The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Eight - Walk

Episode Date: November 11, 2015

Brought to you by BIGPIPE! Guy and Tim got bored so they've grabbed the microphone and roamed the streets of suburban New Zealand. Their trip includes fireworks blowing up in the background and a quick shop at the supermarket. While freaking out passers by who are watching two men with headphones on talking into beanie, a lot of ground is covered.Tim digs into SJP's comparative acting strengths and weaknesses. He then proceeds to fill in some blanks on Coffee Guy's past. Guy is the smartest man in the room. Enjoy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome again to TWIOAT. I think I nailed it that time. Absolutely out of the gates. This episode... We're out of the gates, we're unshackled, we're running wild. A couple of horses, a couple of horses in a field. Do I just have to go with you? No, you do it. Okay, this episode is brought to you by Big Pipe Broadband.

Horses. It's the shiz. It's so good. It's quicker than 50 horses going around the track racing each other. It is seriously quick. It is the than 50 horses going around the track racing each other. It is seriously quick. It is the Maccabi Diva of internet. They do ADSL. They do VDSL. No, maybe they don't do ADSL. They do cable.

They don't fuck around. They do cable. They do proper internet. And you should all sign up. Use the code WORSTIDEA. When you sign up, you get a free month. What a deal. Best internet you can get.

It's so bloody cheap, you've got to bring your own modem, because that's how they keep the cost down. And if you are not... And there's no contract. If you're not living in New Zealand, you do not get this time back. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season two.

Oh, Jesus. Hello, and welcome to the worst idea of all time. With me, Tim Batt. Sins of time We got bored of doing the regular recording doors, so we thought we'd take a walk like last time, which didn't actually... I forgot about that, but that was the one time we completely lost the thing. That's right. Is this a cry for help, you ask? Almost definitely yes.

I feel like we're taking this roadshow to the streets in the hopes that someone will stop us and maybe talk us down. Oh, off this ledge, off this horrible, terrible ledge. So this is episode number 38 8

8 what 38 watch 37 episode 38 I hate this every week our little podcast

that we call the worst idea of all time where we watch and review the movie Sex and the City every single week Sex and the City 2

for a year yep and we did it again don't know what to tell you Sex and the City every single week. Sex and the City 2. For a year. Yep. And we did it again. Don't know what to tell you at this point. Still not good. That hasn't changed. Same people in the movie, same line, same direction.

The music is the same. It's all the same. Yeah, it is almost indistinguishable from the movie we watched last week. And the week before that, and the week before that, ad infinitum. There's definitely motifs running through every film. I mean, the things are carbon copies of each other. It's an absolute. Wait, we've gone the wrong way.

Down my street. Where does this go? I haven't been down this bit. It looks like it's public domain. It's going down to Western Springs. Whoa, that's a street. Where does this go? I haven't been down this bit. It looks like it's public domain. Is this going down to Western Springs? Whoa, that's a street. Oh shit, this leads to my house. This is the bit on Western Springs where we went for our jaunt last time.

Yeah, we're on the other side of the road though. Yes. So is this the Bullock Track? Ah, fancy that, eh? Anyway, Google Maps that if you want to know where I'll turn my lips that is interesting god

we're going to have to really are we going up or down? down down we're going to have to really labour to discuss the movie this week because I tell you what, it feels fucking fantastic to be in motion.

Well, let me open up with a shining light. How about that, eh? Okay. I've already forgotten what it was, but I did say it out loud so I wouldn't forget. Do you remember what I said? Oh, I remember the idea of what you said. You said, and I'm saying this now because otherwise I won't remember. Is that all you remember of what I said? Almost exactly what I said is what I remember.

Ah, jeez. I think I remember mine, though. Okay, you go. It was just, I felt like the actors and the whole operation was actually almost amounting to something for one of the scenes today. Oh, when Carrie confesses to the girls in the hotel that she kissed aiden and she's saying uh she's saying oh i've kissed aiden and then like charlotte and you're losing it man no i've got it together guy charlotte and miranda uh like sort of acting drunk and trying to put feedback in and I felt

like they actually almost achieved some comedy and some like emotional power in the scene. They were right on the cusp of it this week. They didn't quite get over the line but it was a sign of life that I haven't seen for nearly on you know a month. They gave it a god honest try didn't they?

