The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Sixteen - Soft Serve

Episode Date: September 9, 2016

Guybo and Timbo conclude their latest long distance watch of WAYF with an extended discussion on the nature of soft serve, ice cream and the use of these labels. Is a sexual revolution coming to musical instruments thanks to James Reed and Zacole? The merits of a Steak and Shake's hand-dipped milkshakes are chewed over and the return of a very special guest THE KNIFE 2.0! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today, the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here. Borderlands, now playing. This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at Little Empire Pod. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine.

It's a cully bastard. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree!

Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Welcome to the worst idea of all time, a podcast series featuring Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery where we endeavor to watch the same movie every week for 52 weeks in a row. Oh, we don't just endeavor to do it, Tim. We bloody well do it. We've done it two years years but we could fail on this third attempt no final season we won't no one cares what's happened before no one cares what

comes after that all they care about is right now and right now tim i'm genuinely losing it joining us in studio more specifically joining me is the knife oh yeah not the original knife but the knife's um cousin who i purchased and where did i get this oh i got this one in new york city yeah because your last knife got confiscated in customs by the bloody aussies those sons of bitches it can't have been the aussies it must have been the New Zealanders no it was the Aussies it was when we touched out it was Australia so I got it through to Australia New Zealand didn't give a shit

yeah because we're lax as fuck yeah Australia you're so uppity about knives we're so loose our birds don't fly and we don't give a shit if you've got a knife on a plane let me tell you this Tim

it is probably this is probably the favourite circumstance flying we don't give a shit if you got a knife on a plane let me let me tell you this tim uh it is probably this is probably the favorite circumstance under which i have co-hosted the podcast with the knife that is to say um present on microphone but not uh a physical threat in the room as i'm not currently with you once more uh you're missing out dude it really is a thing of beauty it's beautiful it's very easy to say is the knife wielder i mean i don't know how many times we have to have this conversation but you yeah i'm just having a look um at some details i haven't looked at before it says mfg which i imagine is manufacturing in china, National Headquarters, USA.

For those of you who haven't met the knife before, the brand appears to be Maxam, M-A-X-A-M, registered trademark. Beautiful piece of stainless steel with a serrated bit that goes about halfway up the blade, and then it's all smooth sailing up to a quite sharp tip at the end. Folds down into a compact size into its own handle and with a little lobster for your belt. And then it's all smooth sailing up to a quite sharp tip at the end. Folds down into a compact size into its own handle and with a little holster for your belt. The bottom half of the blade is serrated and the top half is smooth.

Yeah, which is a departure from the knife gen one. They've taken everything I know about the knife, the common knife, and turned it on its head. It's kind of like two knives in one. Well, no, it's still one knife. It's just upside down. It's just poorly executed. It's a good knife.

I'm not going to act like these guys are on the forefront of a knife revolution. Someone just got it horribly wrong. No, putting a little bit of serrated and a little bit of smooth is good. You've got a knife for all occasions what value if you need a knife for christmas easter bar mitzvahs whatever your ability to list holidays does nothing to change the fact that they fucked up what value is the bottom half of a knife being serrated a brisk president's day do you need a president's day knife why not grab a knife the president isn't it a brisk Presidents Day do you need a Presidents Day knife why not have a knife the prisoners is this what is a brisk a brisk is the type of walk

you take no a brisk is a ceremony where you cut the foreskin off of a baby when they are Jewish what's a bisque is a biscuit a a bisque seems like a food i think you know those just half as a biscuit in the same way that the knife is first half serrated and the rest of half smooth you've succeeded in scuttling my argument by scrambling my brains my we are your friends addled brain so here's the situation uh listeners listeners everywhere listeners abroad listen up what guy and i did this time um for the first time in a while is kind of watched it a little more closely together where we kept each other on skype to keep each other company because guy's suffering from a little bit of jet lag from his recent travels and uh i feared for his

awakeness that you were going to cark out by yourself. While I appreciate that being the case, that's not the way we framed it. We just framed it as a good bit of companionship, a nice change of pace from watching the movie by ourselves. I know you had an ulterior motive. You're a different man from the man I watched the movie with, Tim. You're wielding a knife and you're creating reasons for keeping me company that I didn't know were there. Yeah, during the duration of the movie this week,

I was wielding a Casio keyboard and now i'm wielding a knife so things have taken a turn from the artistic to the violent you um you keep interesting inanimate company while i'm not there hey i'm a fiddler yes i don't like this. When you say this, do you mean watching the movie 15 times in a row or this, the movie? That was our 16th time. Ah, I beg your pardon.

