The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Seventeen - Agent

Episode Date: October 19, 2018

In this edition of the podcast, Guy and Tim do a little role-play. Guns are discussed. The delicate subject of necrophilia is apporached and the question is finially asked: How many times do you need your characters to talk about a critical plot point to set up your ending? It's three. The answer is three times. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome along to the Worst Idea of All Time with me, Guy Montgomery. And myself, Tim. This is a podcast in which Tim and I watch Grown Ups 2 and review it once a week today we watch Grown Ups 2 for the 17th time I don't know what to feel anymore man

you say that every week I feel yeah something similar I don't know I don't know man it was an interesting watch I was sort of I was sort of felt really fresh

like I had fresh legs like I was stretched and ready to go for the first sort of felt really fresh, like I had fresh legs, like I was stretched and ready to go for the first sort of 30, and then I definitely started lagging again. But we did bring along a handy-dandy laptop this time, and it's filled with treats that I'll share with you a little later on in the podcast. Lots of stuff to look forward to there. I mean, how are you going today?

Tell me about what you're doing before the before the before the um got a real mean bagel yeah yeah good on you pastrami cheese and a pickle and mustard and mustard comes with a base base mustard i've had that one it's called the yodi it's good it is very good bagel that sounds pretty good man and um how are you feeling, you know, when we started watching the film, what were your thoughts? Were you going, I mean, you said on the way here, when we were on the way, you said that you think I'm in a good mood. You've been getting good sort of vibes from the texts I've been sending. Yeah, you've been very positive. And I feel like that translated into the beginning of the movie for me. How are you feeling? Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm okay. I kept getting, I don don't know like distracted by things when i was watching today like how easy it would be to cut this movie up into a uh horror movie trailer yeah well it'd be so easy because the thing is they haven't soundtracked lots of the movie because they're very lazy so you could just apply your own music there. Yeah. Wouldn't clash with anything. And there's so many moments that are taken out of context are horrific. And some of them, even when you keep it in the context, it's still horrific.

Like when Adam Sandler keeps trying to drug his kid. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Well, actually, funnily enough, that prompted something for me. This week's top three when you were doing that. Ah, did you think of one? No. Yeah, I did. On the way through, I thought of one.

Which was... Oh, because you thought that a good line for it would be when Kevin James is in the car wash as part of the horror thing. It's, why is this never ending? Yeah.

You thought that would be a good line to put into the horror movie trailer. Yeah. But this week, I've done the top three taglines, which, like, for the poster, taken from the movie.

Oh, God, I could nail this nail this okay this is a great one so that was actually the first one is it's just on the movie poster as a review as the quote it just says why is this never ending um i'm gonna grab well that's quite meta i've got yeah i've got two more do you oh so you're just gonna do the top three and then you can do yours but i've got three here on the computer top four then okay uh the next one was um i don't see any of these conversations working out for me by adam sandler so you just have that on the on the movie poster as like the as the review that is good and even if you add the first bit of that line as well i think we should all go i think we should all go our separate ways. It's like,

what are you against going to the movie? And then, this is my third one, which is the favourite one, which is, Adam Sandler's yelling it out when his friends come over just a little bit before the actual party starts

and the movie's climax, which is, we're irrelevant, we're losers, we're old. Yeah. Adam Sandler. Yeah.

Wow, such good descriptions of the movie. Oh, now I've forgotten that last one okay my one would be there's no statute of limitations on being a dick

because no matter what Adam Sandler does from here on in he could cure cancer he should still be constantly reminded of this heaping

turd that he made I agree um I mean that's that was a pretty fun wee wee top three you did a great top three man well done you uh and speaking of the party scene which happens i can hate your face

guy but that was a great top three speaking of the the party scene which happens at the end of the movie um last was it last week we had uh a lovely woman named roosevelt tan watched the movie with us it was last week wasn't it. And she was sort of taken aback. She couldn't remember any references to the party happening because the party's a very important scene. The party scene lasts for about 30 minutes. It's the climax of the movie. It's where all of the characters come together in one place

when they're not all doing that all over the town, just constantly throughout the day. And there's barely no lead into it or set up for it. It just sort of is thrust upon you. And I sort of thought this week I'd go to the trouble of counting how many times the party is referenced before the party actually arrives. Sure, so you're like kind of as an audience member set up for it, you know what's going to happen.

