The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Five - DadHead

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

SPONSORED BY BIGPIPE.CO.NZAnd brought to you again through the magic of Skype. The boys have been listening by themselves, an ocean apart but nothing can stop them! Tim's making a roast with chilli potatoes, Guy is researching press junkets pre-watch. Guy and Tim introduce the concept of DadHead (JarHead's dad). Page is back and this week, he's trying to have sex with diamonds.The lads also lay down a heavy theory about America exporting propaganda using annoying preppy college boys. You're going to enjoy this, we're all going to have a lot of fun. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everybody, today's episode of the podcast is brought to you by Big Pipe Broadband. They're an internet company in New Zealand. Guy, tell us more about them. Well, they have the perfect size pipe, if you want my honest opinion. Some people say, why not make it bigger? If you saw the pipe that we're talking about, you would say the measurements on that are aesthetically pleasing, and more than that, highly practical. The pipe does its job perfectly. All hail the big pipe.

All hail pipe. If you're in need of internet and you're in New Zealand, you definitely want to hit these guys up. They do no contracts, so you're not going to get locked into some 12-month arrangement. And also, unlike the Mafia, zero throttling policy. So they're good guys. they're just good guys. They're the best guys.

And if you do sign up to them, do us a solid and use the code WORST when you do it. It tells them that you listen to us. And they want to hear that. That's true. That's exactly what they want to hear. So they'll keep pumping money into our podcast economy. All hail the inanimate carbon rod. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again?

Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. the inanimate carbon rod you're gonna play that dastardly intro again classic maximum joseph you forget that films are supposed to have a point. Can't get enough of that intro. I've got to be honest, I didn't actually hear it this time, but I'm going to put it in post. I've got to be honest, Tim. There's been, first of all, hello, welcome along to the podcast.

I'm in Melbourne. Tim is in Auckland. Yes, I am. And Tim is in Auckland Yes I am And Tim created a five minute lag Between the end of the movie and the beginning of this podcast To put bits on a roast He didn't even say what the bits were Could be anything

Could be disgusting Taters Taters Taters Could have tented the chicken a little bit Chuck a little garlic in there and some onions I'm cooking a roast Did you put to tend to the chicken a little bit, chuck a little garlic in there and some onions. I'm cooking a roast. Did you put the potatoes on the chicken?

No. No. Then you didn't put them on the roast. Not yet. Actually, do that later. Not yet. They're just there. The oven needed to crank up a little bit,

add a bit of salt, get some rub time on there. Here's a fun fact. I chucked some chili powder on the potatoes. I've never done it before. I don't know how it's going to turn out, but I reckon good. It'll be fine. I reckon it's going to be a garbage man roast

because you're cobbling this thing together between watching and discussing where are your friends, which is not a good environment for cooking. I looked at my calendar today. I looked at my schedule and I saw a few key windows and I thought i'll bet you can build a roast within those times and i almost got it but i needed to build just one more bit in fairness to you i'm also multitasking i've uh put on a load of laundry at the start of this

movie uh for those of you who are regular listeners you'll be excited to know i went out to uniqlo after the last record and bought eight brand new pairs of underpants. I'm so glad to hear that, man. I was worried about you. And honestly, I'm loving it. I've been showing the people on tour my exciting new options every day. They're all 10 out of 10 undies. Oh, they're all good.

We're on video Skype right now. Do you want to give me a little preview of what what's to come oh these are pretty plain jane guys taking this belt off at this stage they they blend into my denim oh because they're the same color as your jeans are they yeah it's just navy mate i don't know why i'm putting the microphone up to my butt like i expected to start talking you've been well trained in the podcast arts yeah anyway what i was going to bring up first of all as an aside my favorite type of potato is scalloped potatoes i love scalloped potatoes uh and secondably why i took issue with you going to put bits on your roast is that uh the end of the movie really hit me it got me in the ghoulies today. It struck a chord.

And the sort of upbeat anthem that plays at the conclusion of the movie over the credits. Someone like you. Yeah. It injected some real life and excitement into me. And then I had to wait for five minutes to hear you bloody putting chili powder on potatoes. I'm really sorry about that.

And I mean that genuinely because the whole fucking idea with this is that we watch the movie and then we get straight into it so we can capture that kind of raw emotion. So it won't happen again, Guy. You've got my word on it. Appreciate it. How did you enjoy watching the movie? Mate, I don't know. Fine. I took a lot of notes.

First solo venture? Quite bored. Got quite bored and lonely just by myself. But as I say, a lot of notes kept me company. Now, last time I took notes in a significant way that I can remember, that was when I came up with with the theory of Brady the Rat King actually that's the last time I can remember in quite a

concerted effort taking notes so maybe some gold will come out of this who cares who knows Jihad's dad definitely ex-military I reckon Jihad's dad has come back from like a tour in Afghanistan or Iraq.

