The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode One - Difficulties

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Production note: Apologies for the terrible audio quality (especially on Guy's voice) - had some technical issues but it'll be better next week.Welcome to our first attempt at watching/reviewing Grown Ups 2 (2013), the $80m comedy which garnered 7% on Rotten Tomatos. The film features comedy greats Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock and David Spade. We will be watching the movie each week and bringing you a review each time. Pray for us. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time Podcast. after week for the foreseeable future, essentially. Which is an absolutely absurd idea. The idea is to watch it every week until it becomes worthwhile. Guy pitched this to me and he said, we'll watch a movie every week and do a podcast, but here's the kicker, we'll watch the same movie. I thought, fantastic. I thought, let's pick a movie. It's got to be just the right amount of everything. It's got to be just the right amount of length. It's got to be just the right amount of length.

There's got to be something in it for you so you can keep watching it a few times. And it's got to have enough to grab onto that we can keep commentary on it. And we settled on the sequel to the much maligned Grown Ups. A film that I haven't ever seen. I think I have, but I can't remember a single thing about it except that I hated it. Well, I hadn't seen the first one and I thought the second one you said grown ups

I said why not put a two on it and an hour and 40 minutes later I found out why this has to be one of the worst movies I've seen the last movie I remember watching which moved me to be this just like restless and unhappy and frustrated and confused

was I can't even remember the name of it it was who's in it? I can't remember I wrote a review about it I got so angry

I walked out of the cinema I got free tickets from the Black Thunder 91 ZM's Black Thunder and I walked out of the cinema and I went home and I wrote a blog

which is a pretty high level of frustration was it recent? this film? it would have been 2007 or 8 was it Save the Last film? it would have been 2007 or 8 was it Save the Last Dance? that's the last movie I walked out of

that I paid for no I actually quite liked Save the Last Dance it was it was something about being in high school the guy had a big nose it was written by one of the Simpsons writers it was based on a book

Mama's Boy? no you know what we've diverged it's not important what is important is is that we discuss grown-ups too i don't even how do we even like begin with this film well i think we could take a very similar approach with this podcast than what they did with the film which is just don't worry about anything and go for it uh i think first maybe

the first thing the wow factor with this movie is the cast. So maybe we should start with that. Should we just start throwing names of people who are in this film? The cast, it's a veritable who's who of successful 90s television comedians. It's sort of like a Saturday Night Live ensemble. It is, but on steroids. You've got Adam Sandler, who co-wrote the film, whose wife is Selma Hayek for some reason.

Kevin James, who you'll know from King of Queens and Mall Cop is in there. And Hitch. And what? Hitch. Oh yeah of course. Imagine if Will Smith was in this movie. It wouldn't even surprise me because by the end there was just so many people in it. He's married to Maya Rudolph who's also Saturday Night Live alumni. We've got Chris Rock, formerly

one of the greatest comedians in the world. Yeah he's married to Matt Rudolph. Kevin James is married to a woman I didn't recognise. Kevin James' wife. Yeah, I can't remember who that is. I'm sure we'll get it by the second watch. David Spade is in this film. Plenty of time to figure all this stuff out.

David Spade, he's playing Joe Dirt. He doesn't have a partner. Apart from Just Shoot Me, when is David Spade not playing Joe Dirt? Apparently he was really good in Saturday Night Live. Well, I liked him in this movie. I thought he was acting, and he was the only one. Cameos come in the form of John Lovitz. Lovitz.

Lovitz. Lovitz. Lovitz. Lovitz. He was one of the few things which made us laugh. Shaquille O'Neal has a part. All of Adam Sandler's entourage. You know, all the bit part character actors who show up.

The cast of Grandma's Boy, I guess. I was very surprised, actually, that... Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider didn't appear in this movie. Wait, did he? Well... He's probably in there somewhere. Yeah.

We just missed it. Steve Buscemi. Yes, Buscemi's in there. Along with Taylor Lautner Teen Heartthrob here's what I would loosely describe as the antagonist Will Forte pops up

in a car wash scene alongside Andy Samberg and the boys from the Lonely Island but don't let all of these names confuse you, this movie is a steaming hot pile of shit from dot one. The first scene, the hook, which makes you say,

I can't wait to see what unfolds, is Adam Sandler in bed with Salma Hayek, and he's woken up inexplicably. They never ever address how this happened, apart from revealing that the front door was left open. There's a reindeer or a moose, or some sort of animal with antlers in the bedroom. And no one...

