The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Fifty - Captain Red Shorts

Episode Date: February 22, 2016

Guy and Tim are on a plane. They are nearing the end. Tim is reaching very deeply to find a shining light. Guy is crossing the seasonal streams by introducing Steve Buscemi to Mr Big. The pilot is mic'ed up and NZ superstar Kim Crossman is also on board. Not long to go now folks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run! ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing.

It's the worst idea of all time Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode number 50 That's right How's your father? How's your mother? How are you? How's your family? How are your friends? Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode number 50. That's right. How's your father? How's your mother? How are you? How's your family? How are your friends? How are your toes? How are your fingers? We come to you, Ahoy Ye Landlubbers, broadcasting live from the skies, 33,000 feet above sea level, on the way from Dallas to Los Angeles, California. Guys, it's been a hell of a day and we can't wait to tell you all about it. But first, I want to

say a big thank you to Big Pipe who are sponsoring the episode today. Big Pipe Broadband. If you need to get online and you're in New Zealand, which if you're a cool person, you're in New Zealand, and if you're live, you definitely need the internet. So get onto it, NZ. If you aren't online somehow,

if you're some sort of hermit and you've found a hard copy of this episode of the podcast, what are you waiting for? Get online. All sorts of content, better than this, is available. And if you are going to get online, Big Pipe is the way to go. They've got this great policy wherein none of their staff legally are allowed to come to your house and throw you.

That's right, no throttling, no contracts. They can't take out a contract on your life. They can't hire hitmen, none of that nonsense. No data caps as well. We've got the data caps, we made them you can get them from our merch store worstideabletime.com forward slash merch we're not here to promote our stuff, we're here to say

Big Pipe, thank you very much for sponsoring this episode and seriously if you're in New Zealand, use them, I use them, they're great they've got like the fastest available internet that our country has. Why don't you marry them? Bigpipe.co.nz.

And if you do sign up with them, use the code WORST. It helps us out because it proves to them that we're sending people their way. Yeah. And they'll keep supporting us. So, hell of a day.

Thanks for explaining how advertising works. You're welcome. It's been, this day feels like it's been about 36 hours long. It has been. Tim, we were at the airport. We were there bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Friday the 19th of February 2016.

NZT. NZT. We were at the airport at 6am to discover our flight had been delayed by two hours from 8.40am to 10.40am. Which would be fine. We hung out in the airport, we got a lot of work done.40am to 10.40am. Which would be fine. We hung out in the airport, we got a lot of work done, we had some snacks. We had some hash browns. It's when I allow myself a sneaky trip to McDonald's is when I'm in the airport before 10.30.

We did that. And then we eventually, eventually got to Sydney. We got given, just for clarity also, we got given, because obviously we were on a connecting flight from Sydney to LA. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And they had to rearrange that, so it was a flight that we were meant to board at 10.45am Australian time, and we said to the checkout lady at Qantas, we said... Sounds ambitious, lady.

Sounds ambitious, and she said, it's fine. There are all sorts of flights going from Sydney to LA, don't worry about it. Oh, the captain's talking at the moment. I feel like we're being overridden by the captain. We're at 32,000 feet. We're at 32,000 feet. The ride is forecast to be smooth. I'm turning off the fasten seatbelt sign.

We do request that while you're in your seats, please always keep your belts fastened about you just in case we encounter an unexpected rough fare. I'm half expecting him to say you're not allowed to podcast while flying. Yeah, I'm expecting a flight attendant to come and ask what the hell I'm doing. The TSA actually thought my recorder was a taser.

So anyway, look, so we're there. We're in Sydney. And lo and behold, we do miss the bloody flight, of course. Actually, before we get to Sydney... Sorry to ruin your storytelling. You go. An exciting development and a devastating development for fans of the podcast.

Guys, guys, guys, guys. And no one anchor. The knife is gone. The knife got taken off me by bureaucracy. Or just by regular aviation security. There was no need to take it off me. But apparently there's some rule that

says I'm not allowed a knife. To be fair I'm going to take that one myself. I definitely shouldn't have had it with my carry-on. That's on me, and I just want to apologize to fans of the knife and to the knife itself. I want to say in tribute to the knife that the knife's always been a really hard worker, a real joy to work with, real professional on set. And funnily enough, the knife was actually working on a project

shortly before its demise, so this won't be the last you see of the knife. It's got a forthcoming web series, which I'll let you guys know when that's out. A posthumous webby or Oscar. That would be a great way to cap off a fantastic career. Would it be fair to say that the knife has been to podcasting what Heath Ledger was to movies? I wouldn't say that, but I wouldn't correct you, is how I would approach that statement.

You'd just ignore the comment. Yeah. You'd let it go past you. So they took my knife, which I was like, you know what, that's on me. But then in Sydney they also took my hair product, which was like brand new and it cost me about 50 bucks from the barbers, and I was staming about that. I was not a happy lad.

So anyway, we get there and then find out that the bloody trip to LA is not going. That flight's not going at all. There's no flights from Sydney to LA. There is one to San Francisco which we could then get a connecting flight. To which we reply, very well, put us on that. To which they reply, just kidding. There is no flight to San Francisco because the plane is faulty. There is, however, a flight to Dallas.

