The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty Five - 5 Stars

Episode Date: January 8, 2016

This tank is running low on gas folks. But luckily, the end is in sight for our two kiwi battlers. The Church of Noeth(spelling?), the ire of Nicky, the superior swimming skills of Guy - all are on show in this episode. A web-enabled rat super species are now a terrifying possibility and the wedding was probably expensive. ALSO - Guy and Tim are coming back to America for the finale episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season 2. Welcome along to the worst idea of all time. Episode numero 45. My name is Tim Batt. My name is Guy Montgomery.

And hey Tim, old buddy, old pal. First time talking to you, even seeing you this year. You look great. You smell better. It's good to be alive. Thank you so much. Guy, whereabouts are you coming to us from? I'm not next to you, so the smell was a guess.

Yes. I am in Christchurch, New Zealand, the mainland. Jewel of the South Pacific. What? New Zealand or Christchurch? Christchurch. Christchurch specifically. Truly not.

No, it isn't. It definitely isn't. But it's a nice town. It's fine. Christchurch specifically. Truly not. No, it isn't. It definitely isn't. But it's a nice town. It's fine. I was born there. You were born there. We were all born there. I was born in Wellington, actually.

Well, we're all children of a New Zealand guy, and that's what matters. Welcome to a podcast where Guy and myself watch Sex and the City 2 every week for an entire calendar year and keep reviewing it. We're up to week 45. That is a heck of a lot, Tim. I actually, because you just called it a review podcast and it occurred to me in between the movie finishing and this conversation beginning that we haven't really been abiding specifically

whatever the rules or notions of a review are. We find it very difficult to bunker down and nail into the movie you know as as a movie is traditionally reviewed which is you assess the plot uh the you know the acting sort of the whole feel of the thing the scope of it well gosh darn it guys this is the difficult thing about the podcast how how are you supposed to keep doing that 45 times in a row it's impossible and therein lies the challenge you know the someone who's just about to finish an iron man wouldn't say how am i meant to finish this i've been no the analogy's broken all i'm saying tim is what are you talking about iron man the movie or iron man the triathlon

i'm talking about the triathlon sort of Iron Man. Okay. Do you know how big that is? Yeah, it doesn't work. What do you mean? The coast to coast? Is the coast to coast a different thing? Yeah, the coast to coast

is a different thing. A full Iron Man, I know this because my little sister, she's going to do a half Iron Man. A full Iron Man, that's five kilometers of swimming,

42 kilometers of running, and 180 kilometers of cycling. necessarily in that order good god how far can you swim if you need to me yeah uh i'm a born winner tim i can probably swim 15 kilometers in choppy waters are you serious absolutely i got a heart that just won't quit you're like the human fish i would die instantly not a strong swimmer not if you were with me i'd put you on my back and god damn it i'd drag you for seven and a half kilometers i'd freak i'd be one of those guys in the water who freaks out and drowns you accidentally and i wouldn't even want to do it it's just it's a human instinct i'd calm you down i'd rub my knuckles down your spine and say who's a good

little catfish and then you would actually it's a good little catfish? And then you would actually, it's a hypnotist technique. And you would then think that you were a catfish and you'd say, well, you wouldn't say anything cause you'd be a catfish and you'd just swim next to me. Right. I,

how'd you find the movie this time guy? What was your experience like? I wasn't with you. Okay. Well, as a reviewer, Tim, I'd like to say I think this movie fundamentally fails across the board.

I don't think that the motivation for the... I'm just following tips from dailywritingtips.com forward slash seven dash tips dash four dash writing dash a dash film dash review forward slash. The actors met my expectations. You know, they were good. Compared to the last time you watched it? Or are you trying to reset your brain? No, I think compared to the last time I watched it.

And I think this is one of the virtues of the movie is the actors will always meet my expectations at this point because they're more or less set in stone. So that's a positive. I guess it is. It's hard to be disappointed when you've seen the movie 40 times before. But I can say with supreme confidence and argue with my hand on my heart

to say the acting met my expectations this week perfectly. Fantastic. In fact, the whole movie... Five stars for acting? Five stars for acting. In fact, when I put it in that lens, the whole movie met my expectations perfectly. This is the tricky thing about doing a film review on the 45th watch, isn't it? It's a five-star movie.

I knew what to expect, and they delivered. Fantastic. What did you think? Really struggled. Really, really struggled. Didn't have a good time. I tried hard from the outset to just get in there, maximum. Put myself in there, into the screen, and be part of the fun.

