The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Eight - Melbourne

Episode Date: April 1, 2017

The boiz are together in the city of Melbourne, Australia watching WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS in a hotel room. Taking their microphones to the streets have left some audio quality lacking but plenty of sunny insights from the boys; Johnny Depp is Tim's true star of the 38th watch of the film, Guybo is swimming in rivers he shouldnt' and the pair are being interrupted by fellow street walkers in the great city.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Are you going to play that dastardly intro? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow!

This movie's still fine. There's a cully bastard. One of them dies, that guy's screw. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree!

Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Episode 38, recorded live in Melbourne, Australia. My name's Guy Montgomery. And my name is Tim Batt. And we are just leaving Tim's lovely hotel room here at the Downtowner on Ligon Street. The Comfort Inn. As we go on a quest to somehow make this conversation about the abomination that is we are your friends

even remotely interesting. All right, we are leaving the hotel room. We've just finished the watch. Flip that sign off so we can get some room service. And by we, Tim does mean exclusively him. I'm not sharing a hotel room with him. It's not room service if it's just the turndown, eh? Is that what it's called?

When they clean your shit up. That thing. I don't know. That's bog-standard hotel fodder, mate. I'm not used to it. How swanky are you, by the way? Lifestyle I'm not used to. Yeah.

You've got shades on inside. You're staying in a hotel. It's not the Timbette I fell in love with. No. It's a brand new me, mate. I'm just trying to be my best self. And can you blame me for that? I can't and will not.

Oh, and it is a brisk but bright and crisp sunny day here in Melbourne, Australia. I would estimate if I was the human thermometer, I would say the degrees is 16. Yeah, and I got to tell you, I'm wearing pants, closed-toe shoes, a t-shirt and a hat. I couldn't be happier with my outfit choice, and I love this temp. I love 16. Yeah, 16's the shit. It's that good kind of 16 where when you get in the sun, it's about 19, but the rest of it is 16, and it's a still 16. You can do anything you want at 16.

Not a breath of wind. Tim, it's roughly 10 16. You can do anything you want at 16. Not a breath of wind. Tim, it's roughly 10 something AM. Yeah. First thing I did this morning. 10.23. I got up and much to the chagrin of myself, first point of order was getting up, coming to your hotel room to watch We Are Your Friends.

I remember last week I was complaining loudly to anyone who would listen that I don't enjoy this being the reason to get out of bed. And yet here we are, round two. Well, round 38, really. It hasn't changed. We were very rude to the movie this week. Yeah, we were exceptionally disrespectful this week. But at some point

there's got to be a cut off in every relationship where you just don't take anymore and you kind of assert yourself a bit and we certainly did a bit of that this week to be honest bro and and let's kick off with this it was just so fucking lovely to hang out with you yeah like a full hour and a half it's just it was great to have you back in my life Because Yeah While the Skype calls Do facilitate the necessity Of us watching the film together Once a week Every week This is a

It's just a better vibe When we're together You know I think also When we're When these reunion episodes Whereby we've spent time apart And we do get back together

I think that's why We're so rude to the movie Is it's like It's like you're seeing A friend who you haven't seen For a're so rude to the movie is it's like it's like you're seeing a friend who you haven't seen for a while and they're kind of well and then also and there's like this third like yeah somehow they weaseled their way onto the invitation list and it's like oh like we still you don't want to include them in the conversation but you kind of have to include them in the conversation because they're there that is the perfect analogy figure it out yeah

no one wants you here yeah i'm hanging out with my friend who i haven't seen in a while and we're trying to catch up jesus it's a cool bird hey it's real cool bird um it's just fucking abide just a few social graces just use your common sense yeah i wish the movie would leave at this point but um but the good thing was that uh i had my good buddy Guy Montgomery there to keep me company

we started off on chairs we finished watching on the bed not in the bed

my shoes were on the whole time for those of you who are wondering how intimate it got

I love fucking with my shoes on today was no exception Tim when I

rolled you over as Zicoli rolled Somaly over. Oh, come on. And I slowly said, I said, bite your lip. It's too early. And you said, I will not bite my lip. It's too early. And I said, well, tally-ho, gents.

