The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Five - The Briefcase

Episode Date: March 3, 2017

The sound of crickets accompanies the boyz on a walk in the sunshine as they take their recording gear to greener pastures. Terrifyingly large geese, numerous pooping ducks and very noisey cicadas meet the boyz on their travels but they will not be stopped! Guybo gets philosophical about which members of society are performing a job of importance, Timbly pitches a sensational idea for a movie about a briefcase. Somily delivers a solid performance, continuity is on point and we all have a think about bulls inside of china shops. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at Little Empire Pod. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor.

One of them dies, that guy's a screw. One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Hello and welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time, episode 35, with me, Spindly Timbly Wimbly. And me, Guy Montgomery.

We're together, we're in one place, and we're very happy about it. We are together, Tim. Yeah. Just right out of the gates, I'd like to say that we are together tim yeah um just right out of the gates i'd like to say that we are most certainly not in one place we're mobile we're agile we're moving yeah we are we're on the move i i'm just gonna say before we really kick into high gear here guy because i'm ready for a real high energy podcast this week real um big showy a lot of fireworks yeah a lot of of big displays of friendship.

Certainly, I imagine we're going to see a few different varieties of bird. Yeah. Before we get into that, though, this is on the stream, on the official stream, the first time we've been together in quite a while. Yes. We've been separated by land and sea, sky and ocean for several weeks now. We actually got together over the weekend to do the live potty fest. Yeah.

And it was great, except for the fact that it didn't record. Yeah, I know. It's interesting, isn't it? I'm sure we've got to ask this question of ourselves before by virtue of the number of times the recording's gone down the tubes. And sidebar to that, the fact that we're doing one on the move again very questionable decision making we've already just lost an episode yeah but um if a podcast is discussed but not actually recorded is that really a podcast well it is in our case

because i did have the uh good grace in the moment to grab a video camera and tape the episode that way while we were doing the live record so um we're going to put that up on the patreon um so anyone who's giving us any amount of money on the patreon will get access to that episode but the benefit now is we are now episode 35 and watch 35 we're back up to sync because of course we took a week off to watch sex in the city too which got us out of sync and now we're back in sync are we in sync go the other way because this way is uh what's this way it's a kind of dead end that way lies madness um are we up to sync though you've watched the movie now two times more than the amount of podcasts we've done about it and i have watched it well yeah because you had to watch it once alone yeah

and then if if what we watched on Sunday doesn't count then that means that I mean just by virtue of our no no no no hold on

we were one down because of Sex and the City 2 and then we got we got up because of oh fuck I don't know can we just say we're back in sync? Yeah, yeah, look, it feels better, it sounds better.

Yeah. We are also surrounded by the deafening cry of crickets. Yeah, it's not that hot. I don't know why they're going so hog wild out here. I mean, we are amongst, you know, a selection of very dry trees. Maybe this is the dead end bit, actually. Well, what does it matter, Tim? We've just watched the movie again.

We were lying on your bed. Very comfortable. We watched it on a projector. Yeah. So it was quite a different visual experience in that you really got the cinematic scope of what they were trying for. Probably the closest we've come to actually appreciating the movie as it was intended. Yeah, that's true. Just because something's big doesn't make it good, though.

And that was laid to bear as we were laid to rest today, watching We Are Your Friends for the 35th time. Still not a big fan of that film. Just waiting for that turn, you know? Waiting for that moment where I go, oh, I get it now. It's not going to come. We're really in the trenches at the moment. I think once you crack 40, you feel like you're going downhill yeah but this is genuinely what this is

is where you know in a rowing boat in the middle of the ocean horizon stretches as far as we can see in any direction and we're rowing and without having any landmarks anything to measure ourself against it's very difficult to know if we're moving you know we could be staying still now we could be rowing in the wrong direction. From memory, and I never did physics, I wasn't that good at math, but I think that's called uniform motion, where something's going in just a completely constant rate and there's no point of reference to measure yourself against.

It's like if you were in some sort of space vehicle that was going like a million miles an hour, but there was no friction or you couldn't see anything you wouldn't actually know that you were in motion yeah that's us that is what it feels like reigning across the sky it's a terrifying feeling yeah we could hit something at maximum impact and die maximum joseph impact that would be uh That would be release. You know, like, in spite of the fact that it was bigger, the audio was louder, we were role-playing as yourself, Tim,

and your fiancée, Zoe, throughout the duration of the watch. We didn't get too method, though, I'll add. Well, actually, I'll leave that to your imagination, dear listener. And also to my own, because I don't know what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom with you and zoe yeah mine uh my performance today was my best approximation uh yeah in spite of all these different factors it just it was just another day at the office just another day going in there putting your punching your time card in at 9 a.m sitting at your computer probably cumulatively getting about 30 minutes work done then then clocking out at 5.

Isn't that the outrageous thing about office work, eh? I remember that from working for the man, for the government. There's so many people, I consider myself a reasonably hard worker, but there's so many people just rocking in there. Like, just, they could be fired and there would be no perceivable difference to the amount of work being done in the office. I think that's the most demoralising aspect of it, right? If you take a step back and look at it from a broader perspective,

it's like if you... This is dangerous territory to get to in terms of our livelihood, but if you stop doing your job, who does that impact? What difference does that make? There's so few people who can confidently say people will be affected by me not doing my job, though, I reckon. I reckon, like, okay, I'm going to throw a figure out there. I'm going to say 70% of the workforce is busy work, ourselves included.