And it was difficult. My shining light, actually, I'm just going to throw it in now at the five-minute mark, was quite early on in the wedding scene. When Liza Minnelli makes that crack about weddings, sorry, marriage being a serious business, or so she's heard, which I think is a reference to having multiple marriages over her lifetime, Nikki, who's one of their brothers, Stanford's brother? No. Yes. No stanford's brother no uh yes no anthony's brother anthony's brother i beg your pardon he is too um nicky doesn't like that nicky doesn't like that joke nicky looks visibly disappointed and he shakes his head not in a way like oh that old liza

manali but in a way like that was in poor taste he's a conservative guy this is what we know about him he believes in the sanctity of marriage and fucking people at weddings like a machine he has been a youth pastor uh at the church of noah for nigh on six years now and what gospel exactly is he following that he's leading children and just having rampant sex with 52-year-old women he meets at parties? At weddings, no less. At his brother's wedding, no less. What gospel? Yeah. The gospel according to Chris, chapter 9, beginning at verse 4.

And yea, thee shall defend the sanctity of marriage while exploring thine own sexuality with a 52-year-old woman at thine brother's wedding. Or Carrie Preston, queen of the underworld, shall take thee. Take thee, testes, through thine urethra. Jesus. I mean, it's all there, Tim. It's all in the text. It's ancient text.

It's Aramaic, so the translation isn't a hundy. But we get the gist of it. That according to Chris' show that Chris Rock did, he actually stole the title of the cartoon, the animated series that he did from the gospel. According to Chris, the church was around before Chris Rock's show. Obviously, the church was around before Chris Rock's show. I mean, let's not get bogged down

in samanthics tim it's a fine shining light and uh speaking of conservative i'd like to stay on that note because i noticed a potential alternative plot line or wrinkle uh that as yet has not occurred to me in the movie as dick bot takes samantha on their lovely date uh and he he teaches how to smoke shisha for the first time and things are getting pretty heated pretty fast I think it would be fair to say, I don't think anyone would call me a liar for attesting to that

and the conservative man gestures that he is upset, there's outrage, he throws his cutlery down doesn't he? I put it to you, this man is not obsessed by the overt sexual innuendo occurring between Samantha and Dickpot, but that his fish,

which he spent five minutes getting the details of from the waiter, was not, as promised, seared once on either side, but in fact cooked clean through. Seared on either side maybe, but put in a warming tray, overheated, it's dry,

it's crumbly, it's not a good bit of fish. So what we've been led up to believe until this point is that there's an Arab man that we see who's sitting with his wife who's in a full burqa across from them

and when Samantha is uh how did you say fellating the shisha pipe we've been led to believe that he's outraged by that action but actually it's just coincidence that it's happening at the same time he's outraged by his meal it's just ambiguous down ambiguous editing and then this is at this point was even hammered home further by wherein Samantha and Dickbot agree that they both need a walk on the beach on account of being lightheaded from the shisha, presumably, and they stand up and Dickbot is at half mast. He gestures angrily. Now, we never see specifically who the angry jester is at.

Now, I put it to you that he is not, in fact, gesturing towards Samantha and Dickbot, but he is towards the chef or the kitchen, as if to say, well, you send them out here, and they can have a bite of it, and tell me this fish isn't cooked clean through. So then, do we just simply not see the person who lays the complaint? No, no. Well, what it is is the waiter is so hilariously incompetent.

He, in fact, is there undercover as part of a method writing process because he's writing a sitcom about working as a waiter in a fancy hotel restaurant. In Abu Dhabi. That's right. So he deliberately fumbles the complaint all the way to the top. And so these four women are just a subplot in the pilot episode of his sitcom so he deliberately sabotages uh samantha and dick

bot's walk on the beach and also sabotages the conservative man's uh request to talk to the chef about the fish it's absolute chaos ironically, the name of that subsequent sitcom is According to Chris. Yeah. An original series set in Abu Dhabi. It took him so long to get it off the ground that obviously Chris Rock kind of... Usurped that title.

Well, no, because that was according to Jim we're talking about here. What did Chris Rock have? Oh, everybody hates Chris. Oh, you did right well i did right let's not get a um a pop culture in a in a muddle let's all just it's too late for that mate no it's not a tit of myself no you haven't guy what happened is um fuck i didn't enjoy watching it and i kind of late because i was i was here on the by the couch and so i lay down

on the couch and then i kind of shut my eyes and i think i may have drifted off briefly but i can't be sure because i woke up and like everything was still happening because i've seen the movie so many times before i can't tell if i remember hearing what was happening this time or if i was just drawing upon a last time uh and i feel angry that i might have um as i call it pulled a guy montgomery and cheated by falling asleep through part of the movie but i will never be able to tell uh first of all tim uh i appreciate you calling it pulling a guy montgomery as i feel that is a fair and accurate title uh i would like to challenge you as to suggesting that this is any way cheating uh as you as you learned you are absorbing just as much if

not more of the film in a semi-conscious or unconscious state with the film happening around you than you possibly could as a conscious man engaging with it the movie's only point of entry into your body now is not through you as a conscious being it's when your defense slips your heart keeps going your brain shifts a gear and it slips through your air and it's when your defense slips your heart keeps going your brain shifts a gear and it slips through your air and it's sort of just it's like a haze a fuzz that collects around your brain far out man so by osmosis really is how i'm absorbing the movie these days yeah and i'm pretty confident as to why that's that's why you look so fatigued because it is altogether more exhausting well i appreciate you noticing that I look very tired.

