The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Eleven - Wellington

Episode Date: October 14, 2018

Guy and Tim are in Wellington facing technical issues and a comedy festival. But in spite of all these trials and tribulations the boys have pressed through with another viewing of comedic shit fest Grown Ups 2. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And we're off. Welcome along to the worst idea of all time, episode 11. Sorry it's late, but god damn we had some technical difficulties. My name's Guy Montgomery. And I'm Tim Beck, coming to you live from the beautiful capital city of New Zealand, Wellington. We've just walked out of a cafe. This is going to be a roving podcast. So we're going to rove the streets. Hear that? Street noise. That's right. That's real atmos. That was a big truck.

So just a little bit of a, first of all I guess the background on the podcast, it's the worst idea of all time. We watch Grown Ups 2 once a week and review it. This week we watched it two, not today, not yesterday, two days ago. Yes. And then we recorded what in my opinion was the best podcast, possibly not even of ours of all time, ever.

I actually agree with you um the only thing i take issue with is your word record because we believed we were recording the greatest podcast of all time but it turns out we simply had the greatest conversation that could potentially have at one point been a podcast it was just two guys walking around wellington talking into a microphone wrapped up in a beanie we looked like a couple of fucking drop kicks but it was gold but it also wasn't recording. That's right, and I think that the fact, I think it makes it performance art.

If it doesn't get distributed, it's not a podcast, it's performance art. Well, how befitting that we're in Wellington doing performance art, just roaming the streets. But anyway, this is our second crack at it. A little bit of background as well on this watch of grown-ups too, numero 11-0-no. Yeah.

As they say in Espanol. As they say nowhere, because that's not how you say things. We got a little distracted during this week's viewing, and I'm tempted to say we actually probably need to watch the movie again, because we need to keep it kosher so that there's no question of us having seen the film 52 times at the end of this journey we're on. Well, we definitely watched the film. It was on. The film was on, we definitely watched the film. It was on. It was on.

The film was on. We were in the room. But the night before, I had spilt some... I was staying with my lovely friend Fergus and his girlfriend Sophie, who's also lovely. Good on you, Fergan Syph. Quick shout out. Yeah. Cheers for the free a-com.

And in a moment of jubilation, I spilt red wine on their beige carpet and didn't notice until the morning. So it had dried. I mean, red wine's not a good thing on white carpet at the best of times, but it dried. My God. It was a real nightmare of a situation. So we spent a lot of the film sort of watching grown-ups too, sort of addressing the red wine state.

I reckon let's aim for the waterfront, by the way. Oh, we'll go down there? Okay, cool. So a key part of that that you're missing is it was quite exciting because it was actually a race against time. Sophie one of the co-proprietors of said property was actually away, coming from an overseas trip I believe.

She was in Auckland, yeah. Well, overseas if you pass one on the coast too far or something. So she was arriving back in had no knowledge of the red wine stain but your mate Fergus did so we were struggling to put the house back into the original. Tim Bat really came into his own. He microwaved a sponge to try and, what were you doing, steam?

A steam mop would have been the ideal thing to have. We didn't have time to rent one or buy one, because then you can soften the material, like the dried wine, and kind of lift it out. We didn't have access to that, so I just grabbed some kitchen sponges and chucked them in the microwave, creating the same kind of steamy effect. They were too hot for him to touch with his hands,

so he was microwaving sponges on a plate and then dabbing them with tongs. It was a hell of a visual. It was an operation. But then, see, what you were doing is just pouring litre after litre of soda water on top of the situation. I reckon I put about five litres of soda water into that carpet. And then throwing additional baking soda on top

because you had read somewhere that soda's supposed to lift stains. There's a website called redwinestainremoval.com or something like that. Yeah. And I just trusted it. That's what happened. I don't think you followed the directions because salt is the ticket like that. And I just trusted it. That's what happened. I don't think you followed the directions because salt is the ticket to that.