Yeah. How many times does it get set up? And I think I guessed this last week, but I can now confirm it. It's three. A party is mentioned. Like this party, I can't emphasize to you, you haven't seen the movie, the significance of this party, even though there are no stakes in the plot

and there's no investment because all the characters are so one-dimensional, if there was to be any investment in the movie, the party would be where it would all sort of, the payoff would arrive. That's where we're leading up to. That's where we're going. So in a 101-minute movie, the party scene takes up 30 of those minutes before it happens it is referred to exactly three times in passing never specifically always a throwaway comment this could have been your top three the top three signposts for the party top three signposts for the party so where are they where are they the first one is when

chris rock hops onto the bus with adam sandler driving yeah Yeah. And he says, he says, you know, I'd really like to just have an end of summer party. Yeah. So it's the first time. And then there's a conversation in which they quickly sort of move past. Yeah.

Adam Sandler explains the reasons why they can't have a beginning of summer party. That's it. The second one was Shaquille O'Neal to Adam Sandler in the Kmart car park. He goes, I heard you're having a party tonight, Lenny.

What? Who told you that and then it cuts to chris rocker he sort of raises eyebrows in a cheeky way you also had a point you wanted to raise about shaquille o'neal in the car park uh oh yeah but do you want to do your number one no no no we can save it okay i got one more um it's the fact that and i'm not sure if we've ever brought it up before that shaquille o'neal at one point in the movie waves a loaded cocked pistol at them. Like a police issue gun. You can't tell what it is, it's too

far away, but probably a Glock, that's what they use. A Glock 9mm at most enforcement authorities around the states. How do you have that information? It's just standard knowledge. It's not standard knowledge. Yes it is. It's a very common gun. But, I mean, I didn't know that the standard issue police gun was a Glock 9mm.

Is that right? This is how you learn, though. But this is sort of, I feel like, a recurring motif in the film now, in continuation from your insistence on showing me the knife you bought and your person at all times. Oh, yeah, well, I've got another knife-related thing for later. But one thing at a time, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Yeah, I mean...

My point is, Shaq is a... Like, it's supposed to be a funny joke that you laugh at because Shaq goes, put your hands up, and then he goes, now we've... Almost. In the air. As an audience member, though, we don't even know that these guys know Shaquille O'Neal.

I mean, we assume they do because there's no way you'd introduce a Shaquille O'Neal cop character to the movie if he wasn't just going to be friends with the gang yeah it would have been weird if he was playing like a foil or or an antagonist or a villain but as an audience you don't know they're all friends so when shaq goes freeze freeze put your hands in the air and we're thinking wow this escalated really quickly just before we were in a lovely infomercial for Kmart and now we're in a supermarket hostage situation. And it's not an unreasonable thing to happen either

because the cop steps out at Shag and goes, would you get that school bus? And Lenny Fader says, we stole it. So a cop could pull a gun on that situation. So you're like, oh no, Adam Sandler's big mouth slash Lenny Fader is going to get him shot today by a cop. It turns out it's just a lovable negligent cop, Shaquille O'Neal, just

waving his Glock 9mm around with reckless and joyous abandon in the Kmart car park because it's just another fucking Tuesday in Shitsville, USA. Whilst never further investigating where the school bus actually came from but more than happy to

present a police escort for said school bus. With what looks like a highly illegal situation going on on the roof with a raft and the actual bus driver who they're trying to kill. They are trying to kill Nick Swartzen throughout the film. Yeah, it's weird.