Well, tired and tanned. That's the Timbett way. The two Ts of a Timbett summer. Yeah, that's right. Tired and tanned. Those are good two Ts for summer. Yeah. It's a good way to be.

You want to chuck a third one in there? Towel. Yeah. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. Nothing worse than drying yourself with a wet towel. Yeah that or something that isn't a towel so you clean all the yeah oh yeah that's bad what like what are you thinking i'm thinking underwear for some reason i was and i don't know if the underwear is clean either i was thinking of an ice cream wrapper that you just found ice cream wrapper would not you would be it'd be like

using a window wiper because it's plastic so it wouldn't absorb anything so you just have to use it to wipe all of the moisture off of you you'd be moving the water around if anything what you want to do if you're in a beach scenario don't worry about the ice cream wrapper pick it up put it somewhere safe because don't litter your beaches but just roll around in the sand i was just thinking that would that work if you if you rolled in sand enough wouldn't you completely dry out and the sand would dry out and then it would just fall off you yeah yeah i think in essence uh would that only work if you were in like salt like pure salt like if you if you were all wet and you needed to dry out if you just chuck yourself into one of those salt mountains would that work and just rolled around for quite a while yeah are you

not imagining being in pain when you're doing that though nah i think it'd be right i'd rather be hurting than wet that's the tim bat motto wouldn't it be fast to dry yourself by throwing yourself in front of a bus and therefore the air moving around you would dry your body as long as the bus didn't hit you you probably got a point no I was imagining that you just do it to get dry

because you'd rather you'd rather be hurting than wet whatever you're saying is you fucking maniac Tim I've got some breaking news okay

I'm a hydrophobe it's arrived today from Richie Ryan or at hip underscore squared on twitter it is a link to an article on the guardian the title of which brain to brain interface lets rats share information via internet oh subheading rats thousands of miles apart collaborate on simple tasks with their brains connected through the internet. What does this say to you? It suggests to me that maybe Brady has formed a temporary alliance with Dickbot

because Brady controls the biological elements of his kin, but the AI prowess of Dickbot is all about the tech. He's the one who's in charge of all the computerized stuff and the internet stuff. So if the rats are now communicating, it's not quite telepathy, but through the internet, like thousands of kilometers away or whatever,

using the net, I mean, that is a forging of alliances and it's terrifying. It's the worst thing. It's the worst possible thing that could have happened. this is the one thing we didn't want to happen so as a plebeian level human being as we both are currently ranked on the brady dickbot scale uh how do you what's your first reaction to this information and what's your first step towards uh safeguarding yourself and your loved ones well my first reaction is making a brass eye reference which i'm glad you got so i can tell by your giggle

um did you no ah it's the pedophile episode yeah we're like a guy dressed up as a school and there's a there's a bit where they send a pedophile into space as punishment, but they accidentally leave an eight-year-old on board. That's right. Who's hiding out in there. And they get a comment from the guys who've coordinated it, and they say, this is the very worst thing that could have happened. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen.

At any rate, so after that initial reaction um look my second reaction is abject fear uh and then some sort of acceptance because i've been thinking about um the end times recently a lot uh and i just think we've all got to admit that sometime it's got to come it's got to come for us. And just got to make our peace with it a little bit. And if it comes at the hand of an alliance between an artificial intelligence created by the Japanese and retribution to the Americans for Pearl Harbor and his new found friendship with a boy who's controlling all of the rats in New York City. I mean, there's something beautiful about that.

Of all the ways to go, it's not the worst. It's called being gracious in defeat. And I think that's what you're exuding right now, Tim, is sort of just a willingness to let fate wash over you. I, for one, welcome our internet-enabled vermin overlords. Well spoken, Kent Brockman. Now, what I think concerns me even more deeply is that the lead scientist on this uh miguel nicolasis uh so he pretty much what happened is as you said that the rats they were connected through the internet and if they helped

they could help each other perform tasks to get rewards so at one point a light went on for one of the rats and they'd hit the light, and then that would travel through the internet, and it would trigger the other rat to think, okay, I'll hit the light, and they'd both get a drink of water. Right. So, I mean, it's preliminary days,

