The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty One - Five Hour Energy

Episode Date: December 3, 2015

Nobody is going to listen to a five hour episode so I hardly think I need to include a description. Brought to you by both KARMA COLA and BIGPIPE BROADBAND. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ha! De de de de de That's plugged in, that's plugged in, that's plugged in, okay. Then we go... boom. Just quickly, where's the lighter? Because it's doubling, it needs to be bottled up. No, it's still on the phone. Um, so what, oh we've got a bottle up there. Uh, so what are we titling the Periscope T

W I O T should we put hashtag T W I O T yeah

hashtag T W I O T and then put um director's commentary live yeah is there enough can you get

sex in the city 2 you don't need to write live because it's periscope it's implied so I think out of the gates let's um address it purely as a podcast try and just focus on the doing the commentary for the movie first before we start because it's going to be hard to resist just engaging with periscope that's a good point so like you know at least just lay a base of we're doing this director's commentary yeah so that anyone who's listening and doesn't see it live will be like in on the gag am i on the record with that statement now are you recording

wait a minute hello hello hold your horses good on you cool your jets call your jets call your jets ye unwieldy beast are we uh oh i said stop oh we framed oh no have you changed changed the origin of the broadcast? Not the origin, the framing. Is that a thing?

Kay Lincoln and Rebecca Fone have birthdays today. Oh my god, look at all this love hearts. I don't know how to... Hello, welcome along. We're just having some technical difficulties. Do you know if you can reframe it? I've got no idea. I gave you one job.

No, I gave you heaps of jobs. But I don't think we can. So we're going to have to... Bloody... Hey, guys. How we doing? Great job. Hey, thanks. How we bloody doing? Brendan Lovegrove is on. Oh, Brendan's here. Hey, bud.

How you be fuck well this is a god damn it's my crotch it's ok it doesn't solve anything yeah it does it does what

just the feeling these people are happy with this if they could watch our arms I don't know considering the length of this can you turn it upside down got it get right what do you mean oh like that yeah that would help i don't know if i can how's everyone doing out there in periscope today what are you buggers oh look at that that's me i don't want that fuck that shit fuck that shit this is a bloody god damn nightmare

isn't it guys you wanna talk to the people yeah I do well I'm just watching you figure it out yeah as helpful as that is, it could probably be more helpful. There's also this screen here covering all of the comments.

Oh, true. Black Friday was pretty good, thanks, bro. Too poverty to get out there and start beating up old ladies for a discounted toaster, but still, it's the best, most American holiday there is, we're going to have to shut these

chairs real close together so we're both in frame just be careful of the power and come on in the water's fine baby I'm just going to fix the screen good job, yeah this is great Look at this frame, everybody give Tim a round of applause

please, so we're about to do a director's commentary of Sex and the City 2 No one in this room killed JFK I can also tell you that, Tim Are we going JFK conspiracy ready?

Yeah, Tim's interested Yeah, so's interested. Yeah, so we're going to, once Tim figures out what he's figuring out, we're going to start watching Sex and City 2 and tell you exactly how we made it, what went on behind the scenes, what stuff was lucky to get in, what stuff was unlucky to get cut, and all sorts of trade and industry secrets. How's that? It's going to be very interesting. That's great, Tim.

And then we just angle that down. Truly exceptional. You can't see what's happening here, but Tim is rocking a very impressive setup. Yeah, we've got a real... It's a real cobbled together, but beautiful scenario. Is that... That's about...

That's good, mate. That's about where we're at, eh? I'm very impressed. Well, I guess that'll have to do. So, shall we? Let's get some headphones in. Let's get some Sex and the City on. No, Thomas, you won't hear or see the movie.

You're just watching two people watch it And tell you how it was made Which is the hook for me, I think that's what makes this I'm very confident there's some copyright implications for it Anyway, here we go And welcome along to this The Sex and the City 2 Director's Commentary With myself, Michael.

And myself, Patrick King. We are the directors of Sex and the City 2. And it's really exciting, actually. It's been pretty much since we released it. I haven't revisited this film. I don't know about you, Michael. So it's going to be good to dive back in and really remember the experience that was filming it. Absolutely.

A lot of people got confused that we were one person, I noticed even in the credits they didn't correct that they're like, how can one person be so prolific with that TV show, and the simple answer is one person wasn't, two person was. Yeah, I think

we put so many slashes in and hyphens to try and say look we're different entities, but your insistence on directing like Ronaldo in football or Cher in music, I think, is the source of a lot of confusion. Going simply as Michael is just not enough. But anyway. I think Michael is probably the best name for a director possible. You look at Michael Bay, right?

And he hasn't been that renowned, even though he's made good work, because he's degraded himself by giving himself a last name that he trades on. I know that I'm the best Michael out there. I should be the only Michael. It's bold. Therefore, I am Michael. It's bullshit.

It's confident. It's also, I think, costing you a lot of work. I mean, you haven't been hired since this film. Hey, what I would like to ask is we've done the liberty of periscoping this little event as we're doing it as well for the fans, for the Sex and the City 2 fans. Can you guys hear us okay?

Because I've got no concept if that's an issue or not. We've got to really focus on what's at hand here and this is the first flashback. Oh, fair enough. The only flashback sequence we put in the movie,

I want to do the whole thing backwards. Continuity era just there. I want to point out our first one, which was the guy with the Walkman and the stripy top walking on twice. It could just be that that was the fashion at the time, and I've always said this. I don't think that qualifies the continuity era. Just such a popular outfit that was that a lot of people were wearing it.

You think it was two dudes? That was my experience of New York City in the 80s. Patrick King, you may have a good point there. A lot of people do look the same. And as Griffin Mata taught us... Oh wait, what was that song? If everybody looked the same,

you'd get tired of looking at each other or confused in your circumstance. And that's why we moved on from the 80s. Coke-fuelled 80s. I mean, we moved on because of time, the nature of time. We didn't move on from the Coke, though. God damn, I'll tell you that for free.

No, Evans, no, I'll tell you what. We were up to our gills in cocaine all the way until we said, that's a wrap on this film. And if you do see anything that you deem as sloppy, I'll tell you what, my family didn't really hold back when this movie came out. They really let me have it.

Give me some comments. What did you hear from family members when they saw this? Ah, you know, they were saying it's offensive, it's degrading, it's cultural imperialism. And I was saying, well, you know, that's how you see it. But if you make this whole thing on cocaine, it feels like you're doing God's work. You're doing the best goddamn thing you could do.

And I think you'd agree. I mean, you were as excited on set as I was. Mate, I was like a little puppy running around. It's actually... We disrupted a lot of our own takes by running into... I tell you what, man, these director's commentaries, you really have to have two hemispheres of the brain working at once because the movie audio really kind of throws you and i

can understand now where with some director's commentaries the dudes just aren't up to the task are you saying that you might be one of those dudes michael it's trying this isn't my first director's commentary though as well you know yeah we got together for the first movie as well of course down one of these tracks which caused a lot of problems for the studio yeah as i was saying one of the reasons i was i didn't mention this specifically but one of these tracks, which caused a lot of problems for the studio. Yeah. As I was saying, one of the reasons, I didn't mention this specifically, but one of the reasons the budget blew out so badly on this film was because, I mean, first of all,

we spent half of it on cocaine immediately. Yeah. We got a half the movie down payment. We put all that on coke. We flew to the Middle East, and we'd set up these cameras, and we'd get the shoot rolling, and then we'd run into it,

because we were so excited to be involved, we'd run into the tanks and start interacting with the girls. Yeah. And we're in charge. So obviously there's no one, you know, the best boy or the gaffer can say, get off the set. We fired them. We fired them, yeah. It was a disruptive process.

I think that's why most people get into the business of being director as well, just so that you can get into a franchise you enjoy and really start being a part of it, jump into the scene, waste a lot of money. Write yourself in. It's a roundabout way of doing it, but it's a great way of immersing yourself in some of the most exciting and interesting

fictitious universes. Now, this is a piece of the movie which is actually allusion back to the opening shot of the 80s man, where people all look the same in the 80s because our film's protagonist, S.J. Poo, is dressed identically to Chris Noweth, beloved preacher from...

Well, not when we knew him. I mean, he was a heathen. In our experience shooting with him, he was tough to wrangle and tough to control. But by all accounts, he's really cleaned his act up. And he's touring the Bible about now with a pretty interesting new self-help book, a ghost written by Tony Robbins, I understand,

which is a huge gift for Chris by Tony Robbins, I understand, which is a huge gift for Chris. So yeah, I mean, but... The title of that book again? It is Preaching in the Bible about a guide on how to do it. So he's sort of just selling preaching as a livelihood. Yeah.

Some people would advise against that as a business plan because usually you don't get your honed set of skills and source of income and then farm it out to everyone else so they can compete with you. He zigs where the world zags. He does.

That's the beauty of Pastor Chris Noah. Pastor? Preacher. Son of a... Do we mind? We don't mind. We don't mind. The good Lord doesn't mind.

We spoke over the dialogue in that scene, but you'll notice that we've gone to the trouble of including all possible references to this being a gay wedding. Just because... I wish there was a gay wedding counter. Like, if we could make up some hardware solution where we'd ping a button every time it was on.

A bell. The hardware solution would be a bell. Yeah, but also, like, it came up on screen, so there was a counter constantly going. A running tally. Because God knows we couldn't do that in our co-cattled brains. We're just getting some comments from the internet, folks. Is that Dickbot and Blackface in the background?

Funny story. It's not. That is actually, what's his name? John Lovitz. John Lovitz. So I didn't realise that we had any skin tone. Our friend Tim's name? John Lovitz. John Lovitz. So I didn't realise that we had any skin tone. Our friend Tim's painting of John Lovitz. Yeah, our mate Tim is doing some paintings of grown-ups too,

which I heard he was supposed to do a long time ago, and he's very apologetic about. He didn't realise there was skin tone in terms of the paint, so he was kind of just using different browns to try and get shading on his face. You know what? We're not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about this adorable dog.

It's catawombs. We frankly don't want in the recording studio. To be honest, this dog was the most expensive part of the casting budget. That dog's handlers and agent cost us an arm and a fucking leg. The thing is, George Clooney is that dog's handler. And if you have George Clooney on a movie set, you can't just pay him as a dog handler. You've got it legally.

He's got a clause in his contract. You've got to pay him as an actor. Yeah, it's the clause clause. Yeah, George Clooney is obviously one of the most... Clause clause? Yeah. You like it? Yeah, I mean, I liked it when you came up with it five years ago.

I still like it now. It's never not a good joke. You do love that joke. But yeah, so he was... 2010, he's probably the highest paid actor in the world. So's never not a good joke. You do love that joke. But yeah, so, you know, he was, 2010, he's probably the highest paid actor in the world, so he really bled the budget, and we couldn't get him on camera for any of it. Yeah, funnily enough, though,

in the similar way to when George Clooney funded his satellite operation through his Nescafe ads, he used our budget of being a dog handler on this movie to create an artificial intelligence robotics lab, which was kind of weird. Yeah. I don't know if that was kind of more imitating life. He was pretty schtum about it, too.

I don't think he'd be too comfy with you saying that out loud on mic right now. Yeah, sorry, I've said too much already. As someone online has reminded us as well, George Clooney voiced a dog in South Park. So he's got a lot of association with dogs. He's very used to working with canines as canines. It's much like if you watch Seinfeld and there's supposedly a Superman in every episode.

If you look at any photo of George Clooney, you'll notice that there's a dog in the frame. Now in this scene of Sex and the City 2, there's no subtitle to this movie. We get introduced a little more formally to one of the show's heroes. Stanford. Yeah. No, wait. No, this is Stanford.

It is Stanford. Boy, you'd think I'd know that by now. It's been five years, as I say. So, I mean, all is forgiven. That's quite understandable, Michael. I mean, how did you find him to work without this guy he came to set he was prepared he had he had his lines down and then he had five pages of alternates that he wanted to do of alternate takes he wanted to do uh yeah and i

like the fact that he kind of forced us to do all the yeah well yeah when we thought they were a bad idea he was like guys i worked really hard on. I want to get this down on celluloid. Yeah, and that was another thing. All his scenes are shot, you'll notice that the- 35 mil. Yeah, it's different. They were shot on 35 mil celluloid. Everything else is digital in this movie,

except bloody Stanford. So he was originally a much stronger component of the film, but we had to write him out because we just couldn't afford, between George Clooney, the cocaine, and the celluloid, I mean, can you imagine going into Sex and the City 2, one of the most anticipated movies of the film but we had to write them out because we just couldn't afford between george clooney the cocaine and the and the celluloid i mean can you imagine going into you know sexy city 2 one of the most anticipated movies of the year and blowing your entire budget in week one it made for it it made for a dire do you know how difficult it was for myself michael and my co-director here patrick king to try and hide line items about dog handlers. It was like in the seven digits. No mean feat, folks. That's why I'm so glad that we had Hollywood's greatest

shiesty accountant, Robert Robertson. That's right. Before we hired Robert, there was one funny movie, and I'm sure you won't mind me sharing this, Michael. When I walked into your hotel room where we were staying and you were quite literally, you had books on the boil. You'd boiled up some water and you'd you'd throw in some books in there because you were so frenzied and panicked and you're in your haze that you walked in the room and you said is that rosemary

is that sesame seeds and i said no no that's uh the good set of books he's cooking in the pot yeah cooking them cooking them up cooking them up and uh we got away with it but you know as we say now i mean everything we're putting onto this recording, we could technically be held up in court. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Technically, a lot of things, Guy Montgomery. That's what I would say if that was your name. Thank God it's not.

Stupid name to name someone. I don't know why you're going to town on a random name. That seems unnecessary. Oh, look, I say what I think and I think what I say. i say this crown yeah let's talk about this crown because i'll tell you what caused a few issues for us um while we were filming you might have heard some hollywood rumors about uh different movies where there's like supposedly a curse for on set i'll tell you what everyone who touched that crown when we were not shooting um inextricably came down with a virus yeah like a pretty serious one too so we got yeah and we got what just one of the uh da's

the director's assistants a guy called keithy he became our designated crown handler and he got he got i mean this it says it in very small type at the end of the movie this we dedicated this film to keithy because he he didn't make it through. I mean, that crowd made him violently ill. Yeah, big time. He was leaking out of every office all day, every day on set. It was filthy, frankly. It was uncomfortable and disgusting.

Liza Minnelli has joined us in the film at this point. Sex and the City 2 would not be what it is without Liza Minnelli's appearance. I think we can all agree on that. Some people said you could probably afford to cut the wedding scene. Like, it's not really referred to later. Thematically, there's a weak attempt for both of you boys to worm your way through the film

by continually referencing it. Thing is, I don't know, upon second viewing right now, I've only seen it one time before, I don't know, upon second viewing right now, I've only seen it one time before, I don't know if it's strong enough really. We probably could have lost this scene. Maybe they were right.

I don't know. I think that's how many times you want to watch the movie is once. And it does, you know, Liza's, she's an eye catcher. She's a feature piece. She's a tent pole in this film. You can build a film around Liza. And she also held up the tent in the catering. Yeah, again, those budget cuts.

I mean, we were really improvising on set, weren't we? We were sort of that classic Kiwi ingenuity, that number eight wire kind of... Gazebo? Is that the word I'm looking for? The gazebo, yeah, the gazebo. Yeah. On which tank did Liza get the dance perfect? Funny thing, that's...

None of them. Yeah. None of them is the answer to that. So what we've done is cobbled together a few of the best options, which is, you know, I mean, pretty common practice. You'll notice that the drummer in the background of this shot is nowhere near touching the drums. That's right.

And it's a bit of a funny story. We actually borrowed those drums from your brother, didn't we, Michael? Yes, we did. And they were brand new. And he said, don't you get a mark on them? So we made sure that there was always 30 centimetres between stick and arm. As you know, my brother is a terrifying man, capable of very grim acts, which unfortunately we know all too well.

Yeah, well, let's not walk down that particular boulevard of memory lane How do you feel about the dance scene these days? Now that it's been, you know, we've had time to mull it over I think it's good, I mean, I think before you talk about the dance scene You've got to talk about the song Single Ladies by Beyonce And say, did that stand the test of time? And the answer is yes Yes, a thousand times yes

And that dance, as iconic as the song, and accordingly, yeah, I mean, I'm glad we put it in. It's a good piece. It's a real tentpole, as we've discussed. Now, I would like to applaud our very early on decision to employ Runkle as part of this franchise because I think we can all agree, Sex and the City would not be what it is

without Runkle and his infamous crunkle. Yeah, well, the funny thing about Runkle is so we hired him as an actor. I can't remember his acting name because he was so method for Californication at the time that he was actually acting in character as Runkle. He wouldn't let us call him anything else. Yeah, on set.

Which is weird because his character name in this was Harry. It actually created a few problems for us. Created huge problems for... Luckily we shot around it. You know, for Charlotte or Kristen, to use her real name. She's not Method. She uses her real name from time to time. Which is obscene considering she's really only been in this

franchise. I would have thought we'd have her by now, you know, Patrick? Ah, yeah, but you can't. You've got to stop looking at people as possession of sex and that you know they're their own beings and they'll when they walk off set they can do as they please and i mean i was that attitude well i think i think that's a very important way to look at everyone on set when they walk off the set you know they're on their time they're on their time they're on their time i never really understood that saying because as far as i'm concerned if we are paying people millions of dollars to be in this picture i own them for the duration of the shoot no if it's the middle of the night and i want a cheeseburger

i can send sir just get jessica no you can't get me a cheese you can't and i think we found that out the hard way fucking lawyers we did i actually tim tim tim i'm gonna go up here thank you for We did actually Tim Paul Houston Thank you for the question We did actually get Blaze Pizza We hired them Do you mind if I just apply a little nasal spray? I don't

I'm sure the people picking up in the air holds will Do you guys want to Yeah do it on mic absolutely Oh that is nasty. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man. Oh, it's menthol. But to answer your question, yeah, we did have a deal with Blaze Pizza to come on.

Because they weren't unionized. But we wanted all our lunch breaks to come in at under 190 seconds. And obviously, Blaze Pizza with their 180-second promise were a great match for us. Holy shit. That claim turned out to be a lot of baloney. 190 seconds and obviously Bladespeed's with 180 second promise were a great match for us holy shit that claim turned out to be a lot of baloney this segment of the podcast

of course brought to you by Otrivovin nasal spray oh man I'm leaking now it's all bloody it's gone this is highly

unprofessional Michael I'm back I'm back baby and better than ever I've just got to find my water I got it oh now Alan

wasn't she a joy to work with yeah you did enjoy working with Alan yeah and by working with I mean putting my penis inside of because as a director, people are property. You caught, I mean, my memory obviously is so hazy from this time, but it makes a lot of, you haven't worked since this movie, and I think, I mean, and revisiting the shooting experience with you.

I make crash strikes, It's what I do. Alan and I have never been in a room together because of certain legal restrictions after a couple of text messages I sent. But do you know what? I respected it. I respected that there was an order that was put in by a court because I'm a dude who believes in the letter of the law.

All good. Go about your business, Alan. And this is the beauty of having two directors on set. If someone doesn't quite jive with the energy that I'm putting down, I can chuck Patrick King into the situation. That's right. And we sort of do a good cop, bad cop thing. The mobiliser, as I call you.

So, you know, you'll be rough and tumble with a lot of the actors and then I'll step in and I'll take things easy on them. You know, I shot a lot of this film in water, actors and then I'll step in and I'll take things easy on them. I shot a lot of this film in water, like in baths. Just get the actors in swimsuits and do the dialogue across bathtubs

and you'll notice none of that made the cut and that was an executive decision from Michael. Just want to let everyone know that watching we're up to minute 18 in about 15 seconds now if you're trying to sync up at home and you haven't so far i don't know that it's necessary to watch to watch along it's a nice option isn't it i guess oh look it's up to you i think too many times people go director's commentary i better listen to this while i'm watching the movie

90 of the time you don't need it. You really don't. What are the 10% of times when you do? If it's a Kevin James movie. Is that... More cops, Chasing Amy. Kevin James account for 10% of all films you've watched. At least.

At least, at a minimum. Well, he's so prolific. He's made so many and I've only seen 10 films you got him to shoot your wedding it was good too he shot it in 3D that was the crazy bit

I wasn't expecting that not for that budget god he works well you did the whole wedding in front of a green screen didn't you sort of felt like it was his his event more than yours

by the end of it would you do it if you could do it again you know if you could do the wedding again, would you and Sandra, would you do anything different? I'd leave, like I would have left then, rather than later, if that's what you mean. I mean, of course, our marriage didn't work out. Hindsight, yeah. Well, hindsight's 20-20, isn't it?

Sure is. So I guess if that's your question, ideally the wedding wouldn't happen at all. So I guess if that's your question, ideally the wedding wouldn't happen at all. Now, the funny thing about Kim Cattrall on set is she would insist on going full method in all of these scenes. Yeah, yeah. Which was, you know, obviously shooting in Abu Dhabi was pretty difficult to get away with. In response to the person on Periscope asking if he thought about a Westerly of All Time book club, the answer is no. I think there's quite enough times.

What literature would that include? So obviously, Suzanne Somers' book. All of Carrie Bradshaw's books. Did we release Carrie Bradshaw's books as books? Because that sounds like a surefire way to just print out a blank notebook with a cover on it that says it was written by Carrie Bradshaw and make a lot of money.

I've been toying with the idea of launching a Carrie Bradshaw Instagram. Really? Yeah. What would you have on there? Just beautiful shoes? Just beautiful shoes and clothes. Get a merch line going. I like that.

Carrie by Bradshaw. Chris Noweth. You dirty rascal. Boy, he was quite the debutante set. He sure was. He'd be coming in and out of saunas at all hours. Really loved saunas. It's like working with a prune some of the time.

Yeah. It's disgusting. I refuse to touch him. He was very faint as well. Like he was very faint headed a lot of the time, which made him very vulnerable to our direction and very open to sort of different ideas that otherwise he wasn't that keen to go with.

Yeah. When he was sort of more of sound mind. For example, we were like, Chris Knoweth, do you think in this take, we could get you looking like you're not completely repulsed by Sarah Jessica Parker and that there's some God-honest chemistry between you? And he was like, look, I'll give it a shot.

And God bless his soul, he really had a good go of it. Did he get away with it? I mean, you know, the story's on the camera, so you be the judge. We'd love to hear what you think of that particular scene, actually. It was a real bone of contention on the cutting room floor. Do you know what I like about this director's commentary? Having a live periscope feed so we can measure as people come in and out.

It's almost like a power level to how we're doing. The numbers start stepping. It's like, oh, God. It's not going well. No, you've got to realign your attention with the film. Yeah? Oh, yeah. That's the real measure of success. it's not going well no you've got to realign your attention with the film yeah? oh yeah that's the real measure of success

it's how engaged you are with the film that we made can you tell people about this scene I've got to fix the technical thing I sure can

this was this was actually quite a good fun day on set we crashed a real wedding and sort of just imposed our will upon the whole thing not unlike what Kevin Smith did to Tim real wedding and sort of just imposed our will upon the whole thing. Not unlike what Kevin

Smith did to Tim's wedding. We sort of thought, well, there's a good idea. There's a good trick. Let's copy that. And that's exactly what we did. And, you know, we worked under rushed conditions or, you know, we were under time

constraints or budget constraints. We were under a lot of pressure were under time constraints or budget constraints. We were under a lot of pressure the whole time on this movie and we tried to hide it from you. But I think some of that pressure leaks through. You'll notice that Pauline Hanson, the former Australian politician, who had some pretty out there opinions on different things, this was her daughter's wedding that we crashed. So she's in the background of frame here at this luncheon scene. There she is.

I don't want to alarm anyone, but that phone feels hot enough to actually burst into flame right now. So I don't even know if we're still on Periscope right now, but if we are, I'm going to just shut that off for a cool minute, maybe put it in front of a fan and just sort that situation out. Sorry, as you were oh i was just telling them about how we uh we crashed lisa hansen's wedding to to shoot this scene and uh i was sort of uh winding up to the point at which we got thrown out uh broke a lot

of equipment uh got in a lot of trouble with the local council in New Hampshire who rule with an iron fist. It's like waiting North Korea trying to get some outdoor filming done in New Hampshire sometimes, to be completely honest. I have serious issues with the mayor, Keith Hernandez, and the way he's running things. Former baseball player, I believe, or certainly a namesake. This was a note that we got from the studio. We're going to need a little something in there for the fellas. And we brainstormed for nigh on three weeks,

trapped in a basement with nothing but cigars and whiskey. And we came up. We floated a lot of ideas, actually. In retrospect, the one that we went with might not have been the best. Obviously, the one we went with, to put you out of your misery, if you haven't seen the film and you are curious, was Breast. Breast attached to an Irish nanny. We had a whole storyline about why she was there,

which I think actually got left on the cutting room floor. So out of context, it's a little... We also had sort of this surreal stream of consciousness storyline uh sort of we got actually um terry gilliam to animate it but it was it was us in a boat this is when we sort of mixed the uh the cocaine with hallucinogens it was us on a boat uh and we were fishing we had lines cast out from the clouds down to earth and on the end of our line were boobies and we were we were fishing for male punters. But it was a bit too meta and certainly a bit too confronting, some of the imagery.

I mean, you know, men bleeding from the side of their mouth. Flesh. Flesh all over the shop. It was raining flesh. If you can hear a lot of shit going on, I'm trying to hook up a fan that we can point at the streaming device. I feel like the real story here is hardly the making of Sex and the City 2 and much more Michael's maintenance of his technical setup.

What are we doing here? Can't imagine a fan's going to sound great on mic. You'd be surprised. It's not even turning on. Bloody piece of shit. Last time I did my holiday shopping. We shot all of the scenes set in Carrie and Big's apartment in one afternoon.

So all of these takes you're seeing, they were the only takes we actually got with, you know, we only got one take of everything and we had to just buy all the those are the only options we had so um i mean yeah and some say that's to the detriment of the film and i i'm inclined to agree looking back on it if i had my time over i probably would have allocated more than one afternoon to shoot the bulk of the emotional heart of the film. I mean, this is where we see Big and Carrie fight. This is where we see them explore their relationship.

This is where we see them make up and vow to be together forever once more. And to only give yourself two hours to shoot that seminal part of the film, it was regrettable. And that's one thing that i would like to say to you now five years later to you michael is i think you are right i think we should have shot this in the more traditional fashion of allocating you know three or four weeks to get these scenes done i don't know what you're talking about if you can't make a movie in a couple of days with some cocaine and hallucinogens is not a movie worth making. That's how the old Hollywood saying goes.

The trouble is your insistence on following these strict time constraints and then your actual concept of time being so altered on account of all of the drugs you'd been ingesting. I mean, it was very difficult to keep a schedule. The producers had a fucking nightmare working with you on this film because you just had no idea of anything. Well, maybe if they were prepared to work with me a little bit better

and acknowledge the fact that once I have given the actors seven figures to be involved in a shoot, I own them in their time, then there wouldn't be so much bloody friction, Patrick. I think the difficulty is, Michael, that unless you can convince all of your crew to join you on your psychedelic journey and therefore be able to abide the timing that you insist upon imposing upon everyone, it's going to be impossible. What you're describing as a directorosity that I was receiving on set,

is people's unwillingness to unlock their minds during the gorgeousness of filmmaking, the magic of the cinema, and to go on a psychedelic journey with me. Patrick. There's the two different... Now, if maybe you were on my side, you'd join me a little bit stronger.

