The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Fourteen - Chandelier

Episode Date: August 21, 2016

Kearny (Guybo) is beaming in from Rome, Italy and Jimbo (Timbo) is in Auckland. Together, yet apart, they've just watched We Are Your Friends for the 14th time this year. This watch is all about the social melting pot of suburban life and Guy's design for New Zealand's new flag, which involves lyrics written in the man's own blood. A lot of attention on that birthday cake this week. And strippers. AND surrending to Adam Sandler/Netflix. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of them dies, that guy's a screw. One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Hello and welcome to Dick Fuller Diamonds, Mouth Full of Concrete FM. Coming to you live with Jimbo Jones, your favourite DJ. And Kearney, your favourite co-host.

Kearney, it's the start of a blistering six-hour shift. How are you feeling? You've come in from the hot, hot sun. You look sunburned, Kearney. You look messed up. I'm not doing so good, man. I don't know about this 6 hour marathon Mega mash up session That we're planning

You hear that in the background That's my mix Not caring about your discomfort Or trepidation about this shift This banging shift I've got to tell you That mix is really It's quite jarring for me because it comes through in bursts.

It's very uncomfortable to listen to. It's making me feel slightly insane. Yeah, that's a good thing. Ultimately, this is good for you. Kearney, what's been happening in your week? What's been happening in your life? While we get the beats all warmed up I want to hear about Cooney I'm in Rome

I'm in Rome bro it's going off it's all going off here it's 9.30 in the morning I've set an alarm for this I can't think of a better way to wake up than with a helping of Zicoli and the boys. Yes, right.

And then listening to the credit soundtrack through my headphones through Skype. It's a really lovely, gentle wake up. You know, there's a lot of talk and discussions about audio quality these days. But in some ways, listening to music through two Skype cell phones talking to each other

is sort of the only way to listen to music now. It's 2016. This is the sound. It sounds like you're making beet soup. Like you're just putting a bunch of different shit in a pot and hoping it works out. Kearney, you've always been good with the words and I've always been good with the beats. That's how this radio relationship works. What do you want to do?

Hey, happy birthday. Happy birthday, by the way. Thank you very much. Jimbo Jones is now a man of 29 years. much Jimbo Jones is now a man of 29 years and I actually thought potentially I was going to spend my birthday like Tim Bat did last year and I was going to try and jack up with you a time to do it because the episode's so overdue and I for whatever it's worth I have nothing to do it my name is Jimbo Jones and I run a radio station but but I know that those boys who do the potty they're mighty disappointed in themselves

and they feel bad for letting you all down. I don't believe that for a second. I think that the boys who do the podcast yeah, they might feel a touch bad about it. I don't know if anyone was let down. The movie's been watched. The discussion will

take place. That's's right there's nothing for it i've got nothing to say do you want to hear it do you want to hear do you want to hear something kearney i always want to hear from you so this is i think probably quite a powerful uh real life metaphor for how i feel about the movie and how I felt about Ziccoli's contribution to the music world. Yes, bro. When he was DJing at Summerfest, which as we all know is pretty much all he wants in life. As far as I can tell,

the whole reason for the movie is to put Ziccoli on that stage. He wants to be there in that American apparel car park, just blasting churns. Yeah, not unlike yourself, Jimbo. And he was sort of like maybe a minute into his terrible mix, and it came through the worst I've ever heard it. It felt like I was listening to the first studio session of someone trying to make a song

do you know i was so bored in the middle of this movie that i just turned the speakers up to almost as loud as they would go and just just fucking assaulted myself with we are your friends it's a pretty good fix it's so jarring though it really comes at you. It's fucking... It's like that monster in Stranger Things, man. It comes through the wall, tries to grab you. It's terrifying. Bloody Stranger Things spoiler for those of us who haven't even gotten around to it yet. Soz balls, soz balls.

But I didn't ruin too much. It's okay. So as Zicoli was playing you know playing his life's work to a surprisingly engaged car park full of tweens yes i had twins no less i had to do a wee and so i stood up and walked to the bathroom and took a piss and it occurred to me that that is exactly the same level of respect i would treat zicoli as a dj And it occurred to me that that is exactly the same level of respect I would treat Zicole as a DJ if he was playing that song at the actual festival itself.