but it's worrying and it's fearsome. What do you think of it all? What do you make of it? I think what gets me is that Anders Sandberg, who studies the ethics of neurotechnologies at the future of humanity institute at oxford university so this is one of our premier scientists who's obviously crossed over to the dark side his quote i don't think there's any risk of super smart rats from this there's a big difference between sharing sensory information and being able to plan i'm not

worried about an imminent invasion of rat multiborgs is that not just a bold-faced lie um i just i think he knows not what he does did dr frankenstein realize what he was creating when he flipped the switch and lightning strike i think not it's not dr frankenstein it's frankenstein's monsters, Dr. Frankenstein. Jesus Christ, Guy. Your desire to correct me superseded any need for you to do so. You were just waiting for the word Frankenstein to pop up so you could correct someone, and I nailed it. I couldn't have made that up any more than I did. I was deliberately being an arsehole

in the hopes that you would get on board with me. Nah. It sounded too... i'm i'm on it i'm too tired man i just that movie really tuckered me out i wrote some notes down i'll see if any of them are worth sharing let me check real quick i've just i wrote the words oh boy down a lot oh boy that was when the movie was starting like for the first 10 minutes that's just what i was thinking over and over in my head i was just like oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy yeah absolutely like here i am again oh boy watching it again oh boy oh boy not like this it takes it's yeah it's uh yeah

one thing i did write down as well guy if i may uh take you off track if you're just mindlessly agreeing with me is the financials of the wedding mind-blowing absolutely mind-blowing uh yeah staggering obviously i mean uh addressed in the film and maybe one of the only so briefly yeah ever so briefly also the closest the movie ever comes to referencing uh just the display of wealth that is out for all to see they never really acknowledge the absurdity of their oh i guess fleetingly with passing jokes but they never really properly acknowledge just how insane the whole experience of the trip is and this is the only time where it's actually like oh so you paid money for this and they're like yeah yeah we had to pay money for this we paid all the money for this well fuck the trip briefly the wedding let's focus in

on this thing we're in a destination in new hampshire and new ham no connecticut isn't it yeah it's connecticut connecticut and it looks pretty flashy so you know you're dealing with the usual obscene amounts of venue rental for somewhere that can suit a wedding so we're talking like you know probably early five digits right right there up front you've got a full choir kind of two by the looks of it that you've hired of like full two male choirs of good-looking young men so i don't know if the specificity of that drives the price up or if it's a happy coincidence but either way they're not there for free no you've hired liza manali as your officiator and you've gotten a performance out of here now i don't know exactly how bright her star is shining these days

but i can't imagine liza picking up the phone on that kind of a gig for any less than six figures uh okay good point well raised yes catering always one of the most expensive parts of a wedding. And it doesn't matter if it's a cheaper wedding to put on, a more expensive wedding, it always scales with the wedding, right? So no matter how much they pay for everything else, the food is going to be proportionate to that. So I reckon whatever they laid down for Liza, they probably laid down again in catering.

Well, you look at it, So the night of the wedding, that's a free-for-all on champagne. I mean, there are half-finished glasses all over the party. It is a young caterer worker's wet dream because they can just go around scooping up all those half-finished glasses of champagne. They'd be getting absolutely trollied out the back

then walking around. You ever worked a wedding, Guy? I've not worked a wedding as a caterer. I've worked in – the reason I'm so keen on these half-finished things is when I worked at an Asian fusion restaurant, and a lot of tables would order the buffet. And if they'd order the buffet, there'd always be more food than they could possibly finish.

But for some reason, the restaurant was like, you can't take the buffet food home in a dog box doggy box whatever otherwise it it's uh it doesn't make any financial sense for us so i would just look around for the untouched big bowls of curry and i'd just be fucking you know i'd slip around the back back wall and just be putting it hand to mouth feeding just straight on absolutely uh and if you got caught doing that you were in big trouble sometimes i just fill up takeaway boxes of curry and hide them around the restaurant then during the cleanup i just pick them up and take them home feed the flatmates i remember um

when they established that rule at mickey d's i was at mcdonald's and we just bloody absolutely cane it on a run of like quarter pounders just make far too many things so if someone was going on a break you just siphon off about half a dozen of them upstairs yes for the tea room and then they um they changed the whole method of how it works so that i'm pretty sure this is the reason why mcdonald's started doing uh build to order in new zealand because the staff were just making ludicrous amounts of burgers and eating them all. And although they made it this whole campaign

like they were competing with Subway where it was like, oh, we're going to make your burger fresh for you in front of you. Fuck that. No one's going to McDonald's to get a fresh burger. That has never been the case. That will never be the case.

What they're doing is they're trying to save money by only making burgers as the customers order them so the staff can't eat them all. You've just, you've blown the lid on this whole goddamn operation, Tim Bat. I have. I'm one for it, guy. I've got the brain that just, I see through the code.

