The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Eleven - Gold Star

Episode Date: July 14, 2016

Do sex toys come to life in the Toy Story universe? Is Johnn Depp a knifeguy? What's the audience for a Swiss Army knife? Probably the Swiss Army! But those other two questions stand. With renewed vigour, your favourite fucboiz run into battle against Zacole, Jarhead and the rest of the gang for the 11th time. Shining lights are casting a harsh light on the lack of plot and Tim seems to think Pixar doesn't make films. Or something. It's all a bit hard to follow. The only thing you need to remember is: Mouth full of concrete, dick full of diamonds (that's the Gold Star Reality difference!) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're gonna play that Dastardly intro? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thank you for that theme song, Christopher Brown. I think we could probably do with another at this point. How are you feeling about it? I could go another. I could always go another, Tim. You know me. I'm a yes man.

I watched the trailer for Yes Man last night. How'd it go? Came out in 2008. That sounds about right. Wait, that was off the back of Flight of the Conchords success that Reece Darby got it, right? Yeah. So that means, Jesus.

I know. When was Flight of the Conchords big? Must be 2006. A fucking cool decade ago. A hot decade. Wowee. We've just watched We Are Your Friends for the 11th time. And Tim and I are still, we're firm friends, actually.

I think while the watch wasn't good it was good for um i want this to be efficient i'm kicking off right with getting sentimental with james reed are you going to join me for the intro uh you'll have to find out getting sentimental with james reed that's very nice you were sort of like backing vox rather than right up me uh right up with me i was kind of like me that would be an entirely different kind of song like a um a sketch like in kanye's first album there were lots of sketches they put in it sure sure so i was like a sketch it was gonna roll into a sketch after that song skit you like old school hip-hop don't say that but that was the first one that came into my head

what's the big what's the one that uh Chris Rock's got a lot of skits on? It's an old hip-hop album. I don't know. He's also in one of the songs on my Dark Twisted Beautiful Fantasy on Kanye's album. Oh, there you go. Maybe that was an homage to the one that I'm thinking of. Your examples are weak because they don't exist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Well, I can't name them. It doesn't mean they don't exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Well, I can't name them. It doesn't mean they don't exist. So here's what happened this week. Crammed into that MacBook Pro box that James Reid of The Feelers gives to Zicoli. If you don't know what I'm talking about, there's 13 episodes for you to catch up on. And there is a collapsible, telescopic, and slightly put it yourself together as well,

but a DIY samurai sword inside there. So it's basically got a couple parts, the handle and the telescopic blade. What is a telescopic blade? It comes out like a telescope. That's how they managed to fit it in a MacBook Pro box. That's not tradition for samurai swords. They're usually one piece. All swords, I would say.

Yeah. Makes them stronger that way, I reckon. If they're one bit. One bit of metal. Okay. So is this quite a cheap sort of sword? No, it's good. It's a bloody good and it's very beautiful samurai sword.

It's a high-end collapsible samurai sword. Yeah. And it does the job. Are there many competitors on the market? I've never seen one. I've never seen one. So it's only as high-end as the brand says it is. That's the beautiful thing about being a first market actor.

You get to set your own value. You're just like, collapsible swords exist now. They're worth a million dollars. Everyone's like, okay. And then they fucking buy one. Do you think iPods managed to sell like hotcakes despite their huge markup because steve jobs was just like hey this thing's worth 300 and everyone was like yeah okay but people wanted small portable music players yeah there's not a not there's not

yeah but not never out there not there for no there's no like the only competition i can think of for this collectible samurai sword is a swiss army knife something which services a completely different set of needs different niche a different niche for the swiss army knife actually quite a niche it's the swiss army and that's it collapsible samurai sword so i think infinitely more helpful for other nationalities anyone really can i can you pass me what's left of my coffee in that cup? Which I know is going to be cold, but I just want some of it. Yeah, sure thing, man. Thanks.

Yeah, this is interesting to me. I mean, it's an interesting product. It's an interesting gift. Yeah. It feels to me like you're getting kind of back into knives. You know how, yeah, quite possible, actually. We were musing, ladies and gents, and when the movie was on, actually, I just threw out there as a thought,

I wonder what the knife's doing right now. And I don't mean the replacement new knife that I got in New York. What's that one doing? That's in my drawer, in my top drawer. Never leave a knife in a drawer. Why? Have you not seen Toy Story?

I've seen it. It's not where should it be. What am I missing? It's where might the knife be. That knife is sentient as soon as you leave it alone. What? That's not the not seen Toy Story? I've seen it. It's not where should it be. What am I missing? It's where might the knife be. That knife is sentient as soon as you leave it alone. What? That's not the point of Toy Story. It's what the toys are.

The knife is a toy to you. Ah. Holy shit. Do you reckon dildos come to life in the Toy Story universe? Sex to all sex toys. Like anal beads have got their own cute little persona. That is what Toy Story is missing is a grizzled dildo character fuck it is there would be you know how people do porn parodies for movies what if it was a comedy

but like the parody of toy story was just they're all sex toys it'd be fucking awesome that would be very it's doing it and uh yeah a full animated movie porn comedy parody yeah it's quite a big again like the swiss army knife quite a niche audience for it, but I'd watch that. That sounds hilarious. What a concept. Make it, Tim. Call the production company Flixar.

