The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Forty Two - Merch

Episode Date: December 10, 2015

This episode made possible by KARMA COLA! Guy and Tim dig into a very heavy Dickbot v Brady episode discussing the possibilities and probabilities of a Rat King going toe-to-toe with a cold, electronic maniac. The Pretender makes an appearance also, as does Viper and some Nickelodeon childhood memories. The boys sell out well and truly with merchandise now available on the website (worstideaofalltime.com if you're curious). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Hello. Oh God, there it is Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to this The 42nd episode of Season 2 Of the worst idea of all time For a guy who's great with numbers, you're no good with numbers I'm not that great with numbers You need to talk into the microphone more, Guy Montgomery I wanna hear you in there

You need to work harder with numbers We've all got things to work on this week Tim here's what I would like to bring up straight off I would like to say a massive thank you

to this episode's sponsor which is Karma Cola which is bloody good stuff it is I would I would like to describe it as

as sort of the the lifeblood of this episode of the worst idea of all time we've been chugging this stuff for hours now. Yeah. We've filled up the studio in which we record.

We're up to our shins in Carmacola. It's nuts. If you can hear that beautiful tone that's on the podcast this week, it's because of the gorgeous ingredients in Carmacola have invaded the microphone. They're in all my equipment now, and I'm okay with it. It's good. Well, yeah.

I mean, I was pretty – watching you pour it over all of this technical equipment. I was like, that can't be right. And yet here we are. Yeah. Sounding better than ever. I would also like to qualify that by saying if you do own technical equipment and you do enjoy Carmacola, don't take the risk, Tim did. I think this is a once.

Yeah, don't do it at home. This is a once-er. Yeah. But I would like to say Carmacola is bloody good shit. You can't get in the States yet, but I think they're trying to make a play to get in there next year or something. But if you're in the UK, have a hunt around, grab one, tell them your old mates Timbo and Guy Guy sent you. Tell the store owner.

Tell the corner store owner. You go, oh, I'll tell you who sent me here. Baffle them. Tim and Guy. He'll be like, what are you talking about, mate? Oh, it was Tim and Guy, wasn't it? Oh, Demo. I don't know what that accent was.

Where are you from, mister? You've got a mighty interesting voice. I am an old geezer from Old Geezerville. Is that in any known country on planet Earth, or is that sort of just a make-believe land? Old England, but do not press me on what part. I won't. Frankly, I'd just like to buy this car from a cold room

and leave the store. It's a mighty fine product. It's my favourite. All right, why don't you tell your mother about it? I will. All right. I'll tell my whole family. There we go.

That was a little summary of what might happen to you if you're in the UK and you buy Carmacola. Sounds interesting. Carmacola, go buy it. Now, listen, Guy, here's what I really want to kick this off with. This has been sent in by a listener, and I'm so fucking ecstatic about it. Her name was Becky Weston, W-E-S-T-O-N. I really appreciate her getting the message on this one, Becky.

It's a good thing you spelled out that surname. Yes, so everyone can find it. Might not know who this one, Becky. It's a good thing you spelled out that surname. Yes, so everyone can find you. Might not know who to find, yeah. Now listen, Becky sent in a message telling me that, well, telling us, Jared from a TV show, oft forgotten, but very underrated, The Pretender, that was on in the 90s, or maybe early 2000s. I don't know this show.

The Pretender was amazing. The Pretender was, it had this, the intro, the beginning, I still kind of remember it. It was like some black and white footage and it was Jared like popping in and out and Miss Parker was there as well. And it was like, there are pretenders among us, geniuses with the ability to become whoever they want to be.

And it was about this guy, Jared, who was born at this institute and he was like a genius. And then he broke out of there because they kept doing experiments on him and he basically would just go in quantum leap style and like assume a position within the community for a little while and then Miss Parker and the institute would like catch up on him. They were always hot on his heels.

It was like this real cat and mouse game. Anyway. Who did, as an audience member, you obviously were made to sympathise with Jared. Yeah, yeah. So Jared was this lovely guy. He was often like, I remember him being a doctor. I remember seeing him in a low-code lot.

So he'd roll into a community and assume like a role of a pillar. He would be of tremendous use. Yeah, and I think that's how. And value. It's a long time since I've seen it, but I think that's kind of how the series worked, that he was this tremendous force for good in the community. So the Institute was evil?

