The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty - Tom Walker

Episode Date: April 20, 2017

Sponsored by The New Zealand International Comedy FestivalYour boiz are joined by Aussie comedian Tom Walker and it's a cozy watch of WAYF for the gents in The Lucky Country with a healthy heaping of snuggling and real lack of clothing from Flash. The Fuccboiz are assessed through the lens of DnD via Tom's head and we see how close Zacole came to NOT being a homophobic villian.Trailer: Boners of The Heart Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for downloading this Little Empire podcast. This show has a real-life, live-record event that you can come to in Auckland, New Zealand during the NZ International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co. Deets and tickets at comedyfestival.co.nz. You're gonna play that dastardly intro again. Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine.

This is a co-ed pastor. One of them dies, that guy's screw. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay. One of them looks, that guy's screw One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay One of them looks like Johnny Depp And his name is Johnny Depp Classic Maximum Joseph You forget that films are supposed to have a point Welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode number 40

With your main man, Tim Batt Reporting in from Aucklanduckland new zealand and the little empire studios also somehow your main new man me guy montgomery recording live in melbourne victoria and we are joined by a very special guest our friend and yours right next to me sitting on an air mattress wearing three times as many clothes tom walker ladies and gentlemen come on down oh Oh, hello. It's me, the mainest man, currently sitting next to an underpants wearing

and that's all guy Montgomery, who has admirably refused to get dressed for the duration of the entire movie. It's been a good time. Hey, Tim. Can I just say or say, whichever word I want to use? Sure.

How are you going, man? Because I had the warm blanket of Tom Walker's company to keep me chipper throughout that screening, but we were worried about you. Yeah, fucking awful, dude. It was not a good watch. It wasn't a healthy watch. It wasn't a fun watch for old Timbo.

And now there's something about it. Guy, you and I are talking to each other through a telephone line, which anyone familiar with that ancient technology will remember talking on the telephone in that thin band of voice you get where it sounds like two corn cans connected by a piece of string, like a couple of kids in a treehouse. Not the regular audio fidelity we're used to being delivered when we're apart by Skype.

Because we tried that, but the delay was entirely... It was unacceptable. That's right. And I think what's important is those of you listening to this high-quality audio file understand just the exact context which led to the situation. So, Tom, you're our guest. And before we get started, can I just say, this has been recorded during the Melbourne Comedy Festival,

you got nominated for the Big Kahuna, the Barry Award. Congratulations, man. Thank you, Guy. It is so cool. Are we ever going to be better than this? Hey, that's the question we ask ourselves week in week out um how was that movie for you you've seen it before yeah i actually watched this um yeah i'm a fan of the podcast and i watched it when you guys announced that you were going

to be watching we are your friends i watched it with um my my good friend and the best comedian in the world sam campbell uh when we were in Perth. Because there's nothing else to do in Perth other than just get punched square in the head. Oh, God. We've lost all our Perth listeners. Tom Walker, you son of a bitch. You've got to keep it positive on this, bud. Oh, okay.

Sorry. I'll give you some more of that famous worst idea of all time, positivity. That's right. Could you please? But yeah, no, this is my second watch of the film which pales in comparison to yours how was it how was it watching it for the first time if we can go go back to that that misty afternoon in perth sure it was truly horrific it's it's a heck of a movie because you think it's going to mean something initially.

Initially, it's just a series of music videos and infographics. And then it suddenly turns into wanting to be a love story between two people who are as beautiful but as chemistry-less as Ken and Barbie dolls just being rubbed up against each other. Yeah, now curse. Yeah. And then it ends with, I will admit, the first time I watched it, I almost teared up at the ending song. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Was that, what were the factors lending itself to that? I mean, it seems unlikely to me after you've just shared on the movie. Can you also clarify which ending song you're talking about? Because I feel like much like the Lord of the Rings films there's a few false endings. Yeah, for sure. Not the one where... Not Cole's track?

Yeah, no, the one that featured, among other things the sound of a helicopter taking off. That famous banger. Which I will assume is called are we ever going to be better than this i think it's called cole's song and then i think it's called cole's dream all right i would have to look at anyway is that the one you're talking about tom

yes it made you tear up what the fuck man i don't know man i'm just super suggestible if you tell me to feel something i'll do it wow so how did, how did you cope the first time around with the death of Squirrel then? Oh, man. I was overjoyed that something was happening, but very sad that it happened to him because that would mean that I had to watch more of that dang Johnny Depp feeling and emotion. Could you maybe, for context, grade Fuckboys 1 through 4

from least favourite? Or no, we'll start one through four from least favorite. Or no, we'll start at four. So least favorite to favorite. Certainly. I think my least favorite would be Johnny Depp. Certainly. Oh, man. That guy.