And that's why he's so bloody worked up about his son, who's some scuttlebutt sleeping into all hours, passing off a Thursday night at a club as being a professional job, who refuses to do a little work around the house that he lives in, scot-free, you know? Oh man, you're coming in old testament god on jahid this week jahid's dad's like he's a reasonable dude because imagine if you were in the army and then you came back and your shit ball son doesn't even get out of bed till

like 11 all you want him to do is you know put some panels on the fucking roof man it's not a big ass considering that I just took one in the buttock on behalf of Uncle Sam to protect your liberty and freedom. Is that why you got discharged? Because you were honorably discharged for pulling in the buttock.

Just like Forrest Gump, if memory serves. I haven't seen the movie in a while. Do you know what a fun way of saying butt is? What? The back of your lap. Back of your lap, that is good. Nice. Yeah, thanks.

I think it just perfectly matches the kind of tone and tenor of that shadowy figure that we see in soft focus yelling at Jarhead to go and do the chores. Yeah, look, I'm not going to argue with you. I think you have evidently paid a lot more attention to the backstory of Jarhead's dad or dad head dad as we call him then then i have i see no reason to argue with you on this point i think it all it all checks out i do think he's quite reasonable like he comes in and cole's been living there presumably rent free since he's 15 and these kids are like

we'll get to colin in a second because his situation with regard to dad head even worse but yeah go on yeah like yeah i i i i i'm all i'm all for it i actually i've got to confess to him uh i watched before we watched the movie today i watched a lot of um junket interviews uh for this movie good on on you, bro. You're doing homework. Love it. Yeah. I went to the Melbourne Public Library. Yep. And I was meant to do some work, and I did about 10 minutes, and then I just started watching Zac Efron interviews. Mate, I think I've said this before on the podcast,

but if it's the same library we're talking about, the Victoria State one that's in the middle of Melbourne, best library in the world. Oh, man. I felt like I was transformed to a more productive space which is probably what you want from a library isn't it i went in there and so nice in there everyone around me had textbooks sprawled out and they were all just working and i was like fuck i didn't know people were still doing this i thought when i left university everyone also stopped learning yeah exactly uh but so this is it this is the thing though is in one of the interviews zach's getting interviewed about the

movie and cole and he's like uh it's sort of just a super cut so i don't know that you hear the questions you just see him giving out you know like giving different answers and in one of them he kind of is obviously riffing on what the backstory of the friends are like friendships are awesome because he's sort of like i obviously it wasn't in the script and he's like but he's he talks about squirrel i don't quite know how this ties up with jahid's dad but squirrel is college educated he says he zicoli reckons him and squirrel are the best friends of all the four friends which is a dangerous thing to say on the record because if Jarhead gets a fucking wind of that, he is not going to be happy.

Jarhead is going to bust some fucking heads if he hears about that. And not to mention Johnny Depp with that quiet brooding intensity. Yeah. But yeah, he's known Squirrel the longest and Squirrel is the smartest of the friends. He's college educated. There's nothing to support that thesis whatsoever in the version of the film yeah he's college educated i didn't there's nothing to support that thesis whatsoever in the version of the film we've seen that's why i like it so much either that whole subplot which

zicole loved was in the movie and subsequently removed for not being good enough or that's just how deep he's reading between the lines how good is zach efron man he's a clever boy and he's a hard-working boy and he's a hard-working boy. And he's a boy who gets the script, learns it, develops backstory that isn't even hinted at in the movie, and then brings that to the fore. I love it. I love him. Absolutely.

He talked about when he got the script, he was very excited. The script really grabbed him and speaks to him. And he thinks it's a great opportunity electronic music is our music let's just say it moved me to a bigger house oh no i said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud you've got it friend um what what what is your issue with coal hey sorry i think i interrupted you in the middle of a thought that you were talking about the coal interview for Yester. Parade.

Oh, look. Parade of coal. It's pretty much just a plug for some great content featuring Zac Efron online. Him, Emily, and Maximum Joseph went on a, like they did a few interviews together. And there is not a lot of chemistry in the room. Oh, really? But, yeah. I've actually got an email. In another interview, Zac Efron said that

this is the most fun he's had working with a director and that Maximum Joseph is like one of the friends and he has answers to all the questions no matter how detailed you want to get. He didn't specify what type of questions, so it's quite um dangerous territory i'm going to turn the video off because um we just we're coming in and out a little bit there and fantastically it froze right after you said maximum joseph would always

as this is a little bit we do don't worry about it can you turn yours off as well just so it's a little bit easier on the old interwebs the interwebs get all gunked up sometimes. They get a bit too much Guy and Tim, and they need to just take that video stream down. I'll tell you why. It's all those bloody rats in the pipes. So did you say that Maximum Joseph could answer any question? Is that what you were saying when Zicoli was on set? Yeah.

