The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Eight - Drummer

Episode Date: April 26, 2015

Guy and Tim are back from a short absence but it's like no time has passed between the last watch of Sex and The City 2. This time, the lads are watching in front of a live audience downstairs in the concrete basement of a pizza restaurant - The Montecristo, which the boys are running as a new comedy venue in their hometown. Tim's upset at a wedding drummer, Guy runs through the nightmare of eating diamonds and many confused and confusing film references (including Ghostbusters, Wizard of Oz and Shawshank Redemption) also insue. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Hello and welcome along to the worst idea of all time episode 8 live from the Monte Cristo room. We've got an audience. How are ya? Season 2 watched us watch the movie for 10 minutes. That's right. Very compliant crowd in tonight. It was quite nice having the perspective of people watching us watch the movie because that 10 minutes felt longer than 10 minutes. I'm going to do some squats to warm up because I feel very low energy. That's okay. So, Tim.

Yep. The eighth viewing. It was a while between innings, wasn't it? Yeah, too long. It is technically a week. You keep saying that. It's not. Well, we did the last one Tuesday a week. You keep saying that. It's not. Well, we did the last one Tuesday a week ago,

and it's Sunday now, so it's more than seven days. Less than two weeks. But it's still within the weekly. I mean, I'm creating these weird little loopholes to jump through. We were negligent. Yeah, sorry about that.

We were negligent towards you, the listener, and we were negligent towards the film, but I feel like it's a pretty appropriate way to treat the relationship with the film because it's negligent towards the film. But I feel like it's a pretty appropriate way to treat the relationship with the film because it's negligent towards us in so many ways. And every week it bothers me because it feels longer. It's harder to empathise with anyone. Yeah.

It's really difficult to be invested in any of the problems. I know it wasn't a long time ago, but do you remember the first watch that we had, the first episode? We were so full of hope, so full of glee glee yes there was nothing but positivity and a optimistic outlook finally a movie that wasn't grown-ups too and we willingly glossed over i think so many of the things that are wrong with it just in the name of if we come into week one of this new project with nothing but hatred in our hearts yeah it's going to be a long year.

Well, you can only go down with this sort of an endeavour. You can only plunge further into the depths. So if you start in the bottom of a well, where do you end up? The centre of the earth. And as we know, ain't nothing but molten lava.

Keep on digging, that's what I say. We'll burn ourselves. When you get down there, you've got to keep moving. Don't give up. So you're saying start low, go further down, and then pop out the other side. I'm saying in a hypothetical situation,

if you find yourself in the middle of the earth, I mean, it's going to be very difficult to get back up. You've obviously got power technique on your side. You've made it to the middle of the earth. Just keep on digging. There's a lot of theories, actually, because we don't fully know what's in the middle of the earth. We know that there's molten metals and lava in there and a lot of iron

apparently and some heavy metals and stuff but apparently gravity gets really weird at the centre of planets. What happens to it? It gets all kind of distorted. Like little... You guys are astrophysicists, eh? It's like it kind of starts to distort because of course gravity is the force that

pulls large bodies pulls things into large bodies right? So then gravity is the force that pulls large bodies pulls things into large bodies right yeah then so then where is the point where it so it pulls it into the center right see what happens when you get to the center you've got like an object that's bigger than this my brain doesn't work in the same way i don't even like what you're strange would it stretch out would our negativity towards sex in the city too if it started in the bottom of the well, kept going further and then got to the centre of the earth, which is hypothetically molten heavy metals, would it stretch out and start protruding in the opposite side? It would melt and spread and then leak through from the middle of earth, it would leak back

out and it would permeate all of the oceans and all of the continents and we would colour the world with very negative with negative eyes which everyone would just carry around a general dull feeling in their stomach and a sense of sadness that was pretty much the plotline of Ghostbusters 2 that everyone in New York City was feeling so awful that there was made manifest an actual green goo hanging around in the... Sex in the City 2 is a prequel to Ghostbusters 2. Yeah, I had heard that. The timeline's obviously weird when you look at it logically,

but when you lay it out like that, Tim, I think it's pretty obvious what's happening here. Oh, absolutely, because, of course, you've got Carrie Bradshaw, who started off as in... As we know, Sex in the City is a prequel to Ghostbusters. Carrie Bradshaw starts as a writer, becomes a man and later goes on to become Dr. Peter Venkman who's a psychologist.

I don't know why we're going over this. It's stuff that everyone already knows. Everyone knows this. If you've seen a film you know how this works. I think Igor is Miranda if memory serves. If you know your Ghostbusters I don't know Ghostbusters well enough let's jump on another train then

absolutely look we wrote down a lot of notes on my hand yeah I think we should address them I've got there's lots to talk about oh yeah

the first one is Diamond Cake okay so at the wedding at the start of Sex and City 2 at the wedding which lasts for a couple of days I'm not talking about in the world of the film I'm Sex and City 2, at the wedding, which lasts for a couple of days, I'm not talking about

in the world of the film. I'm talking about when you're watching the film. There's this cake. It's garish. We've talked about it before. There's swans, the mark of class. And there's a cake just covered in diamonds. I'm going to stop you there for

a second. The swan thing. You brought up, I think a couple of weeks ago, that they're the queen swans. Those aren't your swans. What is that all about? What are you talking about? Even in America, those are not your swans. What do you mean? Look, the queen owns all the swans.

At some point in the monarchy, someone was like, I like those birds. We will take them from everyone and they shall be ours. And then they've just been inheriting them. Is that true? Yeah. They'll eventually be Charles's swans and then Will's swans.

