The Worst Idea Of All Time - DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY (FOUR)

Episode Date: August 23, 2017

Well this is it. After 3 years, hundreds of episodes, days worth of recording - your two boiz have hit their lowest ebb. Guy continues to discuss his favourite life experiences. Tim analyses the statistical probability of forty nine dice all coming up with the same number. There's empty beer cans as far as the eye can see, a bit of salad and too much technology. All capturing a frankly horrific podcast episode. What a trainwreck. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.

You gonna play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fun. There's a colleague who passed out One of them dies, that guy's screw One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay One of them looks like Johnny Depp

And his name is Johnny Depp Classic Maximum Joseph Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point As the Warner Brothers logo flashes onto screen for the first time today, and I sit back, relax better, and enjoy yet another screening

of Maximum Joseph and Megan Oppenheimer's masterpiece. Just fucking flick that switch. It's time. This is a bonus one. You weren't even supposed to be here, you know, for this one. You know what I'm saying?

Are we still on? Are we still on? Are we still going? Studio Canal's indents just come up. We've watched We Are Your Friends for the fourth time in a sitting. It's just been on repeat. It's just been going and we've been in the room. So welcome, everyone. It's a pleasure to have you with us.

My name is Timothy Andrew Batt. My name, for those of you who are wondering, Guy Montgomery. What a name. Full name, please. Guy Alexander Halifax Montgomery. Yeah. All right. Oh, yeah.

Wait, is it that time? Let me do it. If you please. Oh, yeah. Go for it. That's the wrong one. Do what you got to do, man. It's your thing. Do what you gotta do, man. It's your thing.

Do what you gotta do. That's a good track. So we're back in the film, everybody. Welcome. Welcome along. Five ahead. Can't believe we're still here.

Fuck you. There's Tiggy, Buzz, and Encino that pay more than that. We're gonna pull out on you then. Sorry about that. Pause, everybody.

Guy thought it would be an opportune moment to take a bite of his food while we were doing a bloody selfie of some photos. He's forgotten how audio works is what's happened there. It's a classic mix-up. Just a classic mix-up is what's happened there. Sorry, everybody. Guy's not sorry.

He'll say he is, but he isn't. I've got to eat. Hey, so guess what, everybody? We're back in the movie. We're dealing with our fuckboys! Zac Efron and Jarhead, our first two key characters. Mum Dad is here, and she's ready to give some cereal to some hungry boys and some OJ.

Is there a glass needed? I don't think so. Not for these gentlemen. Now Squirrel's here with a car. I fucking love the car they picked as well. That is a genuine car that a lot of people who I went to high school with had. It's like a, um, is this a Legacy? Subaru Forester? Or a Volvo? Forester. Fuck yes, it is a genuine card that a lot of people who i went to high school with had it's like a um is this a legacy forester fuck yes it is a forester that's exactly what that shit is i think

uh i don't like how johnny depp acts around his friends what hour are we up to six no five no look at the numbers dude oh so like birthdays where you kind of add one to where you are yeah okay sweet sorry for ever questioning you guy you're all good dude but i don't like the way johnny dip acts around his friends you mean to be relaxed and like the best version of yourself with your friends and i feel like he's still fronting and as pharrell sang and his song fronton which i really liked when it was released um i was just fronting which doesn't quite tie into the message i was trying to communicate about how johnny depp's fronting around his boys in this film he's just front what i'm trying to communicate is that

i don't like it i feel like squirrel's probably quite jahid's definitely very true to himself he's got a fucking pretty jarring personality but he's not he doesn't compromise he is who he is and you take him or leave him on face value zikoli probably not quite himself in the same way jahid is for better and worse quite an earnest dude squirrel little softly spoken he's pretty true to himself. Johnny Depp, he doesn't know who he is yet and I find it disconcerting

that he's hanging out with these guys. He's a bad influence. He wants trouble. Well, not trouble. He is trouble. He is trouble, yeah. Actually, one thing

about this boy is trouble. Yeah, friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great singing along my friend Sorry dude So I guess Just getting some photos online eh Yeah you gotta do it man

The question is 99% of your body is Is Oh fuck I've forgotten Do you know what your biggest organ is Skin You've given away 99% of your body is... Oh, fuck. I've forgotten. Do you know what your biggest organ is? Skin. You've given away the answer before the question even came.

You know what I'm saying, G? Yeah, I know what you're saying, dog. I was just saying, getting out there, spreading the good word. So we're back to flyering. We're back to scrubbing out the way. The world is yours. The Scarface. Incorrect, Scarface out the world is yours the scarface correct scarface the world is ours fuck my titties what is there left to plumb you know the depths you're looking for a

beer aren't you deep in my i gotta finish this first okay sweet it does make you wonder though how much of this film genuinely is um stock footage because there's a lot of opportunities for it and if you check a caligrate over the whole thing you can usually get away with that shit that's my understanding i ain't never made a movie before yeah i understand the same thing that you do i just think i mean oh you know there's just no perspective left we've really we promote social on a Thursday bro We've met before We're through the looking glass my dog

Oh that's not this bit Miles away Okay do you know what I'm now at the point where time Doesn't exist in a linear fashion And everything is happening simultaneously And it's up to me to just pick out random shit Okay

Which of these Which of these F boys Yeah Wait we're pairing back pick out random shit. Okay, which of these if boys Wait, we're peering back. We used to say fuck boys and now we don't? It's not about what we used to say or what we currently say. It's about what's being said in the moment.

Don't ask questions. Sorry, dog. Putting our heads down and getting to our work. Sorry, dog. Which of these boys would you most like to go on an eight hour road trip with no bathroom breaks no stereo no cell phone squirrel no question i like it and what do you think conversationally speaking some of the highlights that you could look forward to would be if anyone has studied something at university i can usually like just have a conversation with them finding out what they know

yeah i love like just learning shit tell me what you learned yeah i can respect that you know i love what about you who would you want to be in a car with it's not a bad point that you made i feel like in terms of comfort for eight hours of sustained conversation you're probably going to get the most mileage out of squirrels so i'm with you on that one sure i don't think it's that i love to learn about other people's learning because i don't really retain the information very well but i do like the idea like i like the idea i like you like the mood of it yeah i love i love everything about and around it i don't feel like any of that information that they speak to me i really take with me but i'm always like fucking awesome you're

out there you're doing your thing you know about a bunch of stuff that i nor most people have any fucking clue about there's another way to take this though which is that you've got a grand opportunity to be with a fucking mental lunatic for eight hours which is actually semi-attractive to me just because it's so different to the life i've built for myself. It's like, you know what? Give me Jarhead. No windows or toilet stops for eight hours. Give me him and let's just fucking find out what I'm made of and what is in his head. Yeah. I would relish the opportunity in some ways.

Have you hitchhiked before? I have, certainly have. A few times. Have you ever had any hairy experiences? Not bad ones, no. I mean, you meet questionable people, of course, but nothing, you know, I haven't been murdered. Well, no.

Clearly you haven't been murdered, Tim, because we're recording this podcast together. No, I mean, this isn't a... I like to think if you had been murdered, I'd be one of the first to know. Unless you're Bruce Willis, and I've been dead the whole time, you know? No, there's no just but there's

no way because i don't see any other ghosts all i'm saying and this isn't a tacit uh carte blanche for you to go and hitchhike because i don't need that kind of responsibility but i'm just saying the experience that i've had personally limited experiences they may be um all good all good like met good people and got from A to B. Fine. That's what it's all about. That's what hitchhiking is about. But people get murdered doing hitchhiking too.

So, you know, different strokes for different folks. I don't think anyone sets out. Courses for courses. I don't know if those are the right colloquialisms to use. I think you're right, actually. Bad idioms. Idiot idioms for the sitch. What's your one, Squirrel?

This moment right here, this is my favorite part. It's the moment before it starts. What do you think about that as a mantra? This is my favorite part of the night right here. It's the moment before it starts. Disappointing. Because it means the bit that you're enjoying is never the present. It's the anticipation of what's to come.

Which means whatever happens is always a letdown. Like what he's basically saying, you know, if you use what's it called like conductive reasoning, is that nothing is ever as good as you think it's going to be. He's fucking pumped. He's way more pumped before the thing happens than when it happens. That means the thing is never as good that's why I never get too excited about shit

because then the thing is a pleasant surprise that's equally defeatist it's just different means to the same end it's tempering your expectations but being impressed by the present is more rewarding than being excited about the future.

Just be grateful. Be humble, bro. Hey, hashtag be humble. The fact that Squirrel does wind up dead time after time and here you are week after week alive and kicking suggests that maybe your philosophy is the right one. Not that there is a right or wrong philosophy. Time after time. If you want him, he'll be there, he'll be sleeping.