So it's like Pixar, but for flicks, like the movies. Yeah. So people know what they're getting. That's good stuff. A flick based on a Pixar property. What would happen in the movie, though? That's the question. And would you call it Sex Toy Story, or you think of like a better name than that you can do better than sex toy story yeah maybe it's one of those things where the real like the good joke of

the title is in the subtitle so it's like sex toy story semicolon semicolon gross do you like it in movies when the movie says the title out loud oh man that is such a good question no I don't think so eh I think it's um whenever it happens I always roll my eyes and say oh bloody hell

smash us in the face with it they've got a whole song in this one. Yeah, that's true. And you love the song. Yeah, I still do. But that's like they've named the movie after the song rather than come up with a movie title and then cram it into the script somewhere.

Although that's not probably how it works either. They write the script first and then find a good line of dialogue and go, oh, yeah, we'll call it that. Yeah. What by round do you think it goes? I reckon if it goes around the way you just said so they write the film and they find a banging

hotline of dialogue and name the movie after that yeah that would be that would be so annoying because it would probably be your favourite bit of dialogue or whatever in the movie

and then you completely take all the power and like venom out of it by putting it right in front of it like by putting it right in front of the movie and being like

this is the thing oh so like you ruin your favourite scene yeah like it takes the power out of the line because you'd be like, everyone in the audience will do what you do and roll your fucking eyes. I can't even think of a movie.

Dude, where's my car? They do it? But it kind of works in there because it's such a dumb comedy that it's like, yeah, that's fine. I assumed that that was dialogue. I was talking about this movie yesterday. When they try and get the French man

to say the word honourable what? what movie is that? it's a dude where's my car a Frenchman is trying to call himself an honourable man classic stuff from your mate mine Ash Cooch and is

WS yeah nailed it and who? Sean William Scott. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Fucking, he's the dude I wonder what's he doing right now quite often. Having a good time. Stifler was huge, man.

There was probably Stifler backpacks and shit somewhere. Who's such a good match between actor and character. Yeah, it's perfect. What was that movie he did with The Rock, I think? It was some movie where they had to go and get something from a place. But let's not talk about that. We had to talk about We Are Your Friends. Allegedly, we are.

No, we are. We are. Yeah. Well, we watched it, so isn't that enough? I mean, well, because the knife conversation touched on when we watched the movie, there's a fight between Jarhead and Johnny Depp, which until this week I hadn't really thought about because the fight, I know for a fact every time it happens, I'm always like,

well, there's no point in posturing, boys, because we all know Zicoli's going to rock it and break up this dumb fight. Yeah, with those big old guns of his. Yeah, but today when I was watching it, I was like, I wonder who would win the fight and it would always be Jarhead. So you weren't wondering. You were just thinking Jarid would definitely kick. At first I wondered.

Then I was like, Jahid would kick his ass. But then, and I said this to you, Johnny Depp, he looks like a knife guy. Yeah, he does. He looks like Jahid would always fight with muscles because he's a big one-beat idiot. But Johnny Depp, he's a shady character. Yeah, but he's a knife guy in that he will carry a knife and get into knife fights, but he won't pull a knife out in a punchy match. I reckon he would.

No. Johnny Depp, he is getting worse. With every week that passes, I like Johnny Depp less and less. It's like... No, I thought you were saying Jahid would pull the knife out. No, Jahid's all... He's all bloody brawn and... He's all fists.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not a sneaky knife guy. Johnny... Oh, Johnny Depp's got the knife. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not a sneaky knife guy. Johnny... Oh, Johnny Depp's got the knife. Yeah. Oh, I think you're right. Jahid would never carry a knife.

Nah. He's just bullish and confident. Yeah, I think you're right. He doesn't beat anyone into submission. Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. Yeah, no, sorry. I've misspoken. I want to apologize to you

and I want to apologize also to the listeners. What a good guy. Yeah. I mean, yeah. So you'd agree johnny depp would pull a knife johnny depp will produce a blade from betwixt his skin layers he's that kind of guy he'll hide one in prison and somewhere hear about those guys who find like a fleshy bit of their body and just fucking jam a blade in there i don't really hear about those guys i don't really move in those circles, unfortunately. Well, Johnny Depp does, and I hear about it.

How do you hear about it? I hear about it on the grapevine. You've been hanging out by the grapes again, Tim? I have. Told you to stay away from those grapes. Yeah, I know you did, but then I have to let go of my catchphrase. I'm having a vine of the time. It's not a good catchphrase. I don't know why you're so attached to it.

Yeah, I don't either, but there's just something about it. It rhymes is the thing about it. It doesn't make it good. Does it rhyme? Having a vine of a time. Well, it almost rhymes. It's a rhyming shape. It feels like a rhyme.

