The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty Three - Magda

Episode Date: December 20, 2015

This ep possible thanks to BIGPIPE.CO.NZ (and our gorgeous donators/merch buyers) features an all too overlooked character - Magda, the housekeeper. Is she a competing robot vying with Dickbot for domination? Is she a Russian spy? Miranda's importance to the Rat King arc is drawn out. Mr Big is splitting his focus between deadliest catch and a new idea: retractable, blendable knives in a pack the size of a deck of cards. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh baby, oh mama, that was very nearly an absolute disaster. Could have been pretty bad. Hey dude. Hey dude. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode number 43. Three. Three. Is it?

Or four. No, it's definitely not four. Hey, who's tallying this? But it is also episode in total number 100 Yeah Go us Well it's the 100th thing that we've released on the stream On the feed

That's how you measure it though Yeah Isn't it? That's how you tally it So 100 deep How about that? Doesn't feel you tally it. So 100 deep. How about that? Doesn't feel that good. No, it certainly doesn't.

I feel like I've been beaten into a bloody pulp mentally, a bloody mental pulp. I'm imagining a brain just like smashed on the concrete, just bleeding out. It's a pink mess with this blood just going to the drain. Pretty dark, Tim. That's how I feel at the moment. It's bad.

I just couldn't the drain. Pretty dark, Tim. That's how I feel at the moment. It's bad. I just couldn't, each time I kind of came to and realised the movie was still going, I was just shocked because it felt like it was about six hours today. That was in real emotional terms. That's how long the film took to run. That's true. At the very top of this episode, we should flag that we didn't pay the movie the most attention. But not in the regular, like normally when we've done that

in the past and we've had to penalise ourselves or whatever we haven't been present. But we were, like it was on and we were there and we were in front of it and we were looking at it. I would argue I would argue that it is scientifically and I don't think this is just us, I think it would be impossible for any person to sit down and watch that movie

from start to finish and be completely absorbed in the story and not have a like, the whole way I think it is it's an impossibility and one that we're confronted with every week I'm just going to have to hit pause real quick on this and say

a big fat thank you to our sponsor this episode which is big pipe internet um if you're in new zealand you should be using big pipe because they don't have contracts or data caps but we do now in our merch store that's right how good is that um they didn't want it in their business plan we said i don't know if that's true i think if we went to them and we said hey big pipe we've thought of this amazing joke you know how you don't know if that's true I think if we went to them And we said Hey Big Pipe We've thought of this amazing joke You know how you don't do data caps You should start producing caps

That have the word data on them I think they would have taken that And run with it But we didn't even offer it to them Because it was too good We'll never know Findies Keepsies

Well I feel like If you know If the business Brands itself Is not having data caps For them to That's true actually To then start distributing data caps

Is very You're right That's on We've got to do it Contrarian Yeah So we've got the data caps is very contrarian. So we've got the data caps. They don't have them. They don't have contracts. That's actually a burden.

It's our responsibility now. All of the data caps that internet providers, like the wonderful BigPipe, have no longer imposed, we take a physical cap for every data cap released. It's a weird system it's an agreement I'm not hugely excited to be a part of it's like when fairies die and you've got to clap to bring

them back to life, it's that whole thing when does that happen? when does a fairy die? if you say that they're not real if you say you don't believe in them really? yeah. every time you say a fairy isn't real one of them dies you better bloody parky parky, mate. And what happens if you clap?

Well, I think because the way that it's been depicted on film, in particular, I'm referencing... Hook. Dustin Hoffman's Hook. Robin Williams. Was Julia Roberts Tinkerbell in that? I think she was. And she starts to fade when someone mentions that fairies aren't real.

And so when the fairy fades, that's when you clap and you bring them back to life. It's kind of like a recess. It's like the paddles, you know, the defibrillator. The applause. Yeah. That's what it's like for fairies. That is a biological fault. That is absolutely...

I mean, you could destroy legions of fairies. Yeah. Just by chanting. Do you know what it is? Maybe fairies were around before us and no animal had language. They couldn't construct out loud the idea that fairies might not be real.

