The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Fourteen - Buffy

Episode Date: June 4, 2015

An AM watch of the movie hasn't done much to lift the spirits of Guy and Tim. During yet another punishing viewing of the film, a plumber appeared, flatmates were in and out but when the excitement lowered and dust settled - it was just another morning with two idiots on a couch.In this celebrity heavy ep, the lads discuss a love of Sarah Michelle Gellar, discuss Angelina Jolie's vile of blood and question whether Freddy Prince Jnr's kids are good kids. Also Austin Powers and some actual Sex and The City chatter to boot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season 2. Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to episode number 14 of the worst idea of all time. My name is Tim. Sizzle 2 Well, for either of us, I don't think for anyone on screen or off screen. No one did well out of that one. I am kind of a mix of exhausted and angry and sad. Now, what specifically do you think made this watch so difficult? I, technically, all the circumstance would have lent itself

to a more forgiving screening. Yeah, we did it in the morning. It's a morning watch. Early hours. We had kind of people coming through the lounge at various bits in the middle. Yeah.

We had a lot of activity, actually. Yeah. Landlord came in, plumber came, checked the showers. Yeah. The plumber even... Three flatmates.

The plumber sat down. He did. We had to explain to him why we were watching Sex and the City 2 at like 10.30 on a Thursday. He had quite a giggle at the concept of what was going on. He did. He started making some pretty...

The longer he had to sit and watch the movie while we waited for the landlord to arrive, the sort of further... He felt comfortable expressing some pretty marginal opinions. Yeah. Conversation gradually started turning towards ISIS and then luckily he had to go fix a shower or something. So we sort of got off that train pretty quick.

I was pretty excited by his presence at the start though, Gary. He's a Gary good man. Well, like to begin with, like it was a nice injection, like a, you know, a good Kiwi lad. Yeah. Sitting down and watching what by all accounts to him particularly must be a seriously odd lad. Yeah. Sitting down and watching what, by all accounts to him, particularly must be a seriously odd experiment. Yeah.

It's a weird thing to walk into, and it's a very difficult thing to explain to outsiders briefly what exactly we're doing. So it always makes it awkward. Hey, before I forget, because I know I'll forget later, happy birthday to Lawrence. I'm probably saying her name wrong. Yeah, it's pronounced lauron i think

but there's neither here nor there i was gonna say law is what most people probably call it there you go birthday birthday wishes done and dusted get him out of here i'm not interested in them oh still happy birthday uh so i don't know what was so different about today like i i didn't i didn't get the best sleep last night so i've been pretty tired the whole time um there's just it always goes long but it went longer today like way longer it really felt like it was about five hours like in in real inescapably long it's it and it's it's just it's just not fair it's like it's'm really, and I know you are too, really struggling to tackle the movie head on.

And so instead of actually sitting through a movie for two and a half hours, it's kind of like just feeling like you're being weighed down by like 100 kilograms of Diamantes for two and a half hours. Yeah. Or rhinestones. Predict or rhinestones predictable like a rhinestone cowboy what's the origins of the saying rhinestone cowboy um i don't know well putting it out there to you i guess is it like a rhinestones were they considered quite a feminine object of the cowboy community?

So it was like, you're a girly man? You're a girly man cowboy? I mean, that would be where my mind would go. Girly or like maybe not valuable. You're a cheap ass cowboy. You're a cheap effeminate cowboy. And in the wild west, that is the worst insult We can give This is a song

And this is how we sing Well I guess Let's try and get some shining lights in early To lift the mood I think funnily enough I didn't tell you what mine was But I had mine peaked pretty early And I think we actually landed on

Almost the same one Because my shining light If I may go first. Sorry to be so rude and bold. By all means. It was when the gals are exiting the hotel in Abu Dhabi the first time and Miranda says, we'll be back in time for lunch. It's not the line.