It's not even noon yet. It's not even 11 yet. It's too early for this kind of chat. And yet we've drunk a beer. Yeah, we did have a lovely cold Leo, which I bought a six-pack of yesterday, chucked it in the fridge. Actually, we tried to record a friend zone

the day before yesterday and didn't because I couldn't find the cable that connects the microphone to the thing that records what the microphone picks up. Turns out it was in my suitcase the whole time. You know, just a classic worst idea goof, isn't it? That is us. It's canon. Man, if we had our own IMDB page

the list of goofs on that thing would be bottomless. It'd be it. Remember that time when we kept going for walks and losing the recording? Oh, dude. I certainly hope... Let's go left. I certainly hope that's not what's happening here. Hold on, good buddy.

The other thing is, let me paint a pitch for you guys so we're walking the streets of downtown Melbourne at the moment and we're tethered together because We're both talking into microphones that are connected to the same recording device. So it's a kind of a symbiotic Astronaut type relationship that I feel with you at the moment. We're heading for, I think it's the Carlton Gardens, or maybe the Fitzroy Gardens, whatever it is. There's a big floral show on, a lot of old people walking around in colourful clothes. Oh, my God. So, my hotel has been overrun like a zombie apocalypse

by the elderly, who just shuffle around early in the morning banging cutlery too loud for me, and just wondering out loud about where they're supposed to be and where they currently are. What do you the morning banging cutlery too loud for me and just wondering out loud about where they're supposed to be and where they currently are. What do you mean banging cutlery? I was awoken this morning. Well, I kind of woke up with my involution

because I'm a bit off the time zone here. But at quarter to seven, it was just so much cutlery rattling around. Well, you know, that was probably room service. They walk around with a big bag of cutlery every morning in that hotel you're staying in bring out your dad bring out your dad get your cutlery and all of them poke their head out they go what and they go get your cutlery so you can cut open a flower i don't know that's what you're trying to do there tie all the things together

yeah i was you get warmed up aren't I am. Well, the reason we're here is the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, which means that you, lucky listener, can look forward to a cavalcade of guests who will make sure

that we centralise our focus in discussing the movie. Not today, though. We left our own devices. We will do anything, but let's take a left here. These are beautiful gardens. What I don't like, though, is that this is like a world heritage site or something, these gardens.

I saw it on a plaque yesterday when I went for a walk. And they've closed it off. It's normally open to the public, but they've closed it off for this Melbourne International Garden and Flower Show. And it's $30 to get a ticket for one day. $30. I can only imagine. That's what all the old people are doing in my hotel, by the way. And the beauty of the flowers in there.

I looked in yesterday and there was something called Achievable Garden Avenue, which I think is like, you're going to see a lot of fabulous botanics in this here display. But we're going to give you something that's actually attainable. This is the plebeian version of what you can realistically do with your budget. You don't pay $30 to walk down an avenue of achievable gardens. I don't go out for a meal to have a chef serve me something I can cook at home. Exactly. Here's spaghetti on toast.

We call it the achievable meal for the common day plebe. This is a bad business model, chef. Imagine if you went to an art gallery and the stuff on display was like, you can make this. Hey, well, I've been to Momo. Whoa! Very fancy. I think we're freaking out the elderly now as well.

Yeah, well, we are walking past the side of the garden display and just a couple of boys more or less shouting out loud, holding a couple of big booming microphones. Oh, that's all good, though. Big booming Barry tones. That's all good. Did you see I've swapped up the foam cover, the windsock on there, so it's no longer a bright and eye-catching yellow.

Yeah. And there's now a more subtle black. A much more subtle black. Which is good. It helps you blend in, which is you kind of want everything on your side when you're talking about we are your friends for the 38th time in downtown Melbourne. You've got to make sure you've got everything on your side. Tim, star of the show.

Who's the star of the show this week? Johnny Depp without question. Oh, words I never thought I would hear escape your mouth. Well, let's go through it. Johnny Depp is the king drug pin, which seems to drive a lot of this plot. He's also the connective tissue to Paige, which is like the main antagonist in this film as well.

And I would hasten to add that he's probably the reason why Skrill dies. I mean, that's definitely the case according to Jarhead and probably the case according to me because he seems to be the main drug runner of the crew. So by star of the show you mean the guy i was sort of looking for a standout performance but you've seen through no no better yet you've seen through that and have have have a a new take on not a new take but you've seen the film through a different lens you think that he's the catalyst for the i think he's the literal

star of the movie like it doesn't mean that he did a good performance or that I like him, but it means that this is his movie. It's the Johnny Depp show. So when all the actors got the script, Johnny Depp getting to play the role of Johnny Depp, that was the juiciest. He was the most excited of all the performers.