That's cool. I think beyond the script. I think he's just a wise guy. Okay, so outside of the scope of I think he's just a wise guy. Oh, okay. So outside of the scope of the movie even, just any question. He should have milked it and asked him what the meaning of life was, for crying out loud. Well, much like in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the answer is 42.

In this film, all Maximum Joseph would say when questioned like that was 128. Interesting. joseph would say when questioned like that was 128 interesting that which is the exact number that uh synergizes with the human heartbeat and gives you full control of people's bodies according to zicoli does he say 128 i think he says 120 it's 120 no it's 128 i'll fucking bet you anything mate 128 bpms and because there is a sci-fi undertone to this movie. Oh, is there, guys? Yeah, man. So there's that. There's Zac Efron in the clear light of day telling people that you can control people's bodies if you play music that plays at 128 beats per minute.

Yeah. it plays at 128 beats per minute. Yeah. And then if you combine that with the information that James Reid says when they're sort of making up after breaking up when he goes around and tells them that Squirrel's dead. Yeah. What does he say to them?

He says this to them. He says, you're not even a real person until you're 27. Robotics, man. Whoa, fuck. to him he says you're not even a real person until you're 27 robotics man whoa fuck do you think we're all born kind of androids and then we evolve into humans at age 27 yeah so we are born uh in a musicless uh world as androids and then uh djs who work like maternity wards start playing music at 128 beats per minute and controlling our minds and bodies. And then when we turn 27, our brain is finally fully developed

to outgrow that control and we start being real people and making real decisions. Do you suspect that this is why the 27 Club exists? If you were like, creativity is too much for the transition to happen like smoothly you know you're jenna shuffling down you're jimmy hendrick's eye uh yeah amy winhouse yeah exactly all that crew jim morrison is he in the club he's in the club all those club members they were too

good and um there couldn't be an easy transition of power from the robotic over to the human crazy i'm saying i'm saying something like that you've really stumbled onto something here guy maximum joseph had it burning inside his heart to make a sci-fi and no one would let him so he had to hide a sci-fi movie inside a movie about edm there's all sorts of easter eggs in this movie the more you watch it the more it gives back And I love it It's funny how every movie is like that If you paid enough attention isn't it It is

It's absolutely brilliant I'm going to shunt in a shining light at this point If I may, if I may be so bold Yeah bro It's when James Reid says to Ziccoli A spliff What are you French And then Ziccoli, a spliff? What are you, French? And then Ziccoli says with perfect comic timing, no, I'm American.

Did you laugh at that line again? Yeah. Tim has laughed at this line every viewing so far. What a legend. It's so good. And I don't mean laugh out loud, but laugh in the way where you're by yourself and you note that that would be a point when you laugh if anyone else was in the room.

One of the most visceral memories I have of that exact feeling when you know something's funny, but you're not laughing is when Family Guy first came out and I was obsessed with it and I'd watched three episodes in a row and be cracking up the whole way

and then on the fourth episode, I'd know what was happening was funny, but I just wasn't laughing. You just can't at some point, you know? You've got no more to give. All laughed out. Do you want to chuck in a shining light here, Guy, or are you good?

Yeah, sure thing, man. It was a nice little classy touch by the animators. That PCP animation, really, it's a joy to be around every week. It sure is. And something I hadn't noticed in previous weeks is when it's sort of starting to take hold and everything's about to go all cartoony, behind the DJs there's like a painting. Yes.

At an art gallery. Yes. And there's like a Zeus-like bearded figure in the painting yeah uh and he like his head just ever so slightly moves and i think either winks or nods towards the coley and i saw that this week and i was like that you didn't need to put animators you don't need to put that in i guess they did it's their job but they didn't need to put that in there like if it takes four screenings to see it, that is a buried treasure. It's a nice touch.

Real nice touch. Yeah. But proper movies are full of these sorts of things, you know? When you intend to make a real movie, you put those little fine speckles on. You bury treats in them. I always used to pause. I would always pause movies and stuff

whenever there was any text on the screen when I was younger to try and read it. Yeah. And a lot of it was garbage. I'll tell you what, though. Arrested Development, they print their stories. If you print them in the TV show, it's actually like there's gags in them. Like they're newspaper stories, do you mean?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we don't need to get into a conversation about the myriad layers of AD, but let's just leave it at Mitch Horowitz is a genius. There's so much in there. There's so much to unpack in there. He's a big part of Maria Bamford's new show, but we're not a pop culture podcast.

