The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty Four - 2015

Episode Date: November 17, 2018

It's the first day of 2015 and in New Zealand, a wonderful summer day has gripped the whole country. But Guy and Tim aren't at the beach! Or even a park! They're indoors, watching the movie again and BOY is Tim unhappy about it (again). One of the lowest ebbs in the project so far.Guy stages an intervention to deal with Tim's drinking (which he does to deal with the movie), a book club of sorts breaks out midway through and you'll be treated to two kiwi men struggling through the 44th watch of a movie while hung over. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome along to the worst idea of all time episode 44 and a happy new year to you from me, Guy Montgomery. Is it 44? Fuck, you're right. Yeah, mate. Oh, God. I thought it was 43. You're right.

It is 44. I've been saying 43 all day. And a happy new year from Tim Bat, me, four beers in. Just watched the movie by myself, solo, because me and Guy are coming to you from different islands in New Zealandaland again that's right i'm now stationed at kai teri uh in the able tasman beautiful day here a fantastic start to the year save for the fact i just shut myself in a house

ignoring the sunshine and the beck and call of the water and watch grown-ups too and it just sucked the energy out of me i am literally in like one of the most idyllic places i've ever visited in my life uh it's gorgeous i mean i'm at someone's parents house a friend's parents house like a you call it a batch in new zealand but it's really it's it's quite fancy it's quite full-on it's a beautiful place and here i am i stuck myself into a quiet little dark room away from all the fun and watch this godforsaken movie again and uh feeling pretty low guy feeling pretty low on a new year's day yeah i don't think this is going to be a particularly upbeat edition of the worst idea of all time i'm just i'm tucking down this is going to be a particularly upbeat edition of the worst idea

of all time i'm just i'm tucking down i'm going to be honest with you tim it was a big night yeah oh boy i got out i got out of bed specifically for this and now i'm back on a bed i'm lying on a bed just i feel like i'm talking to my therapist on a skype session i'm currently trying to juggle a cell phone so that I can hear you on Skype, a microphone so it'll record into the thingy, and a beer and a battery pack, and it's all gotten quite difficult.

Sometimes you just take a step back from the whole picture and you go, why? Why? Why? That's right. That's the thing. There's a lot of trouble to be going to for this

conversation a conversation you know which we had a lot of last year and i wasn't really planning on having this early in the new year nor was i mate it's the first day of 2015 it's um like we kicked off the watch just before noon so So this is prime sleep time, really, or hanging out with your mates time, getting a bit of brunch, shaking off the dusty old evening that was, swapping stories. Reminiscing.

Yeah. Reminiscing on the night before. Looking bad. A night gone by. Looking to the 12 months ahead and making some resolutions. But apparently, Guy, my resolution is to continue this self flagellation project that we know is the worst idea of all time i actually funnily enough on a

phone conversation i had uh very recently someone asked what my resolutions were and i said my new year's resolution is to watch grown-ups two less yeah uh and it's gonna and the great thing is obviously it's off to a poor start and that after i hang up the phone i immediately watch grown-ups too yeah but it's gonna be a good year for that resolution you're damn right we've got uh what nine to go then i guess and i we're already i'm really questioning we're walking down the Yeah, it seems like not a big path, but I'm really questioning whether or not I can do it. Like, after the watch I just had, like, this was next level, bro.

This was really... We were plumbing new depths. This was the lowest watch for me. I think this was the grimmest watch that we've done. Did you have people milling around you during the watch? This was the awkward situation, man. I was in a bedroom, and a friend's mum quite rightly came in and said, oh, look, we've just got to sort of turn the bedroom over a little bit, get everything back in shape,

because there's some other people coming to stay tonight. And I had to kind of like on the fly while the movie was playing sort of explain what this is and it was like an exercise in insanity it's it was i don't know what i'm doing i've found i've found explaining the concept to sort of parents and friends of parents a bit of a fruitless one tim it's pretty difficult to explain exactly what is being achieved in the cold, sober light of a conversation with sort of a 50 to 60-year-old. Because it comes back to the age-old question,

which is shared by young and old. Just why? Like, why? And it's really hit the eye. What are we here for? Well, nothing. That's the thing, man. I will say this.