Yeah. It's not furthering society. It's not improving anything, really. It's just so that we don't sit idle enough to realize that there's no fucking point. Whoa! We have gotten bleak early. Hey, one thing that came through this week, and it's something that you referred to a lot with the Sex and City 2 season guy,

is I felt like we were putting the actors through our turmoil this week. You felt a sense of guilt. Yeah, I felt like they're kind of these mystical trapped beings, like a genie in a bottle that we insist on making perform for us every week. And I felt like, I was like, oh, I don't want to make them do it again this week. I hate watching it and I'm sure they hate doing it. Yeah, I understand the feeling.

And it's interesting because I remember being told off, not told off, but corrected multiple times that I need not fear that that's what's happening. So welcome to my level. But I understand there's no rationality behind it, but I got that emotion. When you feel it, you feel it, right? Yeah, truly. The idea that you are making them go through their paces for the 35th time.

And all of them are like, look, our performance isn't really going to change that much. Yeah. There's nothing for this. We've made the best movie we can because the materials provided we often will do like a kind of karaoke style we'll do the lines alongside the actors as they perform them and you threw a line in which i thought was in the script as well today but wasn't when page gets in the car um when they've just taken the house off of tanya romero and you said said, yeah, that's what I thought, which is also what I thought Paige was about to say,

but he never says it. And I was like, oh, I thought he says that too. I guess he's like loosened up the reins this week and he's being a bit sloppy. And then I rightly corrected you that I don't think the producers and the directors and the actors are getting sloppy. I would say our memory connection to and relationship with the movie is getting sloppy.

It's that whole Berenstain's theory thing though, isn't it? The Berenstain bears? Yeah. Yeah, I understand that well enough that we need not explain it. Yeah, definitely. So now we're in a beautiful park full of mangy birds. It's called Western Springs. And it's just a refreshing reminder that swans, while beautiful,

and certainly the topic of a very important childhood fable, are very aggressive and terrifying creatures not to be trifled with. I don't know that there is another bird as confident as the swan. They're doing already, just eyeballing the shit out of us. Especially these ones because they're tame to humans.

I'm going to take a, I think our selfie should actually be us probably with the birds. Okay. So I'm going to take a shot of us now. Oh my God, that thing is coming for me yeah see that's scary that is scary i thought the agreement they're really big you guys that's

the other thing you got to appreciate i thought the agreement with these birds were we've got the um pavement and they've got the um everything else the opposite way that the swans are blocking us from going what's that we respect the law of the swan. We've got the pavement. We've only got a tiny bit of this park and it's the pavement. We've got it. I did not enjoy that.

That big guy was really coming for it. We must have, you know what it is, we must have been in the way of it and its kids. I can't see any ducklings around, but that must have been what happened inadvertently.

Well. Sorry, swan. Glad to say that we're through that now. It's a big black swan, by the way, everyone. Just put that in your head. And it's like, honestly, about, stands at about two and a half foot. And it's, yeah, it's got this terrifying red beak and it's beady little eyes and it just looks right through you.

Looks clean into your soul. Anyway, that's in the past now, so we can put it there. That is in the past. Just to, I mean, I feel like the reason that we are travelling on foot is pretty much to do whatever we can to avoid discussing the details and the goings-on of the movie. I actually wanted to pitch you a sequel. Okay.

For We Are Your Friends. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why this came to my head, but I really want to see it now. I want the sequel to be from the perspective of Paige Harrell's briefcase. Okay. So it's like, I don't know if it's quite first-person perspective or if it's shot kind of third-person perspective, but just quite close and we're following the briefcase all the time.

But I want to hear what the briefcase is. So like a lot of the movie it's probably in a boat and it's hearing these muffled business conversations that are happening or well you know when it's taken out of the boot and it makes it into the house and it's sort of right there privy to yeah all of pages comings and goings dastardly dealings but i feel like the briefcase would be this lovely kind of conuit through um page's life where he brings it into the strip club and he brings it into his business meetings and he brings it home i guess if you're making the movie you're in charge of how connected page is to his briefcase yeah but i mean certainly

so i don't want to trample on your dream it's a very bold uh artistic vision yeah where you're looking for i think it's uh i want to say box office poison but i could imagine it turning off a fair few punters it's an art house project guy i'm not looking for big tickets a movie from the perspective of a briefcase that belongs to a shonky realtor who's trying to pass the spirit of Lucifer into one of his employees. Yeah. And what specifically? I mean, I know that you've talked about the rumblings

that we hear of business conversation through the car. Yeah. Are you asking what the plot is? Yeah, pretty much what it is. I get that we've got a very unique perspective on storytelling, but I don't quite understand what that offers us well i guess it's a more intimate vision than we get and we are your friends we are your friends it's kind of like a bird's eye view of a bunch of fuck boys together and what i want is just one fuck journey you know of a maybe a fuck boy turning into a

fuck man because i feel like with Paige Harrell, there's a real sense of arrested development, not the show, the concept, of he's kind of like a man-child. Yeah. Like he's just kind of trapped as being an adolescent. Suspended adolescent. So he hasn't been willing to embrace the responsibilities

or consequences of being an adult. So maybe this is kind of, it's like a coming-of-age tale told through the perspective of a briefcase, but also of a 40-year-old. How old do you think Paige is? Yeah, 40 sounds right. Again, you've gone for a broader brushstroke than really hammering into what exactly it is that this briefcase sees which makes it worth following. Okay.

