The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Nine - Minimum Joseph

Episode Date: June 28, 2016

SPONSORED BY BIGPIPE.CO.NZGuy is trying to show the movie the respect it has shown him on this, its ninth outing, which ain't a ton. Tim is addressing questions of why the boys didn't pick a sequel for this season (sort of) and opens up a can of worms trying to guess at what WAYF2 would even be. Paul McCartney conspriacies, talk of James Cameron's Titanic and what is a peanut? It's the final single digits watch of Zacole's ticket to DJ fame. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of them dies, that guy's screw. One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp.

Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. You do sometimes, don't you guy? I often do. Not today though. Not today.

I remembered throughout the entire film that films are meant to have a point. Welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time episode probably nine, season three, I think is what we're up to. I had to get a little bit more on board with where we're up to, you know You mean you have to research it? I can tell you we're on episode 9 Is that definitely the case?

Yeah, 100% If you say something, it's true How you doing, Guy? We've just watched the movie Literally just finished Uh Why does the How you doing, Guy? We've just watched the movie. Literally just finished. Why does the... Like, what's the point? Someone asked me, or someone asked, I think,

probably both of us on Twitter this week, could you please explain in the next step why it's called We Are Your Friends? And on the surface, the answer to that question is because it's a very neat, tight... Like, a lot of this movie was made to be a trailer. It's called We Are Your Friends because of the Justice vs. Simeon dance track, We Are Your Friends.

And they used that, I'm pretty sure. Like they used that in the movie. It's the title track. They probably definitely used it in the trailer. And it's about, you know, it's some friends. About some friends. But is it about friendship? Or is it about following your dreams?

Or is it just genuinely about nothing? Just... Fuck Boys. Fuck Boys, the movie. Yeah. Not the first time I've used that subtitle for We Are Your Friends, but I think it's pretty accurate. What do you think it's about?

The movie? Yeah. but I think it's pretty accurate. What do you think it's about? The movie? Yeah. I think it's about trying to get a Hollywood A-lister from a Disney past into some semblance of an indie-feeling film to break him into a new part of his career.

I think that's what this movie is about. It's a stepping stone for Zac Efron, and everyone else is just along for the ride. Yeah, definitely. You want to jump on that gravy train and actually for Emily Katajkowski

Kakowski however I think it's for her to foray into crossover from video clips and modelling

to acting real life acting model slash actor turns actor slash model slashy I want to come completely clean with the viewers we did not measure up to our own parameters this week we were distracted we're all all over

the place we were sending emails in the middle of the watch which is fully fully against the rules good honesty though um and i haven't quite decided how we will pay penance for that but i feel like instead of having to watch the movie one extra time which is definitely an option if we manage to get the um the vr gear i think that will that that immersive experience will uh make up for the lack of immersion this week and And I don't know when that's going to happen, but I want to get my hands on some VR gear so we can just be entirely surrounded by this film. I am so for that.

Are you? That's not the words I expected you to say just now. Well, look, man, something's got to be done. Yeah. Good on you, guy. Good attitude. I think I showed the movie as much respect this week as the movie showed me.

Yeah. If you think about it in terms of if you're out for a meal with someone and they're on their phone, then it's like that's carte blanche for you to go on your phone. You know? So the movie blinked first and I blinked back. It didn't pay enough attention to you, so back at you. I specifically requested from the movie this week, there's a song I really want to hear

the second half of. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a hard cut in the club from- It's James Reid of the Feelers. It's our first introduction to him, actually. Yeah. When we're at the club on social on a Thursday night Social goes off on a Thursday

Social is where you want to be on a Thursday night We've got beautiful women We've got pumping dance tunes We've got James Reid from The Feelers Banging out an acoustic set Yeah, just to get everyone warmed up That's at 6 o'clock, doors are at 5 And then he's so versatile, he DJs.

But he only DJs recordings of the acoustic set he played earlier in the night. Which is pretty amazing that they've got all the equipment to be able to record to a professional grade a live set that he's just done and then cut the vinyl of it right there and then. If this movie teaches us anything, Tim, it's that you don't need to operate on the big stage

of electronic music in Los Angeles, California. You don't need high-quality recording equipment. You can just do it on your phone. Just ask Ziccoli. He literally just walks around. When he's about to play Summerfest, the biggest kick of his life, he just walks around with his cell phone,

picks up recordings of coins spinning on tables and his friend having a fucking meltdown because he doesn't know what he's doing to play Summerfest, the biggest kick of his life, he just walks around with his cell phone, picks up recordings of coins spinning on tables and his friend having a fucking meltdown because he doesn't know what he's doing with his life. And then just, like, he doesn't, you know, say, hey, I really like that. Let's get you in the studio. Let's get you saying that. We'll use that.