He was like, fuck, I'm going to have a lot of fun with this. Yeah, and well, if you read the script 38 times, because sometimes it takes you a quick minute to just get on board with that truth. The thing is, you can be easily dazzled by the fact that there's an A-lister in the form of Zac Efron in this film and get tricked into thinking that he is the star. But it's not true.

It's Johnny Depp. It's very interesting to me. Who do you think of all of the Key performers The lead Actors Within the film Who was like Just hanging on

Like who was the most Pumped to be there Just sort of like Out of their depths Just hanging on This week For me It was

Paige's girlfriend In the brunch Cafe scene She was pumped to be there She was real pumped to be there She doesn't get a line, unfortunately. She's just sort of metaphorically... No, well, she's a female character

in the world of We Are Your Friends. Never a good position to be in, eh? No, it's a very weak entry point. I assume, though, that she seems like the kind of person, I'm not sure what I'm basing this on, that that's maybe the best credit on her IMDb page to date as well. And credited, presumably, and not even a character name.

I mean, because if you gave her a character name in the credits, then no one would know to whom you are referring. But if you called her Paige's girl or Paige's brunch partner. I guess it could be Paige's girlfriend, because no one else occupies that space in the film. We know for a fact Paige ain't. You can't tie that man down. He is busting to fuck

constantly good is the city by the way we're just walking into the um what is it we walk past the imax in the melbourne museum yeah it's the melbourne middle of carlton gardens god damn it they know how to do public spaces correctly in this town eh i say and it's a young it is a young town i think it's only only been around since40, but they've really established themselves on the, you know, they've got a great grid system in place. It's really easy to get around, know where you are, a lot of great public amenities, beautiful river, the Yarra, which I've been swimming in every day.

How's that treating you? Well, I'm pretty sick, Tim, but it feels good to get wet in the morning. What kind of sick are you coming down with as a result of the Yarra? I don't know. I think just blood poison i just i'm quite weak you got yarrow fever yeah that's what you got that's what they call it um what i like about this town is they build everything out of brick you know you like that i love it i love a bit of brick don't do that in new zealand i think because we're positioned so much on the Pacific Rim where all the volcanic and seismic activity

happens that brick's not always the best idea. It's interesting, eh? Maybe it was just cheaper to build shit out of wood. I don't know. Look at these fucking people filing in. Is this for the garden show? I promised my delightful partner, Sophie,

I said, we will go to this garden show at some point during our time in Melbourne. And to see both the demographic and volume of people waiting to enter, I immediately regret. Did you know the price as well when you made that commitment? No, I didn't know anything about it. I was just like, I keep going, every year when the festival's on, this flower show's on. Oh, really? Yeah, I would love to see it. I was just like, I keep going, every year when the festival's on, this flower show's on. Oh, really?

Yeah. I would love to see it. Oh, so this was driven by you. What was? The promise to go to the flower show with your partner. Yeah, I was like, fuck it. Every time I want to see it. All right.

Jump a fence. Do yourself a favour. Yeah, exactly. It's fine, I think, if you have those ideas and dreams and you keep them inside. But once you say them out loud to someone, you're beholden to your own promise. I actually reckon that's the only reason I do anything in life. Because you told someone you would?

Yeah, exactly. If I didn't tell anyone... If you left your own devices? Yeah, I would be probably still playing Grand Theft Auto V since it came out. Why wouldn't you be too? I don't know if it equals a happy life, to be honest. It's one of those things where you go,

in the short term, it's very satisfying. But in the long term, you kind of don't really have a life. So very careful here. You are blowing the lid on the entire gaming industry. It's a fragile industry. No, no, no. It's like anything. It's got its place.

You know what I mean? It's got its way. I had to truly make the decision to to stop gaming because i wanted to kind of um cultivate other areas of my life because i tell you what man i get on that buzz yeah i give it a lot i give a lot of time i give a lot of attention i think think anyone... Yeah, I had to stop owning a console. After university, I was like, do you know what is a huge impediment to my quality of life and ability to do anything?