Yeah, they were. Yeah, yeah. They were painted very much as the villain, as the antagonist in the series that was trying to take him down. Anyway, I'm loathe to even bring this up because I'm so embarrassed, frankly, but Jared is the guy who I first assumed was an assassin after Mr Big at the gay wedding who says you have a good night and it's incredible because it completely fits the mythos

of that original series. He has somehow infiltrated this high society wedding happening in Connecticut and it's, how amazing is that? Jared's there. Do you know what it is? He recognises Mr Big as a fellow genius who's been undergoing quite abrasive and unfair treatment

at the hands of the Institute, in this instance, the gals. I think you're right. And he's coming in to try and fucking save the day. So good. He has to pull back. It's so satisfying to see like a character that i'd forgotten about but i used to love the pretend it was such a good show fuck it was good when would you watch it uh at night was it as a kid were you of age to watch it or were you sort of was it a

bit of a treat from memory it wasn't too hard out it kind of had like not quite x-files level i think it had a punt at keeping things sort of a bit thriller-ish you know? Yeah. It's kind of there's some aspects that are a bit MacGyver-y about it because you'd often have to kind of like really improvise solutions to situate it was bloody good, bloody good show. MacGyver didn't invent problem solving. I remember

it being on around the same time as Viper did you ever hear about Viper? Viper was about, Viper was ludicrous but such good fun, it was about a Viper car and like this team that used the Viper and about viper was ludicrous but such good fun it was about a viper car and like this team that used the viper and the viper could like change color and go into four-wheel drive mode and it had a mini house it was probably the world's first drone actually they had this little helicopter that flew off it it's like transformers in the real world a shitty adaptation of chitty chitty bang bang it was like the most amazing like a 90s chitty chitty

bang bang most amazing bit of just a corporation making its own it's like branded content but a bastardization of it before the concept even really existed dick van dyke voiced viper in the same way david hasselhoff voiced nate raider god that'd be good i'll tell you what i want to do yeah it's more michael cain and dick van dyke okay I laughed at the next intersection. Who was that? They're both having a bit of trouble with their voice modulation. Right.

Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Put it in the bank. So satisfied for that. And the other bit of listener submitted feedback that I would be, what's the word?

Remiss. Remiss to not bring up is, and I'm so sorry, I've forgotten who sent me this. I was trying to look for it before, but I couldn't find your name. I really apologize. But someone gave me a bloody hot tip. The Suzanne Somers book that features extensively throughout this movie, Breakthrough,

is in the movie as a result of zero spend. There's not product placement. is in the movie as a result of zero spend. There's not product placement. Michael Patrick King just fucking loves the book. Seriously. Someone gave me the link. I should post it actually on the Facebook. Of Suzanne Somers' blog post, when she talks about it,

and she's like, believe it or not, I paid zero dollars to get this book into the film. Michael Patrick King is just all about it and she's like believe it or not i paid zero dollars to get this book into the film michael patrick king is just all about was the post sort of suzanne summers distancing herself from the fit was this sort of like she was flat beyond belief as you could imagine if someone like took your book if you were someone famous for being in a in a like 90s sitcom and then the thigh master and then your next thing is a book. She was the host of Figure It Out on Nickelodeon. Was that a kid's? It's Figure It Out with your whole suit.

I remember the other one where, I remember Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, the game. Yeah. Was that Nickelodeon? There was that other one that had a big ticky torch thing that talked to you. What was that one called? Legend of the Hidden Temple

Good show That was a good show, those temple guards Were terrifying Hey Nickelodeon, good yard You know they're launching a channel which is just Entirely comprised of 90s Nickelodeon shows You'd think they're paying us for this

We're Suzanne Somersing Nickelodeon. All of a sudden I feel very close to Michael Patrick King. I always feel... Not as close as last week. Well, I think the important distinction to make from our discovery of listening back to what Michael and Patrick King recorded on the last episode is that's two people, baby.

That's crazy. Didn't know that. Didn't know that going into this film. Well, no. That's crazy. Didn't know that. Didn't know that going into this film. Well, no. Guy. Tim. There's two people I want to talk about after watching this movie for the 42nd time.