Just the greasiest looking dude. He's like, I can feel what a handshake with him would feel like just from looking at his face. And it would be limp, damp, and also he'd be looking over my shoulder. He painted such a despondent handshake so economically. And then after that, of course, Jarhead. After Jarhead, I think would be Cole, but coming in first would be Squirrel,

as he, like me, shows a complete distaste for the boys and the activities of the film It's interesting that you've got Ziccoli above Jarhead I mean, what's your ranking, Tim? I'd say it's probably pretty similar to Tom's Johnny Depp at the top

in terms of my fave then we're gonna Not a sentence you hear much anymore, given recent events. Take a little dive down and we'll get into squirrel territory, coming in at Tim's number two. Fuckboy number three has probably got to be Jarhead for me and then Zicoli coming in dead last and by quite a mile. I feel like you're just being a contrarian here. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. and then Zacoli coming in dead last and by quite a mile.

I feel like you're just being a contrarian here. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I'm basing that off this week's watch and I scribbled down a couple of notes on a post-it note and I tell you what, Johnny Depp shone through for me this week without question.

Could you please list the ways in which Johnny Depp shone through? Because I've got to say, on this side of the Tasman, he was having a pretty rough outing. Yeah, he did not fare well in front of this studio audience. The Air Mattress clique has really badly reviewed him. Yeah, man. If you get a bad review from the Air Mattress clique, that can be a career destroyer.

The Air Mattress feels like kind of a great leveler to review movies on you know because when you go to the the flicks you can be in a real comfy chair and people are serving you wine and stuff if you go to one of those like special events screenings of something and you always get those reviewers i think who get real won over by that stuff and easily manipulated but if you're on an air mattress it's's like, right, it's you in the film. So this is going to be an honest appraisal. If you want an objective way to watch a movie, may I recommend watching Guy Montgomery try to rent that movie on Google Play,

realize that he can't remember his Google Gmail password, give up, start illegally streaming it on a website on an air mattress in his underpants. And then use my email as his recovery email to get sent a code so he can reset his password. Look, he really strips away all the glamour of showbiz. The fucking rigmarole of this podcast, man. I thought you guys would be so much better than this at the act of having the movie available i woke up at five to nine it was like fuck tom's nearly

here walked outside on the balcony in front of the apartment and saw tom walking down the street it was like hey man just let him in and then boy no effort Extended no luxuries To make it an enjoyable experience I gave him a hot cross bun Without butter Did you have the Russian subtitle version again This time around, Guy? Nah, man

It was all in English Real smooth sailing Real good times. Do you think, was it the same cut, or did you notice, or was there some different shit in there? Look, from what I could tell... From what I could tell.

Yeah, it was the same movie that I've grown to know so well. This is your 40th watch, bud. Yeah, yeah, man. You should have been able to tell if there was a pixel out of place on that screen yeah nah it's all good dude we definitely we all watch the same movie which i think is what makes makes it so intriguing that you enjoyed johnny demp's performance this week what got you what

did he do well this is this is my shining light this week it's a moment that we've definitely talked about extensively in the past but this week i loved it and it was when they come to pick up zicole from the party that uh james reed from the feelers has enlisted zicole to to play at where he amps up the crowd and explains how um tempo works and uh when johnny depp goes actually we've met before we promote at social on thursdays i was like yes boy asserting dominance i love it this week it spoke to me and in previous weeks we've chastised the dude for this maneuver because it's like it's not greasing the wheels of social cohesion he's not just taking a bow down and being selective with what points he wants to bring up you know choosing his battles and what he wants to correct

james red from the field is a much higher status character than him on. But this week I was like, fuck yeah, bro. You've got to fight for your position in this life. It's a dog-eat-dog world. And there you are showing him who's boss. And then he's so goddamn satisfied by his own, you know, power grab that he rewards himself with a little toke

off that vape. And I just, i loved it this week it was great he toots on his little flute man i could not disagree with you more that guy has no social grace or skills it was a disaster zone from uh woe to go tom i feel like you're the tiebreaker here i gotta go with you guy i am entirely in favor of hating the johnny depp character i think he's a blight upon the twisted landscape that is we are your friends and i'd be happy if i uh no offense to the actor but i really hope he never gets work again johnny western is the captain of holly Hollywood I'm naming him as such

You can put that on a poster And I'm pretty hopeful that I've got the right name I hope I've That's Johnny Weston eh? The actor? Yeah I mean the fact that you don't know the king of Hollywood's name Does not bode well for the kingdom does it?