Well. What, Paige is grappling with maturity? Yeah, I think so. Because I feel like, I actually reckon Paige might have a wife that he just doesn't expose the rest of his worlds to. I feel like Paige has got lots of different worlds and he keeps them all separate, like his strip club world and his social world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Social with the club, not with the concept. I understand that people do this. It always seems crazy to me, the idea that he can't handle the idea of his worlds colliding. The idea of whenever you hear those stories about people who have secret families and wives and stuff, I'm just like, who is the fucking time? How do you schedule that?

How do you pull that off? I think the reason that people can pull that off is surely that the adrenaline of what you're doing and they're just bold-faced lying and like, oh, we're really coming into a pretty busy goose intersection now. And we're about to pass what appears to be a school group of

young kids. Geese? Also bigger than I remember. Jesus. Come on guys, let's all just show a little respect out here, eh? Oh boy, they're big. They're big and they're numerous.

If I was a child, I can't begin to describe how scared I would be of a swan. They are truly formidable. Should we get, should we just... Out of the way?

Yeah, I think so. Get out of the out of the way? Yeah, I think so. Out of the way of the passing human mass. I think definitely if this story gets reported in the news, we'll be the bad guys. So I think if we can put as much space between ourselves and the children and the large birds as possible, then maybe we'll all get out of this thing alive.

Man, there's a lot of them. I'd say a free, free bird. I'll tell you why there's so many because we are walking bang smack into the middle of an adventure playground, Tim. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. Might take a hard left here. Yeah, I think let's venture towards the greener pastures of open space devoid of birds and children. Isn't that sad, too, that that's where we're at? devoid of birds and children.

Isn't that sad too that that's where we're at? What? A couple of cool dudes in their late 20s can't just hang out with some kids in a park. You can't just walk up to a kid with a microphone. Yeah. Well, you say it's a sad state. Yeah, the microphones are careful. You, I remember, got very upset with me for breaching some sort of social law when I talked to a small child in a

k-mart in the grove in los angeles one time yeah i'm sorry it's because i'm skittish but that doesn't change my position that it's sad that i feel we should be worried about it you know i can hold both of those things yeah uh so what we have is page has got a secret family um he's balancing a lot of different aspects of his life. The only thing that breaches maybe all corners of his life apart from Paige himself is his briefcase. Yeah. I actually think the name of the movie is The Briefcase.

I know that seems kind of dull. It just feels like we're getting quite far away from the sequel that you were offering and much closer to a different and frankly terribleounding movie. What, The Coming-of-Age Tale of Paige Harrell? As told by a briefcase.

Yeah, that sounds fucking terrible, dude. Now, we're still on track for that, I reckon. So, the briefcase, I think we open up and we're in a strip club first. So, it's kind of, we've got the opening credits. It's very dark because we start off inside the briefcase. And we're just hearing the pumping beats of Rihanna. Oh. While there's some murmurs on the outside, like muffled human voices.

What Rihanna song? Hello, small dog. Found Love in a Hopeless Place. Is that the name of that song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that would be a strip club anthem. And that's a beautiful swan. Look at that pure white one.

That's a goose. You're fucking idiot. My bad. Because, you know, you see a duck and you're like, that's a reasonable sized bird. And then you see a duck next to a goose and you're like, ducks are tiny. Is that a duck or literally a speck of dust? And then you see a goose next to a goose and you're like ducks are tiny is that a duck or literally a speck of dust and then you see a goose next to a swan and you're

like oh so birds will eventually take over what i like about this park though is that everyone's pretty much getting along they've established the yeah wait for it pecking order yeah that's great but there's even like a lot of sparrows and stuff in here and they all just, they get along. Yeah. And a few takahi. So we got the briefcase in the strip club. And so we're immediately opening in the context of this lap dance that Paige is getting. And I feel like from a visual point of view, we can kind of, oh, maybe he opens up the briefcase and that's when we can see outside of it. So it's like the camera's pointing outwards from the middle of it.

So the whole movie is literally a camera inside a briefcase yes so and microphone if the briefcase is closed yeah we're just like oh wow i finally know what it would be like if i was a briefcase yeah exactly i haven't seen that movie yet have you no it's breaking brave new ground but it's also a coming of age story of a 40 year old realtor yeah oh no doubt some movies

you see them and you're like wow I've never seen a story told from that perspective I've never I've never seen something like that

that is truly incredible and eye opening and then others you're like well of course this movie wasn't made before

because it's terrible it's a terrible concept what can you think of like that I can think of one and that's Cars where you thought it was great or bad excuse me I was burping I can't even remember if I've seen it or not but so many people comment on that movie and the ridiculous premise of it

I feel like that fits into that category it was just abiding the same premise as every other Pixar movie, which is, what if this had emotions? Nah, but it's different. Like, our good friend Eli Matheson's got a great joke pointing out the floor in the universe of cars. Check out The Male Gaze, great podcast that he co-hosts.