You know, like your mates are all going ballistic and you're like, do you know what? This one, not really for me. I'm going to go to the bathroom, maybe grab a churros and a beer. I'm just going to be skulking around the back of the car park waiting for another DJ to come on because this, frankly, is un-fucking-acceptable well fuck me that's uh this movie is equivalent of of waste a waste

product i'll go a step further i'd say if we went to that music festival together as a coley steps up to the plate to dj he starts playing everyone's going ballistic and i turned to you and i said you know what this one's not really for me you'd probably say fuck bro i was hoping you'd say exactly that because i hate this shit do you want to go get a churros and a beer and skulk around the back of the car park you're not wrong dude you're not wrong we'd be there everyone in that pit, that sweaty pit, would be gyrating their little tween arse off. And that excitement would dissipate, as it generally does as a music gig.

And then we are at the back, just getting a little bit old for it, just trying to pretend like we're having a great time. And all it takes is a little crack in that thin veneer of social propriety and suddenly the floodgates open and it's just a relief that someone else is in the same predicament you are and that's when you start making good decisions because honesty is the key trust in hand bearing the other a bentley pulls says, hey, do you guys work here? We look at each other. A cheeky glint passes both of our eyes.

We say, heck yeah, we do. We'll park that car for you. The guy says, what are your names? To which we answered, my name is Jimbo Jones. And you replied with... And I'm Kearney. The Kearn. And then the guy in the Bentley said,

did you guys name yourselves after the bullies from The Simpsons? And we'll say, not at all. That is a coincidence. We are roughly the same age as The Simpsons. It's very unlikely that they had made this sort of cultural waves wherein you could name yourself after them if you were created at the same time as them. You showed him.

Boy, did you show him that day. There we were, churros in hands, just back chatting to someone who apparently we were showing off to by pretending we were chauffeurs at a music festival. We weren't showing off. We were looking for a ride

in that sweet, sweet Bentley. You will have also noted the eagle ear amongst you that Tim and I are now churros in hands. One churros has been eaten. We're holding one churros now between us. Our hands are entirely full, but we'll park the car. Plurals are a tricky one to navigate when the word ends with an S.

What is the plural? Churri. Chur plural? Churri. Churri. Churri. Churros in hands. Churros. I feel like it's not... I feel like the word is pluralized by what you say before it.

So, a churros each in hand. It's purely contextual. I mean, it's a complicated word. It's a complicated language. All right, what about this? There was churros betwixt them. That sounds like... Does anyone know if it was...

Yeah. It sounds like we're holding the same churros. You reckon it's one? Okay. Okay, I like that. Same choice. You reckon it's one? Okay. Okay. I like that. Hey, can I throw my favorite bit of the movie to you this week? Otherwise known as The Shining Light.

Yeah, man, help yourself. Okay, great. I'm glad that my enthusiasm was met with an equal amount of enthusiasm for the segment. My shining light this week, our 14th, 14th? 14th? 15th. 15th watch of We Are Your Friends

is our favorite sole trader at Gold Star Realty's dick full of diamond, mouth full of concrete, he walks out of Tanya Romero's house full cocked, just looking like the absolute bee's knees, very proud of himself, and he says to Ziccoli, or he actually, he sort of says it to himself, and this is why it was my my shining light

the interpretation that i've taken he says see that chandelier we're going to sell this place for 350 maybe 400 000 or something i can't remember the numbers it's something like that and this week in my head instead of chandelier being the object as in he's saying to zicoli do you see that chandelier to suggest how much it is he's seen someone across that wall that he basically says see that chandelier like there's someone on the other side of it called chandelier so he's talking to chandelier saying do you see that like he wants to fucking just let Chandelier know that our man has closed a deal today. And there's going to be fish on the table. There will be a full dick of diamonds

and the highest grade concrete in his mouth. So the fish is presumably a looking fish, not for consumption. It is a looking fish for the table. Okay. And it's a good looking looking fish. A consumption it is a looking fish for the table okay and it's a lot of questions a lot of questions over here what is page's relation to chandelier well you know how we know there's a strip club because uh your friend of mine james reed from the field has taken so coldly there to look at strippers on his birthday which there's so much I want to get into around those couple of scenes this week

because they really tickled me. So we know in the world of We Are Your Friends that there is a strip club, and if you pardon my passing someone's name and applying an occupation to them, my assumption is that Chandelier works at the strip club, and my assumption of page is he's the kind of man who would frequent said den of iniquities he does have that look and feel about

him doesn't he that's how he attempts to close the big deals there's some bank manager involved he comes on with his you know tales of his sicilian mother who was a fantastic cook and then he says how about we go uh finish this deal up over a cold one and then they get in his nice shiny bmw car and uh and they drive down to the strippies okay so i understand the the connection but beyond how they know one another i don't understand why chandeliers in the neighborhood why page would be bragging to chandelier i mean are they friends are they romantically involved yeah i don't think they're entangled romantically my feeling is that page is such a frequent and good customer there because he likes splashing his money around in front of other people to show off to try and close deals you know that kind of show of power that uh he's he's a good tipper he's a good tipper in the strippies and the the girls

love him as a result uh he's there bringing the noise bringing the good paycheck treating people with respect doesn't cause any any trouble um no fights no touching nothing like that and uh everyone everyone gets their own looking fish with the money he provides okay i understand that they're just like a good professional acquaintance type relationship why is she following him around when he does his work does she live next door to tanya romero she lives next door to tanya romero that's how amazing this kind of cross-section of society suburb oh wow you got okay solo parents just trying to make ends meet right next door to the to the stripper so do you think chandelier and Tanya Romero don't get along?

