Carlos is Spanish. The two sisters are Russian. Eastern European or Russian.

Eastern Bloc, maybe Soviet. We're not too sure. Pretty much everyone else is either American or British. As we know, people in positions of authority but not absolute authority are British and absolute emperors are American. And protagonists are American. Protagonists are American.

People who are close to power but not in power are British and everyone else is... It's already relevant. It's a common... It's a kids kids movie trope. This does bring up an interesting point for the podcast that I can't imagine will interest either of you, G and T. But this is the first Barbie movie

where the main protagonist is not voiced by Kelly Sheridan. Yeah, who, as you'll know, has voiced the Barbie character up until this point. I actually did know that. I absolutely knew that but because because they often have um like so barbie will tell the story and then it's kind of like barbie is inserting herself into the story so she's playing the main character whereas this one uh kelly sheridan voices alina in the in the opening in the kind of book end of the film um but then uh mariposa is voiced by kiara zani who voiced uh

barbie's enemy raquel in the barbie diaries oh that's where i knew her from um but yeah but then in this there's a sequel to mariposa and kaylee sheridan just voices her then um but also something to look forward to in that sequel um so on the barbie on the barbie wikipedia page for the character of mariposa um there's the kind of like the character history um she appears in two films so for her adventure in this film mariposa and her butterfly fairy friends uh there's 190 words written for her adventures in the sequel there's a full 3494 words 10 pages long about what she gets up to and um wow mariposa and um whatever that's called a testament to the clarity and succinctness of the story here and before we continue recounting the plot,

which I enjoyed, I just want to know, like relative to the movies you've seen so far, even hearing you talk about it makes me feel sick for how immersed you are in this Barbie universe. How did you guys find, separate from plot and story,

whatever, and like, you know, the different people voicing different characters, how did you find the viewing experience inside of this film, watching Barbie Mariposa? Like how does it rank with the other Barbie movies? Yeah, whatever measurable you want,

but just like, were you happier than usual? Were you sadder than usual? Were you defeated? Well, I'm glad you asked actually because, so what happened was I put this film on and it starts with like a bunch of unsubtitled bibble dialogue and then you're introduced to this character who we have seen multiple times but you guys obviously haven't

and then launching into another protagonist and so so the four of us have collaborated before we did um a podcast on the 2017 film 9-11 starring charlie sheen and whoopi goldberg and in that it was um that we had organized with tim that the four of us would do this and guy you were kind of just told to go along with that and you were pretty sour on the whole experience and i got so much joy watching mariposa knowing like just imagining you lying in bed with a laptop on your chest just being like and so like anytime there would be something that would like dive into the deep fairy topia lore i got so much joy out of watching that and it saved me for what i imagine could have been quite a trough in my enjoyment of barbie movies having said that, the next film we're going to be talking about is the best one.

So can I just, in summation then, Guy asked you, how did you find watching this film? And your answer was, pretty good, because I know you would have been fucking hating it at the time. Yeah. I had a great time knowing that you would suffer. Having to provide that hypothetical service. Little did you know, I set up a laundry cycle

perfectly in synchronicity with the movie. Wow. And so I was like, you know, when this movie finishes, I'm going to hang out at that laundry. High point of the day. Yeah, and that made me feel really good. I also had a... Ah, you foiled again.

I had a really good cup of tea And I was like That's actually an unbeatable combination Yeah, yeah Sinking up the time of a laundry load And having a really cracking cup of tea Also like an hour and 15 minutes Fuck, that's a cakewalk

You've got to be kidding me That's not going to upset me You think that's going to even leave a dent in our hair? I think not AJ, how did you find it like against the other films i mean are you buying in the more you the more you immerse yourselves are you getting further and further in or are you sort of finding yourself detached and observing as an external person you have to immerse yourself i think in any in any film or else you're why you're doing a podcast about bad movies. But I did have to pause it about 20 minutes in to have a nap because I was so bored that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Which is the first of the Barbie episode that I've had to watch in two parts.