It's an awful line. I don't know why she's telling the staff that. Who gives a shit? Like, you're an adult. You're a fully grown woman You can look after yourself It's just a line that they have to feed into the movie So that they can linger on the shot

And we can advertise the wears And that was my shining light What she's wearing in that shot It's all white And I think it looks real cool Crisp Yeah Yeah very crisp

And it's like an off white It's like a cream It's like a very light cream Because Miranda is wearing bizarro shit For 95% of the film Yeah, very crisp. It's like an off-white. It's like a cream. It's like a very light cream. Because Miranda is wearing bizarro shit for 95% of the film. Crazy shit that you wouldn't expect. If you've got someone who suffers from very severe mental illness and put them in a dress-up box, and they just emerged after 20 minutes

with as much accessories and shit as they can put on themselves. They'd look like Miranda in this movie. But in that one, it's kept pretty good. Well, funnily enough, Tim, my shining light was also when the gals were leaving the hotel, this time when they were about to embark on their flashy first-class flight back to New York City. But it was when... It was, funnily enough miranda's outfit again i mean to be honest with you the reason that that was my shining light was because

i realized we were quite far through the movie and i had been hating it so passionately that yeah i hadn't i had nothing and i was like look it just suddenly occurred to me to actively look for something to enjoy. Yeah. And I guess maybe, I can't specifically, I know she's wearing white, I can't specifically remember the outfit you were describing, but I looked at that outfit and I was like,

do you know what? By the standards of this film, what all of you generally were wearing and what Miranda is often wearing, this is a pretty respectable outfit. I think you could wear this on the streets today. It's a bright red jacket.

She wears a loud red jacket with quite a powerful yellow t-shirt underneath. Very powerful. Nice comfortable looking almost

camel coloured trousers. Yeah, sort of dressed, almost dressed pants with a tapered down to where the foot is.

And I'm not convinced by the handbag. It's sort of a green, I don't want to say, I don't quite know how to describe the foot is. And I'm not convinced by the handbag. It's sort of a green. I don't want to say, I don't quite know how to describe the texture. It's not gloss. It's not matte.

It's more gloss than matte. But I mean, the handbag for me is what would throw this as a shining light into disarray. But I'm willing to overlook that for the sake of having something good to say about the film. It's just, we're just watching arguments that don't result, like arguments that don't need to be had. Arguments that shouldn't have started and never satisfyingly end

week after week after week. Arguments of so little consequence that you just, you wonder why anyone would bother to write it down, let alone make a multi-million dollar film about it. We watched the trailer right in between. We had to wash the taste of this movie out of our mouth by watching the hilarious intro to the original Austin Powers movie

where he's dancing through the streets. It really was. Say what you will about the rest of those, the other two. I enjoyed all three of them. They taper off. I haven't revisited a gold member. But that first one.

Schmock and a pancake. Schmock and a pancake. Bong and a waffle. That first movie is really something special. I watched it so many times. That's probably the first movie as a kid that I could say every word of. One of the only. I saw, I think it was the second one maybe. That's probably the first movie as a kid that I could say every word of. One of the only.

I saw, I think it was the second one maybe. I went to the cinema with my dad. It was like one of the first movies we watched together where we both laughed the same amount. We were like on the same page in terms of. That's a special moment, man. That was a very special moment. But yeah, after that we also watched the Sex and City 2 trailer.

Just to see how you're meant to advertise or market this film. Like what is the draw obviously the draw is already taken care of and that you've got a wonderful franchise that is beloved by the fans yes the sex in the city 2 trailer doesn't even allude to the concept of plot it's like no not at all it's just like a hastily thrown together series of shots of new york and then a few of abu dhabi yeah like they put probably for every 20 minute block of the film there was one shot from within it but no context for any of it there was no suggestion that there'd be any conflict or like substance yeah and storyline you have to respect the trailer

for its honesty you're right like the movie absolutely delivers on what the trailer promises. Which is nothing. Which is nothing. There's nothing in the trailer, so you can't lose. The difference, the big difference for mine, Tim, is the trailer comes in at a reasonable 1 minute 21 seconds. Yes, correct. And it tells exactly the same story as the film does. Which is no story at all.

And the film takes 226, no, 2 hours and 26 minutes. There's a weird... Which is what, 146 minutes. Bit of editing though, where they go straight from, because they kind of do a little show, they do a lot of sweeping shots of New York City. We're getting New York City from... It's a good selling point.

