The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirteen - Horse Punch

Episode Date: May 29, 2015

Guy and Tim are back just two days after their last trip to Abu Dhabi. In a far more upbeat mood than last episode when we left our heroes, the lads are tackling issues as diverse as Madonna, the human body while electrocuted and punching horses. Guy's appreciating the ladys' propensity to get boozed in all circumstances, Tim's trying to see some positivity in a music cue. Meanwhile, there's a weird glitch in the Matrix involving a magazine on a plane. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Hello and welcome to episode number 13 of the Worst Idea of All Time. My name is Tim Batt. Lucky number 7. My name is Guy Montgomery. It's good to be here. Sex and the City 2 is the smorgasbord that we've laid out for ourselves. With the tasting, we had a tasting platter of Sex and the City 2

served up by four foxy waitresses dressed in all sorts of ridiculous fancy dress. Each time they bring a new dish out, they will have changed, and they will have changed into each outfit more breathtaking than the last. A garish, often comically overstated, colourful explosion. Yeah.

A genuine bonanza. A cacophony. A cacophony of colour and shape. It was visually noisy, is what we're trying to say about the film today. Visually noisy. That's true. I would like to say that the visual noise of the film, just the genuine amount of shit they've thrown at it,

makes it, if you look at the background of frame I think mostly the wedding to be honest though it's quite interesting it at least keeps you engaged you can look past the shitty dialogue and action and into a pretty textured world

of extras and set dressing like a painting however the issue is as soon as you remove the wonderful ambience and background noise of other options to look at and create narratives for, you're just left in the same company of a fraying group of friends, a relationship on its hind legs, hopped up like a cute dog following a piece of food at the end of your fingertips.

A vacuous vacuum of vainness is what Tim Weakley called it today. The three Vs, as Tim was taught by his media studies teacher in fourth form. He said, Tim, never forget, alliteration is the key. That's right. Shout out to Big D, my old media studies teacher. He handed you a key that was cut. The word alliteration was cut as the actual grooves on the key, wasn't it? Big fan of puns, he was.

But that key opened a door. Yes, a real door. And a metaphorical door as well. The real door it opened was to the AV room, so I got to use the cameras and the equipment whenever I wanted. The metaphorical door was to learning how to use the equipment that was in the room. So they were both quite intrinsically linked. Quite literal, yeah.

Yeah, but it was good. Doesn't it make such a difference what time of day you watch this movie? Because that was a lot easier during sort of like morning hours. Yes. Morning-ish, early afternoon hours. It cannot be overstated, the different mental impact different screen times have. I think when we have to squeeze one in and we're at the end of our tether with the film and each other,

it is a genuinely arduous... I'm not going to listen back to last... I don't usually listen back. I'm definitely never going to touch last week's episode. That was not a positive experience. Oh, the cool does is a cruel mistress in some respects. We got pretty at each other's throats, fair to say. Well, I look at you now

and I see the shining face of friendship and hope. I'm glad you forgot all about the phone number business. You were really riled by that. It was just an impractical use of time. Look, we're not going to dredge all of this up again. You're right, we're not going to. But yeah, the danger with this podcast is that we keep making so many apologies For the movie that every now and then we forget to tell you

That it's very very bad It's a very very bad movie That I think is sitting on something like 11% On Rotten Tomatoes It's tremendously bad It's a very terrible movie It's offensive in every way The greatest offence I think that I'm bringing

Week in week out with this film is the length. Yeah. Two and a half hours is long for any movie. Guy and I have gotten into the habit now of when we see something extraneous in the script being played out on screen, we're just like, cut it, cut it.

