The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Eight: Guy Montgomery; Sh*tless Wonder

Episode Date: January 17, 2019

Fatigue is setting in. Which SaTC gal is Barry Obama? Tim posits that Tiger Woods sh*ts himself on the reg. Guy shares a delightful story about him defecating inside of skin coloured tights. Is Tim a misogynist because he doesn't enjoy women crapping themselves in films? It’s basically all poo chat in this one. Also, this season needs more weed! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Hello, and welcome along to another exciting episode of The Worst Idea of All Time, Season 4. It's the secret season, although it's not so secret now, but I will tell you this, at the time of recording, it was a secret. My name is Guy Montgomery. I'm here on a rainy autumnal day in New York City. Hold up. Have just watched Sex and the City for the eighth time. Joined, as ever, by Tim Batt. Hello.

Hey, Tim, how are you? You look very dashing in a collared shirt, no less. Less. Less. Yeah, it's a nice kind of thicker shirt so for a day such as this where i couldn't quite tell what the weather was going to do it's a good midway point because what i can do is this roll up the sleeves which is how i enjoy wearing a shirt or you know have them down for that extra provided warmth either way it's a good color on me i think we can all agree on that. I like nothing more than rolling up the sleeves of a long sleeve shirt

because it says I might have been busy, but I'm kind of relaxed now. Or it could say, I don't know. That's the main one, I think. That's the main thing I like. I think that is a really good mood to communicate to the masses. It's just like, I was in the middle of something, but it's completed now.

I've knocked off work. Yeah, or... And boy, am I happy about it. Or, because remember, there's a sort of, it's not quite a proverb. What is that called? An idiom. It's like, oh, you've got to roll your sleeves up. So it could be you're at work and you're slacking off

and someone cottons on to the fact you're slacking off and then you're like, all right, I'm really going to dig into this. And the gesture you use to suggest that you're about to really muck in is you roll your sleeves up. Your fucking sleeves up. It kind of means like opposite things because in that context to roll your sleeves up is you're going to like jam your hand down a drain pipe get a turd loose that's been blocking up the works but if that's your line of industry

why don't you just wear a singlet and gloves yeah also nice full arm length gloves that go all the way up to your shoulder absolutely do you remember obama he used to wear the rolled sleeves all the time because he was doing both he wanted to communicate i'm a chilled out guy but we got to unplug the works here yeah he really did have it both ways hey i'm a chilled out guy but i'm also here to get the work done that's what that body language and uh sartorial choice said hey do you reckon barry obama was a carrie a samantha a miranda or a charlotte of a president uh i reckon he was uh miranda and i say that because miranda is like i feel such a bizarre kinship with miranda i um i feel like every time i watch the movie now i feel like her and i are

bonding we're growing closer i tell you i should probably stop spending so much time with charlotte um because things are going like that i've already communicated that they're not well but they're going south fast how do you mean your relationship with charlotte yeah we're just not we're not seeing eye to eye we're not getting along oh no oh no what's what tell me about that what's happening i don't know who keeps asking her over but i wish they'd stop i just try and elicit some uh explanation from you with a kind of sideways step using a metaphor what kind of animal is charlotte kind of sideways step using a metaphor what kind of animal is charlotte and if charlotte was one of the sex in the city girls miranda charlotte samantha or carrie which uh sex in the city woman would charlotte be uh so if charlotte were an animal she'd be maybe to me right now and look i don't know i don't need to qualify this she'd be a mosquito

in the dark which is wow sort of as bad as it gets in my book just like you know you're like well you're small you're you're not even that significant in the great scheme of things, so why am I so bothered by you? But also, it's just, it needles at you, you know. Maybe small, yes, but when they choose to make noise, literally as loud as anything I can fathom. And just like, just killing me. And then with that in mind, I think if Charlotte was one of the Sex and the City gals, she'd probably be Carrie.