Week after week. And he's squirreled, he's sleeping because he is dying. Week after week. Week after week.

Week after week. Time after time, time after time, time after time, you say, squirrel, have hair this line, his sinus doesn't wind, and he's dead and he's dying and he's no longer breathing for me. And he's off and he's where all of our bad goes. Time after time. We don't learn anything about what we have done to him. Time after time. Man, we're all over the show hey do you know what people love about this podcast?

our chemistry, do you know what's lacking right now? us being on the same wavelength and I love it, I bloody love it I will say this for why we work so well together, we're never afraid to finish each other's sentences or sandwiches, which I should be because I have a highly contagious disease

which is spread by saliva. Pardon? Nothing. What a great scene we're watching right now in this director's commentary of We Are Your Friends. We've been watching it four times today because we thought that'd be a cool idea

for something to do. Fuck, that is absurd to say out loud. Here's Somaly. Welcome to her. Here's some glitter cannons. They're confetti cannons, idiot. Fuck whatever, dude. That's clearly not glitter.

I've never seen glitter that big in my life before. Okay, here's... Have you ever seen a piece of glitter that's three inches long? No. Do you know why? Because that's no longer glitter. That's confetti. I'm done.

I shouldn't have signed up to this one. I've bit off more than I can chew. Hey, for this to work, you and me, we're going to have to work together. We are in it. We are in it. We are in it. But I'll tell you what would help us is any kind of coal-powered chimney situation, a real steam-powered effort to get to the end.

It's going to be nothing but a good thing do you want Dick Van Dyke from the film Mary Poppins to stop by your studio and clean

your chimney I need a chimney sweep what's his character's name in that chim chiminy chim chim oh ah

Bilbo Baggins or something along the lines no surely not if I'm not much mistaken oh my goodness that'll kill me Bilbo Baggins as I live the lines. No, surely not. If I'm not much mistaken. Oh, my goodness. That'll kill me. Bilbo Baggins as I live and breathe. I watched the first episode of the Dick Van Dyke show the other day on Netflix.

Oh, how was that? Wait, is that on Netflix now? Yeah, it was good. Heaps of funny gags. Dick Van Dyke, what an absolute talent. Who lives to such a true... Wait, he's dead now, though, eh? Nah, dude, he's still kicking it.

Is he fucking for real? Man. Holy shit. He's also in though, eh? Nah, dude, he's still kicking it. Is he fucking for real? Man. Holy shit. He's also in good neck. Oh, he looks... He's in his 90s and he doesn't... He looks like he's in his late 60s. You thought he was dead 20 seconds ago.

No, I've seen recent footage of him in his 90s. I know that I've seen him in his 90s, so that point remains. I did think he died. I thought he died in the last year. Maybe not. Clearly not. I thought he was one of last year. But maybe not. Clearly not. I thought he was one of those things that got kind of

overshadowed by Trump getting in, you know? How do you think that the costumes in this film are going to age moving forward? Say, two decades from now.

A fucking t-shirt? Probably fine, dude. They're not very ambitious. No, there's more to it than that, though. You see full body shots you know there's a few statement pieces made that is bernie see what is what i'm saying he's bernie sanders the sensible alternative to the reality we're living in hey easy now you bernie brother me well i'm a senator's sister my My brother, he's the senator of Florida.

His name? Oh, fuck. Senator Tim Key. Like, Tim Key is a... No, I don't know. I was making up a name. But Tim Key is a very, very funny comic from Britain. He's certainly not the senator of Florida.

Hey, guess what? These guys are smoking drugs. And guess what the drug is? Marijuana. Mixed with tobacco. Are we about to go to a house party? Not anymore. They're going to get into a Chrysler.

Is that a Chrysler? Yeah, man. How do you know that? You can see his logo. Or a Chevrolet. Are they the same or different things? I don't know. We've both got gold logos.

I understand it. Yeah, have some of this whiskey that this laced with PCP, dude. Such a fucking weird, what do you call those things? Hip flasks as well. Here, this would be the honest pitch from James Reader the Fearless to Zicoli to get into this Uber Lux with him. Hey, dude, do you want to get into the back of a car while I play you with whiskey and PCP and tell you about all the cities I've visited?

Yes, you're unlike. That's exactly what I'm about to do to you. So someone was coming to check on us and it terrified me. But it turns out it was a reflection of the screen on the window. It was your own soul. My bad. It's just my own soul coming to visit me to say, Hey, dude, how are you tracking at the moment?

Do you think you're doing everything you could be doing? And I said, hey, what a wonderful kind of day. Hey, where we learn to love and play. And get along with each other. The paintings in this are pretty cool, but it sucks that they don't name the artist. Because I assume that what happened is the filmmaker, Maximum Joseph, was like, yo, dude, we'll use your paintings and we'll give you a shout out in the movie.

Just like we're giving that Vine dude and whoever else, Instagram lady, whatever. We'll give them shout outs too. And then the artist doesn't get a single shout out. That's all I have to say on the matter. Feel free to jump in whenever you want, guy. The Vine artist, this is just idle speculation about nothing very interesting? I'm so glad you qualified your opinion at this point with this is just idle speculation. Welcome to our podcast, Guy.

It may as well be called Idle Speculation with Tim and Guy. But please go on. Well, because our podcast isn't called idle speculation with Tim and Guy Tim I thought it might be useful for people who are tuning in at this exact point for the first time to qualify my opinion as idle speculation

what do you got for me baby you've lost it haven't you of course I've lost it we've spoken so much between the occurrence of the thought and me trying to say it out loud. Well, that's earned me a couple Doritos. So why don't you tell me about the 29th best experience of your life?

Oh, we're well beyond 29, my friend. As I recall, we're in the mid-30s of the highlights of my life. And would that I could relay some of those experiences to you, but right now they all escape me. As far as that to say, I believe, if memory serves, that the 34th memory already listed by me in terms of highlights of my life

was a performance by Liza Minnelli, Beyonce's smash hit single, All The Single Ladies, which in turn has triggered a memory of the 35th highlight of my life which believe it or not and this is almost becoming embarrassing at this point was when Liza Minnelli I caught a performance of her performing Beyonce's all the single ladies inside of the film sex in the city tour and I gotta say that for me was probably the 35th best experience of my life the 36th best

experience of my life where I'd speculate would also probably be another time a different instance when I called Liza Minnelli performed Beyonce's smash it single all the single ladies in the film sex in the city 2 it's so good to know about you dude this is what I love

about spending time with you is that I just I live and i learn and i listen and i learn and i love and i learn and i learn you know i now know the top 30 seven seven experiences of your short little life that's pretty cool that's a pretty cool detail to have you're only a quarter way through your life you know that i reckon you'll live to 120 yeah it's my ambition hashtag 120 blaze it that's why i keep injecting all these uh growth hormones into my calves no really yeah i'm gonna be immortal good on you ever wonder why my calves glow like that you're not a big shorts man when i see you

yeah i know but you know how even when I'm wearing pants and my pants are glowing? Yes. And I'm always like, oh, these are just glow pants. They're more expensive. You do say that often. Those are my calves. Shit. Do you know why they're glowing so much?

Hey, does it... Why? Because I've been buying very expensive growth hormones from a mad scientist. I mean, again, A does not equal B. But do they hurt? My calves? Yeah. All the time.

Constantly? It's agony. It's like having the most intense cramps permanently. Can I tell you something, though? Yeah. They look good. Thank you. Because as we know.

I don't know if it is worth it. As we all know, everything's about looking good. It doesn't matter if you're in severe pain or suffering from. I'm in constant agony. Essentially cancer. I mean, if it's radiating green, it's probably cancerous. It's not that. It's growth hormones.

And they're glowing bright because they're glowing strong. And I've never before have I been in this much pain. Can I tell you that? I wish I could articulate the agony I'm feeling right now. I wish I could begin to try. Could you try and select a metaphor involving an animal that would sort of just give me a ballpark idea? You know, sooner than trying to articulate the experience I'm having,

I would rather relay to you the 38th best moment in my life, which would be when I saw Liza Minnelli perform Beyonce's smash hit single All The Single Ladies in the film Sex In The City 2. Tell your story Walken mate. I have heard this. I wish I could Tim. But such is the state of my glowing calves right

now I can barely move for agony. Jog on mate. I can't do you know what i feel like right now i feel like james reed from the feel is from this scene from we are your friends he is so hung over that he can't bring himself to even leave the house at this point and it's 12 30 in the afternoon he's made the decision to keep drinking a completely reasonable one considering the context i probably do the same except that i don't really uh do a lot of drinking anymore apart from right now where i'm doing a lot yeah man look i gotta say to me it just feels like these people are making

the same mistakes over and over again this This car feels like it's a virtual... It's like a PlayStation 3... Something you get in Time Zone. Yeah. Hard out, dude. No one's got seats like this in their actual car, do they? Look at that goofy as fuck dashboard as well. It's so stupid.