If you cut all those things... We're cutting a whole new movie. We'll get this thing down to episode length. Well, just on keeping everything in there, but the odd like throwaway line or throwaway shot i reckon you'd you'd lose about 25 minutes very easily like you and i could just be in an editing suite for half an afternoon boom 25 minutes gone out of this film and that still leaves you with an over two hour movie i'm pretty sure yeah that's intense That's crazy It is Like

Yeah Anyway A lot of what Carrie says And I've said that before But a lot of the You were very angry At the narrative You were

You were There were accusations Flying thick and fast From your Your mouth About laziness Of narrative device Oh yeah

Because it's just Everything is played out Through musical cues And narration Which are like The two easiest ways To convey emotion It's like device oh yeah because it's just everything is played out through musical cues and narration which are like the two easiest ways to convey emotion it's like michael patrick king has gone oh fuck it i can't be bothered writing properly or trusting the actors to be able to carry this so i'll just make sure everyone knows by hitting them over the head with some narration and musical cues which you think i think maybe the reason that's so deeply frustrating a

little bit yeah is that nasally is is that um that should make that should make for a lean fast-moving film yeah yeah and you pointed out that at the start we start on quite a cracking pace yeah because we open up pretty much in the jewelry store we get modern we get current context like a backstory of all the friendships And then told that there's a wedding happening And within four and a half minutes Including opening credits We're at the wedding

And those credits are pretty big too They're big like James Bond style credits They're not quite a whole music video I was thinking James Bond Because Alicia Keys sings the Oh true She did one with Jack White Yeah

For Die Another Day Not sure which one Just die Another day I guess I'll die That was definitely Madonna Another day

Oh you're right It's not my time to go Ray of Light Is a spectacular song That is entirely underrated And ironically That was made famous By an Austin Powers movie

Which is what was Parodying James Bond So Music was made famous By an Austin Powers movie, which is what was parodying James Bond. Music was made famous by an Austin Powers movie. Music makes the... No. Oh. Ray of Light. If you look at the music video for Ray of Light, doesn't that have Austin Powers?

No, no, no. That's another one. Oh, you're right. Your Madonna references are all over the show. She did a video with Ali G. Yeah. That was for music. Yeah.

So what was the one she did for Austin Powers? Something about Britain There were shots of the Union Jack convertible In the video clip from memory Yeah she's riding in it with him I think Yeah Oh well I'm sure you'll correct us internet You're so good at that

Culturally relevant for Roel Oh she's reaching now Yeah she is stretching. Who did she flip out? Drake. Oh, you've got to see that footage, mate. So Drake has to peel Madonna off his face and looks disgusted that it has happened.

It was at an awards thing this year. It was like a month ago. It's not pretty, eh? Is that funny She's in her 60s isn't she No Yeah She's in her 50s

Early 60s Should be 60 I reckon No Should I check You Finish that thought that you had mate What were you going to say Oh no she fell down

There was a video of her falling down It was pretty funny People falling down Well yeah but not old ladies. That's pure comedy. I reckon if you showed like an infant. Before I double check how old Madonna is, how old does she be when it stops being funny

that she fell over? 65 is how old she is. Yeah, I was going to say 65 too. She's definitely not 65. Oh, she's 56. There you go. Sorry, Madonna. I know she's a big fan I think honestly

To be honest I think 60 is when It stops being funny But because I thought She was going to be over 60 From your confidence I went 65 JLo's 45

Google just gave me that For free I didn't even ask for that one Annie Lennox is 60 And Cher is 69 She's been around for a while Yeah man Oh yeah that's what

I wanted to look up Do you believe in love After love Who is Liza Minnelli's mum Because I thought that it was Judy Garland Judy Garland But I don't know for sure You know I took some notes about the film this week

Oh did you Not many And I don't think they're going to go very well But they're in there somewhere. Well, please, indulge me with your fantastic notes. It is Judy Garland. We're so bad at padding for time now, eh? We used to be real good at it.

But I do want to confirm that Liza Minnelli's mother is Judy Garland. Dorothy herself. You're purely confirming that with yourself. Yeah, that's true. You did that on the podcast time. That's Tim Bat Research. Sorry. I apologize for that.