And so they didn't have a natural predator. In fact, if anything, they were impenetrable because their applause would just empower them more. Yeah, all animals could do was applaud, but they could never say, fairies aren't real. I feel like it's a metaphor for an argument as old as time, which is what is more powerful between applause and chanting? I mean, you know, I think it was in the book of Genesis,

the snake said, the person whom answers this question one will have an always powerful tongue. Did you say applause and cheering or applause and chanting? Chanting. Yeah. I'm going to go with chanting, actually. Why? Because there's so much.

The human voice is more powerful than. It's just, you know, when you're like, you get into that zone. into that zone the chanting zone yeah yeah the chanting zone to really tap into shit you get a little bit when you're cheering for something but not as much it's a very primal thing yeah chanting isn't it you really tap into the uh stuff the cat the it's always sunny in philadelphia crew very good at chanting yeah and that's like the most primal that characters get really absolutely absolutely oh by the way this show um would like to remind you to watch f is for family bill burr's new animated series on netflix no one paid us that's not a paid read we just thought it would be a good idea to tell you because um bill burr's the shit and he's got his own cartoon show now and we can say cartoon because guess what no one's

provided us with copy pointers because they're not paying us to say it so we'll call it whatever we want if it's for family it's cartoon and a derogatory word to animators i think it is now yeah that seems silly anyhow cartoons are for kids the thing with sex in the city too is as i was saying we struggled to focus entirely throughout it and we had like i haven't really seen tim for the week so it was sort of we we frankly to be honest with you dear listener we took the first half hour of the movie as an opportunity to catch up um you know it was like we were catching up at the table next to us uh the gals were also catching up uh and we were just sitting in the cafe with them at a parallel table they were

nattering away that's right those are some pretty abrasive characters with not very interesting lives it's probably best to just leave them be uh and then when eventually there was like a natural lull or break in conversation and we turned back in the movie it was like barely any time they were still at the wedding or something insane like that like barely any time had passed and it sort of felt like it could have been going forever i feel like we've been in this room for days yeah quite likely the way i feel at the moment it's so weird isn't it so weird that a movie can make you feel like it's held you prisoner for as long as this one has been. It's bloody madness.

So I don't know what to say about the film, really. I want to express that Magda probably hasn't had the old worst idea treatment as much as she's deserved through her performances. She turns in

intuitive force week in, week out. Now, Magda... God bless her soul. Just to remind you folks who haven't seen the film over three dozen times, she is the housemaid who works for Miranda and Steve at the house, and very weird. She gives the best barrelling the camera moment

at the Science Prize giving at Brady School. The only barrelling the camera moment at the Science Prize giving at Brady's school. The only barrelling the camera moment at the Prize giving at Brady's school. Someone told me there's another one, but I'm sure we would have seen it by now. You'd think so, although there's a lot of people on camera at different points.

Yeah, but we've seen the movie so much. At one point, I thought Brady almost did it in the coffee shop. He looked very close to camera, but he was actually looking to his mum because he was bored nah but she was uh talking talking with the gals about maybe potentially going to abu dhabi and she said yes actually in the end she said that she would go to abu dhabi and then

all of them all four of them so it was uh there's carrie samantha charlotte miranda all they all go on holiday to abu dhabi and they fly in this wonderful jet plane. It's beautiful. It's lavish. They pretty much sleep in office cubicles, but they've been sort of kitted out with gold trim, sort of not paunchy, but soft-looking furniture. And they get to Abu Dhabi, and it's different. It's different from New York, but people everywhere are people.

People are the same, and they learn. They learn some lessons, and oh. Don't give it up yet. Yeah, and then eventually they get kicked out of the country because Miranda, she went into a peep show and she watched a man fuck a sheep. No. Yeah. No.

And it was a sting operation set up by the coppers, the bloody coppers, and they all got deported because Miranda was periscoping it and the girls were watching it by the pool. Your mind's drifted. It's not this one. It's a different one. No, I think the one I'm talking about is what I just watched.

I don't think it is. Your brain's trying to create an escape for itself. I feel when you talk, it feels like you're inflatable, like you're an inflatable pool toy or something. And when you talk, it's like the air is just being released. Sort of like it looks, to look at you while you speak, it looks physically drained. Yeah, that's a fair summation.