The whole thing's fucking dumb. It's like seats that you would expect in a in an arcade when you're playing like fucking colin mccray or some shit f1 2020 there's not a game i just made that up but you know it's outlandish they're over the top yeah too garish for anyone to actually use surely what do you think see that high-rise ish building that they look out over from where they're standing what sort of business do you think goes on in that building it's just behind johnny depp right now well we were in a pretty high-rise building and i tell you what we were doing in there pitching a tv show how'd that go for you not well where do you think the the pitch

fell down um uh well well well well well well i'll tell you one of them was because it it was at the end of the trip before we were about to get on a plane to go to New Zealand and we were very hungover and burnt out. Yeah. And what specifically within that meeting about where you were hungover and burnt out do you think went wrong? Uh, the fact that neither of us could properly articulate what we wanted to make as a TV show. Interesting.

You know the one I'm talking about. I really have no recollection of that. wanted to make as a TV show. Interesting. You know the one I'm talking about. I really have no recollection of that. My memory of that meeting is I said, hey, do you guys want to see something insane? I've just started taking these growth hormones and I'm pretty sure my calves are glowing. Do you remember that? Yeah. How do you think that played in the room on that day? I remember that it went very, very poorly.

Yeah. They weren't glowing at all when I bought them out, so they thought I was insane. We're at the start of this watch. That's what I fucking love. That's what I love about this movie. The movie will always be the movie, dude. That's one thing you've got to admire about this. The movie will always be the movie dude that's one thing you've got to admire

about this the movie will always be the film it's got no other choice you know it doesn't have to decide will i go jeans or chinos today will i go t-shirt or business shirt the movie will always be the movie we are inside of a hellish loop right now my guy like none of this is having any I'm honestly I'm seeing it pixel by pixel like nothing makes any sense that sort of stonewashed shirt

that he wears on his first day in the office has always been pretty fucking confident to me I would not wear that myself who are you talking about Zicoli I mean Skrill

obviously does not give one flying fuck squirrel could give this fuck that shit there no no no dwell on squirrel bro it looks like zicoli's raided someone's dad's closet and not his own because as we know he doesn't have parents but squirrel looks like he just didn't even give a shit they're on the blower and squirrel probably doesn't give a shit he's learned about maths at a university. Can I just... Like, the whole Zicoli buzz. Like, fuck, man. I feel bad for him.

But I'm just literally explaining what his costume looks like to me. It's like going into someone who's roughly the same size as you, but 20 years older, and just rifling through and being like, oh, this isn't a great look, but I guess it's business and it fits me, so I'm going to do this. You know?

That's what his uniform screams to me in this scene. Skrill is effectively wearing a fucking hoodie with a cap on. They're working the phones, man. You can wear what you want. Put a fucking tie on, dude. Yeah, good job, buddy. You hide that money under your Discman. Bunch of USBs and a Discman.

Because all good DJs have a portable sony disc man in 2015 man they've been trying to get this pool ready for as long as i've been watching this movie should we talk about mini discs for a bit by way i mean me i love them and i miss them no you don't no one misses them i miss many you enjoy the idea of them the novelty of them but they were flawed technology from the fucking beginning they were here's here okay now we're talking about them here's the thing about minidiscs the hardware wasn't flawed at all the thing that fucking killed them was that sony who were the main by a long way the main makers of those minidisc players required you to use their software to get the

songs on there and their software was beyond horrific it broke multiple computers that i my family owned kept installing sonic stage on there it would break the computer they were not good at writing code but very good at building shit. Minidiscs were awesome. And then finally they got to the point where they're like, oh, you can put MP3s on now. It's like, cool. iPods have been out for two years. What up, bowl? And that's where minidiscs went wrong. But there will be a time, if it hasn't already happened, where they are ironically cool.

And to the people who are doing that i say stop unless you're tim bitt who seems to have a genuine emotional investment in the technology i just i own so many of them i had like i think i had probably like four different mini disc players when i was in high school I reckon they probably are at the stage now where they've got a bit of bloody hipster career. They probably go for thousands. I haven't seen one in ages. If you've got four of them kicking around,

you should make yourself some goddamn cash. They're gone, mate. I sold them at the time. They're gone. I'd always upgrade to the next model. Okay, so here we are. Tim and Guy forging ahead. We're in the montage moment of the film we're understanding what bpms mean to genre and we're understanding what genre means to music

right now we're in a daytime party where these people usually don't party until midnight but they're going to party right now because zach airfront is a knowledgeable dude on how to cut through the resistance and get people to boogie and he's looking around because his advice is you just need one person one person to start he always has quite a nice like wolfish grin on his face in that uh shot just prior i've always i always enjoy it it's almost like the bottom half of his face is slightly out of focus but he's got quite a goofy grin on and his green eyes are glowing shout out to zace fron hey hey hey i'll tell you what guy maybe it's the fact that i've been worn down by three watches and uh you know had a couple of beers love this movie love it love it love it love it love it

you will not be able to sustain that for the remainder of this movie um i just want to point out i don't love it just because of as i said that we had a very slow motion shot of simon lee's chest anyone watching this film along in time with it right now i shouldn't have made that revelation but i just want to say the two things we completely disconnected now around the bit we were explaining that dubstep is 140 beats cut to half speed at 70 And house music sucks massive dick at 110 to 130 BPM And then there's hardcore and old Captain Red shorts with the stabby stick

Oh fuck man who gives a shit about this shit So recently you were saying that you like this movie Let's talk about horoscopes What's that sign here? I'm a Libra dude What does that entail? So recently you were saying that you like this movie. Let's talk about horoscopes. What's that sign here? I'm a Libra, dude. What does that entail? The scales of justice.

So you're like even-handed in fear. No, I'm best known amongst my friends and family for being able to look at any single item and know its weight exactly. That huge thing of beer. That magnum of beer? Yeah. Four kilograms. I actually reckon you're pretty fucking dead on with that.

I know I'm right. It's my best known ability. Okay, it's 1.5 litres, which is 1.5 kg, plus whatever the glass is, which I actually reckon is about 800 grams. So I think you're not a hundo, but probably pretty close. Do you want to hold it? I don't need to hold it to know for certain that I'm correct. You reckon that's 4.5 kg?

I know, that's 4 kilograms exactly. It's slightly under that. Anything you point to, I can tell you it's exact weight. I'm done. Just the one and done. I've always said that. You're looking longingly at how long we've been recording for. I'm just scratching my neck.

I've got this itchy on the back of my neck. But that too too you know I mean I mean here we all are watching the film again so we got that going for us I'm a Leo

myself born in mid-August what does that mean? Leo is the big show-off of the solar system whatever it's called

the horoscopes you know how each star sign of the solar system, whatever it's called, the horoscopes. You know how each star sign has a planet? Our planet is the sun. I didn't know that. Everything orbits around us. And that is awesome. Yeah.

And our symbol is the lion, the king of the jungle. Yeah. Leos are the shit. the king of the jungle. Yeah. Leos are the shit. They're basically the best. But you would say that as a Leo. Well, I guess so. It doesn't make it untrue. It also doesn't make it true.

Fair call. Fair cop. Ka-bah! That's very Libra of you to assess. What can I say? I know the exact weight of anything you point to. Oh, fuck. Who cares about your pentatonic fucking piano anymore, dude? Look at all those gold records he's got behind him, though.

They care. Do you know what's impressive? What? They really care. Who? These two. Oh. They're getting along. fron and wes bentley

shit man i'm probably i'm probably losing it right now i know dude i hear you but do you know what is the only cure for that this thingy uh yeah dog we must go deeper we must go into another dream is that what leonardo dicaprio said i think in the film titanic just before the iceberg he said we must go into another dream yeah but he said in a south african accent because he was um working in a diamond mine i haven't seen that one. You need to talk if I'm not talking, dog. That's how this works. Nah, I think people are okay with a comfortable silence.

If they trust that when it feels comfortable for me, it's comfortable for them, then I'm in the clear I apologise to anyone listening to this individually on it's own merits I can't imagine what you're extracting from it I mean the merits of this barely exist in context

but by it's own it doesn't stand up to any kind of assessment which is the great irony because any kind of assessment. Which is the great irony. Because... Nah, fuck it. This movie's supposed to be assessed just in its own context.