It's a CGI moose. It's in the bedroom. Adam Sandler wakes up to quite a start seeing this thing and tries very delicately to tell Selma Hayek without alarming her that she needs to open the window. And what's his play with this? That they should both jump out of it? Yeah, well, it's a big house and they're on the second floor and luckily summer hike never opens the window so that particular thread leaves unsewn he keeps

whispering to her he says your mom's here you need to go and open the window just let me sleep that's what she says sleepily summer hike there was a great summer hike by the yeah, once again, I'm not sure what the play was going to be, if he was intending to throw the moose out of the window or if they were going to throw themselves out of the second story window. But either way, hilarity ensues in the form of the CGI moose tearing the house asunder. That's right. And the craziest thing is it winds up with a bra on its antlers and it runs outside and the postman's

outside and he goes to adam sound he goes hey is that your wife's bra and then somehow he's wearing a sort of negligee nightie and she covers herself because it's because it's a creepy fucking thing to say postman and then adam sanders sort of scolds him and then eventually goes yeah it's pretty nice and he gives her a high five and it sets the tone for just oh yeah there's there's kids in this movie there's a lot of kids there's so many kids everyone's got kids let's not let's not just single it out that there's a lot of kids there's a lot of characters you probably meet over 40 people in this movie and none of them make any sense there's no payoff to any there's there's no because one of the central things that you want to see in a film right is it's supposed to start

somewhere and end in a similar place except they've gone through a lot and and your characters your central characters have learned something along the way um i have no concept of what anyone has learned in this film and we should probably try and give some sort of synopsis. I guess. God, it's so hard, though. Well, first of all, can we just say that this is the longest day of all time? Are you talking about our day or the movie? Both.

Both. The whole thing takes part in one hellish day. It starts, as we said, with Adam Sandler and Salma Hayek. I'm going to ruin the ending for you now. It also ends with Adam Sandler and Salma Hayek I'm going to ruin the ending for you now. It also ends with Adam Sandler and Salma Hayek in bed. It's a nice bookend to the film. It's the last day of school. It's the last day of

school in summer. Summer's just kicking off and so what happens? So we've got the moose I just keep coming back to the rule at Kmart for half of this film. We meet all the families and then the bus driver, the bus driver who's meant to be taking the kids to school is, like, wasted on drugs.

Yeah. And so Adam Sandler, because he doesn't have a job because he got ripped somehow, he decides to drive the school bus, and he picks up his friends on the way to school. Yeah, that's right. And then they all drop them at the school, and then they just go and hang out in Kmart

for like an hour or two hours. These are like grown men going to the mall. And they've all got jobs, kind of. Well, Adam Sandler doesn't, because he got rich in Hollywood. I assume that that's explained in the first Grown Ups movie, which I'm sure is a masterpiece, which I think I have seen but don't remember.

I don't think it's too important whether or not it is explained. It's just this inexplicable series of not funny scenes. So we get introduced at the start. We've kind of glossed over this, but there's a little vignette, a little window into everyone's lives and their family situation. So everyone's got kids. So we see what's happening with Chris Rock's family. he's got the wife there he's got a couple of kids

it's their 20-year marriage anniversary that's right he's hidden he's hidden a necklace for his wife and his son's diaper because that's what you do when you're married folks that's married life he tells her that she's on nappy duty and then she takes it and he goes happy 20th anniversary and she's like because she completely forgot she forgot and and he goes, happy 20th anniversary. And she's like, what? Because she completely forgot. She forgot. And so he gets this free pass. Which is what we're all searching for in relationships. It's all a point system and we're all looking for that little nugget of gold. No one's going to listen to this.

No one's going to listen to this fucking podcast. Because no one's going to watch this fucking movie. It's so fucking terrible. It's so absurdly bad. But anyway, we must press on, Guy. Don't be disheartened. They made this film. This movie got finished and released, and I'm sure along the way,

there were so many people at every stage who said, this cannot be released. This cannot be finished. It cannot be put out to the public. And you know what it was. So in the spirit of grown-upsups too, this podcast will be done. I can't wait to see what we're saying in 30 weeks. The shining light of talent, I think, in the early vignettes.

Chris Rock has the son, the aforementioned son. It is a son who's got the diaper. Sensational talent. You can tell that that kid's a born performer. It's dancing around. Young black stereotype. When it turns out that Mayor Rudolph's forgotten the 20th anniversary, it just goes to a shot of the, like, two-year-old's face up close,

and he just says straight down the camera, that's cold. I don't know how you even teach a baby to say that, because you've got the intonation and the timing dead on. Do you reckon the baby was CGI as well? Because the moose was. I assume they've got a lot of money thrown around Then Kevin James' family, we meet them next

And he's got a child who's just really thick And they never explain it That's right So they're on this path of parenting Where they want to not discourage the kid Positive reinforcement At all costs The little window into his family life

Is the mum, his wife, who appears very briefly in that film. Is that like the only bit she's in? No, she was at yoga class. Oh yeah, of course. And she was at the ballet recital. God, she's forgettable.