For this watch that we just had, for our own self-preservation and mental sanity, we live-tweeted it. So we got on the Twitter and sent some messages out. And a guy, after probably the fourth message about the depression I was in watching this thing by myself, he just said, literally nobody asked you to do this.

And that's a fucking fair enough point, man. Nobody did. That is good. That's a good rebuttal. That's how I felt. I felt like I wasn't contributing anything when I was writing those tweets. I had to get off the internet.

You're just throwing them into the ether, eh? Contributing absolutely nothing to society. Just sucking up a whole lot of air and food. But that's what this podcast is. That's what this whole project is. It's shouting into a void. I'm not good, mate. Into an echo chamber.

All right, well, look. With only our two voices coming back up. We specifically came up with some podcast features to try and lift us from just putting out a series of 52 podcasts railing on this terrible film. So let's try to chuck one of them in now to pump the brakes a little bit on this depression freight train. Okay, I have a shiny line that I'd like to share. Please.

While I remember it go uh one of the frat boys at the party i'd never noticed him before he does like real big sort of barking and yelping when they're getting jacked up to fight the grown-ups and he just gives it 110 and i was really stoked for him like i can't believe i hadn't seen it before genuine scene stealer and then in the fight scene he's getting punched in the face and spun around by um malcolm and kurt mckenzie who is it chris rock and tim meadows anyway yeah it's a big day for that actor like he would have been stoked bro he's getting punched by two comedy greats yeah bro i'd love to get punched in the face by Chris Rock.

That's a good shining light. That would be a good podcast feature. Once a week, Chris Rock flew out to New Zealand and punched us both in the face. We probably deserve it, to be honest. Went back to doing whatever he was doing before. Doing publicity for Top 5, I'd imagine, at the moment. Yeah, he's on the publicity game. Hey, what was your

shining light my shining light was and it's it's odd that i've never um noticed this before but it's understandable because generally we're not quite 100 zoned in right at the start of the movie but there's a part with the deer where there's actually the deer makes a noise, and the sound guy's obviously dubbed over a goat sound effect. That was just a nice little touch. I've never noticed that before. It's there, bro. It's a very specific note to make, that they've used the sound of a goat.

Yeah, and it's unmistakably a goat as well. If you listen, I think it's when the deer rears up just before he pisses Adam Sandler's voices you can mistake a goat for any any number of things have you watched goats no i can't i can't agree with that yeah that's a very specific goat though i can't agree it's it's listen mate we're to watch the movie again in a week I'll point it out to you I'll bloody show you I will okay

yeah God I'm really I just the thought of watching it another nine times just like genuinely

I don't even care I'm so I am genuinely so comfortably numb right now I can't even fathom watching the movie anymore I just want

to fast forward 20 minutes so this conversation's over and i can just have a nap yeah i hear you man there's there's lots going on like i could be on a jet ski right now bro or fishing like i could actually be fishing right could you actually you could actually be on a jet ski yeah i imagine so i've never been on a jet well i could actually be you know on a mountain with no no i'm looking out okay i'm looking i'm looking out to this beach right and the area is pretty affluent i think that i could legitimately just walk up to someone and ask them if i could borrow their jet ski and i think it would be fine i really i don't think that's in your nature i don't think you would ask a stranger to borrow their jet ski i'd do it if i was keen and right now i kind of feel like in leas i'd i'm like it's like that

movie uh crank with um jason statham like i need to pump some adrenaline into my heart or else i'm gonna die because grown-ups too is just taking such a heavy toll on me i i cannot imagine the sight of you right now if i was if i was a jet ski owner living in the house next door to you and you came and knocked on my door and said hello i'm a bit low right now i need to borrow your jet ski please i would say no you cannot borrow my jet ski look at the state of you you're not well i'll be wearing sunglasses that you could be jet skiing right now but i'll be wearing sunglasses so you can't you can't tell you can't tell that i'm like but i keep but no but my front door my front door is in the shade it's obviously shady enough that you have to take your sunglasses off otherwise you'll obviously

be hiding something from me like i've designed the house like that god i've got you there yeah yeah i backed you into a corner there i really you. Really pinned you down and went for it. Now, Guy, we're going to do Paddy Schwartz now, and I do not have it in me to sing, so unless you want to take it away, I'm going to insert that guy's pre-made one again. Unless you want to pipe up. It's up to you.