From every angle. We're in the sky, we're doing bird's eye view, we're on the ground, we're looking at tall skyscraper buildings we're at a low angle shot we're at a high angle shot then we start getting this is the trailer mind you everyone listening then we get introduced to the four gals they each get their little segment in the sun they use the word carry as a pun carry ons used a lot and carry forward or whatever the fuck it is but they when they go to samantha they've like got a shot of her at the wedding and then they go back to the girls without samantha waving and then they go back to a shot of samantha in a completely different scene it's like she's um oh do you know what

teleported that might possibly be because is it is is it clear that samantha's not getting married at the wedding because i feel like maybe one of the draws or one of the teasers they tried to do, because they also tease it at the top of the film, is to suggest that Samantha Jones is getting married and settling down. Right. That could be,

I don't think that's outside the realm of possibility because then at the start of the film, you know when they're walking into Bergdorf Goodman? Yeah. And Carrie's doing the voiceover and she goes there's the jewellery shop and you know things can happen that you never thought possible

and like they're all sort of going they're walking to get obviously it's something wedding related yeah right and they're all kind of looking at Samantha and there's a lot of illusions to how unlikely this is and like that this you know no one ever foresaw this happening or whatever and there's a lot of illusions to how unlikely this is and like that this you know no one ever foresaw

this happening or whatever and it's quite focused on Samantha it turns out they're talking about gay marriage yeah but I think it was I think that the tease is

or is Samantha getting married and then they rip the rug out from underneath you within the first two minutes of the film like no Samantha's definitely

not getting married she wants to fuck a Danish architect do you dick spurt do you think that there were no, Samantha's definitely not getting married. She wants to fuck a Danish architect. Do you... Dickspurt. Do you think that there were people watching the trailer and taking it apart with the veracity that,

like, when a new Marvel trailer comes out and everyone's analysing a split-second frame I think internet culture over the last five years has changed rapidly enough that no one was consuming any trailer five years ago the same way we do now. But I think that the diehard Sex and the City 2 fans,

you know, in the context of how invested you could be. So they saw Sam at a wedding and they were like, holy shit, is it happening? There were probably

some message boards blowing up. Yeah. We should go diving into the Sex and the City message boards one day. Yeah, I would love to get into that. If anyone knows

some good fan sites another terrible flick them on through the main failure of the trailer for mine was Carrie says in two years incredible things

can happen things that you never thought possible in a million years it's like what a fucking lazy bit of writing and oversight

to have like the same measure like to measure by the same to measure by years oh i see what you're saying you're comparing a thing with the same thing but more of it yeah things can happen in two years that you never thought could happen in a million years what yeah true that is

shit writing and the end of the movie the last line is like while movies might be good in black and white in relationships there's a whole range of colors to choose from that doesn't make any sense either that's like a sentence that you write 20 minutes before some terrible media studies essay is due and you're like oh look this is vague and broad enough that no one's going to ask any questions and it kind of looks and feels time in three weeks you brought up media studies i don't know this movie's reducing my like brain's capacity to critic to think critically i think you're you're reverting you're regressing back to teenage years that's what this movie's doing to you but um the weird thing is in that trailer that yeah they do

say that like amazing things can happen in two years but all throughout the movie they keep impressing upon you the viewer the fact that only bad things have happened in the last two years like carrie presumably had a terrible wedding in the first movie and then now she's just married that's fine samantha bemoans the bullshit economy that's been befalling her business for the last two years um apparently miranda's been no fun for the last two years she hasn't because her job her job's been going badly and charlotte has been struggling away with rose and lily and a nanny with um she wasn't big old and fairness who doesn't wear a bra she wasn't erin and she wasn't struggling with the nanny until it was

callously brought up it wasn't actually callously brought up the immediacy with which she took her friend's japes as like a serious worry and then like this the the intensity of that is a through line charlotte's only through line in this entire movie is i think my i think runkle's gonna fuck the irish nanny i like that you're still holding on to calling him runkle it's one of the few joys i have week in week out. Good on you. Well, let me ask you this guy. You're a stay-at-home dad. You've got two kids. Is Runkle stay-at-home? Oh, wait. No, no, no. I was trying to put you in Charlotte's shoes. Oh,

it's confusing. It's hard too because you don't generally get male nannies, even today. You can. There was a Friends episode about that. A manny? Freddie Prinze Jr. was the manny. I used to think he was such a dish And Manny Freddie Prinze Jr. was the Manny I used to think he was such a dish Freddie Prinze Jr. was with Sarah Michelle Gellar, right?