Yeah, it feels like a rhyme. It smells like a rhyme. Then by Jove, it's probably... It's got the tail of a rhyme. It's a close relative of a rhyme. It's a fox. Curveball. What was your favorite bit of the movie, Guy?

My shining light, so to speak? Yeah, you could say that. I really enjoyed when they assemble a song hastily in the middle of the movie. To anyone who's joining on this episode, there's really no plot details. So have fun piecing this together. Well, don't worry about it. There's not that much of a plot uh but burn maximum joseph uh they're making us it's like roughly the middle of the movie when everything's on track from to reach his goal they're making a song uh

somally is doing vocals doing a pretty piss poor job singing the stupid line uh synchronicity is electricity and fucking dopey ass boyfriend james even the feelers is banging out the most boring like limp drum fill i've ever like pretty much he's got a dead arm and it drops onto a snare and then he just rolls it across the other drums while he's trying to get it back onto his fucking lap uh but in that scene in spite of how terrible the song is coming out, there's a shot of Zicole in the Jarr family's apartment or like sleep out where he lives with his headphones on. He's doing like this really upbeat kind of dance

where his arms are quite buoyant, like his elbows are at shoulder level and his arms are kind of bouncing. It's like a birdie dance. But he's not dancing like a bird. It's like a freestyle. No, it's just that you put your arms out like a rooster so they go so you you put your fists kind of under your chin he's got open hands um yeah yeah but just

position wise so that it kind of your elbow your arms make a two v's and then you you go from the waist and you go up to the shoulders with those elbows. And it's just one of those. And then you throw one of the elbows forward and the other arm back. That's how you Zicoli dance. Sort of like a freestyle flapping movement. It's really strutty. It's like a chicken strut. You sound like Rex Banner.

Makes me laugh. Well, you know what laughter sounds like. Who's Rex Banner? He's called into town to stop the bear baron in springfield oh whoa deep cut deep deep cut oh yeah i was gonna say before actually that um simpsons do the best skit or joke that i've seen to do with that saying the movie title out loud you know where they're uh they're ripping off alive they turn on tv about the football team from i can't remember which european country and it smashes into a mountain some of them survive oh yeah by eating the other yeah and it was based on a true story it happened um

oh it's something like that it just is that it's like ending he's like, and it's thanks to him that I'm alive. There's someone off mic just goes, pass the call pilot. That's funny. Not a big payoff for where I took us, folks, but there won't always be. And that's the beauty of improv. If you strip back Tim's, you're improvving a memorised Simpsons joke.

If you strip back Tim's piss-poor delivery and just think about the joke in itself as a part of the Simpsons. Yeah, please evaporate me from your mind. Just get rid of me. Take to me the memory of me butchering that Simpsons reference, like a samurai sword with telescopic properties would cut through a birthday cake. Which is to say, not as well as a regular samurai sword or kitchen knife. Nah, I reckon this collapsible one that James Reid from the feelers has got at Sikoli is actually of very high quality.

I think like anything, you can get a shit quality telescopic sword. No, but you said yourself that there's only one brand in the market, so there's no knowing if it's of high quality or low quality it's like well no because you definitely would compare it to a single sheet of metal sword as well yeah that's why it's getting absolutely panned in the samurai magazines do you on the forums reviews oh not at all oh no there's a lot of people saying why on earth why did you do it to create this product which services no because it makes no demand it makes them easy to travel with have you ever tried to travel with a sword that's difficult everyone is very sensitive about it yeah i used

to i used to travel with a cutlass did you yeah a cutlass the um like uh tool of orienteering and cartography or the sword thing? A compass or a cutlass? Is that what you're asking me? Oh, you said cutlass. Gotcha. I like the idea of them being combined though. You could put one of those ones that you get in suvs a cut piss you know those compasses that float in water they were all yeah put them on the um handle of the sword on the bottom now

you're talking but then when you tried to figure out where north was you probably cut your toes off i tell you what times your question that would make traveling with a sword a heck of a lot easier because you'd always know where you were yeah i can't tell you the amount of times that i've been traveling and thought where is my compass it'll be infinitely helpful in this situation it's amazing maps are crazy yep can you believe that people used to have to open out a map and like chart where they're going i remember you you will remember it too and no one after our generation will remember that too and no one after our generation will remember that

like being in a road trip and having these fucking unwieldy A fucking negative four just wall posters

of like the North Island of New Zealand being like oh we're gonna get to Taihape it's not even that fucking hard

in New Zealand like we don't need maps really it's pretty adequately signed in most places people don't know what it's like to get lost anymore you know it's pretty adequately signed in most places people don't know what it's like to get lost anymore

you know it's like oh yeah fucking Google Maps got us lost what you got delayed by five minutes going around

a different block try driving five hours in the wrong direction and not figuring it out until you hit a dead end it's like a way smaller version of what happens in Wall-E

where they're all on that like paradise cruise spacecraft that's just circling around in space because earth is all fucked up and as a result because all the human beings on board have gotten pampered by the robots and just turned into these big fat boneless kind of slugs really so have you not seen WALL-E no that sounds awesome I reckon you'd like it I saw

it at the theater like on the big screen when it came out. And I was like, I almost cried a couple of times. That fucking, that movie got me. Very well done. And then it was on TV a couple of weeks ago here. And I was just flipping through. And I was like, oh, Wally, fuck yeah. Awesome. Watch the whole thing.