It's okay. Back to you. Did you have a note? Charlotte, I think we've mentioned it in passing. Charlotte, her social skills or her manner of conversation And reaction to conversation Is she takes every Throwaway comment As literally as possible

And it looks exhausting Yeah but that's You can't speak in colloquialisms Around her That's her character She's neurotic You know That's how she

She was brought up Neurotic You can be neurotic And still understand The nature of conversation And throwaway comments Let's Like if you said Let's address the elephant In the room Yeah Charlotte would like can be neurotic and still understand the nature of conversation and throw away comments let's like if you said let's address the elephant in the room yeah charlotte would like stand up and flip a table

and frantically look about herself she's not autistic she understood was that autism no that's like charlotte what the right we'll just call it she's not fair play to charlotte i think you're being too harsh on her do you yeah She's annoying and she's highly strung But she understands what a metaphor is I don't know that she does Do you have any evidence to bring to the fore? Yes What so ever?

Steve Who has opened An English school Like a tertiary education Like a tertiary institution In which he teaches English Basic English

He's hired Charlotte and the school was terrible it's had terrible reviews online on Yelp and TripAdvisor and they specifically take issue with grammar with

this is the evidence you're choosing to lead with this is the hardest evidence I've got okay that Steve started an English language school

At which Charlotte teaches And the school is atrocious The reviews are in Two stars The school has been closed down Far out Lost its funding It's unrelated to any of the education stuff

It was just health and safety It's also unrelated to sex in the city too So you've got a conclusion Rats all through the pipes I would like to try and get us to start a saying like that. Like... Rats in the pipes. Yeah, there's rats in the pipes.

Rats in the pipes means, you know, there's something rotten about this situation. Or like, I don't know. I'll think of one. I always try and get stupid shit off the ground, you know? Very rarely works. Rats in the pipes is a nice hashtag. I don't know.

Let's get that trending. No, let's not I feel like you've sullied something By sticking a hashtag on it I haven't sullied anything You know Samantha rubbing yams into herself Could we make that a thing

You had a very good point about the specificity Specificity Do you know it was a New Year's resolution of mine To learn how to say that word correctly I wanted so badly to get it on the first try Specificity You Do you know it was a New Year's resolution of mine to learn how to say that word correctly? I wanted so badly to get it on the first try. Specificity. You can't say it, though.

I've heard you say it before. You say it now. Specificity. No, specificity. Specificipily. Ah, now you're just doing it to mess with me, huh? With her rubbing the yams on herself as like a frantic lust measure and localized means of

combating menopause if you decontextualize what what's happening in that one moment she just she's like she's in abu dhabi firstly she's like you know thousands of miles away from home uh with her best friends she's sitting in the sun and she goes couldn't hurt and then in the last ditch attempt to try and normalize her hormone balance while she's going through menopause she's applying yams topically to her skin to try and absorb estrogen like it's just if you just take that moment of the movie and you're like what is what is going on here like what's happening what is this there is it's similarly actually we have a moment in the movie when carrie and big get back from the wedding to the apartment and uh there's one moment she

checks out the ludicrously large walk-in wardrobe with a coded like password a thumb scan or something isn't it yeah retina retina scan thumbs toes it's all 20 fingerprints. Drop a little bit of blood in a vial. Hair follicle. Anyway, later on she ruffles some blue curtains with gold trim. Yeah. And we always like to imagine that there's like some like somewhat passive home intruder is like hiding. Don't dumb it down for our audience.

You know who we think is there. Yeah. Well, this is the thing is it's become, we think it's the guy from too many cooks the murderer the murderer from too many cooks and then so when we were watching it today and that scene came on tim just quietly not even to anyone i think like quietly thought out loud this he just went too many cooks and it killed me and I noticed the context of that joke. Yeah. Like the spiff of that is insane. Yeah. We're the only ones, and now obviously anyone who's listened, I guess, is in on the... It's out there now.

But up until now, Kerry ruffling those feathers and me just accidentally out loud saying too many cooks. He triggered an entire scene with the too many cooks guy. Yeah. And that's a special kind of um mania that we've found together there look all of this is horsewash because what i want to get into uh immediately is our segment because i think it's going to be rich and heady today because we were chatting a lot about it from the film and that segment is is what's he doing where's he off to oh jinx personal jinx yahtzee um so guy and i are in agreement this week what he's off to do is punch a horse with so much force that it flies through

the window of the cafe where the ladies are lunching. To fill you in, if you've just jumped into the podcast, this is a movie where we watch Sex and the City 2. Early on, there's a scene where they're all in a cafe. It's not early on. There's a man. Wow. It's all comparative, isn't it? There's a guy who is absolutely slamming the espressos.