They're still together I think they're married Are they? Yeah Oh, I hope so Sarah Michelle Gellar is my original celebrity crush OG She, I think, was everyone's original celebrity crush

Man Of our generation I had TV hits posters of her in my room. Oh, mate. I didn't. She was great. She was so good. And have you seen photos of her recently?

She wasn't aged a day. Well, it's because she's been out of the searing spotlight. Yeah, that's true. She's been living a wonderful life. I hope so. She deserves it. With Freddie Prinze. Yeah.

Also a slice of all right. Freddie Prinze is so dishy. Yeah. Do they have kids? Probably. They're probably adorable. Yeah. And I bet they're quite well behaved too.

And adjusted. Because they didn't have to live through celebritar. Their parents like. They got the benefits of the bit of money. Yeah, yeah. They nailed it. Got out of the game before i mean you know they're not going to wind up like i don't know like angelina and brad's kids

well they're pretty good i actually think that they're probably good parents brangelina i'm going to put that out there angelina jolie's a fascinating character she is she met her brother at the oscars or something and she used to carry around a vial of his blood maybe no that was um billy billy bob bob thornton's blood when they were married there's something to be said for that for carrying a vial of your lover's blood yeah would you do that um probably not me personally I think it's a little freaky for my particular taste but I can understand doing it maybe that's because you'd never felt a love as intense as what Angelina Jolie

and Billy Bob Thornton had entirely possible, I'll be the first to concede that you know, maybe one day I will fall into a love the depth of which can only be felt by me carrying around a vial of liquid life force of my lover. Which of the characters...

But hold on, let me finish this thought. So you're a stay-at-home dad, or whatever. There's a male nanny who's looking after the kids too. And your wife is attracted to the nanny. No one ever says Runkle's attracted to the nanny. It's never no one ever says Runkle's attracted to the nanny. It's said that the nanny's attractive.

Yeah, that's true. There's no she doesn't even broach the topic she doesn't even broach the topic with Runkle. She doesn't even talk about it with him. That's true, man.

Good God. This whole her entire storyline is predicated on that bad component of their relationship. And all that would take to solve is literally starting a conversation about it with him. Like, that is the panacea to fix this entirely.

This movie, I realise now that we've found a way of talking about the actual movie as we talk about it right now, is going to turn us into like horrible ham-fisted relationship counselors oh god i hope not for like repeated ongoing problems faced by these insufferable characters very specific dr phil i want you to get excited about your life what i want you to do charlotte is i want you to start the line of communication. Sounds like Dr. Phil and Kermit the Frog had a child. Hey, I never claimed- I want you, Charlotte, to start talking to Runkle about the problems you think you face as a married couple. That's not a great Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil's a fuckwit. I hate that guy so much. Really? Yeah, big time, man. Fuck, I hate him. He's right up there with old- Why? That other cunt. He had to stop calling himself a doctor. No, he didn't him He's right up there With old Why That other cunt

He had to stop Calling himself a doctor No he didn't He's not a doctor He is No he's not Yes he is No he's not

Dr Phil is absolutely A doctor He's not His show's still on the air Dr Phil Yeah no It looks like It looks like it says doctor

No you're thinking Of the other guy Dr Oz Oz yeah And what that was Is not that Dr. Oz is not a doctor. It's the fact that he was making so many bald-faced lies as claims on his show that they were saying, you can't do this. You're a medical practitioner.

You're a medical communicator. And he said, no, no, the doctor in the logo is very, very, very small. So it's not really a medical advice show. The Oz is massive. The doctor in the logo is very, very, very small. So it's not really a medical advice show. The Oz is massive. The doctor is small. Yeah, that was part of their justification. That's a good argument. It's amazing to me when you hear about things like that

and the logic applied. The absurdity. Yeah, the argument back is like, some intermediate primaries doing shit. Big time. Did you look at the logo of the show, friend? It's so obvious. It's such a tiny doctor

and such a big Oz. Tim, of all the characters in the movie today, if you had to go away for a weekend with any of them, no, actually, I'll reduce it from weekend.