No, bro, just chuck in that old one. Okay. Nah bro Just chuck in that old one Okay Here it is That awesome guys thing Outro Music Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Paddy Schwartz, all the time.

It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. It's all the time. It's Paddy Schwartz, all the time. Fantastic, wasn't it? Okay. I love what he's done. I love what he's done with our voices. Yeah, I love it too. Someone actually pointed out that the theme song for Paddy Schwartz Party Time sounds a lot like Team America.

America, fuck yeah. And they're right. It's like a full rap. I never noticed it until they pointed it out. Yeah, mate. That's where you lifted that melody, for sure. Anyway, I had one. It's gone, though.

Oh, no. Because I'm not sure that I... Oh, actually, I did have one. I'll just throw this out real quick, bro, and then you can jump in with one as well. Just his eyes, bro. Paddy Schwartz has got real killer eyes party schwarzenegger has very beautiful eyes party schwarzenegger um i think mine when i was tweeting

i tweeted at patrick schwarzenegger that we're gonna have a party at the quarry and i feel like he's got quite a lot of followers but not enough that he doesn't sort of see most of his tweets i imagine i like to think patty's combing through his tweets and he's gonna see that like he's got quite a lot of followers, but not enough that he doesn't sort of see most of his tweets, I imagine. I like to think Paddy's combing through his tweets, and he's going to see that, and he's going to have a click around on my profile and be like, this dude would throw down at the quarry. God, imagine that, Paddy. I hope Paddy asks me to the quarry.

That'd be so good, bro. We should all get asked to the quarry by Paddy Schwartz, and we should all party there. So mine is a real-life sort of hypothetical hope. That's my Pad Patty Schwartz and we should all party. So mine is a real life hypothetical hope. That's my Patty Schwartz party time this week. So something that doesn't really exist. But I dig it. It's legit.

It doesn't exist at all. Hey, I mean, what was your emotional process during the film today, Tim? When were you relaxed? When were you tense? Oh, okay. I'll take you through.

So my mate nick's here he's popped his head in to see what's going on hey nick how you doing sorry man this is so let me give you a call nick tell nick to get out no i won't i won't i won't tell him to get out because let me give you a bit of context this dude and i have been driving all around the north island for the past few days for new year's on a bit of a road trip, picking up hitchhikers, going camping, dropping in on mates, staying in people's houses. And I've just quietly excused myself. Generally being a nuisance. Yeah, but in a friendly way.

You know, often dropping off things like cheese and crackers or a bottle of wine or whatever along the way. But, I mean, I've left Nicky boy downstairs for the last three hours just doing his thing. He's going, oh, wait, hold on, Nick. Are you going fishing? Okay, cool. I'm coming with. Don't you dare leave without me. So, where I was going with that.

He's not going to leave without you. What was I talking about? What kicked all that off? Oh, now Maddie's here and she's got an ice cream. She's got an ice cream for me. Fuck yeah. Ice cream. Oh, thanks, Maddie. Guy, take over. I and she's got an ice cream she's got an ice cream for me fuck yeah ice cream oh thanks maddie guy take over i gotta look at ice cream this is a disaster what was i talking about like you're having a better time on the other end of the line than i

am it seems like you're talking about the movie you're going to tell me about your emotional process while you're watching the movie well i will say as well that it seems like a conversation has happened downstairs that tim sounds really depressed and we need to all cheer him up because everyone came at once but now i've got an ice cream so i think yeah you just had a really good run you got an ice cream and you're going fishing shit yeah it's a good day any who's okay so here was my emotional process um movie comes up i was like okay this is cool i'm getting it done so we can get this out of the way and I can get on with my life. And then, like only about 10 minutes in, no, yeah, 15 minutes in actually, I texted you and I said, can you pause the movie for a second?