Hey, but let's talk about Magda. B, let's talk about magda baby let's talk about magda seriously my theory you want to hear it i'll give it to you magda was the first artificial intelligence bot or like android off the assembly line ussr russian 68 uh it was sort of like a side source from the great space race as they started putting a lot of time and money into researching artificial intelligence and human models. And they turned her on before she was ready and she wandered off the plant and off the property and got on a boat and moved to New York.

It's like Chappie. And she wasn't really, I haven't seen Chappie, but she wasn't, so I can't speak to the similarities or differences, but she was programmed, obviously, to go in and infiltrate and relay intel back to the USSR. But she was set to, instead of being set to international, which is for when you go off your own country to research different places, she was set to domestic, and the domestic setting made her domesticated.

Oh, no. So they really fiffed the code. The whole thing. Well, I mean, it was the first one. It was a prototype. It wasn't fit for the public. So the AI that's running that shell of a woman um misinterpreted what domestic meant instead of meaning like uh local intranational

it interpreted as being home-based tasks and chores vis-a-vis a very like it's a very simple language oversight but you've got to remember this is 1968. They didn't have Google Translate. She's just a two-bit, eight-bit Russian bot. The English language was outlawed in the USSR, as we all know. Now, I can't agree with you. I don't think she's robot. I think she's a spy from the USSR, from the old Soviet Union. It's a regular old human being.

Yeah. Something's happened to her. What was her mission statement? I think she was just out there like all the spies were just to find out about the West and where they're up to with everything. Because you wouldn't build an android that looked that old. Would you?

No, you would. Why? No one would suspect that. Obviously, it would be pretty suspicious when the bot wasn't aging. No, but okay. No, because here it is. She's growing like a human. They just modeled the programming on a real-life human being.

So when she walked off the factory plant, she was a baby. No. 69. She was like a teenager. Right. 69 to 2000, and when does this hit? 10. So we're talking 41 years.

Wait, 51. 41. 41 years. So 41 years, she's a teenager. See, she looks too old. Here's what I reckon. She's only been 20. So, if you were going to be a spy, right,

you would want access to high-level meetings and people. And no one's going to invite an old woman to some, you know, bureaucrat party where all the presidents are hanging out. It's the swing in 60s. You want your jfks and stuff you want to look like a foxy early 20 year old you don't want an aging bot yes people want conversation that's what people like but if the robot's not even smart enough to determine that domestic means stay within the country rather than do a bunch of dishes you're dealing with a

lot of world leaders a lot of egos. They just want a sounding board so that they can talk about themselves. And that was what they wrote, and that's what... You reckon that's what Magda's up to? Well, it would have been, had it not been for the domestic snafu. Didn't really make it along to a lot of those soirees. There's a competing third theory about Magda, and the evidence I bring to the fore is that

she insists that Miranda have some breakfast before she goes out for the day. And I reckon maybe the food's been tampered with slightly and Magda's got advanced insider knowledge of Brady's future. And she is feeding Miranda with rat poison incrementally to build up her tolerance for it. Oh, so like she's working in conjunction with Brady

secretly from Miranda. I don't know if she's on Brady's side. I think there's some external force. Wow. And what is Miranda's value in this situation? Why is she being... I think Miranda is a hell of an asset being the mother of the future Rat King

because she kind of knows his weaknesses and stuff. So it's very important that she gets kept around. So like if you were... Crust left on. Crust left on is a big Brady weakness. Yeah, there you go. So like if you were an actor in this war and you wanted to take down Brady,

you would think probably the way to do it would be like a mass distribution of rat poison because it's going to kill the rats instantly and try to get to Brady that way. But if you can kind of just like blanket the house with rat poison, but you know, Miranda's going to survive. So just in case Brady survives, you've still got this key intelligence asset on how to take him down later.

Yeah. You know? She's a very valuable asset. I understand that. So Brady is, in spite of his sort of maniacal plans for global domination, he's also still vulnerable to the fact that he's an 8-year-old boy. Yeah. And he needs that support and sort of boost leg up from mum.