Yeah, I agree with that. That's probably right. I don't know why you... I'm very interested by the fact that she's needling you because I think Charlotte's... She's pretty good. I like the fact that she sticks up for Carrie so much. She's so offended on behalf of Carrie

about what Big's done and she's so sort of determined to stick it to Big. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I will say that the one time I'm really in Camp Charlotte, when she does that very fearsome look at Big after he's jilted Carrie and they run into each other on the street

in their respective cars, a truly a fearful look and I respect how defensive she is of this the the sort of you know uh the hurt that carrie's carrying with her um but what about when she's a week before her due date and they run into each other at the cafe and she really lets rip at him and she says i curse the day you were born. The way she tells the... When they're at the New York Fashion Week in the front row and she says to Miranda and Carrie,

sometimes when I'm running, I think about what I'd say to Big. And everyone's like, oh, yeah, tell us what your big line is. And then she comes out with, I curse the day you were born. Carrie's a professional writer. And she is not a professional actor. So she does a pretty good job of acting impressed by what you've been brainstorming this line. Like you give it a fucking intro and then all you're saying is I curse the day you were born. I don't even think she cares the day he was born.

She just likes the way it sounds. It's not that impressive. I mean, I know it sounds like prose it sounds sort of biblical i but that's i don't i don't take issue with that it's the surrounding stuff i wrote down that charlotte and i should stop seeing each other after she gets really excited for carrie at the um when carrie tells you that big and her engaged to be married and uh she she does that scream and miranda says and this is see oh now i'm seeing where the the rhythm of my relationship to the characters coming from

because miranda says i'm deaf you know which is sort of uh it's a it's a quip it's a way to say that was that was really loud and i i sort of every time she says i'm sort of like yeah me too like yeah that was really loud and then the more it happens, the more I'm like, this is just, it's annoying. And so loud. And then also to command the attention of the entire restaurant, just be happy for her. Not everyone needs to be brought into this moment. I understand that you're happy. Just little things, they all get me.

Like, are we? Sorry, you go. go you're gonna say something oh it's just gonna say in her defense i think what she's doing in that moment is just kind of giving a bit of explanation to the restaurant for why she screamed at them all the scream was a uncontrollable um exaltation am i using that word right we'll never know of joy for her friend who she's just found out is going to get married to the from her eyes anyway kind of the man of her dreams after all this time 10 years 15 breakups 200 breakups we've got breakups in the warehouse take it up too much room 50 off breakups we've got two we're overstocked

for breakups right big and carry they're overstocked and so she lets out this uh she can't contain herself lets out so much joy because she's happy for her friend but then she also realizes that she's uh you know caused a bit of a scene in the restaurant so she wants to tell everyone don't worry everyone this is actually for a good thing and gets a rousing round of applause for carrie and isn't that nice isn't that something it is nice for care look it is nice for carrie but it's just every just her entire presence destroys me hold on i've got one more uh uh defense of her if i may because i know i'll forget this if i may go go go when samantha turns up from la and she's been desperately trying to not have sex with dante and uh climb dante's peak get some dante's inferno she uh turns up at the door for the i

think it's charlotte's baby shower is what we're at a carrie's house at her new apartment. And the other two girls have seen her first. We've got Miranda and Carrie have seen her first. And then Charlotte is somewhere else and comes and sees her. She looks at Samantha, sees that she's put on a little bit of weight, very quickly does this micro glance at Carrie and Miranda and checks that they have seen the weight change as well. And then catches herself that she's doing a funny look and says, oh, you've got a dog.

And it is a masterful bit of navigating a potentially awkward social situation. I just, every time I see it, I i'm like that was very well done charlotte is it though because you've clocked it it's because i'm supposed to see it i'm the audience for the film but charlotte and you know i'm gonna even go one step further um kirsten davis is that kristin i think chris kristin davis that is a great bit of acting for my money yeah yeah there's no denying the acting and i would like to uh just separate my criticisms of charlotte the character from any attacks on kristen davis the performer um but i would go so far as to say the reason that big gets cold feet at the wedding is because during the the bridesmaid sleepover or when you

