The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty Nine - BirdmanSpoilerMan

Episode Date: November 23, 2018

ATTN: DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BIRDMAN YETFresh from the table read of the script Guy and Tim wrote from memory being performed in front of 150 people in their hometown of Auckland, the lads immedately went home and chucked on the movie for the fourth to last time ever.It's 2am. It's an emotional podcast this week, Montgomery is mainly waking up for most of it and what is exposed is a raw, unguarded side of a man who is so near the finishline he can almost taste it. Voices are croacky, spirits are mixed and Guy and Tim are just trying to live every moment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

okay i don't think we've used the loophole before but we've often thought about it but we're using it this week the movie's still going but we've decided to um embrace it embrace it uh guys just woken up he was asleep we're about an hour and a half i mean an hour and 10 minutes into the movie and before we did the movie tonight we did the table read and um i feel like i'm gonna a fucking mental. It's been a big day. It's been a big day. You're finally going to do Suicide 35. It's a big day.

So for the last three days, guys and me, we'll probably go in and out of quoting the lines that are happening on screen as the movie gets toward the end. So what we did for the last three or four days is dedicate pretty much all of those days to trying to hammer out a script of grown-ups too by memory and um do you know what bro i actually think we did a fucking good job i agree we missed like two major scenes and one was kirk mckenzie's son's driver's test andre mckenzie with wiley and the other scene was when keithy breaks his leg and it wasn't like we straight up just forgot about them

we kind of were aware they were there we just ran out of time to write all the scenes so you know apart from that we had everything else in there did Did we miss a few lines? Of course we did, mate. It's hard not to, isn't it? It's a feature film. There's a lot of lines in there. But we did a really good job. We did what we could. I'm proud of us.

Yeah, I am too, man. So we're going to LA in like a week or maybe less. I don't know what day of the week it is right now. I can't remember off the top of my head. But we're going to be going over, and it's all thanks to the podcast, guy. Yeah, man. Tell me some feelings that you feel about that. I'm a void of emotion right now.

I've got no feeling. I'm ticked out out i feel full mental like just fucking the this is gonna strike you as weird guy but the movie is actually really flowing by tonight i know for you because you've been asleep but for me watching it as well because i've been like comparing what the movie actually is to what we write and being pleasantly surprised by how how accurate we got we've done good kid a lot of people came out tonight to see the table read probably 100 probably would have been way more except that i fucked up the ticket sales situation and accidentally told our ticketing agent there were only 80 seats there when there was actually 200 but that's neither here nor there the main point is we did it and um it's recorded you know it's somewhere that sound is around this is the bit where

Adam Sandler tries to drug his kid to sleep it's fucked up oh Jesus guy you need to do some talking in the podcast are we live?

yeah bro yeah we're all in there we're all up in there it's unreasonable. It's not fair for us as recording people. It's not fair for any of the fans as listeners. Here's the funny thing.

I tried to bitch out of this one as well after we did the tabloid. I was like, can we do it tomorrow night? The guy was like, no, and rightly so. I can't do it tomorrow night. Yeah, that's the main reason. You've got plans. You've got plans on You got calendar appointments

And yet I chucked the movie on And you were in there for about 25 I chucked it on bro Then the eyelids started getting mighty heavy On old Montgomery Mighty heavy And those sweet angelic sirens were singing their song of slumber.

And Guy said, yes, I'll have me some of that. What is the time now? It's like one in the morning, I think. Quarter past one. Quarter past one. Between ten and quarter past one. Quarter past one NZT Bowl. Globe warming.

We're at the party scene now folks um god so after this it's three more watches we're gonna do um watch number 50

on the plane right over to Los Angeles California California and that'll be fun as shit but right now I don't know what else I've got left so California. California. And that'll be fun as shit.

But right now, I don't know what else I've got left. So I'm going to throw it over to one of our features. And it's going to be a papa. A papa. A papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa.

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Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa. Papa.-Papa.-Papa.-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-Papa-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P Papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, papa, It's Paddy Schwartz Party Time. He's taking his girlfriend out swing dancing. He's taking his girlfriend out on a waltz now.

Paddy Schwartz Party Time. He started a jazz band and then he spun them off. Now Paddy Schwartz Party Time. He hired back the band that he used to be part of. Paddy Schwartz Party Time. Gave him some of his money to hire them out at a private restaurant that he booked out with his girlfriend, Miley Cyrus, so they could go private dancing.