And we said, Sydney to Dallas, isn't that the longest flight you can do? And they said, yes. Do you want it or not? Tim said, I want my hair product. I want my knife. And I want to go home again. So we did that. We did that flight.

And it was what it was and it was what it was. It was what it was. I watched Spectre. It was so long. Yeah, it was a criminally long flight. You had a good sleep that way. Yeah, let me put it this way. We haven't changed anything about our outfits,

nor put ourselves under a body of water for over 36 hours. And I would just like to bring in a guest ever so briefly for this episode because we ran into the lovely Kim Crossman at the airport in Dallas, which is just like needle in the haystack situation. And just in light of the fact that we haven't changed in ages, Kim, firstly, hey. Hi, thanks for including me in this. I appreciate it.

Babes, it's a pleasure. It's a distinct honour. I just want you to just, like, smell the air around you and just see if there's any indication of Timbo having a bloody hell of a day. No, you know what? You've mentioned this multiple times as if you're insecure about the way you smell. You smell great. It's really sweet.

You're a real sweetheart. Real pro on set. Thank you, Kim. I am insecure about it though I feel stinky I feel gross do you know I feel like I need a shower

I can't remember if I told you this on the way over but when they open the like if you see the on a long haul flight if you watch the cabin staff opening the door

when they disarm their door and open it the cabin staff on the outside of the door will literally leap they'll get the hell out of Dodge because the smell

yeah it's just been but we don't notice because we're stewing in it oh yeah we're making it will literally leap. Yeah, they'll get the hell out of Dodge. They'll leap a meter out of the way because the smell. Yeah. It's just been, but we don't notice because we're stewing in it. Oh, yeah, we're making it. Everyone's a fan of their own brew. When you're in a stew, you can't see the veggies for the meat. But when you're a flight attendant on the outside of an airplane, you get the hell out of the way.

Darn tootin'. It's saved with such clarity. So anyway, there we were after like 25 hours of flying or whatever the hell. And then so we get to Dallas airport and we're like, oh, okay, let's slam a beer. No, we were like, let's at least get out of, let's at least, if we're in Dallas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll at least be able to go to Dallas and just like visit the city a little bit. What I'd like everyone at home to do is get out a map, a physical map, and look at where Auckland is and look at where LA is and get a ruler

and just draw a lovely straight line between Auckland and LA. And now... I've got to say, sorry. With your red pen, connect Auckland to Sydney on the ruler and then Sydney to Dallas. Look how far past Dallas is than LA. And also look at how you just fly directly back over. The sole

silver lining to this inextricably long journey was the welcome announcement from the Qantas pilot when we got on to go from Sydney to Dallas. It was like I thought I was in a candid camera show it was so perfect and the

thickest, most beautiful Aussie accent I've ever heard. This candid camera show, it was so perfect and the thickest, most beautiful Aussie accent I've ever heard, this guy jumps up and he's so passionate, happy, optimistic, he's like, oh g'day, g'day everybody, welcome to the flight today, it's Captain speaking. Look, we've got a bit of volcanic activity and a bloody big storm up there so we're just going to try and go around the side of that. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. We'll handle that.

We're going to be heading east over the ocean and just continue on. Got my co-pilot Russell Crowe here. There was a member of the flight crew called Russell Crowe. But he didn't represent. I was losing my shit. So that was a beautiful thing. I don't know who that guy was,

but Flight QF144 going from Sydney to Dallas yesterday. Oh my god, whoever you are, you're a legend. Hey, seeing as we spent over three hours in three different international airports, Auckland, Sydney, and Dallas, which of the three would you recommend?

If you wanted Tom Hanks in the terminal type situation. I would actually like hometown advantage, Auckland. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, wait, Sydney's good, but it's quite big is the only thing. And the bit we were in was grubby ass. It's under Renault. We're in this gross bit.

Do you know what we got for our 24 hour delay from Qantas? $20 of vouchers. Big ups to yourself Qantas. Yeah that was Thanks for paying me $20 for a day of my life. That had me spewing because everything that's happened really has been their fault. Like we play by the rules

except for the whole knife thing. At any rate. So there we are in Dallas after this inextricably long amount of flying and we're like, hey, you know what would be a real treat after we cool down with a beverage? Because we asked the information desk, can we go to the city to visit and come back? They're like, you guys do not have enough time.

And we're like, very well. So we had a beer. Sex and the City 2 it is. And decided to watch the bloody movie. We've now watched Sex and the City 2 in another exciting locale. Fort Worth. Was happy to be there. Wasn't happy to watch it.

In fact, this was a punisher, this watch. This was a real punch in the guts. I was like, it was, for the emotional range to pick from, way more angry than sad this time. I hit you a couple of times just in the leg. At one point, you were hitting me in the leg, and I looked at you and started smiling and said, do it harder, and you obliged.

And there was this lovely elderly Texan lady one seat over to you to the left who you couldn't see but was just watching the whole thing transpire with absolute disgust in her eyes. Because she didn't have the context how do you explain to her you don't that's what I've learned about this podcast

people are like what are you guys up to you just go you know what nothing we don't have the time to explain what's happening here no matter

so yeah I agree Tim it was a punishing watch there were a few things I thought were enjoyable in this screening please hit me look there's a guy there's a new guy in town who I'm upset we haven't found earlier.

