The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Seventeen - Wings

Episode Date: June 26, 2015

Guy's asleep. Katy Perry has been sucked into an inter-dimension portal and is now representing this earthly realm in other galaxies. The costume department are DC comic book fans. Coffee man has been involved in a horrific but hilarious skydiving incident. Tim can't get enough of Samantha's concrete bangs and the lads dip back into Paddy Swartz territory. Guy postulates that Tim is involved in a liberal conspiracy involving ear wax and John Grisham (who may or may not be dead). Enjoy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello Season 2 I mean, better. It's so late. It is so late. It's far too late for this kind of shit. I'm real proud. I was going to say I'm real proud of us for watching the movie, but I have woken you up. I'm getting too old for this shit. I'm proud of myself for watching the movie tonight. You tried your level best.

It's been a big day. I did pretty good. Oh, you were asleep for a lot of pretty good I got jacked up on Red Bull I was awake I was looking out of the corner of my eye I don't know about that I was looking around the room I'm not sure about that

I was spying on the whole room I was spying on you All the supernatural beings in the room I was spying on them Is there a lot? Yeah The room is haunted. Oh my goodness.

This is not a safe, the room has been compromised. Alright. We're talking about it right now. I want to. Bringing it up in front of them. Look, I want to bring up a few points

because otherwise I'll forget them. Please. And they're about the movie. Yeah. That we just saw. Well, if we could move this conversation along in a reasonable clip,

we might get out of this room without becoming haunted. Have we ever discussed just what in the fuck Ricard Spurt is actually up to? Just roaming around the desert in his car. On sand dunes. Like, what is there to see? That's a good question, Tom. I'm glad you've asked it.

He's just driving around. The man is not to be trusted. He's insane. A Danish architect? I mean, his accent doesn't check out. We have no clues that he actually knows anything about engineering. It's a very thinly veiled and concocted story. The fuck is this guy all about?

And who is he really? Who are you, Rickardsburg? He's running from some pretty harrowing memories. Oh, demons. Yeah. Real demons. Memories of actual demons. He partnered an architectural firm.

All right. They had a large commission in the United Arab Emirates, in Abu Dhabi. He's gone to pursue it things have started falling apart the love of his life also his creative partner yes

a boy or a girl it's not important I think it is for me the idea of someone okay that's never specifically alluded to anyway

it cracks up their professional relationship also their personal relationship to. Anyway, it cracks up their professional relationship, also their personal relationship. He climbs

into a Range Rover and drives around for two weeks. So we've got him just at the

tail end of this relationship? Yeah. He's come through the other end now. He's got his

verve for life back. And he sees after two weeks of driving in the distance what seems to be a mirage, but it's no mirage. It's a lady who is going through menopause and wants to fuck him. Bloody hell. But no, I agree.

I think his behavior is odd. It's the behavior of an oddball Just driving around the wild Looking at shit I can understand it if it was like A forest Because then there's shit to see There's streams and trees to climb

And animals I think going over the bumps And going over little hills and things And the sand dunes Yeah I think that'd be really fun I think that's why bumps and going over little hills and things. In the sand dunes? Yeah, I think that would be really fun. I think that's why he's doing it. Okay. Well, I don't know.

I feel like it would get real old real quick, but I take your point. Maybe just roaming around in the sand would be okay. You know, you lose your tummy. You go over a bump, you lose your tummy. What do you mean you lose it? You know when you lose your tummy? The feeling when you go over a bump and you lose your tummy. What do you mean you lose it? You know when you lose your tummy, the feeling when you go over a bump and you lose your tummy. Never heard it put that way.

Do you mean like when your stomach goes up into your throat kind of thing? Losing your tummy. You lose your tummy. What are you, six? Have you not heard of it? Well, I'm aware of the phenomenon. What do you call it? I don't know.

I don't know what I'd call it. You don't come at me for my terminology when you don't even have don't know what I call it Don't come at me For my terminology When you don't even have any Fair call I accept that And I apologise When I was younger

Yes Much younger Like Maybe six or seven There was a bump Or a hill That we would My family would drive over occasionally

and I'd lose my tummy. And when we would do that, as that would happen, I thought that the feeling of losing your tummy, that's what it felt like to have a vagina. So like women were in a permanent state of this of that of that feeling how as a child did you connect those two dots that one equaled the other i honestly could not tell you but i was like whoa well that's different what an amazing world you construct when you're little, eh? It's like, yep, this makes sense.