Paddy. He's a good go private dancing. Paddy. He's a good dancer, old Paddy. He's a great dancer. Knows his foxtrot from his Charleston, I'll tell you that, for free. Here's my Paddy Schwartz party time today, guys, because I noticed something today on the watch that I've never noticed before, never noticed before and that is um when we are treated to that shot of the frat boys at their frat house observing the damage that that goddamn warlock and um i'd never noticed before but patrick schwarzenegger does a real good job of looking

around surveying the damage for about three quarters of a second before it flicks off of him again. And I'd never seen that before, mate. He makes a real name for himself. Is Patrick Schwarzenegger in this movie? like in the table read, because Guy and I, we started off writing the script together, and then we had a bit of a division of labour situation where we'd take scenes and pages each, and then we just combined it at the end because we ran out of time. Yeah.

And I didn't realise that for all those watches. I'm on the Today Show, doesn't matter how, yeah. You never got that joke in the bus. It will never cease to amaze me the number of jokes I've missed up to now. It's crazy. Because Lenny says, I'm just filling in for Drulio Iglesias over there. Because Nick is out cold and a drug stupor drooling on himself. And all this time you just thought he was saying Julio Iglesias.

Julio Iglesias. Julio Iglesias. That cracks me up, bruh. Yeah, that is pretty weird. It's insane. It's pretty funny. It's pretty out there. Yeah. My shining light in the movie, I could actually do live.

That's the beauty of it because the movie's still on. Do what? Do you know what it is? Stone Cold Steve Austin's fucking jacket. Does that hurt? Yeah, it's a good answer. Very good jacket in this party scene. Very fucking solid jacket. It says live to ride on the back.

I don't know how true that is to Terminator, which is the jacket he's trying to rip off. Live every moment. What? Live every moment. What? Live every moment? On the back. It says live to ride, bro. Every moment.

No, it doesn't say every moment, guy. Oh, man. We shouldn't release this. This is not cool. Tell me your favorite moment from the movie, guy. And bear in mind that if you want, you can just describe what's happening on the screen. I like it in the fight scene at the party

at Lenny and Roxanne's house when they want to call the police and they do a big funny sort of psych gag with Peter Dante as a police officer. He says, we're already here. It's a great gag. It's very funny. Rare highlight of the movie.

Yeah, bro. I'm all about that shit. I'm all about that shit. About that shit. All right. Well, I might grab the keys off you for a moment, if I may. Fucking. Got to warm up the engine on a little something.

You shouldn't have given them to me in the first place. Just give me the keys, bro. Give me the keys. Take the keys, bro. All right. Here we go. Bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum.

Bum. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Roll up. Grownups are the grownups. Roll up. Grownups Grownups for the mystery tour Grownups Grownups for the mystery tour And this Steve Buscemi mystery tour Is coming to take you away

Coming to grow up to you Grownups my house Steve Buscemi Mystery. Steve Buscemi. Mystery Tour. Mystery Tour. Mystery Tour. Mystery Tour. Mystery Tour.

Here's what happened to him this week, buddy bro. Fucking tell me, bro. Tell me. Steve Buscemi sustained his injuries. Steve Buscemi sustained his injuries. Steve Buscemi Steve Buscemi Steve Buscemi Was cut out of the first

Ghostbusters movie But in actual fact he was there Oh I like it So you had Ray You had Egon You had Peter You know

Dr. Vinkman. You know what, Tim? Yeah? Do I have fun tonight? I really respect you, man. Thanks, bro. Bro, look at me. There's a room full of like 100 people who paid money tonight.

And we read them the script from Grown Ups too. With a little help from our friends. But people paid to watch that. That is insane. And you

you were there the whole time, man. And I was like, I don't like the guy. I do not like the guy one jot. You know what? I've actually got a real personal problem with this guy. But I respect the goddamn crap out of him. This is all I've ever wanted, bro.

I didn't need you to like me. I needed you to respect me. Bro, I respect the shit out of you. Bro, look at me. I respect the crap out of you. Boy. Chill, baby. What do you say to that? I'm blown away blown away guy i don't know what to say to that

it's a frank admission from you what have i contributed to this podcast you don't often let the veil down and see what's going on in the internal cog machine that is your soul but you did it just then that was one guy's now bashing himself in the head with the microphone. I had the microphone for you. That's art, bro. Do you know... I'm not comfortable with this. So I was talking to people...

