The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Seven - Godot

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

Tim and Guy are back and more miserable than ever. Having watched another 101 minutes of the god awful Grown Ups 2, the lads have also instituted a new 'no phone' rule during the movie. This has had dire consequences on morale. This week, Guy's dark reading of the ice cream scene, a new theory from Tim and the studio is falling to bits around the two of them. Join in! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're going? We're going! Hello and welcome to episode 7 of the worst idea of all time, a podcast with your friends Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery. In French, 7 is 7. And in German it's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, I can only go up to 5. Tahi, ruwa, toru, fa, noru, rima. Oh god, we better cut that part out. We don't want to sound as ignorant as we are. This is a podcast where Guy Montgomery and myself watch the movie Grown Ups 2.

That's right. Over and over and over and over and over and over again. At the start of this week, I'll show you how I was eating ice cream to improve the mood, which, it would be fair to say is dire in the studio. The term morale is at an all-time low has been bandied around a lot on this podcast, but no week has that been more true than this week. The funny thing about that term is that each week it will become more and more true as

we descend into the pits of hell. Anyway, beautiful Tuesday afternoon here in Auckland. Can I first open with an apology on Guy Montgomery's behalf because he doesn't seem very forthcoming with it. The podcast is a little bit late this week. Guy decided to get out of town and not tell me. You act like people care. I was in the Coromandel trying to write some jokes.

It wasn't going very well. I thought, you know what, we'll kickstart some creativity. A trip to the Big Smoke to watch a movie with my main man, Timber. And boy, oh boy, oh boy, do I feel inspired. I mean, seasonally they say autumn's here, but you look outside right now, Tim, and you've got to say, we really just wasted 101 minutes of our lives. It is fucking gorgeous.

Oh, man. It's like idyll lives. It is fucking gorgeous. Oh, man. It's like idyllic. It's blue skies. I can't see a cloud in that sky. Now, on the subject of young, not a lot of redeeming features today. It was a pretty, the mood was blue. Mighty grim. We've implemented a no phones policy.

So what we do is we both put our phones on flight mode and throw them onto the faraway couch and then you just sort of you struggle between watching the movie and just craving your phone uh we sort of there was a bit of tension between us during the movie like we just didn't really often we'll like there's camaraderie and and and not enjoying something but we would like genuinely not really getting along very well for bits of that what are you what was going on there tim i think um the movie's gotten so bad that we've just started turning on each other do you reckon like um i don't want to go down the hitler path but when things have been really bad historically when you're in a confined

space but look um i think we can't get out of this all. It's a mouthful of ice cream. Do you think they started turning on each other in Auschwitz is basically what I was trying to dance around. I don't think we're allowed to make that comparison, Tim. No, that's fair. That's fair. We are voluntarily watching a terrible movie every week

because of our ridiculous lifestyles. I just don't know if there's a direct comparison to be made there. You've been scrolling through your Twitter feed for a while, Tim. What have you got for us? That was supposed to be happening behind the scenes. Oh. Because they can't see what I'm doing. That's right.

I was just trying to... Well, every week I forget to mention tweets that we get in off the back of last week's episode. So I thought this week... Oh, God. Ice cream. It's melting. I thought this week, oh god, ice cream it's melting I try to avoid that they're chalk bars and we're not sponsored

it's a big mouthful but if anyone listening would like to sponsor us if anyone here works at Tip Top this ice cream's going down real well in a form of sponsorship someone offered us 20 bucks to do a double header of watching

Jack and Jill and then grown ups too and doing a podcast based on that I don't know, that's below minimum wage comfortably and I mean it's not even a good use of that time if you know what I mean

a paper run would be minimum wage and you would get some sunshine and you'd be outdoors and free your mind yeah um jack and jill i i feel like would only you know what though the crippling it would feel like a holiday away from this movie i i don't think i think that what i've been going wrong is i haven't watched any movies uh since i've started watching this i don't think i watched i went and been going wrong is I haven't watched any movies since I've started watching this I don't think I went and saw 302 at the cinema which was a horrible decision

hey you know what everyone hated that movie I was into it really what did you like about it it was shit it was just like

it was fun it wasn't fun it was garbage it was what it was a bunch of people who were really muscly spouting cliches at each other it was like watching

bloody sports commentators. Bit of action going on. I was into it. Anyhow. The weird thing about this watch of the grown-ups, the grown-ups too as I'll call it, was... You haven't thought of a big mouthful.