People would be more on board. We're like parents. We need to work together. We can't be working at cross purposes here on this. Fuck. Oh, Steve. Yeah, look up. Real pleasure to work with.

Yeah, this guy was a real pro. God, he was good. Magda, on the other hand, I could have done without. Yeah, she was very confused a lot of the time on set. She, I think her agent, I think, pitched the job to her as, Magda, you're the new host of Family Feud. Because she'd keep barreling the camera and sort of beginning to host the shoot. And we'd say, no, Magda, you're a nanny in a New York house.

She also had a propensity to giggle a lot whenever someone would make a double entente which i can tell you considering this movie is sex in the city too was a lot we keep telling you magda magda it's not family feud you're involved in the same franchise that you were involved with years ago but now we're making a second movie she said why we said we've forgotten she said then she said we asked for the audience and the answer is magda and she'd she'd start applauding herself she had confetti cannons in her belt she'd be she'd hooked up an led uh set of like a light switch to a hat that she was

always wearing to get that fucking led hat off here oh we took all my patience now this is the bit where she barrels the camera if you just uh yeah there it is there's the money shot we couldn't cut around that um she did it every take yeah at the same point as well like it was very impressive the sort of control she had over her body what we're glossing over at this stage obviously patrick is brady birth of the rat king this is the moment this is the origin story of one of the Rat King. This is the moment, this is the origin story of one of the greatest supervillains ever known. Kind of.

I think we found halfway through making the movie the reason that we signed up to do this was for the potential of a sequel, of a spin-off sequel that was sort of centred more around Brady. And, I mean, yeah, we're the directors, not the editors, so you'll notice we didn't really get as much in as we would have liked. Not as much Brady. I like it, though, because it's like, and I've said this before, Paddy,

I've said it before, that to get the scariest version of the thing, you don't want to show people the monster. You want to suggest the monster and let people's brains fill in the blanks because they will make something more terrifying in their own brain than we can possibly imagine. And so I think we've left just the right amount of crumbs on the ground. I sure hope so. To show you

who Brady is going to become. I think maybe for repeat viewers, but one time viewers, it'll be very hard for them to you really need to go back to the well to pick up the the crumbs that we left yeah on the way to to the to the gingerbread house to mix my metaphors there if i could for a second well speaking of mashups and mixing things up we've got some people online asking about the

potential of a uh crossover with tmnt oh i'm sick of this question i've said it a million times it's not going to happen michael bay has sullied the good names of the Ninja Turtles. Look, I love the Ninja Turtles. We get letters from... My kids grow up on the Ninja Turtles. We get letters from Michael. We get cakes from Michael. We get Michael knocking on our door at all hours of the night

saying, please, guys, can we do a crossover? And to Michael, we say the same thing. Go fuck yourself, mate. It would be like if you tried to cross over um batman with aquaman that's akin to what it would be it'd be like if you tried to cross over lean al messi playing football right now in his prime with diego maradona playing football right now as a as a slightly overweight elderly gentleman it just doesn't make any sense doesn't make any sense to me't make any sense to me.

One of them is still a high-functioning, valuable entity, and the other one is... Tell you what, this nose of mine, give me a world of hair. I mean, you've got a deviated septum, obviously, from our time on. You've only got one... The interesting thing about Michael's nose,

if you look up at it from underneath, he's only got one nostril. He calls it his big noose. The big noose, he calls it. Isn't that right? To smells more smells, you say. Jesus. Isn't it funny how like...

It's got no cartilage in it. Your nose can pretty much kill you, eh? If you block it up. Makes it hard to breathe. It's good when you do it right into the microphone. Yeah, no, I know people appreciate that. I want a first-hand account of my nose and its business. So in this scene, you'll notice what we continue to argue about today,

whether or not it's a continuity error, but the hand slaps that old Lily puts onto Charlotte's dress here you know they grow further apart on her ass. I don't give a shit don't know why I brought it up to be honest but it is a fight that Patrick and I had a lot on You brought it up because you do secretly give a bit of a shit. I don't

it never should have escalated to the point of us pulling guns on each other and a dispute while we were in front of the cast and crew Looking back I don't think anything on set should be enough for us to draw arms. But these are the lessons you learn when you're only directing your second film and you're under these high-pressure circumstances. Samantha Jones putting a little vagina cream on.

Method once more. Look, I'm not a a woman nor am i a doctor nor am i a ob gyn but i do question how many creams you topically apply to your vagina um for like a hormonal rebalancing because presumably all the medication that she's taking on screen if i remember correctly from the film i made is to do with with taking on screen if i remember correctly from the film i made is to do with with steadying the ship she's going through menopause right what would be a vaginally absorbed topical ointment that would affect your hormones i'm not a woman i'm not a doctor but i just i i don't know i can't remember if that was a good decision we made or if we researched it enough. Yams, it wasn't really our call.

As we said, Kim was very method, so she was actually just, through the character of Samantha, she was just abiding her own hormone schedule. And estrogen cream, obviously, was part of it. Touche. Touche, people watching online. And you had some real bones of contention with Kim on set, and you actually, because you knew she was method,

when we flew into Morocco, we didn't actually shoot in the United Arab Emirates, when we flew into Morocco, you ensured that customs would take her hormones off her. Yeah. I wasn't prepared to deal with that. That was a real dick move. Yeah. It was kind of like I lit the fuse

and then fucked off out of the situation because i thought it'd be a funny go for everyone to have to deal with it but i i left immediately now at this point in the movie not a lot's happened uh we remembered that was intentional we'd we'd set it in abu dhabi we were still very much in new york and uh what we thought we we might want is it sort of a nagging piece of conflict, just a piece of conflict that could sort of underpin the rest of the movie and really drag any positive experience you might have right back down to the base level so that you as an audience member could maybe empathise with how we as directors felt

while constructing the film. And this is that turning point where suddenly everything just feels like it's dragging you down, just pulling you down to earth. And look, Patrick, as you know, what we were so focused on with this film is relatability. I think everyone can relate to owning two apartments in Central City, New York. Everyone can relate to accepting that the financial climate

doesn't afford to sell in one of those apartments, so you simply keep it and move your lavish lifestyle from the 12th floor down to the 9th as some sort of acknowledgement that the financial crisis has happened. I think lots of people can relate to being given a Rolex

for your first wedding anniversary yeah, that's right for your first wedding anniversary. Yeah, that's right. For your first wedding anniversary, a vintage 1968 engraved Rolex. Everyone can relate to that, right? That's right. That's a normal thing to give. Yeah, we treated the characters as sort of avatars for us and our friends,

which is why you could hear such passion in Michael's voice then as he revisited the memory. Because I'm so happy. You could hear such passion in Michael's voice then as he revisited the memory. Because I'm so happy. I'm so happy that my intention has been transferred to the eternity of film and that it was executed so astutely by us. God, we're good. Now, this bit sure has dated the film in retrospect. Now, this bit sure has dated the film in retrospect.

I think it was Chris ad-libbed the line state-of-the-art, flat screen. And we sort of flagged it at the time, didn't we? We said, that's going to work. See, mate, it says right here in the script, I got you a tally. Yeah. And he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't say the words. I got you a tally, Yeah. And he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't say the words. I got your tally, Carrie. Aren't you stoked?

We wanted him to afflict a more Cockney accent in this scene as well, just for variety, just as an option. You know, what we'll do on set is we'll do several takes off script, and then we'll do a few sort of mess arounds. But in this circumstance, we actually try to get Chris to shoot the whole thing in Cockney, just to jazz him up a bit just because we thought it would look funny playing back when he starts speaking Cockney and we'd all go

Chris, what are you doing? How did this get through? Chris, this sounds terrible. What were you doing a Cockney accent for and really sort of turn it back on him? But he didn't do it He was too quick for us He is quick, isn't he? I think I knew then that he was going to turn his life around from deviant to pastor yeah oh yeah

i tell you as a director and an audience member it's this part of the film when things become pretty hard to to engage with and keep track. There's a lot of stimulation happening as well. We're here in the control centre, folks. There's a heated discussion happening online right now in front of us about whether or not you can shoot Periscope videos in the horizontal format. Obviously, it is the preferred format. I don't think the software allows for it.

We tried it right up the top. If you're just joining us late Didn't quite work out I think if my phone Gets back up to the temperatures it reached before The battery might actually Explode So I hope it's worth it for you guys to

To be watching this Seriously it might kill us And burn down the studio. And the thing is as well about battery acid, that shit's going to hurt if it gets on us. Big time. You're making me terribly uncomfortable right now, Michael. Look, if anyone knows how to put it in horizontal orientation, I'm all ears. I'm all fucking ears.

all ears i'm all fucking ears now uh really what we're doing on film at the moment is resetting up the bit of the movie where we're talking about uh carrie's book because we we noticed that people had forgotten she was an author and that is kind of important to the series uh so we just wanted to dig back into that thread yeah we've kind of wound up with several loose You'd think of the movie as a sweatshirt Yeah And us as the crocheters or the knitters of the sweatshirt Or jersey Sweatshirt actually What we wound up with wasn't a

Did you deviate too far from your original metaphor? Well, I've been in arguments before where People say a jersey is any sports team's apparel. That's a jersey. And a sweatshirt is a sweatshirt. I've always thought of them as the same thing. Anyway, we were trying to knit a sweatshirt and what we came up with was actually

just five different bits of wool that were fraying. I just can't get away from what you've just laid down. Any bit of... So like a... What would be a basketball singlet for the Bulls? That would be a jersey. That's a Bulls jersey? Yes.

Really? Even though it's a singlet? Mate, we're arguing on the same side here. I've... Oh, so you're on the side of it's... Yeah, I haven't been able to resolve it in my mind, which is why I auto-corrected and avoided... I kind of get auto corrected and avoided i kind of get confusion they're coming from but um now what i love about this scene is none of it to be honest that's one of my least favorite scenes it's just like what's

happening here you know what's going on why did we bother filming this because it was an ad for sober fusion the reason they pulled out yeah i know well then they scrubbed any record of themselves from the internet that's how poorly their business did this whole scene was constructed around a product placement for a product that did so poorly they erased themselves from digital history. Yeah, which is, I mean, it's no mean feat. It takes a lot of trouble and effort. They were so embarrassed by the noodles that they released.

I thought they were good. If you're not watching the film at home and you're just listening to the commentary, which I hardly recommend, what even to tell you? Kerry and Big are having a tiff about fucking nothing. He's had a long day at work. He wants to be on the couch.

Kerry wants to drag his sorry ass out of there to go to an event for Sam's movie, boyfriend movie. I think people want to know less what the storyline of the film is and more our experience working with the actors. And this was actually a pretty good time. I mean, we sort of, again, as we shot a lot of the film, guerrilla style,

sort of went into a film premiere and crashed it. You'll notice those aren't real bands. They're just plastic, sort of glittery VIP bands, but we got through all the same. You know who I like? One of my favourite extras in this film.

In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say a shining light can you see in the back there's a girl with a red cap on when we go to the shots of the paparazzi

who are taking all the photos you'll see her struggling to get in there she is trying to get her arm in shot dynamite dynamite acting by which I mean

very unbelievable and unrealistic we called a kid Dynamite on set. Yeah, real pro to work with. Real pleasure. Tim from Queer Eye, who you might remember. Wait, Queer Eye? No.

Yes. No, Project Runway. No, before that. No, he wasn't. Wasn't he? No, he wasn't. You're thinking of Carson, the fashion guy from Queer Eye. He did, right.

Or one of the other guys from Queer Eye. Runway, yep, indeed. She really of the other guys from Queer Eye runway. Yep, indeed. She really is working overtime. I've never noticed her. I didn't notice her on set, which I think probably frustrated her deeply. And I never noticed her on film until now. She's really working overtime, that extra. Well, this was the beautiful thing about having both of us on the project. We could really divvy

it up. Yeah. The workload, you know. So I would deal with half the extras. I'd deal with the other half. Or males, as I call them. And I guess the thing of it is that I'd deal with the other half. You would deal with the evens. Yeah, yeah. Or males, as I call them. And I guess the thing of it is that sometimes we'd assume the other one was across all of it and we'd both completely check out. And you'll notice all the scenes that we shot in Morocco

or in Abu Dhabi as it's set in the film, neither of us were actually directing those. They kind of directed themselves. Yeah, you could say that. I think I will. First of all, because it's good to have transparency with the audience and let them know the parts of the movie we were trying and the parts we weren't but secondly i don't want my name associated with any of that stuff from the film we've had a lot of people remind us that um about 50 of the film is set perhaps even slightly more

than 50 of the film is the stuff we shot in in Morocco, which we weren't actually a part of. Sort of backhandedly suggesting that maybe we didn't earn our paychecks on this project. To them, I say, you've probably got a point. Yeah, but it's too late. We've both spent all of our money. We've got a shared investment. We bought a timeshare in Jacksonville, Florida from a lovely guy we met on a street corner. I think after the wrap party, actually,

we met him when we were on the way out of the Hilton LA. It was a guy who was selling a timeshare in Jacksonville, Florida. His name was Warren. Screaming Warren, we called him. Yeah. He used to be like, you know, boys, raspberry boys like this. Yeah. And he was a very persuasive salesman.

And we have it. Yeah. What street are you on? In Jacksonville there. We've got someone on Periscope who's also there. You might be able to actually go check on the house because we haven't been for a few years, so we don't really know what's going on with it anymore.

Hope Screaming Warren's doing well for himself now. We had to get rid of the condo. Actually lost all its value because there were a lot of stabbings in the neighbourhood. So really, property prices just plummeted. We couldn't get rid of the thing. Couldn't pay someone to take it off us. Sort of a very traceable, very obvious alignment

between the increase in crime and our presence in the neighbourhood. Didn't look good on us. No. Did not look good for us. Did not reflect well on us. Jesus. This is another scene which I could probably take or leave.

To be fair. Yeah. We've got Penelope Cruz in there so that we could put her name on the poster, to be honest. That's an old Hollywood trick, let me tell you guys. And I'll tell you who's a real inspiration with regards to that is Adam Sandler. Now, there's a guy who's taken the ball of just throwing names

on a poster and running with it. And if you're listening, listening Adam big shout out to you we'd love to work with you in the future and again Adam Sandler had a scene in this film that was cut. He had a film in this film that was cut actually, it happened on the TV when Big Flix it on but we had to

swap it out because we had a dispute later so we put on Deadliest Catch which is my favourite TV show It is your favourite TV show, you actually applied to be on that boat for the first season, and they said, no, we're not looking for actors, we're looking for actual crab fishermen. Yeah, and crabs. I said, I could be a crab, and they said,

let's see what your breath control's like. And apparently, my asthma took me out of the running to perform as a crustacean, and we can see it right here on Deadliest Catch. That's right. Your good friend Neville actually got, he got in the role ofrab too, didn't he? Really fucked me off.

I haven't spoken to him since. Really? I was asleep with his sister, though. Which some people would argue a little too hardcore in terms of retribution for getting a role that I wanted. I think using anyone as an object, well, I guess you've got this unique sort of attitude, don't you, towards the treatment of people on set?

Yeah, she wasn't on set, though. I took her out for dinner. It was all good. Sarah Jessica Parker here. We said to the costume designers, think I Dream of Jeannie. Give me that. Yeah, and they came back with a perfect I Dream of Jeannie costume. And we said, why not?

We said, sure. Yeah. A lot of whiskey. A lot of whiskey. And a lot of the time on set is just us signing off blindly. And just leaving the room. Just leaving the room. And we'd always try and come up with different sort of catchphrase ways

to exit the room. A lot of mid try and come up with different sort of catchphrase ways to exit the room. A lot of mid-90s TV shows, you know? Like I'd yell out, did I do that? And then bail. Yeah, and I'd actually copy you. You were never there. You'd leave the room first. But I'd always be so impressed and panicked by what you're doing,

I'd just do exactly the same exit. I like this line. This is an ad-lib from Chris Noweth, where he just lobs a grenade straight at the character, Carrie Bradshaw, or SJP, as we called her on set. And again, he did a great job of finding the heart of the movie and just that sort of dragging sensation that pulls you down to it. We call it the gravity effect,

and the gravity effect is pretty much present the whole way through this film, just the sense that you're losing time and you're losing your livelihood. And the network said, we don't know why you insist on having this sort of feel permeate the entire movie. And we said, we don't either we've talked to doctors and that they're saying there's probably medically there might be something wrong with you

but we did it anyway we did it anyway and we sold the fucker and now we're rich baby well we could say that briefly not now we were rich that condo really cleaned us up. I've got a real bone to pick with Screaming Warren

now that I think about it. I kind of, in my memory, I've always put him in the cabinet of good people. Like, he's just a cool guy who we met who hooked us up with a business opportunity. He was a nice guy. He gave us both some coffee. He had that thermos.

Yeah, I know, but, like, a multi-million dollar condo, which suddenly loses all its value when you come in. I mean, are you not a little cheesed off about that? Yeah, it does. I'm not thrilled. It does cheese. You know what?

It does cheese me off. Sounds gross when you say it. Cheesed off? Cheesed off is fine, but for someone to cheese you off, it sounds like you're saying something else. I think you're hearing something else i think you you you're hearing something else because i'm i'm just saying he does he did he took my cheese took my cheese and all my money i call money cheese oh your money is your chance okay off to earn some off to earn some cheese

this weekend you gotcha um back to the relatability theme which permeates the entire film. We are in the second New York City apartment for this couple. And as... We wanted to stay true to the TV series. So even though there is absolutely no point in it, we wanted to keep the narration aspect alive for Carrie Bradshaw so that she can comment on the mundane events that are happening in her life

as opposed to the more metaphorical wider picture commentary she was making about modern life as a single female in a metropolitan city which was so uh iconic such a large part of the tv show yeah it was also a lot of us just covering our tracks because we knew that they were going to be glaring plot holes and we thought you know what's an easy fix what how can we sew a thread through these five stray bits of wool? So you want to know why I've started having to call money cheese? Always. I always want to know that.

Well, last week I was walking home from an open mic for my slam poetry. How's that going, by the way? It's okay. Do you want to hear my latest poem? Yep. How's that going, by the way? It's okay. Do you want to hear my latest poem? Yep. It's called Feelings. Yep. I got feelings coming through my body.

Hold up. Hold up for one second. You would never tell a slam poet to hold up. Oh, God. You're not going to do another bloody bongo solo during my slam poetry, are you? Oh, I just jammed my finger in there Fuck that really hurt

Alright here we go You ready Poem time I got feelings Coming through my fingers I call them feelies It feels like An apple I eat the apple I call them feelies It feels like an apple

I eat the apple I put it in my body I digest it I got feelings And yeah, it didn't go very well at all actually I was in a pretty foul mood after the open mic So I was walking home And I came across this

Whoa! Hate to stop you there But can we just hit pause for one second I was in a pretty foul mood after the open mic, so I was walking home, and I came across this. Whoa, hate to stop you there, but can we just hit pause for one second, because our main man coffee guy has arrived on set. Booyah, that's his third cup of joe for the day. And he is out of there. He had a real busy schedule. Jesus Christ, did he what?

He actually, a lot of people have asked us what exactly, you know, what is he doing and where is he off to? What's his motivation, so to speak? Yeah. Well, did you see that waitress follow him as soon as he left? Yeah. Well, the thing is, so he actually hires himself out, this guy. His real name is Michelle Landry. And he works on different sets on different lots as a coffee drinking extra.

And so he books out a day. He'll do sort of maybe 105 minute shoots in a day he's the best in the biz and you've definitely seen him perform in other movies you just wouldn't know it yeah and in terminator 2 in the bar scene when he need your clothes your motorcycle and your clothes your boards and your motorcycle he He's just slamming back Carlura and coffee in the background of frame. In Alien, when we first see Alien on stage, on screen, after we've sort of created

that moody feel for so, so long, just behind Sigourney Weaver, you'll actually see Coffee Guy there. Yep. He's in the spacecraft. He's Hollywood's worst kept secret, we call Yep. He's in the spacecraft. Hollywood's worst kept secret, we call him. He's in the Titanic.

I'm not going to tell you where. You find him. Yeah, you've got to watch that one because that is a good film. And James Cameron, if you are listening, big shout out to you. Love to work with you again. Love to work with you again. If you'll have us,

you might remember us, we worked as production runners on Titanic. We were the ones who put those barrels side on and took out the actress playing Rose, the elder actress. Now a lot of people have pointed out that marriage in the terrible twos doesn't require an apostrophe at the front and as a professional

writer for renowned publications such as Vogue, Carrie Bradshaw would know that. Here's the God's honest truth folks. We're not good spellers. We're not good with punctuation. Do you know what Paddy and I do? We make dreams. We make dreams on the screen come true.

And you don't need a stunning analytical brain with regard to grammar and punctuation for that. You need to think big fucking picture. And I think we do a great job of doing that. And, you know there's a there's i'm pretty confident that's the only punctuation or spelling error in the in the whole film but uh if we had our time over i'd i'd make it again it's fairly prominent yeah i'd stand by it as well so anyway as i was saying i was coming home from the slam poetry sorry i really railroaded you there

yeah yeah and uh this guy this this guy who was and this guy, he was wearing a suit jacket mostly, weaved together rats, and he was a pretty confronting guy. His hair as orange as the flames shooting up from the gates of Hades himself. Wow. And he said to me, oi, you start calling money cheese. And then he clicked his fingers and the rats all exploded alive and started crawling all over me and he disappeared completely. And I jogged home and had a shower quick smart. And I don't know much more about it than that, but let it be known

I'm certainly calling money cheese from here forth because I don't want to trifle with that guy any more than is absolutely necessary. That is fucking terrifying, mate. I'm sorry calling money cheese from here forth because I don't want to trifle with that guy anymore than is absolutely necessary. That is fucking terrifying, mate. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's okay. It's no good. It was a pretty rough night, and then I got home and my girlfriend was having sex with my brother,

so that was obviously pretty upsetting as well. It was actually probably, saying it back out loud, it was a rough day, but it wasn't all bad. I had half a thing of a nine-pack of nuggets in the fridge, so I had a good bit of dinner. Not all bad then. Chris Noeth refusing to put any liquid in that cup to this day. Yeah.

I'm perplexed and disappointed. We just got a text from him, actually. He's on the Periscope, and he's changed his name to Chris Noeth. Why's he done that? Well, he no longer pronounces s because he believes that s is the sound of the devil jesus or jetheth if krith noeth there's quite a conclusion to get to when your own name has a few s's in it oh it's changed the whole way he preaches a lot of people are having trouble understanding him in his sermons now he he was saying, because he's essentially changed the concept of language.

How long's this movie? From memory, I think the first cut we made, the first pass we did, it was seven hours long, and I think we somehow managed to whittle it down to two and a half. Okay, good to know. Good to know. How are you? Sarah Jessica Parker, very astute periscope watcher. That's hilarious.

That's tickled me. That is how big we'd say it these days. So tell me, Michael, I mean, what are your memories? Because this is all part of that afternoon we spent having to shoot the whole film in one afternoon in the apartment. What do you remember of doing this stuff in the bathroom? This scene I'm not so attached to uh i could take it or leave it i uh kind of flipped a coin as to whether or not we were going to keep it in um to be frank but you know chris north is giving it his all

sjp i like the reference to um rodney dangerfield that we managed to slip in there no others giving it as well. SJP? I like the reference to Rodney Dangerfield that we managed to slip in there. We got her to say five days a week. Five days a week. This guy. Take my wife. Not really, take her. Yeah.

I actually restructured the mortgage on my house to hire Rodney Dangerfield as an acting coach for Sergius Kapaga to get that line. Which might be confusing for some people considering how long he's been dead for, but we had a necromancer on set as well, so we were all good. If you were to look at our books, the ones, the sort of untampered with ones, as they actually read, I think, you know, I do see why the studio had some problems with the way we were spending

the budget of the film. I mean, we were like a couple of kids in a candy store when we were running Riot, really. Yeah. We took a few liberties, it's fair to say. But do you know what? Sometimes a film set needs a necromancer. This was one of them. Look, you don't need to

sell it to me again. I was on board from dot one. Yeah, I know. Really respect you, Patrick. Really respect the hell out of you. I respect you for being open to learning about film from me and coming into bat against the studio when they said you don't need a necromancer on set. It is my pleasure.

And I'm really happy that we're actually doing this together again because I have missed you. I've missed you in my life. I didn't realise that you were really a rock for me. you. I've missed you in my life. I didn't realise that you were really a rock for me. You were a really solid presence in my life. And, you know, things have been tough. I didn't want to let you know.

I didn't want to say it out loud. But that Monday night story I told you from my poetry slam just earlier, that's not just a Monday night. That's more or less every night for me now. I feel like my luck's really turned. You're eating yourself to death, Paddy, and I'm worried about you. You're eating nothing but apples.

You're ODing on vitamin C. It's not healthy for a man. You've got to get a little bit more variety in that diet. Stop eating your feelings. There's a lot of people who care about you out there. Thank you. We're on the plane now to Abu Dhabi This is sort of the point in the editing suite

Where one of the guys from the studio was like Are you fucking kidding me How are we not in Abu Dhabi yet If this film is set in Abu Dhabi Look, credit to them We've been going for an hour so far When we got down to the final edit Oh, which reminds me actually

I'm going to take a photo of us At the hour mark. Okay. An hour of friendship. An hour into a friendship rekindled. That's what I call it. Not a real plane. A lot of people think that all airplane scenes and films and television is shot on airplanes.

That's just not realistic. This is actually just a set. shot on airplanes that's just not realistic uh this is actually just a set it's a train set um that we we borrowed from a guy called reverend lovejoy um and what we did is we had a shrink ray and we shrunk all of the actors down to train model size and we put them on the set inside one of the little trains from our friend reverend lovejoy and uh and then we brought them back up to real size. So, I mean, that's another interesting expenditure, and looking back on it, it doesn't reflect well on us as accountants,

which is unconventional to be hired as an address slash accountant, but that's the way we hired ourselves. My question is, was Mr. Lovejoy named after the Simpsons character, or was the Simpsons character named after him? I think the man we're talking about is one and the same. Oh.

Yep. That's cool. On an ordinary day that wouldn't make sense to me but luckily for you Patrick I did a lot of mushrooms this morning. That's my Mikey. Have you ever been on a plane this fancy?

I'm not even totally sure they exist. No, they do exist. We just said, think Star Trek. It's a bar. And our set designers, they made it just off that simple instruction. That's how good they are. The set designers are real pros, actually. They're a real joy to work with.

Yeah. Just saw a coffee guy actually walk along the back of the set. You be careful. There's a lot of cables around the place at the moment there, Paddy. We're running a very high-tech op... Yeah, absolutely. I'll have another bottle of water. Thank you.