So that's, you know, good innings so far. In terms of ranking it with the other barbie movies this is better than barbie fairy topia 3 um it's not as good as barbie fairy topia 2 which is the best barbie movie um i feel like i'm in a parody of you know life when i hear you ranking it amongst the barbie fairy topia series i feel physically ill i agree yeah me too um because i think um yeah and and i was editing um what we've got so far in this episode um yesterday and hearing how passionate i was talking about um barbie in the island princess i was just like jesus christ this is inside this is so niche i'm inside this bubble where barbie is extremely important and um it's very hard to get out of

that especially um when you're you're watching so many in a row like we're watching one a day to get to to make our um this doesn't come out for a month because can i can i say i um i sort of i when i started watching it i realized that it's not my first immersion in like the barbie animated universe and that i i live with my partner and my partner has a daughter and i've um occasionally when we're sort of trying to burn time if you're exhausted and you just need to get through an hour you know like you're winding down the clock that's right and i i was on the kids version of netflix scrolling through the options presenting them to this child and i said what one would you

like and this was before she even knew what she was choosing she was just basing on an image and she chose a barbie television show and it was one where barbie is this uh she's a teenager and she lives in a really lovely home with her parents and her younger sister and the parents and younger sister are going away on a family holiday during school holidays and she is staying at the house to do her first summer job at like a wet and wild type uh aquatic theme park and i watched it and this must be after 2008 because the animation was crisp and everything yeah yeah but some part of that like um i i i didn't enjoy it and i thought it was very vapid and like i what we watched the whole episode and i thought it was really bad and i didn't like that i'd put it on

for this person and like that we you know this was well because you i don't want to use her name. Not that anyone cares. But it's interesting because I was like, I didn't like that this is the sort of material that's catered to get a child to watch a program and to keep watching it. And it happens on YouTube as well, where sometimes the only show that really she has license to watch is Peppa Pig. But sometimes she'll click through and start watching these weird, like, toy unwrapping videos and all this shit and it's when you get into that stuff like

they're just feeding colors and and stuff and noises you sort of like i don't like the way that you know everything's streamlined to just keep people engaged without actually considering what's going in and so the the way the story was told and the moral of the story and the message i actually really enjoyed like i felt like it was serving a higher purpose than just being an hour and 15 minutes in the company of the fairy Barbies because it was like there was value underwriting this which was like you know

coming to terms with yourself and accepting your differences from other people and also like all of the characters apart from the villains softened towards one another and showed emotional growth and development which was so far beyond what you know when you sit down to watch Barbie the villains softened towards one another and showed emotional growth and development, which was so far beyond what, you know, when you sit down to watch Barbie Mariposa at two o'clock on a summer afternoon.

What about the woman who was trying to kill the queen? Yeah, well, she remained evil. She was a villain, but that's fine. That's what you expect of villains. But like the Barbie character experienced personal growth and developed self-confidence. Like the two beautiful steps. She became less reticent. Yeah, exactly. That's right. And the two beautiful steps... She became less reticent. Yeah, that's right.

And the two beautiful sisters to whom I couldn't help but frequently pause and masturbate to. Also, like their humanity... Did that throw you off your laundry cycle? No, I'm a very quick masturbator. Really? And how? He factored that into the cycle.

There were no tissue papers or loose bits of cloth around, and I just found myself masturbating into the washing machine. It cleans itself. No clean up. Really efficient. Whites of white. But the thing is...

Hope you had it on a cold wash. Yeah, it was on a cold wash. Even these characters... It was on the coldest setting. Even these characters experienced some sort of personal growth or development. They went from being these sort of outlandish, dismissive villains to understanding the empathy and humanity of this person who worked for them. And I was like...

I'm really interested in how god-awful this first Barbie movie was that you watched. The Barbie TV show. It's a low bar that you see. Is that Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse or Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures? Because they are different. This is important. I think it was Life in the dream house or barbie dream house adventures because they are different this is important i think it was life in the dream house right it's one way she works it she works at a yeah she as i say she works actually it's less of a wet and wild more of a sea world i'm pretty sure there are dolphins there probably that's a whole lot of kettle of ethics and barbie

yeah i understand what you mean with the like the message of the film is good is essentially what you're saying there's 36 other ones if you want us to send them to you guy and show this person this is this is the 12th time in a row i've seen more or less this lesson communicated through poorly rendered cgi barbie dolls so i get it and i'm glad you enjoyed it but in terms of ironic it ironic that you've absorbed this message 12 times that you can't forgive the poor rendering on these CGI Barbie dolls? When will you learn that the imperfections is what makes them perfect? You're right.

You're right. You're right. Tim's shaking his head at me. I don't know about that. Can I talk about something I thought was funny at the end of this movie? On your own 5 hour podcast?, permission granted. Five hours? I wish.