No, we're not. Although I will say this, I've started watching that, and everyone should get on board with Lady Dynamite. Fuck, it's good um funny story actually guys recommending it to your girlfriend last night while my girlfriend extracted um stitches from her mouth over dinner i refuse for either of us to provide any more context for that story so there's a bit in the movie that um we've talked about briefly before but we've got to keep shining a light on it until until something changes the door girl come yeah jarhead ah this exchange is

very bad it's a very bad thing to have in the movie the door girl who's looking after um what's the name of the club again uh social social um jahid's briefly in there when he's giving her a list like a door list i think of people to be let in um you know he's not being a good man about it he's making some calls and being a nuisance but he fucks off pretty easily but then at the end he's like harassing this this young woman who's walking by herself at night time through the streets of los angeles and he comes up to her and just starts like going fucking full tit and she cuts him off and says all right i will have sex with you like stop talking i will have sex with you under two conditions number one that you recognize this is pity pity sex and number two that you recognize this is pity sex.

And number two, that you shut the fuck up for the rest of the night. It's bigger than that. It's not just pity sex. She also says, and I will never admit to it. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. It's no good, man.

You shouldn't be having sex with people under those sort of conditions. She's so resigned to doing it. That's the that's the issue with today just like uh here we go it's like yeah it's like the only um what would you put in pokemon when you'd walk through the wild grass what would you put on ether to try and uh keep the pokemon at bay no ether restored this repel ether restored your uh restored your power points for a move. It's like that's the only form of repel she has for Jarhead. I'll have sex with you if it'll make you stop talking. And then the next day when they're getting their paycheck in the desert,

he's pining after her. He's like, yeah, I totally did it too. Because they're talking about Skrill doing it her he's like yeah I totally she's like yeah I totally did it too because they're talking about Skrill doing it he's like oh yeah I did it I massively did it

yeah she's gonna call me anytime it's pretty cool no but you're missing out the funniest bit of what he's saying there as well

he goes man I'm seriously hurt that girl was strong she fucked him up yeah he's got a big mark on his neck it's bloody good i like that if you're gonna um resign yourself to the fact that you've got to have sex with someone uh do it your way make it clearly he wasn't calling the shots on that particular rendezvous nah man the makeup team

who are doing because there's quite there are a few um bumps and bruises and scrapes uh and i noticed uh because i looked at the im IMDB page for this movie as well before and there were only two noted goofs and one of them wasn't even a goof one of them was like ah when in the morning Cole and Jarhead wake up at the same time when they're hung over and that was the whole goof I'm like that's not a goof people wake up at the same time all the time that's a good that's what's the other ones the other one good i can't remember i just take issue with the first one but no what i noticed was so you know when he gets beaten up by uh james reed from the feelers yeah and then he's like they're all driving out to get sushi before jahid shows in the house he's rented on their behalf. Yeah. When Johnny Depp gets into the car, he sees Zicoli.

And he's got a huge fucking, like a massive bump on his face. Like it's quite, the makeup department's gone ham on it. And he's like, what happened to you? And Zicoli's like, I'd rather not talk about it. And they get to the sushi place. What presumably, if they're in the San Fernando Valley, which is where the best sushi in the Western Hemisphere is, is less than a 20-minute drive away. And he's gone and Hayden Panettiere'd in Heroes that shit

because his grades is like 80% better. Yeah, true that, actually. I didn't know. Well, there's your goof. You should submit that to the IMDB page, guy, and feel like a big man because you managed to find something that didn't make 100% sense in the movie.

I feel like we can reach higher, though. I feel like by the end of this season, we'll be able to have at least a couple real good ones up our sleeve, like we managed to do with Sex and the City 2. A few treasures. I like the emphasis I put on that. It was weirdly placed. Sex and the City 2. Sex and the City 2.

Sex and the City 2. sex and the city to sex in the city to sex and the city to sex in my pussy one far out um do you reckon there's a sex in the city parody called sex in my pussy i i reckon there should be it's just the kind of brash Non-climature that those Hilarious piss take Pornos are famous for Absolutely Hey I had a really good time with Paige this week Oh did you? You're coming round to Paige

I don't like him I just think he's quite a confused guy And he's been through a lot When he's giving his inspirational speech to the boys now sorry for people who have never seen the movie which hopefully is everyone we're talking to right now page is the boss of the real estate empire that's been run out of a um backwater like shoebox warehouse yeah a garage and he's also the captain of the softball team yeah that's right softball fan

so he's doing his big inspirational speech and at one point he's talking about land he's like he's he hates digital he lists all the stuff he hates and then he starts talking about the stuff he likes and he's like land that's what you want land fuck a diamond that shit's forever and i don't think that that's like uh an inspirational turn in the speech i think that's him warning them it's like if you fuck a diamond if you try and put your dick in a diamond or put diamonds in your dick you're gonna do some long-lasting damage that will genuinely last forever i like that he just snuck that in as well to the inauguration of like getting people through what's that called when you enter a new workplace uh yeah like the initiation yeah yeah yeah

orientation speech i want you boys to be burned like i was burned fucking diamond that shit's forever my junk doesn't work so good don't make a big deal out of though you'd be like things i don't like computers technology the internet derivatives things i do like solid gold property land real estate fuck a diamond that shit will come back to haunt you so what was the what was the last thing there man what's happened and then when they were at the house with Teresa? Whose house goes into foreclosure? Tanya Romero. How dare you? Oh, Teresa's her sister. When they're all at the table