Every swan, no matter where it is, is property of the British monarchy. You can't eat it is what the main thing is. Is anyone familiar with this? The Queen's swans? Can you verify this? Are you serious? Can you jump this? I can verify this. Are you serious? Yeah. Can you jump on stage for a second?

Yeah, thanks. Come join us. Round of applause for our volunteer. What was your name? Naomi. Can you talk me through this a little bit? What do you know? I thought I was doing a pretty good job, Tim.

The monarch, he owns all the swans. Good afternoon, everybody. So glad we brought you up. Outstanding. I still don't believe either of you now. The only thing that's changed is I now think two people in the room are lying to me instead of one about swans. Anyway. So we're at the wedding.

We've moved past the swans and there's this diamond encrusted cake. And I like to imagine a situation in which someone goes to the married couple, Oh, how was the wedding? And they say, Oh yeah, it was okay until everyone started eating the cake and they ate the diamonds and it's ripped up their intestines. Oh my God. And it actually really put a blight on the weekend. I mean, it was so lovely and beautiful.

We had swans. They're not our swans though, they're the Queen's swans. We had swans on loan from the bloody Queen. But you know, you can imagine the ambulance drivers, the paramedics showing up and being like, what's going on here? Just a bunch of well-dressed people clutching their stomach. Shouldn't have eaten all that cake.

And they go, oh, you're feeling a bit, you've got a sore tongue because you ate too much cake. And it's not what you think. It's not the... Do you think they're really diamonds on the cake? Yes. And I think that these people are so bloody jacked up on Moet and Christian Dior

they don't even look at what they're putting in their mouths. Do they just see stuff and they're like whack a cake in there. 50 poor people served this to me so it must be acceptable. This is how I eat. That's how many people it takes for them to actually eat. They need 50 people to bring out. 50 poor people to approve one meal

for a rich person. And verify it. But they won't look at it because that would waste too much time. You're too busy crashing the stock market. Looking at your food is for poor people. That's what they say. They've all got it tattooed on their backs.

Midriffs. That's why you don't see a lot of back shots in the film because it's distracting. It's off-putting to see that sort of... There is a bit in the movie that I don't think we've ever talked about in the film because it's distracting. It's off-putting to see that sort of... There is a bit in the movie that I don't think we've ever talked about in the podcast before, but when they're going to Abu Dhabi and they're

in the airport in the United Arab Emirates and so we're approximately five, six hours into the film at this point. Samantha gets stopped by the security because she's got hormones in her bag because she's trying to stave off the process of becoming

an old woman. We haven't also addressed that. I don't know a lot about menopause. But I feel like you can't cheat it forever. Why do you think you can cheat it, period? You can't run away from it. Gag. Thank you. Thanks for noticing. It's a pun. It's very funny.

Don't applaud his puns. Do not. No, I mean, if you can't stop ageing, I guess, is the bigger, you know, what's going to happen? It's going to be worse, surely. Well, not the way she's doing it, because she's doing is using hormones and yams.

It would kind of be like if you had a flu, right? So a flu's bad bad and it makes you feel terrible, but it's not going to kill you. And then you're like, don't worry, I've been putting heaps of Band-Aids all over my body. It's like a retarded solution to a problem that isn't even really a problem.

A flu isn't like a... You beat a flu and you get through the flu. Yeah. You can't just keep telling the flu not to arrive if the flu's going to come you can't keep going no no no no flu I don't want you here no no no I don't have time eventually the flu has to get there

and you're just going to be making it worse because you'll be older and your body won't be as well equipped to deal with it you should let your body process these it's like if you've got HPV because you didn't get that vaccine that time and then you just got it right that's my understanding of the virus when you get that you've got it right and then you and then yeah and then that's you so let's use that as an example well I feel like we've reached the logical end point of what I was explaining which is I don't

think so they're I don't think Samantha's doing herself any favours here. So Samantha's trying to get I'll go on the record as saying I don't think Samantha's doing the right thing. She's trying to get these hormones through. Let me be the first to say it. You're going to laugh when you hear what small a point I am about to make and what a long

road we took to get there. But the Middle Eastern people are talking amongst themselves presumably in Arabic and one of them says they're like pointing out who it is who's got the drugs in their bag because they need to kind of screen them and take them off them and one of them says Dracula which is a funny joke because they're like they're insinuating that Samantha is Dracula for as you rightly say trying to postpone the aginging process. Can't be done. She is a vampire.

That was the big... That's all I wanted to say. That's a compliment to the filmmakers. What, that we took that long to explain? No, that they snuck in a joke you've been secretly enjoying, hiding away every week. I've been interested to get it out. Enjoying this joke in private, not telling me about it.

How do you think that makes me feel? Betrayed? We should share the moments we like. this joke in private, not telling me about it? How do you think that makes me feel? Betrayed? We should share the moments we like. You can't have you sneaking off with your favourite jokes from the movie. If I find a joke I like, I go, Tim, you might like this too. You've heard Dracula though, haven't you?