But that brings me nicely to my shining light today. It's when they kill Nick. Ah, in the bus. Yeah. And why is that your shining light today? It's just so absurd. It's so ramped up against everything else that's happening. It's funny that they string Nick up in the school bus with rope.

He passes out because he's medicated for an emotional condition some sort of psychological condition his wife his wife his wife saw him eating a banana with his butthole

at her mother's house so he's at the he's at the parent-in-law's parents-in-law and he goes hey I'm at a dinner what should I do now

I know I'll anally insert a banana what sort of outlandish thing should I do so I can insert it into the next Adam Sandler comedy script? And there it was. So his wife left him. He's in a bad place,

and then he passes out because of all the meds. So luckily Lenny Fader knows how to drive a stick, and he drives the shit out of that bus. And they tie him to the, not the roof, but like the ceiling of the bus, upside down. Hang him upside down. Like a vampire. And then when Kevin James comes in,

he just pulls a rope, which releases it and drops him. On his neck, on his head. Which will probably paralyze you, but won't necessarily kill you. But what they do do is then Lenny accelerates the bus really quickly. And he says, watch this. Yeah, he says, watch this. With venom. do is then lenny accelerates the bus really quickly watch this yeah he says watch this with venom and then nick's body is thrown immediately to the back of the bus where you see his head

break the fall against the back wall and you just hear this crunch and you see his body contort which there is no doubt about it he's dead now they've just killed nick they've killed the bus driver and adam sandler's response to this is, you gotta respect that. And Kevin James gives him a high five. While Chris Rock, who actually isn't convinced by the whole thing, is sort of looking at these guys like this is insane. That we are killing, stringing up and killing the bus driver

on a Tuesday morning. But then, it's okay because by the time they get to Kmart, the bus driver's fine. Nick's alive. In a lot of scenes, like Chris Rock tunes out to what's happening, I feel. You see him in the background a few times, and he's clearly not putting any effort in. He's got his dead eyes looking around the room for something to do.

I've got two things to get through. Obviously, the third one is the reference to the party. We've got a little sidetrack by Shaquille O'Neal and his Glock 9 mil. So the third reference to the party, I remember there's been two so far, leading up to this big crescendo in the film. The third one is Selma Hayek to Adam Sandler after the ballet recital, and it's just a throwaway comment while they wait for Stone Cold Steve Austin to come in,

a.k.a. Tommy Cavanaugh. And she goes, I just wish you'd tell me eight hours before we're having a party. And those are the only three indicators you have. What you've got to understand about those lines as well, that guy's named named is that they're like innocuous throwaway lines there's so much shit

in the film that's said that doesn't have any consequence that like you wouldn't suspect these you would never string those dots together

to think that a party is coming up based on that and then when the principal is having dinner with his family he says what time is the fader bash tonight

that's when there's confirmation those were all leading up to this big thing the party's on and it's 80s themed and as for my shining light Tim

yeah again I got a list of three moments I enjoyed today thanks to the laptop don't burn out mate help me remember yeah but like

if you use up all the shining lights how are we going to get through another 30 oh I see you think I should save two of them okay

well then today it was seeing Shakira O'Neill we gave Shakira O'Neill a lot of a lot of credit today I think that was because you were saying

Jermaine Ross yeah fan of the podcast fan of the podcast long time also host of Fantastic Podcast himself with some other guys

called The Issues The Issues Podcast but he told you that he watched the movie on Sky and Shakira o'neal was one of his favorite things about it cracked him up and he also well shaquille o'neal got me today uh he's good in this movie at the end when at the end somehow he's trying to tell adam sandler to put their daughter to bed and adam sandler's like nah i just want to fucking neck some bears with the boys and then she's like no i think that that's a bad parenting and you should put your daughter to bed and then she's like no i think that that's a bad parenting and you should put your daughter to

bed and when she's saying this shaquille o'neal is just looking at adam sandler if i might i think the line is you wouldn't want to have too much punch with all these kids running around yeah but that you're talking about and what's shack doing at that point he's just shaking his head adam sandler like come on we've talked man. Like, you should stop getting so fucking hammered at these parties, you know, where you invite the whole town. And, you know, knowing the way you live your life, there's a chance there's going to be a big all-out brawl later on. I'll be seeing you, Bichette.