Just pick an empty can, mate. We're surrounded by them. Just pick one. Drop it in there. Fucking hell. What will become of us, guy? You don't need to coach me through my life experiences,

Dad. Hey, I'm here to help, and I'm trying to help, and you're not taking the help. So whose problem is that? Mine still? Yup. You know what that was? You tell me. It was a kiss.

For a kiss Is always a gift And Call back I gotta say that that To me is almost The greatest gift I can think of Yet it still somehow Powers in comparison

To my memory of the 39th highlight In my life Oh fuck my asshole Okay here we go Which is when Liza Minnelli performed Beyonce's Smash It single, All the Single Ladies, in the film Sex and the City 2. He's upset about people being in the pool. Very upset.

I got really barrel-zacolias here reacting to Wiz Bentley shouting at me. I was looking at both of them. I feel like I'm moving fast enough now that I can assess the whole scene at once. I can look at two people's faces simultaneously. That's where I'm at. Just so we're all aware. It's a good spot to be in. Omnipotent for the film.

Pick a place, man. Anywhere. And everywhere. And away they'll go, to the beach where they indulge in the illegal drug weed while looking over the horizon. We've been talking a lot about comic book movies in this session. Have you ever seen The Watchmen? Nah, man. Is it good?

Oh, it's mixed day. I haven't read the comic. Everyone says the comic is just like the fucking best. I actually did. The movie got a bit panned I enjoyed it more I think than the reviews You know

Would lead Would have led One to suggest How much they should enjoy it But it definitely Had some weird shit That wasn't like You know

Kind of Explained enough Or Whatevs Is that seagull moving Real weird At the bottom of the screen yeah it was CGI

did you see it yeah of course I saw it I got eyes I've never seen that seagull before it's all I see every week it shows up in a lot of

other scenes as well that seagull that same one you gotta be looking pretty close but yeah bloody hell I think it gets it gets credited as

second lead in the credits second lead after Zac Efron the seagull's name is Steve Seagull. Yeah. Nothing for that? Are you serious? We've been recording for like five hours, man.

It's not bad. Yeah, but no, it's true. It's a business owned by Steven Seagull. It's a technology he developed. It's a Seagull that he hires out to play the second lead role. No respect, yeah, no respect. Hey, Mr. Dangerfield, I give you plenty of respect. I guess so.

I guess you're right. Oh, man. You are a broken man, my friend. Hey, we're all broken. It's just a matter of fucking getting that whiskey glass away from my face because I am a drunk DJ who's fallen asleep because I'm a big baby and I need someone to look after me. Grow up, you fuck.

You are like 40 years old or whatever. Sort your shit, dog. I kind of agree with you on that one, Tim. The guy is... Fuck. He's got to sort out his own problems. If you're not loving yourself How can you make space

To love anyone else Mr Bentley What fucks me up Is this dude is He's well resourced He's got a good brain He's got a good head On his shoulders

Figure it out Dude Disrespects it Day after day Stop fucking everyone Man I don't know Hey listen That carpet is awful fucking everyone man I don't know hey listen

the carpet is awful in the studio I don't know how else to describe it it's a bunch of stripes some of them are orange some of them are the different orange and a lot of them are black it's just bad hey you know what's in the background of

Zay's Fron Right now Out of focus It's a Record of Pretense of Eternity It's the fucking Album artwork

And album Of the Pretense of Eternity Are you sure Yes How do you know that I just read it But it was out of focus Yeah but you can still figure it out

There That is Detail man That's attention to detail But it was out of focus. Yeah, but you can still figure it out. Yes. That is detail, man. That's attention to detail. It's not bad album art either. I mean, like I've seen worse, you know. It's just a bunch of lines that are different colors. I'm down with that.

I love cubism. That's not so bad. Fuck, man. Those seat dresses. No one would have noticed that, dude. It took us even half of us it took half of us 40 whatever

watches and a bunch of shit to see that no one notices this shit why even bother you know it's nice it's nice for whoever put that attention to detail

into the mise-en-scene of the shot shout out to that person fuck we fucking did it man or lady or how much more movie

is there eh quite a lot eh an hour yep yep yep I did it again, guy. I've bitten off slightly more than I can chew. Okay. What do you guys want to talk about?

Let's talk about Bluetooth headsets. Yeah, let's. The year is 2015. The technology exists for wireless headsets Yeah let's The year is 2015 The technology exists for wireless headsets And yet it's not been brought into Wide Did you wear a headset like that When you used to call people up on the phone Yeah yeah hard out

Did you used to like rock it I don't know how one rocks a headset to be honest Were there people in the office Who had a higher end headset Yeah I think there actually was And would they sort of ride that confidence Into their phone calls rocks a headset to be honest were there people in the office who had a higher end headset yeah i think there actually was and would they sort of ride that confidence they were wireless yeah their ones were bluetooth i think it was more like they were dealing with their kind of company issued cell phones or not company because it wasn't a company but their uh you know government department

issued shit and were the people on the Bluetooth headsets the sharks? They were like the managers. There were no sharks where I worked. I worked for the tax department. There weren't sharks there. Yeah, the tax sharks. No, no, no. Tax sharks are a different thing.

Would you aspire to wear the Bluetooth headset? Absolutely not. No one aspired to remain in the department. It was just like, hey, you know what pays pretty well for an entry-level job? This bullshit. So let's get in, get fucked up on a Friday, and keep doing it next week. You never got to wear the hallowed Bluetooth headset. No, but do you know what I did?

I learned enough skills to jump around the shit and then buy my own headset later. And now look at that. I own no less than six pairs of headphones. Was the headset you bought later a bluetooth headset i can't remember mate you're really pushing a particular narrative which i don't think is gonna like come to fruition on how my life went i get what i get what you're trying to create here i understand it i respect it but i'm not willing to lie to people just to serve the story. That doesn't feel like you're respecting it.

I can tell at this point. I don't give a shit. But we just burned another minute, so that's positive, right? It's all a step in the right direction. Yeah. All right. So listen if you're watching the film with us which is no one um we're at the point now where uh uh james reed from the feelers and zikoli the crying dj have joined forces to become an unstoppable dj partnership They're rocking the under... What are they called?

Underground clubs. They've got Somaly on a track. She's laying down some vocals. They're making some new songs, finally. They're really tabing together some club music. And to be honest, they're doing better with it than they have any right to. And everyone's getting their dick wet

off the back of these unduly celebrated dance tracks. The club is doing the song more than justice. It couldn't have gone better for them. I mean, they really just put this thing together in a rush. I don't think it's ready for market at all. They've done no real tests. Probably

didn't even get mastered, you know? Do the basics, cunts. Sorry. didn't even get mastered you know like do the basics cunts sorry oh man we're really in the trenches now really in the you know where we are we're in the studio mate we're laying down another fat beat and mean track oh man fuck all this shit off to the mexican restaurant this like that definitely expendable a there's actually no real reason for this to exist on this timeline this dinner yeah it's just like okay we're at a party i guess you can't just jut the party up hard against the wine and cheese night.

Yeah. This is certainly superfluous, but also it's meant to be doing a lot of heavy lifting and plot development. But it's all very hollow. There's tension between James Reid from the Feelers and Somerly. I tell you what, Cole Carter and Somerly, they want to at least spend a little bit more time together. Maybe have sex sex maybe not maybe wear his jeans the whole night who's to say

I don't have anything I have to say get out of your hands into that microphone microphone I'm sorry listen here we are we're in one waka and we've both got

oars so let's get into it cheese thoughts prior against We're in one waka and we've both got oars So let's get into it Cheese, thoughts? Prior against Oh, look, if you're asking morally It's a real quagmire of a situation But I think ultimately cheese is bad Explain through why it's morally a quagmire

Well, just that the dairy industry as it stands It's not good for the environment or the animals But the thing is is cheese is also very delicious allow me to push back if i may why is it bad for the animals like cows are meant to milk for their little little cows there's a very good chance cows wouldn't exist had we not corralled them up and went you guys are delicious we, we're going to breed more of you. Yeah, I don't think the cows are like, okay, yeah, and then just have carp launch in our bodies.

Yeah, but babies also don't give us permission to look after them. So should we not? I feel like it's a false equivalent. Why? Both can't communicate their appreciation of us looking after them. And this wonderful paternalistic agreement we have with both our young and Bovine. We don't farm babies for anything. Well, maybe we should look at doing that.

We kind of do if you consider adoption. That's not... That's not accurate. This is not. Now, that is a false equivalence I'll give you that Oh my goodness But we just burned another 60 seconds

Oh my So we're closer to the finish line than we were Oh my god We got through the whole wine and cheese night At Larissa's Clarissa's Whatever I don't fucking care. I do.