It's a very high-tech operation that we're running here. Hey, feel that phone, though. Put your hand on that streaming device. Is that doggy heating up a little? She's getting there, eh? Bloody hell. Yeah, she's pretty warm. Sorry, I actually just had to go for a quick walk

down the garden path to retrieve a bucket of water from the well, or a pail of water, as we call it here in New Zealand. Seem to be struggling with that bottled water. Yeah, well, it's not a twist-off. Oh, there we go. Which is how they usually do water. This is part of the film where Carrie Bradshaw is attempting

to explain to her friends why taking a couple of days off a marriage, a couple of days a week off your marriage is a perfectly normal and adult thing to do. And I could not agree more. We had a real difficulty directing this scene because as I mentioned earlier, we'd shrunk the actors down to model train size

and put them inside a model train. So they were sort of left to their own devices. And they had to shoot the whole thing themselves, those four main actors. And I think they did a pretty good job, pretty banger. I mean, all this, had we not flagged it with you, the Sex and the City 2 fan, you probably wouldn't have known

that this was all shot on a model train. Well, the interesting thing about film is if you shoot everything in scale, you've got no other frame of reference. Then when everything's miniaturised, it looks exactly the same as if it's normal size but this or everything that happens on the plane model train set terrifying technology that we stumbled on uh realistically you know james cameron gets a lot of credit for um discovering bits of the titanic that hadn't previously been seen and um you know the Wachowskis got credited with creating the film effect

for Bullet Time. Not a lot of people realise that we invested a lot of time and money into finding out how to shrink humans, human beings. Successful. I think you speak for us well there and you represent us well, Michael, because that was a lot of work for us to do and not a lot of credit. And until we sort of blew the whistle on it just now and said, hey, this is the technology we use, this is what we did,

it wouldn't have been known that we did that. And, you know, if anyone's interested in buying the technology that shrinks humans without any sort of ill side effects get in touch by all means get in touch we'd love to sell it to you

and we're both falling on pretty hard financial times so let it be known the deal will be on the cheapo the cheese shall be flowing

at Casa Patrick King when you say the cheese is flying It almost suggests that you're paying people to take the product Which makes me wonder if this is how you got into The sticky monetary situation you're in right now How I balance my books is my business Why don't you back the fuck off

It was nice to see you to begin with All I'm trying to explain to you Paddy Is that you don't make money by giving money away for the product You take money off people for it You don't make money by doing that Other people the product. You take money off people for it. You don't make money by doing that. Other people might. I don't know where you got this horrible idea. You've been hanging out.

I got it. You've been hanging out with the wrong people. I haven't been hanging out with the wrong people. What's his name? Old Toothy. I got it from Screaming Warren. Screaming Warren. Don't bring him into this.

He did. When you left, when we signed the paper, I got a screaming Warren screaming Warren don't bring him into this he gave me he did when you left when we signed the paper you left and he gave me some financial advice that I've been abiding since this scene was shot

in real size just so we're all aware yeah we're back we're back on planet earth now we're in Morocco and I'll tell you what we did not get clearance so we're all aware. Yeah, we're back on planet Earth now. We're in Morocco. And I'll tell you what, we did not get clearance to shoot at the airport,

so we had to, which is hard to do with a big crew, but we had to shoot kind of around security. It's not until you watch it back that you realise how much of this, it's quite fun to almost revisit it in a sense, how much of this movie we shot on the fly, sort of guerrilla style. We actually used, in the pitch to the executives, we used the Blair Witch Project as a reference point for how we wanted to shoot a lot of the film

and because we only by accident rented steadicams, we couldn't quite get that effect, but a lot of this stuff was done in motion and in fear. We were going to these guys, listen we're going to need to pay for a lot of licenses when we go to Morocco. And then what we did is we squirreled that money away and we put more of it into the Necromancer account.

Robert Roberts, he told us to do that. He's a smart man. Smarter than me. Smarter than most. It'll be fair to say anyone smarter than you is smarter than most in my eyes, Michael. You're a top bloke with a heart of gold go fuck yourself Paddy now this wasn't a real hotel

this was a set and the set itself absolutely riddled with borer all of the wood is rotting you'll notice if we go, I can't even remember if we go do another, yeah there we go, shot at the back there with the perimeter around the thingy the door frame, you see it's been eaten yeah back there with the perimeter around the door frame. It's been eaten.

Yeah, we're missing a quarter of a door frame there. And Osh, which is what we call health and safety here in New Zealand, if they had been on set, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have been allowed to push on. Bora's all right, unless you made a wood. Unless you're Pinocchio making a film, you're not going to get affected by the Bora. Or do you mean things falling on people? We actually used this set right after Pinocchio 2. The sequel to Pinocchio was being shot there and they did have a real puppet on set.

And tragically, a sentient puppet that is. And tragically the puppet passed away. Poor wee enchanted bastard. He was eaten alive. It's the puppet equivalent of necrotising fasciitis. Getting borer when you're a wooden puppet. It's not a good way to go. There's no way to go.

It's like, you know how a lot of people muse that burning to death is the worst way to die? Yeah. Imagine that if you're a wooden puppet. It's even worse. That's right. So in addition to dedicating the movie to Keithy Kran, Handler, we also there's also, you can't see it's

invisible ink, but we also dedicated it to Terry, the wooden boy. You can't see it's invisible ink, but we also dedicated it to Terry, the wooden boy. You can't see it, but what happens is if you squeeze lemon juice on the screen while the credits are rolling, the invisible ink will come up and you'll see the 3D tally. Pretty cool technology. You can use a lot of lemon juice

though, like a lot. lemon juice though like a lot what is there to say about the film you know what i mean when you get right down to it when you've when you've spent as much time with the movie as we have it's like what what can you say about a movie like this i would you know some people would probably say if you could do it all again Michael if you could go back to February of this year when you were going to tell people the next exciting project

you were going to be working on would you do it? would you do it again? you know if you could choose to direct or be involved with Sex and City 2 in whatever capacity you have been involved with it before, would you say yes? Do you know what I would do?

I would do the project again, but I would do it in secret and with like a pseudonym, like a nom de plume. A pen name. A pen name, a director's alias is what I would use so that I could still be involved with this wonderful production. But without any of the fear of retribution. Yeah, repercussions. The career-ending ramifications.

Because we have not worked in film since. Neither of us have, no. Bloody blows. Well, it's difficult when you've spent your whole career As a filmmaker to be told That legally you're no longer allowed Within 500 metres of the set Or the industry

I mean how do you avoid an abstract concept Like an industry It makes no sense Yeah it's difficult It's like trying to avoid a feeling I'm justly afraid of hunger. It doesn't make any sense, but that was a court decreed. So that's federal law.

We're not allowed within 500 metres of the film industry. I mean, it rules out the internet, rules out a lot of books, rules out nearly all conversation. We found some loopholes though for example if you perform a movie live on a stage and periscope it out that doesn't technically qualify as a film yeah that is a performance

well I mean it's a grey area and it doesn't feel certainly the first time it didn't feel it didn't sit very well with me it didn't sit comfortably within me we weren't making any money from it that's why no you were all about that cheese I am all about that cheese it didn't sit very well with me it didn't sit comfortably within me but you weren't making any money from it that's why no

you were all about that cheese I am all about that cheese let it be known actually I've just changed my will to this last time I put it my epitaph is that what it's called

yep so that's what will be inscribed upon my tombstone is here lies Patrick King all about that cheese and I want a new lay

a new a new kilogram of either edam tasty or colby to be laid upon my grave each day i don't want uh mild because i don't care for it what so you're flipping between the metaphor and literal cheese and then it's almost like posthumously you want the literal cheese to be a metaphor for money. Yes. You're a crazy man. Very, very accurately and imaginably captured the essence of what I was trying to communicate.

Now, this was the origin of our favorite bumper sticker that we made for the franchise. Yes. Hashtag decal your knee quab. This scene exists solely for that catchphrase solely for that bumper sticker and i'll tell you what this movie did not make a lot of the box office but it made a shitload at your local convenience store of people buying that bumper sticker that's right uh what we did is we muddled up the orders with a bunch of old barack obama change bumper stickers as well

um so you know some people were rocking a change your knee co-op or a decal your knee. We had two hashtags going. Decal your Obama. Decal your Obama or change your knee co-op. And another third. So there's a third of that and a third of the other one and a third of actual decal your knee co-op bumper stickers.

And those have become collective items. There was a fourth one which was a misprint. It's rare to get your hands on so it barely makes up a percentage but it was um hope and knee coil hope and knee coil knee coil yeah so it was kind of like a condensement of wall it was chaos now this point it must be said the actors were there was a bit of tension on set between them. Very testy They weren't all getting along swimmingly, which is a film term for well

How did this shit go? It originated when Alfred Hitchcock first shot in a pool and they said, how was today's shooting Alfred? And he said, I went swimmingly. And everyone was so inspired and sort of scared of Alfred, we all picked it up as a I'd just like to point out to everyone 301 August 26th.

That's what the clocks just told us. So I didn't mean to interrupt your Alfred Hitchcock story. It's just an anecdote about the one time I met Alfred Hitchcock. It's fine though. I mean, I'm sure you've got lots of fascinating stories about your time with Alfred.

Never met him. That's right. Always been a big regret of mine. That's why you're always stepping on my Hitchcock anecdotes yeah I know because you're swimming in the jealousy you're drowning out there throw me a lifesaver

throw me a lifesaver give me a hand out here Paddy I'm awash in the jealousy a fascinating fact for fans of the film, for those of you maybe who are trying to... And fans of alliteration. To gauge where the timing is.

This is more or less exactly the halfway point. It's 50% done, 50% completed the movie. If you had a progress bar loading, you'd be at 50% right now, which it sounds like a lot, but it feels like it should be more. And that was a conscious decision on our end. We wanted to play with the concept of time. I think we were so inspired by you with your hallucinogens and cocaine

and me mostly with the cocaine on set, that we wanted to play with the concept of time. You're right. We've got a couple of people. I'm sorry to interrupt again. Some people listening live simply with the comment, holy fuck, this movie of time. You're right. We've got a couple of people. I'm sorry to interrupt again. Some people listening live simply with the comment, holy fuck, this movie is long. You're not wrong.

That's right. You're not wrong. That's a valid comment on the film. And as my esteemed co-director Patrick here states, it was intentional by us. We wanted to mess with that. Nothing that happens on set is by accident. Some of it was because our backs were against the wall

and we had to go through with the only option we had, but none of it was by mistake, and that's a real point of pride. That's actually the top line on my CV. Patrick King, underneath that, never made a mistake. Underneath that, crazy about the cheese. All about the cheese. Underneath that, stack that cheese. All about the cheese.

All about the cheese. Underneath that, stack that cheese. I really like the interplay of the Eastern and Western cultures in this scene. To pat ourselves on the back for maybe the first time during this director's commentary. This is where Carrie Bradshaw really starts learning about different cultures, different nationalities, how the other half live. Garou is her manservant in the hotel, which I think we can all agree is a perfectly legitimate

and fine thing. We don't need to give a second thought in the year 2015. And he reveals that he only makes enough money to see his wife about quarterly. So about every time that one of the large companies that probably pay Carrie Bradshaw her money on a quarterly basis each year, that's when Gourou gets to see his wife

because she lives in India because they both earn so little money they have to live in separate countries. And we thought what would be quite a cool sort of touching moment would be for Carrie to take a lesson or a feeling or maybe even just something from it. And for that to be...

No, well, we tossed up the idea of empathy, didn't we? We tossed up the idea of empathy didn't we we tossed up the idea of sort of perspective but we sort of forged ahead with the original part the movie was beating which was just blind comedy self-indulgence comedy to the point of comedy to the point of comedy which is why we've uh immediately gone from the conversation about a man so poor he can only see his wife once every three months to the most lavish nonsensical breakfast i've ever seen for four people in my life just to make film yeah and to make sure that that distinction between those two scenes was strong we put in uh that line there from garon which is what would you like for breakfast which qualifies the logic

of the scene is the fact that these four these four women had to order all that food individually. So they have ordered quite literally enough to feed probably 10 families comfortably. Do you reckon we should rig up the asthma inhaler at this point? I do. We're over 50% done. Yeah, I feel like it's an appropriate time. I mean, your asthma is playing up, isn't it, Michael? It sure is.

Yeah, I'm getting a real tight chest over here. Do you want to rig up? I can absolutely help you. Okay, I'm getting a real tight chest over here. Do you want to ring up? I can absolutely help you. Okay, I'll take over for a bit. So this scene I could take or leave, to be honest with you. I'm not super attached to it. Real flip of the coin

when we're in the editing suite to determine whether we kept or left it. But Patty actually made a compelling argument that if we were making a movie that was costing this many tens of millions of dollars, we needed to justify it with more minutes on screen. And there's very much an illogic to that because a skillful movie doesn't need to be a long movie.

But there's also something about, if less is more, imagine how much more more could be. You confuse people with the length of this film. You baffle them with the slow pacing of it. They emerge from a two-and-a-half-hour cinematic cocoon, saying, how did nothing happen? How did no character learn anything? How was there an absence of arc for this amount of time?

And how did you sustain the process of making this? How is this project something that got released out into the world and put into real cinemas alongside actual movies? That is the challenge that Patrick and myself, Michael King set out for ourselves. I'm sorry I've misstepped. I've misspoke. You've mixed us up haven't you? My name is Michael

just Michael My name is Patrick King His name is Patrick King. I just sometimes get so upset I get worked up. I forget my own name. While revisiting this sort of hazy and, I've said the word hazy an awful lot, this hazy and harsh, I guess,

if I'm going to use the H sound, if I want to follow up that sort of alliteration, this hazy and harsh time in your life, it's bound to dredge up both memories, positive and negative. Because as with all film shoots, the whole thing wasn't a walk in the park. Some of it was quite hard work.

I mean, it's a fun job, as the great Cypress Hill said before Rap Superstar. It's a fun job, but it's still a job. I mean, I don't really think people understand what it's like to be involved in this rap shit. I didn't see it. I never saw it until I was actually in it, because you've got to be in it to understand what it's like.

You know, people always want to... It's not actually Cypress Hill saying that. It's Eminem. Interesting you bring up Cypress Hill right now. Isn't it just? Well known for their use of the asthma inhaler. We got in touch with them to soundtrack a lot of this movie and they just flatly denied us.

They said, we don't know who you are, we don't know the franchise, we don't trust either of you. To look at you right now, the fact that you're outside our studio banging on the glass with rocks, that is not the sort of people that we tend to work with. And all power to them, they were right.

Still, Black Sunday, top five albums of all time. It's a big call, but, you know, that's the beauty of music isn't it it's subjective a lot like filmmaking although this is objectively a good film now funnily enough in the original version of the script uh when carrie bradshaw asks the man how much the shoes are he's supposed to say 100 drones and he sort of wanted to to sort of predate drone warfare or at least the use of drones in in conflict

just as a sort of reference point just sort of time stamp the movie as ahead of its time and we just couldn't get that

delivery right could we it's alright you take the wins where you can and you accept the rest as well you know Paddy that's how we worked on this film. Just got to keep on trucking.

Keep on moving. That's right. I don't know if that drill's coming in on this microphone. Our neighbours are just doing some work on the house. It's very persistent, though. Just power drilling the deck. Just putting a big hole in the deck, really. High-pitched wine.

Takes me back to working with Kim Cattrall. We realise at this point the likelihood of anyone having paid attention to the movie through this amount of time is very low. And so just for anyone who is sort of absorbing it in a malaise, we thought we'd throw in a familiar character, maybe to just jolt them, to shake them alive and back into the world of the film and that's how we got Aidan

we actually just ran into him in Morocco at the time Aidan thought we were shooting a documentary about what became of the stars of Sex and the City so this is another classic example of us sort of having to re-appropriate a lot of footage Chris Noweth made a very off-colour joke that we should kind of rework the storyline with Aidan and has been spending a lot of time abroad

outside the company of his wife, shall we say, and that we should come up with a nickname which is Aidsdon, which I just didn't feel comfortable with at all. Yeah, I mean, if you do follow the church of Noworth, of Chris North, Therial Pastor is what he calls himself. Carb-free Therial Pastor.

From San Bernardino. Yeah, he probably isn't too comfortable with us bringing up these unsavoury recollections of what he was like to work with on the film. I can kind of see why he talks like that, though. It is fun. San Bernardino. Sex and the Thread. A snake. I can kind of see why he talks like that though It is fun San Bernardino It's sort of like being a snake This is

How I imagine Snakes talk Sucker and suckatash Or cats Pussycats Glamour pusses If you are on the periscope right now you'll notice I'm fingering Dan Patrick's

undercarriage. Spiffkin. That is a grab from the film Grown Ups 2 in which he has already uttered the line, who wants to watch me climb a rope captured through the medium of oil on canvas. Up here we've got I don't know where my hand's pointing

Brayden Higgins in full effect with his papa in that picture up there. And watch that one that's Tim Meadows, isn't it? The my hand's pointing. Brayden Higgins in full effect with his papa in that picture up there. And watch that one. That's Tim Meadows, isn't it? The one that's right up there. That's one of mine. Those of you listening at home,

obviously you can't see any of this, so the experience is wasted on you, for which we do apologize. What that related to was a brief stint with some friends of ours, fundraised for a trip to go to America, for which they're eternally grateful for all contributions.

As sort of inefficient in extending their gratefulness as they are grateful. They gave out some artwork. They're actually talking about getting some bloody merch off the line. Soon. That line there,

it was just very fortunate for us. We didn't know, but SJP and the character who plays Aidan actually dated on set during this shooting of Sex and the City so that line saying it's rude to not call an old boyfriend for dinner that's a real cry for help from him

towards SJP even though he knows full well she's married to Matthew Broderick worked on a lot of levels you alright Michael? you had a similar look in your eyes when we actually were on set, which was I felt like at certain moments you'd get lost in an existential crisis. Sometimes you question what brought you here and what you're doing with your life. And certainly this is one of those.

However, it brings me great joy to be here for this director's commentary at this precise moment in time because I'm going to get to present for you one of the largest continuity errors ever captured on film. Here we introduce the Australian rugby team. Now, let's ignore the fact that the rugby world trials don't exist. Yeah, this is regrettable. I just wanted rugby in the movie and you sort of bought me at my word. I mean, a lot of this plot doesn't make any sense,

but the less said about it, the better, yeah. Let's ignore that. So we're going to a slow-motion shot. We can see in the back, because we're focusing on Samantha, but in the back, Miranda has a knife and fork out where she's eating some food. She's tucking in. She's really getting stuck into the food.

She doesn't care for the sausage. And now when we go back to her, boom, it's transformed into a tall drink. That's the magic of cinema. We put that in just to keep people on their toes and we figure enough time has been now that we can point it out. I'm comfortable with it. You'll also notice in the background of frame here a father scolding his child. Oh, I love that.

And those weren't extras. Those were non-unionised extras. So you're witnessing real family conflict amongst a Moroccan family there at this hotel. Non-unionized workers is the best turn of phrase you've come up with for people who we accidentally filmed and didn't get a release form for. And we toyed around with a lot of ideas.

Assholes was one term we were using for a while. Which felt unnecessarily aggressive. They were technically, unbeknownst to them, doing us a favor. Which felt unnecessarily aggressive. They were technically, unbeknownst to them, doing us a favour. Apart from these four leads, no one was actually paid to act in the film. Not even Krith, Noeth, none of these people. Sort of, I don't know if unsavoury is the right word, but they're not great work conditions, are they?

What's that? Being in Morocco? Or us just not paying anyone. It's regrettable. The more I say back how we made this film out loud, the more I realise why we were railroaded from the entire industry. The fact we're even talking about it right now

is highly illegal, but we're just playing ahead anyway. What I liked about shooting this scene is all the sand everywhere. I'm very excited by sand. It gets me very aroused. Something about the fact that it can fit into anywhere. Yeah, you spent a lot of our first day in the desert in the hospital tent because you were so aroused by the sand.

You only burned a lot of your appendage, but you got a lot of small granules all up in you. Yeah, well, I insisted on climbing to the tallest sand dunes and then just rolling down naked. And in this heat, health risk. Yeah, in any heat, it's a health risk. And I said that at the time. I said, I don't care what the temperature is.

You're not doing that. But by the time I'd finished the sentence, you were halfway. I mean, you were moving quickly back then. You were like a cat, weren't you? You were there. You were here. You were everywhere. You were halfway up the hill. That was part of the problem i said it's too damn fast

deaf ears yeah and i kept doing forward rolls like somersaults instead of you know like sideways roly-polies if it was a sideways roly-poly i don't think i would have been too much trouble but doing the old uh somersault roll down a 70 hill in sand. I got up to quite a clip too, all told. They reckon I hit that tree at 30 kilometres. That's not slow. This is a terrifying shot

in a hello to Dublin from us. Periscope, checking in there. We wanted to create a post-apocalyptic hellscape in the middle of the movie where we see four visions of death, kind of like the four horsemen of the apocalypse just emerged from sand dunes, and I think we captured that tone beautifully.

Yeah. What do you think? I agree. Cat track. It was your call, and I do sign off on it. I think because the general tone of the film is so muddled and diverse that a lot of the film is so muddled and diverse that we we a lot of those decisions we did uh make you know that we made an executive call on they've come through

we're just watching it we get bored and we go now we're gonna make star trek but it's a bar watching it back i wouldn't say i'm proud of what we've done but i'd say it certainly holds its own as a unique experiment i would think people treated it as a blockbuster release this is really more of an avant-garde kind of this is they're the brush so brush strokes of two auteurs or over all over this film would you say that i mean i feel like i am uh i'm giving us a pretty big back pat there but uh I think we've earned it. Fair enough. I tell you what, us creating this thin thread, though, of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse being what this film is really all about,

the more I think about it, the more I think we made the right call with that. Yeah. We took it back to the studio, and their crusades did become a lot heavier and a lot more hands-on. And you saw the impact of it a lot stronger. And they said, this is too heavy. This is not the movie we wanted to make. We wanted to make a sort of a lighthearted romp.

Where we take the women who we've become so familiar with and we love them so much. We want to see some conclusions for them all. And then our first question was, didn't we do that in the first movie yeah i said yeah sorry did i say happy conclusions i mean we want to make a fuck ton of fun yeah funds uh and so you know at the end of this film you'll notice we sort of wrap up all the stories quite neatly that's a little in joke for us we actually originally ended the movie uh you know it was a full-scale apocalypse all across the world uh these four women were wreaking havoc and they'd they'd sort of merge the seven continents into four and they'd equally divided up the globe into four quarters uh and it was a

it was a heavy finish do you want to know who was our biggest supporter though to try and get that across the line with the studio was chris noah because at that stage he was just kind of getting into his preaching affairs and he said yes burning hellscapes of lava flowing through the central city i love it it's going to show to everyone that uh by us propagating casual sex outside of wedlock we have ushered in the apocalypse the apocalypse is nigh um we must repent for our sins which we were kind of like, well, I mean, we appreciate you helping us try and get this thing funded and signed off. It's not exactly, exactly what we were going for. It's more just like a fun apocalypse film.

Like Bruce Willis and what's that thing with the comet? Armageddon. God damn it, I hated that song though. Tell you what, that is the worst song. Aerosmith. That Aerosmith have ever released It was written for Celine Dion Did you know that? That would make a lot of sense Don't want to miss the thing that was written for Celine Dion

She passed on it and then there was like two other people who passed on it And Aerosmith for some reason were like I'll do it But to be fair it made them a lot of money In fairness they've done very well I fucking hate that song I fucking hate this movie. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fair. That's okay. We had a lot of fun in the karaoke scenes though. We'd get up, we insisted on getting up between all of the actors and having a song ourselves

and we'd only sing one song. We'd sing REO Speedwagons, Live Every Moment, just for a bit of a laugh. And it drove a lot of the extras insane. We had a few ex-rugby players who were there as skills coaches for the fake rugby teams, Con Barrel, a former prompt for the Canterbury Crusaders. And he went full-blown crazy, actually.

And he's still swimming laps in the hotel pool. He hasn't gotten out of that pool for five years. He's so good at taking direction. He is in the shape of his life. You tell him to go somewhere, and he'll go until you tell him to stop. But if you don't tell him to stop, he'll just keep going,

much like Garou's character in this movie, where at least you dismiss him. He can't go home for the night. That's right. Oh, my God. And it just goes on and on. The great bit about this bit is it shows that Miranda just wants to look smart to her friends.

She doesn't actually have a desire to learn a new language. That's very revealing, yeah. Of her trying to nail how to order in Arabic. She's just like, fucking whatever, cunt. Get me a drink. We did very well to unveil these insecurities through the film. I had a very exciting and enticing point to make.

Oh, that's what it is. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, my bottled water. That's all right. A bit of that's gone on the couch. It's just water. Oh, Jesus.

It's coming apart at the seams over here. What I was going to say is that in voicing over just how long we made this movie For our cinema release And sort of re-experiencing it for the first time Since 2010 Michael Yeah Do you feel like It's too much

What is the length No I stand by our decision to Experiment with the notion of pacing and duration. To try and make literally the movie that feels like the longest movie ever made. And whilst people may bring up films like Titanic or Ben-Hur, which are second for second. There's more frames in the movie.

Pound for pound. They're technically longer, but they don't feel anywhere near as long as this movie. Because I think we successfully made the longest feeling movie of all time with this. Do you know what I mean? I know fucking exactly what you mean. It's second place for actual duration

and first place for worse pacing. And when you combine those two factors, it just becomes deathly long. If you're looking at a list compiled maybe by Roger Ebert or Leonard Moulton, you know, titans of industry with regards to film, and they had the list of longest-feeling films, it would read like this. Sex and the City 2, number one. Daylight, second.

Not the film, the concept of. There's quite literally a whole blank page underneath it and then you go to the next page and that's where there's numbers three through 20. And while the network weren't exactly over the moon with us achieving that accomplishment, I've got to say, I feel like we really built something. I'm really coming in and out of what you're talking about.

That's totally fair enough. We're up to our eyeballs on this thing now. I've had enough That's too fucking bad bro I've absolutely had enough I want to turn it off Not an option We must charge on with our exciting film

Laced with interesting plot developments and character arcs. God, I can't even string a sentence together. I'm right there with you. Just going to make the rest of this Trey difficult. Trez difficulty. Deck bite, of course, in full effect now. Chin up, boys. Wow, that's what you think.

Only 15 minutes left. I know the sentiment is positive, but that is actually quite disheartening. 50 minutes is an unholy amount of time to spend if you're already sick of something like this. But I do feel like at least, you know, with regards to Tom Walker welcome along and go fuck yourself

I would much rather be watching those two episodes of The Simpsons fuck I can't even there's no semblance of thought we've got to turn the periscope off it's getting too distracting that phone's probably ready to burst into flame again do you know what we're having to do? Because it's getting so hot, the thing that's streaming it.

We cool it off by putting it in a box of bottled water. I turn the thing off and just chuck it in amongst the bottles. I don't think it's so good for the phone, to be honest, but at least it's cooling it down in a hurry so we can put it back on for a while. This guy came in with a lot of interesting offers. We couldn't get a single take uh of this this actor who only went by the name of dick bot in which he would give us the same accent so we

had to create an elaborate backstory we sort of did a character profile on him so that we'd have a better idea of where he was when we were revisiting the script and uh we decided that he was uh he was homeschooled so he was born an orphan and homeschooled by the first sentient artificial intelligence computer which was called text edit, and homeschooled by the first sentient artificial intelligence computer, which was called TextEdit, and you might know the TextEdit voice, and that's why his accent is so unique, because he learnt to speak from the computer program TextEdit. It's a rich tapestry that we weave for every character that we put in the film.