He is choking the coffees. He is gurgling the good stuff. Yeah, there's no guarana in coffee. no we'll go with you one uh and it and then leaves in a in a big hurry to go off to do something we always like to try and ruminate around what he's up to and what i mean why he needs to be that jacked up what could he possibly do with that amount of energy? And it turns out he can push what were understood as the laws of physics and human strength and that he has the capacity. Not a particularly strong guy and not really a background in boxing can find the determination and the strength within himself

to punch a full-grown horse, mare or stallion, 38 hands yes 800 kilos through a window he can lift it from the ground with a punch and move it such trajectory it doesn't just rebound off like a double glazed window essentially there's bulletproof it's interesting that you bring up, you know, defying the laws of human physiology and whatnot. Because, you know, when people get electrocuted and they kind of like jump back, they fly back. Do you know that's nothing to do with like the kind of ignition, the spark, whatever. That is all your muscles. the spark whatever that is all your muscles and it's actually changed the way that biologists you know people who know about these things think about what the human muscular system is capable of you exert such it's purely from your muscles tensing up that you like jump back and shit

wow crazy yeah yeah it's nothing to do with like it's not even a mental reaction from like it's not triggered by your mind that's pure well it's like it's the electricity going into your body and making all your muscles react which tends like tenses in a particular way and you kind of like

you jump back you're like it's not like cognizant though it's your body's just like nope yeah but I always thought it was the force

it was like a bomb you know it was like an impact from the from the electrical event but it's not it's the reaction of your muscles and it's made us It's the reaction of your muscles.

And it's made us rethink what the human body's capable of. So I think we're still within the realm of Sex and City 2 here. This guy's out punching horses into cafes, shop windows. I mean, he is loving it. Can I say this?

The guy is absolutely all about this now. He's invented a sport. He's invented a whole league where he's facing other people. He's invented a sport. He's invented a whole league where he's forcing other people to punch horses. He's essentially running riot. Yeah. The guy punched 20 horses

on his first day's punching. Because he had one and he didn't know life could be so good. He originally punched the first horse he saw which was a New York Police Department horse

in Central Park. Yeah. With such force it it traveled 20 kilometers. Which means he can be done for killing a police. He's a cop killer, is what he is. Those horses are sworn officers of the law. He's not a cop. Did the horse die or survive?

Horse died. Horse died. It took a turn. Yeah. He killed a horse. Jesus. Not all of them die That changes the whole context of your afternoon Oh really?

If not for the guy The guy's a maniac Yeah But for the girls And anyone at the cafe Well That's a pretty big gear change From a normal afternoon service

A horse coming through a window Yeah Shaking the glass off and then neighing and running back outside that I can stomach and I'm sure the ladies can move on

with their conversation but a horse coming through the window and dying bleeding out in front of your very eyes that changes the tone of things I don't think the horse gets cut

it's the impact that kills it it's the trauma it's dead before it's through the window. So it's kind of humane. In some ways, it's humane to punch a horse to death. Scientists maintain it is the most humane way to kill a horse. As long as you can kill it with one punch.

Yeah. That's the key. Because as soon as the hand strikes the horse, the horse will... It's curtains for the horse horse as long as you're good enough at punching horses yeah well good enough i say i say that there's more of a um you know a judgment word powerful enough at punching horses to kill one in one is that exclusively from physical power do you think or is there a mental there's some sort of mental

like strength and fortitude behind those almost like a chi like a chi flow flowing into the horse and only in the deepest of caffeine induced meditations do you have the strength wherewithal yep courage to summon it and focus it into a single punch like a one inch punch like what bruce lee used to do Bit to a horse Bruce Lee'd never do that to a horse Telling that for free He was a peace loving man And he loved animals He did love animals

But not this guy Not our coffee man In fact Our coffee man Challenged Mr Big Of Mr Big Of the eponymous

Mr Big's jascoozies Challenged him to a horse punch off On the Brooklyn Bridge Which is being presided over and judged none other than the Rating King Brady. That's right. The two

Mr Big and Coffee Guy stand back to back and in the middle of the bridge Yes. and at either end of the bridge

it is absolutely loaded with stallions and mares. They just keep sending them in from all the surrounding burrows. Brumbies that have been wrangled from the boroughs of Brooklyn. Horses from Manhattan. Horses from Queens.