I gotta say the monarchy is crumbling Or the ship is sinking Whatever you're trying to do it's not working the boy's no good you know what else I noticed in that scene this week when he's at the party and Somaly comes up

with what is perceivably rosé and Zicoli goes what is that rosé and he drinks it how fucking flat is that soda water bro I had a look at it cause she's like holding it up and he drinks it how fucking flat is that soda water bro i had to look at it because she she's like holding it up and he thinks it's rose and then she reveals it's soda water with a bit of cranberry and i looked at it not a fucking bubble in there that is uncarbonated that has gone rancidly flat how long does it take for a a fizzy drink to go flat i mean can that

happen over 30 minutes an hour if it's in a big if you stir it with a spoon it'll happen um in a matter of a minute probably i mean but you got to do it and it's like why why wouldn't she just pick another drink if she's so desperate to convince everyone she's drinking rose or not or why doesn't she just own her truth and just drink bubbly... There's probably carbonated rosé anyway. I'm just... A lot of questions, bro. It's really coming through that you watch the film alone, Tim.

I'm going to take that in the harshest terms possible, which is pretty damning, because that's by default a pretty mean thing to say i think what can i say the air mattress clique uh we formed a bond um tom walker australian comedian and um beloved captain of comedy for the tasman i'm naming you an anzac warrior of humor um what do you make of the kind of genre shape-shifting nature of this film? Do you see it as an ambitious attempt to serve all people at once or a misguided attempt to kind of pick up a lot of things

but sort of not put them in their correct places in the shelf? This film is a mishmash of genres and sounds and characters and scenes it is weird because it feels like it tries to seduce you into thinking it's going to be entourage and then take several right turns into like is it entourage is it house of lies perhaps is it like just a fun way to learn about music um and how it how a bard from dungeons and dragons might affect the uh the spell of inspiration via a loot onto your compatriots um but to be honest the main thing that i can't stop coming back to about this movie, Tim, is that I started my day with it. Yeah. I spent $30 on an Uber.

Oh, man. Where are you staying? Over in Coburg. Oh, dude. I know. I got home last night and looked up where this is for the first time, and I was like, oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Tom, we're going to reimburse you on that, man. Oh, no no don't This is This is exactly How I would want to be No I think it's important that we don't Because it is important That you fully appreciate

And understand Just the Just the ongoing emotional And actual fiscal expense That is this stupid Fucking We sort of We talked about this

We talked about this a little bit Last Well last week When we were on stage with the Boners of the Heart Girls. It's kind of amazing that we have managed to pump out one of these every week. Because we've been in some tricky tight spots and we just kind of throw... We're not good. We're not good at this thing. We just kind of force it and And we throw money at the situation. And we just make people do things.

It's not a good podcast. I was talking to Tommy D'Assolo, who is the co-host of also not a good podcast, The Little Dumb Dumb Club. And I was sort of, he was, because I did their show yesterday and I'd never done it before and it's just like australian comedians just denigrated one another for an hour yeah and uh i was like man that was really after the show i was like that was really fun that was a really good time and he's like yeah yeah yeah sure it's fun to stop in and stuff but it really does take

a toll like in full earnest immediately after doing a great live record and i was like fuck i was looking like in a mirror and i was like i know what you're talking about like this is still the main constant in my life this is the framework around which i organize weeks and years and it's just it's no longer welcome i think i speak for everyone when i say i'm very worried about you guys and didn't paul f tompkins like oh man take you aside yeah he he was like he's like hey it's like we had a lot of laughs a lot of good times a lot of memories made but don't do it again because you're young and listen to our strained and grizzled voices now. It just... I want to throw a question at Tom, if I may, Guy.

Yeah, yeah, help yourself. Dear person listening, I'm interrupting this podcast to inform you that the NZ International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co. is on. April 27 through till May 21. Hundreds of shows, some of them featuring the very podcast host you were listening to moments ago before I interrupted.