It's this fucking Xbox 360. Yeah. I just love Madden. I love it. I love it. That's a good timestamp on when you went to tertiary education as well. The Xbox 360. It's something this movie, I don't necessarily know will suffer from, but I think modern day movies it's a good time stamp on when you went to yeah it is tertiary education as well think about that

it's something this movie i don't necessarily know will suffer from but i think modern day movies with the rate at which technology is advancing yeah it's so difficult for them not to date themselves like you kind of need to skirt around the use of phones and technology oh fuck yeah if you want which they do not skillfully pull off from We Are Your Friends. Well, I mean, the OC to me was so cutting edge at the time. And if you revisit it, the fashion and phones are hysterical. What era was the OC? That was like mid-2000s, right? Early to mid.

Early to mid. O3 was sort of its... Yeah, that sounds about right. I was watching it in high school. Just being like, God damn, what am I doing growing up here in Christchurch, New Zealand? I belong on the orange counter on the coast. Was that seriously your takeaway from that series?

No, it wasn't. I hope not, because it didn't look like they were leading very happy lives. They were full, they were fruitful, but I don't know if they were happy. No, they weren't the happiest people. What you can hear in the background is the... Misha Barton killed a bunch of... Oh, she killed someone, didn't she, in the end? She killed Ryan's brother, Trey, and it wasn't even at the end.

It should have been the end. I think a lot of the diehard fans consider that the end, but I stuck around and finished the remaining two seasons. Was there shit after that? Was there two seasons after that? Yeah, like, I think even Marissa left the show, and then they developed a character who was her younger sister. I can't remember her name, but she wound up dating Chris Brown,

who played a band geek. And boy, oh boy, at the time, he was kind of this butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, quite lovable R&B presence. He had that breakout single, Excuse Me Miss. Yeah. A beautiful, chivalrous song. He was deceiving us.

Isn't it interesting how time has a lot of surprises in store for us? Absolutely. But all of them good. Far from all of them good. Yeah. So who, in your mind, was the star of the film this time around? Star of the show. Tim, I thought you'd never ask.

And yet here I am asking. Richard, son of Tanya. He doesn't get a lot of screen time, but what he does with it is incredible. First of all, he didn't even have to be at the record of her dialogue when she was on the phone to Ziccoli at Gold Star Realty Solutions. It was meant to be just her and Ziccoli. They were going to just edit in generic child noises in the background. I can almost hear people in the back of my mind

saying we'll do it in post. Yeah. I can hear them saying it. This kid, all of six years old, said absolutely fucking not. I'm coming to set. If I'm in the scene, I'm on the scene, you know? And he shows up and he gargles

and he makes all sorts of childlike noises. And then the day they show up to record at Tanya Romero's house, who brings his own pencil case, his own colouring books, his own coloring books, his own spreadsheets? Richard. What a pro.

Yeah. Great on set. He was. Real joy to work with. He also was in charge of unit. And I think Max from Joseph and the production got into quite a lot of trouble around child labor laws for getting a six-year-old to take care of all the cast and crew's meals.

And also, I mean, Richard made a lot of people very sick. He served up a lot of Play-Doh spaghetti. A lot of people were vomiting for a long time. That's why they missed out a lot of key scenes, which would have made the movie a stronger overall offering. Is that what happened? Yeah. They put a kid in charge of the craft table,

and he was busting out bloody Play-Doh donuts for everyone. This kid loves showing up to work. He's got a great attitude. Everyone's excited when he's around. He's a positive presence. Let's fucking see what he can do in the kitchen. And he's six, you guys. This isn't Junior Masterchef.

This is a film set. You shouldn't put a six-year-old in charge of unit. And yeah, he made everyone very sick. We're now sharing a pathway with cyclists and i realized that as we're walking too abreast yeah we're probably going to create a few problems wow i mean we've got to take over the road here oh sure we just got to make sure we don't get hit by one of melbourne's famous trams yeah although what a great way to go out you know they've got these warning signs everywhere which is a rhinoceros atop a skateboard, which is...

Why is Melbourne's main unit of measurement in terms of weight and force a rhinoceros? I fucking love it, because what it's showing you is that in spite of the fact that it's going slow, it definitely will not stop when it hits you, much like a rhinoceros on a skateboard. A rhinoceros is capable, I think, of hitting speeds on land up to 40 kilometers, which is pretty quick.