She was at the party. Oh, my bad. She was all through the film. Spoiler alert, there's a party and some ballet. So she's got these flashcards going, what's nine and three to the kid?

And the kid's like, 28. And she's like, that's great, very good. That's not how you raise a kid. And he just gets all this math stuff. They've just written the laziest jokes, and they're like, no, no one's going to say this. How could we get to say these lines? And then they feed them to this five-year-old kid and it's actually one of the funniest parts of the movie what they're like

the bad math and stuff the whole script it feels like did you watch the oc tim um i yeah yeah i kind of remember the oc yeah that was a good show you remember so seth cohen who was sort of the protagonist yeah he was very funny and there was one guy who it was a character i can't remember his name but he was described everyone as big like he tried to be funny but everything was too big you know he meets seth khan's dad sandy and he goes sandy goes hi i'm sandy and then the character goes oh well i guess you better take a shower then and then like i don't remember that minor character from the oc walks out of the scene and sandy's like, geez, that kid's not funny. It's like that character has written a movie.

Everything is so big. Yeah. And there's some gags that look like they work on paper. I want to go through the families just a little bit more, though, just to give it a little bit of a picture. We won't go through the whole movie because, sweet Jesus, we just went through the whole movie and I don't want anyone else to go through it,

which really begs the question, like, what is in this for other people but we will press forward david spade now he's got an interesting one so his situation is he hooked up with a girl who is revealed i think through the entire film only as uh hiccups mcgee a woman who he briefly had sexual intercourse with one of the many women who you get treated with. The utmost respect in this film. Nothing but. Complete fleshed out characters. And you never see her in the film, by the way.

She's only mentioned as Hiccups McGee. So he's had sex with her, which has created a child. A spawn has happened. She inexplicably fails to tell David Spade that he has a child until the child's like 17. I think he's supposed to be about 14, but the gag is that he's huge. Yeah, and then he just, he's like, okay, that's cool. And she sends him up on a train from Florida.

Yeah, that's never really fleshed out at all. What's that about? Happy-go-lucky guy like David Spade, who's set up as only looking after himself. He's just going to be like, yeah, cool. I have a kid? Okay, yeah. I'm equipped for that. That seems fine to me.

There's no problems there. The kid shows up. He looks like he's in his mid-20s. And he pulls a flick knife on David Spade, which is actually a pretty funny bit. And then David Spade has turned up expecting a far more gentle and small child, has bought him a soft toy, and just proceeds to cut the head off the teddy bear. And then he gets scared, and he tells his son that he has to go to school for one day, the last day of school, because he's got to go and work at the soup kitchen.

But he doesn't actually have to go and work at the soup kitchen. He's just scared go and work at the soup kitchen he's just scared it's a front i'm just going to fast forward for a bit please because the son eventually finds out that david spade wasn't going at the soup kitchen and he gets he's crushed he's crushed so demoralized which i guess if you in your own head had enough kind of intelligence and wound that out maybe it's because this kid who's kind of suggested to be trailer trash and stuff, maybe he's from a lower socioeconomic area living with Hiccups McGee, where the soup kitchen's a really important pillar in that community. And so he's like, how dare you, you know,

take on the sacred elephant as your cover to not hang out with me? How dare you? Yeah, well, the way he takes out his frustration is he doesn't put a knife on his dad again he instead goes to in a fraternity and like ruins the whole outside toilet paper's the whole frat it destroys a frat house the frat house isn't out of nowhere by the way that at one point the guys in fairness the frat house is kind of out of nowhere it is a little bit but as part of the 60 hour day in which the film occurs uh all the friends go to a swimming hole so we've got kevin james adam sandler whoever the fuck else is in this movie

which is a lot of people um like the five of them go to the swimming hole uh to relive old times i guess and kevin james is going to jump off a big cliff because he's never jumped off because he's scared and then they get confronted by these frat kids who claim that they owned the swimming hole, which is fine. And then things get really aggressive. Tyler Lautner is their leader and just starts backflipping heaps. It's like 11. Yeah, that was another funny bit. There were a few, like these three lines which are almost self-referential where it's like the characters are the actors and the actors are like, what are we doing?