It's not even that the absence of a mother figure would be the weakness itself. It's that Miranda would know what the weaknesses are. The crust of the issue. Or the bread in this circumstance. Good point. It leaves Steve a bit up in the air as well in this diagram, this Cold War, as to where he kind of slots in.

I think this is why it's so fascinating is that they're all working across purposes, but, I mean, that house is just a hive of activity. It really is. I mean, you've got someone running for mayor while launching an interstate, you know, reformed spelling bee and packaging that and trying to get that sold to NBC for that 6.30 Tuesday slot, which has been a huge weak point in the NBC slate of shows, I think, since 1978 when they took off the original spelling bee, which was a bee that could spell. Anyway, I mean, what I'm saying is there's a lot of action happening in that part of New York City. And it almost seems like, you know, after that Lynyrd Skynyrd plane crash,

you shouldn't have that many people living in one place. They have to fly on separate planes. Although the fact that they're all doing their biddings in secret means that... Do you think the Lynyrd Skynyrd incident is, like, the first time that they're all doing their their biddings in secret means that do you think the leonard skinner incident is like the first time that they've figured out that you shouldn't put all your eggs into one basket i've read the history books i know what i'm talking about like up until then just they wasn't even a concept that was around no no one had thought about it that was the first plane crash on record it's amazing because i Because I know nowadays, like, they never fly

the president and the vice president in the same plane. And it's just incredible to remember that the reason why is a bunch of rednecks who wrote a couple,

well, one good tune. They wrote more than one good tune. Free Bird's pretty good as well, actually, other than that. Sweet Home Alabama is done. Yeah, I know.

That's like, that's a given. Was that the good tune though? Yeah. It's not, yeah. Free Bird's bloody good too, though. It's difficult, because when it came out, I'll tell you what, I know. That's the, that's like, that's the given. Was that the good tune though? Yeah. It's not, yeah. Free Bird's bloody good too though. It's difficult because when it came out, I'll tell you what, I reckon if I had been alive

when Sweet Home Alabama came out, fuck, I would have been getting down. Oh, of course. It's a bloody shame. But now it's just, it has been just devastated. I think the fact that the sample of it features in Werewolves of London, which I was in Grownups 2. But wait a minute, which way around does that go? Werewolves of London.

I feel like it's Sweet Home Alabama's got to be first. You would think so, right? You definitely think so. First over the line. Yeah. The fact we, I don't know the name of the band or artist who sings Werewolves of London speaks to that. Because if that was the first one,

surely you'd know that artist. Look. You would hope we would. A couple of boys doing anything they can to avoid talking about sex in the city too. You've stumbled in on us. There's Magda. There she is. We'll put her on the shelf.

She's done for a bit. I had a shining light this week. Trying to remember what it was. The characters in these movies play things to be picked up and discussed and then put back. Yes, they are. What was My Shining Light? I got you to write it down. It was Big.

Oh, it's a look. It was Big's acting. A look from Big. Pastor Chris North channeling his character of Mr. Big. Yeah. During the bedroom, what bit was that? It's when they're having an argument and in the middle of it, when there hasn't even been a resolution.

Oh, yeah. Okay, so the argument's really been ramping up between he and Carrie, and Carrie's really given it to him verbally, saying, you know, you're being a dick. Stop being a dick. And he just looks past, like, with minimal physical movement of his head, just looks past her to get back to the eyeline of the TV. And there's something sensationally brutal about that.

It's always funny when you can have a massive effect with very little output and like he only used a few jewels just to move his neck muscles a tiny bit. But what it said to Carrie is, this conversation is completely meaningless to me and I just want to get back to Deadliest Catch. I won't even entertain the fact that you're angry with me with some sort of

placating response. I've just got to get back to this enormous fish. Did you not hear the teaser in the ads? This is the most dangerous situation they've been in in the seven seasons of filming. I can't miss this. I can definitely miss what you're talking about because I'm sure this conversation is going

to happen again tomorrow as it did yesterday and the day prior. But right now, I just need to see this catfish. That's all I need to see. And he communicates that solely with just a bloody jerk of the head. A minimal jerk of the head. Just for clarity, the motivation was exactly as Tim described it,

but the terms, some of them are a bit confusing now as we record this in 2015. Catfish was, of course, the actual species, catfish, and not the internet trickery. And the reason he had to watch it so urgently is there weren't any good streaming platforms. And so if he did miss that episode, he'd fall back on the... Fish pun, love it. He'd fall back on the... Fish pun, love it.