and Paige is starting to put the hard sell on, being like, oh, so we're going to steal your house from you. He's like, I forgot about the... Oh, no. Oh, oh no i've got it all twisted i got all twisted that's not that bit but i did find something with tanya romero i'll tell you about in a second but i did find something with tanya romero uh part of the reason that she winds up in big financial trouble is because cole's not good at his job oh my god yes

yes he's mixed he's he's on his phone when he's meant to be bloody dealing with a customer fully bro and and she says i fully cracked onto that this week as well, because she rings and she's like, hey, is this Cole? And he's like, yup. And then she's like, Cole, I need you to do something for me. And then he gets a text saying, come over, big fight. Is it from James or is it from? It's from James.

It's from James Reid of the Feelers. And the audience has led to believe that James Reid from the Feelers Could be being like I'm about to have a big fight with you Or I'm having a big fight with Sophie Because this is just after Ziccoli and Sophie have boned in Las Vegas Yes And so Ziccoli's like understandably Looking at his phone but you shouldn't like

Do it in between phone calls at least And also like immediately after we see the text message It kind of cuts to Ziccoli Walking up the path to go to the house So like presumably he just least and also like immediately after we see the text message it kind of cuts to zicoli walking up the path to go to the house so like presumably he just ended the call with tanya romero and some bit of paperwork that was supposed to go to the bank or something never got filed and she lost her fucking house yeah next thing you know thinking it's page's fault it's not it's it's zicoli's fault he needs to take some responsibility That's why he delivers the box of money at the end

because he feels badly about it. But it's too late, bro. Yeah, you just lost too late. To rightly point out last week, you're just handing a box of money over to Paige, who now owns the house. He's going to go spend it on diamonds. And try and fuck them.

What I was meaning to say is... Because he's a slow learner, guy. He loves softball, but he is a slow learner guy he loves softball but he is a slow learner and he will continue to try and fuck diamonds until he finds a way to do it well it's pleasurable for both him and the diamond he's a slow learner as is jarhead uh because when he's showing the guys around the house he rents for them in the and like that you know exciting place and he's like oh and i forgot about the best part and he takes his shirt off and he starts walking through the house and all the boys like what are you gonna do i was really hoping that he's like

walks into the other room and he's just got this huge diamond and he starts trying to fuck it and they're like no no did you learn nothing jahid learn from pager's mistakes he's a broken man and for good cause he busted his dick on a very hard piece of carbon. Busted his dick on a diamond. Do you want some more notes? Yeah, man. I wanted to cast a little bit of a, not a shining light, but a spotlight

on the checkered man in the party for Sophie's university friends. The guy who's like, I love music. Yes. Interestingly, do you know that's the same guy who the guy is talking to in the two-parter when Ziccoli starts punching people? Yeah. But you barely see him.

You just see the guy who says, this is the line, I never went there personally wish i had and he delivers that line with just like the quintessential american ivy league guy intonation and accent it's like perfect because i originally when i i was writing this down i was like it's perfect and i was gonna say it's the perfect american ivy league school uh a tnd but i have no idea i haven't lived in america i've never set foot in one of the colleges it's it's it's because i'll tell you why you you're familiar with it it's because it's um it's prominent in lots of different uh bits of media and i feel like i'm glad you brought this up because i've always had a real

like i've always really enjoyed the douchiness uh and the execution when that guy says oh and she's like i'm a personal assistant for a musician he goes oh which musician i love music yeah exactly you love music like that sets you apart from anyone else in the fucking world you absolute that bit's actually it's kind in some ways it's a really well written scene right until we get to the hero of the movie who we're supposed to entirely sympathise with

Zuccoli's very homophobic slurs and rampant punching well I was thinking about that though and while

it is laden with homophobia the line I think as he delivered it tonight where he's like so when you jerk each other off do you guys

take turns or is it more of a simultaneous thing tonight where he's like so when you jerk each other off do you guys take turns or is it more of a simultaneous thing or whatever he's maybe just playing on what is very obviously an insecurity for these guys because they're not being good guys when they're talking about

how they want to see your titties and so he's needling at them knowing that they will be they'll respond negatively and freak out at the notion of being called gay unless they're bi because they're insecure found a loophole in your little theory that no but i i'm saying the way that zikoli's processed it oh i say boys are definitely straight i'm gonna go and try

and antagonize them with whatever i can got to make them furious right i mean it's it's thin i like that you have tried to come up with some ammunition to save our hero but i guess it's thin i like that you have tried to come up with some ammunition to save our hero but i guess it's almost like going by the same uh token you look at them and they're white so you start calling them black because you're just trying to see something that they're not and then assume that they'll get offended by it you know it's yeah it's not a hugely strong argument oh yeah well i did my best. But what I was going to say is the reason that you're familiar with that scene and that feeling and that Ivy League kind of douchiness is because,