Where it's like, it's cars all the way down. Like, the cars, which are the main populace of the universe are repaired by repairers which are themselves cars yeah which presumably get worked on by other smaller repairers which are also cars and then who fixes those ones so like as the issue is that there's no hook into reality. You're living in a fantasy world. Well, yeah, I guess so. I like my universes to be solid. Humans are involved or touch all the other worlds of Pixar films. Do they? I believe so, yes.

Let's head towards the Circle of Friends. Oh, yeah, that's a cool bit. It's an area within Western Springs that we are slowly making our way towards where i imagine we will sit and discuss the friendships within the film um i guess what i'm saying is you know this briefcase movie yeah while incredibly well fleshed out and very ambitious yes sounds horrifically bad oh well i think it's going to come down to the editing, to be honest. Because I think we're going to be dealing with a lot of footage. And I think we're going to plot that on someone's desk.

And whoever's desk that winds up on is going to determine whether this is Oscar bait or straight for the turd bin. Or as I call it, the toilet. You're going to... Yeah, most people call it a toilet. I don't think anyone calls it a turd bin i've heard it you just got to put these guys in their little bin there they are at home there's no uh chair here and here we are at the circle of friends um so each one of these rocks guys been paid for by a sponsor that's ridiculous Why would you pay for a rock?

Oh, because it makes a pretty bit of scenery. But they're free everywhere. But they're big. I'm very confident of this group of friends to buy a huge plaque in the middle of a public space and say, this is our circle where we go. Anyhow, that's all by the by. It's got all the names on it too. Did you have a shining light for this watch of the film? And I'm putting you right on the spot, even though we're by the by. It's got all the names on it too. Did you have a shining light for this watch of the film?

And I'm putting you right on the spot, even though we're on the move. No, we are in the circle of friends, so I think it is important that we share our highlight of our time spent with friends. Tim, I didn't, and I'm going to come up with one for you right now. And the reason I didn't is I just couldn't crack the veneer of the film. I just couldn't break in i couldn't break in there and hang out with the guys interesting oh there was a guy at the um at the looking pool who is watching the building tension between jarhead and the guy who's dressed

like hillary clinton bro uh and he's in the background. And he just looks, everyone at the party, he looks like the only guy who I'm like, I know that guy. That's my guy. Like if I was at the party, he's the guy I would talk to. He's just in the background. He's wearing a blue and red checked shirt. He's slightly out of focus, which I love. I love talking to people who are out of focus at parties. You love blurry people.

You're very attracted to them. You love blurry people. You're very attracted to them. And he's drinking a Sierra Nevada, which is a delicious pale ale with a green label that I can't get enough of. And everyone else at the party is drinking Corona, but not this guy. He's bought his own six-pack of Sierra Nevada, presumably.

A lot of people are jostling to say, hey, can I swap one of my Coronas with your Sierra Nevada? And he's like, I'm making a $2 loss every swap. But yes, because I'm a good guy. Oh, because he's like, I'm making a $2 loss every swap, but yes, because I'm a good guy. Oh, because he's a good dude, yeah. And he just sort of watches, not with even incredulity, just supreme indifference as these two fucking idiots at this barbecue populated by fucking idiots, you know, have a tussle, fall into a pool, break the cardinal rule of partying at James Reid's house.

And he gave me something where no one else would this week. He gave me a shred of humanity, you know, a shred of relatability, and something within the film that I can hang my hat on. He was an oasis at the pool. Mm. Which is a crazy idea. Isn't it? Well, that's cool.

An oasis is a body of water that you're very pleased to see. Yeah, in a desert. Yeah. Generally, I think. Maybe always. And I guess the main mirage you would have is that of an oasis. Oh, no, we're good. Don't worry about that.

I was tugging at cables, everyone, just to fill you in on what happened there. So there's my shining light. Tim, yours, please. Well, you'd have to say It was Paige's briefcase Wouldn't you I certainly wouldn't And didn't

You see it very briefly Pretty much the only time You see it is when he Throws it into the back Of the car Which always There's something about Something weird

About the visual Of the briefcase Being so small But he puts it in the trunk Or boot As we say Yeah I agree That is interesting

Like I don't know what He was supposed to do with that Because I guess you wouldn't Put it in the trunk or boot, as we say in heavy land. Yeah, I agree. That is interesting. Like, I don't know what he was supposed to do with that because I guess he wouldn't put it in the front with you because he's always going to be riding shotgun. I put my backpack in the, if there's no one in the back seat, I put it in the back seat. Yeah. Easier access. I don't put it in the boot.