And secondably, I know you're meant to be the big marriage expert. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. Your wife is dead. Is that a Friends reference? No, Friends isn't capable of that. That is Tobias Funke. Oh, that's right. Oh, my God, I missed an AD. That's okay. Yeah, no,'t capable of that. That is Tobias Fumke. Oh, that's right. Oh, my God, I missed an AD.

That's okay. Yeah, no, that was bloody good. I love that joke because it's so much darker than any other joke they made on the whole show. Every season. Tobias missing it completely. David Cross, do you reckon he came up with that line himself? No, the writing on that show was so tight. Yeah, that's true, actually. That was my entry point of David Cross, do you reckon he came up with that line himself? Nah, the writing on that show was so tight Yeah, that's true actually

That was my entry point of David Cross And then I discovered Mr Show and his stand-up And I was like, wow, he was really playing against type very convincingly here Fuck, his stand-up is so good, I love it He's got this great special, I can't remember the name of it Where he starts off having a date in a restaurant And then someone runs up to him, to his table, and goes, Oh, David Cross, David Cross, hi.

I've just, it's my brother's birthday, and we're just having a few friends across the road. I wonder if you could just come and, like, say hi, maybe tell a joke, and it'd really make his birthday, it'd really make the night for him. And he goes, Oh, yeah, sure. And he walks in, and it's one continuous shot of him walking from the date across the road into the venue and then he just starts the special all in one continuous shot and it's no cheats no cheats it's so impressive it's so awesome you gotta be pretty laxed to be at a level where you're like yeah the way i'll start recording my special in front of a thousand

people yeah in a restaurant over the road like and I mean, even the camera crew would have to be pretty fucking confident that it's going to work out. Do you know what I think podcast listeners love? What? Comedians talking about comedy. Boy, if I know one thing about the podcast listening audience, it's that. For sure. I love it. They gobble it up. Oh, boy. we're about to hit the iconic suburb of

uh brunswick well we need to turn back then oh we got a phone no i've got internet on my phone okay i see and i got a set of headphones so we can take the meeting no i don't know about that you want to turn back? Hey guys, we're pulling back the curtain now We interrupt this boring chat about comedians Talking about other comedians To bring you Admin From Tim and Guy We've got all the best flavours through the podcast this week

Hey, you know what we do need to take care of though Let's get to the paperwork end of things Okay, please 6, 7, 8 Gettin' sentimental with James Reid. That's never been more in sync the last six weeks. Yeah. It's good to have you back, baby.

I haven't listened back to any of our attempts at singing that garbled theme song. I was revived, to be honest. I synced the audio up at the start, and now I just push it out to the man. Let the taster decide. Hey, this is a great cafe, by the way. Should I give him a plug? I know its name. If you want.

If you're in Melbourne. Do whatever the fuck you want, bro. Check out Grub. Oh, I love it. So, let's get to the business. The thing I noticed this week was that the MacBook Pro box is inside of a bag. Yeah. And my belief, upon watching the film for the 38th time,

is that inside the MacBook Pro box is going to be another bag in which is another box, in which is another bag, in which is another box. And do you know what's in that tiny little box at the very bottom of the third bag? What? Like leftover Chinese takeout. Yeah.

Like a small kind of, quite a wet noodle dish. Uh-huh. And James Reid was like, oh, I've got to drive this home in my nice car. I don't want to get Chinese noodle juice on the leather upholstery. So what does he do? Puts it in a bag. And he's like, it's quite a thin, flimsy bag.

I'm not feeling so good about this. Puts it in a box, puts it in another bag. By the time he thinks to give it to Zicoli, can I tell you this, Tim? Yes. That is rancid. The Chinese food's no good. That's right.

It's pretty much dated horribly. It's going to make him, if Zicoli eats even a mouthful of that, he's going to get violently ill. It's very distracting. We're really going multi-platform discipline there. Tim was recording a video of us as we were talking. He's trying to. We're really going multi-platform discipline there. Tim was recording a video of us as we were talking. He's trying to get

a lovely photo of us walking the streets. But yeah, I couldn't agree with you more. I think he's taken... It's a box and a bag and a box and a bag and a box and a bag with Chinese at the end. Oh, sorry there, folks. Not bad. He's taken... Aren't they fucking friendly here? They are. They're lovely people.