Yes, yes, yes. Captain Red Shorts. Captain Red Shorts. Long may he reign. When the Australian rugby team show up for a swim-up for their sweaty practice match, which, by the way, I'm still not co-signing. There's no way the Rugby World Cup qualifying tournament

is happening in Abu Dhabi. Anyway, I first thought him as a continuity extra. Red shorts, white polo shirt, camel Panama hat, just walking through frame, left, right and center, willy-nilly. He's going left, we cut back, he's going right, but he's in the same position. Continuity era. That's not a continuity era. That is a strong character choice by Captain Red Shorts.

He is discombobulated. What's disoriented? It's an offer. It is. It's a strong offer. And the DOP has said yes and each time. He's sending the shit out of him. And the thing is, it's like none of the other extras are really playing ball.

Like, if I was there at the pool, not even as an extra, just as a person, if I was in this situation at a pool, at a hotel pool, and a guy's just wandering around, short, stained in blood, crisp white shirt, made of Teflon,

I'd stop him and I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. What's going on? Do you need a hand? All these people are... So, if you were one of the cast members on the movie, one of these extras, would you actually jump in

and start doing some scene work with him and try and play out his storyline? Be a supportive character. Finding your light. Yeah. I love that. What would you do? I think the same thing.

I absolutely think the same thing. I like to think that when the time calls for it, I'm okay and support. I can support. I want to be able to support people. And that guy's just made such a great offer and I want to be able to support him. And that guy's just made such a great offer, and I want to be able to support him. What's upsetting is the 49 weeks prior to this,

he's been working just as hard. I know. But Captain Red Short, salute you with the highest order. I can't throw my hand off of my forehead hard and fast enough to show my gratitude to what you've been bringing, thanklessly, for the last 50 weeks, brother. You're a champion. You're a trooper.

You're a real national treasure, a real pleasure to work with, a real joy, real pride at work. He was actually a real pride at work with. So I really enjoyed that. I also had a few thoughts at the end. So Carrie, she always comes, what happens every week, she always comes back from Abu Dhabi, right? Big's always gone. Except for that one week. Oh, no, wait, she did it, what happens every week, she always comes back from Abu Dhabi, right? Big's always gone missing.

Except for that one week. Oh no, wait, she did it there as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one week, I was thinking today what would be really good is she comes back, she comes home, the bed's ruffled, the TV's missing. She's like, something is amiss here. She goes into the wardrobe. Big has plugged in the TV in the wardrobe

and is just jerking it to my big fat Greek wedding. Just so hard. There better be something I haven't seen before in there. Enter into the bedroom. He's jerking it to my big fat Greek wedding. Wow. Because that's Aiden. Did you know that?

Oh yeah, it is too. That's right. So it's like a real meta jerk off. They're doing the sequel to that soon. Wow. Is that what's triggered that off in your head? Did you know that? Yeah.

My girlfriend also watches My Big Fat Greek Wedding pretty much once a week. Really? She doesn't podcast about it. She just really likes the film. She's a big fan. God knows why.

I haven't seen it. Yeah, I don't think I've seen it either. But it looked fun. Okay, well that's definitely a good offer from captain red shorts and a great offer from guy montgomery just ideas you know i've just i've got all these ideas to get out there did you have any ideas this week uh i did well look before we get into

the ideas i want to say my shining lights i know i'll forget it otherwise um so my shining light is actually the typeface that they've gone with on the invitation, which is at the wedding scene. And the most ham-fisted approach to storytelling anyone's ever seen in a big budget film like this. Carrie, it's like a fucking triple whammy. We know we're at a wedding. Everyone in the paid audience realises what that entails and what's coming next.

But we have to smash you over the fucking head with a bit of narration driving you through to the next bit and also literally showing you a card that has the order of events that you'll be witnessing some of on screen. Always frustrating. Never a good thing to see on there and they haven't changed it.

I've told them every week. I've told them. I've shouted at that screen. Who do you tell? I've screamed at the screen. But at any rate, the typeface that they've gone with is actually quite tasteful and kind of like just the right weight.

And it's got, I think, I don't know the technical term. I'm no typographer, but the curly bits. Cursive. Yeah, I think there's a word for it. Serif, I think. You know, that's all Stanford because Anthony didn't have anything to do with the wedding prayer. Stanford blew a bunch of money. Serif, I think. It's like just right. You know, that's all Stanford because Anthony didn't have anything to do with the wedding prayer. Yeah.

Stanford blew a bunch of money. He just hired some designer. It's not like he did it. No, but if you were doing a wedding, you pour over and it's that level you pour over the typeface on you. No, Stanford's just a money man. He's just financing this thing.

No way. He's got creative control. He didn't get told to wear all white. No, no, no. But he was like was like listen here's what i'm thinking snow queen exploded now here is two million dollars make it happen you got to give some credit to him i feel like not on a type it was a hands-on real groomzilla yeah but i it's too um granular i don't think you would have got into that detail he's better than that, he's a project manager he's a very effective leader

do you want to know my shining line? always so when the nanny, the Irish nanny and actually we've got a point we need to address address after this but when the nanny shows up and she takes Lily off Charlotte's hands

when the four girls are having brunch the morning after the wedding. Charlotte says to her, do you have the sunscreen? And Erin, the nanny, who's the actor's name, I do not know, she just gives this beautiful sort of acknowledging and,

simultaneously acknowledging and dismissive look. I know, exactly. Of course I have the sunscreen, I'm just doing my goddamn job. I know exactly. And she even says, hmm? Yeah, like,

don't condescend me in front of your friends. Yeah. I'm the best of the best. That's why you hired me. I don't get paid enough for you to diss me in front of these gals. Do you see over there? That's Samantha Jones of Samantha Jones Publicity. So if you could not, that'd be great.