Because we sync up our watches, so me and Guy, even though we're in different locations, we're watching it at the same point. And I said, can you pause it real quick? I've got to grab beers. Like I can't face this movie alone and um so i got a few beers and i tried to write down the drinking rules and i'm really sorry guys i know that i said i'd do it last time and i've let everyone down i apologize for that profusely but

but this it was just everything was so full on all i do was just, I had to get that bottle to my mouth. There was no time to write anything down. I had to just sink beers as quickly as possible. And so I just started drinking, and I was sitting up there by myself, probably about an hour into the movie. If it sounds weird, by the way, it's because I'm licking ice cream in between each sentence I say. Then my friend's mum came in and and gave me the the what for to kindly leave the room so we could get the new sheets on and stuff um and i felt terrible because

i should be helping out clean you know what i mean like i'm just i feel like a right it's funny because you know you know when you have to do that big post new year's clean and sort of you what you really want is to find an excuse so that you don't have to contribute too much. Because it can be a nuisance. I mean, obviously, if you don't have an excuse, you pitch in. But what you want is an excuse. But I'm fine. You have one of the only excuses for not cleaning.

No. Which might be worse than actually cleaning. No. Well, that's kind of true if you get the inside into it. But from the outside looking in, I just look like some arsehole watching some fucking screen for two hours while everyone's cleaning around me and like the other thing is i i get pissed off at people who don't pitch in like i'm angry at myself because i'm that guy today it's it's just i hate myself and i hate you're doing you're i'll tell you i'll tell you who i

hate in descending order. I hate myself. I hate the people involved with making the movie. Just by splash effect, because you're involved in the project, I kind of hate you at the moment. That's okay. Fuck all y'all. I see. I'm interested.

I don't know if that's better or worse. I just don't feel anything towards anyone run me through your emotional process I turned on the movie the movie happened oh bye see you in Auckland lovely to see you Emma you're awesome

is that Emma Fenton or a different Emma that was Emma F fenton oh tell her she's very good at what she does she'll know what i'm talking about i was telling you about my emotional i don't know bro i was just like okay here's the movie i tried to have fun by writing tweets but i couldn't even do that i had to find a middle ground for this podcast so I came outside and I am just witnessing the most beautiful coloured native birds that I've never seen before

in my life and they're huge just flying among the trees I've got to get out there man this is terrible, this is tearing me apart to quote Watts' name who made the room hey, dance like no one's watching tearing me apart to quote what's his name who made the room hey

dance like no one's watching I've got to leave this podcast like no one cares because what's the fucking point you know that should be

that should be your new year's resolution is to dance like no one's watching do you know what my new year's resolution is drink more drink more it's the only thing that'll get me through this podcast Do you know what my New Year's resolution is? Drink more. What?

Drink more. It's the only thing that'll get me through this podcast. You're talking a lot about the bottle there, Tim. I'm worried about you. This isn't a podcast, mate. This is an intervention. Your whole family's with me in this room, and we're on a Skype call telling you to slow down.

Do you know the only thing that's more damaging to my life than alcohol is this fucking podcast? You're like Fat Bastard. I eat because I'm unhappy. And I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. See, Mike Myers was onto something there, bro. I've started reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen I really like it

what's it about an American family real rich detailed characters uh huh yeah you can tell that he really poured his heart and soul into that book

and i was thinking about that book while watching the movie well my summer reading um oh sorry you're not done yet if you just if you hold the two things up next to each other like grown-ups too in this book freedom it's just so obvious which one all the care and attention's gone into it just frustrated me, the sloppiness. The sloppiness around the edges. Ah, who cares? Well, I'll tell you the... Hey, bro, let's do this.

No, wait. You've shared a book. I'm sharing a book now. A book I'm reading over summer. It's Rachel Maddow's Drift, The Unmooring of Military Power in America. I don't know if I've nailed the subtitle, but it's something like that.

It's bloody good. It's all about the privatization of war. Very interesting. I can hear those birds. They sound amazing. They're so pretty, bro. You've got no idea. We need to end this.

We need to end the project. Everything needs to end because I'm about to end. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm over. You're not going to end, bro. I'm done. You're going to take me on a mystery tour. Then we're going to pack up our belongings.