They really did. They were really going for it. Going for it this week. I am really pissed off that I can't remember what I said. Usually if you say something out loud like that, even when it is in the middle of the movie, it puts a little time stamp on your brain, you know? Shit. So why are we crossing a road?

I don't know. Why wouldn't't we because we're going this way we're going this way now so this is just very narrow i'm walking like a crab i'm walking side on right now look at my footwork you're doing really well sorry i'll get well i can't really go for more um you might catch some some fireworks going off around us as well. We're not in a war zone. We're just in New Zealand. And what we like to do to celebrate people who unsuccessfully but get very close to bombing up Parliament in Britain like 300 years ago, we like to commemorate them by blowing stuff up of our...

Everyone in sort of city suburban areas is uh conscripted to buy the same box of fireworks from the warehouse uh and then we are all given a roster which they schedule us to detonate each respective firework it's all very regimented and organized and And accordingly, I mean, it's the longest-lasting Guy Fawkes holiday internationally, but it is a real fucking nuisance. I mean, you've just got one or two Roman candles every 20 to 40 seconds. Terrible for pets, too.

It's a really hard life being a domesticated cat or dog in this city and country to a great extent, but there's more people here. Definitely only in the city. They've got it good in the country. Yeah? Yeah. We've still got to set our fireworks every now and then and they wouldn't be used to people at all.

So it would be, how do you say, confusing for them. Shocking even. Look, I'm not too phased either way presently about the pets. I'm just saying it's either way presently about the pets I'm just saying it's a game of two halves there's cows on the farm fireworks scare the sheep

I think people are very confused by our appearance it feels like there's a lot of tension in the air we walked past a woman who looked absolutely baffled just moments ago when she looked over and saw us both with headphones on talking into a beanie. Yeah, it's a pretty out there look. And we have to walk in remarkably close proximity to each other

on account of the headphone jack. Sorry, I got very close to the microphone as I ducked under an incoming branch. Look, I don't want to wear any of this. I just want to sit down and go toe-to-toe with you vis-a-vis the 2010 critically panned box office smash I think sex in the city 2 um okay here are my thoughts we've got a woman who doesn't know how to act when she's talking, and Sarah Jessica Parker, but is very good at acting when she's not talking and other people are talking.

Kim Cattrall is the inverse, where she can sell me on a character when she's delivering lines, but she cannot do reactive acting. Your thoughts? Yeah, I think that's a good level of depth to be bringing to the table. And I'm inclined to agree. I've never really watched the performances with that particularly in mind or been moved to notice it. Did you just make sort of greeter guys with that person as we walked by?

Of course. It's a friendly neighbourhood. As if to be like, hey, no, don't worry, we're totally okay. Well, yeah, kind of, to be honest. Like, I'd be pretty freaked out if I was walking down the pavement and us came at me. Oh, it'll be okay. We're sitting at a pretty reasonable pace. Yeah, I could probably do with a slowdown, take it down half a gear. I'm not sure why we were just motoring down the footpath.

I think in my mind I was drawing some connection between if I walk faster the experience will be over faster as though the quicker we walked the faster time moved funnily enough that ain't how it works on this show um so look let's uh let's talk about it let's talk about michael patrick king's magnum opus um she's long i'll go open with that i don't know if you guys have heard me mention that before but the duration is whopping that's how i would describe it um oh yeah oh no this wasn't a shining light this was just an observation but the fact that michael patrick king in the script expresses two times out loud when things are funny two times twice now the first

time is when big meets carmen garcia carry on carry on thank you i will that's just a little joke for us and those who've seen the movie actually if you've seen the movie that still won't be funny it's if you've seen the movie 35 times with Guy and you make a little joke about the last name of Carmen Diaz. No, no, no. Who am I saying? She says her name. No, who am I saying, though? What's her name?

Carmen. No, no, I mean the actual actress. Oh, Penelope Cruz. Penelope Cruz. Carmen Diaz. Very, very different people. Absolutely mangled. Oh, yeah, no.

A big introducer is Carmen Garcia carry on and then she corrects him for his accent to say carry on and then he says carry on

well he should say that yeah because in a British you know what it's not important the fact is that I mangled the delivery jokes

jokes between Guy and I have to exist to kind of for us to be on the life raft you know? Now, as I was saying, two points in the script when we know that Michael Patrick King thinks that he's written a real zinger of a line.