You've laughed at Dracula, haven't you? I've heard it. I didn't think it was funny because you didn't explain to me how it could be funny. I thought you would have got it. So did I. I'm usually pretty good at picking up jokes. As long as they're not detailed character descriptions

from Ghostbusters, which I do struggle with. As you well know. What else is written on that hand? Wedding drama, which is a classic. Oh, wedding drama. Do you remember what that is? Yeah. You go. I don't know if we've talked about it before on the podcast or not at the wedding where lies manali is in the swans the aforementioned queen swans there's a drummer who's playing as part of a live band the man is taking the fucking piss yeah so they've got

a drum kit that's separated into two parts. And in one part, there's like hi-hat, snare, bass drum, couple of rack toms there. And then separate to that, so that guy's on like a throne, normal set up basically without the cymbals. And then separately to that, there's another guy who's standing beside him with two cymbals and he's doing like air drumming. And there at no

point is any remote chance of connection between the drumsticks and the cymbals and it has fucked me off to no end since the first time I saw the god damn movie it is infuriating you could drive a fucking 18 wheeler

in the space the guy leaves between the drumstick and the cymbal. It's outrageous. I understand why they're doing it because you're doing a live record with Liza Minnelli. You don't want to have sound in there. You've got to get a clean edit, right? You've got to get her voice

so that you can do all the mix down later. You can get closer to the fucking cymbals than that guy did. You're an actor. You're in a very successful franchise. I think this can be explained away and I do get the feeling this has upset you in some way. I'm very good at picking up on hints.

Hints and jokes, that's what I'm known for picking up on. Very well known for it. I think what's happened is in the world, this guy, he's bloody bluffed his way into a job. He's trying to make ends meet. Now hold on, introduce what world are we in here? The actor has bluffed his way into the movie or the drummer has bluffed his way into the wedding? The drummer has bluffed his way into the wedding

and he's having a pretty big panic attack, mate. He didn't know he was going to be playing with Liza Minnelli. This is just a weekend gig. He's a student. He's got debts. He's got problems, you know. He suddenly shows up at the wedding.

Everything's going perfectly. He's in the background just fucking, you know. He's borrowed the drum kit from his brother. His brother doesn't know he's got it he can't leave any marks on those new symbols he'll be you know looking at all kinds of trouble that would be such a tough call if you like have managed to get yourself into a scenario where lies and manali's there but you've stolen half of your brother's drunkard and you know he's gonna know if you touch it the way this guy's gone about dealing with his life problems isn't very he's not he's not to know if you touch it. The way this guy's gone about dealing with his life problems, he's not taking them head on.

What was his fucking plan, though? Because he knew he couldn't touch them the entire time. It's not like Liza Minnelli changed that situation. So what he did is he had a recording of the exact time that you were meant to play the cymbals in his pocket that was going to play out through one of those Bluetooth speakers so everyone would think he was playing the cymbals. So he's rocking a little Logitech boombox. He's got a little boombox in his pocket back there.

And that's why you never see a shot of him from the back. It's very bulky. It's ungainly. It just seems bold to me because it's a live performance. I think we're going to see. Yeah, I mean, he's not happy with it. Who is this champion? I don't know. And furthermore, he's ballsy enough to try and attempt that.

How scary is his older brother? His name is Sawyer Tomlinson, and he's a sophomore at Pepperdine University. Pepperdine. Yeah, he's doing English lit, but he doesn't really want to be an English... Pepperdine University. Yeah.

Go Peppers. The Pepperdine Peppers. Oh, is that their football team? Yeah, it is, yeah. They're really good. They're having a good year. Big gamedine Peppers. Oh, is that their football team? Yeah, it is, yeah. They're really good. They're having a good year. Big game against Yale this weekend. Yeah, the Yale Yams.

It's going to be a hell of a match-up. The Peppers versus the Yams. This is, of course, in the Vegetable League, not in the actual... This isn't the NCAA. This is just... This is the more gentle version of football. It's not football.

What happened? It was a cooking show. Do you know what I like about the Vegetable League, though? They actually play the fucking students. Yeah. Which, let me... And vegetables. Let me stand on my soapbox for a moment and say they deserve to get all the veggies they can eat. Well done.

You watched a John Oliver clip on the internet. And listened to a couple podcasts of some other stuff. Yeah, no, that drama shits me, but I think that you were... My theory. Your theory holds water, mate. Yeah, I just wanted to alleviate some of the tension

you're obviously carrying. Yeah, thanks. That was a bad watch. I mean, it was exciting knowing that we had a live audience. We both almost fell asleep because we were watching it in a very dark room on a tablet with each of us with headphones in. It was kind of cute, though.

It was like we were a couple. When they were doing the karaoke song where they where they sing um i am woman hear me right i had my eyes shut and i was singing to keep me awake and pumping my arm and it was the best feeling i've had all day was when i had my eyes shut and the movie was on have you had a sex in the city 2 dream yet no i don't i don't know if i probably had a grown-up i don't really remember my dreams i I want to keep a dream journal, but I have never gotten around to it. It's too much work. Have you had a Sixth and City 2 dream?

Not that I can remember. I have really... My dreams don't make any sense, though. Some people's dreams are related. You're so unique. You're such a unique snowflake. That's what I think, too. I'm pretty confident that everyone else

has perfectly coherent, normal dreams. Some people do. Some people dream about really boring mundane shit like their jobs. Not this guy though. It's a bloody waste. Not me. I'm flying down to the centre of the earth questioning what the gravitational field will do to my body once I hit it. That wasn't a dream mate. That was real.

That was a conversation we had about not ten minutes ago. Oh good god. I need to sober up. I've got a show later tonight. I'm doing a show right now, technically. Yeah, you are. You should address that show right now. What does she's an assassin mean?

She's an assassin. Oh, yeah, I've got that. I even remember as I was writing it saying to you, if I write down she's an assassin, will that be enough of a note? And it clearly isn't. Yeah, it is. So at the wedding,

we took a lot of notes at the wedding. I mean, this wedding, it's a marathon. It goes for four weeks. In the movie, that is. It's not in real time. That's insane. You can't have a four week movie. I mean, you just wouldn't get through it. At one point, Big and Carrie, they meet a couple, and the couple,

the wife is a really big fan of Carrie's writing. And she says, she's like, I am, I am you. She's like, ha ha.