No one's allowed to exist on the frame unless we know their motivations, their history, their barriers and their desires. It was a 15 year movie to write so we wrote this without having any knowledge of the actual television show or the first movie, Sex and the City 2, and it just sort of almost synced up perfectly. The first movie

which is also called Sex and the City 2 which really throws fans. It's like, which one are you talking about? The first one or the second one? Well, we did that. We retroactively changed the talking about the first one or the second one well we did that we retroactively changed the name of the first Sex and the City movie to make it a better one so that we could confuse people as to

yeah but as everyone knows because you've seen the posters it's Sex and the City TOO as well as Tambien in Espanol and then next release

Sex and the City to Hell and Back is actually a documentary about the camera assistant, or director's assistant, sorry, Keithy, who obviously got very ill handling Carrie's mask from the big gay wedding. The fourth we named Sex and the City-er. We thought it was a pretty clever way to just sort of extend the title out.

The next one after that, Sex and the City 5 Alive, is voiced over entirely by Chris North as a snake. Sort of 5 Alive being a play on Snake the Live, which is a play on I don't know what. The sixth movie in the franchise, Sex and the City, the Sex and the Fur the furious was a hell of a lot of fun to shoot uh i do you know what's great you know i did find uh to be a real benefit of working with these four actors tell me patrick tell me patrick king you could put cameras on them and just roll

and not pay attention to anything they say uh and know that it was going to be passable and usable. And we did that. As we've said, we were checked down for a lot of the time we were filming in Morocco. So we didn't make any of the real directorial decisions or editing decisions. We don't really know this part of the movie very well at all. And from what I understand, all of this dialogue is ad-libbed.

They didn't have anyone recording the narrative they were creating for themselves. So if there are any holes in the plot or sort of continuity of their relationships, that's entirely on them. Our hands are clean. Well, I mean, you probably could blame us for not being on set to ensure that.

Ah, it's real horses for courses type stuff. I don't know if that saying applies to this situation. I tell you, this water is going through me like beer. I have got a bladder full of water. Oh, well, go alleviate it. I'll take over for a bit, baby. Are you sure? I mean, it looks like you're running low on serotonin

and the will to live. Tell you what, if you could bring me back some lollies, that'd be great, but you go do your thing. I'll keep these paying punters entertained. Don't you worry about that. Just make sure you flick your headphones off before you go because otherwise you're going to hear this whole technical fortress I've built in absolute sunder.

So now this was a scene where we wanted to return to Carrie Bradshaw's predilection towards self-reflection and narration. She's not saying anything of real significance, but we just thought it was a nice nod to the TV series. You know, it's a motif. It's something we like to repeat, to remind people that there are thoughts happening in her head

even when you can't hear them. Well, sometimes you can hear them, folks, because it's a voiceover, and that lets us know that she's always thinking things. That's how the movies work. Right now she's... I was going to use the turn of phrase whoring herself up for a date but i have been instructed by my legal counsel to stop using that particular turn of phrase so i'm going to say putting makeup on and looking lovely

getting ready to date her ex-boyfriend while she's away from her ex-husband on the other side of the world and haven't we all been there? Her two friends, Charlotte and Miranda, emerging from some sort of sauna session by the looks of things, looking fine, qualm free. Miranda's fashion choice, I've got some serious question marks over. I'm not quite sure who was in charge of the wardrobe that day, but boy, did they make some interesting choices. A kind of violent green is what I would describe that as, halfway between puke and snot. And the cut of the dress, less than flattering.

Someone's asking, are the girls still in abu dhabi uh on the live stream the answer their question is yes yes this movie takes place uh forever so they are both always in new york and always in abu dhabi they're just always everywhere they're like shrewder's cat they're just existing in superposition everywhere and you're confused about how they are still there. But in literal terms, yeah, they are. They're still in Abu Dhabi.

There's still an Abu Dhabi until right up until the very close to the end of the film. Like we only get about, I think 10 minutes of film time when they're back from Abu Dhabi I'd like to welcome back my co-director co-creator of Sex and the City Mr Patrick King

he loves to say his own name so much this movie is 95 hours long therefore they're in Abu Dhabi for 47 hours that is a common misconception of course, that's actually quoted on the IMDB page, I have to change it every day because whoever it is is a scientist so I'm not being a fact. That's us playing with the concept

of time. I don't know how many times we can tell you. It just feels like 95 hours. It's not a 95 hour movie. It's like the opposite of a casino. If you take a watch going in with you to Sex and the City you'll get confused because you'll be like only five real minutes of time have moved but it feels like I've aged about a year. It's like a hyperbolic time because you'll be like, only five real minutes of time have moved,

but it feels like I've aged about a year. It's like a hyperbolic time chamber. And while I agreed with a lot of that, I mean, the people who measured the film in pure film terms, the people on Rotten Tomatoes, those dastardly bloggers, who described the movie in film terms, they had a lot of valid and fair criticisms of the movie we made. But what really got me is we didn't get any,

we didn't get a lot of scientists or physics experts or people who have any understanding on the theory of time coming in and weighing in with their opinions. And I feel like for the movie to really be felt, those were the people who had to watch it and say this is a real accomplishment. Physicists. Yes. Time scientists. felt those were the people who had to watch it and say this is a real accomplishment physicists yes time scientists time scientists yeah you know scientists

scientists so i'm a venue diner i'm uh oh we missed one of my favorite favorite fucking lines in the movie and i apologize folks for talking over it god damn it i regret that luckily i was the one talking this won't be the last time we see this film i'll do it again oh let's reenact it let's reenact it i'll be um i'll be charlotte and you be miranda okay uh i don't know i'll be miranda and you be Charlotte I've been wondering how you've been keeping it together no no no we don't need to go being a parent

kicks your ass yes but the benefits are worth it one of my favourite lines in the movie what have you got there a little bit of dark chocolate

you've got to keep the chambers stocked with gasoline as they say down at the fire department that is such a

potent smell of peppermint it's a peppermint chocolate as they say down at the fire department. Whoa, that is such a potent smell of peppermint. It's a peppermint chocolate. As soon as you open the bag, and they're all individually wrapped, so how does the smell come out like that? It's so good. Maybe they pumped the smell into the bag. You know, like Subway. Makes a lot of sense.

I'm sorry, I'm chewing right now. It's disgusting. You thought it was bad with a dynamic mic? Try it with a bloody high level the thing of it is that we we right now as we tune to the microphone and trying to recreate for you what it was like for us when we wear our cans we could pick up the dialogue a lot of the stuff was shot with people chewing and so for us to recreate that for you is kind of you're getting a glimpse into what it was like so disgusting i'm right next to you and I'm disgusted. If I was listening to this audio track just by itself

and just someone started chewing in the middle of it, God damn it, I'd turn that shit off. If you were doing that with this bar in, I'd be so impressed. I'd give you a gift. Like it took this long. There's a term for it. It's called like what? A kiss.

For a kiss. There's always a gift. It is. There's a term for it. It's like myopia or something like that. Myopia. No. There's an S in there.

It's like when sounds give you a psychological hatred of some shit. Like a disproportionate level of agitation. And it's often about people chewing. Or those little noises. Little mouth noises. Like that. Oh, yuck. So little did Aidan know here,

he still thinks we're filming a doco about where the stars of Sex and the City are now. So I do, you know, people often ask me, do you have any regrets? No, I don't have any regrets about it. Do I feel odd about having to manipulate a person the way we did to get him on board? A little bit, yeah. You are much more unflinching in your memory of this.

You think, if the fuck would have believed it, the fuck would have got what he deserved. And that is a direct quote from you. Yeah. It wasn't the last time I said it either on set. No. Far from it. On the last day of set, you were so ecstatic and confused,

you sort of just unleashed a torrent of every word you considered a curse in the world. It lasts for two hours and 26 minutes, the exact length of the movie. And you ticked off a lot of words that I never thought of as swear words, but the way you said them

and the venom with which they came out of your mouth, I thought, whoa, you know, maybe crochet is an insult when put in the right hands. I'm a dangerous man. I can weaponize the word crochet. What are some of your other favorite swears that you remember? Codswallop?

Yeah. I always think that word's too funny and ungainly to be a proper swear word, but when you wield it with the power that you can wield it with, it's terrifying. Poppy cock? I think we can all agree that is a violent turn of phrase and one best left unsaid. What's great about this scene is

if you take a real close look at the picture, Sarah Jessica Parker's not really wearing a ring. We've managed to hypnotise you through the entire rest of the film up until this point. We are hypnotists. We did an interview with Dr. Phil, which never made it to air. And he said, what do you, Michael, and you, Patrick King, identify yourselves as? I want you to tell me how you see yourself.

I love you, Dr. Phil. Oh, look, Michael, there's no time for this. I need you to tell me what your job is. Do more, Dr. Phil. And we said hypnotist. Oh, shit, I've got to take a photo. It is imperative. You think, Dr. Phil?

Well, I'm a good friend of Michael and Patrick King And I don't quite know why they asked me into the studio But I'm here to tell you That this movie is not good for your health I'm not a real doctor, but this is a real opinion To watch it once is, frankly, reckless and unsanitary. To watch it more than once, say twice or one in a bit, is, frankly, a health hazard. And to watch it any more times than that,

say this is the 40th time you're watching it, I would like to say you got to get your shit together, man. I don't know if that works. That's not healthy it is at this point that you are watching um two grown men just absolutely unravel like you know we've we've tapped into part of the brain which is beyond any consideration for what you're saying. It's sort of like when you're devastatingly hungover and nothing feels quite real

or when you're very tired and quite lucid and everything's in a constant state of flow. There's no filter on me right now, Tim. Oh, that's a dangerous position to be in. We were just getting unfettered brain. Yuck. Straight Patrick King. No cheese here. That was the name of my second autobiography.

This is a funny joke. We decided to put hummus. Oh, wait. What is that? Yams. On Kim Cattrall's face. And on Abdul's face. Because Abdul does what Kim Cattrall does.

Yeah. We didn't really know what to do with the character of Abdul. So we were writing scenes for him We sort of thought of a parrot And we were going to CGI a parrot in But then we got an actor A villainous parrot like Iago From Aladdin

Because as you'll notice Eagle-eyed watchers of the film Of which I'm sure all of you are Oh no, that bloody thing's overheated again Oh, we're going to go off on that thing Oh no, that bloody thing's overheated again. Oh, we're going to go off on that thing. Abdul was the one who was responsible for their frankly hideous and slightly terrifying Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse outfits when they were in the desert.

Imagine that. Preach it, brother. You know, that's a character that we wrote in Just to make fun of the girl It was kind of like an audience surrogate for everyone watching the movie Like man I wish I could fuck up these girls somehow That's how we did it That's exactly how we did it He was pranking them the whole time

He was a goof He was an avatar Really wasn't he An illusion A mirage Michael what have you been up to since we wrapped on this film Because I haven't seen a lot of you Really, wasn't he? An illusion. A mirage. Michael, what have you been up to since we wrapped on this film? Because I haven't seen a lot of you.

I always wonder and I try and read up on you, but you're not featuring a lot in the glad rags or the sad rags. Bought a low-cost airline. Bought one of them budget airlines. With the money left over from the condo. Yeah. I thought we said we were putting everything we had into that thing. Yeah, we did.

It's gone. That money is gone. Well, what money are you buying budget airlines with? It was a loan. I got a couple of credit cards for it. How'd you do that? Showed them some bank statements from our production budgets of 1672. We've already got enough eyes on those bank statements as it is.

We don't need to risk other people waiting in with opinions. The bank is going to be fine as long as I get them their money back at some point. What I've done is I've created a low-cost airline flying in and out of Fiji, tropical Fiji. Popular tourist destination. It's a holiday spot. And I'll tell you what, those people do not like paying a lot for flights, but they love leaving every now and then.

So it's a volume game is what I've tried to establish there. Get people moving all the time. I named it Lion Air. Pop that on the ground, eh? Maybe let's not potentially ruin thousands of dollars of technology by putting a water bottle on top of the table, eh, Guy? What do you think is what I would say if your name was Guy? I'm calling you Guy. A sealed putting a water bottle on top of the table, eh guy? What do you think? Is what I would say if your name was Guy.

I'm calling you Guy. A sealed off water bottle in safe hands. Can be placed wherever it is deemed appropriate. Have some of this choccy. Help yourself. Num num num. In this scene we sort of, I mean we'd lost our minds a lot like

we have now, so it's kind of a perfect moment to bring it up. We told these two to ham it up as much as possible. We told them to sexualize the shisha as though it were the dick of God itself, I believe was the exact phrase. And you'll notice, I mean, they really did give God's penor, which is the industry term for penis, a good phylatin. We called it penolatin. I can actually do a really good impersonation

just with my mouth of a shisha pipe. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I'd be thoroughly interested and impressed. Check this out. This is... I'm ready. So what? You just open up your mouth.

This is Michael. You've got your fingers on your neck there to do some flicking clear your throat you've got the it's very quiet it's like you're

doing it in the back of your throat but it does sound somewhat like a like a shisha

or a hookah as they call it some kebab vendors on K road or Karangahapi Road, which is a popular food dispensary and street in Auckland. And hashishah. Locale. Locale for hashishah.

Now, at this point in the movie, we thought we'd better reintroduce some old themes, namely the fact that Carrie's married and a lot of people have probably forgotten because they haven't been paying attention, using the opportunity of the film to sink into their own thoughts and maybe consider their own mortality in life as opposed to using the film as a source of escape, which is why a lot of films were made in the first place.

So we remind everyone that Carrie and Big are not only in a relationship but married at this juncture. And she, as you will recall, has just kissed kissed Aiden what he thinks is in real life so the real life ramifications of that are we were feeling on set while this was being shot but in the in the fictitious world of the film you'll notice Carrie confessing to her husband Mr Big that she has been running around smooching all the strangers, or not strangers but ex-lovers, and he was busy brainstorming in his tower of ideas,

he calls it, in his big book of ideas. He sort of was in this big glass doorless room with no keyboards or access to the outside world, just a screensaver of randomly changing numbers to resemble the stock market. So we sort of reintroduced the theme of marriage and love and all that into the film here. Some say it was too little too late. Watching it back, I'm inclined to agree.

But we did get some beautiful footage of the New York City cityscape, the New York cityscape in the background there. Look at that we actually borrowed the set from the Wachowski siblings that's where they shot a lot of the first matrix in those buildings behind big there little known cinema fact for you I'm back. Just had to pop out for a bit from back. You're back and you're better than ever, I would say, Michael. Ah, this is the bit of the movie that you always think is the end and then it's not even nearly.

It feels conclusive. Doesn't it, though? It feels conclusive because sort of the only semblance of plot that we've attached to our protagonist is being played out right now. But don't forget that we've got those other four stray bits of wool that we're trying to assemble into a pullover or a jumper by the end of the film. That never happens.

They remain as five separate bits of wool. This has been described as the main bit of wool before. Good gracious. It's really defeated you, hasn't it? This woolly mammoth of a film has really taken its toll. Let me take over for a bit there, Patrick King. We're working as a team, Michael. I am 50% of the directing brains behind this,

so let me inform you about what it was like to shoot this scene. I cannot tell you how many times I pushed Sarah Jessica Parker into that pool of water that's behind her because I was just so aggravated by both her character and real-life persona at this point. I was like, fuck it. Let's dump her in a pool and drown her. Everyone started freaking out.

I did it a bunch of times before they removed me from set and they decided to get Patrick King to sub in instead of old number one Michael. Yeah, well, first of all, don't call yourself... How quickly are you getting through those bottles of water, Michael? Don't call yourself number one Michael, okay? It's just Michael. You are Michael.

For God's sake. Check your fucking ego at the door. All right, Michael? Okay. And secondably, that is one of the great advantages of having two directors on set, is if you want to swan out and go buy yourself a new pair of sneakers or cross trainers, if you're trying to get ready for a half marathon maybe, you can do that. Is it what you were doing while I was pushing Sarah Jessica Parker into a pool?

Yeah, I was training. Awesome. Actually, I ran it, and I was going to get it in under 1 hour 30 for my 21K half marathon. I ran it in 1.42, which was a little bit disappointing. It wasn't the hot Arabian sun. I don't mean anything by this, any insult or I don't mean to insinuate anything. But you know you don't have to train to run to be a showrunner, right? Like they're two different things.

Yeah. Well, yeah, you did a great job of explaining that to me on the finish line, didn't you? Didn't seem to think it was necessary to bring up before then. It didn't occur to me that you could confuse two things that were so dissimilar simply because they share part of the word. You know how my brain works. Didn't occur to you to maybe help out a friend

who was losing a lot of fluids? Oh, look. You're all right, mate. A lot of toenails. You know, neither of my big toenails has grown back since that half marathon, don't you? You don't need big toenails. What? You seem to be pretty happy.

Can I have one of yours? You seem to be pretty happy with your big toenails. Touche. You know how many nerve endings there are under those toenails? I'm on edge constantly Just nervy Just nervous Are you I'm not nervous

I'm nervy Yeah Because my toes are exposed Exposedo That's the name of my next movie It's about a man who has no toenails And no closed toe shoes He's always wearing sandals

Always getting questions Going where are your toenails and no closed-toe shoes. He's always wearing sandals, always getting questions, going, where are your toenails? It's an independent film I'm working on with the good folks at Indiegogo. By that I mean I've set up a little Indiegogo fund to try and get the money to make. Yeah, I like how you phrased it as if Indiegogo is some independent video house

that are assisting you with the production of this film. Yeah, I mean, look, it depends how you... It's a bunch of internet beardos who are throwing you coin because they think you are an absolute madman and they want to see what you come up with. It's all about how you frame it, isn't it? But the fact of the matter is

they will get a GoPro when the credits roll on that film. Here we thought we'd just get to uh resolve her conflict with carrie like the total walkover she is uh just can we just make it stop it is it is really it's just we're still going i'll let you know what's happened carrie kissed aiden aiden kissed carrie charlotte got upset because carrie made a call when Charlotte was like, hey, guess what? You probably shouldn't go and have dinner with your ex-boyfriend

when your husband's at home in America. We literally just touched down in Abu Dhabi. First port of call, find someone I used to have sex with on the reg and go and have dinner with them at a classy hotel. Just add champagne and let's see what happens. So then what does happen? They bloody pash. It's as predictable as the rising of the sun in the morning, Cary.

To which I say to you, as I did on set, Michael, what if you're in the Scandinavian winter? You got me there. That's a pretty trivial technicality that you're bringing up though to railroad and otherwise excellently made point if i do say so myself at any rate um so look charlotte's looking to try and mend the bridge offering an olive branch which is odd considering she was the injured party carrie bradshaw decides to keep being a bitch by not only not apologizing but just making the everything about her everything's about

her and charlotte's got stuff on her plate you know she's worried about her husband runkle who's back home with an irish big titty nanny we with. Married to a woman named Marcy on the opposite coast of America, a known sex addict and premature ejaculator. Wait, what? You had me, you had me, you had me. You lost me. Well, it comes back to Charlie Runkle insisting on playing the character Charlie Runkle from Californication.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Done it. Done it just. Isn't it? Isn't it? We thought we'd better put in a solid figure just to advertise how untenable and untouchable the hotel room in this movie is

the agreed upon fee was 22,000 US dollars a night if people wanted to have a vague idea of how much money we were throwing around on set it was real we're doing a live stream here folks and i tell you what the camera angle was just like barely got us in it it's a little better isn't it this way there we go the fact of the matter is if you want to make a movie and you want to visibly see the missteps to avoid and audibly hear them

watch this movie once without the commentary listen to the commentary once that is more or less uh do's and don'ts list exclusively containing don'ts in the industry of filmmaking very astute very astute patrick king oh that's touching isn't it some pocket change from carrie bradford man servant at the five-star hotel they just got for free for christ's sake carrie we were trying to save the cat how we we really missed that one didn't we yeah the hotel staff uh who actually saw us shooting that scene called that a cat massacre. We didn't quite understand what it was

until we learned the term saving the cat. What's this question? How long a video is available for? Would pinpoint? I think someone wants to sync it up. I don't know if they even keep the video of oh yeah no give a time code two hours and two minutes two hours two minutes oh you're gonna fuck this up somehow dangerously close to making an error we're checking the runtime two minutes minutes, 202.35.

There you go, 202.35. Which leaves a whopping 26 minutes of runtime. Would you be confused about how there is that much runway left on this film? How could that possibly be true? Believe it, folks. And the stakes now, we thought, to make them hilariously unrealistic would be that if the women don't get to the airport in time, they're going to have to fly all the way back to America in economy class,

which is where peasants and paupers fly. Economy class, the refuge of the weak, hiding place of the cowards. Real men fly first class always. You said it and you're saying it, pal. If you're just joining us by some fucking miracle, we're giving you the director's commentary of Sex and the City 2 right now. And we've been doing it for just over two hours. And tensions aren't flaring, but spirits aren't high.

Far from high. I wear that I'm speaking almost exclusively in double negatives that's because it's really tricky to frame anything well right now we need to focus on word economy and good ideas from here on in man this is uh oh god almost oh yanking my ears i'll give you a little scratch. Is that nice? It is not bad. It's just good to have some sort of... I'm almost tempted to ram that old nasal spray back up my schnoz just to feel something again. It didn't feel good, but it was something, you know, just to remind me I'm a human being.

So in this part of the movie, you'll remember Carrie Bradshaw accidentally left her passport at the souk when she first went there to buy shoes from this man it wasn't referenced at all in the rest of the film and we realised this when we were wrapping up in Abu Dhabi so this is the last thing we shot actually was her getting her passport back

just in case we wanted the option of putting that in in case anyone was paying enough attention to the movie to remember that she'd lost it in the first instance it's difficult to know whether or not it was worth it because we never got any feedback from any of our friends or family who watched the film, apart from obviously my direct family who were, as I said, very abrasive.

I mean, do you stand by our decision to pursue that passport thread, Michael, or do you think we could have left it out? I could have taken or left it. A real coin toss as to whether or not that stayed on the cutting room floor, to be honest. Oh my God. I admire our ambition. Five years ago, I questioned why we decided to introduce a new thread to the film

and what should be the final part of the final act like this is act three we need to be at the point where um either that all is lost moment or we've started to wrap some of the shit and we're in neither we're in this murky hodgepodge swampy zone where we're introducing a new idea of counterfeit manufacture this counterfeit salesmen. The forbidden experience. We've referenced it earlier in the film. Someone literally in this film, we must have been on a lot of coke when we wrote this bit,

describes buying counterfeit goods as the forbidden experience. Like buying a Prada bag that isn't actually Prada is so luxurious so wonderful and yet so evil that we would call it the forbidden experience like who the fuck did we think we were that that's what the forbidden experience would be it's called sex in the city surely surely the forbidden experience would be like butt stuff just uh general public displays of affection or sexuality which we then decided to crowbar in at the last possible turn just to sort of i feel like intonate more uh cultural imperialism because we felt like we'd

been in abu dhabi we were rapping on the shoot, and we didn't know if we'd left our American fingerprints all over this goddamn town. We red-dragoned the Middle East with this film. We busted out our American dicks and slapped Abu Dhabi via... Where did we shoot this game? Morocco. Right across its bearded face. And then I actually ran all the way across the globe

around the equator until I was at the exact counterpoint the pole opposite of where Tim was and took out my big swinging American cock and bloody gave the thing a thwack all the way back over to him. You gotta stop calling me Tim. You know I haven't used that since I was a child and I do not take to it. Yeah. Do not like it at all.

Sorry Michael. Michael Michael. Apology accepted. Pashru. Con. Bite me. She was actually, as we say, Kim Cattrall, totally method. Really wanted to be bitten at that point. Just to feel something.

I don't like Michael with his nasal spray. She loves being bitten. It's a weird thing. But God bless her. All God's creatures, eh? All things bright and beautiful. All creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful. The Lord God

made them all. That is the sound of a man with nothing left to say. Well, let me take over for a bit and tell you about shooting this scene. I had a lot of fun coming up with this slightly gender ambiguous character who leads them in. It's sort of insinuated heavily that that's a woman because she's sort of leading them to the other woman. She's in the same clothing as the other woman

in this scene and sequence of Perrin, but chuck a massive beard on her just to throw people. Keep people guessing. That's my motto to making movies. You love to goof around. Yeah, I do. I like people to... You're a goofy dude. They love to goof around. Yeah, I do. I do. I like people to-

You're a goofy dude. They have to analyze what's happening around them. They have to get a joke or solve a riddle or remember that Carrie Bradshaw left her passport at the shoe rack when the call to prayer went. And that's why- We were sick of people dumbing down movies for the audience. We wanted to leave a bit of work in your court uh and that's why you know a lot of the accusations of lazy writing or unfollowed

plot lines uh we believe the blame lies squarely at the feet of the audience if you didn't connect the dots you know you if we released a book of connect the dots puzzles and you brought back the book without any pen markings on it and said this book makes no sense, we'd say that book makes perfect sense. Fuck you. Fuck you. Thank you.

That's right, Michael. Have another look at it. And then by the time that they've gone back and looked at the book again for the second time, taking them two and a half hours or what feels like a lifetime, they would have completely been confused as to what they were doing in the first place, and we've got away scot-free. Akin to how I feel right now, confused about what they are doing.

Jesus Christ. And there. There, right there. In that moment. 500 miles from home. The most offensive moment in film history. That's right. What's happening right now on screen screen I'll just explain to you guys

Samantha, I guess we were trying to insinuate Has just suddenly got massively menopausal So she started having hot flashes And she's wearing very little clothing She's outside She doesn't give a shit for the Middle East cultural norms So she's not dressed modestly She's in a predominantly

muslim country a lot of religious men start taking issue and yelling at the woman for dressing scantily well mama and uh then a different set of uh women like locals who are there they kind of siphon them off into a side street and get them to come into the secret indoor flower shop by the looks of it and then reveal that underneath their full-body burkas they are in fact wearing Louis Vuitton's new season apparel. Which is not dated well, the apparel, by the way.

It's a cold hard slap in the face for Abu Dhabi and I'm not confused at all about why they decided to not let us film in the country yeah it's just like it's a big fuck you is what we were trying to do what George Bush did with

bombs we tried to do with a film yeah one of them just we dressed up as basically a big pregnant bird as someone's very astutely figured out on the... Funny thing, that actor was neither pregnant nor a bird, but you wouldn't know it. Not with the way we shot it.

We've now very tastefully put our four protagonists in full body burkas so that they could elude the watchful eye of the religious men looking for scantily clad westerners and then uh in a vague attempt to sort of tie the entire movie together with some semblance of a start and finish point uh we had carrie bradshaw reference uh the black and white movie it happened one night that she watched in the hotel room with big earlier in the film i mean the likelihood of someone remembering what at this point feels like 10 years ago in their life a fleeting moment is very low but we did it anyway and we've thrown a lot of stuff that doesn't pay off in the film at our viewers like the audience

there's a lot of balls in the air and i mean there's only so many the human mind can catch and we're really pushing that boundary out how many can you do watcher of sex in the city too how many balls can you catch that was going to be the original tagline of the film uh we didn't credit him in the uh credits but a big shout out to oscar wilde for that joke we used on the airplane thanks bro really. Really big ups to yourself Oscar if you are listening. Hear me now. Hear me now, hear me now. Any Oscar Wilde fans out there if you could please just scratch your left

elbow right now. Good on ya. Good on ya. It's good to scratch an elbow. Now at this point in the film. Oh now we're back from Abu Dhabi I just would like to let everyone know. What are we up to? Can you just wave around on the mouse pad? What does that say?