You're right though. I shouldn't make little of that. You're dead right. It's Clarissa's party. And she'll die if she wants to. Don't cry. I got the words wrong. Oh, I've gone

you know, really over the edge now. I'm amazed everything's still going. There's a lot of machinery in the room that's still going. One computer is playing the movie, one computer is recording our voices, and God, I hope it doesn't crash. We've got a redundant, like a bit of a backup plan,

another recorder recording our voices in case the first system fails we've got a camera happening over there we've got a screen that's playing the movie and they're all still going as far as I can tell you addressing that out loud feels like a real prime opportunity

for something to shit the bed oh fuck you're dead right assemblage well good thing I don't believe in miracles Oh, fuck. You're dead right. Okay. Assemblage. Well, good thing I don't believe in... Miracles. No, what's the fucking... Are there fireworks going on out there? Just keep looking in that direction.

Nah, I think it's the reflection again. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Something was happening out that window. I will literally look for anything to take me out of this shit. Hey, come on, man. We're all in the car. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hey, we're all watching We Are Your Friends.

What a great film. I love it. You ain't getting any. What interests you? Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Look, I want to find them aliens. That's what I want. I want to get out there.

I want us to explore space to find them aliens. That's what I want. I want to get out there. I want us to explore space and find them aliens. And then get destroyed by them. You believe that aliens are out there? I just keep coming back to that old math problem of it's pretty impossible to consider they're not. It's a big old universe out there. It seems way too unlikely that we you know happen to luck in in this planet and others haven't don't you think no i think you're right i think you're on

the money now we're at the music festival it's a cool shot that little x-ray shot of how many drugs the boys are carrying on them i love that we all that. Every week we see it and we love it. We keep loving the film. 40 times, not enough. Three times in a day, not enough. You've got to keep loving it. Love yourself and love We Are Your Friends. Because we are your friends and we love you.

I don't think it feels like we're doing either of those things right now. And now, let's party. Yeah, boom. We are at the club club now we're dancing to the music now we're all dancing at the what's the earliest memory that you have of my life yeah uh it's not the earliest memory but the first one that sprung to mind is uh in a montessori I think it was a running race that we had around like a tree at the end of the playground or whatever

classic flash and and we you had to go and run around the tree and the tree had like cobbled pavement around it and I fell, I was winning and I fell over and I was winning and i fell over when i was running around the tree and i skinned my knee today you ready okay let's go the hunt for the

wildest movie of the summer everybody and here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing And I got a little scar on my knee. So you were in pain? I guess, but I still have the scar on my knee and I'm like... Do you really? To this day? I haven't really checked for it lately, but I'm sure it's out there. Bloody hell. What about you?

Do you know, I don't think I first-hand remember much from early on, but I remember remembering, if that makes sense. Not really. I remember at one time in my life being able to remember a lot further back. Does that make sense? Barely. So the memory of the memory that I have, one of the earliest ones is throwing sycamore seeds up with my granddad in the St. James Park in Christchurch.

Watch them fall down. Oh, the little helicopters. You got it. Those are good fun, huh? Real good. Just good childhood stuff, you know? Good childhood stuff. And then the other one is, so, I mean, look, we're children of the 90s.

Fresh Prince of Balea must have been on here when I was a young, young, young kid. And I remember remembering being in kindergarten and emulating that bit at the end of the intro sequence of Fresh Prince of Balear where he whips his head around when he's got the cap on when he's knocking on the door you're home to Balear he's there, finally there

sitting in his throne as the Prince of Balear and he whips his head around and I did that on a a slidey down pole that you get in the kindergarten when I was about three or four fucking smashed my head at maximum speed and cracked my skull open during the Will Smith head whip around they had to physically glue my skull back together gee whiz that's full on and not for the last time. I had three of those where I cracked my skull open

as a young kid. I honestly think, I honestly think to this day that it does have something to do with my very bad memory. Yeah. And those three quite significant knocks to the old brain box

as quite a young child, you know. My poor parents, eh? I keep just absolutely wasting my head. Yeah, that would have been a sting for them. What a bit of bad luck that you just keep banging your head. Bad luck or bad management, mate. I tell you, if you'd pulled off that head waggle on the way down the pole or slide...

You could be dealing with New Zealand's Elon Musk. Exactly. Maybe I was destined for greater things. Who's to say? But aren't you glad that I got retarded enough to hang out with you? Hey, look, I would say, Tim, that I think you've had a life well lived. Hard out. It really suggests you're about to kill me.

Or that you know something I don't about the end of my life. No, I don't know anything. I don't know anything about anything. There's them having sex. Don't. They're having sex. You don't know that. God damn it.

He could be still wearing his jeans. We never see him take them off. That's all I'm saying. Are there any more beers? Oh, we've got the Peronio. I can't even be bothered getting it, but I will. It's a gripping narrative. From start to finish Good morning, my sweet

Good morning, guy It's about 10 o'clock Oh no, it's 9pm Oh, sorry, you're in the film Biggie button I knew it was a goof No worries I mean

Would it be comfortable laying your head in between Hey you reckon you'll have kids one day Guy Who's to say man It's a big question Hey Guy Do you reckon there's Do you get reborn after you die What do you think happens?

I don't know that anything necessarily happens. Guy, why do bad things happen to good people? The world is a cruel and unusual place. There's no real rhyme or reason to a lot of what happens, Tim. Well, I'm out of questions.

Would you rather sweat mayonnaise or every time you poo have to do a poo the size of a baseball a baseball I'd do the poo baseball thing oh wait hold up

yeah no I think I would because I would rather suffer in private than suffer in public. Sweating mayonnaise would be a real point of frustration. Like, that's bad, man. But if you're doing a shit the size of a baseball,

I assume you're both, like, I mean, you're not done. Feels like the first time every time. Oh. Oh, shit. Do you know the thing is, I i don't i'm not a big sweater i don't sweat a lot so maybe mayonnaise for me personally because i don't think it would be obvious well obviously this is going to be impacting you personally yeah i mean it's my my call right yeah it's your body fuck it's a tough one, eh? What about you? I'd rather shit a baseball.

I sweat all the time. Is this one you've just made up, or is this kind of a popular sort of one? Someone asked me it before. I don't know. It's a goodie. It feels like the kind of thing comics would ask other comics on a road trip done it just done it just maybe maybe not tanya romero back in the fray come over tonight big fight the fucking date stamp on that text message is from 2014 did you see that yeah do you know

what the more oh no they just want me back saying the more I read that text come over big fight and how it's meant to be ambiguous the more I'm like if he was about to pick a fight with him

he wouldn't send him a text saying come over big fight but then I remembered the context being specific to him and Somaly might have had a big fight

yeah exactly god damn it guys come on stay with me I held your hand through my whole process there and arrived at exactly where the film was trying to take me. Sorry for attacking you for that. I'd call that a success.

I won't do that again. You never attack the process. You can attack the end result, never attack the process. There are no bad ideas in a brainstorm. I used that the other day on my TV show. There are no bad ideas in a brainstorm. Welcome to banter, proving that there are some bad ideas welcome to banter proving that there are

some bad ideas in a brainstorm that's a funny thing to say there's a lot of lines out there that I'm throwing out which are getting no recourse whatsoever that I'm like nah that one's good nah fuck you guys that one's funny oh I'll tell you what the best one was that Brendan Green

and I thought of together welcome to banter the shit hot new show that talks shit about hot news that's not bad that's satisfying but i like uh the deprecation of there are bad ideas in a brainstorm we also said uh welcome back this is all brendan greens this wasn't even input from me. Welcome back to banter, a fidget spinner in the... Oh, no, a chattering in a world of fidget spinners. That, if you are from New Zealand, is very funny. Welcome back to the director's commentary of We Are Your Friends,

featuring Tim Beck and Guy Montgomery, the co-hosts of The Worst Idea of All Time. We've watched the film three times already today in its entirety, and we're on to our fourth in a row. Right now, we are three four getting sentimental with james reed there's been a handover of a macbook pro box and does it have a macbook pro box uh sorry does it have a macbook pro in it no not normally absolutely not what has uh occurred in the box this week guy 49 dice or die plural all on the number six it's in it as a maths problem yeah okay 49 die they all get rolled

like some sort of big back rack table and they all come up six yeah i'm gonna say to you way to dice dude it's too unlikely yeah do you know what i say to that go on put your fingers on the table bam i'm putting a hammer on top of them whoa jesus that's right you lost your fingers oh my god don't ask questions answer the fucking math problem fuck what if there wasn't even a problem presented. 49 times 6. Go. Okay. Bam!