Maybe that's what real businessmen do and that's what separates real businessmen from the business boys maybe you're right um so maybe that is i think that's wrong though i think most of them if they're driving without a passenger would just put it in the front seat so they've got like that way you're saving five ten seconds when you're getting in and out of the car you're not opening a door shutting the door opening the boot shutting the. You open the door, grab the briefcase with your other hand, walk out the door, shut one door. It's a one-door transaction.

You go into your meeting, you feel good, you feel efficient, you haven't wasted any time on your way in there. Damn right. But the briefcase for you this week really jumped out. The briefcase itself as an object was good. I actually really like Paige's belt as well. I haven't quite figured it out, but it's got like a metal bar that runs just across-wise. That he's wearing when he gives the inspirational speech.

Is it that one? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. It kind of looks like almost an H, I think, from memory. It's like a metal long middle bar and then two vertical bars on the side and it looks cool i know what you're talking about um and as long as we're shining light this week pages accoutrement yeah if we are talking uh highlights pertaining to page i noticed for the first time this week that there's a you couldn't call it an easter egg or foreshadowing

it's just good continuity work i don't. I didn't watch the whole credits, so I don't know who to credit for this. But who was in charge of that? They put a yellow envelope full of cash in his back right or left pocket. And you see flashes of it. And then he uses it at the end of the scene. And I just thought, you know, that's Paige's envelope. Timbo and Guy Guy. That's Chekhov's envelope.

It is. No one will have seen that envelope though before you know when you were looking at the film on the first glance. No one's picking that up. That's for your 30. That's for your watch number 30. That's for your watch number 35 you know. That's the sort of attention to detail that must be paid.

Should we get back on the move Guy? Yeah I mean I quite enjoyed being in the circle of friends. It felt safe, secure secure steady but uh if you want to move i'll move we are still friends outside of the circle right absolutely absolutely we will always be friends even after one of us has passed away and the other one has roasted us at our funeral which is an arrangement that i had temporarily forgotten about and was reminded of just the other day were we talking about that at the party fest yeah it's quite nice having that

hanging over either of our looming deaths yeah it's it's reasonably i don't know it's high stakes the word i'm looking for i think it is kind of high stakes yeah well lucky for me i refuse to engage in the idea that i am i refuse to engage in the idea that I am... I refuse to engage in thinking about my own mortality. Right. It's happening for as long as it's happening. Yeah. I guess...

You know who thinks about their death a lot? Who? Not to just keep shouting at people on the network, but Rose Matafayo. Man, she thinks about her own death a lot. Yeah. And then she turned that into a whole comedy show. Yeah, she did. She staged her own funeral.

Great show. What a thing. Great comedian. I try to not think about my own death as well as much as possible. I think it's kind of grim. Look, what are they setting up over here? An open-air Sunday session. It looks like this is where they were playing music at one point.

Far out. And there's no one there, like a zombie apocalypse. Ladies and gents, we have stumbled upon some kind of abandoned, not quite a fairground, but as Guy said, an open-air venue space. That's where they screen different movies. Oh, very nice. Very nice indeed. What did you think of Somaly this week, Bol?

She actually, actually brought it. Yeah? I didn't notice or not notice her performance. I had no issues with any of the delivery of her lines, her physical cues. I did notice the very clever editing technique that Maximum Joseph used, ensuring that he would be able to use a close-up shot of her

ample bosom while still kind of burying it under the pretext of art which as I feel it was written into her contract that you can feature a close-up shot of my chest if and only if it is accompanied by a very loud and overpowering heartbeat sort of voom voom sound at 128 bpm yeah so so as to um distract from the fact that it's a gratuitous sort of you know actually this is i don't mean to butt right in but i have i'm sorry and now i'm here yeah okay that's you're already here. Bowling at a china shop. But one thing that I... Welcome to my china shop.

I truly do respect about... What are you looking for? A fine bone china? One thing... I imagine it would be very difficult for you to deal with any of these teacups with those gigantic hooves you have. Are you looking for a teacup? How would you go about that if you were a bull?

We mostly specialize in teacups. If you were a bull and you genuinely did want to get some fine china, what would the process be? Would you employ a human to kind of be your proxy? I guess. I mean... Or would you really just put your mind to it and try and figure it out? To me, it's just so insane the idea that a bull is like,

oh, not I guess. It's like the one thing that you can't have is the thing you want the most. Yeah. Look, there's neither here nor there. Maybe that's what

that saying's actually about. We've always interpreted it as being kind of like, something inevitably is going to, something's going to go wrong and like you're the, you are represented as the China shop owner,

but maybe we are all the bull wanting the thing we can't have which is fine china very intriguing it's like how people misinterpret the pot calling the kettle black what is that so like i'm probably going to mangle this but the actual entomology of that is because um it's the pot seeing its own reflection in the kettle because kettles used to be made of chrome i think of like but like a very shiny yeah i see quite chrome but a shiny metal and the pot the pots were made of like a black cast iron so it's not even like that's not even hypocrisy that's just it's you seeing yourself it's not like, like, that's not even hypocrisy. That's just... It's you seeing yourself. It's not like both of us are doing something wrong. It's, no, you're just seeing yourself fucking up. Wow.