It's insane. That's the crazy thing about being a child. The rules aren't set so anything is possible. So people just give you arbitrary bits of information. You're like, yep, sure. That's why people are so off base when they make fun of little kids for believing in stuff like tooth fairies and dragons. Of course I believe in that. You tell them that.

And I've seen some crazy shit. Did you realize there was electricity in the sky the other night? And it sounded like an elephant running around up there. And you're telling me that's just weather? That's just a normal part of... That's just a normal part of That's insane Oh but Oh a fire breathing

Flying creatures too much Well fucking I don't know where the line is do I That's what you see when you see kids with animals And they're obviously seeing some animals for the first time And they are going ballistic Oh they love a zoo Everyone's like No

No Because They don't know that's a thing yeah so literally their mind is being blown yeah every which way they turn unlike you you jaded cynical piece of crap jaded you haven't even seen everything you just think you have jaded failed parent except for the one thing you need and it's love, you've seen none of that. This movie does prompt this hollow feeling that we're having together right now. And I'd like to say, and I said this early on in the film, is that the trouble with the movie, so early on at the wedding,

you've got a lot of extras, you've got a lot to look at. But as it goes on, and the extras are removed, it becomes very claustrophobic. You're spending a lot of time in very close quarters with some people who aren't very happy with their lives. It's like, because it's difficult to capture, and we've had 16 tries so far, it's difficult to capture just the odd numbing effect of sitting down

with this movie has but you get through it early on and you're sort of like you know what this isn't so bad and then it gets to this point where you're just relentlessly exposed to this decaying friendship this final crack

and having a good time together and it's just like on like it just goes on and on you remember you know that frenzy episode when monica and chan are going on their honeymoon and there's a couple who like just by chance are also going on the honeymoon like and they just get like they get all the perks like they get the first first flights yeah yeah yeah and they get the first flights yeah yeah yeah and they get the honeymoon suite yeah this is kind of like that like this is like you've planned a wonderful relaxing holiday in abu dhabi and then it turns out that on the plane you're sitting

right next to like these four people who like have such grating annoying conversations you can't help but hate listen and tune in. And then you get to Abu Dhabi and it turns out, oh my God, they're in exactly the same hotel as you. All the stuff you've planned to do, they're there just before you. Yeah, that is the feeling. Very close quarters.

And you're right, like at the wedding, there's enough going on that you can latch on to. Liza Minnelli's there. We've got Swans. We've got Stanford and Anthony. You know, sassy men. We've got lots of people roaming around as well. If you don't need a talking character with lines and stuff,

you can gravitate towards some of the background extras and just attribute stories to them. What's going on with them? You've got that annoying couple of children carrying big. What's their situation? Where do they come from? What do they do for a living? You can latch onto that.

But when we're in the Middle East, it's nothing but dry, arid sand and four spoiled women. The arid desert. What does the word arid mean? I think it just means dry, which would mean what I said, a tautology. So I apologize for that. I'm wasting your time.

Such a good word, arid. God, it's good. It's not used nearly enough, is it? I'll bet you, do you know who A-Rod is? Yeah. I'll bet you some sassy sports writer during a slump in A-Rod's baseball career. Arid A-Rod. Arid, yeah.

Or when he wasn't having sex with Madonna for a period. Yeah. Arid? What, when he wasn't? When he wasn't. Like, they were together, but... The media were like, everyone knows you're not getting any. And Madonna was like, don't speculate.

And A-Rod was like... I'm arid. I'm with Madonna, don't speculate. It's detrimental to our relationship, which is hanging on by a thread. I think you've missed the original intent of where you were going with this story. Between her touring schedule...

Are you going to work the word arid into this somehow? I already did. Are you going to work the word arid into this somehow? I already did. Did you? Yeah. They're responding to an article which accuses them of having an arid sex life. Oh, okay. And they're laying out a pretty reasonable and logical argument, which is like, I mean, do you have any idea the demands of being a superstar in this day and age?