That does sound awesome. Anyway, with this whole Google Maps conversation, I feel like we are becoming victims of that. Because if you think about some of the basic skills that they had back in the day which we've just completely jettisoned yeah people would at least be able like your average person traveling around should be able to kind of interpret how to read a map but i reckon that's fucking going now hey we'll all get programmed with them we sound like our parents back in my day.

Yeah, I guess so. But it's like... It's so funny because also... But it's reliant on someone else in a way that I don't think it used to be. Like if Google Maps fucks out, you're fucked. That's why it's funny because what you're complaining about,

what you're angry about not existing anymore is a worse version of what currently exists. Back in my day, we used to get lost properly. Yeah, I know. That sounds fucking terrible granddad but the trade-off is we had like a tiny bit more knowledge which is now worthless which is why i'm so fucking pissed off because i knew i wasn't gonna need it i wouldn't have learned it that's that's the thing about um us getting separated from food uh like production though you know that we just go down to the supermarket and everything's just there it's made things real fucking weird i reckon because now if

they if they people say that uh like most societies are only something like four meals away from a full-blown riot like just society breaking down if you can interrupt people's food supply food supply like apparently just fucking countries fall apart like it's so dependent on everyone like just society breaking down. If you can interrupt people's food supply, like apparently just fucking countries fall apart. Like it's so dependent on everyone being able to... Because everyone gets used to whatever level of nutrients they're getting and then they freak out. Sociologists...

Well, it's not necessarily like nutrients. It's just that drive in your brain that's like, got to gather resources, protect the family, further my genetic line. And it's so few... It's such a small amount of time of knowing that you don't have easy access to food that apparent like sociologists reckon it's about four meals or something and i think they've uh like come up with that time frame based on countries where it's happened they've gone through things like hyperinflation which is like everything fucking is gone real quick one day and then just whole society collapses and i don't know how to make my own food i don't think i could grow potatoes

properly yeah i wouldn't know how to do a lot either i'd start eating uh leaves probably someone someone told me and i can't remember who it was, but I trusted them. I remember trusting them at the time. They said that potatoes have pretty much all the nutrients you need to live off. Really? Yeah. It wouldn't be a fun existence. Why is everyone slagging off potatoes all the time then?

Because carbs. God, no one can make their mind up about what you're meant to eat. We are so far off topic. It is madness. It's fine. We've earned this for Christ's sake. This was watch number 14 of Memory Service. 11.

You fucking maniac. Oh, was it? I keep slipping into what number of the friend zone we're at. Dang, really? It was only 11? Oh, man. That fucking sucks. I hate this movie, eh?

No, you don't. I came into it hating it today. You got called out this week by a publication for calling it the Citizen Kane of our generation. I told you once, I'll tell you a million times, it was the ramblings of an insane man. He wasn't to be trusted. Have you said you're shining light?

No, I haven't. But it is where they get in the fist fight, Old Ziccoli and James Reid of the Fields. Oh, yeah. And James Reid is like, he punches him. He punches Ziccoli once, gives him a right good clocking on the jaw. And he says, did you fuck her? And then Ziccoli says, what?

Oh, no, he's more innocent. Sorry. He's like, what? Like that. And so James red clocks him again and then he goes did you fuck her and then his colleague just kind of raises his eyebrows like a cheeky little devil like i love that even in the moment of someone getting the shit beaten out of them of just like their ability to exert a bit of cheekiness over the other person yeah

something about being able to take a punch and like smile at the other person that's a very powerful oh yeah as soon as they know they're not inflicting pain like presumably yeah as soon as you would you're trying to beat someone up and you realize that you're not inflicting any mental or physical pain on them then it completely removes their power away takes everything away but if the other person's physically bleeding like zikoli was it's funnier because it's like you're're definitely just fucking, like, you are hurt. You are visibly hurt. And I like your gumption that you won't let me have it. You know, you won't let me claim that.

Yeah. Ziccoli's character this week was more questionable, I thought. I thought you were going to use stronger terminology. I thought you were going to use stronger terminology. I thought you were going to say deplorable. There were certainly aspects which I think I was very, I have previously been more forgiving with than I was this week. You got exceptionally upset by his treatment of Tanya Romero. As well any human being with a beating heart should.