I've never noticed that thing before. I've walked through this place many a time. That is interesting. And now... A bridge. That we've righted two colloquial wrongs. I was going something with that. You were butting in.

colloquial wrongs i was going something with that you were butting in um what i respect about emily radich kowski um just in the a bit of information that you gather about the cast members by osmosis of people sending you stuff is um she is quite a ardentitive feminist, and she's quite happy to get some cool naked photographs taken for a project of her choosing with a cool photographer and staff or engage in projects that she likes. Whoa, someone's burned this. Someone tried to burn this thing. Yeah, that's certainly... It's terrible.

It certainly looks very abandoned, burned, collapsed, and dangerous. Yeah. We're standing on a small, not quite jetty, but certainly... It's a lookout, I think. Yeah. Wow, kind of halfway between a swamp and a pond. There is also a shopping trolley within the pond, so it would be fair to say that someone really wanted to make a point of disrespecting this particular part of the park.

It's quite sad. Because I imagine before all this got kind of burned and tagged. Very romantic look out. Beautiful. And now it just seems haunted and haunting. Anyway, all that to say, Emily Radichkowski, keep doing what you're doing. I respect you as an artist. Oh, I felt there was going to be a broader or supporting document.

Or you're just a fan of the career decisions she's made. Well, just while we're talking about her showing off her ample bosom, I don't think she needed any contractual, you know, specific conditions. She was just like, you know what? It's ostensibly an arthouse movie. I've read the script, maybe. Or my manager has. It looks good.

Shoot away. Shoot as you will. I respect you as a director to make those i feel maximum joseph is constantly treating a fine line between like gratuitous um i've never been in this bit before yeah it's quite cool eh uh exploitation of of her very obvious good looks and also trying to balance that against the fact that it is as you say ostensibly an arthouse movie and so to bury the fact that that shot of her breasts is to service the presumably teenage audience the movie was targeting yeah yeah he puts a heartbeat underneath it and then it's like but it's so much more than breasts it's representative of a heartbeat to get 128 beats per minute the exact rate at which you can literally control a person in every facet.

You are, of course, right. Hey, Tim, can I just say that we are both right? We're also good friends, which is the whole point of this stinking movie and this stinking project. Do you think they called the movie We Are Your Friends after the Justice verse simeon song we are your friends yeah definitely without question is the movie about friendship for you um no there's no there's not a single instance of like functioning friendship within the film no

there's no example of friendship prevailing. No. I mean, the closest we get, I guess, is James Reid from The Feelers taking pity on Zuccoli after his fuckboy antics kill his friend. Maybe? And letting him do some of this? I feel like that's... I mean, I guess we're getting into the conversation about altruism

and whether or not it can truly exist, because I feel James Reid's actions there are as much sorry which james reed are we talking about james reed from the fearless uh his actions in that moment are as much to compensate for the bad things that he's done as it is to genuinely give zicole a leg up he's trying to save his own soul. Yeah. Through doing good by Zicole. I don't think, we've said it before, I'll say it again, Zicole is literally party to what is manslaughter. Yeah. And the consequences are zero. He buries the body.

Yeah, he does. He is allowed to lay some of the first, I don't know what the correct term is, but laying that dirt on the coffin. That's a position reserved for very close people, you know, at a burial. I just feel like, I get it,

there's a very catchy dance song called We Are Your Friends, and the movie is about dance music, but there are four guys in it who are friends, but it's like, that's it. It's not about friendship. Don't be fooled by the title. Don't judge this movie by its title.

No. It's just got the song in it. Unless you judge the movie to have the song in it, in which case you are correct. Do you know what would be a better movie? What's that? We Are Your Friends. Same movie, same opening, all the way up to them flyering for their gig at Social. The song We Are Your Friends plays.

Wait a minute, so the first like six minutes at Social. The song We Are Your Friends plays. Wait a minute, so the first like six minutes? Yeah, yeah, the song We Are Your Friends plays. The song finishes as they finish promoting their forthcoming gig at Social. Yep. The movie ends. It's not a movie, it's just a video clip for the song We Are Your Friends. I see. Directed by Max Joseph.

Yeah, and it's like instead of giving maximum joseph a whole movie to make they gave him a video clip to remake that one looks real test oh no he's just taking a shit i thought he looked confrontational but he was just taking a poo there's a lot of bird shit in this park and that is unsurprising because birds do not abide the same guarded and embarrassing norms that we've imposed upon ourselves with regard to going to the bathroom. Although in saying that, I would be probably not very cool if all of the humans in the park were also free to shit when and where they please. Oh, tell me about it.

That wouldn't be my cup of tea. It's a nice little park they've got here though, eh? It's one of my favorites to run through For the company of the birds. Well, I am scared of them You want to go through them at a quick pace. You don't want to Just slowly jaunt through. Do you think you could outrun a swan? No, no, not if it took flight They look like quite ungainly flyers. Yeah, but that's almost more dangerous.

It's like how a blunt knife is more dangerous than a sharp one. Because I think what a bird would always intend to do is swoop at you and pull at at the last moment. But a swan's not that accurate. So it might actually just fucking nail you. Yeah. Fly right into your face. Have you ever seen that, who was it? Fabio got smashed on a roller coaster by like a pigeon?