You could have dumped a lot of salt on it. If you look at the carpet, you would say it was a failure. The operation, not a total failure, but certainly not a roaring success either. I have made the promise to Fergus and Sarah that when I leave the house, so too will the stain. I do not know how I'm going to follow through on that promise. That

might be a bit empty. Well, I think you should invest in a rug doctor. Steaming mad at dirt, right? Steaming mad at dirt. Look at this. God, Wellington is absolutely alive today. It's a beautiful day in the capital. They say you can't beat Wellington on a good day. I'd have to agree. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go go the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody and here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing now we're currently balls deep in the middle of the new zealand international comedy festival as well which is the reason guy and balls deep in the middle of the New Zealand International Comedy Festival as well,

which is the reason Guy and I are in this fair city right now. And how's the show been going so far, Guy? And how does it relate to grown-ups too? Well, it's gone okay, man. I've had one night I was very happy with and two nights where I thought I laboured some jokes a little bit. I see. But it's my first time running an hour and largely it feels okay. What about you? How's Timbatsaves Planet Earth? Oh,. But it's my first time running an hour, and largely it feels okay. What about you?

How's Timbatsaves Planet Earth? Oh, look, it's going all right. It's probably not exactly where I want it to be right now, but it's good, you know. You get to try new things every night, tinker with the show, get new audiences in. Do you get many punters through the door?

Oh, you're getting a few punters, mate. Yeah. Shifting units. Shifting units? Shifting units, as they say. I've got a boat full of units. I've got to get rid of it. Do you?

Yeah, mate. Have you got too many units in? I've ordered too many units. You're like Big Save Furniture. Yeah, yeah. You've got to get rid of some stock. I'm like a Guy Williams joke. That you are.

You're a walking, talking Guy Williams joke. Anyway, so we watched it on the... When did we watch... What is it today? Today is Friday. We watched the movie on the Wednesday. Right. And I was quite hungover after celebrating the show.

Obviously hungover enough to be spilling red wine and not noticing it. Yeah. I was really dreading the movie going in this week. Surprise, surprise. And in a late twist, Montgomery didn't want to watch the film. How did you feel? I was actually really looking forward to the movie because movie because i had um received an early review on my show which was a very helpful review but somewhat scathing in part so i was feeling a

little vulnerable i was feeling a little uh delicate and obviously mortally hung over as well and i was quite prepared for this familiar film that i've seen so many times before to wrap me up inside its bosom like a blanket like a safety safety net. That's quite interesting because I have comfort films like that as well and I mean Grown Ups 2 definitely doesn't fall into that category but I understand that sort of relationship with something like, I would say I've watched Taken almost as much as I've watched

Grown Ups 2. There was a while whenever I was hungover I'd just watch Taken. I've never seen it. What? I've never seen Taken. It's a really good time. It's got that blanket effect. It wraps you up. You feel safe. You know you're in safe hands. I would argue, though, that...

Is that because of Liam Neeson? Like, you just trust him implicitly? You've kind of confused the role of his character in the film and the role of the movie in your life, if you see what I'm saying? I kind of gently understand what you're saying. Just for clarity as well, I am, once again today,

mortally hungover. My brain is not moving at full speed. Whoa, that's a noisy car. Bloody hell. Shit, all right. Just to give you an idea as well of where we're broadcasting from right now, we're on the corner of Taranaki and Wakefield Streets. We're going to get this light, by the way.

Are we going to? Yeah, yeah. Jesus, all right. No, don't run. We don't need to run. You're making us look dumb. I don't want to get hit by a bloody car in Wellington. Walking past the gas station, heading straight for the waterfront.

I think it's going to be a nice walk. Yeah. So, yeah, during the movie, you, for some reason, were looking forward to it, and then how long do you think it took before you realised how fucking stupid that was and you were hating yourself again? Initial opening shot of the beautiful sweeping camera pan going over the trees of Minnesota? Connecticut, I think.

Connecticut. And then as soon as that deer starts peeing, I'm out. I am pissed off again. That's right. I'm in a bad way. And we probably watched, like we watched it probably, I'd say the first half hour. Oh, at least.