like, I feel like, and think about it now, it reminds me a lot of, and as a direct homage to maybe Ryan Atwood in the OC. When he first, from Chino, he gets picked up and moves in with a wealthy family and he's at a party like that where he's like surrounded by

they're not Ivy League people they're like Ivy League is with the training wheels on they're still in high school but they're speaking in those exact same

douchey tones those guys and with that same sentiment those guys are everywhere those guys are everywhere if the American media that they propagate all around the world is to be believed but what if it's all a big have same sentiment those guys are everywhere those guys are everywhere if the american media that

they propagate all around the world is to be believed but what if it's all a big have and these guys don't exist but there's some like america's just trying to export all this propaganda to convince us that these guys are what america's really like why would they why would that be their propaganda because they're bad guys well that's exactly it i don't know is that why is that why america's a crumbling empire because their propaganda machines started failing them yeah that's true that i reckon that could be it because like they're pumping out a lot of donald trump stuff they were pumping out this um this model of what they thought the world wanted which was this preppy um polo wearing douchebag who's always at those kind of parties

talking about the cheese that he's eating and when he's got his next golf lesson i don't know i'm so far removed from the cultural stereotype that i don't even know how to mock them correctly you know but that's what america thought the world wanted but they got it wrong yeah you got they don't actually exist imagine that they're just entirely a figment of our collective media imagination imagine that guy mention that i like the idea of like an archetype that has been created and like replicated so intensely that the notion of them exists in new zealand whereas in america they watched that and they're like well i'll tell you where maximum joseph lost me was those goddamn douchey characters.

They keep showing up and I've never met one. I just cannot relate to this movie. Maybe that's why it tanked. This movie tanked? Maybe that's why, yeah. Didn't this movie, who are we talking to? Someone told us it tanked at the box office like something fierce.

Like the financial performance of this movie was among the worst of any major release for the last 10 years or something wow i kind of want to look that up while i'm talking to you actually because it's really um go for it i think i i we know in my research this today i found something in passing it was like the lowest it was it was some sort of rate low on a ratio like it was the across being a film released across 2200 cinemas. It drew the lowest yield or whatever for a movie with that size release on opening weekend. Right. Well, this is, here's a story from Cinema Blend about it from nine months ago

the headline is Zach Efron's We Are Your Friends is a box office bomb of historic proportions Savage opened in 2000 theatres it made 1.8 million, I think they're looking at opening weekend there

Jesus, came in the 13th spot behind American Ultra, which i have never heard of uh minions ant-man and jurassic world according to billboard warner brothers only paid two million dollars to distribute the film um i don't know that that does seem light to me but i'm not the movie business guy i'm in the business of talking about one movie for 12 months that's the business of me as I understand it that does sound light to me as well I mean

Zac Efron is a movie star I like watching him in interviews I like the guy he seems like a real good dude also what I noticed this week which I thought was a nice bit of detailing I tell you what the real heroes of cinema are the art department fuck man that's one thing i've taken out of every movie that we've

watched uh is i guess it's also uh by virtue of looking for something and then you know taking joy in finding new things which is exactly what the art department do you reckon the art there are art department people who are like hearing about the podcast and dressing sets to that brief being like okay we're going to make this movie look like something where you could find something new for 52 weeks oh bro if we could have any impact with this podcast whatsoever to leave as a bit of a legacy that would be such a wonderful one wouldn't it just just a couple of people inspiring art departments the world over do you know what though i reckon art departments have been doing that for ages they'll be putting little things in that no one knows about like directors

uh directors of photography no one and they're a little like inside jokes like how the disney animators used to hide shit in the movies well probably if you ever what are you talking about like phallic stuff um that was kind of what i was thinking of but yeah is that true someone's telling me about that the other day yeah apparently it's true the biggest one that people bring up is uh sex and the dust cloud of lion king but it actually um supposedly according to the the guy it's supposed to spell out sfx for special effects but just f's and e's look so similar it's pretty funny that the special effects guy trying to spell out

special effects to give a special effects team a shout out fucked up you're fucked up bro that's so funny but anyway what I was going to say I noticed this week is in between Squirrels Funeral and Summerfest I'm pretty sure Zicoli gets a new tattoo on his left bicep uh that

looked like i didn't pause it but it looked like it said sjd uh and presumably s was for squirrel and jd were his other initials or maybe he's just a huge fan of new zealand musician sjd holy shit you went in deep this time bro how did you even see see that because not only would you have to be watching his arm real closely you would have had to have known what it looks like before the funeral that's mental yeah dang man any zach efron movie will always uh you know make a great effort to to have those arms out for a lot of it oh shit yeah if you are paying for the zicoli you get the arms for free but it just so happens that the pasta is very expensive. Zicoli has always served al dente.