What did we work out the other day? It's probably going to be about 15. Minimum, I think, 15. Probably closer to late. Well, I'm sure that's a heartening thing for the listener here at this juncture. Well, they'll know. You open iTunes and you have a flick around and you see Tim Ferriss with a 45-minute conversation on how to make your life better. And you see a Joe Rogan experience.

Oh, it's three hours, but he's got a really good guess, so maybe. And then you see Colt Popshaw's 15-hour escapades into the barbie cinematic universe who once scratched the bottom of the top 200 movie and for uh movie and tv podcasts in barbados that's the best stat we've received if you uh this might be just the thing to push you over the top over there and you know beautiful barbados um so the at the end of the movie uh there's sort of like a trial where they've got to get the antidote for the poison. And there's like this gauntlet where each of the four characters, one is left behind as the other one marches forward. Which, you know, is a trope I've seen in plenty of movies like this. So I was like, sweet, I understand it.

And then, what's her name? Mariposa, the title character um gets to the last stage and the fairy that's guiding her there is like um it's it's the sky full of stars and she goes you have to pick the right star it's like a a um end of of last crusade kind of holy grail situation where she has to pick the right star that'll be the antidote but there's there's hundreds of stars and it's like and like during this time her reflection from the like the chamber the the gauntlet that they've been going through is like evil and has been saying like whispering bad things and and telling her she's not good enough all of her insecurities yeah exactly and so she's looking at all these stars

and she's like oh which one do i choose and then she looks over at the archer constellation which was brought up earlier in the film and she looks across and the archer is pointing towards a lone star and like a relatively large um sort of just sea of of blackness and she's like that one's all on its own and the reflection goes yeah it's just a meaningless star it means nothing and it's like i don't know like this is clearly the star it is clearly delineated up there and like without even knowing about the archer constellation without even having that established it's still like an arrow made out of stars pointing to a single star in the middle of nothing and it's treated like you know only mariposa with the lessons she's learned along theosa with the lessons she's

learned along the way with the adventures she's just been only only then was she able to choose the right star and it's like this is clear to anyone no you you say that but who are the what are the names of the sisters because basically that mariposa picks up there are three other people who she goes on this adventure with to retrieve the antidote that can you know Rainer and Rayla Rainer and Rayla and then what was the name

of the bunny Zizi Zinzi Zinzi Zinzi by the way I love Zinzi Zinzi is like

Zinzi all Zinzi wants is Fluttercorn they use Fluttercorn to negotiate with Zinzi who's this weird bunny and Fluttercorn appears to be a very thinly-veiled metaphor for meth.

I mean, everything about ZZ's relationship to Fluttercorn is that of a meth addict who wants meth. It's like as soon as they know that it's in the picture, it's all they think about, it's all they talk about, it's all they ask for when they get it. They will do unspeakable things and really compromise themselves for a hit. Yeah.

It's just Fluttercorn. And it keeps bringing up Fluttercorn. Even when they're on the adventure and they're all past the Fluttercorn stage, it's like, oh, how about we get some Fluttercorn? You know what really kicked things off? Some Fluttercorn. Hey, guys, I'm feeling pretty flirty. You got any more of that Fluttercorn?

But basically, the three of them are sidekicks on this journey from our post. I know that you say, like, you dismiss it offhandedly that, you know, the single star that the archer is pointing to is the most obvious choice. But not to the adventurers that Mariposa is with. Neither of the sisters. ZZ, like, the sisters is pretty heavily emphasized. We'd probably choose the most obvious, immediately shiny star that burns brightest. ZZ would probably choose the one that looks like Fluttercorn.

That's right. And of the four adventurers Mariposa is the only one who would be able to identify who's so enamored by the archer because she's into astronomy it's weird she loves reading and she loves astronomy and the movie does take a lot of opportunities

to remind us of those two facts and credit where it's due that's good storytelling to lead us to the end point where you need book smarts and knowledge of the night sky to pick the right choice. Yeah. That's cool. If we want to talk about scary characters,

for me it was not the skeezites. The skeezites were the heroes of the film. So scary. I'd love to spend some more time in the universe, the skeezite universe, and actually see what makes them tick because they don't have an easy life, by any accounts. You know, I understand this movie is told from the Barbies' perspective, and so immediately they're cast aside as the villains.