He'd fall back on the... He'd be one short in the canon of Deadliest Catch episodes. And you just couldn't take that chance back in the day because Netflix wasn't around. So if you missed an episode of Toweling, you didn't have your DVR set, you were fucked. There's no way to get back up on involved with it. Yeah, you've gravitated that moment a few times.

I would put it to you that Pastor Chris Noweth is a, he's like, he's just a very direct guy. And accordingly, I think he misses a few social cues because he's a TV addict when he's trying to talk himself out of having to go to the movie premiere with Carrie, she says, no, what happens? He doesn't want to go to the movie premiere, and then she's like, okay, I'll go with Stanford. And then he just immediately picks up the remote and turns the TV on.

It's like, that's just so antagonistic. You know you're going to get called up on that. All he needed to do to be smooth sailing on that was wait about a second and a half before picking up the right control. He goes to the movie premiere. I mean, they start having these huge relationship problems, which just keep servicing week after week. In fact, we've plotted it today perfectly.

The moment at which the movie goes from being just a bad movie to actually unbearable to be in a room with is when it's the anniversary dinner between Big and Carrie. Yeah, because up until then you've been hit with you've got a big gay wedding, we've got a lot of people dressed up, we've got a lot of colour, we've got a lot of life,

we've got Liza Minnelli, we've got songs and dances and people making gay jokes. For whatever it's worth, at least that kind of keeps you engaged with the film. And then, but you go back to New York and it's all sort of just fun character stuff. I mean, Charlotte takes charge of her, charlotte sorry miranda takes charge of

her career charlotte's a little bit worried about the nanny uh and samantha's just being samantha creaming it fuck she's good and charlotte really fucked me off this week her response to um the nanny's buzzies getting uh whetted while she was in a white top By her kid Because there's the scene Where Runkle's Bathing the baby With the nanny Which You know

I never really thought about it before But that's kind of a weird Slightly weird scenario I guess Charlotte had shit to do That happens So Runkle's in there With the nanny Cupcakes to make

Yeah Gotta make them cupcakes And Yeah Her top gets Wet And they all have a giggle about it And the baby's loving it

Rose? Rosa You keep saying Rosa It's just Rose Because they're both flowers Rose and Lily Rosa So Rosa's giggling

Runkle's laughing The nanny is also giggling away And Charlotte just appears in the doorway And sees the scene unfold And looks fucking horrified It's this sort of terrifying and terrified spectre? This puritanical, ethereal being who just appears at the doorway,

gets outraged and then fucks off and then harbours that resentment for the whole rest of the movie as some sort of half-attempted a C-plot designed to keep us in our seats. Look, what I'm saying is the movie until the anniversary dinner is, it's not good, but it's watchable and it's not grating to be around.

But then it's when they start dealing with, like when they introduce conflict, like real central conflict to the movie, it just becomes so grating because none of the conflict is meaningful. It's just all trivial, bougie, bloody, live in La Vida Loca in New York City crap. It's dumb stuff. It's dumb, unrelatable stuff. It's nice to know that to have finally figured out the moment

where it goes from just a bad thing to be doing to just literally unwatchable, scientifically unwatchable. What would I like to do at this juncture... University of New South Wales 2008, before the movie was released. Is I'd just like to read out, as a shout out, some people who've donated money to ourselves.

I was going to say cause. I can't use that kind of grandiose language with what we're doing. But if you go to westideerofalltime.com and you click on the merch button or you just go westidearofalltime.com slash merch,

it'll take you to a page where up the top there's a PayPal button where you can just flick us a dollar or however many dollars you want. Some people flick this $50, which I find outrageous and very heartening.

So thank you so much. And you can also buy merchandise there like t-shirts and data caps and posters you can buy uh the original album cover for the 17 piece kinks scar cover band indiglacted glory hole uh led by none other than mr big yeah uh and you could also buy the joined by fan by fan favourite Tyrone Wishbone. Fishbone. Wishbone. If you like the name so much, you should know it.