Because for me, Paige would only brag to Chandelier if Chandelier had previously told him during their work that she's got a really loud and annoying neighbour. Like Tanya Romero's kid is a little monster. She's up all hours. Yeah. You've got good instincts, Guy. You've got a very keen eye on that what i will correct is that

it's actually not the noise or behavior or anything of either neighbor it's actually tanya has had a couple of words to chandelier about covering up when she's outside because she's got a young boy and chandelier didn't take too kindly to that so they had a bit of a falling out over it And Chandelier didn't take too kindly to that, so they had a bit of a falling out over it. And so, I mean, this wasn't orchestrated by Page, you know, per se. It was just a fortunate coincidence that the house that's going into liquidation is next door to Chandelier's. He knew that.

Page didn't even know where Chandelier lived. That's how good he is at rolling with the punches. There's no surprise in his voice he just looks over at that concrete wall sees her and continues talking and works her into the conversation that's how smooth and operated this guy is and that's how you get the big bucks that's how you get the looking fish in this life guy montgomery roll with the punches look over a wall you see chandelier you break to chandelier don't even take a half a breath see that chandelier i'm gonna sell that fucking house that woman's life is over i'm a big deal yeah that is um i gotta say i mean there's a reason he is where he is

you know absolutely he's unafraid to fuck precious stones and he's uh he's very good on the fly yeah man i'm glad that you brought up um sort of in passing the birthday scene in this and the strippies um because my shining light tim if you will and again this is one of those sort of abstract shining lights i do where it's it's similar to you actually it's not um what the movie made it for but it's it's more it opens up a portal to what i would like to see from the movie or you know there's a little uh wormhole wherein i could squeeze in and start enjoying myself forever at such a brief moment during this fucking god awful screening of we are your friends and that would be matthew mcconaughey did when he went through

that wormhole hit it hard hit it bravely um so you know james reed from the feelers and somaly returned from their birthday great feelers yes yeah i would love for the lyrics we do you know what i actually submitted a design for the New Zealand flag when they opened the contest to all of the country. Yeah. He's not making this up, by the way, everyone.

New Zealand recently had a referendum on changing our flag. My submission was the lyrics to Fishing for Lisa written out in my own blood on a white cloth. Well, fuck, man. First of all, the white flag is universally the symbol of surrender in the international community.

Not when it's covered in blood. Oh, my God. And fearless lyrics. A New Zealand-based soft rock band whose prominence in the 90s was, I'm going to say, short-lived, man. No, no, they had a lot of good albums. At least two. I'm fishing for Lisa, like a meeting in the water lost. I should have known better.

Now I sit here trying to count my loss I thought you were my reason to live That's the first verse anyway I mean, you can imagine I ran out of blood pretty quickly I'll bet So they come home We're talking birthdays Oh, yes, please

I got a My dear friend, Jono, has walked into the room Shaking an empty percolator at me And now he's dancing Oh, yes, please. I got a... My dear friend Jono has walked into the room shaking an empty percolator at me and now he's dancing. Oh, God. It's amazing. It must be morning where you are, huh? It is morning here.

It's 9.54 a.m. And he's just like that. As soon as I stop talking about him, he leaves the room. God damn it. So, Somaly and James Reid from The Feelers, what do they do? They get home from their meal

and the whole time James Reid has been just thinking of this really witty quip to say when they get home so he can show off in front of Ziccoli which is the line

you know why the actors oh you know why the service sucks in LA all of the waitresses are waiting for their break or whatever

to get a sitcom they can remember their lines but they can remember their lines but they can't remember my fucking order yeah and he pats himself on the back for being such a witty and clever boy yes he does anyway it looks like the birthday dinner has not gone particularly well we know that somaly is probably second guessing the entire relationship on the back of her and zicoly getting it done uh in las vegas yeah and uh james riefenfield takes out the birthday cake somaly does not like the way he's acting