Second, with conviction. For the 42nd time. One of them is Brady and the other one is Dick Bart. I want to talk about Brady and Dickbot. Oh, yes I do. I want to talk about Brady and Dickbot. Oh,

I think I will. How about you? Oh, Brady and Dickbot, they're going to have a battle, don't you know? Who's going to come out victorious? Only Cher do know. Only Cher do know. Only Cher do know only share do know holy share do know brady he's in charge of all the rats and he hasn't been lingering around the podcast and fucking insane. Brady.

He's in charge of all the rats and he hasn't been lingering around the podcast nearly as much as I would have liked the past couple of episodes to be H. How much power is there in harnessing all of the rats? That's kind of the perpetual question, isn't it? And I think it's kind of infinite. I went for a run for the first time in ages yesterday

down Western Springs Way and there were rabbits fucking everywhere not the verb the adjective they were all over the shop all over that park and it got me thinking like if you've got enough resources you know animals are just it's a limitless supply of it's like the matrix it's like when they turned us into batteries and they just farm us. Well, yeah, you do have to look at it like that because farming rats, I've not done it much myself, but I'm very close to people who own rat farms. What's the Simpsons quote? Say what you will about this country. $10 still buys you a lot of rats.

Is that the Simpsons or is that? I don't know. It's very funny though. Bloody good. So, yeah, I've not worked at a rat farm, you know, but I've got family members Who own pretty prominent Rat farms here in New Zealand

And the thing is You can breed them Rats breed like crazy Oh yeah yeah That's what they're famous for Yeah So I mean the thing is Once you've got say

God knows how many rats There are in New York I would argue there's two rats To every person in New York City. At least. I honestly reckon way more than that. Maybe like six times. Are there like, I guess, nine million people in New York City?

We're really going to show our ignorance here. No, I think it's more than that. I think it's north of that. No, we'll call it nine. What about the city? Yeah, I guess nine million's a lot. So that means that there are 54 million. I'm going to Google it.

We're going to look like asshats. Brady, before he's even left the sewers of New York, has harnessed the power of 54 million rats. Were you going by six? Yeah. No, I was going by nine. By nine. Nine million people.

There are six times as many rats. What I'm saying here is that rats are pretty indifferent to whether or not they're fucking relatives Or, you know, friends, ex-partners Or whatever the They don't have the hang-ups that we do They don't have the same foibles that we humans do Dude, nice work, man

The population of NYC At the latest census in 2013 Was 8.4 mil I want to give you a high five, brother That is a pretty good one Bloody good Which makes that 54 million number rat figure all the more terrifying. So they all breed.

I mean, what's a rat litter? 30? Yeah, I'd say so. Maybe like slightly less than that, maybe 20. Fast approaching numbers of henchmen or hench rats that I can't even tell you in my head. Thing is, right, here's what must be happening with the rats. It's like cockroaches. If you see one, that means there's a hundred in your walls.

So with the rats, when they pop up, they're representing this, they're like the tip of the iceberg. The ones that you see, absolute tip of the iceberg. So what's happening is the rats are only, every now and then, having the gall to come up to grab a bit of pizza from Subway or something, and then they scurry back

down but underground where we can't see them they are like just absolutely thriving undoubtedly and now i think it's very important i put the question to you tim yeah how many rats you know armed with nothing but your your limbs and body yeah and mind yeah how many rats would it take to take you down what's the what's the... Trained or untrained? Like are these Brady's rats or just normal rats? Normal rats first. Okay, normal rats to actually... I don't think it would be that many, to be honest. Less than 100?

Yeah, I was thinking around the 100 figure. If they were like good... Okay, are they water rats or just other rats? Because water rats grow very big. Miscellaneous, a mix of everything. A mix of everything. That's a good way to look at it. I'm going to say 50.

75. 75 is more fair. You'd definitely take down 50 rats. Yeah, I reckon I could take down 50. You'd start tiring between 60 and 70. Yeah, that's what I feel too. It's around that figure when you'd really start slowing down. I like the thing, I could do 100.

Yeah. I look at them like wheat bicks. You're a little taller than me too. How many can you do? They've got further to move pretty much what I'm saying is

I mean fuck once Brady mobilises yeah the East Coast like certainly New York the city

and then eventually the wider state the surrounding cities Newark Boston Connecticut Philadelphia maybe as far as

Atlanta they're all going to fall. Right off. This is the thing. It's interesting you say the word fall because this is what I see going down. The rats are just expanding their empire under the crust of the earth, right?