As you mentioned before, very few redeeming features this week and even the stuff that I normally look forward to kind of just slid right by me well I think on that note, let's get into the shining light earlier this week um because I still had a few moments

which really turned me on Dante it's a character that shows up in a lot of Adam Sandler's films god this is unprofessional it is good, it's made me real happy. I'm sorry if you don't appreciate the sound of someone chewing in your ear, but the ice cream was entirely necessary today.

That's right. And just to hammer home the point of how necessary it was, we thought we'd eat them for you. Dante's entrance at the supermarket. So you see Shaq the cop. He holds up the guys after they've come out of Kmart. But a product placement, which I know you want to talk about later in the episode

and he goes and sadly goes to Dante I still can't believe you're a cop after the stuff you used to pull he goes the Dante so and so that stole your parents

jet ski and saw off a crack cocaine is dead this side of the law is way better to serve and protect gotta love it I love that line today that can't even like that's a This side of the law is way better to serve and protect. Gonna love it.

I love that line today. That can't even, like, that's a, not only is it an awkward line when you say it, it's an awkward line when he says it, but it must look like an awkward line on the page as well. Well, yeah. Because some stuff, when you're writing a script, it works for the written word, but not for the spoken word. But with that one, like, I can't imagine any form where anyone thought that those words went together well tim yeah oh we're not here to shoot down each other's shining lights okay this is the sort of stuff i'm talking about sorry but if we're gonna make this work look at me eye contact look at me i need you to trust me that was just this week okay i'm not

saying it's my favorite movie line ever don't look away from me okay do you understand yeah now you do your shining light okay so my one was the oh god oh god our studio you know what let's get into it this week i would like to reveal something to all of you our um our studio is a single USB microphone. The cat's out of the bag. I'm going to take a movie of it right now. Of reasonable quality. Of reasonable quality, but surrounded by a cut-up cardboard box that's got six egg ice cream cartons Blu-Tacked around it. The reason for that is it actually provides Really excellent low cost baffling

But sometimes the Blu-Tack melts in the middle Of the record and will just drop off Of the cardboard box set up That is true I just took a little two second video Which we'll be putting on the Facebook page for you to see Tim you're about to share your Shining light though

I think that was my shining light But from the movie specifically, it was, oh, I feel bad that I've revealed that now. Nah, this is fine. I like to keep up the illusion. The illusion of what? That this is anything other than an absolute weekly shit show? I like that kind of feeling that we'd fostered that it's like watching this terrible movie, but then we go into our big flashy studio to record i can't explain to you enough how bleak the situation is we watch the

movie with a glary tv from this couch and then we sit in the same seats we've watched the movie and lean in like we're hovering over this table the terrible shoulder to shoulder the terrible thing is is that like it's a beautiful day outside as well and it always has been because we started this in summer for some reason i'm craving the weather turning to garbage just so that it doesn't feel so silly to be cooped up inside guy montgomery my shining light today was the part of the movie where um nick our drug-addled bus driver at the start is at the faders party. Oh, no, no, it's nothing to do with Nick.

Nick's not in it. What's the name of Stud Muffin, the yoga instructor? Mud Stuffin. I don't know if I get his name. Does he have a name? Whoever he is. He's in there. He's hot.

Anywhoos, there's a conversation that takes place between him and Adam Sandler, a.k.a. Lenny Fader, and he repairs the, it's like a crochet, like a knitted monkey that's been torn asunder by the deer at the start, and he puts it back together, and Adam Sandler goes, how'd you learn how to do that? And the guy goes,

gay camp. Oh, what is that? Yeah, it's his gay camp. We learned to sew in gay camp. And Adam Sandler goes, what? You went to gay camp? You're a gay?

And he's like, no, no. Yeah, yeah. I am gay. There's no such thing as Gay Camp. It's really real. Yeah. It's a straight delivery. But the beauty of it, yeah.

He goes, no, there's no such thing as Gay Camp. It's a joke. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, he just says it so straight. It's one of those things that really cuts through the rest of the movie. Because it's like, yeah, bro as we're all we're all here we all know how the world works there's no such thing as gay camp but it kind of cuts through because the rest of the movie is so stupid and ridiculous yeah it's like just a strong piece of acting uh you were going to get to some tweets i

i've got a motivational i was messaging a friend uh who lives Montreal in Quebec, Canada this morning. Quebec? And he said... Some people say Quebec. I've heard Quebec. I listened to your podcast on the drive back from New York. It's all a bit insane. And I said, it surely is.