Still another 14 minutes left. So remember that we shot all of this stuff in Carrie and Big's apartment in one afternoon. So that was actually four o'clock in the morning we were shooting that stuff where she looked so fresh. And big credit to SJP there. I mean, she really held her own and kept her sanity together for what was a tricky time michael uh trick king yes looking back looking back who's that

like shapeshifters song lol or something oh or something. Or Basement Jacks, God knows. For fuck's sake, the thing with this movie is I regret it. I regret every frame, every second. I'll go on the record as backing that up. I regret it too. We shouldn't have made it. We certainly shouldn't have released it. And I particularly feel bad for the two guys

who thought it would be a funny and ambitious idea to watch it every week. I mean, that is an unsavoury piece of self-punishment that frankly is unappealing more than it is entertaining. Hard out. Hard out. Let me tell you about shooting this scene. Please.

Patrick King. Michael. I was out getting sobu noodles. I could have left this scene, to be honest. Take it or leave it. Yeah. It wasn't really for me. The thing I think which I found difficult when working with you on this film was

we would finish a full day's shooting and I'd say, how do you feel? When did we get good coverage? And you'd say, today's shooting, Patrick. You know, I could take it or leave it. And it didn't really instill a sense of confidence in what we were doing for me personally at all if anything you made me second guess

myself and ourselves at every turn in the filmmaking process I don't think that's conducive to a very satisfying or happy piece of cinema. I'm just kicking the tyres on the film all the time to make sure what we're making is exactly what we wanted.

You say that, but what we wound up with was in no way inspiring or exciting. I mean, you say you're kicking the tires for the betterment of the film. Do you not feel that maybe you just undermine the operation at every turn? You live and you learn, don't you? That's what I did.

I lived and learned. You lived and you learned, but you never got an opportunity to apply the lessons learned. I know, because Hollywood was too quick to cast us out, ban us from making more movies. Banned from the industry. If anyone from Hollywood is tuning in right now, we apologize for talking about the film industry,

but technically we'd like to argue that talking about an industry and being within 500 meters physical proximity of an industry, they're two very different things. Very different things. And therefore, We ain't breaking any rules. We'll see you in court if you've got an issue with it. meters physical proximity of an industry they're two very different things and therefore we ain't breaking any rules, we'll see you in court if you've got an issue with it would you go so far as to say motherfuckers?

yep I'm calling out all your motherfuckers so we thought the most satisfying way for Carrie to learn a lesson about what it is to be a self-centered piece of work who has no respect for anyone else's problems but their what it is to be a self-centered piece of work who has no respect for anyone else's problems but their own

would be to give her a very happy and satisfying ending. Why exactly we did this is lost to the annals of time. I feel like having had to experience the film wholesale just now, maybe it would have been better off to teach her a lesson.

We'll agree to disagree on that. That's not the film we made. That's not the film you're watching, Paddy King. What in the world does cheating on your husband... In what world does cheating on your husband get you an expensive ring? Yeah, but if she was scolded, Periscope Watcher, then wouldn't that just be like real life? Films are about escapism.

Films are aboutames bond not getting shot despite hundreds of henchmen who have military trained with very good guns can never land a bullet on the guy they say it's all about cheating with your husband and getting rewarded with diamonds yes and no michael films are about escapism but we said at the outset this movie is not about escapism this is about movies about playing with the concept of time to the point that the audience will be left unable to focus on the outset This movie is not about escapism This movie is about playing with the concept of time To the point that the audience Will be left unable to focus on the action of the movie And forced to consider their own life Yeah escapism

That's not escapism It's escapism in the same way that a mushroom trip is You remove yourself from reality To observe it They look through the film to consider their own lives I suppose so We're through the looking glass now as well. Thank you. I do believe that this achievement is up there cinematically

with the likes of Boyhood. We got Sydney Lauper. We kidnapped her and extorted her until she would let us use this movie to close out the song. Sorry to close out the movie. Is this Sydney Lauper? Yeah. I didn't know that. Well, I mean, you were a party to the kidnapping. Yeah but I didn't know who we were taking. You didn't recognise her by face? No sir. Not a big fan of her work?

Oh no. Don't really like 80s artists just as a rule. Talking Heads? Talking Heads is the exception. But I still couldn't point them out in the line up. Wham? If we were kidnapping them I wouldn't know. Wham I've got a personal affection for because...

Because of your relation with... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be afraid. Dickbot actually, during the course of filming, got tattooed across his artificial intelligence skin a fuck machine and wingdings.

He got that just across his torso above his wanger. So he got it, so he sort of measured it out so that at peak erection, when his penile was as hard as it could be, it would be pointing directly in the middle point of fuck machine and wingdings, which, of course, is a palm tree. I reckon fuck machine is such a good nickname for someone. It's so aggressive which is just having a mate of you we've got a friend of ours whose name is brendan green and uh he's brendan green and i've introduced to his brendan green fuck machine i think he should

he should use it himself it's bloody good you're full of ideas yeah shocker it's bloody good you're full of ideas yeah shocker see your true so yeah we made sure

that everyone knew that they kept both hotels and then the apartments you mean yeah I don't own hotels yeah

we own hotels I genuinely am just throwing any words out there now and then we also thought we'd better ham-fistedly make sure everyone understood

the D.K. Leonequa moral so we we had Carrie Bradshaw speak the famous words you need to take Officially, make sure everyone understood the decal your knee co-op moral. So we had Carrie Bradshaw speak the famous words, you need to take the tradition and decorate it your way. Decal your knee co-op. In terms of a connect the dots, we've pretty much got point A and point B on a blank page for you there,

so you do the maths, friend. This is not how people lie on a couch, P.S. This is escapism from how real people would lie on a couch. So uncomfortable. You'll notice that at this point we've made Big just a floating head. Big is just lounging on top of a sofa, and Sarah Jessica Parker is perched completely horizontally on top of it. This is not how real people kiss either. No.

Jesus, they're really phoning it in by this point, aren't they? They had really packed up their toys and taken away. And then we had the movie within the movie end, and then we had a terrifying power surge across all of New York, actually, which couldn't have come at a better time in terms of technically because we didn't back up any of the footage. It's a miracle the movie got finished. And post we added shimmering diamonds.

As the lights were going out, we turned it into a cool effect. It's a miracle the movie got finished. And post we added Shimmering Diamonds. As the lights were going out, we turned it into a cool effect. That's right. And you know, everybody went to this at the cinemas. Obviously they had a great time. There was Hoopin' and Hollerin' and Cherrin' all across America and the world at this point in the film. Some celebrating the fact they'd seen it. Some celebrating

the fact that the experience was over. And we sort of thought we'd tease out the idea of a blooper reel through the credits. So this song's sort of fun. It's raunchy. It's jaunty. It would suggest that you're going to get some behind-the-scenes footage.

And even now, it would be remiss of me not to say that we don't put it in. But, you know, we like people to stick around to the end because we do like to bury little treats amongst the credits, don't we? We like to bury little... Oh, yeah, there's little clues in the names that are coming up on the screen right now. Norm Lewis, who played Reginald, actually, personal friend of both of ours, he's better known for his roles on Broadway in New York City.

He's a well-known Broadway actor. He knows who we are. And we know who he is. You'll see that we listed one of the actors as Shifty Man. We were going to give him a character name, but we thought it would be much more fun to just attribute an idea to him. Probably appropriate at this point in the film, because we haven't done it already,

to describe the attire that we're wearing. After all, Sex and the City is known for its wardrobe I'm wearing a silk blouse Patrick King is wearing what I can only describe as a woman's shirt It's a blouse made of 100% pure silk with strawberries

both whole and cut in twain upon it In an unplanned marriage of theme I'm actually wearing a t-shirt with bananas on it. So just a lot of fruity happenings in the room. Bananas for scale. That's right. And as we read through the list of camera operators right now,

it reads to me as a walk down a hellish memory lane. All of these people would later take us to court for our treatment of them on set, specifically you, Michael. Hey, I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry, you finish your point. Well, you know, just that you would insist, you insist upon these people doing things

outside of your jurisdiction and outside of their responsibility on the set. You know, you had a lot of people peeling grapes, which I still, it doesn't make any sense to me. A grape is ready to go. You don't need to peel them. And these camera operators would then, of course, bring these up in court as they press charges against us

for grievous misdemeanours on set. What I was going to say is someone brought up the bananas for scale thing. Bloody good yard to you. Whoever's running the subreddit for the podcast that our mates do about the movie, good on you guys for getting back involved.

There was a little quiet period there and it broke my heart to see that I was posting on there. There are so few people commenting on it and I just love that it exists. Warms the cockers of my heart. Here you go. Here's a banana for scale

for those of you who are on the Periscope. For those of you still listening. Not again. Don't suck the banana again. my heart okay here's a banana for scale for those of you who are on the periscope for those of you still listening not again don't suck the banana we know how that happened we're going to get the word out about you guys uh so anyway pretty i mean you know to anyone who stuck around in the cinema and we noticed that the percentage of people who did actually stick around right at the end of the credits in the film was depressingly low we had a very generous estimate towards ourselves thought it might be somewhere between the 95 and 97 percent margin yeah we were banking on that really it was it was the number actually wound up being whittled down as low as sort of uh one and some in some in most cases none which is a real shame

but they missed out on cool stuff like this song here that we picked we got specifically because it's talking about color and the lyrics as well and you can just what is your color you know it's like yeah what is your characters like what is the knee quad that you need to decal anyone who was still in the cinema knew that they were sort of exploring themselves and saying first of all what is my And secondably, how can I expose that to everyone as my true colour? By decalling. So you've got to decal your colour and show it. And everyone who did stick around to the end of the credits, of course, we would then reveal at the end of these credits,

we'd come in on live speakers because we'd watch all the audiences watching the film. We'd say, there's a fortune cookie under your seat and everyone would take it their fortune cookie and break it with whoever whoever was nearby and they'd open it and inside it would say decal your color uh which is a little just a little bit of fun that we like to have wasn't it michael it's a weird looking banana dude yeah it's got a little uh what's going on with that it's got a little prick on the end there fuck i don't like that at all that's really weird it's creeping me out i'll get rid of it thanks oh it's because you're eating it from the bottom like like you're supposed to like monkeys do i am i didn't know they had nipples though when

you eat them that way monkeys no i knew monkeys did the um how did you know that a monkey had a nipple no i knew that i've seen that before. There's photos of them. Who is this Timbat that Michael and Patrick King want us to send support to? He's a good guy. Just a friend of ours who's fallen on some pretty hard times. It would be funnier if it was. And obviously a big shout out to New York and the Mandarin Oriental Nan Rama in Marrakesh, Morocco,

which is where a lot of the film was shot. Thank you very much to Bergdorf Goodman Incorporated, The Plaza Hotel, The Rug Company. We thought it was really important to get them involved and to shout them out in the credits, so I'm glad we took the time to do both those things. Frankly, the whole storyboarding, filming experience of this movie, it was hard work it was a love of labor wasn't it and a labor of love and a love of labor we love working hard

and when you work hard you get this it's a new line cinema release film sex in the city which we like to remind people of right at the end and so right now as you get to the end of the credits anyone who actually stuck around to watch the movie, probably the whole way through, there was this little Easter egg we buried. After the credits finished rolling,

the actual entire film would play again in the cinema. So there's a little Easter egg. The whole thing unchanged would play twice back to back because we are big on authenticity and we are expert filmmakers and we want to be true to the art form um we're going to be running the director's commentary through the second anything we didn't maybe pick up on or tell you about in that first director's commentary we're very excited

to tell you uh we're going to do a second pass at the film right now just to make sure what i'm going to do one feels short change is um we're actually going to step out we've got two people who have been standing behind us watching us do this the whole time we're going to bring them in now um tim and guy do you guys want to jump in for the for the after the credits scene okay cool i'll go get him Oh, God. Hello, it's me, Guy Montgomery. And myself, Tim Baird. Welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time episode... 41, watch 41.

Watch 41. Oh shit, have I unplugged something? Oh no, there's the movie. Everything seems to be going okay to me. So this is... We've watched this movie quite a few times now. We've already watched it once today. We were sitting behind Michael and Patrick King

for the first one, and now we're doing it. We've subbed in to be on the mic for the after the credits scene, which is the entire movie again. A real treasure they buried there for you, for any of you dedicated movie watchers. Sure was.

And also a convenient way for us to bring back into alignment the number of watches and the number of episodes we're doing for season two. What a fortunate piece of circumstance. From memory, that's what kicked off this whole madcap five-hour idea, actually, Guy. You were like, we need to get back on track and sync up the number of watches with the number

of eps. I said, here's an idea and here we are. Here we all are. And I'm happy. Aren't you glad we made it? I sure am. Good lord. we made it i sure am um good lord so the thing the thing is here's the thing of it folks here's the thing the thing is this is this is like a smaller microcosm of choosing sex and city 2 as season 2 of this podcast in the first place And that seemed like a very entertaining

And laughable idea at the time And then you sit down and settle into the actual rhythm Of having to follow through And it is as unsavoury as anything I've Experienced in my life before Are you not excited to join Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte And Miranda again?

And Sam? I think I said Miranda twice Or something? I could care less what you called them. Are you not excited to see the opening sequence where we see the humble origins of these four sassy, successful women? Well, we've already seen them. Are you not excited to be back on the doorstep of Bergdorf Goodman?

Yeah, I'm fucking... Are you not thrilled to be thrown the curveball again of suggesting that we are going to Samantha Jones as well? Now, in this part of the movie, we've actually got a guy, this guy in the background of frame behind the jewel ladies on the phone. He checks in every week with the executive saying, yes, they're back again to watch the movie some more. New Zealanders are here.

And he checks in every week, and God bless his soul, he's still talking about us right there. I love him to bits. If I could give him a gift, you know I would. What would the gift be? One of these. That's right, Charlotte. Your best gay friends are getting married together.

And I feel like they only inserted this gay wedding purely so that they could say the term. I feel like that maybe the directors had a bet with someone that they could get the words gay wedding into a movie over 50 times and still make it profitable to everyone on the periscope yes this is absolutely happening

this is happening folks strip yourself in for another clear calendar for another two hours and 25 minutes because we're going again this wedding I'm still okay with because it is the most another clear calendar for another two hours and 25 minutes because we're going again the thing is that this wedding i'm still okay with because it is the most efficient we're in different rooms we're meeting different people we've got a song and a dance you know there's shit happening it's like and you know i mean you're still okay with them not introducing any satisfying story

threads to the movie because it's only the beginning of the movie and there's still room for the movie to develop and for there to be a reason to watch it. Yeah. But by the end of the wedding and the time you're in New York for an unholy amount of time, you realize we are beyond help. That was a fucking misleading little- Red herring, motherfuckers. God damn it.

Oh, far out. How many minutes in are you I think like probably I'm guessing I shouldn't guess so you can actually sync it up

where are we at 5 and 17 5 20 now because there's a bit of lag 5 20 um

no look no one can blame you for pecking out now if you're watching I gotta say though it seems like a bit of a slap in the face for you to spell out

the fact you've done it once today and can't do it again. Hey, guess how many times we've seen it this year? 40? Yeah. This is 41. And it will be episode 41. A five hour behemoth Hey, is it worth it? No.

To just be back in sync? Yes, not now, but it will be when we do episode 42. It's like ripping off a band-aid, man. It's exactly the opposite of ripping off a Band-Aid. Yeah, that's true. This is like removing a Band-Aid one atom at a time. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck, mate. Okay. Righto. Here we go. We're at the gay wedding. We all love it. If ever I could see you.

We've got a men's choir, a crane shot, swans, people dressed in white, hats, and here come our film's heroes. Pretty much when we were making the movie, we wrote down a list of things that would trigger, you know, that you associate with a gay wedding. Back to eating. I'm not chewing. I'm just talking with banana in my mouth. You're being so careful to not chew as well aren't you i'm doing great you are doing great i'm sorry for doubting you the great thing about bananas is that baby food you don't really need to chew them why do people buy bananas as baby food

like it must be more expensive than just pureeing your own bananas right baby food yeah i know parents have lots on i get that and you want convenience but i mean bananas are pretty much just chuck them in a food processor they've got no structural integrity yeah like they're not they're not a hard thing to transfer into baby food you just put them in a in a spinning blade they're good for you too which is what i love about them very radioactive though as we have covered previously in the podcast so here we are at the wedding where the gay people get married and we all make jokes about them. And we unveil a misleading pace for the film.

I'd like to set a trap for you all. This is kind of like, what's that book that's then a play that's then a film that Leonardo DiCaprio was in? About kind of the excesses of the wealthy? Oh, The Great Gatsby. Yeah. It's kind of like we said... Yeah.

Well, it was a book originally, but then it was... I'm pretty sure I've got this right. It was a book first. It was always a book, really. It's still a book. No, but the play's big. Nah. The play's a very...

Nah, it's not. It's a good big play. The book's big. I don't even know if it's still a book no but the play's big no it's a very good big play the book's big um i don't even know if it's a play so what we it definitely is a play i can assure you of that what we uh did is we said to the set designers we want the great gatsby in monochrome and they did it lo and behold they were were so, so compliant. Guy's tapped out at this point. He's thrown the mic away in disgust. He can't do it anymore.

Give yourself a couple minutes, guy. Let me try and weave some magic here. Stanford's back. Second time I've seen his goofy face today. Boy, I've never been more excited to see a human turtle in my fucking life dressed in an all-white tuxedo. Jesus Christ, what's going to happen next? I would never be able to guess, except for the fact that i've seen this film 39 fucking times what we're going to go through is a sequence of awkward back and forth 40 times trying to suggest that there is

some sort of old school friendship going back years we're throwing lines at each other that are kind of meaningless just the pitteratter of a conversation that you walked into, which wasn't even salacious enough for you to feel guilty about eavesdropping on, but somehow some people decided it was a good thing to put into a movie. Oh, remember that time when I got hooked on coke? That's the most interesting thing

that the human turtle says, and he's referring to something that happened 20 years ago. You know what would have been good then? A flashback. We should have put that in. I want to see that in the movie. A flash happened 20 years ago, you know what would have been good then? A flashback. We should have put that in. I want to see that in the movie. A flashback 20 years ago

when Stanford was at the height of his goddamn coke binge. And then we've actually got some exciting tension. Then we've got some variation. We've got some stakes. We've got like interesting characters coming in. Also characters who exist outside

of the surreal bubble of people who have no concerns in the world except having state-of-the-art flat-screen televisions in their boudoirs. I feel like that's what makes the movie so unapproachable and impossible to engage with, is that no one has anything even approaching a relatable moment, except for Steve and Brady. Everyone can relate to Brady the Rat King, becauseady the rat king represents the worst in all of us but it's a very human story of power corrupting and absolute power corrupting absolutely guys lost his fucking mind we're back with the crown here we go

i haven't seen I'm going to go round two on the nose spray Yeah get it up yeah You should probably You're only supposed to use it once a day though No it's alright You should probably bust out that Aspirin haler as well

Oh yeah good point There are no rats at the wedding It doesn't matter how many times you watch the movie or how much you want something to happen the fact of the matter is it never changes oh my god that oh that is a lovely noise this guy is hot and this guy in the background here in the pink jacket is working so hard to find his frame the whole movie everything he does is big i feel like he misread his role as mr big and misread the title mr big of the character as a direction from michael and patrick

king i'm mr big in the last movie i did i was mr sad because it was a drama in the next film i'm gonna be mr cool because it's a comedy sunrise and i tell you what this liza minnelli cameo becomes less and less impressive with every passing screening do you want to know the active ingredient in this nasal spray sure

xylometazoline imagine that how unwieldy is this going to appear as an audio file it's literally five hours of nothing yeah I don't know how to kind of deal with that to be honest but i would like to take this opportunity to thank

kamikola whose logo is now cropped out of shot whoops on the periscope wrong way in the wrong way and also to big pipe internet who have been providing the internet to allow us to periscope this the whole gosh darn time they've given us the juice and hasn't it held out perfectly save for the fact that your phone is on the cusp of explosion at every turn that's not big pipe's fault though no the fault of that lies with squarely with old timbo i was gonna say the name of the phone it's htc we can't put it i mean they weren't really designed for a five hour continuous periscope stream, to be fair. It's not a consideration they had at the time of design,

although it must be a consideration phone companies have now. That is. Snapdragon or Qualcomm, the company that made them, got in trouble recently because the new 810 chip was overheating in basically every phone they put on. To T. Prosser, that is not an erection behind our heads. That is an accurate painting of Dan Patrick scaling a rope. For the second time,

those of you who are purely listening to this audio file. How were you not here the first time around, you piece of shit? God damn it. Mazeltov. And we are preparing for Liza Minnelli's stunning performance

once again. What screening did you enjoy this the most? Probably the first, and it's diminishing returns after that, that much I am sure of. The musicians, like they always catch my eye just because they're in the back of shot and whatever's in the back of shot

is what Timbo's paying attention to. And the brass section of the band, they do a pretty good job of faking it. The drummer, clearly terrible. They've got less to do, though. They've just got to make a motion as though they're playing on the occasional beat. The drummer is holding time. What I don't get, though, is does that mean that Liza Minnelli was mic'd up for this?

Because she's got to be lip syncing, right? Like, she recorded this in a studio and then lip synced over this bit. No, Liza Minnelli insists on doing all of her performances as live audio events as well. It was actually technically a nightmare to nail on the day, but it's an insistence that she makes and it's like pretty much a deal breaker for her. So just... I get it.

You're being, you know, you're being a dick. You're being a contrarian. But realistically, what they did is they recorded it and then she um lip-synced around that recording right so why the fuck couldn't the drummer just hit the drums because he borrowed them from his brother okay fine oh nice one guy that's great we'll just leave that like that shall we real? Real piece of shit, man. Hope you know that.

Bloody hell. Yeah, no, the dance doesn't do anything for me now. I'll tell you that for free. Samantha's wearing the world's biggest ring. I don't know why. It's like she found a seashell when she went to the beach. It was like, yep, I'll never leave you. You're my one true love.

I may have hundreds of sexual liaisons with men every year, but I don't care for them like I care for you, Seashell. You are my one true ally in this otherwise cold, heartless world. Why did you get married, Miranda? So he wouldn't have to dance to that song tell you who we didn't make enough of uh or not us actually but watching uh michael and patrick king discussed the film they didn't really talk about their dealings with steve and what he was like on set which is something i like to speculate about from all accounts I've heard, Steve is a legendary dude, both in character and out of it. Have you heard that?

Yes. Have you heard whispers of this fact? That nailer appears to be having the opposite effect on you. That answer, a nailer, has sent me right off. Bloody hell. Get a little bottled water in the situation. Steve, what an awesome guy to hang out with. For crying out loud.

I feel like at this point in the broadcast, it would be fair for us to open up broader questions than those that pertain specifically to Sex and the City 2. Part of Hemplay? That means such as? Yeah, I know. broader questions than those that pertain specifically to sex in the city too part of hemp play it means like yeah i know what are you like what do you make of this what do you make of what we're doing here does this feel like it's just completely devoid of meaning and purpose to you like it does for me yeah yeah originally i was like this would be a funny thing to do but now i just think it is pointless like it's it's it's stupid there's like this is it's real stupid now it's just silly we're just we're wasting everyone's time

we are mostly our own oh overwhelmingly but also anyone who decides to listen through this fire and then the particularly insane people who are like just out of a vague sense of need to know they've ticked off all of the minutes of recording are also with us at this part of the journey although you do have access to us probably at close to our lowest ebb the ebb's not that low the energy's low to be Oh, so like, moods are okay, but... There's just no way we can... We're just beaten down in the moment. We can't generate enough heat off of this radioactive film content

to justify the length of the broadcast. I love Ellen. I think she's so great. But I hate her husband. He's such a dick. He's a real piece of shit. This is the Mormon couple who are like, what?

You're not having children. Burn yourselves alive. We could checkpoint all of the... Emulation? Emulsion. Emulation. Emulation. Checkpoint all of the backstories we've created for people,

like namely these two being a highly sensitive Mormon couple. Uh-huh. You know, and as we accumulate moments in the film, we could try and piece it all together to see if it makes sense. Sure. We're going to have a heck of a time when we've got eight seconds of Coffee Man

appearing on screen and we have to weave together all this. And we have to weave together 40 episodes worth of... 40 alts. That's a little bit unrealistic. Maybe it's like we take a comic book approach to it Like Marvel

And it's their different universes Like Coffee Guy 616 It's like the one true coffee guy That most of the fan fiction follows The storylines and stuff But then there's alts to that There's like Bizarro Coffee Guy Yeah

And he's actually a giant cup of coffee any imaginable number who's drinking a human like there's any imaginable number whoa that's good i like that world a lot we're in russia coffee drinks you exactly what are the origins of that in russia books like it's just some internet meme who knows how they start someone in a room I mean it was no one outdoors memes are exclusively started by people in rooms

absolutely one of the best applications I've seen recently of that one is oh I don't know just because it was topical trading of some topical currency was the the turkey plane being shot down. There's Norm Lewis, by the way, in the black jacket there. No, wait, sorry, the Russian plane being shot down

and they said, in Soviet Union, Turkey shoots you on Thanksgiving. There's something there. Yeah, there is. You've got the ingredients for a meal. Oh, it's not me. That's someone. Look, that ain't me. I have someone. That's a look. That ain't me. I have seen the whole turkey shoot joke Thanksgiving thing repeated.

It ain't me, babe. No, no, no. It ain't me, babe. Who's that? It ain't me you're looking for, babe. Who dat? Robert Zimmerman. I think think Bob Dylan

Yes, yeah, yes I defy you Tim Have you ever been having sex like these two are Where all you can think to yell out Is agreement with what's happening To be fair On film you probably don't want to replicate the sounds of sex 100% accurately. Because it'd just be disgusting.

Well, if you want to do a good job as an actor, you have to. No. Being an actor is not about 100% being the truest version of the thing. It's like, what is the most appealing to see on screen? No way. Your motivations are all off if that is what you're thinking on screen. Then why does no one sound like they're in kind of deep guttural, sexual, yucky noises? Because of you perpetuating the myth that people need to provide

the most savoury version of sex rather than the most accurate. What are you talking about? I'm talking about the unrealisticness of everyone just going, yes, during sex. Yeah. Don't put the onus of proof on me. You had the comeback to begin with. Oh, my God, we're falling apart at the same time.

I'm trying to, just trying to, because the film's happening in one ear. That's what you've got to understand, folks. So Guy and I are coming through in one ear, and then the film's coming through in another ear. It's a complicated operation. operation involves a lot of cables it's like a surprising amount considering how simple that sounds yeah i feel like you didn't really uh do the technological achievement that you've created here justice i feel like i wank on about it. It's going to bore me. I'm just going to get another bottle of water. Oh, Becky Brown on the Periscope wants to see the setup.

Oh, she's keen. She wants to see those mics and what they're plugged into. It's a Mackie ProFX 12. Good board. It's a good bit of timber there. It's a good bit of wood. Lovely bit of lumber. So here we are at breakfast at the wedding, which honestly,

this is, having doing this back to back, I will say this for the experience, is seriously confusing. Like I'm very discombobulated right now. Because I feel like we've just, yeah, I feel like we've just sat through this hell. and obviously we've had to do it again like soon after before but never

like the bottle of water yeah you sure can like i don't know i feel like usually there's probably some sort of endorphin rush from the end of the movie. But in this circumstance, it's like, this is like a hellish prolonged deja vu all over again. Oh, God, I hate that. Another tautology. Yoga Berry. Yoga Berry?

Yogi Bear. It was a baseball player, I'm pretty sure, who coined that. Oh, deja vu all over again. Yeah. Oh, he said tons of funny shit, eh? Yeah. He's got a few of them. Don't you dare ever talk off mic, by the way.