One of them's visiting Auckland and for whatever reason there's some bizarre family connection and you're obligated to take them out for a beer and to like show them around auckland for a night yeah who would you most hope to to receive as a guest either miranda or carrie and probably miranda for what reason so samantha's most fun yeah definitely without a doubt but she would be a goddamn liability and she'd be a real handle to try and keep a bit of a leash on and keep entertained yeah she'd want to go out all night i'm a i'm a guy who like i'll go to town every now and then but i pig out at about 2 a.m these days i've got like a hard stop on the night and this is a very special occasion she would want to go

until dawn and i would just for me this is just the worst i can't keep up with that kind of shenanigans anymore so she'd really tie me out charlotte i feel like she'd get in trouble charlotte would be i feel like so annoying and you constantly be wanting to take her to the best thing and it would be really expensive and she'd still never be impressed you'd like take her up the top of the sky tower she'd be like oh okay what's the next thing when you go to why hickey to see the wineries and she'd be like oh what's the next thing it's like fucking hell charlotte we've done so much can we just like call it whereas i think with miranda you could do a nice day at the art gallery you know i think she'd enjoy that and um maybe even like should be down with just seeing a movie maybe go to like an art house

cinema or maybe rialto or something see like a semi-independent film, maybe a foreign film. And I reckon should be cool with that. Carrie, I think, is on a similar vein. We should be reasonably easy to entertain. Carrie, you could probably actually just go out for a lot of food, I think. She loves to eat out, yeah. Yeah. What about you?

It doesn't need to be one of the gals. Oh. You could You'd run the whole movie Oh then without question Runkle Yeah Without question Without a shadow of a doubt

There's no second guessing There's no two ways about it You? Miley Miley Cyrus Yep You got me on a technicality there boy Well done

She is in the movie Undeniably so. I had a pretty sad realization during the movie. You did. That any chance that I might have had with Miley, I don't actually know her personally. I don't know if we were a good match. But just speaking purely in hypothetical terms.

It's fair to assume you would be, though. I mean, I think I've hamstrung my chances with Miley insofar as having a tattoo of her ex-boyfriend on my butt is probably a bit of a deal breaker. It'd be very off-putting. I mean, you actually, you obviously, you've got the same thing. I'm in the same boat But you don't seem to mind as much

No You seem to have a little bit more Of asphyxiation On Miley than I Would you agree with that statement? Yeah That's a fair statement I'm more of a

Sarah Michelle Gellar kind of guy Myself Yeah Vintage Buffy What ever happened to the guy who played uh who was the like real smart ass dude forget his name he did hell was the guy did hell boy did he do hell boy feels like it would have been the same guy i don't know it's hard to say anyway he was great i can't wait for him to pop up in something i'm watching isn't that always so satisfying when that

happens like when we turn this on miley's in there and runkel's in there and i remember when these moments used to be exciting after 14 watches the shine does come off a little bit two jokes still hold um when big asks carrie when they're at the sort of hotel whatever for the wedding um which is what is it? Which is worse? I can't tell what's worse. I can't tell what's worse. Samantha with a baby.

They're choosing between a screaming baby and Samantha having loud sex and Carrie says Samantha. No, Samantha. Yeah, the baby will tire out eventually. Yeah. That's a funny sass.

That is a funny sass. Yeah, it's good. The other one that still kills me Is It's almost an anti-joke In the context of the film But is on the

On the plane When Samantha says I have four people in my bed And the other three girls Just reject it outright Oh yeah Cause they're talking about How Charlotte's got

Four people in her bed Cause she's got her kids Three moments Three jokes which I like And the other one is When Dick Spurt Meets the girls At the karaoke bar

And he says Dick Spurt's the Danish architect for anyone who hasn't been able to keep up with our time of the movie i wonder for those of you who haven't seen it yet what if anyone could potentially write like a hundred like a hundred word blurb of what you think the movie the movie is maybe the order of events or just whatever you think. Yeah, that'd be very satisfying. I think that'd be entertaining because I've got no idea how much plot or like what we've actually discussed.