We're the same. Yeah. We're the same. We did the same thing. We have the same dating record. We saw the same horrible kinds of men. And then we got married around the same time. Yeah.

We're the same. But then she says, no, no, I am you. Yeah. And she's like that. Like she stops carrying a track. She's like, no, no, I am you. Yeah. She's like that. She stops carrying a track.

She's like, no, you don't understand, Missy. Missy New York Rider. I am you. You go, what? What do you mean? Yeah. I am you. I'm going to steal your fucking face.

I'm taking identity fraud to the next level. I'm really glad you liked my books. You can buy it. I've already made a passport with your details in it. It's a flawless replica. No, no, really. Look, I have a wonderful wedding. I've scammed your credit card, love.

It was really nice to meet you. And I'm British. I'm British and I'm angry, love. I drink cups of tea and I get furious about the smallest things and I am you. No, you're not. Oh no, you've poisoned my champagne. I'm dead. That's how I would have liked to see the movie

go. It's such a... And then it's this different movie, isn't it? Because it's that lady's just masquerading around. She's in Abu Dhabi with the gals going, Jesus, this is the worst life. You've got the worst friends, Carrie Bradshaw. It'd be like a really He's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like that Carrie Bradshaw's life is terrible. Her marriage is falling apart. What a quandary. Yeah. And I mean, what do you do? You can't just go back to your old life.

I actually reckon I'd turn myself in. If I became an assassin and stole someone's identity and ripped their face off and put it on top of mine and got away with it and then discovered it was a really boring life, I'd be like, you know what? Okay, clear my conscience.

Okay. And hand myself in. But you've destroyed all the evidence. There is no paper trail. There's no way of verifying that you are not in fact in. But you've destroyed all the evidence. There is no paper trail. There's no way of verifying that you are not in fact the person that you've become. Well I hate to bring science into the equation but I think you could do a

DNA test. No you can't. Why? Because this is a hypothetical situation in which you cannot do a DNA test. I hate it when you do that. Okay. Stop down for a second because this really fucks me off in movies too. Like sci-fi movies. You can't just say something is the way it is, it's like no, give me

a reason steeped in the universe that I live in to explain that, put a hand play You're a nightmare, how do you get through any movies? Tell me that the assassin which is trying to take over Carrie Bradshaw has spliced her genomes and is like taking on her DNA

now as well. Okay, she's spliced her genomes and is like taking on her DNA now as well. Okay, she's spliced her genomes and taken on her DNA now. There is DNA in this hypothetical situation because I know that's how you like it. You turn yourself in. This is what I'm saying to you. The police say,

no, no, no, no. You're Carrie Bradshaw and you've lost your mind. It was my Carrie apparently, yep. And then you're put in a psych ward. Yeah, that's often what happens. So would you rather be in a psych ward

with this identity as Carrie Bradshaw or holiday for the rest of your life with the girls? I am going to say psych ward. Yeah. You've seen Miranda. It's more peaceful. It would be a non-stop parade of, did you know that the biggest lake in the surrounding region...

Fucking who gives a shit, mate? Why do I holiday with you? I'd rather hang out with some dude who's like, done some shit. And like, shivved a dude with a Coke can. Yeah? So if you... Or someone who thinks something really interesting,

like they honestly believe they're a magician and that's why they got admitted. But not a good kind of magician, a bad kind of magician. And he thinks that he's turned his wife into a chicken, but it turns out he was never married. He just got a chicken. And is insane and was like, oh no, where's my wife?

Oh my god, this chicken. Oh my god, I'm an evil magician. I've turned my wife into a chicken. This is like a rap song, doesn't it? That is really good. You're a funny guy. Thanks. I really like you. Can I've turned my wife into a chicken. This is like a rap song, doesn't it? That's really good. You're a funny guy. Thanks. I really like you.

Can I look at your hand, please? Oh, you want more notes. The next one says, oh, this one's for me. Oh, no, remote throw. This one I don't think we've delved into on Mike before, but we bring it up every time we watch the movie. How much time do we have, by the way? Oh, good, we're good.

Forever. So, Mr. Big, John, what's his last name? Preston. Sorry. You'd think I'd have it, by the way? Oh, good. We're good. Forever. So, Mr. Big, John, what's his last name? Preston. Big. Sorry. You'd think I'd have it by now, huh? It's not important. Eight times, folks.

Eight times. Mr. Big is watching TV, and it's just one shot, and he's watching it, and he changes the channel, and then he just throws the remote away, which is fucking redundant. The remote's supposed to stay with you. Three or four metres from his... He throws it away when you're a teenager and you text someone you like and then you're like,

better not hold this phone or they won't text back and you throw it across the room. That's how far he throws this remote. Do you reckon that was an offer by Chris Noth while they were filming? Or do you think that was the character? Hey, it'd be pretty funny if I just threw the remote across. How wacky would that be

if I just threw the remote across the room? Is there even one of those things that you would do absentmindedly? As you were doing the action you'd be like, oh, wait a minute,

I need this to control the television. I bet you there's a deleted scene which is just Mr. Big getting up and having to walk over to pick the remote going, why did I do that?

That's such a weird thing to do. That'll teach you, John. But it didn't fit into the run time of Infinity. They couldn't get it in. They couldn't squeeze it in there. Yeah, I mean, you're right for that to bother you. Well, we might as well actually, I think we should do some shining lights. You had one laid on in the piece.