There go your other fingers. Your other fingers. Oh, God. Kablooey. There go. 2.94. Correct. Is it? Yeah, man. Absolutely. Is it really? Kablooey 294 Correct Is it?

Yeah man absolutely Is it really? I got no idea In fact you just lost all your fingers and one set of toes Can we check Okay let me get a thing though Because I actually want to check that I want to see what the fuck the actual number is

Oh where's your timer at dog? Surely it's been another one right? Or maybe it hasn't actually Nah it hasn't That's a shame We're taking photos every hour Just to chronicle the journey Okay so we're getting

6 times 49 die 294 dog I did it I did it on my fucking head Cause you're a smart guy It took me a few goes though You've got a big brain Oh this is heartbreaking to watch again

I just Oh am I off? No you're on I think Am I? I don't think I am No actually I can't hear you right now Hello? Hello?

You're not registering at all Oh no Don't worry I'll carry us I don't know what's happening My friend and colleague Tim Batt You're not registering at all. Don't worry, I'll carry us. I don't know what's happening. My friend and colleague, Tim Batt, is currently suffering through some technical difficulties, so I will be coaching you through the scene.

You caught it for a second there, I think. Keep talking. I'm on top of it, don't worry. Paige Harrell is pretty much articulating the moral dilemma that Zicoli's facing. And Zicoli, like the soft boy he is, isn't really picking his side or going either way. He's just like, oh no, now I'm going to have to take all this money and feel bad about it. That's the worst possible thing that could happen. So he just quietly puts the money in the shoebox and doesn't think about it again.

I think I'm still here, but you can hear me now. Yeah, you're back, baby. Oh, cool. And better than ever. Sorry about that. Brief intermission. Timbo is back. You're in and out.

I am a bit, aren't I? You're hot and cold cold as Katy Perry would sing you're hot and you're cold you're yes and you're no you're in and you're out you're up and you're down satisfying lyrics yes

but nothing in comparison to the 41st experience of my life which I would consider a highlight that being a performance by Liza Minnelli of the smash hit song by Beyonce All the Single Ladies in the film Sex and the City 2.

The 42nd best experience of my life. Very similar to the 41st and several preceding that. A performance by Liza Minnelli of the smash single by Beyonce All the Single Ladies in the film Sex and the City 2. The 43rd highlight, I cannot recall right now, but as soon as I do remember, I will relay that memory to you because I know how interested you are on our journey to the 52 best experiences of my life.

How about How You Like Me Now? life how about how you like me now I like you the same I did before hey like me now bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam how you like me now oh it's a birthday cake. We're back here again. Feels familiar because it is. Guy, let me ask you a question. How many fingers and toes do you have? 20. Boring.

All the extremities. How many hair follicles do you think you've got in your head? Three. That is not enough. Yeah, I agree, but they're quite sparse. So they wind up looking like way more. But it's just three main

centres. All the employees have to report to the three centres at day and night. In between it though, they go spread out and do research. Am I clear? You're not happy you're drunk this was suddenly just threw at james reed from the feelers and it cuts to the core truly for you right now no i ain't give a shit not to me just just oh cool am I back

hello hello you're back in the room it's hard isn't it sometimes I'm in sometimes I'm out yeah truly

well the good news is that the um conflict stewing between Zicole and James Reuben the feelers

is about to come to a head which means that the plot of the film as it is wont to do will slowly march on. Summer fest.

Summit. Summit. Summer. Hello. We've got all the elements of the film almost at play right now. We're just waiting

for the death of a close friend of the group. Summer fest. And we'll be on our way home and hosed to bed for a hard-earned rest i understand why this isn't working keep talking guy

keep going i gotta keep talking according to Tim but there's nothing in the tank there's nothing I could possibly say that would keep you on the hook other than James Reid from the feelers he's always upset

when he finds out that his partner is sleeping with Zuccoli and rightly so hello okay sometimes I'm in sometimes I'm out. And in spite of his silly decision to save a photo of them together as her profile photo on his phone, Ziccoli doesn't see it coming ever. Game over bitch the evidence is in your face. I put that beer down somewhere and I can't figure out where what's a really afraid of moving anything because my microphone barely appears to be working you

know everybody you know what we don't talk about enough? If you're listening to everybody, then everybody just shake your hands. What? The sound effect that James Reardon The Fiddlers does in that scene where he goes, HATTA! I do notice it every week and it's weird that we don't talk about it. It's pretty good stuff. This feels like my microphone's not on, I've got to be honest. Don't you think?

Yeah, I really do feel like it's struggling for life which is frustrating I imagine oh why don't I change the mic this is truly as tense as things can get in this film and uh it's a classic line

where James Reed from the feelers calls Zicoli a weaselly little cunt. You really feel like that's them putting the full heft of their independent filmmaking experience into the script writing experience. That's what I love about this shit is it's like we are now, you and I, outlasting the equipment in here. The microphones won't stand up to fucking four watches in a row of this shit, but we will. You and me, the humans. That's why we're going to beat the robots in here. The microphones won't stand up to fucking four watches in a row of this shit, but we will. You and me, the humans. That's why we're going to beat the robots, guy.

Because we are adaptable and the robots are not. The robots wouldn't be so reckless as to make a decision like this. We live in... Fuck the robots. Ah, yeah, why did you shave it? Why'd you shave it, dude?

Multiple necklaces. Neck dude? Multiple necklaces. Nick-lie? Nick-laces. Nick-lacy? Nick-lace-le? Nick-lace-ay. He doesn't want to talk about it, guys, so don't bring it up. It's so hard not to, though.

He usually never has a mark on his face from being punched. I want to know why he got punched. Don't you think it's weird that Squirrel's wearing a hat that's got nothing on it? It's just a plain teal hat. Like, chuck a fucking Sonic the Hedgehog or something on that shit, boy.

Nah, dude, there's a man who's familiar with the teal bucket hat. It's not a bucket hat though At least the bucket hat is it's own logo But that is not what Screwler's rocking, it's just a tail cap Charlotte Hornet's colours True that man

Scotty Pippen Nah he was a bulls man Oh fuck my bad Who was in the Hornets? Who was like short For NBA standards Was it Muggsy Bogues? Not who I'm thinking of

I don't know We've always been those guys Teal and like purple Yeah Bold company colours I love those company colours I think they're outstanding melson and associates that's who we're dealing with that's the property management company

what do you think what do you think tim how do you feel about uh recording for this many hours in a row do you think i'm sick of being self-internalizing, so let's actually get some content out there. Listen, the boys are doing a great job, and frankly, the camera crew are doing a tremendous job for no one to be picked up on that many mirrors in a room. We've revealed a whole wall of mirrors, and there's a mirror behind them as well,

and at no point do I see a boom operator, a fucking camera op, a director, nothing. I don't see shit. And that is hard. Fair shout to them, you know? Hey, look at Zac Efron's arms in this scene. They don't look that impressive. He's about to go do Baywatch, you know?

That's true. He also just had them folded and then unfolded very quickly. Yeah, that's a good point. He would have been in a real hurry to get them down. Continuity. Not really, though. I mean, it fucking barely matters, barely registers. No, but they're little wins, and it's these little victories

which barely tied us over. Just keep you going to the next one. Oh, my God. Welcome to the drain, bitches, he says for the umpteenth time. It's still remarkable to me that he sold the house before revealing that they had a wonderful pool. I feel like I'm experiencing all the previous 47 watches just before this one.