Horses from the plains of Queens. Horses from the Bronx. Horses from Staten Island. Horses from Brooklyn. All of the horses. Hipster horses. They're coming in with their... They're wearing satchels and Birkenstocks, some of these horses.

And big thick-rimmed glasses that don't do it. They're actually just fashionable blinkers, but don't tell the horse that. They're wearing Yanatchels and Birkenstocks, some of these horses. And big thick-rimmed glasses that don't do it. They're actually just fashionable blinkers, but don't tell the horse that. They're wearing Yankees hats. They're wearing pinstripe business suits. And they're ironically drinking like schmuck-labeled beer. What's that label that they drink? Schmuck. It's labeled schmuck.

Yeah. Yeah, they're drinking it ironically, heavily ironically. And everyone's just sending in these horses, these different horses. And the horses are charging at them, and the two men scream a guttural cry. Yeah. Their battle cry rings out. The likes of which you have never heard. Through the airy streets of New York.

Big cries out, this is for Lazarus. Take back your evil, And we'll keep the hat Meanwhile Coffee guy says This is for Java Lord of coffee For JavaScript The software

For Java and JavaScript And all his descendants Which I developed Ten years ago He did He did And then he... Infused with the power of Java himself,

he gave birth to Java's son, JavaScript. A coding language principally responsible for large portions of the internet during the 90s. Not so much now. We're kind of heading more away from JavaScript these days. Well, you know what happened? He got distracted, didn't he? He stopped developing his software and started training.

He didn't know what for. Can you blame him? He didn't know why his body would just make him go for long 25-kilometer runs. Yeah, Java. That's 13 miles. Java was in him. 13 and a half miles. Java, bless him.

Java, bless Coffee Man. He was battling his own body at first, fighting the body's urge to exercise and train It impacted his relationship with his family It certainly impacted his work relationships Yeah Until one day When he was in the Bronx

And he saw a burning rubbish bin That was talking to him And it said I am Java, the one true God Go with this Caffeine bubbling Over the sides of the steel bin Hot to touch, too hot to drink

Bitter So they have their horse punch off Over extracted And the troubling news is 600 horses were swept away Into the Water Yeah, what is that?

What's the body of water that the Brooklyn Bridge goes over? I believe it's the Amazon. Is it? Yes. Where's the Hudson? The Hudson runs through parts of West Africa. Ah, I see. I'm getting my rivers mixed up the wrong way.

And your lakes. Yeah, absolutely. So, the Amazon. Yeah, absolutely So the Amazon Swept away into the Amazon Eaten by crocodiles Half a dozen thousand of them The Amazon ran red that day That's not right With the blood of horse

But one man emerged the victor According to Rat King Brady And that man was Mr Big Was it? That is correct Didn't know that He won out on the day according to Rat King Brady, and that man was... Mr. Big. Was it? That is correct. Didn't know that.

He won out on the day, fueled by the power of jacuzzi and invention. It was contentious, for the two men had both hit 299 horses. One horse had turned around and returned a macchiato, because it was too cold. The other horse, they both struck at the same time.

Mr. Big from on high. Yes. Coffee guy from below. And Mr. Big's arm flew through the entire horse, through the horse body. Wow. His lengthy arm. Wow. Until his fist came through the other side of the horse. Coffee guy's fist, of course, ended at the spine of the horse.

Whoa. Mr. Big raised his arm up. Yeah. An entire horse and Coffee Guy flailing with his hand stuck, entrenched within the horse guts. Wow. So he hadn't split the horse in twain. No.