Can I just pause you for one second? The only children's movie character I can think of that would rival them for scariness... Is the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Nope. Fuck that shit. Return to Oz. Are they called the Wheelies? The, like, the Room of Heads? Because that's freaking that shit. Return to Oz. Are they called the Wheelies?

They're like the Room of Heads. Because that's freaking that movie. No, the fucking machine. Those guys who were like on one wheel. I think they're called Wheelies or something like that. Heelies? Absolutely. They just have wheels in their heels and their shoes. You know what?

Now I think about them. They're just kids on heels. I was thinking of a shoe fad. But the skeezites I made my peace with next year wound up rooting for. But the, what was it called? The sea beast? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

No, you're right. Oh, I forgot about the sea beast. That was a scary motherfucker. The sea beast was hungry as all hell. Yeah. And there were these two sort of californian mermaids who they came across who were sort of equivalents of those sister the russian sisters who were so casual um but yeah the sea beast i was like there's that's scary skee bites are funny i i like

to bring it um locally i actually thought the sea beast um somewhat resembled like traditional tani far um depictions um i thought because it's got it's got like sort of the the like koru shapes like creating its face and i was like it's a tanifa and then it did what i i what i'm to understand the legends say a tanifa does which is chase barbie dolls through the water that's right i uh i thought the sea beast You know that It's a fish that lives at the very bottom of the ocean It's got like a

Anglerfish Yeah yeah I thought it was inspired by the anglerfish I loved it Sea beast was scary But not nearly as scary as those zizites Skizites Skizites

You're mixing up zizit and sk don't even know what they're called. What a creature they're called. I don't know what they're called. I don't know what they're called, but their image is burned into my brain. I will have nightmares about them. It's scary because the limitations of the animation make it scarier.

Yes. It's the best they could design. The script probably described them as like a winged creature and it's like all right and they've got kind of the dumb personality of like ed from ed ed and eddie right so they like took all these things and did the best they could i bet i bet a drawing of skizites is less scarier than a 3d rendering of them there's an uncanny valley aspect to them where they look like ugly humans faces That are just

Like flying through the air Trying to eat beautiful creatures And that's not cool man It's actually pretty fucking terrifying If you ask me That's really not on Barbie Mariposa Really Think about faces just rolling around on a sphere

I just can't believe I'm the only one who's in it with the skeez-eyes here. They tried to sell them for comedy, though. I actually thought their design was pretty funny. They were comedy characters. To me, it was a little disarming. I thought these could be scary for little children. But the humor side of them really disarmed them for me i just

couldn't get away from the fact that they were there to eat yeah that's incredibly high stakes for these movies it's super because tell me about barbie's enemy and the other barbie you mentioned that she had like an actual enemy and oh that's so but the barbie diaries is like completely different to any of these films it's my favorite so far um it's the worst one um and it's it's most people podcast and half a gritty character most people rank it as the worst one um but actually the next one which i've already watched we'll talk about that in a second um is even better but the barbie diaries is set like in our world um and it's the animation style slightly different they're kind of trying to embrace the fact that

it's uh it's lower quality and it's a more kind of like cel-shaded design oh that's good do that yeah and it's um it looks worse tim it looks so much worse it's it's like a mean girls kind of thing yeah it's so it's set like in a high school and so i enjoyed not seeing her be a princess um but evidently that was too much of a change for everyone else no one's trying to eat all the characters in the barbie diaries though i'll give it that i'm uh looking at some imagery from the barbie diaries movie now and it is equally if not more terrifying to me. It looks like... Raquel from the Barbie Diaries is scarier than the skeezites.

Can you buy the skeezites as toys, like the tie-in merchandise? No, the tie-in merchandise for this one is pretty light, although this is the first one I've seen that sells like the doll of the main character with the DVD as like a multi-pack. And I thought that was like such a thing. I'd love i the skis i'm imagining is sort of like plush cushions that you put on your couch or whatever and i am just imagining how they can like what stitching technique they can use to render the faces as

blotchy and sort of poorly as they are represented in the film that also they should have one of those those uh buttons in the middle of them when when you squeeze it right, it'll say, I'm hungry for barbie fairies. Or, you know, they're not British. No, you say that, but, like, at least 50% of the movies we've watched so far have, like, a cockney British villain character who talks like this. And then a real snidely, snivelly British character

who talks like this. They go off and on. Every second one will have at least one of those characters. And that used to be a voice trope, a character trope I enjoyed. And now I don't want to see it anymore. I enjoyed it then.