Do you want to just briefly explain the situation? Tanya Romero has been dropped in the deep end by Gold Star Realty Solutions They've really you know they've taken from her hand over fist and she's... What they were supposed to do is stop the bank being able to foreclose

on her house. That's what they present themselves as doing as a business. We talk to the banks. That's what Paige says. That's exactly what Paige says. Fucking mouthful of concrete, dick full of diamonds. And so, Tanya Romero,

who's in the middle of realizing that gold star realty solutions aren't actually a solution at all. Sorry, hold on. Every time you say gold star realty solutions now, you have to use their slogan, which is mouthful of concrete,

dick full of diamonds. Very well. It's too good to pass that on. Yeah, so she's realized that maybe the good folks at Gold Star Realty Solutions, mouth full of concrete, dick full of diamonds,

aren't providing the solutions they promised. So she calls them up, and this is just after Zicola has been at the music festival and fucked so many. And Tony Romero calls up and she's like, hello cole is this cole and he's like yeah and she's like uh so i can't remember her lines specifically but can you do

something for me cole yeah can you do something for me trouble is clearly a brewing uh at castle romero at least to say you've got those bloody raccoons coming in to take over the neighborhood fucking a or was it badges i i honestly can't remember this is such a hazy memory of what we were talking about then anyway the point of it is uh cole's like gets a text from james reed from the feelers which says come over big fight and he's like fuck you see that in a screen yeah he's like fuck he's found out that i slept with somaly it's all going on they're having a fight I have to go around I'm obviously a part of this now I've fucked my way into their relationship

and by god I'm going to fuck my way out of it and pretty much just completely forgets it at work takes the headset off leaves Tanya Romero high and dry all at sea I just do have to point out that bit isn't explicitly in the film where he takes his headset off

but it's you're hearing Tanya in the hour of need, you see the text message come up, you see his face, and then just cut to, and he's walking into the house. And you also, there's a shot of, I think, maybe not his desk empty at the office, but there's an off mic Tanya Romero going, Cole, are you there? Oh, that's just in his headphones.

He's still got them on. Has he still got them on? But he's reading the text message, yeah. But to not even have the professionalism to say, like, obviously he's just in his headphones. He's still got them on. Has he still got them on? But he's reading the text message, yeah. But to not even have the professionalism to say, like obviously he's up to his eyeballs in whatever he's dealing with. But don't read your texts when you're on the phones. When you're logged in for the day, you take a break if you're going to be texting.

You've got to be focused up. It's not how I got to where I am as manager of this call centre, starting as the janitor, working my way through every role on the way up. Slovenly work is not a hallmark of my career. It's not good for your KPIs either, is it? Terrible for everyone's KPIs. I've got to answer to the boss.

You guys have got to answer to your team leaders. Team leaders have got to answer to me. Everyone's answering, everyone. There's no questions being asked. It's just a lot of numbers being thrown at you average call time nine minutes why is that cole because you fucking you just bailed on tanya romero you didn't hang up the phone it blew out your average call time you fucked an hour so you're gonna get that pay rise it's not happening it's just so selfish have you ever worked at a call center no you have i've worked in tons maybe half a dozen the shortest one was for one afternoon in sydney

have i told this i think i have told this story perhaps sell it again i don't remember it uh this is this is when i moved to sydney because a mate of mine was uh chasing a girl and he was like do you want to come and i was like yes i definitely want to see how this turns out so we moved to sydney um and i was working i was temping i was with the temp agency and i worked for an insurance company and uh it was funny because it would they just dealt with automotive stuff and they seemed to specialize in the um bus operator for sydney like the you know the city council fucking whatever um and so on day one somehow in the afternoon like start in the morning had a short introduction by the afternoon they were giving me files and i had to determine who was at fault oh yeah tell me this I don't have a fucking driver's license at all.

Was this just before Christmas or something as well? Yeah. This was like days before Christmas. Fuck, it was incredible. And I was like flipping coins in the office to determine who was at fault. That's madness. Why shouldn't I have been put in that position,

to be honest? God. Actually, to be honest? God. Actually, to be fair, that wasn't a call centre, but it was one of the jobs. You're a man of many jobs, Tim. Too many. Too many. Too many jobs.

Anything else jump out at you during the movie this week? Oh, look, a lot of things. Were there truly a lot of things you noticed? Yeah, like my hatred of it right up top. Yeah, it's coming through real thick on this one. Normally I can sort of give it a, it's like, all right. And it feels like I think we may have recorded the last episode quite close to the one just prior to it. So it feels like there's been a long time between drinks,

which normally would be a good thing it'd be like oh you haven't seen this in a while or bloody flick this little number on see how she goes but this way it goes like oh fuck no way man this again what do you think if you could if you could accelerate through watching the movie yeah so if someone came up to you and said you can do it in whatever number of remaining weeks, 41 weeks, or you can do it in 41 days, what would you choose? Do I have to watch it one a day? Oh, I see what you're saying.

Which would be more merciful to you? Oh, man. Quite possibly the way we're doing it, once a week. Like, yeah, speeding that up any more than one a week would actually be a fucking massive pain in the ass oh we're hugely it would be in pot like logistically impossible because even so going to the max i think the maximum any reasonable person could pull off is one a day i think if you're doing more than that like in succession it's madness you can show yourself in a room with it on repeat.