One of it is then, when Carmen's talking to Big and shit, there's a joke early on in the exchange about how he needs to keep it up for her. What would you assume? Heavy innuendo towards There's a joke early on in the exchange about how he needs to keep it up for her. Yeah. What would you assume?

Heavy innuendo towards an erection. But what she's actually talking about is the stock market, allegedly. Or at least that's what gets explained to Carrie. Yeah. But. It's villainous. What happens after that is, as they depart, carrie so rudely interrupts the interaction and cock blocks her own husband which i think is very inconsiderate um they curtail the conversation

and he says i'll try to keep it up for you carmen garcia carion then says he's very funny. Your husband is very funny. Now, is that a funny joke, first off? No, not only is it not funny, it's completely inappropriate. Like, wholly? Yeah. Wholly inappropriate. I would be appalled to see anyone of my friends, or anyone at all, use such heavy-handed, in-your-face humour, whether or not they had a spouse at all. We're going to the supermarket, just so you know.

I'm positioning a detour on us, OK? We're going to take this roadshow into the supermarket. You got it. OK. Oh, man. Now, the second time, so the other 50% of the times when Michael Patrick King signposts the fact that he's had a real zinger is when we firstly dick-bottom. the other 50% of the times when Michael Patrick King signposts the fact that he's had a real zinger is

when we first see Dick Bott, no the second time we see Dick Bott in the karaoke bar and he says would you be available tomorrow night to Samantha and she says I'd be open yeah I'd be very open so what I mean

what do you get from that? I'm available all night I'd be open, what do you get from that? I'm available all night. I'd be open. What do you take from those words? Uh... Like she's... Like Samantha Jones is pretty keen. Look at you, you bashful little South Island boy. You're adorable.

They're gonna do it. There's no two ways about it. Sex? There's no way they're gonna do it. It's a sex thing. Yeah. Anyway, in response to this. Frankly, I find how overly sexual those two characters are uncomfortable throughout the film. But then Dick Bock goes, you're very funny, Samantha.

And again, not a funny joke. There are better jokes in the film. Not many. But there's a couple. You're saying the parts of the movie in which Michael Patrick King pats himself on the back and says, yep. Yeah, the only two times people are congratulated for being funny are those two times. Well, like if the last 37 or six weeks have established anything, it's that maybe you and Michael Patrick King don't share a sense of humour entirely at this point in time.

You could be right. I could be overthinking this. Because, like, in other movies, you don't measure all the times that someone is sad by them saying the words, I'm sad, do you? So you shouldn't count every joke only counting as when someone else says, you're funny. Yeah, I think that's a fair way to look at it. So, alright, scratch that observation. Go fuck yourself, Guy Montgomery. Certainly.

It'll be a pleasure. Still no word on that shining light, folks. I've been looking everywhere, high and low. Cannot find the bugger. Combing through the recesses of his mind. Oh, I tell you what, though. Let's get this a little bit warmed up before we get into the old super. Scooby do.

Scooby do do. Good call. Scooby do ba boo. Scooby do beep bow. Scooby do ba boo. Ford planning. Scooby do ba ba. Scooby do beep ba.

Scooby do ba. Goodwill fish and chips. Scooby do boo boo. Scooby do beep ba. Scooby do ba ba. Scooby do. Scooby do. Scooby do ba.

Scooby do ba. Scooby do. Scooby do. Scooby do. Scooby-doo, Scooby-doo, Scooby-ba-ba, Scooby-ba-ba, Scooby-ba-ba, Scooby-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby-scooby now folks you know how this works yeah uh and as always strong showing uh from uh java addicted fucking rocket bladed uh maniac gold gilded award nominated uh fist clenched entrepreneurial academic sexually gifted to say the least. Pretty much, he is getting all loaded up on caffeine to write a memoir. Oh, this is killing me. We chucked out so many adjectives, we need to chuck a noun on it. Man was the last thing. Java

man. Yeah, pretty much he's taken stock of his lot in life and how he's gotten there in his story, and he's realised it's a pretty interesting one. You'd almost say it's one worth telling, and he's set to work on that pretty much immediately. I have read the autobiography, and if I may,

would you like a little shortened version of this man's life? Absolutely. Coffee Guy was born to a Polish father and a Russian mother in the year 1958. He was actually born in Russia, but his parents wanted to get him out of there as soon as possible because they had big plans for him attending an American university and really making something of himself.