I can read the matrix. You absolutely can. So back to the wedding. They blew all this money on the shampoos and canapes on the night of the wedding. The next morning, how much would it cost to have a full sit down catered for meal for all of your guests roughly 200 where they order off the menu

with waiters so do you think that um anthony and stanford picked up the tab on that as well uh i feel like it was all i feel like they fronted everything yeah although no Although, no, it is getting pretty wacky. But, like, you know, they all stayed in the same building where the reception was. Well, yeah, but let's assume everyone paid for their own ACOM in that place because that's generally how things go down at a wedding. It's like we're having it here. I don't get asked to many weddings.

Usually, Guy, when you've got friends, mature friends who get married and enter into harmonious and committed relationships, they go, we're getting married at this venue, and if you want to stay here, we've got friends, mature friends, who get married and enter into harmonious and committed relationships, they go, we're getting married at this venue, and if you want to stay here, we've got a discount, but it'll cost you $2.50 a night. And then you say, no, I've brought a tent. They say that's not really going to fit with the aesthetic of the wedding, Tim.

It's kind of quite a nice place, and the only lawn available is for croaky. You turn up and you look positively bushly for the aftermatch the morning after. It's terrible. Care all a mess. Next thing you know, Tim Batts waking up at 9am the morning of the day after the wedding with a croquet ball in his head.

You know, two angry groupsmen holding mallets at the end of your tent saying, what are you doing on here? Of course, this would never be my style, but i know there is a particular brand of lad out there who would uh just book no accommodation and attempt to bed whatever bridesmaid or friend thereof they could get their hands on that they know it's got accommodation and there's nothing wrong with that yeah well except that you're using someone. Yeah, but if they like you enough, it'll be fine. Learning a lot about Guy Montgomery this episode.

I wasn't talking about myself. I was speaking hypothetically. You're still talking about your value system, Guy. I've said enough. Do you know what I tried to do during the wedding scene? Ellen, who's the annoying bitch who has Carrie and big up against a wall because they decide not to have children she's outraged she's shocked she's mortified by the fact she's probably just terrified by her overbearing husband as well at every turn that's true i was trying to see it

from her side though this time i was really like okay i want to enter into alan's side of things i'll try and see things from her perspective and i i struggled i just couldn't do it i couldn't get into this mode of like um judging other people for not having children and being shocked that's it i just what kind of a sheltered upbringing have you experienced that someone deciding to not have kids has shook you to your core like that i guess a mormon yeah uh also i think what i i don't know if i mentioned in earlier episodes formerly a member of the church of noah who then left to become a woman so still holding on to some of those near and dear family value morals uh that are instilled in in nicky as well and in fact you'll see in in several

scenes in the background you'll see nicky and uh alan making awkward eye contact and then avoiding them they had a sort of a tryst uh during their time in the church of north but i mean it's not that that's by the by so you can't um really describe the church of noah as conservative per se because of this uh desire want rule parameter flavor of having rampant sex with people at at weddings uh that's nor is it liberal well it's sort of you know for the for members like nicky and alan it's sort of a build your own belief system. I like that. A pick and mix approach to spirituality. That's right.

So in the higher echelons of the church, I mean, that sort of hanky-panky is outright forbidden. But for younger members who are sort of decaling their knee quabs, so to speak, I mean, it's commonplace, as it is, I'm sure, in any religion these days. One final thing I wanted to share about the wedding, and then my notes ended abruptly because I think I fell asleep at that point for a bit, was I'll tell you what,

I have developed a big old man crush on that gorgeous black guy who's hanging out with Pink Jacket who talks to Samantha. Norm Lewis. He's an opera star. Oh, man. I've got a big old boy crush on him. He is dapper. He is an opera star. Oh, man. I got a big old boy crushing him. He is dapper.

He is charming. And that voice. Yeah. Isn't he a Broadway performer? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, man. He's so cool. He is a bit of all right.

He's a handsome man. And he's got just the right amount of, in his delivery, like, what's the word? amount of um in his delivery like uh what's the word kind of a a smiley cheeky delivery without it being too over the top it's just enough to you really warm to him i uh i'm right there with you tim and he's also got him and he's bouncing off one of the heaviest actors in the film i'm not talking physically i'm talking about in terms of uh effort visible on screen during a performance reminiscent of p schwarzenegger grown-ups to circa 2013 i thought you were talking about kim bring the noise katrall but you're talking about pink yeah shower the pain jacket i'm talking exactly about pink shower the pain jacket now

tim i'm just uh keeping an eye on time here and i'm aware that we're we're all running all already running late as you might say i've just got a a note, sort of, if you will, an edit point. No, a correction. You know, in the newspaper, they get a fact wrong. Someone writes in and says, you got that fact wrong. The newspaper then prints the thing saying, oh, we got that fact wrong. Yeah, dog. Suzanne Summers never hosted Figure It Out on the Nickelodeon network.