16 times in a row or this, just the movie in general? Well, it's very difficult to separate those two things, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It to separate those two things, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It is. I would say, I think the 16th time in general, I think being apart, definitely being on Skype helped me to tolerate

certain elements of the movie that I have otherwise found tough to be around. I know I've said this before, and at the risk of getting sentimental with Guy Montgomery, I am looking forward to sitting side by side for a screening. It's just, there's no, this movie takes itself so seriously. Yeah. And there's just no need, there's no need for that sort of carry on.

No need. No need for that. No thank you. No one's winking. No one winks. Yeah, we probably ripped on Grown Ups 2 quite often for winking a mite too much but in this film no winks i think in sex in the city too they actually did a little bit of winking but there was just so much movie that it just didn't matter like no matter what they did winking not winking

hedging bets and winking half the time yeah it's just too much to deal with this movie shorter more efficient storytelling um a soundtrack that gets you there but very earnest everyone's very earnest all the time and in keeping with that earnestness like it's the only of the movies we've watched before as a as a duo for this project it's the only movie that has the the brazen attitude of at the start of it looking you square in the eye literally getting four of the lead characters to barrel the camera and assure you that this is going to be the best night of your life their words not ours and their words with each passing week the bold-faced nature of the lie uh it it lights a just the fire of fury within me just you know rages on and grows

is that how hot is that fire burning this week guy tell me about the fire uh the fire the fire is burning hot it's just i don't understand at the start of the movie right and so every every week every week the start of the movie i caught a movie uh it starts with zicoli sitting at his laptop trying to make this track and And he's working on the track. It's called Cole's Thoughts or Cole's Memories, whatever the song's called. And every week, again, he's taking it so seriously at the top. And every time, I just want to break through the screen and be like, dude, the song is garbage.

I promise you, no matter how hard you work on it, it's going to turn out garbage. But it doesn't stop him. He just works away, works away at the song. At the end of the movie, inevitably, you know know against the better judgment of everyone involved with this entire fucking operation he has to play the song otherwise there's no reason for the movie to exist what is the purpose of the movie to kill well if that was where the focus lay at least maybe then there'd be a story to sink our teeth into but instead there has to be a song at the end of it right because the whole thing is about his journey to try and become an electronic music dj so they

have to play the song that he's been shown working on throughout the entire movie and the song he plays is garbage it honestly it looks like all the coal he's done has spent his entire time worrying about whether or not he gets to play pioneers summerfest dj gig or whatever and he spent none of the time working on the song and so he gets to the gig he has to play the summer fest dj gig or whatever and he spent none of the time working on the song and so he gets to the gig he has to play the song and in playing it he suddenly realizes oh my fucking god i put all my time and energy into trying to play the gig rather than making sure i was ready for the gig and i've got to sell this on confidence and tears it's actually quite a classic um sort of parallel for over the summer you've got an assignment due as

soon as you get back and you spend the whole summer kind of worrying about it but at no point doing it and then the time comes to hand it in you're like oh fuck if only i'd spent some of that energy that i was spending worrying about it doing it, this wouldn't be complete garbage. But unfortunately, that's not the path I decided to take. Exactly. It's just... And it's what... I guess this is what parenting is, right? Because we're watching our child, Zicoli,

do this every single summer holidays, week in, week out. Are you flipping the pages of some sort of script you've got over there, Monty? It's not a script. It's a notebook, and it is fucking back to the rafters oh is it what's the straight what's the biggest surprise i would get as a note to be written down from this week's watch uh i don't know if i think it's like i know some of them i said to you out loud as we were watching it.