know it's all the gals on the bed and they're sort of shooting the breeze and big calls up and he's having trouble writing his vows i mean why wouldn't he be he's illiterate and uh carrie says all right this is big action she can hear there's a there's a some sort of lump in big's throat which says he's he's having trouble he's he's experiencing doubt and she says this big actually i'm gonna take it in the other room and charlotte says get some sleep groomy and i'm fairly certain that through the other end of that phone big hears that and he thinks it doesn't matter how persuasive whatever carrie says right now is i cannot subject myself to this being such a huge part of my life going forward oh god montgomery you old salty sea dog that's so rough so you think just the idea of a peripheral friendship with charlotte is enough to put him up the idea of

marrying carrie it's it's not yeah i mean he's he's lived with it before and they obviously get along fine but it's a it's compound exhaustion and then like the next day when they're at the wedding and big's not there and uh they go big's not here and charlotte says but we're 25 minutes late no one needs that friend. Yeah, no fucking shit. Do you know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying.

I know what you mean. It does piss me off when people make comments like that. It's just like, yeah. Yeah, dude. We're in a stressful situation. Thanks for painting the painfully obvious you know for us with your big dumb brush but she can't help herself and you got to have a little bit of kindness for people you know you got to have a little bit of uh i know you've done a good job

i get where you're coming from i want to say that i i sympathize with your plight and i think you've given a good explanation as to why you two kids aren't getting along but i hope that i've played my part as well and trying to reconnect you and charlie you have i feel i feel mean look i just it's fatigue is setting and it's really it was a hard it's a hard for reference everyone this is recorded less than 24 hours since our previous episode and the turnaround is too much it's we're really in the in the belly of the beast now it's so we're just spending so much time with the gals aren't we like way too much time we're doing on average probably a watch every two days uh and it just feels pretty unsustainable we're just doing our best um and saying that just before we move on from charlotte i would like to say uh to her credit and this actually could be

uh interpreted as championing or part of my denigration of the character um that when she drops her guts that is getting better for me every week. It's just funny. Ebola incident. Just shitting yourself is funny. It's funny. And later on, when, you know, Charlotte is concerned because bad things have happened to her friends and she seems to be getting all the breaks in life

and she's like, you know, look what happened to you and uh miranda something bad's gonna happen to me and carrie says uh you shat yourself this year maybe that's your lot i just like you for me to to rank on a list of three where that falls in terms of being jilted at a wedding of public interest, being cheated on by your seemingly faithful husband of, say, five years, and shitting your pants because you drank a little shower water in Mexico in front of three of your closest friends. Shitting yourself is going to be at the bottom you're providing a gift for your friends as far as i'm concerned as as charlotte does in this film number two spot is going to be um i think getting left at the altar is pretty unbeatable. I'm going to put that as number one.

And indiscretion from a spouse after five years of marriage, I'm going to chuck in that number two slot. Right in between shitting yourself and getting left at the altar. Is that the same for you? It sounds like you're in agreement. Absolutely, yeah. There's daylight between what Miranda and Carrie have been through and shitting yourself. Like shitting yourself if you talk to people Is a surprisingly common occurrence

When did you last When did I last shit myself I don't know I've got no memory Of shitting myself As an adult Man That is impressive.

It'll change. You strike me as the kind of guy who would have shat himself semi-recently. Really? Is that right? What is it about me? Maybe I say that purely through association with myself. But you've got the look and feel of a guy who every once in a while just loses bodily functions and shits himself not saying it's a common occurrence

but i'm not saying it's outside the lines right no i i don't think i've got the same laissez-faire attitude to um defecation as you i don't my attitude isn't laissez faire I'm not saying people who shit themselves are relaxed about it it's still like it's not it's not anyone's I mean more from a

like a biological standpoint you know what I mean I don't mean that sort of directly as an attitude thing what do you mean from a biological

point of view I consider my body in a state of constant tension all the time you know everything's getting held in together but yeah you're kind of like you're more you're a loosey-goosey and every now and then as a result of that you're going to shit yourself this is madness what you think

that you're just generally more taught and therefore it's less likely shit is going to fly out of your body but i I'm quite loose in language. Yeah, and they're all part of a bigger picture. There's a lot of good things that come out of being Lucy Gersie. I think it's what makes you a better athlete in general. Probably better reflexes. I'm a little more jittery. So do you think that high-performance professional athletes are more likely to shit themselves