Should we do some math? How long is the movie? One hour and 40 minutes. How many do we have left? 41. I pressed a button. Sorry about that. You've missed about five seconds, everybody.

So we're doing math. That were a good five too. Gutted. I feel bad for that what's the duration? an hour 41 41 so that's 101 minutes

times 41 watches equals 41 41 in total divided by 60 I think I've done something wrong I think I might have timesed it by 60 while you do the maths if you want to internalise that it's 69 I think I've done something wrong. I think I might have timesed it by 60. 4141.

While you do the maths, if you want to internalise that. It's 69. 69 hours. That is so good. 69 hours of fuckboys to go. It's kind of perfect in a way. Yeah, it is. How sweet.

I'm really glad that we went to the trouble of figuring that out. That's right. What I was going to say, just on the notion of repetition. Yes, bro. I went out for a lovely meal with my girlfriend last week. All right. No, it was for her birthday. But the first thing that happened was in the restaurant.

Shania Twain, looks like we made it, was playing or whatever. I'm glad we took the long way. Look at how we'll get there someday. They say I'll be. And we walked in. We'll make it, but just look at something. And now we're still together. You're still the one.

Still going strong. You're still the one. You're still the one that I turn in strong. You're still the one. You're still the one that I turn to. I run to. She first runs to them. Oh, okay. How can you turn to someone if you're not next to them? What I'm trying to tell you is we walked in.

You got me. And the song was playing. And we both turned to each other and said, It was like, you know, it's a weird choice of song. Fuck yeah. Actually, can you paint a little bit more of a picture on this? What kind of establishment is this? It's quite a nice establishment. Is it like kind this what kind of establishment it's quite a nice establishment is it like kind of cool like yeah it's kind of cool uh what are they up to then well there's it was almost like they were

ironically playing shania twain aren't we all decades i know so we said we're all decades that we're getting some bands and some musicians and some artists that people legitimately like and we're using it as toilet paper to feel good about ourselves and our highbrow existential fucking creation fucking some people like shania twain that's fine you haven't let me finish the story no i was gonna let you so we sit down and the song finishes playing and then we're talking i can't remember what about. And then a little bit of time later, a few minutes later, the waiter arrives and we order some drinks and the waiter goes away. And then Shania Twain's still playing.

Right. Same song. Well, I was like, is this the same song? And Sophie's like, oh, no, I'm not sure. But it's definitely still Shania Twain. And it was the same song. Well, I was like, is this the same song? And Sophie's like, oh, no, I'm not sure, but it's definitely still Shania Twain. And it was the same song. We would have been in this place for like eight minutes, maybe nine, ten minutes now.

Comes back with the drinks. It's a red flag. Takes the food order. The song is still playing by the time our fucking starter got out. Okay, so this is. It's like 20 minutes, but it took us that long because we keep coming at it out of having a different conversation. So it was kind of lucid. And then after 20 minutes, it was us that long because we keep coming in and out of having a like a different conversation so it was like

it was kind of lucid and then after 20 minutes it was like holy shit they're honestly playing this one song no one else in the restaurant had noticed

it was insane oh my god and then they obviously I know we've talked about Truman Show before but that's some like fucking psychological if that happened to me

I'd be like someone is fucking with me on a very grand scale. I didn't think about it like that. But yeah, it was madness. And then just as we realized we were going to say something, it changed. Fucking bullshit. You did not reckon this was a hallucination.

A small but still mass because there was more than one of you auditory hallucination in the restaurant. There's no way that other people wouldn't notice shania twain on for 20 minutes there's no way i gotta say to the credit of the other diners it looked like they were all very wrapped up in their conversation let me ask you this though was the next song that came on a different shania twain song no i think they really i think they'd realize they'd probably gotten away with one actually that's very similar to john mulaney's birthday that's that's very similar to John Mulaney's bit, eh?

Hey, that's a good special, everyone, too. You should watch that. New in town. John Mulaney, quick shout out. That's not on New in town. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. Isn't it?

That jukebox story. No. But it's the inverse of that joke. Because in that joke, they do it to the customers. But in the other one, they do it to the workers. Yeah, yeah. Anyhow. Yeah. Good Lord. We're going down all sorts of... but in the other one or they do it to the workers yeah yeah anyhow yeah good lord

we're going down all sorts of yeah but listen to hold on to this this vine this theme and swing it into a slightly different realm

music is what we're talking about and I did say that I think I feel tricked by this movie because

I'm definitely partial to a bit of electronic music always have been no one's arguing with you there, mate. Not going to fight you. A weird thing to get real blokey about, eh? No one's going to challenge you on your EDM credentials, mate.