That's right, guy. The benefit is there's a whole audience of people who went with us. I know. I'm aware of that. But you asked for me to surprise you specifically. Well, that's true. You know, I like to try and fulfill your desires, Tim. I appreciate it. What I have written down here, which I think you'll enjoy,

is a question to myself and you the listener is there any site in the world more uncomfortable than looking at wes bentley sitting in front of a drum kit he doesn't belong there does he wes bentley uh for those of you because we always fucking flip flop the names is james reed from the feelers he's the man portraying on screen james reed from the feelers yeah and he's a man who looks uh as uncomfortable behind a drum kit as i would look driving a tank it's just not supposed to that person's not supposed to be on that thing that's right i think at least if we got to see you driving a tank through the discomfort we would also see a man with a wild glint in his eye who cannot believe someone's put him at the wheel of a tank that's

true whereas james reed from the feelers because there's none of the joy uh of playing a drum kit for him for a song that if you i don't know to be fair to him that's because james reed from the feelers is an axe man he's a he's a man of the gat and he's a man of vocals he's not a drummer he's not built for rhythm so we can't yeah he's not built for rhythm and we can't begrudge him that he's built for fucking which involves a bit of rhythm though so there's probably some crossover there he just but unfortunately the way that they're constructed at the moment you don't make love to a drum kit uh to get a good sound out of it. Although, God willing, one day we will have that,

where you actually have a set of instruments that you copulate with to create a sound. I'm amazed that I haven't seen that yet. Frankly, it's just the sort of thing that I would expect to kind of exist out in the wild at this stage but I've not seen it You could be on the forefront of some cutting edge technology there Tim, you could fulfil the

destiny and sort of hope of the film that you know these days you can start a bank account have an Instagram account you can do anything You could invent an instrument that involves you fucking the instrument to get a good sound out of it imagine that if you replaced all the different sections

as well so the rhythm one i feel like that's um kind of where you would start but how would you get a good kind of melody out of fucking an instrument, to replace a woodwind section. You know? What would that entail? Would you have to fuck a trumpet? Oh, wait, that's brass. Fucking a clarinet? Fucking a clarinet sounds like a one-way trip to A&E, my friend. You'll have to excuse me being blue,

but maybe there's some sort of way that you could put a clarinet or similar up your rectum and then kind of blow that this movie is having a um a negative effect on your brain just spit ball in here just spit ball in i have no doubt that someone has tried to play a wind or brass instrument through their butt. And I don't think they deserve to be... Unless they successfully held a melody or played a song, I don't think beyond a crass party trick there's any value in what they're doing. It's art, man.

And I reckon that might be what is destined for the crying DJ and James Reid of the Feelers. Well, you think after the failure of his performance at Summerfest. Brand new scene of instrumentation that involves fucking instruments and farting into woodwind. You could be onto something here.

I like the idea of Zicoli leaving the gig in tears, getting home, still in tears, just grabbing whatever's nearby, crying into it, and then maybe to try and placate how upset he is with himself and to make himself feel better, he starts, you know, and sorry, once again, as Tim has been previously to be blue,

but starts jerking it, and then he realizes in his other hand he's holding a clarinet, and he starts jerking it into the clarinet. Yeah. And suddenly music escapes through the office i would it's getting very visceral isn't it but i wouldn't imagine him having sex with the top end of a clarinet no not the reed not the mouthpiece in the reed no that'd be a that'd be a splintery mess i wonder if this is where james reed of the feelers got his name from

because he would fuck clarinets and so they they called him reedy boy and then someone overheard that and they said why did why did people keep calling you reedy boy and instead of admitting the embarrassing stories he was just like oh that's just my last name it always has been always has been because the name of the debut album was feeling the reed it's never been anderson ignore my birth certificate and driver's license also james reed of the feelers also why do you have my birth certificate and driver's license those are my those are the kind of things that you've got to supply when you run for musical running on a platform of sexual invention. Yeah.

Excuse me. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry, man. I apologize. You're falling apart. Hey, also, happy New Zealand 420 to you. It's just ticked over. What have you got in your notebook there?

Or I've got some notes if you want them from me, but I want to hear from you first. You've heard from me countless times already. I want to get sentimental with you, Guy. Oh, please. I thought you'd never ask. Should we attempt this again over Skype? I feel like it's the best the connection's been.