at all and she starts leaving and uh at this point james riefenfield and zicoly have got a fucking fistful of cake and they're just eating it out of their hands like the dogs that they are and somaly continues on her merry way to bed and james reed from the feelers says well you know cole and i are gonna eat this whole thing you know like a threat like if you don't get down here and start eating the cake there's not gonna be any cake left fucking hell i wish that wasn't such a hollow threat all i wanted was to sit in the kitchen with james reed from the feelers and zicole and hoe through that blueberry birthday cake it's so weird that you bring this up this week because like there weren't a lot of things that really jumped out at me this week but i felt the exact same way and I've never felt it anywhere near as strongly as, that was

one of my points when I said started talking about the birthday party and the strippers and stuff and that I'd need to get back to a few points that was one of the two points I needed to get back to because it was just like a burning desire in my loins to watch two grown men

finish a birthday cake with their hands out of spite. Out of fucking spite for someone who's gone to bed. I just wanted to see the whole thing in at least one speed. Maybe slow-mo. I wanted to see the boys go full bog trotter. You know what I'm saying? Yes, dude.

Lick the plate, lift it up over your head. Take that trunch bowl. Throw it like a discus at the bedroom door make it be known that if you don't start eating this cake with us right now there will be no cake for you i don't care if you made it i don't care how you got it here it's my birthday i decide when we eat the cake this is the cake eating time what what did they all chant for him and Matilda when he started doing it? Or was it just his name? Bruce C. Bruce C.

Bruce C. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it is. I think it was. Ah, what a moment. What a career defining moment for that young man. And something I often have in the back of my psyche informing my decisions is that scene from Matilda.

It's the ultimate fuck you. That is, yeah. I mean, you know, because she tries to make an example of him and then little does... She underestimated the size of Bruce Bogtrotter's stomach, which scientists, after that momentous occasion in the dining hall at the school,

studied his stomach. It's twice the size of a regular human stomach. They had to change the model of what possible stomachs there are out there. Just based on this. Do you ever look at a meal and you look at it and you think to yourself, now that meal is definitely bigger than the amount of space inside of my body where it's meant to land? Isn't that crazy?

We are creatures of excess. It's real weird. I keep coming back to that intense acid that's in there and just being like, fuck, man. That must be some pretty potent stuff. Hey, also, can I just ask real quick? Have you got headphones on? Because I can hear my own voice

coming back and oh boy do i not like it hey that's exactly how i felt uh at the top of the episode when there was music bouncing around my head three steps removed um and i am wearing headphones so you can blame i tell you what, if I had to scale the internet available across Europe... Yes. Caracas, Spain, still sitting in last place, but Rome, or at least the Airbnb I'm staying in... Is Caracas the area where you didn't know enough Spanish to swear at your

host mother to tell her about the shoddy wi-fi speeds that is exactly the place sorry i just need to check uh as you were it's all i'm trying to tell you is that the reason that you hear your voice back is because uh this roman internet connection feels like it's from ancient times. Oh, man. And I thought I was the one who just had a birthday. They're so obsessed with history, they're still using dial-up. It's a good thing I don't have Skype open, because that would have been the moment where i just flicked my finger out and just hung up on you right then and there then it'd be a pain in the ass to get you back grazia uh jono has just bought me a delicious little cup of cup of homebrew coffee

hey i don't know if this is um i'm gonna gloss over that i'm really happy you've got a coffee and actually i could fucking do with a real nice brew myself oh yeah okay hold on one thing in my head at a time the second and final point that I wanted to address about the whole birthday strip club thing is that

Zacoli and James Reid from the Feelers are shotting whiskey in shot glasses at a strip club i don't think that's right who's shot whiskey no one's accused of being classy guys all right they've quite literally just finished an entire cake they feel they're not making the best decisions right now for their body i think it's an indictment on everyone though the strip club shouldn't even have a shot of whiskey as an option or not don't serve it in a shot glass

just put that amount in a tumbler and make him look like a real human being no you're kidding me james reed from the fearless comes in this guy frequents the club often almost as much as page he's got a lot of money to throw around. It's his birthday. He's a regular. He says, hey, I want a shot whiskey. What are they going to say? Yeah, true, I guess.

I guess you're right, eh? Of course I'm right. That's the thing about success. When you get successful enough, you get to make your own rules, like ordering a shot glass full of whiskey at a strip club on your birthday after you've just eaten an entire half of a cake with your new friend. That's when you lose touch.

And that's what I'm afraid is happening to James Reid. You think he's normalized this kind of behavior. He doesn't realize that it's just birthday behavior and he might do it another day. I think he treats every day like his birthday. I mean, we know he has that on his birthday even. He says to Sophie... Is that on a T-shirt or something?