I will punch you right in the face. I love this effect. Don't do it. It sounds like I'm at the other end of the room. Don't do it, man. Hey, while I'm down here cooking eggs't do it. It sounds like I'm at the other end of the room. Don't do it, man. Hey, while I'm down here cooking eggs, do you want anything? Oh, God, playing with character. Jesus.

Jesus Christ. I'm just going to go to the bedroom. The main one that really shits me is 2 a.m. in the morning. If you follow up with either p.m. or a.m. by further establishing what part of the day it's in, you're wasting time. 2 a.m.m or a.m by like further establishing what part of the day it's in you're wasting time 2 a.m in the morning 2 a.m in the morning yeah when else is 2 a.m fuck what some people don't have the same amount of information about time as you do they're just not analytical about what they say which listen i full well get i get that there's going to be definitely a lot of things i've said on

this recording that i regret but you're gonna you're gonna just you're gonna have a thirst for knowledge and self-improvement you're not going to continue to say 2 a.m in the morning change yourself for the better you're i feel like right now specifically you're at a point with uh sex and city 2 where i was quite often with grown-ups who last year where it was like you just can't handle the repeated idiocy oh yeah yeah yeah yeah like you just you're actually at a point where you're unreasonably expecting these people to change their ways which is probably the least safe and most frustrating spot to be in with the film because it's just so unrealistic,

but it feels like it's so tangible. You've lost me. Well, like, you know, the idea that you, you want these people to, well,

did none of them say 2am in the morning in the film? Are you just going off on anyone who says that in general? Are you all right? Yeah yeah i'm trying to remember was it in the film or was it something someone on periscope said i don't know man that's not that doesn't bode well that doesn't bode well at all hey don't do that don't do what grip the mic with your hands it feels good this This entire thing of why there's these things is so that you can't hear it when you move the arm. Money has gone into it and you're just shitting on it by just grabbing the microphone.

I'm touching money. You're shitting on yourself. Now you're watching two friends turn on each other. Respect the record. Oh, I can't respect anything right now. I can't respect myself or you or anything. You're only antagonizing me with every word you say. This is just fucking useless because I guess it's what tension is in a movie.

Why would you introduce the big tittied nanny where you barely go back to her during the film at all? And then at the end you wrap up in such a stupid way anyway. It's just like, she was a dumb idea on paper to begin with, even if you gave her more screen time. And then you just like make her appear. In the script writing process, I feel like he wrote this archetype

and he was just like, and in parentheses next to the big titty nanny, he just wrote a placeholder. So it was like, it was just, they never got filled in. Yeah, there's just a plot device. This is just wrote Placeholder so it was like it was just they never got filled in yeah this is just a plot device this is an example of what we could do

and it's just going to sit there yeah and then you know come shooting day they hadn't done any you know they've been so distracted by I don't know what they were distracted by

to be honest there's no part of this movie feels like attention time and effort has gone into it except there's a wardrobe am I right? oh so lavish. But that wasn't on the filmmakers.

That was on the suppliers. The brand providers. All the labels involved. I don't know where the actual filmmaking part... For so many weeks you kept going that too many cooks murderers should be behind that curtain whenever we watched it.

And I'm with you, man. It would be so good to just have a bit of... A real enjoyable change of pace. A bit of violence in this film for a change. Too many cooks. Too many cooks. Too many cooks. It takes a lot.

Have you seen the... the... the mother infomercial version of Too Many Cooks, the Adult Swim release? Yes. Holy shit that is dark. Isn't that good? That is seriously dark. That's like, because Too Many Cooks at least is

mind-bendingly hilarious, but there's no let up in that. It just becomes darker and darker i like the bit where they start like transforming their actual bodies and shit because that's when shit goes real just terror just straight terrifying i've got to redo the phone it's overheated again good on it on it. So,

to anyone, to anyone out there, is there anybody going to listen to my story all about the girl who came to play? It's a Beatles song. You've lost it, mate. You're lost if locked. Help! I need somebody. you've lost it mate you lost it

helped I need somebody Brady I've been fucking seen so just okay I'm sort of breaking character here a little bit but just to absorb the fucking straws at which we are clutching

every week in the movie this comprises like over 50% of Brady's screen time yeah isn't that disappointing the mouse maze there very cool decor on the outside of the box like there's a super cool effect I'm sure he got points at the science fair

for that alone he's got a mouse or a rat inside the maze what I don't understand is how does he win like what is it does it just successfully make its way to the other end of the maze throughout the day and they go oh my god that mouse is smart you win well generally when you do a mouse maze it's about like you put cheese there and you're kind of testing well how clever is the mouse because i've put walls here so let's time how long it takes and like if it can remember where dead ends are yeah so you're really looking for it to revisit dead ends and be like i guess you're a dumb mouse brain if you put cheese there right but it just

fluked it you'd be like oh so mice are super intelligent that's this just in you know yeah so it's like a certain like a certain number of experiments like there'll be one scientist out there who was first experimenting with mice and build a mouse maze it was like oh my god we're finished because they're like one in a million mouse made it to the maze without making a single wrong turn so what will he have proved? Like I don't know The parallel universe theory Oh right

So I'm proving that we can fluke it What a shit scientist Just making a whole bunch of really off Crap shoots at shit And if one of them pulls off That's really coincidental He's like See?

Chance exists You might not like him He's the worst scientist I've ever heard of You don't like him but he's getting results of all your characters this one makes the least amount of sense oh Jesus I think that the filmmakers made a real error here

in getting rid of the only Sex and the City was known for nudity getting rid of the only real semblance of nudity in the film so early of course most people who went to this in the cinemas but they don't say, they don't wet the nanny's top and then go this is the only titties you'll see in the movie

it's almost like a tease of like oh who knows what could happen if you're getting breast through white singlet now any number of possible nudes will appear but this just in we really wanted to make the movie pg-13 just to really squeeze the closest thing we get to nudity in the rest of the film is some pretty gratuitous cock shots we say that like we're massively disappointed i don't need or want nudity in

this film we're just saying this is what the filmmakers did. I think the fact that we're probably about three hours into a record right now would allow for some leniency as to the subject matter of what we talk about. Our brains are at their wits' end. Yeah, you've got to forgive us, folks. You've got to forgive us what we do. The trespasses we take against you. And the trespasses against you. And the trespassers against themselves.

Yeah. Look at this motherfucker making a million motherfucking cupcakes. This motherfucker is the motherfucking stupidest motherfucker I ever did see. Oh, no. We've got a problem. I will never understand I think I flagged this the first time we watched it Charlotte is a high society lady and I know maybe she enjoys making cupcakes

maybe she finds it relaxing or meditative but in this circumstance it obviously isn't. And I just cannot help but wonder why at no point does she pack it in and say, I don't want to make these cupcakes. I'm out. I'm going to hire someone. I'm going to buy cupcakes on the way to the party. I'm going to do anything else instead of following through with these goddamn cupcakes.

instead of following through with these goddamn cupcakes. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And how do you get a child so upset on camera? That is not acting. Like someone that young doesn't have the capability to access that emotion without pretty much that emotion being activated. You cannot get a child actor to act that upset through acting. Oh.

Life. Oh, life. Oh, life. Oh, life. Life. Do, do, do, do. Sometimes. Life. Oh, life. Oh, life. Life? Sometimes. Oh, life. Oh, life.

Oh, life. Cut. Hard cut, guys. You just talk underneath it. I'm going to sing over you. Oh, it's so distracting, though. Sometimes life is being trapped in a closet against your kids that you can't handle. Sometimes life is putting estrogen cream on your vagina

while you're at work in your PR firm. Sometimes life is being a cool-looking actor in the wrong movie. It really feels like you've bailed on me here, guy. I need your love and support right now. This one's going out to all the boys. Fighting overseas. God bless you. God bless America.

Imagine that if there was an NZ... What are they called? USO show And These like officers that were on their third tour in Iraq Got that song Life or Loves It's like

Oh it doesn't funny things happen During the course of your life sometimes It's like I don't want to see how it goes I got my arm blown off by an IED yesterday Life is funny isn't it? Is it a tweet? What songs do they sing at USO shows? My arm blowing off by an IED yesterday. Life is funny, isn't it? Is it at Tweed? What songs do they sing at USO shows?

They must all be just big old flag waving, you know, donut burning, guitar picking. What are those songs? Cousin Passion, Holler in Good Time. Garth Brooks covering Nickelbacks, Remind Me. Remind Me would be the worst song. And a USO show, because all the officers would either be like, Christ, it's Nickelback, shoot me now.

And there'd be a lot of guns around to make that happen. Or the alternative is, this is just a really sad, emotional song. I once saw Nickelback. They were opening for the rolling stones in new zealand i remember that actually and there was and quite rightly so public outrage like and i haven't had a protest like that since the spring i got there early i went to the concert with my dad and we got there early and nickelback were playing uh and the like no one was interested or cared because the crossover, they just had one hit song and the Stones were like,

they'll help sell tickets, I guess, which is a silly concession from the Rolling Stones. No, I don't think that's what it is. Mick Jagger is an economist from day dot. Everything he does is about profit. What he was trying to do is get himself down to just the slightly younger quadrant than what the stones they were focus on they were um singing and then chad kroger the lead singer was like the pedal oh i just love i love it in new zealand oh i might buy uh might buy a nice little

property down here in wellington you know if you're if you live next door and the smell of marijuana is wafting over the fence, that'll be me. And I was just like, how desperate can a human being be? Fucking hell. Chad Kroger, you human penis. What is the time? How long have we been here? A reasonable question And the answer is it's

25 to 3 Christ alive We started this in the morning Yeah Yeah and it is now like Not even We're really into the afternoon Like we're really headed out the other side of it

Truth be told God damn And here is the bone of contention we're not we're not rail the rest of this movie when the fuck is this ending i did the math real wrong in my head when i tried to calculate when this holy shit i did do the math wrong i was like okay we'll start watching at about 10.30 and then we'll be done at about 2.30. We'll be done about 4.20. Fuck. Oh, man.

I fucked up. Really done goofed. Oh, you done goofed. I would like to congratulate anyone listening to this as the audiophile because you can actually see. Like, you can chart the emotional journey. I'm sorry, as opposed to what? Well, like, we have no gauge of how far through the actual enterprise we are, really,

but they can chart the emotional journey against how much time has actually lapsed and how much time remains. No, I took issue with your premise. You said, like, if you're listening to this as an audio file. It's a podcast, mate. Well, not, you know, no one on the periscope, like someone who's just sat down and listened to it and made it this far through.

Oh. Is that not? Yeah, okay, right. I don't imagine that many people are going to make it to this point of the podcast. Some of you fucking lousy layabout cheating motherfuckers have probably fast forwarded the audio fucking file to this point just to see what's happening.

Well, guess what's happening, motherfucker? I'm deriding you for your laissez-faire attitude towards this enterprise in podcasting. Jesus. So let me tell you what the situation is with my phone because the Periscope's gone. It's gone dark. And you'll only hear this after the fact, Periscope. But the phone, I think the reason it's so hot is it's actually taking more power to run periscope than it is getting a charge from the wall oh really yeah holy shit

that's incredible so like the battery's dead yeah but it was charging the whole time yeah it was plugged in the whole time 52 Yeah, it was plugged in the whole time. 52. But I am 50 fucking 2 and I will rock this dress. Christ. Do you reckon she's in the TV series? Didn't someone tell us she was the sales assistant?

Probably. Probably is some bit part character Who told us Who have we watched the movie with recently Who's seen it a bunch of times Paul Scheer No no no Welcome along by the way To anyone who just listened to the Paul Scheer episode

And decided they'd give the next one a go To see how they liked the project Welcome along How are ya Three and a half hours deep Look at you Look at you You haven't you done well

Look at you just going for it Good on you man Just giving us the benefit of the doubt Well done Well done brothers and sisters with us on this journey Brothers and sisters Just to let you know I hope you're feeling alright

We are in Carrie and Big's apartment now And uh And who cares I hope you're feeling alright We are in Carrie and Big's apartment now And And who cares Who fucking Guy's on his phone He's officially checked out That's supposed to be one of the rules man I am

What does that mean? I am It's not like a defence Or Anything I was on my phone I'm going off it again i just had to yeah okay all i know is i'm lost without you

i'm not gonna love oh god damn how am i gonna be strong without you I need you by my side I used to love Delta Goodrum My little sister bought the CD And we listened to it And we'd drive around the North Island As a family When I must have been about 14 And I didn't really let on

But those songs really affected me I had a crush on a family friend I never said anything I was too nervous And we drove away early in the morning At about 5am Listening to Delta Goodrum And that was a truly poignant And emotional moment In my adolescence said anything I was too nervous and we drove away early in the morning at about 5am listening to Delta Goodrum and

that was a truly poignant and emotional moment in my adolescence. It got you eh? And I've never said that out loud to anyone until now and that is like purely on account of being exposed to sex in the city too for this long. Well let's talk about it some more So uh did you

ever confess your love to this uh Nah it was like love to this person? Boy or girl? It was a girl, 13 years old, and no. In hindsight, knowing what I know about- I'm just kind of throwing bisexuality on you as a little bent just for this episode as well. I like that. Yeah.

You know, in adolescence, you're particularly finding your feet. Things are subject to change. Carrie Bradshaw just walks into our lives week after week and makes the same fucking complaints about the same non-events and problems. She's like the anti-Delta Goodrum. Yeah, I'm in there. She's like Alpha Goodrum. Well, the good news is that we're at the movie premiere,

which means that at least the notion of them going to Abu Dhabi will be raised soon, which means that eventually they have to wind up at Abu Dhabi, which means that they spend... Tim! The wheels are in motion though, guy. The wheels are in motion. Do you think hubris has gotten the better of us?

Quite possibly Hubris The notion that we could be entertaining While commentating Sex and the City 2 For five consecutive hours Yeah but It's This is what it's all about

Yeah this is isn't it You get in deep You put on your galoshes, you walk outside in the rain, you put your feet in a puddle, and you get in deep. You fill your galoshes with water. You empty them. But as you empty them, you're only picking up more water on the way up from the ankle deep water.

Suddenly you realize you are under the water. You've fallen into a babbling brook that is above your head, and you've sunk to the bottom inextricably. All you can think to do is undo your wet gumboots and try and tip them out. It's not doing anything and you're drowning. You've drowned. You're dead.

You've drowned. You're dead. You're goddamn dead. There's another kiss. I'm just throwing them out there now. There's another crane shot. For a crane shot, shot is always a gift. How do you get a cherry picker inside a,

like a building, inside an inside? You know? Good question. Tom, Jacob, Jingle, Heinous, Smith. John. His name is my name too. You can't just check out and start singing shit. You can't.

I won't let that happen. I won't let that be what this is. But we could just take a walk through the recesses of my mind as I recall phrases from different songs that impacted me during my upbringing. We'll do two more. It's an entirely different product

we're releasing though, isn't it? In a way though. Look, what has hallmarked the product thus far, Guy, is the inability to really just fucking corner the thing. It's a slippery fish. It's a slippery fish. What are you? Listen to you.

You're worried about me losing it. No, I'm just saying there's no parameters. No, it's the beauty of it. It's the beauty of the enterprise. So things aren't an upset unless there's an expectation not being met. But if the expectation isn't there, then it's not an upset. It's like a long-winded way of saying Vince Vaughn's mantra. Vince Vaughn's mantra.

And dodge bill. Dodge bill. Dodge ball. Oh, my God. Vince Vaughn's Mantra. That's what it says. And Dodge Bill. Dodge Bill. Dodge Ball. Oh, my God. Here we go. Here we go. I'm getting lazy.

Repeat after me. Yellow lorry leather fuck tits. Yellow lorry leather fuck tits. Nice one. Nice one, guy. You are a funny dude. Turtle Man. Here again.

You're back from outer space. Turtle Man with the bifocals. He just showed up with those bare glasses, wearing them upon your face. And you told Carrie Bradshaw her husband's having fun. And now you've wreaked havoc. And your work is done. The only one. And now you're back.

That song will always make me think of the replacements, the Keanu Reeves movie where he assembles together a ragtag team of second grade football players and takes them to whatever the fictitious equivalent of the NFL playoffs is. Maybe they don't make the playoffs they certainly outperform their expectations and then they're a bunch of replacement players you know I gotta say for how like uh sexually forward both Penelope Cruz and Chris Noether being towards each other,

or their characters are on the scene. Carrie Bradshaw handles the whole thing. Pretty tastefully? Very, with a very relaxed understanding. I have kind of been viewing the... I've been on Big Side a lot, and it's been in a vacuum, right? Like I removed the context of that scene before I've cast my dispersions.

Yeah. So I kind of separate them out too much at this point. So it's like, yeah, Big is making some bold plays in front of his wife. He throws out in front of his wife as he stops talking to a stranger that neither of them know who is quite striking and obviously very flirtatious. He says, I'll try to keep it up for you yeah man this that is a bold move and carrie bradshaw just takes it like one of the few uh level-headed responses she has to something here although this is even not level-headed this is like two understanding which might yeah she's gone too far the other way with that pendulum but then so they come back to this and she starts throwing

outrageous shit at him but nothing it's like ships in the night. One issue happens and the other one kind of dismisses it. And then Carrie's not being called out on her shit in this one either. Do you know what they need to do? They need to communicate in the moment, guy. Carrie and Big need to talk about this shit as it happens. I'm a huge advocate of that, Tim.

You can't let shit sit and fester because then you become Carrierie bradshaw and john big and no one wants that for their lives it's horrible we know we've got we spent a lot of time with this couple and they're not having happy lives they aren't i don't you know what like you know they get the glamorous movie launches and they've got the fancy apartments and the trips to Abu Dhabi. I do not envy either of these characters and their lifestyles remotely. And a little bit more...

Shocking. Shocking. It's good. It's 50% cocoa. So that dark chocolate gives you a good energy hit. So this should help get us through the remaining 12 hours of the film. Good on you, Camp Leader. I'm so glad you're here.

Go fuck yourself, Bim Tat. It's all a bit of fun, isn't it? Is it? It is all a bit of fun. That is why we got into this game. What? For a bit of fun with friends Yeah man

I was listening back Because I listened to a big Cut up of the first season The best of reel And that bit's in there Where you talk about The reason I wanted to kick this off Is just so I could hang out with you more

And we could become better friends It's really sweet I say that real early eh? Real early yeah It's really sweet That cut up God almighty How the completion of the podcast has changed It's really sweet. I say that real early, eh? Real early, yeah. It's really sweet. God almighty, how the complexion of the podcast has changed. You need to listen to that thing, man.

It was a real trip to listen to that three-hour product. So I'll tell you what, folks. Someone's made a best of reel. Brett, name him. I don't know if he wants to be named or not. He might not. He's probably, yeah. Brett is the awesome dude who organized large portions of our trip to LA in the first place.

In the first one where we ended season one. And he worked at Cinefamily and organized the whole theater so we could do a screening and shit. It was bloody wonderful. And now the dude has found some time in his shish to cut up season one into this three hour long best up which i don't know who the who the audience for that product is but is it you person who's just listening to three hours of one continuous ramble we're gonna we're gonna try and sell it because we're gonna sell some things man we spend a lot of money on this podcast. And we haven't made much back. We haven't made, well, in fact, any, you might say. We've got to give a shout out to our friends at Kamakola and Big Pipe.

Of course, yes. Yes, you're dead right. I just mean like at this stage, we're still paying for the microphones. Yeah, we're still running at a loss. A little bit of gear. A little bit of gear. Fuck, speaking of, goddamn, I could go for a pizza. Are you hungry?

Yeah, I mean, I could eat. Are you actually not that hungry? I'm not super hungry. I've got like, you know, I'm hopped up on bananas and chocolate and water. That's not very filling, though. They're quick burners. Yeah, you're not wrong. In saying that, I mean, if a pizza was to miraculously appear,

I wouldn't be devastated. I wouldn't turn my nose up at it and not partake. I hear you. I hear that. Shit. Shit. Now I'm just watching you do decision making. Yeah, it's very hard after this amount of sex in the city too.

So what Carrie doesn't realise in propositioning her husband Mr Big with this. Do you realise? Oh wait, no, she's not talking about going to Abu Dhabi. I was going to say, she says just to bang it out. I was like, that's a good allusion to running into your ex-boyfriend. That would have been a neat little bit of foreshadowing. Maybe it is. Who's to say? The filmmakers, who we've already heard from.

The thing of it is, though, Carrie is currently propositioning Big with a deal, which he will turn back to her, and she will find very unappealing. And we're about to run into Coffee Guy for the second time in as many viewings. Well, that's something to look forward to, isn't it? We see the waiter there taking his order in the corner table. She goes, what do you want? And he goes,

a fuck ton of caffeine. She goes, okay, and she goes and gets it. Meanwhile, the gals are still planning a trip to Abu Dhabi in the foreground. In the background, Brady the Rat King is taking a sweet time playing Pokemon Yellow on his DS. You'll see him there.

You can even get yellow for a DS. There you go. And he's started jamming through his first lot of Java. Very quick cuts there. Second loading of Java for the coffee guy and a third. And with that, he says, Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balloon. And that's exactly where he's going.

He's going to fly a hot air balloon all the way to Oz. Not Oz as in the land of by Lewis Carroll, I believe, originally wrote The Wizard of Oz. No. He's going to Australia. Come on in, mate. That's where he's goddamn going. C.S. Lewis? No, that's Lion, Witch and Wardrobe.

Welcome back to all of the Periscope users. Tim's phone has efficiently cooled down. We're on a slightly jointerier angle now. The thing is, it didn't have a lot of... The battery's going to run itself dead, folks. There you go. This has been a fleeting moment in time. So welcome back for the duration of however long this works.

Yes, yes, but you have a husband. Yes. Yes. Yes, I am Samantha. And you have a husband. I will never have a husband for I am a sexually adventurous and independent lady. I'm the spawn of John Lennon and Linda McCartney. They had a secret love tryst.

Don't tell anybody I'm going to fuck a robot. In the Middle East on The Four Show. My God, you're like 75% Beatle. Your dad was a Beatle and your mum was having sex with a Beatle. Oh. this sounds weird when you put it like that eh what'd you do last night you could say i slept with john lennon or i fucked a beetle if you said the latter people would be like holy holy smokes you fucked a beetle like just from a pure logistics point of view where you are you at? Why do they call him a dung beetle?

Is it because the day it fests on dung? Fuck. Could be. Could well be. Keeping it together over here, baby. Hey, we're 100% good. Where are we at? Do you want to throw a time check out there for our periscopers?

How many minutes and seconds have we clocked up? 53 minutes, 48 seconds. We are looking at another hour and a half of movie no more than that and now i'm more than an hour and 40 maybe wait what did you say it was up to 53 50 is it shit that's actually quicker than i was than i thought yeah we're moving along at a reasonable clip here. We all missed you. See, now, I said this last week.

I don't think I said it during the ep, but while we were... Oh, no, a week before, while we were watching it together. Fucking... So this bit here in the movie, this is like just the natural end of the episode, because it's like Michael Patrick King knows how to write for a TV show

And it's like It's been a shit storyline It'd be a bad episode But it's like beginning, middle, end And then they drive off and live happily ever after That's an episode So you're kind of like oh what a short film And then they just start

In episode two So it's not like We've done the beginning And we're getting into the middle There's the prologue to the actual movie We've already had beginning, middle and end And now we're back at the beginning of a brand new thing It's just a fuck around

This was a fuck around for filmmakers Yeah it is a big fuck around Tim And you're a real fucko You're a real fucko In the great words of Barley Hreen fuck around, Tim, and you're a real fucko. You're a real fucko. In the great words of Barley Hreen. Harley Breen.

Yeah, he calls everyone fuckos. Yeah, it's a good entrance. It's a good strong entrance for a comedian to make, just arrive on stage. G'day, fuckos. Funniest introduction I've ever heard. When I lived in Wellington, there was a guy who did like a new faces competition,

got on stage and there was about 150 people. Like the room was 100% packed to the rafters, mate. And he just got on stage. He's obviously not really been on stage before and just kind of got blinded by the light that was shining at him. So I went to shield his eyes and just went into the mic. Fuck, there's a lot of cunts out there. Like very genuine.

Just there wasn't an ounce of comedy about it. He was just making an observation in an unguarded moment. But it was the funniest introduction I've ever heard. And God bless his soul. That young man grew up to be? Betel Cosby. Jesus. I was going to say Nick Swartzen.

Oh, yeah. Much more savoury character. That talented man. There's the Euro message. HTC are telling him he's unable to charge his phone because he's using too much power to fix this problem, reduce power consumption. Well.

I can't. Get out of an HTC We'll just have to run this thing into the ground And charge it again Fuck what are you up to big He's just creating the same problem he creates Day after day week after week In his relationship

Good to know I thought I was missing something Like he was trying out a new option. Oi, dude, we're actually getting seriously close to not even to watch this movie anymore. I know that if you run the numbers, like, what is it? It's nine and two is what? Eleven.

Eleven? That's not many. Yeah, yeah, that's real. That's very heartening. Like that. It's still a lot of time spent. I don't like thinking about- It's still more or less an entire day in a human year. Like that. It's still a lot of time spent. I don't like thinking about... It's still more or less an entire day in a human year.

Spread across a shit stream of a few months. 11 times two and a half is almost exactly. Here's the thing, though. I don't like to focus on finish lines until I'm right next to them. Otherwise, it's just like, cool, I'm done. I'm going to take my foot off the gas. And I will not relent with this i don't even know what that would be what would that be in this project me take my foot off the gas it doesn't make any sense like i would still need to watch the movie there's no not watching the movie

i don't know what it would be have you ever had a dream with these characters in it? I think I have. I think I've had one. Yeah. How about you? I don't think so. And we're off, ladies and gentlemen. Finally, these fucking bastards are on a plane to Abu Dhabi.

Woo! Goodness gracious me. Could it have taken any longer? I think not. But they are pleased to welcome us on board and shit. Hello, ladies. Oh, boy. Just because we're on the way to Abu Dhabi,

it doesn't mean our work here is by any means done. The thing is, I've got things to achieve this evening. I can't imagine I'm going to be fit to work for at least two or three hours after this experience. It's so draining. It's like doing the 40-hour famine. You just need to kind of clear the books afterwards, have a good sleep, rest up.

Is that what you're going to do? How much money do you think Pringles paid? They get like two bits of seriously good close-up shots and one bit of name recognition out loud. I reckon early six digits. More than that. I reckon in the 200s. $200,000?

Like more. Between two and three. More. Look, I don't know what I'm basing that on because I've never worked in the film industry, but that's what I reckon. That's what I'm wildly guessing. I think they paid $1 million.

A million bucks? Anyone out there who works for Pringles, please let us know your marketing budget and how much of it you lost on this stupid venture. They've made the same grievous error. It actually came up when they were making the same error as these actually came up when I think the same error as these guys did do you know what would be

a good way to protest the company to really fuck them over would be to do a boycott of a product that's

in a movie you don't like so like you take issue with the movie and then you boycott the product that's been product placed because then

that company is then like what the fuck? Like, we paid all this money to be in the movie to try and shift units and you have literally taken our money and done the opposite. That'd be effective as. You really make those filmmakers...