He's just like, nah, you know what? We'll use the version from my cell phone. If you went in there and plugged your cell phone into a recording of you doing anything, a on a big expensive sound system it's going to sound fucking terrible and you could kind of mix it in if you had other stuff going at the same time but when you cut all the music down so we can hear this one recording from your fucking cell phone it's good you've got nothing to hide behind um at this point in the podcast I would like to say thank you

to our sponsor guy it's time for us to do that so if you feel like you're too much of a purist and you feel like absorbing all of the podcast without the advertorial part, skip ahead I don't care

what is confusing about our ads is that there's no jaunty musical jingle to say Skip ahead, I don't care. Do it. What is confusing about our ads, I think, is that there's no jaunty musical jingle to say... It's because we're not journalists. We don't have to be like, here is the firm line between where the editorial and advertising happens. And often the conversation within the ad lib, the ad read, will bleed into the actual podcast. Good.

We're allowed. It's absolute chaos, isn't it for you the listener you don't know what's you don't know which way is up i've heard a lot of podcasts do that now where they play like a jaunty music beat over their ad and i think the way that that started is because there was some specific podcasts made by like npr in america where they really needed to kind of let people know that this bit's the ad and this bit's the show. And then everyone was like, oh, this is how you've got to do it. There are no fucking rules, man. It's like, we are your friends.

You've just got to look at Zicole as an example and be like, follow your dreams. There's so many different ways to skin a cat. If the cat is your dream and skinning it is achieving it. I don't think people should look to Zicole's efforts at becoming a DJ in this movie as an example of how to follow your dreams I don't doubt that he likes music and he wants to be good at music but I do question his work ethic You think he's falling forward?

Is that what you are trying to say? What does that mean? To fall forward? Everything's accidental, there's no real plan or hard work going in, it's just he kind of accidentally gets successful at every step. Yeah. Very similar to Big Pipe Broadband.

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that you don't even notice. We are their entire advertising budget. That is almost probably true. That's a huge cost-cutting corner right there. That's a massive cost-cutting thing. You don't have the big billboards like you get with your rip-off artists where you have to pay for all those billboards. You're just paying for old Timbo and Guy Guy.

We're not that expensive, all things considered. That's the beauty of it. If you sign up with Big Pipeipe you're signing up with Timbo and Guybo sorry what was it? Timbly Wimbly Timbly Wimbly

which actually has been bleeding through I've had a few as well as you should fan mail addressed to Timbly Wimbly Spindly Timbly Wimbly you're a character

in a children's book okay you're frail you can't go outside when it's windy because you'll get blown away and your bones will crack well good thing I've got such good internet

inside to keep me company, go to bigpipe.co.nz and if you sign up with them, use the code worst, I don't know if anyone's ever actually done that, but it'd mean a lot if you were the first one, I don't like that you made your new nickname spindly timbly wimbly part of the ad read, because I want that to hold fast, you're like the

NPR journalist, you want that outside you want it in the entertainment. In the body of the podcast. What I was saying though, Tim. Yeah. Zicoli, he leaves his station. Several times, as we've said previously, he'll just be in the middle of DJing his job,

his job that he's paid for handsomely at the pool party and not so handsomely. He gets paid in drinks at Social. Thursday night. I'll tell you what. Those boys need to get out of bed with Social. Social are not doing right by them. They're ripping them off at every turn.

They're not paying their DJs. No. The DJs are providing a service. Well, yeah, but also Social was turning a blind eye to Johnny Depp's drug operation he's got running in there. That's not a good reason to stay in business with someone. I don't know. It depends what business you're in.

If you're in the business of illegally selling drugs, I reckon that's a fabulous reason to stay with a club. Because otherwise you've got to feel out if a club's going to abide your particular lifestyle or business choices. If you are in the business of selling illicit drugs, wouldn't the main part of that business be maintaining a discreet business front? And accordingly not necessarily... I don't think social know he's doing it.

Yeah, that's true. I think it's just a symptom of how poorly the management... Yeah, they're sloppy. You've got the club manager, the guy running up at the start saying, where the fuck are the punters? Who hasn't even checked outside to see if there's a huge line. And moreover. That is insane.

Like, don't just gloss over that because that's huge. He's like, where the fuck are all the people you invited? And Jahid has to be like, bro, they're outside. Like, wouldn't you definitely look at the door? There's an outside? I've been trapped in this club for 30 years. And then he hands Zicole a list of songs he's not allowed to play and it's just the word firepower.