But anyway, yeah, when he says when Samantha says, your name's Dick Spurton, he goes, could you be any more American? I think not. He answers, I'm rhetorical. That kills me. I'm going to call shenanigans on that one Because I don't think they know it's a joke

What? What with all the funky shit on the walls It's a super troopers reference Missed that Yeah I don't think It's one of those situations Where they tripped over A funny moment

I think Like there was no intention Of that being funny For the reason That it is funny Can you imagine Directing this film What a job

Yeah What a big ask Oh yeah Especially in Morocco I don't know how that would have You know It takes two and a half hours to watch It would have taken so long to make

And to write it and then direct it And probably constantly be losing confidence On set every hour of every day I think you would very much be drinking Your own Kool-Aid at this point though Like Michael Patrick King Had been at the helm since the TV days MPK

Yeah You also noticed today That they take a swipe at television which is funnily enough what created this entire. I have got a weird feeling we might have talked about this before

but the fact that there's a large portion of the argument with Carrie and Big which seems to occupy like emotionally 65% of the film and it happens

for about 25 minutes in the middle of the movie and I fucking I detest it. I so what's the opposite of looking forward to it? I dread it in the middle of the movie. And I fucking, I detest it. I so, what's the opposite of looking forward to it? I dread it. Yeah, that's the opposite. Coming up every time.

Exactly the opposite. And so Carrie makes a big song and a dance about how they're turning into a boring old married couple. And how Big is just watching TV all the time. Which is funny when you consider that we're watching a movie made from a TV series. Do you think that's Michael Patrick King going, ha, I'm bigger than TV now, you little bitches. I'm in the movies. Movies are fine.

I'm in the movie business. That makes sense, because the movie is about a movie, Heart of the Desert, which is the whole impetus of them going to Abu Dhabi. So this movie is actually just Michael Patrick King big upsing himself and shitting on everyone who's still stuck in the TV industry.

What a revelation. What a big dick move to make a middle finger salute in the form of a feature film costing millions. What a big dick dude. I think one of the reasons why we found it so hard to watch is that in previous weeks, we've at least had the energy to muster alternative realities within the film or alternative storylines or get excited by the prospect of-

Like Big being investigated by the SEC. Or like Brady being the Rat King. We were so empty- We were so beaten down. And dead-eyed in this watch, we didn't create a single parallel narrative. No. And therein, I i think lies why it was such a tough watch it just occurred to me then we were subjected to the actual film rather than

a unique spin on it rather than getting excited about because the first couple watches i mean the first watch you're like okay wow this is what we're going to be dealing with interesting fascinating interesting and then the second watch you kind of get more of of what it is that you're grappling with and then by the third one you're kind of creating little little things and today we were just so beaten down and tired you're right that we were just subjected to the literal film that they made which is a bad movie undeniably a bad movie i don't know if it like i don't know if because we'd watched grown-ups 2 52 times that the first few viewings of this were more forgiving because it was just exciting to have a shiny new toy but i've got to say objectively speaking this is so much harder things have gone downhill so much so much worse time like this feels like how it felt in

the late 40s with grown-ups too in terms of watches like watch 48 49 no but at least then there was the element of oh my god it's nearly done yeah that's true anyway tim i think it's time to dive into a little segment we like to call Where's he going? What's he up to you? Close enough Our hero for those of you who are listening for the first time welcome aboard, interesting choice of episode

I guess you didn't know before you entered it that this is what you were going to get but for taking a punt, we salute you Tim, salute right now with me episode i guess you didn't know before you entered it that this is what you're gonna get um uh but for taking a punt we salute you tim salute right now with me we both genuinely saluted in your general direction then i want you to know that someone's dived in off this episode first i don't think they're still listening but only to the new listeners did we throw a salute to the old listeners we extend a handshake in fact do you know what we've both extended a handshake and we're miming the shaking of the hand. If you're not.

I'm still shaking hands. Oh, you are. You've held it tight. I would like anyone listening right now, please, to put your hand out and shake. Unless you're driving. Please don't do it if you're driving. Okay. It's wonderful.

We just shared a moment, you and I, listener. So, Coffee Man. So, yeah. So, pretty much so pretty much worshipper of Java. The worshipper of the Java. He is an extra in the film. He's a real scene stealer. When the girls are out gasbagging. Real pro to work with.

Yeah, real joy. He's in the background of frame just necking caffeine like a maniac. Once, twice, thrice, he stands up with a spring in his step. He goes charging out the door. Yeah. He's got a piss bolt out of there. Do you want to know why?