Going out to the people. I was talking to people after the table read this evening. And people going like, you know, how did that feel? And the first thing that came into my head was, I feel bad because I feel like we had people hostage. Because it took such a long time to get through the movie. A long film. About two and a half hours to get through our version of the script. And we missed it.

76 pages. It's insane. So the air conditioning only kicked in for the latter part of the reading and I felt bad about that. What else? about that um what else the second part of what i felt and i talked to some people about this is i felt like no other time has it more felt like a legitimate art project because i feel like tonight it really hurt and you lost your fucking mind out there bro yeah boy you were good for a long time and then something snapped at about the 70% mark, and you just started screaming.

As being in charge, if I felt it was dragging on and it was too long, I can't imagine what a passive audience member must feel like. I would hate to be watching that. As a performer, because Guy and I both do sound from time to time, you've got to read your audience a bit, and I don't know how we didn't get the whole room just walk out on us. I think there was only one walkout. Well, God bless that person.

Like, get on them. Fuck, I wouldn't have stuck that out. It was insane. What we asked of that room full of people tonight was crazy. It was ludicrous. We just asked for a bit of attention holy shit bro so then so ready to put my eyes down yeah i know you are bro i'm shutting down one interpretation of what we just the man who works at the clock tower is punching his last fucking check but did you think about the fact that we might have just been really mean

to a room full of people? Like, we tricked them into coming and giving them money. Punching his last check, bro. Like, the guy who works at the clock tower loves punching Eastern European people. Oh, like someone from the Czech Republic? Yeah, yeah.

But he's just been reformed. So he's punching his last check. Shit, bro. Did they let you do that? it's like a dramatic film like if you become if you're a recovering alcoholic they're like you can have one more bottle of jack daniels and then that's a it's like if you are a racist you can punch one more check and then you got a check then you gotta cut it out and growing up suze has been rolling on all the footage of the last And growing up, too, he's just been rolling on all the footage of the last check being punched.

Look, I gotta tell you. You lost me in that last bit. Yeah, I lost everyone. I don't like this movie, Tim. Yeah, bro. I don't think, no, listen to me. Yeah. I don't think it's good.

Yeah. I don't think what we've done tonight is noble. I don't think what we've done tonight is noble. Like, between the director's commentary and trying to rewrite this movie, I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for myself. I'm embarrassed for you. Be specific. What are you embarrassed about? I'm embarrassed to be associated with one another.

With me or with the movie? With you and the movie. It's embarrassing okay we are we ought to be ashamed of ourselves well but i mean that's the thing guy you ought to be ashamed of yourself i'm okay with doing it for a podcast because then it's like people are overhearing a conversation you're having in private but we invited people into our house tonight and we we we poosed on a plate and gave them poos if i could talk to your grandmother right now i know she'd be upset with you yeah bro you've met her yeah you met her just the other week yeah you reckon maureen would be

upset about what maureen would not say good things about us shit man you're getting pretty real now bro well i'm fucking trying bro yeah there's nothing left in you there's nothing in you there's heaps in me there's nothing in you i am looking directly in my eyes there's nothing left in you i'm looking right back at you're gone mate you're out of order in you you're out of order you're out of your mind if you think I'm out of order You are a barren wasteland Of anything Anything good There's nothing good coming out of you anymore Let me let you into a secret

People listening Guy and I were having a conversation earlier About if we just straight up Committed suicide on stage When we went to LA Just to prove a point Like Birdman oh no oh a guy I was really trying to avoid saying that there'll be lots of people who definitely

haven't seen it oh fuck what we'll do though we'll just put it In the synopsis of this podcast We'll just put Birdman spoilers I will name the episode Birdman spoiler just to Make sure no one Touches this fucking thing Look if you've been listening this long what do you want from life? You've got to look at yourself

I might not like Timbad But I especially don't like you If you're listening to this right now You've got a real fucking attitude problem Just Just You know lighten up bro Oh bro

Hey what's your shining light Do you know what my shining light is What This is the 49th time I've seen the movie That's amazing And yet not a shining light That is my shining light the 49th time I've seen the movie. That's amazing. And yet not a shining light. That is my shining light.