Where we're up just doing our thing. Those sinkholes that happen, they might well be Brady's rats or just normal rats, just absolutely caning it because they hollow shit out to make their little community. I've always thought a sinkhole

is one of the gods getting frustrated with another one of the gods' territory and just touching a world map oh man that's terrifying do you think the gods are that vindictive? yeah I reckon they're just

they're out there just having really petty yes fights with each other and just killing exactly how I think I think the gods what a bleak vision of religion

they're just more powerful versions of us it would make sense because in like all of the well i don't know all most of the religious stuff i hear about you know we're made in his or her or their graven image so like yeah if we're being jerks here they're probably being jerks up there too absolutely anyway that's neither here nor there so their rats could spread as far as Atlanta. Just try and transition out of a genuine moment of connection with the spiritual world. Yeah.

Come on, man. What I'm trying to say is, I mean, first of all, Dick Bott, it's very difficult for him to even have any gauge on the movement of these rats. If a lot of their work is being done underground, I mean, what is, aside from the fact he's immortal in a sense, what is Dick Bock going for him? Immortality, obviously, pretty valuable play in any battle to the death.

Okay, so I don't see him as being immortal, but it's like, or like, yeah, maybe he's, okay, you're right. He is immortal, but he's not invulnerable. So this is like a classic comic book character thing where he could theoretically live forever because he just keeps transitioning his consciousness into a different body, right? You cannot destroy him.

Well, you could, though. If you kind of got him into one container and then destroyed that container, then he's gone. So if he was in Dick Bot, say... Yeah, so if he was just in Dick Bot, and you destroyed... 200 rats or whatever. Whatever the number that Dick Bot, say... Yeah, so if he was just in Dick Bot... And then the rats... And you destroyed... 200 rats or whatever. Whatever the number that Dick Bot couldn't take down.

Fuck, bro, he could take on way more than us, though. Yeah, no, he could take on millions. Yeah. Yeah, a shit tonne. Because we... See, what would happen with us if we fought all of Brady's rats is they'd take chunks out of us and we'd start bleeding out. But with Dick Bot, he's presumably made of iron or titanium

or some kind of really strong metal and what would the rats do they try and bite in they can't even get their teeth into it it would be rat proof metal it would be rat proof metal undoubtedly

it would take so many rats to any up and coming or established scientists listening who are building AI at the moment I mean if you're involved in mechatronics

I'd love to hear from you I'd also love to hear what the actual term is for rat proof it can't just be as colloquial as rat proof that doesn't ring very true for me do you reckon there's uh there's another word for it you know how like cows are bovine and cats are feline oh yeah dogs okay hey everything rhymes i mean ends with nine what's that about? Latin, presumably. Yeah, true. Touche, Guy Montgomery.

But, okay, beyond being able to survive millions of, an onslaught from millions of rats, I mean, what has Dick Bock got going into this battle? If it, this is, the great unknown, the great variable is, has he pushed his consciousness into a different container before he started to fight? Like, is he just in that one shell? Can he split his consciousness into a different container before he started to fight? Like, is he just in that one shell? Can he split his consciousness?

I feel like he's like a digital consciousness, so it's more like he spreads it rather than splits it. He transitions everything into another. I watched that, you know, Charlie Broker did a Dark Mirror TV series. Black Mirror, I beg your pardon. And I watched the first episode of that the other night, even though it came out a I beg your pardon. And I watched the first episode of that the other night, even though it came out a couple of years ago. I also watched the first episode of that in between the last episode of the podcast.

So it's like that. That's weird that we both watched that this week. Yeah. Very odd. So that's got a storyline in it about the kind of transition of digital consciousness into a different device. It's like along those lines, you know? No, the first one I watched

was about the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Oh, I haven't seen that one. Were you watching Ep 1? I was watching something called White Christmas. Oh, maybe I was watching the first episode of Season 3. That's possible. Starting there and working back. First episode of Season 1, and it got a little bit of press recently when all the information about David Cameron came out. Oh, fucking hell. It's a bit of a spoiler.

The entire premise of the episode is built around the notion that a terrorist has kidnapped the Princess of Wales and the terms for the return of the princess are that the Prime Minister of the UK has to have sexual intercourse with a pig live on national television. Charlie Broker, you genius. That's so good. Yeah. That is so good. Yeah. That is bloody good for me.