He himself was betwixt the sides of the horse. The horse and Mr. Big were betwixt one another. Right. And they went on to have a loving and caring relationship. Oh, that's nice. The sides of the horse. The horse and Mr. Big were betwixt one another. Right. And they went on to have a loving and caring relationship. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. That's a good end.

Good end to that tale. One man and his horse. Jesus Christ. Got deep in there, huh? Hell of a journey, kid. Yeah, indeed. What was your shining light this week? Oh, it was a piece of... It's so obscure.

I don't even know why I bring it up, because most people haven't seen this movie week? It was a piece of music. It's so obscure. I don't even know why I bring it up because most people haven't seen this movie, but there's a piece of music. And good on you. Why don't we cancel the entire podcast? A piece of music that plays... It's just after Carrie's cheated on Big with Aiden, right? Yeah.

Just after the kiss. And it's so generic, but I love it. It's got this cool little bass line And it's kind of Electric And sounding It's sort of like Secret agent music

That's what I thought too It sounded to me like a spy movie Yeah But it could be used in anything It's the kind of music That could be used In a moment of tension In a romantic comedy

Or Would you describe this As a romantic comedy? No What is this? Genre wise I think it's meant to be a romantic comedy. I don't think it fulfills on either of those promises.

What do you get when you set out to be a romantic comedy and you are neither romantic nor comedic? This. Hey-oh! Sex and the City 2. Hey, what do you get? Try that joke in the club. Yeah, man.

Test that one out. But it's not... You can never argue it's a drama. I guess it is. It's a romantic comedy. It's a romantic dramedy. Rom-com. It's not a...

What do you think of the term dramedy? Well, as far as portmanteaus go, I like it. It's a portmanteau. Yeah. What? Not a portmanteaus go, I like it. It's a portmandeau. Yeah. What? Not a portmandeau. Wait, that would only work if the word was portmandeau. Have you been saying portmandeau this entire time?

Yes. Oh, no. That's not the word at all. It's portmanteau. You're confused, mate. Portmandeau. You're all mixed up in your brain box What was your shining light?

My shining light You definitely don't have one I can see it in your eyes What is there to enjoy? My shining light I've probably used it already But the sound mix The audio engineer

Deserves an academy award If only for the glass clink aboard the aeroplane. The HMS shit. And pick that entire scene where they're necking cocktails on the aeroplane I enjoyed. I like that the way they were taking advantage

of the good fortune that had befallen them to be riding this aeroplane for 13 hours. Just go to the bar and get tanked. Yeah. There's nothing quite like getting hammered on a plane too it's a very unique kind of we got pretty shit faced

when we went to Los Angeles on that plane ride but we took a sleeping pill and just that's the best probably the best sleep I've ever had it's deep

like in my life you don't wake up feeling crisp yeah that's true but I managed to sleep through like an entire... How long was that flight? Like 10 hours.

It was good. The other thing, of course, we should address is the magazine that Charlotte reads. She puts it down. In shock, it carries a suggestion that her and Biggie are going to take two days off a week from their marriage. And she puts it down on the ledge

and it comically and gently falls from the ledge by itself to the bud, by itself. Untouched. I like to think the ledge and it comically and gently falls from the ledge. By itself. To the bud. By itself. Untouched. I like to think the editors and Michael Patrick King were pouring over the footage. Just hoping there was another take. Someone tweeted that at us to bring it to our attention just today.

Just this morning. And I actually want to give them a shout out because we don't do that enough, Guy. You know, we don't acknowledge the wonderful people people The folks Who get in touch with us The people at home The people in their car You know what makes this What it is The people just doing

Household chores Playing it through Their house sound system Leaf Parker Is that how you say it L-E-I-F Leaf

Sounds good to me Leaf Parker So thank you for Shooting that gif on Through to us That also suggests To me Leaf That you've watched the film What's going on there Leaf. Sounds good to me. Leaf Parker. So thank you for shooting that gif on through to us. That also suggests to me, Leaf, that you watched the film. What's going on there?