Oh, look, me and all the fellas, we know you fucking love it. We were always talking about it when we were doing the show. We were ganging for it. Sharing the cows and milking the sheep. We live in a pretty weird farm if this movie you ever sheared a cow before it's never happened I've never done it

can't recommend it there's not enough wool it's a mess I'll bet would you need to use the shears that they use kind of it's like a number 4 haircut

right to translate it into human yeah I'd say a number 4 so like god what's a cow gonna give you on that you'd need a lot of purchase you'd need a you know what you need to find a lot of moving around do you know what you would need to pull it off a telescopic samurai sword i think you'd be able to shave right down to like a quarter of an inch of fuzz left on that

bovine friend my main concern with this sword is is the like the actual parts how many parts is it ah look okay let's think about this if it can fit into a macbook pro box what would they be in centimeters probably in length probably 20 centimeters no 25 centimeters no, no, no, no. Like 50 long ways, I reckon. 50 centimetres is pretty fucking long, bro. Get out the measuring tape. It's just behind you, weirdly. 50 centimetres.

Yeah, you think about a MacBook box. It's not that long. It's not that far off. Okay, call it 40. Can you give that in feet and inches Or just inches for our American friends Is it on there This is a very metric Tape measure

It is fucking flipping the bird To our imperial brothers Go fuck yourselves What is an inch you weirdos This system is just plain better I'm not going to pander to you and put it on the measuring tape Go fuck yourself This is New Zealand In and in new zealand you measure a new zealand measurement we do things decimically i don't know what the adjective for that would be um the point was so what are we

looking at about 40 we'll call it 40 centimeters uh what's your average samurai sword blade length i'm gonna call that 1.2 meters. So three sections. Just throwing stuff out there. Three sections. Three sections. Bust out the tape again. Okay.

1.2 meters. Let's have a look at that blade length. That's big. So this is in addition to the 40 centimeter handle. Yeah. I didn't say how long the handle would be, but yeah, that sounds about right. Where's 1.2 meters? You are where no one else can. Yeah, no, I know. I how long the handle would be, but yeah, that sounds about right. Where's 1.2 metres, guy?

You are where no one else can... Yeah, no, I know, I know. This is for me. It's a pretty big samurai sword, but... It's massive, plus the handle. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, samurai swords are so...

They're not that big. But they're so light. I'm saying they're not typically that big, but they're so lightweight. Oh, wait, no, they're not. They're heavy. Oh, I'm thinking, they're not. They're heavy. Oh, I'm thinking of the ninja ones. Is your one light? What am I thinking of?

A katana. Dang. Is your telescopic samurai sword? Yeah, it would be a lot hollower than normal. What kind of metal are you using? I think you use iron, usually, for a sword. Can you make a collapsible iron sword? Yeah, you can make anything.

Like, the collapsible bit's got nothing to do with the materials it's the design it sounds like a good bit of design and you know when you say okay you know when you see those toy lightsabers that like flick out it's that it's just that it's that exact kind of engineering it's not going to be very good for sharing a cow at all why not it's uneven yeah i was thinking about that i was trying to figure out where the sword separates well no see i reckon there's a way to do it the sword wouldn't have fuck this is a hard thing to explain out loud but i can see in my head that's what the conversation is man the yeah but it's like i could draw a picture of it way easier

i reckon you can make a blade that sort of looks like a cheese knife blade um where it's got like it kind of is built with an air pocket anyway the set the catalogue the collapsible samurai sword could have a bit where it doesn't have jagged edges but there's one bit where it kind of has to balloon out at the end where each section joins on to the next bit to soften it could do it smoothly yeah because otherwise you'd have like jagged edges like you do on those um yeah collapsible this is one of my main concerns with the the product i was trying to think if it would even be possible i think the main problem you're going to have with the telescopic samurai sword is the strength of the thing because it's got a lot of weak points in it, you know?

Every join is a weak point. Luckily, that's Zicoli's problem, not ours. Yeah. You were saying, though, electronic dance music, you like it. I was backing you up like a mate, like a true Kiwi mate. Yeah, I was just saying if this movie had a different soundtrack, it wouldn't have held me in any esteem whatsoever. It wouldn't have conned you for as long. Yeah, exactly.

Do you feel conned? I do feel conned. Yeah, I do, man. Absolutely. Yeah, I feel tricked, bamboozled, bewitched, swazzled. That's not a real one. I made that one up. Bamboozled.

That's a real one. That's a real word. Yeah. You obviously don't feel the same way, and that's fine. Iboozled. That's a real word. That's a real word. Yeah. You obviously don't feel the same way and that's fine. I don't feel tricked. I'm just...

Do you feel wronged? I'm just starting to feel impatient. You will notice I was answering every rhetorical question the movie threw at us this week.

Yeah, you were. Because it's one of the funny things about watching a movie multiple times is you can preempt a very funny put down or come back for everything that the characters lob out. Got a lot of quips on there.

And because this is kind of like, because of Maximum Joseph's writing style, there's kind of a little bit of banter in this movie. So it's very fun to sort of just wade in, fuck up everyone in the argument and then keep on rolling. And keep on chuckling to yourself like you're some sort of genius. In actual fact, you're a schmuck who's watched the movie 10 times. You're the biggest loser in the world. Hey, I'm sorry to take us off track of what you're talking about,

but I just remembered this bit, and if I forget it, it'll be gone forever. It'll be back next week. No, I definitely won't remember this. At the very end of the movie, and they haven't played around with a non-linear way of storytelling anywhere else in the film but the very last thing you see in the movie is Skrull Do you see him or do you hear him?