He says, save firepower for Mr. Reid. On that piece of paper, the word firepower. Don't play any of these tracks. Save the firepower for Mr. Reid. That's what he says. It's exactly like The Shining he's just written the word firepower over and over and over

again. And the boys they're so impervious and immune to how insane, how batshit insane, not only the club manager but the whole club social is, that they don't even bat an eyelid at the fact that they've been handed a piece of paper with the same word written over and over and over again from a guy who doesn't know that the club has an outdoors

yeah that doesn't sound like a healthy workplace no unless he's some sort of avant-garde creative genius because a dance club is a place of worship in some ways you worship art and the art you're worshiping is shitty dance music better yet is social is the social nightclub the entire thing is at an art installation and all of the people within it are pawns inside this artist's game it's the most hip thing i've ever heard of in my life everyone's there ironically no one's having fun everyone's there to play their part in this art installation no not everyone who's there they go as punters so the art installation only the artist and the intelligentsia the select few who he's confided and know that these people are there unironically so when where does the facade end in the enjoyment of the club begin like what what part is the people who are playing,

are they part of the installation? They're part of the installation. So the whole thing is just a shell for an art project. Well, what's the difference between that and an actual club at that point? The difference is that the people who are owning it know and they laugh at them. They laugh at them, why?

Because they think, you think you're having fun, but you're actually inside my art project. Oh, man. That's silly. That's so silly. You're silly and spindly. There was a question I wanted to throw at you, Guy.

Yeah. And the question is, because someone, I was talking to someone online this week and they were like. Humble brag. What? Yeah, internet heard of it. I'm on it. Oh, who's your provider, Tim? Can't remember their name.

Can't remember. Can't for the life of me remember. Go on. And they were like, so why did you guys do sequel? Like, what's the thing with sequels that you guys did two sequels for the first two seasons of this? And I was like, I don't know. It's not really about sequels. It's about mediocrity.

And generally, like, it's a good clue that something's going to be mediocre if it's a sequel that shouldn't have happened and i was thinking what would the sequel to we are your friends be like what happens in we are your friends too or as i've titled it we are still your friends uh well so we know that there was the potential for a spin-off sitcom where in james uh james re Reid from The Feelers and Zicole are both washed-up flatmates. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. And Sophie's there because they bombed the gig

and she's looking at a cafe. Yeah. But I think the sequel to We Are Still Your Friends... Yeah, well, that's the title. It is the sequel to We Are Your Friends. It is called We Are Still Your Friends. It probably focuses on Paige and Johnny Depp. Yes.

Yes, bro. We're on the same wavelength. I think so, too. I don't think there's a, like, jarhead. He's kind of just floating. He's pretty much all he does now is work construction on Jar Dad's house. He's a floating head in a jar. Jar head.

Is it called Jar Dad? Jar Dad, yeah. Jar Bless, Jar Dad. They've got a blessing jar, which is like a swear jar. Only when they bless something, they've, I don't know. Look, it's not important. What we're here to talk about is Paige and Johnny Depp. One of the most interesting things I found about Paige and this

watch and something that I think is embarrassing and slipped past both of us is one of the first things he says is I don't believe, what is it? I don't believe in anything that's not concrete I can't remember the exact line

I don't believe in anything that's not concrete It's something like that It's a weird double negative Which is why it's so hard to remember It's like everything here is concrete It's more or less what it is It's a confession that This is a man who has built an entire

Real estate If you can call it that Empire Of concrete Yeah Look closely The computer, concrete. When he does say that, we are panning through an office,

which looks like a normal office. It looks like we're dealing with normal computers, normal monitors, normal chairs. That's just a good paint job. But it's all actually concrete. Do you think that page has figured out a way to make microprocessors out of concrete? Like, are those computers functional,

or is everyone just playing along? Everyone's just having a way. It's that entire page and that entire office building are actually quite an expensive and avant-garde art project by the owners of another art project called Social. Right. Same guys. Yeah. Same team. Yeah, same team They have an army of would-be employees Who go into an office and simulate the experience of work

Well now this begs the question Is Page in on it or have they constructed this entire reality show Just to kind of throw him So he believes he is the king of this concrete constructed property empire And no one's told him that it's an art installation. Page is not in on it. God damn, yes. Love that.

And so the sequel would be... This is very Truman Show-esque. It is, isn't it? Someone's created an entire reality for Page to live in and no one told Page. I haven't seen the Truman Show in so long. I don't think I've ever watched it. Really?