than ordinary people if they're operating out of a place of of kind of relaxed tiger woods i'll bet you shits himself on the rig i i couldn't disagree more i feel like professionally athletes display the sort of bodily control that would suggest they shit themselves very rarely i think marathon runners and probably some iron man athletes uh out of necessity shit themselves on the go which is pretty unbecoming yeah that's a it's a thing isn't it yeah but you just imagine work well you know when you're riding a bike after it's rained and you don't have a mud guard on and so you just wind up flicking water up onto the back of your shirt or your backpack or whatever and you get this sort of long line of dirty water and you're like oh i've really got to get a mud guard you shit yourself while

you're out on your pins you're probably going to be kicking up i don't know you look this is going down a road that i didn't mean to explore in such depth let's talk about magda sure what do you got for me the more i watch the more i'm convinced that magda uh is so instrumental into the rise of Brady. And I know that kind of sounds like a stupid thing to say, because we know that she's so much of a part of his early life. She is his, he's her ward, essentially. She gets treated like shit by Miranda.

This is something I don't get about your love of Miranda. She's so disrespectful to Magda, especially at that dinner scene right at the start where Miranda wants to get the check and get the heck out of there. And Magda hasn't even, you know, she hasn't gotten very far with her meal. She's only about half done, if that.

Brady's not finished his meal either. Brady's a guy who shits himself. Brady shits himself. What's he's four or five yeah i now genuinely i think it might be the only bit of the movie i look forward to and it kills me that it's so early in but when the camera goes to brady for his one of i think only three lines he gets in the film and he says i gotta go to the bathroom what do you like about that because it's definitely too late it is it is definitely just it's like he's having a good time you can see it on a baby's face when they've shat themselves because they could be like laughing and palling around and then they get real serious all of a sudden like they've just received a parking fine in the mail and they've just opened the letter and it's like oh birthday card and that that sea changes what we see on

on young brady how old is he in this film by the way i'd place him around five uh i just want to quickly ask you tim uh just a hypothetical if like at what age did you stop asking permission to go to the bathroom what say you're in a meeting with people you know kind of well some of them are superior to you some of them are you see eye to eye with some of them you think are junior and uh you're like oh i've really got to go to the bathroom do you sort of excuse yourself by saying something or you just get up and walk out of the meeting uh i think it's it's well you don't ask. I don't think you would ever ask. I would never subjugate myself to ask the other people in the room if it was all right. Did you get taught to ask in school?

Or do you just say, I'm going to the bathroom? See, this is why it's so interesting that we are good friends now because we had um fairly different upbringings with respect to schools i went to a very uh kind of liberal arts co-ed no uniform school where you call your teachers by first name sometimes if they're in you know the drama department or something um so we wouldn't really have a such a structured like a permission system like that you just kind of go and there was the expectation it is i would have killed for that it's so degrading when you're 16 years old i can't imagine even as a teenager being like can i go to the bar i if i was the teacher, I'd be like, I don't know.

Can you? What is this? Or like, sometimes the teachers would be like, no, we're just going to get through these five minutes. Wait. It's like, you've got no idea the urgency I could be dealing with over here. That's fucked up, eh? I don't abide that at all.

That's fucked up. I'm so not into that. You've got to give people agency over their own body, you know? If they say they've got to go to the bathroom, the benefit of the doubt must be given. At least you've got a student who's just, you know, constantly, they're just taking the piss, for lack of a better phrase. Some sceptical social studies teacher's like,

nah, I reckon you've got five minutes until you piss yourself. You're staying in the classroom. Well, fuck you. What kind of a judgement is that? How about you? So what was your scenario? Did you have to ask right the way through, or did you get to seventh form and that was the big thing

for your final year of high school? Yeah didn't have to ask anymore you get a free period every day and you didn't have to ask to go to the bar you get a free period every day and you'd have to find a teacher to ask to use the bathroom even though no one was in charge of you for that free period you had to seek permission and it was also uh it was really weird they were called the toilet teller and when you'd go to one of the bathrooms on campus they'd be they'd be quite formally dressed although they'd usually only be a few years older than you often an ex-pupil and they'd say ah it's the bathroom you desire hmm and uh you'd have to go yeah and they go whose permission doth these seek and you go now to go yep and they'd go whose permission