Always. Speaking of full immersion in the movie, a guy tweeted before. I was just trying to see if I can find his. Oh, here we go. His name's Tarek McGrain. He said, Hey, mate, you should totally watch We Are Your Friends

with a virtual reality headset Grab some google cardboard and jack in And I'm fucking enamored with that idea I think we should definitely do that Would that work? Yeah I don't know I'm not sure if you need kind of special Content like special files

To play through those things But maybe not I don't know I want to do it. I want full immersion and 5.1 surround headphones. So it's just like I've lost all sense of what I am outside of the movie. Mate, I'd love to have a go at that. That'd be good.

Okay, let's try and get that done. We'll try and figure that out. Samsung, if you're listening, make it so. It's harder watching the movie without you tim it's not as fun eh especially this one because it's like it's so bland as well i do you know what i was trying to um come up with while i was watching this week is how how do you make the movie that we saw we are your friends a good movie like a really great movie like what would need to change in it to make it really awesome uh you need i don't know see it's tricky because it's kind of like almost there but it definitely isn't a great movie i would say it's not even

a good movie it's a it's a movie um but it's not good it's not bad yeah which is sort of the worst the worst kind of movie because then it's just like tf1 it's very hard to grab onto anything i was trying to think because i think squirrel dying is great i think that's good you know that's that's that's the only real drama and it comes quite late in the piece like you need more stuff going wrong we're spending too much time with him having a great time and like getting good at making music maybe that's what it is did you just turn on a fan or something and getting good at making music. Maybe that's what it is.

Did you just turn on a fan or something? What's going on over there? Oh, yeah, no. I'm in my hotel room and the air conditioning unit just turned itself on. Oh, far out. Loud little bugger. Good on you, though. Zach, it's just turned off.

Just a little black to let you know it's still there. I was going to say to you, though, because I've been sleeping in different parts of rural Victoria, Australia, and far out, man, if you forget to turn the air conditioning off before you fall asleep, you wake up with the driest mouth. And accordingly, when I saw Zac Efron reach for that bottle of water after their big blowout when they start living in their new flat

and like suckle at it like a baby calf suckling on its mother's teat, the milk of life. I was like, that's good acting. You lived it recently. That was you. Yeah. Hey, I want to throw a theory at you

which is a little bonkers and I don't quite know if we've got enough time to cover it in the depth that deserves but i suspect squirrel may not have died at the hands of drugs as we are led to believe i kind of think johnny depp may have killed him how that i don't know yet but i kind of suspect blunt force trauma trauma like um beating the shit out of someone with a telephone book because apparently it doesn't create any bruising but you can really fuck someone's internal organs up if you just keep hammering them what do you mean if

you beat someone with a telephone book there's no bruising how would they not be bruising the body doesn't know it's being hit by a telephone book. It makes no sense. I heard that from a guy once. A guy told me that. A dude told me that. Anyway, the methodology isn't critical here. What I think has happened is Johnny,

because Johnny Depp's this dark, brooding, intense energy this entire film. He says real fucked up weird things in a really dark way. But he doesn't say much. But the few things he does say are very concerning to me. They really raise the alarm. And I think that house party would be the perfect cover for him to knock off Skrull. And everyone just assumes it's because Skrull was on so many drugs.

There's another hint that he's a sociopath when they're at the club and he's talking to his acolyte and he stands on a woman's foot and like off mic you hear her go hey what the fuck ow and he just ignores it he he has no empathy for other people's feelings exactly he's a bad man um so yeah because what originally led me on to this train of thought is the fact that um after that little shot that we got out of the 12 hour maximum joseph shot of inspiration to just just shoot the guys riffing for 12 hours and all that came of it was that little slice of santeria um by the pool like squirrel's not in a great way but he's's kind of fine. He's holding a bong. He's singing along.

He's not singing. He is. He's not. Is he not? Nah, he couldn't string his sentence together, man. He's really on the edge. He's tuckered. Is that how people die, though?

Nah, I don't know. I still think, I can't remember if if you see this on the podcast or not i suspect that squirrel uh might have offed himself after seeing his friends sing santa santa rea by sublime and be like i cannot live with these people shit but i mean i think there's something sinister afoot there's something lurking just beneath the surface there i even came up with a motive i think that may be johnny depp is in love with sarah who um who had sex with squirrel at the start of the movie oh you know they obviously know who sarah is sarah is a character that doesn't get enough air time in this either because it's very much like she's known to the group they use her to create the illusion.

Oh, no, it is efficient storytelling. But that scene feels very much like something you'd write into a movie where it's like hard cut. Can you play Drunk in Love? Hey, Sarah. And then she comes in, sassy interaction. They were probably Maxim and Joseph. And I can't remember who he wrote it with.