Because that's like... It so fits the format of one of those Tumblr bumper sticker hashtag, you know, just slogans you'd see around everywhere. But I've never heard that one before treat every day like it's your birthday oh i mean if you want to make some good money on the shit t-shirt market be my guest you're fucking a it's such a it's like a live laugh love thing but i think having a birthday should be synonymous with just being a fucking arrogant asshole like James Reid. I like that.

364 days of the year, I'm a nice guy. But one day of the year, when I celebrate my escape from the womb, I treat everyone like a piece of shit because it's my special day. But on a special day, I guess this could fall under the umbrella if he's just saying it's his birthday but he starts sort of espousing his politics towards so somberly and he says um if everybody did what they wanted all the time the world would be a better place and i just could not disagree more with that statement yeah look usually i play devil's advocate on this kind of thing guy but you're indisputably correct. There's no way that everyone can just maximize their enjoyment

and that will be a good thing overall. It's just, I mean, it's anarchy. It's literally hedonistic anarchy. You know, we're living in a society. Yeah, with rules, James. I don't care what day of the year it is. There are rules. There are rules year it is. There are rules. There are rules to the fun.

There are rules in place for a reason. I'd also like to mention, I'm just sipping on this delicious little coffee right now, that prior to that engagement with Jono, the first time we ran into each other this morning, he heard the rumblings of a movie happening in the bedroom I'm staying in. And it's very warm here in Rome, I think it's important

that I tell that to you What have you got there in centigrade? It's 30 30 I'll never stop asking you what the temperature is and you never should reply to me in Fahrenheit

or so help me God there'll be some consequences you know i like to fuck you off in a lot of different ways tim but telling you the temperature in fahrenheit is not one of them for you idiotic americans who refuse to engage with the proper way of understanding temperature it's it's hot i could like i put it to you, Americans. It's about 90. How can you have a boiling point which isn't 100 and a freezing point which isn't zero? Or how can you look at people with that system in place and not be like, you know what?

We should probably change because what we're doing makes no fucking sense. Jimmy Carter gave it a go and he's gone down as one of the most hated presidents of all time. And I think those two things have a lot of something in common in fact i think his attempt to instigate the metric system into the united states of america was his goddamn downfall he used all his political capital on trying to get a admittedly sensible system but what would be a new one across you know 50 stars and that beautiful flag of yours and uh he couldn't do it because you guys love how shit is right now listen to this your

freezing point is 32 degrees and the boiling point is 212 there's no fucking rhyme or reason those are just random numbers and for those for those who those who didn't get to the final grade in science, you want to know what freezing point is in centigrade? It's zero. And do you want to know what boiling point is? It's 100. That's how it fucking works in this system. One liter of water is 1 kg.

It's all 1,000 kilometers. I mean, 1,000 meters to a kilometer. It's just a good system it's so clean it just works anyway so yeah very hot i've slept uh son's clothes or sheet you know it's so warm that you just it's just you you're romulus you might say you're remus you're sucking milk from a wolf's tit you're sleeping on top of the bed and uh the movie's happening and i'm sort of watching it side on um and jono walks in there's a mirror which is for whatever reason perfectly placed that means that when he comes to the hallway towards the room, he catches an exact reflection of my situation.

And I've got to say, what Jono woke up to or walked in on would probably have been one of the grisliest sights you can imagine for that hour of the morning. Oh, boy. What did he... Did he just promptly go back? Oh, wait, hold on. I've just realised what he saw.

I tuned out for a fraction there, and in my brain you were still asleep, so you were just a passed out naked person, but that's not what he walked in on because you were watching the movie at the time. That's right. He laughed. He laughed audibly and then leant on the doorframe

as if to make his presence felt and be like, I'm going to steer you out. And then I also laughed and quickly grabbed a corner of the sheet and covered myself. But he's already seen everything. The Zerg can play all around. Way to assert dominance, Jono. Way to take control of the situation. And you acclimated guy yeah I did

he won that round oh boy it's hard out here what a great exchange so his response to that was disappear for about another 60 minutes and then come back with an offer of coffee what a good guy that's right

very good guy Tim yes I put this to you what is the difference early like early in the pretty much all the montage scenes in this movie um that i feel like was the marketing scheme right so they were like and we'll we'll write montages into the movie and then we can just chop those up and make a trailer and one of the early montages um when everyone's talking to camera to talk about how zicoli's djing and johnny depp at one point this was almost my shining light because it's such bad writing uh god i can't imagine reading that script and just being like i've got to say that down the barrel

of the camera do you know how embarrassing that's going to be for me? But he barrels the camera and he says, this isn't some unce unce bridge and tunnel bullshit. Yeah. Always a difficult line. Every performance of this, we are your friends. It's always a difficult pill to swallow. He hasn't got it right yet. Sometimes he doesn't get it super wrong,

but he hasn't made it not jump out at me yet. But Jarhead, they've got a Scarface poster up in their bedroom because, I guess, I don't know. I don't know why anyone has a Scarface poster up in their bedroom. I say that as someone who had a Scarface poster up in their bedroom. It doesn't make any sense. How did we all buy the icon of the first Scarface? No, I didn't.