Okay. I'm just having a few beers. I'm a grown man. Lenny, I got to tell you, down at the station, we're sick of you coming in every Sunday morning after these parties, man. Uh, Lenny, I gotta tell you down at the station, we're sick of you coming in every Sunday morning after these parties, man. Oh, come on. We're just having a little fun. You're not having fun anymore.

Uh, I gotta sentence you to 200 hours community service and AA counseling. Hey, I'm gonna sentence you for being a dick! Okay, Lenny. I think even now I can smell the whiskey

on your breath I don't know that's all I got that's all I got for that doesn't bode well for when we're doing our episode which is the gym teacher

and the that'll be written that's gonna be that's gonna be a proper script that we write out so that was my showing light with Shaquille O'Neal chastising Adam Sandler

for being a lousy parent I reckon Shaq we should just give a little round of applause to because he's actually a good part of the movie, I think. He's very nice. Other things that jutted out to me today? Well, I don't have a knife today, and I'm glad you asked. I thought we had a new

always have a knife on your person policy in place. I do, but I've just got the little one today. You've got two knives now. No, I've always had two. You just did a classic crazy person lead-in to conversation where you just say something. You're like, I don't have my knife on me today, which prompts me to ask,

oh, you don't have your knife on me today? And then you go, oh, actually, no, I do have a knife on me. I've just got my small knife. I've got two knives. Yeah. That's all. I was just giving you a knife I've got two knives yeah that's all I was just giving you a heads up

that our new co-host isn't here though who came on last week oh you are the knife I'd rather we

spent less time I'm happy to not talk about the movie but I'd rather spend less time talking about knives sorry what were you going to say

I was going to say that we've talked about Kevin James and his wife's relationship before yes but um when they're in the car on the way to the car wash and he lists I was going to say that we've talked about Kevin James and his wife's relationship before. Yes. But when they're in the car on the way to the car wash,

and he confesses that he perved on the ballet teacher, and she says, it's all right, I was looking today too. I was checking out a hot piece of man today. Yeah. And Kevin James has got, his wife is allowed to look at men. He's a new age kind of guy. He understands that, you know, it's only human to lust. But he has three criteria for which the man that his wife is allowed to perv on. The man can be one of three things.

The setup is, Stephen James says, oh, what does he say? I don't mind you looking at him. So long as he is either, his wife can check out anyone who's gay so that's okay as long as they're gay, Kevin James' wife can have a squiz as long as they're a cartoon if it's a sexually drawn cartoon, a muscle bound

cartoon character on a beach Kevin James' wife is allowed to check them out and the other person who it's okay for Kevin James' wife to check out is a dead person. It's fine for her to just perv on dead people. And I'm assuming you don't see that many dead people sort of lying around on the street

which means that it's fine by him if his wife goes to the cemetery digs up some corpses and looks at them. Or breaks into a morgue. Or crashes funerals. Which is a whole other movie. Yeah, I've got no issue with that if you're lusting after alive men we got problems if you're dead i'm not threatened by that therefore alive real life straight person

we got problems lady but if you just want to go and check out some corpses while i sleep at night on my list of of like uh priorities if i'm kevin james like if i'm in that situation i'm going to be worried about my significant other lusting over straight alive people and then gays and then dead people that's just me that's the order that's me yeah it's sensible i think so because i think with you know people who identify as gay I think so. Because I think with, you know, people who identify as gay, there's an opportunity that they can still,

they can have sex with your wife, maybe. A dead person definitely can't do that. I mean, if I lived in the city that they live in, and I was gay, and I knew I could have sex with Kevin James' wife, I would do it, even as a gay man who's not attracted to her, I would do it just even as a gay man who's not attracted to her, I would do it just to spite Kevin James. As a gay man, I would have sex with Kevin James' wife. And I think this goes beyond the world of grown-ups too.

This is a public announcement to any gay men who ever have the opportunity to have sex with Kevin James' wife in the real world. I reckon this situation exactly could play out because Kevin James I'm assuming lives in Los Angeles. He's chasing movie scripts all the time for a paycheck. So his wife stands through and also lives in LA. And I'll bet she probably does do yoga or something.

This could happen. The yoga teacher could be gay. I wonder how big gay listenership in Los Angeles is. Certainly, I mean, we're certainly hoping it'll get bigger. We're not 100% on those gay listenership in Los Angeles is certainly I mean we're certainly hoping it'll get bigger we're not 100%

on those numbers we don't have the technology yet to check in on those specific numbers but then again we're not prop 8 you know we're more popular than that

no Tim fuck man there's so we should bring a laptop every week or a notebook we could just write these down

and we did to start with back in the day oh I do it on a laptop I've got a whole thing and we did to start with back in the day oh I do it on a laptop I've got a whole thing here we haven't got into the thing yet this was the oh god

we're already 18 minutes in this was like the main crux of the podcast this week so Brayden Higgins is David Spade's son he's a character in the movie and with my laptop today

I decided to take stock of every line you remember Brayden he's the guy I thought was a warlock. Yeah. So across the movie, because I wanted to think about this objectively as the actor who plays Brayden. I don't know his name, but his agent goes,

Hey, we'll call him Adam. Hey, Adam, I got a script for you. Real meaty part in an Adam Sandler comedy. You want to read it over? An Adam Sandler script? Yeah. Yeah, I think you're really gonna like this character he's got lots of dimensions right and depth okay so how much

screen time we're talking how many lines have I gotten this thing uh screen time it's hard to say you get 20 lines what in the whole film in the whole film you get 20 lines are you serious but am I in like one scene no you're in the whole thing really yeah oh the movie's got a lot of lines a lot of lines to go around you get 20 of them wow 20 lines and you're saying i'm in more than one so you want me to read the lines to you or do you want to read the lines do we have time for that could you really just rattle through all 20 lines while we're talking right now yeah all 20 of my character brayden higgins lines in the script yeah i'll if you want i'll also do Brayden Higgins lines in the script. Yeah.

If you want, I'll also do them as you should do them in the movie. I'll do them as my... Well, that's what agents are for. Okay. Let's do it. So your first line, you go like this. No school. Summertime.

What do you think? Well, it doesn't make any grammatical sense. Yeah, I know, but it's... I'm not even sure what the meaning behind that is. It's part of the character. Think of the character when I'm doing these lines. Think of it as sort of like a warlock. It's like a warlock sort of figure.

Okay, slightly mystical, kind of dark. Maybe has some supernatural powers that are alluded to in the film. Probably not. Maybe. Okay, so your second line is you go, No, I sit here. I like that. That's gritty. Yeah, I sit here. I like that. That's gritty.

Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. I'm into that second one. I'm just going to roll through some now. So wait, are you doing this in chronological order? Like we're going to cover the whole movie from the start. We're going to cover the whole movie from the start. And then you can guess what the movie is.

Okay. I want to smash his face. That's your third line. What do you think? I want to smash his face. Now, again, do I have to deliver it just like you did? I would suggest doing that Okay

Because it seems extremely Well for lack of a better word Kind of stupid The way that you're delivering it No no I think that's the way You should do it I want to smash this first

Okay What's the fourth line? I don't know I told him it would be cool If he stayed late At the soup kitchen So it's all me Right

Apropos of nothing I'm not going to give you any context for that okay that's interesting this is like a guess who but for movie yeah so now your next line which is part of that same scene oh two two lines in one scene now how about we do something fun how about we do something we're not supposed to? Jesus. Is he talking to a girl at that point? I feel like that's sort of a cross-library Shakespearean Romeo and Juliet. I think I came on a little heavy with the voice in that scene. Oh, okay. I don't think that's how I...

It wasn't quite as... You shouldn't do it like that, that one. That was wrong. All right, well, what's the next line? Let's check this out. Keep out. That just makes you want to not keep out. No, no, no.

You've got to be reading that wrong. No, that's... Once again, give me the words. That's how it comes off the paper. Keep out. That just makes you want to knife keep out no no no you're gonna be reading that wrong no once again give me the words that's how it comes off the paper keep out that just makes you want a knife keep out god and if you and you know just to paint a more vivid picture your next line is and this will be your seventh line in the whole movie no go stay now sorry stay the imperative as in you're commanding someone to stay you're sort of it's hard you're sort of talking to yourself and to them and also i don't want to get strung up on this because i know it's three words but are you sure it's not not go stay no it's that's how it's

written no go stay you're sort of just you're sort of like convincing yourself and some other guys that you should stay at this convincing yourself and some other guys that you should stay at this place uh and then your next line oh and this is a great one you'll love this this is this is sort of like al pacino's inches speech never again sunday okay this is what i went to drama school for what are we dealing with one more time what's the next line you don't want to talk about how good that line! What's the next line? You don't want to talk about how good that line is?

What's the next one? Summertime. Next. Well, the next one's not really a line, but you get a good bit of screen time. Jesus Christ. This is devolving as the script goes on it gets stronger how did you

it gets stronger you haven't signed me up to this I'm not attached it starts real strong and then it gets a little weak in the middle and then your lines

get real strong again well what is this next one it's not a line you just do some heavy breathing heavy breathing heavy breathing I've just put heavy breathing

in italics down for you and you also have you have soup kitchen my ass written on your arm your arm but i'll explain you don't worry about that i'll tell you about that later and then your next line is so the soup kitchen thing sort of it's a recurring motif in your character it sort of underscores the whole thing the next one is good you lied about the soup you lied about the soup okay no that's good we're heading more you're yelling at your dad. I like it.

Okay, your next line is... This is almost like a you can't handle the truth. Your next line is, Boo! You're scaring your dad. My dad? Okay, and then what? And then...

After that line. After the boo. Her name's not Hiccups McGee. So he says, Boo! Her name's not Hiccups McGee. It's a different scene. I'm just going to rattle through some. Wait a minute.

So no is one line? No, Boo is one line. Boo is one line? Boo is one of your lines. It's got an exclamation mark, which means it requires lots of acting. What's after Hiccups McGee? So why do you call her that? This is all part of the conversation.

Okay. So you be Ug call her that? This is all part of the conversation. So you be... So you be Ugly McGee? That's one line. Shorty McGee? That's another one of your lines. Viagra McGee? Okay, I'm going to stop you there.

Those aren't separate lines. You're reading commas as separate lines. I don't know how I found you. You're a commas as separate lines. Three of your... I don't know how I found you. You're a terrible agent. No, three of your lines is just a word and then the word McGee. But there's still three different lines. That's not three different lines. Okay, I've got three more lines for you.

See if you like any of these. What enough of that lines now? No, no, no. One of them was heavy breathing, for God's sake. The next line is, Hall and Oates? Yeah, what is that, like a cereal? That's a funny line.

That's a funny joke. Yeah, okay, I like that one. And then you've got, Whee! Whee! Which I know seems inconsistent with a lot of the other stuff you're saying, but you got a real rollercoaster. You're a real up-and-down character.

What's my last your final line what's my last line they didn't do it me do it oh fuck off which is sort of a come on I did it

it's sort of a return to the that's the incorrect pronoun that's consistent with your character it's true to you oh for the love of god as to your character

because remember your first line is no school summertime and your last line is they didn't do it me do it so it's sort of like a commentary on summer. The movie's called Grown Ups 2.

I'm Tim Baird. I'm Guy Montgomery. Don't watch the movie. Bye for us. Feel that moment Love every day Cause before you know it Your precious time slips away Feel that moment