I've got a few. I loved the movie. Yeah. For a lot of reasons. Plot twist. Here's my reason today. We see Samantha Jones at work at a PR firm without panties on. Not my shining light.

Not a dirty dog. There is a shot. You're a dirty dog. I'm not a dirty dog. You're a dirty dog. I'm not. You are. You're a dirty dog.

You're filthy. You're a dirty muck dog. You're a muck dog. You love the mud. You're a dirty muck dog. You love, you've been rolling around in the mud. You're a dirty dog. You're filthy. You're a dirty muck dog. You're a dirty muck dog. You've been rolling around in the mud. You're a dirty dog. As you were. Samantha's

computer screen is in shot for a brief second. And let me tell you something guys. That operating system isn't Mac. Nor is it Windows. I'm pretty sure Samantha Jones is running her PR operation from a Linux-based machine. And I was

so stoked when I saw that. This unique user interface that I am not very familiar with. I'm assuming it's Linux, because what else is it going to be, right? She's got like a full desktop set up on Android that she skinned herself. I think not. Fucking Linux, man.

Samantha Jones, yes. She's saving money on licensing fees. She's working with a platform where she can build her own applications and stuff and then put it out in the community on GitHub and people can recode certain bits for it and shit. I love that. Yes.

Is Linux good or bad? It's's good it's open source brother it's the future it's minority because it's a little tricky to kind of get in there kind of a high learning curve on that thing but uh oh wow very happy that samantha's taking the plunge at some point yeah it's really that is really surprising as well because she didn't strike me as like the most technologically able person. By all accounts, the rest of her career as a PR specialist is falling apart at the seams. She's got blind faith in an author with no books left in her. Don't worry, it'll be fine. We got a bad review.

It'll be fine. Tell him to go fuck himself. Those are her words. She says he would be better advised to go fuck himself. That's not really a solution to a public relations issue. Pretty sassy insult, though. Very sassy. There was my shining light.

That was a good shining light. Much better than mine. Mine was, there's a gentleman at the science fair, a parent who's watching the awards ceremony when Miranda shows up to watch her son win for the mousetrap or whatever. A mouse maze. A mouse maze. Mousetrap. I've invented a mousetrap or whatever. A mouse maze. A mouse maze. Mousetrap.

I've invented a mousetrap. No, you haven't, Brady. You idiot. You're the stupidest kid in the class. You've just brought in a mousetrap and told everyone you've made it. I can understand how you're confused. There's still a barcode and a sticker on the box. Well, neither of them serve any scientific purpose, as we've referred.

You know what's really like the crime about that? Brady is a redhead kid and there's not a lot of redhead kids in films that are real heroes and here in sex in the city too they had an opportunity a franchise made famous in the 1990s by putting four women together as the centerpiece of the show really shining a light on on stars who aren't usually stars they could have done this with the sequel to the movie. Of all of the horrible shit they did, they could have taken a stand and gone, you know what, red-haired kids are okay.

And some of them are real smart. Brady's got a spin-off web series called Science with Brady. Yeah, but it's stupid. That's the thing. It's like, hey, here's some science. A sponge. Look what happens when we put it in water. It gets heavier.

Yeah, it's a sponge, Brady. It's absorbent when we put it in water. It gets heavier. Yeah. It's a sponge, Brady. It's absorbent. You've got to stop going so hard on this kid. He's eight. I'm hard on the movie and its representation of redhead kids. You are. Sorry, I have to veg.

You were going somewhere with the shine. It's okay. It's just there was a parent there who wasn't the parent of Brady, and he's watching on, and you can see just the fury in his eyes when Brady wins for his mouse maze. I spent four weeks with my

child soaking an egg in vinegar so that the shell would be removed from it and we explained in vivid detail how this works and how the enzymes broke away the egg and it's still soft, you can touch it but the egg is within it and there's no shell. Wait, I haven't seen that done.

Well, this is why it should win the prize. You've seen a mouse mace before. This guy is furious. What you don't... He pulls out a gun, starts shooting up the school. It's insanity. All insects in the city too, buried right in the middle. He's in a suit.

He looks like an upstanding gentleman. I don't think he'd have a gun on him. But I'm interested about this vinegar egg situation. I did it in year 7. I don't remember. Is it room temperature or do you have to boil the egg? You put the egg in vinegar. Just a normal egg? Just go home, get out of pirates.

Has anyone done it? Guy's making shit up, man. No, no, no. This is a true thing. Everybody go home, fill up a bowl with vinegar, put an egg in it. Hold on. And report back in one week. White or malt?

Or doesn't it matter? I was 11 or something, man. I was eight. I was 11. You sound a little sketchy, bruh. I never said I was eight. And first of all, if I said I was eight and I've been 11, those are both facts. I've been those ages indisputably.

For you to come in here and try and blow up my understanding of time and ageing and the linear progression of humanity. You've got me there. I really do. By the balls, no less. I'm so glad that the shining light has thrown some positivity into the podcast. I was worried we were getting a little too negative. positivity into the podcast. I was worried we were getting a little too negative. And on that rich vein of negativity, I'd like to bring up the

Interfrenshin line, because I think you said today that it was the most offensive line in cinema? I said it was the most poorly written line in cinema. There's like, one of them says that they're going to run an Interfrenshin. We've probably talked about this before. An Interfrenshin is when your friend is doing something you don't agree

with and you want to run an indifference. It's not like they're not addicted to smack or anything. You're just like, oh, stop worrying about that. And then the line is, so Charlotte says that. And it's funny, when Charlotte says it, they don't take Charlotte seriously at all, the girls. They've got no respect for her whatsoever. She says it and then there's a cutaway shot to Sarah Jessica Parker who's just like when Charlotte says it, they don't take Charlotte seriously at all, the girls. They've got no respect for her whatsoever. She says it, and then there's a cutaway shot

to Sarah Jessica Parker, who's just like, okay, Charlotte, you go. Like, you know, not like, you know, she doesn't really care for what Charlotte has to say. And then it cuts to Miranda. Yes, and Miranda says, I'm going to turn this interfrenshion into an interfunction.