Bloody Aussie cobbers. He's taken every precaution he can to prevent leakage seepage spillage yeah fuck you Tommy Little

hey we're just saying how friendly you guys are where are your clock that's passes by just yelling at us Australian comedy icon

Tommy Little oh god host of Australia's whose line is it anyway oh I didn't recognize him in three dimensions that's okay it's brilliant hey check that out on i was going to go to the network but i can't remember which one it's on an australian streaming platform yeah good day mate i tell you what it's like the clipboard theory folks if you're wearing a hard hat and you've

got a clipboard and a high-vis on you you'll get all access entry if you're walking around too abreast with microphones attached to you, people will treat you good. A lot of Australian people are very curious about what you're doing and trying to get their slice of the 15 seconds we're currently enjoying. And we're on the wane, motherfuckers, so back off. Get out of my mic space. There is an ever-diminishing spotlight for us to occupy.

We couldn't possibly fit you in for a moment. I'm sorry. You know, two-thirds of the way through grown-ups to sure get on the microphone have a good time with me we're ascendant superstars two-thirds of the way through where are your friends these boys are the most flaccid bodies limping their way to the finish line but in spite of that trying to milk every last juice oh yeah every last drop of juice from that decrepit orange that we possibly can you imagine the confusion of a farmer who's like all right love just out of milk

the cows and he milks one of the cows and it's just juice straight juice orange juice yeah fuck that'd be hog wild daisy what you've been eating all my oranges for that's not how it works if you eat oranges you don't shit or piss orange Well humans don't but I don't know how cows work I know they've got a lot of stomachs So maybe it's a different thing What would be amazing for me is if you got Cows to eat a bunch of oranges

And then there was some sort of process that happened In their eight guts where it turned it into booze And it came out like Is it four? Fermented orange cider Yeah cider I guess it'd be kind of a cider wouldn't it in my head it was like a um like a vodka cruiser like an rtd as we call them in new zealand real sugary the word fermented is thrown out there i'm like oh it's a cider

right i don't know why i always think of rice wine can i share share something with you, Tim? I'd love it if you would. Haven't had one of those in a while. You're welcome. For those of you who aren't here watching us live, which is all of you, I just got a lovely little kiss on the nape of my neck from Guy Montgomery for... A good reason. And the reason is... I'm in love with you, dude.

God damn it, Just say it. Come on. Give me this. I will tell you this. Yes. You're a real piece of shit, Timbett. Oh, no. You're stealing my one.

No, my shining light, if I may. I made a note of it literally as soon as the film started because that's how early I found it. I also knew if I chose a shining light at the start of the film, I could have a slightly more relaxed approach to engaging with it throughout. Had it. So Coley, it is known, could have run track at UC Davis. apart from the fact that they show him running a lot in the movie and he is in fantastic shape,

there's never really been enough supporting evidence for mine to qualify that statement. Yet on watch 38, what should I discover? Tucked away in the background of frame as he builds another terrible EDM track. Yep.

But two, count them, two. Dos. Track and field trophies. In and out of focus, mostly out in the background of frame. And I was like, fucking points to you, art department. That's the sort of attention to detail that's going to set this movie apart. Those set dresses, they have a good time, don't they? You know, I would argue that we are the most set dress positive podcast.

Yeah. Set dress positive. I like that we are the most set-dress-positive podcast. Yeah. Set-dress-positive. I like that. On the market. I think you could be right. And it's important to have your niche. It doesn't matter what it is. You've just got to occupy something.

You know what we're occupying? Set positivity. That's right. We love it. What was your shening leet? I'm so glad that you asked, Guy. Jesus Christ, what have we encountered? Look at that.

There's a sign that's saying everything is free. Well, yeah, that's the case when it's all garbage. Quite a big statement. We've just walked. We were in the middle of a, well, basically a tip. And what do you call this, suburban Melbourne? It's sort of like downtown but also suburban Melbourne and there's just rubbish everywhere with a sign saying free, help yourself.

It says everything is free, which is bigger than a statement pertaining to the garbage they've left on the streets. It's a philosophical statement of intent. It's quite a broad philosophical statement, exactly. I like that. Look, let's not beat around the bush here, shall we? Let's get right to the heart of the matter. I don't have time for it.

Let's dig in. I don't have time for it. Let's dig in. I don't have time for a start, can I tell you that? Let's get rid of all of the baubles and the trinkets. I feel as you're describing what we're getting rid of, you're putting more of them in the way. Let's cut through it. Let's cut the red tape. Let's slash regulation.