I loved your voice work. I felt like I was watching a read-through for Oliver Twist. This here says they are Hena's minions. Hena is the bad guy of the film. Is she in control of all of them? The skeetites? Somehow she kind of is.

That's crazy. I think it's because she's like, as soon as I'm in power and all the lights go out, you've got free reign on all these. Barbie's got a real fucking thing for brunettes, eh? I don't know what brunette hurt the creator of the Barbie universe, but all blondes are good and brunettes are trying to kill the queen. Yeah. It seems like a real consistent thing. It's because there's only two hair colors in the Barbie universe,

so you've got to differentiate between them. Although, fun fact about Mariposa, she's the only Barbie character with brown eyes. That is a fun fact. Very fun. And quite telling. Do you know who invented the barbie doll barbara uh barbara barbara roberts barbara was the daughter no it was a woman named ruth

handler oh yeah she modeled it on her daughter and her daughter famously fucking hated them why it says here she she uh she used a german doll called Bildlili as an inspiration. But she was named for her daughter, right? Barbara Millicent Roberts. Hey, we haven't even mentioned the blue-haired sassy sidekick, the funniest character in the whole movie, who delivered my favorite line, Mariposa.

I can't even remember why she said it but she i love it when people say something like stupid into someone's face and that was that was cool but she was um she was a real uh yeah sassy best friend it was cool a lot of them so far so i'm glad like this is another thing where like you guys having watched one are like, this is cool, and us having watched 12 is like, yeah, that was cool. Yeah, and that one as well. I'm not trying to be elitist. I'm not trying to be elitist about Barbie movies. I'm trying to match your energy.

You're doing a shit job of not being elitist. Next time we ask you to watch one film and come on our podcast, we expect you to watch the other 12. Hey, I love the begrudging energy with which you're accepting our guest appearance on your 15-hour misguided Barbie deep dive, you absolute fucks.

I'm not concerned about you two because I look at you two and I see a lot of myself. I see G&T reflected onto this computer screen. Which one's which? You have to tell us which one's which. Richard is Guy, AJ is me, I think. I think we can both live with that.

The thing is, whenever people tell us which one we are of a duo, we're always both offended. But not this time, right, Richard? Not this time. The person I'm concerned about is the listener As the consumer of this 15 hour odyssey And I don't mean odyssey in the way that we use it these days Like this is truly the Greek origin story This is a similar quest

That some misguided hero is going on And for what? What will they receive at the end be funny how much richer will they be well they'll be able to um hop on our discord and talk about the episode um which you know you you all should join but you've hidden a password you've hidden a password to the discord somewhere between hour 1 and 14 you gotta listen to the whole thing if you've listened this far into the podcast yeah no let's do thing if you've listened this far into the podcast yeah no let's do it if you've listened this far into the podcast um say the first person in our

discord to say the word um archer will uh get a special prize first first time i see the word archer in our discord we'll send you a barbie doll of your choice. Can I tell you guys something? Yeah. Tell us. I'm on the IMDb for Barbie Mariposa and her butterfly fairy friends right now. And there is a user review that was posted as recently as January 9, 2021. Watched it. Was it you guys?

No. Did either of you post on IMDb under the name Diana Marinelli? No. Can you start? That's a fantastic pseudonym. This is what Diana thinks. This was a good movie with the storyteller being Alina, which is interesting since we only see Barbie most of the time.

Mariposa is a great character people can look after since she starts as an unconfident individual but blossoms to be a hero. It's funny how... This person's been going through and reviewing all of the Barbie movies. God, I hope she doesn't release a 15-hour podcast before us.

I was going to say, as widespread as these movies are, how hard is it to believe that someone other than us four watched this movie this year? That seems so unlikely. This is the weird thing, because with our our stupid misguided projects into film uh podcasting like watching you know sex in the city 2 52 times um which i'd be quite confident to say probably no one has done or very few people word record i reckon there'll be a shit ton of people who have seen all the Barbie movies.

But you go on Letterboxd and there's very little rankings of all 37. Some stop at- Very little, not none. You know what? I do go on Letterboxd and I do notice there are very few rankings. Well, I don't want to confidently say there are none.