The Jim Carrey one, yeah. Only I just kind of know the plot of it. Is there another one apart from the Jim Carrey one? Yeah, I think it's a remake. I think there's an original version of it. Truly? I think so. I think the Jim Carrey one is the one.

I'm not going to look that up. You look it up. You're on the internet. You listen to a podcast. Yeah. I'll leave it to you, listener. Let's not look it up You're on the internet You listen to a podcast Yeah I'll leave it to you Listener Let's not look it up Let's not look up anything

Arguments don't all need resolutions Yeah totally It's fine It's fine to not know I was having a good argument With my flatmate the other night And Nick was like We should just google this

I was like no No Let's do it old school Let's do it analog The reason that no one Has the courage of conviction anymore Is because They don't need They can just they can defer and be like,

okay, you were right or I was right. You're going to be proven wrong so easily now. Back yourself. Before the internet, if you didn't have an encyclopedia, it was literally who was better at lying or who had more conviction in what they were saying. Which actually does suggest that was a better time. You don't want to be relying on who's the better liar to determine what's correct and what they were saying. Which actually does suggest that was a better time. You don't want to be relying on who's the better liar

to determine what's correct and what isn't. That doesn't seem like a great way to figure out what's up, does it? So anyway, Paige is there in his concrete empire, and Johnny Depp is now along for the ride. Now, Johnny Depp isn't in on it either, but he has been brought into the fold and has drunk the Kool-Aid like right to the last drop so he thinks that page is some sort of

concrete genius Johnny Depp's just taken so after that big blow up you know that shot they have towards the end of the movie where it suggests he's pursuing his dream and he's in a room full of Johnny Depp lookalikes about to go to an audition? Yes.

That's a hallucination. Johnny Depp has taken all of the drugs that he was meant to sell and it's gone bad. Oh my God. Wouldn't that be terrifying if you were tripping out and you walked into a room

that you thought was the bathroom at Social and you walk in and what you're visualising is an audition room where everyone's a slightly fucked up version of yourself but like wearing your clothes and shit oh that would not be a fun trip at all that'd be rubbish it would be a game changer and then everyone's got a script and they're trying to like perfect your accent they're all talking at once so there's like a real kind of schizophrenic vibe that there's all these voices happening at you all in tandem and

they're just trying to replicate what you look and sound like so they're not even going through with the ruse that they're all going to an audition they all they are but they're auditioning for the part of you and then i think if you're on a bad acid trip the most natural conclusion for that is you're about to die and they need to cast your um replacement oh i feel like i'm in a bad trip hearing this it's It's like what happened with Paul McCartney, you know? Oh, yeah. Paul McCartney was an inside job. Yeah.

Jet fuel can't melt the Beatles. That's damn right. But yeah, that'd be a bad trip. That'd be a super bad trip. So that's what's happened. He's having a hallucination at the end of the movie. And so he kind of retreats into page's concrete empire because it's the only thing that he kind of it's the only way it's concrete it's a nice it's a bit

of um floats him i think is the word like in a in a flotsam flotsam and a like when a plane crashes or a boat smashes up he's just grabbing hold hold of something. That is his Titanic door to hold on to in Titanic. And Paige is Kate Winslet. Yeah, Paige is Kate Winslet and Johnny Depp is Leonardo DiCaprio. The movie is Leonardo DiCaprio. It's Paige and Johnny Depp just fucking on a door made of concrete in an office building.

Yeah, made of concrete. And Paige just figured out a way to make it float on top of the Atlantic Ocean, which is quite incredible. It's not a very good, I mean, it shouldn't exist. It's not a good film. No, but this actually explains, the concrete thing does explain why when the boys are in the office and they're playing with that bit of thing that we still to this day can't figure out if it's a gold bar

or an iPhone that's got a gold case on it. It's a gold bar. Yeah, but it's not. It's concrete that's been made to look like gold, which is why they keep going to Cole. Hey, Cole, check this out. They're like, Paige has figured out a way to make concrete look like gold. It's called paint.