And the poster of the Grown Ups 2 drinking game rules. It's all there. It's all there. So the donations that have come through, firstly from Patrick Sessions, who added a note saying, think of this as recompense for pain and suffering for my continued entertainment. Thank you, Patrick.

This episode certainly serves as a testament to that, I think, because it sucked. This is a fine conversation. No, sorry, I mean the watch. Precocious young minds. I just mean the watch of it. I don't mean the episode. Chill out.

Kyle McKenzie says, Tim and Guy, thank you so much for the hours of entertainment you've provided. You have no idea how big a part of my life the podcast has become. Kyle, truly, thank you. You have no idea how big a part of that message of support you've become. We've printed that out in A0, and it's up on the walls here. It's huge. It takes up the entire here. It's huge. It takes up the entire studio.

It's massive. Carol, now, the pronunciation of her surname, it's thrown me. Just have a God's honest go of it. Andredses. Andredses. No message there, but thank you so much, Carol, for flicking some money our way. Lily Reid has said,

To my boys, Tim and Guy, I don't know what to say. I'm drunken alone on a Friday night. I'm listening to Warren and Stevenson and crying my eyes out from laughter. The last six months have been shitty for me, but your ridiculous podcast has been a small shining light. I know you'll be happy when you finish, but I'll be a little sad.

You inspire me to live every moment, love every day, Merry Christmas thank you Lily wow Lily that was a touching message don't let my soberingly mono what's the adjective for monotone syllabic

no what's the how do you make monotone monotonous don't let the lack of emotion in my voice fool you Lily No, how do you make monotone? Monotonous. It is, yeah. Don't let the lack of emotion in my voice fool you, Lily. That's a dope fucking message, and thank you. Tim's straight up welling from every pore right now. The boy is crying and sweating up a storm.

He is sodden. And lastly. It looks like he's walked in from the ocean. Catherine S. Maslin. He's got gills and fins. The boy is a fish. I can't tell you what to do with my donation, but Tim, maybe you'll put this towards the credit card bill situation you mentioned on the show.

My bad. Wear your heart on your sleeve. It continues. I worry about you. Anyway, do whatever you want. Thanks for everything. You guys are the best. You're the best, Catherine.

I think that's a great message. Thank you to all of those people. And anyone who's bought the merch, please, when you get it, let us know either through Twitter or the Facebook. Yeah, someone sent us a photo. And it looks fucking awesome. It's very exciting and novel for us. The t-shirts look so cool.

And we give the artists who came up with the designs 20% of whatever we make as well, because it seems fair. It's hard to say. I think that's fair. I don't know what the cut-up should be, but 20% seems in the mix. Look, we're not here to talk business. Well, we are here to talk business, actually.

We're here to talk about a pretty big business idea. It's been propositioned in a leather-bound book. Dusty, covered in cobwebs because it's still got its Halloween decorations left on it. Found in a sort of a fishbowl without any sort of keyboards or mouse. No touchscreens. It's Mr. Big's big book of ideas. Whoa.

I'm sorry. Why did you feel the need to point out that there, why have you got a measuring tape that you're just mucking around with too? People are going to be wondering what that weird noise is. Too many questions from you, not enough ideas. Well, I just want to know, like, why do you have to specify... The noise is the spirit of Brady. When is a fishbowl accompanied generally by a keyboard and mouse?

An office. Correct. Nice, you nailed it. Now, let's talk about the measuring tape. Stop playing with it, because it's odd. It's freaking me out. It's coming very close to my face.