It was, in fact, Summer Sanders who hosted it. Did you suggest that at one point? Yeah, I did. I mean, it's the sibilance, isn't was, in fact, Summer Sanders. Did you suggest that at one point? Yeah, I did. I mean, it's the sibilance, isn't it? It's the S sound. I got Suzanne Somers and Summer Sanders confused. Suzanne Somers and Summer Sanders. Suzanne Somers and Summer Sanders.

That's a good tongue twister. You're doing well with it. I completely missed that. I mean, I don't think I'd correct you because I don't know the show well enough either, but the only thing I know Suzanne Somers from is Step by Step, which is some more S's in the mix.

Suzanne Somers and Step by Step and Summer Sanders. This summer. And the summer blockbuster. Suzanne Somers from Step by Step and Summer Sanders and this summer's blockbuster. That's too much. Jesus. You are an agile-tongued young man.

You didn't trip once on that. That's right. Good on you, guy. I was doing tongue weights in the off season hey Tim I think that's a squabbity bub sorry squabbity

squabbity bub squabbity bub squabbity bub squabbity bub squabbity bub squabbity bub squabbity bub squabbity bub What's he doing? Why is he singing Scat to Frank Sinatra?

That's the question There's a man in this film, Guy. I want to just let our new listeners in and let them know. I feel like some people might have jumped on board with the five-hour episode recently, which, tip of the hat to you if that was your entry point. A lot of people have been getting in touch about that episode because I think there's been a lot of trips

over the Christmas and New Year period that people have been taking on planes and trains and automobiles. And thanks for listening, I guess is all I have to say. I don't know what's on that episode because I haven't listened to it new year period that people have been taking on planes and trains and automobiles and um thanks for listening i guess is all i have to say i don't know what's on that episode because i haven't listened to it and i can't remember what we said it's first of all we got two guests in for the first half uh michael and patrick king and then i'm pretty sure that it's just us two just having the worst possible time but that's not the handle there you're explaining what exactly he is wearing and how to tie a bow tie oh really yeah i wasn't aware those were the questions we're asking answering um the guide to which we refer is a man in the back of shot when uh the film's

quadrant of ladies quartet rather of ladies uh sitting in a cafe having a bit of brunch and over no miranda's shoulder is um a guy who through the magic of editing in the film appears to consume an entire cup of coffee in six seconds and three gulps he's just constantly downing that hot java that he loves so much and we've postulated over the weeks and months and seasons as they've gone by as to exactly what the fuck that guy is doing with that amount of caffeine in his system. And the truth of the matter is, Guy, we've cracked it this week. Haven't we just?

I couldn't agree more. The guy had a conversation with his partner, his life partner, his wife, if you will, if you abide the Church of North, that in touch via emails or initially faxes and then emails. And Kimi has always maintained that Samantha and her are the firmest of friends. In fact, Kimi categorizes Samantha as her best friend. And it's sort of the only real bone of contention, what is otherwise a very harmonious marriage. Because coffee guy, he will not stand for this. He never sees her. I mean, if that's her best just, he will not stand for this.

He never sees her. I mean, if that's her best friend, he's got no idea, you know. The claim rings hollow on his end. Right. And he's pretty much gotten down to work. So what he's done is he, because of course, I mean,

they were best friends. And I have seen Kimmy and Samantha were best friends right through high school, faded a little bit in university. They both worked worked they interned together in new york city uh initially after university uh but then of course samantha kind of got picked up by uh three three other friends uh a la donnie and the wild thornberries you know it's charlotte i met charlotte here i met miranda here and uh samantha she found us. And what it is, is he's gone out there, he's done some research, he knows exactly where they load up on food and conversation.

You'll notice a newspaper to the bottom right corner of his table relative to his body, okay? Folded over in half. Much like gangsters of yore used to carry a gun to guard and diners he has placed a small dictaphone in which he is recording the conversation between samantha carrie charlotte and miranda now as soon as samantha says you didn't think i'd go to abu dhabi without my three best gal pals boom job done lock it off wrap it up walk out the cafe, go home, win that argument, take a holiday in Antigua.