Yeah, 45 minutes. Then the looming threat of an angry girlfriend in a red wine stain sort of distracted us. I mean, at one point we had a vacuum cleaner and a hairdryer on the stain, and it was really, I mean, it was too noisy to hear any of the dialogue. I mean, look, I don't want to toot my own trumpet, but I feel like I really took charge of that situation and started running a complicated multi-pronged attack. I would describe it as complicated, yes. I do think you did take charge as well actually i think i mean across

the situation that's when old timbo comes into this red wine stain didn't know what fucking hit it we were coming at it from all angles it's a bit of baking soda it's a bit of soda water it's a bit of vacuum it's a hair dryer it's salt it's regular water it's a sponge turns out it didn't lift the stain though it is no i think if you just it is no deeper in the carpet well what you did do interestingly with the um soda water uh and and the baking this but the soda powder on it is you managed to fuse the fiber of the carpet together so it was in a far worse condition than when we started all right easy now uh yeah but getting back to growing up don't listen to this getting back to grown-ups too for a second mate um so look uh 45 minutes do you have it did anything jut out to you

this watch no numero 11 oh that hasn't been bought nothing in particular really that i hadn't noticed before um i am watching more the background of shots now like there was one one thing i did notice one moment when i could see chris rocks insides dying a little bit was uh there's a scene where david spade teaches colin quinn who works in an ice cream shop how to how to fix his ice cream machine and the gag is it's a sight gag it looks like i look at that crocodile bike by the way yeah that is like here oh my god oh trouble in family paradise that crocodile bike is not the unifying experience we'd hoped for hey bro you know i've been inside that boat i didn't know that um did that little girl just

stop the crocodile bike because she screamed fuck really loud? I'm not sure. I think that's what, I think she said Jesus fuck and then the dad hit the brakes on that thing. I think that's what we just walked past. I think she looked scared. Yeah, because she knew what she said after she said it. Look at them, they're spread across, this is really weird. Oh Jesus, we're in the middle of something. Today.

You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing. Sorry, you were saying?

Chris Rock? So, David Spade, yeah, it's a joke. It looks like someone's doing a big poo out of an ice cream machine, right? Yeah. And in the background, like, so you get the shot of that, and then you get the shot of the people watching on and laughing, like, ha, ha, ha, this is so funny, we're having a good time. And Chris Rock is being located at the back of this shot. Yeah.

And he's just, I mean, he's really superfluous, all right? You can barely even see him. Doesn't have a line. But when you do see him, doesn't have a line, nothing. When you do see him, you can see in his eyes. He's he's just like oh i don't need to be on set today i i shouldn't i'm chris fucking rock i'm one of the best stand-up comedians of all time yeah i don't need this yeah and that's one thing that did jut out to me what about you um well there was a moment uh that i saw in this viewing where adam sandler is trying to explain to his wife Selma Hayek

that the reason he doesn't want to do a lot of stuff today, go out and see Becky? Donna? Becky. Becky's ballet recital etc. It's because this is the first time he's managed to relax in his life that he's not working since high school. He says, this is the first time I haven't had a job. And she just steamrolls it.

And I felt sorry for Adam Sandler in that moment because it's right at the start of the film before you find out that he's a fucking dick. If you're familiar with any of our previous podcasts, you'll know that, I mean, for Tim Batt to be feeling sympathy for Adam Sandler in this movie is really something. It's a big deal.

Big deal. But it's only brief. It's only briefly lived. But I just think that, you know, they're in a marriage. They've got kids together. They've been together, obviously, for at least sort of 14, 15 years, judging by the age of the kids. And it upsets me that Salma Hayek's character

just steamrolls over one genuine moment of vulnerability that Adam Sandler has in the film. It's sort of like a little, it's a red flag for the way the characters treat each other throughout the whole movie. This is not a nice town they're in. These people, like, it sort of dictates how everyone communicates with each other. And the way they communicate with each other is poorly. It's through insults.

It's not like in New Zealand, though, where you sort of, there's an undercurrent of love to everything. You know, you tear your friends down, but it's understood at the end of the day we all get along and we're very firm friends. These are just people being mean to each other. And since it's such a small town yes they have no choice but to keep hanging out with the same miserable people i hear you you did right and and it's uh it makes an interesting viewing of the film and by interesting i mean horrible because you can't gravitate towards any character because they're all as terrible as each other no except do you know what

except david spade david spade higgins may be the star of this movie this may be a new thing we haven't cracked onto before i think we've touched on david spade before we have a little bit but maybe not in the depth that he deserves because if you think about it he's the one character where there's a bit of an emotional core to his story arc he's got a son he's just found out about he he's genuinely trying to make a crack out of it he knows that as a father there's certain responsibilities that he's yeah but you think he's what's the first thing he does when he finds out he's got a son he lies he tells his son that he's doing something so that he doesn't have to look after him for the day talk dad's lie it's dad talk i guess there's an element of truth in this we We are now... Where are we? We're crossing...