Like when Taylor Lautner's doing their backflips, David Spurs is's like the guy's just doing 11 backflips for no reason yeah you know it's like they're commentating what we're thinking they just give you little flashes of hope like that there's a couple of things like that adam sandler um prior to that bit goes uh he's talking to his son first of all he calls all of his children ugly his kid goes i'm after the hottest girl in school it's the last day of summer and his the one of the other kids the kid he's talking his brother goes but you'll never get it because uh you're ugly and adam sandler goes you're all ugly you're hideous you're fugly we're all fugly but that doesn't stop us getting obscenely attractive woman look at me and your wife it makes no sense that would only happen in a hollywood film and stops just shy of looking down the barrel of the camera and giving a ferris bueller style wink

which i'm not sure if it would have endeared me to this film more or less but he gives his son a three-step guide to get any woman oh that's right this is might actually be of use this might be a takeaway from the film it's uh one make her smile two that's good advice say she has a nice smile yep and then three say that you have to come out with me tonight force her force her to do it

put pressure on do it in the moment give it a strict time frame of that evening and uh hey spoiler alert it pays off for the kid

when he applies that knowledge there's so much like questionable objectionable material like Kevin James and his wife are going this podcast is all as all over the place as the movie,

perhaps as a result of it. But he goes, like, his wife takes him to this car wash where these high school cheerleaders are going to wash it and she's, like, trying to turn him on. Oh, that's, yeah, now, how the fuck did they get to that point? And then, like, the policeman who's Shaquille O'Neal and the guy, fuck, hate this if we sound a little low energy it's because we've just seen the film i sent guy out to get coffees um in the aftermath because we need we just we need something to kind

of break through here it's just fuck okay so who else have we got dealing with here we've got a one of the black comic actors from 40 year old virgin who um he also on saturday night live i can't remember his name yeah we'll look that up if we ever see this again the dewey cox story he was the guy who told dewey cox john c reilly about all the drugs and i haven't seen that oh that's i hear it's really good maybe we should have done that movie or any other film ever made. Well, I guess what's exciting about this, Tim, is that we get to do it all again next week. It's like watching our descent into madness.

But anyway, it's going somewhere with that. So that SNL slash 40-year-old virgin actor is in it. He serves as the foil to Chris Rock's character. They grew up at high school and stuff. I think they work. Oh, no, they don't work together because it came out everyone in this movie is like everyone knows each other from high school no one ever left the city except adam sandler who came back yeah he went to hollywood and made heaps of money which again i assume was explained in the first movie and then inextricably came back to this horrible community of misogynistic racial stereotypes.

The way they all, like, qualify, every time a character gets introduced, the way the writers qualify is by being like, how do they know this guy? Well, they went to high school together. They were at high school, you know, and either they were best friends and now they hate each other, they were best friends and now they're best friends,

or they hated each other and now they're best friends. It's like just this weird interplay of completely hate or completely love. The other big question I had when I was watching this movie, because of the sexual undertones or overtones, whatever you want to call them, and the sort of off-color jokes, I don't think there was one swear word. I don't know who...

Someone said shit and it really stuck out. I don't know who they aimed this at yeah yeah colin quinn that comedian colin quinn his big scene is he's fixing an ice cream machine and david spade tells him if he does this thing it will fix it and it makes it look like he's pooing yeah and it goes like every visual gag in this how long to movie two hours and ten minutes, I think? It was, what was it? 101. 101 minutes. So that's shy of two hours. One hour 50.

Felt like a lot longer. One hour 40. But what this film is, is just comprised of visual gags that go too long that weren't funny when they began, but in the hopes that if they just keep going, they'll develop into something. So yeah, that scene where he's kind of bent over this ice cream machine with his chocolate sundae coming out seemingly of his rectum

is capped off after a very long kind of spinning out of this gag. It's topped off by the kid going, is that where ice cream comes from? That's like a stupid kid. And scene. And I can't, I've got to go pick up my dad right now you don't

you're making that up that's a lie I really do that's a lie we've got two minutes to wrap up the first episode it's only it's a short podcast

as we read more into the film you know they'll become longer and more nuanced I'd really love it if you could join us every week

because I originally we were talking about before we saw the film doing this 50 times that's not happening it would we can't do it the thing with this movie is the only way for there to be payoff is is for us to actually do it 50 times like we could buy that point i've got to go five man we can we do five and just kind of reassess because honestly i don't i don don't know like I'll kill myself yeah there's a risk of that

my name is Tim Bat you can follow me on Twitter I guess is that a takeaway my name is Guy Montgomery and you can forget that I was involved in this shambles come back next week there'll be more of this I'm so

confused well get excited about next week if you didn't like this week that's okay maybe you know we'll find some more stuff in the movie for next week i usually this is the point where you say you go and watch it so you know what we're talking about i cannot recommend that anyone go and see this film for any reason watch the trailer come yeah watch the trailer in your mind extrapolate that to one hour and 40 minutes yeah try not to kill yourself. Yeah, and then come back for the podcast. Okay, we'll see you then.

Tim Batt signing off of the most ludicrous podcast of all time. All right, good night, or morning. Fuck, fuck I hate this. Fuck! The worst idea of all time. Podcast.