You once just played with a knife for a whole episode, and you're telling me I can't toy around with a tape measure? Another fine point, Mr. Montgomery. Point conceded. You're fucking with the best boy. Now tell me, for the love of god what mr big is plotting it's a business idea as you said and it's a beautiful business idea which involves

the same technology that's used for retractable measuring tapes but applied to knives so you can hide a bunch of knives inside of something that's essentially the size of a deck of cards semi-flexible materials, the metal that the daggers are made out of but very, very sharp, very hard to dull. So these are not like novelty those magic knives which look... There's nothing novelty about this

retractable knife device not at all. And it's not so you see how tape measure works where it's one continuous item, it's like multiple knives instead. So you see how tape measure works Where it's one continuous item It's like multiple knives instead So you take them all out You can put them all back in But if you take them all out

From something that's about the size of a deck of cards You get two dozen knives Two dozen flexible metal knives Very sharp Card sized Sounds like a pretty Is it impressive what they've built here

it's like unlikely it's pretty it's a pretty pretty it's a feat of engineering sure is it's a premium product I mean the

we've seen the price plans and they are through the roof it's a subscription service too it's a you gotta sign up to be involved you can't just buy it yeah

you gotta be in the program because they provide you with training yeah You've got to be in the program because they provide you with training. Yeah. And certification. And to get in the program, first of all, what will happen is you'll be given several sets of the knives to then sell. And for every set of knives you sell, you'll get a percentage of the – it's a fair business.

20%, I think that's fair. Yeah, so what we've kind of 20%, I think that's fair. Yeah, so what we've kind of recommended to people is that they get friends and family on board first. Yeah. Sort of throw some knife parties, which are always fun. And just really, yeah, try and pique people's interest with that. Let them see the device, touch the device, muck around with the knives a bit.

And you say, look, we've got a package we can start you off. $5,000 is the only outlay we're looking for at the initial and then you're a small business owner. Guess what? Welcome to the club. Club entrepreneurship.

That's right. So, it's frankly, of all of the business propositions he's written in that crazy book of his, one of the strongest. I, for one, am very excited to be involved.

You know, I've made, and this isn't even a paid for testimonial. This is just me talking here. This is like the F for family plug. I mean, in the last two weeks from selling these knives, I've made over $6,000. $6,000?

Just on commission. That's huge. That's huge. So come on callers, join the knife party. Yeah. And get on board. Yeah, if you are interested, send us an email at bigsnivesarebig, just kidding, they're little, at knives.com.

I guess that's, sorry, I think I stumbled over my scoop. You got something in your throat. Something. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop. Scoop got something in your throat. There's something. Scooby-doo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo.

Scooby-doo-boo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. She's got a car. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. Scooby-doo-boo-boo. She's got a car. He's got a car.

Well, he bit all the he-dogs and looked at all the she-dogs and the crowd never knew such a hullabaloo What's he doing? What is he doing again? That's the question We ask it every week We've still yet to definitively find out the answer But we'll keep looking Till the day we cark it at the hands of Mr Big's Knives

Is there an answer? Or does he just represent a parallel universe with each watch? I mean, the thing about Coffee Guy is that he represents the best and worst in all of us. So he's sort of like just pure potential. That's the thing. He's a blank canvas that we project ourselves onto. And the only thing that we know about humanity is that it loves coffee doesn't matter we are from lava to java and our native new zealand to uh kenya we all remember the chicago the famous greg's coffee campaign with Borat love it the job

I don't remember that really did he do a campaign for instant coffee yeah Christ on a stick I'm lying I am lying I'll put down the tape measure I only lie when I'm holding it there you go we're good now

he's got it back he's picked it up first it's back down sorry to cut you off there There you go. We're good now. He's got it back. He's picked it up for us. It's back down. Sorry to cut you off there. All I was saying is that much like, have you seen all of the Matrix movies? No, because I'm not an idiot. Yep, valid.

So in the second one, I think, it's kind of explained with the Oracle. I think it must be the third one. No, it's the second one, I think. That kind of explained with the oracle i think it must be the third one no it's the second one i think that um kind of what neo is is the matrix trying to balance itself out he is the other half of an equation that's become imbalanced so it's kind of like his power is drawn from the fact that the matrix is a little bit broken right so it's kind of that's what coffee guy is essentially he's like the one he's like neo he's this pure humanized potential this kind of energy being who can make anything happen at will similar to dr manhattan from the watchman that actually makes um excellent sense because uh mr coffee guy, Tom Stoddard. You looked up the guy who portrays him.