I wasn't able to find any. But there's a few that have like 33 or 34 because they said they were taking a hiatus or they weren't going to make any more and then they came out with one a few months ago so maybe people haven't caught up with that i feel like no one really got on side with diana marinelli's review but i do want to check in with someone who's at the other end of the spectrum is this a freak firefire1? Yes. Yeah, I had this review, but if you want to go through it, because I also went through Freakfire1's history,

and it was very revealing, but I'll let you tell the contents of their review. Well, the heading is corny. Maybe they could have hired Jodie Benson, which means nothing to me, but I assume is a layered piece of- Jodie Benson's the voice of ariel and the little mermaid yeah there you go wow talk about a movie that just lacked about everything

but i will give it this they didn't waste a lot of money on animators or acting talent although i am of the opinion that somebody like jodie benson could have at least made things more bearable actually so i just just come to me that it's worth mentioning Jodie Benson also voices Barbie in the Toy Story movies. Incredible. Ah, that makes sense. Here it goes. It wasn't really good on any level. The CGI was shoddy and substandard.

Even to the 1995 levels of Toy Story, you'd think they'd be at least that good. Nope. Second, the story. Haven't we all heard of the poisoning fill in the-the-blank will lead to a better storyline and fantasies? Nothing original here, and that isn't even talking about the lack of character development. Then comes the grumpy-looking creatures that for some reason can't stand light.

Were they supposed to be evil? No clue here, but they sure don't put up a fight. Even for kids, this was bad. Just because you put the word Barbie on it doesn't mean it deserves a kid's time. F. What the fuck? Just because you put Barbie on it

doesn't mean it deserves a kid's time. Five out of 16 found this helpful. Usually their trademark is a gatekeeper of quality. It's interesting. So this character uh this this this person freakfire one there they are quite a character they um they reviewed quite a few films and i'll just go through the headlines of some of their reviews um so for future i'm a bender's game they said it's getting better but it needs more alf as an Alf from Pog fame. School for Scoundrels.

Bad Santa meets Alf. Iron Man. Can Alf be in Iron Man 2? Uh-oh. 21. Lisa LaPera is dating Alf. RV. Runaway Vacation.

Alf should be in the next Jet Li film. That's true. That's the best one. It's not connected to the... That's true. That's just a sentence. How did they not bring up Alf in the context of this Barbie movie? I'm getting the idea that Freakfire 1

is some sort of comedy writer who's created an account and is reviewing all of these movies and their connection or lack thereof to ALF. And nary a mention of ALF in Mariposa. They have 239 reviews. Smells like a podcast concept to me.

Yeah. Just trying to insert ALF into different film franchises yeah absolutely well so we've been trying to stick to about 20 minutes per film and this is rapidly approaching an hour um why the fuck didn't you tell us that at the start it's fine it's fine don't worry it's fine they've come this far they're gonna listen another 10 or 12 hours um but we do have a couple of things to kind of run through that we've been doing for all these films.

So we haven't mentioned, none of these films after the first one have Rotten Tomatoes critic scores, but they do have audience scores. Guy, you've got your hand up. I'm quite far into Freakfire One's review. I've got a review of the 2005 film called Because of Winn-Dixie, which is a movie about a mischievous dog that befriends a lonely young girl in a new town and helps make her new friends. And the byline for the review is, wow, that dog sucked.

Wow. Wow But so On the audience score On Rotten Tomatoes From a total of 984 reviews What percentage do we think this film would have? 980 984 audience reviews What percentage of those do you think are positive?

4-0 40 54% AJ? They've been around 73 for the past 7 or 8 movies So I'm going to guess 73 82 Oh, that's very high

That is incredibly high Hard won and well deserved That's not true at all from from the the eight-year-old girls who are registering on rotten tomatoes and reviewing it as the audience school yeah i can imagine that the sort of unbridled passion of an eight-year-old girl who logs on to rotten tomatoes and sees their favorite barbie fairyland movie is sitting below 70 and being like you know this really fucks me off well then 18 of people are just like there's not enough alph in this film so this was also directed by conrad halton we didn't um but he should be credited for his work

um so one thing we've been doing um uh if you don't mind me asking, what year were you guys born? And then I can tell you what Barbie looked like the year you were born. 87. 88. 87 and 88. Okay. Because you were born between 80 and 90,