Yes. And let's get to the bones of what we're here to talk about, which is my shining light. Let's ignore all the things in our way trying to distract us. Let's get rid of the noise Let's remove the clutter from our lives through the racket that is taking place on these Melbourne streets and Let it get down to the bare bones of it if I may what was let's get it. Let's dive in the pool Yeah, let's take our trunks off

Let's get nutty And get hit by a tram You know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying Let's get really in front of that moving rhinoceros on a skateboard And just throw caution to the wind Those more modern trams Yes

They go faster Yeah they do They go faster than the oldies It's coming from a man who's driven into a tram Well the tram hit me But I have had a car crash with a tram. Was that in the South Island? That was in Christchurch, New Zealand.

Now, please, Tim, if we may cut through the baubles, the bush, the trams, the tram cleaning network of Melbourne City, the beautiful architecture, the beautiful people, the grass, the garden show, the tennis courts, the Carlton Gardens, and get down to the nitty gritty. Yours, please. When James Reid from The Feelers and Zac Efron, the crying DJ known as Zicole, are engaged in armed combat in a bathroom at a strip club,

the altercation is kicked off by James Reid punching Zicole once in the face. Yes. Zicole's reaction to this is not to shy away from the fight or even to defend himself in the least. It is not to cower or try to make his way to an exit. It is to stand blindly in the exact same position he was in before the punch to the face, and I've got time for that. Yeah.

And Sean threw the movie for me. It's a baller move, no doubt. I think he was just... And the question as well is, did you fuck her? And Zicole doesn't say anything, and then he gets punched, and then James Reid from The Feelers asks again, did you fuck her? And then he gives a little smirk, and he gets hit in the face for the second time. The smirk's cool.

We've talked about the smirk before, but I think it's very intimidating when you're getting beat down. I haven't had the pleasure of doing this. I've been punched in the face once before. Oh, let's take a look at that. No, no, no, we don't have time for that. Surely we do. I wasn't nearly as cool as the Coley.

How old were you? 22, maybe, 23. Did it't have time for that. But I wasn't... Surely we do. I wasn't nearly as cool as the Coley. How old were you? 22, maybe, 23. Did it take place at a sort of party? No, no, no, it took place just off Queen Street, Auckland, New Zealand. Did you know the assailant, or was this a random... Random. Oh, that sucks. I was mugged.

Oh, mate. Oh, this rings a bell, actually. I think maybe you have mentioned this to me. There were lots of them, and I was trying to reason with them. Bloody. I said, give us your phone. And I said. How about a don't?

Or more or less. I said, oh, come on, guys. That's my phone. And then they punched me in the head. And I was like, okay. And they were like, give us your wallet. And I was like, guys, that's my wallet. And then one of them threw a cinder block that crashed into the wall like 10 centimeters next to me.

And I was like there's my wallet Jesus Christ and then they dispersed that's I got punched when I was about how old was I

about 21 I think 22 in Auckland as well there you go with that you know who I was with who two mates of ours

who won't mean anything to anyone else Barnaby and Ryan we all got fucking decked by a big group of I would love to see Ryan getting decked by a big group of cunts. I would love to see Ryan getting decked. Excuse me.

Excuse my language. I'm so sorry. No, no, no. You really went hog wild there. I'm sorry about that. I apologize. You should beep it so that people don't know what offensive word you used. They know.

They know old Timbo's language by now. They know his lexicon. I know. It's a problem. Hey, well, yeah, I mean, and you can probably relate to it as well then. To just stand there and be like, it doesn't make a difference how many times you punch me. I'm sweet with it. Yeah.

That's a fucking stare down, dude. That's intimidating. Yeah, but it can kind of probably backfire because if you're in a group situation where people have something to prove to their mates, they're probably going to come at you twice as hard on that second hit. Yeah, I don't like that. It works in a one-to-one scenario, I think. Which is weird. That's what Zicoli applies.

Zicoli, yeah, brought it to the fall. So, yeah. There you go. It was good. It was my shining light. Didn't you know, but? You got one. I wanted to open the floor to one.

Oh, I see. You just wanted to know if I spotted any improv. Correct. Or impro, as they call it here in Australia. Really? Yeah. It's got a V, dudes. Come on. It doesn't need to. I mean, it's an abbreviation, so technically they're doing it right by taking off an extra letter.