Yeah, I was cruising through his IMDB page late at night, down IMDB Boulevard, tooting my horn, flashing my lights, trying to get him open the door, but he wouldn't. He has so many uncredited roles in all sorts of great programs. Namely, I'm pretty confident he has like six different uncredited roles in Boardwalk Empire, all of them for different, like. It's the Buscemi connection, isn't it? It's that, and it's also, you know, he's just.

Isn't that incredible because. Populating all of these worlds. We spent so long on the Steve Buscemi mystery mystery tour and i'd i'd hasten to add that coffee guy has sort of become the version 2.0 of that experience and they are inextricably linked through bulwark empire we didn't know that going through coffee well more through coffee guy being neo yeah isn't it crazy how how it just all comes together, you know? Isn't life just a crazy journey? Isn't life a wild horse? A Brumby, if you will.

Standing by your bed, urinating in your mouth on a Saturday morning. Tearing around the place, freaking out the kids. Freaking out the dog, eating the dog food. Running out on the front porch, scaring the fat postman. Getting a bra stuck on its antlers. That's right. This horse has antlers. And you're watching grown-ups too.

That's what life is sometimes. Hey, I'm pretty happy to fucking put a pin in this little morsel of information. I'd like to wish everyone a really Merry Christmas. And there's something that we keep forgetting to bring up on the podcast, and that is that we are involved in another podcast with some very talented gentlemen from America. It's also a holiday season tradition. Yes, it is.

It's a Thanksgiving tradition, and it's called Till Death Do Us Blart. It happens every American Thanksgiving from now until the end of linear time. It is Guy Montgomery, myself, Tim Batt, Travis McElroy, Justin McElroy, Griffin McElroy of My Brother, My Brother and Me, the podcast, which you absolutely should be listening to. And hordes of other podcasts as well. Hordes of other podcasts as well So we get involved with those dudes On Thanksgiving now And we watch Paul Blatt, Mall Cop 2 And we record a little review of it

And it got featured in a top 10 Podcast episodes of the year For the whole world By Vulture So cheers Vulture Thank you Vulture To the staff writer who's listening in right now You can follow the

There's a Twitter at Deathblart, but I don't know if we posted much stuff on there. We should get some more stuff on there, eh? Well, I mean, you know, 51 weeks of the year, it's not a super active stream. That's true. Anyway, look, I would like to, just so you know, if one of us dies, if one of the hosts dies,

then the other four remaining hosts have to find a replacement for that. Well, how does that work? Because my understanding is that we, it's kind of our responsibility to find a replacement for that. Well, how does that work? Because my understanding is that it's kind of our responsibility to find a replacement. Well, that's true actually. I've had a close personal friend ask it to be written into my will. Really?

Well, I don't know if it... Can you ask to be part of the Death Guard pact? I think it's something that has to be bestowed on you. Yeah, it is bestowed upon you. But, you know... It's like, hey, Queen, can I be a knight? I respect the guy who asked. He doesn't ask for much.

Okay. He's sort of been saving up his favors, hoarding them. Good on him. I've got a guy in mind too who I think would be good. Look, it's not important. What's important is you have a very happy holidays. Live every moment and love every day, friends. And for the love of God, do not watch this movie ever in your life.

Yeah, we don't warn people enough on that because they go like, people say to us, they say, hey, you warned us all the time as grown-ups too to not watch the movie, but what do you think about this one? Jesus Christ, I thought it went without saying. I really thought it was assumed by this point in time. There was once when I wanted you guys to watch it. Yeah, and I retracted it in the very next episode. Yeah.

So I couldn't make this move. Oh, hey, that's another thing. Fuck it. I'll tag this on the end as well while we're here. To the fucking troopers who are still running the TWIOAT subreddit, I love you crazy assholes, and I'm delighted that you exist. I drop in there every now and then, and it's just great. What is it?

Is it just tumbleweed? No, they've like periodically, it'll go a bit quiet and dry for a bit and then they'll pick up another convo, but there's, it's essentially four people talking to themselves online on Reddit. And I just fucking love that it exists.

So good on you guys. Thank you very much. And thank you very much to big pipe. This episode sponsor um if you're in new zealand uh either get it yourself or convince a mate to do it go to bigpipe.co.nz and use the code worst and they'll give us some money for that and you get a month's more importantly so bellas to you i say ciao I say, ciao!