I don't know what they do with their time together. But that's it. As far as he's concerned, that's a nail in the coffin of that argument, which has been a spectre over their marriage for nigh on 20 years. Holy shit. He'd go to all that trouble to prove his wife wrong, that she's not actually friends with um with someone she's claiming to be best friends with since high school he's a petty man god samantha jones has turned

into this porn in a horrible marriage's war i think this is right verse what's happening now it's just uh there are so many interesting subplots and side stories developing uh all around the action of sex in the city too and i feel like we're finally approaching a point in our analysis where we can fully magnify and investigate uh all of these alternative storylines well thank god thank god someone had the wherewithal time and commitment to do it and thank god it's us two gentlemen equipped uh with the mental faculties to dig through the malaise and fog of what the movie immediately throws at you and to get in there peel back the layers of the onion and find out that inside there is a bulb and that bulb is shiny and not what you would expect tim bat uh could kiss you on the mouth if we're in the same room but i

cannot there's a bit of audio that i wanted to start using from the movie but i'm not sure of what the copyright implications would be so i'm just going to say it um because it would be so perfect for one of our regular visitations on this podcast mr big uh walks in on carrie who was packing to take her overseas trip and he's got this tiny empty cup of coffee, which is obviously empty. He takes an imaginary sip from it, and he said, I had an idea I wanted to talk to you about. And I wish we could use that bit of audio,

but like I said, I'm not sure if we could get the clearance from the studios to chuck that on. I have an idea I want to talk to you about. I had an idea I want to talk to you about I had an idea I want to talk to you about what we'll do is we'll harness and refine Mr Big impersonations

to the point that us delivering the line will be virtually indistinguishable from Chris North who's much busier with other ventures

than acting in movies now for those of you who are curious anyway the book is called Mr Big's Big Book of Ideas. And the man who has seen some highs,

he's seen some lows. He's always scheming, always plotting, always planning, always drawing up something. Oh, yeah. A lot of stuff going on in that book. Inventions, patents,

ideas for inventing patents. Bottom to top, loaded with ideas. What's going on in there? He's come up with a board game guy he's come up with um his very own version of uh uh what's the old milton bradley game called rat uh rat no what is it rat trap oh mouse trap mouse trap thank you he's got a variant on it. So in a similar way to how often academics and professors and researchers who work in psychology will come up with games to test their subjects, right? They come up with fun little games that you can play and then they derive some findings out of that and they figure it all out so what mr big is trying to release out into the market for mass distribution this holiday season is a brand new game that is going to equip the world make them ready to take on brady's rat army so he's developed a form of mouse maze where you're given

a particular set of parameters similar to cludo where there's like a set amount of resources you can use as weaponry um and some set battlefields that you can choose from and then you have to get uh incredibly tactical at taking on the vermin that are in the board game his ultimate goal with this isn't to make money it's not to gain prestige uh among the board game crowd, which are a lovely crowd to have the love of. We all know this. Lovely fan base to grab. He's not after that. He hasn't even put his name on this board game.

He's just there to prepare the masses, the general populace, for the coming radocalypse, courtesy of one Brady. He's not sounding the alarm. He's not. Because he knows that will panic sounding the alarm he's not he's not uh because he knows that will panic the people right that's the beauty of big he knows how people work and he knows a little bit about how rats work too and he's trying to use his knowledge of human behavior

which he's used so aptly uh in a deeply to figure out the stock market and make a lot of money in spite of his color blindness and vertigo big, big building that he lives in. He's now turning his hand to a more philanthropic end, which is saving humanity against the rats. I hope that the first draft doesn't give too much away so to speak i hope he keeps uh some of that information under his hat maybe not use specific brady or dick bob friendly

terms but rather yeah uh and not rats specifically because i feel like that's only gonna i mean people are smart you know they see they see bullshit a mile off and they're going to draw lines between uh things but i mean i'm very interested But I'm very interested as a plebeian level human being as we both are currently graded. Here's how he does it because the way that you thread the needle to release a board game to educate the masses on how to prepare for the ratocalypse

without tipping your hand to either Brady the Rat King or Dickbot the AI is you use the thing that humans excel at which is pattern recognition you see robots are very good at calculating things taking things literally and figuring them out and what rats are very good at is um biological weaponry they'll bite you they'll scratch you they'll fuck you up they've got the numbers you know they'll take you down they're dirty beasts they carry a lot of diseases so what you're going to do is uh this is why humanity succeeded over the animals so far we pass on our information orally through story and myth and legend we transmit it we don't we don't

go literal this is why people who interpret the bible as being uh literal text you're an idiot you're a fool the earth wasn't literally created in seven, excuse me, seven rotations on its axis. It's madness. No, no. It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor, people. You've got to learn. Because if you start taking that shit literally,

we're going to reveal ourselves to our enemies. And you know what? Mr. Big knows that. He's a smart man. A very smart man. And a force to be reckoned with in this forthcoming and ongoing battle of the titans big time hey guy hey tim did you have a shining light for this watch of this film tim it wouldn't

be a watch of sex in the city 2 if guy montgomery didn't come packed with a shining light uh my shining light was well it started as a shining light and then became deeply infuriating but the shining light in itself was the uh the very realistic retelling of the opening bars of a karaoke song with your friend so you've got the four gals they've just gone up they're going to sing iron woman hear me roar and there's confusion as as a round of the count that leads them in i believe samantha jumps the gun early and she's created by Carrie saying, no, no, no. No, it's Charlotte.