I don't want to go on the mystery tour. And go for a swim. Yeah, we're going. We're going on the, we're getting in a van and Steve Buscemi is driving oh god okay have you got something for this

Steve no but I can try and make it up go on Steve Buscemi was in his house watching con air again uh applauding himself for what what is truly an outstanding performance a real tour de force sure is and uh and then uh a satellite part of satellite got hit by some space rock and it just came hurtling towards the earth

right through the living room window and whatever it took him out and that's how he got injured that was pretty bad eh? whoa that doesn't make any sense no it doesn't make any sense you're suggesting that Wiley in the first Grown Ups movie

Is Steve Buscemi And in that universe Con Air exists as well No, no, no I'm suggesting The character of Wiley is a big Con Air fan I've changed it Oh, okay

I've changed it just now. Okay, that's a thing. But it's sort of like an interesting little meta reference by the script writers, like a little hidden treasure. An Easter egg, I think they call it. Shit, bro. Yeah, I could get down with that. Yeah, I'm picking up what you're putting down. I kind of like that, I've got to be honest.

That and the time traveling ones are probably my favorites i like the time traveling one do you remember that one it was where i posited that steve buscemi was a time traveler who kicked his own ass for hitting on his present girlfriend which seemed to be cheating in the limited field of view of the future steve buscemi i I remember, I remember. That was very good. Sorry, I just burped. Alright, we're all very impressed by one of your Steve Buscemi mystery tours.

Well, I know I am. It's just tough right now. Hey, listen. The movie... The movie will keep going. The movie will keep going for another nine episodes. And, again, I'm really sorry that I didn't do the drinking rules.

I'm going to try and do it next week. What I'd like to talk to you on the podcast about, Guy, right now while we're on air, as it were, is do we want to get any guests for this last stretch? Because I feel like I need it. I feel like I need to get some people involved. Yeah, I mean, I feel like we need it. I feel like I need to get some people involved. Yeah, I mean... I feel like we're hitting a pretty interesting low right now. Oh.

It could be quite nice to see where this goes. I think there's going to be natural joy when we are reunited. It's like a little holiday away from the movie, watching it with someone else in the room after you haven't for a while. Yeah, but you keep... See, this is the thing that you do room after you haven't for a while. Yeah, but you keep... See, this is the thing that you do, Guy, and I understand why you do it, but you need to be careful, is that you watch the person who's watching the film.

Because you know the film, you've seen the film, there's nothing new for you there. But you quite intently, I've noticed you do it a couple of times, when we get a guest, you watch the guest, and it freaks people out, bro. Yeah, I don't really know what to do about that. It's pretty interesting to me. Yeah, I know, because you're a people person.

You love people, I get it. I understand Grown Ups 2 in a way that I don't understand pretty much anything else in the world. Any other book I've read, any movie I've watched, any album I've listened to. My relationship with Grown Uups too is so close bro it's just so close that you now need to know how people feel sharing your no i don't i don't need to know any of that i'm just coming to terms with it right now out loud right like this is this thing

i've engaged with more than probably some of my friends even yeah how sad is that dude like imagine if we had studied a vincent van gogh painting in as much depth or a piece by jaykovsky or like literally anything that would be considered you know actual art if we'd spent that amount the amount of time that we've spent on this movie on something worthwhile, like, we could be pretty much experts at something. But we're not. We're not experts at anything.

Well, I guess that's the minor respite we get from movie-watching prowess is that we are the foremost world experts and world record holders on grown ups too but what does that mean? what does that mean? who cares? it means a lot it's a shit movie that we've seen too many times

it's been great but I want to start the year in earnest hey everybody let's go get it this year let's all go get it you're a real piece of shit, Montgomery. Real piece of work. Hey, I miss you, Tim. I can't wait to see you.

Yeah, all right, mate. Will the next podcast be a side-by-side or will it be a cross-town affair again? It'll be another cross-town affair. One last time and then we'll be together. Look, I'm calling this conversation off, it's been a real joy alright, in that case

this is Timbett telling you to live every moment this is Guy McGonaghy telling you to love every day we'll be back next week, reviewing Grown Ups 2 surprise too. Surprise.