No. Not first hand. I mean, it that's what that's what they're saying i saw the katie perry documentary and it gave me a little insight what do you think of it oh my goodness his schedule is terrifying it made me sick just it's a lot of being exposed a lot to do it's too much if i'm being honest too much on you know i'd say to katie perry if she was in the room? Say, you need to clear your calendar a little bit and make some you time. Get some Katy time in there. You know, I think she has. I hope so.

You think she has now, subsequent to the movie? I think if she watched the movie back, that would be a main takeaway. Yeah, I think so too. I work too hard. She's a gem though, isn't she? main takeaway. Yeah, I think so too. I work too hard. She's a gem though, isn't she? Katy Perry. Oh yeah. A real sapphire on the wedding band.

Baby, she's a firework. Baby, it's the weekend and I'm an American gal. I just want to have some fun with my friends. That's the spirit of Katy Perry. God rest her soul.

Yeah, if you're listening and you haven't already heard, Katy Perry has passed through to another dimension. There was a tear in the space-time continuum. Yeah, we've lost her. She's now an intergalactic traveller representing Earth at several different sort of

Galaxy Council meetings. Pretty low level. They're not moving any real amount of intergalactic dollars, but I mean, you know, as far as a human representative goes, it's pretty senior role. I couldn't think of a better diplomat

that we could send into an interdimensional portal. Yeah, I mean... She's so well suited. She's so amicable and friendly. Their gain is our loss. Because, I mean, if you're wondering why she's not putting out as much music, she's got a pretty demanding schedule. Yeah, she's trapped in another reality now, folks.

And, I mean, there's no telling when that will undo. She might be back I'm not discounting the fact that Katy Perry Could be back for a new album if she figures out How to get back to this dimension This is the thing You get trapped in another dimension and you spend all your time Trying to get back to this earthly realm

Like it's not It's kind of I mean funnily enough it's the same attitude These ladies from Sex and City 2 take to their holiday isn't it I mean funnily enough it's the same attitude these ladies from Sex and City 2 take to their holiday isn't it I mean if you're too busy looking through the rose bush you're not going to

get to smell the lavender Too right Guy Montgomery and I think what you're trying to communicate with that is sometimes when you get ripped through an interdimensional portal in space-time, instead of trying to make your way back to your home dimension, just celebrate where you are.

Sit back and sip the honeydew. Just get into it. Yeah. Find out what that crazy alien's name is. Honeydew and milk cocktail. Yeah. Nectar of the gods. Find a roaming intergalactic Danish traveller

Think about that Katy Perry and Dick Spurt meeting at a bar It would explain why he's roaming around the desert A far-fledged bar In a not-jeep In the galaxy What did we establish he was driving in that bit? Land Rover

Land Rover Then a Merc Right Gotcha Gotcha Oh my goodness Land Rover. Land Rover. Then a Merc. Right. Gotcha. Gotcha. Oh, my goodness. It really took its toll this time, but I do have a shining light.

Wonderful. Well, but I don't know if I've done it before. Don't worry about it. Okay. It's Samantha's bangs being so strong. Solid as a rock. Absolutely. At no other time has that song been truer

than to describe Samantha's locks in the scene where we're introduced to Coffee Man. Yeah, when the girls are out for a meal.

It's crazy. They don't move. Like, not a millimeter. and you wouldn't notice it usually, but if you've seen it enough times

and you do notice it, it's like how much spray is holding that down? Yeah. Because there are parts of, I think what makes it so visually arresting is there are parts of your hair around it which are moving. Yeah, there's a layered visual feast going on of different tears of rigidity, if that's a word. Rigidity is definitely a word. So there's different tears of it. Wavy for the bulk of it,

and then you get these bangs that are just concrete in the front. They look like, you know the flash, how he's got the lightning bolts on his helmet in some versions of his costume? It's like an allusion to that and the dress that she wears is like an homage to wonder woman and i've always said that i've said it to you many times she's with the premiere that miley cyrus is also wearing maybe it's a telling nod uh by someone within the costume department of 632 to upcoming film trends.

Maybe it is. And, you know, the influence of comic books. Well, Flash and Wonder Woman, both DC, I'm pretty sure. So maybe it's a little Justice League tease. You know? Buried. Like so deep and subtly that, I mean, you've really got to start looking for it. You've got to work for it.

This is the thing. Seek and ye shall find. But away with ye, wench, for there are thousands that want you dead. But, sir. that want you dead. But, sir, life knows no love like ours. Away with ye,

for I will not have the blood of an innocent on these hands. These are working hands. Can't ye see? I want mine blood on your hands. Nay. Away with ye, wench, before dawn. Thank you, there was a short play that Guy and I wrote just now. It was set in New England in the 1800s, and I hope that you enjoyed it. We are planning to tour it around regional theatres in New Zealand and Eastern Australia.

With a toast of Amdram Wood, if that's a place that exists. Yeah. We mostly plan on playing a series of small community theatres and church theatres, community halls, with an eye to developing it and workshopping it and hopefully one day performing it across the equator. So just following the equator around performing it at various different high temperatures.

Always on the equator but at different points. I'm going to start in Ecuador. There's a kick off. Tip off. I've never drawn the parallel Between the name Ecuador And the equator

It's because you're a moron Is it? Or is it because I'm so intelligent My mind doesn't Trifle itself with such trifling matters That's entirely possible Because it would never impact you That Ecuador is

God I hope it's on the equator or else I'm going to look like a big arrogant dumb dumb. You're going to look like a big handsome man. Oh I think you like you usually do. You're lovely. You parachuted me out of that one. I dug myself in a hole

and you threw a parachute down which is not what you want when you dig yourself into a hole. You want a ladder. Yeah, I mean, there's a certain sort of delicious, cruel irony to someone throwing a parachute to a man in need in a hole. Imagine flipping that situation, though, and something's gone wrong on your skydive and your chute's not working and someone throws you a ladder mid-air.

What are you going to do with that? Wow. If it was me? Jesus, that's un ladder mid-air, what are you going to do with that? Wow. If it was me? Jesus, that's unhelpful. What would you do? What would you do? You aim for the quicksand. You throw the ladder so you're about to hit,

or like some part of you or the ladder's about to hit the deck. You put the ladder down just before you. You've got one shot at this throw. It lands upright in quicksand. It's absorbed and so it's moving at such a rate that the bottom third of the ladder lands in the quicksand facing starkly

upright. And then you just sort of that's enough to support it and then you just sort of grip onto whatever rung you can grab and hang on. It would probably tear your arms out of their sockets. So actually, it's probably, if anything, it would make for a more spectacular demise than if you just hit the quicksand in the first place.

But isn't that what we're all chasing at the end of the day, Guy? Two arms. A spectacular demise. Two arms ripped clean off. Yeah. White knuckles wrapped around the rungs of the ladder while a body sans two limbs hits the quicksand ricard spurt interdimensional potential boyfriend and suitor of katie perry

is just roaming around the arid desert of the middle east and happens upon an armless corpse with a ladder and quicksand and ponders intensely what could have led to this. Yeah. That's the kind of reason you do go for drives in the desert. To find stuff like that. Here's the real kicker, though, and this is the bit that Ricard will never realize because he'll never connect the dots,

but that crazy armless man was a man who decided to jump out of a plane because he had had so much coffee that he needed to do something crazy. Well, yeah, he'd misread his plane ticket, hadn't he? And he'd had to race to the airport from the cafe where he'd been going about his normal Wednesday. What is his normal Wednesday? Well, his normal Wednesday is I go out, I have a coffee, I have one coffee,

I do a Sudoku, I do the Crypto Crossword, I go for a walk around Central Park. I hop on a police horse. Yes. I steal it. Yes. I ride it to upstate New York, to Buffalo, upstate New York.

I coach the Buffalo Bills, struggling NFL team, the Buffalo Bills. Yeah. And then I jog from Buffalo back to New york city go balls bills bills go you bills it's a normal it's a normal wednesday yeah but uh when he's on his way for his lap around central park he realizes oh no what well the nfl's contracted them to play an international game in the philipp Oh, shit. They're flying today. Oh, my goodness.