It is a sensational watch. I'll go back to the first season. That one I saw was real dark. So yeah, explain the concept of the technology shifting. Oh, look, it's just about, it's basically, you know how there's Siri? It'd be like if you only had Siri in one phone versus the very distributed nature that she's in now

you know that's what I'm saying so like if we've got Dickbot just existing in one metallic no he doesn't obviously he's more omnipresent than that

yeah you'd think eh you would think for how advanced this robot is you think they're gonna just refine it to one and with the internet he would basically

just his consciousness would act as a virus so this is why I think he could take the rats down so what this as many rats as there are essentially this represents the ultimate battle between it's like life and digital existence pure animal animal yeah pure biological and pure tech fuck me yeah i mean and a lot of his plan falls down on the sense that he is mainwiring a lot of electricity across America from the Pentagon.

I mean, the Pentagon, in rat terms, is there for the taking. That's just a bunch of wires. It is. You've got millions and millions, probably billions almost, of mobilised rats. I mean, they can make fucking quick work of that. So, in essence, it's a race to the Pentagon. Here's what the rats were missing before.

So like in our current time, here's what's gone wrong. They don't have good leadership. It's like how people say if the ants decided to, they could probably take over us because there's like by weight more of them than there is of us and they're real strong and shit. But ants lack leadership. They have some leadership within their colony,

but they lack like a macro. Maybe that's the only thing that separates us from other animals, that we were able to organize ourselves on a species-wide level rather than just a little. We instilled an overriding hierarchy beyond singular strains. Beyond your little clique. That's a great read for humans. We just enforced rules.

Yeah. With more widespread efficiency than any other animal. Yeah. Do you think the, I mean, I reckon whales probably are running the ocean in the same way humans run the land. I like to think. Do you reckon they're telling everyone what to do? They can talk.

Whales speak different languages. Is that right? Yeah, there's different strains of whale. I speak two. Do you? There's one? Yeah, there's the first dialect. Interesting how they have different ranges, different numbers.

Different sizes. Yeah, I guess that would be it, wouldn't it? Everything makes a sound subject to its size. The rats, very high-pitched. The humans, somewhere in the mid. Whales, very low, very bassy. Except for those big whales with the high voices. But that's embarrassing.

Well, no, they're no different from the other whales. In essence, though, would you disagree that the premise of this battle, I mean, the battleground,ground in essence is the Pentagon's in Washington DC oh undeniably yeah the seat of power literally

so Brady's got a head start I mean why because New York City to Washington DC versus yeah but Dick Bott can travel through

the internet so even if Brady had to catch a train with his rats he would get there slower although if Dick Bott is using the metal body he was given... I do not think that Brady is travelling by train.

He might be. He might be. The rats aren't. What, a helicopter or something? Do sewers run between entire cities? Hmm. Yeah. I think within a state, definitely.

I don't know if they go across state lines Well Probably though So he's mobilised a certain amount of them To just travel by sewer And then the others The water rats he's trained up To travel through rivers, tributaries Any sort of flowing water between cities

Do you know what would be incredible If there were so many rats And because they're under the leadership of King Brady They were able to create Like chariots where a fucking thousand rats would get together and form one wheel and act as a wheel. And then, like, so there's 4,000 rats as well.

And then, like, 10 million have formed the platform and then all the other rats are on top just chilling while these 4,000 rats are, like, running around in a circle like a wheel propelling it forward. Imagine seeing that on the horizon approaching you, like 20 million rats all comprising a fucking chariot thing with Brady riding up top. I struggle to think of anything that's more terrifying

than the very striking visual image that you've conjured. Just, you know, it starts off like anything else, does a dot on the horizon, and before you know it, it's blackening the skies. A dot on the horizon, and then know it, it's blackening the skies. It's a dot on the horizon and then also just dust gently rising around your feet. I didn't know that this carpeted floor

was so dusty. Yeah. Oh man. Terrifying. See, with Dickbot though, everything would be shiny. It's less scary. So you, I guess you'd rather Dickbot triumphed.

I feel like the death at Dick Bot's hand would be cleaner. It's interesting because it does, this is an extension of during the movie, I asked you, I sort of accused you in general, eventually within our lifetime, I think we'll get to a point where

you'll be forced to make a decision between technology and humanity. I think you would, your ultimate undoing will be that you are more likely to preserve or side with technology. Now, why do you think that'll be my undoing? Look, I felt like I articulated it much better before. I think it might be my ultimate triumph.