Although I was laughing with Jono yesterday because I don't know whose joke this is, but God, it's funny. It might have even been a tweet. So you see all these people wearing Che Guevara t-shirts and a lot of them don't even know his music. But he's got a Scarface poster up and he's taking a vivid

and he's scribbling out over the why so it goes from the world is yours to the world is ours yeah what is the ideological difference between those between like what's the what is the difference

why is he doing that why is he it's so stupid because he so the i mean scarface is a movie about selfishness and taking everything that you can i've never seen it i've gathered that by being a member of this society and by cultural cultural osmosis just absorbing little themes and bits of the plot okay it's about a guy taking everything for himself so what the poster is doing is in the second person i think of what this right saying the the world is yours like it's yours for the

taking but what jay whoever's scribbling this out whatever they've done is they've inserted themselves into the perspective and first person of the poster as if it is saying to someone else the world is yours instead when it should be saying the world is mine because that would be a confusing thing to see on a poster if it said the world is mine you would be like oh well fucking i shouldn't bother trying to get it but that's not how posters work the slogan is talking to you it's not your own thought so this fucking moron thinks it's some rebellious upgrade to go from the world is yours to the world is ours he's not even taking it for himself by scribbling my on it he's conceding that maybe if i tried really hard i could get a little shared piece of it rather than it being

wholly not mine that's the reason why guy because the fucking idiot hasn't worked out the perspective of which text goes on a poster like that maybe he's um cut out a photo of his head and stuck it on top of al pacino's face. Yes. And so he did that first and then he was like, hold on, this completely changes the context of the poster because now I'm giving the world to someone else. Yeah. And he's like, well, I'm not going to scribble out the whole word yours and write mine because that's just going to ruin the poster even more.

It's sort of like when you're giving a haircut. Have you ever given someone a haircut never in my life have you uh i'm pretty sure i have or i've either i've either given or been given a haircut that didn't quite go right but you know and you're cutting away and suddenly you make quite a big cut and you're like okay well like one area is unevenly shorter than the rest and you think okay well that's okay we can fix that because i'll just cut the rest of the hair as short as that mistake yes and that is the situation jahid's found himself in where he's like well i can't scribble out the word yours and write mine because right the post like so he's just scribbled out the why. Right. Or he could, is it sort of meant to represent the friendship?

And that is the world doesn't belong to any one of them because as a foursome, they are greater than the sum of their parts. And therefore the world is not belonging to any one of them individually, but it is theirs as a unit. But then why the fuck have they got a Scarface poster, guy? Because those principles go against everything that Scarface is about. Because they're 23-year-old. Al Pacino doesn't spend two hours of that movie shaking hands.

He shoots people, guy. He's a drug dealer now. And there's a lot of cocaine. A mountain. A mountain of cocaine. A mountain of cocaine a mountain of cocaine there's a movie that people keep bringing to our attention called xoxo which uh if my memory serves me is a netflix original and i just want to let everyone know i'm sorry we haven't brought it up i did watch the trailer when everyone started

flicking it over and uh boy howdy that feels like a special ep in the making guy montgomery have you i haven't seen the trailer but i will take your word that if you if you think um the trailer's good i think the trailer's good it's just they've remade this movie but with um different people well maybe when we're finally reunited and get to watch movies together again, that could be a nice little treat for us. And what a treat it will be. It'll just be real. It'll be like when Netflix made that decision

to give Adam Sandler a seven-picture deal. Just be like, yep, what a good idea from everyone involved in the room. Let's all give ourselves a million dollar rise this year because real geniuses, they know exactly what we're doing. Real fingers on the pulse. A headline or the top paragraph of an article

with like the CEO of Netflix or the head commissioner or whatever who was like having to stick up for that deal specifically. It's like, no, what are you talking about? The movies, everyone loves the movies. The movies are most watched, like they debut as the most streamed thing on Netflix. It's like, what are your metrics?

Well, clearly that. And I mean, realistically, we're the arseholes. Who's the guy who's got a network and is getting good numbers for his Adam Sandler movies. Power to him. I don't want to pretend like I'm smarter than that. I'm not. You won.