I would like to posit that that scene this week, I can't remember if we set it up as a regular segment last week, but no but, when we pick out a scene that was improvised. Okay, yeah. That scene. Run with that. Where Jarhead says to Cole,

hey, Cole, check this out. And you said, you tagged it today saying, we're pretending this gold bar is an this gold bar is an iPhone yeah one of the the actual line I thought of when you said that was hey Cole check this out we're doing improv games with this gold bar and on the cutting room floor there's a scene of all of them pretending it's like a remote to change the channel trying their best to turn it into something yeah whose bar is it anyway the best offer came from squirrel who imagined that it was a nut it was a it was a nut and he

pretended he was a squirrel they're none of them very good at improv none of them they gave young emily a go as well and she wasn't too good either no one's good at improv and they keep trying to throw it into this film like it's going to work and it just keeps not I love it though you like the offers, you like the effort that's going in you like that everyone's giving it a real God's honest try

a red hot go good God so just I want to I want to just keep coming back to this sequel thing because I feel like we've got no conclusion on it. The sequel, We Are Still Your Friends, is following the adventures of Paige and his concrete empire with a drug-addled but slowly recovering Johnny Depp

who is on board as his right-hand man. And together they're going to transform the Earth. Little do they know they are living inside of an art installation. That's right. Do we know that? They're more than business partners. They're lovers. Do we, the viewer, know that they are in an art installation?

I guess that's the biggest question. That is a huge question. I think we do. I think we have to be in on it for this premise to work. Would you agree with that? Yeah. It's a bit truman show it almost feels like we're watching a reality show at this point yeah if we know oh if we don't well if we don't know then it doesn't exist you know what i'm saying uh yeah i think it's quite

it's quite an art house release this film i think oh like you get it, you get it and if you don't, you don't And you can pay like a premium to watch it in a room full of hired actors who are pretending to be like intellectual snobs. True. This is like what I was talking about with The Nice Guys, to you and I don't want to delve, because we

shouldn't delve into other films, but I might do a little write up on this because I think everyone's missed what the nice guys is actually about that movie with russell crowe and and uh ryan gosling we can't entertain every conspiracy theory on one podcast tim be pretty cool if we tried though but i might write that up because i've got some interesting i think i think i think you've got to do something with those thoughts it's's not healthy to have them rattling around your brain. Yeah, possibly.

So, yeah, I think that's a pretty good sequel. It's different. It's a different feel. It's a different tone. I would like to hear a lot more jazz and less dance, you know, give it a real arthouse feel to it. Yeah. Like Birdman, you know, a lot of drums A lot of jazz drumming

It was Kareem Riggins Was the drummer in that You see him in the film Yeah Talent He's a good drummer He's a talent, to be sure This week

In Getting Sentimental with James Reid Or as we like to say it Getting Sentimental with James Reid. So we're constantly trying to determine what James Reid from The Feelers has stuffed inside of a MacBook Pro box to give to Zicoli. Our clues are, he says, I got you something.

I may have got a little sentimental. And also he says this is to be honest a self-serving gift so if I may I hypothesise that it is a folding servant robot that compacts down to the size

of a MacBook Pro and all it can do is serve nuts or gold bars that Skrill has deemed a nut to James Reid from the feelers. Just fetching them for James Reid. What sort of bizarre AI would you have to put inside a robot for it to, you know, obviously the nuts thing, fine.

If that's just one, you know. Yeah. What is like that Rick and Morty gag? What is my purpose? To get me the butter. Get the the butter so it just does the nuts but to put in the extra wrinkle that it also yeah but yeah do you want to know why in all honesty i'm so glad you brought this up guy because there are so many things that we call nuts and think are nuts that are actually seeds, that the parameter that the robot works on is anything that you deem to be a nut becomes a nut. If you're a human.

It's like Isaac Asimov's three rules of robotics, which I'm going to attempt to remember. It's been a while since I read one of his books. The first one is that a robot cannot do harm to a human through action or inaction the second rule is that a robot must obey the commands of its human owner as long as it does not conflict with the first rule and the third rule is that a robot will preserve its own existence as long as it's it does not conflict with the first and second rules so when did this guy write these rules down 50s wow 1950s shit he would have been such a space cadet in the 50s yeah he i think from memory he's the most prolific writer of the in the english language he's got a book published in every section of the dewey decimal system except

philosophy from memory, which is weird because most of his stories are very philosophical. But anyway, he was a prolific writer. Wrote a lot of letters too, a lot of letters, Isaac Asimov. So this robot, right? So if you say that all the robot can do is fetch nuts, then you're carving out, like, you're carving so many things that we call nuts,

but are actually seeds. Like, aren't almonds technically seeds? They're not nuts? There's a whole bunch of them. I can't remember which ones they are. What? Peanuts. Peanuts are seeds, apparently.

Some shit like that. A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut. It is a legume. Oh, legume. There you go. So what? If I am holding, I don't quite understand this robot's relationship to me. If I say that's a nut and point to a camera.