So they saved up all their money, and they shipped him off alone at age seven to the states and because java man knew how hard his parents had worked and what they'd sacrificed to send him there he just had the sense that he had to do everything in his power spend every single moment possible dedicated to realizing the dream they'd set for him at the expense of realizing their own dreams so he set to work on just nailing school the best single so there was no consideration for life beyond school or outside of school he was single-mindedly going to absolutely dominate his his schooling experience yeah no one was going to be better than Coffee Guy. It looks open, eh? So, he said to work from Day Dot. He was in there, 8 years old,

started winning first place prizes for the National Spelling Bee. By the age he was 10, he was on his way to getting a full academic scholarship. Things were looking super, super bright for this guy. And he actually got into Harvard, took them up on their generous offer of free tuition

for being a good bastard. That's a very impressive achievement, and he worked hard for it. He did. He was on his way to a law degree. This is a wonderful and sort of inspiring account of what hard work can achieve. Absolutely.

Oh, what I didn't tell you is when he was in middle school, what? I don't know how to regulate my volume now we're in a supermarket hang with me baby doll, I'll do the heavy lifting so his parents died when he was in middle school by the way, both of them in a car crash, very sudden, very awful yeah

but here is how the rest of the tale goes down this guy's working towards because he's gotten his law degree from Harvard now and he's trying to get himself a PhD. A PhD, guy. In what? Psychology.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, because he wants to be the best lawyer possible, so he needs to understand the human mind better than anyone else. What are you looking for? Lollies. Okay. We've gone down the wrong aisle. That's all that's happened there.

Now, while this guy was starting his early university career, he really noticed a change in the workload between high school, junior school, middle school, and then kicking up to college level. It was a whole different beast, and he didn't know how to do it. He couldn't just use his natural facilities to achieve the results he needed to achieve. That's right. So at first, the guy got hooked on Adderall for a while, too. Started taking a real toll on his liver.

And he got hospitalized one day from Adderall overdose. And the doctor said, there's no way you can take all that Adderall. You're killing yourself. It was Steve's cousin, Grieve. Grieve, hell of a doctor. Not a great communicator. Yeah. He's actually got a pretty pained relationship with Steve,

but that's a different story. So. I've got to get a drink. Okay. He got addicted to coffee is the is the the long and short of it his doctor prescribed the sweet hot dark magic that is the only way you're gonna get the same effect as that roll without this you got it He prescribed more coffee. And a labored final breath.

And just like his parents, Dr. Grieve died that day. That's right. And this is the thing. It's like, would you take medical advice from a doctor who gave it to you in their final passing breath? And I think not. But, you know, whatever. It's not my call. That's why you're not coffee guy and coffee guy is so he really took this to heart and in addition to being an incredibly hard worker

and a very sharp intellectual um the guy's very emotional you know yeah and uh i mean you can you can see that he wears he wears his heart on his sleeve and got a lot of love and respect for the guy i'm gonna get two drinks okay very good uh I mean, that's how he got addicted to coffee. That's kind of chapter one of his life. Chapter one, there's three chapters in this book. The second chapter tells... That's a pretty long first chapter. Yeah, I know, but it's like, you know,

you've got to get all the context to get into the real story. It's important. It's important. You're right. Real bones of it. And all this, remember, this is just what Copyguy's working away on in the episode this week. He's busy as a beaver. He's busy as a bee. Sure is. So by this stage, our man's 32 years old. He is equipped

with a PhD in psychology and a Masters of Laws from Harvard. Which he just tacked on on the side. And he decides that he wants to get involved in local body politics.

So he runs to become mayor of Stanton, Connecticut. Yep. On the back of a pretty controversial policy. Yeah, he grandstanded on a no more deer policy. He wanted to exterminate all the deer in Connecticut, which seems insane.

You've just got to flatten out that barcode. There we go. That's one. And that's two. Nice. Oh, you didn't put it in a bag. We don't need a bag. This is a nightmare.

Don't use bags, everyone. We don't need a bag. This is a nightmare. Don't use bags, everyone. So, there we were, observing this champion going for his inaugural political manoeuvre. Oh, man, these checkouts take so long. Yeah, I know. It's insane. So many buttons.