I'm pretty sure I read about them. They're losing a lot of money right now. They've just got this big crazy glass office that overseas, wait, what is it? Times Square. Times Square, yes. Big crazy glass office, no idea what's happening. But speaking of the nanny, because we've been revisiting Grown Ups 2 recently. And here's why.

Yeah. We have had to, so, hey guys, you remember that time when we wrote this script for Grown Ups 2 from memory and we did a table read in our hometown of Auckland to raise funds for our first LA trip

and we got our mates to put it on and table read with us and so what we've done is two awesome dudes who are now friends with an LA

Ben's Acker and Blacker from the Throwing Adventure Hour no what's the company called again the players of it called the Work Juice Players the podcast from the... Throwing Adventure Out. No, what's the company called again? The players of it are called the Work Juice Players. Work Juice Players. The podcast is called the Throwing Adventure Out.

Yes, go check it out. Shout out to those guys. The Ben's were like... Hold on, I'm going to order a beer. Okay, go for it. Can you order me one too? Sure. I was talking to both mics.

Oh, do you have to pay for it on this one? Why were we not paying before? I guess because it was international. That makes sense. Do you want a wine again? You keep going. Do you do drinks? Oh, okay, thank you.

Oh, cool, thanks. Two carts. Hey. Big operation. Two different carts. One food, one beverage. It's not, yeah, it's a big plane. There's two aisles, three.

Hey, anyway, guys, so look, that script exists. Ben Acker was like, boys, do you want to put that on in LA? And we're like, of course. And he's like, OK, send us the script. And we're like, hold fire, good buddy. Because when we put it on in Auckland, the actual production was a fucking nightmare. He actually said, do you want to send us the script?

And I said, absolutely. He's like, do you want to do an edit on it? And I was like, no, as is, where is. And he was like, I always like to do an edit on it. And I was like, yeah, yeah, we're not really those guys. And he's like, how always like to do an edit on it. And I was like, yeah, yeah, we're not really those guys. And he was like, how long is it? Three hours. When we did the table read in Auckland, you had a fucking meltdown.

I don't even know if you'll remember this because it's like PTSD, but you flipped out, dude. You just started screaming at people because we were in there for so long in this packed, barely air-conditioned room. It was like 150 people in attendance. Community centre. And we got to about the two and a half hour mark and you were like, look, enough is enough.

And you tried, because there was kind of no shortcuts, we just had to get through the script but you were just screaming at pace all of the stage direction. It was a sight to behold. Real joy to work with, Guy, you're a real pro on set. We want a bottled down version of that. A whittled down version.

So we're trying to pare it down. And anyway, that's a very long way of saying that we've been revisiting that script. And what struck me is that they both suffer from the same lazy storytelling motif or trope, if you will. A lead character. Of just wrapping a storyline by making someone gay.

Like that's it. They've got, both of them have a character either Adam Sandler you are so focused on getting a beer you are like or is it

Adam Sandler or Charlotte but both of them have insecurities about their relationship yeah with you know unknown entities that someone's going to

come into their marriage and fuck their babe and then the fix of it both times is like oh and then everything worked out because get this the attractive person we were all terrified of was gay and they do it right at the end of it both times is like, oh, and then everything worked out because, get this, the attractive person we're all terrified of was gay.

And they do it right at the end of the movie, and it's so lazy. Like, it's fine if they want to conclude the storyline like that, but there's a way to do that. They do it right at the end, they just slap it out there, like, hey, don't worry, everyone. Oh, yeah, and by the way, they're gay. That's fine. Very, very bad storytelling. At any rate, hey, don't worry everyone. Oh yeah, and by the way, they're gay. It's fine. Very, very bad storytelling. At any rate, yeah, there's a little parallel.

And there's also like one of the final lines delivered by Big in this whole movie is, I'm a grown-up, Carrie. Or is this because I'm a grown-up? And it just, it's last few weeks, man, has really stood out to me.

It's like, has something happened? And the fact that Miley Cyrus is the cameo in this one and Patty Schwartz was the cameo in this one and Patty Schwartz was the cameo in the grown ups tour there's a lot of things

maybe we're just getting nostalgic in our old age I don't think so man I think the universe the universe brought us to Sex and the City 2 and do you want to know

something after 50 weeks I think it's time we recognised that and appreciated that well we're certainly acknowledging it the universe brought us to this movie.

There's a reason we're doing what we're doing, man. And it's only just occurred to me now. I feel like Joan of Arc must have felt when God talked to her and said, You can do it, bro. You can do it. Take him down. God called Joan of Arc bro. Yeah, hard out.

He's very gender unspecific with his platitudes. Of everyone, actually, God, he believes the most that sexuality is fluid. Yeah. And gender is a spectrum. Absolutely. It's up to you. It's written in the Bible. Page one.

Gender's like fashion. It's fun. You just pick something. Pick something for the day. You want to be a girl? You're a girl. Guess what? Who cares?