We haven't watched it this week yet. And he sent back the inspirational message, don't give up. And this is a prevailing piece of logic i feel like we've we've turned a little bit a little bit dark and a little bit cynical and twisted yeah but the the sort of overwhelming message of support is don't give up and that's and i've got to say tim i mean we finished watching the movie you were saying i don't ever want to watch this again i never want to have to see this movie again but you're gonna have to i would love to reserve my ability to bail out at any point because i i can't i just need i need that safety

net just to keep going i can't give it to you mate well i mean what what what is the purpose what is the honestly what is the point what is the real reason and watching grown-ups two seven times in a row well there's nothing in that i get that we set out to do this 52 times and that's what kind of indicates and justifies and makes this all worthwhile but like i do not know if i can do it you're a fader faders aren't queers it's not the way i'm raising you that isn't the line you know i know but i mean it's a little movie reference did i tell you about oh i can't remember what it was i did a i did a i did a movie i just took a line from the movie and put it in the context of my life.

Did you? Subconsciously. I was having a conversation with someone. Oh, okay. And they said something and it triggered a memory of a line from the movie. I can't remember the line. I thought you meant like you were just talking to yourself. Oh, no, no.

And quoted a line to yourself. No. Which is even more. But I was in conversation and I threw out a reference to Grown Ups 2. Just like, oh, everyone will get this. And everyone just looked at me because I said a weird thing. And then it occurred to me. That has seeped into the subconscious.

That's just a piece of phrasing which is now something I use. That is a turning point, ladies and gentlemen. You heard it here on Episode 7. We've started to crack. Here's a tweet that we got. Oh, actually, this one's more just informational. Is there somewhere I can listen without... Don't read that.

It's so boring. Is there somewhere I can listen without yucky iTunes? I'd like to inform you and your friends who are on Android that, yes, you can listen to us on Stitcher. If you search the worst idea of all time on Stitcher, we're on there. Someone's tweeted in... Oh, we should name the handles. This is why people do this, eh? At Carnage Simon tweeted,

Mondays used to really suck. Then at Tim underscore bat and at Guy Montgomery started watching Grown Ups 2. And now I run a next pane. I like that you gave your Twitter handle the correct treatment and then just made mine Guy Montgomery. You made sure everyone got the correct information on how to follow Tim bat. Anyway, I'm sorry I interrupted your tweet. Well, it's over now.

Well, that's a very flattering tweet. Thank you, Simon. At Little Puddin' Cup has said, I'm trying to decide whether it'll be more exciting listening to your podcast with or without seeing the film. Great point, Louise, who I see is your name. Great point. I'm glad that you've brought this up.

And always without. We were in discussion today at some point about doing a special where we do a director's commentary so where tim and i watch the film and uh we talk about our feelings throughout it and then you'll be able to if you wanted you know to kill some time you'd be able to watch the film with tim and i talking over the film as it happened what an elaborate way of explaining that we're doing a director's commentary we're not the directors though No, but that's the easiest way to explain it And then we're going to put that 101 minute file online

Without breaching any copyright Because that's fine And then you can just sync it up yourself at home Yeah, that's right Thank you Little Pudding Cup But once again, can't stress this enough Don't watch the movie Don't see it, don't watch it

At SimonJBWard I'm not stressed enough. Don't watch the movie. Don't see it. Don't watch it. At Simon JB Ward, I hope you had a wee party when you reached your 101st minute at Tim underscore bat at Guy underscore Mont. More minutes of better entertainment than the film itself. I see what he's speaking of. It's a lovely sentiment. I think that's enough tweets for the week. People seem to be getting on board. We should probably think that's enough tweets for the week. Is it?

People seem to be getting on board. We should probably talk a little bit more about the movie. Oh yeah, what did I want to talk about this week? You wanted to talk about product placement. I remember that. You have a piece of paper. I actually, because I thought that there was a lot more products being placed than what turned out to be. So I just made a little laundry list as the film went on today.

Really, we were looking for fucking anything to distract us from the content of the movie. Yeah, we were. So just the following companies should be boycotted because they're associated with grown-ups too. Topping the list came at Sony Vio, which is actually hard to boycott because Sony have dropped the Vio brand now of computers.

Pepsi, Pepsi Cola cola which i'm a big fan of pepsi so that yeah you ironically would drink you ironically would drinking pepsi i've got 10 pepsis in my cupboard right now it can't be healthy that's too many five hour energy no more of those rockstar energy drink no thanks ice cream house i think yeah make believe now okay so this is what i was trying to figure out. Is Ice Cream House real or not real? No, it's not real in the same way Chris Rock's cable company isn't real and Kevin James' motor shop company isn't real. I reckon they

gave it a fucking crack though. I reckon Adam Sandler went to Jiffy Lube and went, could we make the garage a Jiffy Lube and you could give us half a million dollars and Jiffy Lube went, shove it up your ass Sandler your movie sucks dick. Get out of here Sandler, We've read that script. And PBR, Pabst Blue Ribbon, which is sort of a cheap beer.