I'm very curious. Quite simply, the man has drunk too much coffee and it is ripping through his insides. That's right. And I mean, he's a regular at this cafe. He knows what the bathroom situation is. It's one of those those cafes we have to go and ask for the key yeah and then you get given the key and you go to the bathroom and i mean i understand why you've got that system but the thing is that the situation he's finding his bells in right now you don't want the clock to be out on how long you're spending in the bathroom that is so true

he doesn't he took the newspaper because he knew he'd need some materials in there his cell phone battery might not hold out enough this guy's essentially shitting in the 90s he's taking hard reading material into the bathroom non-battery aid of material as a regular at the cafe and a friend of the baristas and servers, he essentially does not want them to think of what he does to the toilet on this circumstance every time he goes in there. You know that sort of fear

that he would have where he's like, look, if I do to this toilet what I know is about to happen, no one in this cafe can look at me or respect me the same way again. Well, at least he takes matters into his own hands by a lot of times those cafes will leave the brush and even a little bit of toilet cleaner by the bowl. Get in there, mate.

Absolutely. Do your part. Still, you know, you go in there 20 minutes, 20, 25 minutes. It's too long. It is too long and it's too long one shared unisex toilet the real issue

is a how much traffic you're creating behind you by being in there and two people just going what is happening

with this guy and they keep I've got a log book where they keep a timing of every toilet usage so like when you return the key

they write down in the book coffee guy 25 minutes what the hell what yeah and then in parenthesis they put like a further thought on the matter and they're like yeah jesus h christ so in a funny sort of sense this week's where's he off to what's he doing whatever the fuck is them asking that question of him still but he's in his shitter he's not in their shit of the way he's in the cafe's shitter oh no so i was thinking he's

leaving the cafe because he doesn't he just cannot oh okay right that's what i'm saying is he understands so that was like a flash in his mind he was like this is the situation i'm going to be up against i can't let it come to pass. Yeah. He's out there. He's frantically looking for any form of public restroom. Right, right, right. So where does he end up, our hero? What happens? They're very near Central Park,

and he's running through Central Park, desperate looking for anywhere to take care of this caffeinated related business, caffeine business. Do you know what I find, if that situation's going to arise as helpful as fast food restaurants? Because no one's minding who's in there for however long. Yeah, mate. You're preaching to the choir here.

Go for gold. Absolutely. Find yourself a comfy wee McDonald's. Presumably, yeah. You're in New York. There must be fast food outlets all over the place. A Starbucks. I don't know if they regulate toilet usage in Starbucks.

I reckon they do. Like selected Starbucks. Mickey D's, you know that you're fine. Like, you know, you're guaranteed no one's going to.

No one's earning enough to like, be like, don't do a shit in our toilet. Yeah, exactly. And the turnover of like, customers and also staff

doing different duties in the restaurant means that he doesn't need to worry about the harsh judging eyes. You can pretty much live in a McDonald's if you're smart about it. It's got internet there. Go about it the right way.

Food to cater to all times of the day. They're usually like the bigger ones are big enough that you can just find yourself a wee corner. You ever go to that Wendy's on Queen Street? Yeah. You just go upstairs, man. Park your wee bloody laptop up there. being there for ages people have got those camouflage sort of beige sheets set up in corners yeah i've had i went to a business meeting in one of the corners of that i legitimately saw a family when i was last in that wendy's upstairs a family who had bought a multi-board and everyone was connected to something it was like tablets

for the kids laptops for the old see that's really crazy to me because you're taking the piss at that point you're absolutely taking the piss yeah like that's not on like i can't yeah i can't even formulate the thought of why i find that so insane have you got because you're stealing power they've all got they've all got tablets obviously they can afford their own power at their house or whatever yeah yeah yeah anyway it's fucking weird man it was a weird thing to say look kind citizen of planet earth wherever you may be whatever the time of day might be. May I suggest to boost morale for Tim and I on this stupid, stupid adventure we're undertaking, a selfie.

Oh, man, I'd love to see some selfies. Nothing lifts morale like seeing you enjoy our misery. Where do we want them? We want them on, where do we want them? Tweet them, Facebook them, we don't really mind. If you're going to tweet them, Guy we don't really mind if you're going to tweet them guys thingy is at guy underscore mont m-o-n-t and mine is at tim underscore bat b-a-t-t and uh chuck them on the facebook as well which is if you just search the worst idea of all

time you'll find it it'll be it'll mean a to us. We'd love to see your faces. And what you're doing. Where are you? What are you up to? Where are you going? That's right. You're our coffee guy today. All right.

Onwards is the march. Onward is the march. We shall leave ideology to the armchair generals. Good night.