You all won. Netflix, Mr. Sandler, whoever signed the deal, and Monsieur Commissioner at Netflix. Congratulations. I'm the arsehole. You got that one right i'm clearly incorrect on this one oh boy wonder what chandelier is doing right now probably stripping what's the time in la that's the question i ask you it's 1.15am right now Yeah On a Friday night That is big earning potential

Yeah that's a huge night of the week You get those bachelor parties coming in Especially this time of the year People love getting married in August Do they? Don't know It's probably too hot for a wedding In Los Angeles

This time of year What are you talking about? We have our weddings in the hottest part of the year possible. It doesn't make any sense to me. Yesterday I was walking around Rome, all these Italian men walking around in suits. Hey, can I just interrupt you for one second?

I'm so sorry, but I'm going to forget this later. Is Rome full of fountains like I've been led to believe? Yeah. I can totally, finally understand the context for that terrible anecdote James Rui tells when they're out for Mexican. Would you use the word everywhere?

I wouldn't say everywhere. I'd say there's still, you know, at least five buildings to a fountain. That's a lot. That's a good ratio. I'm so sorry. I interrupted you for this. It's fine.

All I was going to say is I look at people wearing suits in the middle of the summer and my heart goes out to them. It's like, I know that they look like they're keeping it together, but I also know that beneath that jacket, it is just, it's a mess. It's drenched. A world of it.

It's just a waterfall of pit sweat, just absolutely soaking your sides. And it can't be comfortable because you're like well okay the jacket is creating a lot of the problems here because the jacket is what's heating me up but i'm also at a point where if i remove the jacket i will be um sort of showing myself in the worst possible light like if i take if i take the jacket away yes that will cool me down but at the cost of literally my shirt is sheer because of the amount of sweat that has been coming out of my body yeah and you go what happens is these these italian men they back themselves into a real um catch 22 it's like it's a self-perpetuating cycle of abuse you're walking around with the jacket on you're only going to get hotter and sweatier it's going to become harder for you to take the jacket off

i mean it's like it's it's like uh it's like um an emotional addiction to something food cigarettes booze whatever yeah you consume the thing because you're not feeling good and then having the thing makes you feel bad, so you consume more of the thing. It is the reason you're in trouble, but it's your only coping mechanism. Italian men, please, please, if you're listening, get rid of those jackets. You don't need them.

You live in Rome. You look good. No one's doubting that, but you'll look good without the jacket. That's right. It's warm enough. You look good. No one's doubting that, but you look good without the jacket. That's right. It's warm enough. You don't need it. What do you think about suits, Tim?

I'm a fan. I haven't worn one in ages. I feel like I could get back into a suit phase, though. I've got about four different suits of none are particularly good and they're all of varying colors and uh did you used to wear them to work uh i wore a suit to work way back in the day way way back in the day i wore a suit probably five sizes too big for me

off the rack number from helen signs that is exactly how I imagine you wearing a suit to work you come in you're literally doing laps in it just ridiculous just like why even do it

you're undermining the value of wearing a suit yeah exactly the whole point of wearing a suit is to project some professionalism and you're just taking the piss of you're going to pick that size for yourself. Is there a person underneath that mass of moving clothes? The whole point of us having the chat about you wearing a suit is so that you looked respectable and at this point it looks like a

pile of laundry is clocking in for the day at your terminal like what the fuck i didn't think i would say this but please go back to wearing your jesus is my homeboy t-shirt and cargo shorts because this suit experiment is not working out you're making a lot of people uncomfortable a lot of people sally from accounts think there's a thinks there's a ghost in the office when you wear the suit a haunted bunch of clothes i mean we've fired her but that was because she's a moron but we still that still doesn't fix the problem of what's up with you man you look bad worse than bad something you what? Don't take off the suit. Just get out of the office.

You're fired too. You and Sally. You're done here. You did this to Sally. Sally's gone and now you're gone too. You're like the jacket. You are the problem and the solution. This is the genesis of the haunted house

because then you and Sally go out there and Sally explains why she was scared and you say, hey, that's actually a reasonable reaction to me walking around in this pile of clothes. What if you stand at the front door of a dark and abandoned house? I walk around inside the house wearing my suit on the phone, closing fake business deals. We charge people five bucks a pop to come in. They're terrified. They go out.