We've got a chance to pull this off here we go two three four getting sentimental with james reed beautiful vibrato on that man um so james reed is gifting something to our boy, the crying DJ, Zicoli, and it fits in a MacBook Pro box. And the thing that we know about it is James Reed from the feelers describes it as a self serving gift, which leads me to believe that it's a soft serve, self-serving ice cream machine compact portable so you just it comes with a little charger thing but it's got a battery as well so you can put it in your rv used it in the desert whatever and you just pour water and um that dried soft serve powder into it

which i've never seen but it's been explained to me that that's where soft serve comes from and uh it's it's like a little mixer in a fridge and it spits out um soft serve ice cream for you wait and yes so so soft serve ice cream isn't actually ice cream it's just water and powder yeah that's why it's so cheap that's why mcdonald's can sell them for like 50 cents a kind how come they get to call it ice cream well i think that's why they call it soft serve i don't think they're allowed to call it ice cream i think it's one of those things but like ice cream trucks they serve soft serve that's true and they call ice cream trucks but they i think they also have ice cream which probably qualifies them to call themselves an ice cream it'd be like um hmm what's an analogy here if i had a knife van right because i had some

i had some knives in the van but its main purpose was transporting sexual instruments created by the crying dj and james reed of the feelers it was built mainly for that but I called it a knife fan because there were knives in it it's like technically I'm correct no even no it's the analogy falls down because there's no mistaking the difference between a knife and an instrument with a hole to have sex oh that's true actually and look if you do get those two things mixed up, it's a good thing you're in a van because you need to get to A&E pretty quick.

Not pretty. Not pretty at all. There's no coming back from that either. That's like page fucking diamond. That's the secret of your knife fan is you're actually working on commission for after hours. Everyone's become so sensible and every parent cottonwools their kids now

that there aren't enough accidents to sustain After Hours care facilities. And so Tim's hired out of service as a knife fan where he has both knives and sexual instruments that look very similar and are easily confused and you have to use either of them inside of the fan. Yeah. It's not good.

I don't like that you've introduced an element of young children being a part of this story. No, no, no, no, no, no. Young children, they're involved with ice cream vans. Your enterprise is entirely 18 years and up. And don't get it twisted, Tim,

and don't you put that on me, Ricky Bobby. I'm not putting it on you. I'm just saying you introduced this whole thing of kids, you know, being brought up in a cotton wool society and I'd just rather we left all that out. Oh, look. What do children grow into?

Fucking knives. What do children grow into, Tim? Adults. Can't fault you. I've just Googled it. I've looked it up and you're correct. It's a watertight argument. That kids grow up into adults.

At any rate. Did you genuinely Google that? What you could do in your knife fan is you could actually cut it out with a few of these portable self-serve, self-serving, soft-serve machines, if you so wished. And then you could probably call it an ice cream van.

I guess, but you don't sell ice cream you sell soft serve which we just distinguished between uh why do you think james reed is giving zicoli an ice cream machine i mean he's always crying at gigs and is there anything happier than you can't always make ice cream on the fly like that's a difficult thing because you know there's a lot of different ingredients and stuff. But soft serve is easy. You just need water and powder and cold. So the machine is just tackling as close as it can to ice cream, the happiest food on earth, in a portable scenario.

So that no matter where the crying DJ is, crying into his little DJ decks, he can try and put a smile on his dial with a self-serve, soft-serve ice cream machine. Did you say you need water and powder and cold? Yes. Cold. Yeah, so basically the machine is kind of a fridge. It's got a little chargeable

battery in it. Plug it into the wall, charge it up, that thing will go for a good two to three hours. Just pumping out soft-serves. It's pretty good, eh? I mean, it's not bad. So he's trying to cheer up Ziccoli. Yeah, he is.

The crying DJ. That's generous. Isn't it? It's the kind of guy that James Reader the Feelers is. He overlooks the fact that the crying dj has fucked his girlfriend um i don't want to say fucked his girlfriend i want to say uh they had sex he and somerly had sex that's right james reed whilst not certainly not the greatest boyfriend in the world uh they were in a relationship so a bit of a dick move.