Go and see all the shows and buy tickets for the shows at comedyfestival.co.nz where all the show details are. Please and thank you. And now back to your show. You brought up this kind of Dungeons and Dragons metaphor before. I would love for you to go through the four fuckboys and distribute the kind of like... What's that matrix that you put? The classes? Oh, chaotic neutral to...

You got it. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think I'm going to go ahead and put Zicoli as neutral good. He does what he wants. He does the right thing under the circumstances he he leaves his shoebox of money under uh under the bed yeah but he cheats on his friends he cheats on his friends part with his friend's partner yeah but he's seen her him cheat on her and love will out love will out won't won't won't love what's love will out. Won't love. What's love will out mean?

Love will out. Love is capable of outing. I see. So you believe... Johnny Depp. Do Johnny Depp next. Oh, absolutely neutral evil. There's nothing authoritative or interesting and spontaneous about him.

or interesting and spontaneous about him. Johnny Depp is absolutely the kind of guy who would receive a low-level role on a made-for-Netflix movie and then immediately be pulled because of a scandal. That is a very specific reference, but like... Can't you see it? I can, I absolutely can. And it would be something to do with like drug dealing

but in the least sexy way possible like uh he got he got busted selling ritalin to people exactly that's one of their lines yeah um i would say jay is a chaotic neutral yeah i'd agree with that and i'd say Screw is a lawful good. Yeah. Sorry, I feel like I got too invested in doing it accurately and I cut off any potential for bits or riffs. No, no, I think it's important to treat different parts of the podcast with different gloves and the serious gloves that you just put on

to manhandle our D&D segment. Let me just suck all the fun out of your question, Tim, and return it to you, a dry analysis of the mechanics of a role-playing game. I couldn't have asked for better, Tom. I asked a question. You delivered me the answer. It was perfect.

I still want to challenge the morality of Ziccoli. I don't think that he is a good character i think he shows uh a weak mental constitution he knows that he's doing bad in his job you see him take the fifteen thousand dollars after they watched after they reamed tanya romero it's so funny having you criticize this man while again shirtless on an air mattress. Well, look, I think some of the best criticisms, you know, across all art often come from shirtless people on air mattresses. Just look at John Lennon. Yeah, the sooner we...

Oh, this is our love-in. The love-in was on an air mattress. Are you the John Lennon and Yoko Ono of our time? You two right now? I would love to think so. What does that make you, Paul McCartney? Unfortunately, I wish I was Paul McCartney. I'm more of a Ringo.

Everyone's like, why is he even there? Who cast themselves as Ringo in their own narrative? You're still doing this podcast. It's so indicative of self-esteem issues, Tim. We're all worried. The red flags are here. I've just watched We Are Your Friends by myself. I'm not in a great mental space.

I don't feel so good about who I am. Did you swear at the screen at any point? Or did you at least smile at any point? Were there any well we did you swear at the screen at any point or did you at least smile at any point were there any sort of flashes of emotion or was it just dead no everything was internal uh there was no um expending energy to try and communicate how i was feeling to an empty room uh which is bad i think because yeah that's you know like that thing where if you, if you force yourself to smile or laugh, you kind of trick your body physiologically to feel a little

bit better. Yeah. I think I could have done with a bit of that. So if I had have tried to force it a bit more and grin at certain moments and maybe do a little dance during some of those pumping dance music numbers, I would have felt better about things but i just couldn't do it on week 40 it's just it's too much to ask i didn't notice something though guy i want to put it to you that zicoli gets robbed in this movie of any funny moments

whatsoever like there is not a single joke or anything he's allowed to deliver because my mind did a lot of wandering and i thought to myself i've seen zach efron and stuff he's super funny he's like he's got great comic timing dude knows how to deliver a joke i don't think there is a single point in we are your friends where they have entrusted him to deliver some humor would i be right in saying that uh yeah i don't I think the closest he comes, the flash of personality is when James Reid from The Feelers is like, did you fuck her? And punches him. And then he's like, did you fuck her?

And then Zicoli does the eyebrow raise, which just suggests at least an awareness of comedy dynamics. But outside of that, I think you're right. He's just super, I guess, and maybe he's been cast as such because the character of Zicoli is just one of those really good looking people who never had to develop a personality.

Yeah. Guy, can we lie down? Tom Walker, the gender politics of Zac Efron being robbed of comedy. Go. Okay, here we go. Sorry, me and Guy are just lying down next to each other because we've been sitting up in bed and the time has come to strip this of all pretense.