They were scrambling for female characters. Sarah Silverman. No, that doesn't seem right. Someone. I think it's someone Silverman. Sarah Silverman is a very talented and famous comedian. Oh, I realize who Sarah Silverman is, guy. Don't you worry your pretty little head about that.

I do worry. Let's have a look. Maximum Joseph and Oh this is kind of a no gain proposition I don't even know why I'm looking it up Oh no it's Megan Oppenheimer of Atomic Bomb fame

Direct descendant Wasn't there a Dr. Oppenheimer Who was in charge of the Manhattan Project And he was the one who Said when they dropped the first nuclear bomb ever fuck what is it? It's from like the Hindu sacred scriptures

I am become death or something like that I you know a lot of stuff I don't know there's a few things I also probably know a lot of stuff you don't know I have my secrets I also probably know a lot of stuff you don't know

True I have my secrets Hey guys there's something important That we've glossed over here I'm sorry to interrupt you But it's very important that we resurrect Getting sentimental With James Reid

I was wondering if you were going to get sentimental With me this week Absolutely bro I've got such a good one Do we do one each or do we just like It's one Okay cool yes sweet So here's what I'm thinking

You know how When Zicoli goes to James Reid From the Fiddler's house to watch the fight And he says what the fuck man And once again as the audience we're led to believe that he's about to lay him out for having sex with Sophie and then he says you didn't contact me

when we were at the festival and then James Reid goes on to say I found these two Ukrainian acrobats so I think the Ukrainian acrobats have managed to contort themselves to fit in a box designed for a macbook pro and when he opens the box these two eastern block circus performers

jump out at him how good would that be that would be phenomenal and then run away because they've been shut up in a box for a few nights and did not want any part of it. And Sophie's like, who are they? And he's like, don't worry about them. And she wouldn't worry either because she's used to shenanigans and having to just like accept him for the shit human being that he is. Yeah. Oh dear.

But anyway, that's my Gettin' Santa Mano with James Reid. Hey, I love it. I love that you brought it back. Yeah, I love that you thought of it. And again, I apologize for poo-pooing it on that first turnabout. You're bloody... This movie's doing strange things to you, Tim.

You're bouncing all over the goddamn place. I am a bit. Look, we've been talking for entirely more time than is necessary for we are your friends so i think unless you've got any additions uh i got one thing that i wanted to uh that i thought might have been happening in the movie and then this will be the last observation i have uh you know how zicole's got a bad this is a bad habit for a dj if you want to be in the big leagues uh of just leaving his post

and getting some random person to take over yeah like it's social he just walks away from the decks when he's still on the clock uh when his mates arrive at james reed from the feelers party he walks away from the decks and he finds just the nearest person's like hey man can you watch this for me and the guy's like yeah sure and he walks away and you don't hear high noise also it's so unlikely to me that he would do that because he's worked so hard to get the dance floor absolutely fucking rocking yeah it's going off and then he's like all right that's all i needed i'm like surely he'd want to capitalize on that momentum this is a big work opportunity for him anyway he goes to just pull some random guy up

and he's like hey can you look out of this for me and he goes like yeah and kind of pumped and a little bit confused uh what i think happens is when he leaves and he comes back out, that replacement DJ was just some sort of dweeby, like second cousin who was in town and James Reed had to ask to the party. And he's plugged in a microphone and set up like a karaoke corner.

But he's the only one doing it. And he's just driving people out of the party. Oh, that's so good, dude. So, like, after this whole convoluted speech he's given to Sophie while he's getting that mix just right to get everyone fucking popping off in the afternoon, this guy comes and starts singing Sudden Eclipse of the Heart into a reverbed microphone.

I love that. I love that. I love it. Take that, you LA hipsters with too much money. A bit of karaoke never hurt anyone. Just enjoy it. Just get into it. No one's better than karaoke.

Exactly. Never forget that. All right. Thanks for joining us. We'll be back in the friend zone at some point soon. And thanks again to big pipe our sponsor this week and thank you to you for listening and i think that's it thank you to

guy guy hey thanks to you timbo and just a quick heads up if anyone here lives in uh not that place where am i going fuck man i've been i went to one of the biggest shitholes I've ever been to the other day. No offence to the people of Colac, but it was insane. If you live in Charlton, Ararat, Warnambool, Hamilton or Horsham, I'm coming for you. How many people do you think you're grabbing from the podcast audience that are going to live in these small Australian towns? I met one big podcast fan in Ballarat.

Oh, then it's all worth it. Then it's all worth it. It was awesome. It just takes one. Okay, well then, seeing us out again, if my memory serves, it is the wonderfully talented Christopher Brown. Is that right? Who did our intro?

Yeah, not to be confused with the hideous personality Chris Brown. Let's not get into that. There's simply no time. See you soon, folks. Bye-bye. Are you going to play that dastardly intro? This movie's still fine. There's a colleague past it. folks. Bye-bye.