Yeah, no one comes out of this movie looking great, except Squirrel, who looks very dead. He's kind of a Jesus figure, isn't it? Like, he almost needed to die for the film to have a point or some sort of depth, gravitas. Absolutely. He absolved the film of a lot of its flaws and sins just like jebus on the cross yeah but the thing with jebus dying on the cross is unless you're the first person to read the bible in which case you would have got to that bit and you would

be like holy shit plot twist yeah god you wouldn't see it coming hey yeah get through all of that old testament and then you're like finally this dude Who I've been hearing so much about Has a son that I can like Find out what he looks like And he's doing stuff And he's out there He's preaching He's drinking wine

And eating fish and bread Walking on water Today You ready? Okay let's go The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody and here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing

and then you're like just as you get on board with the character and you're like i really identify with this guy i'm picking big things for jebus i too spit it blind people that's when they pull the rug it's crazy stuff i yeah screw i mean screw does have to die otherwise i think the the frustration with the movie would be more widespread and more vocal. Tim, I saw a guy two days ago, I think. I'm a bit confused because I traveled on an airplane through time and space, which is an amazing thing to do.

But I saw a guy, a very sweaty guy in the Toronto sun wearing a t-shirt that said, don't bro me if you don't know me and i'll be jiggered i really wanted to get a photo with him but because of the t-shirt and my memories of jarhead and how uh what's the word for someone who's really hot and cold? Kind of like volatile. Yeah, volatile. That's a good word for it.

I didn't approach him. I just stared at him as he walked past. But it's out there. And my question to you and to the wider audience is, is there an expression outside of we are your friends that they just chose to put in the movie? It kind of must be, yeah. is that an expression outside of we are your friends that they just chose to put in the movie? It kind of must be, yeah. It's one of those things where I've never heard it

in any other context before the film, but it's kind of too good to just, I don't trust that Maximum Joseph thought of that line. Put it that way. I think it's less embarrassing if they made it up for the film i think it's more embarrassing if they saw it in the real world and were like yeah that's gonna look sick in the movie yeah they just gave the characteristic to jahid not wrong anyway there are people out there who don't want to be bro'd unless note and uh i'd like to say to those people uh well come fuck with me bro and if you're listening to this i guess we're

technically bros because because we know each other or you know my voice so uh the insult is moot well dang that's a tricky one isn't it how do you get in the position where you can bro someone and not know them you'd almost have to send someone a letter at random saying hey bro you can do it on the street you just can't do it on a podcast that the person you're trying to bro who you don't know is voluntarily listening to or alternatively um so like where's the cutoff point if you meet someone irl and how at what point do you know them i think that's that's just i mean you're asking a much broader question about friendship here tim and that's just something you vibe isn't it i mean but there's got to be some parameters because i don't want to get punched in the face by some hothead jarhead man and i want to know who to bro who can i and

can i not bro uh that is very much uh user's choice so i think terrifying trust your instinct what terrifying you're the guy you're the guy in the conversation with a knife I mean yeah but it's not like I'm holding any cards I don't want to use the knife I just want to know when it's appropriate to or to not bro is it more intimidating to be talking to someone who is brandishing or holding their knife or talking to someone with a concealed

knife I'm a big believer in a concealed knife I do not like that at all Walk softly with a large hidden knife I think one of the forefathers said Well that forefather was probably living in a different time When you were maybe more at risk from wildlife And also bandits and outlaws

And Russians. What's wrong with the Ruskies? The Ruskies respect a knife. There's nothing wrong with them, but they respect a knife. Do you? Yeah, look. To our Russian listeners, please write in. I love all of you

Guy did you have a shining light this week? Flash my boy Did I ever I really enjoyed in the terrible scene at the pool when Sikoli's DJing and explaining how DJ works to Somaly

Bless you There is I noticed several people how DJ works to Somaly. I just sneezed. I'm so sorry. Bless you. There is, I noticed several people actually for the first time this week employing a dance move which can only be described as a 360 where they just, all their entire dance move is

they jump in the air and rotate 360 degrees and land. There was one guy in particular who had a beer bottle in hand who was going ballistic. Is that the guy with both glasses and hat? And he's got quite a cool singlet on that's got like some purple.

It's a different guy. That guy's obviously quite a good dancer because he's featured quite heavily in a lot of shots. This guy is just to the left of him. He looks sweaty. He looks like maybe, if not in the film, certainly on the day they were shooting,

he was struggling fitness-wise with the scene. And so he'd gone from throwing out what were actual dance moves to just what he imagines would look okay in slow motion on camera, which apparently is just jumping up and spinning in circles. So immediately after I saw him, I was like, I'm a big fan of that and then all of the um fuck boys arrive at the party yeah they're standing by the pool and in the background you can see that everyone's still dancing to the hot track that's the coal he's chosen yeah and even in

that scene there's another guy a different guy in a green t-shirt who was just throwing out 360s left right and center and i was like these guys have obviously talked to each other. Do you reckon it was choreographed? And the guy was like, you know what looks dope in slow motion? People twirling. Yeah, I mean, maybe it wasn't choreographed. Maybe one of them saw the other one doing it and was just like, oh, shit, that's cool.