Call a local. Oh, is this the same person? I think this is the same person who photoshopped our faces onto all of the girls on the shot when they were in the desert. Did you see that image at the time? I did see that image. It's a funny image. A little while ago. It? I did see that image. It's a funny image. A little while ago. It's terrifying is what it is. It's a little bit of me. It's a little bit of you. There's no goodness to it.

Oh, but we've got a still going. Yeah, yeah. It's not pretty. Well, do you have any other questions or comments? Thoughts to share? Yeah. Any other questions or comments, thoughts to share?

Yeah. I'm in a weird zone. Do you know what I mean? I feel like we're in a weird zone right now. Watch number 13 was never going to be particularly fun. Having it just a day and a half after when we last watched it is uh uniquely kind of painful doing it in the morning it's negates a little bit of it it's just too long and bad to focus on yeah it's so i couldn't maybe we could on the next one We could try and recount The plot That's what I was gonna try and do From top to bottom

I wanted to Do the pitch to you That we usually do with guests You wanna pitch it to me Yeah Right now Yes Okay

Well I'm a very busy man So please make this quick I understand And thank you I've got a coffee date With Adrian Grenier In five minutes Oh my goodness

Can I ask what kind of project You're pursuing? It's very exciting. I can't give you any more information than that. Hashtag the boys are back? We don't speak in hashtags, Adrian and I. Is it the Entourage movie? It's not the Entourage movie.

Oh. It's a different thing. It's an exciting new project that I'm working on with Adrian Grenier. Is it a documentary? Did you come here to hear about the projects I'm working on or did you come here... Mr. Montgomery, I've got a pitch for you. This is going to make both of us very, very rich men. I'm already incredibly wealthy.

And currency. Wow. I got in on Mr Big's jascoozie when the getting was still good. Are you kidding me? Yeah, a good friend of mine moved out to New York and launched a new business. I could have kicked myself. There was a guy who recommended I buy stock in Mr Big Big's Juscusi, and I dismissed him. I've got a 5% stakehold in the business.

I'm a very wealthy man. All right, well, look, I don't want to waste your time. But I'm frugal with my money. I'm looking to make a film. Okay. Here's what I think you and the movie-going audience of the world needs. Sex and the City 2. This is a franchise you know and love.

I am familiar. What if we got the girls After the first movie Where Carrie has decided to marry Big I enjoyed that I thought that was fantastic resolution It was a wonderful final chapter for the series For the franchise

Why don't we take that natural conclusion To it's natural conclusion Which is of course The four friends Travelling to the Middle East What Now I'll have to

Hit pause on this pitch for a second there I don't know that we need to necessarily If we're going to open this back up We don't want to just completely ignore Why on earth would the girls travel to the middle? Sex in the City has always been about American culture. The cutting edge of American culture. We started the TV show at a time where society was sick of seeing nothing but penises on TV.

They wanted to see vaginas. So we gave them four. Was that in the original meeting? Those were the terms in which you discussed. That's the synopsis upon which we made a TV show with HBO. Your writer's room perceives television shows in organs. For vaginas. Give them, the public, what they want for vaginas.

Sorry, I don't need to tell you this. You know this. It's always interesting to rehash, though. I know. Organs Give them The public What they want For vaginas So I don't need to tell you this You know this This is It's always interesting to rehash though I know Everyone remembers things differently You know

So What I'm suggesting to you now Is In the same way That America And the Middle East Are on a convergence course This