They get a real adrenaline rush out of it. their friends to come in suddenly you got a business cooking love it that's so good it's fucking clever man it's smart good stuff good stuff it's all good stuff i john levitt's uh hey tim we are running out of time. And accordingly, it's pretty important that you and I, I think you know what I'm going to do. And a one and a two and a one, two, three, four. Getting sentimental with James Reid. Why wouldn't we take a line each or something? Like us perpetually trying to synchronize this

is one of our worst ideas that is part of having the worst idea so that is part of the charm and also for what it's worth on my connection we were perfectly in time then i was slowing it down to sing in time with you i can't wait to hear how it sounds on the actual episode. So would you like to offer up your sentimental moment for us all, Monsieur Montgomery? With supreme pleasure. Now, as we well know, James Reid, not known for his sentimentality, but in this instance, it overwhelms him completely. He's beside himself with sentiment. And he takes the opportunity to get a gift for Ziccoli.

A gift that he puts within the confines of a macbook pro cardboard box i can't describe to you how much it sounds like you're stalling on this one mate this is for anyone this is for anyone who's just started listening this context anyone who's just started listening this is a podcast where i hassle guy and he tries to to paint a bit of a mental picture and bring people up to speed and I just hassle him yeah it's a good concept it's amazing we've made it this far without me snapping at you

yeah and so he brings out the box he says I may have gotten a little sentimental he hands over the box Zac Efron opens the box inside of it is the childhood toy with which James Reid from The Feelers slept for the first 27

years of his life. It's a very small, very dirty, plush bunny. Whoa. It's colouring completely off. The smell,

unspeakable. and he hands it over to Zicoli and as Zicoli receives the rancid plush childhood bunny of James Reed from the feelers James Reed explains

this is the only way to advance your manhood you're not a real person until you're 27. All right? The only way for you to become a real person on a faster or steeper curve is for you to put this bunny in your pocket and have it on you at all times.

Shit. Heavy. He can't be without the rancid bunny from there therefore it's it's a it's a passing of the baton if you will it's like a challenge coin isn't it but it smells bad well yeah what's a challenge coin challenge coin is uh a coin that i think certain battalions and stuff would have in the army it's just like a limited edition coin that you get minted yourself and you've got to have it on your person at all times and anyone who's part of your group that has been given a challenge coin can call upon the

other members of that group to produce it at any given moment and if they can't they like have to buy the round of beers or whatever and if you could like you know it's a it'd be like a championship ring if you gifted it to someone like it does happen but it's a big deal to to be given someone's challenge coin that's right it is like a challenge ring and i think you can like you can you can bet them as well like some people bet them. They'll have a shooting competition or something deeply masculine and skill-ridden, and they'll be like, I'm so confident that I'll bet you

that I'm putting my challenge coin up as collateral. Yeah, that makes sense. And the reason that this works, this is a perfect parallel for the rancid bunny, is because he says, you're not even a real person until you're 27. This bunny will make you a real person even though you're only 23. And if James Reid from the Feelers ever comes across Zicole without the rancid bunny... Yeah, he doesn't make it.

That mentally means that Zicole is not only an adult, but not a real person, and is therefore disposable. Take that, asshole. Shame. He's got you good. You either stink in front of everyone forever, or you're not a real person. Well, Guy, on that note, I would like to take a very brief stab at No But,

the part of the podcast where we try to determine based on this week's performance which part of the production they made up on the spot got loose from the page and ad-libbed their little heinies off. Just had a bit of fun out there. I reckon it was

Johnny Depp's speech when they're at the cliff getting paid. Starts talking about Instagram. It was the first thing that came into his head because he had his phone out while they were shooting and he was just on Instagram. So he was like, fuck, I've got one for this, boys. I know the old script.

It's in my head. We've been doing it for the last 30 takes. But during that reset, I was flicking around. Go with me on this. I think I've got something. And boom, he just busts it out and inspires them. That makes so much sense. There it is.

It's such a piss poor motivational speech. I know that we harp on about this, but Christ alive. When the chips are down, if what you turn to is someone else's, some other person's, like some app developer's success, you are clutching. Absolutely. Guy, on that note,

I'm going to say see you in the friend zone and I'm glad you've made it to Rome and I don't know what that is playing in the background but it sounds heartfelt. Oh, here we go. Yes. Yes. Uh.

Jimmy Reed from The Fearless we're gonna get sued don't have the clearance to play music see you next week everybody ow this movie's still fine there's a colleague

who passed out one of them dies they go screw one of them's a colleague, a pastor. One of them dies, that guy's screwed. One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree! Ah!

You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try Boners of the Heart? And in Santa was Fire, he looks very iron deficient, and that is actually a big attraction for me. Men who look iron deficient. Men with dark bags under their eyes. What's wrong with that?

Nah, nothing's wrong with it. It's just a very specific thing to find attractive about a person