Second guess. Apologize for what he did. Sounds like a lot of trouble to go to. I reckon it would elicit some pretty powerful lobbying though from the peeps i disagree sounds like nonsense hey i respect you man all right i don't like you right now in particular i look at you look at me i don't feel anything like do you want chocolate no i'm okay thank you just like we're sort of um you know we're just i was trying to defuse the situation with a little sweet treat we're just on this journey together like i don't think either of us knew when we

first decided we watched grown-ups two together that we'd land here who could see that coming you know no one those were more innocent times more efficient times to be sure and that's what made watching Paul Blart

Mall Cop so much easier I think yeah it was just like oh cool here's another one of those wonderful rare movies that isn't sex in the city too that is kind of what it feels like

you ready for a photo we are still here coming to you live from grayland new zealand as we watch sex in the city 2 for the second time in as many hours although it's actually the second time and probably we're approaching our fourth hour now um searching for new things to say, new feelings to feel. Finding more or less nothing. Sort of like in that song American Pie when they go to the levee.

That it was dry? The levee is dry. Thank you, Aim On Tea. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye. Singing. General film watching outside of Sexton City 2 to at Spangly Goblin on Periscope. I love good movies.

Yeah. Who doesn't, you know? I actually watched it the first time, Punch Drunk Love this week. Did you? Yeah. What did you think? It's really good. It's quite uncomfortable watching, but it's fucking beautiful. He doesn't, you know I actually watched for the first time Punch Drunk Love this week Did you? Yeah What did you think? It's really good, it's quite uncomfortable watching but it's fucking beautiful

I also saw The Program, the new Lance Armstrong movie last night or the night before Oh, is that good? No, I was pretty disappointed Boo, I want to see Bridge of Spies Yeah, that looks good That's the thing I want to get to I had a friend who worked on the set dressing and props department of that film Me

Who said two things Tom Hanks is the world's most wonderful man I had a friend who worked on the set dressing and props department of that film. Man. Who said two things. Tom Hanks is the world's most wonderful man? More or less exactly. Tom Hanks gave away the last pastry. He was like, no, no, no. They went for it at the same time. He was like, no, no, no.

You have it. I've been watching you. You've been working harder than me today. I'll have it one of the days when I'm working hard. God damn it. Tom Hanks, America's true sweetheart Fuck I love Tom Hanks And the other observation was that Steven Spielberg

Is so unfazed It's just his day job It's just another day at work for him That's cool man, I dig that Because that doesn't take away from how hard he works or anything But I dig that he's now in a zone of He's so established I've got this, I know how to do this, let's get it done,

let's do the process. That'd be cool. Yeah, how fucking frazzled I'd be trying to make a movie, trying to bloody put one of them together. Pretty frazzled, I can imagine, Tim. Fucking frazzled. Going to have to turn the phone off again. Bye, Periscope.

The great Frazzler. The Rizzler, the Frazzler. The Mr Bombastier. Fine, take them. I don't even need these hormones. Do you think, Tim, this movie has defeated us? No, dog. I think as long as we're watching it,

it hasn't won, which is maybe showing my own, now that I've said it out loud, like, perception has been warped. I feel like it might have defeated us. Like, how did you see victory in watching? When the adversary is the movie, how is there victory in keeping watching it?

Like, I think the measure of success is whether or not the content we're creating on the back of it outweighs the misery and difficulty of watching the product. And I think that specifically right now, we've broken that barrier and the movie is taking more from us than we're giving to the world. Oh, I see. Yeah. Fuck. It's a net negative.

That's cool. Yeah, it's not. I didn't frame our work very favorably there. It's a net loss is what you're trying to say. And I don't mean to do that to you. Appreciate it. If you could have any superpower, would it be you just get one super strength would be pretty cool i've always preferred speed to strength like if you were the

world's fastest or strongest person what would be you be? Oh, fastest. Definitely. If it's by like, but I don't know, when you get to super... So you mean if it's by like actual human metrics? If it was by human metrics, I would go... So you're as fast as Usain Bolt. If it was by human metrics, I would go strong. If it was by superhuman metrics, I would definitely go speed.

Because I feel like the difference between what I can run in Usain bolt and what i could pick up versus the world's strongest man like the latter is a bigger gap truly than what i reckon i imagine would be like yeah because four or five seconds over 100 meters yeah because it's like what's that there's not that much difference whereas i can pick up fuck all, but the world's strongest man could pick up like 200 kgs or more. Something. Yeah, that's fair. Doesn't this

hotel manager tolerate that magic carpet vaguely racist jibe spectacularly well week after week? Considering the actor is British, he probably took no offence to it. He's just like, yep, we're all making money today. He never lets it get to him. Considering the actor is British, he probably took no offense to it. He's just like, yep, we're all making money today.

And what a good day that is. It's a good day to be alive. Good day to be working on Sex and the City 2. You know what's crazy to me is none of these people on set, and there are a lot of them, both on set and on camera right now and behind the camera, would have had any consideration for the adverse effects that this film would have on us.

There's no consideration when they were making this for what we would do to it and ourselves. I can't help but think that we're to blame. I'm inclined to agree with you, Mr. Carla Mann. You're kind of smooching

the pop shield. It's like I'm almost falling asleep on top of the microphone now i just and i'm still what listen i'm still my eyes are glued to the screen but fuck have a banana no that's not it i'm like full i'm full of chocolate. But I just don't want to be watching the movie, that's all. I am in exactly the right place. The thing is, they've just got there. Yeah. And there's more than half the movie to go. Yeah.

And this is funny to me. This is quite literally, we have made the exact same error with this director's commentary as we made with season two of the podcast yeah like we keep saying that it's an error it's definitely more difficult i don't know if it's a a loss i don't know yet i'm on the fence i'd certainly am not dismissing that idea i don't i don't look i don't think it's an error i think we've you know we've we've battled hard we we've dug deep. But I think for me specifically, I've always been like, I would never make a grave mistake like biting off something

which is bigger than I can chew again. Just because it sounds funny. Just because it sounds funny. And then we are quite literally in the middle of doing exactly that right now. Once we're out of this, it'll, I don't know, I actually think this might stay with me for a bit though. This has been horrible.

You'll carry long-term effects. Yeah. I will carry them. That line doesn't make any sense. I've never got it. Belly up, ladies. As she... What's that called?

She drapes herself on top of a piano. Belly up, ladies. So just for those of you, I don't quite- Is that what you would say when you would cheers glasses? Like when you're- Oh yeah, you can say belly up. Belly up. Bottoms up.

No, you say bottoms up. I don't quite know how to address like the timeline of the movie right now because if you've made it this far and I'm assuming you've listened to the first version of the movie, which means you might vaguely know where we are. But if by some miracle you're just wandering through the bloody alleyways of the internet and have stumbled into the hour three and a half whatever this podcast

you have no concept of uh carrie samantha charlotte and miranda are just checking into the Jewel Suite at a very swanky hotel owned by Shake. I can't remember his name. The Shake. So they're just being shown around by Garon, who is Carrie's personal butler. And they're being very impressed by the facilities and the rooms. In spite of the fact that Miranda and Carrie have to share a bed, even though like there

are seven different rooms which aren't for sleeping it makes no sense and now they're going to go and for the first time really uh start absorbing and observing the different cultures that they have as women in the american west and the woman of the united arab emirates have i feel like i did a good boring factual job of rehashing what's happening to you. Way to paint the picture, dude. I feel like... Good on you. I'm proud of you.

I feel like a substitute teacher of history. Well, hey, cheers. Well done. Bellies up, lady. It's good water. Yummy water. Yummy water. Yummy water. Ooh, I wouldn't mind kissing you upon the belly button.

What's that? A ball of lint as large as my throat? Oh dear, I'm choking. Oh, I'm not even a human, I'm a cat, and it's coming out as a hairball. Ooh, please pet me, don't take me down to the litter. I do not like the kitty litter, or the litter of kitties i am a grown-up cat a grand cat a grand daddy cat and i live in the mountains on a kingdom of cheese why is the cat licking belly buttons curious cat curiosity killed that cat uh-uh almost hello my name is Igor I am the vice consular to the president of the Russian United States

I would like to talk to you today about powerpoint and the developments we have made with this product first of all it is 10 times more powerful the battery lasts forever secondly it has a pointer now fuck i'm dead bro i don't know i don't know man i think you're good i think you're good i've just i've just done a quick tally in my head you're all good it's all samantha's fault as far as i'm concerned oh man okay uh oh jesus it's so hard get off me guy guy's manhandling me it's not good so yeah this woman is responsible for decal your kneecap. She's the originator. Oh, I don't get back to my original point in the first run around. We're watching it behind the directors.

It's a good thing you get a second crack at it. Isn't it, Jess? Just for moments like this. Excuse me. We see on the clock that it's... Oh! Was that where the AM comment came from? Probably.

Probably was. It's the 6th of August on that clock. And the last bit of the movie takes place on the 4th of July. And we know that Carrie only goes to Abu Dhabi for... Less than a week. It's like less than that even it's only three days i think um so jesus it's just a noise i make when i'm interested um halfway into the movie now 90 of the movie takes place over three days and then 10 of the film takes place over a year.

What's that about? I've got no goddamn idea. It is shaping up to be a beautiful day here in Auckland. Our man outside would be tabbeding This only a condition studio that we've been festering in for four hours now I can only imagine what this place smells like eh It's really starting to take on a life of its own Isn't it crazy how you're just on a gradient As long as you're part of it when it's starting as neutral

A room can smell so fucking terrible as you're part of it when it's starting as neutral, a room can smell so fucking terrible and you just climatize to it. That is, yeah, no good. Bloody teenagers is what it is. Never opening a window. Bloody teenagers. Open a fucking window in here, would you? Fuck.

You kids, you dastardly kids. And silence reigns supreme here At the worst idea of all time HQ We can't let this beat us bro We can't We're bigger than this We're better than this We're tougher than this fucking film

We are tougher than this film No one has asked for what we're doing though We are tougher than this film. No one has asked for what we're doing, though. And I don't think anyone is going to get through it. Yeah, I'd be very surprised if you're here right now, if we're beaming into your head. Oi. Fucking well done.

Yeah. I feel like we are serious. I could share secrets with you because there's so few of you. Do it. Share a secret with one of these people. It's a secret. It's a secret. I don't know any secrets. Yes, you do.

You've done secretive stuff before, haven't you? What kind of stuff? I'm desperately trying to think of something. I'm not even getting stuff to load into the mental lobby of like can i put that through into the internet i just can't get anything to put into the lobby in the first place i happen to remember when i was about eight years old at a toy shop there was a display of uh i didn't know what it was but the advertisement was a very handsome western man who was wearing a cowboy hat and a it was sort of a cartoon a real

person a red bandana denim shirt brown leather sleeveless jacket with a sheriff's badge on it and he was looking at sort of like smoky he's looking at whoever was walking through the toy store and he was atop a very big display of sort of small rectangular boxes and i deliberately walked straight into it and knocked the entire display over and as i helped the staff clean up i pocketed four different small boxes damn four of them and i took them home and all they were i didn't even have a fucking cap gun they were just the caps for a cap gun and i that's when i learned the harsh lesson that crime doesn't pay although it is very easy to get away with yeah i mean you just need to transform what you did to diamonds instead of caps,

and then you're fine. I've shoplifted precisely once ever. I was like nine, I think. Yeah. And I lifted a chocolate bar from a dairy. That was it. I've actually shoplifted quite a lot. Have you?

Yeah, I've stolen a lot of gum from the- Jesus. From like the Blenheim Kmart or Farmers or whatever the equivalent is. Yeah, gum. How much gum? Just like a lot, hubba bubba. And then also, when I used to go skiing, I was lucky enough to get to go skiing some in high school at the cafeteria there because everything was so expensive. I thought it was absolutely fine to take their chocolate bars.

And what you do is you take off your helmet. I'm just confessing to crimes on oh there's probably a statue of limitations or something this trivial it's all good and i'd put the chocolate bar inside my glove so like i'd have the gloves inside my helmet so it just looked like i was just carrying where were you getting the chocolate bars from were they just out there the cafe oh see this is how i know you went to a rich kid school at our one it's like fucking nothing was out on display. It was behind a glass, probably bulletproof window

where you made your own past your money. We would have been skiing at like the same mountains, at like Porter Heights. Oh, skiing. I didn't go skiing, mate. Didn't have the money for skis. I was uphill in the snow both ways, 10 miles, just to get to school.

Didn't have holidays either. In the holidays, I go to a different school. I like you, Tim. I thought you meant the school tuck shop. I thought that's what you were saying. No, no. You were talking about a... On the mountain.

The chalet. Oh, wait. Is that the term? Yeah, sure. It's so hot in here. Yeah, it is warm I'm getting moist and unsavoury Should we just open the door and see what it does

Yeah I mean Anyone who's made it this far into the record Deserves all the Oral punishment and ambience we can throw at them Just smash the door open I'm going to go for a wee as well Oh what Okay off you go

Hurry back So um Now I'm left alone With Carrie and Miranda In a souk Which we have been informed By the film's tasteful cultural exposition Is a marketplace.

An old Abu Dhabi. Like a traditional old market. Middle Eastern market. Be pretty cool thing to see. But this one looks like shit. Because I don't think the set dressers have done a very accurate job of picturing. Like recreating. What I imagine would be a pretty kind of cool and bustling

environment this one just looks sterile and dead like a real movie set this set really looks like a set carry is going to buy the shoes a pro move when they're only 20 us dollars good on you sjp way to work that financial problem through the shop owner is someone who we've never talked much about on the podcast the guy who's actually holding carrie's um spices and passport through like 85% of this whole movie. He's really escaped our wrathful eye. Probably because he's a nice guy.

You can tell just in the limited amount of time he's on screen. He's very kind. And when Carrie tries to give him money at the end of, well, I say the end of the film, at what you think money at the end of the film, at what you think should be the end of the film, she goes to give him money because he's been holding on to the passport, gives it back to her scot-free, and he won't take it.

He won't have it. He's just like, no way. That would change the altruistic nature of this good deed into a profit motive, and that's not what I'm here to do. I'm just here to do a good thing for you from one human being to another and that shows me shopkeeper man is a stand-up guy now aiden's here just like every ways i'm gonna say every week and always but i'm gonna stick with every ways. I was going to say every week and always. But I'm going to stick with every ways. Every ways you look, Aiden is there.

Coming at you from north, south, east and west. It's like that Agent Smith scene in The Matrix Reloaded. The burly brawl. It's just Aiden's everywhere, wanting to smooch you, even though you're married. And he says dumb fucking shit like this is the best mirage I've ever had you see mirages you idiot

you have dreams you have visions you don't have a mirage fuck guys back everybody and not a moment too soon how you doing Guy, how was your piss?

did you bloody love it? I tell you what, there is a whole world out there which is outside of this room in Sex and the City 2 screening for the second time and you genuinely do lose sight of that when you're doing this recording. I'm going to go be part of it

because you've inspired me to take a wee. All right. Well, I'm very happy to pick up where you've left off, which is the idiocy of the script writing with regards to Aidan's insistence on he's having the best mirage of his life. It makes no goddamn sense, Aidan. You have a dream, etc, etc.

I was just reiterating what Tim said to try and warrant a smile from him as he left the room, aka the prison. I never felt like this with grown-ups too. I never felt like I couldn't stomach what was happening on screen. It was a battle at times, certainly, and it was hard going, but it never genuinely felt like what I was wrestling with was too mighty, too cumbersome to overcome. Like this scene in particular, I'm familiar with all the beats, I know all the action, I know exactly the narrative purpose

that it's trying to serve, but I cannot for the life of me meet it at face value like the experience of me talking over it right now and having these thoughts this pretty much happens on a weekly basis when i watch the film i'm never ever oh i've never noticed that before actually his left arm there he does he's so flirtatious aiden he gently brushes your left arm which is like uh if neither of them were married would be i guess a pretty savvy move with regards to carrie's response to it but as a married man talking to a married woman it is wholly inappropriate and unseemly and sort of i guess a harbinger of doom or harbinger harbinger sounds right to me so it sort of foreshadows them hooking up and at this point in the in the broadcast and in the podcast and where it falls both in this particular episode in the season you already know that don't

you well the thing of it is there's still so much action to unfold. Not action, but screen time. There's just still so much volume to absorb. And no matter how much I know it's coming and I sort of am used to what I'm seeing, I can't meet it. I can't meet the movie on its terms the way I could with an Adam Sandler film.

And I don't know whose fault that is. It's not a testament to Adam Sandler. I don't think that makes grown-ups too any better for what it is. I just think that understanding that a movie doesn't need to be two and a half hours long to get a message across is important. And the time in this film does not make up for the lack of care.

If anything, it serves to highlight it. And I couldn't be more furious, more spurious, which is a word I don't get to use nearly often enough. Tim Batt's back in the room, ladies and gentlemen. This is an intense thing to walk back into up that path super daunting paint a picture for me

so there I was emptying my bladder of probably three litres of fluid oh yeah I went and got chips you can just say give me the chips give me the chips please there are the chips. Give me the chips, please. There are the chips.

And I kind of like, it didn't take long for me to start acclimatizing back into the normal order of the world. I was looking around at stuff that wasn't sex in the city too. I was in places that wasn't Abu Dhabi or New York City. And I start walking back up the path. And you're just yelling God knows what into a microphone in a room by yourself. Like I'm getting an x-ray vision into a senile old man whose wife unfortunately died years ago.

And all he can think to do to fill his evenings is yell at the stuff he sees on the telly. But there's a whole rig. You're mic'd up. That's almost exactly what it feels like, though. There's equipment around you. You do feel like you've lost everyone that you love when you're going through this.

It's not pleasant. Sometimes life's not pleasant, Tim. You know what I'm saying? But life finds a way. you know what I'm saying but life finds a way sorry for the prolonged silence to those of you listening I'm just chewing a chip

Tim's setting up Periscope for the 6th time it's not going to work it is not going to work It is not going to work I guess the only thing that would draw you to listen to this much of the podcast would be a blind sense of obligation to yourself to know that you've ticked off all the audio content the fear of missing one classic gag amongst the endless hours of dross and valueless chatter doesn't quite roll off the tongue as well as

fomo but i get the general idea guy this is quite a vision of terror though because it's it's it's this is when there's very dramatic music playing we We're in Abu Dhabi and emerging from the sand dunes with occasional palm trees in the background. The four women just emerge with the most ridiculous outfits on that Abdul has picked out for them. And it's the real dramatic music as they appear in slow motion just walking up the sand dune. You're like, oh no they're back

we thought we did away with them but they weren't gone for too long at all a mere few frames hello my name is Guy, I am a cool dude, I wouldn't kiss your sister if you didn't want me to hi, you're listening to the worst idea of all time with me, David Sister, if you didn't want me to.

Hi, you're listening to the worst idea of all time with me, David McGalligan. Me, Thomas Waddlesworth. And snacking on something that crunchy into a microphone surely is the worst idea of all time. And now we can stop watching the movie and retire the podcast for we finally arrived at the logical end point of the gag that is calling the podcast the worst idea of all time. That was the payoff. Almost 100 episodes, almost two seasons.

Like, I don't know what the hour count we're up to now if you combine the two movies, but it's probably about five days, I reckon. All up of talking about them or watching them? Watching. It's more than that. What's grown-ups to? One hour 41.

Roughly. Oh, man. It's so hard to do the math when everything's by 60. Fucking clocks. I'll do it for you. You hold steady. Good man. So the calculation that we want to do is...

Talk about these macaroons. They're never eaten. 1.6 times 52 is what? Hatimi, well done to you, sir. You got a cheers from the girls. And here's Dickpot, his first entrance into the movie. What a pleasure and a thrill it is to see him back again. Hey, Dickpot, what you got to say for yourself?

Cumulatively. My apologies, ladies. It'll be 8.9 days spent. Holy fuck. Wait, is that at the end? Yeah. Of both? Yeah. So nine days.

Just watching. Nine days. Fuck. Oh, that's not good. That's not good, brother. Brother, my brother. Not good at all. Oi.

What do you reckon? What do you reckon about anything? I just don't know anymore, guy. It's like, um... We have, like, I would describe the point that we are at right now as our wits end as in like is this not the embodiment of is this not how it was first discovered that i'm at my wits end with you was a turn of phrase yeah definitely that you reach the end of your ability to process original and humorous thoughts when exposed to the same thing

are you at your wits end with this getting there right do you think you've got anything funny or valuable left to contribute to this conversation it's like inception you just gotta go to another level we need to go deeper we need to go deeper man do you know what it feels like to me

it feels like the first time you said it friend it feels like to me? It feels like the first time You said it friend It feels like the very first time It feels Like the first time That you've seen this movie It feels like the very first time I agree

Karaoke in New York Tired Karaoke in New York? Tired. Karaoke in the Middle East? Fresh! Oh, yeah. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Boom! Scooby-dooby-doo-ba.

Scooby-dooby-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba. Scooby-dooby-ba. Bye. Where's he going? Where's he off to? That's the question we ask ourselves every week.

And this question has been addressed twice already. But this week, I think we have to ask the question, what is time? Time is a human construct. The way we conceptualize it is just sort of like how we stumbled upon an understanding. It's not probably the most useful way to think about time. A lot of physicists think about time very similarly to how they think about distance

How's that? It's that like, you know, it is travelable It's a useful but by no means binding measurable for something? That is sort of like a constant that can be measured i guess and used as a coordinate you know like when you're talking about subatomic particles and stuff that starts becoming important you know but in the broader scale like in our day-to-day lives yeah i guess it's more useful for us to think about time the way we do not right now you're gonna shut that door i'm worried we're gonna freak out the neighbor's kids.

They're constant screaming and singing. I think it's time they were exposed to it. Yeah, you say that, but I have to live here. Yeah, but we also have to sit in this room together. Don't say this like we've both entered into an agreement with the neighbor's kids and they're not pulling their weight on this not look certainly not they have to live in their house we have to sit in your room by jove the door remains open yeah i guess so i've got a

headache it's fucking foul man it's giving me a bloody migraine That is unsurprising to me Understand I gotta say I think all of the gals Gave a fantastic performance During the karaoke I have spent the time Over the 41 This is of course

The 42nd screening Of Grown Ups 2 Do you know what? No Does this mean that technically Because we did this to align the this to realign the podcast correctly, are we still somewhat off? Because will it not be now Watch 42,

like Watch 43, Episode 42? No. Because before it was like Watch 39, Episode 40. And then... So the Watchers were one back from what the episode was because I split Paul F. Tompkins

into two eps so Paul's share was episode 40 watch 39 yeah I think we said that wrong at the time and this is now

episode 41 watch 41 yeah so this is the 41st watch yes so the freebie was the one that we got uh michael and

patrick king to do yes correct that was really nice them to step in and i feel like we are wearing the hangover of exhaustion that they in fact should be carrying around in their lives quite possibly after all it wasn't as if we were talking for two and a half hours while the film was on at the start of this no sir certainly not like we're going to push through for another two and a half hours of conversation i'm actually really impressed both with how uh ricard spurt handles talking to four strangers with confidence yeah and also how all of the strangers all of the uh protagonists react very well to like everyone's very comfortable on themselves and this entire conversation runs very smoothly yeah i'm not a big fan of the innuendo, but I am impressed by his confidence and smoothness,

and also the way it's dealt with by all parties. I don't even know if you can call it innuendo when you're thinly veiled. You mean your name's Dick Spurt? Yeah, just like the script, it's all yucky. It's all yucky. It's all yucky. The script is yuck. Dick spurt.

Come on, people. Sounds like he's a dick expert. I mean, you are talking to the guys who... That'd be the other way to go with that. We're involved in the room with Mr. Big. We come up with Mr. Big's jascoosies. So our hands are by no means clean of bodily fluid. Yeah, that's true.

They are sodden with semen. I love this. We don't bring this up often on the podcast, but when Samantha says, it doesn't matter, men, babies, we agreed ages ago, we're soulmates. They're not the same. Yeah, and her attitude towards kids throughout this movie are constantly like, she just equates her one night stands

to her friend's children. And like decades long marriage. Like with the same flippance. Every goddamn opportunity. Here we see Abdul illegally opening the mail. It's not his mail. And Carrie's so like. No, Abdul, sorry, go on.

Carrie is so. So like absorbed in... Yeah, that's what I was looking for. She's so in her own head and so self-centred that she doesn't even realise a goddamn crime's being committed in front of her eyes. I mean, God. Opening up other people's mail.

What's next? Sex on the beach? Come on, everybody. Sex. On the beach. There's going to be a party. Tonight. Oh, way.

Oh, way. Oh. They got it. They got it. They got that. Oh. If you are listening to this podcast, I want you to use this hashtag right now. Hashtag send help.

Hashtag send help. That's what we're looking for. There's actually a little running can't watch it anymore man There's actually a running gag I have with my girlfriend What's that? Send help Sometimes when we're having a nice kiss I'll put my lips super close to her ear

And I'll just whisper Send help That's funny And then keep acting like nothing's happened God that woman puts up with a lot doesn't she Sophie you're a bloody angel I think that's funny Maybe I'm wrong

Do you think that's funny No it is funny I think it's funny Oh it's good I do think it's funny She does tolerate a lot of that kind of stuff though Hey mate it's what makes you you You know You're the whole package that's funny. She does tolerate a lot of that kind of stuff though. Hey mate,

it's what makes you you, you know? You're the whole package. Even the parts that should have been left off. Yeah. That's what makes a human being a human being and not a human bean

because there's nothing as boring as a bean. Sure, they're a great source of fibre and they give you some energy for a while but beans are bad for you. Hi, they're a great source of fibre and they'll give you some energy for a while. But beans are bad for you. Hi, it's me, Warren Pearson

from the pea community. Here to tell you that beans are bad. Oh, do you know who liked beans? Mussolini. Do you know who's a baddie? Mussolini. Have peas. Gandhi ate peas.

Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Who's your favourite athlete? Is it Michael Jordan? Guess what he had for breakfast? It was peas. No one ate peas. Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Who's your favourite athlete? Is it Michael Jordan? Guess what he ate for breakfast? It was peas. No one eats peas for breakfast. Michael Jordan ate peas for breakfast. Hey, do you know what I heard on the season one Best Of cut up as well?

That fucking dude who turned Patty Schwartz Party Time into a song, like a legit jingle with a cool guitar and drums and everything. Fuck, it's awesome really i that's the single best like and look i love everything we get sent every message is a gift um everything is so cool but there's probably my favorite little submission from a fan of anything how does the song go patty schwartz party time it's patdy Schwartz party time and it does that a few times and then

it's got you talking about how he's riding around on a leopard that's right he took us singing and put it into a yeah yeah yeah

so he like just chucked a bit of reverb on it and then kind of cut it up so it actually worked in some sort of a rhythm and fucking added drums

and a wailing guitar to it it's amazing that is impressive such a good job what a good. It's amazing. That is impressive. Such a good job. What a good dude. Fuck yeah. If that is you, get in touch. Remind me who you are, because I miss you.

And I'm sorry I forgot. We are very slowly approaching the main conflict of the film. You'll be greatly relieved to hear as Carrie Bradshaw heads out of the hotel for a meal with Aiden, her ex-partner. No. Hashtag seen help. Keeps showing up.

Help for Carrie. Hey, this is the worst bit of Carrie's character in the movie. When she puts Charlotte on blast. So Charlotte's very reasonably like, yo, what up, bitch? Why are you meeting up with your ex when you're overseas away from your hubby, who you haven't seen in ages, and you're having a drink with him at his hotel? And she goes, in response to that,

just because you're worried about your husband cheating on you doesn't mean everyone's cheating. It's like, fucking hell, Carrie. You rang that in, missy. Yeah, that is super heavy. Just because you're worried about your marriage, everyone's cheating. That's what she says.