It's your call. So at any rate. This beer cart is getting dangerously close. Look, I had another idea idea You're so focused on it I kind of want to like throw a spanner in the works and just Look at me

Keep you focused while it goes past to see you flip out Now you're looking at it This is going off the rails fast I've got an idea We're thirsty boys Replace the word sparkle in the movie Sex and City 2

with mayonnaise So whenever they say sparkle in the script I thought of it in the last scene when City 2 with mayonnaise so whenever they say sparkle in the script I thought of it in the last scene when Mr. Big goes to Carrie because he comes

to the ring he's like a mea culpa he goes how's that for a little sparkle and she goes that's a lot of sparkle that's a lot of mayonnaise today

you ready ok let's go the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody run ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands, now playing. Have a little mayonnaise. Hey, do you think you could get big and high tickets for the event tonight? I just feel like we need a little mayonnaise in our relationship. It's like, I get takeout and TV guy. Bank of Madrid lady, she gets mayonnaise guy. Oh, my God. Do you reckon Big's a fingerer?

Do you reckon he fingers the mayonnaise? Big time. I reckon he with Steve Buscemi, they get together and they just finger the mayonnaise all night. Why don't we just blow some dust off the book and crack into that big old book, that fabled big old leather-bound book full of ramblings and ideas. Bring it off the shelf, give it a wipe, crack it open, because guess what? We've landed on the mayonnaise chapter.

It's not just a page, folks. There is an entire chapter in this book dedicated to mayonnaise. Most of it is just, like, transparent pages caked in mayonnaise. One of them is just a page of him and Steve Buscemi, and it's done in, like, a comic book-style thing where there there's 12 panels split up and it's them just having a day with mayonnaise together.

They're doing all sorts of stuff. In the first panel they're raising it like a child, like they're cradling a jar of mayonnaise like it's an infant. In the second one they're in a tree house and they're just hanging out with mayonnaise like playing cards with it and they're kind of kids. In another one they're sort of looking despondent and exhausted in the kitchen keep going they're looking okay the drink's coming back don't worry uh they look exhausted in the kitchen and the mayonnaise is like sort of yelling at them and it's it's it's the trials and tribulations of parenting here we go

oh guys get two budweiser's hi there yeah um two Budweiser's. Hi there. Yeah, two Budweiser's. Thank you. Thank you. We're getting Bud. You made me order Bud. I like that they're not acting like we're recording.

It's very laid back. It's because we're in America, baby. Everyone's making something here. Where you run into Kim Crossman at the airport and that's just norms, you know. Things happen here. Where you run into Kim Crossman at the airport and that's just norms, you know? Things happen here. Dreams are made. So beyond being an exciting comic book panel, there's also other ideas. Like pretty much Steve and Mr. Big

have been taking a lot of exciting meetings in his big windowed office with no keyboards about how to bring fingering mayonnaise into the mainstream. Be it through a TV channel, a z zine maybe some sort of competitive sport but pretty much what they're saying is what have we got in common we love to finger mayonnaise absolutely what do the mainstream not enjoy fingering mayonnaise how do we find the market equilibrium between these these two disparate points you give them what they want through mayonnaise thank you oh thank you so much that's my friend here um so the way that you do

that is as well do you want me to pop your trader tell you what i've had really bad like with my flying experiences recently in terms of the person in front of me uh taking the lean back feature for all it's worth i think you're talking slightly louder than you think you are. Fair enough. The feature's there, but I've got big legs. It's always uncomfortable. I'm sorry that it's happened, but there's nothing for it, mate. Hey, so this Mayonnaise thing, the way that... Thank you very much.

Oh, yeah. Did you do PayWave? Cool. Thank you. That's a big result. The way that you combine the power of mayonnaise with consumer demand is through automobiles because whilst there's been a lot of talk about us moving to electric and in fact there was a doco called who killed the electric car that came up many

years ago not a lot of people know this but steve buscemi in addition to being a firefighter back in the day came up with a schematic for an engine that would be powered on mayonnaise. Thank you very much. Mr Big with his business now is just the man to pick up this dusty old plan of a mayonnaise powered vehicle and get it into the mainstream, get it into mass production. Now I know that you are purely a vessel through which this idea is currently travelling Tim but I put it to you that while obviously there are problems vis-a-vis

sustainability in electric vehicles, those being to assemble the vehicle I put it to you that while obviously there are problems vis-a-vis sustainability in electric vehicles, those being to assemble the vehicle, expends as much power as you wind up saving, surely the production of mayonnaise and its egg-heavy base, you've got a lot of moving parts, a lot of overheads. I don't understand quite the economics of how this is going to work. It's because you don't appreciate quite the economics of how this is going to work. It's because you don't appreciate how efficient

the mayonnaise car is. So like, you know a jar of Best Foods? What's that run you, about 500 grams? Yeah. That'll power a car for 1,000 kilometers or about 700 miles or so. That's good man, that's good mileage. That's really good mileage. This sells itself.

Are the government, the American government, afraid of this as a product? Absolutely. I mean, there's the established energy pedagogy, if I'm using that word correctly, you know, it would be thrown on its head. The paradigm would change. The whole game would change.