I don't know what this bridge is called, but... There's a whole lot of funky wood stuff. It's the bridge that you go over that takes you from the waterfront to the Civic Square. We're currently looking at Wellington Central City Library to our north, to our east. It's actually quite a nice spot we've found here.

Yeah, that's the art gallery over there. That's the art gallery. That's the library. Shall we go pop a squat on the stairs down there? That's a quite essentially Wellington thing to be looking at. The fern ball there, the metal fern ball in the middle of the square. I'm absolutely positively keen for an authentic

Wellington experience. I hope we get commission from the council for that plug. Do you know what? When we originally tried to do the record for this week, God, it was a stonker. I can't stress that enough. But also, we did like a Hekoi-style journey through Wellington toward Parliament.

Should we do it now? I don't know if I've got the time. I've got lunch plans, mate. Oh, fuck. I've got lunch plans. Well, I mean, what we wanted to do and what we did do, but obviously we don't have the evidence for you, is we took this conversation,

and it is an important conversation, and we are having it weekly, we took it to the beating heart of New Zealand. We took it to the beehive where all of the busy bees, they flit around and they swarm the hive. See, I think you've been taken in by the name the beehive, mate. It's just in reference to what the building looks like. No, I understand that they function essentially as a community of bees.

And obviously John Key's the queen bee, and all the bees, they come in every day and they make honey for John. They feed him honey. John Key's just sitting on a big 10-litre tub of honey in there. No, see, I think you've been thrown off because it's called the beehive because architecturally it's kind of interesting. But it's not how it functions on the inside i mean we could sit here and speculate about new zealand politics all day uh what was your your shining light in the film this week tim um so something that was interesting is that uh it had been eight days since we last saw the film and it really felt like fresh eyes that we were bringing to the viewing this week all it takes

is a day out of sync and suddenly it's a whole new movie i know and um actually i i think i may be stealing a comment that you made now original uh attempt at this podcast this week but john lovett's like a return like a return to form hasn't changed i've changed i acknowledge that but just saying i come through again you're like yeah here is John Lovitz I was in hysterics at John Lovitz in the movie this week talented sharp knife cutting

through the terribleness of the film I believe you speculated that you think all of his lines that made the final cut were ad-libbed lines oh yeah 100%

there's no way that Sandler came up with that shit it's gold it's too good he is because I was thinking I was enjoying it but he's a very he is of all of them probably

one of the most deplorable characters he is an absolute sexual pervert and a creep yeah but they're not trying to present him as anything but like that's the thing with the other characters it's like the movie's trying to go oh look at these lovable larrikins but it accidentally reveals that all of them are cunts whereas john lovitz is like check out this cunt and i'm like that guy is a cunt that's beautiful no actually that was sorry for the c-bombs there was a lot of C-bombs that was actually very succinctly and accurately put

that was bang on the nose well look, after 11 watches I'm getting pretty good at reviewing this film and taking it apart nuts and bolts I did an interview with someone where I was shamelessly plugging the podcast and somehow I did something similar where I didn't know I could do it but it just came out of me

like a perfect little two sentence nugget of a summation of what the movie is and why I don't like it yeah, it, but it just came out of me like a perfect little two-sentence nugget of a summation of what the movie is and why I don't like it. Yeah. What did you say? Do you remember? No. Or were you in the zone? I was in the zone at the time. I'm here with Guy Montgomery, Billy T nominee for 2014.

Guy, what do you do when you're not doing stand-up? Oh, I actually have a podcast with my friend Tim Batt. He's also nominated for the Billy T this year. It's called The Worst Idea of All Time. Can you, just briefly, just really briefly, can you tell me what the podcast is exactly? Yeah, well, we watch Grown Ups 2 every week and review it. So it's the same movie every week.

And it's just, it's, it's, I can't do it. I can't generate this. Sorry, mate. It's a nice little role play, though. You're not as good an actor as Kevin James, clearly. Kevin James is still my least, I think he's my least favorite character. Higgins is my fave. Whatever Kevin James' character my least, I think he's my least favourite character. Higgins is my fave.