Split payment. Okay. Is this working? This one's got a virus or something. Oh, no. Split payment. Okay. Is this working? This one's got a virus or something. Oh, no. All right, I think we've cracked it. Guys, press the combination of buttons now.

No, this is just people listening to us. Okay, we're good. It's chapter two. You wouldn't have thought that Stanton, Connecticut would be a town that was very fond of hardcore Democrats. But I've got news for you folks. If you give those guys a dream, you give them a vision,

they will support you. For themselves and for their kids. And what Coffee Guy laid down as a platform was no less than extreme progressive liberalism. You want to put that in my bag? It wasn't well received. Oh.

We can't get a receipt? Your payment was. No, no, no, just the receipt. I definitely feel like, ah, no, no, just the receipt. I definitely feel like... Ah, no, that way. Anywho, so... There he is. He's elected against all polling and odds

to be the mayor of Stanton, Connecticut, and that's where he starts making some real social change. Because we're only in the 80s now, if I've done my math right. He's a caffeinated maniac. And I really think that, I mean, what this autobiography needs from the first draft I've seen of Coffee Guy's work is a judicious edit. It probably needs to take a longer look at itself.

And there's a whole chunks. And there's whole chunks in the book which have just got to go in my head. So, yeah, and I'll tell you what else. I wouldn't do badly with a proofreader either. Grammar in this thing is incredibly poor. And I feel like even though I wasn't involved, neither of us were in the writing of the first chapter of the book I was just relaying it

I was doing an accurate job you were editing on the fly it's not even the whole damn first chapter of the book, this thing is thick like an ocean it just goes for days long story short the guy winds up addicted to caffeine uh on this like whoring himself out on the streets of new york and uh it's sort of like i mean it's classic

cliffhanger it's like how's he gonna bounce back from this stick around for the second part of the book yeah you got the first three chapters that's one half of the book, and then the second three, comprising your... Is a new book. Your standard half-does chapter structure comprising two books. Everyone's seen that. The man is anything but traditional, in the great words of Aidan, the guy from Sex and the City 2. Aidan carries ex-boyfriend and future smushy mouth. Well, this is the greatest mirage I ever saw, and I had some peyote in Arizona once that blew my head off.

See, now, okay, here's the thing. You need to be careful of your memory, son, because what you're doing is giving the movie too much credit, because Aidan doesn't say this is the best mirage I've ever seen. He incorrectly states this is the best mirage I've ever had, which is not something that you can have. Yeah. Well, yeah, you're right.

I auto-corrected that for them. Do you know why that is? I'm one of those guys. You're like Clippy from Windows 98. You're from Word. You're like, hey, I see you're trying to write a movie script that makes sense, Michael Patrick King. Can I assist?

I'm Bonzi, buddy. I talk. I talk. I email. You're the personal assistant no one asked for. No, but I'm one of those guys who, you know those Facebook puzzles when they're the same first and last letter in the word but they jumble up all the middle?

Yeah, and it still makes perfect sense. Yeah, I'm one of those guys who, when I read it, I just read it perfectly. I just get it first try. I'm just one of those guys who, you know, when I read it, I just read it perfectly. I just get it first try. Like, I'm just, you know, I'm just one of those super, super smart guys. Yeah, great to hear. Yeah, I mean, yeah. You know, and according to the polls, like, only 1% of people can do that.

So, whatever. Well put. You are the smartest man in the room right now. Now, I would like to open another book, a different book, a leather bound book, a delicious chocolatey brown book, a book that smells of age, distinction and semen. Because it's time to open up... Because it's big book of ideas. The book upon which John... Cena! No, no.

Shit. What is... Preston. John Preston. John Philip Preston, I believe. Blots down his thoughts and musings on the state of the world and ideas to maybe improve it. For all or for himself financially, it's full of all manner of ideas. He actually bought the...