The funny thing about that scene is uh during slow motion that scene works actually um there's some very gratuitous shots of simon lee's chest uh which they justify by doing it with the dude's chest first as if to say we've all got equally objectify everyone um but the funny bit is yeah it works in slow motion the sound is just blaring at you through the speakers or headphones and then when the boys when the fuck boys show up you come out of that that wonderland and suddenly stuff's a normal speed and the song isn't quite as loud it's now like background music and you can hear chatter over it. And everyone looks like they're dancing terribly. Slow motion looked great. But in normal speed, oh boy, dancers this crew are not.

That's true. And it's a real treat, Tim. And these are the sort of little sweet morsels that we have to snack on moving forward. This is our scroggin. This is our trail mix. This is the nutrients that are going to get on moving forward this is our scroggin all right this is our trail mix this is the nutrients that are going to get us through these grueling remaining weeks is uh that's not that's not an entry-level observation no you don't see that the first couple times that's a that's a sort of six or seven pluser and um it's kind of like the

visual equivalent of when you're, say you're in bed a bit hungover and someone draws the curtains and reveals what you actually look like. It's like that. It's a revelation how things aren't working out. It's stark and it's horrible and no one wants to see it. That's right. But through the magic of editing, they make it almost undetectable to the naked eye.

Luckily, I've got the eagle-eyed and armed Tim Batt on hand. Detecting up a storm. To guarantee satisfaction. It's me. What was your shining light, Tim? My shining light was an entire scene this time, Guy. I thought that when we're in the sushi bar, which is potentially the greatest

sushi uh restaurant in the western hemisphere which we're still trying to get to grips if that includes japan itself or not hey do we make a determination on that uh look we have not i mean probably not the thing is i've what's the eastern i've... What's the eastern hemisphere? Well, there's the thing. I've always learned that there are two hemispheres. Yeah, true. There's the northern and the southern hemisphere. Yeah. So the western hemisphere, I think, is more of like a construct of people who want to say...

I don't know. In the west? Did you... Yeah. So kind of an Anglo-American line that goes through the i'm not sure i just don't know but at any rate our boy squirrel and our boy crying dj zicoli are having a real heart to heart where squirrel is expressing some dissatisfaction with their current plight in life working for page ripping off people uh who were

about to lose their house and um just some good acting on show there i reckon and you really notice it against the rest of the film but i thought the boys turned out a very good performance this week and they might be fuck boys but i thought they were fuck boys who um did a great job this week so i want to say um well done to them and thank you and also congratulations it's good to see their skills kind of increasing as we go along on this journey and them learning a thing or two about the craft yeah it is good to see it's also somewhat of a of a relief uh no it's not a relief i don't know it is a relief it's a really because it might be um a signifier of things to come.

Maybe everyone's going to step their game up a bit. We might get to the point during this next few months, however long we've got to go, like nine months or something, where Johnny Depp turns in an Oscar-worthy performance. That might be what we're dealing with by the end of this. The only way that that's going to happen is if we see the original script uh with johnny depp's character notes and the character notes read uh to be played as an insufferable douchebag yeah under which circumstance then and only then will i maybe believe that johnny depp turns out an oscar-worthy performance and then will you concede and you'll be like, great job, man, great job.

Yeah, I would. Well, yeah, I would. I'd also very quickly turn to the page of the scene where Ziccoli and Somaly order room service to see what it looks like written down. Oh, boy. Oh, I'd pay money for that page, eh? What was the shooting script for that? It's not something

you can write down It was just a it was a link to an article about UCB Which then had a suggested second link for Second City Yeah It's just an idiot's guide

to improv. Hey Tim Yes sir Something that's always got me curious is you know when they're in the club Just an idiot's guide to improv. Hey, Tim. Yes, sir. Something that's always got me curious is, you know when they're in the club just before James Reid from the Feelers gets really upset with Zicoli because Zicoli had sex with Somaly? Sure.