And she does it like that with the, you can't see on the podcast obviously but the people in the room can see she waves her hands in the air and kind of a gun motion like she's about to put it to her own head and shoot herself through the fucking temple for saying the silliest thing and she's wearing like a neon green bandana like a pirate from the 90s it's honestly there's some picture painting for you. Yeah. So vivid. But yeah, I mean, it's just, it's so like... Portmanteaus at the best of times are a risky manoeuvre. This is the thing about combining two words.

I've walked around with you before, I remember, and you talked to me for five to ten minutes about how much you love portmanteaus. I love them because they're a risky manoeuvre and I love high-risk manoeuvres. I like things that have a great chance of not pulling off and when they do you get an obscene reward for it. Now in this movie they've rolled the dice by combining the words friendship and intervention and they've rolled the dice and they've lost. They've got snake eyes. And then what they've done is they've gone double or nothing motherfucker. And I'm going to

combine the words fun and intervention. And then it failed again. That portmanteau might not have applied the first time but what we need is a different F word. Double down on the portmanteau. One syllable F word. And whilst I admire Michael Patrick King's

gambling behaviour he's lost. And he needs to admit it, and he needs to pick it back up somewhere in the script. We want a written apology from Michael Patrick King by Monday morning or we will be filing a class action lawsuit. Or we put you back in that basement with your

bottles of whiskey and your cigars. Yeah, we're going to send you back to the basement and make you write a third one, you fucking slippery fish. How much money do you think it would take for them to make a third Sexton City? There is not enough money in the world for those people to get back together and make another movie. It does not look like... You watch Grown Ups 2 and you're like, these guys

had fun making this movie. Speaking of, thanks to everyone who sent us the links to the Native American actors who have walked off set in Adam Sandler's new picture. Because the jokes were that offensive. That's a high bar right? Because you're going in there as a native

like presumably a proud native American actor. You know a little bit what you're in for because it's Adam Sandler. How outrageous were the jibes? How racist were the jokes that they caught them off guard so much they were like I actually cannot be here anymore this cash cow isn't worth it I've got something called

spirit and soul and dignity and pride and I cannot exchange that for the obscene amount of money Adam Sandler's offering me. Did you read any of the articles? Certainly not. No it was on the internet you don't read articles on the internet. But you've formed a pretty detailed opinion of what happened just from the one sentence involved. I've formed detailed opinions on everything. I don't read any... I can't read! Let me tell you something. Come on, let me tell you something, mate. This is how the internet functions. It's a whole lot of headlines and then filler text.

It's like Latin or whatever. It's what they put in movies before they know what they're going to... And what you do is you click on the ones with the interesting headline and then you have the tab open for maybe one to two weeks and then it clogs up your desktop and you're like, you know what? I don't think I'm going to get around to reading them.

I don't even remember why I opened those in the first place. And you close all of them. But then that night at a party, when you're in conversation with someone, they bring up the article which you sort of thought you might read at one point. And you go, oh yeah, I read that. Because you did.

If it's in a newspaper, you read the whole article. But if it's online, you don't. I thought everyone knew that. There's too many options. They're such cruel bastards, computers. It's like, here's an opportunity to do and learn anything and create anything. And then it's like, all you wind up doing is walking through the boulevards of people's social media accounts. And your own insecurities online.

It's a disaster. You need to get on Reddit, friend. I still haven't been on Reddit. Only with you. I'm gobsmacked. Well, unsmack that gob, friend. It'll ruin you. It's a cold hard fact.

I've got a second shining light. Okay, I'm just having a quick look at... What are you looking at? I wrote a note on my phone as well because you're running out of room on your hand. I've got a text message too. So we'll go down here. Oh, when's the next show down here? It's six.

It's me, I think. It's fine. How are you guys doing? Yeah. Sound like they're watching Sex and the City. It's six It's me I think It's fine How you guys doing? Yeah Sound like they're watching Sex and the City Yeah Yeah I'm really glad

We did this This is a really good investment It was a really good idea To spend twenty dollars On my disposable income Watching two people Talk about watching Sex and the City 2

For the What are you doing Honestly What are you doing Look at yourself We don't ask that question Enough on the podcast And especially not In the live records But what are you doing, honestly? What are you doing? Look at yourselves. We don't ask that question enough on the podcast, and especially not in the live records,

but what are you people doing? We don't have a choice anymore, because we made a snap decision, and now we're trapped in our own prison. But you guys could leave at any point. Do not. You're like a mix of Andy Dufresne and Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz,

in that you're in the prison, and at first you didn't like the walls. And then you couldn't live without the walls. But like Dorothy, the power is in you all the time to leave. The power was in Andy Dufresne the whole time. He was planning to leave that whole time as well. But it was so hard because he had to keep digging with the spoon. You didn't need to bring Dorothy into the equation. No, no.