He relabeled the front page, but he actually bought... And this was pointed out to us by a fan. He bought the book from a merchandise company called Laminsoft's Laminated Limited, which is... The future adventures of Fader and the boys huh well it's really doing well for himself now it's a subset of his uh auto mechanic uh where it was first of all it was just mechanic mechanics diaries and that sort of he started he he had this great big book just chalk you know that kevin james would keep in characters eric laminsoff on the set of grown-ups

too he's just blow down all these blotchings and itchings and weird colorings of ideas. And eventually that product got refined through the workshopping process into a range of sort of thought journals. And as it turns out, that's exactly the book that Mr. Big is using. So it's not like, as we originally suspected,

just a blank turn-the-page kind of journal. It's like each page has suspected, just a blank turn the page kind of journal. It's like each page has a directive or a statement on it. This page, this opening of the book is no exception because in this week's exciting, I don't want to say chapter, usually we'd say chapter, but literally we're dealing with a book. So we can't use the metaphor of chapter. We have to be literal and say the page. We can't use the metaphor of chapter. We have to be literal and say the page.

The page we're dealing with this week is Big's big idea to reduce the vermin population vis-a-vis diminish the threat of Brady the Rat King and his never-ending blood quest. So, after recently watching Die Hard 3, somewhat bemoaned by some, hugely enjoyed by this reviewer if I'm you really he's fit you drink out there guy yeah you're right when you call yourself a reviewer I always do a spit take sorry say that again when you call yourself a reviewer I always do a spit take I've only done it once very good yeah this is literally the only time I've ever called myself a reviewer too, so that fits.

So, as I was saying, he's surveying the area. He's seeing too many rats out there, too much power in Brady's pocket. And he's recently seen Die Hard 3, in which there's a lot of riddles. I haven't seen it. That John has to solve. Yeah. Shit, well, this isn't good because my memory is always sketchy. Particularly in franchises, I roll movies together

and then I have movies that aren't even part of the trilogy. So get prepared to get pissed off, internet. Nah, you guys will love it. It'll be a better one. I'm pretty sure this is right. In the third one, that's when there's riddles he has to solve, because it's Hans' cousin or something. He's like, Simple Simon met a pyman at the fair. Simple Simon said...

Fuck, I can't remember how the rest of it goes. Anyway, there's a lot of riddles. Now, one of these particular riddles relates to hats, cats, kittens, I think mittens and wives. How many going to St Ives, right? Yeah. So, after watching this movie recently, he starts thinking about kittens. And then he starts thinking about cats.

And then he's like, holy smokes, the one thing that could take down the rats are super powerful domestic cats. Oh, wow. Because they love it. So, Mr. Big gets on developing a breeding program to just get the pet population out of control and as it turns out to increase the number of cats in new york city it's actually really easy all you have to do is outlaw fixing your pets like it becomes illegal to get your cat spayed well it's it's in inhumane. It's so it's been said.

Exactly. Think of all those young kittens that never got born because your cat got fixed. It's an act against God, I would say. So, in a campaign to put this to an end, Big sets about using his millions

to gather together churchgoers, moral ponderers, ethical statesmen who are on the right side of the ledger, and bandies them together to come up with a propaganda campaign to convince everyone else that spaying your cat is a terrible thing to do, immoral, should be illegal. And they pass a motion in the city council, and it becomes an ordinance that if a vet is caught fixing a cat in that town, henceforth, they get run out of town, which is a weird law to make. Like, that's not an everyday punishment.

Can you retract me? Did Mr. Big create and enforce this law? He initiated the committee that came up with the propaganda campaign. They hired some lobbyists and got this law passed, right? He did. Yeah, Big did. He's at the top. He's alpha dog.

That is a win from a guy who couldn't need it more. And it couldn't come at a better time. I am so happy for him. So, well, look, this isn't the end of the tale. Obviously. The thing is, like... It's just a butter thread in life's rich tapestry. Almost overnight, the cat population becomes completely out of control.

And, unfortunately, it's the worst cats that are having more kittens. Like, the most vicious, feral, disgusting, sexually aggressive cats are just going around creating this offspring that passes their aggressive seed on, right? This is terrifying for the people of New York. Yeah, because in your head, you'll go like, if we outlaw spying cats, we'll just be populated by lots of cute little kittens.

Not how it works. No, this is... The Simpsons did an episode about this. This is the cane toad effect. Yeah, I guess it is. We could have been going there. I guess we're not anymore. So anyway, these cats get completely out of control.

An overly aggressive population that's just going around scratching, biting, giving everyone rabies. And unfortunately, that's when Big has to pull out the big guns. Because, you know, he's a smart guy. He's always got a backup, a plan B, and release the virus that he was secretly working on at the same time. Jesus Christ. That takes out the entire female population. Of cats?