Yeah. Oh, this is so nice. This is by the way i feel like i'm right there with you and i'm also glad i'm not well we wish you were tim because um we could really we could really use another warm body to to keep things heated in this air mattress the thing with an air mattress which i've found on this stay in melbourne is you don't get a lot of heat coming up from underneath you. So if you can get another person in there, that's something I'd recommend. Now, Tom, you're about to give your comic analysis of Zac Efron's performance as the character Kyle Carter.

Sure. And it just, again, is a little bit of scene painting. Guy and I are sharing one set of headphones between two people. So our heads are next to each other. Like, we're basically sharing a bed the same way that two adorable puppies would. And just like slightly, our elbows are touching and we're lying in bed, staring at the ceiling,

me fully clothed and Guy all but naked. This is undoubtedly one of the weirder recording experiences across three seasons. Guy Montgomery has retained man's original pride in his body. He didn't adopt that feeling of shame after Eve ate the apple and we had to put fig leaves fig leaves on our junk guys just like you know what god made this and it's a beautiful thing and he wants to show the world you know that's probably true i constantly feel because as a 12

and 13 year old my favorite thing was walking around the house in my boxes and i just don't think i ever grew out of that. Certainly doesn't seem that way. Well, I'm 28 now. I'm still rocking boxes. I've got house guests over. We're cutting a beard together, man. I would say the closest thing Zac Efron gets to a joke in this movie in a few ways is, or, you know, like an actual spoken joke is that the hilarious conjecture

that the two men who degrade so many are in fact homosexual with each other. And have they considered that? And I was talking to Kai, I was like, this completely ruins that scene. Like, it would be so much cooler if they just cut that line. It was just Zac Efron walking up, stands there silently for a second,

and then just throws a punch. But instead, they're just like, hey, you know what about this guy? He could have been a badass, but instead he's a casual homophobe. They kept in a line of dialogue, which turned it from a heroic sort of defense of a woman's honor to a hate crime that's a hard thing to pull off to like add a line of uh like one witty quip attempt and um turn someone into a terrible person for an action that otherwise would have been seen as heroic it also doesn't reference the fact that they were talking about somali at all so it's

just him walking up saying that they're gay and then him punching one of them in the face it does not look good in the lights of a court it is not a good look they were saying something about it. Well, then why didn't you reference that before assaulting that man? Instead of inquiring into the logistics of their jerk-off sessions. I think that... And the equitability. Like, criminals, violent, you know, criminals could do a lot for their case by, you know,

just denoting in the court case the reason i did this is this yeah you could you don't even need to be truthful really you could just say look these guys were saying bad stuff i'm sure it happens a little bit but i think it's a defense that should be used more or just especially at the scene of the crime i feel like if you're robbing a bank as you walk into the bank just say out loud well i really poor, so I could really use some of this money. And then at least you've got... No, stay on point. Put your hand over your mouth and say, ooh, I'm the bank and I've seen your girlfriend's breasts.

You're like, you all heard what the bank said. Give me your money, bank. That's not even that offensive though, Tom. That just seems like a bit of an observation that the bank's made. Yeah, but that's what these guys said in the movie. And Zicoli just fucking tees off on one of them with a sweet right. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

They do say that she failed out and that they would pay for the groceries for a week or two. In reference to that's the thing is they're not good guys i got myself in hot water last week for talking about this scene i don't want a repeat of that but i will um she's essentially putting herself or that rather they are painting her into the corner of some sort of sex worker um by being employed by the person that she's romantically entangled with. I'm not saying that's what's happening. That's the corner they're painting her in. And Zicoli comes up and... Man, you're so right.

It'd be so much cooler if he was just in there, just looked at them both, they looked at him, and they're like, hey, dude, and then he just punched them without saying anything. Fuck, that'd be awesome. If he punched both of them at the same time, one fist each, I think that would be the ideal. Do you think...

Is it cooler to punch two people with one fist each or is that would be the ideal do you think is it cool to punch two people with one fist each or is it cool to do one big punch which is powerful enough to get across two like to smear two faces the the follow-through carries you through to the other face yeah oh that's an incredible punch i mean we could add in kung fu to the genre mix if uh he did pull off a maneuver like that from his face well there's there's some MMA and Muay Thai later on in the film, what Tom actually described as a judo throw. That's correct. It is.