doth thee seek and you'd go no I've already got permission and then they would ask several riddles escalating in difficulty and

five times out of ten Tim you're going to shit yourself in front of this guy I couldn't think of a worse situation to receive a riddle than as a barrier to get to the bathroom the logic is you know your brain is firing on all it's meant to bring out it's meant to uh increase your capacity to learn and for lateral thinking and problem solving but the reality of

the matter was that person's job they were pretty much a bathroom custodian and you know, sure there was shit in your pants but there was also shit on their hands it was frankly is the toilet towel a paid position? no, it's volunteer volunteer

so it's not even like a punishment to us up there, but some people are signing up to put riddles at people to act as a brick wall between them and sweet, sweet relief. That blows. It was a hell of a time. It's just like something a demon would do if they were trapped on this mortal realm to pay penance for something they'd done.

Anyway, who's to say about all that? We've been talking shit for nigh on 15 minutes, Tim, and I'd love if we could get some slightly less... You want more shit talk? It's all shit talk. Last time I shat myself, I was backstage. I was performing a show called Guymont Go Merry Christmas, I was performing a show called Guymont Go Merry Christmas,

which was a Christmas variety show, a one-man variety show I'd put on for the New Zealand International Comedy Festival in 2016. 15? 16, I think. Anyway, it's by the by. And as part of the performance i had sort of several costume changes that were mostly uh done on the top half my bottom half for the performance uh i was just wearing some flesh-colored tights and a sock a festive christmas sock over my

penis and balls and uh i don't ordinarily eat before i perform because it uh it sort of it makes me a little bit too full and like i think you need to be i think there's value in being sort of hungry physically hungry when you're on stage um yeah and anyway it was my second night of performing the show the second night ever performing the show the first night had gone very well i was in wellington and i thought well i'm actually quite hungry i haven't eaten for a few hours so i'm just going to have a few tacos and i'm not to say that those tacos traveled through my body at record speed but i am going to say that there was sort of a mental slackening or concern that came over me after i'd had the tacos and i was backstage uh the fringe bar in wellington probably you know uh between 10 to 5

minutes before it was time to go on and um i was in my costume and there's no bathroom in the green room i share the facilities with the punters and uh i realized i had to go to the bathroom and when in the last episode i said i could empathize with the grumbling noises that Charlotte experiences in the movie, I was experiencing a light, L-I-T-E, version of those same noises. And I went to go to the bathroom, but it was occupied. So I thought, okay, that's okay. So I went back into the green room and I sort of walked around. It was really clenching.

You know, I was really girding my loins as tight as I could. And I got in there. And there was sort of maybe five minutes of showtime now. And I went to the bathroom. Thank Christ. But it was your classic leaving the bathroom for fear of having to perform soon, knowing that there's still 20% gas in the tank. And so I'm walking around.

And then I realize I've got to go again. And I go to go again. And no one's in there. And my asshole probably for less than a second just relaxed. And just very small but not incredibly solid trickle of fecal matter made it out of my body. And these are flesh-colored tights. Sans underpants.

So I'm in the green room, two minutes to show time, freaking out completely. I hear the bathroom door open. They leave the bathroom. I rush in, and I have to. And there's no real means of locking the main door. So I am pantsless just to sock over my penis and balls, scrubbing shit out of these tights in the sink of the fringe bathroom

one minute before I'm going on stage to prance around. The opening part of the show everyone i was wearing rain a reindeer uh headband and i'd run around with mistletoe and put it over people and i was going watch out everyone there's a reindeer on the loose and i'd sort of kiss every other person uh and so anyway that was the last time that was the last i i got away with it i mean mean, insofar as you can. I felt shame the entire time I was performing and was paranoid for the entire hour that I had very visible shit stains on my tights. But if it's shit content you want, Tim,

you know, Lord knows I've got it. I don't quite know what to do with that story except celebrate it. What a triumph of the human spirit. Yeah, I hadn't heard it in quite so much detail, but yeah, I did know that. I actually, for some reason, I thought that that happened in Auckland. No, no. Monte Cristo.