Yeah, I wasn't going to help you complete your sentence. No, obviously I'm laying something against you, yeah. It was because I almost spelt a drink on your laptop and then I didn't. And you were like, yeah, dude, this is how it's going to go down. Yeah, because you chose to spell it on yourself rather than a laptop. And I think that that will...

It was a good thing. It was your laptop. Yeah, I know. But I just think that you'll carry that through your entire life. I like that the reading of that could have potentially been good on Tim for taking a hit instead of damaging someone's property, but your takeaway is, Tim doesn't like humans, Tim loves tech. Yeah. You're a real

piece of shit, Montgomery. Hey, at least I love human beings. I'm going to tell you now. You fucking animal. I love human beings too. Or the opposite of an animal, you robot. I love human beings so much that I'm willing to sacrifice myself. Why don't you run away and marry Scarlett Johansson's voice? Maybe I would if you'd give me the chance, mate.

She wouldn't. She's already in love with millions of other pieces of technology. Yeah. I guess so. Hey, look, shining light. Oh, I did have something for this. Yeah, you've got to write it down. I'll find it for you.

I don't have one. You've got to have one. Those are the rules. No, I don't have one written down. Well, oh my God, we haven't made our big announcement yet either. We've got merch now, bitches. Yeah, we do.

We shouldn't bury this in the middle of the episode. We'll remind you at the end. Really should have put it at the top. We're just finished. Right after a deeply speculative conversation about... We're just finished making a merch store for the website you have just finished in fairness

Tim has built the whole thing from scratch while I've sat idly by yeah I was sweating too it was really yeah you really were I'm not at all confident

it's going to work but I think it'll work I think it'll absolutely work if you go to worstideaofalltime.com slash merch

or you just go to the front page and it'll direct you there, there's a first up at the top of the page is a donate button through PayPal, which many people have asked for over the months and months that we've been doing this. They're like, we want to give you guys some money. We've been listening for ages. Like, how do we do it? And I'm like, I don't know.

Which is probably stupid on my part, but whatevs. Happy to biff them out for free up until now. But now we are cashing in and selling out. As best we goddamn can. So if you want to make a donation, please send us a message on Facebook as well. We'll read something out for you. If you want to be on the party, we'll do a little shout out.

Yeah. But we've got T-shirts on there of our tattoos that we've got so you can wear it semi-permanently. We've got data caps, obviously. The tattoo, by the way, is Paddy Schwartz Party Time with some REO Speedwagon lyrics in Latin. Some almost accurate Latin. We've got the original LP cover for the very popular

Scar Band Intergalactic Glory Hole available. It's Mr Big's 15-piece Kinks cover band. 16-piece. 16-piece, if you include him. It's more of a band leader. I don't know if I'd chuck him in the mix. He's playing an instrument. Featuring fan favourite Tyrone Wishbone.

I struggle with it every time because I love him so much I get choked up halfway through his name. You get nervous. And we've got the drinking rules as a poster as well for grown-ups too. We don't need to look. It's all available. If you're curious, you'll look at it. But congratulations, Tim, and congratulations us.

I remember what my shining light is. Okay. It's when the shake, when they're just like at the beginning of sussing out the trip with Samantha, they're sitting down at the launch of sussing out the trip with Samantha they're sitting down at the launch of Heart of the Desert the film premiere

and the shake says I want you to make Abu Dhabi a star like you did for Smith Garrett but there's a massive emphasis on Smith Garrett's name

yeah you feel like it was the last take of the day it was just the classic just do one Michael no no

I reckon Michael was like yeah we need to hear Smith Garrett this is important for the thing he's like I've been saying last take of the day it was just the classic just do one michael michael no no i reckon michael was like yeah we need to hear smith garrett this is important for the thing he's like i've been saying smith garrett the entire time very clearly i've been enunciating he's like i just i need a little slower a little i'll take the piss on one all right michael how about this i want you to make abu dhabi a star like you did for sm Smith, get it! But Michael and Patrick King are so unpredictable. They were like, yes, perfect, bye. Nailed it. That's lunch, everybody.

I love it, though. It's bloody enjoyable, this guy around. Tell me that. Do you have one? I know you didn't before. Of course I do. Times have changed. I'm packed to the gills with shining lights.

Go on, then. What I really like is when Steve is just in the movie. He's a goddamn treasure. This is so weak. He's a goddamn treasure. He's adorable. He's one of the few people whose mythology we haven't sullied by speculative ideas about what he might get up to in his spare time.

And I think that reflects positively on him and on us. Steve. Steve. The broad idea of Steve. Has it occurred to you that the two characters, arguably we love the most in both seasons, were our characters? You know, Steve Buscemi was a massive feature of season one.

The Steve Buscemi mystery tour I look forward to every week. And in this season, we've got another different Steve. My father's name is Stephen. Read from that what you will. Is this where it's all come down from? I've got... Is this Guy Montgomery desperately reaching out to his father for approval, saying, love me, Daddy daddy I'm doing something now

I've found a pretty obscure channel to do it If that's what it is We're all just looking for our dad's approval At the end of the day He can wade through 98 and a half episodes Of the podcast and stumble into this Gem Fucking full credit to your dad

Now you know how much I love you And anyone listening Namely any other family members, don't you fucking tell him this is buried here, all right? Shout out to my papa too. I feel like I should chuck this in. He's a good man. Love you, Andy. This is quite cute.

We're just burying our love for our parents. Right in episode 99, or release 99 of the podcast. We looked at that before because I thought it might be number 100. Number 100. What a journey it's been. Hey, squabbity-boop-boop-boop. Whoa, whoa. Do-do-do-do-boop-boop- What a genius being. Hey, squabba-da-ba-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba. Whoa, whoa.

Do-do-do-do-bo-bo-bo-bo-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba-ba-ba.

Squabba-da-ba-ba-ba. Well, you bit all the heat-ogs and she kissed all the heat-ogs and... Squabba-da-ba-ba. Squabba-da-ba. Where's he going? What's he wearing? What's his favourite DC character? Skibidaboo.

Skibidabar. Where's he going? What's his favourite DC character? Well, he is wearing a fedora as a disguise from his distinctive coffee-stained hair. Ah, the fedora. He's wanting to hang out among the internet elites. Blend in like a cool guy. That's right.

The origins of the fedora can be traced back to the etymology. F-E, the periodic symbol for iron, DO as in be active, RA as in scary, so a scary active metal. It's a reference to Dick Bott. It is. Everything, all roads lead back to Dick Bot Or Brady That was his code name Scary Active Metal

Fact What was he doing though? I mean where was he going? He's going to a record store Is he? Is he going to Amoeba? Yeah he's going to Amoeba to buy an Intergalactic Glory Hole album yes he is

in all seriousness I barely noticed him this week oh that's a shame so that's the thing though is that we speculate about him so often week to week and then

you know it doesn't happen very often because you get excited by the idea of him and you tune in and hone into his movements pretty much got a countdown. Because he's only there for like eight seconds.

Oh, he's easy to miss if you kind of, yeah. If you don't know he's there. God, he's a hero. He is, isn't he? He really shoulders that scene, I think. Because otherwise you've just got four women you don't care about in a cafe talking about nothing. But luckily he's there to save the goddamn day

by just drinking a bunch of coffee. If we ignore the events that happen after his departure off screen, even if you just analyse what we see on screen, he's still a legend for just drinking a stupid amount of coffee. Just take it at what it is. Call a spade a spade. Good dude.

Great guy. He treads a fine line between a legend and reckless. Depends on what you consume. fine line between a legend and reckless The pace at which he consumes that scalding hot java The line between genius and insanity is measured only by success And Coffee Guy has done so much stuff with his life You could not possibly accuse him of being a slouch, a failure or a madman He's a goddamn genius

You know I mean What he exploits Yeah so you know and fair enough all power to him he's taking a day off he's going record shopping yeah and that's what cool people do when they have a day off they go look at music physical music yeah because they what what cool people like to do is slow down the process of actually getting to hear the music it's called building hype the more cumbersome the method of music playing is the uh the more release of pheromones or dopamine or whatever the good feelings are it's like simon and garfunkel said i don't know if it's their song actually slow down don't go too fast you move too fast you gotta make

the moment last is that them? yeah yeah you know they're wise dudes mistakenly thought to be about

premature ejaculation feeling groovy as we all are tell you what I'm interested in though it's this strange old brown, old dusty, old leather-bound book sitting in a shelf, all by its lonesome, gathering particles, just waiting to be picked up.