Right now Already sounds Like box office poison. We need to get the girls over to the Middle East to show the world that the American and Middle Eastern cultures can bubble together in a great big melting pot. I do not think we need to wade into the Middle East

with our culture. I couldn't disagree more. With due respect, montgomery people have looked to the tv show and the first movie sex in the city for their cues on how to form relationships with other people uh what to wear uh what they should do in the middle of the day when they're in man and are surrounded by three friends. And that of course is go for coffee or booze. Provided answers. So in the same way we are showing the world what they should be doing

and by world I mean America with regards to interacting with the Middle Eastern culture. These characters surely are not the spokespeople who we want to represent us. Absolutely. I couldn't think of better candidates peak of their sort of they're not necessarily even relevant well you're playing with fire i'm absolutely not i ask you is america in the peak of its powers has it slightly waned

recently i think we can all agree it has well why would we match two waning products and place them in a... It's the perfect metaphor to show everyone that when we combine with Middle Eastern cultures, we can form something beautiful and rise to prominence again. Imagine this. Let me paint you a picture. Miranda, Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha the desert, under a gazebo, surrounded by man-servants, who are Middle Eastern, from the United Arab Emirates, basically dropping grapes into their mouth, similar to ancient depictions of Greek gods. This is the image of what we want to put out there as the blueprint for how American and Middle Eastern cultures can work

together going forward. This does not sound smart. Let me paint another picture for you. Relatable in the least. Four American ladies being waited on hand and foot by Middle Eastern people. We're here to show the world

how America does business. How does America do business? We travel. We love to travel. We love to experience new things. We do love to travel. We love interacting with other cultures, particularly when they are providing us

with goods and services. Mockingly. We like engaging with other cultures mockingly. I think it would be fair to say We enjoy the odd jape For example I've just thought of this now But perhaps

When they touch down in Abu Dhabi One of the residents there Could ask them how the flight was Because that's a standard question One would be asked And I don't know Let's say Samantha could offer up Was like a magic carpet ride

Oh now that does tickle me You know? That gets me right on my funny bone. Now, what I want to do is bring Aiden back into the fold because all of our testing shows that people, they really enjoyed Aiden. I kissed him once. Did you?

At a party. How were his lips? Wonderful, supple. They look supple. He sucks them in moisturizer. What I'm proposing is that those... He built his own moisturizer bath. It's an inverse bath. He soaks them in moisturizer. What I'm proposing is that those... He built his own moisturizer bath. It's an inverse bath.

He puts it on his lips. Those supple, moisturized, pulled, fully hydrated lips are going to be smacking a big old kiss on the now married Carrie. Oh, no. Yes, that is where our tension is. What I'm thinking is I want to put the moment of tension about 30 minutes away from the end of the film. The film is, of course, two and a half hours.

I forgot to mention that. You had me for a second. This sounds unreasonably, unseasonably long. No, listen. The movie content as it is, you have told me nothing of anything. The audience will be with us. All you have is a person kissing a former lover. Liza Minnelli.

What if Liza Minnelli's in the movie? Is that Dame Judi Dench's daughter? Yes, it is. Yes, the famous British stage actress turned silver screen darling, Dame Judi Dench, mother to the nation of Britain. Mother of a nation. Is also mother to Liza Minnelli.

Little known fact. That is a little known fact. Maybe we could do a documentary about that. Yeah, I think that would be an interesting side project. An origin story. Maybe you do that with Adrian Grenier. I don't know. It's up to you.

Adrian is going to love this. But what I'm proposing. Speaking of, you've got to wrap this thing up because I've got to go. I understand. Sex in the City 2. open on a gay wedding or chuck lies manali in there if that's going to get this thing across the line that will help we fuck around for a couple hours then we pash aiden that's a movie how does everything resolve well uh i'm spitballing here. I hadn't actually thought of the ending yet. But what if, to reward Carrie's moxie and forthright behavior, Big buys her a diamond ring for cheating on him?

Could it be a blood diamond? We can make that happen. 100%. Let's make a movie. Okay, fantastic. I'm just going to need about $180 million because the women aren't talking at the moment and they're going to need a big old carrot

to get them to sign off on this. Does that sound agreeable? Certainly. And we'll sell all the dead air as ad space. Great. Well, I've provided about two hours where nothing's going on, so there's a lot of room

where we can just chuck some products in there. Should be good. I'll invest all of my jiscusy money in this fantastic hey well Mr Montgomery thanks again for your time

so we meet again at the same time in place next week yes absolutely I look forward to it and I'll talk to you then bye bye it's the worst idea

of all time it's the worst idea of all time it's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season 2