What more glittering example of willpower do you need than tunneling through a prison wall with a spoon? No, what I'm saying is we're Andy Dufresne they're Dorothy. Because they can just stop being on the journey like Dorothy

could. She didn't know but she had it within her it the whole time you're Dorothy you're visiting us it's like a conjugal visit you come into a come into our cell we have sex and you're like okay I've got to go back to Oz now and we're like we'll go make a tunneling out of prison don't tell the guards so my second shining light was Carrie Bradshaw has got an amazing little piece of fashion that she rocks out when she's in the marketplaces of Abu Dhabi. And it's a pair of sunglasses that are on a stick, similar to like a masquerade ball style facial mask that you would wear at a high class party.

A masquerade ball. For example. Yes. But for sunglasses... party masquerade ball for example yes but for sunglass it sounds better if you spot the second two words in the sentence it sounds less redundant yeah it's a good trick I've learned so she's almost you've almost learned it's incredibly impractical but it's kind of i dig it because that's fashion baby fashion's about doing stuff that's like does this make sense not really but i'm gonna do it anyway that is fashion isn't it isn't that the definition fashion is yeah it's form before function it's

like yeah people are gonna wonder why i'm doing this which makes it fashion yeah do you have a second shining light what do you think I'm made of moments of enjoyment I really like mr. Biggs delivery the first line he sees in the movie which is how's my tie how's my job the way I said I was just like he just is such an alpha it drops how's my tie and then Carrie comes in and ruins the line by saying, how's my tie? And Carrie is wearing the most ridiculous outfit with the most ridiculous crimped hair.

Yeah. That's the thing. This is another thing with fashion. We've probably talked about this. I've got no memory of what we've talked about it for, but it's like,

you know, you put these, you know what, guy? What? From henceforth, we will stop apologising for saying stuff twice.

Okay. Yeah. It's kind of the nature of the project. Fuck all of you. Go on. Who would have thought we'd repeat ourselves in a project in which we watch the same movie every week?

Didn't see that coming. I want my money back. It's just you put all these fashion trends because fashion moves so quickly. If you make a movie which is entire premises we'll just put them in a bunch of different expensive outfits to sell them yes like of course they're gonna date poorly because in fashion this movie was made what 2010 and fashion five years is like you know a decade I made it twice as long Dave

Cormack had a he had a good joke about that which was it was something along the lines of like fashion is something so stupid that even it gets disgusted with itself needs to reinvent every six months that was a nice way of looking at the whole industry you know yeah good social commentary you borrowed from a mate you don't describe to the idea of fashion do you know I'm just joking you look great fuck yourself I look amazing you do we both look good I look so cool. I'm wearing a beanie. That's fashion. It's good. Does there need to be something on my head? No therefore Well done serving a paper back am I cold new

fashion One more night, and then we'd better do what's he doing? Where's he off to? Oh you ruined it You can't say it before we both say I think I said it wrong, and I we'd better do what's he doing, where's he off to. Oh, you ruined it. You can't say it before we both say it. I think I said it wrong, and I'm not going to remember it. Good, okay. We'll roll the dice later. We'll make like Michael Patrick King and roll the bloody dice.

So it's when they're having their anniversary dinner, Big and Carrie are having a good old meal, and it turns out we've always looked at it and been like, that is a very sad meal. That's like he's just picked up the end of, like, the bin end bread, like that pulley ham and cheese pull apart you get at the end of the day from New World for, like, $2.99 down from $4.99. Even with bin end, if you're familiar with your exclusively New Zealand,

South Island, low-income supermarket chains. What did I say? Bin end. No, bin ends. Oh, shit. Okay. Less niche. I? Bin In. No, Bin In's. Oh, shit. Okay. Less niche. I'm glad I went there though. Anyway. This one's for you, South Island.

He's honestly prepared the saddest dinner in the world. Tewai Ponamu. It's like they each got a sausage roll and half a stale loaf of bread and like a goblet of cask wine. This is all because Big's losing a lot of money on the stock market. Yeah. And then he sits there like Carrie's obviously not enjoying it. There's food

still all over her plate and he looks up and with these big eyes with so much pride and he goes, haven't I made us a delicious anniversary meal? And I just wanted to say no. This is why I want to eat out. This is one of the fundamental problems with our marriage.

It looks like he's bought a sausage roll. Yeah, two sausage rolls. It's insane. It's crazy. You can't do that on someone's anniversary. In his defence. I think a minimum if you're in an anniversary situation because it's their second wedding anniversary. It's some kind of pasta dish, right?

Are you guys together? How long have you been together for? Three and a half months or years? Years. Yes. So like what... For two years. Let's say because...

What did you have for dinner? The two year anniversary. I'm not being gender typical here. I'm going to ask you because in the movie, Mr. Big is the one who cooks the meal. But can I ask you, what would be like the baseline of what this dude would need to cook for you

to, you know, meet the requirements for two year anniversary? It's not sausage rolls, eh? A $100 Angus steak was the answer there. I like that it was a dollar value, not even like a prime cut or like a well cooked, just like

you better put $100 down on some fucking fancy meat for me, you son of a bitch. I've been putting up with your shit for two years now. It'd be so great if you tried to trip him up, though. It'd be like, the base minimum is a $600 hamburger. I literally don't know how to make it. I'll put diamonds in the bread.

Anyway, the one good thing that Mr. Big... King of callbacks, Guy Montgomery. The one good thing that Mr Big did at the anniversary was he was playing Erika Bardew, which is fantastic. Classy move. It's a classy move. It's a sexy manoeuvre. It sets a classy vibe.

Erika, if you're listening, we'd love to have you on the podcast. Just drop me a DM on Twitter at Guy underscore Mont. You know, this way, because I was going to do a joke, but I was like, if she actually does listen, I'd better give

my real handle. This just in. I don't want to be messaging someone who's, you know, anyway. I'm changing

the dial on the radio. Where's he going? Where's he off to? I really fucked that one up. Getting closer every time. We nailed it last week. We didn't stick the landing this time.