No, that can't be a shining light. Give me a shining light in the format of a shining light. Taylor Lautner pretending to act with a CGI deer. He does a really good job. A real dream to edit around. You fucking dick. What's your shining light? That guy in the back with the white coat and with the red hair

is just such a fucking like He's a classic lad. That extra is all over the fucking show. I would love to watch like Extra Time with that guy. I want to hang out with him. Is there an American sports show called Extra Time? It's a good idea, right? Yeah, I think there is.

Like an ESPN show. You feel like they really missed the trick if there wasn't? Fuck yeah. After all this time. I don't know what's left now. Like, for us. Generally. I hope you were holding it down on the top half of this podcast because i don't

remember a goddamn thing yeah bro don't worry i had this we're fine we're all good you sure i'm not worried about it you shouldn't worry we're fine i'm sure it'll be fine real throwback episode bro yeah this is harking back to the old school. And that's how you should... Like a movie, this narrative of what we've done in the podcast is like you start and you end, and in between you learn something. And as a result, you change and you improve as a person. But the only thing we learned is Grown Ups 2 isn't very good. But it turns out we probably knew that before we started.

Do you know what is a real triumph for us is we took the movie grown-ups 2 and we made it worse tonight how do you mean we made the table read yeah yeah bro we did we definitely deproved on it we made it less coherent yeah more confusing yeah and it's like if we'd done something better than that I'd be worried like what? what? the thing we did tonight was

we deserve to be punished for watching this movie 48 times hey can I ask you a question guy? yeah man knowing what you know and like being through what you've been through i'm going to take you back to that day in february in 2014 when you got off my radio show and we were we were crossing the street i remember the intersection we were on of nelson and cook street and you were crossing the road to get back to your car and we were just absent

mindedly discussing this idea and we we decided on road to get back to your car, and we were just absentmindedly discussing this idea, and we decided on what we were going to do, and we thought Grown Ups 2 was a good idea, and I said, let's record it tomorrow. Go back to that day in your head. If you could throw it all away and stop it from happening, if you could kill John Connor before the robots rise up, would you do it?

Do you know what, Tim? I would not kill the robots because we're going to fucking California. Yeah. Yeah, bro. California. Yeah, bro. And all it cost us was at least a week of our lives.

But, you know, bigger picture, what's a week of your human life? It's a week. It could be any week. It's nothing and moreover tim we now have a friendship forged in the most unique fires of hell that any friendship has been forged in like i'm never gonna know a dude like i know the dude who was riding grown-ups to with me at 3.30 in the fucking morning. You can't, like, buy that. And if you could, like, the person you'd be buying it from would be some sort of prisoner.

It would be illegal. And the other thing for me, Tim, is that as far as respect goes, I've got nothing but respect for a guy who quite genuinely lives every moment. And loves every day. That's really sweet. I think you got led astray by the fact that the song kicked in. You started borrowing some thoughts. I meant what I said.

You did. I felt it. And I appreciate it. And Guy. You're my guy. You're my Tim. You're my guy. Bro, can we please put these microphones down and just go to sleep?

How long has this been happening? 23 minutes. Fuck, people are craving a short episode. Have we hit everything? Let me think. Shining Light, Patty Schwartz, Steve Buscemi. Yeah. Bro, let's spike the mic.

Okay, let me chuck a quick plug in for an event because it doesn't appear to be listed very well online. We're doing the Cine Family event on the 17th in California in Los Angeles. In LA. And then the day after that. The 18th of February. We're at UCB.

Sunset. Sunset. So what we're going to do for that one is we're going to watch Grown Ups 1 for the first time. After that The 18th of February We're at UCB Sunset Sunset So What we're gonna do For that one Is we're gonna watch Grown ups one For the first time ever

The drag bikini girl Is called Daisy Why would they bother Naming her No one sees her Fucking name Because it's Wayne Gretzky's daughter

You don't get a name Guess what No one sees your name So You know Eat it The mailman was played By Brad Grundberg I think that's what that said UCB sunset February 18th You know, eat it. The Mailman was played by Brad Grunberg.

I think that's what that said. UCB Sunset, February 18th. We're going to watch Grown Ups and review it for you. It's going to take an hour. The first movie and just the one time because we feel like it's probably a good way to just put a pin on it. I'm out of here. I'm really done with all this.

Okay, I'll go too then so thanks for listening and uh bye Cause before you know it Your precious time slips away Build a moment