Everything's really stacking up. It's not a good feeling at all. I feel terrible. This is the point in the movie where I usually feel the best. We've made a grave mistake yep do you know what at this point

I wish Brady the Rat King or Dick Bot would just appear so that we could look at them and analyse them and talk about them and discover things about them

that we don't already know but no we're left with these fucking idiots again. They really put the brakes on, don't they? There you go. See? Oh, I don't know. That apparently was the bit where Johnny Depp denied screw-up some jokes. Yeah, it didn't really

stand out like a... It didn't pop like I hoped it would. I'm about to just black out. i'm about to just black out i'm about to just black out this this whole scene's just the whole scenario is ridiculous the whole scenario of us watching this again is ridiculous and i'm sick of it yeah where are you where are you my two extras where's my male and my female at the side of the pool that's the last footage of squirrel alive that we've just watched there last night checking out he makes it as far as the lounge he's gone he's fucking down and out i tell you what though man like i've i've you know i've been to parties where this definitely

could have happened which is terrifying when you think about it today that is terrifying someone just goes a bit too fucking hard out chokes on their own vomit but meanwhile you're too wasted to kind of you know it's registered that that's happening heavy going stuff sorry sorry my bad all right my bad all right truly noted all right we had bananas we brought bananas in with us who knows where they are now all i can see is empty beer cans as far as the eye can see and a salad or two and a lot of technology so much technology capturing like the lowest of the low just capture nothing set all this up to get what nothing absolutely nothing what did happen in the bathroom though we didn't give it we should get a tune for that ba da ba ba da ba what happened in the bathroom

what happened in the bathroom what happened in the bathroom let's find out this week that will certainly suffice it ended better than you thought it was going to yeah yeah it did work hearing you sing that and realising how creatively devoid

I am right now I had nothing but respect for your ambition and eventually execution but I certainly don't have it on me to dig out well then allow me to both make up the theme song and intro and also deliver on the promise of the premise knock yourself out fill your boots

in that bathroom is I shit you not the singularity contained to a single room there is essentially a black hole in there which is only observable by johnny depp himself because he was the only person who managed to be in the proximity of it it is so dense that light itself cannot escape its gravitational pull but it has the most limited event horizon whereby it stops having any kind of effect on the outside environment at like centimeters away from it it's the strangest thing so jonadip comes out there to tell everyone about this physical anomaly that's happening in the universe located directly

in their bathroom and even that is not enough to strike off of the top item on the agenda, squirrels death. And I think that just speaks volumes about how important human life is. Fragile as it is, it's also still shocking when it leaves us, you know? More shocking or surprising or affecting than discovering almost antimatter in your bathroom. Yeah, you got it. That's truly telling. Four times is too much, eh?

I genuinely don't know if this is publishable. Is this the real life or is it just fantasy? We're trapped in this room with a film monstrosity. They're winning up syllables. I have run out, you see. Oh my goodness. I'm just a poor boy There's no Kevin Systrom

There's no reality Everything's objective Nothing is real There are no consequences Wake up sheeple I'm paraphrasing But that's what Johnny Depp's saying right now, right? More or less, dude.

More or fucking less. I'm peppering it with my own slant, but... No escape from reality. Open your eyes. Look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy I need no sympathy Cause it's easy come, easy go

Little high, little low. Anywhere the wind blows doesn't really matter to me. To me. Fucking hell. Ropey. So ropey. So ropey, so blue. I tell you what, if you shut shut your eyes everything feels so much better than looking at the screen no but there's no escape from it so i shan't try do you know what

i love i feel like my own super villain i've got three screens in front of me in fact four screens in front of me i'm fucking five screens in front of me I'm down with it a lot of technology facing all on me this is this is how it was portrayed to me in the 80s from cartoons that I'd watch

on the couch as a young boy yeah and you're staring it down I'm into it I'm embracing it I can handle this much technology

yeah I've done it bring it on bring it the fuck on I find it overwhelming a lot of empty beer cans and screens just staring at me. Now, if anyone's interested to know, because they're not watching along at home,

the bit of the movie that we're up to is Somaly spurring the advances of Zac Efron. And also his reviewing speeches he's had with Skrill, who is dead and also like the Emily thing is off I mean the Somaly thing yeah but he's listening to recordings from when they were horny for each other in Las Vegas yeah basically he's reminiscing and he's gone over to James from the Fela's house to try and make amends. If this is your first time listening to the worst idea, welcome to the baddest podcast that ever got made.

And not bad meaning good, but bad meaning fucking terrible. This is punishing, really. Good Lord, this is embarrassing. If this is being listened to by anyone, we've made a grave mistake. I will never apologize for ambition okay you needn't apologize for ambition i think everyone can admire ambition reaching for the stars is great acknowledging when you don't quite make it to them is also fine

never say die never say die. Never say die. You ready to dig this baby out? Yep, absolutely. With a little bit of poetry, if I may. Please. I was watching a film called We Are Your Friends and I was hoping at one point that I'd find some ends. But I didn't. It kept going and I kept watching it.

And then I added some more and then i really started copping it and i was with my friend guy and he was sitting next to me and before you knew it it became a monstrosity because four times in a day is at least one too much and if i had to guess i'd say we're caught in a clutch which is another word for a handbag which is a prison you see if you're a mouse and you're tiny and you're just little and wee but we want to get out and escape from our prison but unfortunately we won't because we we built it, and we're in it. Certainly there was a rhythm, at moments,

which was very convincing to me. And there's another minute. That's all the game is at this point, folks. You can do your own podcast it's just burning minutes do you know no shit this is what radio is like if you work in radio it's just like cool how do we burn another minute

we've got to do a minute how do we burn it the initial appeal of podcasting of course was that it's like radio without rules give me the rules bring them on at this point four times of watching a film in a day and having to commentate on it is probably two times too many i was wrong two times too many i was dead wrong i think we did pretty well for two okay okay okay we're closing in so actually

let's add some value here you You are currently listening to two people who have probably watched We Are Your Friends more than anyone else in the world, including film editors, directors, whatever, like to watch it in its entire cinema release. We're your experts. And I'm here to tell you that the movie is a three and a half out of 10.

It doesn't completely fail to be a film like all the kind of constituent parts are there there is a plot there is a semblance of kind of an up and down and a barrier and whatnot it's just everything is really poorly executed the script is very bad the actors are like kind of fine but no one stands out no one's doing well and it's just the whole like if you look at the themes and morals and universe that's built here everything's just like i don't give a shit you know everything's so inconsequential and and um ephemeral and there's no wider point to be made it's just like is this guy going to be a dj no yes okay like either way who gives a shit yeah i don't fucking care life's gonna keep happening his friend died i don't know like fucking what ifs dude there's you know good on you

what do you want from me film uh it's hard to say it certainly doesn't offer a lot so i can't ask for much in return and it's barely warranting our attention i guess this is one of those films where um film reviewers often will say there wasn't enough depth i didn't like kind of get involved with the characters i guess that's what we're describing, but just in a slightly different way. It's impossible to give a shit about this movie. Because, like, if Zac Efron lives or dies, I could care less. And I've watched the film, as mentioned, about four dozen times now. Who gives a fuck? Kill Screw, I don't care.

Kill Johnny Depp. Kill Jarhead. Fucking drop an atomic bomb on the universe they created. I don't give a shit. Kill Screw. I don't care. Kill Johnny Depp. Kill Jarhead. Fucking drop an atomic bomb on the universe they created. I don't give a shit. There's no consequence. Kill them all. Kill them all. Or don't.

It's the same. That's the point I'm trying to convey. Like, either which way, it's the same. Man, I tell you what. The fact, I know it still takes a little while, but I just like a very physical feeling of sort of uh endorphins being released that we're at least at the point of the movie when he's building a track like this in sight then playing this music suggests to me that we're on our way home which is is such a, like, honestly, the visceral feeling of relief

that this sound, this soundtracking has given me right now is indescribable. It's great. We're not there yet though, bud. So just,

you know, cool your heels a little bit. I know, but this isn't, this is enough a trigger to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. He's still got to call James Reid,

but I'll tell you what, if history is anything to go by... If past is prologue... He's going to be like, hey, this song's good to go. Another shower shot of Zac Efron. Very important to get your money's worth when you're throwing half of the production budget

at getting one actor. You've got to get him with his kit off as much as possible. The dude's training for Baywatch. Cash in on that, you know? Terrible camera work, though, in these scenes. It's got to be said.

The dude's got great running form, but we've got some bad camera ops, you know, tracking him. It's all over the shop. That's all I have to say on the matter. So now we're in a phone conversation, which is always the most engaging part of any film this is the bit which they definitely cut for time

there's more to this scene that we don't discover so Zac Efron has just announced to Jahid I got Summerfest I got the gig and Jahid goes oh that's awesome and then goes back to doing his carpentry work and it's kind of a wistful return from the camera back onto jahid and it's like that's the bit where where zikoli comes back in and goes like is everything okay

between us and then they have a big dnm about how shit is not and about how zach is not, and about how Zack is finally making it, and he's a dude who's just going to be trapped in the valley, working for his dad till his dying days, and it's a goddamn train wreck of a situation. But... Do you know what? That would actually make this film about something, because then it's about Ziccoli outliving his friends and surpassing them,

and it's like the sacrifice you have to take to move to the next level you know it's the things you have to say goodbye to to get up to the next bit that's a movie I get that like that's sacrifice that's a journey that's a learning learning for him to leave his friends behind

yeah he doesn't have to leave his friends it's not just about his friends it's about like there is sacrifice to gain you know like if you want to be selfish and be like this this is what i'm going to do now there are some trade-offs for that and he just made them his friends fucking hate him because they can't follow his trajectory but as it stands he is uh not learning anything. Yeah, because they cut their fucking speech. That duologue. Fucking play that fucking track, boy. Play that fucking duologue, white boys.