It's a Wellington story, mate. Now, here's my question for you. wellington story mate now here's my question for you do you think uh how much do you think your psychology played into the fact that those tacos weren't handled well by your guys i think it could be a case of uh you know i could be reverse engineering the story to to to match my psychology i think i can't remember what i ate to cause it but well i like my body is perfect as it like operates in pretty close synchronicity to my nerves so before i perform i'll usually have to take like in the half half an hour to 15 minutes before i perform i will probably take upwards of three bathroom breaks.

Usually just weeing. Probably one nervous poo in there as well. And so it's hard to say. I mean, it was really, especially then, I'm slightly more relaxed now, it was really uncommon for me to eat before performing. And so that just sort of jumps out in my mind i don't think we give enough credit to how much your nerves can affect your bowels we seem to separate the digestive tract into just

like you know you chuck food in you digest it you crap it out um sort of colloquialisms but you know shitty i'm shitting myself pissing yourself like and that's that's all stuff that people say before when they're nervous before something you know this guy must be absolutely bricking himself he must be cacking himself yeah but anyway i mean i haven't had to deal with anything like that since and long may it rain I mean the closest I've come is just you know when you when you're in a shared green room facility and uh you're sitting down thankfully but you don't have total agency over the noise that's escaping your body and by proxy the room and I mean everybody does farts and whatnot but it's just it's something you'd rather not especially if you don't know the other comedians you're performing with you'd rather

they don't have to think about you in that compromised circumstance you'd rather they think about you as the shitless wonder guy montgomery the shitless wonder you've really taken away that potential mantle from yourself for anyone who hears this episode of the podcast i know and this is what gets me is i oh no i mean to be fair there is an overwhelming body of evidence to suggest otherwise but by and large i don't shit myself. But you know, you shit yourself two times in five years and all of a sudden...

Was the other time... Yeah, I think you're... That story that I used to tell on stage. Yeah. That was... People will probably be able to remember this. This was back in the season one days when we went to California

and we went to a party in Malibu, a house party and long story short a guy woke up with some urgency for he had lost agency it was compromised I'm not going to rehash

that story guy I'm not going to rehash that story, Guy. I'm not going to. I'm not going to do it. Well, you need not. If you're listening to this, by the way, that would mean that the first season of the podcast is currently available on the Worst Idea of All Time stream.

And I'm fairly confident that Tim shared that anecdote either because that was before our last live show. So in episodes probably like 50 through 52 in all likelihood you'll get to hear that as told um quite recent after the event by timber as told by timber now to get back to the movie but to stay on this shit track one thing that's always bugged me is charlotte's facial expression while she's trying to uh what's the word portray her shitting yourself so they've yeah they've got all the sound effects of her noises happening a lot of uh wet farts um sort of tummy rumblings in the extreme

and then she's kind of contorting her face in this weird it's very cartoonish to me and it really uh doesn't it grates against the rest of the film it doesn't quite sit in there well to me and it's got one of those slow punch-ins from the camera just zooms in very slowly into her which is very funny but it's very cartoonish yeah i um i mean it's a tough thing to act and it's one of those ones where you'd almost want to go method um because i mean you know i i agree it's i don't think it's the most brilliant portrayal of someone shitting themselves but it's a challenging thing to do maya rudolph and bridesmaids does a fantastic job um in a big sort of shit set piece when she's on the street during

that was it i think it was you did you say you don't specifically enjoy such scenes like did you bemoan yeah that's me yeah yeah yeah i loved bridesmaids i i actually i should watch that again i haven't seen it since i think it came out at the theatre, but I fucking loved that movie. But yeah, the shitting in the street scene, I was like, do we have to? Why? I just think it's such a...

I think it's such a... I'm trying to think of a different way to say cheap laugh, but I can't. I think it's so just base, and the rest of it is so kind of witty and funny and kind of... You said it yourself. You had a chunk of an hour long show dedicated specifically to recounting a tale of someone defecating themselves.