You see him and hear him. It cuts back to the footage of them in the sushi restaurant saying It's not the sushi restaurant. It's when they're on the piss in the first bit. No, no, no, no.

They're in a restaurant. It might not be a sushi one, but it's when Jarhead and Johnny Depp get up to chase those girls. It's during the daytime. No, but when he's, oh. It's like morning after. That's weird, though, because when he says it earlier in the movie, he says it when they're all getting on the piss about to go out to social

for the big club night, when they're all toasting tequila. Whoa. Oh, maybe it's a flashback to that then. Maybe it's not restaurant okay sorry yeah no i'm getting thank you guys it's a good thing you're here because literally no one else on earth would be able to detect that i just got that slightly wrong i don't know if anyone cares but the integrity of this project is very dear to me so i appreciate that uh so it flashes back to that footage yeah fucking around the last bit of the movie the very last thing you see so based on the fact that we know squirrel is dead and that maximum joseph has not employed this non-linear storytelling technique anywhere else in the film i thought it would just completely change the whole tone of everything

if immediately after you see squirrel the final frame of the movie which in actual terms is a title card that says we are your friends it said to be continued with a question mark because it then suggests that squirrel is alive somehow yeah it changes the whole parameters of the universe we're dealing in people coming back from the dead potential zombie crossover genre film. Yeah. To be clear, I don't know if you said the quote in its exact terms, but this is my favourite bit the moment before it starts.

Yeah. Which suggests perfectly that Squirrel has faked his... It's either linear or there's a theory, I think, that he faked his own death. You've said that. Yeah, because he got so goddamn depressed after them singing Santeria by the pool

that he just offed himself rather than continue to hang out with them. But maybe, maybe he is the university graduate that Zicoli says he is in the behind the scenes interviews.

Maybe he didn't know how to leave the friend group. Yeah. So he faked his, he faked a suicide. Yeah. Yeah, and it's coming back to take his vengeance group. Yeah. So he faked a suicide. Yeah. Yeah, and it's coming back to take his vengeance on these losers.

Well, double bluff. Because we don't even know that it's a suicide. So, okay, so first it's a death that kind of looks accidental, but they eventually figure out it's a suicide. Yeah, that's right. But it actually isn't. And then what? And then the second movie is him.

It's not just Paige and Johnny Depp going insane yeah in some concrete asylum riding around with Paige fucking diamonds that's what the movie's called

at Gold Star Realty Solutions a mouthful of concrete and a dick full of diamonds yes we'll look out for you there it's Squirrel like seeking to take vengeance on his friends

for daring to sing Santeria by Sublime at the end of a party and generally just railroading his life from being the high-achieving success story he was meant to be. Seen movies like The Ascendance of Squirrel, The Rise of the Squirrel.

Rise of Squirrel. That's like the sequel to Van Wilder. Rise of Taj. Rise of the Squirrels. An Army of Squirrels. Okay, led by Squirrel? Yes, in costume. It's getting very fucking sniffly close to Brady the Rat King, bro.

That's exactly right. That's what I was thinking. Squirrels versus rats, rats would win that. Well, you were saying, have we ever discussed, during the movie you were saying, have we ever discussed pulling together the three universes? We certainly don't have time for it now, because that's something that deserves some proper fleshing out.

Yeah, it's true. And our time's sort of up, mate. It's time for us to go. That's all right. I've actually run out of things to say with regards to this movie this week. It's, yeah. Look, there was definitely some improv in there. I couldn't say when, though,

because it wasn't memorable enough to talk about. But, you know, Tim. You're making an attempt at no butt, and it's not landing. I'm no butting no butt. Oh, nice. That is meta. And what I'm telling you is

it's been a pleasure talking to you. Yeah. While the journey we took to get here was less than ideal, I think the time spent together has been valuable. Yeah, definitely. I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to watch this movie with me, Guy, and then talking on a microphone for 45 minutes about it. Yeah, man.

I appreciate you doing the same. Walsh, I shall see you later on i'll see you at high noon for the great showdown i'll bring my collapsible samurai sword i'll bring jarhead oh wait before we go jarhead's family there's a reason there's a clear reason why jarhead talks the way he does you know you were you gay it's because his reason why Jarhead talks the way he does. You know, he's like, You, where you going? Where you going? It's because his dad, Jar dad, speaks like the adults from Peanuts. And so the way he's learned to talk

is emulating the way the adults talk. Where you going? Hey, cool. Where you going? It's so good. God almighty, it was very satisfying when we figured that out. I've got to tell you, this movie's opening up in a way that, you know, it's quite nice, isn't it?

We're opening a seam. It's like we've split open the coconut and we're drinking all the juice. Hey, never thought we'd make it. But aren't you glad we did, my baby? Yeah. Are those the words? So glad we made it. Bye, everybody.