That was the line. Just because you're worried about your marriage Everyone's cheating That's what she says That was the line Just because you're worried about your marriage Everyone's cheating Fuck you And look Charlotte And I like that we stay with Charlotte As well

It was a good decision We stay with Charlotte To see some of the Aftermath of this Havoc That it's wreaking You know? I do know Tim

Do you know how I know? Because every week That you've been watching the movie, I know this is going to come as a shock to you, I've been doing the exact same goddamn thing. I forgot. Right next to you. But you've been so absorbed in the content of the film,

you haven't noticed my presence, for which I commend you, and also say, fuck you, buddy. Yeah, I just like to really zone in, get in there nice and deep, like, you know. Why go to a bar when we have a bar? Well, here's an idea, because you don't go to a bar purely to get ethanol in your system. It's to have the fucking ambiance and atmosphere of hanging out with other cool, goodlooking people and just like be out you know

mixing with your fellow human beings it's a sense of community it's being part of something that's not just yourself getting fucking drunk pointlessly in a hotel put that on the floor guy the risks are too high you know spill water everywhere it'd be terrible've got a real binder pick with me, don't you? Not right now, though. We've got to keep it together, guy. This is like being trapped in a jungle together. If we turn on ourselves, we're really fucked. We're our best assets.

We are our own best assets. And you, sir, are a mighty fine looking piece of fish. How'd a fish like you wind up whizzing his way on the shore. I better put you back out in the ocean. Here, get in my back pocket. I won't do anything unsavoury.

I'll just get on my boat. It's a Hanes 105,000. And I'll drive you out. Drive you out to your home bay. Hey, dude. Whoa. $105,000, I'll drive you out. Drive you out to your home bay. I hate that wall. And then when we get to that home bay, I'm going to throw you overboard. Watch you swim down into the murky depths.

Then I'm going to call up my friend James Cameron. He owns a submarine. He made a movie you might have seen. It was called Jurassic Park. Although they never released his edit. Which is bullshit if you want my honest opinion. Do you know I was a huge fan of dinosaurs as a kid and my mum wouldn't let me see Jurassic Park?

Dinosaurs the concept or dinosaurs the TV show? The concept. Why wouldn't she let you see Jurassic Park? Because it was too scary? Too scary. I think, yeah, my uncle actually, he took me to older brothers to see the movies and not me.

Open the door, get on the floor. Everybody do the dinosaur. Open the door, get on the floor. Everybody do the dinosaur. Boom, boom. Oh, God damn it. You do. You got the most help a woman could afford,

or a man for that matter. You get all the goddamn help in the world, and you still do a lackluster job as a doting parent to your beautiful children. You just get drunk in this hotel lobby over and over again. Spirits are not high. Periscope's just come back online. I don't know how long you're going to be able to survive

before Periscope. The battery's still not great. For those of you asking if we're okay, the answer is obviously yes. We're not okay. We are in fine spirits. I have never felt like i've been in better shape i could run a goddamn marathon right now hashtag sent out the beauty of the situation is i've been watching this movie for so long now that anything else seems like

look at this asshole hello from toronto this isn't some casual meetup, bruh. We've been in the trenches for like four hours now. You can't just rock in with a hello from Toronto. I'm sorry for my friend, hello from Toronto. He really has no right to be treating you the way he does. He's irate and frankly confused. I'm beating down.

Good and proper. Nyep, nyep, nyep, nyep, nyep. This is the voice I do when I have a lovely bit of popcorn. Oh, that's very good popcorn. Maybe I should give some to my friend Tim, and then I come to your house. Yeah, you do. You often bring popcorn around here at weird hours. I'm into it, though.

It's cool. It's a lovely little friendship thing. Lovely little wee bit of friendship, Guy. Oh, that's a lovely bit of friendship, Guy. Oh, that's a lovely bit of friendship. It sure is. It sure is. Homer, Wyatt and

Jake. Thanks, mate. Always a gift. Thanks for the hot tip. Homer, Wyatt and what's the other one? Jay? Jake. Jake. Tate.

Tate, of course. Tategate. Yes, naturally. That sucks, man. That really led me astray. I was gutted that I got misled down that kind of rabbit hole, if you will, of mixed metaphors. But Tategate, mate. Absolutely.

Absolutely. I'd like to send a big Sex and the City 2 happy birthday to the Moose Abides. We have sent you $10,000 worth of flowers. The Moose Abides is a bloody good internet handle. I dig that. The Moose Abides. Okay.

She's showing him the wedding ring and like a red rag to a bull, Aiden takes that as an absolute invitation to try and beat this woman because he really kicks up into a new gear after she shows him the wedding ring sexually aggressive not in a like violent way but just so full-on and uh what's what's the synonym for aggressive in the way that i'm using it uh aggressive pointed is that right yeah i feel like pointed kind of works they're just toying around with each other having fun with mispronouncing different words

what's crazy to me and you're about to see it, is Aiden will eventually brag about the fact every time he comes to Abu Dhabi, and I know we've mentioned this before, but God help me, I'm clutching at straws. He remembers one of the new Emirates. And he then lists, this is a guy who's probably been here five or more times.

He lists three of them. And then he's like how good am i right i deserve a kiss i deserve a gift i deserve a gift from you carrie there he is taking it i'm gonna have another banana for a banana as always worth fellating did you just have a banana before how many bananas have you had today? This is the second banana I've had. We've been sitting here for almost five hours. Yeah, true.

Two bananas in five hours. If I haven't seen you do it, it hasn't happened today. It's reasonable. It was a weird thing having to... Just kidding. It's not my birthday, arsehole. Oh, good stuff. Yeah, good job, the moose abides. You really pulled the wool over everyone's eyes there,

you piece of shit. Joke's on you, motherfucker. You're watching the worst thing that's ever happened to the internet. What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? Very generous offer from our friend Dan in the UK

saying he'll buy us beers sometime next year, hopefully, Dan. Look at all that fucking yam on your face, eh? Don't get caught with yam on your face, is what they always say. Yeah. Well, of course, when they wrote the script, it was jam.

Don't get caught with jam on your face. But Kim Cattrall refused to apply the sticky preserve to her skin, and they used yams. Reportedly full of estrogen. She's still got some on her face right now, which we thought was a funny gag. It turns out we were wrong. Someone commented on Periscope,

it's sex in the city. I don't know what the context for that comment was, but in my head I said it in the same way that Ron Howard introduces its Arrested Development because it's the same number of syllables. It's sex in the city. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Share that. I did that once.

It was an old radio show that I did with Matt Heath, the Matt Heath Drive Show. I don't know where this came from, but I'm okay. I'm not too hungry. I'm sweet. For those of you who are listening purely to the audio file, I'm just offering Tim a bite of my lovely nani. I've got enough nanis on my T-shirt, mate.

Don't need yours. Have a bite. Anyway. Give the people what they want. They want to see offering tim a bite of my lovely nani i've got enough nani's on my t-shirt mate don't need yours have a bite anyway give the people what they want they want to see you have a bite of nani so i was have a lovely bit of nani i was have a lovely bit of nani and continue with your story i was thinking in my head i was like it's the matt heath drive show i envisioned you biting it off yeah i know you did i found a loophole and then i was like that's the same number of syllables as the final countdown it's the mad heath drive show yeah and then we made that sting up and proceeded to use it like every afternoon for about two years just like that's how you make content baby isn't that funny that's just some stupid idea you come up with and suddenly it's out there this movie the working

example that that is not always the best model for content creation. A thought came into my head. I filmed it. Section 32. That's Michael Patrick King for you. Oh, I don't want that banana at all. That's good for you. Not into it.

I'm deep into it. Oh, this is disgusting. We're up to the... This is what cements the fellatio bit, and it's just like... I'm doing that with this is disgusting we're up to the this is what Samantha fellatio bit and it's just like I'm doing that with my banana to emulate it

yuck there's like a Pavlovian response you're seeing it happening on stage on screen I keep wanting to say on stage for some reason

I've been doing it this whole day every time I go to say on screen I say on stage oh yuck come on man don't do that

you know I get ants in here yeah i accidentally got some banana on tim's pop shield he's dealt with ants and fleas before yeah the fleas thing was short-lived it was an easy fix it was an exciting time though one exciting time to be alive by bomb that's brutal man what's that those fleas they thought they found a wonderful little uh territory a little natural environment to set up camp and then you literally come in with Brutal, man. What's that? Those fleas, they thought they found a wonderful little territory. A little natural. A little environment to set up camp. And then you literally come in with chemical warfare to a flea. You say, you know what?

Fleas, I appreciate that I, you know, let you in here. Whoa. You're getting real heavy on me, man. Because I'm thinking now, like, because the couches came from a different suburb, they were like refugee fleas as well. Maybe they weren't. Oh, you're putting a lot on these fleas now. They weren't having a good time at the old house.

And they were like, oh, I get a bit of sunshine here because I'm next to a window and new people come in all the time. And then I fucking gassed them, bro. It's not. Yeah. Like Saddam Hussein on the Kurds. I fucking gassed them, bro. Jesus's not a... Yeah. Like Saddam Hussein on the Kurds, I fucking gassed them, bro. Jesus Christ, bro. This is getting dark.

You did this. I didn't do this. This is... What you did to the fleas, I mean, they bit us. And they made us itchy. That seems like not good justification. It's not moral equivalence to guess something to death just because it makes you itchy, is it?

No, but you don't think like a flea... I don't know what level of consciousness you ascribe to a flea, but if you're willing to pull off a bomb to kill them all, I can't think it's very high. Can you just finish the fucking banana that's in your mouth? Stop telling me how to eat my nani, man. I'm telling you how to talk. Don't tell me how to talk either.

I do it just fine. All right. It's just food mouth, man. He is super proud of his time difference math. Absolutely stoked. I nailed it. I know what the time is. Who's the artist? The pictures in the background.

They're ours. They'll be going out to the people who gave us money as part of the Kickstarter. We finally painted them. Well, they're actually not done. Not quite done yet. Good zing, Darcy Rhodes. More like fartist. A fart joke

is always good. Never out of place. I've Always said that Look at Sarah Jessica Parker Trying to get herself off the Fucking Hook Yeah Big

Sorry for my absence from the conversation everybody I just had to Finish my banana For a banana Is always A good source of potassium And then if I could I'd use the Like the cracking of banana skin For a banana is always a good source of potassium. And then if I could, I'd use the cracking of banana skin as the audio cue there.

It does need something, yeah. To represent the opening of a banana. Because it's like whenever you say a kiss is always a gift. It's kind of like hearing a slogan. Yeah. Like what's the McDonald's one? We gifted. We gave each other gifts Ba da ba ba ba

That's right it is too But there almost needs to be The thing I'm thinking is like a musical punctuation At the end of a jingle So it's like for a kiss there's always a gift For a banana there's always a good source of potassium Potassium Someone opening a banana and remembering how much potassium they're about to get.

For a banana is always a good source of potassium. Oh, potassium. Fucking hell. Or maybe even potassium ahoy. Potassium ahoy is good. It's a good name for a banana company. She feels awful and so do we. It's Carrie Bradshaw announcing her infidelity to her husband big

what's he gonna do return to the stock market or quickly rush out from his busy day and buy a diamond or maybe neither maybe he'll work on his big book of ideas where he stores all of his entrepreneurial developments and musings in crayon or charcoal. This segment of the podcast brought to you by Faber-Castell. For the fanciest colored pens, you're thinking Faber-Castell. Hello, it's me, Mr. Castell, here to say I'd just like to give a big thumbs up to Tim and Guy and what they're doing. And if you're coloring in, you're probably coloring with Castell.

Call me Castell. It's Mr. Faber. Bonjour, it's Mr. Faber. I just wanted to say, if you like to color in, then you probably like my pen. Okay. Bonne nuit. And that's it from us here at the Castell factory. Back to you, Mr. Crayola in Detroit, Michigan.

Back to you. The line's gone dead. There's a problem with the satellite link up there, I'm afraid. I'm really sorry for the technical difficulties. It's okay, mate. What a great new show you put together. You're a hell of a producer. I'm having major technical difficulties with my brain right now.

Oh, man alive. Fuck. Look at that guy, that security guard. It's so hard to act in a scene where you've just got nothing, eh? He does a good job. That's the hardest thing about acting a scene where you've just got nothing, eh? It does a good job. That's the hardest thing about acting. It's not when you're talking. It's when you're just reacting to what someone's saying.

You forget how you do that. When you're acting, you always feel like when you react to what someone's saying that you're meant to be doing more. Look at you right now. I'm talking. It's like nothing's going in. You're like a stone wall of emotion. I'm in a pretty unique zone though i don't think i'm giving an accurate representation

of what a person sounds like when they're receiving voice why are you keeping but receiving voice that's my new word for listening receiving voice why is samantha keeping connie's in her passport connie's in the passport trouble at the mill that's what my mama used to say maybe camera is not having a real good time auto focusing yeah this is k bradshaw right now jesus it's busy yeah i don't appreciate k bradshaw right now blah blah blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Does anyone else want to talk about me some more? McFucking blah, McFucking blah, blah, blah.

Charlotte, you're lucky I talked to you about myself. McFucking blah. By the way, Charlotte, I'm sorry I treat you like such a bitch. That's Carrie Bradshaw. What do you reckon pretty on point hey oh man is this over yet that needs no way jose the movie lives this is this is absolutely this is the the far and away the strongest time today when I've been like this has got to end right now gotta pull the plug on it

time marches on the show must go on valiantly if I had to describe myself with three words they would be fluid poker valiant

you go three words to what describe where I'm at steel cold vacuum you're in a cold steel vacuum yeah

that's dark yeah yeah well how's Carrie still talking about her kiss i don't know man no idea look at how i love how i really love um miranda's performance there every time it gets me it's like she's sleeping with her hands on her legs like you know that rugby pose you're doing or a sports photo when you're in intermediate or grade school it's like that like fists on legs sleeping knuckles facing the photographer the hotel manager comes out she wakes up and she sort of startles and moves her hands it's very good acting which i'm a big fan of you love good acting you've always said this i have have.

Bay Joan bringing the heat as he does every single one of these viewings. A fine actor in the wrong place at the wrong time. Beydoun is a towering juggernaut of good acting in a valley of ineptitude. What have I just kicked over? That's not good. Oh, no. Beydoun is cancelling all the meetings and telling the girls they're going to have to pay

tens of thousands of dollars, which is the actual cost of this hotel stay it would appear my co-pilot Captain Batman is having major technical difficulties and has left the room which is kind of weak considering how little of the movie remains

Miranda's just explained to everyone and has left the room, which is kind of weak considering how little of the movie remains. Miranda's just explained to everyone that it's a crime to not pay for a hotel room in the United Arab Emirates, which is insane because that would imply they didn't know it was a crime to do that in America. It is a crime anywhere. It is called theft. it is a crime anywhere it is called theft but such as the entitlement in these uh gals they've never had the consideration for what constitutes theft they're just constantly getting free stuff thrown at them heroes heroes one and all how are you meant to be sympathetic towards this they have to pack up all the clothes

they bought because everything was free they have to pay for excess baggage so they can fly home first class and still have a fucking slew of excess baggage there's nothing at stake to these people they don't have to like it's they're taking like extra bags one and all you know what i'm saying you gotta pay 70 for one of those extra bags and still fly economy not these people i don't know i mean it's you know you don't have to think about it that much but it's an option where are we at guy I'm back

we're at the home stretch your boy's back baby co-pilot bat in full effect you're gonna take this oh no this is the bit where you think it's at the end but it isn't

it's an optical illusion or a mirage as Aidan would say yeah a hallucination that was the bit I was looking for before got it or a mirage, as Aidan would say. Yeah. A hallucination. That was the word I was looking for before. Got it.

You have a hallucination. You don't have a mirage. That's what you were trying to say this whole time. No, from last time. Yeah, I know. It took me three hours. Amazing. What's wrong? You forgot to buy I forgot that I'm not supposed to peek out the fucking mic on a film set

That's not her job It's not not her job It's like how when you're an actor you gotta walk to your mark, you know That's fair You've just given up I haven't given up I've been working my goddamn ass off all day Alright mate

Toiling away in the mines The Sex and the City 2 mines Trying to find diamonds amongst the bloody rhinestones I have found nary a diamond today Nary a diamond A lot of coal This has felt Sort of actually almost, when you consider the risk we've put ourselves at,

pleasantly detached. Like it feels surreal. It doesn't feel like an actual event. The fact that this is all on the record is surprising to me. What do you mean by that? Do you mean this doesn't, like like you're losing your grip on reality yes jesus that's cool it's all right photo time it's quite relaxing because how much can you read into someone trying to talk about sex in the city too

for five hours straight i mean no one comes out of that looking good. Do you know what I'm saying? This is a lose-lose for us. I guess so. You've done a great job of documenting it. I feel like it's probably just photos of the big microphone thingy in front of our heads so you can't see anything anyway. Tell you what I have done, though. There's a couple of redundancies we're using here today because imagine if we recorded this

and just, like, the fucking file didn't record or something. That would be soul-destroying. Good God. Goddamn, wouldn't that ruin your day? This is a spicy meatball. It certainly is this week. Weighing in at five pounds. Okay, back in the game.

Get your head back in there, guy. Get back in the room. Get my head in the game. Gotta get your head in the game. So here we're getting the payoff to the don't have the forbidden experience comment where some counterfeit merch is going to get purchased upstairs. Just like Garon warned.

I would describe the payoff as palpable. Tim, where does the rain in Spain fall? Spain? Yeah. If you think about it. Where in Spain though? What part of Spain What sort of

The south I agree Probably the north actually I think You get more tropical activity In the south though One would think Yeah but it rains in

You know Those northern parts of Europe and it's not exactly tropical it's not tropical in england certainly not no i'm not accusing them of being tropical not this not this weary traveler what's that you say you accuse us of being tropical oh i don't not bloody like hello that is not bloody likely it's me Guy Montgomery I'm melting that is Guy Montgomery

doing Michael Caine doing Guy Montgomery after four and a half hours of Sex and the City 2 Carrie is such a bitch to all her friends. That's not just a brain eruption from Guy.

That's a comment from the Periscope. And online stream watcher, you couldn't be more right. She's just wretched. She makes everything about herself. Self-centered. It does feel good knowing, at least for today,

we are now on the home stretch. Who told us that that handbag she's got is, like, subject to an entire episode and it's $30,000? Did Jen tell us that? It's possible. I don't remember. Because she was pretty familiar with the Bat-Cat, as we call it. That is what we call it.

We always call it the Batcat. Who's got a $30,000 handbag? Who's the market for that? I guess the same market for people who think that this movie was a good idea. There aren't many of them. The soundtrack is going off right now. They buy a lot of things.

It's a great... You love it, eh? Yeah, it's a great uh you love it eh yeah it's a great spice up on the six and city two theme song motif because they've kind of decaled the knee quab of traditional middle eastern beats this is what they've done there it'd be like what i'm trying to do is kind of a fusion dj project oh my god yes i get oh my god yes old school like oriental music yes yes and yes mashed it up with a bit of breakbeat oh yes maybe chucking some skrillex to really set the night up right before I start getting into the more obscure shit. That is absolutely yes. And then we all just fucking hammer some pingers

and listen to 8-Bit till the sun comes up. We put pingers in our eyeballs till they come out our bloody urethra, mate. Absolutely. You are listening to Radio Live. This is BBC One. Coming up next, we have... A damning indictment on england's national

broadcaster guy montgomery was that all right i'm coming out weapons blazing fuck you this entire director this entire director's commentary has been a trojan horse for my opinions on public broadcasting in britain dear you god damn good gracious we're back to the most offensive part of the movie Which is the Middle Eastern woman emerging from the cocoons Which are their full body lengths And I said goodness gracious What are those great balls of fire?

Oh my god I'll kiss you on the chin I'll kiss you on the chin until you begin Tell me stop please stop I don't like that i say okay tim here's my cat it's a tabby and you pet it have some milk young cat you're creepy too guy montgomery let it be said a creepy confident man That is a massive insult I'm just at my wits end Oh we all are So to speak

All of us are mate Where they paint murals of Biggie What? Is that your takeaway from our two trips to the to the american state no she said new york city and i quoted oh right sorry gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha brooklyn new york city where they paint murals of biggie that looks like the oh that's not good at all. Explain what's happening. The battery on the computer that we are watching the movie on is telling us it's running low on 10%,

which is surprising because I'm pretty sure it's been charging this whole time. And then the computer above it the screen is just shutting down also it's uh it's a scary time to feel life here at the worst idea of all time hq and tim god bless his soul is just looking around the place trying to find anything to revive these dying bits of technology it is scary we're in a race against the movie to finish it still has a whopping

16 minutes of run time to give us I think you kicked the power cable out at some stage it's right here so we're fine. I don't know if you picked that up, Tim, being very unprofessional and off-microphone there. The guy's tough to record with, but he was saying, I've accidentally kicked the power source out,

deflecting blame as always. But not to worry, it's very nearby the tablet. It's very nearby the tablet. If you could imagine vaguely Middle Eastern sounding caper music playing, that's exactly what we're hearing right now is the four women decaling their knee quabs with handbags. Jesus wept. We're still here, right? We're all still here.

And Miranda's telling everyone that if they're not careful, they're going to get bumped from first class. Oh, no. Which is untenable in the eyes of Samantha, Carrie, and Charlotte. Now we see an exposed car. I've always thought it would be hilarious if at this point in the movie, the car that pulls over wasn't, in fact, a cab, but a police car, and the woman were locked away in a prison forever

It'd be kind of funny as well if the movie took a very off note gory direction and when she put her leg out there dangling it for all to see a car just like smashed into it and took it off just like wasted her shin

Just anything to jar you out of the, like, what's the opposite of comfortably numb? Uncomfortably numb. It's like a Weird Al Yankovic bloody version of Pink Floyd. That's how I feel. I feel like I'm in a Weird Al Yanko PF cover. Just trying to reduce it to an acronym for no real reason there.

I could tell. I could tell. Oh, fuck. Great. We're back at New York City. Dude, we've almost bloody got there. All the way from Auckland to New York City to Abu Dhabi. Oh, yeah. Back to New York City and back to Auckland.

Your boys have been battling hard. All right? We've been working our asses off today. Was it worth it? Almost definitely not. I can't imagine anyone still being tuned in. You almost got me real good with that banana. Right in my eye.

Go waving that thing around like that. Here it comes. Mommy. Say hello. Charlotte's back from outer space. She turned up to pick up her kids with those dumb looks upon their face. Carrie's fingering all of the mayonnaise and Biggs shirts. It's a big callback.

Big callback to season one. Do you know that saying it again like probably about one year later, it's no less satisfying to say fingering them. Steve Buscemi has been fingering the mayonnaise as like one of the most well-built sentences in the English language. There is something rewarding about saying it out loud.

Steve Buscemi is fingering the mayonnaise. It's almost like the quick brown fox in that it doesn't, but it feels like you traverse over every sound that's in the English language that make up words. It's mostly sibilance. Steve Buscemi was fingering the mayonnaise.

There is a lot of sibilance. Hey! Don't worry, everyone. Mr. Big made it back to their apartment. And he's looking mysterious and confused. I thought he got lost. Oh, my God. That was a hearty yawn. I thought he got lost out in that big city.

I thought he got lost out in the wilderness. What if I talk like this? Hello. You see me? This is how I talk now. It's a disturbing face that you're contorting your features into right now.

Terrifying. That's just how I look. face that you're contorting your features into right now. Terrifying. That's just how I look. Oh man, I can't look too much at that directly. Fair enough. I'm just throwing anything out there. I appreciate the offer. I appreciate the gift that you've thrown out there.

Look, true blue home stretch now, folks. This is us Big's justifying why he's just gone out there and bought a diamond for his cheating wife and I feel like with this speech and this gesture as well

it's not justifying it to her he's just trying to justify it to himself it doesn't make any sense I think, but you know in fairness to both of them, I do think that their relationship is stronger for this experience. Yeah. I do genuinely

believe that they'll be happier having gone through this hardship. But a diamond isn't what you need for that. You just do it. It's kind of like, it's... No, no, hold on for a second. Because this is what this fucking movie does, Guy. It attaches warrantless consumerism to every emotional moment.

So this is like, I could just, in any other movie, we've done such a good job with the characters in the story that me forgiving her is a big payoff. But you don't like the characters enough in this film for that to be it, so you've got to attach a very expensive item to let everyone know, all the psychopaths in this film for that to be it so you've got to attach a very expensive item to let everyone know all the psychopaths in the audience who can relate to this lavish lifestyle who are rich as fuck they're like yeah i get that it means a lot but how much in us dollars it's like i don't know sixteen thousand dollar ring oh great well now i can understand what you're

talking about because i'm a psychopath who doesn't empathize with humans. That's what that moment is for. To be honest, if you watch the movie enough times, you start to feel like a detached piece of, just a shell, shell of a man. An empty skin. You quite finished there? Yeah. Mr. George

Bernard Shaw. I don't know what I was going on about. How's that for a little sparkle I guess the movie was going to end at 4.20 and I'm pretty much bang on it's pretty impressive eh well done you well done you mate oh fuck it's not a joke is that banging up the script at this point why

yeah sydney lauper true colors kicks in shot of church accompanied by microsoft clip art for office space it's such a fucking cool part of town though that they pan down from. It's not a coincidence. Yeah, true. Oh, I get it, guy. I'm not a moron. I know how films are made based on their aesthetic like qualities. I said it

out of my mind. Yeah. They're doing it under fireworks. The way it was meant to be done That truck, we decided it was a Mercedes Benz We didn't decide that Filmmakers decided that We worked out

Fourth of July That's why I love you so Don't be afraid Sex and City 3 Will probably This is an interesting one it's neither a sequel nor a prequel it takes place in the time

in between when they arrive back from New York but not the end of the prologue in the film where Dickbot is fucking Samantha so it's all of the Brady gaining a lot of power and influence under the sewers so it's almost gaining

problems currently in parts of sex and city too but just with the focus on it's a snippet of just that last bit of time wow okay so for example they're in abu dhabi from the 3rd of august till let's say the 8th and then they get back and the prologue takes place on the 4th of July so it's like September through till July you rephrased that I tuned out and I got

it doesn't matter it's really not worth revisiting it's a shame I wish I'd paid attention it didn't warrant it it did you gotta take that tradition Decal it Your Nequab way Decal the Nequab

Well While I'm impressed that we made it through Tim I don't feel any richer for the experience I feel like something has been taken from me That can't be given back I'm with you I don't even think we've contributed anything back into the world Like this is a very empty feeling very empty feeling so we've lost our uh few periscopers who

are with us on the journey my fault not theirs but um thank you to everyone who has made it fuck us i think in conclusion jokes on us i gotta say though look, it has just clicked over to 420. And it's the end. You're a legend. You're a stone cold fox. Good on you, guy. Hey, good on you, guy. Good on you, Tim. A big thank you also to our friends Patrick and Michael King who lent a helping hand.

Thanks to Karma Cola and to Big Pipe Broadband. Big Pipe Broadband is what you want and don't say thank you to us so thank you to yourselves and to your mother and father hey look after each other out there this is literally the

only reason this happened was so we could sync the number of watches to the episode number we just went through all of that. Just Jesus Christ. All right,

guys, we'll see you in a week or so. Bye.