And so Mr. Big whole game would change. This would destabilise the Middle East because suddenly oil is not as important. America's economy would be turned on its head. It would be madness. But if you control the mayonnaise, this becomes the new oil. So if anyone is looking at investing, Best Foods

is probably a pretty good buy right now. It is my hot tip of the week on the stock market. Brought to you by Mr. Big and Steve Buscemi. Speaking of Steve's, I want to check in on our Steve. Our boy Steve. How would Steve spell mayonnaise? That's what I want to know.

Mayonnaise. Can I have language of origin? I believe it's French. French. I believe it's French. French. F-R-E-W. French.

You fucking got me on that one. Well played, Steve. You're a dicey, dicey man. Thank you. Now, if you could please take me seriously, I would like to announce that I'm running for office. Oh, what office? President of the United States of America. Holy shit.

Current cycle or 2020? Current cycle. Yes. The right to be the stable candidate. Oh my God, yes, a thousand times. Someone who the people can get behind. Donald Trump is running on personality, not platform. Yep.

I've got a lot of exciting policy ideas. How do you feel about Hillary, though? I'm not afraid of Hillary. You reckon you'll be better than Hillary? I think I'll be different from Hillary. What about Bernie? Bernie, I got a lot of respect for Bernie. We all do.

I ran into him on the spelling scene in the 80s and the late 70s. And he had a lot of interesting ways of spelling words like tsunami and Richter. But I think, you know. He comes from your stomping ground as well. He's from Brooklyn. Yeah. Yeah, he is. He's made good for himself.

He is. The whole neighborhood is very proud. He's done great. Can I ask you, what do you think about Jeb Bush? Jeb. As a candidate. Is a mess. Well spoken. Steve, thank you for joining us.

It's been a pleasure. Real joy working with you. My pleasure. Real pro on set that's Steve. Real pro. What else from the film for you this week, Tim? It was, as you say, it was a Punisher. I do wonder when the last time

you watched it. I thought you were sort of putting a pin in the thought. I guess that as well. Oh, okay, before I forget though, here's something important. Oh wait, yeah, no, I was just going to say that actually I feel closer to Samantha with this watch because she gets her

ointments taken off her, her hormones and that happened to me at the airport today as well. So I'm like, hey, I feel you girl. I feel you. I didn't all those other weeks but now I feel you. That's all. I wasn't really empathising with anyone. But I was in real life

and I'm your friend. You weren't empathising with me? Or do you mean in the film? In the film. I do empathise with you. In this hellish bed that we've made to lie in together. Once a week, we climb into bed together. The sleep's almost up, though. That's what I'm excited about. It was...

It's almost breakfast time. Fuck, it was a bad one this week, though, eh? I know we say that every week, but it is true every week. Full disclosure, though, we did... So we ran into Kim when there was about 10 minutes left on the film, and the likelihood of running into a friend in Dallas-Fort Worth Airport is so low, or Fort Worth-Dallas, what is it? Fort Worth.

Dallas-Fort Worth. It's so low that we paused the film, we had a big catch-up, we were leaving it very fine, so we boarded the plane, waited for the take-off, got the screen out, watched the last 10 minutes, and it rolled straight into it from there. And those last 10 minutes, I suddenly gave the film,

I was giving the film a lot more credit, a lot more leeway. I felt like maybe the film was being self-referential. Like the way, for instance, the movie poster, that terrible movie poster that he flies all the way to Abu Dhabi to shoot. Heart of the desert.

And when they do a big lingering shot on it at the end, I was like, I feel like they're doing that as a gag because they know it's a bad movie poster and they know how ridiculous it is to fly someone all the way over to make the movie poster. And then, oh, there was another one. So you think the film has gained sentience? I just thought maybe when I was watching

the last 10 minutes, and I think I had this with Grown Ups too as well, sometimes where I was thinking You're like, is the joke on me? yes has it been on me the whole time? oh what is it? it was

oh it was when Miranda says if we don't get there in time we bump from first class I was like that is like that's referential that's like

like it's so on the nose that you think it can't possibly be on surface level yeah I don't think that it's so on the nose that you think it can't possibly be on surface level. Yeah, I don't think that it's the rude and gauch joke that I've read it as for the previous 49 weeks. It's garish, isn't it? Especially considering this movie came out in 2010. People were struggling.

I think it's such a ludicrously small problem, and them addressing it like it's a big problem. Therein lies the comedy, and they did that on purpose. If you view it through that lens, it's very funny, but the problem is that the movie has set it up so you're supposed to be on the side of these women, like they're your friends, and they can't possibly be on your side because, honestly, the movie sets up as the big trouble at the end.

This is the heightened stakes. This is the big problem. This is the all-is-lost moment. There is the potential that these gals are flying home and coach. God for fucking bid. Which is hilarious. You know, we measured against. We've just done a 30-hour day and coach.

It's fine. It's actually really great. It's all good. You hang out with your buddy. Cheers, mate. Cheers, mate. Here's to flying coach. The guy, I don't know if it's a. It's a cold beer. It's a real. You hang out with your buddy. Cheers, mate. Cheers, mate. Here's to flying coach. The guy, I don't know if it's a...

It's a cold beer. It's a real cold beer, eh? I don't know if it's a rumour or not, but the guy who made Ikea apparently insists on flying in coach. Good on him. I'll bet Bernie flies in coach. No way. I think he actually does.