Fabio the model? Yeah. I have not seen that. Oh, it is insane. There's like, I don't think there's a video of it. I think there's just this still image of like a dead bird exploded on Fabio's face on a roller coaster. Wait, so like moments after it happened, someone managed to get a still photo? Well, it might have even been one of those ones that they take automatically, you know?

I see. I don't know. I can't remember the finer details, except to say that Fabio exploded a bird on his face on a roller coaster. How wild is that? It's all good stuff, Tim. Shall we visit the eels as we put a pin in this thing? Yeah, sure thing.

The eels give me one emotion and one emotion only, and it reminds me of a little ditty, which I will sing with you now. Goddamn right, it's a beautiful day. With James Reed. Goddamn right, it's a beautiful day. Oh, I thought that song was by Beck, and it's not. No, it's by the eels. Now I get it. That was by Beck and it's not. No, it's by The Eels. Now I get it.

That was good from you. Real good. Certainly, Tim, let us get sentimental. Yes. Of course, James Reid from The Feelers, throughout the movie, without knowing that Ziccoli's just had sex with his girlfriend, does decide to get a little sentimental

and gives Ziccoli a self-serving gift contained within the confines of a MacBook Pro box now I'm just gonna I'm actually gonna let you take the reins on this but I am gonna say as well before you do that something I noticed this week is James Reid from the feelers exact words that I may or may not have gotten a little sentimental. Oh. And I think that we've kind of missed that every week, but it's real. We have missed that every week. Yeah. So think about that, Guy.

I am thinking about it. I'm just going to, before we get into the details, have a quick look out for an eel. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they're down there, mate. Look at them all swimming around. Oh, and beautiful ducklings over here. This looks like a disaster about to happen.

It certainly does. I always understood that eels and small birds were not good bedfellows. I guess the eels are calm eels, you know, friendly eels. They get a pretty healthy diet of bread, I believe. That's why I love everyone's getting in on it. Man, look at that accumulation of bird poo, though. It's incredible how it just cakes together like that on the water. Bread truly is what unites all species.

Isn't it? Except for the gluten intolerant, which I have a newfound respect for people with those sorts of conditions and irritable bowel syndrome, etc., since recently contracting gastro. Well, I think that's a detail we'd be best served by avoiding tim and i will instead discuss the details of what exactly is in this macbook pro box you are correct in saying this gift is not remotely sentimental oh he was actually trying to say i may have gotten a little vengeful oh for while we think so millions of coley have gotten away with the perfect crime

of boinking on a hotel bed in las vegas sin city bay bay that's a verb i have not heard in a few months the fact of the matter is they did in fact use james reed's american express to book the hotel room in and of itself not a specifically damning crime but it's room service the next morning yes that's the tell first of all you're like okay you booked the honeymoon suite for one night i kind of understand that okay you want to starve uh what is it called starfish out on the bed pretty well it's it's i'm gonna it is slightly extraneous like it's a bit of a waste because you were there what it says here you arrived at 1am and check out's at

10 I don't think you can extract maximum value from it I was just I just got fully swooped by a cicada it came right for you I reacted very casually by ducking about one meter towards the ground

before swooping back up. Oh, boy. Jesus. Oh, shut up. It's all happening now. Yeah, you're a goose. Yeah, I get it. So he says, look, I understand the nature of this booking.

You know, you might have had some drugs. You were making pretty fast and loose decisions. But it's the room service which really gets me. It says here you ordered a cheeseburger with fries and a side of avocado and some pancakes. And that's not exactly what's got me curious. and that's not exactly what's got me curious what's got me really curious and suspicious here is i'm very good friends with all of the bellboys at that hotel oh no and inside of that macbook pro box is a photo of the two of you in robes looking decidedly post-coital what have you got to say for yourself shit it's over man the dream is over james reed knows

exactly what's happened i'm very sorry to tell you zicoli get the fuck out of my house what would be a nice touch as well as if the photo that he's got it's one frame right like it's one shot but he's done it up like those photo booth ones so there's a whole page of it with different filters on and it's covering a whole page. And then there's another printout with it laminated, another one where he's made the eyes all big like they do, and the Japanese photo booths. So he's really...

He's had fun with it. Yeah, I mean, he's heartbroken, but he has had a bit of fun at least dressing up the heartbreak. But what happens next? Do you think then he takes the opportunity to punch him in the face like he does in the bar? Well, no, Zicoli opens the box. And I think James Reid from the fellas is a pretty sick guy.

Yeah. And I think what happens is part of the way he deals with the heartbreak, remember that this guy's hands aren't exactly clean. He's been running around town. He was boinking two Ukrainian acrobats. That's true. At the very same time. And at least locking lips

with another woman who we saw at the club. I don't think he physically reacts to what's happened. I think he... Oh, you want to see an elephant? Can we see them from here? Yeah, come here.