I think that was just, though, just grabbed some sort of beer brand. I don't know if that was actual product placement. So if you are in North America, feel free to continue drinking that product. Now, an exciting revelation in the podcast, the worst idea of all time. Speaking of the ice cream house, that derives from a scene where Colin Quinn, is that his name? That is Colin Quinn. A stand-up comedian. A successful stand-up comedian who doesn't need to do these sorts of movies. I'm not familiar with his work, but once again, this is a payday.

This movie's an absolute payday. He features in a scene where he is at an ice cream house and he is kind of the front staff. He's running it. He's the manager. He's the man about ice cream house. He has an assistant, a worker an employee below him who it's revealed is his wife what he said that that three-step trick used to

work on everyone including my wife no no no no no yeah but this is unrelated to it that's not his wife in the movie yeah oh there's his wife no she runs the ice cream shop with him she's like 20 yeah he's done well no oh so he's just angry wait wait oh my god that completely changes the reading of that scene if that's how you've been interpreting it oh my god okay so what jesus christ so what happens is he recognizes a move that adam sandler's son makes on a girl it's the same move that adam sandler made when he and Adam Sandler were kids. They used to hang out together in high school. He says, that used to work every time, even on my wife. In a fit of rage, he throws an ice cream scoop at the ice cream house employee,

scones her right in the back of the head at force, and she makes the following noise, and falls down. It's a very funny piece so was your reading of that scene he was abusing his wife that is not his wife i don't know why it makes it so much worse but if that's his spouse that makes it so much worse rather than he's just venting his frustration on the nearest person around him well i don't think either of them are a particularly good option she is less than half his age i don't. He runs a very successful ice cream business. He could be a man about town.

I don't know why you connected those dots. All of the men in this movie are terrible. They're also abusive. Listen, listen, this was going somewhere. The point is... I don't think that's questionable. The point is, that was a great... There was something that drew us to that moment.

That we laughed at it at one point? The noise that she makes as she falls down is hilarious so we decided to get in touch with this woman well yeah so last week i found out her name in the credits and i said it to tim and tim gave her a search on twitter and a woman turned up by the same name tanya akram akim oh sorry there's no uh yeah what am I talking about Tanya Aitken And It turns out She lives in LA She's an anthropologist And a yoga teacher

And a kundalini yoga teacher Which is obviously a Discipline A yoga discipline So I got in touch with her And I said Hey Are you the same Tanya

From Grown Ups 2 To which she replied Right And then And then we started Well because I mean If you think about it How often does she probably get that?

Once a year? Once a year? Like, who's watched a movie that specifically and taken a shot into that scene? I would be amazed if there was anybody else on the planet who had. So tell us about your conversation, Tim. So it went back and forth. I said, that is awesome. Have you done much other film stuff?

She said, sorry to say, no. I am friends with the grown-ups who produce this, so they put me in the funny part. Her direct words. They put me in the funny part. There's only one in the movie. And I'm in it. And I think I also asked previously,

I said, did they really hit you with the ice cream scoop? And she said, yes, and it really hit me with the ice cream scoop. Oh, wow. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was a plastic ice cream scoop and she said yes and it really in it and really hit me with the ice cream scoop oh wow blah blah blah blah um it was a plastic ice cream scoop she sent me a photo of like behind the scenes i guess to kind of prove that it was her um she's a good looking woman uh it's definitely her and she's definitely in the ice cream shop that's one of the sets yeah it's all established in the one picture and um yeah so i started asking you like were there any scenes that got cut she was in apparently there is one where she's yelling at colin quinn um left on the cutting room floor so anyway the upshot is uh hopefully next week we're

going to interview her she's going to be on the podcast one of the actors one of the one of the one of the stars of grown-ups too you don't even see Tanya's face in the movie But we have taken to chanting Tanya, Tanya, Tanya When her bit's coming up That is correct And we didn't even applaud for John Lovitz's entrance today So that's saying something Also

How are we going for time, Tim? We've got about five So John Lovitz I feel one of his lines that I gravitated toward early Was inspired by the Samuel Beckett play Waiting for Godot. Now, okay, do you want me to take issue with you off the bat or do you want me to let you explain? I'll set it up, then you knock it down.

Okay. I was listening to the, it's like a BBC World Update podcast on my phone, as I want to do. And for some reason, it seemed to be coming. You're not fooling anyone. You're involved with this podcast. They're never going to think anything of your intellect. They played a little section of Waiting for Godot.