No confidence. Do you know what happened this week, which is pretty funny, is Tim and I were saying something to each other and looked away from the screen to talk about it for like, probably, I don't know, three to five seconds.

We missed his entire cameo. Yeah. We're going to make a star out of this guy. This guy barely features in the film at all. We should find out who he is. He's the new Tanya. I never thought about that. Do you know what happened this week, Tim?

Yeah. He knew that the girls were going to be having lunch there because they have lunch at the same time every week. And he was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not going back to the cafe. I hate it. I hate overhearing their conversations.

They bring their rat bag kids in here. I'm going to get my caffeine fix somewhere else. He's wandering the streets of New York right now just looking for a cafe without them. It's so cute that in your brain somewhere there's still that understanding of television being a small box that tiny people are in performing for you every time.

That's the best way to think about it. Everyone, all shows, all of those universes and worlds are still existing right now. It's whimsical but you're a grown ass man. You should know better friend. Yep. You should know better

than to... don't let me finish in this edition i didn't want to so it's good that you didn't where's he going like i had no desire to get to the end of that sentence it's gonna be a shitter it's gonna be a bad sentence your theory is off you go he's why don't you start talking he's fucked off prematurely because he knew that the woman was coming he's got schedule, he's noticed that they go to the same cafe at the same time every week and he was like, I cannot, I've got a very important meeting, I cannot handle having that distraction. Because he goes in there and he can't do his work that he's meant to do, he just sits there and listens to their conversation and he's just like,

you know when you hear a bad conversation near you and you can't focus or like you can't have a conversation of your own, you're just so absorbed in these people who are nearby. That's what happens to him. And he's got a big pitch. For what? He's pitching a movie. Is he? Yeah.

What kind of movie? It's a silent film. Is this guy in the... Is he in the talkies, mate? No, he's not in the talkies. He's in the silent film. Absolutely what he's not in is the talkies. Hey, is that...

That's why he's so nervous, because he's not a big market for the silence. Is that how the word movie got popularised? Because you know how it's like the pictures and then it was the talkies? Was it like the movies just before it was the talkies? Yeah, and before that it was the stills and people just...

That was the original photography... Like a slide vacation. They just look at one photo. It wouldn't even change. That's an art installation is what that is. Yeah. Art installation people are lazy filmmakers. That's what I always say.

Artists are just lazy filmmakers. As well we know. Photographers are lazy filmmakers. I'll go on the record as saying that. I may regret asking this, but I'm slightly curious about what the silent film is about that he's pitching. It's going to be a romp.

The guy is not a good guy. I mean, he knows not to like those ladies, but he's not necessarily a good person. It's a snuff film. Well, I have to admit, I didn't see that coming. He's pitching a silent snuff film to Netflix as a Netflix special. And the reason he's so nervous is he does not know the legality of the operation. And it's not like, it's a doco.

It's a silent snuff doco. And this guy's like, if I go in there and bomb this pitch and do not get these people on board with what I'm saying immediately, I'm going to be put away for a very long time. So he's already made it? Yes. So he's killed someone and filmed it and then he's like if I can turn this into a picture and sell it to Netflix

we're sweet bro. I think he kind of thinks if he can sell it as art it will alleviate the guilt he feels. But from a legal point of view? He killed his husband. Wow. Anyway You're in a dark spot, man. He is.

I wasn't. That's not me. That's not me talking. That's another guy. That's not... You know, he's a guy from the movie. Well,

I hate to end things on such a dark note, but I think they should probably about do it for us this week. Do you want to say anything positive to wrap up on?

Thank you all so much for coming out and listening and thank you for downloading. The New Zealand International Comedy Festival is happening right now and we've both booked out ridiculously long runs for our solo shows.

It was a bad idea, folks. No, it's good. It was a bad idea because here's how maths works. When you've got a few people who want to come see your show, you do one show and they all come to it.

If you book yourself for three weeks in a room, you're spreading those very few people over a number of days and you end up performing to two people a night. And I'll tell you what, not so great for the stand-up. It's good. It's good for the stand-up. It's good for morale. But we're going to be here at the Monte Cristo

for the next few weeks. So if you're listening and you're in New Zealand, come on down. My show's called Gaimont Comedy. You can look it up on the internet. It's a great name, know and my one second night tonight I already regret the title Tim Bate Explores the Human Experience great title Tim thanks bro what's the show about I still am not a hundred percent sure it's actually I've come to realize maybe this isn't the best ad for it but it's less comedy

and more matches getting some stuff out. That is the worst sales pitch. Yeah, I know. But I want to be truthful. More than I want to sell tickets, I want to be truthful. So if you feel like you want to be a part of that, come on in. All right. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Don't watch the movie. I don't think we've said that enough on this season. Oh! Before we go. Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. Paul Blart.

Whatever. It actually doesn't matter. We've been receiving a lot of feedback. A lot of feedback. People want us to watch this movie. People want us to do it for season 3. That's not going to happen because I'm pretty sure season 3 is not going to happen. But I reckon we should. It's not coming out for a not going to happen but I reckon we should it's not coming out

for a cinema release here but I reckon we should find a way to watch the movie and do a bonus episode yep oh yeah you on board? yeah yeah

I'm 100% on board the crowd's real on board too yeah they're excited okay well that's it from us thank you all so much thanks for coming out guys and for coming

appreciate it have a good night woo that's the show take care and we'll see you next week bye bye