there's potentially another Barbie I can give you. So in 87, you had Dr. Barbie. Oh, sick. So it highlighted women in the workplace. Dr. Barbie came with her own medical equipment, like doctor's bag and stethoscope. But because she's Barbie, she also came with a quick-change accessory

to change from her lab coat into something a little fancier. She also came with big tits and a fat ass. I don't think that was the quick change accessory. Also born in 1987, my wife, who is a doctor. So clearly this toy had an impact. Also in 87, you have Bopsy, the new addition to Barbie's band. What instrument does she play? Check out her satiny jacket for the

answer and looking at her satiny jacket jacket appears to be a saxophone oh shit that's cool um and so in 1988 you had fashion barbie finally barbie was all about the fashion in 1988 that year, Fashion Magic Barbie had a line of coordinating accessories and fashion were released. It's not a sentence. Fashion Magic Barbie had the feathered bangs and oversized knotted t-shirts that so many of us rocked back

in the day. She knows how it is, and so do I. But she's got a Los Angeles t-shirt and it's tied in a knot at the bottom. Very 80s. Alright, well, I guess unless you guys have any more final It's a Los Angeles t-shirt and it's tied in a knot at the bottom. Very 80s. Right. All right. Well, I guess unless you guys have any more final thoughts about Barbie Mariposa.

Mariposa also being Spanish for Barbie. I've got a lot of final thoughts about this movie. No, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't. I just want to say congratulations on making it this far. I'm not talking to you guys. I'm talking to the listener. The single listener who's made it this far I'm actually I'm not talking to you guys I'm talking to the listener the single listener who's made it this far

no thanks for having us and I you know I hope this didn't undermine the pleasure you took and the idea that I was hating it

but I actually you know as a sort of drop in movie going experience I kind of enjoyed watching Barbie Mariposa it was unusual unlike

unlike Richard I'm actually very relieved Guy because I was about to say that experience i kind of enjoyed watching barbie mariposa it was unusual unlike unlike richard i'm actually very relieved guy because i was about to say that because guy you and i have constantly um interacted with each other through a mutual friend forcing you to do something with me um the um the 9-11 episode we did was was put upon you by Tim, and this is off pod, but we actually met because a mutual friend of ours got you to commit to acting in a short film that you later told me you didn't enjoy doing for no money. So I was like, oh my God, does Guy just think I'm this character orbiting his life

who constantly talks to someone else who commits him to doing these things he doesn't want to do. I've got nothing but time and respect for you, AJ, even if you don't appear to have that for yourself. I did hate making that short film, though. We've got to end this thing. You said 20 minutes was the expected duration. If people are still listening,

how can they find your show if they don't know about it already? You can catch us on hour 15 of this same episode on our triumphant return to the Barbies. You're more than welcome to. It'd be so funny to ride back in. I'll come back in with someone else. If you go to the Mattel website and look up the 1988 Barbie, fashion Barbie, that's where you'll find me.

Am I to understand you don't want to do a plug for your show? Is that what you're telling me? 1973 fascist Barbie. 1993 was policeman Barbie, so closely. That's what me and Richard got. Worstideaofalltime.com is the website. Our podcast is currently Watching all of the Emmanuel movies

Which are a collection of softcore pornographies Started in the 60s Writing right up into the 2000s Much like James Bond The franchise shifts through different actors Portraying the titular Emmanuel And you never get to see a penis Yet Or an asshole the titular Emmanuel, and you never get to see a penis. Yet.

Or an asshole. Those are the best funny parts. So the only difference, really, between this episode and your entire season of the podcast is you guys have split us up, split it up into multiple episodes. We're all watching marathon-length movies that no one really knows

exists. With a confusing lack of genitals. Yeah. The idea of genitals, but not the actuality. Thanks for having us. Barbie doesn't have genitals. She's just smooth. Well, that's what they want you to think. If you work hard on it,

you'll find a way well I hope you enjoyed that that was Guy and my guest appearance on Colt Popshire's film franchise Fortnites after this they continued to talk about the Barbie movies for another 13 hours with as I mentioned earlier a ton of special guests

if you want to check out their show search Colt Popshire for another 13 hours with, as I mentioned earlier, a ton of special guests. If you want to check out their show, search Colt Popshire, wherever you get your podcasts, or just click on our show notes. They've got a very active social media presence as well. And most of all, they're good dudes. We love AJ. We love Richard. They're good boys.

We will chat to you all soon. Hope you're going okay out there. Bye-bye.