And I was like, that line sounds familiar. Because at one point, one of the characters says, tell me it's true, even if it isn't. And I went, John Lovitz. Say it's true, even if it isn't and i went john lovitz say it's true even if it isn't so i think john lovitz being a stage actor do you know that he's a stage actor i suspect he's okay i don't know that but i do the research he's always got that voice and that kind of presentation that really suggests to me that he's a stage actor big time clutching so what i think has happened is they've given john lovett some leeway to adlib and he has subconsciously drawn upon a fantastic like piece of theater and art to insert into this otherwise barren cultural environment of growing i gotta say where i mean it's better

than last week's braden is a warlock conspiracy theory but it's still pretty far-fetched like i think you're giving i think this is what happens when you watch it this is another turning point for me uh is that you you give too much you read too much into scenes and lines and you give too much credence to specific me specifically or both of us definitely both of us but in this instance you anyway i mean it's i'm not gonna i'm not gonna trample on it entirely. Because it's not as ridiculous as you first thought. No, it's just not as ridiculous as Braden being a warlock. Let's go. Fuck it.

No. Yes. More. What have you got? Why? Why? Because. Look, I'm going to be honest with you guys.

If I was you, I'd go outside right now. Just hold on. Don't stick around for these last two minutes. Just fucking hold on. They're going to be garbage. Hold on, bro. Oh, yeah, there's a weird bit I wanted to mention in the film today That we haven't talked about Oh did you see that Adam Sandler won a Best Acting Award?

Yeah he won it at the Nickelodeon Kids Award For this movie? He holds the record He's won it like ten times For Best Actor at the Nickelodeon Kids Best Performance in a Film at the Nickelodeon Kids Awards The kids love it. And Matt Heath, who is a radio presenter on Radio Hauraki,

I was talking to him about it, his son loves the movie. He's absolutely hooked. He likes Charlie's number one flick. So we're obviously going to have to get him on the podcast at some point just to up the tone how do i get to messages that other people have sent us on this thing i don't know man message message what that no no because that's like a that's like a no no no because i want posts not messages let's do it next week we're gonna go over time no we'll do it now i these

people have got in touch with us and i would like to share their thoughts with the rest of the audience they took the time this oh he's got others that makes sense you should be more oh yeah so the bit meanwhile while we're burning daylight here that i wanted to bring up is there's a disturbing part where mayor rudolph is am i saying your name right by the way yes she says uh her daughter says bumpy asked me out for ice cream today she says your dad asked me out for ice cream once nine months later andre popped out which is a fucking weird thing to say to your daughter suggesting that on her first date ever which is information we gleaned by the infinitely hateable donna that she's gonna fuck her on the

first day i mean she's gonna start a family god dang first date. I mean, she's going to fuck him. Start a family. God dang. You are bleak this week, sir. Dude, something changed this week. It was a new depth of depression. Bleak week. Fucking hell. Oh, God.

Nothing was working. The checkpoints weren't working. John Lovitz wasn't. Anyway, what else have we got here? Someone's posted a Futurama meme of, what's his name? Growing up too makes more money than Pacific Rim. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. That's good, that made me chuckle.

Did it? Someone said listening. You of the Hollywood accounting conspiracy theory. You must think that's a transparent meme, no? I didn't think too much about it. I kind of took it at face value someone's taking the time thanks uh simon mccarthy uh christian pep rocky do you know are you mates with these people as well because i'm not i don't know it's just my friends i don't know these

people uh christian has said listening to this podcast and feeding off your despair pleases me greatly within this podcast this week is certainly a good one for you David Lee Corios and I hope I'm saying your name right because you're a very good comedian from Christchurch said this is good podcasting these aren't adding any value alright maybe I should have

bailed in retrospect we'll take this out in post okie dokie guys thank you so much for listening we don't have a post. Did you think I've been editing these? No. Have you ever listened to them? Yeah, I think you can take it out, can't you? What?

I can edit the file if I want, I just have never been bothered. How long is this one? 25. Oh, that's okay. Hmm. Just gotta put a little top and tail on there, a little REO Speedwagon, polish off that turd and fang it onto the internets.

And on that glorious note, I shall depart. Away! Okay, now that Tim's gone, tell us what you really think. Like the Facebook page, worst idea of all time. Any ideas, any reviews, any content you can provide us with because I don't really like this guy. I'm back. Coming up in week 10, the worst idea of all time drinking game

to accompany your first watch ever of Grown Ups 2. Also coming next week, hopefully, our interview with Tanya, ice cream house girl. This is Tim Batts saying have a great week and don't watch the movie. Okay, he's gone. Please, please, just anything. Just send it in to the page, okay? This is going to get out of here. Cause before you know it Your precious time slips away

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