Presidential... Nah, you can't. Not anymore. Not anymore, but like back in the... Previously, yeah. Previously on Bernie Sanders, the senator. I'm flying coach. I'm flying.

I am sick of being part of the 1% that are in the front. I don't want to fly in the front 1%. I would like to be with the 99% in the rest of the plane. That is classic Burns. Certainly is. Bernie. Where's he going? Why is he with Bernie Sanders today? That's the question. It's the same question every week.

First thing I noticed this week. 30 weeks. There is a silhouette, a powerful silhouette, cast on the window behind him, which says, Coffee Shop. Not noticed it before, might not notice it again. It was definitely there this week. Why? We had the screen very close to us this time,

a lot closer than normal. Normally we look at it on like a computer monitor or a tally. We're a couple metres back, but today we were looking on a tablet and it was right up in our groves right up in our face so and coffee guy is looking down for a lot of the time right his neck and coffee is looking down yeah previously we speculated maybe he's reading the culture section of the newspaper maybe he's making a journal entry he's working on his stencils. All right? He's got a new tag. His tag is coffee shop. He's tagged the cafe.

And he's like, it reeks. He's got the cheapest spray paint. It absolutely honks. All right? Brady's got a whiff of it. His fangs are coming out. The guy's like, I'm getting out of here before shit goes down. This might be the last of the lead-based paint.

They found somewhere to put it, and it's in spray cans to give to teenagers because teenagers who are graffitiing stuff don't complain. It's a government conspiracy. They're trying to kill off anyone who... All the taggers. Yeah, they're trying to get rid of small crime by putting lead paint in spray paint. Anyway, so Coffee Guy pretty

much has been working on his stencils night and day, day and night. And he's finally got his first one down, coffee shop. I do think that it's a little bit obvious. There's not a lot of hidden identity to it. I mean, this guy's known all around town. Now, I love it, though, because it's so brash and bold and brave. In other words, they begin with a B.

He's out there, and he's going, this is who. That really caught me off guard. He's going, this is who I am. This is me. I'm out here. I'm a coffee man. I'm a coffee man. But my identity is...

Have we done that one before? Coffee shop, what? Coffee man. Drinking all the coffee. Oh, someone... Didn't someone make that for us? Oh, yeah, they did. God, it was...

We've got to hunt that down. Hey, whoever made that for us. We never hear Rocket Man. Coffee man. Because I was like coffee man something alone i always hear tom bergeron who's the host of america's funniest time videos it's gonna be a sad day when he passes away tom bergeron he's one of those ones where you never think about it and god i hope this doesn't happen because i last time i said this it was about david bowie on the podcast and like a couple days later he passed away you have the kiss of death it was weird but tom bergeron is that he says last name that dude's a hero man it's like all these people who we've seen in our lives since we were little kids and grown up with but haven't

kind of paid enough attention to them in their careers the host you feel like that about the host of america's phony stone videos afv an institution, and he has been captaining that ship for many, many years now, and I just think we all need to tip our hats to him. Take him on. Before he dies, because that's the thing. The tragedy is these people die, and then there's a great groundswell of love and outpouring of goodwill towards them.

Kanye West has a good lyric about that from his first album. The lyric is, people never get the roses when they can still smell them. Oh, that's a good line. Isn't that a different version of Kanye West has a good lyric about that from his first album. The lyric is, people never get the roses when they can still smell them. Isn't that a different version of Kanye West? Back in 2002, I believe. I'm worried about Kanye these days. The dude legit needs some help, I think, at the moment. He is 50% more influential than anyone has ever been, dead or alive.

According to Kanye West. Oh boy, oh boy. Steve could teach him a thing or two. You know what? Sometimes I just wish that you could kind of... This is going to sound a little mean, a little mean-spirited, but I kind of want to chuck Kanye in the ring

with Dick Bott and Brady just to humble him a little bit. That would be very humbling. Do you know who I'd like to see? Tommy Kavanaugh in the ring. Tommy Kavanaugh, Lenny Fader's bully from growing up too. Played by... Backsits on backsits.

He was a roid freak. Steve Austin. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Yeah, that'd be a hell of a fight. I mean, look. Firstly, Tommy Kavanagh or... Okay, here's how the fight matchups go. Tommy Kavanagh versus Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Stone Cold's going to win. Yes. Versus Tommy Kavanagh versus Stone Cold Steve Austin, Stone Cold's going to win. Yes. Versus Tommy Kavanagh. But Stone Cold will lose to either Dick Bott or Brady. Like, they will win handily against Stone Cold. The ultimate question, of course it is, of course it is,

who's going to win between Brady and Dick Bott? I don't have the answer for that. I suspect in hand-to-hand combat, I suspect that Dickbot definitely has an advantage there because he's non-biological. But the thing is, it was never about hand-to-hand. That's never been what this is about. Hand-to-hand is...

Because it would never come to that. Well, in hand-to-hand, presumably Brady isn't flanked by his... Oh, no, he would. Maybe he is. He'd be wearing a cloak, and it would just look like a regular cloak. And then they would sort of come to life and scurry out. I feel like hand to hand, Brady's strategy would be to whimper and cry. Like, you know, he'd play the young kid angle.

Okay. Draw Dickbot in. He's a robot, but he's got emotions. Brady used. Kid cry. Yeah. It's super effective. But Dickbot is a robot, so does he have those same human foibles? but he's got emotions. Brady used. Kid cry. Yeah. It's super effective.