He'll fetch it for James Reid. And he'll take it to James Reid. Yeah. He won't take it to me. Yeah. So I say that's a nut and point at a camera. He'll pick it up and take it to James Reid. Take it to James Reid.

That's what he's there to do. Here is a nut. Yeah. And surely James Reid would be like, why did I, why this? Well, look, James Reid is the one who said it's a self-serving gift. It serves to himself. Yeah, but I'd be furious if the robot I had specifically to retrieve nuts for me was at the mercy of anyone else's whim to be like.

That's what makes it a gift to Ziccoli. It's a self-serving gift. It is technically owned by Ziccoli. It's a self-serving gift. It is technically owned by Ziccoli. It's Ziccoli's robot. But it serves James Reid from the feelers. Whatever you think is a nut or whatever you call a nut. So what happens if Ziccoli's sitting at his house and he's got a bowl full of nuts.

Cashew nuts. Yeah. Lightly salted. Nice. Okay. Good addition. Good detail. I can taste them.

If Ziccoli doesn't say anything, the robot and nuts remain in the room. Yeah, correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If Ziccoli says... The robot isn't there to find all the nuts in the world and bring them back to James Reid it is at Ziccoli or whoever's there's command

so you say that's a nut, what if you point to something and say that's a nut, is that when it will go and pick it up and take it to James Reid yeah, that's a nut, take that nut to James Reid Ziccoli like say Jarhead comes in yeah, Jar, like, say Jarhead comes in. Yeah.

Jarhead could do it. Jarhead comes in and he starts, like, yelling. Yeah. And Zicoli's like, mate, you're going nuts. You're nuts. Yeah. What happens? Nothing, because you've got to tell the robot both that thing is a nut

and also take it to James Reid. It needs both commands. You're nuts. Okay. Take them away, robot. I've got to say. It's a sentimental gift. It's so sentimental.

So sentimental. Yeah, man, that's crazy. No, it's good. It's a robot. It is good. And it collapses down to the size of a macbook pro yeah so that it can fit in the box holy shit i mean i think this thing's going to be big i think there's a big market for it i don't don't you no absolutely not i don't i think i think whoever invented it um they got

very confused along the way. Because what you're trying to, you may be wondering about the specificity of the nuts thing, right? If you're creating a machine that really can pick up any object that you deem to be a nut and take it back to James Reid, you want to put some kind of parameters on it to try and limit its function a bit, because otherwise it'll go fucking loopy. You know, one thing I didn't think of,

you could get a grenade and be like, this is enough, take it to James Freed. I was thinking that, but then the first rule of robotics is... Oh, yeah, okay, we're assuming it's imbued with those rules. Cool, I dig that. I thought that might have been why you listed the rules, or were you just showing off? I don't know. I'm not sure.

I'm just talking. I was impressed. I'm just talking here. Yeah, okay, that's good good i'm glad you're impressed i don't read a lot of books but i've read i've read a couple of those isaac asimov ones because they're a good easy read i don't know that being the most prolific author is necessarily like a badge of honor no no not necessarily it's like that doesn't mean anything it's like oh yeah that guy yeah he wrote oh okay well where does that leave me quality does not equal quantity we know this from watching a film 52 times a couple times quantity doesn't equal quality just reaming something doesn't

make it you said it the other way around. Oh, whoops. Sorry. Quality does not equal quantity. That I guess also technically holds true. Yeah, but it's a different thing, isn't it? It's like in Alice in Wonderland, that other one book that I've read. Do you know that... What's the line?

To say what you mean and to mean what you say are two different things. I think it's a conversation she has with the Cheshire Cat. Anyway, what were you going to say? You don't want to talk to the Cheshire Cat, whoever you are at sixes and sevens. Honestly, that cat is just out to create havoc. Casting that cat as Whoopi Goldberg was a masterstroke, I reckon,

in the animated one. Oh, yeah. Whoopi Goldberg was one of the hyenas in The Lion King as well. That's right. Is Alice in Wonderland Disney? Don't know. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure it is. We're getting off track from We Are Your Friends, or I will allow some discussion on We Are Still Your Friends in this episode as well. It's a special treat from me to you. We are going down... Sentimental we're like going down some really some really interesting wormholes this week aren't we yeah a little bit because we just couldn't this is i think we're folding back on ourselves and climbing inside to the weirdest recesses of our brain it's

happened far too quickly this this time around because we're only on watch nine now. That's not that quick. That's not that, like, you know, one more watch and we're pretty much... We're in double digits. By default, we have done... We've done like 18 or 19% of it. I'm not into us accidentally fulfilling the sobriety rule as well for the single digits ones. What we've been...