Blowing on. Blow those cobwebs away. Brush them away. It's amazing. Considering that big scribes in this book week by week, it's amazing how much dust and cobwebs away, brush them away. It's amazing, considering that big scribes in this book week by week, it's amazing how much dust and cobwebs it accumulates in between entries. Oh, yeah. I mean, the office is filthy.

There's no air ventilation. Yeah, it's disgusting. Just sort of grime and dust and all that kind of lint and all that stuff. It accumulates seriously quickly. So what he's done is he's come up with this theory that everyone works better in that kind of an environment. That's why it's so dusty. It's no mistake that it's so dusty and gross.

It's because Mr. Big believes that that enhances his ability to second-guess the stock market, which he can't accurately read due to his colour blindness. And vertigo. And vertigo. Being in such a tall office um and big numbers as well has the same effect as being up high it's all the same thing in your head um his theory is basically that when you have good ideas you need to kind of bathe in them wash around in them and, and stretch them out, you know, really lounge around inside of them.

And what happens when you have proper air ventilation is the good ideas, they get sucked up. They get sucked away into the air con, and the filters actually capture the good ideas. And you don't want them in those HEPA filters. He's a sort of conspiracist. I mean, there's not a lot of science to support his fears, but it's tangible, the notion that good ideas are sucked out.

He actively campaigns against heat pumps, air conditioning, windows. It's Mr Big's belief that the reason why people get so dried out when they're in air-conditioned rooms is because it's trapping little parts of your soul. Because the notion of air ventilation is actually like trying to overtake humanity. It's weird, though. The danger is that basically any environment he's in for too long just fills up with CO2.

He's going to give himself carbon dioxide poisoning one of these days. Bloody cark it. His body has sort of learned to adjust and he can absorb and breathe in an exorbitant amount of... CO2. Yeah, without consequence.

Anyway, the etchings in the book essentially explain these. I mean, we've done a pretty good job of deciphering. God. I mean, now I'm looking at the book again and it's throwing my language. It's all pretty much written half in wingdings and half in webdings. Listen, we're going to wrap this up because I think you've got to get out of here

I really do you've got a place to be what I would like to say is go check out the merch we've got a few things on there now it's all none of it

it's all done by people who love the podcast this is what I love about it and we give all the artists 20% of whatever we make which is good for whatever they designed which I don't know. It seems roughly right.

I hope that's okay. I hope that's all right. I think it's fair. I don't know anything. We've got that donate button on there. You can give whatever you want on that. You can give a dollar. I'd love a dollar.

I'd love to get some $1 donations in there. That'd be mean. It'd be real cool. And fuck, we love you guys. Good on you. Good on. donations in there that'd be mean be real cool and fuck we love you guys good on you good on you

and good on Karma Cola good on you whose ears I'm crawling through right now through your air cavity

let's get in there let's really get in there get in there no get in there really get in there now I'm sort of just whispering like i'm whispering across your brain it's like a breeze of wind across the top of your brain how

you doing it's just old old timbo what are you doing in this person's brain just making myself comfy grabbing a chair my squidgy brain just grabbing a cup of tea don't even need a chair you just just settle in your buttocks into this brain. Feel it. It's quite absorbent, it's quite spongy. I'm going to sleep now, okay? You're going to have a nap in the brain? Yeah. Night night.

That's how people get migraines, you know, is from people sleeping in their brains. You're unconscious. I'm going to leave, I'm sorry you've got a migraine now. It's Tim's fault, it's nothing to do with me. Right, review on iTunes. I'm going to leave, I'm sorry you've got a migraine now. It's Tim's fault, it's nothing to do with me. Right, review on iTunes.

I'm going to leave, I'm sorry you've got a migraine now. It's Tim's fault, it's nothing to do with me. Right, review on iTunes. I'm going to leave, I'm sorry you've got a migraine now. It's Tim's fault, it's nothing to do with me. Right, review on iTunes. I'm going to leave, I'm sorry you've got a migraine now. It's Tim's fault, it's nothing to do with me. Right, review on iTunes. I'm going to leave, I'm sorry you've got a migraine now. It's Tim's fault. It's nothing to do with me. Right from your life.