But Dickbot is a robot so does he have those same human foibles? You've got to wonder about Dickbot's emotional maturity. It's not a foible actually. It's just a, what's it called? Do you think having emotions is a foible? No. I don't. I think it's what makes us human

and that's what we're all fighting for. It's what we're fighting to protect against Dickbot and his army of electricity. He's still cogs and knobs when you boil it down, you know. When you boil it down. He makes a good argument, but it's all based on ones and zeros. That's the thing. He's an artificial intelligence.

Also, the theory this week that because the teacher, while Brady controls the rats, the teacher calls it a mouse maze when he... Yeah, and she makes a real... She makes a real song and dance about it. She's definitely in Brady's pocket. Brady's definitely told her to call it a mouse maze to throw everyone off the scent. Right, right, right, right. That makes sense to me.

Yeah. What you just said wouldn't make sense to all people living in the world, but it makes sense to me. We are speaking at this point a pretty stupid and limited language or not limited but in terms of people who are like twin speak isn't it it's what it's like to be a twin are you familiar with that twin speak you know it's like um this thing that some twins make up a like a babbly language to themselves and apparently they can understand each other i believe that there was this weird case and it's like i don't know why it popped up recently but i remember hearing about it ages ago and i've read some some stuff online about it these two twins where they had that like they

were super insular insulated like the tight ass. And they had a twin language. And I don't think they talked to anyone else. And then they both decided that one of them needed to die. And so one of them just died. And then the other one just went on and lived a super normal life. But there's been quite a lot written about them. Understandably, that's super weird. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, definitely is. I always thought a twin would bring out the best in me i think i'm operating why 80 capacity oh to like just just challenge you yeah quite competitive by nature a twin would have just i've got a weird feeling this isn't the first time we've talked about this but it's i don't think we've done on the podcast it's tricky to remember in this haze of the project. That's right. We actually discussed this recently in an interview wherein when people reference the back catalog of Brady versus Dick Bott or when they're trying to mention a specific idea from Big Book of Ideas

or anything. Or a coffee guy adventure. Or a coffee guy adventure. The information, if you think of it like writing an essay or cramming for an essay wherein you're working so hard on the essay in the moment that you sort of, you download, you're sort of just an intermediary between the internet where you're getting all the information and the Word document where you're writing all the information. And you are the vessel through which the information passes.

Okay, you had a good analogy and you've ruined it. Because we're not copying from something. No, we're processing it as well. It's just... Oh, yeah, true. It's more like a fire... Baby, we're a firework, right? We rise up into the sky and then we explode

and then we're gone. But someone's taken a video of it, which is what the podcast is. We don't watch the videos. So we're not really familiar with what's happening. We're just a firework that goes up and explodes. That one mine was like when you say you've been cramming yeah you are handing over all the information that you had like all the information's on the bit of paper and once you hand it over it's gone yeah and the same way once we get to the end of a coffee guy

adventure we've offloaded the information there was actually a phenomenal i didn't read the whole thing but blog post on medium.com about this last week of a guy who did a phd in mathematics five years ago and decided to reread it to see if he could understand it he could not make heads or tails of what he'd written and he was just basically saying like why are we doing this like is is there any point in me doing a doctorate if i, myself, who wrote it, cannot understand what the fuck I was talking about five years later? Bloody good stuff. Food for thought. Nourishing food for thought.

Absolutely. And I feel like, you know, that's us. That's us. Will we understand what the fuck we were on about five years from now? Probably not. But that's okay. It's going to be a hard one to explain. I'm okay with it.

Yeah, look, it's got a place in our lives. Much like the PhD in mathematics, it's about furthering the human race. And I feel like in our own small way, we're making a contribution. I don't know about that, but we're certainly doing it anyway. Look, that's all we have time for this week.

It's been a real joy broadcasting to you on American Airlines Flight 2949 or something, Dallas to LAX. We've got an expected landing time of 8.15 p.m. And we are doing a live event in conjunction with the Work Juice players at the Cinefamily. It's almost sold out on Tuesday, February 23rd. You've got to come to that, guys. You've got to get tickets to that.

You've got to come to that. If you want to find the link, just go to our Worcester Revolve Time Facebook page. All the information is there. And then we're also doing our finale. Still some tickets available at the Bell House in New York on March the 3rd. You've got to come to that event, guys. You've got to come. It's going to be an element time.

Tell your kids, tell your wife we're performing those shows. Bring your dog. I don't know what the Bell House's regulations on that is, but if you're in New York City and you're a fan of the podcast, buy a ticket, bring your dog. I don't know what the Bell House's regulations on that is, but if you're in New York City and you're a fan of the podcast, buy a ticket, bring your dog. That's right. What's one more little bitch with an attitude, right? That's from the movie, folks.

Hopefully you don't know that. Never a true word spoken. Also, yeah, as an idea, I'll tell you next week. Oh, you tease. You little teasey. Thanks again to Big Pipe we'll catch you guys online oh and we'll do a

mini episode sometime soon as well because holy shit there's some gold you guys are chatting some real gold out on the facey and the twitters

and the reddits and the what not so anyway this is Tim Batts signing off and Guy Montgomery saying go fuck yourself. It's the worst idea of all time.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season two. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run!

Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing.