The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Six: Auld Lang Syne

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

Timbly and Guybo watch Sex and The City just hours after recording the last episode and the reviews are in: It's no good. You simply need more time between watches. Guy self-identifies as a Miranda and takes a trip down Warcraft lane. This episode also has a lot of love for Runkle, Monty giving the vocal performance of a lifetime and the boiz swapping stories about their children. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time. Fuck. You go. Alright. It's your old mate Timbo here, back with Guy Guy. It's been about seven and a half hours since last we spoke, and I'll tell you what, Guy, not enough time between drinks for me seeing sex in the city that is for sure i tested this hypothesis and and i the hypothesis was correct it's not enough time yeah an incredible uh experiment you run

literally the last thing you did before you laid your weary head on your pillow, and the first thing you did when you got out of bed. No good. I didn't even get out of bed. I woke up when Zoe got up at like 7 a.m., and it was after my weary little head resting on the pillow at about 1 a.m. last night after talking to you from a watch. Yes. It's a grim scene.

Hey, do me a favor, mate, because it's going to tick me off for the we're doing a video call can you make your head block the window because otherwise the exposure keeps adjusting from your fine that's so good that's going to give you a sore back for those of you listening along at home and imagining uh what we're respectively getting your camera keeps uh sort of refocusing on you so no one's perfect here tim yeah um i can't believe you sullied your marital bed with this i uh i can understand the charms and temptations of watching the film in bed but it's something i've had to swear off doing because it just sort of uh it it disrespects the bed you know this is to be treated like uh a job to be done in an office yes you're right but i was just so tired there's no way if i could if i could because i take quite a long time to wake up in the mornings and if i if i can occupy

some of that warming up time um with burning through a bit of the movie as well, you better believe I'm doing both of those things at once. It's too much of a shock to the system otherwise. Who pissed you off the most? Miranda. Really? Yeah. Just because of her treatment of Steve?

Mainly, yeah. I just think she was being i mean obviously the movie slants us but she's being so hypocritical with her treatment of carrie right when she's in the midst of cold shouldering steve steve fucked up he knows he fucked up he was contrite he came to her with the truth he was so sorry you know he wanted to work on this thing i'll bet it was his idea to get them into um marriage counseling which we see them pursue later on in the movie i'll bet he floated that early and she said fuck you and then she came around to it and now it's like her idea i don't know about all that but i agree steve is a model citizen in essence i think um

citizen in essence i think um particularly he he's like he lays the he lays the uh scaffolding down for for how to apologize for for a mistake he finds a moment you know it's not comfortable for anyone he owns up he owns his behavior he apologizes as you said he's very contrite he's humiliated you can see it's tearing him up. Miranda is so skeptical of this man she otherwise loves entirely. And, you know, thankfully I've never been in this situation. I don't know if you have, Tim. But I can see where your frustration came from. I actually, you know, aside from that, quite enjoyed Miranda this week. I've got a real soft spot for Miranda.

Surprises me because you two are so polar opposite and your personality types i identify as miranda at the moment really well let's unpack that guy what's going on with you that you identify with miranda at the moment uh a few fun quips a few the i think it's sort of our main bulky introduction not this sort of overview uh montage at the top but when we first see carrie charlotte and miranda going to meet um who are they going to meet they're going to meet samantha on the way to the auction and uh carrie's bragging about her apartment mir Miranda's entire vibe, her dress, I like everything about it. So it's a combination of, I think, a hangover from identifying her

as my favorite character through season two of the podcast and then seeing this outfit and being like, yeah, Miranda's going to get some today. You know, and then it's not like anyone else is putting forward a very strong case for me to say yeah i'll be with i'm with you what about samantha you strike me as a total samantha you're fun loving you're out there you're a joy to be around um you know you don't take life too seriously you seize opportunities as they arrive you're a total samantha plus you love cock yeah it's true uh i can i you know it doesn't surprise me that you've typecast me as a samantha and you know

some weeks that's who i want to be that's how i feel but right now it's not for you to say my friend i am a miranda who are you if i i'm miranda who the fuck are you that's a t-shirt if i can't handle you you're miranda wrist i don't deserve you you're samantha rick yeah the fuck are you? That's a t-shirt. If I can't handle you, you're Miranda-ist. I don't deserve you. You're Samantha Rick. Yeah, and who are you? Who am I? Hard to say.

Right now, I feel like maybe a bit of a Charlotte. The day's getting away on me. I'm Charlotte from the second movie, actually. Do you know, can I say this? Do you know how I really, what do you call it? Like, nailing your colors to the flag or something? Who I really just, superb, Runkle. Oh.

A.K.A. Harry. He's so good at this movie, man. He pops up like three times. And every time, it's a joy. I want your top three Runkle moments in this movie, man. He pops up like three times. And every time it's a joy. I want your top three Runkle moments in descending order, please. His attempt to defend Big when they're at the hospital. This is a man who's just welcoming his first biological born into the world. So there's a lot going on for him.

there's a lot going on for him but he has prioritized um both the sort of emotions and the the strength of friendship that he has with carrie's partner big but also the love that he has for carrie i think carries through in this magnanimous moment where he's trying to get the those two crazy kids together again after they've uh you know uh sort of thrown it all away because of the botched wedding that's pretty great um i. I love when Charlotte and he are making love in the bed and it's during all the turmoil and Charlotte just looks at him and she just says, thank you for being you. And he just gives that little smile.

It's just like, yeah, buddy. Fucking Harry's nailing it. And now this new lost footage, the lost tapes of seeing him as uncle fester at halloween he's given a whole nother fun loving dimension to this father of the year husband of the century figure that i've come to love so well it's true he his nose is clean in uh in in both films like the closest he comes to putting a foot wrong is Charlotte's paranoia

that he's palling around with the Irish nanny in SATC2. Don't worry, she's gay. Yeah, that's right. In the same way, if anyone ever worried that Kevin Spacey is a monster, you actually don't need to worry about that because he's gay.

My run cool highlight in this watch, and it was actually my shining light if i could say so myself uh is i can't remember if we've talked about this or not but some of us is uh adr you could almost call it asmr because of how satisfying it is when he's feeding the dog at the breakfast table early on yes yes he quietly says to the dog don't tell anyone and it's amazing because uh he's feeding the dog i love i love it like i love giving the dog a little and you know dog owners are going to be scolding me as they listen along right now i love giving the dog a little treat uh and i also i love the idea you know i just love the the playful nature that he's suggesting this dog is capable of sort of uh communicating what's happened so let's round off which it is those three moments i mentioned plus the one you've got I think the only other time he's in the film is that uh great little bit I think again possibly 80 yard um of dialogue at the engagement dinner where he says

uh it's nothing quite like an illegal Cuban cigar just like yeah man live in your bliss you fucking champ voice your joy yeah it's it is nice it's nice that he says illegal like yeah you can just say cuban cigar wrinkle nah man he's got to drive it home because he's got all those rich new york financiers with an earshot he's got to throw that big illegal dick of his around and i love it yeah oh well i'm glad that he brought you so much joy and what i can imagine was a very trying morning he's doing a lot for the tribe, I think, because he's the only visibly Jewish person in this film, so far as I know. That's true.

Well, Charlotte converted Jew proudly. Yeah, that's true. Charlotte is so skeptical of other cultures. She's so skeptical of other cultures. In Abu Dhabi, she goes by Charlotte York because it's the Middle East. And then in Mexico, she refuses to the bemusement of her friends and eventually her downfall to eat any of the delicious Mexican food. No, instead resorting to her Poughkeepsie pudding pots. Yeah, chocolate pudding from Poughkeepsie,

a place I've been. It's upstate New York. It seems so unlikely to me that they would export chocolate pudding to Mexico. I mean, I might be misinformed, but this does not strike me as a place that specializes in, I don't know, foodstuffs. Do you reckon they paid? Is that a bit of product placement from Poughkeepsie? No, no.

How do you say it? I'm saying it wrong. I called it po keepsy but they say po keepsy uh po keepsy and i think that the only reason that they they they identify the pudding as being from there is so that uh carrie can run one of her classic sort of half pun half portmanteaus where she says uh and charlotte, she's Poughkeepsie'd her pants. Yeah. Speaking of Carrie. It's a good line. Do you know what I would love to see, Tim?

What's that? I would love to see this movie edited down to have no cinematic score, so the soundtrack remains, but all of the sort of emotional, heavy lifting music is taken out. And also all of the sort of emotional heavy lifting music is taken out and also all of carrie's uh voiceover oh no no narration no narration no music doing the heavy lifting so i mean we would

be left with a sprawling mess it would be at sea would be all at sea with a two and a half hour flick that um you're just not sure what to feel what you're supposed to feel because there's a lot of bits that music's very instructive i know that that's true of a lot of movies what was the bit oh it's a it's it's the best bit of scoring in the film for my money is new year's but la croix is back ladies and gentlemen this podcast brought to you by la croix it tastes like water that had some stuff in it eight cycles of the bottle ago refreshing and with a hint of something that i can't put my finger on that looks like it's probably a peach flavor guy am i right tim it's more pomplamoose oh swing and a miss from Timbo anyway

New Year's when they're going to the it's not going to the auction, oh the fashion show and it's like a whole uplifting score, we've just been through a lot of down in the dumps stuff with Carrie with the breakup and it's just a nice

moment of revival and new life it's like alright right shake it off that was last year babies let's come get some we're in new york yeah and then we get a great ladies sounds like a character from uh was it age ofires. What's that character who goes, work, work, more work? That's an orc from Warcraft 3. I didn't realize that you played.

Murder. No, an old housemate in university played. Whenever he'd do dishes, he'd walk into the kitchen and he'd go, work, work, more work? work no it was a guy called rob good guy actually oh good on you rob shout out to you uh it's it's yeah um it was a good bit of scoring is what i was just trying to say i don't know how we was probably a way to do it guy because do you remember um how we did it with the other movies and someone had just got like the 5.1 and removed a couple speakers from it because most of the music was on like the left and right but the dialogue was on everything so we could um you know full well i remember the

technical specs on how someone executed that someone did that for us ma we have the best people that was a different time the best people guy yeah yeah yeah don't worry we've got our best people on it um so so long as we're talking about around that new year's scene first of all it's interesting the scenes that you learn to hate or that like they just creep up on you and week by week, you're like, oh, this is really getting me. Last screening, it was actually

the wedding dress montage where she's trying on all the dresses for that Vogue shoot. That just drove me insane. So fucking long. Jesus, that drags. This week, it's all of the action around

Old Lang Syne, which is New Year's Eve. Oh, yeah. ¶¶ And it goes on and on for about another three minutes. You deserve a standing O for that. What a rendition. We got some good pipes on you, Monty. I'll tell you that. Thank you.

But what got me, so there was all of that. And then you get Carrie and Miranda bringing in New Year's together, and they're sitting there having a laugh, eating the Chinese food that Miranda ordered about two hours ago, maybe longer. And they're hoeing into some dumplings, and all I can think is, those guys are so far past their prime.

Oh, the Chinese, not the women. Yeah, yeah. The food, not the people. Yeah. I mean, it's like, I don't know if they're doing it for continuity or consistency, but all I can think is you've got to put that – I mean, because they're eating them out of the same containers, which means they haven't done anything to salvage them

or to reinvigorate them. You've got to put them in the frying pan. If they were boiled, maybe you put them in the microwave. I'm actually – I always get fried dumplings. So if I'm going to refrigerate them and cook them again, they're going straight in the pan. I'll tell you what I don't do. I don't let them sit for three hours,

then throw them back like they're still enjoyable. the pan. I'll tell you what I don't do. I don't let them sit for three hours, then throw them back like they're still enjoyable. I mean, I could be wrong on this. The whole mood that we're leaning into is that, you know, they're sort of at their wit's end. They're in that kind of a zone where it's, you know, sleep until 11, bloody chuck a bit of pizza in the microwave from the night before and call it breakfast sort of a vibe. So they're just leaning heavily into that room temperature old chinese is there anything

that more exemplifies i have lost in love than that meal probably not on new year's it's pretty pretty indict uh indicting meal for new year's that's for sure yeah and to be fair while old lang syne does go on too long it does cast a long and sort of melancholy shadow over that meal alongside the fact that as you've stated they're eating at room temperature you know what else it does it sets up the second movie because that of course is the first kiss between stanford and anthony something we're Setting up the entire premise for the second film. Pretty sloppily as well. It occurred to me that they can't do Sex and the City movies without a wedding.

So I was trying to guess who would get married in the third one. Who do you reckon, Sam? Who do you reckon? Who do you reckon, Sam? No. She's not getting married Sam and Dickbot

No Yes please That is a marriage Forged straight in the fires of hell But it is a powerful union If Samantha can't handle Being in a relationship with a hard working And busy actor

Because it doesn't mean that there's enough focus on her i struggle to imagine that she'd be interested in starting a marriage with a robotic overlord hell-bent on world nay galactic domination yeah but i think she'd see the greater good with smith garrett she's working hard on his career just to further him, but heard supporting and loving an artificial intelligence developed by the Japanese? Japanese. Thank you. To retaliate for Pearl Harbor. I mean, that's the greater good kind of thing.

There's a wider picture there than just one person's career. I'll ask you this as a sidebar. Of all of the married couples that we're dealing with, so we've got Runkle and Charlotte, Steve and Miranda, Carrie and Big, and Stanford and Anthony, who's the happiest right now?

I actually reckon Carrie and Big. Wow! Yeah. When you say right now, you like... So it's been a few years since both movies. It's now 2018. Yeah, I reckon Carrie and Big have settled into a good little zone. And they don't have any kids.

And I think that takes a lot of pressure off. You know, Runkle and Charlotte are happy, but... It's a different kind of happiness. It's that very exhausted kind of happiness when you're raising two girls, which I know so much about from my experience raising two daughters. Yeah. I always forget that you've got two Rugrats.

Yeah. I've got four Rugrats myself. Not so Rug anymore. Put that pot down, Mr. Five. Stop teasing your sister. Sorry, they're just running around out there. You've got to love them, though, don't you? Oh, you simply must.

Hey, Guy, what's the funniest thing your kids have done in the last week? Oh, well, Mr. 19 uh he got into the crayolas and he's he's written uh what he calls his manifesto on uh on the hallway wall and it is it's just adorable a lot of it is admittedly in polish so i can only make out every sort of third word but uh his handwriting is a mess. He takes after his mother in that regard, I suppose. General Tenor? What's the vibe you get from the manifesto?

I know you can't read all of it word for word, but you get a mood. What's the middle ground between confident and aggressive? Confagressive? Yeah, well, certainly it's scary, but we just have to laugh along

because if you don't laugh at him, you'll cry. But he's a real handful. Mr. 19. What a trip, eh? Do we regret having him as 10-year-olds? I think yes.

Sorry? I think we do. What did you say? My wife and I, having our son, Mr. 19, as 10-year-olds. Oh, yeah. That's never going to end well. Nah. I think we were too young to know what we were getting ourselves in for.

And our parents told us as much, but we were just a couple of crazy kids in love we weren't going to listen to them god having an abortion at 10 is pretty sad though isn't it the whole thing is christ i mean as soon as you get into the actual biological reality of this hypothetical tim we're in a real fucking dicey spot so the fact you even broached that sort of blows the lid on the entire operation my apologies it's a good thing you let me get this coffee i was already running a bit late we had a scheduled time i was running a little bit late just because i i started watching it 10 after 7 rather than 7 on the dot but guy generously let me make a coffee um which has done a world of good for me but every now and then, the man behind the curtain

pokes his ugly little head out, makes bad comments on the podcast. I don't think you made a bad comment. I think your brain was asking questions about what we were talking about, and you put one out loud, and I think that's totally fair enough. I mean, that is the very basis of conversations and podcasts.

My shining light? So glad you asked asked it's the mariachi band oh really absolutely i got so much joy out of them this watch the song that's first playing when they come to mexico to the resort uh here's a bloody trick for young players it's the same song that they play um later and i just wish we could stay in the song for longer because it's like i think it's celebrating america and mexico um i'm only hearing finally yeah yeah right um it's uh the odd lyric i'm hearing is like viva mexico viva americano it's real good it's a lot better than that that i just belted into the mic you know i'm so glad you said because i'll look forward to that next watch because um that was a moment when I wrote down that when they were out during the Mexican restaurant,

the movie was really lagging for me then. I was like, oh, good Lord. There's just, there's so much, so much has gone by, and there's so much still to go through. I find, and those are the moments I find it really frustrating. It's interesting you say

they'd be the happiest now, Carrie and Big, because there's moments like that where I find it really frustrating. I's interesting you say they'd be the happiest now, Carrie and Big, because there's moments like that where I find it really frustrating. I'm like, I have to sit here and watch these two imbeciles get back together. You really don't have any faith in them, do you?

I really don't. In fact, I thought that the scene that comes earlier when In fact, I thought that the scene that comes earlier when Big sort of jilts Carrie at the wedding and he's in the car and he goes, what the fuck am I doing? Which is actually a very well delivered line

by the great Reverend Chris Noworth. Turns the car around, Carrie's driving past, they catch each other's eyes, her car stops. I was thinking as i was watching that i was like whoa i would actually love to be street side for a bit of conflict like this uh you know no immediate sort of physical danger to the main parties or any bystanders involved genuine emotion really heavy stuff and i was like how would i react how would i feel and i was watching in the background as all of the the extras and

supporting actors and i assume they're all actors i mean uh you'd imagine you know this is a big budget film they shut down the street and get a bunch of you close the street for that uh everyone brings their a-game not a not a hair out of place uh not a mistimed sort of look of shock or surprise. I really liked that. Do you know who really keeps the ball in the air with that scene as well? This was actually a close contender for my shining light this week. It's Charlotte's raw fury. She is scary, huh? Yeah, she's like a...

Do you know what it is she's channeling the emotion of a a mother bear when the the cub is in danger yeah it's like i'm gonna make myself as terrifying as possible to ward off this enemy from my youngster as she she wards carrie back into the car it's a very touching moment of uh yeah she's even uh yeah because they also she she she knows how to be frustrated by big quite fair charlotte for all of her uh you know her her sort of prejudice and plain intellect uh she's she's got a good she's got a level head on her shoulders um and i actually because when she confronts big you know she's got a line ready to be angry at him all over again saying i rue the day you were born is that right yeah she does say outside of risk i curse i curse the day i curse the day you're bored. I curse the day you're bored. Outside a restaurant called Lumi.

And I was inspired to look up Lumi on Google Maps. For those of you listening along, you want to eat as the gals ate. It's at 963 Lexington Ave, just sort of below the Upper East Side, between the village and the Upper East Side. And Omega 3.5 stars on the google google review you know when you look up a place on google maps they tell you what they reckon of it cozy casual for dinner uh only six reviews varying between three and four stars pleasant neighborhood uh on the corner

in an old townhouse has two levels with a winding staircase food is good though not outstanding good for a reliable meal and that's from key nj who's given 171 reviews so their opinion is to be taken seriously is it the kind of um establishment do you think you could record a episode in because that'd be a hell of a location for us to get guy montgomery coming to us live from i'm inside the restaurant now as i look through their photos uh is that outdoor dining yeah there is look it's not outside the the realm of possibility tim uh and it would have to be done pretty soon you know know, because of the weather, I'll look into it. Fantastic. Good stuff, mate.

Well, look, I don't know. Other bits of business, I'm pretty tired, man. That's okay. We don't need to stick around forever. Is there anything else that stood out to you or antagonized you in a way that I would find amusing? Specifically, what bothered you? Uh, what did I not like? Oh, there was something I did like.

Great. I guess a positive docile frame of mind. It's when Big reveals that he actually has invited the girls to the city hall wedding right at the very end when they actually get hitched and uh when he swings the doors open and they they were all excited to see carrie he uh he bites his tongue in a kind of playful happy manner made me smile liked it it was good a good little expression i like that i uh i actually um there's a moment of big i can't i didn't write it down sadly but there's a moment of big's acting i also really enjoyed uh how much acting is chris noth done how much acting has he done outside of big does he he's in a cop show or something oh he's in like a

he's in like a b-grade cop show uh i i want to ask you a question because in one of the scenes when big and carrier uh in bed and she gets into bed wearing a clutch of pearls and she's got her library book and he's reading the newspaper and she steals his glasses and he's wearing open top, PJ top green silk by the looks and matching bottoms. What do you think of full body PJs?

On a man or a woman? For you, for anyone I a man or a woman? For you. For anyone. I, um... You know, I've really evolved my view about PJs, and I don't really rate them for adults anymore. I realise

that I do exist in a pretty tropical climate, though, so even in the clutch of winter here in Auckland, it only goes down to about nine degrees during the day minimum and that's centigrade um for you fahrenheit uh hangers on i don't know my fahrenheit 40 something at any rate i don't really like pyjamas on grown-ups. I think they're very cute on little kids. But, you know, when I became a man, I had to put away childish things.

Including, did you used to wear satin boxer shorts? Oh, of course. Of course. Did you used to sleep in those? I imagine so. They're so bad, aren't they? Because they're synthetic bad aren't they because they're like they're synthetic um not breathable don't know why we're making them because they look why do we give you print

teenagers on them yeah it was tasmanian devil wasn't it there was the ticket yeah i i had a pair with a game of cricket happening on them that's that's good that's a bit of you and uh the the cricket bat was kind of close to where i could get my little uh my little prepubescent penis and so if i wanted to make myself laugh i could sort of just do a gentle thrust and it would look like the batsman was playing a cover drive and uh i can assure you that really kept me entertained i bet it did what was the last age at which you owned certain boxes i think about um 28 yeah i think i had a pair lingering around when i was 20 about 24 uh still in rotation maybe maybe 25 still in rotation and my girlfriend at the time made a comment she was kind of horrified that I had them

so that was the I was actually just joshing you man I've been out of those things for years yeah I know you were joshing but I just used it as an opportunity to open up a bit to you and just try and give you a little bit of me, a little bit of vulnerability

you're a good man. You're an honest man. 76 trombones? Yes. 76 guests? No. Explain. I don't know what he's referencing.

Carrie and Anthony, the wedding planner, are having a conversation. She's got a wedding list guest of 76 occupants he says 75 it sounds better a small wedding of 75 guests 76 trombones yes

75 guests what is it I mean what is the world in which he's saying yes to 76 trombones that is what's all together too many even for a brass band it's such a strong instrument i've never seen more than two in any configuration of any kind of band or orchestra in my life 76 what would that sound be utter madness uh i mean that that line gets me every it's just like it's honestly it's like a

line that you would maybe improvise and then you'd be embarrassed by it and be like, well, at least I can rest easy knowing they're never going to put that in. 76 trombones, yes. 75 guests, no. Surely he's referencing a musical or some cultural piece that we're just not aware of, right? That's got to be the answer to this riddle.

No, absolutely not. I think it's one for the ages. one to go back to actually it could be a bit of fun to to unpack 76 trombones the only useful application i could think of is to generate a sound so specific and powerful to communicate with alien craft like we can't produce it from speakers you have to assemble 76 trombonists to all bellow like a low c in unison and that opens the doors brings them out it's like a doorbell for them interesting that anthony would have any sort of information or knowledge or like they would bring it up in passing and then be like oh I've said too much you know

he's shown his hand a touch to Charlotte and Carrie I could imagine him being an alien or a conspiracy theorist of sorts what's on the cards today tim uh a shower i think has got to be top of mind at the the tail end of this i don't know meeting some people having a chat to them about some things you know how it goes it's the way of the world guy we're all just out there drinking too much coffee and then we're

all hopped up on coffee from all our meetings so then we've got to go get a beer with someone to wind down tell you what it's just big liquid you don't need it if you don't drink anything you'll actually be fine it's just we get on the treadmill and then you can't get off so my recommendation to everyone stop drinking everything You don't need them. You're a smart guy. You're a handsome guy. You're also probably going to die quite young. Yeah, I've got no illusions about that.

Definitely going to die young. How about you, Guy? Oh, it's night time for you, isn't it? It is the evening. That is correct. I am going to go and meet a friend, Dan. You met him, Mr. Dan Fox. We love Dan.

Dan was a cool guy. Dan was a very cool guy. We're going to have a bit of dinner, actually. We're going to talk about our lives, our feelings. It's called Catching Up. Read a flippin' book for once, Tim. I will try. I will try. try hey can i say this as well this is the we don't usually do this on the podcast but i saw a good film can i recommend it it'll be maybe on like netflix or something by the time this comes

out no you cannot you cannot all right fair enough well you'll never know, folks. Bye. See you next time. We just have a good rhythm together, you know. He sort of feels me out, I feel him out. And we go for it.