I did two years of judo. That's like one of the most common throws. It's a decision that was made correctly by the screenwriters to make James Reid from the feelers embarrassed to know judo throws and so after he performs judo he will tell anyone who listens that it's Muay Thai or MMA in the hopes that they won't be smart enough to figure out it's just judo it's not one of the hugging martial arts yeah not the martial art that genuinely translates to the soft way I think so yeah one of the hugging martial arts yeah yeah it's like

all of the grappling because i've done like a bit of judo and a pretty brazilian jiu-jitsu and it's so great like i love them as sports and hobbies and stuff but then also just you spend a hundred percent of your time just hugging aggressively all fights are really when they're not in the movies are just like scratchy hugs that's true anyone who's seen or been involved in a real fight particularly with two dudes it's it's a lot of hugging it's a lot of very intense hugging and they don't show that in the films or in the tv do they no it just doesn't translate well it doesn't play well um i've got to take a quick break while we get a message from our sponsors and go i haven't discussed this with you so i'll just take the lead on this if i may uh are we we've got a sponsor oh guys this week the worst idea of all time is sponsored by the Walkout Boys because neither of us have sponsors,

so we've agreed to sponsor each other's podcasts. Walkout Boys is a great show with Nick Sampson and Joseph Ward. I'm so against this. Fuck those clowns. All right, guys, say your piece. You've interrupted the ad. Look, I just don't think that we should pay the walkout boys any more. What they're doing is disrespectful to the beautiful medium of cinema.

And for us to throw our mighty weight behind it as a concept. What bit? What bit of them is being disrespectful? The bit where they walk out of every movie halfway through. You heard my co-host correctly, folks. They go to a blockbuster current movie and walk out of every movie Halfway through You heard my co-host correctly folks They go to a blockbuster current movie And walk out halfway through That's the whole concept of Walkout Boys

It's half a review of the first half of the movie That they've seen and then it's an improv Based on what they think might happen in the second Watch two great comedians At their finest Review cultural content That's relevant to your life. Walkout Boys, available on the Little Empire podcast.

I'm furious. Tom's taking a selfie. I just had to remember this. It's all gone wrong. Maybe just to try and inject some normalcy and positivity into the conversation. Tom, could you please share with us your shining light, the best moment from We Are your friends for you this week sure thing guy listen to you i don't know what you're talking about this is how i answer every question and have answered

them why i remember the first time i answered such a question um i don't know for me like i don't know if i ever told you guys this but the only time i got starstruck last melbourne comedy festival was um hearing you guys when i was talking to guy and tim you ran up in the street and i heard you guys talk to each other uh for the first time and i got genuinely starstruck I genuinely had a moment where I was like, oh my God, it's them. I had that thought. And look at us now. Fucking adorable. So that's a shining light.

That's beautiful. I mean, it's certainly not relevant to the question that was asked, but it certainly warmed The cockles of my heart Now please if you could In as much detail as possible Tell me What you enjoyed about the film

We Are Your Friends And stop stalling for time You piece of shit You're meant to be good at improv He did well though I'm great at improv I'm terrible at recall I've still got

My show's been going for two months It's nominated for a Barry recall I've still got My show's been going For two months It's nominated for a Barry And I've still got my set list Taped to the wall Part of the charm Yeah I

My favourite part Of We Are Your Friends This Oh fuck me What was it? I think it was It was a moment That I think Guy

Is not gonna let me Live down a bit Which was You know that i think guy is not gonna let me live down a bit which is you know that scene where they get home uh from the restaurant do james reed and somaly and they they've and somaly reveals with a glum happy birthday that she's uh left a birthday cake for james reed in the in the fridge um and guy do... Oh, Tom, they start eating it out of their hands, like the animals they are. And Tom was like, I like that. I think, I don't understand how that's not endearing.

Like, I think that's... I said the sentence, that's what I would do. And then continued to watch in silence for a few seconds. And then said, I don't understand how that isn't endearing. And then I laughed hysterically in Tom Walker's stupid fucking face. Someone who gets walkouts from every show.

Every single show. I don't understand why this isn't working. Why doesn't everyone like the things I like? The arrogance of the man. Oh, that beautiful woman isn't enjoying that man who's acting how I think I would. This is a poorly written film. To have Emily Renajowski not enjoy the acting The act of a man who's acting in a way I empathise with

Tom maybe you're one of those There are some people who I think Idiots Really good comedians And it's because they've got an artistic mind And they could have put that to some other uses But maybe you're one of those dudes who You could only be a comedian

because you're actually not quite right. And your perception of what is normal and all good and acceptable is not correct. And the rest of us find it funny, whereas it's actually just your world and inner workings that you're putting on display for people. It's just a relief that you've found a platform to be acceptable within. Yeah, I've got to go with you on that one.