Just like real straight edge watches of this film. Like I think after five, we should have just been like fucking just pounding beers or something. Because today it was just, I haven't even eaten. I'm hungry on top of everything. It's a horrible feeling. It's not good. It's not a good movie for an empty stomach.

No. It's not to say there's a lot of food consumed, but... You just want to approach it in a good space yourself. You want to be comfortable. You don't want to be cold. You don't want to be hungry. I always think it's to be true. Yeah, it's hard, isn't it, to treat it like any movie

because it's not any movie. It's a movie you've seen nine times before. Or to just go in there with fresh eyes and be like, okay, here we go. Yeah. Here's a film. It's imperative for us to meet the movie on its terms i think that was what dom curry said yeah he's big on that you got to watch every movie you see yeah and that goes beyond movies

anything you have to meet it on its terms yeah so you can't watch we are your friends hoping for it to be citizen kane it could surprise you and prove to be the citizen kane of our generation once in a while it might and you might voice that out loud on onto a recording device and then transmit that to the internet um but most of the time you are just watching exactly from vehicle that went awry financially big time it doesn't look like a big budget though no that didn't we've got into that this was like historic in terms of what the budget was for what it made it's one of the biggest flops like ever apparently that sucks i should look into that before i go shoot my mouth off but it's upsetting i can see why though it's just not it's not inspiring it's just it's like you

you were saying this when we were watching it you were like because i can't remember what triggered it but you were like it's a hero's quest movie of sorts like you've got the kind of idiot savant which i guess is screw you've got the hero which is cole and his quest is supposed to be to become this international dj and it starts off like that and we've got it quite strong in the opening like he's working away on his computer. He's obsessing over this track. He's tweaking it, and then it just kind of gets abandoned for most of the film.

He doesn't care about it anymore, and then the filmmakers are like, oh, shit, and they freak out, and they have to kill someone just to give the film some false gravity and pathos. Absolutely. That squirrel's death, the first time I saw it,

was so shocking yeah nothing to suggest in the movie but the movie isn't like it it's not that kind of film no it's not and it's like they realized that they were making a film with no point and like well we better put some emotional poignancy in here socorrected and murdered a character. Like, it's, you know, Squirrel died at the hands of Maximum Joseph's lack of being able to write a cohesive

three-act story. I still think the best way to read Squirrel's death is as a suicide you reckon he would rather kill himself than keep hanging out with those dudes

yeah and he'd been thinking about it but what really got him is when they all sang Santeria at 5am that's a hell of a straw to break the camel's back eh I could understand that it's 2016 how are we still singing Sublime?

I didn't even like it at the time. Yeah. There's a lot of bands like that, I feel, if you're in LA that you would just have to be on board with. You know? Like, I'll admit, this is coming to me because I was listening to a Comedy Bang Bang episode recently where they were talking about this,

but it's like your Sugar Ray you know like that song Every Morning stuff like that, real LA sound shit Sugar Ray I liked and probably to this day like Sugar Ray

I would never put it on but if it's on the like if I'm flicking through the radio while I'm driving my car. It got absolutely punished here though, in New Zealand. I remember that on the radio. All day, every day. I remember when Crazy Town Butterfly came out.

Oh, fuck that song so hard. I hated it when it came out and one of my best mates fucking loved it. Just used to play it all the time. It was me in disguise. I loved that song this is I learnt the whole

first verse of course you did of course you did I printed out the lyrics rap rock I also printed out the lyrics to

a Snoop Dogg song at the same time Gin and Juice? no that would have been about that Snoop Doggy Dogg bow to the wow i can't remember but i printed it out and left it i left the i accidentally forgot i printed out and left

the lyrics in the in the printer and i would have been very young too young too young to be reading such unsavory language and ideas and uh my found it and they're like what is this? and I was like Snoop Dogg oh no did you get a talking to? yeah I think they're like these are not it's low level it's a lot better than your parents finding a porn website on the history

of the family computer that happened also which is something that kids today will never know because they've got their own cell phones and laptops. And they're used to kids. Incognito. People who were born before, like, I don't know, the year 1998 probably, we used to share a computer.

That's how families worked. You were lucky to have one in your family. And if you had one, it was in the computer room which is a room that doesn't exist anymore no that's right and you'd have to wait you'd have to know full well that all your siblings and parents are out of the house there's no risk of a drop-in because you can't just take you can't unplug a desktop and the whole fucking power like you can't take it up to your room it's not feasible and they were so much heavier back in the day and you had those crt monitors that weighed like 10 kg just

by themselves in the broad light of day and look i don't i mean i didn't even remember the story until we got into this but so uh uh one day i was i don't think i don't know why i was at home i was home by myself. I think I was home sick maybe or something. I would have been like 13 or 14. And I was like, Dad left the house, everyone had left the house.