Yeah. Release me from this prison, please. I'm begging you. I am on hands and knees demanding of you to play the song that you've been preparing for the last hour and a half. Yeah, I'm barely functional at this point. Because the sooner you get that thing out of your system... Do we get a selfie warning at any point? Where are we with that?

No, you're with you. Sweetass. Take a little photo of us. Take a little snapshot of where we're at. A little mobile phone there, eh? We him we all love him zicoli is now wrapping up the film and i couldn't be happier about that because we've had entirely enough i think of this to last us a goddamn lifetime. And it's actually insane to think that there is more of these watches to go.

But there is. You've got your eyes closed in all of the photos, which is good. Wait, have you had your eyes closed for a bit? Nah, I knew what I was doing, buddy. Sweet, bro. You're the master of comedy, Guy Monk. Comedy. Fuck yeah, dog.

Play that helicopter sound effect and round this puppy out. I've got to tell you, Zocoli. You're so keen to get out of here, eh? You're just done. You're done with the whole project. I can't imagine sitting in these seats for this long. It's good for our backs. I love that we outlasted the um microphone though it's always good you gotta love outlasting tech yeah it's it's a triumph for humanity over technology i mean i'll never work together

we'll always work against each other hey Hey, can I reveal something to you? I definitely regret adding that extra one. Can I reveal something to you? I completely agree. I don't think this is worthy of public consumption. So, as the global eminent experts, if we are your friends, we're here to tell you that we don did it again um we're not quite at the end yet but we are very much in the parking lot of an american

apparel which is about to shut down because that company couldn't make things work and uh guy i've sent that over to you so you feel free to do what you do best, which is social media. And I'll continue to do what I do best, which is look at We Are Your Friends happening all around me. I mean, what more do you want? It's an experiment that Guy and I ventured on three years ago that we never really anticipated we'd get to this. I did not want it to arrive here.

At this point. Never in my life did I imagine this is where it would take us. But let's do some shout-outs. I want to do a shout-out to everyone who's ever listened to the podcast. I want to do a shout-out to Guy Montgomery. What up, player? I'd like to do a shout out to Guy Montgomery what up player I'd like to do a shout out to my house I don't own it

but you know I'm one of the people who rent to live in it just temporarily I'll never own it it's a very expensive house shout out to Zac Efron who made this film possible in some ways shout out to Zac Efron, who made this film possible in some ways.

Shout out to Megan Oppenheimer for signing on to make this thing actually happen. Because if there's one thing I know about Maximum Joseph, it's that he's very bad at homework. So he definitely never handed in any version of the script. Shout out to Moloick uh which is the lamp in the shape of an owl that's in the studio um shout out to huawei shout out sony panasonic um pioneer taz cam microsoft vio um whoever else wants in eddie das le cock just fucking add your own shout out you know whatever you want it's in there shout out to wreck and morty shout out to those guys i feel like I got it all wrong.

I put the wrong number on. I had to delete it. Just like we can no longer drive the vehicle, folks. Everyone needs to quickly exit the car at this point. We've pulled over to the side of the road. The good thing is we didn't crash, okay? We're all still safe, but it's very important that everyone exits the vehicle at this point. And we will just go about our lives like this last one never happened.

This is the drunk driving of podcast defenses. Let's just pretend like it wasn't a thing. It never went down. We'll see you guys. Just stay safe out there. Look after each other. Keep going to music festivals that are held in American apparel car parks. Paramount.

Keep listening to Zicoli's pseudo-philosophy. Because these days, you can sell shit online. You can do whatever you want. But the thing is, if you've got one track and a dream and a laptop. I'm so fucking sorry, everybody. You just do it. I'm so sorry that we did this We mean well we're good guys

But this is disrespectful To everyone Especially ourselves What we just put ourselves through The indignity Of that Oh my god Oh my god oh my god oh my fucking god can you believe that but the good thing is it just shows

you that uh you know humans aren't immortal no one's a bottomless well yeah no we're very much bottom full wells and we found the bottom probably two hours ago and we decided to just press on there was my bed i know i can be somebody we're just silently dancing away for real though real quick though what would be a movie that would actually stand up to this many watches like what would nothing i don't know i think some shit would i think it's the wrong time to ask that question i can't imagine anything standing up to this amount of fucking exposure and scrutiny what has been your favorite movie in the past what's been one of your favorite movies that you you know carried around for a few years being like this is my favorite movie even if it's not your favorite movie right now i always enjoy watching watching Inglourious Basterds.

Bit of Tarantino, eh? Hey, the film just ended, everybody. We are your friends. Fuck, I'm putting this down. It's all over. No, dude, we're still going. There's credits to go. For myself, I probably, you know,

and I'm almost embarrassed to say this out loud, but The Matrix is definitely one of those ones that I carry around for a few years being like, this shit's good. This is a good movie. I can't express to you how done Guy is. He's wrapped up the headphones and he looks like he is just amazed that...

It's a return from a tour of duty. You know? It's happy and sad. Stop talking. it's happy and sad it's happy and sad i want to shout out to johnny weston show fernandez and also my dog alex schaefer because combined with wes bentley and zach efron they're my boys they are the fuck pure and simple. It took two people to do the casting on this film, which frankly shocks and amazes me, because that's usually credit I see with one name and better people who ended up in the film.

But not this time. Two people, half the effort, which means a quarter of the effort for each person. But listen, I'm just being an asshole. I've never made a feature film. I don't know how it all works and fits together. Order of the effort for each person. But listen, I'm just being an asshole. I've never made a feature film. I don't know how it all works and fits together. I dare you to try.

You know? Give Tanya Romero her cash back. Because that's what I'm watching in front of the screen right now. Some cosmic justice, y'all. And there's a house for sale sign in the fucking... In the foreground. Never noticed that in the fucking, in the foreground. Never noticed that before. Well, that's it. I'd like to say thank you very much to our unit production manager, Nathan Kelly.

Great dude. And that's it. I'm not going to keep listing people in the credits like I did last time. Instead, I'm going to give you some life. To round off this episode of the podcast. If this ever goes online. And here's the first bit. The first bit of wisdom is. Microwaves.

Way safer than people give you credit for. Just nuke anything man. Chuck it. Bang it in there and eat it. See what you get. You know. Okay. See what you get. You know? Okay, number two. Hey.

Hey. Flu vaccine is actually a good idea. Go get it. Go get it, everybody. Go get it. Here's another one. Just because the food is cheap doesn't make mean that it's bad necessarily most times that's true but you will get the odd loophole that breaks the rule so just keep

searching is what i'm saying myself i continue to go to mcdonald's to get a filet-o-fish combo and the secret is instead of getting a soda get yourself a water you don't feel like shit at the end of it because you've got a ton of salt which you know the body needs to an extent but you haven't loaded yourself up with an outrageous amount of coca-cola sugar you've just got like the amount of sugar that's in their chips and burgers which is still a lot don't get me wrong but you're hydrated with that that uh that water that you got drink water wherever you can the real killer that we've got in society at the moment is sody pop i think it's a great treat but don't drink too much of it it's a special treat

and if you're gonna if you're gonna get it get a good brand don't get you know Don't get the stuff that you always get. Get the good stuff. Treat yourself. Get some artisanal shit. But just get way less of it. Don't tell me I'm a fucking rich, you know, latte-sipping asshole from Auckland. I owe people heaps of money.

There's no way around it. A homeless man is in a better financial position than I am because he owes no one any money presumably but my point is less cola but better cola and actually that's the same with everything anything that's bad for you do less of it but do better

quality stuff if you can if you can I know not everyone can but if you can do If you can. I know not everyone can, but if you can, do it. You know? What's another example? I guess booze. What else? Guy's just eating his salad.

He's not even, you know. There's a mic nowhere near his lip, so he's not going to be answering the call. But, I tell you what, we're in the dying moments of this final fourth go-around. We're just saying our vote of appreciation for all of the musical tracks that made this movie what it was. And I am not exaggerating when I say

that the music really did make this movie any kind of bearable. when I say that the music really did make this movie any kind of bearable. A lot of places being shouted out for archival footage provided by, and as I mentioned last time, I mean, that's just another fancy word for we got our stock footage from these people. And there's about a dozen different companies listed. So up to you, everyone. To both Joseph's, Maximum and Minimum, up to you everyone. To both Joseph's,

Maximum and Minimum, thanks for tuning in. This is Tim Bat signing off. You want to say anything, Guy? Guy's shaking his head. Good night, everyone.

Good night. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague who passed out. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie.

His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp And his name is Johnny Depp Classic Maximum Joseph Agree! Agh! You forget that films are supposed to have a point Today You ready?

Okay, let's go The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.