Whatever Kevin James' character's name, I haven't even bothered to remember. Lamansoff. Lamansoff. You know, he runs the, damn near the best auto body parts shop in town or some garbage. It is what it tells Taylor Lautner, isn't it?

If I might, yeah, who's in the movie, if I might move away from the movie just briefly, so I mean, how are you enjoying your time down here in Wellington? Just gorgeous. I mean, has this weather not really, has Wellington not turned it up for the fest? It's an absolute treat. It's great to be here. I, some people who know this, grew up in Wellington, did all my high schooling here.

It's great to be back, seeing some people I haven't seen in many, many years. And, yeah, you're dead right about the weather, mate. Couldn't be better. And that's what people want to hear when they tune into a podcast. That's right. What's the weather doing in a place I don't seen in many, many years. And, yeah, you're dead right about the weather, mate. Couldn't be better. And that's what people want to hear when they tune into a podcast. What's the weather doing in a place I don't live, probably? Yeah, well, I think it's a real triumph because, you know, you would have thought we got very lucky on the Wednesday to do an outdoor roving podcast.

You wouldn't get two days in Wellington where that was an option. But, I mean, we could have feasibly done this on any day of the week. It's been so good. I want to ask you a question, Guy. Do you think that we will need to watch the movie again this week? Because, to clarify, the reason... I don't want to get to the end of the year and say... When the Guinness Book of World Records comes along

and they're verifying our record and they listen to episode 11 and they say, you know, technically... Technicality, mate. Well, Tim... So I think we need to just make absolutely sure that we have watched it. Because we are... It's an important part of this podcast

that we're very disciplined about watching. Some people ask, and we often get these questions, do you actually watch TV week? I can assure you, hand on heart, we are watching this film every single fucking week. That's correct, actually. I think, well, in that vein, Tim, I think we do have to watch it again. I mean, it's going to be weird, though, because we're not going to do a podcast afterwards.

It's just going to... No, but... That's probably going to make it... Well, it'll feed into next week's one. Yeah. The podcast sort of at least lends purpose to watching the movie. If we just watch the movie and don't... It's just like...

It's cinematic self-flagellation is what it is. We're just having a shit time together yeah it's it's uh no it's awful there's no doubt about it but i think it's got to be done and then we will have watched it 52 and a half times and um we're not at the end of the year obviously not yet and what was the other thing i was going to say is it's that's going to make for a real shit yeah it's going to make for a real dunger next week because what is it friday what say we return to form and record the next one on monday yeah we should as we do it get back so that means that we're going to watch the movie twice in the span of three or four days i don't think that's good for your mental health imagine that danger danger good god oh oh what a crippling realize that hey you know it would be funny though if we booked out a four

hour slot and which watched it twice back to back oh good lord i think that's the concept i think that's oh my god are we that's week 12 we're gonna double down on week 12 so here you go so this is fun to back we're gonna watch grown-ups 2 back to back all right this is the tease for episode 12 next week holy shit what have i done in a courageous return to form tim and guy sit down and watch Grown Ups 2 back to back. Grown Ups 2 times 2. That's coming up in week 12. In the meantime, Tim, do you want to plug anything?

No. All right. I want to say, if I don't make it back to the podcast next week because I'm fucking doing this stupid double billing, I love my family. I love all of my friends. And thanks to anyone who's bought a ticket to either of our comedy shows.

It's very nice of you. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy

tickets immediately borderlands now playing i'll be really astraying from the movie in these podcasts now you know no we covered them we got fuck if you listen back to this this is loaded with nuggets there's a level of insight going into grown-ups too on this podcast which it doesn't deserve or warrant and I'm pretty sure they didn't want but that's what happens here on the worst audio of all time I'm Guy Montgomery in Wellington I'm Tim Batt signing off for another week don't watch the movie for the love of God

and like the Facebook page don't double bill it unless well maybe this is like the drinking game if you want to have an experience and say it's like people who inflict stigmata on themselves because they want to be closer to Christ. If you want to be closer to me, young guy,

double bill it. I fucking dare you. Don't do it. No, I can't go through with it. You can't do that. In good conscience. Stop recording. This has gone off the rails.

All right. Take care. Lots of love. I'm going to push the button right. I'm going to push the button right. I'm going to push it.