And that's fine if it's all of a piece. You know, there's a lot of movies where I'll see someone shitting themselves. I'm like, it's all of a piece uh you know there's there's a lot of movies where i'll see someone shitting themselves i'm like it's funny because it fits in here like a like a jigsaw puzzle piece it slots in but in bridesmaids i was like this doesn't really match the rest of the film i think it matches the rest of the film i mean i i also haven't seen it since it came out but i think it matches the rest of the film just fine it's a bawdy comedy i should um i should watch it again so i can speak with more authority but it also i i feel the same way about uh this movie as well it doesn't really

fit being in there but maybe i'm being too prudish guy about my um i feel like where i'm placing shit humor yeah i think if you think about in the context of this movie being released in 2008 a reunion you want to create some uh you want to create conversation pieces charlotte shitting herself would have been a huge set piece for the film i'm like i think before i'd even seen you think it is my inherent misogyny that in two female-led films the uh character shitting themselves scene doesn't sit well with me uh it's possible i mean can you think of any other movies or scenes involving shit that don't appeal to you off the top of your head um van wilder but that whole movie's bad i accept that but that the shit scene of that's particularly

awful but i really enjoy the rest of that film because i just am so under the beguilement of ryan what about uh the other one i remember now is battle shits and harold and kumar yeah not into it but again that's women so maybe maybe it would be the same i mean maybe Maybe the thing is you just don't like... Do you know what, though? Harold and Kumar, I'm actually fine with... I reckon that one's all good because it matches the tone of the movie

and it's fucking funny. That one is a bit of me, actually. I quite like it. You like the Battleships Challenge? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I mean, it's interesting stuff fuck man harold and kumar i shouldn't like those movies but boy do i they're so silly and i love that

cal pen went on to just like his career is so fucking crazy man he started off in um i think harold and kumar was his big break i'm trying to think if he was the same guy he wasn't the guy in van wilder he was a different actor was that him he was raj taj taj taj mahal but drama but yeah he uh right there was him so he starts off in van wilder Party Liaison, a fucking crazy movie that I don't even think did very well and was very, like, based on its humour. Real college romp.

Real, uh, it was a National Lampoon movie. It did well. And then they did The Rise of Tuck. Van Wilder made $38.3 million from a budget of five. Oh, that's not a bad return is it I feel like that's the pocket that National Lampoon sits in they'll chuck in like

less than $10 mil and they hope that half of the movies they make you know get like 4, 5, 6 times return it's not that high risk but it's good i just reckon i've always loved ryan reynolds i'm so glad deadpool exists anyway you love fuck you love ryan reynolds so much always have right for two guys and a girl which we talked about yesterday we did that we did cal pen crazy career so he so he leaves acting to go and work in the obama white house i actually don't know if he was in the white house but he

worked he worked in the government for a uh youth outreach program in the administration for many years and then came out and did a designated Survivor as like an actor slash White House advisor because he now had all this knowledge. So then he gets to work with Kiefer Sutherland, who I also fucking love. Yeah, you do love Kiefer Sutherland. Yeah, I think Harold and Kumar, that was with John Cho? Yes.

And that guy's gone on to have quite a storied career as an actor. He's done very well. Those movies are fun. Rightly so. I tell you what, you need to be real smart to do comedy well, I think, in movies. If you're a good comedy actor actor i think you have to be pretty fucking switched on i don't know people give comedians so much credit there is like oh you have to be smart in comedy do you know you can be or you could also be a fucking idiot both work

and that's why i love it tim what was your shining light this watch so glad you asked um this is specific but it's the tie that harry slash runkle was wearing in the uh in the in the hospital yeah when he gets his new baby like baby rose it's pink it's beautiful he's wearing a crisp white shirt he's got that shiny bald head that i love so well and he's got this uh gorgeous pink tie on and it's just a it's a good look for him man i like him with the pink tie that's great and it's the perfect length as well just touching the belt buckle with the end there he's nailed it i really i actually had for how much i didn't enjoy the watch there are a few things that jumped out at me. I think I'll probably save one because, you know,

it can be a real fucking slog digging these out sometimes. It's a marathon, not a sprint. But I really liked Carrie's delivery when they're having the coloring in scene and they changed the word from sex to coloring. And Samantha sort of says, you know, she's just fucking really railing some classic Samantha. She says, I love to color. I can't color enough.