Wait, the strip club? Are you saying? Yeah. What do you think of the song that's playing there? Can you remember it? That one that's Make Money... Get remember it um that one that's uh make money get turned get turned um this is a soundtrack heavy movie and of all the songs that one is always jumping out at me well it's a good i think it's actually a pretty good choice for the strip club i'm glad they

didn't go with rihanna because they probably couldn't afford any of her music but also that is just the quintessential strip club music that I think every person in their head defaults to that would be playing in a strip club. But you can't just play that all the time. What song? Oh, what is it called? Fuck, it's gone out of my head.

There's a few though. There's a few that would fit. Oh, Found Love in a Lonely Place. That sounds like the most depressing song you could play at a strip club oh totally but also one that definitely comes on i gotta tell you i'm not a big strip club guy i've been once once yeah i got i was loaded on absinthe uh and i talked to one of the ladies who was dancing until she asked me to stop talking or leave. Well, no, I pretty much chewed her ear off until I was no longer wanted.

Sure. And because of that negative experience, I never went back. Are you a big absinthe drinker? I have, from time to time, been known to imbibe quite a large amount of absinthe drinker? I have, from time to time, been known to imbibe quite a large amount of absinthe. Yeah. We even had an absinthe night together.

I think that would be fun. It's a dangerous place to be because you get really energetic and lifted for a few hours. Yeah, you do. Wherein you're very active. Yes. But also, probably, energetic and lifted for a few hours yeah you do uh wherein you're very active yes but also probably while you know you're taking part certainly in activities you're mentally not registering exactly what you're doing true so you sort of get two or three hours of high energy

high octane high impact uh drunkenness uh followed by just or for me like total exhaustion and being blackout drunk yeah you've got all the power of a rocket going to the moon without NASA's careful navigation systems. So you're off course, but in a big way, potentially. But I used to, absinthe sort of used to be my thing. Used to consume quite a bit of absinthe. Haven't for many years. I really think, I've noticed recently that I'm definitely getting older

because I really feel it after even two or three beers now. When I wake up in the morning, I go, oh, I definitely had two or three beers yesterday. Two or three beers. Do not give me that. I don't believe you for a hot second. Oh, yeah, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I wouldn't even – I could comfortably get away with a lot more than I could now.

I'll just put it that way. Times, they are a-changing. Someone should write a song about that. Yeah, they should. I think it could be a big hit for someone. Some plucky young songwriter out there. If you're out there, give it a go. I dare you.

If you are listening, Mr. Zimmerman. Well, anyway, I looked up the lyrics to that song i like to make money get to oh yes why it's by an artist called carnage which i think is a fantastic name k or c uh c good dj carnage i mean how cool is that pretty good it's not just a name it's a modus operandi. If you listen to the whole song, which I did when I went for a run listening to the We Are Your Friends soundtrack that one time,

it does get quite repetitive, though. It's pretty full on. It really is just that line. Yeah. Four or five minutes. He really likes two things. He likes to make money, and once that money has been earned,

he will get turnt. And it's sort of rinse, recycle, repeat. Sort of a good boiling down of the modern condition, isn't it? We're all just out there running on the rabbit wheel. What is it? What are those things? We're in the rat race. What's that wheel called?

Hamster wheel. Hamster wheel, thank you. We're all on the hamster wheel, earning our bucks, and then we just exchange the bucks for some substances, and then we do that and go back to work. For hamster food. Yeah. He also, in the song, Mr. Carnage also says he likes to go to steak and shake.

Okay, cool. Which is nice. It's nice for him He looks like a good guy He's younger than us He's 25 From Guatemala Is Steak and Shake capitalised? Like is it a chain?

Or is it something he's made up? It looks like a chain Well then I should want to go to Steak and Shake. These enterprising gentlemen turn me on to what sounds like a fabulous franchise. Yeah, its headquarters is in Indianapolis. Great. Then we're going to Indianapolis. Onwards is the march.

We'll go watch the racing and we will eat at Steak and Shake. Yeah. They have something called hand-dipped milkshakes, which sounds disgusting. What the hell could that even be? Tell me more. Is there more information there? Pictures?