I'll show you. Not all the time, but sometimes if you time it right, if you go up to this bit. We're just on a bit that borderlines the zoo, ladies and gents. So there's a bit in the fence,

now that they've trimmed the trees back, where you can sometimes see the elephants for free yeah it smells like we can see the elephants i'm gonna tell you rich i don't think an elephant would very much enjoy life in central auckland they're better known for roaming the plains of africa i hear um sometimes when they're being like fed and washed you can see them at this bit but it sounds like there's a show going on you promised me an elephant all i can see is a small chicken i'm sorry uh i think what james reed does though is part of the process not even the grieving process but just the vengeance process is he watches zicoli and somaly stammer their way

through an explanation he watches the two of them sweat he watches them struggle then you've got Ziccoli saying well you haven't exactly been the perfect fucking boyfriend either and he sort of lays bare

and this is a pretty bad move because he's also breaking the heart of Somerly twofold by revealing these details and then you've just got this sort of

absolute mess of emotion truly for our British listeners an eaten smash or an eaten mess what's the name of that pudding i don't know neither do i apparently but um and that's the fallout of it it's just the three of them you know emotions hanging out tongues hanging out and then for no real reason j James Reid and Ziccoli start making out pretty intensely. Sorry, which James Reid are you talking about?

From the feelers. Starts making out pretty intensely with Ziccoli and suddenly says, stop, can we all just stop this, please? Oh my God. This is like a psychosexual, almost Fifty Shades torture scenario. And they say,

we cannot stop. For the heart wants what the heart wants. And Zicoli opens his shirt. He unbuttons his shirt and reveals where his heart once was. A gleaming, erect penis cast in gold. What the hell? Come on, man. And then he undoes his trousers.

And where his penis once was, a raw, beating heart. Jesus Christ, guy. a raw beating heart. Jesus Christ, guy. And Somerly says, that is undeniably one of the most fucked up things I've ever seen. And Zicoli says, what are you talking about? We made love two nights ago.

Do you not remember? And she said, not like this. Did she say it twice? Not like this. The woman in the Matrix? Yeah, look, I mean, I really paid myself into a pretty perverse and bizarre corner here, Tim.

No, you're just remembering what happened in the movie, though. I'm not putting this on you. I just didn't remember it this week. When I say it out loud, back to you. Yeah. It feels weird. You get out of it, Mr. Swan. Well, that's on Maximum Joseph, you know. The guy's got a sick mind.

But God, I want to talk to him. He did a Reddit AMA and some people tagged us into it. And I was like, dude, you've got to come talk to the boys. He doesn't want to hear about it, though. If I was a film director, would I talk to the two fuckboys from New Zealand who've watched my movie? 35 times? Almost three dozen times now. No no I don't think I would nah I would

of course I would you're coming at it from a very different perspective I guess so hypothetically if you've made this movie you've also got the backlog of podcasts that you've made so you kind of understand where the people who have done the podcast are coming from but this guy's just like what the fuck have you made? Apart from a mess.

I would go on the podcast regardless because I back myself. Like, if someone had made a podcast about a movie I made where they just shat on it for 52 weeks, I'd be like, yeah, well, yeah, what the fuck did you expect? Why did you watch a movie 52 times? It's not how movies work, you idiots. No one is better equipped to come in and dismantle the construct of this podcast better than one of the hosts of this podcast.

Yeah, or the director of the film. I just think no matter which direction the podcast had taken that had been made around two people watching the same movie again and again, I would walk in there as the director and just take it, know and be like whatever this doesn't affect me i make movies it's a lot better than making podcasts well is that true yeah it is to say i am okay interesting uh well i gotta tell you tim that's about all we've got time for absolutely it's been a delightful jaunt in the great outdoors with you. It has been a nice

bit of fresh air. You may have noticed that we do not have our regular sponsorship message this week and that is because we've got a little press pause situation

on our sponsorship deal. So if you're the owner of a business out there and would like an ad on Worst Idea of All Time, let's talk. Yeah, absolutely. Let's talk. And, absolutely let's talk.

And to the good folks at Audible, you've got a great product out there and you've got to choose the right guys to promote it. And I do still think we can be those guys. That's all we'll say about that. So, thanks for listening. Guy and I have both got a lot of comedy shows coming

up in our neck of the woods, which is the South Pacific, New Zealand and Australia. Both separately and also a few live podcast shows. Worst idea, this one. I'm not being very specific. So all that to say, go to our websites. What's your website, Tim? My website is timbatt.co.nz.

Cracking. And mine is guymontcomedy.com. I am starting to perform in Brisbane, if you're there. Brisbane, Queensland, as soon as March 14th, which is just around the corner. So please come on down. It's going to be a great time. We genuinely love all of you.

Thank you so much for listening. Tell your friends to listen. I'm not going to say leave us a review because everyone says that and it makes me feel dirty when I hear it. No, but do because we never ask for that and I think that makes a difference somehow. It makes a huge difference actually. There you go.

Propels us up into the other upper stratosphere of podcasts. Fare thee well. Bye. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of them dies, that guy's a squirrel. One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph.

I agree. Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try The Male Gaze? It's The Male Gaze! Well yeah, I guess Ash's defining characteristic is that he wants to catch them all.

And so does everyone. Don't we all? We all want to catch them all. We're all on Grindr trying to catch them all. It's The Male Gaze! It's The Male Gaze! It's The Male Gaze!