Yeah, just cats, not feline humans. Oh, I thought you said female. You said feline. Feline. Oh, okay. So problem solved, essentially. So, he yeah it's like uh it's like a caper sort of movie or an episode of a sitcom where oh oh no i slipped on a banana peel and accidentally created a mutant strain of cats were destroying everything and then by the end of the

episode it's like sort of like um outbreak or yeah what is it called 24 days later 14 days later I don't know the virus movie bloody good it's uh 28 days later I think oh yeah the zombie movie yeah with Sandra Bullock in it

yeah yeah in the bus yeah uh yeah no this is good this is all good hey Tim this is all good stuff it's great stuff

so that's where he's at I just wanted to let you know how that went on that book I've got to say we have pretty much had a nuclear reaction to the movie this week. If you chart our experience watching it and our experience talking about it, the thing is fucking like, there's literally a force field between us and that goddamn thing right now. It is actually, we can't touch it, it can't touch us, we're both toxic.

This fucking situation is getting out of hand. The crazy thing is though, what previously would happen is we'd be physically repelled from taking it in in a sensory fashion so we would like look elsewhere but now we seem to have gained the ability to look and listen directly at the movie whilst taking in none of what it has to throw out at us. Sort of like our bodies absorb the maximum amount of sex in the city too that it can and now it's like it just... Oversaturated. Yeah, it's just our body is rejecting it.

You know, which is an interesting thought and I defy any of you. If you want to have a crack, by all means. I mean, we've laid the blueprint out. It's not exactly rocket science. Is there anyone else we've got to check on this week? How are you doing? I'm this week? How are you doing?

I'm doing well. How are you doing? I'm also doing well. Did you figure out your shining light? No, no, sir. No, sir, I didn't. Did you come up with a replacement? Could be anything. I guess it would have to be to the three gentlemen that they drink to in the desert when they're having their little picnic.

I've always tried to remember their names, but I never do. Yeah. Do you want to have a crack? Hatimi is the final one. You're right. You're correct. They strain to remember that name, which is why it's so noticeable as an audience member. But it comes back down to just the toxic effect that the movie and I have on one another.

I'm pretty sure it's not in there. We're focusing on the positive. It's five syllables. Two names, five syllables. The first two, the second three, I'm pretty confident. I think I've got the rhythm of it. I just don't know the names. Hatimi and the boys, this one's for you.

I'm going to pour some of my apple juice out for you. Oh, you're going to pour, okay, like a mark of respect. At this juncture... Get it on mic. Nice. That's for Hatimi and the boys. At this juncture, I would like to remind everyone

to please if you're in new zealand or if you know someone in new zealand get them on big pipe uh it's it's literally the greatest thing to happen to new zealand internet since it started here which was a lot more recently than you'd think um but it's very fast uh i'm gonna plan on big pipe at the moment where i get 200 mps up and down. That's not fuck around speed, bro. That's not side to side, everybody. That's up and down. That's up the river, right back down the other side.

Two rivers is a tributary, and what I'm saying is this is a tribute to Big Pipe. What a provider. I mean, they are the ocean. They are the moving water of a net providers. The cat's knees in the bee's pyjamas, and they don't ever throttle your speeds, ever, whatsoever. It's capless.

Or your loved ones. There's no caps in asses. There's no caps on your internet. The data caps thing we have to make. Yeah, that's good, baby. Hey, look, it's Joseph Moore. Oh, wicked. What impeccable timing.

And I would also like to say, go to bigpipe.co.nz and enter in worst idea is a code when you sign up. There's no contracts as well. They're not going to lock you in for 12 months.

So give it a whirl. Tell them we bloody sent you. Use the code because that helps us out and it helps you out by getting a month free to fuck around on that not fucking around speed.

And as always, sadly, if you don't live in New Zealand, go fuck yourself this is Tim and Guy signing off and reminding you or maybe telling you

for the first time no reminding you live every moment oh and love every day and also to look forward to a special guest that we've got coming up soon

who I'm very excited about as well it's exciting of course great great tease who could it be I'm not going to tell and some of you might not going to tell and some of you

might not care but I think most of you will anywho lots of love all the best bye bye