I want to color with every crayon in my box. And when she was saying it, she was sort of just prattling on and on. And in my head, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. And then Carrie cuts in with a perfectly delivered, we get it. And then Carrie cuts in with a perfectly delivered, we get it. You love to color.

I love the line. I love the delivery. Carrie really represented me in that moment. And I thought it was- I'm so with you on that. It is perfectly delivered because it is delivered with both, I've had enough of what you're talking about

but with all the warmth and friendliness that you would expect from such a tight relationship absolutely great bit of acting um although that's not to say that samantha's raunchiness antagonist or bothered me the whole film and i i said i was going to say this but i'm not because i hadn't really noticed it before but she does this trick uh I hadn't really noticed it before. But she does this trick. I hadn't really paid attention to the specifics of it. But a great trick. And I feel like I've probably seen it at parties when I was younger. Or maybe even when I was old.

What you want to do is you get your pants pockets, you turn them inside out, and you walk up to someone and say, Would you like to see an elephant? Is that where you were going absolutely not but my bad that sounds like some real high school sort of uh low-key you know mask behavior uh and certainly something that would have really cracked me the fuck up when I were a teen. But no, what it is is when they're doing the costume fittings when they're packing up to move out of the apartment and Samantha, when it's her turn, the first move she does,

she comes around the door and she sort of has a raised leg and so you can only see half of her body and she sort of starts almost grinding up and down the door and uh it's sort of the suggestion that she's being absolutely you know in the throes of a passionate lovemaking session and uh it's done with skill uh it's handled quite deftly by samantha by the camera person by the editor and um to be honest it inspired me to have a go myself it's not the easiest thing to do and it's also when you don't have an audience quite hard to know how you're performing but i just tried humping half of a wall it's a door i'm not going

to hump a wall like some sort of idiot What is a door if not half a wall? A door is a door It's got it's own title It's so independent from a wall It's literally the one part of the wall that is not a wall My name is Guy Montgomery

and I hate doing comedy podcasts and being there with my friend You just must be an improviser you piece of shit sorry i don't get to choose when my brain's thinking laterally uh it's just all those shits i took in high school you know i'm still match fit you're spent see it's hard because what i was going to say is you should record yourself and put it out there online of you doing it but the unique challenge of this season of the podcast is we're not quite sure when exactly when these

episodes are going to come out so we're just kind of recording quietly recording that this is so sad do you know i've been like re-editing um just doing a light little listen over season one uh to get those back out and into the world that that's really going to date when you know we're taping these and two things man when we had to do watches when we weren't in the same room we were so sad that is the whole fucking season this time it's a goddamn nightmare and number two there is a distinct lack of marijuana from my life right now which is really really putting a dampener on i think some of the potential comedy of this season well go get yourself some marijuana man yeah fucking a i need to i really need to sort that out

fill your boots it's a hell of a time um It is tough being away for all of these episodes, but, you know, we're only eight in. Amiga. 34 to go. No. 44. Ah, yeah, 34 plus 10. I think that's probably enough for this particular outing it's been do you know for

how much i didn't enjoy the film talking to you tim was quite a welcome holiday and that is one of the interesting wrinkles of being a part for all of them is it's like i think how despondent i become watching the movie the mood of the episodes lifts because i'm reunited and i have an outlet for it when it's just me i watched a lot of this movie with uh my head resting or just like sort of against the desk uh just like quite despondent quite miserable uh so to see you afterwards is uh uh one of life's little treats. Back at you, Guy. Well, thank you very much to Guy Montgomery and also to this episode's sponsors, The Toilet Tellers, that great volunteer organisation

helping keeping our teens on their toes by prefacing their poos with prose. Very good. Thank you so much, everyone. We we'll see you tomorrow if you're along for the journey probably uh all the best bye-bye we just have a good rhythm together you know like he sort of feels me out i feel him out and uh we go for it