But impro sounds dumb to me. Well, then why don't we call it imp? You know, there's a clarity factor to it. Or just I. factor to it. Or just I. No, but look, dude, I was paying the movie so little mind this week, what you're asking

of me is frankly unreasonable. Given that you were with me in the room as I was disrespecting the movie. Dude, this is what our friendship's based on. I like to challenge you and I like to stretch you out. Yeah, it's true. At one point, I was stretched out. I was lying on the bed. I pushed my tummy up as far as it would go so I looked pregnant.

Yes. And I said to Tim, touch my tummy, poke my belly button and you recoiled in disgust. Yes, I did. Which I think is a perfectly normal response to that request. Yeah. Considering the circumstances, I think I did good. Did the right thing. It's interesting what this project can do to a friendship, do to a man, do to a woman, I imagine. Yeah. Do to anyone. It's just not right. It's not cricket.

But here's the no-but this week, folks, and I'm so glad that you're as pumped as I am to bring it to you. There is a moment in the film where Zac Efron's character, Zicoli, gets punched in the face inside a bathroom at a strip club. And the decision that the actor made in that moment was to not flinch from the first punch because he knows that a second one's coming. And I just thought that it was such a powerful bit of impro,

I'm using the local... Yeah, you're using the local vernacular. ...local lingo, that it really just stayed with me. And I was very impressed by it. I was taken with Zac Efron's choices that he made in the moment. And I'm glad that on that particular take, everyone was doing their job correctly. Lighting was on point.

Makeup had got his cuts sorted. There's so much opportunity in the filmmaking process for something to go wrong. Oh, totally. As well we know. To get an improvised take right on the roll, hats off, bravo, brava, to the crew, to the cast. To all the Josephs, maximum, minimum, and all in between.

To the young team who were in charge of unit, who we are your friends, and to the paramedics who had to come in on very short notice, very early in the morning, and haul out 50% of the cast and crew who were violently ill. Hats off to everyone involved in the production. Hats off to you, Tim. Cheers to you.

Also, Guy Montgomery. Guys, we're going to have to wrap up, but let us use this platform and opportunity to say that we're both in Melbourne, so please come out and see us. That's absolutely right. Tim, your show is called Ladies and Gentlemen. I believe you're playing in the neighbourhood of Collingwood. Yeah, you got it.

If people want to head along to that, how can they do it? They go to timbat.co.nz. That's great. Or Z. Maybe you're American. Probably are. I've seen the stats. But then it's probably not relevant for you,

so I stick with my original pronunciation. If you want to see my solo stand-up comedy show, it's called Let's All Get in a Room Together. And if you look up Guy Montgomery Melbourne, you'll find it. Or you can head along to my website, guymontcomedy.com And more than that, and excitingly because we've been teasing this for a few weeks now,

we are doing a live episode of the podcast while we're here in Melbourne during the festival. It's going to happen at the European Beer Cafe on Sunday, April 9th. If you head along to our Facebook page, you can join the event. And more excitingly, we're going to be joined by special guests from Boners of the Heart, Rose Matafaya and Alice Sneddon. The worst boner of all time.

Get your tickets. They're only $15, and it is going to sell out. So you want to jump on it. Look at the professionalism on this guy. I got the goods, baby. You sure do. Until next time, folks, we're going to be recording a lot of shit in Melbourne for you.

We're going to try and pump it out to you. Just get in that factory. Get ready, yeah. Make sure, if you haven't subscribed, do it. What the fuck? Would you listen to the odd episode of West Idea of All Time? If there is anyone, it could just be one person. Get on it. They're going to get

better. Alright. Take care everybody. Bye bye. You forget that Looks like Johnny Depp And his name is Johnny Depp Classic Maximum Joseph You forget that films are supposed to have a point Thanks for listening to this podcast If you're thirsty for another, why not try That's the first line Oh no, it starts in the dinosaur times

Oh yeah, but all movies at the moment start in the dinosaur times. I think that's, yeah. You need to set the context for your movie, which is dinosaurs were around and then they all died. We need to know if this is a movie in which dinosaurs exist or is this like a religious movie made with a Christian slant where we see the world being created in seven days. There's a new movie, Slamma Jamma, I think, which is a big Christian movie that's out about basketball. Right. So that will not start on Dinosaur Town. That starts 6,000 years ago. You've got to put it in now.

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