So he races. He takes a police horse. He races to the airport. And all that caffeine. I'm trying to do a soundscape for you. All that caffeine is jostling around in his belly. And he also, yeah, he wants to do something dramatic He does

Now the bit that fascinates me so far Is I'm not quite sure how His plane winds up going over Abu Dhabi Yeah Well And I don't want to Trainee pilot Sort of like

Oh okay The other T word I thought you were going to go with terrorism No Absolutely not Trainee You know you can go Traineeism You can go to their hairdressers Oh, okay. The other T word. I thought you were going to go with terrorism. No, absolutely not. Trainee. You know, you can go to their hairdressers and you can get one of the pupils to come here for free.

Pilots, pilot schools run a similar system out of America. Right. Where you can get on a plane. Get a cheap old ticket. Which is promised to go somewhere. Yeah. But, I mean, the fine print sort of suggests there's no guarantee that plane is going anywhere.

But it's a cheap ticket, I would presume, to counter the risk, much like the haircuts. That's right. They're essentially free. Yeah. And you track someone a fiver and you hope for the best. Same thing with these flights. But you have a sleep trying to get rid of the coffee you're not

even sleeping you've just got your eyes shut and you're sort of traveling through your mind it's pretty full-on then you open your eyes and you think you're halfway to the philippines but you're looking at a vast arid landscape hellscape and the caffeine is coursing through your veins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's flames shooting up. Yeah. And you think to yourself, I can't take it anymore. And you rip off one of the skylights and it creates such a powerful vacuum effect

because you're traveling through the air at like 20,000 feet at about 800 miles an hour and you're drawn right out of the... You're sucked on out. Yeah. And so... Sheesh. The ladder, the sentient ladder,

which was sitting next to you in business class. The ladder's sentient. Yeah. The ladder booked a ticket. Look. There's a first class on this trainee pilot flight? Yes. All right.

Fair enough. All of the staff who were running the first class part of that flight are also trainees. So it's called first class, but mostly a name because these clumsy bastards have pretty much walked straight off the set of foldy towers. Oh, no. Into the service industry mid-air.

What a hilarious bunch of characters to be taking care of the hoity-toity of upstate New York. It is pure farce. Throw and throw, would you describe? This airline is pretty much a sitcom with wings. I love it. We shall call it Wings. That's right. Ignoring the fact that there's already a show called Wings.

The soundtrack is provided exclusively by Paul McCartney and Wings. That's right. And the... Ignoring the fact that there's already a show called Wings. The soundtrack is provided exclusively by Paul McCartney and Wings. Awesome. Chat. Woo. Woo. Woo. Chat. God, that's a good song.

Great track. It takes a little while to get into that one. Great record. Yeah, a lot of his stuff, there's a real journey. Uncle Albert or Admiral Halsey. That's a whole musical. Yeah. There's a lot going on.

What's the other big hit that Wings had that wasn't Jet? Not Uncle Albert. That's a great song. If it's the one that I'm thinking of but there's another one that was very popular arrow through me nope me no it's a good song erica bardu sampled that for go baby go baby don't be gone and i know you like to get your hustle on erica bardu having a i can't wait having an outing in this film sex in the city too is probably the thing that's elicited the most genuine joy that i've seen over the course of the 17 watches from you you were like hey that's cool that's the thing thing that's elicited the most genuine joy that I've seen over the course of the 17 watches from you. You were like, hey, that's cool.

That's a thing. And that's the highest watermark so far for your excitement. You think? Wow. Actually, sorry. Miley Cyrus coming up on the scene really threw us for six. Really threw us for a gold medal right up in the skies. There we were.

Two plucky Kiwi upstarts with a podcast and a tattoo of Paddy Schwartz on our keisters. Just tucking into an unseen product for the first out of 52 times. Little did we know we were about to come face to face with a connected adversary. The mighty Schwarzenegger Empire the mighty Schwarzenegger Empire the man had planted his former girlfriend in the next

movie thus keeping a connective tissue between our podcast and our keisters part of the reason Paddy struggles to hold down a relationship is he he plants a lot of his friends and loved ones and by plants I mean

while he's going out for a meal with them or having, sort of creating a connection with them, he'll cover their feet in soil and when the person he's talking to starts moving their feet he goes no no no I'm planting this memory he's misunderstood I'm planting this memory. He's misunderstood.

I'm planting you. He's misunderstood the verb. Well, he's quite a literal guy. Yeah. He's sort of from the Charlotte school. Yeah. Where he interprets everything. He takes everything at face value.

Hey, let me... Even if you said to him, I'm talking to you at face value here, he would sort of start running the numbers on how much it would cost for him to purchase your face. Yeah. Yeah, he's good like that. Let me just bring up the fact that Paddy Schwarzenegger's about to make his leading man debut,

I believe, on the silver screen. He absolutely is. I cannot recall the name of the film. I believe, on the silver screen. He absolutely is. I cannot recall the name of the film. It's called The Final Luncheon. Oh, that's not a title that's going to... No, it's not going to go well.

Throw 20 bucks out of my wallet at a ticket seller, is it? Really? Pretty much. The Final Luncheon. Pretty much his... The final luncheon. His zany uncle, a terrible tragedy, befalls him at a lake house on summer vacation. Much like Grown Ups 1.

And Paddy Schwartz. Tragedy. Yeah. At a lake house. Yeah, true. And he inherits the catering business and pretty much runs it straight into the ground. And he gets one opportunity to sort of make all the money back,

and that's the final luncheon. And spoilers, things don't go very well for him. That is positively macabre, and I can't wait to see it. It is. It is a macabre. It's based on a macabre novel written by Quentin Macabre, who, of course course he's the essentially it's a pen name that John Grisham writes under.

John Grisham's dead guy. That's what John Grisham's publicist wants you to think. This is classic you preaching for the bloody liberal media. Pouring wax down my ears and taking out the mould and then trying to sell my ear

mold. This is classic Tim Bette. You've got my number. Vintage Bette. What's your shining light this week? My shining light this week is Big's absolute disdain for his marriage. When they go, this is just the, like,

his, I really shone through this week, when they go to the film premiere, and he's so actively, he comes home with sobu noodles, and all he wants to do is eat his shitty takeout, and he gets made to go to the premiere, and he's like, all right. All right, you want to play games?

You want to play games with Mr. Big, the godfather of New York City? Well, you just fucked with the wrong investment banker. And he goes there, and he's just like out and out flirting with Penelope Cruz. Like, he's wearing the most low cut shirt. He is. Yeah. So low cut, his nipples are bleeding out. Whoa.

And he's just like, and Carrie comes over and she's like, you're right. This event's no good. And he's like, I'm kind of in the middle of something here. I'm kind of in the middle of trying to have sex with Penelope Cruz's wife. And then he makes like a lewd double entendre joke to Penelope Cruz. And I'm just like, you know what, big, good on you for at least trying to generate some sort of conflict or something in this godforsaken movie. Tell you what, friction makes sparks. Sparks is something I want to see in a film

jordan sparks specifically yeah what i wouldn't give for a jordan sparks cameo or bubba smart sparks i would say if you look closely he is actually in this movie bubba sparks yeah he's disguised as one of the servings of eggs bened the breakfast table. Fuck, I haven't noticed that yet, but I'll be sure to look out for it. If you slow it down, you can hear that in the sound edit, in the audio edit, they're actually playing back in the mud very slowly. I've got to go to bed. I am going insane right now. I don't think I'm helping.

No, you're a mental person. I've covered a lot... We're all mental people, though, when you think about it, because mental just means of the mind, really, doesn't it? Does it? We've all got minds. Look, it's just... We've only done this 17 times. We haven't even... We've only done this 17 times

We've only just begun We haven't even put a dent in this And it's just terrifying I got to the three quarter mark this time And fuck me if I wasn't craving a bit of David Spade, Kevin James, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Patty Schwartz Just a comical bunch of folks Having a wacky day in a small town. I miss you.

I miss you so damn much. There's just so much more. They're throwing so many more offers at you. I didn't know what I had until it was gone. That song is true. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot is what they did. And that parking lot is sex in the city too.

What does that mean to pave paradise and put up a parking lot? So they got paradise. You bulldoze a beautiful area. When you think about paradise in your head usually and this is like

how the Garden of Eden is depicted. It's a big leafy green tree bunch of nature, right? So you bulldoze it down and you pave it with concrete and then you erect a parking lot onto it. What? Presumably so that you can advertise to everyone

the beautiful area that you've just destroyed. Well, yes, so you can charge people for parking there. I guess it's kind of an analogy For commercialism Taking over nature Yeah And through your I know the melody You wanna give away

I wanna give away I wanna give it all away You wanna give away I wanna give it all away You wanna give away I wanna give away You're giving it all away Why you wanna give away You're giving it all away And you're giving it all You're giving it all away

Yeah, I'm definitely pulling a pen on this one. Tim, I have so many things I'd like to talk to you about. Please. Start talking about them. Why do your eyes hurt when you swim in a chlorine pool? Well, I saw something online that suggested it was urine.

No. Yeah, yeah. Like the WHO, I think, just released some research recently which said that it wasn't chlorine, it's the urine. But I didn't read the article, I only saw the headline. The WHO. The World Health Organization. What's your next topic?

Or question? I wasn't aware that we'd bloody wrap that one up so quickly. Well, guess what? It's got a bow on it and a fork in it. It's done. How do you bake a good sourdough? I can't answer that. I think in the sun. Right? It's cooked outdoors.

Bake outdoors. Like on a bench. A window bench. You never put it in the oven? You put it in the oven eventually. But you have to raise that. You have it in the oven eventually But you gotta raise that You have to let the sun rise the dough Raise that dough

Sunlight Sun rise dough Next You get one last one I still don't feel like Because I think you're being obtuse You're just plucking these from the air I've got a whole list of them

You don't Look at this list It's here Look at how long this list is Get out of here Montgomery This literally goes forever God damn it You don't. Look at this list. It's here. Look at how long this list is. Get out of here, Montgomery. This literally goes forever. God damn it.

Why can't you burn balsa wood? I don't... I don't know. Is it like illegal? Oh, man. You're forgetting what you came up with at the start of us watching this. Do you remember what you came up with? I'm going to say this because it needs to be recorded but you you dropped into this this crazy ass voice and started coming at me pretty thick and fast

saying that you were um a lawyer of science and that you prosecute objects that seem to be defying the laws of physics. Yeah. So you take like apples to court. That is correct. Kevin was his name. Kevin Saint. Kevin Son Maring. That's it.

Who went to Oxford. He was a good man. He's dead, man. This movie killed him, yeah. Oh, that sucks. He was a good man. He's dead, man. This movie killed him, yeah. Oh, that sucks. He was a good guy, and I like talking. He was fucking intense, though. You were right up in my grill. The movie taketh away.

When you were Kevin, you were right up in my grill. Right up in there. Just so everyone knows, it's about 2 o'clock on a Friday morning now, I suppose. Friday morning. Guy and I have had a busy day of comedy. You just don't... You just... This is not...

These ones, the ones we do late at night, always end weird. This is not how you want to end the day. Or start a day. Yeah. Which, tragically, we're doing both. All right. Let's say our goodbyes now guy hey thanks for listening um if you want you can do anything hey do you know what i want to say here's what i want to say can can you guys um fucking chuck us a quick little rating on itunes because no one ever does it makes me sad it's a good idea

we've got lots of lots of people out there listening if you've just joined and you've listened and you're second guessing the listening experience chuck us a wee rating no maybe you don't do it. Oh, okay. Someone who's been with us for a while? Someone who's been with us for the whole time or any amount of time and you've decided that this is for you,

you rate it. Anyone who is just dabbling and is unsure, maybe you don't rate it. Maybe, you know, explore a few more episodes before you make it. You don't... We don't want to hurt anyone here

with a bloody snapneck decision. Snapneck? Is that right? Do people say that? Yeah, of course they do. I feel like you're just agreeing with me For the sake of ending this And you are not wrong On behalf of Tim Batt

I would like to say goodbye and thank you Who made the first mosaic tile? On behalf of Guy Montgomery I will also say goodnight Was it an accident? Did they drop a regular tile And then try and pass it off As if that's what they were planning to do? Great few days, we'll see in a week

That doesn't make any sense to me It's the worst idea of all time