So yeah, my shining light was that piercing moment of introspection, courtesy of we are your friends. It's good to be open to learning about yourself. My shining light, if I may i may i'm gonna need your help here as well actually tom because it was a moment that i caught in the film that i've rewinded to enjoy uh i think i spotted something during the pcp sequence oh yeah it's not a shining light it's just a petty little detail that i felt like was a real big win for montgomery um at the before the pcp scene when they arrive and james reed from the

feelers reveals to zicoli that they're on pcp the music's you know how it slows down it's like and uh so and this is meant to be i can't remember if it's non-diegetic is the sounds just like the sound of an art gallery yeah and the music that's playing or there's meant to be the suggestion of music but in the background of one of the shots you can see the two djs dancing really hard out while there's no music playing and i i was very pleased that i um i saw another glitch in the matrix guy said out loud now i can finally bring this movie down Wait a minute sorry so what was the DJ doing or not doing?

So the two female DJs at the art gallery party there's no music playing and they're dancing and it was humiliating for them and I feel like this is the moment that we need to really you know get the knives out and turn them on We Are Your Friends.

A film which, for 40 weeks prior, I mean, it's been a pretty even wrestle. I've got a similar moment that I noticed this week as well, Guy, and Tom. I don't know why I just purposefully didn't include you in that. No, it's what I deserve. That preface to this comment. When Ziccoli and James Reid from The Feelers are going,

they're backstage. It's right at the end of the movie when Ziccoli's about to take the stage and introduce the world to the worst song that's ever been constructed. Oh, the best. The first bit, the crowd are going fucking nuts. You can't see them, but you can hear them. They're going ballistic. And I'm left to wonder, what happened?

What just happened? Because we know there's no music playing. There's no act on stage. So something's happened in that crowd, which was visible enough that everyone could react to it. You reckon someone was killed? Oh, man. If you've got a lot of people in an American apparel car park

and they're all chanting in spite of the fact that there nothing obviously that's happening that usually means human sacrifice no doubt yeah that's a good point um who do you think they sacrificed uh i mean it could be anyone really probably just the lowest status person at the festival i imagine someone wearing um I imagine someone wearing closed-toe sandals, which I guess are slippers. Yeah, I was going to ask. When is a closed-toe sandal not a slipper? When it's at a music festival.

And I think the staunch defense that was suggested by the person wearing the closed-toe sandals is probably what antagonized the crowd and goaded them into killing them guy i'm just taking my socks off oh man it's getting a bit hot yeah yeah it's getting real hot surprisingly so given the details of the i guess it's the two bodies in the bed um hey hey can i can i suggest another thing to you tim you're gone then um can you and i and tom do you want to climb under the duvet over here, Tim? Get in real nice and cosy because we're going to, one, two, three, four. Getting sentimental with James Reid. Be interesting to hear how that one comes out.

I won't listen, but someone will. Now, Tom, you're familiar. You sang the song. It suggests to me that you know what we're about to do. Each week, James Reid presents a gift to Zicoli that is contained within a MacBook Pro box, and it is given under the pretense of being both sentimental and self-serving. Would you perhaps like to take a stab in the dark

as to what might be in that box this week? Oh, certainly. What's in that box? Why, it's nothing more than a glossy 8x10 of our friend James Reid himself. Is it signed, Tom? It's unsigned, but then it comes with a sharpie and when he opens the box, James Reid says,

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll do it for you. He just signs it without being asked with a flourish. And he makes sure to ask Zicoli his name. I love that. That is such a power play. Just a series of power plays. Tom Walker, can you describe the photo itself, the image?

Is it just your standard headshot or is it in a pose or what? Yeah, sure. There's four images spliced onto one, similar to Krusty the Clown's silly sailor. Classic headshot. The first one shows James Reid in repose The second, him cupping his chin and looking at the camera Sentimental, appropriately enough

The third one, visibly erect And in the fourth one, he's standing by an open grave Wow And in the fourth one, he's standing by an open grave. Wow. That went from being like just a power play to telling. Like he's communicating so much. I enjoyed that a lot. It turned into a comic strip, didn't it? Yeah.