And I was like, excellent. I can do that thing I've just figured out how to do, which gives me the best feeling. And I went, and Mum and Dad had been away, or they'd been out the night before, they'd been away for a bit.

And I went into the computer room and I looked up. I remember not knowing what to look up. So I looked up the words free vagina. God, that's good. That is kind of adorable. New wave feminism porn. Free the vagina. And anyway, I did my dastardly doings, somehow through that awful entry point,

somehow stumbled into something with which I could work. And then was finished and I was like, fuck, okay. Ran away to have a shower, sought myself out. I came back downstairs. Yeah. And in that time, Dad had obviously forgotten something. Ludicrous. And come home.

You plebeian. Had you not closed it. I hadn't closed it. That's insane. What were you doing? That's insane. You really were playing with fire there, friend. I know for a fact my little sister listens to this podcast.

Oh, look, we're all adults now, you know? This is over a decade ago, for crying out loud. Yeah, it's well over a decade. I wouldn't be making that sort of rookie error as a fucking 17-year-old. Certainly not. What was the shining light, Tim? Oh, yeah, that old chestnut. Probably Johnny Depp's disgusted look on his face

when Paige says something to them in the diner. What is it that triggers it? Oh, he says, if you want to make any real cash. Oh yeah, that's right. You want to start any real loot, you should come work for me. There's just a split second cut

to Johnny Depp's face and he looks horrified at the suggestion. Yeah, I added Johnny Depp. I like that character. I think at one point early on I tried to stick up for him. Not because I genuinely liked him just to try and be contrarian

because you were railing on him and you were so quick to be like nah this guy's a bad egg but yeah my Shining Light was also this podcast is nothing

if not a marketplace of ideas I'm glad that you challenged me on it and Johnny Depp when he's walking he's got the cash from social I don't know why they let the drug like for all we know Johnny Depp's skimming off he's got the cash from social I don't know why they let the drug like

for all we know Johnny Depp's skimming off of the money they earn per head for bringing people into social yeah he's a drug dealer he started taking all of his drugs but he he gives he's on his way to give him the envelopes and you get like the shot it's sort of framed so that you've got the three you got Jarhead Squirrel and Zicoli who are all on the left and Johnny Depp walking in on the right right hand side of the frame and he takes off his hat which is like one of his favourite things to do because it makes him look interesting

if he takes off his hat and touches his shirt and puts his hat back on it's something we're all guilty of I'm sure but he takes off his hat and spits and then he puts his hat back on and the ADR on the spit is like it's overwhelming it's like honestly

5.1 surround spit it peaks the mic and like so overwhelming it's like honestly 5.1 surround spit it peaks the mic and like buries everything else it's all the ambience it's like geez that was big well now you know but I was like bold maximum directing maximum directing from Maximum Joseph

someone told us that Maximum Joseph's friend who I will call Minimum Joseph, is in the film in the PCP party scene. I looked for him, couldn't see him. I believe you. I had no hair of Minimum Joe. It's probably a room full of friends. Anyway, look, this is where it ends for this week.

So thank you very much for joining us again. I don't look forward to seeing the movie anymore, but we will be doing it for another 43 times. You're framing it all wrong. When you look at a progress bar, Tim, and you say it's 18% loaded, are you like, oh, wow, there's still 82% to load? Or are you like, 18%, that's more than zero. Yeah, true.

All right, good. We've seen the movie nine times, everybody. 18%. Is it 18%? Oh, yeah, it is roughly. Yeah, true. All right. Good. We've seen the movie nine times, everybody. 18%. Is it 18%? Oh, yeah, it is roughly. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, damn right. Okay.

Well, thanks again to our sponsor, bigpipe.co.nz. You can ride your phone battery when it's on 18%. Oh, it depends. It depends what your plans for the day are. Yeah, you wouldn't set off in the morning with it. Certainly not. If it was 10.30 at night and you were out and you're looking

you're like 80% and you're like nah I got another two hours I got two hours in an Uber home on that yeah righto good luck everybody you won't be going on social media

as much as you might otherwise but that's probably good it's better to socialise they call it social media you gonna play that dastardly intro again? intro intro intro intro intro intro ow this movie's still fine media. You're going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine.

There's a colleague, a pastor. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree!

Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point.