Charlotte. She goes, no, no, we come in now. I think Charlotte, tut, tuts. Carrie explicitly says when they come in. No, but Charlotte is the one who goes early. Oh, well, it's Charlotte. There you go. Anyway, whoever it is, I mean, the –

You would think you would know by this point, but yes. Well, I was so absorbed in the the accuracy of the storytelling i mean it's exactly like four friends singing karaoke but they then go on to sing an off pitch uh and off taste no i'm not gonna say off taste but just not very good uh version of iron woman hear me roar not two minutes ago a guy belted out what was more than a passable version of Foreigners. It feels like the first time. He was barely getting the interest of the crowd. And you meant to tell me that everyone in the crowd were like they were captive.

They just weren't engaging with it the way they do with Iron Woman, Henry Rourke. I know it's film. I know you've got to cheat a little bit. But their vision is worse than his version. It feels like the first time the only thing they do to engage the crowd is carry throws at everybody which is I mean maybe that's the cover up

I suspect as well that they're doing karaoke with a version where the lyrics have been slightly adapted as well because poor Lev Tompkins when we had him on noticed this as well I'm not sure if we brought this up in the episode Embryo Embryo just an embryo with a long long way to go is that in the song that's in the song I heard it I've never heard it before I heard it on the sound the soundtrack to our lives

on New Zealand radio recently good god anyway that was my shining light Tim uh hey thank you and so what so hold on hold on let me drill this. The Shining Light is the kind of friendship moment of doing karaoke together or is it the fact that they get a lot of love in the building which they don't deserve or what? It's the acting and storytelling at the beginning of their song when they get it wrong,

they're all laughing and they're all nervous and one of them sort of takes charge and says, no, no, we're coming now. So it's that moment between them walking on the stage to sing karaoke and them starting to sing karaoke as soon as they start singing karaoke uh the moment's gone you know okay i haven't said anything for a while because you skyped um oh well i cut out a little bit there in the middle i was very i was okay very articulate uh

now let's put it i'll assume the best let's put a pin in this thing tim because uh it's time to go but before we do that we have a very exciting non-rat based announcement two in fact the first one is i'd just like to say thanks again to josh peters um we've started using his banjo intro now for the podcast because i think we've entered into an increasingly sad um period i'm just like i think there's more capturing of the mood of where we're at now um so we'll go out on his one as well josh peters thanks again um for producing that for us completely we didn't ask for that no apropos of nothing he's a good guy he is and sorry

as you were with um the second big announcement which is i would say cooler yeah uh well uh we are very excited to announce that we will be ending uh discussions vis-a-vis sex in the city to live from the city from which the franchise and television show was born. New York City, baby. Oh my God, I almost fudged it because I made it sound like we were going to go to Abu Dhabi, but we are absolutely not going to Abu Dhabi. We're going to New York. We toyed with the idea briefly, but we decided not to because we're idiots. But the gag of doing it wouldn't quite be enough

to serve going all the way to the Middle East. That's quite right. So, all we know, we don't know the venue yet, but all we know is that there will be

a live final episode of season two, the worst ever of all time, in New York City on March the 3rd. So, other than that, we can't give you any information

because we are not particularly well-organized, gentle folks, and we have no more information to give. We're also looking at doing a split bill stand-up show. Just because, I don't know. I don't know what you think, Tim. I reckon that'd be fun.

That's just, you know, I'm sort of talking to you off, well, obviously I'm on mic, but this is, you know, you're just looking at absent-mindedly the skype's coming in and out so i'm just saying if it's going to catch up but yeah no everything you said i'm going to assume is all good we're heading to the east coast for the first time real life show it's going to be great so check off march 3rd and your calendar and your ical tick that whole evening off because you're going to be hanging out with your old mates, Timbo and Guy Guy.

And it's going to be cool. And we're also toying with the idea of Mayhaps doing a little stand-up show while we're there as well, doing Half an Hour Each. So I don't know. If you care enough to want to go and see that and pay small amounts of dollars for it, let us know, I guess. Yeah, that's a grand idea, Tim.

I had no idea we were planning on doing that. I think it's a choice- idea so uh we should do it yeah more details to come as they come otherwise for fuck's sake could we just turn this thing off yeah mate you go and enjoy the rest of your holiday um and uh god bless you god bless god bless your little consofts. Decal your neckwad. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season 2.