Wow. That's a real story. Oh, man. Well, hey, gotta i gotta say tim tom yes i love both of you but i've actually um i've got to go i've got a comedian's fifa tournament to get to it's just maybe tom and i'll just keep going then. Yeah, I mean... You're just going from one completely useless thing to another. You've got a day robbed of any import. On this beautiful Monday, you're going to a video game tournament for comedians on the day you started off watching We Are Your Friends.

Yeah. When you put them one on top of the other, it doesn't sound great. But this was the disgusting cheap tequila, and the FIFA is the refreshing Coors Light that I wash it down with afterwards. When you get to the pearly gates and St. Peter says, what have you done to deserve being up here? What are you even going to answer? I made a difference.

That's all I'll answer. That's it? think that's gonna there's a pretty strong throw that out and then by the eye you will be in hell like you have taken a second to scroll through your twitter seen your bio and gone oh him what you want to do is go up to St. Peter And you say Hey when you and God are jacking each other off Do you do it Do you take turns Or is it more of a simultaneous kind of a thing And then wallop him right on the chin

And then just walk into the gate No one will stop you Could God make a sound so epic Not even he could sample it Not with his Samsung S3 God make a sound so epic not even he could sample it. Not with his Samsung S3. It's a great phone. We laugh, don't we?

We love to have some laughs in good times. Tom, this will be going out sometime this week. So do you have any shows you'd like to promote either here in Melbourne or moving forward? I'll be at the Sydney Comedy Festival. It's called Beeboo. But I'd like to put a shout out to my friend Eleanor who put me onto the podcast in the first place and just got accepted. She's a PhD student.

She's finally going to go to Princeton. Holy shit. She's really doing things with her life, guys. It sounds like she stopped listening maybe, I don't know, a year, two years ago. Yeah, she really put her nose to the grindstone. It turns out when you're not listening to people, watch We Are Your Friends or doing it yourself,

you can really get stuff done. It's the only barrier to great human achievement. Tim, you? I'm going to be in Sydney as well, actually, in addition to Auckland and Wellington, and I've done nothing to try and promote it. So please go to timbat.co.nz and buy tickets and bring friends. That's Tim Bat with two Ts on Bat.

There's three Ts in total because Tim's got a T as well. So it's three Ts in total, two at the end of Bat, B-A-T-T, T-I-M-B-A-T-T.co.nz. www.threetysintotal.co.nz Timbat We've got too many T's We're trying to sell them up here Three mini T's

Welcome to T3 Timbat's T-Store T stands for Timbat's T-T If you're using an old Netscape Navigator or something I guess it's two more T's than that Because you've got to put the HTTP in. Oh my God, I want to die. For fuck's sake, man.

I still have a plug to go and you just stopped everyone from listening. I'm just here to fuck you up for your fever tournament. Off you go, guy. Take the reins. Please come along. I've still got six shows at the Melbourne Festival. It's called Let's All Get In A Room Together

and then I'm doing Wellington, Auckland and Sydney also head along to guymontcomedy.com forward slash shows for tickets hey thanks so much for joining us Tom

it was really good fun oh hey sorry in the middle of this thanks we're also doing the worst idea of all time in Sydney

oh yeah oh really we're doing a live show in Sydney I think on Sunday what is it 17, 18, 19 I think it's Sunday the 20th of May or whatever that day, that Sunday is.

That's when it's happening. If you look it up, if you look up Worcester of All Time Sydney Comedy Festival, you'll find it. Yeah, thanks a lot, Tom. You have a good time? Oh, yeah, I had a wonderful time. Thanks for having me in the bed, Guy. Hey, it's no worries.

And Tim, I hope you were right over there, man. Yeah, go fuck yourself, Guy Montgomery. You're a real piece of shit. See ya. Bye. Ow! dies, that guy's screw. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph.

Agree! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this Little Empire podcast. We've got live shows happening in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co. So go to comedyfestival.co.nz and buy tickets now

meanwhile if you enjoyed this show maybe you should listen to bonus of the heart with rose matafayo and alice sneddon basically on this podcast we we speak on all things uh about uh you know celebrities uh people people in the in people in the atmosphere, in the ether, that we would like to have sex with. And, I mean, not sex with. You know what? Make love or be in love with or go on a date or kiss for a bit.

I mean, it's not just sex. It's not just sex. Maybe sex but no kissing. Or maybe kissing but no sex. Maybe only butt stuff. Pretty woman. Yeah. Oh, only butt stuff. Pretty woman. Yeah. Oh, just butt stuff.

Yeah, maybe only maybe only foot stuff.