An instructional video? I think we'd be better placed to research mentally in our own minds without reference what a hand-dipped milkshake could be. To me, it's just the milkshake maker acknowledging poor hygiene on their end up top so that they can't get in trouble when someone says hey there were weird finger hairs and clippings finger in my shake and they were like what do you expect their hand-dipped milkshakes yeah i i in my head the immediate images of you know how you have a base for a milkshake,

so like vanilla or whatever, and then you put some other ingredients in there, like whatever, chocolate chips. But for some reason, the ingredients are put in with an ungloved hand that has to enter the milk, put them in there. There's no need for that.

There's just no need. It's disgusting. Disgusting. Guy? there's no need for that there's just no need it's disgusting disgusting guy well anyway you you you desire one of these so you know barely on the good recommendation of our dear friend mr carnage um i'd like to get into a zone get into a zone with you a zone that we call no but which is where we try to figure out from this week's staged performance of we are your friends uh where they did a little ad libbing yeah um and if i made him i think the the genesis for this week's no but traces back to our director maximum joseph and um it's funny, isn't it? Because if you call being ill-prepared improvising,

then it completely changes the complexion of a film from being a poorly prepared film to being an improvised film. True. And I think one of the main notes that would have come back from the network or the studio, it wouldn't be the network, is it? It's not a TV show, about the script when they first read it was first of all um a we love the breakfast scene

between zach and somali more of that please if you can find a way to stretch that dialogue out 30 60 seconds more um and b what we noticed this film is decidedly light on is theme. There's no overriding theme throughout the film. And Maximum Joseph in his infinite mercy and wisdom nodded and said yes. Right. Theme before leaving the room and frantically Googling the word theme on his phone on the way down in the elevator. Right. He didn't know what it was.

Exactly. So he just took the dictionary definition of theme, which is something that recurs throughout a film right uh and decided that his theme for the movie would be sushi i see and uh you know and god loves this god loves a try and god bless his soul uh what he did is he wound up every day on set at the end of every scene they would shoot he would lob the suggestion to his cast okay and can we take that one more time but with a little more sushi can you work sushi into this next take just see if we can work it in somewhere

and he became quite well known on set for saying a little more sushi yeah and so what you wound up with was a lot of perfectly executed rehearsed scenes that were entirely on script um but also at the end of those shooting those shooting blocks yeah there'd be these improvised sushi based scenes uh and he'd always he'd always sort of fob them off by saying oh don't worry't worry, this is just, this one's for Papa. As if to say they're not going to make the final cut.

But then in the editing suite, I mean, he took all of those improvised sushi scenes and sort of created a thematic arch for the film. And can I just take this opportunity to applaud Jarhead for being able to create some conflict out of sushi, which is no mean feat. That's a big ask for any actor or any performer, but he managed to do it. He found a way. And on the spot, no less. It's fucking

good. He's good, that kid. He's got a really bright future. I think he does. I hope he does. I'm proud of him. Guy, I'm quite keen to end it there. If you're keen, i'm keen a friend great well it's been it's been good hanging out with you virtually through the interwebs and isn't it great that we live in an age where the internet exists you know we just got in time uh to

experience that i'm i'm super happy about it and you know what i'm even more happy about tim what's that for as much as I love the internet, I'm very happy in the knowledge that... Oh, my phone's ringing. Let's take that on the mic. Hello, Guy speaking. Ooh, an airy silence. Well, it looks like I'm going to end this episode of the podcast and enter my own scary movie

they were checking to see if you were in the room so that they can come and kill you if no one picked up they wouldn't have bothered alright then I'll fucking see you later hope so friend bye now

are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine. This is a cully bastard. One of them dies, that guy's a squirrel. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp.

Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point Thanks for listening to this podcast If you're thirsty for another, why not try Two and a Half Count Welcome to Two and a Half Count, New Zealand's only wrestling podcast Unverified

And you think, hey, the planet, it will never give up And it bloody did So John Cena represents the planet What does AJ represent? He represents greenhouse gases. Okay, skip to the end. We're at the end of the match, the end of the card.

There's the bus open, Randy Orton. Okay. Randy Orton represents passion and heart and purity of existence. And Brock Lesnar represents a big fuck face. Which is what humanity is in some regards. Today. You ready?

Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing